October 30, 2025 • 25 mins
Hey Lil Mommas...Boo! Langston and David answer a listener's email about the infamous Hag that suffocates you while you're sleeping.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Motherfucking Mini episode, Mini episode, motherfucking Mini everis.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
La La la la la la la bamba. There it
is there, it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another
phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of
black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
And we finally worked to prove the theories that you
the listener have at home. It's a montherfucking many episode.
Come on, I'm list have been swallowed up? Have you
ever been swallowed up?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Have you gone through a time of swallowing where everything
was overwhelmeding?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
That was an accident. I'm David forty. It felt like
I crossed the train track right before the train game. Man,
you got stuck behind. That's exactly what I was. Ready. Yeah,
oh no, just stay, just stay. That was a long
train to twelve seconds of getting swallowed up. We got
(01:19):
an email, A hefty email, I would say, a big old,
thick bitch of an email from a person named Lokia.
Lokia sent us a Lokia, I don't know where the
accent mark lies. Do you do you feel confident either way? Lokia? Lokia,
look here, I would say, it's look here. Look here Lookia. Yeah,
(01:43):
that feels right to me. So that's what we're gonna
go with. They sent us an email saying, Hello, Lanson
and David, I love your podcast. I was hooked after
I stumbled on a clip about the true identity of
the Little Mermaid being just a coonfish bitch is Damn?
Is that what I said? That's almost wor worord what
(02:05):
you had said. Damn, it is great. Damn, I gotta
really reflect. You really don't be watching these clips? Huh?
Ready to sell out her kingdom over some duke dick
that part I remember. I love the premises of the show.
So American and yet so cotton picking black. This may
(02:25):
be internalized racism anyway. My mother and grandmother were both
born in the South before migrating to Philadelphia. Migrating. Yeah,
I guess that's the right word. I think so. Yeah,
but it was a great migration.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I guess there's some maybe probably problematic part of me
that now treats that as a more international word than yeah,
I'd say, I'd say that's exactly what I was thinking
the second that I started this sentence. But you one
(03:00):
of us. You don't eat with your hands, man, I
don't even get a chance to to not be the
worst guy. Huh, you really do. Every time I even
open up my heart, you go deep, deep evil racist
(03:24):
in there. And that's that's not fair. You're a hero.
You're a hero. Continue, you're a hero. I was, I
was lashing out. It's not fair, she says. They have.
They have so many stories about Root's real black magic,
mysterious deaths, and old wives tales. One of my top
favorite tales, it's about the Hag capitalize h Ag. My
(03:47):
mother introduced me to the Hag by demanding that I
never sleep on my back. The story goes, if you
lay on your back, the Hag will sit on your
face and try to suffocate you. It has happened to
her on more than one occasion. She explains that she
appears when you're in the state of sleep where you're
not fully asleep yet, but the eyes are heavy. She
(04:08):
also said you can smell her first, a smell of
sort of like raw meat. One minute you're laying on
your back falling asleep, and the next moment you are
suffocating and trying to force yourself awake. I am not crazy.
I know this. I know this is also explained as
sleep paralysis. But here is the part that makes a
(04:30):
detail from the South. Once the hag is essentially riding
your face, well, the only way to get her off
of you is by calling for God or pleading the
blood of Jesus. Oh you want me to say to
stop down, just to give us a second to reflect
before we take this a step further.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I mean, I don't feel like you're eating her pussy,
first of all.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Okay, is that not what you say? I don't know
that's what she's implying. And I don't know that you
needed to be so defensive about it. Is that not
writing in your face? But I think the riding your
face meant more just literally covering your face from breathing.
But I don't know that it was literally like she
forces sex on you, oh mouth sex.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Okay, Well, I okay, uh, I have heard of this.
I've heard of this before. Have you ever had sleep paralysis?
Not in a way that scared me?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Really? I if I've had it, because I've definitely felt
like moments where I felt like I couldn't move my
body and I was like not necessarily awake, eyes open,
but awake enough that I was like aware of like
I am sleeping, but my arm will move kind of vibes.
But it was never I've never had this ship where
(05:58):
you're like lying awake and a dude walks in the
room and he like is gonna, you know, spiky baseball
bat you to death kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
I mean, so I've had it a lot in my life,
Like I used to have it a lot as a kid,
and I've had it quite a few times as an adult.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
It's never like that. It does feel like because.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Sometimes your eyes are sort of open, so it does
feel like there's a presence right outside of your like peripheral.
