July 8, 2025 • 26 mins
When life gets loud, how do you stay grounded?
In this special My Legacy episode, hosts Martin Luther King III, Arndrea Waters King, Marc Kielburger, and Craig Kielburger dive into powerful stories and practical wisdom for finding peace, especially when the world feels chaotic.
- Mel Robbins introduces her viral “Let Them” theory and the life-changing shift that helped her stop reacting and start healing.
- Keshia Chanté shares why walking away isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
- Billy Porter opens up about trauma therapy, self-compassion, and learning to set boundaries.
- Deepak Chopra offers a powerful reflection on why peace in the world begins within.
- And Martin closes with a moving family story on forgiveness and resilience.
It’s a masterclass in clarity, strength, and protecting your peace when it matters most.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
I didn't learn as so as fifty four years old.
If I had known this way back when, I would
literally not have been a walking red flag for most
of my life. I would not have taken my stress
out on my family. I would have been more peaceful
and more powerful because I had no idea how much
power I'd given to other people.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
That was mel Robbins sharing a life changing lesson she
learned at fifty four, one that became the foundation of
her international bestseller. On this special best of episode of
My Legacy, How Smartin Luther King the Third, Andrea Waters, King,
Mark Kilberger, and Craig Kilberger explore what it really means
to protect your peace, especially when the world is loud, messy,
(00:45):
and demanding. Award winning singer songwriter Keisha Chante on why
walking away isn't weakness, It's wisdom. The iconic Billy Porter
on how he finally learned to set boundaries and work
through his trauma. Deepak Chopra explaed means why peace in
the world starts with peace within, and Martin reflects on
a powerful lesson in forgiveness passed down from his grandfather.
(01:08):
It's a masterclass in finding strength, clarity, and protecting your
peace when it matters most. First up, Mel Robbins breaks
down her viral let Them theory how it helped her
stop reacting, start healing, and reclaim her power.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Mel your new book, The Let Them Theory. It encourages
people to just let control go over other people's choices.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Absolutely, so the let Them theory is a simple mindset
tool that helps you identify literally in a moment what's
in your control and what's not in your control, and
the way that you use it is very simple. If
you're in a situation and some other person is stressing
you out or upsetting you or offending you, or you're
worried about them, or they're treating you poorly, you literally
(01:50):
say let them because the number one thing in life
that you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to
control is another human being. You can't control what they think,
you can can't control what they do, You cannot control
how they feel, period, And any psychologists will tell you
that any time that you spend trying to only makes
you feel more stressed, out, frustrated, and out of control
(02:14):
and the problem for all of us. And I didn't
learn this so I was fifty four years old. If
I had known this way back when, I would literally
not have been a walking red flag for most of
my life. I would not have taken my stress out
of my family. I would have been more peaceful and
more powerful because I had no idea how much power
(02:37):
I'd given to other people, and neither nobody does, because
we don't understand how we're turning other people into the problem.
And I've got very important and exciting information. It says,
if you feel tired in life, if you are frustrated,
if you're stuck, if you're stressed out, if you feel
like you never have time for yourself, if you're just
(02:59):
not as happy as you'd like to be, the problem
isn't you. The problem is you're unknowingly giving power to
other people, and you do it in four ways. You
allow them to stress you out, You worry about and
you manage what they're thinking. You navigate your life based
on their moods and their opinions and their disappointment and
(03:19):
their guilt and their expectations. And you paralyze yourself because
you're chronically comparing yourself to them and telling yourself that
if they're successful or they're this, then I can't have it.
And it's simply not true. And what the let them
theory does is that any situation that you're in and
you're going to use it with your family more than anybody,
(03:39):
because I think family teaches you how to love people
you hate sometimes, right, you gotta let them because you're
not going to change them. And what you will learn
as you start to use this is people only change
when they feel like changing. People only change when they're
ready to change. People only change when they're ready to
do the hard work to change. And the other piece
(04:03):
that you have to embrace is that we think worrying
about or pressuring or judging or pushing people to change
motivates people to change. It's actually the opposite. If you
look at the wiring of a human being, everybody has
a fundamental need for control. When you're in control of
what you're thinking about, in your decisions and your future
(04:23):
and the environment that you're in, you actually feel safe.
And the problem is if Martin's doing something that is
worrying me. Now, his behavior is something I want to control,
But Martin has the same need to control his life
as I do. So when I start to push on
Martin or suggests that Martin should do this or should
(04:44):
do that? What does Martin do? Martin pushes back because
he needs to be in control. And I didn't realize
that I was creating so much unnecessary friction and frustration
and distance with people in my life. I didn't realize
how much time and energy I was losing, because you know,
(05:06):
let's just take a simple example. You're at the grocery
store and there's five people in front of you, and
there's one cash here. We've all been there, right, yes,
And immediately the stress rises up inside you. And then
all of a sudden, you get agitated, and then you
(05:26):
start thinking why are they not calling it? And then
you're looking around, and then you start thinking you can
run the store better than anybody, right, And now let's
just stop and actually really look at what this is.
