December 30, 2025 • 48 mins
Can a snake come up the toilet and bite you? Langston and David discuss this disturbing conspiracy theory from a listener's emails. Why do snakes want to bite your genitals? Is this a common incident? Why are Lil' Mommas hitting on David thru DMs? They discuss Paul Pierce's rock bottom and accidentally sh*tting their pants at a Safeway. This might be the grossest episode to date on MMTM, but we already know you're listening to this podcast in the bathroom.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
That's how you feel about Top Kit hearing Ocho, Cinco
Channon Shark talk sometimes where it's like whoa you know
there there's this is being recorded. Yeah, and the Shannon
Shark is just like I split it up at a
quarter three And that's the thing. Oo is the reasonable one? Yeah,
his name is. And he's like, you have to calm down.
(00:24):
You're like, bro, you can't keep talking like this.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I gotta Liverpool, I gotta do shut.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
If it ain't to eighty, it ain't a lady, which
is a you should get rt of that. That's pretty
it's crazy. That's a big kalas racist. Oh, money turning stuff.
(00:57):
I can't tell me. Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary. Welcome to another episode of My Mama Told.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the pockets
of black conspiracy.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Theories and we finally worked to prove that the game
se lo was in fact invented by slaves to teach
each other man. It wasn't about gambling. So when you
take eighty five dollars off your uncle at the Super Bowl,
don't feel bad. You're just trying to help that nigger
learn some shit. My name is David Body.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm like Stinkerman, and I'm proud to hear that that's
the best way to honor our ancestors come on by
gambling against our strange relatives.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Our ancestors guided me in the winning of about eighty
dollars on the super Bowl this year, So I thank you. Yeah,
good for you.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Were you forty nine ers Ice Home? You were just
Cisco connection.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah. But I also had prop bets, So I bet
for the first drive to be less than three minutes
and fifteen seconds, and I made like eighty bucks off
of that. And then I also bet for Deebo and
mccaffie to get a touchdown. I lost that, and then
but then I want a bunch of money in Dice,
So I still won. You found you found your way
back on top. Yeah, because I just bet the money
(02:20):
line because I'm not really great about spreads. Freaked me out. Yeah,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I don't understand a lot of the the shorthand of
gambling and so intimidating asking adult men to explain it
to you. Yeah, I've just opted not to play, you
know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
The same way with technology.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, it's just like I men, especially it's like you
you go to them and you go, hey, I'm vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Could you please? Could you please help me?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
And they make you feel very small, very fast.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Yeah. Men love jargon. Mm hm, that's what it is.
Men love jargon. Bro. So it's like, because I don't
know what I'm doing either, I'm saying stuff like I
bet moneyline because it's for stupid people. Yeah, it just
means I bet that the forty nine ers were gonna
win straight up right, just working. I was thinking about
becoming a gloves guy.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
I was wondering, what's happening here?
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I looked.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I thought we were having a normal conversation, and then
your fingers look like Dumbledore after he fucked around with
that horse crux.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And I wasn't sure what was happening. But is it
not good? I'll take them long. I don't think it's great.
It's uh.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I don't think those are the type of gloves you
can be a glove guy with. I don't think you
can just put on two north face gloves.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I thought that's cool.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I think gloves cool gloves guy. Cool glove guys were
like like.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
A hard leather. They wear like a hard leather. Yeah,
they wear like.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
A thick, a thick motorcycling leather. They don't wear a
fucking I wanted to be at Okay, they're for everyone.
First of all, the north Face is a very adult company.
I always wanted, did you. I always wanted to be
a batting gloves guy, but I never had I was
never cool enough to pull that off. Yeah, there was
(04:17):
a few eras that I wish I could have. You
Remember when like goggles were in, when like you Good
Diddy and Mace and you put on like a pair
of goggles with their outfit, and somehow that that wasn't
a thing people ask questions about. I desperately wanted to
be a ski goggles ask dude, and and couldn't pull
it off.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I couldn't, well because you were too young. Here's this
is so funny. I was just talking about Homie about
it yesterday, and his dad was from New York, so
they had all kinds of bootleg shit. And he said
he came to school and like, not just the goggles,
the remember the Tommy the Tommy scull cap. Yeah, liked.
(04:57):
He said he came in to school with both like
the fourth grade. He was possible. It was like what
are you doing? Of course not. Yeah, yeah, you're a
little boy. This isn't a rap video. You take that
goddamn ship off. We're here to learn multiplication, not get pussy.
Yeah you're not. You out of your mind.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You're gonna look cooler than me on a regular day.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah no, I'll fucking kill you, little boy. You're gonna
look like how I want to dress the fuck you?
You take that off? Man? Do you think you were
a teacher? Did you ever like get some fly ship
and you were like, I bet I could wear this
at school? You said you took the bow tie out
of the classroom. Did you ever take you know, the
(05:43):
echo in I'm trying to frame my things. I'm trying
to be more professional in my manner of speaking. I
got you. I want to be clear that I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Still wearing echo as a professional educator, but I I do.
I do remember there being like they're being like sweaters
or sweat shirts that I'd be like, damn if I
could figure out a way to put this over my
shirt and tie and still have my ties showing I
(06:15):
could like kind of fly this up and not feel
like as much of a dork. But I do think
after a while, you're just a dude waking up at
six am to go teach kids, and you stop giving
a fuck about how you look, which is maybe the
most disheartening.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Part of teaching. Are they high schoolers? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
Was there ever a level of you wanting them to
think you were fresh? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:39):
You do want them to think you're like cool, you
know what I mean? Like, I didn't want them to
think I'm a loser, but I didn't want're not that
far from their age, right. That's the hard game though,
is you don't want them to think you're a loser,
but you also don't want them to think you're wanting
them to be cool with you, do you know what
I mean? So like you gotta be fly, but you
(07:00):
gotta be flying away that they're like, I don't I
don't get it. I don't quite understand what that is.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Oh interesting, interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
And that's that's a hard little needle to thread because
they immediately if you dress too cool, they think you're
best friends, and if you dress to dorky, they think
they're like they could talk down to you and ship.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Why I would have to be a pe teacher. Oh
that's smart because if I could incorporate fit physical punishments,
you're going to respect you.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Yeah, and also you do you don't have to really
adhere to like teacher law.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
When it comes to pe teachers, it feels like it's
a yeah, you can use slurs like it's a whole
bunch of shit that goes on in the gym. That's yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I had a pe teacher tell me that Asian women
have sideways pussies, and.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Well, that's true. Though. He was just like a good man.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
He was just a man trying to inform me of
what's happening out in the world.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
How did that? I'm up. During dodgeball, he was like.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Cut buddy, buddy, I wish I knew. It was very
I'll say this, it was very natural. He sort of
just said, boys gather around, and then he he decided to,
I guess, dispense his wisdom on us. And we were
we were fourteen and very uncertain of what to do
(08:23):
with that information.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, what do you now? What does that help? I
don't know what to do with the other ones. There
also was.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
A curveball like, yeah, no, I had not seen a
pussy yet.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, I'm not ready for the straight up and down.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
He said it, and I had to think about which
way with sideways.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You know, I'm thirty six, I'm still.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
And also, we didn't have enough Asian women, you know
what I mean, like pull.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
From That's why he did it. No, it was.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
It was a true violence he did as boys and
and I don't know what to do with it.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Well, shout out to Asian women. I know you all
all you have your pussies on street and if you do,
if you don't, I don't think that's something of a problem.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Listen, I cannot imagine that if I went down there
and your ship was sideways, that that would in any
way deter me from finishing my job.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Because it doesn't. And this is the last I'll say
on this. It doesn't disorient the whole. It's just all
the extras.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
No, no, no, no, that's just a spider Man kiss baby
girl and now let's get to work.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
You pussy hanging from a web, you go down. Oh.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
This is This is a rare Leangthston and David episode.
I don't know if they're that rare. We do them
every once in a while, but yeah, we're excited to
just shoot the ship with each other. We we got
some emails. We might talk some shit about some other stuff.
Who knows where the conversation will take us, but but
we're happy you're here, and we have an email that
(10:10):
I think you should read.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I think I think it's only right that you read
this email because of the.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
The circumstances being presented in the email.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I don't know if I read it. It's I think
it's more uncomfortable if I read it, which ultimately is
probably leads to the better humors. Yeah, no, I think
I think that's that's exactly right. I've never it's intimate. Okay, Yeah,
let's just get into it. Hell, yeah, hi, David and Langston.