But I mean, I just had it a few weeks ago,
and hold on one.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Second, I'm gonna ask. This is exciting. I wonder if
I see calling in a favor of what's gonna happen?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Okay, I just I had it a couple of weeks ago,
and I was like trying to yell to my girl
to help me, and she like laughed because she said
it because it's like it feels like when you're trying
to yell out yeah, you like are like muffled. So
I thought I was screaming like help me, and she
I guess she laughed. I guess I was just like
she said, it sounded like I was like, I can't
find you.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I can't find you. That's not I guess She's like, bitch,
I dream is he looking for door? But to me,
I was like, help me, help me. But that the
point is that.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Shit's happened to me a lot of times, and especially
as a kid, it does feel like something very scary
and very otherworldly because when I had when you have
it as a kid, you think you're about to die.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, I again, I guess I've been very lucky that
this isn't like a common experience for me. I it would.
It sounds haunting, it's really terrible. But do you have
sleep problems? Not? For the most part. I think my
biggest problem now is like I my body is too
trained to wake up early, so like, no matter what now,
(07:52):
I my hours are just I'm up at six am basically,
and that stinks, you know what I mean. And even
on days where I'd be like I'm a sleeping and
I'm gonna wake up and it's gonna be like midday,
I can't fucking do it. Really, damn, That's does not
make you feel young. No, not at all, and like
(08:14):
it also, I be wanting to stay up, you know
what I mean, Like I really be wanting to, like
I'm a have a long night and keep it like
the old days. Yeah, and then I get to like twelve,
and I'm like, bro, I can't even do this no more.
I don't want to be here like that. All right,
I get it. I get it, though, I get I'm
(08:34):
just washed. So no, that's my biggest sleep issue. And yeah,
it sounds terrifying, especially if it were a hag, just
an old, ghoulish monster sitting on your face sounds fucking crazy. Yeah,
I mean, giving oral when it's not wanted in general
is pretty terrible. You're really still stuck on this, just
(08:56):
being eating their puzzy.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I think that's what that turn is. And it makes
sense to me that a ghost is coming back trying
to get.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Hers, Okay, and she is a ghost. She's a ghost,
which is I don't understand that.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
She didn't say. I do understand the raw meat swell
as well. Uh you know, ghost.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
Sorry, now I get it.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
You're talking about the smell of her ghost. Pussy yourself.
I'm trying to pick up what she understand. This is
what she's saying. That she walks into that room, pussy first,
and the smell you go, that smell raw me ghost
pussy and I can't move, oh ship. And then suddenly
(10:09):
above your head, it's just a ghost pussy landing on
your face and you have to eat it until you
pray to Jesus. All right, that's one interpretation of this.
I mean, let's continue on and see what happens. Yes,
in this thing, she says that here is my experience
with the hag. Okay, she's a ghost pussy eater. It
(10:31):
sounds like I was dating this man who was very sneaky.
I was to end. That's it. That's not a funny
way to describe it. I'm dating this sneaky motherfucker anyway, sneaky.
(10:56):
I was dating this man who was very sneaky. I
was struggling to end the short term relationship, and it
was causing me issues with sleep. One night, I was
laying in the bed while he was in the shower.
I started falling asleep. Instantly, I started having issues breathing
and thought I opened my eyes to see a small
demon looking back at me with her hands around my neck.
(11:17):
I struggled for a few seconds, listening to the demon
taunt me with a cynical smirk on her face, and
remember my mother's stories about a hag, and started saying,
Lord have mercy and God help me, and the demon
let up. She stared at me and then slowly slid
off off of my body and laid on the side
of the bed. Now my boyfriend laid in. I told
(11:38):
my mother about the incident, and she said, get rid
of your boyfriend. I did immediately because I don't fuck
with no ghosts. The incident never happened again. I also
never slept on my back again out of fear of
being face raped by another ghost. Bitch. Okay, okay, this
is interesting. Here's what I where I'll give you credit.
(11:59):
She does say face raped, and that does imply the
sexual context you were talking about. However, she talks about
an experience with the hag that has nothing to do
with face rape.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
No, she was trying to strangulation. Yeah, this is scary too,
because she saw her.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
She saw her, and even scarier, the hag went and
took a nap next to her afterwards.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Is the hag related to the because Okay, here's my question, Yeah,
maybe she's not the hero that we think in this story.
