December 25, 2025 • 33 mins
Is Santa an elf, and if he's not, is he getting freaky with an elf Ms. Claus? Could Kwanzaa work if it weren't competing with Christmas? Why are there two movies called Jack Frost? Would Santa spit in your eye? David and Legston dive deep into your holiday conspiracies.
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
My chips and.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
A kalas are racist money.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Turn stuff.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
I can't tell me.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Santa Baby, just bring a present under the tree for me,
A ninety eight convertible light blue. I'm looking for a
fly guy like you. Welcome little Mama's and gentiles and like.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
To another novel episode of bah Baba Told Me the
podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets of
black conspiracy theories and we don't prove shit. Merry Christmas,
you bitch. God Damn, it's Christmas and you a bitch.
Still It's Christmas as hell and you still a bitch?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Should I ask for some bitch for Christmas?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Blu Sana, Please get this bitch off. I mean somebody
said I have one.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I have one that I've been thinking of.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I think Kwansa could have worked if you repositioned its
place in the calendar. You can't compete with Christmas. You
need to move somewhere, like you know that little holiday
drought from like February to May. Ye put it in there.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I don't disagree with you. I think I think it's
going up against a really tough spot to be the
day after Christmas. What are we gonna do man, like
I've hit the highest high, even if I want to
celebrate Kwansa, even if I'm not anti Kwansa in this journey,
God damn, are you making me ask a lot?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
You still feel Christmas? Because it's America. I can't not
you can't. I mean, I think you as Jewish people.
They must they. I mean, I guess they live in
pretty Jewish communities a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, but they write fucking Christmas songs and it's like
most of them are Jewish people.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
It's just like I feel like in America, you feel
a major holiday wardless of whether or not like all
those people can be like, I don't forget it's indigenous land,
but you still felt man, thanks you felt that shit.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
It It is an inescapable term.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And I think that Christmas is the same thing. So
to put it the day after it is not possible.
But you put it in that little drought. You put
it in that time period where we don't have any
days off, yeah, and we don't have any behind us,
And you say, go want to get your Kwanza. I
think people flock.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
And and I think it gives you a chance to
take out the gift giving element of Quanta, which isn't
its best feature right right, Like nobody is like, oh
I got great gifts for Kwanza and shit. I think
it then allows us to create something independent of gift giving,
where we can actually make something meaningful for a community. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
I think it was just I just think I think
it's a I think it's a placement thing.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
It is a placement issue, and I do think some
of this. I'm gonna be careful when I say this.
Some of this is going to require black people to
decide we are we are better than what they're asking of.
You know what I mean that like, we're gonna have
to give up the position we have in order to
gain a better spot. Oh yeah, rather than sort of
(03:14):
standing on our ship and being like no it's supposed
to be the day after, it's like, now we gotta
give it up.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Man.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Recognize the title light that is Christmas.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
It already is. It's built in, it's baked into this thing.
Even if the world falls apart, they're not turning to
Kwansa next.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
No, No, if the world falls apart, I think they
fucking elevate Christmas. Yeah, then it's like, oh, this is
the one thing we have from the old world. We
celebrate Christmas.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's like the end of the Grinch. Ye, exactly like that.
We we don't even have a roast beast, but we're
still gonna We're gonna sit together and we're gonna bond
because it's Christmas.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Christmas is unfatable. Yeah, just we just you just gotta
move it.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And and we do say Merry Christmas on this holidays.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
We don't say happy Holidays, not Mary Xmiths. We keep
that Christ in.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
There, We keep that is in there. We love them
too much. Him in the middle. We got a lot
of we we haven't done this in a while, but
I think it's good that we do it. We got
some emails from let's get to the email and this
is our holiday episode.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I don't have anything even kind.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Of press something Christmasy. Give the folks something, uh with
a good, warm, jolly spirit.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
Pot my butt.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Pot, pot, my butt pot, my butt pot, pot my butt.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Do you know what pop my butt meant to Harriet Tubman?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Do you know what that meant?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It meant a whip?
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Ye?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
And do you know what it meant to missus Claus
something else opposite? Yeah, that's okay. They won't notice, they
won't know.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We're gonna do an email. But we got an email
from someone who said, hello, Langston and David. Don't we
don't have a name for this person. Maybe they said
in the body of the email, they said, I love
the podcast three exclamation points. My mama told me that
Santa Claus will spit his chewing tobacco directly into your
eyes if he catches you looking at him on Christmas Eve.
Santa's chewing tobacco will cause permanent, sudden magical blindness. All right, I.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Don't think that's just Santa's chewing.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I think you don't want that stuff in your eyes
or no.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Also, I think regionally, if you are somewhere where Santa
had chewing tobacco anyways, you were coming from maybe a Dirk.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
That's right, you know, I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I've never heard of Saanda smoking cigarettes or chewing tobacco.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I thought Santa was not addicted to nicotine products. Yeah,
that's unfortunate that he is. But no, I don't believe
that that Santa is spitting in my eyes.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Because you're in a you're you're at a place where
they could easily convince you that Santa choose. They were
like all the men you know, choosers.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Of all you know. He chews tobacco. It's a long ride.
Santa needs to come. What's he gonna stop and smoke cigarettes? No,
he has to get his fixed and he just spits
it out the sleigh. He spits it out, and if
it does land on your head, that's good luck. But
if it gets in your eyes, your couragechow blind, cube blind,
magical shoe blind. I was talking to my little brother
(06:19):
about this, since we have a big age gap between
us and didn't believe in Santa at the same time.
We somehow never discovered this until recently. Always sounds like
they both were told this despite being from different eras
of Santa belief. I asked my mom about the origins,
and she swears she didn't make it up, and when
she was growing up, old black people would tell this
(06:41):
to children. I doubt that I will share this with
my kids. I would hope not not, because I don't
want to pass down the mostly the most jolly form
of terror that I've ever experienced. But I fear the
children of today don't know what chewing tobacco is. Anyway,
Please share your thoughts. Have you ever heard of this?
