August 25, 2025 • 26 mins
This week’s hometowns include a trash uncle robbery and a Colin Farrell spotting.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Love, hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
There you go emails for you, bye you bye bye.
You go first. I demand you go first. I shall
all your paperwork.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
The subject line of this email is hometown the trash
adult who took me on a drug run.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
You know I'm gonna pick one of those. Of course,
these are my people. Hi, Karen and Georgia. I'm Lithuanian,
so I don't know how to say all these sweet
things people usually write at the beginning of these email
but just know I love you both loads.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And now let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Lithuanian.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I know, right, because I've got a prime trash adult
story for you.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
So period.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Picture six year old me, six out of my tiny
mind in the dead heat of a small Lithuanian village summer.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
You've been there a.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Thousand times before, picturing it. No friends around, no TV,
no entertainment except for the occasional chicken.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I'm just chilling in the dust on the side of
the road like a little feral villager when along comes her,
our neighborhood's very own spiritual healer slash drug dealer slash
disaster on two legs. She was known for selling quote
unquote natural medicine, which is adorable because in hindsight, I'm
ninety nine percent sure she was slinging low grade narcotics.
(01:38):
She tells me she's heading to the far side of
the village to do some business and asks if I
want to come with her all caps, and I said yes, Helliah,
because of course I did. What else was I doing?
I had no sense of danger and way too much
free time. So off I go, six year old assistant
to a probable drug mule, skipping through the village like
we're in a whimsical Eastern European comedy. Hours pass, she
(02:01):
does her house calls, and I assist her as the
unpaid intern. I provide I don't know, vibes, maybe an alibi.
And then just as we're finally heading back, I hear it,
my name screamed.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
From every direction.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Oh no, like a haunted megaphone. And that's when I
knew I had fucked up. Turns out I had been
gone long enough for my grandma to declare a full
blown Code red. But did anyone call the police? Of
course not, that would have been.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Too logical snitching. No one snitches, no way.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Instead, the entire able bodied male population of the village
was mobilized. Forests were scoured, lakes were dove into men
and this is on all caps. Men actually dove into
the water looking for.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
My tiny drowned body.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Then it says fun side note, I was the kind
of six year old who was allowed to go swimming alone.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
So like fair, it says.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
By the time I casually strolled home, my grandma was
halfway through a heart attack. They called an ambulance, but
still not the police. So she literally was halfway through
a heart attack.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Oh oh, literally, they called an ambulance for the grandma.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
For the grandma, but they didn't call it please. My
mom was on the verge of an emotional implosion, and
the lake divers returned looking like war survivors. I fully
expected to be grounded until I turned thirty. My mother, Oh,
she handled it with grace, which is to say she
tried to rip out the trash adult's hair with her
bare hands while screaming so loudly. I'm pretty sure the
(03:31):
storks migrated early that year. Honestly iconic.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Holy shit.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Meanwhile, I plopped myself on the couch and was handed dessert. Yes,
because they thought she was gone. Yeah, because apparently when
a child disappears for hours with a stranger, the appropriate
reward is putting. And the best part, I didn't learn
my lesson, not even a little. Two weeks later, all caps,
same woman, same scenario, same kid, me, and this time
(03:59):
she didn't even bother tending to ask permission. She just
took me under her arm and off we went on
another totally illegal adventure.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Oh, she had.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
The perfect cover a six year old. Yeah, she just
looks like a kindly aunt.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I'm an anti Yeah, not a drug.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Meal, stay sexy, and seriously, don't take someone else's kid
on your rural drug errands. Laura from Lithuania, where the
police don't get called when a child vanishes for hours,
but a mob of men will absolutely dive into freezing
lakes without hesitation.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
What a perfect picture of a time and place, Laura.
You did. That was excellent.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It's everything we need to know about Lithuania everything.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
You don't call the cops. Men will do what it takes.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
And it reminds me like when you were little and
you did something all the time and then one time
you did it and it wasn't okay. Yes, and then
you got in trouble for it. But I had never
not been okay for you to stay out late or
to do any like to play with this or that.
And then suddenly your mom decides that you're not supposed
to do that and you're in trouble.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, there's a rule that you were not told that
somehow comes up and it's like, oh, we weren't paying
attention before.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
They have been doing this the whole time.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
This is what my anxiety is based on, is that
I'm going to get in trouble for doing something I
didn't know I wasn't supposed to.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah that sticks.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, okay. My trash uncle story two to three minute read.
Thank you, hey friends, longtime listener, and have wanted to
send this story in for a long while now and
finally got the guts to do it. So let's get started.
Long story short, my uncle ended up being a part
of a bank robbery. Hey, it's a long story short.
He and a few other guys robbed a CCU bank
(05:29):
and thought they could get away with it. Spoiler alert.
They ended up getting caught. But let me tell you
how my uncle got caught. So me five years old
at the time, My mom, dad, and uncle were actually
on the way to turn him in a decision he made,
but ended up stopping at Walmart to get him some
clothes for whenever he got out of prison.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I don't know, that seems like you're doing it on purpose.
He's like, can I just get a couple things really quick?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I have a few years to pick something. Probably, Yeah,
you know. Now this was years ago when Walmart still
had banks in them. Oh, the security guard at the
bank recognized my uncle immediately because this picture got sent
to every bank in the area. And before the guard
could tackle him or confront him, my uncle grabbed me
and held me as we walked out so the guard
wouldn't touch him.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yes, my uncle used me as a shield when I
was all caps five human shield, five year old. This
is the aunt and uncle episode. Once we got in
the car, we were heading to turn my uncle in,
but since the security guard saw him, he notified the
police and next thing I know, we're getting pulled over
by at least ten cops.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Now, me being five years old, you know that security
guard was like so stoked to be the hero of
the day, so boring his job, and then salmart suddenly
he's like a fucking bank robber. I have this to
give now. Meeting five years old, I thought that any
of the times I would misbehave or would hit my
older sister meant I was in big trouble. Because when
the cop came up and stuck a gun into the
front passenger side window, yelling everyone, put your hands in
(06:56):
the air, my hands immediately went up, terrified that I
was going to jail.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
These little hands in the back kind of.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Sliding up, tiny little Oh this is it. I knew
it was coming.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
I shouldn't have found a human shield that way.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I shouldn't hit my sister. She deserved it. I immediately started
crying while watching my uncle get yanked out of the
car and onto the ground, and for some reason, they
did the same to my dad. Yeah that makes sense. Yeah.
