July 14, 2025 • 33 mins
This week’s hometowns include grandma’s ashes and a wedding drama debate for the ages.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the Miniso. That's right,
it's the hometown episode where we reaching your hometowns or
your stories, or your adventures or your grandma's adventures.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Right, you've got stories. They've started in hometowns, they're ending
up in random celebrity stories. I mean, we've now gone
the full gamut of any story you want to tell
us via email.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I'd love to see a master list of just topics
that have been covered. That will be kind of amazing.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Right, there's a.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Challenge, snake pit, sinkholes, treasure and well like it just would.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Be my alcoholic grandma who was nice but also yelled
at me this one time. It's right, yeah, yeah, we
want to hear it.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I want to see it, all right, do I go first? Shut?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
This subject line of this email is hometown stranger, danger
in childhood, fuck politeness. Hi ladies, Year one listener. Love
having your voices in my ear while traveling, and appreciate
y'all using your platform to respond to the ongoing horrors.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
If only we could do more about these ongoings since
twenty sixteen horrors. As a child, I spent a lot
of time at the library and entertaining myself while my
mom ran to Hern's nearby. When I was nine, I
was sitting alone on a couch in the corner of
the library reading when I noticed a man sit down
across from me. As an introvert and an avid reader,
(01:38):
I did not acknowledge his arrival. After a minute, the
man asked what I was reading. I raised the cover
to show him and kept reading. He asked my name,
and the stranger danger alarm went off in my head.
I told him my name was Riley in parentheses, not
my name, and when he asked where I went to
school and where my parents were, I gave fake answers
for those two.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Oh okay.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Wanting to get out of this conversation, I set the
book down and mentioned needing to use the restroom parentheses,
which was around the corner and on the other side
of the library. As I approached the bathroom, I felt
a nott in my stomach. Instead of going into the bathroom,
I ducked into an aisle a little past the entrance
to the women's room and hid behind the opposite end cap.
(02:22):
I could see the bathroom through the gaps in the shelves,
but unless someone was really looking. They could not have
easily seen me.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I'm clenching right now.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Not long after that, I saw him come around the corner,
check to see if anyone was looking, and then walk
into the women's restroom.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
How old was she? Nine?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Nine?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Holy shit?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Upon realizing that it was empty, he ran out, saying
something under his breath and quickly left the library. I
immediately told the staff member what happened, and spent the
rest of the evening talking about books with the staff
until my mom showed up to take me home. Needless
to say, my solo library adventures were paused until I
was old enough to have a cell phone. Stay sexy,
trust your gut, and fund your local library.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Danny amazing. Look for a librarian. That's another great piece
of advice.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Look for a librarian, and also listen to your guts,
in to your gut, what's that weird feeling?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Even if you're wrong, doesn't matter, you move on with
your day.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Because also if in that case, and I mean Danny
the nine year old, wonder yeah, because Danny felt that
feeling in their gut and then just was like, I'm
just going to step over here and not do the
thing expected and see.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
What happened absolutely Jillian's brilliant. My first one is called well,
actually it's similar, classic hometown pervert story. Hello MFM crew,
longtime listener, second time writer. I grew up in the suburbs.
All the fun places to hang out as a kid
slowly started to be replaced by pharmacies and needless retail stores,
(03:50):
leaving few things for teenage me to do. I remember
that my friend got a summer job at the Dollar
Movie Theater, so that became where I spent a lot
of my time.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
But oh, warning, red alert. Why cheap movie theaters are
where some creepy people go to spend their time?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I don't know. We had like our main movie theater
in Woodbridge and Irvine that fell on hard times and
became the Dollar Theater. But it was never like it
was just like second run movies. It wasn't like creepy.
But yes, I read you the title, and so clearly
there's a perpose.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Well, I just think it's just when the entry fee
is so love right, it's kind of like, oh, you
could sit in here for two.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Hours and children might show up. The manager sometimes they
work there, let's call him Dave, was super chill. Near
closing time, employees would sneak their friends in the back.
We'd fill containers we brought from home with as much
popcorn and soda as we could eat and drink. We'd
hang out in the birthday party room playing board games
(04:46):
until all the customers left and all the employees had
clocked out, and then we all watch a movie after hours.
Dave had awesome board games, never seemed to care when
someone smelled like weed or slip some booze into their cup,
or how much popcorn we ate. Made him a cool
adult in our eyes. It was the perfect balance of
wholesome fun and rule breaking. One random day in the summer,
(05:07):
I got a call on myself from from I got
a call on myself from I got a call on
my cell phone from Dave.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
That last time you did it, your face thought you
did it right, like he's sell from.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
From fell from leave all of that in Please. This
was very unusual. Dave only had my number in case
one of my friends didn't answer when I called to
be snuck in the back of the theater. After a
very confused hello, he responded with, I'm sure you've seen
the news by now, so I just wanted to call
and kind of explain the situation a little No, No,
(05:39):
you don't need to do that adult phone to phone teenager. No,
you're only going to make this worse. I told him
I didn't know what he was talking about and immediately
typed his name into Ask Jeeves to figure out what
was going on. That's right, kids, Before Google, we would
ask a fake Internet butler for information.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Jeeves, it's my movie theater manager, a straight up sex criminal.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
As jee Jeeves, are you straight up sex criminal?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Jeeves? Will you print up a list of sex passes
in my area because I have to get a job
by my team.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
As he was rambling on about being super stressed going
through a rough divorce, that doesn't excuse his actions, YadA, YadA, YadA.
I was reading the articles popping up on Ask Jeeves
while he was out for a walk. He decided the
best way to feel like he could gain control of
his life was to expose himself to two young girls
who were walking home from school. I mean, dude. They
(06:38):
reported him to the cops good and he was immediately caught.
Dave sadly murmured that he wasn't going to be around
the movie theater anymore, aka, he was going to jail. Yeah,
my sixteen year old nerd self wasn't socially prepared with
what to do when you realize that a person who
knows you, who has your phone number, and who you
are currently on the phone with, posed himself to children.
(07:02):
So I panicked and went with try to console him
so he doesn't get mad and go crazy on you.
Reaction women, we've all had that reaction before at some point.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Also, you could do that thing or were like sorry,
what wait a second, and then he was hanging out.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah. I told him I just saw the news article
and not to worry and how it wasn't that bad
and Americans are prudes with nudity, but he just paused
and responded with quote, no, it was that bad day.
I know. I felt guilty for a while after that
for encouraging a flasher, but then I remember that I
was sixteen, so I should cut myself some slacks.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yes, Jesus great, Yeah, this was a test. You did
not have to pay totally.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
You were supposed to be learning from this experience, and
you did.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
God damn. At least Dave was there to be like, no.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Don't don't let me off the door. He clearly knew
what he did was fucked up and he was going
to jail. That was the last time I heard of Dave,
and it was the end of the dollar movie theater hangs.
The new manager ran stuff by.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Somehow, they kept going. They were like, call him from jail.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, the new manager ran stuff by the book. But hey,
he didn't flash children. Fuck stay sexy, and don't trust
adults who have teenagers as friends. Such great advice, no name, it,
says she hers.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, it's that and that thing where like when you're
a teen and you're either like you always want candy
or you're like I want a party or whatever, you
have to keep your eyes open for the people who
are facilitating totally. Well, oh, just hang here, spend your
time here. You can be here, chill out here.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Right, Wow, why do you want children around? You're actually
not as cool as you think you are or a
fun hang at all.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
And if you're doing it for good reasons, there will
be an old lady in the front, and there'll be
another lady over here.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Your parents will be invited to to party with your
friend's cool parents and fine coolers. That's my childhood it'll
be fine. Yeah, and turns out cocaine too, Like who
fuck knew the whole time?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I mean, here's the eighties, right, yeah, yeah, God damn, okay.
