December 9, 2025 • 45 mins
Tamsen Fadal – Emmy-winning journalist, bestselling author, and outspoken health advocate – joins My Legacy to talk about the transition every woman goes through but almost no one talks about. With millions of followers and a message that’s changing lives, she’s bringing menopause into the light and into the broader conversation.
In this candid, funny, and deeply affirming episode, Tamsen sits down with hosts Martin Luther King III, Arndrea Waters King, Marc Kielburger, and Craig Kielburger. Together with her husband Ira Bernstein, they share what it really means to support someone through the changes no one prepares you for.
Together, they share how:
- Talking about menopause can save lives
- Midlife is a time to reinvent, not retreat
- Support starts with listening, not fixing
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I said inmenopause dot dot dot any questions menopause, I
am too young for that.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Tamson Fidel is an Emmy Award winning journalist and New
York Times best selling author of How to Minopause, with
millions of followers on social media, delivering the information women
desperately want to hear.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Menopause is inevitable, but suffering is not. Like you do
not have to suffer.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But this time we're opening the door wide because her
message isn't just for women. And Tamson's brought the one
man brave enough to sit in the hot seat, her husband,
Ira Bernstein.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Oh and he's a.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Man of the pause.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
That's what I call him. Men who understand menopause.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
I have one word sweaters. Sweaters for the men.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Martin space healers.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
I've learned how to learn.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
It's a conversation where nothing is off limits.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
What are three things that the life partner should never say?
Behalf of all men?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I'm sorry, and no question is too uncomfortable to ask.
Speaker 6 (00:57):
And you have also spoken openly about how menopause can
change intimacy and closeness.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
This was probably the most shocking part for me.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Joint host Martin Winser King the third, Rdrea Waters King,
Mark Kilberger and Craig Kilberger for an unfiltered, eye opening,
hilarious and deeply empowering conversation about menopause, unlike anything you've
ever heard.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Before, because now we're bringing men into this conversation because
we have to, because we can't just pretend that visit.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Welcome to My Legacy. Today's guest is journalist and health
advocate Tamsen Fidel, who is shadowing the silence around menopause,
calling out the medical gas lighting, and using her own
story to inspire millions of women to demand better. Tamson,
we're so excited for you to join us here today,
and of course, on My Legacy, we always ask our
guests to bring someone who knows them well and can
share the inside story on their journey. Tamson, would you
(01:50):
do us the honor of introducing your plus one with
you today?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yes? My plus one is my husband, Ira Bernstein. We
met about seven or eight years eight years ago. We
always we always argue yours that over that we met
and it's a second marriage for both of us. Ira
is the co founder of DeMar Mercury, which is a
(02:13):
television distribution and producing company. And yeah, we got married.
I got remarried at the age of fifty. And he's
my plus one and I've.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Had to accommodate being a plus one because I wasn't
really used to that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Oh he's a man of the pause. That's what I
call him. Men who understand menopause? Ooh wait? How long though?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
How long does it take for a man to gain
that honor?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I know it. It's taken him a long time. It's
been eight years.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
To be fair, it didn't start eight years ago. And
if you're living with someone who wakes up at seven
to doing work and goes to bed at eleven, still
doing work, you know, it's easier to I don't catch
on quick, but a lot of repetition I eventually figure
it out.
Speaker 7 (03:03):
Sounds like me, Yeah, thank you, we love that you
and Tamson have this beautiful midlife love story. What was
it about Tampson that made you say that's my person?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I haven't told this too many people, but I think
when we started dating and Tamsen was a journalist and
she was, you know, on TV every day primetime, everybody said, oh,
she's so beautiful, and she's primetime newsperson and it's amazing.
And we started dating, and I started flying. I lived
in Los Angeles. I was flying back and forth quite
(03:41):
a bit. And uh, at some point she looked at
me and she said, are you in love with me?
Or falling in love with me because I'm a newscaster?
Is that why? And I looked at her and I
put my hand on her chest and I said, I'm
falling in love with you in spite of the fact
that you're in So that sort of set the stage.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Well, Tamsen, you've had a remarkable career, of course, both
as a journalist and as a newscaster to the point
that you made, but also of course now as a
woman's health advocate. But your whole life has been spent
asking questions, challenging the system. So can you bring us
back because this is my legacy. We want the origin
stories back in your early days that young Tamsen when
(04:23):
she was was there a moment when she was asking
questions or a hero in her life, someone who helped
inspire her to set her on this path of always questioning.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Oh, I don't know. You know, it's interesting. I lost
my mom at a young age and she was you know,
she was a stay at home mom, but she wrote
for the newspaper, like our local newspaper. So I think
that she was always asking questions. But I don't know
what it was. I think I was just really always curious.
I mean, I think I even did that when I
(04:54):
was young. I was constantly the one that, you know,
when they would have the report card. I've even looked
back at some like she's too talkative, She's always askings
a flash like that was my you know, whatever problem,
talks to everybody next to her and so. But I
definitely know that. When I got into college, I was
the college newspaper at the time, and I was just
(05:15):
fascinated by people's stories and I couldn't get enough of them.
And I loved how reporting and journalism could really change
narratives and really you know, expose things and bring things
to lights. So I did a lot of investigative journalism
early on in my career. I traveled overseas to Afghanistan
during the war, and then you know, eventually, when I
(05:38):
came to New York, I was I was doing more
behind the desk. But that's I've just always loved stories,
no matter what they are, just because I think that
that's that's the only way we change and learn.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Tamson, let's talk a little bit more about your mom.
I too lost my mom, although in I was in
my forties and through cancer as well, and I always
think about the fact of I think it was Maya
Angelou that said that no matter what your relationship is
with your mom, that when they're no longer here, you
(06:09):
will miss them more than you know. Your mom was
suffering silently with menopause, yeah, as she was battling cancer.
But tell me, just tell us a little bit more
about your mom.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, it's interesting. I think I probably know her maybe
or understand her a little more now than I did
then because I didn't know what was going on. She
was diagnosed when I was fourteen years old with breast cancer,
and she went through quite a bit. She went through
a mess sectomy and then a second one, and you know,
(06:47):
really fought for a long time. But what she always
was was very family like. That was the most important
thing to her. The only thing she ever wanted to
do was really see us grow up, you know, and
be around us and have a larger family. And so
that was a lot of what she instilled in me.
If there was one thing she instilled, it was the
importance of family and friends. There was no question about that.
(07:08):
And I think that, you know, her support is what
made me feel like I could be very vocal quite frankly.
I mean she was She allowed that questioning all the time,
allowed that curiosity all the time, and that was something
super super special. But what happened when she went through
breast cancer, which is what I didn't realize, is she
(07:30):
would get hot all the time, just dripping sweating, not
be able to go to restaurants. We'd all laugh it
off as a family, her included. And it wasn't until
about two maybe maybe it was like three years ago.
My dad and I were talking and I said, He's like,
do you think I'm reading all this stuff about menopause?
He was eating too at the time. He said, do
(07:51):
you think that your mom was going through that? Because
she was hot all the time and could never sleep
and could not like he was like, you know, we
were parallel the pieces together, yeah, putting the pieces together.
And so I think I you know, I dedicated the
book to her because I had no idea. That was
never a word used, that was never anything we talked
about growing up, which I think happened with a lot
(08:11):
of women in their moms. And yeah, so I think
I fell close to her in these later years because
she died at fifty one. So when I passed fifty one,
it was a big mark. You know, it's like a
I don't have my roadmap anymore of what happens next.
So I've felt that closeness more than I really, more
than I ever have.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And it sounds like she fought. She fought to see
you all grow up, and once once you were set,
she was like, Okay, yeah, she really did fight.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
She it was a six year battle, and she did
everything from you know, traditional to experimental, to do anything
that she could do to be there longer. And I
I don't. I've asked myself. It's interesting you say that,
because I've asked myself that question, like would I have
done all the things that she did when I had
a diagnosis like that and then got a second diagnosis,
(09:04):
you know, to keep doing that? But that's what was
important to her, was you know, she really appreciated life.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Did you read Judy Bloom growing up? Of course, because
I have this theory you and I are around the
same generation that we were, you know, the Judy Bloom generation.
We must, we must, we must increase our bus. We
were the generation yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yes, And we were the generation I think that really
kind of bought in the into the popular culture, even
the whole dialogue of a minstrual cycle and saying the
word period. And you know, and I think this our
same generation. We're the ones that are also having these
conversations that have not been had before with now paramenopause
(09:55):
and menopause like we are and we're so so here's
my thing to you as well. We have to find
a chant like we must, we must increase it. We
have to find some kind of menopause chant. Yeah, so
do that with you. Okay, so let's let's figure it out.
But but I want to go to the moment that
so many of us women dread. Right, You're on a plane,
(10:16):
You're flying on a plane. IRA's next to you, just
relaxed and scrolling, you know, just looking through the yeah
movie options, and then you get an email from your doctor.
So can you talk us through that moment? And what
went through your mind?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah? Uh, that email that I got was it was
my patient portal and it said, you know, you've got
a notification being in your patient portal And I opened
it up because I had done these blood tests and
it said inmenopause dot dot dot any questions, and that
was it. And I was like, the diagnosis, the the
beginning of this. What did this menopause? I am too
(10:57):
young for that. I am forty nine. This is not possible.
