February 17, 2025 • 30 mins
This week’s hometowns include faking an injury and an important hometown festival.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the miniso. Oh yeah,
what's what we're doing here? It's the email episode. We
read you stories about absolutely anything, and then we just
talk about email in general. Yeah, just all the different
ones we've had over the years, the world Wide Web,
SBC Global. You want to go first? Shut. The subject
(00:38):
line of this email is a murder at a convent
in the Czech Republic countryside Hi. In twenty thirteen, at
the end of my junior year of college, I studied
abroad for the summer in the Czech Republic. There were
fifteen of us from our Catholic in parentheses this is
relevant university. On this six week trip, we had classes
(00:58):
from Monday to Thursday and spent the weekends traveling around
the Czech Republic as a group. One weekend we were
meant to attend a seminar related to our classes. I
could not tell you what the seminar was about, but
it probably had something to do with religion, since we
were staying at a former convent next to a church. Also,
I am and have long been an atheist. This isn't important,
(01:19):
but I just thought it should be known. I wouldn't
have guessed Anyway, this former convent was in a very
rural village in the Czech countryside. The village was so
small that, aside from the church, convent and cemetery, there
was only a single restaurant in a grocery store in
the whole town village. While the village was beautiful, it
(01:40):
was slightly spooky and isolating. Also, this was twenty thirteen
in the Czech countryside, so there was no WiFi, but
only a single dial up computer in the main hall
of that convent that we would take turns using to
notify our loved ones that we were still living. After
we settled in our rooms one large room for the
girls and large room for the boys, both lined with
(02:02):
twin beds. It's horror movie set. What's that one Midsummer Midsummer?
Oh yes, I told the story of when me and
Bridger went to see Midsummer and then I realized that
I didn't bring my regular glasses. I only had my
prescription sunglasses. So in that scene that's super disturbing where
the boyfriend goes in and there's the big ball of
(02:22):
people having sex, or she goes and catches him whatever.
Berger looks over and I'm sitting there wearing sunglasses watching
the scene. Kind of like that too cool. She's cool
for this, so cool, Just like I just want to
see some details. Okay. After we settled in our rooms,
one large room for the girls and one large room
for the boys, both lined with twin beds, we were
(02:44):
given a tour by the current priest. I'm only half
listening when we get back to the door to the
convent and the priest is telling us where they hide
the key for entry. He began to tell us that
there is a small memorial stone next to the door
for the former priest who worked is that the right
word at this church for many years? I assumed he
(03:04):
died of old age, but I was wrong. Apparently, only
a few short years earlier, the former priest had awoken
one cold and snowy night by someone banging on the door,
begging for food and shelter. The priest went to open
the door, and, after speaking to the man through the door,
decided to open up and let the man inside. As
he did, the man took an axe and beheaded the
(03:26):
priest on the spot. I was now even more terrified
and unsettled than I was before. I guess that was
a collective feeling because we all did what college students
would do. We basically drank the local restaurant out of
all their alcohol. Between the fifteen students and five professors,
we racked up a bill of about one hundred and
(03:46):
twenty beers, fifty glasses of wine, and ten screwdrivers. Say
for this, Jesus, the Catholic turn. As we all stumbled
back to the convent in small groups or pairs, we
looked over our shoulders for the axe man, the ghost
of the priest, or classmates to scare us. What I
remember from that night is a blur of people running
up and down the hallway, two people possibly hooking up
(04:07):
in the boys room. I mean, please, what's hotter than
being separated and in a convent? Like forbidden? Forbidden to
a girl who threw up so much that she lost
her very expensive mouthguard. Gotta take your mouth guard off
before you bar too drunk to drunk?
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah, like she was fine enough to put her mouth
guard in and then suddenly you get that, oh no,
everything's spinning.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
She was like in the drunk mode where she was like,
I'm still doing my night can beauty routine. Toner serums
projectile on. Okay, she lost her very expensive mouthguard that
protected her from grinding her teeth. One of my friends
crying that she needed our other friend to take her
contacts out because her eyes and her skin were burning
(05:00):
from the nettle field she had rolled in. Oh fuck,
and my other friend and I quietly pushing our twin
beds together and falling asleep holding hands so we would
be protected from the axe man ghost priests. While no
one died or was haunted by the axe man or
ghost priest. We were no longer allowed to order alcohol
on our school's tab for the remainder of our troop.
(05:23):
This was understandable and also not a huge deal, since
a beer was about one dollar US and water, which
the school would cover, was two to three dollars US.
Thanks for the podcast, Jay, She her, Wow, that's a
good one. That was just like just here's a cool
experience I had once that was also scary.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
And Yeah, it's why they just keep asking for random stories,
because there's so many good ones out there that we
wouldn't be like.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, and everybody's life, to some degree or another, has
been touched by murder. It has been touched by the
idea that a human being decided to turn around and
end the life of another human being. Yeah, and what
that does to everybody else in the after effect totally.
I just explained to you why we're doing this podcast.
All right, Well, this one's called my Dad Sent a
(06:09):
cult leader to jail. Hello, ladies, let's dive right in.
It's November of nineteen eighty in.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Shrewsburg, New York, and it says pronounced exactly as it's spelled, Frewsburg.
It's the first day of hunting season and my dad Ron,
who is eighteen years old at the time, and his
stepdad Harvey, are driving through the country to their normal
hunting spot. As they crest a hill, they see a
hunter standing by his car, holding his rifle pointed towards
the ground. He's being confronted by another man, also holding
(06:39):
a rifle not quite pointed at him, but ready to
be aimed as he waves his other arm at him.
Obviously pissed off, Harvey, the stepdad instantly recognizes the man
as Calvin.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Of oak Nol. Yes, this is his real name.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Calvin of oak Noll is a self proclaimed religious leader
and founder of the religious Society of Families, which only
ever had seven numbers, including his wife think naked gardening,
tax evasion, and getting into tips with the government over
planes flying through his airspace. Oh anyway, Harvey sees this, Kate.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
How far up does yourspace go you own property? I
can't imagine it does I'd say ten feet? Twenty feet?
What any think? I mean? Let us know what? And also,
what does airspace count when a plane can fly over it? Like,
what's the what's definition? Yeah? It was just the air
airspace right above your house? Yeah, but how high above
(07:36):
the roof of question? Yeah? Aviators? Let us know. Let
us know.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Anyway, Harvey sees this confrontation going down and says to
my dad that they are getting the hell out of
there because this is not going to end well. My
dad and Harvey quickly turn down a road when they
hear the sound of a gunshot. While neither of them
witnessed the shooting, they both saw the hunter lying in
the road and Calvin of Oak Knoll walking away very quickly,
holding a rifle in each hand. My dad recalls making
(08:02):
eye contact with Calvin and seeing nothing but pure crazy
in his eyes. My dad and Harvey immediately drove to
the nearest house and called nine to one to one.