I just I'm so blown away because it's so in
those stories you're like, Okay, a person does that thing,
and then they're just they must just be without a
moral center.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
And so for this person to basically listen to someone
he pretended to be friends with, make.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Expense fair enough to tell to say that, don't.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Do this for another person, don't do it for me,
don't do it for anybody.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
This is what I loved when I asked for hometowns
at parties or whenever I was out and about. It
was like, what was the thing? Who was the teacher
who turned out to be? What was the Yeah, like
the theater manager. Those are the stories that are like
every fucking town has one of those. I don't care
if you don't think you're into true crime. Every town
has one of those.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
What's your wolf in sheep's clothing? That's a good guys,
that was the real one, not just an example. Please
I can send that in.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Please tell us.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
This email just starts, Karen, I've loved you since mister
showed Georgia. I'm a Georgia. Oh you too love grandma's
and you recently asked for quote, any fucking story, So
here we go.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
But on the list, any fucking story.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Any fucking story, my fierce Italian. This female is wild.
I'll just say that, my fierce Italian American grandma died
in twenty twenty one after a long life of overfeeding
house guests, yelling at her children, and spoiling her grandchildren.
When the pandemics subsided and the family was finally able
to gather for her funeral, we converged on the San
(10:22):
Diego suburbs, the area where she spent most of her life.
After a small but heartfelt memorial service, one of my
aunts instructed everyone to drive to the nearby mall, where
we would honor my grandma's wishes of having her remaining
ashes spread at her favorite department store.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
What I was going to think in the fountain or
something in the Okay, this is amazing.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
She's like, I love Pennies. I want to live there
for ever.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
You can't just sprinkle people, literally, illegal to put cremaines
wherever the fuck you want, not allowed.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Upon arrival, my aunt opened her trunk and pulled out
a solo cup Grandma's cremaine ah waiting to party, and
a bottle of water, which she hastily combined and handed
to my sister, who was instructed to stir. Apparently, my
aunt was worried that the ashes would blow away in
the window.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Oh you made ash mush ash batter, ash batter, Oh
my god.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
She was afraid it would blow away in the way,
So just make it wet yep. So she came prepared,
but to put it lightly, my sister did not appreciate
being assigned this task. Makes a lot of sense well,
but it turns out that when ashes are combined with water,
the result is a concrete like paste. So my sister
had to stir vigorously as we herded our family of
cats over to the sidewalk plantern nearest the mall doors.
(11:46):
She then proceeded to scrape as much of Grandma out
of the cup as possible, dumping her into the dry soil.
We snapped a few family photos, and as soon as
it was over, my sister handed me the cup, still
coated with Grandma's d with grandma slurry. Oh my god,
with a look on her face, telling me this was
my problem now. So I grabbed it, and my mom
(12:07):
and I walked inside the department store in search of
a trash can. We eventually stopped to ask an employee
at the jewelry counter where one was, which prompted her
to kindly offer to throw the cup away for usuck.
I hesitated, but it felt insane to tell her she
couldn't have my trash, so I handed it over. Instead
of just throwing it away, This lovely woman placed the
(12:29):
cup on the jewelry counter and continued chatting with her coworker.
My mom and I walked away, giggling, nervously, feeling guilty
and hoping that the cup eventually made it into the trash,
but also knowing that that's where Grandma would have wanted
it to be. All along on the jewelry counter, listening
to the tea gets filled.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Oh my god, right, so true?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yes, kind of like Fate steps in and does his
part or her part or their part say sexy and
don't mix cremains with water, even if your aunt tells
you to, Becca.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
She that is one of the most bananas I've heard.
You can't. Let's frame that you can't do that. No.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Also, but here's the aunt. What I love about this
is like big family kind of be real. We're all
going to a place. How's this going to get screwed up?
You know whatever? We've all seen cremains blowing in the wind. Yeah,
she's like, that isn't happening to my mother getting blown
all the hell over them?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
And like, no one's like asked her, like is this
a great idea? Everyone knows not to ask her it's
a great idea because Aunt whatever Joan doesn't like.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
To be asked known about her ideas unless you've got
a better idea?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Do you have a better one?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Do you have a better one? And do you also
have a red solo cup? To have that idea happen?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Right? Who's got the kremains?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Then?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
By that is so fucked up. I love it so much.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Trunk the lady selling jewelry. Of course she's the one
handling grandma's body.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Now I'm going to take this solo cup home. I
hate to see it go to waste.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Okay, Now, what's crazy? As I sold this ring and
I forgot to throw this garbage away.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Okay, this one's a little long, but we asked for it.
I'm not going to tell you the name of it. Okay,
imagine me whisper yelling this at you because I fear
for my actual life. But you asked for wedding drama
and petty family feud stories. So gather around, ladies, it's
time to gossip about my big sister settled in. I
(14:27):
will be as vague as possible to maintain plausible deniability,
but I am prepared to go into the witness protection.
At the same time, my older sister got engaged. After
being with her partner for almost ten years, still taking
her sweet time. Towards the end of their roughly two
to three year engagement, Big Sis finally pins down a
wedding date and books a beautiful venue for the following summer. Perfect.
(14:49):
Then my own partner and I got engaged out of college.
Everyone is happy. Love is in the air now. My
partner was and still is active duty military. Very long
story short because it's complicated to explain deployment and training schedules.
He's basically given an ultimatum when it comes to choosing
our wedding date. We had until no later than the
(15:09):
following summer. Like my sister to have a traditional wedding
or delay indefinitely until another window presented itself. So to
take advantage of this rare opportunity that instead allowed us
to plan a whole year in advance, and thinking it
would be really fun to spend so much time with
our families partying all summer, we picked a date about
two months after my sister. Right, seems fair, two months
(15:32):
after her wedding, her big sister's wedding.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I mean, okay, right, I wouldn't use the word fair.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Okay, there's variables that we don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
The big sister got her date out first, the.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Big sister got her date out first, and the little
sister is respecting that and doing it two months later,
two months, not even like in the same month, So it's.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
It doesn't matter, okay, right, but well, let's.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
See my sister. I could see my sister getting pissed
about this. Okay, sure, this gave her as much buffer
space as was possible while still barely meeting our deadline.
That's the thing is she's doing this because they have
like they're not.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
She didn't.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
My whole family was super supportive, and I was genuinely.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Just come down hard on this. On the writer's.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Side, my whole family was super supportive, and I was
genuinely so stoked to share this unique experience with my
big sister. It was an excuse to spend more time
together because we lived in different states and had for
a while.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It sounds to me like she told the family before
she told her sister.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
What she's saying is this is the chance for the
family be together all summer, but also for my sister
and I to bond over wedding planning together.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Of course, but a lot of people don't want to
bond with the second bride on their own wedding.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
No, there's you shouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
But I'm saying, isn't what you just read her basically
saying my whole family was supportive of this, and then
I'm going to tell myself it does?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
It does sound like that that worries me.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Okay, we could share I'm not arguing, I'm I hear
you saying. What I'm scared of.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Is she's last note. We could share Pinterest pages also, like, yeah,
you could have asked me instead of told me, even
if it's not happening. Okay, could share Pinterest pages. Vent
about planning anxieties and build registries together. We have wildly
different tastes and interest so there would be no fighting
over who would get this or that rationalization. It would
be so fun and special.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Right, No, incorrect?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Now this is period period period, wrong period? She period
was period furious. She wanted to be the Now this
is where you're going to turn on her. She wanted
to be the brid of the season. Oh the goddamn
sudden it goes on?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Can I switch back?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I knew you would, right, she wanted to be the
bride of the season. That's it when someone's like, it's
my birthday month, you have to pay for everything. I know.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
But that's the thing is I don't agree with it
or whatever, but this is the world people live in.