I was just sitting in the back with my hands up,
regretting all the times I didn't listen to my mom
and scared that the cops were there to take me
to jail.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
The idea that they're just like gun in the car
scream whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah. I don't remember much after that. But I do
remember my mom getting me into the back of a
police car trying to calm me down, and then the
cop coming up and apologizing to me.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
You're better.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
My uncle did go to jail and has served sixteen years. Wow,
that Walmart run could have waited.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I mean, also, just the big bank, the idea of
a bank robbery.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
It never works out.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
It's never going on worlds, never scheduled to be released
any day now, wish me luck, smiley face. Also fun
fact this bank robbery is known as the first one
to occur in my hometown. Wow, hope you all enjoyed
this and got a good laugh at some of my trauma.
Stay sexy and maybe don't use a five year old
as protection.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah, Haley, Haley, we respect your trauma. Yeah, it's like
TV movie of the week trauma. And the fact that
you shared it with us means I think that it
might be a lowercase T trauma for you at this point.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Maybe, oh yeah, because you're able to process it. Don't
share your uppercase T trauma until it's lowercase to T trauma.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I mean just that it feels like as awful as
that would be a great story.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Maybe she can laugh at it now.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, we definitely can, so we don't want to if
we shouldn't.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
So insane.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Also, just if you're going to go drop someone off
at prison, maybe get a baby, get a babysitter, get
a babysit.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I'm not going to read you the subject line of this.
It says, Hi, Karen and Georgia. I've been listening to
you guys since twenty eighteen. I was sixteen. Oh my god,
Welcome sophomores. Welcome always. When my sister introduced me to
you as a repayment, I got her tickets to the
MFM Live Tour in.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Austin this September.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yes, you guys are great and can always keep me
entertained when driving or folding laundry.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Hey, Hey, that's us baby.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Hey. Anyway, let's get into my hometown's pedophile story. I
attended Lake Travis High School, which is about a thirty
minute drive from downtown Austin, Texas. This meant our school
was very large. I'm talking about each graduating class of
eight to nine hundred people per year.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Wow, that's wild.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
When I was a freshman around fifteen years old, my
friends and I would sneak out and get into the
normal teenage trouble drinking, smoking, vaping.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Alcohol is hard to get as a.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Fifteen year old, obviously, so when a man who was
around thirty years old started adding us kids on Snapchat
under the name The Latter and selling bottles of alcohol
to be delivered, we were a static.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Oh my, this is what every parent warns every kid about,
and they don't listen.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
No, because as a teen, who's like, I just want
to party and I'm invincible and I don't know what
the fuck is going on in the world, yes, or
what the possibilities are.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
God's like, the latter wants to help us.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
The Latter would charge outrageous prices for handles of alcohol,
of course, the cheapest stuff he could find, and jewels,
the vape pens but uh name checking a vapin. But
as kids didn't care, we would all sneak out to
a friend's house whose parents were chill and text the
latter what we wanted for the night.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
He would then drive to our address, which we gave
him without a second thought, of course, and trade the
cash for the goods. He got to know my friend
group so well he would even give us free fast
food regularly.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
This man would drive around at night and give alcohol
and vapes to hundreds of high schoolers. Holiou And since
everyone used him, we didn't see the harm. That wasn't
until one afternoon when my friend and I were in
school like normal, and we got a text that the
latter lotr I guess like parking lot I don't know. Yeah,
the latter was arrested. Everyone who used him freaked out
(11:10):
and deleted his contact, hoping the cops didn't see any
of our information on his phone. We all thought he'd
been caught for selling illegal products to underage miners.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
A few weeks later we see a news article about
the Lotter's arrest, and it turns out that he was
exchanging alcohol and vapes for sexual favors from fifteen year
ol boys and sending slash asking for sexual pictures. His
case ended up being investigated by the FBI, and in
twenty twenty one, he received sixty years in prison for
sexual exploitation of a child, followed by ten years of
(11:42):
supervised release, and he was also ordered to pay restitution
to his victims. I am now twenty two and my friends,
and I occasionally recall how stupid we were to trust
a random man who sells things to kids. Sorry, mom,
that's stranger danger one oh one. I mean you couldn't
get more on the nose.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Really if she hadn't started listening to my favorite murder yet,
because oh, we weren't doing our job. If she was
doing that, I mean, yeah, that's her team.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
We let her down.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
If she thought that that was okay, yeah, yeah, hopefully
when she logged on and then was like, oh, they're
yelling at me.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
What's this?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
What's this?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
I shouldn't follow a strange man around a parking lot,
Oh god, And then it just says, can't wait to
see you guys in September. Stay sexy and don't buy
alcohol from strangers. Lily, Hey, Lily, that's how bars work,
so you'd better figure something else out.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Every time we hear those stories, just my youth, my
adolescence just flashes through my mind and I'm just can't
believe I'm here. I know, I'm so happy about it.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I've told you this story, but like, we found a
guy in the Golden Eagle shopping Center parking lot, and
kids from the other high school like were walking away
and they're like, hey, those guys will buy up for you.
And we walk up to the It was a station
wagon that was like it looked like all the tires
were flat, so it was way close to the ground. Yeah,
and it was two guys that looked like they were
(12:59):
from scumbag Central Casting and they were just like, yo,
what do you want? And we're like, can we get
this job? They were a life cool. It was like
we were doing very specific orders and they just drove
away with our money.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah, that same thing happened. He's like, Okay, we're gonna
put the bag next to the car and we're gonna
drive away, so that don't go to the bag and
tell me drive away, so like in case anyone's watching,
puts the bag down, drives away, And then I watched
my friend walk up and kick the empty bag and
anger still it like beer funds. Speed all got on
beer Funds two hundreds of dollars.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Oh my god, I mean okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Buried Bones helped me find proof of my dad's lore. Oh,
Buried Bones a podcast on the Exactly Right Network.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
That's right, Quarles and Kate Winkler Dawson.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
That's right. Oh, hey, all of our dads have told
us when we were little that if they told us something,
they would have to kill us, right, show that old joke. No,
just me and my sisters. Well, from a young age,
we all knew my dad, Ronald had been in the army,
but definitely was not anymore. When we would ask what
he did in the army, he would always tell us
if I told you, I would have to kill you.