Enjoyed the holiday season? Ever heard of it?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But noted several times. I was not a Santa like
I had never enerly it does. The Lord doesn't run
deep in my family.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
I yeah, I don't know what. I never heard of
this in my life. Santa for me was never punishing people.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess the lump of.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Coal that was to me more just like, hey man,
you know what you did right, right right, I'm just
giving you what you earned. You did this to you, Yeah,
and we can we can reassess next year. I'm not
like permanently mad at you. This Santa is like I
will take your fucking eyeballs from you.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
You're right, because like Santa also never felt like he
wanted to give the call. No, it felt like it
was like you forced him to do it.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
This this one is imagining Santa is Steve Harvey at
the Steve Harvey Show. Yeah, it's like, if you look
at me in the hallway, I'll fucking I'll fucking kill you.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
I feel like Santa. Also, I feel like there's Santa
also stem from one time there was a Santa with
Chew and tobacco. But I think this came from a
real event. People saw what happened. Yeah, maybe they had
the meanest uncle place saying, I assume it was to
work off some.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Type of a card den.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, and then like he's spitting the kid's eye, and
they were like, you know, don't do that.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
You know you aren't supposed to ask mister Isaac to
do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, now he is, and he's
acting the way mister Isaac always acts. He chews tobacco
and he spits on children. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we knew that. Yeah,
you looked at him too long, and that's on you, baby,
Now move out the way. The line is pretty.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Packed, But I like the conspiracy.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I think it's nice. I do think that that children
would probably behave better with a few knuckle sandwiches on
the other end of it.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I get that. I don't think
I feel like kids aren't afraid of violence now in
the home, right.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
My children certainly aren't. I can't speak to other people's kids,
but I'm threatening a lot after a while, blowing out
threats left and right, and they don't believe a word. Yeah,
go ahead, and man, go to jail. Tonight. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I like that though. I like a meaner I like
a meaner Santra who cares.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
In in in other countries, Santa is a little meaner.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
He seems like a lot more nefarious in in like
Black Pete.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yeah, well, black Pete is his slave. That isn't Santa.
That's the slave boy he keeps with him. I thought
I thought it was his friend. No, I thought it
was like mister Isaac. Unfortunately, No, this is is a
slave and he might be cool like mister Isaac, but
he is not probably means he's also mean like mister
(09:53):
we understand. Yeah, but there are like versions of Santa
Claus and like Germany and ship where like he is
a demon of sorts. Crampis is sort of like the punished,
punishing Santa versus like the other spirits that are a
little more like gift giving and jolly and shit.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I think I'd rather actually stay. When I think about Crampus,
I'm like, nah, keep it. At the end of the year,
we're just trying to.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Go out nice. I don't need a demon. Yeah, Santa's nice.
I like Santa being nice. I like the Coca Cola
version of Santa.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, yeah, jolly white man, red cheeks.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Come on, you don't got to be black for me.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I don't need that.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And I know that that may sound like some cool shit.
I really don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I'm just I'm just really trying to think about it
in a real way, because we did just get some
black Santa Claus wrapping paper and I love it.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
No, I'm cool with with a black Santa, but I
don't feel that deep need where it's like Santa, my
children are only going to know a Bana.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I don't think that's where we need to fight that battle. No,
there are still white people. We can have beloved white people.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Here's my problem is that when you make Santa uh,
when you're too passionate about Santa's racial identity, you stop
dealing with the fact that this motherfucker ain't real. At
the end of the day. That's a good point. My
kids are going to eventually come to understand that this
isn't real and therefore anything can be whatever you want
(11:16):
it to be. Yeah, that's fair. I don't need you
to be under some weird restriction where it's like no Santa,
black Santa, Santa white, Like that's all gonna make you
messy and weird. I don't need that.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I still am pro black Easter money.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
I love a black Easter much. Make the Easter Bunny
as dark as you can as jam and Hansu Jaimen
Hanzu starring this year in the Easter Bunny.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Uh. But yeah, I like that. I think that's a
funny conspiracy. I've never heard it. It sounds like you're
from a harsh place, and it sounds like you've outgrown it.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Good for you. Yeah, don't you tobacco, and don't tell
your children that that could happen to them.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Don't you find tobacco. The leaf stuff is sick.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
The next email says, hey, conspiracy nerds, I don't like that.
Long time, first time. My baby cousin told me some
shit yesterday during our evening smoke session that really fucked
me up. She said, Santa is a cryptid. Here's her proof.
Santa is a jolly, plump elf. Have you ever heard
(12:25):
of a fat elf? He's got to be their king. Okay,
this already puts me in a challenging position.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, your postures turn serious.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I don't consider Santa to be an elf.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I didn't think so either.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I think that's a man who has met some elves
and decided this is a good business opportunity.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Yeah, it's like it's like a snow White and the
Seven Doors.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yeah, I never thought he was a big I never
thought he was a big elf.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
No, I think he's a I think that's a full
grown dude.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And he doesn't have like names like them. Yeah Santa, Yeah,
he's not like Molly Wipe or whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Gum belly.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, very masculating names on these elves.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
You got elves. You gotta think about that.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
But now I can imagine smoking with my baby cousin.
I get lost in it a little bit. You start, you.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Stop thinking because he does entirely hang out with elves.
Nobody has a familial history with him.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, he's almost like the Gary Owen of of elves.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, where you're like, hey, man, he's not black, but
he has spent a lot of time with us. It's
Missus clausingol. I do not believe Missus Claws. I think
if she is an elf, Santa's a fuck boy. I
think Santa's a piece of shit. You gotta like a
scummy Santa. And he moved into this community and just
(13:47):
started stealing their women. That's nuts, you know what I mean?