So the idea that you thought your sister would love
to share the wedding season with you is crazy.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I don't know, Like, when you're dealing with people who
you just never know what their reaction is going to
be and what it's going to be based on that day,
that minute that when you were ten you did this,
you never know. It's so confusing.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
That's true in general, but I think when it comes
to weddings, it's the same thing, but don't wear a
white dress, don't have the wedding two months after mine,
and basically in just completely hijack all the heat I'm
gonna get. I don't feel that way. I'm just saying I.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Totally hear you, I think and everyone, let us.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Know what a we get to do a fight about
this one?
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Do we get married the same on the same day.
I think a month buffer is enough. Two months is extra.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I don't think how long do you think this season?
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Oh so you do a great there.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I completely think this is to the person so in
the same way that I would never have a birthday
week or month because I'm like, leave me alone. There's
some people who would be like, this will be great,
it will be so fun.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
And there's some.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
People who are like, my day, you know what I mean, Yeah,
and it doesn't make sense to me, but I can see, yeah,
the my day people being like and.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
There was a different way she could do that, have
done this delicately and been like, look, I'm so sorry.
This is the only okay, here we go.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
What is because because this is happening, advice, this is
good advice.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Let's get advice. We can get advice.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
This is great, we'll break your shit apart. But my
thing is this, when you start the storyline of it'll
be so fun, everyone the whole family will love it.
You got to know that. Once you're doing that, pause
it and go why do I have to do this
so hard?
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Right? And also like I don't know how they'll react.
I guess, yeah, I guess. My sister has reacted very
badly just to things that I did not expect, and
I got in big trouble for a thing, and it
was worse because I was so excited about it that
it's just like, oh, this.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Stress will get you. They'll get you. Yeah, okay, it is.
It's well, you know why, that's a person you're supposed
to know the best. Yeah, And so when something like
that happens, then you're just like, wait, what the fuck.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
It's just like the lack of the benefit of the doubt,
you know, or like the lack of even considering the
intentions of this person she's known her whole life. Yeah,
and it being all about being the bride of the
season for two months. It's just like, yeah, bullshit, it is.
Here we go. There's a lot more to talk about.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
You're like, there's four more pages of.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
This and we're gonna do a whole other episode of
Friday episode of advice.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
This is the minisode advice I can get you.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yeah, she wanted to be the bride of the season
and couldn't believe I was trying to be the center
of attention. She screamed and begged and cried to my
parents on multiple occasions to not let me get married
because it wasn't fair. She then tried many many tactics
to directly convince me to not get married, campaigned to
as many relatives as possible, admitted to me that she
(20:37):
did not want to waste the time she had off
from work to go to my wedding after her own,
and ultimately didn't want to be a bridesmaid or even
attend my wedding in the first place. And it says
she was and she did.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
So it's your sister's name at the bottom of this email.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I hope so mine. Oh no, I will say my
sister and I are close friends. Now. She has calmed
the fuck down and we are She is reliable now.
So this is old shit and she would fucking admit
to it one hundred percent. Okay, she thought my parents
favored my fiance over her own because our dad was
also a veteran. She thought we were too young to
get married at all. Stop doing the voice, et cetera,
(21:14):
et cetera.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
It's too much. You're putting too much English on this thing.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
No, I know, but I get it. She then decided
to quote be the bigger person by formally postponing her
wedding while blaming me for being the selfish little sibling
and stealing her light rather than having a okay, the
reality of the situation was that she and her fiance
were completely unwilling to compromise on their guest list that
far exceeded their chosen venues limit. That's the real reason
(21:40):
they moved it. They had no choice but to find
a new venue and therefore a much later date since
venue's book up quickest in the summer.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I'm sorry, though, what that person writing is saying it
has literally nothing to do with the decision she made
the wedding two months after an additionally, like that's rationalization.
I am sorry, I hear, it's like that might have happened.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yes, that might be true. And in addition, I don't
even fucking want it now anyways.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
She has She's basically saying, you're just lumping up on
my thing and it's nuts. But look, I get Yeah,
this is like it's family history. When you have a
person that either does this a lot, you've seen this before,
it's not the first time, then it's like a huge
explosion over something that seems like wait to everyone else, son.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah, therapy. Family therapy is when you're an adult, is
still a thing. Yeah, it's pretty great. She then secretly
eloped before my wedding.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Altogether, she's just like triple birds of the whole family.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
The kicker is that even after she not only got
married first and still had an over the top Kardashian
level destination wedding of her dreams a year later, she
was still so bitter about everything that she didn't speak
to me for almost three years. Yeah, you're gonna hate this.
Stay sexy and stay out of Bridezilla's way a PS.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Sorry, are you Bridezilla right or is your sister right?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I get I'm I'm in the middle now. PS. I
want to shout out all my trans siblings in the
US going through it right now. You exist, you are loved,
you are important. I love you. I love you. I
love you. Wow, that was a lot to unpack.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I mean we thought we wanted like the hot tea goss. Yeah,
but everything has a side, and we see our sides
based on the shit we've been through totally. The xerox
goes like this for you, and you know exactly what
the situation is, and then the xerox goes like this
for me, and I'm like, hmm.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And I just want to convince you of basically my
perspective because it's basically my I'm gonna tell you why
you shouldn't have gotten married two months after me wish
you didn't do.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I mean, but that is it in a nutshell. It's
just do you see my need?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Do you see my need to either have the whole
season locked off? Right? A crazy need? Sure? And also
then it's this thing of like I could only do
it this one day. Yeah, And it's like, then, then
how do you do it so that you can bring
your sister in instead of like it's not that big
of a deal and you're being too blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I'm doing it, I know what I mean. Yeah, It's
like both parties could have worked through that in therapy
and it could have turned out as beautifully as she
wanted it to.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
But if they've never been able to, then they couldn't.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I mean, if it's sister issues and there's kind of
nothing worse than like adult sister issues.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yeah, oh for sure. It's so disappointing. It's like we're
grown up and we're the only people and we can't
fucking yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
It's like will it ever end?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, we're gonna be thet old ladies. And every time
your parents said your only sister.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
It's all my mom, all my mom's screaming.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Up she's your sister, and you're like, you hate your sisters, mom, Yeah,
no she doesn't.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
But also but I do think too. It's like one
of the worst times my sister and I went through
it was when my mom was in like the middle
of Alzheimer's, so everything was like, I think there's extenuating circumstances.
There's obviously, see like you know the family birth order
where it's like.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Totally the old detestations, yes, but then there's heightened emotions.
You didn't live in town, so that was like and
Laura did, right, so like oh yes, yeah, I got
butting of heads.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Oh there was, I mean like issues times a million. Ultimately, grief. Ultimately,
the issue is this can't be happening, right, and it's happening.
