June 2, 2025 • 21 mins
This week’s hometowns include a trash dad on safari and a Guy Fieri apology.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hellllo, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode. That's
right here, we are. Here, we go reading you your
meals you sent us. Thank you. You go first, Yeah,
we do, thank you. I'll go first because I have
for you a badass grandma story. And then it says
in parentheses name reveal at the end. Great, beautifully structured,
(00:38):
it says, high ladies, longtime listener, first time writer. Inner,
Let's get to the stories. My grandma is a badass
bitch and didn't take shit from anyone. To set the scene,
my grandma is six foot married to a dairy farmer,
a strong son of a bitch who also worked full
time outside of the farm. Who even has the time anymore?
My lord, Yeah, that's fucking insane. Yeah, farmer with a
(01:00):
full time job. That isn't farming, right. My grandparents have
the most precious love story. They met when they were four,
lived down the street from each other, started dating in
high school, and have been inseparable ever since. They have
three daughters, my mom, the oldest my aunt let's call
her Aunt number one in this story, and the youngest aunt,
let's call her Aunt number two. Aunt number two, has
(01:22):
multiple sclerosis and can't feel her legs. She didn't use
a walking aid, but her legs tend to look a
little wobbly. One day, Grandma, Aunt number one, and Aunt
number two went to Walmart to grocery shop. Aunt number
two went off on her own to get a few items.
As she was shopping around, a man came up to
her and got really close to what she was also
looking for. She didn't think much of it until she
(01:43):
looked down and saw the man touching her legs and
bud area. No, she was so frazzled she just went
to find Aunt number one and my grandma without saying
anything to the man. When she found them, she told
them what the man had done to her. My grandma
tracked the guy down, made sure he was alone in
the aisle, and blocked him in with both carts, making
(02:03):
sure that no one else could go down the aisle.
My grandma went to town on this man. She was hitting
him with her purse and I'm sure some swear words
were being thrown into the mix. She eventually told the
man to leave before doing any further damage than nineties
were a beautiful time.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
So she fucking blocks off the aisle like a mafi
osop and is just like, yeah, you guys, leave Aisle
six to us. Look away, We're going to take care
of some business down here. Story number two, My grandma
was on her normal route to work. She would drive
by this house and no matter rain or shine, there
would be a dog chained to the tree out front.
The dog was starting to look more and more and
(02:40):
malnourished and neglected. My grandma was starting to get more
and more angry as she drove by the house. On
one rainy day, my grandma said to herself, if that
dog is tied up when I'm on my way home,
I'm taking it. And sure a shit. Well, my grandma
was on her way home, the dog was outside. Grandma
pulled over and stole the dog. Oh my god. Yes.
The dog was the sweetest little thing and the family
(03:00):
named her Sadie May. She lived out the rest of
her years being loved on and getting every single table
scrap until her final day. Yay for the long awaited
name reveal the perfect small town Kansas grandma name Loadonna
l Dona La Donna wow Lo. Donna was so remarkable
she ended up passing in twenty sixteen after a long
(03:23):
battle with cancer. She left a long lasting legacy of
fucking politeness and not taking shit from anyone. Grandma's three
daughters end up having four daughters of their own, and
she taught every one of us to stand up for
ourselves and what we think is right. Also, Grandma had
a hit man show up to her funeral. I guess
she was friends with him. SSDGM Meghan, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I want a hit man showing up to my funeral,
like it can be an actor, but I wanted to
be like, why so why is there a hit man?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
I'm here to pay my respects to Georgia and the
life that she lived, but I have to be an
old lady though. It can't be now, No, it can't
be now. We have some stuff to do.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Please, Oh LaDonna, that was Amazingna.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Yes, kicking ass and Walmart taking care of business.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Okay, this is called trash. Dad on safari is my
first one. Okay Hello from Melbourne, Australia. In two thousand
and five, I was lucky enough to do a safari
in Zimbabwe with my family. It was me around thirteen,
my sister around fifteen, and brother around eight, and my
mom and dad.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
The trip was amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It was a walking safari, so a bit different to
the usual driving safari when you get a cruise around
in an open top jeep. As a nerdy, science obsessed
teen I was in heaven. I badgered the guides all
day and night, asking questions nonstoff about all the different
animals we had been lucky enough to see. The guides
were amazing and there was a lot of emphasis on
safety since we were on foot most of the time
(04:48):
at a bomber Yeah, we were told over and over
again how the most dangerous animal we could encounter would
be a mother with her young as she'd be extremely
protective and aggressive towards us.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
So cut to one.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
When we're on our first walk of the day, we
would always walk in single file with one guard with
a gun at the front, followed by my mom, my siblings,
and me, then my dad and a second guide at
the back of the group. We were walking up a
small hill when the front guide suddenly stopped us, awaiting
us on the other side of the hill only about
twenty meters and then it says sixty five feet oh,
(05:21):
thank you, huh away. It was a truly pissed off
mother elephant with her baby. The guide told us to
slowly and calmly walk backwards down the hill and out
of the elephant's eyesight so that she would calm down
and not charge us. We did as he instructed, and
once we were back down the hill and a bit safer,
I turned around and can't believe what I saw. About
(05:45):
fifty meters one hundred and sixty four feet away is
my dad, all caps, running for his life away from
the angry elephant, completely abandoning his wife and three children.