So what went through my head were a couple of things.
One is I'm too young for that, even though the
average age is fifty one, so I wasn't too young
for it. Two, I don't know anything about this. And three,
I can't have children anymore. And I said that to Aira.
(11:20):
And the irony of that is we had already I
had already made that decision in my life. We had
already had that conversation in our lives. But the finality
of that, and in the fact that it was no
longer you know, my option or my my you know
something I could do, I think that was a that
was a very pivotal like that. There's a there's something
about that that I don't think I've talked about very much,
(11:42):
and I don't know that many of us have but
it was it's you know, it's it's a transition. There's
no question about that.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And I like what you just said too, that we
feel like we don't have that option, you know, like
throughout our childbearing years before then, we have the option,
you know, in some way or level. But it is
something about feeling like that option that you know that
that is and we didn't We didn't have a say yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah, it's like that. Wait a minute, I didn't say
that that was okay for that to be taken from
me exactly.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
Yeah, So we need your help here. We have about
a million and a half active followers on social media
on my legacy platform, including hundreds of thousands of men,
and so we need your assistance and coaching if you will.
So I re you know, going back to that plane
moment when Tamsen sits next to you, it has that
conversation and then you respond, what was your reaction in
(12:34):
that moment and going back to your former self was
at the right reaction and or coach all these hundreds
of thousands of men, including myself and Martin and Craig
in terms of how does one respond to their loving
partners if they have that conversation.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Well, because we were on the plane doing what you
described very accurately, I didn't know. I just knew it
was something she was upset about. And I the only
thing I knew to do for sure was stop watching
Jason Bourne for the APOD.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Good call.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
I can take that advice.
Speaker 6 (13:08):
I got to write that down one second.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Stop watching Jason Bourne and listen. And I mean kidding,
but it's sort of I knew she was upset, but
I'm not professing any great knowledge of you know, oh well,
you don't have to worry. This is what's happened. Like
I didn't know anything, and so I just knew she
was upset. And it's just about listening. It's just about
hearing what's going on and struggling with not having the
(13:33):
solution because as men, that's our instinct is, you know,
if you have a headache, I'll get you tyl and all.
If you have this, we'll do that. Like just stop
being upset, and we want to fix it and move
on and go back to watching Jason Bourne. And so
that's what we want to do. And it's not so simple,
and so it just involves being patient and listening.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
I'm curious is it.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Was it shocking for you, because I know that when
Martin and I talked about it, Martin was, I think
kind of shocked.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
It almost was like that moment from Father of the
Bride too, when Diane Keaton tells Steve Martin he's like,
and she's like, oh, I think I'm going through menopause.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
You know.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
He was like, my mom went through menopause. I think
you were like, I think it also was a shock
to you. I think it was fair to say when
we started talking about it in our home, right, So
were you, I.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
Guess, But it was just I'm more whatever. Less aware
is maybe an advantage in some ways if you're aware
that you're less aware. So I just added it to
the list of stuff I don't know anything about. Oh
so this is happening.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
But did you feel like it would symbolize somebody older? Like,
I think that's the question.
Speaker 7 (14:45):
Like that really.
Speaker 8 (14:47):
Because I was more, perhaps at that moment, more comfortable
with the decision of not going to have children, So
I wasn't looking at that as something was taken away.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
I was like, not cavalierly, but me be a little too.
We've already had that discussion, so what's the difference? Like,
I'm not thinking about any other symptoms, anything else.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
It's just the.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Finality of that decision biologically had a big effect on you,
and it didn't do it biologically. I was like, well, okay,
so what else? Like, so can we fix it now?
And there's something.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I'm working at my watch. We can stop by the
pharmacy on the way to the Earth.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
You've both just proven why this book is a massive success.
So why do you have a cult following? Why millions
and millions of Americans women and men clearly need your message?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Coming up? The question every man is afraid to ask,
what should a partner never say during menopause? And what
actually helps?
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 7 (15:51):
So so, Tamson, some men might since the partner is
going through menopause, but but have no idea how to
bring it up. What's your advice for starting that conversation
without her feeling judged or misunderstood.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, it's such a good question. I especially like the
not feeling judged because I think that we judge ourselves
already a little bit. I mean I definitely did, and
I felt like I didn't even understand what was going
on myself because we you know, to your point, haven't
talked about this. We talked about you know, I talked
about a lot of other things we have not really this.
This wasn't a word I even said in news. You know,
(16:32):
I did news for all these years. I certainly never
said perimenopause and definitely don't remember saying menopause. I think
I think it's it can go a couple of different ways,
you know. I think it can be a you know,
if somebody's not comfortable with it, it could be a
conversation that is Listen. I you know, I was reading
looking listening to this podcast, and there were these the
(16:52):
woman talking about some of these symptoms she's dealing with,
like not being able to sleep and feeling like she's
not like herself. You know, if you are ever feeling
like that or I noticed maybe felt like that, you know,
maybe it's something to look at. I think that because
the good news is we have so much information out there, right,
so I think bringing it up that way is a
nice way to do it. And then I think also
(17:12):
making sure that it's not a oh gosh, is it
are you in menopause? Or is this your hormones talking
or because I think we've done that for a really
long time in this in how we talk about this, right,
We've laughed about it, We've joked about it. And while
there are some really funny, crazy things that come with it,
there's also the shame that I think that a lot
(17:35):
of women have been have felt like they had to
feel during this time because it means like our better
years are behind us, and maybe if we don't have
we're not in our reproductive years, we're not as as
viable as somebody that's younger than us. I mean, there's
no there's no question that you know, finally, this this
time in life is getting you know, attention. I think
(17:56):
it's deserved for a long time.
Speaker 6 (17:58):
Yeah, just on that. And I was a good student.
I did read and it was very helpful. By the way,
I may have a big shout out to your a
guide or a kit for a menopause for men, So
thank you. I appreciate it on behalf of three men
around the table at a minimum, very very very very grateful.
And in your guide you speak and you have also
(18:20):
spoken openly and candidly about how menopause can change intimacy
and closeness. So could you help us understand that, and
how did you to navigate that within your relationship and
create connection beyond the physical?
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Yeah? Absolutely, Yeah. I think that's always really one of
the tough conversations to have, you know, because when we
talk about all the symptoms of menopause, and there's like
over one hundred symptoms of menopause really that you know,
it affects joint pain and sleep and weight gain and
hot flashes and brain fog, but low libido is a
big one and painful sex is a big one. And
(18:53):
I think that both of those are difficult because I
don't know any doctor that I've ever had, ever gone
into for this conversation happening saying like, how's everything going,
you know, with your your sex life or with intimacy
or you know, is everything is everything normal there? Whatever
normal means. So you don't really know who to talk
to about that part, right, And I think that it's
(19:16):
really important that partners have this kind of conversation and
outside the bedroom, not inside the bedroom, but be able
to open that line of communication because during menopause, when
you know, when you have a reduction in estrogen and
progesterone and testosterone, that leads to things like painful sex
because it's not as comfortable because all of your body
you're dry, and it leads to a lack of a
(19:38):
libido quite frankly, where you're not interested. And I think
it leaves a lot of partners thinking like what happened?
You know that this time you were, you know, excited
about being intimate with me, and now you know you
don't even want me to touch your back because you
don't want it to lead to anything, you know, And
those are real conversations that we've we've had with women
all across the country. I was where was. I was
(20:00):
late forties and you were in your fifties. And yeah,
I mean I felt that I felt like I had
zero interests. I went from us dating and having like
these this fun you know, happy, you know, great, let's
go have a glass of wine and get together, to like,
don't come near me, don't touch my back, don't don't
look at me, don't look at me weird and and
(20:22):
you know, it had to be conversation so that I
felt like I was safe having a conversation with him
and not feeling like it meant I wasn't sexy anymore
sexual any more attractive. You know, I was already feeling
not attractive because of a lot of these other symptoms.
And we really did have some long conversations about it,
(20:44):
so we both felt comfortable and he didn't feel rejected
and I didn't feel like I was disappointing him.
Speaker 6 (20:50):
Fabulously helpful, I wrote from your side, what was that
like for you? And how did it test your relationship
and how did you show up differently as a partner.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Well, I think over time I learned to ruber back
and not expect sex. But I think, I mean, we
make fun of it, but that's really I mean, it's
easy to say, it's hard to do. It's one of
those things. It's like, yes, it's about conversation. It's about
being more open about things that you were normally not
(21:20):
open because it was just natural and you were just
doing things and enjoying things. And it's about having the
conversation before. It's about you know, using other things and
all the stuff that's in the book and having that
the why the you know, why do you want to
do this now and how do you prepare for that
in this stage versus what you used to do?
Speaker 5 (21:42):
You know, it's interesting we talked about the lack of conversation.