This is you giving power to something that you do
not control. And when you do that, a number of
things happen. Number one did you notice is the stress
(05:48):
goes up, your life force energy goes out. So you
are allowing stupid, meaningless, all kinds of irritating people that
are beneath you and not worth your time and energy.
You are allowing it to exhaust you, and you don't
have to, and the solution is just to say let them,
(06:10):
and immediately you feel peace because what you're doing is
you're tapping into a tremendous like I feel like I've
got everybody's ancestors with me. Because this is an application
of stoicism, of Buddhism, of radical acceptance, of detachment, theory
of literally not reacting and staying in your peace, and
(06:36):
then something interesting happens. You say the second part, which
is let me, let me remind myself that in any situation,
I have power because there are three things I can control.
I can control what I think about. Next, I can
control what I do or I don't do. Because you
can leave the supermarket, you could if you never have
(06:56):
time to talk to your friend, you could pick up
the phone and call your friend or your grandma. You
could practice meditation, you could say a prayer. If you say,
let me and remind yourself that you have power, right,
and so that's what it is.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
It Also, you said, you know all of these different
ancestors you're bringing in the ancestor of Martin Luther King
Junior and the whole civil rights movement. Yes, because I
think what people also forget is that when you're talking
about the lunch counters, you're talking about the freedom writers.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yes they trained, Yes.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
You know, they didn't just go and you know and
so and no, that was and it was a lot
of what exactly that you're talking about and let them
Like this is like they're going to do this. Yes,
I you know, I choose, I choose how then I
will respond to that. And what I also think is
(07:51):
important is like you have to it is training.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
You know, you have to think about it and you
have to.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yes, it is disciplined. And here's the other thing it
is because a lot of people hear this and then
they'll say, wait, you're just allowing people to walk all
over you. You're allowing people to abuse you. And I'm like,
oh no, it's the opposite, because you're actually allowing it.
Now when you say let them, it's almost like you're
allowing it without allowing it, because you're saying, I see
(08:19):
the reality here and I see that I can't control this,
and so I choose my response because I know I
do have power. And oftentimes the best response is no response.
The best response is peace. And we give too much
energy and too much fear into things we can't control,
(08:39):
and in doing so, we blind ourselves to the fact
that you always have control. And whether you're talking about
a family dynamic, or you're talking about a community, or
you're talking about a world at large, I see. I
find it just so sad and fascinating that we always
let the most challenging and toxic behavior seem to get
(09:00):
all the power. But I actually think the opposite is true.
I believe that the person that is peaceful, I believe
that the person that understands their power. I believe the
person who actually constantly reminds themselves, wait a minute, I
have power here because I have power over my thoughts.
I have power over my actions. I have power over
(09:21):
how I allow my emotions to rise and fall. And
it's inside that power that any single person can change
something for the better.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
And you know that's what because you're responding and not reacting. Yes,
and responding is when you come from a place of power.
Speaker 6 (09:40):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
And it's also how you take personal responsibility. Let's talk
about responsibility, because the word responsibility is just the ability
to respond and everybody has that. And so when you
really remind yourself of that, oh, you can be the
(10:01):
person that changes everything, because it just takes one person
to change the energy and dynamic in a family. It
takes one person who cares enough to change the politics
in a country. It takes one person to just shift everything.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
And if you.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Don't like where you're at, or you don't like where
your family's at, or you don't like something in a relationship,
or you don't like something in the world at large,
that one person is you. And as long as you
give your time and energy, and you give other people power,
their opinions, all of it that none of what you
can control. You are not present to the power you
(10:41):
actually have and the time and the energy that you
need to create the change that you're capable of changing.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Coming up Quis Sante on why walking away is sometimes
the most powerful thing you can do, and Billy Porter
opens up about the healing power of boundaries.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Now back to my legacy, and one of the things
I admire about Yukesha is that you know you have
walked away from things when it didn't serve you. Oh yes,
how would you say to our listeners? What would you
say to them about taking care of their mental health?
Speaker 7 (11:19):
Mental health is a huge thing I find it so
fascinating that we speak on physical health and we separate
mental health like it doesn't exist, like you is your
brain not attached to your body? Why why are we
treating it as.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
A separate thing.
Speaker 7 (11:33):
But there's something very humbling about experiencing depression. It's at
your lowest moment where you I've experienced times where I
was like, I don't want to do this anymore, I
am done, I'm tired, and it's you know, sometimes it's
just a lot of maybe trauma of you you experience
and it gets overwhelming. But once you've made it out
(11:56):
of depression one time, it renews your faith in God.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Or whatever you believe in.