Maybe the Hag is his guardian angel and the Hag
is trying to get her away from him.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Oh, Like the Hag is like those ghosts that are scary,
but they're warning you type shit. Yeah, maybe the Hag
is trying to you see what I'm saying. Yeah, she
warns you with a little bit of pussy in your face.
And there you go, I gotta change it. Bad pussy
in your face and you're like, man, I gotta work
on me. It's kind of rat. What am I doing?
(13:09):
Is it there? You're like, man, how did I get here?
What it cannot be?
Speaker 4 (13:15):
What time?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Is it? Fun? Damn? No buses running?
Speaker 3 (13:20):
I got a walk And for this shit, it's.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Like we're calling upon you because we have we have
new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are
now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it
(13:45):
so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on, you want
to tell them what we have? Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
We have three different types of hats, which is really fun.
We have a two tone hat, Alien Dad hat, the
traditional logo and black and care. Then we have the
enameled pen with an alien who has a koofie on it,
since my mama told me, and then we have t
shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
mama told me dot merch table dot com. It's a
brand new name, but it's the same old merch and
we would love for you to get some if you
haven't got it already, and we want you to have
all the sweet stuff, so get it.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
So this is this is I don't even know what
to say about this. That's scary, not serahving.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I will say that her specific mention of the boyfriend
stressing her out to the point of it disrupting her
sleep does make it feel closer to a sleep paralysis
issue than a literal like demon ghost witch issue.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
I mean, maybe it's like six to one half it
doesn't the other. When it's raining, you know, yes, that
is the water cycle. But also maybe God is hitting
his way that the devil. I don't think God oh
ever been accused of domestic violence, but.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Maybe Big tell about me. I get those two confused sometimes. Yeah,
I think I think that's fair. I am a big
subscriber to the belief that whether or not ghosts and
demons actually exists, Like all these sort of light para
normal things are real. I think if you start to
(15:35):
invest in them, they become real for you, you know what
I mean? Like, I think that's a really good point.
I think it's not it. I've never fucked around with
the Ouiji board because I'm too afraid of what a
Wigi board could open up inside of my spirit. And
I don't want to start seeing stuff. So I'm good,
Like I want to tempt the fates that way. You'd
(15:57):
rather not open that door, yeah, because it very well
could be real, and that's not my business, or at
least not business that I feel excited to explore.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
I I agree with that. I mean, look, the brain
is so powerful, right if you were already worried about that,
you know what I mean? She had already had that
in her head. She was already in a place to
see that, you know, maybe a manifested. I don't, I
definitely don't. I don't tend to think in terms of
the paranormal, but I definitely don't want to down it
(16:29):
or anything like that. But it feels like if you
were ever in a position to make for your brain
to make this shit up.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
That was it right? You're sneaky foreign boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
You want you want to get out because he's piping
you down in the way that only a man from
an island can.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
But he's sneaky, he's lying to you. You don't trust him.
He's a trickster. You lo he lucky?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Yeah, But I mean so it's it's hard also having
I can say personally I've experienced sleep paralysis.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
I never experienced a hag.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
But it's isn't hags? Isn't it like dragons too? Though,
where it's one of those things that's like spans different cultures,
like I don't think it's regionally based, it's like all
over the world. And those things like that do get
me to think, like, well, that's how did that happen?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You know what I mean? I think there's evil women
have existed to cultures because patriarchical standard type of what
would be my first guess.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Oh that's okay, good, that's thinkin I assume the worst
of you.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
There, I'm sorry you again. You just presumed that I
was saying these evil bitches. I think I assumed the
funniest because I think you're a very funny guy. That's
what it was. I'm funny too, A reasonable cutoff man.
I I know what the the funniest thing to say is.
