March 16, 2023 • 30 mins
Langston and David answer a listener's email about genetically inheriting penis size from the mother’s side.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Motherfucking miniyear. So mini episode, motherfucking mini year. So yeah,
there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome
to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the
podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black
(00:25):
conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove the theories
that you the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking
mini episode. How is my man supposed to sch meet
his meat with this shit? Bro? What the fuck? What
the fuck is right? Because we we're trying to set
(00:46):
your meat. Yeah, we're you the listener. Get that meat out,
we'll s meet it. It's a set and greet. Well,
now we have to call if we ever do do
meet and greets. He's got to be a schmidt and green.
But it's up both sexes. Anybody can come to Schereen,
bring your schmats. We don't we don't discriminate about Schmidtz.
(01:09):
We'll take Schmittz however they come. Schmiz can be girls too.
I'm Lankston Kerman. I am David Borie and and we're
we're doing a mini episode. We got an email from
a person named Chaya Chi Chay. We're gonna say cha
(01:35):
spell it c h A E chay yeah zee see
if I fucks up all all your ship when you
got to really unpack it on your own. But but
uh sent us a a email where she said, Hey,
Lankston and David, I'm a super I'm I am super
(01:58):
excited to finally write in links and I've been a
listener since day one. Oh thank you episode one, and
I've loved the show ever since. David, You've been an
awesome and hilarious dark chocolate addition to the show. She said,
I write today not so much with a conspiracy theory,
(02:21):
but a question I'm hoping you guys can shed some
light on. A while back, you guys did an episode
on the genetic origins of ladies with big booties, and
you did an episode asking do black men have the
biggest dicks? Those episodes made me think of a Reddit
comment I came across claiming that men's penis size is genetic,
is genetically inherited from their mother's father, granddad. That's what
(02:49):
I call That's what I call my grandpa. As an
avid listener and an admitted size queen, I'm asking you
guys to do the research and so I can hear
you talk about dicks. Is there any truth to that?
First of all, I never seen my grandfa's dick. Is
that what is this? I don't know that she's specifically
(03:11):
asking us to talk about our grandfather's dicks, as much
as I think she just wants general dick talk. I
think that my grandfather had what you would call big
dick energy for sure. Who he was a true patriarch,
one time polygamist. Oh no, he had a big dick
own the whole village. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had kids
(03:32):
lay late. My uncle Paul is only like four years
older than me. So all those things, all those all
those things. He wore clothes from England at a time
that African men didn't wear clothes from other countries. Oh yeah,
he had. He didn't just have a big dick. He
had like he had like like a punisher on yeah,
(03:55):
and he was putting it down. It wasn't like one
of them where like he fucks. He's got a big
dick and he fucks and women leave and they're like
he sucked. I mean he was like he was. People
would like he was a polygamist. And then when he
just went with my grandmother. All those women didn't move away.
They still live in the village. Oh he so he had.
(04:15):
I'll relocate you, Dick, Yeah, I can. I can make
you change your your zip code permanently. Dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
shout out. I'm his namesake. We have the same name,
so just both both got punishers on just same name,
same stupid country. Can't read Dick. I'll tell you what
(04:41):
you name a boy, David Bory. It's something about to happen.
They called him pot boy. They didn't even they didn't
even say pot That's what everybody called him. Yeah, your grandfather,
Uh I I for my mother's father. I actually have
no clue because I I he was an alcoholic and
(05:04):
a deadbeat of sorts. And they can they can or
they have terrible dicks, and it's hard to really know
what his situation was. He got two or three maybe
it was three of his fingers cut off. Yea working
in like the fucking car auto shit in Detroit, right,
(05:25):
he was like in a mill or whatever the fuck? Yeah,
and he cut three three of his fingers off, so
all he had was a what what he referred to
as his trigger finger. After that, and apparently he was
a terrible alcoholic, terribly violent man. But apparently he would
get drunk and get in fights and he would beat
people with the nub because it had less to get
(05:49):
in the way, so he was just beating you with
the fucking That sounds like, Yeah, it don't sound it
don't sound small, but it does sound uh una, I
better you know what I mean? If yeah, it didn't,
it doesn't sound like good dick per se. It just
sounds like hefty dick. I think good in the way
(06:09):
that it could be wild and that could be good,
but it definitely sounds gritty. Yeah, it seems like the
kind of dick that you see it in the morning.
You're like that dick seemed too much, you know what
I mean, Like, yeah, that dick's been Yeah it George's big,
but but fuck, why does it look like that big?
But it's also like it's so big that it's like
(06:30):
limited mobility. Yeah. Yeah, it's got real Michael or energy.
Yeah yeah, yeah, like it's got it's got it's got
hip problems. It's got dick hip issues. Yeah, it's like
a great Dane you got. You got about six years
to enjoy that thing before it turns into something else.
(06:53):
You have to put that dick down after its site
starts to good Man, that Dick's hard is about to
expla seven. Now. It was just too much differ for
that body. That's all that happened. And he went to
the doctor. They said, I'm not I'm no doctor, but
guy got too much dick for this man. I'm sorry
to tell you. He pulls the family aside and he's
(07:15):
he's real good with bed Zotte manners, though he explains
it thoroughly. But yeah, listen, it's just too much dick. Yeah,
it's just it was just too much dick, you know,
lady see not Yeah, I know, I understand, doctor. I
thought we'd get more time. It sounds like we come
(07:35):
from a line of illustrious dicks. I mean, I think,
I think certainly on my side, we're doing a little
bit of speculating. Yours feels a lot more certain. I mean,
to be fair, my father don't. I have no idea
who his father was, so that dicks mysterious. I think
that if there is any little Dick energy in me,
I assume it's got to be from that grandpa. Oh wow, See,
(07:57):
I don't feel that way about my my dad's grandfather
or my dad's father. He was like, yeah, he went
to war and like he taught himself to be a
doctor while he was like a paramedic jumping out of
airplanes and shit, and then came back and like became
like a doctor isn't something you teach yourself to be,
(08:21):
Like you can teach yourself to fly fish, you can tea.