(10:42):
You should frame who this is from. I don't think
we're supposed to say her name?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Are we say our first name?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
We don't know this is from? Joe said, Yeah, Hi
David and Langston. I want to first say that I
adore both of you. That's nice, David more so than Langston. Okay,
I don't love that far, but I'm listening. I love
a deep dark chocolate man. Oh I bet he tastes
like a Hershey bar, oh a girl ken dream. Okay, Well,
(11:15):
let's stop there. Let's just pause right there. I wish
you did. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Let's this is worth a dressing that that I do
think more often than than certainly than myself. Women are
throwing a lot of pussy at you in these d
in these messages, You're you're getting more more thrown at you,
I I think than than most would.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, I don't know. I this is not I was
not prepared to address these allegations. Well, it's the state
of the union, my man. You don't get to.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Just skip over everything that's happening in the country, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Thank you to all the little mamas thrown at me,
uh via DMS and or emails. I currently have a girlfriend.
It's very nice to you. I appreciate your comments on
my skin that are borderline harassment. I appreciate it, and
(12:19):
I feel seen and I feel beautiful.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, David, unfortunately he has chillsen a lover.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I don't like it what you say it like that.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Well, it's unfortunate for you all. It's not unfortunate for him.
It's a beautiful thing that he's he's found a special
someone that said, uh, you bitches gotta calm down. Because
you're you're really, you're really trying to suck my man off,
and it's.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Really it's not it's not that you know, it sound
like I'm getting d MS where people are like, let
me suck your dick. It's like if anybody you taste
like a hershey bar, which is which is if that's
what you're coming in is hoping for, let me tell
you right wrong flavor. Yeah, tastes a lot like the
(13:07):
other ones you've had. But let's not be okay, But
to be fair, if we're talking about who's getting explicit
d M, sure between you and I, George, it's still
you win.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, let me let's also be clear that the explicit
d MS that I get, it's not even it's not
even people that I've I would even remotely entertain. Why not,
because it's mostly just men who Okay, I get it
(13:44):
in very not only has nothing to do with homophobia.
It's displeasure. It's displeasure, it is not fear. Let me
be clear, I surprise, I am an ally. I support
your right to suck whichever dix you choose. I choose
was not to allow you to put my dick in
your mouth. And that is sort of the position I
(14:04):
take in all.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Of this, because, let's be fair, fellas, my man has
a family. You can't have a family. You're sending them
whole You're sending them hold dog. Come.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I will say that men are unfortunately the exact same
despite their sexual orientations. Men are out of control with
women and they are also out of control with men,
and so I get very aggressive emails, DMS and sometimes
even message just straight up fucking comments underneath pictures of
(14:38):
my daughter where.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Men will.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
It's just me and my fucking daughter and they'll be
like a kiss this shit out.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Of you, and it's like, man, man, stop it. You
gotta chill the fuck out. Yeah, it's Tuesday. Here's my question, though,
is it comforting to know that if you go to
the other side you would be well received? Yeah, that's
kind of cool. I don't. I don't. Nobody ever thinks
I'm gay. Mmm. Like, never I had a gay roommate,
(15:08):
I'd go out with them. Sometimes. None of those dudes
were ever like, hey, you are what you're doing? Yeah? Never, never, never,
never never. It's probably camouflage on. But yeah, no, dudes
everything that I'm a gay guy. So that's like nice.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, no, listen, I'm not offended by the warmness of
the reception. It is not lost on me that it
is very sweet that people would find myself you attractive.
I think we both can agree. It's a very nice feeling.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
It feels it does. It feels good to everybody wants
to be wanted, and I would. I'm glad we're not
like an ugo podcast, Like I'm glad people aren't like, damn,
take the videos down. Yeah no, we don't need to
look at you. Just listen to your your assaultry voices
because that would hurt my feelings. Yeah, that would be
hard for me if people were just sending email because
(16:02):
I was talking to somebody about this before we get
to the rest of this. Have you noticed Black people
are the only people with the courage to just straight
up call people ugly and believe them for being ugly.
Nobody else like does that like that.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, I black people do it in a way where
like they'll say it with affection, they presumed, like if
I think I wouldn't be surprised that they were, like
these two ugly niggas are hilarious, and it's like, Bro,
you didn't even have to say that first part. Yeah,
you ain't have to mention how we look that that's
how ping, But that's just that's that's the way we
(16:35):
speak to each other.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I do appreciate it because I was thinking about the other.
I just have never seen like even like black men
to each other all the time, call each other ugly,
but like I've never seen white guys do that. Really. Yeah. Now,
sometimes I even people I don't think are ugly, I'll
like see.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
A lot of times, a lot of times from a distance,
I'll be like, look, this is ugly, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah. People people in my family. I think I have
a very brother is very attractive. I'll call him, what's up,
ugly little boy? Yeah, you guys, all of them? Yeah, no, yeah,
I don't know why what that is, but it certainly is. Uh,
it's part of our cooking. Yeah, all right, Well, anyways,
so we got past that. She wants to slurt me down.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Jausette is a girl can dream, and she's looking a
slur But you can dream.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
You can dream about me and my big huge Hershey bar,
it's not over selling. Well, let's sell the product she's
looking to buy. I think I think I'm sweating very uncomfortable. Anyway,
(17:49):
enough with the pleasant trees, there we go. When we
got through it, every one of my girlfriends has the
same irrational fear of a snake coming up through the
toilet and biting our kits Cat bars. I never even
called kat.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I haven't either, And at first when I read it,
I thought to myself, what, And then I thought about
it in the second I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
No, it's great, give me a break, you know what
my problem was.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
And then I'll be honest, when when kick cat bar
first got introduced, is I pictured the four kit cat
bars next to each other, but then when you make
it the two kit cat bars, and yeah, then it's
like okay, yep, yep, yep.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Or whatever you're inside. Look, I'm not general. Yeah, kick
cat bars. Some people got fruit roll ups, it's all hey,
some people.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Some people got a spilled bag of groceries, and and
that's just fine with me.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Yeah, But to come down with my spider Man mask
nasty episode discussing.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
We're calling upon you because we have new merch. We
have very exciting merch that we are now selling and
it's it's fucking great.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on,
you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we
have three different types of hats, which is really fun.
We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat
the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have
the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie
on it since my mama told me. And then we
(19:37):
have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is
who you are.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to Mamma
told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want you
to have all the sweet stuff, So get it.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Anyway. Okay, Yeah, samurai rational vielle of a snake coming
up and biting our kit kat bars. We don't you
know why we have this fear? Why do we all
have this irrational fear but nobody talks out loud about it.
How did it come to be that we all have
this similar, fair, same fear as women. Well let me
stop you here, Josette, Me and my giant hersheybar are
(20:16):
also afraid of the same thing, are you. I'm afraid
of that. Yeah. I don't think it's just women. I'll
be honest.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
That is not where my fear lives with the toilet.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Do tell I.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
We've actually talked about it a little bit in previous episodes,
But I'm much more afraid of what could come in
via the doors than I have ever been afraid of
what could rise up from inside of the toilet.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Well, here's just to push back a little bit. The
thing about coming in is you still at least have
some way to see it and protect yourself. Coming from
under you gotten a snake could just bite your beatings.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, but but I also don't know snakes to be
like just Dick biting for the hell of it. I
think there are you kind of have to provoke the
snake and do shit to the snake.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I mean, meant to come in and assault you from
a toilet.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I think that's statistically, I think that's probably more likely
than the snake just biting Dick.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Who do you know that that's happened to.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Assaulted a man while he was sitting on the toilet, or.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
A man was assaulted when he got was on the twilet.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Nobody personally, But I've heard more I've seen enough movies
that there's not it could happen to somebody.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
When was the last time somebody walked in on you
taking a shit. Hmm.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
That's a good question. Man, it's been years. It's probably
been since like since like fucking like living with roommates
or high school even like really, you seem like you.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Would be very vigilant about not having someone see you. Yeah.
I can't afford for that to get out, you know
what I mean? I know that, I know, I know
that for sure. You don't. I can see. That makes
sense to me.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, real, Jean's moving silence like lasagnya and I can't.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
What do you even think you're doing on that?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I don't know, but I'm I think that's the thing
is like, and maybe this is.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Do you have a pee when you're no? I almost
exclusively sit down to pee at home now off that
damn we I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I don't understanding exclusively at home. Yeah, I'm saying I'm sitting. Wow,
the public, I'll stand, you know, I respect the society
we've built. But now at home, I sit down. I'm
wrestling at nighttime. At nighttime, that's when I sometimes sit
for longer than the pee. Oh, let just give it
(23:07):
a nice rest sometimes.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
And maybe this is a familiar thing for a thirty
six year old man. And sometimes you sit down and
you pee and then you realize, I got a little
bit more in there, and it takes a while for
you to find that a little bit more and you
just that comes out and then you're like, oh, now
I'm truly empty, and that was fucking tight.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
Yeah. Sometimes I'll sit to poop and then realize that
I got peace don't come out as much as I
used to. Mm hmmm, mm hmmm hm. And that's just
getting old, you know. Yeah, it's unfortunate, and I'm not
proud of it.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
And I hate that my body is rejecting itself in
the way that it is.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
But to feel bad about it, man, it's not crazy.