Calvin of Oaknoll was confronted by two game wardens right
after this happened, where he explained that he shot the
victim because quote, he argued with me, and you don't
argue with.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
A man with a gun. Yeah, but they both had guns, right,
But I mean, man's who's willing, right, And because the
victim quote had his gun pointed at my feet.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I would have none of that, so I shot him.
He also admitted later that he didn't know whether the
victim's gun was loaded, and in reference to his own gun,
he stated, quote, this is.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
A thirty thirty rifle. I'm sure it does a good job.
So obviously the man had a few loose crews. Yeah,
he's not even answering the question asked. No.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
State troopers were quickly called to the scene, and after
giving their statements, my dad and Harvey were driven in
the back of one of the troopers' vehicles close enough
to the scene so that they could identify the shooter.
Months later, my dad had to testify in preliminary hearing
at a small courthouse in Frewsburg. My dad recalls sitting
a small room upstairs waiting to be called in to
testify when he heard quote bodies falling. Apparently one of
(09:08):
Calvin's followers had forced his way in with a gun
and was trying to get to the witnesses.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Holy shit.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Luckily he was stopped, or else I would probably not
exist to write this story. Calvin of Oaknoll was charged
with murder in the second degree and sentenced to a
minimum of twenty five years to life in prison. He
spent the remainder of his life in prison, where he
died in August of nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
The victim was Douglas Kelly. He was a fifty seven
year old husband and father. Oh.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Now, I could not find much about him. The murder victim,
my dad recalls meeting the son after the hearing. He
approached my dad and shook his hand, thanking him for
putting the man who killed his father in jail. The
son passed away in August of twenty twenty four, but
was a loving husband, father, grandfather, and world renowned powerlifter. Oh,
(09:55):
stay sexy and don't confront cult leaders with guns.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Miranda g she her Miranda's like her dad was front
and center for his own hometown. I mean that's horrifying.
Absolutely all right, here's my number two. The subject line
is faking injury, backfire stories, and then it says, high buttes,
(10:21):
I'm up. You know that's what my dad calls us.
No you buttes cute, I'm up with my toddler a
murdering in the making in the middle of the night,
for the billionth time. How did they do it? Those parents?
How do they do it? I don't know the amount
of get out of my room. I would scream if
I was a parent for the billionth time, and I
just remembered this dumb thing I did when I was
(10:43):
thirteen's that's so perfect, that's yeah, we want I don't
know if this has ever been requested, and I'll try
to keep it short, but I am a bit word vomity. Hey,
we relate. Welcome. So I was thirteen around two thousand
and five. I was a good enough kid, starting my
EMO phase and then in print it's not a phase.
I was okay in school, but so disorganized and never
(11:04):
did my homework, especially for classes I didn't like. Well.
One such day came along and my class is cued
up outside my drama class, and my friend asked me
if I'd done my maths homework British British, my math's
homework for the next lesson, obviously I hadn't, so my
probably undiagnosed ADHD brain set into action, thinking how I
(11:26):
could get out of the consequences and probably detention. This
is how I spent every day of high school, not
just like scheming, plotting and scheming, just the amount of
work I would have to do to get out of
the consequences of the little work it would have taken
to just do homework totally Satin drama class British Britishism.
Sat in drama class, I turned to my friend and
(11:48):
just casually mentioned that I could no longer see through
my right eye. What, yeah, it's just gone black, I say,
as nonchalant as possible. My friend got up in a
discreetly informed my teacher, who sent me straight to the
school nurse. I think everyone involved was mildly freaking out,
especially as from a now adult perspective, I imagined that
they all thought it was some massive brain injury or something.
(12:11):
Oh my god, you can't fake blindness partial blindness. Well,
don't tell that to eight and ten year old Lauren
Karen Kilgariff. That's that's all. I told you that story
a thousand times walking around Mervin's because we were copying
Mary from little House in the prairie. She went blind,
so my sister was pretending to guide me. Oh my god,
(12:32):
stare up at the ceiling kind of smiling. I thought
that's what it looked like. Anyhow, no one told us. Okay,
so the skirt the school nurse called my mom, who
couldn't come to get me. So called my dad, who
picked me up and threw five hundred questions in my
directions about the loss of vision. I did my best
to just say it happened quickly. No, I can't see anything,
(12:55):
just the right eye. It's just black. At my dad's house,
my stepmom asked me all this questions and I answered
the same answers. Smart, A and E were called. So
I think that's nine one one, like ambulance. I needed
to immediately go to hospital. Mom picked me up from
my dad's and drove me to Oah, that's something an emergency. Yeah,
(13:15):
it's their ambulance and emergency, it's their emergency room. I
believe God do we're smart with the same five founder
questions with the same answers. Anyway, it too far on
the right. On the way to A and E, I
realized that this was potentially more serious than i'd oh god.
Waiting to see some kind of specialist eye doctor, I
exclaimed to Mum that it seems to be grayish. Now
(13:38):
I can roughly make shapes out. After a full eye examined.
The doctors obviously couldn't find anything wrong with me, but
sternly prepared me for what to do if it happened again.
I'd like to point out that I never dramatized it
even a little bit, so how it got this far
remains a mystery because it could have been a brain injury.
Yes that's right, Oh my god, a long awaited brain
(13:59):
tumor sitting there, any number of fucking thirteen year old stroke,
a rare, rare junior high stroke, like a problem. That
that symptom is like a huge problem. That this small
symptom is showing that you randomly made. Yeah, that you're
not freaking out about just to this day. This person's like,
I mean, I don't know what they were like, It's
(14:20):
like I didn't make a big deal. Why did they
have to make a big deal? Because you picked the thing,
or like you didn't pick your shoulder. Yeah, my shoulder
hurts worked. The organ closest to my brain isn't working.
I don't want to yell at you, but Jesus fucking Christ. Okay,
oh they say sorry. The end of that is so
how it got this far remains a mystery. Unless that's
a sign of a tumor. I don't know about. That's
(14:43):
literally what it is. Mom didn't talk to me on
the way home, and we never brought it up again.
I still forgot or deliberately didn't do homework, but instead
I just went to detention. Luckily, none of my family
listened to this, except for when I make my partner
listen to all the stories I've already told him. Thanks
to all the staff I wasted time, Thanks to all
(15:05):
the NHS stuff I wasted time for that day. They
didn't deserve my bullshit. Thanks for whoever reads this, even
if it doesn't end up on the pod, that's nice,
stay sexy, and I guess, don't fake a possible brain
injury to get out of homework. Love to you all, Becky,
that's so good, it's so funny. That's exactly what we want.