(18:03):
I also know the one that uh makes it hard
for me to look the women in my life's eyes. Yeah,
I mean look them in their eyes again, I know
when to chill the fuck out. But uh, I think
I think the patriarchy has probably built a way for
that to become a little bit of a game of telephone,
right where like these crazy yeah, and so like your
(18:27):
crazy bitches wearing a grass skirt and my crazy bitch
has on a hat. But they all they're all crazy
bitch they But but I take your point that maybe
there are probably some weird crossovers in the way that
like Jesus exists in like every religion and sort of
(18:51):
like culture, even when he is not identified as Jesus,
a figure like him. Yeah, it's sort of around. I
think some of this shit is just like maybe it's
maybe it's grounded in a level of truth that we
don't recognize.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
You know, or a plane of consciousness that we don't
quite understand. And you know, in that in that odd state,
that's where you tap into that. I mean, I think
all those things are possibilities.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, it does that. The way that's phrase then kind
of makes me a little sad that I don't experience
sleep paralysis. No, it's awful, No, it seems awful. But
I'm saying that, like, if this in fact is a
plane of consciousness that like I just will never get
to experience that, that makes me sad. I want to
(19:40):
be able to know all the planes.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
I mean, if there's one thing I'd have learned about
planes of consciousness, there's ways to circumvent it.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I'm sure.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It's just like you also feel it if you eat
a bunch of mushrooms on a boat, you know what
I mean, Like.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
You can get that, yeah yeah, or like or like
you take some DMT and you've beat those crystal beings.
Have you heard of that? Like the elves? And it's like,
I don't I don't really want to tip my hand
to this. I don't want to give away everything I'm
gonna be doing at these parties. Let's just say, don't
eat too many of the double days, because there's the
(20:14):
double in the Maggs. We got the final part of
the email. Yeah, I guess I should add this detail.
My mother said it usually happens in older houses or
houses presumed to be haunted. Before this incident, my nephew
had some type of interaction with the person who only
he could see. Very strange story. I know your podcast
(20:35):
is amazing. I enjoy every single episode. Creating spaces that
promote community and safe space to have black ass conversations
is important, and that's what your podcast feels like. Thank you, Lokia. Well,
that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to us about
this podcast. Yeah. I didn't know that we were creating spaces.
I thought I thought we were having antics. I thought
(20:58):
we were performing shenanigans. But but if that's the space
that needs to exist, we're happy to make that.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
I mean, much like all things I do in entertainment,
I forget that anybody else listens to this.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah, so sometimes because sometimes.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
We'll put out clips and I'll be like, damn, I
don't know if I wanted everybody to know I said that.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah, for sure. I think most importantly, what it sounds
like she is saying is that is that maybe there's
a part of this that is connected to what we
were saying about accepting spirits into your identity is where
(21:39):
these people keep seeing them.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
I think that I agree. I think play stupid games,
get stupid prizes, right, Yeah, Ultimately it's like keep knocking
on the double door, he's gonna answer. I think there's
a lot of trite sayings. It all essentially say the
same thing of like you know, asking the shower to.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
See and I think in a maybe not as much
of saying you guys are making a bad choice in
believing in what you believe, because I don't want that
to be the takeaway from this either. I'd say the
reality is is that maybe this is a nice allegory
for staying more connected to your faith in the community
(22:22):
that you believe in. If the solution for getting rid
of the hag is to pray to the Lord that
you serve, then that may make you feel more connected
to that God and make you feel more assured that
your path is the correct one. And that's nice. So,
while the hag is terrifying and I don't wish it
(22:43):
upon you, I hope that the hag continues to serve
you in the way that I guess it's built to.
And also I prefer to do all my pussy eating
on this plane of buss my man like plain old pussy.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You ain't got to sit on my chest. You just
got ask. I don't need that special smell, baby girl.
I like you all that the good smell wild in
this room and we're done regardless. No, no, no, sweetheart,
that meets smell is me.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
No hags in here, just the smell like rob meet
because I ain't got no comment. Oh, we just had
to talk about going too far. We just talked about it,
just talked about it. You want to tell the people
(23:43):
where they can find.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You, cool guy Joke City seven on Instagram as always.
You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social
media platforms. Uh, you can watch Everybody's in La. It's
gonna be out May third, and then a bunch of
days after that. Six days. But it's a very funny
show that I got to write and contribute on. And
(24:05):
then if you want to send us your own drops,
your own conspiracy theories, if you yourself want to tell
us exactly what the hack did to you, send it
all to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. Come
see us live May fifth at the Comedy Store in
Los Angeles. Tickets are selling fast and we are running low,
(24:25):
so we want you to be there and go ahead
and make the right choice and knock out those additional
tickets and then like subscribe, do all the stuff that
we need you to do in order for this to
be a successful podcast. Merch at my mama told me
dot merch table dot com. That's everything it has to be. Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Well the fucking mini Your Soul, Mini Your Soul. The
fucking mini episode, Well, the fucking mini episode, Mini episode,
all the fucking mini episode.
