May 27, 2025 • 36 mins
In this special Best of My Legacy episode, New York Times bestselling author and On Purpose host Jay Shetty is joined by his partner in life and work, Radhi Devlukia – wellness advocate, nutritionist, and host of A Really Good Cry – for one of the most beloved conversations from the series.
Together with hosts Martin Luther King III, Arndrea Waters King, Marc Kielburger, and Craig Kielburger, Jay and Radhi offer a vulnerable, funny, and refreshingly honest look at love, purpose, and what it means to grow alongside your partner.
Inspiring lessons from the episode include:
- How to stop defining your worth by your success
- How your partner can be your greatest teacher if you’re willing to listen
- How small moments – like prioritizing sleep or creating a “third space” for reflection and connection – can hold the biggest meaning
If you want to hear the full conversation – Parts 1 and 2 – head to the My Legacy playlist. And stay tuned – we’ll be sharing more highlights from our favorite episodes every Tuesday through the end of July.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Roddy's never let me define my self worth based on
my success. So when I first started to experience success,
Roddy didn't celebrate it in the way I wanted her to,
and I would want. Look, I'd wanted my wife to
be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
(00:24):
she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was,
So if it came to my character, that's what she
was backing. I think we all want to be loved
for who we are and not loved for what we achieve.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I did start listening to your podcast last year.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
That was New York Times best selling author and host
of On Purpose, Jay Shuddy, and today we are sharing
a special best of episode here on My Legacy. This
conversation with Jay and his partner in life, Roddy dev Lukia,
a wellness advocate, and how most of a Really Good
Cry quickly became one of our most loved Hosted by
(01:04):
Martin Luther King the Third, his wife Andrea Waters King,
and their friends Mark and Craig Kielberger, this conversation is
a vulnerable, funny and refreshingly honest look at love, what
it really means to show up, grow up, and choose
each other daily. Together, Jay and Roddy teach us how
to stop defining your worth by your success. How your
(01:25):
partner can be your greatest teacher if you're willing to listen.
How small moments can hold the biggest meaning. Let's jump in.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Welcome to the My Legacy Podcast, where we explore what
it truly means to create a living legacy through our actions,
our choices, and the way we show up for others
every day. Ronor to be joined by Jay Shetty, global
bestselling author and purpose driven entrepreneur whose wisdom on love, mindfulness,
and personal transformation has reached millions through his number one
(01:55):
podcast on Purpose Now. Of course, what makes the My
Life Legacy Podcast unique is we don't just hear from
extraordinary individuals. We hear from their life partners, their friends,
the people who know them best. And we're beyond lucky
because Jay is joined today by his incredible wife, Roddy
(02:16):
de Vlukiya. She is a nutritionist. She is a best
selling author.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Of joy Full.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
She is the host of her own podcast, A Really
Good Cry, I Love that title. She's a powerful force
for wellness, for conscious living and for joyful cooking. Welcome
to you both.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, I'm so grateful to be back with you and
reunited with all of you. Thank you so much for
having us. We're so honored and so grateful. Truly, it
was such a wonderful to be in your presence a
year ago. Now is it even longer?
Speaker 6 (02:49):
It was about a year ago, about a year ago.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I feel so wonderful to be reunited, and I wish
you were meeting Raddy in passion too.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
That we'll settle for this.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
We must do dinner when we're all on the same
coast again.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
We would love that, ye absolutely.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Yes, yes, yes, well, Jay on that note, because we
want to know you over well gosh, probably a decade now,
but we don't know Rady as well. So if I
can put you on the spot, the two of you
have created this incredible relationship based on conscious living, on Purpose,
on joy. So how did you first meet this incredible
woman and how did you know that she was your person?
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Ha ha.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
So the interesting thing is the first episode of my
podcast On Purpose Ever was me and Rady telling this
story together and I always wanted to start the show
at a really authentic, genuine, conscious place, and I thought,
why not do it with the person who knows me
best and knows me most deeply. And so the long story,
short version is I was in my final year of
(03:52):
college and I knew that I was going to become
a monk after I graduated, and I would go to
my local temple to serve and assist on the weekends
just to stay out of trouble. And when I was
doing that service, I was asked to show a woman
around who was around my mom's age, with different chores
and different practices at the temple. I'd never been asked
(04:14):
to do this before. This was the first time I
showed her around. She was very sweet, and then at
the end of it, she said to me, I have
a daughter that I'd love to introduce to spirituality and meditation.
And I said, well, I'm going to become a monk,
so I can introduce her to my younger sister who's
also involved in the community, and why don't you bring
her in? And so, you know, that week she brought
(04:35):
her in and it happened to be my wife's mom
and Raley was her daughter who came in and I
introduced Radi and my sister, and I remember seeing rally
and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world,
and I thought, no, no.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
No, focus, focus, focus has become a monk, and so
I kind of like shut it out.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
And then when I came back from the monastery, Radi
and my sister had become best friends, and so my
sister was our matchmaker. So that's how we met, and
then how I knew she was the one.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
You know, it's really interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Someone asked me this question recently, and I think I
gave at least what I believe to be a truthful
and honest answer, and is that I don't know if
you ever know.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
I think you.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Commit and invest to building something together, and you know
because the other person also wants to commit and build
and invest in you, and that's what makes them the one.
And I really believe that it's quite naive to think
when you meet someone, or when you move in with someone,
or when you marry someone, that this is going to
be the person you're with for three or four or
(05:39):
five decades in today's world, and so for me, I
know that Radi's the one because she invests every day
today more than even when we started. And that's something
that I can only discover today, and I couldn't have
known twelve years ago when we first got together, and
nine years ago when we got married, I couldn't have
posible known that. And so I hope that freeze people
(06:02):
up from this pressure and expectation that I've got to
find this person on day one and know that they're
going to be perfect and the person. When I probably
would have said that twelve years ago if you asked me,
like I found the one, I know it now when
I look back, I'm like, no, I'm lucky. She's proved
me right, but she very easily could have proved me wrong.
And so I'm very grateful that she's, you know, stood
(06:23):
by me through so many ups and downs and so
many incredible journeys that we've been on.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
So roddy, I'm very very curious. So you're at a
temple and you see this wonderful human being that was
training to be a monk, and what was going through
your mind when you first when you first met him.
Speaker 7 (06:47):
That's a really good question, you know, I he was
in like he was in white robes at the time,
weren't you.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yeah, he was training to be a monk. He was
in white robes. He knew my mom. It was like
a very odd situation.
Speaker 7 (06:59):
My mom was introducing us, and so when I saw him,
it was it was interesting because he had like tattoos
in monk clothes, was a very like, well spoken person,
where normally, in my mind, a monk was someone who
was from India and I, you know, usually would have
to speak to them in another language.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
And so it was kind of.
Speaker 7 (07:16):
Changing a lot of narratives in my mind of what
I expected to see when my mom was like, oh,
I want to introduce you to this monk. So I
think I was readjusting to my expectations. And then I
mean I started going to his classes and hearing him
speak about spirituality, and honestly, I think I felt in
awe of him through watching him in those spaces and
(07:37):
in the community, and you know, I ended up being
an observer of him rather than a friend at the beginning,
because we didn't really have a friendship or a relationship
at all when we first met. So it was quite
nice seeing him in his own environment doing something that
he loved. And so at first it was almost like
he had. He felt like a teacher and a guide
more than he felt like someone that I was thinking
(07:59):
I could be with. But then when I became friends
with his sister and she kept telling me all these
amazing things about him, I was like, Oh, he's so
sweet and they have the sweetest relationship he you know,
he is like a father figure to her, and she
loves him so much. And I thought, well, someone who's
got that relationship with their sister, and usually your sibling
has the best and worst things to say about you,
(08:20):
And she just loved him so much. And so there
was moments where you know, I kept saying to I
was like, you know, I think every like your brother,
and she was like, you can't. He's going to be
a monk for the rest of his life. Leave him alone.