So the youngest person around the table, so, this is
the first time that I've actually ever had a meaningful
conversation about menopause in my life because wow, well we're
just not at that stage at in our relationship. And
so I imagine for a lot of men, this is
the first meaningful time that they've listened to an in
(22:02):
depth conversation about menopause. So I'm going to say this
question a little tongue in cheek, but also full seriousness, like, yeah,
you know, Tamsen, what are three things that the life
partner the husband should never say? No, I got, I
mean this was sincerity, and then what can we actually
say that is helpful.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I think it's a really great question because I do
think that we because we haven't had a conversation because
women have just started a real learning curve unfortunately, because
we've had to because we have to go into doctors
that have not been informed. You know, there's many doctors
by their own admission, so they didn't get this training
in medical school. So the ownus is on the woman
(22:41):
to go be a partner or to you know, to
be educated when they walk into the office was exactly
what's going on with them, so they're not dismissed. So
that's so it's a really fair question because now we're
bringing men into this conversation because we have to, because
we can't just pretend that this happens in a vacuum.
You know, I think that the one thing and while
we do, you know, we do you are you know,
I'm social media. I have my fair share of having
(23:03):
fun with these things, but at the end of the day,
we make sure that it's never in a shameful way.
So in a way like is this your hormones again?
Like is that what this is? Or you know, are
you ever gonna want sex again? Or you know, like
you know, what is it going to take to like
to get this? Like is this how long does this last?
Because the truth is menopause is one day. Everything before
(23:27):
that leading up to that is perimenopause, and that can
last anywhere between four to ten years of hormonal shifts.
All the guys at the table are like, all right,
I'm out.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
I wasn't going to answer for your wife, but I
was thinking that with that question that but there's perimenopause,
you know, which could be like up to ten years
before Martha. What I love. It's like this, these guys
are like swans, Like at the top they're vary, but
I know like at the table they're like, oh, like
(23:58):
there's yes, I love it.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
So it's so true. But so the perimenopause is a
long period of time where there could be hormone fluctuation.
So it would be changes in your cycle. It could
be anxiety, it could be mood swings, it could be
well we now you know refer to as brain fog,
where you walk into a room you can't remember what's
going on. That might make him the craziest about me
is that I'm like in the middle of my sentence
(24:24):
and then I stop and I go, what was it?
What was I talking about? And he thinks I'm just
not paying attention. But the truth is is that I mean,
some of it might be that, but the.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Truth a zero.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
But the truth is is that there is you know,
there is actually when you lose estrogen, you know your
you have estrogen receptors in your brain and so and
I'm not a doctor, just so everybody out there knows,
but I have researched this with two documentaries, in a
in a book and those estrogen receptors. You know, it
changes during that time in perimenopause, and you can come
(24:57):
back out of it on the other side. But there, Arthur,
things that I can understand would be frustrating to be
around because they're frustrating to deal with. And then I
think the things to say, do you want to handle
this part?
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Oh no, A little bit's devices?
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Well, thing is, don't pretend you know something when you don't,
so let her go.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
There's a life advice in that statement, just metopause.
Speaker 6 (25:22):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Bridge gaps.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
But I think that the the important thing is, like,
you know, how how can I help? Like where can
I sit in to help you through this? Whether it
is it could be something as small as she feels
like she's got to go, you know, start moving a
little bit, or working out or you know, maybe go
partner with her on that, or the patience of you know,
(25:49):
maybe she's tired because she's not sleeping. Maybe it's the
you know, air conditioner that you're fighting over. But just
being understanding of some of those things.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
He's given up on that I.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
I did notice. I also he's like, yes, but you're
usually so engaging in these conversations, even very silently taking
in this information.
Speaker 7 (26:12):
I'm very impressed I've learned how to learn.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I have one word sweaters, Sweaters for the men. Like
nobody ever talked about it with my parents' age, but
many years ago my parents were have been Florida or something,
and my mother was always hot and my father was cold.
So I go to visit them, and my father answers
the door and it's like Florida, and he answers the door,
(26:39):
and he's wearing shorts and like a golf shirt and
a snorkel coat.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Like, like, what are you doing?
Speaker 4 (26:48):
He goes, it's just easier. So I look at that
as life advice, mother to a son, to whoever else.
Speaker 5 (26:57):
Easier, that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Get it, Martin.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
By space heaters, I.
Speaker 7 (27:05):
Think that's just me, though I don't think.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah yeah, So there you go. So men you can
buy your space heater as well and just plug it
in right next to you and everyone's happy. So Tamsen,
what I love about you is that you weren't just
looking for answers about what was happening to you, but
like you're on a quest that you know, for all
(27:28):
women kind, and you were determined to share what you
learned with everyone else, with men and with women, you
launched a podcast interviewing medical experts that most women don't
have access to, and for your very first episode, you
set down with none other than Halle Berry right talking
(27:50):
about making menopause sexy. I mean, she was another woman
that was refusing to stay silent about menopause. So what
surprised you the most about that conversation?
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, you know, I mean that was like such an
honor first of all. But I think what I loved
about the conversation when I when I look back, you know,
her honesty and and risk taking quite frankly in the
career that she's in is huge. And I think that
sometimes that's glossed over because it is a risk in
Hollywood to be like, hey, I'm in a menopause. You
(28:23):
know you don't You might get a smile at the
front end, but you know somebody might be like, Okay,
you know that's she's aged out. And she was not
afraid of that conversation and talking about that, and that's
made a huge impact. I think the other part for
me as I look back on it now, because it
is what I love, is that this has brought all
(28:46):
women together in a way that I have never seen before,
like women from all walks, Like on what earth would
I ever be sitting down with halle Berry having a conversation,
you know, about anything, this coming together of the importance
of community. Because the only way that this message has moved,
like it's moved from where we were five years ago,
when I was having door slammed in my face about
(29:08):
the documentary and no one wanted to talk about it,
to being told that they didn't want me to do
this on television, to please stop bringing it up in
the newsroom, to where sitting there with halle Berry talking
about it has been like just such a it's unbelievable
move a movement of women talking. And so that's been
(29:28):
the real incredible part of it, I think now. But
her story of being misdiagnosed and her story of like
in a relationship, you know, being told like you know
what you know, not doctors not knowing what's going on,
and that she was told that it was, you know,
might be herpies and it's menopause or perimenopause. It's unbelievable,
(29:50):
Like it's maddening. And so that conversation with her and
her honesty is very motivating to me.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
Quite frankly, Well, it was sort of a great equalizer
for a lot of women because you're saying, halle Berry
clearly has the access to whatever expert advice there might be,
to whatever the top doctor in whatever the field it is.
It's you know, and if she has that issue. I mean,
when I go see Tams and speak, not every speech,
(30:19):
but a lot of them, I'm in the back somewhere
and then they do the Q and A and literally
I was I think it was San Francisco, and a
woman who was so grateful for the information. She raised
a hand and she said, I'm a firefighter in Marin County.
And so you have a woman who's a firefighter in
Marine County, and then you have Halle Berry. And I
(30:41):
think that that's you know, the range of because it
affects all women. It doesn't matter whether you're a firefighter
or whether you're a mega movie star.
Speaker 6 (30:50):
Yeah, and at that point in the fact that it
does affect all women is a very obvious yet really
powerful statement. You know, we're all very passionate about health
and wellness, and you know, we've talked extensively, both on
the podcast and externally about the fact that most doctors
aren't trained sufficiently about the issues of nutrition TIMS, and
(31:10):
we also love the fact that in your documentary and
in your book you talk about the fact that doctors
are not trained sufficiently in understanding the issue of menopause. So,
first of all, thank you for sharing that. Yet, of
course more than half the population will go through this,
so women are often perhaps not educated properly by their doctors,
perhaps they're not consulted adequately by their doctors, even gas
(31:35):
lit by their doctors. What words of advice? What do
you tell them when the doctors who are there to
help support them through this process are educated themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Yeah, this was probably the most shocking part for me.
After I got that diagnosis or whatever that was from
the doctor, I went, oh in my patient portal, I
was like, oh boy. And so when I dove into
it and realize that many doctors, and this is by
their admission and by statistically what they've talked about, get
(32:06):
like a little little little bit if anything, of training
on menopause, and a lot of it is because there
was a you know, a study twenty years ago that
can that was a women's health initiative that had headlines
that were very, very scary talking about hormone therapy. But
it's also because midlife health quite frankly, just hasn't really
been a priority. You know, once women got past their
(32:27):
reproductive years, we kind of fall off the map here,
it doesn't continue on into that next chapter. So it's
been important for me to make sure that women feel
when they walk into a doctor's office and a doctor
says something like, well, it's all part of aging, tough
it out, or you know, there's all women are going
to go through this, or they're dragging their feet, or
(32:48):
they're refusing their outright refusing to have these conversations that
a woman does you know, two different things. Make sure
she knows what those symptoms are that she has, and
make sure she knows she does not have to wait
through and suffer until those symptoms get bad enough to
seek some type of treatment. And whether that treatment is
in the form of forma therapy or whether that treatment
(33:09):
is in the form of you know, figuring out lifestyle
or non hormonal option, which we're seeing more come on
the market. I just want to make sure that they
are working with doctors that base their decisions on facts
and not what they think might but they might have
heard twenty years ago. And that's really the reason for
all of these resources is because I feel like the
more women have access to them, the more that they
(33:31):
can do a little pushback if they need to with
their doctor or find another doctor that they can talk
to about it and feel confident in their answers.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Well, let's dig a little bit deeper into those resources,
because I know that you have interviewed forty two experts
on for your book and and countless more on your podcasts.