So he had apparently a photographic memory, and so he
really could like just read a book and tell you
on this page this thing, said this thing. And so
he became like he taught himself like basic because he
(08:42):
was a paramedics, so he taught himself like basic medicine.
Then went to medical school on the GI billing shit,
and then like you know what I mean, became here. Yeah,
but he was like a doctor with like a house
filled with guns, you know what I mean, like a
gun doctor. That's sounds Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
(09:05):
I'm pretty I feel fairly certain that old old David
was he was he was swinging something down there. Yeah,
you know, his middle name was Bory. It's wild. He
was like, yeah, that's I know. Heish man from Ohio.
Middle name Bory it's crazy. It's crazy like that. It's
(09:26):
crazy like that. He was probably also a sixth one.
Don't check. I'm sure Wikipedia has added information. It's all false,
you know. They lie on there. I don't have a Wikipedia.
I don't think. Come on, you gotta have a Wikipedia.
I don't think I have a Wikipedia. I haven't. If
you don't get if you don't get your mom to
(09:46):
uh to to write them and say there's an important
man out here, y'all should be like that. You think
my mom is the one who would spar my Wikipedia campaign?
Mommy enough shirts? Yeah, get me a Wikipedia, babe. Stop
(10:06):
sending me all this chocolate in the mail to give
me a Wikipedia. If you sent me one more Hawaiian
jersey dress out, I'll snap. Help me get a Wikipedia page.
Oh man, yeah, next week? Would you want a Wikipedia? Yeah?
It's it's menial. Is it real? Yeah? Some of it lies,
(10:30):
you know, it says it says like, uh, you know,
Langston's unwighed and it doesn't have a child, you know
what I mean. They don't know anything about me. But also,
first of all, when you google you, it's a picture
of you in a turtleneck that comes up first. That's cool. Yeah,
hell yeah I was. I was on a real red carpet.
They prioritize that shit, all right. American actor, writing comedian
(10:55):
raised in Oak Park. Mother's African American, fathers white and Jewish. Yeah.
Bachelor's in University, bachelor's in English, University of Michigan, Go
Crazy top Poetry, a former high school for one year.
M FA BOSSI bu you're like a Doug Flutie. Does
(11:16):
this say that on the Wikipedia or that was just
it's kind of like a Doug Flutie. A Doug Flutie
a stand up comedy that that actually hurts my feeling. No,
he was a fighter, yeah, but he was so he
seems fucking boring. Is he was so little he couldn't
even see over? Yeah? I don't need that all right. Yeah,
(11:39):
appeared in ray that read the right wide recognition our
long album punchline. Yes, it is pretty reasonable. Yeah. They
didn't do nothing weird. No, they ain't go crazy bless
this mess. Yeah, there's nothing created, doesn't say anything crazy. No. Yeah,
(12:00):
but you gotta get a Wikipedia page, man, you gotta
get I gotta get yourself one. I like, I don't
know that's the goal for this year, listeners, we want
we want Bori to not only have a Wikipedia page,
but a turtleneck and a cool shot with that turtleneck
to justify right the Wikipedia page. Yeah, that's fair because
(12:22):
it's like, if I get a turtleneck, then I gotta
get some kind of a jacket. Yeah, we don't. We don't,
you know, we we We can only ask so much.
But but at the very least, you can't just wear
You think I'm gonna be out here in a raw turtleneck, Bro,
that's crazy. I didn't look. I think that's a it's
a bad look. When was the last time you saw
(12:43):
a fat guy in a raw turtleneck no chain? That
same I didn't say no chain, I didn't deny you chain.
I was yeah, come on, I'm not crazy. You don't
wear a turtleneck without a chain at this point period,
I keep thinking herring, Yeah, now you wanted to be Yeah,
(13:04):
you needed to be a little gaudy. Yeah, you know
the tarran Bony was wearing in Return of the Mat
That's that's I think. I think that's my thickness. Yeah.
Mark Morrison, if you're listening, we'd love to have you
come on the podcast. We really Christ, we'd love to
know if you're not dead. He's not dead. He's done
some jail time recently, but he's not dead. He's out there.
(13:26):
It's it's fairly. I think he was either going to
jail or did go to jail, and I can't remember which.
But we were trying to get him to do some
uh some work on pause and he wasn't available in
part because he had like court dates and shit into Europe.
I believe so. Because he's British, right, yeah, he's British.
(13:48):
Damn Well. Do you think he plays that song for
himself all the time? I would if I had made
that song, it would be like everything I do all
the time. I think he I think he gets in
the shower and turns it on, and I think he
hits repeat when he comes out, you know what I mean.
I think that's all started as song for him every
(14:11):
single day for the rest of his life. I bet
she was scamming. Huh yeah, I don't. I don't you
know name another one? Yeah? Yeah, all right, well fuck yeah,
Mark Morrison, don't don't listen to us. We would love
to We love you, We really do, we love I
love you I'm gonna keep reading the rest of this email.
(14:41):
Is it possible to do some kind of twenty three
in me on dick sizes and my family genealogy to
attempt to predict what my future child could be packing.