I think it's just hard to forget the.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Veracity of my youth, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Like strong stream ones. Yeah, bounce back and hit me
in the chest. Yeah, I need a flash guard coming
out crazy, I gotta back up.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Hold on, hold on, I'm going to first thall, there's
not enough room.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I remember who I was and it's hard to let
go of that. And I think that is why NBA players,
you know, after they retire a while out the way
that they do. And Paul Pierce is getting, you know,
doing fucking Instagram live with strippers just because he remembers
the Paul Pierce he used to be and not the
Paul Pierce said he should be at at forty eight
(24:40):
or whatever the fuck he is.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I mean, you don't think it's okay for a man
to be single at forty eight.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I don't think it's okay for Paul Pierce to be
single at forty eight. I think that's a man structure desperately.
Sometimes I listen to those conversations with him and Kevin Garnett,
and Kevin Garnett is being like the mature one and
being like Paul, you gotta chill. And it's like, bro,
(25:06):
if Kevin Garnett is scolding you because you're out of line,
You're you've gotta reflect. They're not supposed to be by themselves,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Like I think leets in general. Do you think it's
because their whole life was so regimented that when you
kind of like cause, like athletes lives for the most part,
it's like a it's a job about discipline, right, you
gotta be in the gym, Yeah, put your time in
learning all that shit. So it's like when they let
that go, you think, it's just like they've never been
(25:38):
free to just make all their own decisions in their life, right, Yeah,
I think.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I think certainly it has like a little bit of
a militaristic I guess energy about it, where it's like
you wake up at this time, you go and you
do this and this exercises and then practice and then
jim again, and like it sort of fills your day
with like motivation and dedication and reasons to do whatever
(26:04):
the fuck you're doing. And then when you have all
these recreational behaviors, it certainly at least is earned behavior,
and so you're you're like managing it to some extent,
but then it just becomes, oh, I have mega millions
and no reason to wake up in the morning.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yeah, all these strippers and my dms.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Everybody remembers who I used to be, so like, yeah,
I'm gonna take to be.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Fair, you're still that man. Don't take that from him. Yeah, No,
I mean everybody remembers when you were worth something contributing
to us. No. I mean, I don't know what he's
contributing now, but I certainly think Paul Pierce Paul Pierce
gave us a lot, you know what I mean, he
really did man pants pants and then Brian Scalabrini and
(26:51):
carry him out. Uh, what a great moment in history.
That was a big time I listen, man, I it's
someone who that's a big fear of theirs. It's just
like nice to see it played out not so terrible.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
You know, And I'd say played out maybe the best
anyone's ever played it out.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah, for real, for real.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
No, Like, no person in history has ship themselves more
efficiently and effectively than.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah, like, because if I did, man, I should my
pants had a safeway. Once it's fucked up, suck. I
don't even really want to talk about it. It's just
really awful. It's really really awful. What happened? Did it
go down your leg? No? Man, I I was driving home.
(27:50):
This is that's how long ago is I had a
driver's license. I was driving home from work and I
went to safe way to grab some ship and then
I was in line and my this girl I knew,
was behind me with her boyfriend who's the worst, and
we started talking and I had my back to him
because I turned around, and then it just this fucking happened.
(28:13):
I was wearing a baby blue button down as was
the time, you know, as was the time. So I
had to kind of like keep talking and back like
I had to keep talking to them and then like
back up to the card reader and turn and pay
and then kind of just like back.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
All, oh, you still had business to do.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Cause it was and it was I'm pretty sure it
got to the back of my shirt. God damn. So
I didn't want it, you know what I mean. So
I had to kind of like back out of the
safe way. Then I had to get my car and
I had to drive another like fifteen miles home. And
then when I got home, it was during the Western
(28:56):
Conference Finals. I thought you were gonna say it was
nine to eleven. No, you know. I got home, I
looked on the TV and the second tower fell. It
was like it was like, it's the Western Conference Finals,
the one with the Nuggets and the Lakers. Yeah. So
I had like ten twelve people in my house and
(29:18):
I forgot that. So I as I opened the door,
I was like, fuck because my roommate had let everybody in.
This is insane. It sucked. And then I was like
and then I was like I can't even I'm not gonna.
I can't get from the front door to downstairs. So
I just had to be like listen, man.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Hey, everybody, thank you for coming.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
I gotta go, I gotta I'll be back up in
like an hour.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
I got the I got the girlceries, but I also
have a little bit of a problem, so I'll see
y'all in a minute.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Fucking it's not a good day.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
No, that's a that's a that's a sad story, big dog.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
I'm not and we lost the Lakers. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
I was about to say it doesn't end well either
for the Western Conference finals.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
No, Olivia hit the group chat and said experienced his
own nine to eleven. Thank you in that in that
I will never forget. Fuck. Yeah, that's that's a low low.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
It was shipped myself, for sure, but I've managed to
keep it private every time.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Bro, it was like double public. It was a double
public fuck I mean, but that's what it is. That's
why it can be a clown on stage for money,
you really have to humble yourself.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, and I don't know if this changes whether or
not you wanna you wanna suck him off, But.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I was about to slow down to a trickle after this. Yeah,
there ain't gonna be so many. You taste like chocolates.
Look at your sex. Simple Now this is your kid.
Shoot himself in a Safeway afterwards.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Shot himself in a mid tier grocery store.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I wasn't even home, oh man, I was probably drinking
Safeway brand soda. Shout out the Safeway select.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch.
We have very exciting merch that we are now selling
and it's it's fucking great.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on,
you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we
have three different types of hats, which is really fun.
We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat,
the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have
the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie
on it since my mama told me. And then we
(31:55):
have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is
who you are.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want
you to have all the sweet stuff, So get it.
Well to the question of snakes popping up from the toilet.
I did a quick googling how often do snakes come
(32:21):
out of toilets? Because they do say that this is
a real thing that happens, that sores can be hiding
ground for a hiding ground for mice and rats. Snakes
will enter the sewer to get their next meal. They
can make their way through a swre and slither their
creepy way through a through the bend of a toilet
(32:41):
the s bend. However, that's this still doesn't mean this
is a common incident, and they said that the possibility,
the frequency at which this happens is extremely low. It
is a rare experience, not often experienced.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
By an We're talking about once or twice a year.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
I think there's much rarer than that. I think we're
talking like nobody you know, is likely to ever have
this personal experience.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Now, look up bathroom attacks.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Though, Okay, I think snakes snake attacks in bathroom.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
No, I was just saying in general, oh, stranger attacks
in bathroom because I think that's like because when we
had talked about it before, you said, even when you
lived alone, you would shit with the door closed. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I get very nervous of people entering when I'm at
my most vulnerable state. I keep doors closed when I sleep,
I keep doors closed when I shit. I keep doors
closed at all times.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I don't even think shitting is my top three most
vulnerable states.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Okay, list them?
Speaker 1 (33:57):
What ambout the movies by myself? Why is that so funny?
You can get up and leave? What do you mean?
I just really locked in in a way where I'm
like not very aware of outside.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Well, I really lived that that Nicole Kidman commercial you
really like?
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Uh? I like the movies a lot. I enjoyed it
as an experience. I like it as a group. But
I like going to myself a lot, and when I
if it's a really good movie, I'm like locked locked in.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You know what what we just did is we went
and saw me and of some comedians. I hear Jordan
Temples at Fox other cool names. But we went and
saw a double feature of a Goofy movie.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
And Baba's Kids at the New Beverly. At the New Beverly.
That's when I was in Los Angeles. I saw at
the New Beverly, I saw a booty Call with Jordan's Ye,
yeah what you're talking about? Yeah, that's a good double feature.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Yeah, a goofy movie is a perfect film. Yeah, truly
is just it's so funny, it's so it's it's it got,
it's got heart. It moves you in all kinds of
cool ways.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Baba's Kids is is uh, come on, don't be like that.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Like based Kids is a is a classic and I
take nothing from it and if I never see it again,
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
That's that's my family. That's like, we love that movie.