It's slow fucking motion.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And you're the only person I can yell out about it. Yeah,
I'm gonna yeah. Fuck. We figured it out.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
We solved it. Very similar. The subject line of this
email is and then in parentheses it says, maybe don't
read this out loud.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Okay, it says hi, y'all. I'm not great at all
the mushy stuff nor writing, so I'll just say I
love you all and everything you do. I was born
in nineteen seventy four in a rural Illinois Yes, Wayne's World,
oh yeah, which is now the second largest city in Illinois.
I wonder if that's because of Wayne's World.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
In the late seventies, we lived in the Business Laverne
and Shirley too. No, they lived in the Walk that's right.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I'm thinking about part in Wayne's World where they go
to Milwaukee. Oh yeah, to see Alice Coopber do all this,
do that?
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Okay, Yeah, it's same universe. Okay, So in the late seventies,
we lived in the best called a sack in the world.
Every house in our little neighborhood had multiple kids from
five to middle school aged probably twenty five of us
total Wow, fucking.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Power going crane and crane incredible, just crane insane and incredible.
That is what I just tried to say. I've had
a lot of caffeine today. Okay.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I would love artwork of like twenty five little kids
holding up the word in crane, like with a street
light on top of them, and there's a crane in
the background, and there's one the twenty fifth child is
swinging on that.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yang and then the actual crane a bird. Yes, just
keep adding yes.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
And trying to think of any other kind of a crane. Crane,
am Fraser crane, crane.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
You did it?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Okay. So we ran completely unsupervised and were mostly feral.
One late spring afternoon when I was five, the older kids,
including my twelve year old sister, dained me cool enough
to accompany them to one of the few undeveloped areas around.
It was a small patch of woods with a creek
running through it, maybe three blocks away. When we arrived,
(27:21):
the other kids kicked off their shoes to wade into
the creek, trying to catch tadpoles and crawdouts. I wandered
farther down the bank, peering into the grass at the
coolest thing I'd ever seen. I quickly formed a plan
and took off running from my house. Once there, I
ran to my room, dumped my pillow out of its case,
and sprinted back. Relieved that everything was as I left it.
I scooped up my treasure and loaded it into my pillowcase.
(27:44):
Oh no, Before I could show anybody what I'd found,
my sister yelled that it was time to go to
my brother's baseball game. We sprinted home, where my mom
was already in the car, yelling at us that we
were late. I crawled into the back, gently cradling my bag.
When we all arrived at the ball field, sprinted to
the full bleachers, climbing under them to further inspect my find.
(28:04):
That's when it occurred to me everyone there needed to
see what I had. I reached into the bag, ran
out from under the bleachers to the front, holding my
arms up in triumph. In my pudgy little hands, I
held maybe twenty baby garter snakes.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Oh my god, it's like Pee Wee's Playhouse or Big Adventure.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Adventures when it comes rescues the snakes from the burning
Oh my god, that's what no, and also babies, baby,
a little kid with baby snakes.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I would think the world is ending the apocalypse.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
H exactly, it's like.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
You baby, exactly, demon child biz Elba is here. Oh
my god. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
I remember a couple grown adults bailing off the sides
of the bleachers. A few screams and at least one
what the fuck? Mostly though, I remember the looks of
anger and embarrassment on my sister and mom's faces, and
my mom whisper yelling at me to get right to
this now. I was completely shocked. Could these people not
(29:07):
see how cool I was?
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Are they supposed to cheer? We are supposed to react,
and never one was supposed to be like, yes, we
love you.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Stay sex toy, and maybe pat down your five year
olds before loading them into the car.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Amanda, Amanda, you are probably a cool adult.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Twenty baby garter snakes in a pillowcase.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And you know she had to use that pillowcase that
night to sleep, you know what I mean? Like back then,
they didn't, I didn't get rid of shit, just.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Smell as she lays there, like maybe this was a
bad idea.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Okay, I have a bad idea one too. That's just
kind of funny, incredible, and I'm not going to read
Is this the last one?
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Finally four hours later, Hello, Narrating Mammals. I grew up
working at a small community pool as a lifeguard and
they never took me off the staff email list. Yeah
you know, like that's just a great start to a story.
It's so good and weird and we know what's happened.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's so specific and it's such a funny,
like I'm going to tell you something about that now.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
And they did. It's normally updates about maintenance.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
I always do.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Should it be like, did you ever get not taken
off an email list and something happened? We'd love to
hear about it?
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Yeah right, yes, yeah, yeah, what were you C seed
on or BC seed on or not BC seed on
that you should have been tell us the story.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
We don't want your job stories, though, we want something weird,
like whatever's about to happen here?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I definitely heard one though, once when this woman realized
that she had been tracking her period in the company
wide calendar. I heard that online. It was like a story,
you know, that's so embarrassing and weird. So something like that.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, God damn, God damn.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
And like written like my period and like color coded
it and shit, or like maybe it was even worse.
Maybe it was ovulating because you're trying to have a baby,
or I don't know, So send us those. Yeah, my
favorite murder of email. Let me finish this for you, Okay.
It's normally updates about maintenance schedules and occasionally a story
about a patron. One day I got this email from
(31:03):
the sixty year old parks and recreation director of the
small town that was supposed to be events.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
The email is titled eating in lifeguard chairs, and he
gets right down to business, telling us that a director
from a neighboring town's pool saw one of our lifeguards
eating spaghetti out of a bowl with his fingers while
sitting atop the lifeguard stand. It's like, Charlie, it's always
sunny in Philadelphia.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
It seems impossible.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Yeah. The director of parks and recreation went on to
explain that pizza, kariaki, chicken bowls and spaghetti are not
acceptable items to eat while lifeguarding, and that the video
he saw when looking back on the security footage was
quote embarrassing. Yeah, public pools have some wacky stories, but
it's not always the patrons. Stay sexy and make sure
you watch your children at the public pool because the
(31:51):
lifeguard isn't Sarah Sarah.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
If I were you and I was on that chain
that I shouldn't be on anymore, I'd be like, are
we allowed to drink boba? Drink?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
How about to start asking about specific thing?
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Delly sandwich is six inch?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Foot long?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
No tomato though? Is that okay?
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Literally, just you just named three things that aren't appropriate.
Is anything else super appropriate?
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But Getty with his fingers on the lifeguard stand in
a bowl? Yeah, and a bowl and a legit bowl?
Not even like yeah, send us your story whatever the
fuck it is about any of this? Do you need advice?
Maybe once an episode we could do an advice question
for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
We used to give advice sometimes so people would ask
us questions.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
You always tell people what to do.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
I mean, we love to but specific yeah, I feel
like specific problems like that. We always were like it
has to be low stakes advice because we didn't want
to ruin anyone's life.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
No, not a low steaks or like what would you
have done? Because it already happened. When you're not like
lasing your life off of our decisions.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Almost like it's a rip off of him, I am
I asshole. Where it's kind of like, here's the thing
was on the side, totally what if we call it?
Pick a side?
Speaker 1 (32:57):
I fucking love it. My Favorite Murder at Gmail. I
am so excited for this. This is like, this is
a whole new I could do ten more years of
this shit. Thanks for listening to you guys so much. Caffine,
stay sexy, I don't get murdered. Go bye bye, Elvis.