Speaker 7 (12:01):
Right for me, it was God. It makes your faith stronger.
But it also makes you realize, like I can really
get through it.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
I just have to.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
Figure out what my game plan is to get out
of it. So I would say, you know, through my
experiences in life, it's the falling and the getting.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
Back up.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
That has allowed me to believe that there's more. And
also when you feel so close to not wanting to
be here, or when you experience a huge death, when
you lose someone, it really makes you realize how precious
life is and wanting to maximize your time here. So
I genuinely have this place of like, I don't know
(12:45):
what's happening tomorrow or the next week or the next month,
but I want to make sure it's a good one.
I want to make sure that I'm giving as much
as I can. Like when I leave the house, I
try to be as intentional. Sometimes I'm having a bad
day or I'm struggling with anxiety or depression, and I
try to still go out in the day and be
as mindful and as self aware as I can with people,
because I want to pour into people as much as
(13:07):
I can. So if I feel like something isn't right,
and I immediately I'm like, this is a waste of time,
no matter how valuable it could be to others.
Speaker 5 (13:16):
If I don't feel like.
Speaker 7 (13:17):
It's right to my core or it takes me out
of alignment with my relationship with God. There is nothing
more important to me than my relationship with God.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
So if it doesn't feel right.
Speaker 7 (13:29):
I'm good. I don't care how much money it is,
I don't care how cool it is. If it doesn't
feel right with me and Him. When I go to
bed at night, I'm not doing it, So I have
no problem walking away, and I'm lucky to have parents
that are like, good on, you do it, yeah girl, Yeah.
Speaker 8 (13:45):
I think one of the one of my favorite things
over the last ten years, I'll say, is people being
much more open about their mental health and what it
takes to keep your mental healthy right. It's not hidden
in a closet anymore. You can really say, Look, I've
gone through depression. I understand what it is because there's
(14:07):
something about not locking it inside that makes it freeing,
and it helps and helps helps, it helps you towards
the positive. And so I love that through social media
or whatever it is, mental health has been much more
on a conversation and much more. People have been much
more open about it over the last it feels like
ten to fifteen years.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
And let's just say it too, it's important for everyone's
mental health. I think it's been so wonderful that in
the Black community that we are talking about mental health
in ways in which we haven't. And I'm sure in
all communities, but in the Black community that we're able
now to talk more openly about mental health. That's critical
(14:48):
and so healing.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Ye think, Billy, you've been open about the profound pain
you've worked through in trauma therapy, where you could tell
us a little bit about that, and perhaps some of
the meaningful breakthroughs you've had along the way.
Speaker 9 (15:04):
The mental health profession and what they have developed over
the years to sort of help people heal themselves heal trauma,
all of those things. It's extraordinary. And I began a
(15:24):
very tailored process to my specific trauma in very specific
trauma therapy during COVID in a way that you mean,
you know, I keep saying the world shut down so
that I could address my trauma for real, you know.
(15:46):
And the thing I learned the most and I still
deal with, is the self compassion component that all of
us have to learn about for ourselves and for our
(16:08):
mental health self care and boundaries. The fact that I
didn't even know what that was. I didn't know what
a boundary was, and so I kept finding myself in relationships,
particularly romantic relationships with no boundaries. Those are the two
(16:31):
biggest healing components that I have taken away from that,
you know, in the practice, in the everyday practice.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
And Mary Martha witnessing Billy confronts and to start to
heal from such deep trauma must be quite a powerful experience.
What changes have you seen in him since he's begun
his own journey of trauma, healing, the.
Speaker 10 (16:54):
Self compassion, Seeing him learning how to say no. Billy
is such a giver and always wanted to see everyone win,
but sometimes you know, when we do that to what end,
at what cost? And so seeing him being able to
say to say no and to take care of himself.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Billy, Well, happiness is often seen as the ultimate goal.
It doesn't necessarily equate to a fulfilled life. Would you
believe are the key ingredients of living a fulfilled life?
Speaker 9 (17:28):
You have to choose yourself. You know, there's no way
to be happy when you're lying. You know, one must
choose truth. One must choose yourself. And I know for
me growing up in the church, you know, one of
the things that was very difficult for me was conflating
(17:51):
choosing myself with being selfish. Interesting, and I think that's
I think that's being illuminated these days in way that
you know, it's like, oh no, actually, because when I
put my oxygen mask on first, which is a version
of choosing myself, then I'm actually have more energy and
(18:17):
more consistency to help others.
Speaker 11 (18:22):
And to give to others like follow and subscribe to
My Legacy podcast and most importantly, share this with someone
who needs a reminder of their strength today.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Now back to my Legacy.