Oh no, he had pushed past the guy at the
back of the line and just made a break for it.
My dad is a wonderful man and a loving father,
(06:06):
but he has never lived this day down.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That's fucking what's that movie called, Yes the Avalanche? Yeah,
Force majeur.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yes, it's my mom's favorite story to tell on any occasion, really,
and he always reacts the same bashful way. Anyway, Thanks
for keeping me entertained every week. Love your work, ladies,
stay sexy, and don't leave your family to get trampled. H.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
I mean, h, you're right about that. We're in full agreement.
It seems unfucker booked it. He was fucking later day,
right out of there. I'm so sorry. I must go.
You guys can hang out here.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
It's not like I could do anything if this elephant
fucking comes after you.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I feel like I would fall for because I thought
you were gonna say the most dangerous animal is a hippopotamus,
because they say that. That's the thing that tourists never get,
which is you don't write, aren't nice fast, and they're
fast as fuck. They're not little ballerinas with pink lips.
So there's a fucking MFM animated about Oh yes, that's right,
So God, that's one of the Yeah, it's so good,
(07:03):
look that one up. But I would think that if
I saw a mom elephant and a baby elephant, I
would be like, oh, I'm toward it. Turns out no, no,
no no. This email subject line is stupid kids with
sharp pencils story Greetings friends. As soon as Karen started
telling her story about stupid kids throwing pencils at each
(07:24):
other Billy Bertolucci and Jimmy Martin, I knew my time
had finally arrived to share a story of my own,
or rather a story of my mom's. The time the
early seventies, the place a seventh grade classroom in Downey, California.
The Carpenters lived right around the corner. Young love, as
we know, is very confusing, and when a boy in
(07:44):
my mom's class asked himself the age old question of
how do I get my crush to notice me, his
pubescent brain came up with a full proof plan. This
is wonderfully laid out. He got up from his desk,
walked over to the wall pencil sharpener to make sure
his pencil choice was as sharp as humanly possible, sat
back down at his desk, and took aim. No like
(08:06):
cupid zaro itself, his pencil arcd over the heads of
his unsuspecting classmates and sunk itself straight into my mom's
hand as it rested on her day.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
He liked her like I was bullied a lot in
elementary school, and I wonder if any of those boys
he actually because I thought they were just mean.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
No, they were trying to get your attention. They didn't
know how. She immediately went to the nurse's office and
got bandaged up, but to this day she still has
a small black dot between her index and middle stox.
My friend Doug Jones has a fucking lead in his handstyll. Yes,
some childhood many of the seventies do. Yeah, that's true,
to remind her of the love that could have been.
To his credit, the boy definitely did not go unnoticed
(08:48):
and is still memorable some fifty years later. What do
they got married? Me? He did it.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
He did what he wanted to do, which is become
memorable to her.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Oh oh yes, okay, I thought it was a very
high follutint way of saying got married. Oh yeah, no,
that would have been sweet. Let's pretend. Let's pretend stay
sexy and check for lead poisoning Chelsea, Chelsea with an
e y. That was great, Chelsea. They beautifully put together
and also like the plan of it, but then doing
(09:16):
it and he didn't poke someone's eye out, which you
would think, it's like it actually work. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, and she has this like her first tattoo from
her first boyfriend. Yeah, send us more stories of like
first dates gone wrong or like getting attention gone wrong,
but then like they put the couple works out then
like your parents or whatever, your husband or you or whatever.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah, it's a pretty tall order. We don't want to
hear these ones where it just kind of falls apart.
And the guy that perfectly throws a pencil into Chelsea's
mom's hand disappeared. That's marriage material right there. Land That
mayme he could have been a pilot or something.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Okay, I want to read you the title of this
so bad because it's hilarious, but I'm not going to
remind me to do it after Hi. Karen in Georgia,
longtime Murderino. First time with a hometown, although technically my
twin sister got here first when she wrote in years
ago just to roast me for proudly telling people she
went on conjugal visits during law school while working with
the Innocence Project what THEO needs to be unpacked? First
(10:20):
time with a hometown, although technically my twin sister got
here first when she wrote in years ago just to
roast me for proudly telling people she went on conjugal
visits during law school while working with the Innocence Project.