Is there one medical expert that you've interviewed whose advice
was a game changer for you personally?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Oh that's a great Yeah, I think too. But I
will start with doctor Sharon Malone. Like she is my
she has been somebody who has really drilled down and
explained it all to me in a way that makes
me feel safe. So I'll say that first, because she
has such an excellent way of taking really hard conversations
(34:22):
and making them clear and understandable. And she was the
one that said to me, you know, menopause is inevitable,
but suffering is not, Like you do not have to
suffer and I think I really that really was And
I think you even remember when I first met her, yea,
that that was really important to me to understand it
and be like, oh, I'm not being a weak, weak
(34:44):
person because I have to rely on this. And then
she also explained to me hormone therapy when it came
to breast cancer because her sister had breast cancer and
she's very familiar in understanding it. And I didn't think
that I was an I was eligible for that, like yeah,
and then I realized it was okay. So's she really
changed that conversation for me.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just might. We're
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Speaker 5 (35:24):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 7 (35:26):
Howrah are you used to see people recognize Tempson in
New York for being on TV? Now women stap her
because she is speaking up for them. What's that like
to see and what makes you most proud?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Well?
Speaker 4 (35:42):
I think it is it's literally night and day for
somebody who's a famous person. Start with that. Who was
used to being recognized, as you said, because she was
on TV like that was sort of the beginning, middle
and end. Oh I saw you on the new you know,
oh you're times and Fidela you do the news, and
it was kind of a beginning middle end. That was great.
(36:04):
You got the validation. Somebody saw me, and that was it.
It's a very different conversation now. Where ever, I mean
literally every day, there's one or two women who stop
us walking into a restaurant, going into wherever it is,
in an airport all the time, and it's an emotional thing.
It's not oh you're TAM's and fidel It's so cool,
(36:24):
I've met you. They come over to her and they
thank her for what she's doing because in many cases,
and I'm not exactly they say, you changed my life. Yeah,
that's very different than oh, I see you on the
news and I'm seeing you now. It's literally a whole
different ballgame. And what I admire about one of the
things is that she is and she's changing many women.
(36:46):
For every woman that recognizes her, there's thousands that aren't
sitting in that airport with us and that feel the
same way. And that's what's really gratifying.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Wow, beautiful, so beautifully said TAM's. And for a lot
of women, menopause doesn't just bring hot flashes, brain fog,
weight gain, mood swings. We like to call in our
house the rage monster. He's laughing again. There you go.
(37:18):
It bringings this overwhelming feeling of of being being betrayed
kind of in some ways by by by our bodies.
So how did you make peace with the changes that
you were experiencing. I mean, you even think about the
term menopause it's about pausing or stopping something, when actually
it also we never talk about what we are gaining,
(37:39):
you know, if on the other side of that, you know,
just the standing unabashedly powerful, you know, you're you know,
no more shrinking, you know, more standing in your truth.
Is there any lifestyle shifts that helped you feel to
get to feeling empowered in this stage? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (37:57):
I am.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
It's interesting because I you know, and you're on that
one side of it when you're having all of those
symptoms and then you're you know, I when I started
on this conversation, it was like, there's thirty four symptoms
and then somebody who goes, no, there's actually one hundred
and two, and I went, well, we can't catch up.
But what I will say is this, I think now
that i've kind of you know, I went past the
day of menopause, and now I'm postmenopausal, and now it's
(38:20):
been a few years, I definitely feel a I definitely
feel and I know we use word like empowered, but
I definitely feel like this like standing up straight, you know,
like I feel more like, hey, I yeah, this is
like this is my someday. Like we've always said, like
someday I'm going to do this or that, and I said,
I'm living my someday today, like I I every day
(38:43):
is not perfect. I don't know exactly what I'm doing
every day, and some days I make lots of mistakes
and some days are just incredible ones. But I know
my purpose and I'm real like thrilled about it. And
I do feel that strength that's coming from here somewhere.
I guess maybe here somewhere, but I just feel a
(39:03):
strength that I didn't feel before. I don't feel afraid,
I don't feel very shrinking. I don't feel like all
the things that they said you were probably going to
feel at fifty four years old and so that's pretty amazing.
Somebody said to me, well, it's the golden years, and
I was like, no, it's actually the bolden years. Like
this is I've never felt so bold and you know, clear,
(39:24):
I'm not smart about everything, but I'm clear you know
what I don't know, and then what I want to
keep doing. And there's something really beautiful about that freedom
of your thoughts, you know what I mean, where you're not.
I'm not so worried about who who, who's.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Who, what people think or what they're going to say.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Like so you yeah, I say everything.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
Yes, Yes, that's such a beautiful way to walk through life.
And I think for us to be to be able
to say we earned that.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Yes, I're okay.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
You've talked about how Tamson focusing on her own health
and well being has been a positive infla on you.
What have you started to do because of her that
has made the biggest difference?
Speaker 4 (40:07):
Well, I think, look, every what's that phrase, every challenges
and opportunities? So what biology does two women doesn't happen
in the same way to men. We're slowly like we're
sort of slowly eroding away and older. I'm just saying,
and so what Tamsen has done is it's really a
(40:29):
health issue. It's really a It sort of made me
feel like, however we age, whatever it is, that doesn't
mean you get a free pass of not taking care
of yourself. And so whether it's it's diet and exercise,
it's all those things, but it's to make you feel
better and that we're all sort of fighting the aging
process in different ways. But what a woman has to
(40:52):
go through sort of hits you in the face. So
you can either you know, shrink from it or grow
from it. And most women, thanks to tams In more
and more women, men are growing from it, so they
become empowered on the other side. So while that, you know,
I don't think there's a man that I would know
that would want to trade places to go through that,
I think you can learn from it. And nobody's raising
(41:13):
their hands.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
None of these men are looking at I'm looking at
all three of them.
Speaker 4 (41:18):
They're all like, I can just tell. So nobody got it.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
We're moving on.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
So because nobody wants to trade place is I think
there are other things And that has been the gift
of like, you know, I'm not just saying you're spinach,
but it's all of those things. It's not you know,
I don't need to have viill palmersan every night. That's
not a necessity anymore.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
He's actually not allowed.
Speaker 4 (41:41):
This is getting away some of our internal rules and regulations.
But yes, yes, and I think in the bottom line
is you do feel better, and.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
We've done things together. I think more too, which has
been nice. Like the pandemic did some of this too.
But like working out together or walking together, I would
never walk.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
I would never I mean, I would work out in
the gym every day, but that would be it. I'd go,
I'm very regimented. I go, I do this, I do that,
I do the next thing. Stretch for eight seconds and
you're done. Now it's stretching is much more important. And
she's taught me to be open minded, if I begrudgingly
or not, to try pilates, and to try other things
(42:21):
that are not just what you do every day as
a guy. That's not how you grow up Martin.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
Will you go to pilates with me?
Speaker 5 (42:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Yeah, yeah, soo soom oh man, I'm sorry.
Speaker 6 (42:38):
And I just love the fact that you've redefined your
identity and talking about worth in midlife. I want to
give you a big shout out, because you, sir, have
had an extraordinary career. Big syndication deals with you know,
shows like South Park, honored by the Broadcasting and Cable
Hall of Fame. Seeing your amazing wife and partner and
(42:59):
love of your life reinvent herself. How has that influenced
you as you've gone through your stages in your own career.
Speaker 4 (43:06):
The issue we confront that I'm saying men and who
did the same career forever is complacency. I know how
to do what I got it. This is what we do,
and yet everything changes. Things are always changing, and so
it's made me sort of embrace that change and more
aggressively look at whether it was a few years ago,
social media and other things to sort of encompass that
(43:27):
in what we're doing.
Speaker 5 (43:29):
Yay, it has been phenomenal watching the two of you.
I love the laughter, I love the honesty. So listen.
On a personal note for my first ever meaningful conversation
about menopause, I have learned congratulation, Thank you, thank you.
I have learned a ton, I have to say. Probably
the biggest thing that I've learned, though, is I, you know,
(43:51):
candidly would think of menopause as something that happens to
a woman, But as I hear you speak about this,
I realize it actually happens to a relationship, It happens
to a family, It happens to the broader reaches of
all of us. And was awarefore we all must be aware.
How are we good partners and husbands? And think you
said is that menopause is inevitable, but suffering is not
the power of that statement, that idea that your own
(44:13):
confusion and fear in that moment where Ira, good on
you to stop watching the Jason Brr movie led to
this incredible book and movement, and the two of you
together and hearing you like my observations actually brought you
closer together. And so perhaps metopause can be that thing that,
through the right coaching that you provide to couples, can
actually bring people together. And Ira, I'm so glad that
(44:35):
you are the plus one in this conversation and just
how beautiful it is to see the two of you,
And as we say here, thank you for living and
sharing your legacy with us today.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
Thank you what a wonderful conversation.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
I love this, this, this has been absolutely great fanbious.
Speaker 5 (44:53):
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share and follow us
on at my life Legacy Movement on social media and YouTube.