(13:58):
Of course, as little kids, we thought it was hilarious.
When we got older, he finally told us what really happened.
Picture it. It's Chicago, nineteen sixty eight and the Democratic
Party convention is causing a lot of chaos in the city.
There were rallies and riots and a lot happening outside
the convention that had been well documented over the years.
It's a famous event. My dad, though, he was involved
(14:18):
with monitoring what was happening inside the convention and the like.
You may be asking yourself why that's a big deal. Well,
the Army Security Agency was tapping the phones of delegates, candidates,
and others in the streets, listening in for any information
they could about plans for rioting, clandestine connections with communist
affiliated groups, etc. They would have vans driving around the
(14:40):
city a lot of times in areas that was pretty
much off limits to the military that were decked out
with radio receivers that monitored police radio, telephone communications, and
shortwave radio transmissions.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I mean, it kind of sounds like a paranoid conspiracy theory,
but it's likely are being monitored at all times.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, it's true. They were operating without the knowledge or
assistance of the Chicago Police, FBI, or other law enforcement
intelligence agencies. Just the Army going solo.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Rogue finding out some stuff they need to find out.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I guess. So all of this information came in but
never went back out. If it had, they would have
needed to answer questions on how they got that information.
And what they were doing was definitely bordering on going
against the constitution.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Hmm, sounds familiar.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I think you could border going against the constitution, goes
right up against it. My dad voiced his concerns about
this and other things he was privy to while working
in Army intelligence to his superiors and was basically told
to sit down and shut up. That didn't sit right
with my dad, so he went a wall to Canada,
Oh Toronto, specifically, that's where he gave a series of
(15:42):
interviews to the Toronto Star. It was supposed to be
four different installments, but only one ever got printed. Over
the years, it's been brought up here and there, But
two years ago I really started looking in earnest for
this article that I knew would be hard to find.
It also didn't help that my dad couldn't remember the
exact year it came out and says nineteen seventy, or
even the exact newspaper it was in dad's dad's This
(16:04):
is where Buried Bones enters the chat. Back in June,
on my way to work, I was listening to an
episode and I heard Kate talking about how she loved
to use newspapers dot com to help with her historical research.
Cut to me signing up for the seven day free
trial and searching my father's name and newspapers in Canada,
and it popped right up. I took a screenshot of
it and sent it to my dad. This was his response, quote,
(16:25):
the ghosts of the past comeback. What happened next killed
the series. The government contacted the owners of the Toronto
Star and threatened them if they didn't kill the stories
by the third edition of the Sunday paper. It was
off the front page and disappeared. Your dad really tried
to do something, but it wasn't until Edward Snowden many
years later that got the job done.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
The only good thing that came out of it was
when I did return. They were afraid to make a
big deal of it, and I ended up with a
relatively easy sentence end quote.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
WHOA.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
For Father's Day this year, I had the images of
the article blown up to post herself and framed for him.
And now they hang in the only place in the
house where they would fit, the rumpest type of room
in the basement where he spends a good amount of
his time. This thing holds a lot of meaning to
him because he felt like he was doing something good
and he was just a race from history. This is
just one part of my dad's lore that would make
a really interesting autobiography. We keep telling him he has
(17:18):
to write. I know this is long, but thanks to
whoever over there that took the time to read it.
Even if it doesn't make it to the podcast, Stay
sexy and always try to do what's right, even if
the story gets killed. Hava, Yes, pronounce like the song
Hava Nagila and one of the daughters from Fiddler on
the Roof. No I was not named after either.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
What an incredible thing to have a dad as a
whistleblower who's trying to be like, hey, the government might
be doing the wrong thing for the people.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, your dad has like a backbone. Yeah that's nice.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
That's tough.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Let's take a real left turn right now. The subject
line of this email is Colin Ferrell spotting in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
Hello MFM, love you lots, longtime listener, thanks to my
two older sisters who saw you live in Philly and
it is dot dot dot without me.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Dot dot dot.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
But that's beside the point. Let's get into it. I
lived just outside of Philadelphia, and every summer when my
cousins would fly into town, my nan would take us
all out to Amish Country, Lancaster, Pennsylvania to see some
horse and buggies, gock at the Amish families, and buy
tons of homemade goods. Our favorite place to visit was
called Kitchen Kettle Village in Intercourse, PA. I shit you not,
(18:31):
that's the name of the towns it was. I had
a T shirt in the nineties and it was all
the weird Pennsylvania townsers like blue balls, an inner course,
and it's a horny state.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It just is.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
It seems wrong to name a town whose population consists
mostly of Amish something vulgar.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
But who am I to say?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
AnyWho?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Kitchen Kettle has a ton of little shops with various
goods like jams, quilts, and pottery. On this particular visit,
I remember it being extremely hot, and most of us
kids were pretty done with the visit after the first
two stores. My Nan, who has always been stubborn and persistent,
refused to leave without going into her favorite store at
the very end of the village. Me, being the youngest
(19:11):
and never really having a say, God, isn't that the truth,
had to go into the store with her while everyone
else waited outside. As we're walking around the store, I'm
begging my Nan to hurry up in any way I can.
When all of a sudden, I see a tall, dark
haired man with bushy eyebrows and the most chisel jawline.
At this point in my life, I'm not sure i'd
seen a Colin Farrell movie, but just by his look,
(19:33):
I knew he was famous.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I mean talk.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
About it factor totally that guy telling you, I just
I felt him coming when I was at the movie
theater at the same time as him. I quickly ran
out the door and screamed at and screamed at my sister.