Speaker 5 (18:42):
Deepak, you've said that the world is on fire and
so are we, and that the chaos around us is
a reflection of our own interstate. How do we as
individuals begin to create peace within ourselves so we can
create peace in the world.
Speaker 6 (19:02):
Mahatmanghani said, the only way to change the world is
to be the change yourself. So you have to be
the change you want to see in the world. If
you want peace in the world, start with your own peace.
If you want love, then start giving love. Love can
(19:23):
only be shared by those who know how to give
and receive love. Peace can only be created by those
who are peaceful, not by peace activists, but those who
are at peace. And if you have a critical mass
of people who want to be the change they want
(19:44):
to see in the world, who are the change, a
critical mass that would translate into peace in the world.
But you need that critical mass right now. The critical
mass that we have is the recycling of trauma. So
when we say and the history of humanity is in
(20:04):
a way the history of trauma. Ever since the Middle Ages,
we recycle trauma, and the memory of trauma is anger.
The desire to get even is hostility. Blaming yourself is
guilt and shame. And then the depletion of energy that
(20:25):
happens as a result is called depression, which is the
number one pandemic recycling of trauma. So if we want
to change the world, we have to stop recycling trauma.
And that can only come about if we are at
peace with ourselves. So, as I've been said, forever peace
(20:45):
begins with us, with ourselves. It's not happening because of
the melodrama of social media, news networks, entertainment where violence
is romanticized. You know, World War One, people who wont
(21:08):
the war they get medals as heroes. The other side
war criminals. So you know who's a war criminal, who's
a war hero?
Speaker 9 (21:20):
What is war?
Speaker 6 (21:21):
It's murder? You know when you look at the history,
and I hate to be a political since now we
have permissioned to be a political But colonialism, slave trade
and piracy went together. You know, slave trade and colonialism
and piracy are the same thing, but they were done
(21:45):
under a uniform with medals. Long live the King, a
live the monarch. That has to stop. You have to
stop glorifying trauma. Even now, star wars, you know, the
war against cancer, the war against drug. Everything is a
war our metaphors themselves. We're not talking about creative solutions.
(22:08):
We're talking about war. You know, I beat the cancer,
I got rid of the cancer. No, there's a creative
way to solve every problem. And that creativity comes from
deep within our soul, you know. So when we refer
to God, we say the creator. Right, So every act
of creativity is a divine act. And that's not an algorithm. Okay,
(22:33):
that is that is the spirit. That's the only way.
Speaker 5 (22:41):
So certainly, at ten years old, I think many know
that my father was assassinated on that day of April fourth.
My mom lost her husband, and the four of us
lost our father. So that's the greatest trauma that I
believe I had gone through in my life. Then what
(23:04):
I know, none of us knew, was five years later
my grandmother was going to be assassinated in the church
while playing the Lord's prayer. Now, people were always inflicted
with tragedy, so we're not the first ones. We were
not the first ones, but at an early age it
(23:26):
was the way. It was not an accident. It was intentional.
Someone came intentionally to kill Dad. Someone came intentionally to
kill Dad's mom. And it really was how we chose
to deal with it by seeing we'd been taught as
kids that you know, to forgive that which is terrible
(23:49):
and nonviolence. Dad been the pre eminent civil rights leader,
one of the preeminent civil rights teachers in our society.
We had been taught or strong founday, we had a
strong spiritual foundation, but still it's it's tough. And what
my grandfather did was he publicly stated, I refused to
(24:14):
allow the man to kill my lovely wife or the
man that killed my son, to reduce me to hatred.
I love everybody. I'm every man's brother. In fact, he
went to visit the man who killed his wife, and
he went down to the jailed where the man was
being held because this was at at the church, the
man who killed my grandmother, and it was so Granddaddy
(24:42):
that afternoon went down to see the man who was
being held in the mental ward at the hospital in Atlanta,
and he visited with him and he said, son, why
did you kill my lovely wife. And the guy looked
at him and said when I when I get out
of here, I'm going to come back and get you.
And Granddaddy said, well, son, I'm gonna pray for you,
(25:05):
because that's who he was and what he believed. Interestingly enough,
if he had taken his he had a cane. He
walked with a cane back then, but he could have
taken that cane and hit the man in the head,
but he did not do that. He said, son, I'm
gonna pray for you because I know prayer changes things. Now,
(25:28):
that's a powerful example. I was not physically there that day,
but my brother and my cousin were, and so to
hear this story shared over and over again made a
profound impact upon me. So I shared this story often
with young kids because I believe that there's merit to Again.
(25:49):
If I had been bitter and hostile, people would understand.
But I'm thankful that I chose to exhibit what I
call positive energy and saying, oh, that greatly impacted my life,
but I choose not to go continue to hate others.
Hate can never solve the issue. Only love can do that.