She was like, I need you to leave him, and
I please leave. Yeah, please, I'm just telling you he
wants to be a monk forever. So yeah, I kind
of gave up on that idea. And so as soon
(08:41):
as he came out from being a monk and we
got to know each other, we both just realized how
how right we ended up being about each other, as
he said, and it was a nice surprise because it
could have gone both ways.
Speaker 6 (08:51):
You know, I love that she said fell in awe
rather than fell in love. I don't think I've ever
really heard that way. That's so beautiful. Yes, yes, fell
and awe.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
But the one thing she left out was that she
usually tells a bit like you didn't You didn't clarify
that actually when we first met, you just didn't notice me,
and I didn't like, just yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I did notice you. I just wasn't like.
Speaker 7 (09:14):
It wasn't like my mom saying, hey, here's someone for
you to meet in that way.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
And we're just getting started with Jay and Roddy. Grab
that second cup of coffee or tea because you don't
want to miss a moment.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
So, okay, we know the challenges of working with your
your partner.
Speaker 8 (09:50):
There's challenges.
Speaker 6 (09:54):
It's wonderful smiling, he's not saying a word right now.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
It so wonderful all the time every day.
Speaker 6 (10:05):
How do you all navigate through through those challenges?
Speaker 5 (10:08):
How do we deal with working with each other?
Speaker 4 (10:11):
That very wise, He's like, let me see.
Speaker 7 (10:16):
What she says. I would say, you know, the good
thing is we both have extremely different skill sets like
we are very different humans, and so what what's great
in that sense is Jay handles a lot of the
things that I don't want to or don't have the
(10:37):
skills too. I would say, like, he's really good at
the business side of things, and I really enjoy the
creative side of things. And so especially for the main
project we work on together is Junior, our tea company,
and so he does a lot of the business management calls.
Speaker 9 (10:55):
Is that what you call.
Speaker 7 (10:56):
It, like the final and stuff and what else?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Would you call it?
Speaker 5 (11:02):
Strategic?
Speaker 7 (11:03):
The strategic stuff? Yeah, And I really liked doing the creative,
working with the team to do events and building the brands,
the flavors of the Yeah, the flavors, the intricacies behind
what we actually put into the product.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
And so honestly, we're not often on the same.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
Cause, and so we do work together, but I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've only ever The only thing we've
ever done together work wise is our tea coompany JUNI,
and that was really exciting because that was something that
we shared in common. We both wanted to drink drinks
that didn't have sugar, so we wanted to build a
zero gram sugar drink. We wanted something with low calories,
so only as five calories. We wanted something that was
(11:52):
filled with ashwagandha and rishi mushroom and all these things
that we know we should be taking, and so that's
why we focused on that. But the reason why it
is easy to work on it together is because we
founded the company many years into our marriage, and I
think by then we have a good understanding of each
other's strengths and weaknesses, and we have a lot of trust.
So I know, if Radi's on a call about flavor profiles,
(12:15):
I know she understands flavor profiles far better than I
ever would.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
My palette is really basic.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Right before I met her, I had no idea what
any of these incredible herbs and plant extracts and adaptations are.
And so her level of knowledge in that field is
something I can trust. It's something I would back, it's
something I feel very confident in, and thankfully she feels
that way about me and my strengths, and so I
think that's why it works for us.
Speaker 5 (12:40):
I don't think I could. I think I'd find it
hard if.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
We had similar skill sets and we were constantly debating
and figuring it out. I quite like the dividing conquers
who works.
Speaker 8 (12:50):
Well well, we love your tea company, we love your
t brand.
Speaker 7 (12:54):
Jay.
Speaker 8 (12:54):
In your international best selling book Eight Rules of Love,
you talk about what it takes to nurture a relationship.
Can you give us one or two of your top
suggestions on how you can continuously strengthen bonds between couples.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Shouldn't be asking all of you this, but I'll try
my best. I'm sure there's a lot more wisdom on
that side of the table. So I feel underqualified, but
I would say one of my favorite ones is I
have a chapter in the book called your partner is
Your Guru. And what I mean by that is that
(13:29):
not that they're an authoritative, judgmental, dictatorial individual, because that's
not what a guru is. A guru is someone who's
dedicated to your growth, who's committed to helping you find
your path, and who's patient while.
Speaker 5 (13:46):
You do it.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
That's actually what a guru is, especially in the Eastern traditions.
And one of my favorite things about that is that
your partner.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Is really a mirror.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And the challenge we have in relationships is that the
right partner holds up the mirror in a non judgmental way.
But we're so convinced that the mirror is broken because
we don't like what we see that we reject them.
So we reject the one person who actually has the
ability to help us grow. And so Radi has been
(14:20):
completely non judgmental, empathetic, and compassionate about my health journey.
When I met Radi, I was addicted to sugar, I
ate a lot of fried food. I was fairly unhealthy physically,
and because I had a strong mind and meditated daily
and felt like I'd got somewhere with that journey, I
felt like my body almost didn't matter. I almost felt
(14:41):
like it was a afterthought. And she didn't teach me
by telling me I was wrong and that I was
wasting time, that I was being lazy, and that I
should work out more, because none of those things would
have helped me, because my ego would have come to
my defense and been a shield and pushed back, and
I would have been affected by that like I think
we all are. Instead, she set the example. She's worked
(15:02):
out every day i've known her, She's eaten a clean diet,
she's always cooked healthy food. She encouraged me and educated
me in the challenges of how I was living without
making me feel bad about them, and she's been my
guru for my health and so to me, when your
partner is your guru, and you allow your partner to
teach you in a non judgmental, non confrontational, non finger
(15:26):
pointing way, that is the person who can help you grow.
There's no one on planet Earth who could make you
a better human being than the person you spend the
most time with, so that your partners, your guru is
probably one of them. And I think you said a couple.
I would add that the problem is we often want
our partners to change, but what we don't have is
(15:49):
the patience that it takes to watch them change. And
we also want them to change into the people we
want them to be, not the people that they want
them to be. We see their potential and we say
you must rise to this. We see the possibility and
we say you must reach this. We see the result
(16:09):
for them that we've projected, and we say, if you
don't get to this, you've failed. And never have we
asked them, who do you want to be? How do
you want to live your life? What are you trying
to accomplish. And it's really interesting to me that we believe,
just because we want to invest in them, that that
(16:33):
care is greater than their ambition. And I think we
work so hard we want to be their savior. We
want to be the person to solve all their problems,
we want to be the person who fixes everything for
them just to feel good about ourselves. We don't actually
want them to be happy. We just want to be
(16:53):
happy that we're doing something for them, and so we
don't really give them the patience, the time, the energy
to find who they are and move in that direction
for themselves because we want to feel like we're helping,
we're fixing, where I'm here to solve all your problems,
and in that you try to be the person who
saves them, but actually you push them away. So those
would be my two biggest things that I think if
(17:15):
we can, on the first hand, learn to be a
guru that's non judgmental, and on the second hand, learn
to be patient and let people become who they want
to be, not try to make them who we want.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
Them to be.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I love that on a personal note because I'm going
to own that, and I think a lot of guys
who are husbands need to own that just being radically
transparent because you called it as it is, like it
is this male desire to want to help, to want
to protect, and so often it is that instead that
patience that's sitting in it. And I love I love
(17:50):
that phrase. I wrote that down, like, you know, the
idea of supporting who they want to be, asking them
you know who they want to be, and then supporting
them with that patience on that journey, not wanting to help,
not want to even though it comes from a good place,
just giving the space. I just so many husbands out there,
anyone who's listening who wants to play that clip back
(18:11):
on social media for someone in their life to sit with.