Je did on her with another black lady.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
All I'm saying, Santa people loved by the elves and
not be one is how I feel.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Sure. Yeah, okay, here's here's their other proof. He's like
a cross between Dionysus, rosy cheeks and a bowl full
of jelly. And they all father snow white hair, twinkling eyes. Odin,
I guess so or Zeus. I think whatever you consider
to be you know, the the image of the game God,
(14:26):
that is Jesus's daddy in your mind. You know what
I mean that that whole thing. And like Bigfoot, Santa
is frequently sighted but never caught. Are people seeing Santa? No,
I don't know anybody who I think.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I saw him in the sky and go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah. Last year we put I.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Only know that from commercials we put.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
We put fucking baby powder on some of my boots
and then we we made prints to be like whoa
Anta was here? Did she go crazy? Idiots believed every
word I said, fucking dumb dumbs.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I did it.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I made the prince, I made a full circle. I
made it go over by the cookies. And then I
made it walk out. It's all a lie.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
That's that's so sweet though, what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
They're so dumb fall for anything.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Yeah, I'm here trying to hear. Yeah, okay, they're your kids,
all right, he said.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Now I did remember her, or I did remind her
that a Kryptidis part animal like a missing link, y'all.
She thinks Bigfoot is like the missing link between us
and the apes. Santa is like the link is the
link between us and the future. Whoa, the suit is
his skin not close. We're all getting bigger, we're living longer.
(15:51):
He's showing us the future. I don't know what y'all think, Amari.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
I think maybe one blunt evening session with the baby
cousin split her brain still developing. Split that blunt, yeah,
split it out on both knee one. Maybe put some
grabber in there or some shit.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I don't know where you are regionally. Uh No, I
think now's the time to invest in your cousin on
a more personal level.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, man, you guys can just talk.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
You don't have to make up sort of whimsy to
be able to connect with you. Guys don't got to
get zooted anymore. Bro, ask her what her dream is. Yeah,
like really get to know who she is and maybe
you won't get trapped in these weird cryptic conversations. But
that is fun.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
It think is fun the idea that it's just scanned
and maybe it's some kind of a crazy hair growth.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
And then like I do like this idea of him
being of the future. Yeah, that's exciting. That's that's very
exciting in a way that that actually makes it more
reasonable because him just being this weird like non deity
is but still e turn old feels.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
That is weird what you're doing here this whole time? Yeah,
and how did a man ascend to that?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah? But a dude just coming from the future, like
you know, fucking cables cool.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
He's like, where is Sarah Conna like that?
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Yeah all right, He's like, No, I think I could
just make the world better. I can't kill anybody, but
I will like drop off presents on assholes porches and
ship Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, he drops someone from a porch.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
That that you I said it. That was a mistake. Oh,
I don't believe Santa To to just be delivering them
like Fede.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah, when you do it, are you like, oh, look
at this, Santa brought this.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Yeah, Santa don't bring everything. Yeah, you gotta bring you bring, I.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Bring most of it. Okay, that's and I make that clear.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
And then one time Santa does something nice for you. Yeah, okay,
I don't want you worshiping now that I do feel
passionate about my child. Are not not going to worship
a white man in the sky. I got that, regardless
of his contributions to us. You you're not. You don't
get to do.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
All of it.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Sanna gets you the big gifts. Santa gives you something.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yeah, but it's not You're not man. Cannot subsist on Santa.
Come on, No, Daddy brings the break. Daddy brings the break.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
All right, yeah, Fish, we need to take a break.
We're gonna be back and then we're gonna do a
voicemail together. Let's do it, all right. More David more Langston.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
My ma Mama told me.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
People who were in Slavery wish that they had curve
sided service.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
At Applebee's, and I wish I had curbsided service at
the North Pole Welcome back to My mama told me,
I don't even know what I meant by that.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
You're going to pick up. You're going to pick up.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I'm going to pick up the gifts, which maybe it
saves money, like when you do it uber eats. I
guess I'm.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Gonna go get to you. I'm gonna go. My relationship
with Santa hasn't been an expensive one up to this point. Okay,
the gifts are free in theory, as long as you
believe and ship.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
It's a nasty conspiracy.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
It is a nasty conspiracy. White man from the sky
will will treat you if you just act the way
he wants you to and.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
He doesn't have to do anything else. All he has
to do he shows up on It's a it's a
deadie dad.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
We're never getting any of the bad news about Santa. No,
the way he speaks to those elves, the way he
speaks to missus claus bro that big ass elf lady,
big ass elf bitch, that's what he calls him. Here,
he says, I took you off the caves, bitch. In caves,
I can have your ass sleeping with needle Thumb right
(19:45):
now in a two bedroom with Marshmallow. You want to
live with Marshmallow, you know? He piece of bed. He
has a out rainbow here, stupid bitch, kive me my egg.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
We have a voicemail.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah, we have a very fun voice voicemail.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Let's play it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
I called this line to get freaky, all right, but
I got some I got something to say. I'm gonna
say it right now.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
First off, he sees you where you're sleeping, he knows
when you're away, he knows who good but it's for goodness.
You know who else does? Santa Claus Freddy fucking Sugar. Okay,
Now I'm gonna show you how these two are connected.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
All right.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
First off, Santa Clause is a mantle passed down like
double oh seven that you hear me. It's tad down
like double O sep. You know one of them. It
changed like the pope every now and then you hear me. Now,
where are the similarities? I'm gonna break it.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Down for okay, didn't take your time.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Pretty much. Freddy was one of the Santa Clau from
back in the day, right back in the yonder years.