So she was probably lying about the conjugal visits. But
she did work with the innosonce project. Okay, that sounds
like something my sister would do.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yes to add it, like she's not just helping it.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Then she goes for conjugal visits sho, she's really helping us.
I do you think she's a saint? But she's actually
she's a center time of a slip okay, because I
had absolutely no idea what that actually meant. Oh okay,
conjugal visits.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh she thought it was like going to talk to
them in that's for the innocence project. Oh my god. Okay,
now I guess that's good. That's real good.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Anyway, enough with my public shaming on my story about
laughter at inappropriate times. So this happened about fifteen years
ago at a funeral for a close family friend's mother.
She was ninety four, had lived a long and lovely life,
full of telling us all we were too skinny and
needed to eat, and give the guest stories of her
younger years growing up in Ukraine. And honestly, the vibe
(11:29):
should have been more a celebration of life than Shakespearean tragedy.
But alas, the energy was grim. Funeral, the energy, the
energy was off your Yelp review for the funeral maybe
too grim, but who are we to judge grief is weird?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Uh huh, we're all graveside.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
The casket is set up over the whole concealed by
one of those green velvety drapes that screams.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Pay no attention to the abyss below.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
The grandson stands up to give a heartfelt eulogy, and
his two year old breaks free from his mom's lap
in the front row and run towards his dad like
a baby linebacker, except he misses. He goes full toddler
torpedo straight past his dad's legs and disappears into the
(12:19):
grave like koof gone. Okay, this is I'm gonna read
it the title now, the time a toddler yeaded himself
into the afterlife immediate screaming echoes out of the hole,
which thankfully meant he was totally fine, just shocked to
find himself in the center of the plot. My dad
and I immediately lost it. I mean truly unhinged laughter.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You can't laugh at a toddler ful, I mean the
grave are required to. It is the most insane visual
of all time.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
The kind where you physically can't stop. I had to
bury my face in his chest, pretending to sob because
it was either that or getting excommunicated. This is still,
hands down the funniest thing I have ever witnessed, and
yet no one in the family will speak of it.
It's like it never happened. The now eighteen year old
child blissfully unaware, I think, but part of me wants
(13:15):
to casually ask, hey, ever had any weird childhood dreams
about falling into a void surrounded by folding chairs and
cold finger sandwiches.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Stay sexy and don't fall into graves. See Yeah, good advice.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
A kid, a little toddler, ate it into a fucking
open grave running.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
It's like a prank. It's almost like that when they
put the sticks over the hole in the forest type
of thing. But then also, did they just run and
pull that green blake back up and just like flip
them back out of there real quick? Oh my god. Okay,
that's like that's lifelong trauma. Yeah, it is. Well, I
think you're really gonna enjoy the subject line of this. Okay,
(13:57):
that time I made Guy Fieri apologize? Ready, Yes, and
just for anyone who's first joining us, Georgia has worked
with Guy Fieri. Guy Fieri also lives either in Pedaloma
or very close to Party, So everyone in my town
has a story about how much they absolutely adore Guy Fieri. Yeah,
he is a true hometown hero. So no one's talking
(14:19):
shit about Guy Fieri on this show, but apparently had
something to apologize for him. We will tell those stories,
let's hear it. Hello to my gents, gals and non
binary pals. On a recent episode, you joked about meeting
Guy Fieri, and since you sometimes feature stories of fun
celebrity encounters, I thought i'd share mine. In the summer
of twenty twenty four, I had the honor and privilege
(14:39):
of attending the Paris Olympics. Wow. My in laws are
big donors to the Olympic Foundation, so we all got tickets. Wow.
Is that how you do it?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I guess so, Okay, give a shit ton of money
and then you get an invite.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
That makes sense. Yeah, I'm just buddy up some billionaires.
They're great. Not only that, but we got into the
vip rest areas. As a PubL school teacher, this was
all a little overwhelming. At the rest area for equestrian
jumping was Guy Fieri. Wow. He was just trying to
enjoy his day with his wife, so I really didn't
want to bother him, but I had to try to
(15:11):
get a picture with him for my sister. Just a
month before my sister had attended a bachelorette party where
they all dressed up as Guy Fiera. Oh my god,
that's brilliant. My sister is an emergency room doctor, so
when one of the women passed out from really bad
food poisoning, she took the charge and called the ambulance.
The paramedics came, and my sister attempted to give them
important medical information, but she was still dressed as Guy Fieri,
(15:35):
so they didn't take her seriously. Come on. They got
the sick woman to a hospital and she made a
full recovery. So I approached Guy Fieri and I awkwardly
asked him if I could possibly get a picture with him.