New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus content every Thursday.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
At its core.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
This podcast honors doctor King's vision of the beloved community
and the power of connection. A Legacy Plus Studio production
distributed by iHeartMedia creator and executive producer Suzanne Hayward co
executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen on the iHeartRadio app or
wherever you get your podcasts on
I said inmenopause dot dot dot any questions menopause, I
am too young for that.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Tamson Fidel is an Emmy Award winning journalist and New
York Times best selling author of How to Minopause, with
millions of followers on social media, delivering the information women
desperately want to hear.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Menopause is inevitable, but suffering is not. Like you do
not have to suffer.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But this time we're opening the door wide because her
message isn't just for women. And Tamson's brought the one
man brave enough to sit in the hot seat, her husband,
Ira Bernstein.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Oh and he's a.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Man of the pause.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
That's what I call him. Men who understand menopause.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
I have one word sweaters. Sweaters for the men.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Martin space healers.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
I've learned how to learn.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
It's a conversation where nothing is off limits.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
What are three things that the life partner should never say?
Behalf of all men?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I'm sorry, and no question is too uncomfortable to ask.
Speaker 6 (00:57):
And you have also spoken openly about how menopause can
change intimacy and closeness.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
This was probably the most shocking part for me.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Joint host Martin Winser King the third, Rdrea Waters King,
Mark Kilberger and Craig Kilberger for an unfiltered, eye opening,
hilarious and deeply empowering conversation about menopause, unlike anything you've
ever heard.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Before, because now we're bringing men into this conversation because
we have to, because we can't just pretend that visit.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Welcome to My Legacy. Today's guest is journalist and health
advocate Tamsen Fidel, who is shadowing the silence around menopause,
calling out the medical gas lighting, and using her own
story to inspire millions of women to demand better. Tamson,
we're so excited for you to join us here today,
and of course, on My Legacy, we always ask our
guests to bring someone who knows them well and can
share the inside story on their journey. Tamson, would you
(01:50):
do us the honor of introducing your plus one with
you today?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yes? My plus one is my husband, Ira Bernstein. We
met about seven or eight years eight years ago. We
always we always argue yours that over that we met
and it's a second marriage for both of us. Ira
is the co founder of DeMar Mercury, which is a
(02:13):
television distribution and producing company. And yeah, we got married.
I got remarried at the age of fifty. And he's
my plus one and I've.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Had to accommodate being a plus one because I wasn't
really used to that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Oh he's a man of the pause. That's what I
call him. Men who understand menopause? Ooh wait? How long though?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
How long does it take for a man to gain
that honor?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I know it. It's taken him a long time. It's
been eight years.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
To be fair, it didn't start eight years ago. And
if you're living with someone who wakes up at seven
to doing work and goes to bed at eleven, still
doing work, you know, it's easier to I don't catch
on quick, but a lot of repetition I eventually figure
it out.
Speaker 7 (03:03):
Sounds like me, Yeah, thank you, we love that you
and Tamson have this beautiful midlife love story. What was
it about Tampson that made you say that's my person?
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I haven't told this too many people, but I think
when we started dating and Tamsen was a journalist and
she was, you know, on TV every day primetime, everybody said, oh,
she's so beautiful, and she's primetime newsperson and it's amazing.
And we started dating, and I started flying. I lived
in Los Angeles. I was flying back and forth quite
(03:41):
a bit. And uh, at some point she looked at
me and she said, are you in love with me?
Or falling in love with me because I'm a newscaster?
Is that why? And I looked at her and I
put my hand on her chest and I said, I'm
falling in love with you in spite of the fact
that you're in So that sort of set the stage.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Well, Tamsen, you've had a remarkable career, of course, both
as a journalist and as a newscaster to the point
that you made, but also of course now as a
woman's health advocate. But your whole life has been spent
asking questions, challenging the system. So can you bring us
back because this is my legacy. We want the origin
stories back in your early days that young Tamsen when
(04:23):
she was was there a moment when she was asking
questions or a hero in her life, someone who helped
inspire her to set her on this path of always questioning.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Oh, I don't know. You know, it's interesting. I lost
my mom at a young age and she was you know,
she was a stay at home mom, but she wrote
for the newspaper, like our local newspaper. So I think
that she was always asking questions. But I don't know
what it was. I think I was just really always curious.
I mean, I think I even did that when I
(04:54):
was young. I was constantly the one that, you know,
when they would have the report card. I've even looked
back at some like she's too talkative, She's always askings
a flash like that was my you know, whatever problem,
talks to everybody next to her and so. But I
definitely know that. When I got into college, I was
the college newspaper at the time, and I was just
(05:15):
fascinated by people's stories and I couldn't get enough of them.
And I loved how reporting and journalism could really change
narratives and really you know, expose things and bring things
to lights. So I did a lot of investigative journalism
early on in my career. I traveled overseas to Afghanistan
during the war, and then you know, eventually, when I
(05:38):
came to New York, I was I was doing more
behind the desk. But that's I've just always loved stories,
no matter what they are, just because I think that
that's that's the only way we change and learn.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Tamson, let's talk a little bit more about your mom.
I too lost my mom, although in I was in
my forties and through cancer as well, and I always
think about the fact of I think it was Maya
Angelou that said that no matter what your relationship is
with your mom, that when they're no longer here, you
(06:09):
will miss them more than you know. Your mom was
suffering silently with menopause, yeah, as she was battling cancer.
But tell me, just tell us a little bit more
about your mom.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, it's interesting. I think I probably know her maybe
or understand her a little more now than I did
then because I didn't know what was going on. She
was diagnosed when I was fourteen years old with breast cancer,
and she went through quite a bit. She went through
a mess sectomy and then a second one, and you know,
(06:47):
really fought for a long time. But what she always
was was very family like. That was the most important
thing to her. The only thing she ever wanted to
do was really see us grow up, you know, and
be around us and have a larger family. And so
that was a lot of what she instilled in me.
If there was one thing she instilled, it was the
importance of family and friends. There was no question about that.
(07:08):
And I think that, you know, her support is what
made me feel like I could be very vocal quite frankly.
I mean she was She allowed that questioning all the time,
allowed that curiosity all the time, and that was something
super super special. But what happened when she went through
breast cancer, which is what I didn't realize, is she
(07:30):
would get hot all the time, just dripping sweating, not
be able to go to restaurants. We'd all laugh it
off as a family, her included. And it wasn't until
about two maybe maybe it was like three years ago.
My dad and I were talking and I said, He's like,
do you think I'm reading all this stuff about menopause?
He was eating too at the time. He said, do
(07:51):
you think that your mom was going through that? Because
she was hot all the time and could never sleep
and could not like he was like, you know, we
were parallel the pieces together, yeah, putting the pieces together.
And so I think I you know, I dedicated the
book to her because I had no idea. That was
never a word used, that was never anything we talked
about growing up, which I think happened with a lot
(08:11):
of women in their moms. And yeah, so I think
I fell close to her in these later years because
she died at fifty one. So when I passed fifty one,
it was a big mark. You know, it's like a
I don't have my roadmap anymore of what happens next.
So I've felt that closeness more than I really, more
than I ever have.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And it sounds like she fought. She fought to see
you all grow up, and once once you were set,
she was like, Okay, yeah, she really did fight.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
She it was a six year battle, and she did
everything from you know, traditional to experimental, to do anything
that she could do to be there longer. And I
I don't. I've asked myself. It's interesting you say that,
because I've asked myself that question, like would I have
done all the things that she did when I had
a diagnosis like that and then got a second diagnosis,
(09:04):
you know, to keep doing that? But that's what was
important to her, was you know, she really appreciated life.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Did you read Judy Bloom growing up? Of course, because
I have this theory you and I are around the
same generation that we were, you know, the Judy Bloom generation.
We must, we must, we must increase our bus. We
were the generation yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yes, And we were the generation I think that really
kind of bought in the into the popular culture, even
the whole dialogue of a minstrual cycle and saying the
word period. And you know, and I think this our
same generation. We're the ones that are also having these
conversations that have not been had before with now paramenopause
(09:55):
and menopause like we are and we're so so here's
my thing to you as well. We have to find
a chant like we must, we must increase it. We
have to find some kind of menopause chant. Yeah, so
do that with you. Okay, so let's let's figure it out.
But but I want to go to the moment that
so many of us women dread. Right, You're on a plane,
(10:16):
You're flying on a plane. IRA's next to you, just
relaxed and scrolling, you know, just looking through the yeah
movie options, and then you get an email from your doctor.
So can you talk us through that moment? And what
went through your mind?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah? Uh, that email that I got was it was
my patient portal and it said, you know, you've got
a notification being in your patient portal And I opened
it up because I had done these blood tests and
it said inmenopause dot dot dot any questions, and that
was it. And I was like, the diagnosis, the the
beginning of this. What did this menopause? I am too
(10:57):
young for that. I am forty nine. This is not possible.
So what went through my head were a couple of things.
One is I'm too young for that, even though the
average age is fifty one, so I wasn't too young
for it. Two, I don't know anything about this. And three,
I can't have children anymore. And I said that to Aira.