There's a celebrity in here, but I don't know his name.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I have to give it to my sister.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
For actually believing me and running in to check it out.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Believe women and children.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
My sister has always been a pop culture whiz, so
she pinned it down right away. She knew it was
Colin Ferrell. We're trying to keep our cool, but we're
also young, so we probably were doing in the exact opposite.
And we've taken a full one eighty and are trying
to get my nan to stay as long as possible.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
In the store.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Her being totally clueless to Colin Ferrell's existence, mentions that
she wants to go upstairs to see the music boxes.
As we're climbing up the stairs, we can hear the
girl with Colin Ferrell say I'm ready to leave, to
which Colin Ferrell says, I think I want to check
out those music boxes upstairs.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
My sister and I could have.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Died, and I don't even really remember what happened after that.
Eventually we went to tell our family the news. My
uncle's first reaction being was he wearing jeans? Why? I
don't know? That was just my uncle being my uncle.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Wearing that is such an uncle question. Oh, it was
he wearing jeans?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, he was that one guy wearing jeans among all
the rest.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
In Pennsylvania, of all places.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I think we eventually learned that he was filming nearby
for a movie, and that's why he was in the area.
Till this day, whenever Colin Ferrell is brought up in conversation,
it is always quickly followed up with was.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
He wearing jeans?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Anyway?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Thank you so much for all you guys do. You've
made countless road trips and days in the office more enjoyable,
Stay sexy, and don't forget to keep an eye out
for Colin Ferrell even in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Jackie, that's so exciting.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I do see. We have to get a photo with
him now, Colin Ferrell, if we see him in la
here would be my approach.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I try to get physically lower yeah, and just be like.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
My grandparents are from Ireland.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Okay, I play on that kind of light, got the
Ireland town thing.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Okay, my podcast is a fan of yours.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Yes, there you go.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
You can come with the thing that's very effective on
people where you say I'm not a fan, right my
friend Kara, someone else will be jealous.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Yeah, so could you please?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Okay? My last one is hometown prink calls orthodontis. I'm
not going to read you the whole thing the end. Okay,
Georgia subject line. Okay, that's new Karen Georgia at all.
I'm not sure what hometown category this story fits. Prank
calls awkward adolescents. Whatever it is, it's got everything and
you've asked for literally anything.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Very true.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
So I was twelve. It was summertime, and my friends
and I spent every moment together or on the phone
for hours, days, maybe weeks. My parents were at work.
MPD was playing Jeremy by Pearl Jam. I remember that summer,
you know, the deal good hit of the summer, and
I was deep in a three hour phone call with
my best friend Brooke. At some point I started complaining
(22:34):
about my upcoming orthodontist appointment. I was about to get braces,
and the dramatics were high. Eventually we decided to hang up,
eat lunch, and call each other back in a bit.
I remember that it's open. I remember being on the
phone with friends for hours, and just earlier, my favorite person,
my best friend Kate, called me and I didn't answer
the phone. I'm just like, it's a different thing now.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
And also you'd be on the phone for hours, and
then like at our house, my dad just be like.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Get off the phone.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
You just hear yeah, get off the phone, yelled randomly.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Always yeah. Seconds after I hung up the phone, rang
I picked up. In a woman's voice, said Orthodonis Office,
calling to confirm Megan's appointment. Naturally, I assumed it was
Brooke using her extremely convincing adult voice to prank me.
So I leaned into it and said, in my most
serious tone, Megan is dead. Oh. There was a pause,
(23:22):
but not the haha, you got me kind of pause.
It was very long, very awkward, very adult silence. Then
the woman whispered, oh, I'm so sorry and hung up. Immediately,
I called Brook to confirm it was her, but she
swore it wasn't. That's when it hit me. I had
just told a real medical professional that I was dead.
(23:43):
I knew I was in deep trouble, but I also
knew the only way I was to deny everything and
hope for the best.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Why you called up for a woman?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Let her off the hook. That evening, the orthodonist himself
called the house because she was like crying right and
oh yeah, well, what are your patients? Horrible child? He
asked to speak with my mom. I listened from the
next room, and she assured him I was, in fact,
very much alive and standing right there. After she hung up,
(24:12):
she asked if anyone had called to confirm my appointment
earlier in the day. I lied, like a pro Nope.
I was on the phone with Brooke all day. She
believed me no idea, but she dropped it and we
never spoke of it again. Oh, I would have gotten
in so much.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Trouble, and nothing like that ever happened at our house.
It'd be like, ask three more questions and you're busted
and it's over.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
When we showed up for my bracest fitting later that week,
I was very aware of the side eyes and whispers
from the front desk. My mom let out some nervous
laughter while checking me in, and I just tried to
disappear into my seat to be fairy. Doctor Goldstein and
his team were incredibly kind throughout my orthodonic journey, and honestly,
I've always felt guilty about giving them a heart attack
that day. As an adult, I realized how brutal that
(24:53):
phone call must have been horrible. Preparing to offer condolences
to the grieving mother of a twelve year old girl
who was just watching MTV and eating a lunchible is
she me so yeah, sorry, Doctor Goldstein, stay sexy and
don't fake your own death, Megan.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
She her, Megan, that's so epic.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
But also it's just the funniest thing of like the
shortest distance between the end of that mistake is just
going immediately call that lady back and I'm like, I'm
so sorry, I that you were my friend, Frankie. Like
there's no minus to that that l'd be like, oh
thank god.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, but like she gave her the whole day to
and then the doctor called to offer his condolence. Oh wow,
what a horrible phone call with that.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Megan, You're a horrible person and we love you and
we couldn't be happier. They listened to Welcome, Welcome to
the pod.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Way to go everyone. Thanks for sending us her email.
Send them to My Favorite Murder at Gmail and stay
sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want
a cookie?
Speaker 1 (26:00):
This has been an Exactly Right production.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Our senior producers are Alahundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Our editor is Aristotle las Veda.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Kolacci.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Email your hometowns to my Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
And follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
And now you can watch us on Exactly Rights YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe. Yi Bye
bye
Love, hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
There you go emails for you, bye you bye bye.