(26:11):
Dad would say, darkness can't put out darkness. Only light
can do that. I hope that every time I have
an opportunity, I am depositing energy, positive energy, light into
the world.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Thank you for joining us for the best of my legacy.
New episodes drop every Tuesday. Don't forget to subscribe so
you never miss a moment.
I didn't learn as so as fifty four years old.
If I had known this way back when, I would
literally not have been a walking red flag for most
of my life. I would not have taken my stress
out on my family. I would have been more peaceful
and more powerful because I had no idea how much
power I'd given to other people.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
That was mel Robbins sharing a life changing lesson she
learned at fifty four, one that became the foundation of
her international bestseller. On this special best of episode of
My Legacy, How Smartin Luther King the Third, Andrea Waters, King,
Mark Kilberger, and Craig Kilberger explore what it really means
to protect your peace, especially when the world is loud, messy,
(00:45):
and demanding. Award winning singer songwriter Keisha Chante on why
walking away isn't weakness, It's wisdom. The iconic Billy Porter
on how he finally learned to set boundaries and work
through his trauma. Deepak Chopra explaed means why peace in
the world starts with peace within, and Martin reflects on
a powerful lesson in forgiveness passed down from his grandfather.
(01:08):
It's a masterclass in finding strength, clarity, and protecting your
peace when it matters most. First up, Mel Robbins breaks
down her viral let Them theory how it helped her
stop reacting, start healing, and reclaim her power.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Mel your new book, The Let Them Theory. It encourages
people to just let control go over other people's choices.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Absolutely, so the let Them theory is a simple mindset
tool that helps you identify literally in a moment what's
in your control and what's not in your control, and
the way that you use it is very simple. If
you're in a situation and some other person is stressing
you out or upsetting you or offending you, or you're
worried about them, or they're treating you poorly, you literally
(01:50):
say let them because the number one thing in life
that you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to
control is another human being. You can't control what they think,
you can can't control what they do, You cannot control
how they feel, period, And any psychologists will tell you
that any time that you spend trying to only makes
you feel more stressed, out, frustrated, and out of control
(02:14):
and the problem for all of us. And I didn't
learn this so I was fifty four years old. If
I had known this way back when, I would literally
not have been a walking red flag for most of
my life. I would not have taken my stress out
of my family. I would have been more peaceful and
more powerful because I had no idea how much power
(02:37):
I'd given to other people, and neither nobody does, because
we don't understand how we're turning other people into the problem.
And I've got very important and exciting information. It says,
if you feel tired in life, if you are frustrated,
if you're stuck, if you're stressed out, if you feel
like you never have time for yourself, if you're just
(02:59):
not as happy as you'd like to be, the problem
isn't you. The problem is you're unknowingly giving power to
other people, and you do it in four ways. You
allow them to stress you out, You worry about and
you manage what they're thinking. You navigate your life based
on their moods and their opinions and their disappointment and
(03:19):
their guilt and their expectations. And you paralyze yourself because
you're chronically comparing yourself to them and telling yourself that
if they're successful or they're this, then I can't have it.
And it's simply not true. And what the let them
theory does is that any situation that you're in and
you're going to use it with your family more than anybody,
(03:39):
because I think family teaches you how to love people
you hate sometimes, right, you gotta let them because you're
not going to change them. And what you will learn
as you start to use this is people only change
when they feel like changing. People only change when they're
ready to change. People only change when they're ready to
do the hard work to change. And the other piece
(04:03):
that you have to embrace is that we think worrying
about or pressuring or judging or pushing people to change
motivates people to change. It's actually the opposite. If you
look at the wiring of a human being, everybody has
a fundamental need for control. When you're in control of
what you're thinking about, in your decisions and your future
(04:23):
and the environment that you're in, you actually feel safe.
And the problem is if Martin's doing something that is
worrying me. Now, his behavior is something I want to control,
But Martin has the same need to control his life
as I do. So when I start to push on
Martin or suggests that Martin should do this or should
(04:44):
do that? What does Martin do? Martin pushes back because
he needs to be in control. And I didn't realize
that I was creating so much unnecessary friction and frustration
and distance with people in my life. I didn't realize
how much time and energy I was losing, because you know,
(05:06):
let's just take a simple example. You're at the grocery
store and there's five people in front of you, and
there's one cash here. We've all been there, right, yes,
And immediately the stress rises up inside you. And then
all of a sudden, you get agitated, and then you
(05:26):
start thinking why are they not calling it? And then
you're looking around, and then you start thinking you can
run the store better than anybody, right, And now let's
just stop and actually really look at what this is.
This is you giving power to something that you do
not control. And when you do that, a number of
things happen. Number one did you notice is the stress
(05:48):
goes up, your life force energy goes out. So you
are allowing stupid, meaningless, all kinds of irritating people that
are beneath you and not worth your time and energy.