(11:20):
And the irony of that is we had already I
had already made that decision in my life. We had
already had that conversation in our lives. But the finality
of that, and in the fact that it was no
longer you know, my option or my my you know
something I could do, I think that was a that
was a very pivotal like that. There's a there's something
about that that I don't think I've talked about very much,
(11:42):
and I don't know that many of us have but
it was it's you know, it's it's a transition. There's
no question about that.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And I like what you just said too, that we
feel like we don't have that option, you know, like
throughout our childbearing years before then, we have the option,
you know, in some way or level. But it is
something about feeling like that option that you know that
that is and we didn't We didn't have a say yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah, it's like that. Wait a minute, I didn't say
that that was okay for that to be taken from
me exactly.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
Yeah, So we need your help here. We have about
a million and a half active followers on social media
on my legacy platform, including hundreds of thousands of men,
and so we need your assistance and coaching if you will.
So I re you know, going back to that plane
moment when Tamsen sits next to you, it has that
conversation and then you respond, what was your reaction in
(12:34):
that moment and going back to your former self was
at the right reaction and or coach all these hundreds
of thousands of men, including myself and Martin and Craig
in terms of how does one respond to their loving
partners if they have that conversation.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Well, because we were on the plane doing what you
described very accurately, I didn't know. I just knew it
was something she was upset about. And I the only
thing I knew to do for sure was stop watching
Jason Bourne for the APOD.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Good call.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
I can take that advice.
Speaker 6 (13:08):
I got to write that down one second.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Stop watching Jason Bourne and listen. And I mean kidding,
but it's sort of I knew she was upset, but
I'm not professing any great knowledge of you know, oh well,
you don't have to worry. This is what's happened. Like
I didn't know anything, and so I just knew she
was upset. And it's just about listening. It's just about
hearing what's going on and struggling with not having the
(13:33):
solution because as men, that's our instinct is, you know,
if you have a headache, I'll get you tyl and all.
If you have this, we'll do that. Like just stop
being upset, and we want to fix it and move
on and go back to watching Jason Bourne. And so
that's what we want to do. And it's not so simple,
and so it just involves being patient and listening.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
I'm curious is it.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Was it shocking for you, because I know that when
Martin and I talked about it, Martin was, I think
kind of shocked.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
It almost was like that moment from Father of the
Bride too, when Diane Keaton tells Steve Martin he's like,
and she's like, oh, I think I'm going through menopause.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
You know.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
He was like, my mom went through menopause. I think
you were like, I think it also was a shock
to you. I think it was fair to say when
we started talking about it in our home, right, So
were you, I.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
Guess, But it was just I'm more whatever. Less aware
is maybe an advantage in some ways if you're aware
that you're less aware. So I just added it to
the list of stuff I don't know anything about. Oh
so this is happening.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
But did you feel like it would symbolize somebody older? Like,
I think that's the question.
Speaker 7 (14:45):
Like that really.
Speaker 8 (14:47):
Because I was more, perhaps at that moment, more comfortable
with the decision of not going to have children, So
I wasn't looking at that as something was taken away.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
I was like, not cavalierly, but me be a little too.
We've already had that discussion, so what's the difference? Like,
I'm not thinking about any other symptoms, anything else.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
It's just the.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Finality of that decision biologically had a big effect on you,
and it didn't do it biologically. I was like, well, okay,
so what else? Like, so can we fix it now?
And there's something.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I'm working at my watch. We can stop by the
pharmacy on the way to the Earth.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
You've both just proven why this book is a massive success.
So why do you have a cult following? Why millions
and millions of Americans women and men clearly need your message?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Coming up? The question every man is afraid to ask,
what should a partner never say during menopause? And what
actually helps?
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 7 (15:51):
So so, Tamson, some men might since the partner is
going through menopause, but but have no idea how to
bring it up. What's your advice for starting that conversation
without her feeling judged or misunderstood.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, it's such a good question. I especially like the
not feeling judged because I think that we judge ourselves
already a little bit. I mean I definitely did, and
I felt like I didn't even understand what was going
on myself because we you know, to your point, haven't
talked about this. We talked about you know, I talked
about a lot of other things we have not really this.
This wasn't a word I even said in news. You know,
(16:32):
I did news for all these years. I certainly never
said perimenopause and definitely don't remember saying menopause. I think
I think it's it can go a couple of different ways,
you know. I think it can be a you know,
if somebody's not comfortable with it, it could be a
conversation that is Listen. I you know, I was reading
looking listening to this podcast, and there were these the
(16:52):
woman talking about some of these symptoms she's dealing with,
like not being able to sleep and feeling like she's
not like herself. You know, if you are ever feeling
like that or I noticed maybe felt like that, you know,
maybe it's something to look at. I think that because
the good news is we have so much information out there, right,
so I think bringing it up that way is a
nice way to do it. And then I think also
(17:12):
making sure that it's not a oh gosh, is it
are you in menopause? Or is this your hormones talking
or because I think we've done that for a really
long time in this in how we talk about this, right,
We've laughed about it, We've joked about it. And while
there are some really funny, crazy things that come with it,
there's also the shame that I think that a lot
(17:35):
of women have been have felt like they had to
feel during this time because it means like our better
years are behind us, and maybe if we don't have
we're not in our reproductive years, we're not as as
viable as somebody that's younger than us. I mean, there's
no there's no question that you know, finally, this this
time in life is getting you know, attention. I think
(17:56):
it's deserved for a long time.
Speaker 6 (17:58):
Yeah, just on that. And I was a good student.
I did read and it was very helpful. By the way,
I may have a big shout out to your a
guide or a kit for a menopause for men, So
thank you. I appreciate it on behalf of three men
around the table at a minimum, very very very very grateful.
And in your guide you speak and you have also
(18:20):
spoken openly and candidly about how menopause can change intimacy
and closeness. So could you help us understand that, and
how did you to navigate that within your relationship and
create connection beyond the physical?
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Yeah? Absolutely, Yeah. I think that's always really one of
the tough conversations to have, you know, because when we
talk about all the symptoms of menopause, and there's like
over one hundred symptoms of menopause really that you know,
it affects joint pain and sleep and weight gain and
hot flashes and brain fog, but low libido is a
big one and painful sex is a big one. And
(18:53):
I think that both of those are difficult because I
don't know any doctor that I've ever had, ever gone
into for this conversation happening saying like, how's everything going,
you know, with your your sex life or with intimacy
or you know, is everything is everything normal there? Whatever
normal means. So you don't really know who to talk
to about that part, right, And I think that it's
(19:16):
really important that partners have this kind of conversation and
outside the bedroom, not inside the bedroom, but be able
to open that line of communication because during menopause, when
you know, when you have a reduction in estrogen and
progesterone and testosterone, that leads to things like painful sex
because it's not as comfortable because all of your body
you're dry, and it leads to a lack of a
(19:38):
libido quite frankly, where you're not interested. And I think
it leaves a lot of partners thinking like what happened?
You know that this time you were, you know, excited
about being intimate with me, and now you know you
don't even want me to touch your back because you
don't want it to lead to anything, you know, And
those are real conversations that we've we've had with women
all across the country. I was where was. I was
(20:00):
late forties and you were in your fifties. And yeah,
I mean I felt that I felt like I had
zero interests. I went from us dating and having like
these this fun you know, happy, you know, great, let's
go have a glass of wine and get together, to like,
don't come near me, don't touch my back, don't don't
look at me, don't look at me weird and and
(20:22):
you know, it had to be conversation so that I
felt like I was safe having a conversation with him
and not feeling like it meant I wasn't sexy anymore
sexual any more attractive. You know, I was already feeling
not attractive because of a lot of these other symptoms.
And we really did have some long conversations about it,
(20:44):
so we both felt comfortable and he didn't feel rejected
and I didn't feel like I was disappointing him.
Speaker 6 (20:50):
Fabulously helpful, I wrote from your side, what was that
like for you? And how did it test your relationship
and how did you show up differently as a partner.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Well, I think over time I learned to ruber back
and not expect sex. But I think, I mean, we
make fun of it, but that's really I mean, it's
easy to say, it's hard to do. It's one of
those things. It's like, yes, it's about conversation. It's about
being more open about things that you were normally not
(21:20):
open because it was just natural and you were just
doing things and enjoying things. And it's about having the
conversation before. It's about you know, using other things and
all the stuff that's in the book and having that
the why the you know, why do you want to
do this now and how do you prepare for that
in this stage versus what you used to do?
Speaker 5 (21:42):
You know, it's interesting we talked about the lack of conversation.
So the youngest person around the table, so, this is
the first time that I've actually ever had a meaningful
conversation about menopause in my life because wow, well we're
just not at that stage at in our relationship. And
so I imagine for a lot of men, this is
the first meaningful time that they've listened to an in
(22:02):
depth conversation about menopause. So I'm going to say this
question a little tongue in cheek, but also full seriousness, like, yeah,
you know, Tamsen, what are three things that the life
partner the husband should never say? No, I got, I
mean this was sincerity, and then what can we actually
say that is helpful.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I think it's a really great question because I do
think that we because we haven't had a conversation because
women have just started a real learning curve unfortunately, because
we've had to because we have to go into doctors
that have not been informed. You know, there's many doctors
by their own admission, so they didn't get this training
in medical school. So the ownus is on the woman
(22:41):
to go be a partner or to you know, to
be educated when they walk into the office was exactly
what's going on with them, so they're not dismissed. So
that's so it's a really fair question because now we're
bringing men into this conversation because we have to, because
we can't just pretend that this happens in a vacuum.