I just want to encourage them to sit with that
for a few minutes. I love the honesty of that advice.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
Well, and the partner is your guru is just so profound.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah, it's changed my life. I didn't know all this
before I got married. I think you figure it out
when you are married, and then you start learning how
much it has to teach you and how much better
you have to become because you love someone. And I
think that's the difference. The right person inspires you to
want to become better, not want to make them better.
Like you know, yeah, I think we're constantly worrying about
oh God, they're not doing this, and they're not doing that,
(18:48):
and they're not doing this, and the right person makes
you look at yourself and go, well, I'm not doing that.
So let me start there.
Speaker 6 (18:55):
If you're listening, you already know that this show is
built on connection, on showing up authentically, and on reminding
each of us of what really matters. If this resonates
with you, subscribing is the easiest way to support what
we're building and help us bring more of these uplifting
conversations into the world.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 10 (19:25):
This is a very simple thing, but it's very important.
I rarely get sick and I'm blessed and fortunate, but
a lot of that, in my mind is because every day,
not a day goes by that I'mrea doesn't put out
vitamins from me. Now, I would like to be That's
a simple thing. I'd love to be able to do that,
(19:46):
and I will get there. But that constantly reinforces. You know,
when your partner loves you so much that they're very
concerned about your being healthy, being able to go out
into the world as many of us have to do.
So I want to ask you both, what simple thing
does your partner do to show that they love you?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Ah, my gosh, Jason.
Speaker 7 (20:11):
Well, Jason very expressive person, but it's not just the
words that he uses, like he is someone who will
verbally check in and be like, what can I do
to make you happier? Is there anyway I can help you?
And he says that to me on a regular basis.
So I think one part of it is being vocal
about how you want to be there for your partner,
which I actually wasn't very good at and I'm still
(20:33):
getting better at to actually vocalize it. I've you know,
in my mind, I'm I see myself more of an
active service, which is how I've seen my parents be.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
So I'd be like, oh, but in my.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Mind, I've cooked a meal and I've done this little thing.
But sometimes you realize that actually having those vocal moments
are really important and how much that makes a difference
in a relationship. But then in action, it's like the
little things of you know, even if he's just sat down,
when I've sat down and I need some thing, he'll
get back up, Like if I won't get back up,
(21:02):
he'll get back up to get it for me. Or
if I am feeling.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
You still do it.
Speaker 7 (21:11):
And you know, it's those little things where you just
notice someone going out of their way for you, because
not many people want to go out of their way
for you. And then another one is whenever I'm having
I'm quite an emotional person, and whenever he feels my
energy is a little bit off, he'll always, no matter
what he's got going on, he'll always make space and
time to just check in and be like, do you
need do you need help with anything?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Can I sit with you?
Speaker 7 (21:32):
I can work through whether it's a work thing, whether
it's a family thing. You know, he always creates the
time and space, no matter how busy, to have those
moments of connection if he feels like I really need it.
And so, I mean, I could probably go on, but
I'll leave it that. There's are a couple of them.
But yeah, there's so many different ways he expresses himself.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Actually, Jay, Yeah, so many as well. I think for me,
the biggest one is I think when we first got
married and we moved to New York, and then we
were kind of there for a couple of years, then
moving to la and we've just been through so much change,
and change that wasn't anticipated or expected, so changed that
(22:13):
we both had planned to live our whole lives fifteen
minutes from our local temple in England and five minutes
away from Radi's parents' home. And actually that was one
of her requirements for us getting married, was that she
could be a one mile radius away from her parents'
home and I'd commit to that, and I genuinely had
(22:35):
committed to that. It was something that I thought was
very real. All of our friends are in that area,
families in that area.
Speaker 5 (22:41):
It made sense.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
And then all of a sudden my career took a
turn in twenty sixteen when this part of my life
started to grow, and it's continued to for the nine years, thankfully.
And if I'm completely honest, that was completely not part
of the plan, not my plan, not her plan, not
our plan. But it was what I couldn't even have
dreamed of. And not once in the last nine years
(23:09):
has Radi ever said to me, look what I gave
up for you. And oh God, I could cry saying this,
but it's one of those things. It's like, I know
how much her parents mean to her, now much her
family friends mean to her. I know how much London
means to her, and for her to move away, for
her to give that up when we didn't have clarity,
(23:32):
Like you know, we're very fortunate today to have a
wonderful life, but getting here wasn't easy. I was away
a lot, I traveled a lot for work. I was
building things, moving around. And never once did she say,
I gave this all up for you. You're never around, you
work too hard. And I think that kind of trust
(23:55):
without nagging, without making someone feel bad, when I was
already carrying the burden of it myself. And I think
that's the feeling that makes you feel loved where you're like,
I was already feeling that way myself. So if she
would have said it to me, it probably would have
broken me. But the fact that she didn't feel that
she had to say it to me makes me feel loved.
(24:17):
So not blaming, not shaming, not pushing, not prodding is is.
It feels like a small thing, but actually it's huge,
And even at the most difficult times in our life,
whether we were financially struggling, you know, struggling with moving, changing,
(24:37):
whatever things were going on in our life. Every time
I'd update her on what would happen, she'd always say,
I trust you. And hearing your partner say that when
you don't even know what's going to happen next is
the greatest sign of love. And so and and you know,
she radly decided to date me and commit to a
(24:58):
relationship with me when I had nothing to offer about myself,
and so that's a pretty big thing. She could have
married anyone she wanted to marry. And so her decision
to be with someone who didn't have a even a
secure job when we first started dating, and you know,
someone who'd been in the monastery for three years and
didn't have any sort of savings or any sort of plan,
(25:20):
I think it shows her character and her ability to
you know, go beyond material things. And the more recent one,
I mean, I could go on as well. I think
the more recently I need to get one. Radi's never
let me define my self worth based on my success.
(25:41):
So when I first started to experience success, Raddi didn't
celebrate it in the.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Way I wanted her to.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And I would want look, I'd wanted my wife to
be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was.
So if it came to my character, that's what she
was backing. She wasn't backing me because of my career,
and that took me. That helped me detach from valuing
(26:13):
myself based on the success of my career because I
think that's what I would have done and what I
would have wanted if she had fallen in that way,
And so her lack of validation for my career was
the greatest validation for my career.
Speaker 7 (26:27):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Great, but I mean I think.