(15:25):
It's exactly who we are. I know an opposite story,
which is Bradford, who works in our legal department here
at exactly right. I worked with him at a neolig
generous talk show for five years and one day he
had he was blind in one nighte my got in
one eye and had been since he was a teenager.
And one day I walked into his office to get
(15:46):
something from him and he goes, oh, hold on, hold on,
I can see through my other eye right now? What
And for like a couple hours that day, I think
it was like for the afternoon he had his vision
back and then it went away again. Yep, psychological. Then sorry, Bradford,
we're gonna have to get him on the podcast, explained
it all. Isn't that crazy? He's so crazy? And I was.
(16:07):
Therefore it was really exciting. Maybe you're the reason you're
like an angel walked in the room. Finally the proof
your beauty was so beautiful, like cut through blindness, It
cut through producing a daily fucking talk show that was
killing us all inside. Yeah, his eye was like you
don't want to be here and went black again. This
(16:27):
is awful.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Use one Okay, speaking of here's the one called laughing
at inappropriate times. Hi, what is up my guys? Seven
year listener multiple times writer, I think honestly, they might
be sitting in my draft still.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I'm just going to jump right in. I'm not sure
if you ever asked for a story of laughing at
times when you most definitely shouldn't, But I'm going to
tell you my story. We need it, we want it,
we need it. I mean, hell yeah, hell yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Two years ago, my best friend's mom sadly passed away.
Me and my boyfriend attended both the funeral and the
wake the day prior, and I was definitely crying a
lot already, but for different reasons. The day of the
actual funeral, we were waiting for the service to begin
when the funeral director, a tall, maybe seventyish year old man,
started to walk down the center aisle of people and
call to our attention. He started saying something along the
(17:17):
lines of all right, everyone, we're gonna begin shortly, if
you could just and then proceeded to trip and fall
like a whole dang tree being cut down in the forest.
I'm not lying when I say he was stiff as
a board and he all caps face planted, so naturally,
everyone's reaction was to gasp, the most dramatic gasp that's
(17:38):
ever been gasped, and absolute silence followed. Then there's me,
my boyfriend and the girl sitting next to us, absolutely
cracking the fuck up. Yes, yeah, a priest eating it.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
A priest eating it, and it sounds like like going
over like a redwood tree.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
We were trying so hard to hold it in, and
when we looked to my best friend, who was at
her mother's funeral, and saw she was also trying not
to laugh and was standing in the front of the
room with her sister having the same reaction as us,
we lost it. He was okay, and he stood up
and carried on like nothing happened, But that didn't stop
me and my boyfriend from having tears streaming down our
(18:16):
face as the entire service, both from being sad and
also from picturing this dude fall over like a log.
I actually had to ask my boyfriend to leave the
room because because it was so inappropriate, and he would
not stop and was choking from trying to hold it in.
But it was the funniest, most movie like fall in
reaction I've ever seen and heard.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
You would already be laughing at the fall. Yeah, and
then the context yah makes it triple pressure. Now you're
laughing and trying to hold it in so hard, Yeah,
you can't. But then then it goes wider than that,
where then you're kind of like, what are all these
feelings I'm feeling like now it's your brain just goes Oh,
throw it all up there. I need this, I need this.
(18:56):
It's been a while. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
We still talk about it and will and it will
make me laugh every time. I'm glad something like that
happened and made probably the hardest day of my friend's
life a little silly for a short period of time,
and that her family was able to laugh about it too.
Just wanted to send in a quickie and I hope
more people have stories like this they want to share too.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Anyways. By Lmao Cassie, Cassie Caussie. Great topic, great topic.
I know I've overstoried this episode already, Okay, but I
do have a fast one, okay, And she asked, Cassie asked,
so I would like to answer, Okay, I would like
to write in mind back to her. Okay, my uncle
Martin just died and he is my dad's oldest brother.
He's the oldest brother of the family. He was a
(19:39):
teacher at the fire College in San Francisco, So for
a certain generation of San Francisco fireman, he's the one
that taught them how to do it wow, And so
a lot of people knew him. He's a great man, hilarious, lovely,
and he kind of looked a little bit like the
Wizard of oz Oh. Wow. So we'd always go there
were men in my town, and like we'd always kind
(19:59):
of do impressions of him. But he's wonderful man and
lived a great life, all great. His funeral was in
this beautiful, very modern church where you know, usually there's
a crucifix, very they all look relatively the same and
they're pretty grim up at the front. But in this church,
the Jesus wasn't hanging on the cross. It's as if
(20:21):
the Jesus was trying to They're trying to represent him
rising up through to heaven. So he's kind of like
free and one arm, and it's very art like, very artistic.
And my aunt Mary, who is a nun of like
sixty five years ye, who's sitting next to me, and
it's very sad like it's the saddest point. This. My
(20:42):
family's sick because this is what we do, this is
what we live for. And she leans over to me
and she goes, honey, do you think that Jesus is
playing volleyball? Like it's about like he's trying to because
they're trying to, Like it's like that he's rising up.
And I'm like, you shut the fuck you're none. That
makes it three hundred times funny. Oh my god, oh
(21:05):
you good. Jesus trying to spike.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
It's like those photos of like when you're trying to
hit the little boys hitting a baseball and Jesus is
buying this is just a fucking.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
It's him by himself. He's like, Jesus is not helping me.
Jesus spiking on your life? For once? Can Jesus have
his own sport. It's the star of this team. Let him. Yeah,
oh my god, amazing, Cassie, that's my hometown to your.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Send him and everyone. Inappropriate crying, I mean laughing inappropriate.
Crying was funny.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Inappropriate. Crying's great. Laughing's fun too. Laughing's a real joy. Yeah,
I have one more? Do you have one more? I
have one more? Yeah, and then I have one more.
Did I read that one or did you? I think
I did. Okay, so it's my true in the second
where I was like, okay, I have to stop the crosstalk.
(21:52):
I just distract myself. Yes, this is my last one. Hello,
Buried Treasure Story. Dear beautiful queens, thank you. First off,
your podcast is the only one I listened to religiously.
You have kept me company on my commute to work
for an amusement for an amusement park. Which side note,
(22:12):
never ride the zipper trust me on this one.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Oh I wouldn't anyways, but I love confirmation.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
I mean hell no. And everybody go back and listen
and watch the Nick Terry Zipper MFM animated because I
do tell a Zipper story. Ooh that thing. Okay, and
your voices have become my Monday to Thursday happy place
or Monday and Thursday. There's a Wednesday episode now too,
just saying yeah, let's get some more days of the
week in there. Please can we get some love for
(22:40):
the rewind episodes? Everyone? We need all of your time. Okay?