He was incredibly nice and said sure, that's right, that's nice.
That's what we know him to be in Petaluma, California.
I tell him I'm sorry to bother him, but I
had to ask because my sister went to a bachelorette
(15:56):
party where they all dressed up as him. His respond,
I'm so sorry they chose to do that. How weird?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Hey they all dressed as you, yea, sir, Yeah that's right, person, your.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Own very distinct look. Whatever, he says, I'm so sorry,
they chose to do that, I said, they're not. I
of course texted this encounter and the picture to my sister,
who shared it with the bachelorette girls. Apparently it made
their week. I love the guy Fieri is not only
incredibly kind but also use self depreciating humor. He truly
is America's sweetheart. Stay sexy and dress up like Guy Fieri, Katie.
(16:32):
It's so good, so good. It's so good.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
It's like like the group of Santa's like go bar hopping.
It should be a group of Guy Fieri's.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Yeah, I mean like and I love that. It's like
a bunch of women going to party. Yeah, but they're like, here,
here's what we're going to look like tonight. Are we
gonna be wearing sashes and like dildo hats. No, we're
gonna take it into different trac We're doctors. Okay, wow,
Doctor's party.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Like, I'm not going to read you this subject at
my last one, Hi, Karen Georgia and MFM crew. My mom,
being a single parent, often let my sister and I
run wild and play at a little playground across the
street from her work at a nursing home. We'd walk
there after school, and we were either delegated some art
task to occupy our time if the weather was bad,
or if we were good, we could go play outside.
(17:18):
I was in fourth or fifth grade and as the
older sister in charge. We lived in m N at
the time Minnesota, and the snow had finally melted, and
my mom didn't want us distracting her for the last
hour of the day. It was a really warm day, so,
ditching our winter jackets, I proposed to play a game
where we pretended to be leaping horses. I have no
idea why call it an active imagination? So my sister
(17:41):
and I would run two steps and leap, run two
steps and leap, all well nighing like we were majestic
four legged horses.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Let me see it.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I can clearly picture my old white sorrel boots sailing
over grass and puddles. We were almost at the playground
equipment when I happened to glance down as I was leaping.
Right below my stretched out leg was a whole pile
of writhing garter snakes.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
In my child's mind it seemed like hundreds, but in
actuality it was probably only thirty to fifty snakes.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
That's still bad. That's ten times the amount I could handle.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Absolutely I landed on the other side, just barely missing
stepping on the ones at the edge. You know the
feeling when something happens that you just can't quite believe
is true. I remember thinking that why would there be
a bunch of snakes all together in a great, big pile.
I turned around to check, and sure enough it was
not a nightmare, but a group of writhing snakes. I screamed,
(18:39):
grabbed my sister's hand, and booked it back over to
my mom's work at top human speed. For the longest time,
I assumed it was just snake mating season and was
always super careful at the playground for the next year.
But today I looked up some garter snake facts and
I guess in cold weather climates, snakes will hibernate in
dens with up to a couple hundred snakes at a time.
(19:01):
Then they get to the mating business since they are
all conveniently there. Handy if you are a snake, I guess,
terrifying if you are a horse, human child. And then
title of this one is called snake Orgy. Thank you
for keeping me saying on my drive to work, SSTGM
and always wear your boots when leaping around in the springtime, Lindsay.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Lindsay's such good advice. Also, if you're going to act
like a horse, then act like a horse. You would
have seen those snakes from fifteen paces.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
But you would have startled and like jumped and.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Then gone and killed it, like remember in The Black
Stallion when the Black Stallion kills that cobra. Oh, No,
such wonderful film.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Careful, some is your stories of when you were doing
stupid shit as a kid and nature got the better
of you.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I mean, I think we could ask for childhood snake
stories and probably get a ton, definitely, because because you
guys have them. I drove up to the reservoir in Hollywood.
Does not a child story? Huh? You know that road
up there in that parking lot. As I was driving
up that road, a no joke, like a ten foot snake.