Speaker 5 (26:32):
It's a say.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
And again going back to the men point, I think
a lot of men like we want our partners to
be like front row. We want them to be the cheerleader,
like we've we've got that culture. And I'm not saying
that my wife isn't my cheerleader and that, but I'm saying,
your wife's cheerleading your character, not your career. That's better
because the career is up and down, like the career
is going to do whatever it's going to do, but
(26:53):
your characters who you are, Like, what do you want
to be loved for? Do you want to be loved
for the amount of followers you have? Or do you
want to be loved for who you are and how
you show up and what she believes you represent? And
so I think it's genuinely been laughing about it and
it can't have funny connotations, but I want to clarify,
Like the point is, I think we all want to
be loved for who we are and not loved for
what we achieve.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I did start listening to your podcast last year.
Speaker 8 (27:18):
That's guys, are hilarious.
Speaker 9 (27:23):
I love this.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
I love that your your voice was cracking, like.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
The stop stopping going.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
I can see like Ye's eyes starting well and out
the two of you.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
It's awesome.
Speaker 6 (27:39):
There are a great lesson in the languages of love
and acknowledging that that you know that we all love
different ways and we receive love differently.
Speaker 10 (27:49):
You know, when I first met Andrea, she was she
was serious as border health.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
Health, serious health.
Speaker 10 (27:58):
That's pretty serious's pretty serious serious Andrea when she was
twenty ish, like I said, she was like really serious.
Speaker 9 (28:08):
I don't know if I saw that. But all of
a sudden, over the last like five years, she is
becoming one of the most funny pre people that I know,
one of the most funniest persons, And.
Speaker 10 (28:20):
It just adds so much to our lives. And people
don't know my dad was humorous, got that from his mother.
They see him as as very serious what she always
was publicly, but he also was extraordinarily humorous.
Speaker 5 (28:33):
Roddy's the comedian in our relationship.
Speaker 6 (28:37):
So what are some things that she does to make
you as Oh.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
My god, Roddie's the gun busson that wakes up in
the morning, does a random Daunce move, like just for fun,
I walk into the kitchen, there's no music playing, there's
no music playing, but Roddy's having a full on party
just in her head. Yeah, And it's so much fun
to watch. And just someone who's always looking at the
bright side of life. Someone is always it's just so well.
Speaker 7 (29:03):
The time, you're painting me out to be like I
can be a lot, It's okay, no you can't.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
She's but just yeah, she's hilarious in every possible way.
She's making funny jokes. Everyone knows anyone who follows Rather
on social media knows that she's hilarious and and my
team finds it really funny because on Valentine's Day or
on our anniversary or whatever, I'll write these like long, soppy, romantic,
heartfelt messages because that's who I am, and Rather will
(29:29):
post an Ai video of me tworking.
Speaker 5 (29:34):
I'm not joking, it's real.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Will we share that on social media?
Speaker 5 (29:38):
Is that available? We're going to put that Valentine's Day? Okay?
I was like, literally, I wrote this beautiful post and
she's got a video of Ai twerking.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You're a PDA person. Yeah, I struggle with that.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
We we obviously have laughed a lot today together and
and that's that's that's wonderful, and it's so important we
have to be very transparent that right now, it's it's
very difficult for so many people, and so many people
feel such an overwhelming fear, you know, disconnection, and so
(30:16):
I would really I'm curious to hear from both of you.
What would you offer to to people that are that
are feeling that that fear, that that disconnection, the overwhelm,
the the stress.
Speaker 7 (30:36):
Good question. Uh, you know the first thing that came
to mind for me is whenever I feel like things
are out of my control, or I feel like overwhelmed
at what's happening around me, or even in our own life.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Uh, there's this.
Speaker 7 (30:54):
Every time I feel like it's just me, the problem
feels really difficult to handle. But as soon as I
think the problem is me plus God, or me plus
the universe or something that has a much higher power
than I do, it starts to feel a little bit
more manageable. And so I find that prayer for me
has always been such a beautiful place to come to
(31:15):
when all other hope feels lost.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
I think I get a lot of solace in prayer.
Speaker 7 (31:22):
And I think that also connects to the idea that
if we can feel way more disconnected.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
When we don't feel connected.
Speaker 7 (31:31):
To ourself, and so whether it's practices and rituals to
actually connect deeper to ourself that allows us to connect
deeper to other people and have meaningful connections with others
that help us through those times. I think reconnecting every
single day in some way to who you are and
having those moments are really important to be able to
(31:51):
connect to someone else, to be able to feel understood
or valued by other people, and yeah, I think for me,
the main one always up being prayer because I'm like,
at this point, I can't control anything because I'm leaving
up to you.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
But yeah, I would love to hear some of yours.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
There's something called the third space theory, and it's this
idea that just around twenty five fifty years ago, we
had three spaces we lived in, We had home, we
had work, and then we had church or temple, synagogue, mosque.
And what happened is that those three spaces shrunk to
(32:31):
two spaces. We went from work to home and home
to work. And now we all know that those two
places have shrunk into one place. We work from home
and we live at home. And what's happened is not
that we've just lost three spaces, but we've lost what
that third space provided us. So what happened at church
(32:52):
or the community center or a place of gathering was
you had a space to look back on work and home,
state and everything else and reflect on how could I
be better? What could I do differently? Let's figure out
together what the solution is, what can we all band
to do together. So the biggest challenge today is that
(33:14):
we're all feeling the same feeling, but we're feeling it
on our own. We're lonely feeling the same thing. And
there's a big difference between being lonely feeling something and
feeling belonging and feeling something. And so what I would
encourage everyone to do is go and find your third space.
Speaker 5 (33:34):
Go and find your.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Space of belonging, Go and find your space of connection.
Go and find that space where you're with people of
equal value, where you can share your heart, when you
can hear other people's, when you can open up your mind,
where you can carry someone else's burden. I think we've
just lost that as a society, and I think these
moments are great reminders that we are stronger when we
(33:57):
are working together. We are better, and we're working together,
and ultimately, when we're united and carrying each other's weight,
the weight doesn't feel as large. And I think that's
the biggest challenge today, is that we're all carrying the
weight on our own and so finding that third space,
creating that third space if you don't have it. The
third space doesn't have to be two hundred people, two
(34:19):
thousand people, twenty thousand people. It can literally be four
people in a room that are reading scripture together, that
are starting a book club, that are listening to this
podcast and sharing what they learned from you and all
your amazing guests that you've had on It starts that small,
and I really feel that we have to create that
third space, even because right now our third space is
(34:41):
all of us sitting in front of the television, and
the TV screen is the third space. The phone screen
is the third space, and that third space isn't giving
you what the original third space gave you.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Jin Raddi, thank you for sharing your wisdom, your love
with each other in that beautiful, authentic way. The extraordinary
challenges that you've laid in front of us of how
we can all our listeners and our viewers do small
but deeply intentional things every day in our lives. And
I want to relay some of those challenges again for
(35:15):
the message that your partner is your guru. What a
beautiful thing for our listeners to say to their loved ones,
their partners after they listen to this, that you are
my guru, You're the teacher you help me be better
to say that intentionally to someone. And then I also
love the small but powerful idea of while we're cooking
to infuse the love, to say a little prayer. You know,
(35:38):
Andrea your music, you know a little bit of love.
Jane Raddy, thank you for living your legacies every single
day and reminding us that purpose isn't something we find,
it's something we create in our lives.
Speaker 9 (35:52):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
I'm so grateful to all of you for creating what
felt like such a beautiful safe space.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
Even though we're connected virtually, it.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Speaks to all of it.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
Jeezs it just felt like we were all in the
same room, and so thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Thanks for joining us for the special best of episode
on My Legacy with Jay Shetty and his wife Roddy Devlukia.