Motherfucking Mini episode, Mini episode, motherfucking Mini everis.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
La La la la la la la bamba. There it
is there, it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another
phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of
black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
And we finally worked to prove the theories that you
the listener have at home. It's a montherfucking many episode.
Come on, I'm list have been swallowed up? Have you
ever been swallowed up?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Have you gone through a time of swallowing where everything
was overwhelmeding?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
That was an accident. I'm David forty. It felt like
I crossed the train track right before the train game. Man,
you got stuck behind. That's exactly what I was. Ready. Yeah,
oh no, just stay, just stay. That was a long
train to twelve seconds of getting swallowed up. We got
(01:19):
an email, A hefty email, I would say, a big old,
thick bitch of an email from a person named Lokia.
Lokia sent us a Lokia, I don't know where the
accent mark lies. Do you do you feel confident either way? Lokia? Lokia,
look here, I would say, it's look here. Look here Lookia. Yeah,
(01:43):
that feels right to me. So that's what we're gonna
go with. They sent us an email saying, Hello, Lanson
and David, I love your podcast. I was hooked after
I stumbled on a clip about the true identity of
the Little Mermaid being just a coonfish bitch is Damn?
Is that what I said? That's almost wor worord what
(02:05):
you had said. Damn, it is great. Damn, I gotta
really reflect. You really don't be watching these clips? Huh?
Ready to sell out her kingdom over some duke dick
that part I remember. I love the premises of the show.
So American and yet so cotton picking black. This may
(02:25):
be internalized racism anyway. My mother and grandmother were both
born in the South before migrating to Philadelphia. Migrating. Yeah,
I guess that's the right word. I think so. Yeah,
but it was a great migration.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I guess there's some maybe probably problematic part of me
that now treats that as a more international word than yeah,
I'd say, I'd say that's exactly what I was thinking
the second that I started this sentence. But you one
(03:00):
of us. You don't eat with your hands, man, I
don't even get a chance to to not be the
worst guy. Huh, you really do. Every time I even
open up my heart, you go deep, deep evil racist
(03:24):
in there. And that's that's not fair. You're a hero.
You're a hero. Continue, you're a hero. I was, I
was lashing out. It's not fair, she says. They have.
They have so many stories about Root's real black magic,
mysterious deaths, and old wives tales. One of my top
favorite tales, it's about the Hag capitalize h Ag. My
(03:47):
mother introduced me to the Hag by demanding that I
never sleep on my back. The story goes, if you
lay on your back, the Hag will sit on your
face and try to suffocate you. It has happened to
her on more than one occasion. She explains that she
appears when you're in the state of sleep where you're
not fully asleep yet, but the eyes are heavy. She
(04:08):
also said you can smell her first, a smell of
sort of like raw meat. One minute you're laying on
your back falling asleep, and the next moment you are
suffocating and trying to force yourself awake. I am not crazy.
I know this. I know this is also explained as
sleep paralysis. But here is the part that makes a
(04:30):
detail from the South. Once the hag is essentially riding
your face, well, the only way to get her off
of you is by calling for God or pleading the
blood of Jesus. Oh you want me to say to
stop down, just to give us a second to reflect
before we take this a step further.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I mean, I don't feel like you're eating her pussy,
first of all.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Okay, is that not what you say? I don't know
that's what she's implying. And I don't know that you
needed to be so defensive about it. Is that not
writing in your face? But I think the riding your
face meant more just literally covering your face from breathing.
But I don't know that it was literally like she
forces sex on you, oh mouth sex.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Okay, Well, I okay, uh, I have heard of this.
I've heard of this before. Have you ever had sleep paralysis?
Not in a way that scared me?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Really? I if I've had it, because I've definitely felt
like moments where I felt like I couldn't move my
body and I was like not necessarily awake, eyes open,
but awake enough that I was like aware of like
I am sleeping, but my arm will move kind of vibes.
But it was never I've never had this ship where
(05:58):
you're like lying awake and a dude walks in the
room and he like is gonna, you know, spiky baseball
bat you to death kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
I mean, so I've had it a lot in my life,
Like I used to have it a lot as a kid,
and I've had it quite a few times as an adult.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
It's never like that. It does feel like because.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Sometimes your eyes are sort of open, so it does
feel like there's a presence right outside of your like peripheral.