I went across the road in front of my car
(20:06):
and I just like it went like that and made
it and then I kept going. But I was like,
how is a snake that big? No?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I don't want that. I don't want that. This is
why I stay at Home.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
It was two thousand and oh okay, one okay.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
So it's probably even bigger now.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's probably it's probably fifty five feet long, and it
lives inside the Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Sign Sendor Shart story at My Favorite Murder at Gmail,
and stay sex and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis, Do
you want to Cookie?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Our senior producers are Alle Hundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Our editor is Aristotle L. S Veda.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Polacci.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
And now you can watch us on exactly Writes YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe. Bye bye
mm hmm
Hellllo, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode. That's
right here, we are. Here, we go reading you your
meals you sent us. Thank you. You go first, Yeah,
we do, thank you. I'll go first because I have
for you a badass grandma story. And then it says
in parentheses name reveal at the end. Great, beautifully structured,
(00:38):
it says, high ladies, longtime listener, first time writer. Inner,
Let's get to the stories. My grandma is a badass
bitch and didn't take shit from anyone. To set the scene,
my grandma is six foot married to a dairy farmer,
a strong son of a bitch who also worked full
time outside of the farm. Who even has the time anymore?
My lord, Yeah, that's fucking insane. Yeah, farmer with a
(01:00):
full time job. That isn't farming, right. My grandparents have
the most precious love story. They met when they were four,
lived down the street from each other, started dating in
high school, and have been inseparable ever since. They have
three daughters, my mom, the oldest my aunt let's call
her Aunt number one in this story, and the youngest aunt,
let's call her Aunt number two. Aunt number two, has
(01:22):
multiple sclerosis and can't feel her legs. She didn't use
a walking aid, but her legs tend to look a
little wobbly. One day, Grandma, Aunt number one, and Aunt
number two went to Walmart to grocery shop. Aunt number
two went off on her own to get a few items.
As she was shopping around, a man came up to
her and got really close to what she was also
looking for. She didn't think much of it until she
(01:43):
looked down and saw the man touching her legs and
bud area. No, she was so frazzled she just went
to find Aunt number one and my grandma without saying
anything to the man. When she found them, she told
them what the man had done to her. My grandma
tracked the guy down, made sure he was alone in
the aisle, and blocked him in with both carts, making
(02:03):
sure that no one else could go down the aisle.
My grandma went to town on this man. She was hitting
him with her purse and I'm sure some swear words
were being thrown into the mix. She eventually told the
man to leave before doing any further damage than nineties
were a beautiful time.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
So she fucking blocks off the aisle like a mafi
osop and is just like, yeah, you guys, leave Aisle
six to us. Look away, We're going to take care
of some business down here. Story number two, My grandma
was on her normal route to work. She would drive
by this house and no matter rain or shine, there
would be a dog chained to the tree out front.
The dog was starting to look more and more and
(02:40):
malnourished and neglected. My grandma was starting to get more
and more angry as she drove by the house. On
one rainy day, my grandma said to herself, if that
dog is tied up when I'm on my way home,
I'm taking it. And sure a shit. Well, my grandma
was on her way home, the dog was outside. Grandma
pulled over and stole the dog. Oh my god. Yes.
The dog was the sweetest little thing and the family
(03:00):
named her Sadie May. She lived out the rest of
her years being loved on and getting every single table
scrap until her final day. Yay for the long awaited
name reveal the perfect small town Kansas grandma name Loadonna
l Dona La Donna wow Lo. Donna was so remarkable
she ended up passing in twenty sixteen after a long
(03:23):
battle with cancer. She left a long lasting legacy of
fucking politeness and not taking shit from anyone. Grandma's three
daughters end up having four daughters of their own, and
she taught every one of us to stand up for
ourselves and what we think is right. Also, Grandma had
a hit man show up to her funeral. I guess
she was friends with him. SSDGM Meghan, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I want a hit man showing up to my funeral,
like it can be an actor, but I wanted to
be like, why so why is there a hit man?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
I'm here to pay my respects to Georgia and the
life that she lived, but I have to be an
old lady though. It can't be now, No, it can't
be now. We have some stuff to do.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Please, Oh LaDonna, that was Amazingna.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Yes, kicking ass and Walmart taking care of business.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Okay, this is called trash. Dad on safari is my
first one. Okay Hello from Melbourne, Australia. In two thousand
and five, I was lucky enough to do a safari
in Zimbabwe with my family. It was me around thirteen,
my sister around fifteen, and brother around eight, and my
mom and dad.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
The trip was amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It was a walking safari, so a bit different to
the usual driving safari when you get a cruise around
in an open top jeep. As a nerdy, science obsessed
teen I was in heaven. I badgered the guides all
day and night, asking questions nonstoff about all the different
animals we had been lucky enough to see. The guides
were amazing and there was a lot of emphasis on
safety since we were on foot most of the time
(04:48):
at a bomber Yeah, we were told over and over
again how the most dangerous animal we could encounter would
be a mother with her young as she'd be extremely
protective and aggressive towards us.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
So cut to one.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
When we're on our first walk of the day, we
would always walk in single file with one guard with
a gun at the front, followed by my mom, my siblings,
and me, then my dad and a second guide at
the back of the group. We were walking up a
small hill when the front guide suddenly stopped us, awaiting
us on the other side of the hill only about
twenty meters and then it says sixty five feet oh,
(05:21):
thank you, huh away. It was a truly pissed off
mother elephant with her baby. The guide told us to
slowly and calmly walk backwards down the hill and out
of the elephant's eyesight so that she would calm down
and not charge us. We did as he instructed, and
once we were back down the hill and a bit safer,
I turned around and can't believe what I saw. About
(05:45):
fifty meters one hundred and sixty four feet away is
my dad, all caps, running for his life away from
the angry elephant, completely abandoning his wife and three children.