If you want to hear the full conversation parts one
and two, head to the My Legacy playlist wherever you
get your podcasts, and stay tuned. We'll be sharing more
highlights from our favorite episodes every Tuesday through the end
of July. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss
(36:27):
an episode.
Roddy's never let me define my self worth based on
my success. So when I first started to experience success,
Roddy didn't celebrate it in the way I wanted her to,
and I would want. Look, I'd wanted my wife to
be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
(00:24):
she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was,
So if it came to my character, that's what she
was backing. I think we all want to be loved
for who we are and not loved for what we achieve.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I did start listening to your podcast last year.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
That was New York Times best selling author and host
of On Purpose, Jay Shuddy, and today we are sharing
a special best of episode here on My Legacy. This
conversation with Jay and his partner in life, Roddy dev Lukia,
a wellness advocate, and how most of a Really Good
Cry quickly became one of our most loved Hosted by
(01:04):
Martin Luther King the Third, his wife Andrea Waters King,
and their friends Mark and Craig Kielberger, this conversation is
a vulnerable, funny and refreshingly honest look at love, what
it really means to show up, grow up, and choose
each other daily. Together, Jay and Roddy teach us how
to stop defining your worth by your success. How your
(01:25):
partner can be your greatest teacher if you're willing to listen.
How small moments can hold the biggest meaning. Let's jump in.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Welcome to the My Legacy Podcast, where we explore what
it truly means to create a living legacy through our actions,
our choices, and the way we show up for others
every day. Ronor to be joined by Jay Shetty, global
bestselling author and purpose driven entrepreneur whose wisdom on love, mindfulness,
and personal transformation has reached millions through his number one
(01:55):
podcast on Purpose Now. Of course, what makes the My
Life Legacy Podcast unique is we don't just hear from
extraordinary individuals. We hear from their life partners, their friends,
the people who know them best. And we're beyond lucky
because Jay is joined today by his incredible wife, Roddy
(02:16):
de Vlukiya. She is a nutritionist. She is a best
selling author.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Of joy Full.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
She is the host of her own podcast, A Really
Good Cry, I Love that title. She's a powerful force
for wellness, for conscious living and for joyful cooking. Welcome
to you both.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, I'm so grateful to be back with you and
reunited with all of you. Thank you so much for
having us. We're so honored and so grateful. Truly, it
was such a wonderful to be in your presence a
year ago. Now is it even longer?
Speaker 6 (02:49):
It was about a year ago, about a year ago.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I feel so wonderful to be reunited, and I wish
you were meeting Raddy in passion too.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
That we'll settle for this.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
We must do dinner when we're all on the same
coast again.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
We would love that, ye absolutely.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Yes, yes, yes, well, Jay on that note, because we
want to know you over well gosh, probably a decade now,
but we don't know Rady as well. So if I
can put you on the spot, the two of you
have created this incredible relationship based on conscious living, on Purpose,
on joy. So how did you first meet this incredible
woman and how did you know that she was your person?
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Ha ha.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
So the interesting thing is the first episode of my
podcast On Purpose Ever was me and Rady telling this
story together and I always wanted to start the show
at a really authentic, genuine, conscious place, and I thought,
why not do it with the person who knows me
best and knows me most deeply. And so the long story,
short version is I was in my final year of
(03:52):
college and I knew that I was going to become
a monk after I graduated, and I would go to
my local temple to serve and assist on the weekends
just to stay out of trouble. And when I was
doing that service, I was asked to show a woman
around who was around my mom's age, with different chores
and different practices at the temple. I'd never been asked
(04:14):
to do this before. This was the first time I
showed her around. She was very sweet, and then at
the end of it, she said to me, I have
a daughter that I'd love to introduce to spirituality and meditation.
And I said, well, I'm going to become a monk,
so I can introduce her to my younger sister who's
also involved in the community, and why don't you bring
her in? And so, you know, that week she brought
(04:35):
her in and it happened to be my wife's mom
and Raley was her daughter who came in and I
introduced Radi and my sister, and I remember seeing rally
and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world,
and I thought, no, no.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
No, focus, focus, focus has become a monk, and so
I kind of like shut it out.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
And then when I came back from the monastery, Radi
and my sister had become best friends, and so my
sister was our matchmaker. So that's how we met, and
then how I knew she was the one.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
You know, it's really interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Someone asked me this question recently, and I think I
gave at least what I believe to be a truthful
and honest answer, and is that I don't know if
you ever know.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
I think you.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Commit and invest to building something together, and you know
because the other person also wants to commit and build
and invest in you, and that's what makes them the one.
And I really believe that it's quite naive to think
when you meet someone, or when you move in with someone,
or when you marry someone, that this is going to
be the person you're with for three or four or
(05:39):
five decades in today's world, and so for me, I
know that Radi's the one because she invests every day
today more than even when we started. And that's something
that I can only discover today, and I couldn't have
known twelve years ago when we first got together, and
nine years ago when we got married, I couldn't have
posible known that. And so I hope that freeze people
(06:02):
up from this pressure and expectation that I've got to
find this person on day one and know that they're
going to be perfect and the person. When I probably
would have said that twelve years ago if you asked me,
like I found the one, I know it now when
I look back, I'm like, no, I'm lucky. She's proved
me right, but she very easily could have proved me wrong.
And so I'm very grateful that she's, you know, stood
(06:23):
by me through so many ups and downs and so
many incredible journeys that we've been on.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
So roddy, I'm very very curious. So you're at a
temple and you see this wonderful human being that was
training to be a monk, and what was going through
your mind when you first when you first met him.
Speaker 7 (06:47):
That's a really good question, you know, I he was
in like he was in white robes at the time,
weren't you.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yeah, he was training to be a monk. He was
in white robes. He knew my mom. It was like
a very odd situation.
Speaker 7 (06:59):
My mom was introducing us, and so when I saw him,
it was it was interesting because he had like tattoos
in monk clothes, was a very like, well spoken person,
where normally, in my mind, a monk was someone who
was from India and I, you know, usually would have
to speak to them in another language.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
And so it was kind of.
Speaker 7 (07:16):
Changing a lot of narratives in my mind of what
I expected to see when my mom was like, oh,
I want to introduce you to this monk. So I
think I was readjusting to my expectations. And then I
mean I started going to his classes and hearing him
speak about spirituality, and honestly, I think I felt in
awe of him through watching him in those spaces and
(07:37):
in the community, and you know, I ended up being
an observer of him rather than a friend at the beginning,
because we didn't really have a friendship or a relationship
at all when we first met. So it was quite
nice seeing him in his own environment doing something that
he loved. And so at first it was almost like
he had. He felt like a teacher and a guide
more than he felt like someone that I was thinking
(07:59):
I could be with. But then when I became friends
with his sister and she kept telling me all these
amazing things about him, I was like, Oh, he's so
sweet and they have the sweetest relationship he you know,
he is like a father figure to her, and she
loves him so much. And I thought, well, someone who's
got that relationship with their sister, and usually your sibling
has the best and worst things to say about you,
(08:20):
And she just loved him so much. And so there
was moments where you know, I kept saying to I
was like, you know, I think every like your brother,
and she was like, you can't. He's going to be
a monk for the rest of his life. Leave him alone.