It literally says, okay, okay, I need to know. Does
this story make anyone else as unhinged as it makes me,
because I've been holding onto this frustration for years and
I feel like you two are the only ones who
will understand. Also, since I know you love a good
buried treasure tale, buckle up. So my husband is from
(23:01):
France and there's this family lore on his dad's side
that they are direct descendants of Hector Burlios. Yes, the
famous composer. I should know because my dad is obsessed
with classical music, and I'm sure he said it to
me a thousand times. I've never heard of it. I
bet you right now if we played, if we could
play his and I bet we can because it's over
one hundred years old, But if we played like his
(23:21):
most famous thing, yeah, oh, I know that, yeah, jam.
His grandmother was the one who carried this story, but
no one in the family ever seemed all that interested.
And to me, a person with multiple advanced degrees in
classical music, who immediately lost my damn mind upon hearing this,
I mean, how cool is that my husband, a composer himself,
could be connected to one of the greats. But of
(23:42):
course there's drama. The connection is from an illegitimate child
Q Victorian era pearl clutching. Apparently Burlios's son had an
affair with a maid and the result was a daughter
that there's documentation that Burlio's actually supported her financially. His
grand daughter, I think my husband's great great great grandmother
(24:04):
was sent to some kind of boarding house, sent her money,
and supposedly left her a violin. Wow, one of his violins.
Painful side note, my husband's grandmother claimed she had the violin,
and she gave it not to my composer husband, but
to a cousin who doesn't even play music. No fine,
(24:25):
no whatever, family politics. But then she also had a
mysterious box that she would never let anyone see. Oh,
whe questioned, she'd just vaguely say that they could open
it when she died. Oh, I'm going to have a
mysterious box when I'm an old lady, for sure. Start
it now, starting it now, just full of cat's whiskers.
(24:46):
She constantly teased the family about hidden knowledge, but never
actually revealed what was inside. She was apparently pretty secretive,
and I guess everyone just respected that weirdly anyway, Naturally,
my brain went wild. Was it banknotes, letters, unfinished symphonies,
proofs that my husband's family is the true heir to
the Burlios legacy. We were finally going to get answers,
(25:07):
except one week before she died, she told my father
in law not to open the box and instead bury
it with her. No, absolutely not, okay, grandma, see you later. No,
we will definitely do that. Grandma. Sounds good, sounds great.
What do you want me to do? Sign paper all
shake hands and goodbye, shake hands with God. Yeah, good night.
(25:27):
And this man, whom I love dearly, even though I
cringe at this life choice, followed her instructions to the letter.
He didn't even crack the lid. He put the box
in a coffin without ever looking inside. All caps and
he still has the key. I was gobsmacked. Who does this?
Who buries what could be priceless historical documents without taking
(25:50):
just a little piece? I bet he did.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And it was like old school pornography with his grandma
in it. So he was like, okay, I gotta take
this to my grave too. He had to have looked,
and he deserved it. One person, the person who has
promised it, who has to vary with him, is allowed
to peak.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I think. So, yeah, you were the trusted heir to
the mystery box. Oh my, look inside and then lie
to whoever you need to lie to to cover what
the problem is. But what's the problem, No problem? She did?
She did? And also guess what did she do? Have
sex before marriage? Yeah? So did eighty nine percent of
every human being on earth? Like, what are you talking about?
(26:26):
Oh god, okay, we're still going. The Burlios Museum in
France might want whatever was in that box, and yet
here we are, mystery forever sealed in the ground. This
is driving me crazy. Do I casually write to them
suggesting an exhumation? Maybe? Would my in laws disown me?
Almost certainly? I am sorry to have to share this story,
and I hope it doesn't drive you as nets as
(26:47):
it does me. But am I crazy here? Or rightfully upset?
We got your back? I mean correct one thousand percent? Yeah,
and you knew we would. I will never know what
was in that fucking box of secrets, and I will
never be okay, nor will any of us. Now that's okay,
Stay sexy and always look in the box before burying
potential treasure. Melissa. Yeah, and there's a ps oh, and
(27:10):
it says, ps, why do you pronounce trasure like treasure.
Did I miss an episode where this was explained? It
haunts me. Oh, it's you, what is it? It's me.
It's me doing an impression of my friend Lydia Lewis,
who used to do this baby talk voice like just
kind of being funny. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's Lydia
(27:30):
where she would kind of and she would like talk
to her cats like that. Weren't she beating me and
cat talk crazier? I think I ripped it off from
her or my friend Alicia Gonzalez. I just always accepted it.
I never asked its origin. It was just like that
sounds right. Sometimes it happens when, like you're young and
somebody does a funny thing and then you can't say
it a different way, Like it feels like you and
(27:52):
diamonds are the same diamond. That's me doing an impression
of Natasha Lazio.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Oh okay, all right, well, okay, one left, okay. Hometown festivals,
which we love to hear about always, This is a
fucking good one. I live in Ontario, Oregon. Just starts
like that, there's not much here besides weed, onions and potatoes.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Sounds like a great stew. That's like a nice winter's night.
One of the.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Biggest suppliers of jobs in town is the Orida Potato Plant.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Famous.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
It was there in nineteen fifty three that instead of
throwing the scraps of potatoes that weren't worthy enough to
be French fries to the livestock, that one F. Griggs
had an idea. He smashed all the extras together and
created the tater top.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh F what say his name is F. Griggs? Just
F the initial F Francis. I'm gonna go Francis Frank Frankenstein. Yes, friends,
because he mashed on. That's good. Yes, friends. The tater
tot was invented in my hometown. Yes.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Every year in September we throw a tater top festival.
We have live music, face painting, course, tater tots. Each
vender competes for the best hot I know, mark your calendar.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
For real though.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, it's still growing as a festival, but our town
tries to do it big. The main street is shut
down and there's many vendors selling handmade trinkets. I'll save
you each a tot when you come visit. SSDGM Lindsay
she her Linday this is like true breaking news. Tater
Tot festival, Tater.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Tot Festival in was it Oregon? Yeah? Oh that's easy. Yeah,
that's a two hour flight. Chili cheese tater tots do
you think does exist? They fucking must? Yeah? You mean, like,
uh like chili cheese fries tater tots? I mean? And
also what else? You know? They make some sort of
weird tater tot dessert that you're like, why is this
so delicious? With vanilla ice cream or something? Yeah, like
(29:49):
magic shell on tater tots? O disgusting. Hey, tell us
your story whatever it is at my Favorite Murder at Gmail.
This must be the longest mine so I've ever done.