We're a Baby's Kids family. Really. Oh man, even my
littlest brother loves it. Whoa, Yeah, come on all the
songs straight.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Jacking straight Jacking is a good song.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Come on.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
It's weird that it comes three quarters into the movie.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yeah, also that weird freedom song with the robots that
it is also strange.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
There's a lot of sort of like a poorly structured
build to that film in a way that you know,
it truly felt like it was a Robin Harris brainchild.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
It was.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Yeah, they just took a bit and then evolved it
into a film, and then he didn't even get to
see it come to fruition and they had to let
fase on Love finish it out.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Which I'm saying this on the record right now. If
I die, do not let don't recast.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I'm glad you said that because he was actually the
first guy I thought.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
It was. I was like, if he dies, love with
this big Hershey chocolate ass, but fair enough. I won't
call him.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
I won't.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
You can't call If I die, you replaced me with
the light Skin guy. You changed the name to light On.
I'm like, no, no, dark Skin replace me. Like if
I die quick killer mic in here, I'm gonna haunt you,
all right, It'll be me and Benningham. Just no, you
(37:15):
don't get another African either, God damn no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no Africans, no dark skin dudes. I fucking I'm the
only I'm like a, I'm like a jealous boyfriend over here.
You have no one but me. Nobody else wants you.
Oh man, yeah, no, it's it.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
It's a I don't think that it's great, a great film,
but I recognize the joy, the nostalgic sort of like
thrill it offers.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
It's funny still though.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Robin Harris still has like some funny ass like joke
jokes in there that you're like, damn, that's just that's
just a good ass joke.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
This is the first time I heard everything. Anybody called
somebody a test tube baby. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah, no, he really he was groundbreaking as a as
a comedian, an artist, and it's a shame that he
died so young.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Was he young? I think so. I think he was
younger than he looks.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Yeah, I think he was just an old faced ass dude.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I could be wrong. There used to be more of those.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
I think it was an entire generation for a while.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
I mean, have you seen that shit online where they're
saying millennials, we are we like, are aging properly. I
think they're actually saying millennials are the ones that are
aging pretty well. It's gen Z that's not aging probably, No,
that's what I'm saying, Like, we're aging too good.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Yeah, Millennials, for whatever reason are we're the youngest looking
of all the generations. And then gen Z is going
back to like those nineteen seventies niggas who know what
it is forty five when they were twenty.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
It's hope. We're the last year our history to grow
up with any kind of hope. We had genuine hope. Yeah,
that's our life before the Internet, before nine to eleven
turned us into whatever it is we are now. You
know what I mean. We grew up. We all thought
that we could get a house and have kids and like,
and that was what the world was. These kids now
have nothing to live for. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
No, they truly are born with a fucked up cynicism
that just makes their face turned to mush.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
That's why they're prudes. They're all eighty year old women.
You don't want to see tits and movies. Get out
of here. Yeah, you don't want to see titties and movies.
It's like one of the main reasons that go.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
My only motivation when I was sixteen years old was
sand titties and playing basketball. Come on, I didn't care
about the world. I wasn't interested in like being a
hero or a savior of any kind. I just wanted
to hoop and look at somebody naked.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yep. And now they have so much weight on.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Their shoulders that of course they look like absolute garbage.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
So I think we figured it out.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
Robin Harris, and this is gonna blow your fucking mind.
Robin Harris died at thirty six years old. Fuck really, dog,
he was he was our age.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Oh god, damn. And he was playing kids, Daddy, he
played kids.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Oh fuck, they were probably the same age while he
was pretending to be his father.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
That's that's bad, jeans, bro. He looked rough for thirty six. Man. Fuck,
I mean he was one of those guys who looked
so crazy that he had to be hilarious. Yeah, what
were you gonna do? What else? What was your job?
What could you do? Scraps? That's crazy alright, pe man,
(40:53):
he was hilarious.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
He was so funny, so funny, so old looking.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
So looking, so fun The two go ahead and hand.
Some of the funniest looking people I've known in my
life are the funniest people I've.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Ever I looked up your question of whether or not
the toilet attacks are thing and unfortunately, and this is
a pretty telling sign of the society we live in.
Mostly when you google that, it immediately just gives you
a laundry list of transgender people being attacked in public restrooms. Great,
(41:23):
which is maybe worth noting that maybe maybe my fear
is not as much the active one, but certainly being
attacked in public restrooms is a active fear that some
people need to struggle with, and we wish that they didn't.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
Yep, hot riffs. Yeah, I get it, you don't want
to tack in on No, it was kind of really.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
The other thing Olivia sent Us is a article from
USA Today of very reputable website and newspaper periodical bum
Biting Python. It says woman bitten by a five foot
snake hiding in toilet.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Ah dot So fuck yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
As a fifty nine year old woman sat on her
relative's toilet, she felt a shocking pain. A five foot
carpet python had bitten her bottom. Why are they writing
this so fucking British?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I hate it?
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah, I get okay now, I see why it was
in Australia. Helen Richards of Australia. So it seems like
USA Today is just usurping the language from a different.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
I think there's like truly no integrity left in journalism,
so I think they're just basically copy and paste and
some shit. Helen Richards of Australia told ten News First
Queensland she felt a sharp tap on my bottom along
with some pain on Tuesday afternoon, and she handler Jasmine Zelaney,
(43:04):
who removed and relocated the non venomous pike. Like, okay
now I'm venomous, so singing no poisoned.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Her, and poison is not what I'm worried about. What
are you worried about my dick getting bit by a snake? Okay,
fair enough.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Yeah, it's just the general pain of a of a
bite on your your dick from a snake.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Yeah. Also, I think it should be referenced that in
the chat, Olivia is throwing some slurs. Yeah, she's she's
saying some nasty things about Australian people. Yeah, which who knew,
I didn't. It's fun to win. It's fun to learn
new racism that people have.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Yeah, when you find out your friend is actually deeply
big at it.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
Yeah, that's always crazy because it's like it's like on
some weird shit where it's like, oh, you don't want
to go to the Brazilian steakhouse because why? You know
what I'm saying, Like, it's always really weird that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yeah, they really show their true colors. And then you
kind of have to decide if if this is a
reflection of their greater humanity or if this is just
a moment that that you caught them because they had
a bad day or whatever.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Yeah, because it could go either way.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yeah, it is worth noting that they said that the
reason that the snake bit in all likelihood is because
these snakes preferred an exit point. She had that big, old,
thick bottom, and that the snake just wanted to nibble.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
You want to bite.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
They said the snake's preferred exit point was block after
being spooked by the customers sitting down, and it simply
lashed out in fear.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
That's exactly what I would think would happen.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
So I guess to your point, Uh, it is more
likely that the snake will bite if you sit down
down on top of it and block it's its pathway.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
And let's be honest, we've seen what I'm working with.
I'm blocking. Yeah, you're gonna block.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Ain't no light getting through when when you sit down
on that toilet.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
All that.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
So, Josette, it seems as if that your conspiracy does
have some legs that that there are legitimate concerns that
a snake could come up through the toilet, although it
seems like that's much more of an Australian possibility than
an American reality.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
So if you live in America, I think you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
I don't imagine that you have a ton of snakes
wherever you live, and if you.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Do get out of there, Yeah, I ain't got to
live like that. You deserve Yeah, and he ain't gotta
live like that. You can live somewhere where there ain't snakes.
I want to read the nice part of her letter too.
She closing, she said, I super appreciate you too, and
hope you remain the same beautiful assholes you've always been.
(46:07):
Love you both to the moon and back. Bye, bitch,
Love Joe Set A proud.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
Little mama, A proud little mama. Yeah, Josette, thank you
for this very lovely email. And we hope that you
and your kitcat bar and the ladies that you can
noodle with remain remain safe from snake bites in all forms.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Yeah, exactly that. Thank you for thinking. I'm so damn fine.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Do you want to tell the people where your finance
is gonna be?
Speaker 1 (46:39):
And yeah, if you want to cut your going on,
you want to come out and double click your mouth,
you can come see me. I actually don't have my
dates pulled up. Who got jokes? Citty seven on Instagram?
It'll be there. Yeah. Watch Royal Crack News February twenty
ninth on Adult Swim the next day streaming on Max.
You know, be good to yourselves. And if you want
(46:59):
to watch the YouTube, you can see my finance, Langston's finance.
And if you want to send us hole or tell
us how we make you feel, don't. But other than that, yeah,
you know what, watch all the ship.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Yeah, watch watch all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Follow me at Langston Kerman.