I'd hate to curse my future spawm with the toddler
penis as an adult man because I didn't know my
granddad was hanging meat. Uh gross thought, but question does
still stand? Can it be done? Anyways? Love the show, guys,
(15:04):
she also says, And I'd be an asshole not to
read this. She says, Hey, boy, if you're single at
the time of reading this, I'm shooting my shot. Come
to Atlanta. I'd love to kick it with you. Smoke
a cone or a blunt if that's your jam, and
we can laugh as I tell you how up until
or as as I tell you how up until a
(15:25):
very recent episode, I legit did not know Kanye west
Homecoming was about the city of Chicago. Oh boy, I
was rooting for you, But now you you be picking
up with a real dumb dumb, she says, I thought
Wendy was just Wendy said weird for years. Uh please
(15:47):
please please do not read my user name alouded on
the pod. Did we say six times? Yeah, but she
said the user name on Instagram that part, but but
best chay. That's uh Well, first of all, thank you.
I'm very flattered. I appreciate that. I love smoking cones
in or out of themself. I just bought some cones today.
(16:10):
Hell yeah. So the question is what can you Can
you somehow trace the genealogy of your penis size, specifically
through your mother's father. I think we've proven here today
that that's correct. Also, I think that don't worry about
(16:30):
it's you can't worry about your son's penis. What you
gotta be worried about is he packing enough confidence to
get over whatever he's got go? You know what I'm saying,
Like a confident man. I think Trump's like a big
dumb elephant there. So here's what I'll tell you, and
some of this I think you're gonna be pleasantly surprised by.
(16:52):
So First and foremost, when children are conceived, and this
maybe it's basic like class ship, but let's play this game.
When children are can see they begin like the first
eight weeks without a gender. It is the fetus is
just sort of like a fucking not nondescript anything. And
(17:14):
then it is because of the hormones. Either you're you're
HY chromosome being introduced, which would have come from your father,
or an additional X chromosome, which which would come from
your mother. And that determines whether you are a woman
x X or a boy man x Y. Right, and
then uh, and I probably should say male or female.
(17:37):
I imagine that some of that is even a gendered
weird off. Yeah. I don't know the language. Yeah, I
don't know the language. I'm trying my goddamn. Yeah, I
just don't want them to be like, actually, I bitch,
I get it, I'm wrong, but I ain't wrong, you know.
I like everybody, that's all. I'm not gonna remember anything thing,
(18:00):
but I like you all. I don't remember because I'm
not bright, not because I'm against you. Yeah, it's definitely.
I still call him persians. Thanks for having my back
of your dog, I would at all. No, Look, I'm
(18:25):
a dog's he's as black as can be and I
like that. Uh. What I'm saying is is that what
science has found is that that X chromosome, it turns out,
is the is the bigger determiner of the penis size
of the child. That basically like genital size and shape,
(18:47):
and this goes for both women and men. Is more
determined by the X than it is by the why
of those two options, which is exactly it is coming
from your mom, and she is sort of helping to
shape whatever that is. And then there are cases and
they say this is a possibility, is that sometimes brothers
(19:10):
or kids of the same parent have different penis sizes
and that's because it maybe came from the the other
X in the x X of the mother, if that
makes sense, So me and my brother could have I've
never I don't, I don't. I don't like this. You
don't like that, you on your just I never even
(19:32):
thought about it. I hope that he's doing well. Yeah
he's much shorter than me, but I don't think that
means any But sometimes short man be sitting on something.
That's what I think, That's what I think. He seems
he's always done well, but he's also very handsome. I
don't know what he's got. I don't know. I don't.
I don't know any of them are doing really. Yeah,
I haven't seen him since they're in diapers. Yeah, their
(19:54):
penis is not there. I see, I see them all
the time. They doesn't want to see. Uh yeah, damn,
that's interesting because yeah I would. I never thought about it.
But is it familiar? Like you ever see like a
dude with a blockhead and then he's got four little
(20:15):
blockheaded children? Do you think that that is the same?
Like if you and all your siblings and some of
your uncles would have like go up in a lineup,
do you think you all you all got like blockheaded venuses.
I don't know. I think part of what they part
(20:35):
of what they they tell us in this article is
that it's it's so many different genetic factors at play
that like it's not like you could just you would
recognize everybody as cousins by their dick. It's more of like,
I mean that's what look like, look like there's a
lot of facts. Yeah, Well, what's crazy is this article
(21:00):
also talks about vaginas, and they say vaginas are so
fucking expansive that like they can't even categorize what is
a normal vagina. It's so like there's so many different
shapes and forms it can take. They're like, hey, they're
all they're all just being themselves. Baby, those are all snowflakes.
There's there's not nearly as many through lines as you
(21:21):
would think. Yeah, where I feel more similar. But with dicks,
they say that more or less in families, if one
dick is about this size and this girth, it's going
to stay that way throughout, Like the family that like
your your brothers are more than likely gonna have similar size,
(21:41):
but you guys have different sets of parents that would
go crazy, same color, don't change a thing. Hey, hey,
as long as it gets the girth, he'll be all right. Anyways,
that was strange. This is so it is. I think
(22:04):
what this comes down to is that there's just like
a lot. So one of the things that they do
also talk about is that like, even though it does
come from your mother and maybe Chade, this will help
comfort you a little bit, there's not a lot anybody
can do about the dick size that like most of
most of it is determined by genetics, and it is
(22:27):
coming through like uh, certain hormones and shit that you
eat and things to stay healthy even when you're like pregnant, right,
you can't really make the dick bigger by eating vegetables
or whatever the fuck would make a penis bigger, but
you can make a dick smaller like that. Apparently, if
(22:47):
you are eating like pesticides and or like a bunch
of you know, toxins and things that are are negative
for health, they can negatively affect penis size and force.