You go first. I demand you go first. I shall
all your paperwork.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
The subject line of this email is hometown the trash
adult who took me on a drug run.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
You know I'm gonna pick one of those. Of course,
these are my people. Hi, Karen and Georgia. I'm Lithuanian,
so I don't know how to say all these sweet
things people usually write at the beginning of these email
but just know I love you both loads.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And now let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Lithuanian.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I know, right, because I've got a prime trash adult
story for you.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
So period.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Picture six year old me, six out of my tiny
mind in the dead heat of a small Lithuanian village summer.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
You've been there a.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Thousand times before, picturing it. No friends around, no TV,
no entertainment except for the occasional chicken.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I'm just chilling in the dust on the side of
the road like a little feral villager when along comes her,
our neighborhood's very own spiritual healer slash drug dealer slash
disaster on two legs. She was known for selling quote
unquote natural medicine, which is adorable because in hindsight, I'm
ninety nine percent sure she was slinging low grade narcotics.
(01:38):
She tells me she's heading to the far side of
the village to do some business and asks if I
want to come with her all caps, and I said yes, Helliah,
because of course I did. What else was I doing?
I had no sense of danger and way too much
free time. So off I go, six year old assistant
to a probable drug mule, skipping through the village like
we're in a whimsical Eastern European comedy. Hours pass, she
(02:01):
does her house calls, and I assist her as the
unpaid intern. I provide I don't know, vibes, maybe an alibi.
And then just as we're finally heading back, I hear it,
my name screamed.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
From every direction.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Oh no, like a haunted megaphone. And that's when I
knew I had fucked up. Turns out I had been
gone long enough for my grandma to declare a full
blown Code red. But did anyone call the police? Of
course not, that would have been.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Too logical snitching. No one snitches, no way.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Instead, the entire able bodied male population of the village
was mobilized. Forests were scoured, lakes were dove into men
and this is on all caps. Men actually dove into
the water looking for.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
My tiny drowned body.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Then it says fun side note, I was the kind
of six year old who was allowed to go swimming alone.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
So like fair, it says.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
By the time I casually strolled home, my grandma was
halfway through a heart attack. They called an ambulance, but
still not the police. So she literally was halfway through
a heart attack.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Oh oh, literally, they called an ambulance for the grandma.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
For the grandma, but they didn't call it please. My
mom was on the verge of an emotional implosion, and
the lake divers returned looking like war survivors. I fully
expected to be grounded until I turned thirty. My mother, Oh,
she handled it with grace, which is to say she
tried to rip out the trash adult's hair with her
bare hands while screaming so loudly. I'm pretty sure the
(03:31):
storks migrated early that year. Honestly iconic.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Holy shit.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Meanwhile, I plopped myself on the couch and was handed dessert. Yes,
because they thought she was gone. Yeah, because apparently when
a child disappears for hours with a stranger, the appropriate
reward is putting. And the best part, I didn't learn
my lesson, not even a little. Two weeks later, all caps,
same woman, same scenario, same kid, me, and this time
(03:59):
she didn't even bother tending to ask permission. She just
took me under her arm and off we went on
another totally illegal adventure.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Oh, she had.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
The perfect cover a six year old. Yeah, she just
looks like a kindly aunt.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I'm an anti Yeah, not a drug.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Meal, stay sexy, and seriously, don't take someone else's kid
on your rural drug errands. Laura from Lithuania, where the
police don't get called when a child vanishes for hours,
but a mob of men will absolutely dive into freezing
lakes without hesitation.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
What a perfect picture of a time and place, Laura.
You did. That was excellent.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It's everything we need to know about Lithuania everything.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
You don't call the cops. Men will do what it takes.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
And it reminds me like when you were little and
you did something all the time and then one time
you did it and it wasn't okay. Yes, and then
you got in trouble for it. But I had never
not been okay for you to stay out late or
to do any like to play with this or that.
And then suddenly your mom decides that you're not supposed
to do that and you're in trouble.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, there's a rule that you were not told that
somehow comes up and it's like, oh, we weren't paying
attention before.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
They have been doing this the whole time.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
This is what my anxiety is based on, is that
I'm going to get in trouble for doing something I
didn't know I wasn't supposed to.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah that sticks.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, okay. My trash uncle story two to three minute read.
Thank you, hey friends, longtime listener, and have wanted to
send this story in for a long while now and
finally got the guts to do it. So let's get started.
Long story short, my uncle ended up being a part
of a bank robbery. Hey, it's a long story short.
He and a few other guys robbed a CCU bank
(05:29):
and thought they could get away with it. Spoiler alert.
They ended up getting caught. But let me tell you
how my uncle got caught. So me five years old
at the time, My mom, dad, and uncle were actually
on the way to turn him in a decision he made,
but ended up stopping at Walmart to get him some
clothes for whenever he got out of prison.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I don't know, that seems like you're doing it on purpose.
He's like, can I just get a couple things really quick?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I have a few years to pick something. Probably, Yeah,
you know. Now this was years ago when Walmart still
had banks in them. Oh, the security guard at the
bank recognized my uncle immediately because this picture got sent
to every bank in the area. And before the guard
could tackle him or confront him, my uncle grabbed me
and held me as we walked out so the guard
wouldn't touch him.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yes, my uncle used me as a shield when I
was all caps five human shield, five year old. This
is the aunt and uncle episode. Once we got in
the car, we were heading to turn my uncle in,
but since the security guard saw him, he notified the
police and next thing I know, we're getting pulled over
by at least ten cops.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Oh shit.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Now, me being five years old, you know that security
guard was like so stoked to be the hero of
the day, so boring his job, and then salmart suddenly
he's like a fucking bank robber. I have this to
give now. Meeting five years old, I thought that any
of the times I would misbehave or would hit my
older sister meant I was in big trouble. Because when
the cop came up and stuck a gun into the
front passenger side window, yelling everyone, put your hands in
(06:56):
the air, my hands immediately went up, terrified that I
was going to jail.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
These little hands in the back kind of.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Sliding up, tiny little Oh this is it. I knew
it was coming.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
I shouldn't have found a human shield that way.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I shouldn't hit my sister. She deserved it. I immediately started
crying while watching my uncle get yanked out of the
car and onto the ground, and for some reason, they
did the same to my dad. Yeah that makes sense. Yeah.