You are allowing it to exhaust you, and you don't
have to, and the solution is just to say let them,
(06:10):
and immediately you feel peace because what you're doing is
you're tapping into a tremendous like I feel like I've
got everybody's ancestors with me. Because this is an application
of stoicism, of Buddhism, of radical acceptance, of detachment, theory
of literally not reacting and staying in your peace, and
(06:36):
then something interesting happens. You say the second part, which
is let me, let me remind myself that in any situation,
I have power because there are three things I can control.
I can control what I think about. Next, I can
control what I do or I don't do. Because you
can leave the supermarket, you could if you never have
(06:56):
time to talk to your friend, you could pick up
the phone and call your friend or your grandma. You
could practice meditation, you could say a prayer. If you say,
let me and remind yourself that you have power, right,
and so that's what it is.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
It Also, you said, you know all of these different
ancestors you're bringing in the ancestor of Martin Luther King
Junior and the whole civil rights movement. Yes, because I
think what people also forget is that when you're talking
about the lunch counters, you're talking about the freedom writers.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yes they trained, Yes.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
You know, they didn't just go and you know and
so and no, that was and it was a lot
of what exactly that you're talking about and let them
Like this is like they're going to do this. Yes,
I you know, I choose, I choose how then I
will respond to that. And what I also think is
(07:51):
important is like you have to it is training.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
You know, you have to think about it and you
have to.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yes, it is disciplined. And here's the other thing it
is because a lot of people hear this and then
they'll say, wait, you're just allowing people to walk all
over you. You're allowing people to abuse you. And I'm like,
oh no, it's the opposite, because you're actually allowing it.
Now when you say let them, it's almost like you're
allowing it without allowing it, because you're saying, I see
(08:19):
the reality here and I see that I can't control this,
and so I choose my response because I know I
do have power. And oftentimes the best response is no response.
The best response is peace. And we give too much
energy and too much fear into things we can't control,
(08:39):
and in doing so, we blind ourselves to the fact
that you always have control. And whether you're talking about
a family dynamic, or you're talking about a community, or
you're talking about a world at large, I see. I
find it just so sad and fascinating that we always
let the most challenging and toxic behavior seem to get
(09:00):
all the power. But I actually think the opposite is true.
I believe that the person that is peaceful, I believe
that the person that understands their power. I believe the
person who actually constantly reminds themselves, wait a minute, I
have power here because I have power over my thoughts.
I have power over my actions. I have power over
(09:21):
how I allow my emotions to rise and fall. And
it's inside that power that any single person can change
something for the better.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
And you know that's what because you're responding and not reacting. Yes,
and responding is when you come from a place of power.
Speaker 6 (09:40):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
And it's also how you take personal responsibility. Let's talk
about responsibility, because the word responsibility is just the ability
to respond and everybody has that. And so when you
really remind yourself of that, oh, you can be the
(10:01):
person that changes everything, because it just takes one person
to change the energy and dynamic in a family. It
takes one person who cares enough to change the politics
in a country. It takes one person to just shift everything.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
And if you.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Don't like where you're at, or you don't like where
your family's at, or you don't like something in a relationship,
or you don't like something in the world at large,
that one person is you. And as long as you
give your time and energy, and you give other people power,
their opinions, all of it that none of what you
can control. You are not present to the power you
(10:41):
actually have and the time and the energy that you
need to create the change that you're capable of changing.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Coming up Quis Sante on why walking away is sometimes
the most powerful thing you can do, and Billy Porter
opens up about the healing power of boundaries.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Now back to my legacy, and one of the things
I admire about Yukesha is that you know you have
walked away from things when it didn't serve you. Oh yes,
how would you say to our listeners? What would you
say to them about taking care of their mental health?
Speaker 7 (11:19):
Mental health is a huge thing I find it so
fascinating that we speak on physical health and we separate
mental health like it doesn't exist, like you is your
brain not attached to your body? Why why are we
treating it as.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
A separate thing.
Speaker 7 (11:33):
But there's something very humbling about experiencing depression. It's at
your lowest moment where you I've experienced times where I
was like, I don't want to do this anymore, I
am done, I'm tired, and it's you know, sometimes it's
just a lot of maybe trauma of you you experience
and it gets overwhelming. But once you've made it out
(11:56):
of depression one time, it renews your faith in God.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Or whatever you believe in.
Speaker 7 (12:01):
Right for me, it was God. It makes your faith stronger.
But it also makes you realize, like I can really
get through it.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
I just have to.