But I mean, I just had it a few weeks ago,
and hold on one.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Second, I'm gonna ask. This is exciting. I wonder if
I see calling in a favor of what's gonna happen?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Okay, I just I had it a couple of weeks ago,
and I was like trying to yell to my girl
to help me, and she like laughed because she said
it because it's like it feels like when you're trying
to yell out yeah, you like are like muffled. So
I thought I was screaming like help me, and she
I guess she laughed. I guess I was just like
she said, it sounded like I was like, I can't
find you.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I can't find you. That's not I guess She's like, bitch,
I dream is he looking for door? But to me,
I was like, help me, help me. But that the
point is that.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Shit's happened to me a lot of times, and especially
as a kid, it does feel like something very scary
and very otherworldly because when I had when you have
it as a kid, you think you're about to die.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, I again, I guess I've been very lucky that
this isn't like a common experience for me. I it would.
It sounds haunting, it's really terrible. But do you have
sleep problems? Not? For the most part. I think my
biggest problem now is like I my body is too
trained to wake up early, so like, no matter what now,
(07:52):
I my hours are just I'm up at six am basically,
and that stinks, you know what I mean. And even
on days where I'd be like I'm a sleeping and
I'm gonna wake up and it's gonna be like midday,
I can't fucking do it. Really, damn, That's does not
make you feel young. No, not at all, and like
(08:14):
it also, I be wanting to stay up, you know
what I mean, Like I really be wanting to, like
I'm a have a long night and keep it like
the old days. Yeah, and then I get to like twelve,
and I'm like, bro, I can't even do this no more.
I don't want to be here like that. All right,
I get it. I get it, though, I get I'm
(08:34):
just washed. So no, that's my biggest sleep issue. And yeah,
it sounds terrifying, especially if it were a hag, just
an old, ghoulish monster sitting on your face sounds fucking crazy. Yeah,
I mean, giving oral when it's not wanted in general
is pretty terrible. You're really still stuck on this, just
(08:56):
being eating their puzzy.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I think that's what that turn is. And it makes
sense to me that a ghost is coming back trying
to get.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Hers, Okay, and she is a ghost. She's a ghost,
which is I don't understand that.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
She didn't say. I do understand the raw meat swell
as well. Uh you know, ghost.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
Sorry, now I get it.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
You're talking about the smell of her ghost. Pussy yourself.
I'm trying to pick up what she understand. This is
what she's saying. That she walks into that room, pussy first,
and the smell you go, that smell raw me ghost
pussy and I can't move, oh ship. And then suddenly
(10:09):
above your head, it's just a ghost pussy landing on
your face and you have to eat it until you
pray to Jesus. All right, that's one interpretation of this.
I mean, let's continue on and see what happens. Yes,
in this thing, she says that here is my experience
with the hag. Okay, she's a ghost pussy eater. It
(10:31):
sounds like I was dating this man who was very sneaky.
I was to end. That's it. That's not a funny
way to describe it. I'm dating this sneaky motherfucker anyway, sneaky.
(10:56):
I was dating this man who was very sneaky. I
was struggling to end the short term relationship, and it
was causing me issues with sleep. One night, I was
laying in the bed while he was in the shower.
I started falling asleep. Instantly, I started having issues breathing
and thought I opened my eyes to see a small
demon looking back at me with her hands around my neck.
(11:17):
I struggled for a few seconds, listening to the demon
taunt me with a cynical smirk on her face, and
remember my mother's stories about a hag, and started saying,
Lord have mercy and God help me, and the demon
let up. She stared at me and then slowly slid
off off of my body and laid on the side
of the bed. Now my boyfriend laid in. I told
(11:38):
my mother about the incident, and she said, get rid
of your boyfriend. I did immediately because I don't fuck
with no ghosts. The incident never happened again. I also
never slept on my back again out of fear of
being face raped by another ghost. Bitch. Okay, okay, this
is interesting. Here's what I where I'll give you credit.
(11:59):
She does say face raped, and that does imply the
sexual context you were talking about. However, she talks about
an experience with the hag that has nothing to do
with face rape.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
No, she was trying to strangulation. Yeah, this is scary too,
because she saw her.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
She saw her, and even scarier, the hag went and
took a nap next to her afterwards.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Is the hag related to the because Okay, here's my question, Yeah,
maybe she's not the hero that we think in this story.