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Our senior producers are all Hundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Our editor is Aristotle lace Vedo.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Quilacci.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Com and follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Wherever you get your podcasts, and now you can watch
us on exactly writes YouTube page, and while you're there,
please like and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Good Bye, bye,
Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the Miniso. That's right,
it's the hometown episode where we reaching your hometowns or
your stories, or your adventures or your grandma's adventures.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Right, you've got stories. They've started in hometowns, they're ending
up in random celebrity stories. I mean, we've now gone
the full gamut of any story you want to tell
us via email.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I'd love to see a master list of just topics
that have been covered. That will be kind of amazing.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Right, there's a.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Challenge, snake pit, sinkholes, treasure and well like it just would.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Be my alcoholic grandma who was nice but also yelled
at me this one time. It's right, yeah, yeah, we
want to hear it.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I want to see it, all right, do I go first? Shut?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
This subject line of this email is hometown stranger, danger
in childhood, fuck politeness. Hi ladies, Year one listener. Love
having your voices in my ear while traveling, and appreciate
y'all using your platform to respond to the ongoing horrors.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
If only we could do more about these ongoings since
twenty sixteen horrors. As a child, I spent a lot
of time at the library and entertaining myself while my
mom ran to Hern's nearby. When I was nine, I
was sitting alone on a couch in the corner of
the library reading when I noticed a man sit down
across from me. As an introvert and an avid reader,
(01:38):
I did not acknowledge his arrival. After a minute, the
man asked what I was reading. I raised the cover
to show him and kept reading. He asked my name,
and the stranger danger alarm went off in my head.
I told him my name was Riley in parentheses, not
my name, and when he asked where I went to
school and where my parents were, I gave fake answers
for those two.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Oh okay.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Wanting to get out of this conversation, I set the
book down and mentioned needing to use the restroom parentheses,
which was around the corner and on the other side
of the library. As I approached the bathroom, I felt
a nott in my stomach. Instead of going into the bathroom,
I ducked into an aisle a little past the entrance
to the women's room and hid behind the opposite end cap.
(02:22):
I could see the bathroom through the gaps in the shelves,
but unless someone was really looking. They could not have
easily seen me.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I'm clenching right now.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Not long after that, I saw him come around the corner,
check to see if anyone was looking, and then walk
into the women's restroom.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
How old was she? Nine?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Nine?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Holy shit?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Upon realizing that it was empty, he ran out, saying
something under his breath and quickly left the library. I
immediately told the staff member what happened, and spent the
rest of the evening talking about books with the staff
until my mom showed up to take me home. Needless
to say, my solo library adventures were paused until I
was old enough to have a cell phone. Stay sexy,
trust your gut, and fund your local library.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Danny amazing. Look for a librarian. That's another great piece
of advice.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Look for a librarian, and also listen to your guts,
in to your gut, what's that weird feeling?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Even if you're wrong, doesn't matter, you move on with
your day.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Because also if in that case, and I mean Danny
the nine year old, wonder yeah, because Danny felt that
feeling in their gut and then just was like, I'm
just going to step over here and not do the
thing expected and see.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
What happened absolutely Jillian's brilliant. My first one is called well,
actually it's similar, classic hometown pervert story. Hello MFM crew,
longtime listener, second time writer. I grew up in the suburbs.
All the fun places to hang out as a kid
slowly started to be replaced by pharmacies and needless retail stores,
(03:50):
leaving few things for teenage me to do. I remember
that my friend got a summer job at the Dollar
Movie Theater, so that became where I spent a lot
of my time.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
But oh, warning, red alert. Why cheap movie theaters are
where some creepy people go to spend their time?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I don't know. We had like our main movie theater
in Woodbridge and Irvine that fell on hard times and
became the Dollar Theater. But it was never like it
was just like second run movies. It wasn't like creepy.
But yes, I read you the title, and so clearly
there's a perpose.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Well, I just think it's just when the entry fee
is so love right, it's kind of like, oh, you
could sit in here for two.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Hours and children might show up. The manager sometimes they
work there, let's call him Dave, was super chill. Near
closing time, employees would sneak their friends in the back.
We'd fill containers we brought from home with as much
popcorn and soda as we could eat and drink. We'd
hang out in the birthday party room playing board games
(04:46):
until all the customers left and all the employees had
clocked out, and then we all watch a movie after hours.
Dave had awesome board games, never seemed to care when
someone smelled like weed or slip some booze into their cup,
or how much popcorn we ate. Made him a cool
adult in our eyes. It was the perfect balance of
wholesome fun and rule breaking. One random day in the summer,
(05:07):
I got a call on myself from from I got
a call on myself from I got a call on
my cell phone from Dave.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
That last time you did it, your face thought you
did it right, like he's sell from.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
From fell from leave all of that in Please. This
was very unusual. Dave only had my number in case
one of my friends didn't answer when I called to
be snuck in the back of the theater. After a
very confused hello, he responded with, I'm sure you've seen
the news by now, so I just wanted to call
and kind of explain the situation a little No, No,
(05:39):
you don't need to do that adult phone to phone teenager. No,
you're only going to make this worse. I told him
I didn't know what he was talking about and immediately
typed his name into Ask Jeeves to figure out what
was going on. That's right, kids, Before Google, we would
ask a fake Internet butler for information.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Jeeves, it's my movie theater manager, a straight up sex criminal.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
As jee Jeeves, are you straight up sex criminal?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Jeeves? Will you print up a list of sex passes
in my area because I have to get a job
by my team.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
As he was rambling on about being super stressed going
through a rough divorce, that doesn't excuse his actions, YadA, YadA, YadA.
I was reading the articles popping up on Ask Jeeves
while he was out for a walk. He decided the
best way to feel like he could gain control of
his life was to expose himself to two young girls
who were walking home from school. I mean, dude. They
(06:38):
reported him to the cops good and he was immediately caught.
Dave sadly murmured that he wasn't going to be around
the movie theater anymore, aka, he was going to jail. Yeah,
my sixteen year old nerd self wasn't socially prepared with
what to do when you realize that a person who
knows you, who has your phone number, and who you
are currently on the phone with, posed himself to children.
(07:02):
So I panicked and went with try to console him
so he doesn't get mad and go crazy on you.
Reaction women, we've all had that reaction before at some point.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Also, you could do that thing or were like sorry,
what wait a second, and then he was hanging out.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah. I told him I just saw the news article
and not to worry and how it wasn't that bad
and Americans are prudes with nudity, but he just paused
and responded with quote, no, it was that bad day.
I know. I felt guilty for a while after that
for encouraging a flasher, but then I remember that I
was sixteen, so I should cut myself some slacks.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yes, Jesus great, Yeah, this was a test. You did
not have to pay totally.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
You were supposed to be learning from this experience, and
you did.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
God damn. At least Dave was there to be like, no.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Don't don't let me off the door. He clearly knew
what he did was fucked up and he was going
to jail. That was the last time I heard of Dave,
and it was the end of the dollar movie theater hangs.
The new manager ran stuff by.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Somehow, they kept going. They were like, call him from jail.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yeah, the new manager ran stuff by the book. But hey,
he didn't flash children. Fuck stay sexy, and don't trust
adults who have teenagers as friends. Such great advice, no name, it,
says she hers.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, it's that and that thing where like when you're
a teen and you're either like you always want candy
or you're like I want a party or whatever, you
have to keep your eyes open for the people who
are facilitating totally. Well, oh, just hang here, spend your
time here. You can be here, chill out here.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Right, Wow, why do you want children around? You're actually
not as cool as you think you are or a
fun hang at all.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
And if you're doing it for good reasons, there will
be an old lady in the front, and there'll be
another lady over here.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Your parents will be invited to to party with your
friend's cool parents and fine coolers. That's my childhood it'll
be fine. Yeah, and turns out cocaine too, Like who
fuck knew the whole time?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I mean, here's the eighties, right, yeah, yeah, God damn, okay.