Why he always has a Christmas weather why he has
those claws? Reminded that he used to be a ten
of Claus. Okay, but this ten had a problem. Okay,
so he liked the little kids period him in his lap,
you get all happy, kickity and ship. Right. The black
(21:16):
al didn't like that. Sh'S not the white help. They
got to keep their mouth shut so they keep getting
their benefits or whatever. Not the black yelp. They didn't
get the fuck. So they got with miss Claus.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Right.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Miss Claus was like, oh, this nigga gotta go. So
what they did. They teamed up and they baked his
ass and the big ass furnace. Right, I don't know
how they tricked him in there. Fighters and no cookies
and they're like, oh here, I'm pretty sure they druged
him in there through his ass in there right, burnt
them all up. So how did you give revenge? See,
he upgraded then the little kids. He's going after teenagers
(21:47):
now because the little kids that was little kids when
he was there, they were teenagers now now that they
all going up. So now he has to get it
all their descendants through their dreams and shit. Okay, he
sees you when you're sleeper, he knows when you're awake
because he has people's dreams. That's why. All right, Well
that's my theory Freddy Taylor, same person. Okat, grow out
(22:10):
with bad bitch.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Brother. You take care.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I think you have some underlying issues. There were some
themes that were difficult there.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
We we don't have nothing to talk about with you.
We wish you the best you you are in a
way that we can't help. Man, you got feel so
safe going on. Okay, it's all right, Hey, hey, hey,
(22:49):
come on, hey, Merry Christmas to you and a happy
New Year. I pray to God your Santa is not
Freddy Krueger this year.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Yeah, and I hope feel it you out soon whatever
institution they.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Got you in. Listen, listen. We weren't rushing you off
the phone. No, you weren't rushing either. It feels as
if you had some time on your hands. I'm not
saying David's not saying that's incarceration, but certainly maybe this
was an allotted break.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
All I'm saying is free you till we say it back.
I was interested at first, I got and then I
got scared.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, it was really like he was okay, like all right,
Freddy Krueger and Santa Claus do have like these deep similarities,
the weird sort of Christmas ey sweater energy does feel
like it's symbolic of something like I could find myself
in parts of this, and then it became this very
imagined story. He was world building, bro it felt like
(23:56):
Dungeons and Dragon.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
He was world building in a very creative way.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Very He told us that there was a racial divide
amongst the l Yeah. He told us that there were.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Our benefits that I think the Blacks weren't allowed access to.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, but also the blacks stood on something they Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
There was also a whole family of clauses.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yep. There there is a almost like a mafia type yeah,
which was autization.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
That's cause and it's like the gas.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
It's like the Gambinos. But they also like are are
killing each other still, like Santa Claus would kill someone.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Because they're still clauses. And then but he wanted to
be the dawn man. Yep.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yes, Don Krueger, Don Don Don Noel. Instead, it's a
good team right here. Creative teeth.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, uh yeah, maybe it was just listening to another.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, thank you, thank you brother, and you are you
made the prayer list. You made the list. Congratulations to you.
That don't happen A lot a lot of people call.
I don't pray for them.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'm gonna praise for true and I'm gonna light a candle.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
All right, we can do one more, one more voice, man,
then you get the fuck out of here. Let's do
you know? You said they're crazy, so let's try. Is
Jack Frost a horror movie?
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Oh my god, I can't believe I'm doing this. Okay,
So I can't see who I am at all or anything,
because I think my voice is identifiable enough. Oh my god,
words away. I'm like literally driving to go get some
wings stop. Dang, I'm gonna say something else, but just
because I said I was driving, I won't say that.
(25:45):
But I'm calling in a way that y'all said don't
call people tend to call that way anyway, Oh my god. Anyway,
I'm driving to get some wing stop.
Speaker 5 (25:53):
And do not drink and dry, right, I think that
is what this person is admitting to.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Oh, mayor they're drunk and calling and driving, and that's
a lot on a person and a lot on the road.
Oh boy, we don't encourage that here on the podcast.
We never will. Yeah, that's crazy. Please please put down
that pint before you hit that or maybe we misread it.
I don't think we did, but you can put press way.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
I'm driving to get some wings stop and I was
listening to the latest upload and David's commercial was like
links is not here. If you want to leave some
holiday conspiracies, do that, and I couldn't think of any.
But then I was like, shit, okay, so I have
this one. So do y'all remember the movie Jack Frost?
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yes, isn't that a Christmas movie.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
With Like, I'm thinking of the wrong white man. It's
not Kevin Costner, but that's the name. Anyway, there's also
a horror movie called Jack Frost.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
What's up with that?
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Because now I only think of a horror movie, but
somehow I think of that one wholesome movie with that
one white man who's not Kevin Costner. Anyway, I hope
it makes the episode. I hope you'll talk about this ship.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I love y'all. Yeah, bye, what do you want from that?
You know what I mean? Like? What are you asking
us to do? Here? You you called us? You said
there's a movie that I've seen, there's another movie, and
(27:38):
then there's another movie that I've seen, And what's up
with that? I don't know. Man, I don't got it
for you. What what do you want? You called? I
think you want some wing stop. You're drinking, you're driving. Focus.
It's not good to drink drunk drive. It's bad to
drink and drive. But if you're gonna do it, you
(27:58):
gotta focus. And you can't call a podcast. You gotta
leave us out of this. If you're calling a podcast,
you can't call us no. Come on, man, you know
we're not gonna handle this good. That's oh man, Jack Frost,
what are you doing?
Speaker 5 (28:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Jack Frost was both a horror movie. Uh. There's a
a nineteen ninety seven horror comedy called Jack Frost, and
then similarly, there is a Jack Frost uh with Michael
Keaton that comes out the following year that is not
a horror comedy comedy. It's a family comedy about Michael
(28:38):
Keaton getting turned into a snowbet man.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yeah, any snowboards.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Now here's what I'll say, And I'm willing to explore
a conspiracy that you did not introduce to us. This
didn't come from you, brother. You didn't offer us any
context for what to do with this conversation. But what
I will say is it does get interesting. To me
when a property fails and then they try to sort
(29:02):
of like redefine it or save it on the back end.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, because you wonder was one of those move was
the second movie going to be called Jack Frost because
you know how far an advanced production is. Like maybe
because that other one failed, they were like, go on,
call this new one, Jack Frost. Watch which movie did better?
The Michael Keaton one came out later, So that was
I assume the one they were thinking was going to
be good.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
That's someone I would assume the bigger hit of yeahs
nineteen percent on Rotten Tomatoes. It was a more like
commercially success, commercially successful film versus the other Jack Frost.