I was just sitting in the back with my hands up,
regretting all the times I didn't listen to my mom
and scared that the cops were there to take me
to jail.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
The idea that they're just like gun in the car
scream whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah. I don't remember much after that. But I do
remember my mom getting me into the back of a
police car trying to calm me down, and then the
cop coming up and apologizing to me.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
You're better.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
My uncle did go to jail and has served sixteen years. Wow,
that Walmart run could have waited.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I mean, also, just the big bank, the idea of
a bank robbery.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
It never works out.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
It's never going on worlds, never scheduled to be released
any day now, wish me luck, smiley face. Also fun
fact this bank robbery is known as the first one
to occur in my hometown. Wow, hope you all enjoyed
this and got a good laugh at some of my trauma.
Stay sexy and maybe don't use a five year old
as protection.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah, Haley, Haley, we respect your trauma. Yeah, it's like
TV movie of the week trauma. And the fact that
you shared it with us means I think that it
might be a lowercase T trauma for you at this point.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Maybe, oh yeah, because you're able to process it. Don't
share your uppercase T trauma until it's lowercase to T trauma.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I mean just that it feels like as awful as
that would be a great story.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Maybe she can laugh at it now.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, we definitely can, so we don't want to if
we shouldn't.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
So insane.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Also, just if you're going to go drop someone off
at prison, maybe get a baby, get a babysitter, get
a babysit.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I'm not going to read you the subject line of this.
It says, Hi, Karen and Georgia. I've been listening to
you guys since twenty eighteen. I was sixteen. Oh my god,
Welcome sophomores. Welcome always. When my sister introduced me to
you as a repayment, I got her tickets to the
MFM Live Tour in.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Austin this September.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yes, you guys are great and can always keep me
entertained when driving or folding laundry.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Hey, Hey, that's us baby.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Hey. Anyway, let's get into my hometown's pedophile story. I
attended Lake Travis High School, which is about a thirty
minute drive from downtown Austin, Texas. This meant our school
was very large. I'm talking about each graduating class of
eight to nine hundred people per year.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Wow, that's wild.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
When I was a freshman around fifteen years old, my
friends and I would sneak out and get into the
normal teenage trouble drinking, smoking, vaping.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Alcohol is hard to get as a.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Fifteen year old, obviously, so when a man who was
around thirty years old started adding us kids on Snapchat
under the name The Latter and selling bottles of alcohol
to be delivered, we were a static.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Oh my, this is what every parent warns every kid about,
and they don't listen.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
No, because as a teen, who's like, I just want
to party and I'm invincible and I don't know what
the fuck is going on in the world, yes, or
what the possibilities are.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
God's like, the latter wants to help us.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
The Latter would charge outrageous prices for handles of alcohol,
of course, the cheapest stuff he could find, and jewels,
the vape pens but uh name checking a vapin. But
as kids didn't care, we would all sneak out to
a friend's house whose parents were chill and text the
latter what we wanted for the night.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
He would then drive to our address, which we gave
him without a second thought, of course, and trade the
cash for the goods. He got to know my friend
group so well he would even give us free fast
food regularly.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
This man would drive around at night and give alcohol
and vapes to hundreds of high schoolers. Holiou And since
everyone used him, we didn't see the harm. That wasn't
until one afternoon when my friend and I were in
school like normal, and we got a text that the
latter lotr I guess like parking lot I don't know. Yeah,
the latter was arrested. Everyone who used him freaked out
(11:10):
and deleted his contact, hoping the cops didn't see any
of our information on his phone. We all thought he'd
been caught for selling illegal products to underage miners.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
A few weeks later we see a news article about
the Lotter's arrest, and it turns out that he was
exchanging alcohol and vapes for sexual favors from fifteen year
ol boys and sending slash asking for sexual pictures. His
case ended up being investigated by the FBI, and in
twenty twenty one, he received sixty years in prison for
sexual exploitation of a child, followed by ten years of
(11:42):
supervised release, and he was also ordered to pay restitution
to his victims. I am now twenty two and my friends,
and I occasionally recall how stupid we were to trust
a random man who sells things to kids. Sorry, mom,
that's stranger danger one oh one. I mean you couldn't
get more on the nose.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Really if she hadn't started listening to my favorite murder yet,
because oh, we weren't doing our job. If she was
doing that, I mean, yeah, that's her team.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
We let her down.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
If she thought that that was okay, yeah, yeah, hopefully
when she logged on and then was like, oh, they're
yelling at me.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
What's this?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
What's this?
Speaker 1 (12:16):
I shouldn't follow a strange man around a parking lot,
Oh god, And then it just says, can't wait to
see you guys in September. Stay sexy and don't buy
alcohol from strangers. Lily, Hey, Lily, that's how bars work,
so you'd better figure something else out.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Every time we hear those stories, just my youth, my
adolescence just flashes through my mind and I'm just can't
believe I'm here. I know, I'm so happy about it.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I've told you this story, but like, we found a
guy in the Golden Eagle shopping Center parking lot, and
kids from the other high school like were walking away
and they're like, hey, those guys will buy up for you.
And we walk up to the It was a station
wagon that was like it looked like all the tires
were flat, so it was way close to the ground. Yeah,
and it was two guys that looked like they were
(12:59):
from scumbag Central Casting and they were just like, yo,
what do you want? And we're like, can we get
this job? They were a life cool. It was like
we were doing very specific orders and they just drove
away with our money.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah, that same thing happened. He's like, Okay, we're gonna
put the bag next to the car and we're gonna
drive away, so that don't go to the bag and
tell me drive away, so like in case anyone's watching,
puts the bag down, drives away, And then I watched
my friend walk up and kick the empty bag and
anger still it like beer funds. Speed all got on
beer Funds two hundreds of dollars.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Oh my god, I mean okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Buried Bones helped me find proof of my dad's lore. Oh,
Buried Bones a podcast on the Exactly Right Network.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
That's right, Quarles and Kate Winkler Dawson.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
That's right. Oh, hey, all of our dads have told
us when we were little that if they told us something,
they would have to kill us, right, show that old joke. No,
just me and my sisters. Well, from a young age,
we all knew my dad, Ronald had been in the army,
but definitely was not anymore. When we would ask what
he did in the army, he would always tell us
if I told you, I would have to kill you.