I just I'm so blown away because it's so in
those stories you're like, Okay, a person does that thing,
and then they're just they must just be without a
moral center.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
And so for this person to basically listen to someone
he pretended to be friends with, make.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Expense fair enough to tell to say that, don't.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Do this for another person, don't do it for me,
don't do it for anybody.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
This is what I loved when I asked for hometowns
at parties or whenever I was out and about. It
was like, what was the thing? Who was the teacher
who turned out to be? What was the Yeah, like
the theater manager. Those are the stories that are like
every fucking town has one of those. I don't care
if you don't think you're into true crime. Every town
has one of those.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
What's your wolf in sheep's clothing? That's a good guys,
that was the real one, not just an example. Please
I can send that in.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Please tell us.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
This email just starts, Karen, I've loved you since mister
showed Georgia. I'm a Georgia. Oh you too love grandma's
and you recently asked for quote, any fucking story, So
here we go.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
But on the list, any fucking story.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Any fucking story, my fierce Italian. This female is wild.
I'll just say that, my fierce Italian American grandma died
in twenty twenty one after a long life of overfeeding
house guests, yelling at her children, and spoiling her grandchildren.
When the pandemics subsided and the family was finally able
to gather for her funeral, we converged on the San
(10:22):
Diego suburbs, the area where she spent most of her life.
After a small but heartfelt memorial service, one of my
aunts instructed everyone to drive to the nearby mall, where
we would honor my grandma's wishes of having her remaining
ashes spread at her favorite department store.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
What I was going to think in the fountain or
something in the Okay, this is amazing.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
She's like, I love Pennies. I want to live there
for ever.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
You can't just sprinkle people, literally, illegal to put cremaines
wherever the fuck you want, not allowed.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Upon arrival, my aunt opened her trunk and pulled out
a solo cup Grandma's cremaine ah waiting to party, and
a bottle of water, which she hastily combined and handed
to my sister, who was instructed to stir. Apparently, my
aunt was worried that the ashes would blow away in
the window.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Oh you made ash mush ash batter, ash batter, Oh
my god.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
She was afraid it would blow away in the way,
So just make it wet yep. So she came prepared,
but to put it lightly, my sister did not appreciate
being assigned this task. Makes a lot of sense well,
but it turns out that when ashes are combined with water,
the result is a concrete like paste. So my sister
had to stir vigorously as we herded our family of
cats over to the sidewalk plantern nearest the mall doors.
(11:46):
She then proceeded to scrape as much of Grandma out
of the cup as possible, dumping her into the dry soil.
We snapped a few family photos, and as soon as
it was over, my sister handed me the cup, still
coated with Grandma's d with grandma slurry. Oh my god,
with a look on her face, telling me this was
my problem now. So I grabbed it, and my mom
(12:07):
and I walked inside the department store in search of
a trash can. We eventually stopped to ask an employee
at the jewelry counter where one was, which prompted her
to kindly offer to throw the cup away for usuck.
I hesitated, but it felt insane to tell her she
couldn't have my trash, so I handed it over. Instead
of just throwing it away, This lovely woman placed the
(12:29):
cup on the jewelry counter and continued chatting with her coworker.
My mom and I walked away, giggling, nervously, feeling guilty
and hoping that the cup eventually made it into the trash,
but also knowing that that's where Grandma would have wanted
it to be. All along on the jewelry counter, listening
to the tea gets filled.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Oh my god, right, so true?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yes, kind of like Fate steps in and does his
part or her part or their part say sexy and
don't mix cremains with water, even if your aunt tells
you to, Becca.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
She that is one of the most bananas I've heard.
You can't. Let's frame that you can't do that. No.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Also, but here's the aunt. What I love about this
is like big family kind of be real. We're all
going to a place. How's this going to get screwed up?
You know whatever? We've all seen cremains blowing in the wind. Yeah,
she's like, that isn't happening to my mother getting blown
all the hell over them?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
And like, no one's like asked her, like is this
a great idea? Everyone knows not to ask her it's
a great idea because Aunt whatever Joan doesn't like.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
To be asked known about her ideas unless you've got
a better idea?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Do you have a better one?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Do you have a better one? And do you also
have a red solo cup? To have that idea happen?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Right? Who's got the kremains?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Then?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
By that is so fucked up. I love it so much.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Trunk the lady selling jewelry. Of course she's the one
handling grandma's body.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Now I'm going to take this solo cup home. I
hate to see it go to waste.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Okay, Now, what's crazy? As I sold this ring and
I forgot to throw this garbage away.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Okay, this one's a little long, but we asked for it.
I'm not going to tell you the name of it. Okay,
imagine me whisper yelling this at you because I fear
for my actual life. But you asked for wedding drama
and petty family feud stories. So gather around, ladies, it's
time to gossip about my big sister settled in. I
(14:27):
will be as vague as possible to maintain plausible deniability,
but I am prepared to go into the witness protection.
At the same time, my older sister got engaged. After
being with her partner for almost ten years, still taking
her sweet time. Towards the end of their roughly two
to three year engagement, Big Sis finally pins down a
wedding date and books a beautiful venue for the following summer. Perfect.
(14:49):
Then my own partner and I got engaged out of college.
Everyone is happy. Love is in the air now. My
partner was and still is active duty military. Very long
story short because it's complicated to explain deployment and training schedules.
He's basically given an ultimatum when it comes to choosing
our wedding date. We had until no later than the
(15:09):
following summer. Like my sister to have a traditional wedding
or delay indefinitely until another window presented itself. So to
take advantage of this rare opportunity that instead allowed us
to plan a whole year in advance, and thinking it
would be really fun to spend so much time with
our families partying all summer, we picked a date about
two months after my sister. Right, seems fair, two months
(15:32):
after her wedding, her big sister's wedding.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
I mean, okay, right, I wouldn't use the word fair.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Okay, there's variables that we don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
The big sister got her date out first, the.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Big sister got her date out first, and the little
sister is respecting that and doing it two months later,
two months, not even like in the same month, So it's.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
It doesn't matter, okay, right, but well, let's.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
See my sister. I could see my sister getting pissed
about this. Okay, sure, this gave her as much buffer
space as was possible while still barely meeting our deadline.
That's the thing is she's doing this because they have
like they're not.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
She didn't.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
My whole family was super supportive, and I was genuinely.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Just come down hard on this. On the writer's.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Side, my whole family was super supportive, and I was
genuinely so stoked to share this unique experience with my
big sister. It was an excuse to spend more time
together because we lived in different states and had for
a while.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It sounds to me like she told the family before
she told her sister.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
What she's saying is this is the chance for the
family be together all summer, but also for my sister
and I to bond over wedding planning together.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Of course, but a lot of people don't want to
bond with the second bride on their own wedding.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
No, there's you shouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
But I'm saying, isn't what you just read her basically
saying my whole family was supportive of this, and then
I'm going to tell myself it does?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
It does sound like that that worries me.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Okay, we could share I'm not arguing, I'm I hear
you saying. What I'm scared of.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Is she's last note. We could share Pinterest pages also, like, yeah,
you could have asked me instead of told me, even
if it's not happening. Okay, could share Pinterest pages. Vent
about planning anxieties and build registries together. We have wildly
different tastes and interest so there would be no fighting
over who would get this or that rationalization. It would
be so fun and special.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Right, No, incorrect?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Now this is period period period, wrong period? She period
was period furious. She wanted to be the Now this
is where you're going to turn on her. She wanted
to be the brid of the season. Oh the goddamn
sudden it goes on?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Can I switch back?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I knew you would, right, she wanted to be the
bride of the season. That's it when someone's like, it's
my birthday month, you have to pay for everything. I know.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
But that's the thing is I don't agree with it
or whatever, but this is the world people live in.