And I do think like if I'm the producers of
that film, I watched Jack Frost, the horror movie fail
and I go fuck it.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're fine. We'll be all right. Yeah,
nobody even knows that happened.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
We can weather this storm. Yeah yeah yeah, And whatever
the associations might be, so be it.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
And also, do not drink and drive. Do not drink
and drive and call call us.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
We love hearing.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
When we stopped livers now it says so on the back, and.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
It's and it tastes the same, you know what I mean,
they didn't work that hard on it in the first place. Well,
I'm not w wing starts pretty good, all right, man.
I think I love Wingstock. Okay, I'm a big I'm
a big fan of Wingstop. But I am not going
to pretend for a second that there are real chefs
in those kitchens. Oh yeah, yeah, okay. I winding Stop
(30:24):
perfected the formula in a lab. Anybody could do it.
Anybody could give us the Wingstop. It just happens that
there are some teenagers I have to ask politely for
for eight bonus?
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah, can you turn the ice machine on?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Yeah? I know it's not you know hey, man, I
did say blue cheese. This is ranch? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Could we could you guys for it? So you need
to fix it? Come on, man, you charge me. They're
charging too much for ranch.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yeah, and I don't I'm going to say this. I
don't want carrots from Wingstop.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Oh the carroat's always some sit weird.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
In my stomach, That's what I'm saying. Like, I don't
need you all to pretend that you do wings traditional
with vegetables.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Give me that corn. Give me those weird textured fries.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Just give me the wings. Yeah, everything else, the corns,
I'm saying, like everything else that's on the menu, But
I don't need the accouterment that wingstop provides because it
is not good produce. You're not ye, it's not high quality.
You're not investing in good products. So you can keep
(31:31):
the carrots in the celery. I'm just gonna I'm gonna
dip my wings in my French fries and be all right. Christmas,
Merry Christmas. I hope this warmed everyone's hearts. Yeah, us
talking down to two people who called weird.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Yeah, And I think if you're struggling for addiction at
this time this time.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
We'll check on you in the new year. I'm gonna
be with my family, but tell the people where they
can find you.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Cool.
Speaker 6 (31:58):
Got joke City seven on it Instagram. That's really it
right now. Follow me Atlanceman Kerrman on all social media platforms.
That aspiring Deadbeat Tour continues in twenty twenty six. We're
gonna have lots of new dates for you to check out,
and more importantly, send us your drops, your own conspiracy theories.
Tell us something that actually makes sense at Mymama pod
(32:20):
at gmail dot com and of course give us a
call at A four four Little Moms, we will talk
down to you. And by the merch by a nice
present for someone by bitch.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Tho the Blessings of God. My Mama Told Me is
a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and
iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Created and hosted by Langston KRK.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Co hosted by David Bordi.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Joel Monique.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Co produced by Bee Wayne.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Edited and engineered by Justin Kahne.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Music by Nick Chambers, artwork by Dogon Cree. You can
now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me on YouTube.
Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe to our
channel
My chips and.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
A kalas are racist money.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Turn stuff.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
I can't tell me.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Santa Baby, just bring a present under the tree for me,
A ninety eight convertible light blue. I'm looking for a
fly guy like you. Welcome little Mama's and gentiles and like.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
To another novel episode of bah Baba Told Me the
podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets of
black conspiracy theories and we don't prove shit. Merry Christmas,
you bitch. God Damn, it's Christmas and you a bitch.
Still It's Christmas as hell and you still a bitch?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Should I ask for some bitch for Christmas?
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Blu Sana, Please get this bitch off. I mean somebody
said I have one.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I have one that I've been thinking of.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I think Kwansa could have worked if you repositioned its
place in the calendar. You can't compete with Christmas. You
need to move somewhere, like you know that little holiday
drought from like February to May. Ye put it in there.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I don't disagree with you. I think I think it's
going up against a really tough spot to be the
day after Christmas. What are we gonna do man, like
I've hit the highest high, even if I want to
celebrate Kwansa, even if I'm not anti Kwansa in this journey,
God damn, are you making me ask a lot?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
You still feel Christmas? Because it's America. I can't not
you can't. I mean, I think you as Jewish people.
They must they. I mean, I guess they live in
pretty Jewish communities a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, but they write fucking Christmas songs and it's like
most of them are Jewish people.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
It's just like I feel like in America, you feel
a major holiday wardless of whether or not like all
those people can be like, I don't forget it's indigenous land,
but you still felt man, thanks you felt that shit.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
It It is an inescapable term.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And I think that Christmas is the same thing. So
to put it the day after it is not possible.
But you put it in that little drought. You put
it in that time period where we don't have any
days off, yeah, and we don't have any behind us,
And you say, go want to get your Kwanza. I
think people flock.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
And and I think it gives you a chance to
take out the gift giving element of Quanta, which isn't
its best feature right right, Like nobody is like, oh
I got great gifts for Kwanza and shit. I think
it then allows us to create something independent of gift giving,
where we can actually make something meaningful for a community. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
I think it was just I just think I think
it's a I think it's a placement thing.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
It is a placement issue, and I do think some
of this. I'm gonna be careful when I say this.
Some of this is going to require black people to
decide we are we are better than what they're asking of.
You know what I mean that like, we're gonna have
to give up the position we have in order to
gain a better spot. Oh yeah, rather than sort of
(03:14):
standing on our ship and being like no it's supposed
to be the day after, it's like, now we gotta
give it up.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Man.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Recognize the title light that is Christmas.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
It already is. It's built in, it's baked into this thing.
Even if the world falls apart, they're not turning to
Kwansa next.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
No, No, if the world falls apart, I think they
fucking elevate Christmas. Yeah, then it's like, oh, this is
the one thing we have from the old world. We
celebrate Christmas.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's like the end of the Grinch. Ye, exactly like that.