Speaker 7 (12:10):
Figure out what my game plan is to get out
of it. So I would say, you know, through my
experiences in life, it's the falling and the getting.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
Back up.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
That has allowed me to believe that there's more. And
also when you feel so close to not wanting to
be here, or when you experience a huge death, when
you lose someone, it really makes you realize how precious
life is and wanting to maximize your time here. So
I genuinely have this place of like, I don't know
(12:45):
what's happening tomorrow or the next week or the next month,
but I want to make sure it's a good one.
I want to make sure that I'm giving as much
as I can. Like when I leave the house, I
try to be as intentional. Sometimes I'm having a bad
day or I'm struggling with anxiety or depression, and I
try to still go out in the day and be
as mindful and as self aware as I can with people,
because I want to pour into people as much as
(13:07):
I can. So if I feel like something isn't right,
and I immediately I'm like, this is a waste of time,
no matter how valuable it could be to others.
Speaker 5 (13:16):
If I don't feel like.
Speaker 7 (13:17):
It's right to my core or it takes me out
of alignment with my relationship with God. There is nothing
more important to me than my relationship with God.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
So if it doesn't feel right.
Speaker 7 (13:29):
I'm good. I don't care how much money it is,
I don't care how cool it is. If it doesn't
feel right with me and Him. When I go to
bed at night, I'm not doing it, So I have
no problem walking away, and I'm lucky to have parents
that are like, good on, you do it, yeah girl, Yeah.
Speaker 8 (13:45):
I think one of the one of my favorite things
over the last ten years, I'll say, is people being
much more open about their mental health and what it
takes to keep your mental healthy right. It's not hidden
in a closet anymore. You can really say, Look, I've
gone through depression. I understand what it is because there's
(14:07):
something about not locking it inside that makes it freeing,
and it helps and helps helps, it helps you towards
the positive. And so I love that through social media
or whatever it is, mental health has been much more
on a conversation and much more. People have been much
more open about it over the last it feels like
ten to fifteen years.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
And let's just say it too, it's important for everyone's
mental health. I think it's been so wonderful that in
the Black community that we are talking about mental health
in ways in which we haven't. And I'm sure in
all communities, but in the Black community that we're able
now to talk more openly about mental health. That's critical
(14:48):
and so healing.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Ye think, Billy, you've been open about the profound pain
you've worked through in trauma therapy, where you could tell
us a little bit about that, and perhaps some of
the meaningful breakthroughs you've had along the way.
Speaker 9 (15:04):
The mental health profession and what they have developed over
the years to sort of help people heal themselves heal trauma,
all of those things. It's extraordinary. And I began a
(15:24):
very tailored process to my specific trauma in very specific
trauma therapy during COVID in a way that you mean,
you know, I keep saying the world shut down so
that I could address my trauma for real, you know.
(15:46):
And the thing I learned the most and I still
deal with, is the self compassion component that all of
us have to learn about for ourselves and for our
(16:08):
mental health self care and boundaries. The fact that I
didn't even know what that was. I didn't know what
a boundary was, and so I kept finding myself in relationships,
particularly romantic relationships with no boundaries. Those are the two
(16:31):
biggest healing components that I have taken away from that,
you know, in the practice, in the everyday practice.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
And Mary Martha witnessing Billy confronts and to start to
heal from such deep trauma must be quite a powerful experience.
What changes have you seen in him since he's begun
his own journey of trauma, healing, the.
Speaker 10 (16:54):
Self compassion, Seeing him learning how to say no. Billy
is such a giver and always wanted to see everyone win,
but sometimes you know, when we do that to what end,
at what cost? And so seeing him being able to
say to say no and to take care of himself.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Billy, Well, happiness is often seen as the ultimate goal.
It doesn't necessarily equate to a fulfilled life. Would you
believe are the key ingredients of living a fulfilled life?
Speaker 9 (17:28):
You have to choose yourself. You know, there's no way
to be happy when you're lying. You know, one must
choose truth. One must choose yourself. And I know for
me growing up in the church, you know, one of
the things that was very difficult for me was conflating
(17:51):
choosing myself with being selfish. Interesting, and I think that's
I think that's being illuminated these days in way that
you know, it's like, oh no, actually, because when I
put my oxygen mask on first, which is a version
of choosing myself, then I'm actually have more energy and
(18:17):
more consistency to help others.
Speaker 11 (18:22):
And to give to others like follow and subscribe to
My Legacy podcast and most importantly, share this with someone
who needs a reminder of their strength today.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Now back to my Legacy.
Speaker 5 (18:42):
Deepak, you've said that the world is on fire and
so are we, and that the chaos around us is
a reflection of our own interstate. How do we as
individuals begin to create peace within ourselves so we can
create peace in the world.
Speaker 6 (19:02):
Mahatmanghani said, the only way to change the world is
to be the change yourself. So you have to be
the change you want to see in the world. If
you want peace in the world, start with your own peace.