Oh no, he had pushed past the guy at the
back of the line and just made a break for it.
My dad is a wonderful man and a loving father,
(06:06):
but he has never lived this day down.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That's fucking what's that movie called, Yes the Avalanche? Yeah,
Force majeur.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yes, it's my mom's favorite story to tell on any occasion, really,
and he always reacts the same bashful way. Anyway, Thanks
for keeping me entertained every week. Love your work, ladies,
stay sexy, and don't leave your family to get trampled. H.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
I mean, h, you're right about that. We're in full agreement.
It seems unfucker booked it. He was fucking later day,
right out of there. I'm so sorry. I must go.
You guys can hang out here.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
It's not like I could do anything if this elephant
fucking comes after you.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I feel like I would fall for because I thought
you were gonna say the most dangerous animal is a hippopotamus,
because they say that. That's the thing that tourists never get,
which is you don't write, aren't nice fast, and they're
fast as fuck. They're not little ballerinas with pink lips.
So there's a fucking MFM animated about Oh yes, that's right,
So God, that's one of the Yeah, it's so good,
(07:03):
look that one up. But I would think that if
I saw a mom elephant and a baby elephant, I
would be like, oh, I'm toward it. Turns out no, no,
no no. This email subject line is stupid kids with
sharp pencils story Greetings friends. As soon as Karen started
telling her story about stupid kids throwing pencils at each
(07:24):
other Billy Bertolucci and Jimmy Martin, I knew my time
had finally arrived to share a story of my own,
or rather a story of my mom's. The time the
early seventies, the place a seventh grade classroom in Downey, California.
The Carpenters lived right around the corner. Young love, as
we know, is very confusing, and when a boy in
(07:44):
my mom's class asked himself the age old question of
how do I get my crush to notice me, his
pubescent brain came up with a full proof plan. This
is wonderfully laid out. He got up from his desk,
walked over to the wall pencil sharpener to make sure
his pencil choice was as sharp as humanly possible, sat
back down at his desk, and took aim. No like
(08:06):
cupid zaro itself, his pencil arcd over the heads of
his unsuspecting classmates and sunk itself straight into my mom's
hand as it rested on her day.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
He liked her like I was bullied a lot in
elementary school, and I wonder if any of those boys
he actually because I thought they were just mean.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
No, they were trying to get your attention. They didn't
know how. She immediately went to the nurse's office and
got bandaged up, but to this day she still has
a small black dot between her index and middle stox.
My friend Doug Jones has a fucking lead in his handstyll. Yes,
some childhood many of the seventies do. Yeah, that's true,
to remind her of the love that could have been.
To his credit, the boy definitely did not go unnoticed
(08:48):
and is still memorable some fifty years later. What do
they got married? Me? He did it.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
He did what he wanted to do, which is become
memorable to her.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Oh oh yes, okay, I thought it was a very
high follutint way of saying got married. Oh yeah, no,
that would have been sweet. Let's pretend. Let's pretend stay
sexy and check for lead poisoning Chelsea, Chelsea with an
e y. That was great, Chelsea. They beautifully put together
and also like the plan of it, but then doing
(09:16):
it and he didn't poke someone's eye out, which you
would think, it's like it actually work. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, and she has this like her first tattoo from
her first boyfriend. Yeah, send us more stories of like
first dates gone wrong or like getting attention gone wrong,
but then like they put the couple works out then
like your parents or whatever, your husband or you or whatever.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah, it's a pretty tall order. We don't want to
hear these ones where it just kind of falls apart.
And the guy that perfectly throws a pencil into Chelsea's
mom's hand disappeared. That's marriage material right there. Land That
mayme he could have been a pilot or something.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Okay, I want to read you the title of this
so bad because it's hilarious, but I'm not going to
remind me to do it after Hi. Karen in Georgia,
longtime Murderino. First time with a hometown, although technically my
twin sister got here first when she wrote in years
ago just to roast me for proudly telling people she
went on conjugal visits during law school while working with
the Innocence Project what THEO needs to be unpacked? First
(10:20):
time with a hometown, although technically my twin sister got
here first when she wrote in years ago just to
roast me for proudly telling people she went on conjugal
visits during law school while working with the Innocence Project.