There's nothing many about this one. Thank you guys for
listening so much. We appreciate you. Stay sex and don't
get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie? This
(30:19):
has been an exactly right production. Our senior producer is
Alejandra Keck. Our editor is Aristotle Osceveto. This episode was
mixed by Leona Squalacci. Emailing your hometowns to My Favorite
Murder at gmail dot com and follow a show on
Instagram and Facebook at my Favorite Murder goodbye,
Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the miniso. Oh yeah,
what's what we're doing here? It's the email episode. We
read you stories about absolutely anything, and then we just
talk about email in general. Yeah, just all the different
ones we've had over the years, the world Wide Web,
SBC Global. You want to go first? Shut. The subject
(00:38):
line of this email is a murder at a convent
in the Czech Republic countryside Hi. In twenty thirteen, at
the end of my junior year of college, I studied
abroad for the summer in the Czech Republic. There were
fifteen of us from our Catholic in parentheses this is
relevant university. On this six week trip, we had classes
(00:58):
from Monday to Thursday and spent the weekends traveling around
the Czech Republic as a group. One weekend we were
meant to attend a seminar related to our classes. I
could not tell you what the seminar was about, but
it probably had something to do with religion, since we
were staying at a former convent next to a church. Also,
I am and have long been an atheist. This isn't important,
(01:19):
but I just thought it should be known. I wouldn't
have guessed Anyway, this former convent was in a very
rural village in the Czech countryside. The village was so
small that, aside from the church, convent and cemetery, there
was only a single restaurant in a grocery store in
the whole town village. While the village was beautiful, it
(01:40):
was slightly spooky and isolating. Also, this was twenty thirteen
in the Czech countryside, so there was no WiFi, but
only a single dial up computer in the main hall
of that convent that we would take turns using to
notify our loved ones that we were still living. After
we settled in our rooms one large room for the
girls and large room for the boys, both lined with
(02:02):
twin beds. It's horror movie set. What's that one Midsummer Midsummer?
Oh yes, I told the story of when me and
Bridger went to see Midsummer and then I realized that
I didn't bring my regular glasses. I only had my
prescription sunglasses. So in that scene that's super disturbing where
the boyfriend goes in and there's the big ball of
(02:22):
people having sex, or she goes and catches him whatever.
Berger looks over and I'm sitting there wearing sunglasses watching
the scene. Kind of like that too cool. She's cool
for this, so cool, Just like I just want to
see some details. Okay. After we settled in our rooms,
one large room for the girls and one large room
for the boys, both lined with twin beds, we were
(02:44):
given a tour by the current priest. I'm only half
listening when we get back to the door to the
convent and the priest is telling us where they hide
the key for entry. He began to tell us that
there is a small memorial stone next to the door
for the former priest who worked is that the right
word at this church for many years? I assumed he
(03:04):
died of old age, but I was wrong. Apparently, only
a few short years earlier, the former priest had awoken
one cold and snowy night by someone banging on the door,
begging for food and shelter. The priest went to open
the door, and, after speaking to the man through the door,
decided to open up and let the man inside. As
he did, the man took an axe and beheaded the
(03:26):
priest on the spot. I was now even more terrified
and unsettled than I was before. I guess that was
a collective feeling because we all did what college students
would do. We basically drank the local restaurant out of
all their alcohol. Between the fifteen students and five professors,
we racked up a bill of about one hundred and
(03:46):
twenty beers, fifty glasses of wine, and ten screwdrivers. Say
for this, Jesus, the Catholic turn. As we all stumbled
back to the convent in small groups or pairs, we
looked over our shoulders for the axe man, the ghost
of the priest, or classmates to scare us. What I
remember from that night is a blur of people running
up and down the hallway, two people possibly hooking up
(04:07):
in the boys room. I mean, please, what's hotter than
being separated and in a convent? Like forbidden? Forbidden to
a girl who threw up so much that she lost
her very expensive mouthguard. Gotta take your mouth guard off
before you bar too drunk to drunk?
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah, like she was fine enough to put her mouth
guard in and then suddenly you get that, oh no,
everything's spinning.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
She was like in the drunk mode where she was like,
I'm still doing my night can beauty routine. Toner serums
projectile on. Okay, she lost her very expensive mouthguard that
protected her from grinding her teeth. One of my friends
crying that she needed our other friend to take her
contacts out because her eyes and her skin were burning
(05:00):
from the nettle field she had rolled in. Oh fuck,
and my other friend and I quietly pushing our twin
beds together and falling asleep holding hands so we would
be protected from the axe man ghost priests. While no
one died or was haunted by the axe man or
ghost priest. We were no longer allowed to order alcohol
on our school's tab for the remainder of our troop.
(05:23):
This was understandable and also not a huge deal, since
a beer was about one dollar US and water, which
the school would cover, was two to three dollars US.
Thanks for the podcast, Jay, She her, Wow, that's a
good one. That was just like just here's a cool
experience I had once that was also scary.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
And Yeah, it's why they just keep asking for random stories,
because there's so many good ones out there that we
wouldn't be like.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, and everybody's life, to some degree or another, has
been touched by murder. It has been touched by the
idea that a human being decided to turn around and
end the life of another human being. Yeah, and what
that does to everybody else in the after effect totally.
I just explained to you why we're doing this podcast.
All right, Well, this one's called my Dad Sent a
(06:09):
cult leader to jail. Hello, ladies, let's dive right in.
It's November of nineteen eighty in.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Shrewsburg, New York, and it says pronounced exactly as it's spelled, Frewsburg.
It's the first day of hunting season and my dad Ron,
who is eighteen years old at the time, and his
stepdad Harvey, are driving through the country to their normal
hunting spot. As they crest a hill, they see a
hunter standing by his car, holding his rifle pointed towards
the ground. He's being confronted by another man, also holding
(06:39):
a rifle not quite pointed at him, but ready to
be aimed as he waves his other arm at him.
Obviously pissed off, Harvey, the stepdad instantly recognizes the man
as Calvin.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Of oak Nol. Yes, this is his real name.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Calvin of oak Noll is a self proclaimed religious leader
and founder of the religious Society of Families, which only
ever had seven numbers, including his wife think naked gardening,
tax evasion, and getting into tips with the government over
planes flying through his airspace. Oh anyway, Harvey sees this, Kate.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
How far up does yourspace go you own property? I
can't imagine it does I'd say ten feet? Twenty feet?
What any think? I mean? Let us know what? And also,
what does airspace count when a plane can fly over it? Like,
what's the what's definition? Yeah? It was just the air
airspace right above your house? Yeah, but how high above
(07:36):
the roof of question? Yeah? Aviators? Let us know. Let
us know.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Anyway, Harvey sees this confrontation going down and says to
my dad that they are getting the hell out of
there because this is not going to end well. My
dad and Harvey quickly turn down a road when they
hear the sound of a gunshot. While neither of them
witnessed the shooting, they both saw the hunter lying in
the road and Calvin of Oak Knoll walking away very quickly,
holding a rifle in each hand. My dad recalls making
(08:02):
eye contact with Calvin and seeing nothing but pure crazy
in his eyes. My dad and Harvey immediately drove to
the nearest house and called nine to one to one.