She was like, I need you to leave him, and
I please leave. Yeah, please, I'm just telling you he
wants to be a monk forever. So yeah, I kind
of gave up on that idea. And so as soon
(08:41):
as he came out from being a monk and we
got to know each other, we both just realized how
how right we ended up being about each other, as
he said, and it was a nice surprise because it
could have gone both ways.
Speaker 6 (08:51):
You know, I love that she said fell in awe
rather than fell in love. I don't think I've ever
really heard that way. That's so beautiful. Yes, yes, fell
and awe.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
But the one thing she left out was that she
usually tells a bit like you didn't You didn't clarify
that actually when we first met, you just didn't notice me,
and I didn't like, just yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I did notice you. I just wasn't like.
Speaker 7 (09:14):
It wasn't like my mom saying, hey, here's someone for
you to meet in that way.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
And we're just getting started with Jay and Roddy. Grab
that second cup of coffee or tea because you don't
want to miss a moment.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
So, okay, we know the challenges of working with your
your partner.
Speaker 8 (09:50):
There's challenges.
Speaker 6 (09:54):
It's wonderful smiling, he's not saying a word right now.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
It so wonderful all the time every day.
Speaker 6 (10:05):
How do you all navigate through through those challenges?
Speaker 5 (10:08):
How do we deal with working with each other?
Speaker 4 (10:11):
That very wise, He's like, let me see.
Speaker 7 (10:16):
What she says. I would say, you know, the good
thing is we both have extremely different skill sets like
we are very different humans, and so what what's great
in that sense is Jay handles a lot of the
things that I don't want to or don't have the
(10:37):
skills too. I would say, like, he's really good at
the business side of things, and I really enjoy the
creative side of things. And so especially for the main
project we work on together is Junior, our tea company,
and so he does a lot of the business management calls.
Speaker 9 (10:55):
Is that what you call.
Speaker 7 (10:56):
It, like the final and stuff and what else?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Would you call it?
Speaker 5 (11:02):
Strategic?
Speaker 7 (11:03):
The strategic stuff? Yeah, And I really liked doing the creative,
working with the team to do events and building the brands,
the flavors of the Yeah, the flavors, the intricacies behind
what we actually put into the product.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
And so honestly, we're not often on the same.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
Cause, and so we do work together, but I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've only ever The only thing we've
ever done together work wise is our tea coompany JUNI,
and that was really exciting because that was something that
we shared in common. We both wanted to drink drinks
that didn't have sugar, so we wanted to build a
zero gram sugar drink. We wanted something with low calories,
so only as five calories. We wanted something that was
(11:52):
filled with ashwagandha and rishi mushroom and all these things
that we know we should be taking, and so that's
why we focused on that. But the reason why it
is easy to work on it together is because we
founded the company many years into our marriage, and I
think by then we have a good understanding of each
other's strengths and weaknesses, and we have a lot of trust.
So I know, if Radi's on a call about flavor profiles,
(12:15):
I know she understands flavor profiles far better than I
ever would.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
My palette is really basic.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Right before I met her, I had no idea what
any of these incredible herbs and plant extracts and adaptations are.
And so her level of knowledge in that field is
something I can trust. It's something I would back, it's
something I feel very confident in, and thankfully she feels
that way about me and my strengths, and so I
think that's why it works for us.
Speaker 5 (12:40):
I don't think I could. I think I'd find it
hard if.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
We had similar skill sets and we were constantly debating
and figuring it out. I quite like the dividing conquers
who works.
Speaker 8 (12:50):
Well well, we love your tea company, we love your
t brand.
Speaker 7 (12:54):
Jay.
Speaker 8 (12:54):
In your international best selling book Eight Rules of Love,
you talk about what it takes to nurture a relationship.
Can you give us one or two of your top
suggestions on how you can continuously strengthen bonds between couples.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Shouldn't be asking all of you this, but I'll try
my best. I'm sure there's a lot more wisdom on
that side of the table. So I feel underqualified, but
I would say one of my favorite ones is I
have a chapter in the book called your partner is
Your Guru. And what I mean by that is that
(13:29):
not that they're an authoritative, judgmental, dictatorial individual, because that's
not what a guru is. A guru is someone who's
dedicated to your growth, who's committed to helping you find
your path, and who's patient while.
Speaker 5 (13:46):
You do it.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
That's actually what a guru is, especially in the Eastern traditions.
And one of my favorite things about that is that
your partner.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Is really a mirror.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And the challenge we have in relationships is that the
right partner holds up the mirror in a non judgmental way.
But we're so convinced that the mirror is broken because
we don't like what we see that we reject them.
So we reject the one person who actually has the
ability to help us grow. And so Radi has been
(14:20):
completely non judgmental, empathetic, and compassionate about my health journey.
When I met Radi, I was addicted to sugar, I
ate a lot of fried food. I was fairly unhealthy physically,
and because I had a strong mind and meditated daily
and felt like I'd got somewhere with that journey, I
felt like my body almost didn't matter. I almost felt
(14:41):
like it was a afterthought. And she didn't teach me
by telling me I was wrong and that I was
wasting time, that I was being lazy, and that I
should work out more, because none of those things would
have helped me, because my ego would have come to
my defense and been a shield and pushed back, and
I would have been affected by that like I think
we all are. Instead, she set the example. She's worked
(15:02):
out every day i've known her, She's eaten a clean diet,
she's always cooked healthy food. She encouraged me and educated
me in the challenges of how I was living without
making me feel bad about them, and she's been my
guru for my health and so to me, when your
partner is your guru, and you allow your partner to
teach you in a non judgmental, non confrontational, non finger
(15:26):
pointing way, that is the person who can help you grow.
There's no one on planet Earth who could make you
a better human being than the person you spend the
most time with, so that your partners, your guru is
probably one of them. And I think you said a couple.
I would add that the problem is we often want
our partners to change, but what we don't have is
(15:49):
the patience that it takes to watch them change. And
we also want them to change into the people we
want them to be, not the people that they want
them to be. We see their potential and we say
you must rise to this. We see the possibility and
we say you must reach this. We see the result
(16:09):
for them that we've projected, and we say, if you
don't get to this, you've failed. And never have we
asked them, who do you want to be? How do
you want to live your life? What are you trying
to accomplish. And it's really interesting to me that we believe,
just because we want to invest in them, that that
(16:33):
care is greater than their ambition. And I think we
work so hard we want to be their savior. We
want to be the person to solve all their problems,
we want to be the person who fixes everything for
them just to feel good about ourselves. We don't actually
want them to be happy. We just want to be
(16:53):
happy that we're doing something for them, and so we
don't really give them the patience, the time, the energy
to find who they are and move in that direction
for themselves because we want to feel like we're helping,
we're fixing, where I'm here to solve all your problems,
and in that you try to be the person who
saves them, but actually you push them away. So those
would be my two biggest things that I think if
(17:15):
we can, on the first hand, learn to be a
guru that's non judgmental, and on the second hand, learn
to be patient and let people become who they want
to be, not try to make them who we want.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
Them to be.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I love that on a personal note because I'm going
to own that, and I think a lot of guys
who are husbands need to own that just being radically
transparent because you called it as it is, like it
is this male desire to want to help, to want
to protect, and so often it is that instead that
patience that's sitting in it. And I love I love
(17:50):
that phrase. I wrote that down, like, you know, the
idea of supporting who they want to be, asking them
you know who they want to be, and then supporting
them with that patience on that journey, not wanting to help,
not want to even though it comes from a good place,
just giving the space. I just so many husbands out there,
anyone who's listening who wants to play that clip back
(18:11):
on social media for someone in their life to sit with.