(13:58):
Of course, as little kids, we thought it was hilarious.
When we got older, he finally told us what really happened.
Picture it. It's Chicago, nineteen sixty eight and the Democratic
Party convention is causing a lot of chaos in the city.
There were rallies and riots and a lot happening outside
the convention that had been well documented over the years.
It's a famous event. My dad, though, he was involved
(14:18):
with monitoring what was happening inside the convention and the like.
You may be asking yourself why that's a big deal. Well,
the Army Security Agency was tapping the phones of delegates, candidates,
and others in the streets, listening in for any information
they could about plans for rioting, clandestine connections with communist
affiliated groups, etc. They would have vans driving around the
(14:40):
city a lot of times in areas that was pretty
much off limits to the military that were decked out
with radio receivers that monitored police radio, telephone communications, and
shortwave radio transmissions.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
I mean, it kind of sounds like a paranoid conspiracy theory,
but it's likely are being monitored at all times.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, it's true. They were operating without the knowledge or
assistance of the Chicago Police, FBI, or other law enforcement
intelligence agencies. Just the Army going solo.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Rogue finding out some stuff they need to find out.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I guess. So all of this information came in but
never went back out. If it had, they would have
needed to answer questions on how they got that information.
And what they were doing was definitely bordering on going
against the constitution.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Hmm, sounds familiar.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I think you could border going against the constitution, goes
right up against it. My dad voiced his concerns about
this and other things he was privy to while working
in Army intelligence to his superiors and was basically told
to sit down and shut up. That didn't sit right
with my dad, so he went a wall to Canada,
Oh Toronto, specifically, that's where he gave a series of
(15:42):
interviews to the Toronto Star. It was supposed to be
four different installments, but only one ever got printed. Over
the years, it's been brought up here and there, But
two years ago I really started looking in earnest for
this article that I knew would be hard to find.
It also didn't help that my dad couldn't remember the
exact year it came out and says nineteen seventy, or
even the exact newspaper it was in dad's dad's This
(16:04):
is where Buried Bones enters the chat. Back in June,
on my way to work, I was listening to an
episode and I heard Kate talking about how she loved
to use newspapers dot com to help with her historical research.
Cut to me signing up for the seven day free
trial and searching my father's name and newspapers in Canada,
and it popped right up. I took a screenshot of
it and sent it to my dad. This was his response, quote,
(16:25):
the ghosts of the past comeback. What happened next killed
the series. The government contacted the owners of the Toronto
Star and threatened them if they didn't kill the stories
by the third edition of the Sunday paper. It was
off the front page and disappeared. Your dad really tried
to do something, but it wasn't until Edward Snowden many
years later that got the job done.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
The only good thing that came out of it was
when I did return. They were afraid to make a
big deal of it, and I ended up with a
relatively easy sentence end quote.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
WHOA.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
For Father's Day this year, I had the images of
the article blown up to post herself and framed for him.
And now they hang in the only place in the
house where they would fit, the rumpest type of room
in the basement where he spends a good amount of
his time. This thing holds a lot of meaning to
him because he felt like he was doing something good
and he was just a race from history. This is
just one part of my dad's lore that would make
a really interesting autobiography. We keep telling him he has
(17:18):
to write. I know this is long, but thanks to
whoever over there that took the time to read it.
Even if it doesn't make it to the podcast, Stay
sexy and always try to do what's right, even if
the story gets killed. Hava, Yes, pronounce like the song
Hava Nagila and one of the daughters from Fiddler on
the Roof. No I was not named after either.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
What an incredible thing to have a dad as a
whistleblower who's trying to be like, hey, the government might
be doing the wrong thing for the people.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, your dad has like a backbone. Yeah that's nice.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
That's tough.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Let's take a real left turn right now. The subject
line of this email is Colin Ferrell spotting in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
Hello MFM, love you lots, longtime listener, thanks to my
two older sisters who saw you live in Philly and
it is dot dot dot without me.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Dot dot dot.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
But that's beside the point. Let's get into it. I
lived just outside of Philadelphia, and every summer when my
cousins would fly into town, my nan would take us
all out to Amish Country, Lancaster, Pennsylvania to see some
horse and buggies, gock at the Amish families, and buy
tons of homemade goods. Our favorite place to visit was
called Kitchen Kettle Village in Intercourse, PA. I shit you not,
(18:31):
that's the name of the towns it was. I had
a T shirt in the nineties and it was all
the weird Pennsylvania townsers like blue balls, an inner course,
and it's a horny state.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It just is.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
It seems wrong to name a town whose population consists
mostly of Amish something vulgar.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
But who am I to say?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
AnyWho?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Kitchen Kettle has a ton of little shops with various
goods like jams, quilts, and pottery. On this particular visit,
I remember it being extremely hot, and most of us
kids were pretty done with the visit after the first
two stores. My Nan, who has always been stubborn and persistent,
refused to leave without going into her favorite store at
the very end of the village. Me, being the youngest
(19:11):
and never really having a say, God, isn't that the truth,
had to go into the store with her while everyone
else waited outside. As we're walking around the store, I'm
begging my Nan to hurry up in any way I can.
When all of a sudden, I see a tall, dark
haired man with bushy eyebrows and the most chisel jawline.
At this point in my life, I'm not sure i'd
seen a Colin Farrell movie, but just by his look,
(19:33):
I knew he was famous.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I mean talk.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
About it factor totally that guy telling you, I just
I felt him coming when I was at the movie
theater at the same time as him. I quickly ran
out the door and screamed at and screamed at my sister.