Calvin of Oaknoll was confronted by two game wardens right
after this happened, where he explained that he shot the
victim because quote, he argued with me, and you don't
argue with.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
A man with a gun. Yeah, but they both had guns, right,
But I mean, man's who's willing, right, And because the
victim quote had his gun pointed at my feet.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I would have none of that, so I shot him.
He also admitted later that he didn't know whether the
victim's gun was loaded, and in reference to his own gun,
he stated, quote, this is.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
A thirty thirty rifle. I'm sure it does a good job.
So obviously the man had a few loose crews. Yeah,
he's not even answering the question asked. No.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
State troopers were quickly called to the scene, and after
giving their statements, my dad and Harvey were driven in
the back of one of the troopers' vehicles close enough
to the scene so that they could identify the shooter.
Months later, my dad had to testify in preliminary hearing
at a small courthouse in Frewsburg. My dad recalls sitting
a small room upstairs waiting to be called in to
testify when he heard quote bodies falling. Apparently one of
(09:08):
Calvin's followers had forced his way in with a gun
and was trying to get to the witnesses.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Holy shit.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Luckily he was stopped, or else I would probably not
exist to write this story. Calvin of Oaknoll was charged
with murder in the second degree and sentenced to a
minimum of twenty five years to life in prison. He
spent the remainder of his life in prison, where he
died in August of nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
The victim was Douglas Kelly. He was a fifty seven
year old husband and father. Oh.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Now, I could not find much about him. The murder victim,
my dad recalls meeting the son after the hearing. He
approached my dad and shook his hand, thanking him for
putting the man who killed his father in jail. The
son passed away in August of twenty twenty four, but
was a loving husband, father, grandfather, and world renowned powerlifter. Oh,
(09:55):
stay sexy and don't confront cult leaders with guns.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Miranda g she her Miranda's like her dad was front
and center for his own hometown. I mean that's horrifying.
Absolutely all right, here's my number two. The subject line
is faking injury, backfire stories, and then it says, high buttes,
(10:21):
I'm up. You know that's what my dad calls us.
No you buttes cute, I'm up with my toddler a
murdering in the making in the middle of the night,
for the billionth time. How did they do it? Those parents?
How do they do it? I don't know the amount
of get out of my room. I would scream if
I was a parent for the billionth time, and I
just remembered this dumb thing I did when I was
(10:43):
thirteen's that's so perfect, that's yeah, we want I don't
know if this has ever been requested, and I'll try
to keep it short, but I am a bit word vomity. Hey,
we relate. Welcome. So I was thirteen around two thousand
and five. I was a good enough kid, starting my
EMO phase and then in print it's not a phase.
I was okay in school, but so disorganized and never
(11:04):
did my homework, especially for classes I didn't like. Well.
One such day came along and my class is cued
up outside my drama class, and my friend asked me
if I'd done my maths homework British British, my math's
homework for the next lesson, obviously I hadn't, so my
probably undiagnosed ADHD brain set into action, thinking how I
(11:26):
could get out of the consequences and probably detention. This
is how I spent every day of high school, not
just like scheming, plotting and scheming, just the amount of
work I would have to do to get out of
the consequences of the little work it would have taken
to just do homework totally Satin drama class British Britishism.
Sat in drama class, I turned to my friend and
(11:48):
just casually mentioned that I could no longer see through
my right eye. What, yeah, it's just gone black, I say,
as nonchalant as possible. My friend got up in a
discreetly informed my teacher, who sent me straight to the
school nurse. I think everyone involved was mildly freaking out,
especially as from a now adult perspective, I imagined that
they all thought it was some massive brain injury or something.
(12:11):
Oh my god, you can't fake blindness partial blindness. Well,
don't tell that to eight and ten year old Lauren
Karen Kilgariff. That's that's all. I told you that story
a thousand times walking around Mervin's because we were copying
Mary from little House in the prairie. She went blind,
so my sister was pretending to guide me. Oh my god,
(12:32):
stare up at the ceiling kind of smiling. I thought
that's what it looked like. Anyhow, no one told us. Okay,
so the skirt the school nurse called my mom, who
couldn't come to get me. So called my dad, who
picked me up and threw five hundred questions in my
directions about the loss of vision. I did my best
to just say it happened quickly. No, I can't see anything,
(12:55):
just the right eye. It's just black. At my dad's house,
my stepmom asked me all this questions and I answered
the same answers. Smart, A and E were called. So
I think that's nine one one, like ambulance. I needed
to immediately go to hospital. Mom picked me up from
my dad's and drove me to Oah, that's something an emergency. Yeah,
(13:15):
it's their ambulance and emergency, it's their emergency room. I
believe God do we're smart with the same five founder
questions with the same answers. Anyway, it too far on
the right. On the way to A and E, I
realized that this was potentially more serious than i'd oh god.
Waiting to see some kind of specialist eye doctor, I
exclaimed to Mum that it seems to be grayish. Now
(13:38):
I can roughly make shapes out. After a full eye examined.
The doctors obviously couldn't find anything wrong with me, but
sternly prepared me for what to do if it happened again.
I'd like to point out that I never dramatized it
even a little bit, so how it got this far
remains a mystery because it could have been a brain injury.
Yes that's right, Oh my god, a long awaited brain
(13:59):
tumor sitting there, any number of fucking thirteen year old stroke,
a rare, rare junior high stroke, like a problem. That
that symptom is like a huge problem. That this small
symptom is showing that you randomly made. Yeah, that you're
not freaking out about just to this day. This person's like,
I mean, I don't know what they were like, It's
(14:20):
like I didn't make a big deal. Why did they
have to make a big deal? Because you picked the thing,
or like you didn't pick your shoulder. Yeah, my shoulder
hurts worked. The organ closest to my brain isn't working.
I don't want to yell at you, but Jesus fucking Christ. Okay,
oh they say sorry. The end of that is so
how it got this far remains a mystery. Unless that's
a sign of a tumor. I don't know about. That's
(14:43):
literally what it is. Mom didn't talk to me on
the way home, and we never brought it up again.
I still forgot or deliberately didn't do homework, but instead
I just went to detention. Luckily, none of my family
listened to this, except for when I make my partner
listen to all the stories I've already told him. Thanks
to all the staff I wasted time, Thanks to all
(15:05):
the NHS stuff I wasted time for that day. They
didn't deserve my bullshit. Thanks for whoever reads this, even
if it doesn't end up on the pod, that's nice,
stay sexy, and I guess, don't fake a possible brain
injury to get out of homework. Love to you all, Becky,
that's so good, it's so funny. That's exactly what we want.