This is smaller. You know, they don't use toxins or
anything like that. Was oh all right, Uh that rice
(23:10):
was rubbed through a lady's hands. I know. Yeah, yeah,
but I was born here, so at least at the
end she was eating American trash. Yeah. But that's the
other part is that even even in terms of dick's eye,
once you you're out of the womb, the toxins aren't
really necessarily affecting things for very long. So even when
(23:33):
people like all these these ads that tell you they
can grow your penis with these injections or whatever the
fuck it's ads, you know, if if you ain't on
the same Internet that I'm on, that's on you. You
get used to be like bus bigger loads. I don't
love to sit through that to have to start my project. Yeah,
(23:57):
that's ah, that's very porned specific. I think that, Oh
where else are you getting ads? Like that you're getting
adds like not. I think there was a generation that
we maybe all remember where like you were constantly getting
emails about growing your penis size or sam. Yeah, that's
(24:18):
what I'm saying, like all the I'm not saying legitimate advertisers.
That's why I was like, you know what's going on,
I'm not saying that fiser is coming down and being like,
by the way, in between COVID trials, we actually worked
out a way to make your dick a little bigger
if you want to try that out. I was like,
(24:43):
I was because you were you were talking about the
advertisements like they were so serious. That's why I was like,
what is he getting this information? And moderna more like
mo dicta and then they they called me now duh.
(25:06):
But the point being that that you can't these injections
of testosterone or whatever growth hormone that they promise will
grow your penis after you are after puberty. Your penis
doesn't really keep growing in adulthood. It does apparently get
a little bit girthier, but it does not like get
bigger than it was gonna be. In note, injections are
(25:28):
gonna be no girthier is dope, but they're not, uh,
at least from what I was reading, it ain't. It's
so slow, it ain't really gonna You ain't gonna notice
it until it's too late, you know what I mean.
You're gonna look down one day and be like, huh.
I think that's one of the beauties of life. Though.
It's like it teaches you with meat man, you just
(25:51):
got what you got. Yeah, you know what I mean,
You just gotta you just gotta study up. People with
Michael Penis is still getting married as Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if it's just like so, I actually
don't know the data. I would be interested to see
how many people and like high powered law firms and
(26:11):
things like that at micro Penis. I bet more than
we think. I think so too much. I think it's
like because I feel like I mostly only ever hear
women talk of small penises after they've been scorned, Like
I don't think I met a lot of women who
had like an amicable breakup and they were like, he
has and he's got a little azz dick, you know
what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah, I think a lot
(26:33):
of women are at least willing to play through a
bad scenario just because it's like, no, I want you
to be a decent person, and I can look past
all of these things. Somehow, and somehow, men are monsters
enough that, like pussy is, we got a preference for
what a pussy would look like. I was like, I don't.
(26:56):
I don't think I deserve that. Do you have a
I mean, is that too? I just I don't know.
I thank you for asking. I I don't. I certainly
am not passionate enough about it that I would turn away.
I've seen I've seen all shapes and sizes, and I've
never been like no, no, no, not even once. I've
(27:18):
always said thank you, madam, and done and done what
I can, and I kiss it on the nose. I
put my coat down on it, and I was like,
right this way, sweetheart, Boudoir, that's right. So da, It
(27:48):
does seem like, uh, chay that that you should not
worry about sending your your little man off with a
little penis. It sounds like as long as you are
decent with your body and take care of of your
your responsibilities as a person, God gonna take care of
the rest and teach him to to instead believe in
(28:08):
in the stroke more than the size of that thing,
and himself. Self confidence, stroke confidence, I'll find it in
the world. Yeah, you get to know your pelvis more
than your penis. I keep Yeah, work on them hip
flexers and you'll be all right, big guy. You know
that yoga where you cock it back and then you
(28:30):
go you open it and you know yeah, and I
know exactly. You feel so free. Yeah. You see a gate,
You're like, I can hop that gate. Yeah, this is
a weird way that I don't know. I think, I
think check out what you needed? She spit game and
then she she got her question answered and and we
(28:53):
did it. Fuck it, boy, you want to tell the
people where they can find you and what shit you
got going on? Come finally and cool guys. You know
cy seven on Instagram. I don't know the quite dates,
but I will be in San Francisco, Anchorage, Alaska, and
Dallas here in the next month or so, so you
know one of those. Fuck yeah, And as always, you
can follow me at length in Kerman and I do
(29:15):
have dates. For the first time in a while, I
got dates to talk about. April fifteenth, you can see
me in San Diego at Mike Drop I'll be at
Mike Drop for two shows. Uh. And then the weekend
April twenty eighth and twenty ninth, I'll be at the
Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. So yeah, that's gonna be dope.
(29:36):
And then March twelfth and thirteenth, I'll be at Wise
Guys in Las Vegas. And Vegas is hard on me,
so so come be nice, come come let me see
your pretty faces so I can I can fucking growl
at them or whatever is my personality. Uh uh. And
(29:58):
as always, you can send us your can spiracy theories,
your drops. Who can send us your request for for
penis exposes at my mama pod at gmail dot com.