So the idea that you thought your sister would love
to share the wedding season with you is crazy.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I don't know, Like, when you're dealing with people who
you just never know what their reaction is going to
be and what it's going to be based on that day,
that minute that when you were ten you did this,
you never know. It's so confusing.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
That's true in general, but I think when it comes
to weddings, it's the same thing, but don't wear a
white dress, don't have the wedding two months after mine,
and basically in just completely hijack all the heat I'm
gonna get. I don't feel that way. I'm just saying I.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Totally hear you, I think and everyone, let us.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Know what a we get to do a fight about
this one?
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Do we get married the same on the same day.
I think a month buffer is enough. Two months is extra.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
I don't think how long do you think this season?
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Oh so you do a great there.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I completely think this is to the person so in
the same way that I would never have a birthday
week or month because I'm like, leave me alone. There's
some people who would be like, this will be great,
it will be so fun.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
And there's some.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
People who are like, my day, you know what I mean, Yeah,
and it doesn't make sense to me, but I can see, yeah,
the my day people being like and.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
There was a different way she could do that, have
done this delicately and been like, look, I'm so sorry.
This is the only okay, here we go.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
What is because because this is happening, advice, this is
good advice.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Let's get advice. We can get advice.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
This is great, we'll break your shit apart. But my
thing is this, when you start the storyline of it'll
be so fun, everyone the whole family will love it.
You got to know that. Once you're doing that, pause
it and go why do I have to do this
so hard?
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Right? And also like I don't know how they'll react.
I guess, yeah, I guess. My sister has reacted very
badly just to things that I did not expect, and
I got in big trouble for a thing, and it
was worse because I was so excited about it that
it's just like, oh, this.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Stress will get you. They'll get you. Yeah, okay, it is.
It's well, you know why, that's a person you're supposed
to know the best. Yeah, And so when something like
that happens, then you're just like, wait, what the fuck.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
It's just like the lack of the benefit of the doubt,
you know, or like the lack of even considering the
intentions of this person she's known her whole life. Yeah,
and it being all about being the bride of the
season for two months. It's just like, yeah, bullshit, it is.
Here we go. There's a lot more to talk about.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
You're like, there's four more pages of.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
This and we're gonna do a whole other episode of
Friday episode of advice.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
This is the minisode advice I can get you.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yeah, she wanted to be the bride of the season
and couldn't believe I was trying to be the center
of attention. She screamed and begged and cried to my
parents on multiple occasions to not let me get married
because it wasn't fair. She then tried many many tactics
to directly convince me to not get married, campaigned to
as many relatives as possible, admitted to me that she
(20:37):
did not want to waste the time she had off
from work to go to my wedding after her own,
and ultimately didn't want to be a bridesmaid or even
attend my wedding in the first place. And it says
she was and she did.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
So it's your sister's name at the bottom of this email.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I hope so mine. Oh no, I will say my
sister and I are close friends. Now. She has calmed
the fuck down and we are She is reliable now.
So this is old shit and she would fucking admit
to it one hundred percent. Okay, she thought my parents
favored my fiance over her own because our dad was
also a veteran. She thought we were too young to
get married at all. Stop doing the voice, et cetera,
(21:14):
et cetera.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
It's too much. You're putting too much English on this thing.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
No, I know, but I get it. She then decided
to quote be the bigger person by formally postponing her
wedding while blaming me for being the selfish little sibling
and stealing her light rather than having a okay, the
reality of the situation was that she and her fiance
were completely unwilling to compromise on their guest list that
far exceeded their chosen venues limit. That's the real reason
(21:40):
they moved it. They had no choice but to find
a new venue and therefore a much later date since
venue's book up quickest in the summer.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I'm sorry, though, what that person writing is saying it
has literally nothing to do with the decision she made
the wedding two months after an additionally, like that's rationalization.
I am sorry, I hear, it's like that might have happened.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yes, that might be true. And in addition, I don't
even fucking want it now anyways.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
She has She's basically saying, you're just lumping up on
my thing and it's nuts. But look, I get Yeah,
this is like it's family history. When you have a
person that either does this a lot, you've seen this before,
it's not the first time, then it's like a huge
explosion over something that seems like wait to everyone else, son.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah, therapy. Family therapy is when you're an adult, is
still a thing. Yeah, it's pretty great. She then secretly
eloped before my wedding.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Altogether, she's just like triple birds of the whole family.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
The kicker is that even after she not only got
married first and still had an over the top Kardashian
level destination wedding of her dreams a year later, she
was still so bitter about everything that she didn't speak
to me for almost three years. Yeah, you're gonna hate this.
Stay sexy and stay out of Bridezilla's way a PS.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Sorry, are you Bridezilla right or is your sister right?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I get I'm I'm in the middle now. PS. I
want to shout out all my trans siblings in the
US going through it right now. You exist, you are loved,
you are important. I love you. I love you. I
love you. Wow, that was a lot to unpack.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I mean we thought we wanted like the hot tea goss. Yeah,
but everything has a side, and we see our sides
based on the shit we've been through totally. The xerox
goes like this for you, and you know exactly what
the situation is, and then the xerox goes like this
for me, and I'm like, hmm.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And I just want to convince you of basically my
perspective because it's basically my I'm gonna tell you why
you shouldn't have gotten married two months after me wish
you didn't do.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I mean, but that is it in a nutshell. It's
just do you see my need?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Do you see my need to either have the whole
season locked off? Right? A crazy need? Sure? And also
then it's this thing of like I could only do
it this one day. Yeah, And it's like, then, then
how do you do it so that you can bring
your sister in instead of like it's not that big
of a deal and you're being too blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I'm doing it, I know what I mean. Yeah, It's
like both parties could have worked through that in therapy
and it could have turned out as beautifully as she
wanted it to.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
But if they've never been able to, then they couldn't.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I mean, if it's sister issues and there's kind of
nothing worse than like adult sister issues.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yeah, oh for sure. It's so disappointing. It's like we're
grown up and we're the only people and we can't
fucking yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
It's like will it ever end?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, we're gonna be thet old ladies. And every time
your parents said your only sister.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
It's all my mom, all my mom's screaming.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Up she's your sister, and you're like, you hate your sisters, mom, Yeah,
no she doesn't.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
But also but I do think too. It's like one
of the worst times my sister and I went through
it was when my mom was in like the middle
of Alzheimer's, so everything was like, I think there's extenuating circumstances.
There's obviously, see like you know the family birth order
where it's like.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Totally the old detestations, yes, but then there's heightened emotions.
You didn't live in town, so that was like and
Laura did, right, so like oh yes, yeah, I got
butting of heads.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Oh there was, I mean like issues times a million. Ultimately, grief. Ultimately,
the issue is this can't be happening, right, and it's happening.