We we don't even have a roast beast, but we're
still gonna We're gonna sit together and we're gonna bond
because it's Christmas.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Christmas is unfatable. Yeah, just we just you just gotta
move it.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And and we do say Merry Christmas on this holidays.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
We don't say happy Holidays, not Mary Xmiths. We keep
that Christ in.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
There, We keep that is in there. We love them
too much. Him in the middle. We got a lot
of we we haven't done this in a while, but
I think it's good that we do it. We got
some emails from let's get to the email and this
is our holiday episode.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I don't have anything even kind.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Of press something Christmasy. Give the folks something, uh with
a good, warm, jolly spirit.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
Pot my butt.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Pot, pot, my butt pot, my butt pot, pot my butt.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Do you know what pop my butt meant to Harriet Tubman?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Do you know what that meant?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It meant a whip?
Speaker 4 (04:33):
Ye?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
And do you know what it meant to missus Claus
something else opposite? Yeah, that's okay. They won't notice, they
won't know.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We're gonna do an email. But we got an email
from someone who said, hello, Langston and David. Don't we
don't have a name for this person. Maybe they said
in the body of the email, they said, I love
the podcast three exclamation points. My mama told me that
Santa Claus will spit his chewing tobacco directly into your
eyes if he catches you looking at him on Christmas Eve.
Santa's chewing tobacco will cause permanent, sudden magical blindness. All right, I.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Don't think that's just Santa's chewing.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I think you don't want that stuff in your eyes
or no.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Also, I think regionally, if you are somewhere where Santa
had chewing tobacco anyways, you were coming from maybe a Dirk.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
That's right, you know, I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I've never heard of Saanda smoking cigarettes or chewing tobacco.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I thought Santa was not addicted to nicotine products. Yeah,
that's unfortunate that he is. But no, I don't believe
that that Santa is spitting in my eyes.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Because you're in a you're you're at a place where
they could easily convince you that Santa choose. They were
like all the men you know, choosers.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Of all you know. He chews tobacco. It's a long ride.
Santa needs to come. What's he gonna stop and smoke cigarettes? No,
he has to get his fixed and he just spits
it out the sleigh. He spits it out, and if
it does land on your head, that's good luck. But
if it gets in your eyes, your couragechow blind, cube blind,
magical shoe blind. I was talking to my little brother
(06:19):
about this, since we have a big age gap between
us and didn't believe in Santa at the same time.
We somehow never discovered this until recently. Always sounds like
they both were told this despite being from different eras
of Santa belief. I asked my mom about the origins,
and she swears she didn't make it up, and when
she was growing up, old black people would tell this
(06:41):
to children. I doubt that I will share this with
my kids. I would hope not not, because I don't
want to pass down the mostly the most jolly form
of terror that I've ever experienced. But I fear the
children of today don't know what chewing tobacco is. Anyway,
Please share your thoughts. Have you ever heard of this?
Enjoyed the holiday season? Ever heard of it?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But noted several times. I was not a Santa like
I had never enerly it does. The Lord doesn't run
deep in my family.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
I yeah, I don't know what. I never heard of
this in my life. Santa for me was never punishing people.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess the lump of.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Coal that was to me more just like, hey man,
you know what you did right, right right, I'm just
giving you what you earned. You did this to you, Yeah,
and we can we can reassess next year. I'm not
like permanently mad at you. This Santa is like I
will take your fucking eyeballs from you.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
You're right, because like Santa also never felt like he
wanted to give the call. No, it felt like it
was like you forced him to do it.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
This this one is imagining Santa is Steve Harvey at
the Steve Harvey Show. Yeah, it's like, if you look
at me in the hallway, I'll fucking I'll fucking kill you.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
I feel like Santa. Also, I feel like there's Santa
also stem from one time there was a Santa with
Chew and tobacco. But I think this came from a
real event. People saw what happened. Yeah, maybe they had
the meanest uncle place saying, I assume it was to
work off some.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Type of a card den.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, and then like he's spitting the kid's eye, and
they were like, you know, don't do that.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
You know you aren't supposed to ask mister Isaac to
do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, now he is, and he's
acting the way mister Isaac always acts. He chews tobacco
and he spits on children. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we knew that. Yeah,
you looked at him too long, and that's on you, baby,
Now move out the way. The line is pretty.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Packed, But I like the conspiracy.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I think it's nice. I do think that that children
would probably behave better with a few knuckle sandwiches on
the other end of it.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I get that. I don't think
I feel like kids aren't afraid of violence now in
the home, right.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
My children certainly aren't. I can't speak to other people's kids,
but I'm threatening a lot after a while, blowing out
threats left and right, and they don't believe a word. Yeah,
go ahead, and man, go to jail. Tonight. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I like that though. I like a meaner I like
a meaner Santra who cares.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
In in in other countries, Santa is a little meaner.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
He seems like a lot more nefarious in in like
Black Pete.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yeah, well, black Pete is his slave. That isn't Santa.
That's the slave boy he keeps with him. I thought
I thought it was his friend. No, I thought it
was like mister Isaac. Unfortunately, No, this is is a
slave and he might be cool like mister Isaac, but
he is not probably means he's also mean like mister
(09:53):
we understand. Yeah, but there are like versions of Santa
Claus and like Germany and ship where like he is
a demon of sorts. Crampis is sort of like the punished,
punishing Santa versus like the other spirits that are a
little more like gift giving and jolly and shit.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I think I'd rather actually stay. When I think about Crampus,
I'm like, nah, keep it. At the end of the year,
we're just trying to.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Go out nice. I don't need a demon. Yeah, Santa's nice.
I like Santa being nice. I like the Coca Cola
version of Santa.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, yeah, jolly white man, red cheeks.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Come on, you don't got to be black for me.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
I don't need that.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And I know that that may sound like some cool shit.