We would love to hear from you. That's it, we
did it. Bye, bitch, We're gonna kill you and fuck
your women. Sounds wholesome. Motherfucking many years, so many yearpisode,
(30:27):
motherfucking many years. So, motherfucking many years, so many year episode,
motherfucking many years. So
Motherfucking miniyear. So mini episode, motherfucking mini year. So yeah,
there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome
to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the
podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black
(00:25):
conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove the theories
that you the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking
mini episode. How is my man supposed to sch meet
his meat with this shit? Bro? What the fuck? What
the fuck is right? Because we we're trying to set
(00:46):
your meat. Yeah, we're you the listener. Get that meat out,
we'll s meet it. It's a set and greet. Well,
now we have to call if we ever do do
meet and greets. He's got to be a schmidt and green.
But it's up both sexes. Anybody can come to Schereen,
bring your schmats. We don't we don't discriminate about Schmidtz.
(01:09):
We'll take Schmittz however they come. Schmiz can be girls too.
I'm Lankston Kerman. I am David Borie and and we're
we're doing a mini episode. We got an email from
a person named Chaya Chi Chay. We're gonna say cha
(01:35):
spell it c h A E chay yeah zee see
if I fucks up all all your ship when you
got to really unpack it on your own. But but
uh sent us a a email where she said, Hey,
Lankston and David, I'm a super I'm I am super
(01:58):
excited to finally write in links and I've been a
listener since day one. Oh thank you episode one, and
I've loved the show ever since. David, You've been an
awesome and hilarious dark chocolate addition to the show. She said,
I write today not so much with a conspiracy theory,
(02:21):
but a question I'm hoping you guys can shed some
light on. A while back, you guys did an episode
on the genetic origins of ladies with big booties, and
you did an episode asking do black men have the
biggest dicks? Those episodes made me think of a Reddit
comment I came across claiming that men's penis size is genetic,
is genetically inherited from their mother's father, granddad. That's what
(02:49):
I call That's what I call my grandpa. As an
avid listener and an admitted size queen, I'm asking you
guys to do the research and so I can hear
you talk about dicks. Is there any truth to that?
First of all, I never seen my grandfa's dick. Is
that what is this? I don't know that she's specifically
(03:11):
asking us to talk about our grandfather's dicks, as much
as I think she just wants general dick talk. I
think that my grandfather had what you would call big
dick energy for sure. Who he was a true patriarch,
one time polygamist. Oh no, he had a big dick
own the whole village. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had kids
(03:32):
lay late. My uncle Paul is only like four years
older than me. So all those things, all those all
those things. He wore clothes from England at a time
that African men didn't wear clothes from other countries. Oh yeah,
he had. He didn't just have a big dick. He
had like he had like like a punisher on yeah,
(03:55):
and he was putting it down. It wasn't like one
of them where like he fucks. He's got a big
dick and he fucks and women leave and they're like
he sucked. I mean he was like he was. People
would like he was a polygamist. And then when he
just went with my grandmother. All those women didn't move away.
They still live in the village. Oh he so he had.
(04:15):
I'll relocate you, Dick, Yeah, I can. I can make
you change your your zip code permanently. Dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
shout out. I'm his namesake. We have the same name,
so just both both got punishers on just same name,
same stupid country. Can't read Dick. I'll tell you what
(04:41):
you name a boy, David Bory. It's something about to happen.
They called him pot boy. They didn't even they didn't
even say pot That's what everybody called him. Yeah, your grandfather,
Uh I I for my mother's father. I actually have
no clue because I I he was an alcoholic and
(05:04):
a deadbeat of sorts. And they can they can or
they have terrible dicks, and it's hard to really know
what his situation was. He got two or three maybe
it was three of his fingers cut off. Yea working
in like the fucking car auto shit in Detroit, right,
(05:25):
he was like in a mill or whatever the fuck? Yeah,
and he cut three three of his fingers off, so
all he had was a what what he referred to
as his trigger finger. After that, and apparently he was
a terrible alcoholic, terribly violent man. But apparently he would
get drunk and get in fights and he would beat
people with the nub because it had less to get
(05:49):
in the way, so he was just beating you with
the fucking That sounds like, Yeah, it don't sound it
don't sound small, but it does sound uh una, I
better you know what I mean? If yeah, it didn't,
it doesn't sound like good dick per se. It just
sounds like hefty dick. I think good in the way
(06:09):
that it could be wild and that could be good,
but it definitely sounds gritty. Yeah, it seems like the
kind of dick that you see it in the morning.
You're like that dick seemed too much, you know what
I mean, Like, yeah, that dick's been Yeah it George's big,
but but fuck, why does it look like that big?
But it's also like it's so big that it's like
(06:30):
limited mobility. Yeah. Yeah, it's got real Michael or energy.
Yeah yeah, yeah, like it's got it's got it's got
hip problems. It's got dick hip issues. Yeah, it's like
a great Dane you got. You got about six years
to enjoy that thing before it turns into something else.
(06:53):
You have to put that dick down after its site
starts to good Man, that Dick's hard is about to
expla seven. Now. It was just too much differ for
that body. That's all that happened. And he went to
the doctor. They said, I'm not I'm no doctor, but
guy got too much dick for this man. I'm sorry
to tell you. He pulls the family aside and he's
(07:15):
he's real good with bed Zotte manners, though he explains
it thoroughly. But yeah, listen, it's just too much dick. Yeah,
it's just it was just too much dick, you know,
lady see not Yeah, I know, I understand, doctor. I
thought we'd get more time. It sounds like we come
(07:35):
from a line of illustrious dicks. I mean, I think,
I think certainly on my side, we're doing a little
bit of speculating. Yours feels a lot more certain. I mean,
to be fair, my father don't. I have no idea
who his father was, so that dicks mysterious. I think
that if there is any little Dick energy in me,
I assume it's got to be from that grandpa. Oh wow, See,
(07:57):
I don't feel that way about my my dad's grandfather
or my dad's father. He was like, yeah, he went
to war and like he taught himself to be a
doctor while he was like a paramedic jumping out of
airplanes and shit, and then came back and like became
like a doctor isn't something you teach yourself to be,
(08:21):
Like you can teach yourself to fly fish, you can tea.