Speaker 2 (47:18):
I don't have a ton of dates coming up because
I'm knocking this special out next week.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
And then and then I'm going to rest for a
little while.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
But if you want to buy merch, you can go
to my mama told me that merchcentral dot com. And
if you want to send us your conspiracies, if you
want to send us your your glowing love letters, if
you want to send us whole, send it all to
my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love
to hear from you. And and that that's it. I
(47:47):
think we covered everything.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
Bye, bitch, bid your ankle. Whala bears are racist by
the also player for ows and money. As a man
of Turkey stuff, I can't tell me nothing
That's how you feel about Top Kit hearing Ocho, Cinco
Channon Shark talk sometimes where it's like whoa you know
there there's this is being recorded. Yeah, and the Shannon
Shark is just like I split it up at a
quarter three And that's the thing. Oo is the reasonable one? Yeah,
his name is. And he's like, you have to calm down.
(00:24):
You're like, bro, you can't keep talking like this.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I gotta Liverpool, I gotta do shut.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
If it ain't to eighty, it ain't a lady, which
is a you should get rt of that. That's pretty
it's crazy. That's a big kalas racist. Oh, money turning stuff.
(00:57):
I can't tell me. Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary. Welcome to another episode of My Mama Told.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the pockets
of black conspiracy.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Theories and we finally worked to prove that the game
se lo was in fact invented by slaves to teach
each other man. It wasn't about gambling. So when you
take eighty five dollars off your uncle at the Super Bowl,
don't feel bad. You're just trying to help that nigger
learn some shit. My name is David Body.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm like Stinkerman, and I'm proud to hear that that's
the best way to honor our ancestors come on by
gambling against our strange relatives.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Our ancestors guided me in the winning of about eighty
dollars on the super Bowl this year, So I thank you. Yeah,
good for you.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Were you forty nine ers Ice Home? You were just
Cisco connection.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah. But I also had prop bets, So I bet
for the first drive to be less than three minutes
and fifteen seconds, and I made like eighty bucks off
of that. And then I also bet for Deebo and
mccaffie to get a touchdown. I lost that, and then
but then I want a bunch of money in Dice,
So I still won. You found you found your way
back on top. Yeah, because I just bet the money
(02:20):
line because I'm not really great about spreads. Freaked me out. Yeah,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I don't understand a lot of the the shorthand of
gambling and so intimidating asking adult men to explain it
to you. Yeah, I've just opted not to play, you
know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
The same way with technology.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, it's just like I men, especially it's like you
you go to them and you go, hey, I'm vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Could you please? Could you please help me?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
And they make you feel very small, very fast.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Yeah. Men love jargon. Mm hm, that's what it is.
Men love jargon. Bro. So it's like, because I don't
know what I'm doing either, I'm saying stuff like I
bet moneyline because it's for stupid people. Yeah, it just
means I bet that the forty nine ers were gonna
win straight up right, just working. I was thinking about
becoming a gloves guy.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
I was wondering, what's happening here?
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I looked.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I thought we were having a normal conversation, and then
your fingers look like Dumbledore after he fucked around with
that horse crux.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And I wasn't sure what was happening. But is it
not good? I'll take them long. I don't think it's great.
It's uh.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I don't think those are the type of gloves you
can be a glove guy with. I don't think you
can just put on two north face gloves.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I thought that's cool.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I think gloves cool gloves guy. Cool glove guys were
like like.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
A hard leather. They wear like a hard leather. Yeah,
they wear like.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
A thick, a thick motorcycling leather. They don't wear a
fucking I wanted to be at Okay, they're for everyone.
First of all, the north Face is a very adult company.
I always wanted, did you. I always wanted to be
a batting gloves guy, but I never had I was
never cool enough to pull that off. Yeah, there was
(04:17):
a few eras that I wish I could have. You
Remember when like goggles were in, when like you Good
Diddy and Mace and you put on like a pair
of goggles with their outfit, and somehow that that wasn't
a thing people ask questions about. I desperately wanted to
be a ski goggles ask dude, and and couldn't pull
it off.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I couldn't, well because you were too young. Here's this
is so funny. I was just talking about Homie about
it yesterday, and his dad was from New York, so
they had all kinds of bootleg shit. And he said
he came to school and like, not just the goggles,
the remember the Tommy the Tommy scull cap. Yeah, liked.
(04:57):
He said he came in to school with both like
the fourth grade. He was possible. It was like what
are you doing? Of course not. Yeah, yeah, you're a
little boy. This isn't a rap video. You take that
goddamn ship off. We're here to learn multiplication, not get pussy.
Yeah you're not. You out of your mind.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You're gonna look cooler than me on a regular day.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah no, I'll fucking kill you, little boy. You're gonna
look like how I want to dress the fuck you?
You take that off? Man? Do you think you were
a teacher? Did you ever like get some fly ship
and you were like, I bet I could wear this
at school? You said you took the bow tie out
of the classroom. Did you ever take you know, the
(05:43):
echo in I'm trying to frame my things. I'm trying
to be more professional in my manner of speaking. I
got you. I want to be clear that I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Still wearing echo as a professional educator, but I I do.
I do remember there being like they're being like sweaters
or sweat shirts that I'd be like, damn if I
could figure out a way to put this over my
shirt and tie and still have my ties showing I
(06:15):
could like kind of fly this up and not feel
like as much of a dork. But I do think
after a while, you're just a dude waking up at
six am to go teach kids, and you stop giving
a fuck about how you look, which is maybe the
most disheartening.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Part of teaching. Are they high schoolers? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
Was there ever a level of you wanting them to
think you were fresh? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:39):
You do want them to think you're like cool, you
know what I mean? Like, I didn't want them to
think I'm a loser, but I didn't want're not that
far from their age, right. That's the hard game though,
is you don't want them to think you're a loser,
but you also don't want them to think you're wanting
them to be cool with you, do you know what
I mean? So like you gotta be fly, but you
(07:00):
gotta be flying away that they're like, I don't I
don't get it. I don't quite understand what that is.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Oh interesting, interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
And that's that's a hard little needle to thread because
they immediately if you dress too cool, they think you're
best friends, and if you dress to dorky, they think
they're like they could talk down to you and ship.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Why I would have to be a pe teacher. Oh
that's smart because if I could incorporate fit physical punishments,
you're going to respect you.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Yeah, and also you do you don't have to really
adhere to like teacher law.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
When it comes to pe teachers, it feels like it's
a yeah, you can use slurs like it's a whole
bunch of shit that goes on in the gym. That's yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I had a pe teacher tell me that Asian women
have sideways pussies, and.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Well, that's true. Though. He was just like a good man.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
He was just a man trying to inform me of
what's happening out in the world.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
How did that? I'm up. During dodgeball, he was like.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Cut buddy, buddy, I wish I knew. It was very
I'll say this, it was very natural. He sort of
just said, boys gather around, and then he he decided to,
I guess, dispense his wisdom on us. And we were
we were fourteen and very uncertain of what to do
(08:23):
with that information.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, what do you now? What does that help? I
don't know what to do with the other ones. There
also was.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
A curveball like, yeah, no, I had not seen a
pussy yet.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, I'm not ready for the straight up and down.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
He said it, and I had to think about which
way with sideways.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You know, I'm thirty six, I'm still.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
And also, we didn't have enough Asian women, you know
what I mean, like pull.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
From That's why he did it. No, it was.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
It was a true violence he did as boys and
and I don't know what to do with it.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Well, shout out to Asian women. I know you all
all you have your pussies on street and if you do,
if you don't, I don't think that's something of a problem.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Listen, I cannot imagine that if I went down there
and your ship was sideways, that that would in any
way deter me from finishing my job.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Because it doesn't. And this is the last I'll say
on this. It doesn't disorient the whole. It's just all
the extras.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
No, no, no, no, that's just a spider Man kiss baby
girl and now let's get to work.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
You pussy hanging from a web, you go down. Oh.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
This is This is a rare Leangthston and David episode.
I don't know if they're that rare. We do them
every once in a while, but yeah, we're excited to
just shoot the ship with each other. We we got
some emails. We might talk some shit about some other stuff.
Who knows where the conversation will take us, but but
we're happy you're here, and we have an email that
(10:10):
I think you should read.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I think I think it's only right that you read
this email because of the.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
The circumstances being presented in the email.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I don't know if I read it. It's I think
it's more uncomfortable if I read it, which ultimately is
probably leads to the better humors. Yeah, no, I think
I think that's that's exactly right. I've never it's intimate. Okay, Yeah,
let's just get into it. Hell, yeah, hi, David and Langston.