It's slow fucking motion.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And you're the only person I can yell out about it. Yeah,
I'm gonna yeah. Fuck. We figured it out.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
We solved it. Very similar. The subject line of this
email is and then in parentheses it says, maybe don't
read this out loud.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Okay, it says hi, y'all. I'm not great at all
the mushy stuff nor writing, so I'll just say I
love you all and everything you do. I was born
in nineteen seventy four in a rural Illinois Yes, Wayne's World,
oh yeah, which is now the second largest city in Illinois.
I wonder if that's because of Wayne's World.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
In the late seventies, we lived in the Business Laverne
and Shirley too. No, they lived in the Walk that's right.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I'm thinking about part in Wayne's World where they go
to Milwaukee. Oh yeah, to see Alice Coopber do all this,
do that?
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Okay, Yeah, it's same universe. Okay, So in the late seventies,
we lived in the best called a sack in the world.
Every house in our little neighborhood had multiple kids from
five to middle school aged probably twenty five of us
total Wow, fucking.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Power going crane and crane incredible, just crane insane and incredible.
That is what I just tried to say. I've had
a lot of caffeine today. Okay.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I would love artwork of like twenty five little kids
holding up the word in crane, like with a street
light on top of them, and there's a crane in
the background, and there's one the twenty fifth child is
swinging on that.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yang and then the actual crane a bird. Yes, just
keep adding yes.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
And trying to think of any other kind of a crane. Crane,
am Fraser crane, crane.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
You did it?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Okay. So we ran completely unsupervised and were mostly feral.
One late spring afternoon when I was five, the older kids,
including my twelve year old sister, dained me cool enough
to accompany them to one of the few undeveloped areas around.
It was a small patch of woods with a creek
running through it, maybe three blocks away. When we arrived,
(27:21):
the other kids kicked off their shoes to wade into
the creek, trying to catch tadpoles and crawdouts. I wandered
farther down the bank, peering into the grass at the
coolest thing I'd ever seen. I quickly formed a plan
and took off running from my house. Once there, I
ran to my room, dumped my pillow out of its case,
and sprinted back. Relieved that everything was as I left it.
I scooped up my treasure and loaded it into my pillowcase.
(27:44):
Oh no, Before I could show anybody what I'd found,
my sister yelled that it was time to go to
my brother's baseball game. We sprinted home, where my mom
was already in the car, yelling at us that we
were late. I crawled into the back, gently cradling my bag.
When we all arrived at the ball field, sprinted to
the full bleachers, climbing under them to further inspect my find.
(28:04):
That's when it occurred to me everyone there needed to
see what I had. I reached into the bag, ran
out from under the bleachers to the front, holding my
arms up in triumph. In my pudgy little hands, I
held maybe twenty baby garter snakes.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Oh my god, it's like Pee Wee's Playhouse or Big Adventure.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Adventures when it comes rescues the snakes from the burning
Oh my god, that's what no, and also babies, baby,
a little kid with baby snakes.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I would think the world is ending the apocalypse.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
H exactly, it's like.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
You baby, exactly, demon child biz Elba is here. Oh
my god. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
I remember a couple grown adults bailing off the sides
of the bleachers. A few screams and at least one
what the fuck? Mostly though, I remember the looks of
anger and embarrassment on my sister and mom's faces, and
my mom whisper yelling at me to get right to
this now. I was completely shocked. Could these people not
(29:07):
see how cool I was?
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Are they supposed to cheer? We are supposed to react,
and never one was supposed to be like, yes, we
love you.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Stay sex toy, and maybe pat down your five year
olds before loading them into the car.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Amanda, Amanda, you are probably a cool adult.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Twenty baby garter snakes in a pillowcase.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And you know she had to use that pillowcase that
night to sleep, you know what I mean? Like back then,
they didn't, I didn't get rid of shit, just.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Smell as she lays there, like maybe this was a
bad idea.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Okay, I have a bad idea one too. That's just
kind of funny, incredible, and I'm not going to read
Is this the last one?
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Finally four hours later, Hello, Narrating Mammals. I grew up
working at a small community pool as a lifeguard and
they never took me off the staff email list. Yeah
you know, like that's just a great start to a story.
It's so good and weird and we know what's happened.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's so specific and it's such a funny,
like I'm going to tell you something about that now.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
And they did. It's normally updates about maintenance.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
I always do.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Should it be like, did you ever get not taken
off an email list and something happened? We'd love to
hear about it?
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Yeah right, yes, yeah, yeah, what were you C seed
on or BC seed on or not BC seed on
that you should have been tell us the story.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
We don't want your job stories, though, we want something weird,
like whatever's about to happen here?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I definitely heard one though, once when this woman realized
that she had been tracking her period in the company
wide calendar. I heard that online. It was like a story,
you know, that's so embarrassing and weird. So something like that.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, God damn, God damn.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
And like written like my period and like color coded
it and shit, or like maybe it was even worse.
Maybe it was ovulating because you're trying to have a baby,
or I don't know, So send us those. Yeah, my
favorite murder of email. Let me finish this for you, Okay.
It's normally updates about maintenance schedules and occasionally a story
about a patron. One day I got this email from
(31:03):
the sixty year old parks and recreation director of the
small town that was supposed to be events.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
The email is titled eating in lifeguard chairs, and he
gets right down to business, telling us that a director
from a neighboring town's pool saw one of our lifeguards
eating spaghetti out of a bowl with his fingers while
sitting atop the lifeguard stand. It's like, Charlie, it's always
sunny in Philadelphia.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
It seems impossible.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Yeah. The director of parks and recreation went on to
explain that pizza, kariaki, chicken bowls and spaghetti are not
acceptable items to eat while lifeguarding, and that the video
he saw when looking back on the security footage was
quote embarrassing. Yeah, public pools have some wacky stories, but
it's not always the patrons. Stay sexy and make sure
you watch your children at the public pool because the
(31:51):
lifeguard isn't Sarah Sarah.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
If I were you and I was on that chain
that I shouldn't be on anymore, I'd be like, are
we allowed to drink boba? Drink?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
How about to start asking about specific thing?
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Delly sandwich is six inch?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Foot long?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
No tomato though? Is that okay?
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Literally, just you just named three things that aren't appropriate.
Is anything else super appropriate?
Speaker 1 (32:15):
But Getty with his fingers on the lifeguard stand in
a bowl? Yeah, and a bowl and a legit bowl?
Not even like yeah, send us your story whatever the
fuck it is about any of this? Do you need advice?
Maybe once an episode we could do an advice question
for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
We used to give advice sometimes so people would ask
us questions.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
You always tell people what to do.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
I mean, we love to but specific yeah, I feel
like specific problems like that. We always were like it
has to be low stakes advice because we didn't want
to ruin anyone's life.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
No, not a low steaks or like what would you
have done? Because it already happened. When you're not like
lasing your life off of our decisions.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Almost like it's a rip off of him, I am
I asshole. Where it's kind of like, here's the thing
was on the side, totally what if we call it?
Pick a side?
Speaker 1 (32:57):
I fucking love it. My Favorite Murder at Gmail. I
am so excited for this. This is like, this is
a whole new I could do ten more years of
this shit. Thanks for listening to you guys so much. Caffine,
stay sexy, I don't get murdered. Go bye bye, Elvis.
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 2 (33:21):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Our senior producers are all Hundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Our editor is Aristotle lace Vedo.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Quilacci.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Com and follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Wherever you get your podcasts, and now you can watch
us on exactly writes YouTube page, and while you're there,
please like and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Good Bye, bye,
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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