If you want love, then start giving love. Love can
(19:23):
only be shared by those who know how to give
and receive love. Peace can only be created by those
who are peaceful, not by peace activists, but those who
are at peace. And if you have a critical mass
of people who want to be the change they want
(19:44):
to see in the world, who are the change, a
critical mass that would translate into peace in the world.
But you need that critical mass right now. The critical
mass that we have is the recycling of trauma. So
when we say and the history of humanity is in
(20:04):
a way the history of trauma. Ever since the Middle Ages,
we recycle trauma, and the memory of trauma is anger.
The desire to get even is hostility. Blaming yourself is
guilt and shame. And then the depletion of energy that
(20:25):
happens as a result is called depression, which is the
number one pandemic recycling of trauma. So if we want
to change the world, we have to stop recycling trauma.
And that can only come about if we are at
peace with ourselves. So, as I've been said, forever peace
(20:45):
begins with us, with ourselves. It's not happening because of
the melodrama of social media, news networks, entertainment where violence
is romanticized. You know, World War One, people who wont
(21:08):
the war they get medals as heroes. The other side
war criminals. So you know who's a war criminal, who's
a war hero?
Speaker 9 (21:20):
What is war?
Speaker 6 (21:21):
It's murder? You know when you look at the history,
and I hate to be a political since now we
have permissioned to be a political But colonialism, slave trade
and piracy went together. You know, slave trade and colonialism
and piracy are the same thing, but they were done
(21:45):
under a uniform with medals. Long live the King, a
live the monarch. That has to stop. You have to
stop glorifying trauma. Even now, star wars, you know, the
war against cancer, the war against drug. Everything is a
war our metaphors themselves. We're not talking about creative solutions.
(22:08):
We're talking about war. You know, I beat the cancer,
I got rid of the cancer. No, there's a creative
way to solve every problem. And that creativity comes from
deep within our soul, you know. So when we refer
to God, we say the creator. Right, So every act
of creativity is a divine act. And that's not an algorithm. Okay,
(22:33):
that is that is the spirit. That's the only way.
Speaker 5 (22:41):
So certainly, at ten years old, I think many know
that my father was assassinated on that day of April fourth.
My mom lost her husband, and the four of us
lost our father. So that's the greatest trauma that I
believe I had gone through in my life. Then what
(23:04):
I know, none of us knew, was five years later
my grandmother was going to be assassinated in the church
while playing the Lord's prayer. Now, people were always inflicted
with tragedy, so we're not the first ones. We were
not the first ones, but at an early age it
(23:26):
was the way. It was not an accident. It was intentional.
Someone came intentionally to kill Dad. Someone came intentionally to
kill Dad's mom. And it really was how we chose
to deal with it by seeing we'd been taught as
kids that you know, to forgive that which is terrible
(23:49):
and nonviolence. Dad been the pre eminent civil rights leader,
one of the preeminent civil rights teachers in our society.
We had been taught or strong founday, we had a
strong spiritual foundation, but still it's it's tough. And what
my grandfather did was he publicly stated, I refused to
(24:14):
allow the man to kill my lovely wife or the
man that killed my son, to reduce me to hatred.
I love everybody. I'm every man's brother. In fact, he
went to visit the man who killed his wife, and
he went down to the jailed where the man was
being held because this was at at the church, the
man who killed my grandmother, and it was so Granddaddy
(24:42):
that afternoon went down to see the man who was
being held in the mental ward at the hospital in Atlanta,
and he visited with him and he said, son, why
did you kill my lovely wife. And the guy looked
at him and said when I when I get out
of here, I'm going to come back and get you.
And Granddaddy said, well, son, I'm gonna pray for you,
(25:05):
because that's who he was and what he believed. Interestingly enough,
if he had taken his he had a cane. He
walked with a cane back then, but he could have
taken that cane and hit the man in the head,
but he did not do that. He said, son, I'm
gonna pray for you because I know prayer changes things. Now,
(25:28):
that's a powerful example. I was not physically there that day,
but my brother and my cousin were, and so to
hear this story shared over and over again made a
profound impact upon me. So I shared this story often
with young kids because I believe that there's merit to Again.
(25:49):
If I had been bitter and hostile, people would understand.
But I'm thankful that I chose to exhibit what I
call positive energy and saying, oh, that greatly impacted my life,
but I choose not to go continue to hate others.
Hate can never solve the issue. Only love can do that.
(26:11):
Dad would say, darkness can't put out darkness. Only light
can do that. I hope that every time I have
an opportunity, I am depositing energy, positive energy, light into
the world.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Thank you for joining us for the best of my legacy.
New episodes drop every Tuesday. Don't forget to subscribe so
you never miss a moment.
Hosts And Creators
Craig Kielburger
Marc Kielburger
Martin Luther King III
Arndrea Waters King
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