(10:42):
You should frame who this is from. I don't think
we're supposed to say her name?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Are we say our first name?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
We don't know this is from? Joe said, Yeah, Hi
David and Langston. I want to first say that I
adore both of you. That's nice, David more so than Langston. Okay,
I don't love that far, but I'm listening. I love
a deep dark chocolate man. Oh I bet he tastes
like a Hershey bar, oh a girl ken dream. Okay, Well,
(11:15):
let's stop there. Let's just pause right there. I wish
you did. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Let's this is worth a dressing that that I do
think more often than than certainly than myself. Women are
throwing a lot of pussy at you in these d
in these messages, You're you're getting more more thrown at you,
I I think than than most would.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, I don't know. I this is not I was
not prepared to address these allegations. Well, it's the state
of the union, my man. You don't get to.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Just skip over everything that's happening in the country, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Thank you to all the little mamas thrown at me,
uh via DMS and or emails. I currently have a girlfriend.
It's very nice to you. I appreciate your comments on
my skin that are borderline harassment. I appreciate it, and
(12:19):
I feel seen and I feel beautiful.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, David, unfortunately he has chillsen a lover.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I don't like it what you say it like that.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Well, it's unfortunate for you all. It's not unfortunate for him.
It's a beautiful thing that he's he's found a special
someone that said, uh, you bitches gotta calm down. Because
you're you're really, you're really trying to suck my man off,
and it's.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Really it's not it's not that you know, it sound
like I'm getting d MS where people are like, let
me suck your dick. It's like if anybody you taste
like a hershey bar, which is which is if that's
what you're coming in is hoping for, let me tell
you right wrong flavor. Yeah, tastes a lot like the
(13:07):
other ones you've had. But let's not be okay, But
to be fair, if we're talking about who's getting explicit
d M, sure between you and I, George, it's still
you win.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, let me let's also be clear that the explicit
d MS that I get, it's not even it's not
even people that I've I would even remotely entertain. Why not,
because it's mostly just men who Okay, I get it
(13:44):
in very not only has nothing to do with homophobia.
It's displeasure. It's displeasure, it is not fear. Let me
be clear, I surprise, I am an ally. I support
your right to suck whichever dix you choose. I choose
was not to allow you to put my dick in
your mouth. And that is sort of the position I
(14:04):
take in all.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Of this, because, let's be fair, fellas, my man has
a family. You can't have a family. You're sending them
whole You're sending them hold dog. Come.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I will say that men are unfortunately the exact same
despite their sexual orientations. Men are out of control with
women and they are also out of control with men,
and so I get very aggressive emails, DMS and sometimes
even message just straight up fucking comments underneath pictures of
(14:38):
my daughter where.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Men will.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
It's just me and my fucking daughter and they'll be
like a kiss this shit out.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Of you, and it's like, man, man, stop it. You
gotta chill the fuck out. Yeah, it's Tuesday. Here's my question, though,
is it comforting to know that if you go to
the other side you would be well received? Yeah, that's
kind of cool. I don't. I don't. Nobody ever thinks
I'm gay. Mmm. Like, never I had a gay roommate,
(15:08):
I'd go out with them. Sometimes. None of those dudes
were ever like, hey, you are what you're doing? Yeah? Never, never, never,
never never. It's probably camouflage on. But yeah, no, dudes
everything that I'm a gay guy. So that's like nice.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, no, listen, I'm not offended by the warmness of
the reception. It is not lost on me that it
is very sweet that people would find myself you attractive.
I think we both can agree. It's a very nice feeling.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
It feels it does. It feels good to everybody wants
to be wanted, and I would. I'm glad we're not
like an ugo podcast, Like I'm glad people aren't like, damn,
take the videos down. Yeah no, we don't need to
look at you. Just listen to your your assaultry voices
because that would hurt my feelings. Yeah, that would be
hard for me if people were just sending email because
(16:02):
I was talking to somebody about this before we get
to the rest of this. Have you noticed Black people
are the only people with the courage to just straight
up call people ugly and believe them for being ugly.
Nobody else like does that like that.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, I black people do it in a way where
like they'll say it with affection, they presumed, like if
I think I wouldn't be surprised that they were, like
these two ugly niggas are hilarious, and it's like, Bro,
you didn't even have to say that first part. Yeah,
you ain't have to mention how we look that that's
how ping, But that's just that's that's the way we
(16:35):
speak to each other.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I do appreciate it because I was thinking about the other.
I just have never seen like even like black men
to each other all the time, call each other ugly,
but like I've never seen white guys do that. Really. Yeah. Now,
sometimes I even people I don't think are ugly, I'll
like see.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
A lot of times, a lot of times from a distance,
I'll be like, look, this is ugly, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah. People people in my family. I think I have
a very brother is very attractive. I'll call him, what's up,
ugly little boy? Yeah, you guys, all of them? Yeah, no, yeah,
I don't know why what that is, but it certainly is. Uh,
it's part of our cooking. Yeah, all right, Well, anyways,
so we got past that. She wants to slurt me down.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Jausette is a girl can dream, and she's looking a
slur But you can dream.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
You can dream about me and my big huge Hershey bar,
it's not over selling. Well, let's sell the product she's
looking to buy. I think I think I'm sweating very uncomfortable. Anyway,
(17:49):
enough with the pleasant trees, there we go. When we
got through it, every one of my girlfriends has the
same irrational fear of a snake coming up through the
toilet and biting our kits Cat bars. I never even
called kat.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I haven't either, And at first when I read it,
I thought to myself, what, And then I thought about
it in the second I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
No, it's great, give me a break, you know what
my problem was.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
And then I'll be honest, when when kick cat bar
first got introduced, is I pictured the four kit cat
bars next to each other, but then when you make
it the two kit cat bars, and yeah, then it's
like okay, yep, yep, yep.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Or whatever you're inside. Look, I'm not general. Yeah, kick
cat bars. Some people got fruit roll ups, it's all hey,
some people.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Some people got a spilled bag of groceries, and and
that's just fine with me.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Yeah, But to come down with my spider Man mask
nasty episode discussing.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
We're calling upon you because we have new merch. We
have very exciting merch that we are now selling and
it's it's fucking great.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on,
you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we
have three different types of hats, which is really fun.
We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat
the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have
the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie
on it since my mama told me. And then we
(19:37):
have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is
who you are.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to Mamma
told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want you
to have all the sweet stuff, So get it.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Anyway. Okay, Yeah, samurai rational vielle of a snake coming
up and biting our kit kat bars. We don't you
know why we have this fear? Why do we all
have this irrational fear but nobody talks out loud about it.
How did it come to be that we all have
this similar, fair, same fear as women. Well let me
stop you here, Josette, Me and my giant hersheybar are
(20:16):
also afraid of the same thing, are you. I'm afraid
of that. Yeah. I don't think it's just women. I'll
be honest.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
That is not where my fear lives with the toilet.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Do tell I.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
We've actually talked about it a little bit in previous episodes,
But I'm much more afraid of what could come in
via the doors than I have ever been afraid of
what could rise up from inside of the toilet.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Well, here's just to push back a little bit. The
thing about coming in is you still at least have
some way to see it and protect yourself. Coming from
under you gotten a snake could just bite your beatings.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, but but I also don't know snakes to be
like just Dick biting for the hell of it. I
think there are you kind of have to provoke the
snake and do shit to the snake.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I mean, meant to come in and assault you from
a toilet.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I think that's statistically, I think that's probably more likely
than the snake just biting Dick.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Who do you know that that's happened to.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Assaulted a man while he was sitting on the toilet, or.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
A man was assaulted when he got was on the twilet.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Nobody personally, But I've heard more I've seen enough movies
that there's not it could happen to somebody.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
When was the last time somebody walked in on you
taking a shit. Hmm.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
That's a good question. Man, it's been years. It's probably
been since like since like fucking like living with roommates
or high school even like really, you seem like you.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Would be very vigilant about not having someone see you. Yeah.
I can't afford for that to get out, you know
what I mean? I know that, I know, I know
that for sure. You don't. I can see. That makes
sense to me.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, real, Jean's moving silence like lasagnya and I can't.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
What do you even think you're doing on that?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I don't know, but I'm I think that's the thing
is like, and maybe this is.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Do you have a pee when you're no? I almost
exclusively sit down to pee at home now off that
damn we I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I don't understanding exclusively at home. Yeah, I'm saying I'm sitting. Wow,
the public, I'll stand, you know, I respect the society
we've built. But now at home, I sit down. I'm
wrestling at nighttime. At nighttime, that's when I sometimes sit
for longer than the pee. Oh, let just give it
(23:07):
a nice rest sometimes.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
And maybe this is a familiar thing for a thirty
six year old man. And sometimes you sit down and
you pee and then you realize, I got a little
bit more in there, and it takes a while for
you to find that a little bit more and you
just that comes out and then you're like, oh, now
I'm truly empty, and that was fucking tight.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
Yeah. Sometimes I'll sit to poop and then realize that
I got peace don't come out as much as I
used to. Mm hmmm, mm hmmm hm. And that's just
getting old, you know. Yeah, it's unfortunate, and I'm not
proud of it.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
And I hate that my body is rejecting itself in
the way that it is.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
But to feel bad about it, man, it's not crazy.