I just want to encourage them to sit with that
for a few minutes. I love the honesty of that advice.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
Well, and the partner is your guru is just so profound.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah, it's changed my life. I didn't know all this
before I got married. I think you figure it out
when you are married, and then you start learning how
much it has to teach you and how much better
you have to become because you love someone. And I
think that's the difference. The right person inspires you to
want to become better, not want to make them better.
Like you know, yeah, I think we're constantly worrying about
oh God, they're not doing this, and they're not doing that,
(18:48):
and they're not doing this, and the right person makes
you look at yourself and go, well, I'm not doing that.
So let me start there.
Speaker 6 (18:55):
If you're listening, you already know that this show is
built on connection, on showing up authentically, and on reminding
each of us of what really matters. If this resonates
with you, subscribing is the easiest way to support what
we're building and help us bring more of these uplifting
conversations into the world.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 10 (19:25):
This is a very simple thing, but it's very important.
I rarely get sick and I'm blessed and fortunate, but
a lot of that, in my mind is because every day,
not a day goes by that I'mrea doesn't put out
vitamins from me. Now, I would like to be That's
a simple thing. I'd love to be able to do that,
(19:46):
and I will get there. But that constantly reinforces. You know,
when your partner loves you so much that they're very
concerned about your being healthy, being able to go out
into the world as many of us have to do.
So I want to ask you both, what simple thing
does your partner do to show that they love you?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Ah, my gosh, Jason.
Speaker 7 (20:11):
Well, Jason very expressive person, but it's not just the
words that he uses, like he is someone who will
verbally check in and be like, what can I do
to make you happier? Is there anyway I can help you?
And he says that to me on a regular basis.
So I think one part of it is being vocal
about how you want to be there for your partner,
which I actually wasn't very good at and I'm still
(20:33):
getting better at to actually vocalize it. I've you know,
in my mind, I'm I see myself more of an
active service, which is how I've seen my parents be.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
So I'd be like, oh, but in my.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Mind, I've cooked a meal and I've done this little thing.
But sometimes you realize that actually having those vocal moments
are really important and how much that makes a difference
in a relationship. But then in action, it's like the
little things of you know, even if he's just sat down,
when I've sat down and I need some thing, he'll
get back up, Like if I won't get back up,
(21:02):
he'll get back up to get it for me. Or
if I am feeling.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
You still do it.
Speaker 7 (21:11):
And you know, it's those little things where you just
notice someone going out of their way for you, because
not many people want to go out of their way
for you. And then another one is whenever I'm having
I'm quite an emotional person, and whenever he feels my
energy is a little bit off, he'll always, no matter
what he's got going on, he'll always make space and
time to just check in and be like, do you
need do you need help with anything?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Can I sit with you?
Speaker 7 (21:32):
I can work through whether it's a work thing, whether
it's a family thing. You know, he always creates the
time and space, no matter how busy, to have those
moments of connection if he feels like I really need it.
And so, I mean, I could probably go on, but
I'll leave it that. There's are a couple of them.
But yeah, there's so many different ways he expresses himself.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Actually, Jay, Yeah, so many as well. I think for me,
the biggest one is I think when we first got
married and we moved to New York, and then we
were kind of there for a couple of years, then
moving to la and we've just been through so much change,
and change that wasn't anticipated or expected, so changed that
(22:13):
we both had planned to live our whole lives fifteen
minutes from our local temple in England and five minutes
away from Radi's parents' home. And actually that was one
of her requirements for us getting married, was that she
could be a one mile radius away from her parents'
home and I'd commit to that, and I genuinely had
(22:35):
committed to that. It was something that I thought was
very real. All of our friends are in that area,
families in that area.
Speaker 5 (22:41):
It made sense.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
And then all of a sudden my career took a
turn in twenty sixteen when this part of my life
started to grow, and it's continued to for the nine years, thankfully.
And if I'm completely honest, that was completely not part
of the plan, not my plan, not her plan, not
our plan. But it was what I couldn't even have
dreamed of. And not once in the last nine years
(23:09):
has Radi ever said to me, look what I gave
up for you. And oh God, I could cry saying this,
but it's one of those things. It's like, I know
how much her parents mean to her, now much her
family friends mean to her. I know how much London
means to her, and for her to move away, for
her to give that up when we didn't have clarity,
(23:32):
Like you know, we're very fortunate today to have a
wonderful life, but getting here wasn't easy. I was away
a lot, I traveled a lot for work. I was
building things, moving around. And never once did she say,
I gave this all up for you. You're never around, you
work too hard. And I think that kind of trust
(23:55):
without nagging, without making someone feel bad, when I was
already carrying the burden of it myself. And I think
that's the feeling that makes you feel loved where you're like,
I was already feeling that way myself. So if she
would have said it to me, it probably would have
broken me. But the fact that she didn't feel that
she had to say it to me makes me feel loved.
(24:17):
So not blaming, not shaming, not pushing, not prodding is is.
It feels like a small thing, but actually it's huge,
And even at the most difficult times in our life,
whether we were financially struggling, you know, struggling with moving, changing,
(24:37):
whatever things were going on in our life. Every time
I'd update her on what would happen, she'd always say,
I trust you. And hearing your partner say that when
you don't even know what's going to happen next is
the greatest sign of love. And so and and you know,
she radly decided to date me and commit to a
(24:58):
relationship with me when I had nothing to offer about myself,
and so that's a pretty big thing. She could have
married anyone she wanted to marry. And so her decision
to be with someone who didn't have a even a
secure job when we first started dating, and you know,
someone who'd been in the monastery for three years and
didn't have any sort of savings or any sort of plan,
(25:20):
I think it shows her character and her ability to
you know, go beyond material things. And the more recent one,
I mean, I could go on as well. I think
the more recently I need to get one. Radi's never
let me define my self worth based on my success.
(25:41):
So when I first started to experience success, Raddi didn't
celebrate it in the.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Way I wanted her to.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And I would want look, I'd wanted my wife to
be my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader, and
she wasn't for my career. But I had to realize
if I skewed my perspective, she was for who I was.
So if it came to my character, that's what she
was backing. She wasn't backing me because of my career,
and that took me. That helped me detach from valuing
(26:13):
myself based on the success of my career because I
think that's what I would have done and what I
would have wanted if she had fallen in that way,
And so her lack of validation for my career was
the greatest validation for my career.
Speaker 7 (26:27):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Great, but I mean I think.
Speaker 5 (26:32):
It's a say.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
And again going back to the men point, I think
a lot of men like we want our partners to
be like front row. We want them to be the cheerleader,
like we've we've got that culture. And I'm not saying
that my wife isn't my cheerleader and that, but I'm saying,
your wife's cheerleading your character, not your career. That's better
because the career is up and down, like the career
is going to do whatever it's going to do, but
(26:53):
your characters who you are, Like, what do you want
to be loved for? Do you want to be loved
for the amount of followers you have? Or do you
want to be loved for who you are and how
you show up and what she believes you represent? And
so I think it's genuinely been laughing about it and
it can't have funny connotations, but I want to clarify,
Like the point is, I think we all want to
be loved for who we are and not loved for
what we achieve.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I did start listening to your podcast last year.