You know, I think that the one thing and while
we do, you know, we do you are you know,
I'm social media. I have my fair share of having
(23:03):
fun with these things, but at the end of the day,
we make sure that it's never in a shameful way.
So in a way like is this your hormones again?
Like is that what this is? Or you know, are
you ever gonna want sex again? Or you know, like
you know, what is it going to take to like
to get this? Like is this how long does this last?
Because the truth is menopause is one day. Everything before
(23:27):
that leading up to that is perimenopause, and that can
last anywhere between four to ten years of hormonal shifts.
All the guys at the table are like, all right,
I'm out.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
I wasn't going to answer for your wife, but I
was thinking that with that question that but there's perimenopause,
you know, which could be like up to ten years
before Martha. What I love. It's like this, these guys
are like swans, Like at the top they're vary, but
I know like at the table they're like, oh, like
(23:58):
there's yes, I love it.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
So it's so true. But so the perimenopause is a
long period of time where there could be hormone fluctuation.
So it would be changes in your cycle. It could
be anxiety, it could be mood swings, it could be
well we now you know refer to as brain fog,
where you walk into a room you can't remember what's
going on. That might make him the craziest about me
is that I'm like in the middle of my sentence
(24:24):
and then I stop and I go, what was it?
What was I talking about? And he thinks I'm just
not paying attention. But the truth is is that I mean,
some of it might be that, but the.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Truth a zero.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
But the truth is is that there is you know,
there is actually when you lose estrogen, you know your
you have estrogen receptors in your brain and so and
I'm not a doctor, just so everybody out there knows,
but I have researched this with two documentaries, in a
in a book and those estrogen receptors. You know, it
changes during that time in perimenopause, and you can come
(24:57):
back out of it on the other side. But there, Arthur,
things that I can understand would be frustrating to be
around because they're frustrating to deal with. And then I
think the things to say, do you want to handle
this part?
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Oh no, A little bit's devices?
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Well, thing is, don't pretend you know something when you don't,
so let her go.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
There's a life advice in that statement, just metopause.
Speaker 6 (25:22):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Bridge gaps.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
But I think that the the important thing is, like,
you know, how how can I help? Like where can
I sit in to help you through this? Whether it
is it could be something as small as she feels
like she's got to go, you know, start moving a
little bit, or working out or you know, maybe go
partner with her on that, or the patience of you know,
(25:49):
maybe she's tired because she's not sleeping. Maybe it's the
you know, air conditioner that you're fighting over. But just
being understanding of some of those things.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
He's given up on that I.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
I did notice. I also he's like, yes, but you're
usually so engaging in these conversations, even very silently taking
in this information.
Speaker 7 (26:12):
I'm very impressed I've learned how to learn.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I have one word sweaters, Sweaters for the men. Like
nobody ever talked about it with my parents' age, but
many years ago my parents were have been Florida or something,
and my mother was always hot and my father was cold.
So I go to visit them, and my father answers
the door and it's like Florida, and he answers the door,
(26:39):
and he's wearing shorts and like a golf shirt and
a snorkel coat.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Like, like, what are you doing?
Speaker 4 (26:48):
He goes, it's just easier. So I look at that
as life advice, mother to a son, to whoever else.
Speaker 5 (26:57):
Easier, that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Get it, Martin.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
By space heaters, I.
Speaker 7 (27:05):
Think that's just me, though I don't think.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah yeah, So there you go. So men you can
buy your space heater as well and just plug it
in right next to you and everyone's happy. So Tamsen,
what I love about you is that you weren't just
looking for answers about what was happening to you, but
like you're on a quest that you know, for all
(27:28):
women kind, and you were determined to share what you
learned with everyone else, with men and with women, you
launched a podcast interviewing medical experts that most women don't
have access to, and for your very first episode, you
set down with none other than Halle Berry right talking
(27:50):
about making menopause sexy. I mean, she was another woman
that was refusing to stay silent about menopause. So what
surprised you the most about that conversation?
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, you know, I mean that was like such an
honor first of all. But I think what I loved
about the conversation when I when I look back, you know,
her honesty and and risk taking quite frankly in the
career that she's in is huge. And I think that
sometimes that's glossed over because it is a risk in
Hollywood to be like, hey, I'm in a menopause. You
(28:23):
know you don't You might get a smile at the
front end, but you know somebody might be like, Okay,
you know that's she's aged out. And she was not
afraid of that conversation and talking about that, and that's
made a huge impact. I think the other part for
me as I look back on it now, because it
is what I love, is that this has brought all
(28:46):
women together in a way that I have never seen before,
like women from all walks, Like on what earth would
I ever be sitting down with halle Berry having a conversation,
you know, about anything, this coming together of the importance
of community. Because the only way that this message has moved,
like it's moved from where we were five years ago,
when I was having door slammed in my face about
(29:08):
the documentary and no one wanted to talk about it,
to being told that they didn't want me to do
this on television, to please stop bringing it up in
the newsroom, to where sitting there with halle Berry talking
about it has been like just such a it's unbelievable
move a movement of women talking. And so that's been
(29:28):
the real incredible part of it, I think now. But
her story of being misdiagnosed and her story of like
in a relationship, you know, being told like you know
what you know, not doctors not knowing what's going on,
and that she was told that it was, you know,
might be herpies and it's menopause or perimenopause. It's unbelievable,
(29:50):
Like it's maddening. And so that conversation with her and
her honesty is very motivating to me.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
Quite frankly, Well, it was sort of a great equalizer
for a lot of women because you're saying, halle Berry
clearly has the access to whatever expert advice there might be,
to whatever the top doctor in whatever the field it is.
It's you know, and if she has that issue. I mean,
when I go see Tams and speak, not every speech,
(30:19):
but a lot of them, I'm in the back somewhere
and then they do the Q and A and literally
I was I think it was San Francisco, and a
woman who was so grateful for the information. She raised
a hand and she said, I'm a firefighter in Marin County.
And so you have a woman who's a firefighter in
Marine County, and then you have Halle Berry. And I
(30:41):
think that that's you know, the range of because it
affects all women. It doesn't matter whether you're a firefighter
or whether you're a mega movie star.
Speaker 6 (30:50):
Yeah, and at that point in the fact that it
does affect all women is a very obvious yet really
powerful statement. You know, we're all very passionate about health
and wellness, and you know, we've talked extensively, both on
the podcast and externally about the fact that most doctors
aren't trained sufficiently about the issues of nutrition TIMS, and
(31:10):
we also love the fact that in your documentary and
in your book you talk about the fact that doctors
are not trained sufficiently in understanding the issue of menopause. So,
first of all, thank you for sharing that. Yet, of
course more than half the population will go through this,
so women are often perhaps not educated properly by their doctors,
perhaps they're not consulted adequately by their doctors, even gas
(31:35):
lit by their doctors. What words of advice? What do
you tell them when the doctors who are there to
help support them through this process are educated themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Yeah, this was probably the most shocking part for me.
After I got that diagnosis or whatever that was from
the doctor, I went, oh in my patient portal, I
was like, oh boy. And so when I dove into
it and realize that many doctors, and this is by
their admission and by statistically what they've talked about, get
(32:06):
like a little little little bit if anything, of training
on menopause, and a lot of it is because there
was a you know, a study twenty years ago that
can that was a women's health initiative that had headlines
that were very, very scary talking about hormone therapy. But
it's also because midlife health quite frankly, just hasn't really
been a priority. You know, once women got past their
(32:27):
reproductive years, we kind of fall off the map here,
it doesn't continue on into that next chapter. So it's
been important for me to make sure that women feel
when they walk into a doctor's office and a doctor
says something like, well, it's all part of aging, tough
it out, or you know, there's all women are going
to go through this, or they're dragging their feet, or
(32:48):
they're refusing their outright refusing to have these conversations that
a woman does you know, two different things. Make sure
she knows what those symptoms are that she has, and
make sure she knows she does not have to wait
through and suffer until those symptoms get bad enough to
seek some type of treatment. And whether that treatment is
in the form of forma therapy or whether that treatment
(33:09):
is in the form of you know, figuring out lifestyle
or non hormonal option, which we're seeing more come on
the market. I just want to make sure that they
are working with doctors that base their decisions on facts
and not what they think might but they might have
heard twenty years ago. And that's really the reason for
all of these resources is because I feel like the
more women have access to them, the more that they
(33:31):
can do a little pushback if they need to with
their doctor or find another doctor that they can talk
to about it and feel confident in their answers.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Well, let's dig a little bit deeper into those resources,
because I know that you have interviewed forty two experts
on for your book and and countless more on your podcasts.