(15:25):
It's exactly who we are. I know an opposite story,
which is Bradford, who works in our legal department here
at exactly right. I worked with him at a neolig
generous talk show for five years and one day he
had he was blind in one nighte my got in
one eye and had been since he was a teenager.
And one day I walked into his office to get
(15:46):
something from him and he goes, oh, hold on, hold on,
I can see through my other eye right now? What
And for like a couple hours that day, I think
it was like for the afternoon he had his vision
back and then it went away again. Yep, psychological. Then sorry, Bradford,
we're gonna have to get him on the podcast, explained
it all. Isn't that crazy? He's so crazy? And I was.
(16:07):
Therefore it was really exciting. Maybe you're the reason you're
like an angel walked in the room. Finally the proof
your beauty was so beautiful, like cut through blindness, It
cut through producing a daily fucking talk show that was
killing us all inside. Yeah, his eye was like you
don't want to be here and went black again. This
(16:27):
is awful.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Use one Okay, speaking of here's the one called laughing
at inappropriate times. Hi, what is up my guys? Seven
year listener multiple times writer, I think honestly, they might
be sitting in my draft still.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I'm just going to jump right in. I'm not sure
if you ever asked for a story of laughing at
times when you most definitely shouldn't, But I'm going to
tell you my story. We need it, we want it,
we need it. I mean, hell yeah, hell yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Two years ago, my best friend's mom sadly passed away.
Me and my boyfriend attended both the funeral and the
wake the day prior, and I was definitely crying a
lot already, but for different reasons. The day of the
actual funeral, we were waiting for the service to begin
when the funeral director, a tall, maybe seventyish year old man,
started to walk down the center aisle of people and
call to our attention. He started saying something along the
(17:17):
lines of all right, everyone, we're gonna begin shortly, if
you could just and then proceeded to trip and fall
like a whole dang tree being cut down in the forest.
I'm not lying when I say he was stiff as
a board and he all caps face planted, so naturally,
everyone's reaction was to gasp, the most dramatic gasp that's
(17:38):
ever been gasped, and absolute silence followed. Then there's me,
my boyfriend and the girl sitting next to us, absolutely
cracking the fuck up. Yes, yeah, a priest eating it.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
A priest eating it, and it sounds like like going
over like a redwood tree.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
We were trying so hard to hold it in, and
when we looked to my best friend, who was at
her mother's funeral, and saw she was also trying not
to laugh and was standing in the front of the
room with her sister having the same reaction as us,
we lost it. He was okay, and he stood up
and carried on like nothing happened, But that didn't stop
me and my boyfriend from having tears streaming down our
(18:16):
face as the entire service, both from being sad and
also from picturing this dude fall over like a log.
I actually had to ask my boyfriend to leave the
room because because it was so inappropriate, and he would
not stop and was choking from trying to hold it in.
But it was the funniest, most movie like fall in
reaction I've ever seen and heard.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
You would already be laughing at the fall. Yeah, and
then the context yah makes it triple pressure. Now you're
laughing and trying to hold it in so hard, Yeah,
you can't. But then then it goes wider than that,
where then you're kind of like, what are all these
feelings I'm feeling like now it's your brain just goes Oh,
throw it all up there. I need this, I need this.
(18:56):
It's been a while. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
We still talk about it and will and it will
make me laugh every time. I'm glad something like that
happened and made probably the hardest day of my friend's
life a little silly for a short period of time,
and that her family was able to laugh about it too.
Just wanted to send in a quickie and I hope
more people have stories like this they want to share too.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Anyways. By Lmao Cassie, Cassie Caussie. Great topic, great topic.
I know I've overstoried this episode already, Okay, but I
do have a fast one, okay, And she asked, Cassie asked,
so I would like to answer, Okay, I would like
to write in mind back to her. Okay, my uncle
Martin just died and he is my dad's oldest brother.
He's the oldest brother of the family. He was a
(19:39):
teacher at the fire College in San Francisco, So for
a certain generation of San Francisco fireman, he's the one
that taught them how to do it wow, And so
a lot of people knew him. He's a great man, hilarious, lovely,
and he kind of looked a little bit like the
Wizard of oz Oh. Wow. So we'd always go there
were men in my town, and like we'd always kind
(19:59):
of do impressions of him. But he's wonderful man and
lived a great life, all great. His funeral was in
this beautiful, very modern church where you know, usually there's
a crucifix, very they all look relatively the same and
they're pretty grim up at the front. But in this church,
the Jesus wasn't hanging on the cross. It's as if
(20:21):
the Jesus was trying to They're trying to represent him
rising up through to heaven. So he's kind of like
free and one arm, and it's very art like, very artistic.
And my aunt Mary, who is a nun of like
sixty five years ye, who's sitting next to me, and
it's very sad like it's the saddest point. This. My
(20:42):
family's sick because this is what we do, this is
what we live for. And she leans over to me
and she goes, honey, do you think that Jesus is
playing volleyball? Like it's about like he's trying to because
they're trying to, Like it's like that he's rising up.
And I'm like, you shut the fuck you're none. That
makes it three hundred times funny. Oh my god, oh
(21:05):
you good. Jesus trying to spike.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
It's like those photos of like when you're trying to
hit the little boys hitting a baseball and Jesus is
buying this is just a fucking.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
It's him by himself. He's like, Jesus is not helping me.
Jesus spiking on your life? For once? Can Jesus have
his own sport. It's the star of this team. Let him. Yeah,
oh my god, amazing, Cassie, that's my hometown to your.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Send him and everyone. Inappropriate crying, I mean laughing inappropriate.
Crying was funny.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Inappropriate. Crying's great. Laughing's fun too. Laughing's a real joy. Yeah,
I have one more? Do you have one more? I
have one more? Yeah, and then I have one more.
Did I read that one or did you? I think
I did. Okay, so it's my true in the second
where I was like, okay, I have to stop the crosstalk.
(21:52):
I just distract myself. Yes, this is my last one. Hello,
Buried Treasure Story. Dear beautiful queens, thank you. First off,
your podcast is the only one I listened to religiously.
You have kept me company on my commute to work
for an amusement for an amusement park. Which side note,
(22:12):
never ride the zipper trust me on this one.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Oh I wouldn't anyways, but I love confirmation.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
I mean hell no. And everybody go back and listen
and watch the Nick Terry Zipper MFM animated because I
do tell a Zipper story. Ooh that thing. Okay, and
your voices have become my Monday to Thursday happy place
or Monday and Thursday. There's a Wednesday episode now too,
just saying yeah, let's get some more days of the
week in there. Please can we get some love for
(22:40):
the rewind episodes? Everyone? We need all of your time. Okay?