So she was probably lying about the conjugal visits. But
she did work with the innosonce project. Okay, that sounds
like something my sister would do.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yes to add it, like she's not just helping it.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Then she goes for conjugal visits sho, she's really helping us.
I do you think she's a saint? But she's actually
she's a center time of a slip okay, because I
had absolutely no idea what that actually meant. Oh okay,
conjugal visits.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh she thought it was like going to talk to
them in that's for the innocence project. Oh my god. Okay,
now I guess that's good. That's real good.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Anyway, enough with my public shaming on my story about
laughter at inappropriate times. So this happened about fifteen years
ago at a funeral for a close family friend's mother.
She was ninety four, had lived a long and lovely life,
full of telling us all we were too skinny and
needed to eat, and give the guest stories of her
younger years growing up in Ukraine. And honestly, the vibe
(11:29):
should have been more a celebration of life than Shakespearean tragedy.
But alas, the energy was grim. Funeral, the energy, the
energy was off your Yelp review for the funeral maybe
too grim, but who are we to judge grief is weird?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Uh huh, we're all graveside.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
The casket is set up over the whole concealed by
one of those green velvety drapes that screams.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Pay no attention to the abyss below.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
The grandson stands up to give a heartfelt eulogy, and
his two year old breaks free from his mom's lap
in the front row and run towards his dad like
a baby linebacker, except he misses. He goes full toddler
torpedo straight past his dad's legs and disappears into the
(12:19):
grave like koof gone. Okay, this is I'm gonna read
it the title now, the time a toddler yeaded himself
into the afterlife immediate screaming echoes out of the hole,
which thankfully meant he was totally fine, just shocked to
find himself in the center of the plot. My dad
and I immediately lost it. I mean truly unhinged laughter.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You can't laugh at a toddler ful, I mean the
grave are required to. It is the most insane visual
of all time.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
The kind where you physically can't stop. I had to
bury my face in his chest, pretending to sob because
it was either that or getting excommunicated. This is still,
hands down the funniest thing I have ever witnessed, and
yet no one in the family will speak of it.
It's like it never happened. The now eighteen year old
child blissfully unaware, I think, but part of me wants
(13:15):
to casually ask, hey, ever had any weird childhood dreams
about falling into a void surrounded by folding chairs and
cold finger sandwiches.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Stay sexy and don't fall into graves. See Yeah, good advice.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
A kid, a little toddler, ate it into a fucking
open grave running.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
It's like a prank. It's almost like that when they
put the sticks over the hole in the forest type
of thing. But then also, did they just run and
pull that green blake back up and just like flip
them back out of there real quick? Oh my god. Okay,
that's like that's lifelong trauma. Yeah, it is. Well, I
think you're really gonna enjoy the subject line of this. Okay,
(13:57):
that time I made Guy Fieri apologize? Ready, Yes, and
just for anyone who's first joining us, Georgia has worked
with Guy Fieri. Guy Fieri also lives either in Pedaloma
or very close to Party, So everyone in my town
has a story about how much they absolutely adore Guy Fieri. Yeah,
he is a true hometown hero. So no one's talking
(14:19):
shit about Guy Fieri on this show, but apparently had
something to apologize for him. We will tell those stories,
let's hear it. Hello to my gents, gals and non
binary pals. On a recent episode, you joked about meeting
Guy Fieri, and since you sometimes feature stories of fun
celebrity encounters, I thought i'd share mine. In the summer
of twenty twenty four, I had the honor and privilege
(14:39):
of attending the Paris Olympics. Wow. My in laws are
big donors to the Olympic Foundation, so we all got tickets. Wow.
Is that how you do it?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I guess so, Okay, give a shit ton of money
and then you get an invite.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
That makes sense. Yeah, I'm just buddy up some billionaires.
They're great. Not only that, but we got into the
vip rest areas. As a PubL school teacher, this was
all a little overwhelming. At the rest area for equestrian
jumping was Guy Fieri. Wow. He was just trying to
enjoy his day with his wife, so I really didn't
want to bother him, but I had to try to
(15:11):
get a picture with him for my sister. Just a
month before my sister had attended a bachelorette party where
they all dressed up as Guy Fiera. Oh my god,
that's brilliant. My sister is an emergency room doctor, so
when one of the women passed out from really bad
food poisoning, she took the charge and called the ambulance.
The paramedics came, and my sister attempted to give them
important medical information, but she was still dressed as Guy Fieri,
(15:35):
so they didn't take her seriously. Come on. They got
the sick woman to a hospital and she made a
full recovery. So I approached Guy Fieri and I awkwardly
asked him if I could possibly get a picture with him.