So he had apparently a photographic memory, and so he
really could like just read a book and tell you
on this page this thing, said this thing. And so
he became like he taught himself like basic because he
(08:42):
was a paramedics, so he taught himself like basic medicine.
Then went to medical school on the GI billing shit,
and then like you know what I mean, became here. Yeah,
but he was like a doctor with like a house
filled with guns, you know what I mean, like a
gun doctor. That's sounds Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
(09:05):
I'm pretty I feel fairly certain that old old David
was he was he was swinging something down there. Yeah,
you know, his middle name was Bory. It's wild. He
was like, yeah, that's I know. Heish man from Ohio.
Middle name Bory it's crazy. It's crazy like that. It's
(09:26):
crazy like that. He was probably also a sixth one.
Don't check. I'm sure Wikipedia has added information. It's all false,
you know. They lie on there. I don't have a Wikipedia.
I don't think. Come on, you gotta have a Wikipedia.
I don't think I have a Wikipedia. I haven't. If
you don't get if you don't get your mom to
(09:46):
uh to to write them and say there's an important
man out here, y'all should be like that. You think
my mom is the one who would spar my Wikipedia campaign?
Mommy enough shirts? Yeah, get me a Wikipedia, babe. Stop
(10:06):
sending me all this chocolate in the mail to give
me a Wikipedia. If you sent me one more Hawaiian
jersey dress out, I'll snap. Help me get a Wikipedia page.
Oh man, yeah, next week? Would you want a Wikipedia? Yeah?
It's it's menial. Is it real? Yeah? Some of it lies,
(10:30):
you know, it says it says like, uh, you know,
Langston's unwighed and it doesn't have a child, you know
what I mean. They don't know anything about me. But also,
first of all, when you google you, it's a picture
of you in a turtleneck that comes up first. That's cool. Yeah,
hell yeah I was. I was on a real red carpet.
They prioritize that shit, all right. American actor, writing comedian
(10:55):
raised in Oak Park. Mother's African American, fathers white and Jewish. Yeah.
Bachelor's in University, bachelor's in English, University of Michigan, Go
Crazy top Poetry, a former high school for one year.
M FA BOSSI bu you're like a Doug Flutie. Does
(11:16):
this say that on the Wikipedia or that was just
it's kind of like a Doug Flutie. A Doug Flutie
a stand up comedy that that actually hurts my feeling. No,
he was a fighter, yeah, but he was so he
seems fucking boring. Is he was so little he couldn't
even see over? Yeah? I don't need that all right. Yeah,
(11:39):
appeared in ray that read the right wide recognition our
long album punchline. Yes, it is pretty reasonable. Yeah. They
didn't do nothing weird. No, they ain't go crazy bless
this mess. Yeah, there's nothing created, doesn't say anything crazy. No. Yeah,
(12:00):
but you gotta get a Wikipedia page, man, you gotta
get I gotta get yourself one. I like, I don't
know that's the goal for this year, listeners, we want
we want Bori to not only have a Wikipedia page,
but a turtleneck and a cool shot with that turtleneck
to justify right the Wikipedia page. Yeah, that's fair because
(12:22):
it's like, if I get a turtleneck, then I gotta
get some kind of a jacket. Yeah, we don't. We don't,
you know, we we We can only ask so much.
But but at the very least, you can't just wear
You think I'm gonna be out here in a raw turtleneck, Bro,
that's crazy. I didn't look. I think that's a it's
a bad look. When was the last time you saw
(12:43):
a fat guy in a raw turtleneck no chain? That
same I didn't say no chain, I didn't deny you chain.
I was yeah, come on, I'm not crazy. You don't
wear a turtleneck without a chain at this point period,
I keep thinking herring, Yeah, now you wanted to be Yeah,
(13:04):
you needed to be a little gaudy. Yeah, you know
the tarran Bony was wearing in Return of the Mat
That's that's I think. I think that's my thickness. Yeah.
Mark Morrison, if you're listening, we'd love to have you
come on the podcast. We really Christ, we'd love to
know if you're not dead. He's not dead. He's done
some jail time recently, but he's not dead. He's out there.
(13:26):
It's it's fairly. I think he was either going to
jail or did go to jail, and I can't remember which.
But we were trying to get him to do some
uh some work on pause and he wasn't available in
part because he had like court dates and shit into Europe.
I believe so. Because he's British, right, yeah, he's British.
(13:48):
Damn Well. Do you think he plays that song for
himself all the time? I would if I had made
that song, it would be like everything I do all
the time. I think he I think he gets in
the shower and turns it on, and I think he
hits repeat when he comes out, you know what I mean.
I think that's all started as song for him every
(14:11):
single day for the rest of his life. I bet
she was scamming. Huh yeah, I don't. I don't you
know name another one? Yeah? Yeah, all right, well fuck yeah,
Mark Morrison, don't don't listen to us. We would love
to We love you, We really do, we love I
love you I'm gonna keep reading the rest of this email.
(14:41):
Is it possible to do some kind of twenty three
in me on dick sizes and my family genealogy to
attempt to predict what my future child could be packing.