It literally says, okay, okay, I need to know. Does
this story make anyone else as unhinged as it makes me,
because I've been holding onto this frustration for years and
I feel like you two are the only ones who
will understand. Also, since I know you love a good
buried treasure tale, buckle up. So my husband is from
(23:01):
France and there's this family lore on his dad's side
that they are direct descendants of Hector Burlios. Yes, the
famous composer. I should know because my dad is obsessed
with classical music, and I'm sure he said it to
me a thousand times. I've never heard of it. I
bet you right now if we played, if we could
play his and I bet we can because it's over
one hundred years old, But if we played like his
(23:21):
most famous thing, yeah, oh, I know that, yeah, jam.
His grandmother was the one who carried this story, but
no one in the family ever seemed all that interested.
And to me, a person with multiple advanced degrees in
classical music, who immediately lost my damn mind upon hearing this,
I mean, how cool is that my husband, a composer himself,
could be connected to one of the greats. But of
(23:42):
course there's drama. The connection is from an illegitimate child
Q Victorian era pearl clutching. Apparently Burlios's son had an
affair with a maid and the result was a daughter
that there's documentation that Burlio's actually supported her financially. His
grand daughter, I think my husband's great great great grandmother
(24:04):
was sent to some kind of boarding house, sent her money,
and supposedly left her a violin. Wow, one of his violins.
Painful side note, my husband's grandmother claimed she had the violin,
and she gave it not to my composer husband, but
to a cousin who doesn't even play music. No fine,
(24:25):
no whatever, family politics. But then she also had a
mysterious box that she would never let anyone see. Oh,
whe questioned, she'd just vaguely say that they could open
it when she died. Oh, I'm going to have a
mysterious box when I'm an old lady, for sure. Start
it now, starting it now, just full of cat's whiskers.
(24:46):
She constantly teased the family about hidden knowledge, but never
actually revealed what was inside. She was apparently pretty secretive,
and I guess everyone just respected that weirdly anyway, Naturally,
my brain went wild. Was it banknotes, letters, unfinished symphonies,
proofs that my husband's family is the true heir to
the Burlios legacy. We were finally going to get answers,
(25:07):
except one week before she died, she told my father
in law not to open the box and instead bury
it with her. No, absolutely not, okay, grandma, see you later. No,
we will definitely do that. Grandma. Sounds good, sounds great.
What do you want me to do? Sign paper all
shake hands and goodbye, shake hands with God. Yeah, good night.
(25:27):
And this man, whom I love dearly, even though I
cringe at this life choice, followed her instructions to the letter.
He didn't even crack the lid. He put the box
in a coffin without ever looking inside. All caps and
he still has the key. I was gobsmacked. Who does this?
Who buries what could be priceless historical documents without taking
(25:50):
just a little piece? I bet he did.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And it was like old school pornography with his grandma
in it. So he was like, okay, I gotta take
this to my grave too. He had to have looked,
and he deserved it. One person, the person who has
promised it, who has to vary with him, is allowed
to peak.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I think. So, yeah, you were the trusted heir to
the mystery box. Oh my, look inside and then lie
to whoever you need to lie to to cover what
the problem is. But what's the problem, No problem? She did?
She did? And also guess what did she do? Have
sex before marriage? Yeah? So did eighty nine percent of
every human being on earth? Like, what are you talking about?
(26:26):
Oh god, okay, we're still going. The Burlios Museum in
France might want whatever was in that box, and yet
here we are, mystery forever sealed in the ground. This
is driving me crazy. Do I casually write to them
suggesting an exhumation? Maybe? Would my in laws disown me?
Almost certainly? I am sorry to have to share this story,
and I hope it doesn't drive you as nets as
(26:47):
it does me. But am I crazy here? Or rightfully upset?
We got your back? I mean correct one thousand percent? Yeah,
and you knew we would. I will never know what
was in that fucking box of secrets, and I will
never be okay, nor will any of us. Now that's okay,
Stay sexy and always look in the box before burying
potential treasure. Melissa. Yeah, and there's a ps oh, and
(27:10):
it says, ps, why do you pronounce trasure like treasure.
Did I miss an episode where this was explained? It
haunts me. Oh, it's you, what is it? It's me.
It's me doing an impression of my friend Lydia Lewis,
who used to do this baby talk voice like just
kind of being funny. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's Lydia
(27:30):
where she would kind of and she would like talk
to her cats like that. Weren't she beating me and
cat talk crazier? I think I ripped it off from
her or my friend Alicia Gonzalez. I just always accepted it.
I never asked its origin. It was just like that
sounds right. Sometimes it happens when, like you're young and
somebody does a funny thing and then you can't say
it a different way, Like it feels like you and
(27:52):
diamonds are the same diamond. That's me doing an impression
of Natasha Lazio.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Oh okay, all right, well, okay, one left, okay. Hometown festivals,
which we love to hear about always, This is a
fucking good one. I live in Ontario, Oregon. Just starts
like that, there's not much here besides weed, onions and potatoes.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Sounds like a great stew. That's like a nice winter's night.
One of the.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Biggest suppliers of jobs in town is the Orida Potato Plant.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Famous.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
It was there in nineteen fifty three that instead of
throwing the scraps of potatoes that weren't worthy enough to
be French fries to the livestock, that one F. Griggs
had an idea. He smashed all the extras together and
created the tater top.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh F what say his name is F. Griggs? Just
F the initial F Francis. I'm gonna go Francis Frank Frankenstein. Yes, friends,
because he mashed on. That's good. Yes, friends. The tater
tot was invented in my hometown. Yes.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Every year in September we throw a tater top festival.
We have live music, face painting, course, tater tots. Each
vender competes for the best hot I know, mark your calendar.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
For real though.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, it's still growing as a festival, but our town
tries to do it big. The main street is shut
down and there's many vendors selling handmade trinkets. I'll save
you each a tot when you come visit. SSDGM Lindsay
she her Linday this is like true breaking news. Tater
Tot festival, Tater.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Tot Festival in was it Oregon? Yeah? Oh that's easy. Yeah,
that's a two hour flight. Chili cheese tater tots do
you think does exist? They fucking must? Yeah? You mean, like,
uh like chili cheese fries tater tots? I mean? And
also what else? You know? They make some sort of
weird tater tot dessert that you're like, why is this
so delicious? With vanilla ice cream or something? Yeah, like
(29:49):
magic shell on tater tots? O disgusting. Hey, tell us
your story whatever it is at my Favorite Murder at Gmail.
This must be the longest mine so I've ever done.
There's nothing many about this one. Thank you guys for
listening so much. We appreciate you. Stay sex and don't
get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie? This
(30:19):
has been an exactly right production. Our senior producer is
Alejandra Keck. Our editor is Aristotle Osceveto. This episode was
mixed by Leona Squalacci. Emailing your hometowns to My Favorite
Murder at gmail dot com and follow a show on
Instagram and Facebook at my Favorite Murder goodbye,
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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