There's a celebrity in here, but I don't know his name.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I have to give it to my sister.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
For actually believing me and running in to check it out.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Believe women and children.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
My sister has always been a pop culture whiz, so
she pinned it down right away. She knew it was
Colin Ferrell. We're trying to keep our cool, but we're
also young, so we probably were doing in the exact opposite.
And we've taken a full one eighty and are trying
to get my nan to stay as long as possible.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
In the store.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Her being totally clueless to Colin Ferrell's existence, mentions that
she wants to go upstairs to see the music boxes.
As we're climbing up the stairs, we can hear the
girl with Colin Ferrell say I'm ready to leave, to
which Colin Ferrell says, I think I want to check
out those music boxes upstairs.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
My sister and I could have.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Died, and I don't even really remember what happened after that.
Eventually we went to tell our family the news. My
uncle's first reaction being was he wearing jeans? Why? I
don't know? That was just my uncle being my uncle.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Wearing that is such an uncle question. Oh, it was
he wearing jeans?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, he was that one guy wearing jeans among all
the rest.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
In Pennsylvania, of all places.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I think we eventually learned that he was filming nearby
for a movie, and that's why he was in the area.
Till this day, whenever Colin Ferrell is brought up in conversation,
it is always quickly followed up with was.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
He wearing jeans?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Anyway?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Thank you so much for all you guys do. You've
made countless road trips and days in the office more enjoyable,
Stay sexy, and don't forget to keep an eye out
for Colin Ferrell even in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Jackie, that's so exciting.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I do see. We have to get a photo with
him now, Colin Ferrell, if we see him in la
here would be my approach.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I try to get physically lower yeah, and just be like.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
My grandparents are from Ireland.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Okay, I play on that kind of light, got the
Ireland town thing.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Okay, my podcast is a fan of yours.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Yes, there you go.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
You can come with the thing that's very effective on
people where you say I'm not a fan, right my
friend Kara, someone else will be jealous.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Yeah, so could you please?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Okay? My last one is hometown prink calls orthodontis. I'm
not going to read you the whole thing the end. Okay,
Georgia subject line. Okay, that's new Karen Georgia at all.
I'm not sure what hometown category this story fits. Prank
calls awkward adolescents. Whatever it is, it's got everything and
you've asked for literally anything.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Very true.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
So I was twelve. It was summertime, and my friends
and I spent every moment together or on the phone
for hours, days, maybe weeks. My parents were at work.
MPD was playing Jeremy by Pearl Jam. I remember that summer,
you know, the deal good hit of the summer, and
I was deep in a three hour phone call with
my best friend Brooke. At some point I started complaining
(22:34):
about my upcoming orthodontist appointment. I was about to get braces,
and the dramatics were high. Eventually we decided to hang up,
eat lunch, and call each other back in a bit.
I remember that it's open. I remember being on the
phone with friends for hours, and just earlier, my favorite person,
my best friend Kate, called me and I didn't answer
the phone. I'm just like, it's a different thing now.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
And also you'd be on the phone for hours, and
then like at our house, my dad just be like.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Get off the phone.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
You just hear yeah, get off the phone, yelled randomly.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Always yeah. Seconds after I hung up the phone, rang
I picked up. In a woman's voice, said Orthodonis Office,
calling to confirm Megan's appointment. Naturally, I assumed it was
Brooke using her extremely convincing adult voice to prank me.
So I leaned into it and said, in my most
serious tone, Megan is dead. Oh. There was a pause,
(23:22):
but not the haha, you got me kind of pause.
It was very long, very awkward, very adult silence. Then
the woman whispered, oh, I'm so sorry and hung up. Immediately,
I called Brook to confirm it was her, but she
swore it wasn't. That's when it hit me. I had
just told a real medical professional that I was dead.
(23:43):
I knew I was in deep trouble, but I also
knew the only way I was to deny everything and
hope for the best.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Why you called up for a woman?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Let her off the hook. That evening, the orthodonist himself
called the house because she was like crying right and
oh yeah, well, what are your patients? Horrible child? He
asked to speak with my mom. I listened from the
next room, and she assured him I was, in fact,
very much alive and standing right there. After she hung up,
(24:12):
she asked if anyone had called to confirm my appointment
earlier in the day. I lied, like a pro Nope.
I was on the phone with Brooke all day. She
believed me no idea, but she dropped it and we
never spoke of it again. Oh, I would have gotten
in so much.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Trouble, and nothing like that ever happened at our house.
It'd be like, ask three more questions and you're busted
and it's over.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
When we showed up for my bracest fitting later that week,
I was very aware of the side eyes and whispers
from the front desk. My mom let out some nervous
laughter while checking me in, and I just tried to
disappear into my seat to be fairy. Doctor Goldstein and
his team were incredibly kind throughout my orthodonic journey, and honestly,
I've always felt guilty about giving them a heart attack
that day. As an adult, I realized how brutal that
(24:53):
phone call must have been horrible. Preparing to offer condolences
to the grieving mother of a twelve year old girl
who was just watching MTV and eating a lunchible is
she me so yeah, sorry, Doctor Goldstein, stay sexy and
don't fake your own death, Megan.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
She her, Megan, that's so epic.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
But also it's just the funniest thing of like the
shortest distance between the end of that mistake is just
going immediately call that lady back and I'm like, I'm
so sorry, I that you were my friend, Frankie. Like
there's no minus to that that l'd be like, oh
thank god.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, but like she gave her the whole day to
and then the doctor called to offer his condolence. Oh wow,
what a horrible phone call with that.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Megan, You're a horrible person and we love you and
we couldn't be happier. They listened to Welcome, Welcome to
the pod.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Way to go everyone. Thanks for sending us her email.
Send them to My Favorite Murder at Gmail and stay
sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want
a cookie?
Speaker 1 (26:00):
This has been an Exactly Right production.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Our senior producers are Alahundra Keck and Molly Smith.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Our editor is Aristotle las Veda.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
This episode was mixed by Leonis Kolacci.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Email your hometowns to my Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
And follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
And now you can watch us on Exactly Rights YouTube page.
And while you're there, please like and subscribe. Yi Bye
bye
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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