I'd hate to curse my future spawm with the toddler
penis as an adult man because I didn't know my
granddad was hanging meat. Uh gross thought, but question does
still stand? Can it be done? Anyways? Love the show, guys,
(15:04):
she also says, And I'd be an asshole not to
read this. She says, Hey, boy, if you're single at
the time of reading this, I'm shooting my shot. Come
to Atlanta. I'd love to kick it with you. Smoke
a cone or a blunt if that's your jam, and
we can laugh as I tell you how up until
or as as I tell you how up until a
(15:25):
very recent episode, I legit did not know Kanye west
Homecoming was about the city of Chicago. Oh boy, I
was rooting for you, But now you you be picking
up with a real dumb dumb, she says, I thought
Wendy was just Wendy said weird for years. Uh please
(15:47):
please please do not read my user name alouded on
the pod. Did we say six times? Yeah, but she
said the user name on Instagram that part, but but
best chay. That's uh Well, first of all, thank you.
I'm very flattered. I appreciate that. I love smoking cones
in or out of themself. I just bought some cones today.
(16:10):
Hell yeah. So the question is what can you Can
you somehow trace the genealogy of your penis size, specifically
through your mother's father. I think we've proven here today
that that's correct. Also, I think that don't worry about
(16:30):
it's you can't worry about your son's penis. What you
gotta be worried about is he packing enough confidence to
get over whatever he's got go? You know what I'm saying,
Like a confident man. I think Trump's like a big
dumb elephant there. So here's what I'll tell you, and
some of this I think you're gonna be pleasantly surprised by.
(16:52):
So First and foremost, when children are conceived, and this
maybe it's basic like class ship, but let's play this game.
When children are can see they begin like the first
eight weeks without a gender. It is the fetus is
just sort of like a fucking not nondescript anything. And
(17:14):
then it is because of the hormones. Either you're you're
HY chromosome being introduced, which would have come from your father,
or an additional X chromosome, which which would come from
your mother. And that determines whether you are a woman
x X or a boy man x Y. Right, and
then uh, and I probably should say male or female.
(17:37):
I imagine that some of that is even a gendered
weird off. Yeah. I don't know the language. Yeah, I
don't know the language. I'm trying my goddamn. Yeah, I
just don't want them to be like, actually, I bitch,
I get it, I'm wrong, but I ain't wrong, you know.
I like everybody, that's all. I'm not gonna remember anything thing,
(18:00):
but I like you all. I don't remember because I'm
not bright, not because I'm against you. Yeah, it's definitely.
I still call him persians. Thanks for having my back
of your dog, I would at all. No, Look, I'm
(18:25):
a dog's he's as black as can be and I
like that. Uh. What I'm saying is is that what
science has found is that that X chromosome, it turns out,
is the is the bigger determiner of the penis size
of the child. That basically like genital size and shape,
(18:47):
and this goes for both women and men. Is more
determined by the X than it is by the why
of those two options, which is exactly it is coming
from your mom, and she is sort of helping to
shape whatever that is. And then there are cases and
they say this is a possibility, is that sometimes brothers
(19:10):
or kids of the same parent have different penis sizes
and that's because it maybe came from the the other
X in the x X of the mother, if that
makes sense, So me and my brother could have I've
never I don't, I don't. I don't like this. You
don't like that, you on your just I never even
(19:32):
thought about it. I hope that he's doing well. Yeah
he's much shorter than me, but I don't think that
means any But sometimes short man be sitting on something.
That's what I think, That's what I think. He seems
he's always done well, but he's also very handsome. I
don't know what he's got. I don't know. I don't.
I don't know any of them are doing really. Yeah,
I haven't seen him since they're in diapers. Yeah, their
(19:54):
penis is not there. I see, I see them all
the time. They doesn't want to see. Uh yeah, damn,
that's interesting because yeah I would. I never thought about it.
But is it familiar? Like you ever see like a
dude with a blockhead and then he's got four little
(20:15):
blockheaded children? Do you think that that is the same?
Like if you and all your siblings and some of
your uncles would have like go up in a lineup,
do you think you all you all got like blockheaded venuses.
I don't know. I think part of what they part
(20:35):
of what they they tell us in this article is
that it's it's so many different genetic factors at play
that like it's not like you could just you would
recognize everybody as cousins by their dick. It's more of like,
I mean that's what look like, look like there's a
lot of facts. Yeah, Well, what's crazy is this article
(21:00):
also talks about vaginas, and they say vaginas are so
fucking expansive that like they can't even categorize what is
a normal vagina. It's so like there's so many different
shapes and forms it can take. They're like, hey, they're
all they're all just being themselves. Baby, those are all snowflakes.
There's there's not nearly as many through lines as you
(21:21):
would think. Yeah, where I feel more similar. But with dicks,
they say that more or less in families, if one
dick is about this size and this girth, it's going
to stay that way throughout, Like the family that like
your your brothers are more than likely gonna have similar size,
(21:41):
but you guys have different sets of parents that would
go crazy, same color, don't change a thing. Hey, hey,
as long as it gets the girth, he'll be all right. Anyways,
that was strange. This is so it is. I think
(22:04):
what this comes down to is that there's just like
a lot. So one of the things that they do
also talk about is that like, even though it does
come from your mother and maybe Chade, this will help
comfort you a little bit, there's not a lot anybody
can do about the dick size that like most of
most of it is determined by genetics, and it is
(22:27):
coming through like uh, certain hormones and shit that you
eat and things to stay healthy even when you're like pregnant, right,
you can't really make the dick bigger by eating vegetables
or whatever the fuck would make a penis bigger, but
you can make a dick smaller like that. Apparently, if
(22:47):
you are eating like pesticides and or like a bunch
of you know, toxins and things that are are negative
for health, they can negatively affect penis size and force.