I really don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I'm just I'm just really trying to think about it
in a real way, because we did just get some
black Santa Claus wrapping paper and I love it.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
No, I'm cool with with a black Santa, but I
don't feel that deep need where it's like Santa, my
children are only going to know a Bana.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I don't think that's where we need to fight that battle. No,
there are still white people. We can have beloved white people.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Here's my problem is that when you make Santa uh,
when you're too passionate about Santa's racial identity, you stop
dealing with the fact that this motherfucker ain't real. At
the end of the day. That's a good point. My
kids are going to eventually come to understand that this
isn't real and therefore anything can be whatever you want
(11:16):
it to be. Yeah, that's fair. I don't need you
to be under some weird restriction where it's like no Santa,
black Santa, Santa white, Like that's all gonna make you
messy and weird. I don't need that.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I still am pro black Easter money.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
I love a black Easter much. Make the Easter Bunny
as dark as you can as jam and Hansu Jaimen
Hanzu starring this year in the Easter Bunny.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Uh. But yeah, I like that. I think that's a
funny conspiracy. I've never heard it. It sounds like you're
from a harsh place, and it sounds like you've outgrown it.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Good for you. Yeah, don't you tobacco, and don't tell
your children that that could happen to them.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Don't you find tobacco. The leaf stuff is sick.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
The next email says, hey, conspiracy nerds, I don't like that.
Long time, first time. My baby cousin told me some
shit yesterday during our evening smoke session that really fucked
me up. She said, Santa is a cryptid. Here's her proof.
Santa is a jolly, plump elf. Have you ever heard
(12:25):
of a fat elf? He's got to be their king. Okay,
this already puts me in a challenging position.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, your postures turn serious.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I don't consider Santa to be an elf.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I didn't think so either.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I think that's a man who has met some elves
and decided this is a good business opportunity.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Yeah, it's like it's like a snow White and the
Seven Doors.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yeah, I never thought he was a big I never
thought he was a big elf.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
No, I think he's a I think that's a full
grown dude.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And he doesn't have like names like them. Yeah Santa, Yeah,
he's not like Molly Wipe or whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Gum belly.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, very masculating names on these elves.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
You got elves. You gotta think about that.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
But now I can imagine smoking with my baby cousin.
I get lost in it a little bit. You start, you.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Stop thinking because he does entirely hang out with elves.
Nobody has a familial history with him.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, he's almost like the Gary Owen of of elves.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, where you're like, hey, man, he's not black, but
he has spent a lot of time with us. It's
Missus clausingol. I do not believe Missus Claws. I think
if she is an elf, Santa's a fuck boy. I
think Santa's a piece of shit. You gotta like a
scummy Santa. And he moved into this community and just
(13:47):
started stealing their women. That's nuts, you know what I mean?
Je did on her with another black lady.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
All I'm saying, Santa people loved by the elves and
not be one is how I feel.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Sure. Yeah, okay, here's here's their other proof. He's like
a cross between Dionysus, rosy cheeks and a bowl full
of jelly. And they all father snow white hair, twinkling eyes. Odin,
I guess so or Zeus. I think whatever you consider
to be you know, the the image of the game God,
(14:26):
that is Jesus's daddy in your mind. You know what
I mean that that whole thing. And like Bigfoot, Santa
is frequently sighted but never caught. Are people seeing Santa? No,
I don't know anybody who I think.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I saw him in the sky and go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah. Last year we put I.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Only know that from commercials we put.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
We put fucking baby powder on some of my boots
and then we we made prints to be like whoa
Anta was here? Did she go crazy? Idiots believed every
word I said, fucking dumb dumbs.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I did it.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I made the prince, I made a full circle. I
made it go over by the cookies. And then I
made it walk out. It's all a lie.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
That's that's so sweet though, what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
They're so dumb fall for anything.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Yeah, I'm here trying to hear. Yeah, okay, they're your kids,
all right, he said.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Now I did remember her, or I did remind her
that a Kryptidis part animal like a missing link, y'all.
She thinks Bigfoot is like the missing link between us
and the apes. Santa is like the link is the
link between us and the future. Whoa, the suit is
his skin not close. We're all getting bigger, we're living longer.
(15:51):
He's showing us the future. I don't know what y'all think, Amari.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
I think maybe one blunt evening session with the baby
cousin split her brain still developing. Split that blunt, yeah,
split it out on both knee one. Maybe put some
grabber in there or some shit.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I don't know where you are regionally. Uh No, I
think now's the time to invest in your cousin on
a more personal level.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, man, you guys can just talk.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
You don't have to make up sort of whimsy to
be able to connect with you. Guys don't got to
get zooted anymore. Bro, ask her what her dream is. Yeah,
like really get to know who she is and maybe
you won't get trapped in these weird cryptic conversations. But
that is fun.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
It think is fun the idea that it's just scanned
and maybe it's some kind of a crazy hair growth.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
And then like I do like this idea of him
being of the future. Yeah, that's exciting. That's that's very
exciting in a way that that actually makes it more
reasonable because him just being this weird like non deity
is but still e turn old feels.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
That is weird what you're doing here this whole time? Yeah,
and how did a man ascend to that?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah? But a dude just coming from the future, like
you know, fucking cables cool.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
He's like, where is Sarah Conna like that?
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Yeah all right, He's like, No, I think I could
just make the world better. I can't kill anybody, but
I will like drop off presents on assholes porches and
ship Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, he drops someone from a porch.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
That that you I said it. That was a mistake. Oh,
I don't believe Santa To to just be delivering them
like Fede.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah, when you do it, are you like, oh, look
at this, Santa brought this.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Yeah, Santa don't bring everything. Yeah, you gotta bring you bring, I.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Bring most of it. Okay, that's and I make that clear.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
And then one time Santa does something nice for you. Yeah, okay,
I don't want you worshiping now that I do feel
passionate about my child. Are not not going to worship
a white man in the sky. I got that, regardless
of his contributions to us. You you're not. You don't
get to do.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
All of it.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Sanna gets you the big gifts. Santa gives you something.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yeah, but it's not You're not man. Cannot subsist on Santa.