Speaker 8 (27:18):
That's guys, are hilarious.
Speaker 9 (27:23):
I love this.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
I love that your your voice was cracking, like.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
The stop stopping going.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
I can see like Ye's eyes starting well and out
the two of you.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
It's awesome.
Speaker 6 (27:39):
There are a great lesson in the languages of love
and acknowledging that that you know that we all love
different ways and we receive love differently.
Speaker 10 (27:49):
You know, when I first met Andrea, she was she
was serious as border health.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
Health, serious health.
Speaker 10 (27:58):
That's pretty serious's pretty serious serious Andrea when she was
twenty ish, like I said, she was like really serious.
Speaker 9 (28:08):
I don't know if I saw that. But all of
a sudden, over the last like five years, she is
becoming one of the most funny pre people that I know,
one of the most funniest persons, And.
Speaker 10 (28:20):
It just adds so much to our lives. And people
don't know my dad was humorous, got that from his mother.
They see him as as very serious what she always
was publicly, but he also was extraordinarily humorous.
Speaker 5 (28:33):
Roddy's the comedian in our relationship.
Speaker 6 (28:37):
So what are some things that she does to make
you as Oh.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
My god, Roddie's the gun busson that wakes up in
the morning, does a random Daunce move, like just for fun,
I walk into the kitchen, there's no music playing, there's
no music playing, but Roddy's having a full on party
just in her head. Yeah, And it's so much fun
to watch. And just someone who's always looking at the
bright side of life. Someone is always it's just so well.
Speaker 7 (29:03):
The time, you're painting me out to be like I
can be a lot, It's okay, no you can't.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
She's but just yeah, she's hilarious in every possible way.
She's making funny jokes. Everyone knows anyone who follows Rather
on social media knows that she's hilarious and and my
team finds it really funny because on Valentine's Day or
on our anniversary or whatever, I'll write these like long, soppy, romantic,
heartfelt messages because that's who I am, and Rather will
(29:29):
post an Ai video of me tworking.
Speaker 5 (29:34):
I'm not joking, it's real.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Will we share that on social media?
Speaker 5 (29:38):
Is that available? We're going to put that Valentine's Day? Okay?
I was like, literally, I wrote this beautiful post and
she's got a video of Ai twerking.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You're a PDA person. Yeah, I struggle with that.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
We we obviously have laughed a lot today together and
and that's that's that's wonderful, and it's so important we
have to be very transparent that right now, it's it's
very difficult for so many people, and so many people
feel such an overwhelming fear, you know, disconnection, and so
(30:16):
I would really I'm curious to hear from both of you.
What would you offer to to people that are that
are feeling that that fear, that that disconnection, the overwhelm,
the the stress.
Speaker 7 (30:36):
Good question. Uh, you know the first thing that came
to mind for me is whenever I feel like things
are out of my control, or I feel like overwhelmed
at what's happening around me, or even in our own life.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Uh, there's this.
Speaker 7 (30:54):
Every time I feel like it's just me, the problem
feels really difficult to handle. But as soon as I
think the problem is me plus God, or me plus
the universe or something that has a much higher power
than I do, it starts to feel a little bit
more manageable. And so I find that prayer for me
has always been such a beautiful place to come to
(31:15):
when all other hope feels lost.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
I think I get a lot of solace in prayer.
Speaker 7 (31:22):
And I think that also connects to the idea that
if we can feel way more disconnected.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
When we don't feel connected.
Speaker 7 (31:31):
To ourself, and so whether it's practices and rituals to
actually connect deeper to ourself that allows us to connect
deeper to other people and have meaningful connections with others
that help us through those times. I think reconnecting every
single day in some way to who you are and
having those moments are really important to be able to
(31:51):
connect to someone else, to be able to feel understood
or valued by other people, and yeah, I think for me,
the main one always up being prayer because I'm like,
at this point, I can't control anything because I'm leaving
up to you.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
But yeah, I would love to hear some of yours.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
There's something called the third space theory, and it's this
idea that just around twenty five fifty years ago, we
had three spaces we lived in, We had home, we
had work, and then we had church or temple, synagogue, mosque.
And what happened is that those three spaces shrunk to
(32:31):
two spaces. We went from work to home and home
to work. And now we all know that those two
places have shrunk into one place. We work from home
and we live at home. And what's happened is not
that we've just lost three spaces, but we've lost what
that third space provided us. So what happened at church
(32:52):
or the community center or a place of gathering was
you had a space to look back on work and home,
state and everything else and reflect on how could I
be better? What could I do differently? Let's figure out
together what the solution is, what can we all band
to do together. So the biggest challenge today is that
(33:14):
we're all feeling the same feeling, but we're feeling it
on our own. We're lonely feeling the same thing. And
there's a big difference between being lonely feeling something and
feeling belonging and feeling something. And so what I would
encourage everyone to do is go and find your third space.
Speaker 5 (33:34):
Go and find your.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Space of belonging, Go and find your space of connection.
Go and find that space where you're with people of
equal value, where you can share your heart, when you
can hear other people's, when you can open up your mind,
where you can carry someone else's burden. I think we've
just lost that as a society, and I think these
moments are great reminders that we are stronger when we
(33:57):
are working together. We are better, and we're working together,
and ultimately, when we're united and carrying each other's weight,
the weight doesn't feel as large. And I think that's
the biggest challenge today, is that we're all carrying the
weight on our own and so finding that third space,
creating that third space if you don't have it. The
third space doesn't have to be two hundred people, two
(34:19):
thousand people, twenty thousand people. It can literally be four
people in a room that are reading scripture together, that
are starting a book club, that are listening to this
podcast and sharing what they learned from you and all
your amazing guests that you've had on It starts that small,
and I really feel that we have to create that
third space, even because right now our third space is
(34:41):
all of us sitting in front of the television, and
the TV screen is the third space. The phone screen
is the third space, and that third space isn't giving
you what the original third space gave you.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Jin Raddi, thank you for sharing your wisdom, your love
with each other in that beautiful, authentic way. The extraordinary
challenges that you've laid in front of us of how
we can all our listeners and our viewers do small
but deeply intentional things every day in our lives. And
I want to relay some of those challenges again for
(35:15):
the message that your partner is your guru. What a
beautiful thing for our listeners to say to their loved ones,
their partners after they listen to this, that you are
my guru, You're the teacher you help me be better
to say that intentionally to someone. And then I also
love the small but powerful idea of while we're cooking
to infuse the love, to say a little prayer. You know,
(35:38):
Andrea your music, you know a little bit of love.
Jane Raddy, thank you for living your legacies every single
day and reminding us that purpose isn't something we find,
it's something we create in our lives.
Speaker 9 (35:52):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
I'm so grateful to all of you for creating what
felt like such a beautiful safe space.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
Even though we're connected virtually, it.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Speaks to all of it.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
Jeezs it just felt like we were all in the
same room, and so thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Thanks for joining us for the special best of episode
on My Legacy with Jay Shetty and his wife Roddy Devlukia.
If you want to hear the full conversation parts one
and two, head to the My Legacy playlist wherever you
get your podcasts, and stay tuned. We'll be sharing more
highlights from our favorite episodes every Tuesday through the end
of July. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss
(36:27):
an episode.
Hosts And Creators
Craig Kielburger
Marc Kielburger
Martin Luther King III
Arndrea Waters King
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!