Maybe the Hag is his guardian angel and the Hag
is trying to get her away from him.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Oh, Like the Hag is like those ghosts that are scary,
but they're warning you type shit. Yeah, maybe the Hag
is trying to you see what I'm saying. Yeah, she
warns you with a little bit of pussy in your face.
And there you go, I gotta change it. Bad pussy
in your face and you're like, man, I gotta work
on me. It's kind of rat. What am I doing?
(13:09):
Is it there? You're like, man, how did I get here?
What it cannot be?
Speaker 4 (13:15):
What time?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Is it? Fun? Damn? No buses running?
Speaker 3 (13:20):
I got a walk And for this shit, it's.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Like we're calling upon you because we have we have
new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are
now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it
(13:45):
so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on, you want
to tell them what we have? Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
We have three different types of hats, which is really fun.
We have a two tone hat, Alien Dad hat, the
traditional logo and black and care. Then we have the
enameled pen with an alien who has a koofie on it,
since my mama told me, and then we have t
shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
mama told me dot merch table dot com. It's a
brand new name, but it's the same old merch and
we would love for you to get some if you
haven't got it already, and we want you to have
all the sweet stuff, so get it.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
So this is this is I don't even know what
to say about this. That's scary, not serahving.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I will say that her specific mention of the boyfriend
stressing her out to the point of it disrupting her
sleep does make it feel closer to a sleep paralysis
issue than a literal like demon ghost witch issue.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
I mean, maybe it's like six to one half it
doesn't the other. When it's raining, you know, yes, that
is the water cycle. But also maybe God is hitting
his way that the devil. I don't think God oh
ever been accused of domestic violence, but.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Maybe Big tell about me. I get those two confused sometimes. Yeah,
I think I think that's fair. I am a big
subscriber to the belief that whether or not ghosts and
demons actually exists, Like all these sort of light para
normal things are real. I think if you start to
(15:35):
invest in them, they become real for you, you know what
I mean? Like, I think that's a really good point.
I think it's not it. I've never fucked around with
the Ouiji board because I'm too afraid of what a
Wigi board could open up inside of my spirit. And
I don't want to start seeing stuff. So I'm good,
Like I want to tempt the fates that way. You'd
(15:57):
rather not open that door, yeah, because it very well
could be real, and that's not my business, or at
least not business that I feel excited to explore.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
I I agree with that. I mean, look, the brain
is so powerful, right if you were already worried about that,
you know what I mean? She had already had that
in her head. She was already in a place to
see that, you know, maybe a manifested. I don't, I
definitely don't. I don't tend to think in terms of
the paranormal, but I definitely don't want to down it
(16:29):
or anything like that. But it feels like if you
were ever in a position to make for your brain
to make this shit up.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
That was it right? You're sneaky foreign boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
You want you want to get out because he's piping
you down in the way that only a man from
an island can.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
But he's sneaky, he's lying to you. You don't trust him.
He's a trickster. You lo he lucky?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Yeah, But I mean so it's it's hard also having
I can say personally I've experienced sleep paralysis.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
I never experienced a hag.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
But it's isn't hags? Isn't it like dragons too? Though,
where it's one of those things that's like spans different cultures,
like I don't think it's regionally based, it's like all
over the world. And those things like that do get
me to think, like, well, that's how did that happen?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You know what I mean? I think there's evil women
have existed to cultures because patriarchical standard type of what
would be my first guess.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Oh that's okay, good, that's thinkin I assume the worst
of you.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
There, I'm sorry you again. You just presumed that I
was saying these evil bitches. I think I assumed the
funniest because I think you're a very funny guy. That's
what it was. I'm funny too, A reasonable cutoff man.
I I know what the the funniest thing to say is.