He was incredibly nice and said sure, that's right, that's nice.
That's what we know him to be in Petaluma, California.
I tell him I'm sorry to bother him, but I
had to ask because my sister went to a bachelorette
(15:56):
party where they all dressed up as him. His respond,
I'm so sorry they chose to do that. How weird?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Hey they all dressed as you, yea, sir, Yeah that's right, person, your.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Own very distinct look. Whatever, he says, I'm so sorry,
they chose to do that, I said, they're not. I
of course texted this encounter and the picture to my sister,
who shared it with the bachelorette girls. Apparently it made
their week. I love the guy Fieri is not only
incredibly kind but also use self depreciating humor. He truly
is America's sweetheart. Stay sexy and dress up like Guy Fieri, Katie.
(16:32):
It's so good, so good. It's so good.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
It's like like the group of Santa's like go bar hopping.
It should be a group of Guy Fieri's.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Yeah, I mean like and I love that. It's like
a bunch of women going to party. Yeah, but they're like, here,
here's what we're going to look like tonight. Are we
gonna be wearing sashes and like dildo hats. No, we're
gonna take it into different trac We're doctors. Okay, wow,
Doctor's party.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Like, I'm not going to read you this subject at
my last one, Hi, Karen Georgia and MFM crew. My mom,
being a single parent, often let my sister and I
run wild and play at a little playground across the
street from her work at a nursing home. We'd walk
there after school, and we were either delegated some art
task to occupy our time if the weather was bad,
or if we were good, we could go play outside.
(17:18):
I was in fourth or fifth grade and as the
older sister in charge. We lived in m N at
the time Minnesota, and the snow had finally melted, and
my mom didn't want us distracting her for the last
hour of the day. It was a really warm day, so,
ditching our winter jackets, I proposed to play a game
where we pretended to be leaping horses. I have no
idea why call it an active imagination? So my sister
(17:41):
and I would run two steps and leap, run two
steps and leap, all well nighing like we were majestic
four legged horses.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Let me see it.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I can clearly picture my old white sorrel boots sailing
over grass and puddles. We were almost at the playground
equipment when I happened to glance down as I was leaping.
Right below my stretched out leg was a whole pile
of writhing garter snakes.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
In my child's mind it seemed like hundreds, but in
actuality it was probably only thirty to fifty snakes.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
That's still bad. That's ten times the amount I could handle.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Absolutely I landed on the other side, just barely missing
stepping on the ones at the edge. You know the
feeling when something happens that you just can't quite believe
is true. I remember thinking that why would there be
a bunch of snakes all together in a great, big pile.
I turned around to check, and sure enough it was
not a nightmare, but a group of writhing snakes. I screamed,
(18:39):
grabbed my sister's hand, and booked it back over to
my mom's work at top human speed. For the longest time,
I assumed it was just snake mating season and was
always super careful at the playground for the next year.
But today I looked up some garter snake facts and
I guess in cold weather climates, snakes will hibernate in
dens with up to a couple hundred snakes at a time.
(19:01):
Then they get to the mating business since they are
all conveniently there. Handy if you are a snake, I guess,
terrifying if you are a horse, human child. And then
title of this one is called snake Orgy. Thank you
for keeping me saying on my drive to work, SSTGM
and always wear your boots when leaping around in the springtime, Lindsay.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Lindsay's such good advice. Also, if you're going to act
like a horse, then act like a horse. You would
have seen those snakes from fifteen paces.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
But you would have startled and like jumped and.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Then gone and killed it, like remember in The Black
Stallion when the Black Stallion kills that cobra. Oh, No,
such wonderful film.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Careful, some is your stories of when you were doing
stupid shit as a kid and nature got the better
of you.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I mean, I think we could ask for childhood snake
stories and probably get a ton, definitely, because because you
guys have them. I drove up to the reservoir in Hollywood.
Does not a child story? Huh? You know that road
up there in that parking lot. As I was driving
up that road, a no joke, like a ten foot snake.
I went across the road in front of my car
(20:06):
and I just like it went like that and made
it and then I kept going. But I was like,
how is a snake that big? No?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I don't want that. I don't want that. This is
why I stay at Home.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
It was two thousand and oh okay, one okay.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
So it's probably even bigger now.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's probably it's probably fifty five feet long, and it
lives inside the Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Sign Sendor Shart story at My Favorite Murder at Gmail,
and stay sex and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis, Do
you want to Cookie?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Our senior producers are Alle Hundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Our editor is Aristotle L. S Veda.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Polacci.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
And now you can watch us on exactly Writes YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe. Bye bye
mm hmm
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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