I think it's just hard to forget the.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Veracity of my youth, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Like strong stream ones. Yeah, bounce back and hit me
in the chest. Yeah, I need a flash guard coming
out crazy, I gotta back up.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Hold on, hold on, I'm going to first thall, there's
not enough room.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I remember who I was and it's hard to let
go of that. And I think that is why NBA players,
you know, after they retire a while out the way
that they do. And Paul Pierce is getting, you know,
doing fucking Instagram live with strippers just because he remembers
the Paul Pierce he used to be and not the
Paul Pierce said he should be at at forty eight
(24:40):
or whatever the fuck he is.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I mean, you don't think it's okay for a man
to be single at forty eight.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I don't think it's okay for Paul Pierce to be
single at forty eight. I think that's a man structure desperately.
Sometimes I listen to those conversations with him and Kevin Garnett,
and Kevin Garnett is being like the mature one and
being like Paul, you gotta chill. And it's like, bro,
(25:06):
if Kevin Garnett is scolding you because you're out of line,
You're you've gotta reflect. They're not supposed to be by themselves,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Like I think leets in general. Do you think it's
because their whole life was so regimented that when you
kind of like cause, like athletes lives for the most part,
it's like a it's a job about discipline, right, you
gotta be in the gym, Yeah, put your time in
learning all that shit. So it's like when they let
that go, you think, it's just like they've never been
(25:38):
free to just make all their own decisions in their life, right, Yeah,
I think.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I think certainly it has like a little bit of
a militaristic I guess energy about it, where it's like
you wake up at this time, you go and you
do this and this exercises and then practice and then
jim again, and like it sort of fills your day
with like motivation and dedication and reasons to do whatever
(26:04):
the fuck you're doing. And then when you have all
these recreational behaviors, it certainly at least is earned behavior,
and so you're you're like managing it to some extent,
but then it just becomes, oh, I have mega millions
and no reason to wake up in the morning.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yeah, all these strippers and my dms.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Everybody remembers who I used to be, so like, yeah,
I'm gonna take to be.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Fair, you're still that man. Don't take that from him. Yeah, No,
I mean everybody remembers when you were worth something contributing
to us. No. I mean, I don't know what he's
contributing now, but I certainly think Paul Pierce Paul Pierce
gave us a lot, you know what I mean, he
really did man pants pants and then Brian Scalabrini and
(26:51):
carry him out. Uh, what a great moment in history.
That was a big time I listen, man, I it's
someone who that's a big fear of theirs. It's just
like nice to see it played out not so terrible.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
You know, And I'd say played out maybe the best
anyone's ever played it out.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah, for real, for real.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
No, Like, no person in history has ship themselves more
efficiently and effectively than.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah, like, because if I did, man, I should my
pants had a safeway. Once it's fucked up, suck. I
don't even really want to talk about it. It's just
really awful. It's really really awful. What happened? Did it
go down your leg? No? Man, I I was driving home.
(27:50):
This is that's how long ago is I had a
driver's license. I was driving home from work and I
went to safe way to grab some ship and then
I was in line and my this girl I knew,
was behind me with her boyfriend who's the worst, and
we started talking and I had my back to him
because I turned around, and then it just this fucking happened.
(28:13):
I was wearing a baby blue button down as was
the time, you know, as was the time. So I
had to kind of like keep talking and back like
I had to keep talking to them and then like
back up to the card reader and turn and pay
and then kind of just like back.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
All, oh, you still had business to do.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Cause it was and it was I'm pretty sure it
got to the back of my shirt. God damn. So
I didn't want it, you know what I mean. So
I had to kind of like back out of the
safe way. Then I had to get my car and
I had to drive another like fifteen miles home. And
then when I got home, it was during the Western
(28:56):
Conference Finals. I thought you were gonna say it was
nine to eleven. No, you know. I got home, I
looked on the TV and the second tower fell. It
was like it was like, it's the Western Conference Finals,
the one with the Nuggets and the Lakers. Yeah. So
I had like ten twelve people in my house and
(29:18):
I forgot that. So I as I opened the door,
I was like, fuck because my roommate had let everybody in.
This is insane. It sucked. And then I was like
and then I was like I can't even I'm not gonna.
I can't get from the front door to downstairs. So
I just had to be like listen, man.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Hey, everybody, thank you for coming.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
I gotta go, I gotta I'll be back up in
like an hour.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
I got the I got the girlceries, but I also
have a little bit of a problem, so I'll see
y'all in a minute.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Fucking it's not a good day.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
No, that's a that's a that's a sad story, big dog.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
I'm not and we lost the Lakers. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
I was about to say it doesn't end well either
for the Western Conference finals.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
No, Olivia hit the group chat and said experienced his
own nine to eleven. Thank you in that in that
I will never forget. Fuck. Yeah, that's that's a low low.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
It was shipped myself, for sure, but I've managed to
keep it private every time.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Bro, it was like double public. It was a double
public fuck I mean, but that's what it is. That's
why it can be a clown on stage for money,
you really have to humble yourself.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, and I don't know if this changes whether or
not you wanna you wanna suck him off, But.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I was about to slow down to a trickle after this. Yeah,
there ain't gonna be so many. You taste like chocolates.
Look at your sex. Simple Now this is your kid.
Shoot himself in a Safeway afterwards.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Shot himself in a mid tier grocery store.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
I wasn't even home, oh man, I was probably drinking
Safeway brand soda. Shout out the Safeway select.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch.
We have very exciting merch that we are now selling
and it's it's fucking great.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on,
you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we
have three different types of hats, which is really fun.
We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat,
the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have
the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie
on it since my mama told me. And then we
(31:55):
have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is
who you are.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want
you to have all the sweet stuff, So get it.
Well to the question of snakes popping up from the toilet.
I did a quick googling how often do snakes come
(32:21):
out of toilets? Because they do say that this is
a real thing that happens, that sores can be hiding
ground for a hiding ground for mice and rats. Snakes
will enter the sewer to get their next meal. They
can make their way through a swre and slither their
creepy way through a through the bend of a toilet
(32:41):
the s bend. However, that's this still doesn't mean this
is a common incident, and they said that the possibility,
the frequency at which this happens is extremely low. It
is a rare experience, not often experienced.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
By an We're talking about once or twice a year.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
I think there's much rarer than that. I think we're
talking like nobody you know, is likely to ever have
this personal experience.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Now, look up bathroom attacks.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Though, Okay, I think snakes snake attacks in bathroom.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
No, I was just saying in general, oh, stranger attacks
in bathroom because I think that's like because when we
had talked about it before, you said, even when you
lived alone, you would shit with the door closed. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I get very nervous of people entering when I'm at
my most vulnerable state. I keep doors closed when I sleep,
I keep doors closed when I shit. I keep doors
closed at all times.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I don't even think shitting is my top three most
vulnerable states.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Okay, list them?
Speaker 1 (33:57):
What ambout the movies by myself? Why is that so funny?
You can get up and leave? What do you mean?
I just really locked in in a way where I'm
like not very aware of outside.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Well, I really lived that that Nicole Kidman commercial you
really like?
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Uh? I like the movies a lot. I enjoyed it
as an experience. I like it as a group. But
I like going to myself a lot, and when I
if it's a really good movie, I'm like locked locked in.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You know what what we just did is we went
and saw me and of some comedians. I hear Jordan
Temples at Fox other cool names. But we went and
saw a double feature of a Goofy movie.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
And Baba's Kids at the New Beverly. At the New Beverly.
That's when I was in Los Angeles. I saw at
the New Beverly, I saw a booty Call with Jordan's Ye,
yeah what you're talking about? Yeah, that's a good double feature.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Yeah, a goofy movie is a perfect film. Yeah, truly
is just it's so funny, it's so it's it's it got,
it's got heart. It moves you in all kinds of
cool ways.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Baba's Kids is is uh, come on, don't be like that.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Like based Kids is a is a classic and I
take nothing from it and if I never see it again,
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
That's that's my family. That's like, we love that movie.
We're a Baby's Kids family. Really. Oh man, even my
littlest brother loves it. Whoa, Yeah, come on all the
songs straight.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Jacking straight Jacking is a good song.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Come on.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
It's weird that it comes three quarters into the movie.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yeah, also that weird freedom song with the robots that
it is also strange.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
There's a lot of sort of like a poorly structured
build to that film in a way that you know,
it truly felt like it was a Robin Harris brainchild.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
It was.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Yeah, they just took a bit and then evolved it
into a film, and then he didn't even get to
see it come to fruition and they had to let
fase on Love finish it out.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Which I'm saying this on the record right now. If
I die, do not let don't recast.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I'm glad you said that because he was actually the
first guy I thought.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
It was. I was like, if he dies, love with
this big Hershey chocolate ass, but fair enough. I won't
call him.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
I won't.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
You can't call If I die, you replaced me with
the light Skin guy. You changed the name to light On.