Is there one medical expert that you've interviewed whose advice
was a game changer for you personally?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Oh that's a great Yeah, I think too. But I
will start with doctor Sharon Malone. Like she is my
she has been somebody who has really drilled down and
explained it all to me in a way that makes
me feel safe. So I'll say that first, because she
has such an excellent way of taking really hard conversations
(34:22):
and making them clear and understandable. And she was the
one that said to me, you know, menopause is inevitable,
but suffering is not, Like you do not have to
suffer and I think I really that really was And
I think you even remember when I first met her, yea,
that that was really important to me to understand it
and be like, oh, I'm not being a weak, weak
(34:44):
person because I have to rely on this. And then
she also explained to me hormone therapy when it came
to breast cancer because her sister had breast cancer and
she's very familiar in understanding it. And I didn't think
that I was an I was eligible for that, like yeah,
and then I realized it was okay. So's she really
changed that conversation for me.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
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Speaker 5 (35:24):
Now back to my legacy.
Speaker 7 (35:26):
Howrah are you used to see people recognize Tempson in
New York for being on TV? Now women stap her
because she is speaking up for them. What's that like
to see and what makes you most proud?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Well?
Speaker 4 (35:42):
I think it is it's literally night and day for
somebody who's a famous person. Start with that. Who was
used to being recognized, as you said, because she was
on TV like that was sort of the beginning, middle
and end. Oh I saw you on the new you know,
oh you're times and Fidela you do the news, and
it was kind of a beginning middle end. That was great.
(36:04):
You got the validation. Somebody saw me, and that was it.
It's a very different conversation now. Where ever, I mean
literally every day, there's one or two women who stop
us walking into a restaurant, going into wherever it is,
in an airport all the time, and it's an emotional thing.
It's not oh you're TAM's and fidel It's so cool,
(36:24):
I've met you. They come over to her and they
thank her for what she's doing because in many cases,
and I'm not exactly they say, you changed my life. Yeah,
that's very different than oh, I see you on the
news and I'm seeing you now. It's literally a whole
different ballgame. And what I admire about one of the
things is that she is and she's changing many women.
(36:46):
For every woman that recognizes her, there's thousands that aren't
sitting in that airport with us and that feel the
same way. And that's what's really gratifying.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Wow, beautiful, so beautifully said TAM's. And for a lot
of women, menopause doesn't just bring hot flashes, brain fog,
weight gain, mood swings. We like to call in our
house the rage monster. He's laughing again. There you go.
(37:18):
It bringings this overwhelming feeling of of being being betrayed
kind of in some ways by by by our bodies.
So how did you make peace with the changes that
you were experiencing. I mean, you even think about the
term menopause it's about pausing or stopping something, when actually
it also we never talk about what we are gaining,
(37:39):
you know, if on the other side of that, you know,
just the standing unabashedly powerful, you know, you're you know,
no more shrinking, you know, more standing in your truth.
Is there any lifestyle shifts that helped you feel to
get to feeling empowered in this stage? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (37:57):
I am.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
It's interesting because I you know, and you're on that
one side of it when you're having all of those
symptoms and then you're you know, I when I started
on this conversation, it was like, there's thirty four symptoms
and then somebody who goes, no, there's actually one hundred
and two, and I went, well, we can't catch up.
But what I will say is this, I think now
that i've kind of you know, I went past the
day of menopause, and now I'm postmenopausal, and now it's
(38:20):
been a few years, I definitely feel a I definitely
feel and I know we use word like empowered, but
I definitely feel like this like standing up straight, you know,
like I feel more like, hey, I yeah, this is
like this is my someday. Like we've always said, like
someday I'm going to do this or that, and I said,
I'm living my someday today, like I I every day
(38:43):
is not perfect. I don't know exactly what I'm doing
every day, and some days I make lots of mistakes
and some days are just incredible ones. But I know
my purpose and I'm real like thrilled about it. And
I do feel that strength that's coming from here somewhere.
I guess maybe here somewhere, but I just feel a
(39:03):
strength that I didn't feel before. I don't feel afraid,
I don't feel very shrinking. I don't feel like all
the things that they said you were probably going to
feel at fifty four years old and so that's pretty amazing.
Somebody said to me, well, it's the golden years, and
I was like, no, it's actually the bolden years. Like
this is I've never felt so bold and you know, clear,
(39:24):
I'm not smart about everything, but I'm clear you know
what I don't know, and then what I want to
keep doing. And there's something really beautiful about that freedom
of your thoughts, you know what I mean, where you're not.
I'm not so worried about who who, who's.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Who, what people think or what they're going to say.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Like so you yeah, I say everything.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
Yes, Yes, that's such a beautiful way to walk through life.
And I think for us to be to be able
to say we earned that.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Yes, I're okay.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
You've talked about how Tamson focusing on her own health
and well being has been a positive infla on you.
What have you started to do because of her that
has made the biggest difference?
Speaker 4 (40:07):
Well, I think, look, every what's that phrase, every challenges
and opportunities? So what biology does two women doesn't happen
in the same way to men. We're slowly like we're
sort of slowly eroding away and older. I'm just saying,
and so what Tamsen has done is it's really a
(40:29):
health issue. It's really a It sort of made me
feel like, however we age, whatever it is, that doesn't
mean you get a free pass of not taking care
of yourself. And so whether it's it's diet and exercise,
it's all those things, but it's to make you feel
better and that we're all sort of fighting the aging
process in different ways. But what a woman has to
(40:52):
go through sort of hits you in the face. So
you can either you know, shrink from it or grow
from it. And most women, thanks to tams In more
and more women, men are growing from it, so they
become empowered on the other side. So while that, you know,
I don't think there's a man that I would know
that would want to trade places to go through that,
I think you can learn from it. And nobody's raising
(41:13):
their hands.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
None of these men are looking at I'm looking at
all three of them.
Speaker 4 (41:18):
They're all like, I can just tell. So nobody got it.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
We're moving on.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
So because nobody wants to trade place is I think
there are other things And that has been the gift
of like, you know, I'm not just saying you're spinach,
but it's all of those things. It's not you know,
I don't need to have viill palmersan every night. That's
not a necessity anymore.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
He's actually not allowed.
Speaker 4 (41:41):
This is getting away some of our internal rules and regulations.
But yes, yes, and I think in the bottom line
is you do feel better, and.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
We've done things together. I think more too, which has
been nice. Like the pandemic did some of this too.
But like working out together or walking together, I would
never walk.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
I would never I mean, I would work out in
the gym every day, but that would be it. I'd go,
I'm very regimented. I go, I do this, I do that,
I do the next thing. Stretch for eight seconds and
you're done. Now it's stretching is much more important. And
she's taught me to be open minded, if I begrudgingly
or not, to try pilates, and to try other things
(42:21):
that are not just what you do every day as
a guy. That's not how you grow up Martin.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
Will you go to pilates with me?
Speaker 5 (42:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Yeah, yeah, soo soom oh man, I'm sorry.
Speaker 6 (42:38):
And I just love the fact that you've redefined your
identity and talking about worth in midlife. I want to
give you a big shout out, because you, sir, have
had an extraordinary career. Big syndication deals with you know,
shows like South Park, honored by the Broadcasting and Cable
Hall of Fame. Seeing your amazing wife and partner and
(42:59):
love of your life reinvent herself. How has that influenced
you as you've gone through your stages in your own career.
Speaker 4 (43:06):
The issue we confront that I'm saying men and who
did the same career forever is complacency. I know how
to do what I got it. This is what we do,
and yet everything changes. Things are always changing, and so
it's made me sort of embrace that change and more
aggressively look at whether it was a few years ago,
social media and other things to sort of encompass that
(43:27):
in what we're doing.
Speaker 5 (43:29):
Yay, it has been phenomenal watching the two of you.
I love the laughter, I love the honesty. So listen.
On a personal note for my first ever meaningful conversation
about menopause, I have learned congratulation, Thank you, thank you.
I have learned a ton, I have to say. Probably
the biggest thing that I've learned, though, is I, you know,
(43:51):
candidly would think of menopause as something that happens to
a woman, But as I hear you speak about this,
I realize it actually happens to a relationship, It happens
to a family, It happens to the broader reaches of
all of us. And was awarefore we all must be aware.
How are we good partners and husbands? And think you
said is that menopause is inevitable, but suffering is not
the power of that statement, that idea that your own
(44:13):
confusion and fear in that moment where Ira, good on
you to stop watching the Jason Brr movie led to
this incredible book and movement, and the two of you
together and hearing you like my observations actually brought you
closer together. And so perhaps metopause can be that thing that,
through the right coaching that you provide to couples, can
actually bring people together. And Ira, I'm so glad that
(44:35):
you are the plus one in this conversation and just
how beautiful it is to see the two of you,
And as we say here, thank you for living and
sharing your legacy with us today.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
Thank you what a wonderful conversation.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
I love this, this, this has been absolutely great fanbious.
Speaker 5 (44:53):
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share and follow us
on at my life Legacy Movement on social media and YouTube.
New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus content every Thursday.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
At its core.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
This podcast honors doctor King's vision of the beloved community
and the power of connection. A Legacy Plus Studio production
distributed by iHeartMedia creator and executive producer Suzanne Hayward co
executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen on the iHeartRadio app or
wherever you get your podcasts on
Hosts And Creators
Craig Kielburger
Marc Kielburger
Martin Luther King III
Arndrea Waters King
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