This is smaller. You know, they don't use toxins or
anything like that. Was oh all right, Uh that rice
(23:10):
was rubbed through a lady's hands. I know. Yeah, yeah,
but I was born here, so at least at the
end she was eating American trash. Yeah. But that's the
other part is that even even in terms of dick's eye,
once you you're out of the womb, the toxins aren't
really necessarily affecting things for very long. So even when
(23:33):
people like all these these ads that tell you they
can grow your penis with these injections or whatever the
fuck it's ads, you know, if if you ain't on
the same Internet that I'm on, that's on you. You
get used to be like bus bigger loads. I don't
love to sit through that to have to start my project. Yeah,
(23:57):
that's ah, that's very porned specific. I think that, Oh
where else are you getting ads? Like that you're getting
adds like not. I think there was a generation that
we maybe all remember where like you were constantly getting
emails about growing your penis size or sam. Yeah, that's
(24:18):
what I'm saying, like all the I'm not saying legitimate advertisers.
That's why I was like, you know what's going on,
I'm not saying that fiser is coming down and being like,
by the way, in between COVID trials, we actually worked
out a way to make your dick a little bigger
if you want to try that out. I was like,
(24:43):
I was because you were you were talking about the
advertisements like they were so serious. That's why I was like,
what is he getting this information? And moderna more like
mo dicta and then they they called me now duh.
(25:06):
But the point being that that you can't these injections
of testosterone or whatever growth hormone that they promise will
grow your penis after you are after puberty. Your penis
doesn't really keep growing in adulthood. It does apparently get
a little bit girthier, but it does not like get
bigger than it was gonna be. In note, injections are
(25:28):
gonna be no girthier is dope, but they're not, uh,
at least from what I was reading, it ain't. It's
so slow, it ain't really gonna You ain't gonna notice
it until it's too late, you know what I mean.
You're gonna look down one day and be like, huh.
I think that's one of the beauties of life. Though.
It's like it teaches you with meat man, you just
(25:51):
got what you got. Yeah, you know what I mean,
You just gotta you just gotta study up. People with
Michael Penis is still getting married as Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if it's just like so, I actually
don't know the data. I would be interested to see
how many people and like high powered law firms and
(26:11):
things like that at micro Penis. I bet more than
we think. I think so too much. I think it's
like because I feel like I mostly only ever hear
women talk of small penises after they've been scorned, Like
I don't think I met a lot of women who
had like an amicable breakup and they were like, he
has and he's got a little azz dick, you know
what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah, I think a lot
(26:33):
of women are at least willing to play through a
bad scenario just because it's like, no, I want you
to be a decent person, and I can look past
all of these things. Somehow, and somehow, men are monsters
enough that, like pussy is, we got a preference for
what a pussy would look like. I was like, I don't.
(26:56):
I don't think I deserve that. Do you have a
I mean, is that too? I just I don't know.
I thank you for asking. I I don't. I certainly
am not passionate enough about it that I would turn away.
I've seen I've seen all shapes and sizes, and I've
never been like no, no, no, not even once. I've
(27:18):
always said thank you, madam, and done and done what
I can, and I kiss it on the nose. I
put my coat down on it, and I was like,
right this way, sweetheart, Boudoir, that's right. So da, It
(27:48):
does seem like, uh, chay that that you should not
worry about sending your your little man off with a
little penis. It sounds like as long as you are
decent with your body and take care of of your
your responsibilities as a person, God gonna take care of
the rest and teach him to to instead believe in
(28:08):
in the stroke more than the size of that thing,
and himself. Self confidence, stroke confidence, I'll find it in
the world. Yeah, you get to know your pelvis more
than your penis. I keep Yeah, work on them hip
flexers and you'll be all right, big guy. You know
that yoga where you cock it back and then you
(28:30):
go you open it and you know yeah, and I
know exactly. You feel so free. Yeah. You see a gate,
You're like, I can hop that gate. Yeah, this is
a weird way that I don't know. I think, I
think check out what you needed? She spit game and
then she she got her question answered and and we
(28:53):
did it. Fuck it, boy, you want to tell the
people where they can find you and what shit you
got going on? Come finally and cool guys. You know
cy seven on Instagram. I don't know the quite dates,
but I will be in San Francisco, Anchorage, Alaska, and
Dallas here in the next month or so, so you
know one of those. Fuck yeah, And as always, you
can follow me at length in Kerman and I do
(29:15):
have dates. For the first time in a while, I
got dates to talk about. April fifteenth, you can see
me in San Diego at Mike Drop I'll be at
Mike Drop for two shows. Uh. And then the weekend
April twenty eighth and twenty ninth, I'll be at the
Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. So yeah, that's gonna be dope.
(29:36):
And then March twelfth and thirteenth, I'll be at Wise
Guys in Las Vegas. And Vegas is hard on me,
so so come be nice, come come let me see
your pretty faces so I can I can fucking growl
at them or whatever is my personality. Uh uh. And
(29:58):
as always, you can send us your can spiracy theories,
your drops. Who can send us your request for for
penis exposes at my mama pod at gmail dot com.
We would love to hear from you. That's it, we
did it. Bye, bitch, We're gonna kill you and fuck
your women. Sounds wholesome. Motherfucking many years, so many yearpisode,
(30:27):
motherfucking many years. So, motherfucking many years, so many year episode,
motherfucking many years. So
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Langston Kerman
David Gborie
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