I'm like, no, no, dark Skin replace me. Like if
I die quick killer mic in here, I'm gonna haunt you,
all right, It'll be me and Benningham. Just no, you
(37:15):
don't get another African either, God damn no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no Africans, no dark skin dudes. I fucking I'm the
only I'm like a, I'm like a jealous boyfriend over here.
You have no one but me. Nobody else wants you.
Oh man, yeah, no, it's it.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
It's a I don't think that it's great, a great film,
but I recognize the joy, the nostalgic sort of like
thrill it offers.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
It's funny still though.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Robin Harris still has like some funny ass like joke
jokes in there that you're like, damn, that's just that's
just a good ass joke.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
This is the first time I heard everything. Anybody called
somebody a test tube baby. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah, no, he really he was groundbreaking as a as
a comedian, an artist, and it's a shame that he
died so young.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Was he young? I think so. I think he was
younger than he looks.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Yeah, I think he was just an old faced ass dude.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I could be wrong. There used to be more of those.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
I think it was an entire generation for a while.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
I mean, have you seen that shit online where they're
saying millennials, we are we like, are aging properly. I
think they're actually saying millennials are the ones that are
aging pretty well. It's gen Z that's not aging probably, No,
that's what I'm saying, Like, we're aging too good.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Yeah, Millennials, for whatever reason are we're the youngest looking
of all the generations. And then gen Z is going
back to like those nineteen seventies niggas who know what
it is forty five when they were twenty.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
It's hope. We're the last year our history to grow
up with any kind of hope. We had genuine hope. Yeah,
that's our life before the Internet, before nine to eleven
turned us into whatever it is we are now. You
know what I mean. We grew up. We all thought
that we could get a house and have kids and like,
and that was what the world was. These kids now
have nothing to live for. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
No, they truly are born with a fucked up cynicism
that just makes their face turned to mush.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
That's why they're prudes. They're all eighty year old women.
You don't want to see tits and movies. Get out
of here. Yeah, you don't want to see titties and movies.
It's like one of the main reasons that go.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
My only motivation when I was sixteen years old was
sand titties and playing basketball. Come on, I didn't care
about the world. I wasn't interested in like being a
hero or a savior of any kind. I just wanted
to hoop and look at somebody naked.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yep. And now they have so much weight on.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Their shoulders that of course they look like absolute garbage.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
So I think we figured it out.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
Robin Harris, and this is gonna blow your fucking mind.
Robin Harris died at thirty six years old. Fuck really, dog,
he was he was our age.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Oh god, damn. And he was playing kids, Daddy, he
played kids.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Oh fuck, they were probably the same age while he
was pretending to be his father.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
That's that's bad, jeans, bro. He looked rough for thirty six. Man. Fuck,
I mean he was one of those guys who looked
so crazy that he had to be hilarious. Yeah, what
were you gonna do? What else? What was your job?
What could you do? Scraps? That's crazy alright, pe man,
(40:53):
he was hilarious.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
He was so funny, so funny, so old looking.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
So looking, so fun The two go ahead and hand.
Some of the funniest looking people I've known in my
life are the funniest people I've.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Ever I looked up your question of whether or not
the toilet attacks are thing and unfortunately, and this is
a pretty telling sign of the society we live in.
Mostly when you google that, it immediately just gives you
a laundry list of transgender people being attacked in public restrooms. Great,
(41:23):
which is maybe worth noting that maybe maybe my fear
is not as much the active one, but certainly being
attacked in public restrooms is a active fear that some
people need to struggle with, and we wish that they didn't.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
Yep, hot riffs. Yeah, I get it, you don't want
to tack in on No, it was kind of really.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
The other thing Olivia sent Us is a article from
USA Today of very reputable website and newspaper periodical bum
Biting Python. It says woman bitten by a five foot
snake hiding in toilet.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Ah dot So fuck yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
As a fifty nine year old woman sat on her
relative's toilet, she felt a shocking pain. A five foot
carpet python had bitten her bottom. Why are they writing
this so fucking British?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I hate it?
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah, I get okay now, I see why it was
in Australia. Helen Richards of Australia. So it seems like
USA Today is just usurping the language from a different.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
I think there's like truly no integrity left in journalism,
so I think they're just basically copy and paste and
some shit. Helen Richards of Australia told ten News First
Queensland she felt a sharp tap on my bottom along
with some pain on Tuesday afternoon, and she handler Jasmine Zelaney,
(43:04):
who removed and relocated the non venomous pike. Like, okay
now I'm venomous, so singing no poisoned.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Her, and poison is not what I'm worried about. What
are you worried about my dick getting bit by a snake? Okay,
fair enough.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Yeah, it's just the general pain of a of a
bite on your your dick from a snake.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Yeah. Also, I think it should be referenced that in
the chat, Olivia is throwing some slurs. Yeah, she's she's
saying some nasty things about Australian people. Yeah, which who knew,
I didn't. It's fun to win. It's fun to learn
new racism that people have.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Yeah, when you find out your friend is actually deeply
big at it.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
Yeah, that's always crazy because it's like it's like on
some weird shit where it's like, oh, you don't want
to go to the Brazilian steakhouse because why? You know
what I'm saying, Like, it's always really weird that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yeah, they really show their true colors. And then you
kind of have to decide if if this is a
reflection of their greater humanity or if this is just
a moment that that you caught them because they had
a bad day or whatever.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Yeah, because it could go either way.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yeah, it is worth noting that they said that the
reason that the snake bit in all likelihood is because
these snakes preferred an exit point. She had that big, old,
thick bottom, and that the snake just wanted to nibble.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
You want to bite.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
They said the snake's preferred exit point was block after
being spooked by the customers sitting down, and it simply
lashed out in fear.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
That's exactly what I would think would happen.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
So I guess to your point, Uh, it is more
likely that the snake will bite if you sit down
down on top of it and block it's its pathway.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
And let's be honest, we've seen what I'm working with.
I'm blocking. Yeah, you're gonna block.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Ain't no light getting through when when you sit down
on that toilet.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
All that.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
So, Josette, it seems as if that your conspiracy does
have some legs that that there are legitimate concerns that
a snake could come up through the toilet, although it
seems like that's much more of an Australian possibility than
an American reality.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
So if you live in America, I think you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
I don't imagine that you have a ton of snakes
wherever you live, and if you.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Do get out of there, Yeah, I ain't got to
live like that. You deserve Yeah, and he ain't gotta
live like that. You can live somewhere where there ain't snakes.
I want to read the nice part of her letter too.
She closing, she said, I super appreciate you too, and
hope you remain the same beautiful assholes you've always been.
(46:07):
Love you both to the moon and back. Bye, bitch,
Love Joe Set A proud.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
Little mama, A proud little mama. Yeah, Josette, thank you
for this very lovely email. And we hope that you
and your kitcat bar and the ladies that you can
noodle with remain remain safe from snake bites in all forms.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Yeah, exactly that. Thank you for thinking. I'm so damn fine.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Do you want to tell the people where your finance
is gonna be?
Speaker 1 (46:39):
And yeah, if you want to cut your going on,
you want to come out and double click your mouth,
you can come see me. I actually don't have my
dates pulled up. Who got jokes? Citty seven on Instagram?
It'll be there. Yeah. Watch Royal Crack News February twenty
ninth on Adult Swim the next day streaming on Max.
You know, be good to yourselves. And if you want
(46:59):
to watch the YouTube, you can see my finance, Langston's finance.
And if you want to send us hole or tell
us how we make you feel, don't. But other than that, yeah,
you know what, watch all the ship.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Yeah, watch watch all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Follow me at Langston Kerman.
Speaker 2 (47:18):
I don't have a ton of dates coming up because
I'm knocking this special out next week.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
And then and then I'm going to rest for a
little while.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
But if you want to buy merch, you can go
to my mama told me that merchcentral dot com. And
if you want to send us your conspiracies, if you
want to send us your your glowing love letters, if
you want to send us whole, send it all to
my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love
to hear from you. And and that that's it. I
(47:47):
think we covered everything.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
Bye, bitch, bid your ankle. Whala bears are racist by
the also player for ows and money. As a man
of Turkey stuff, I can't tell me nothing
Hosts And Creators
Langston Kerman
David Gborie
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