(18:03):
I also know the one that uh makes it hard
for me to look the women in my life's eyes. Yeah,
I mean look them in their eyes again, I know
when to chill the fuck out. But uh, I think
I think the patriarchy has probably built a way for
that to become a little bit of a game of telephone,
right where like these crazy yeah, and so like your
(18:27):
crazy bitches wearing a grass skirt and my crazy bitch
has on a hat. But they all they're all crazy
bitch they But but I take your point that maybe
there are probably some weird crossovers in the way that
like Jesus exists in like every religion and sort of
(18:51):
like culture, even when he is not identified as Jesus,
a figure like him. Yeah, it's sort of around. I
think some of this shit is just like maybe it's
maybe it's grounded in a level of truth that we
don't recognize.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
You know, or a plane of consciousness that we don't
quite understand. And you know, in that in that odd state,
that's where you tap into that. I mean, I think
all those things are possibilities.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, it does that. The way that's phrase then kind
of makes me a little sad that I don't experience
sleep paralysis. No, it's awful, No, it seems awful. But
I'm saying that, like, if this in fact is a
plane of consciousness that like I just will never get
to experience that, that makes me sad. I want to
(19:40):
be able to know all the planes.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
I mean, if there's one thing I'd have learned about
planes of consciousness, there's ways to circumvent it.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I'm sure.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It's just like you also feel it if you eat
a bunch of mushrooms on a boat, you know what
I mean, Like.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
You can get that, yeah yeah, or like or like
you take some DMT and you've beat those crystal beings.
Have you heard of that? Like the elves? And it's like,
I don't I don't really want to tip my hand
to this. I don't want to give away everything I'm
gonna be doing at these parties. Let's just say, don't
eat too many of the double days, because there's the
(20:14):
double in the Maggs. We got the final part of
the email. Yeah, I guess I should add this detail.
My mother said it usually happens in older houses or
houses presumed to be haunted. Before this incident, my nephew
had some type of interaction with the person who only
he could see. Very strange story. I know your podcast
(20:35):
is amazing. I enjoy every single episode. Creating spaces that
promote community and safe space to have black ass conversations
is important, and that's what your podcast feels like. Thank you, Lokia. Well,
that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to us about
this podcast. Yeah. I didn't know that we were creating spaces.
I thought I thought we were having antics. I thought
(20:58):
we were performing shenanigans. But but if that's the space
that needs to exist, we're happy to make that.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
I mean, much like all things I do in entertainment,
I forget that anybody else listens to this.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah, so sometimes because sometimes.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
We'll put out clips and I'll be like, damn, I
don't know if I wanted everybody to know I said that.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah, for sure. I think most importantly, what it sounds
like she is saying is that is that maybe there's
a part of this that is connected to what we
were saying about accepting spirits into your identity is where
(21:39):
these people keep seeing them.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
I think that I agree. I think play stupid games,
get stupid prizes, right, Yeah, Ultimately it's like keep knocking
on the double door, he's gonna answer. I think there's
a lot of trite sayings. It all essentially say the
same thing of like you know, asking the shower to.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
See and I think in a maybe not as much
of saying you guys are making a bad choice in
believing in what you believe, because I don't want that
to be the takeaway from this either. I'd say the
reality is is that maybe this is a nice allegory
for staying more connected to your faith in the community
(22:22):
that you believe in. If the solution for getting rid
of the hag is to pray to the Lord that
you serve, then that may make you feel more connected
to that God and make you feel more assured that
your path is the correct one. And that's nice. So,
while the hag is terrifying and I don't wish it
(22:43):
upon you, I hope that the hag continues to serve
you in the way that I guess it's built to.
And also I prefer to do all my pussy eating
on this plane of buss my man like plain old pussy.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You ain't got to sit on my chest. You just
got ask. I don't need that special smell, baby girl.
I like you all that the good smell wild in
this room and we're done regardless. No, no, no, sweetheart,
that meets smell is me.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
No hags in here, just the smell like rob meet
because I ain't got no comment. Oh, we just had
to talk about going too far. We just talked about it,
just talked about it. You want to tell the people
(23:43):
where they can find.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You, cool guy Joke City seven on Instagram as always.
You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social
media platforms. Uh, you can watch Everybody's in La. It's
gonna be out May third, and then a bunch of
days after that. Six days. But it's a very funny
show that I got to write and contribute on. And
(24:05):
then if you want to send us your own drops,
your own conspiracy theories, if you yourself want to tell
us exactly what the hack did to you, send it
all to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. Come
see us live May fifth at the Comedy Store in
Los Angeles. Tickets are selling fast and we are running low,
(24:25):
so we want you to be there and go ahead
and make the right choice and knock out those additional
tickets and then like subscribe, do all the stuff that
we need you to do in order for this to
be a successful podcast. Merch at my mama told me
dot merch table dot com. That's everything it has to be. Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Well the fucking mini Your Soul, Mini Your Soul. The
fucking mini episode, Well, the fucking mini episode, Mini episode,
all the fucking mini episode.
Hosts And Creators
Langston Kerman
David Gborie
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