Come on, No, Daddy brings the break. Daddy brings the break.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
All right, yeah, Fish, we need to take a break.
We're gonna be back and then we're gonna do a
voicemail together. Let's do it, all right. More David more Langston.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
My ma Mama told me.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
People who were in Slavery wish that they had curve
sided service.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
At Applebee's, and I wish I had curbsided service at
the North Pole Welcome back to My mama told me,
I don't even know what I meant by that.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
You're going to pick up. You're going to pick up.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I'm going to pick up the gifts, which maybe it
saves money, like when you do it uber eats. I
guess I'm.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Gonna go get to you. I'm gonna go. My relationship
with Santa hasn't been an expensive one up to this point. Okay,
the gifts are free in theory, as long as you
believe and ship.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
It's a nasty conspiracy.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
It is a nasty conspiracy. White man from the sky
will will treat you if you just act the way
he wants you to and.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
He doesn't have to do anything else. All he has
to do he shows up on It's a it's a
deadie dad.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
We're never getting any of the bad news about Santa. No,
the way he speaks to those elves, the way he
speaks to missus claus bro that big ass elf lady,
big ass elf bitch, that's what he calls him. Here,
he says, I took you off the caves, bitch. In caves,
I can have your ass sleeping with needle Thumb right
(19:45):
now in a two bedroom with Marshmallow. You want to
live with Marshmallow, you know? He piece of bed. He
has a out rainbow here, stupid bitch, kive me my egg.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
We have a voicemail.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah, we have a very fun voice voicemail.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Let's play it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
I called this line to get freaky, all right, but
I got some I got something to say. I'm gonna
say it right now.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
First off, he sees you where you're sleeping, he knows
when you're away, he knows who good but it's for goodness.
You know who else does? Santa Claus Freddy fucking Sugar. Okay,
Now I'm gonna show you how these two are connected.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
All right.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
First off, Santa Clause is a mantle passed down like
double oh seven that you hear me. It's tad down
like double O sep. You know one of them. It
changed like the pope every now and then you hear me. Now,
where are the similarities? I'm gonna break it.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Down for okay, didn't take your time.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Pretty much. Freddy was one of the Santa Clau from
back in the day, right back in the yonder years.
Why he always has a Christmas weather why he has
those claws? Reminded that he used to be a ten
of Claus. Okay, but this ten had a problem. Okay,
so he liked the little kids period him in his lap,
you get all happy, kickity and ship. Right. The black
(21:16):
al didn't like that. Sh'S not the white help. They
got to keep their mouth shut so they keep getting
their benefits or whatever. Not the black yelp. They didn't
get the fuck. So they got with miss Claus.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Right.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Miss Claus was like, oh, this nigga gotta go. So
what they did. They teamed up and they baked his
ass and the big ass furnace. Right, I don't know
how they tricked him in there. Fighters and no cookies
and they're like, oh here, I'm pretty sure they druged
him in there through his ass in there right, burnt
them all up. So how did you give revenge? See,
he upgraded then the little kids. He's going after teenagers
(21:47):
now because the little kids that was little kids when
he was there, they were teenagers now now that they
all going up. So now he has to get it
all their descendants through their dreams and shit. Okay, he
sees you when you're sleeper, he knows when you're awake
because he has people's dreams. That's why. All right, Well
that's my theory Freddy Taylor, same person. Okat, grow out
(22:10):
with bad bitch.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Brother. You take care.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I think you have some underlying issues. There were some
themes that were difficult there.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
We we don't have nothing to talk about with you.
We wish you the best you you are in a
way that we can't help. Man, you got feel so
safe going on. Okay, it's all right, Hey, hey, hey,
(22:49):
come on, hey, Merry Christmas to you and a happy
New Year. I pray to God your Santa is not
Freddy Krueger this year.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Yeah, and I hope feel it you out soon whatever
institution they.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Got you in. Listen, listen. We weren't rushing you off
the phone. No, you weren't rushing either. It feels as
if you had some time on your hands. I'm not
saying David's not saying that's incarceration, but certainly maybe this
was an allotted break.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
All I'm saying is free you till we say it back.
I was interested at first, I got and then I
got scared.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, it was really like he was okay, like all right,
Freddy Krueger and Santa Claus do have like these deep similarities,
the weird sort of Christmas ey sweater energy does feel
like it's symbolic of something like I could find myself
in parts of this, and then it became this very
imagined story. He was world building, bro it felt like
(23:56):
Dungeons and Dragon.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
He was world building in a very creative way.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Very He told us that there was a racial divide
amongst the l Yeah. He told us that there were.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Our benefits that I think the Blacks weren't allowed access to.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, but also the blacks stood on something they Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
There was also a whole family of clauses.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yep. There there is a almost like a mafia type yeah,
which was autization.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
That's cause and it's like the gas.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
It's like the Gambinos. But they also like are are
killing each other still, like Santa Claus would kill someone.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Because they're still clauses. And then but he wanted to
be the dawn man. Yep.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yes, Don Krueger, Don Don Don Noel. Instead, it's a
good team right here. Creative teeth.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, uh yeah, maybe it was just listening to another.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, thank you, thank you brother, and you are you
made the prayer list. You made the list. Congratulations to you.
That don't happen A lot a lot of people call.
I don't pray for them.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'm gonna praise for true and I'm gonna light a candle.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
All right, we can do one more, one more voice, man,
then you get the fuck out of here. Let's do
you know? You said they're crazy, so let's try. Is
Jack Frost a horror movie?
Speaker 4 (25:24):
Oh my god, I can't believe I'm doing this. Okay,
So I can't see who I am at all or anything,
because I think my voice is identifiable enough. Oh my god,
words away. I'm like literally driving to go get some
wings stop. Dang, I'm gonna say something else, but just
because I said I was driving, I won't say that.
(25:45):
But I'm calling in a way that y'all said don't
call people tend to call that way anyway, Oh my god. Anyway,
I'm driving to get some wing stop.
Speaker 5 (25:53):
And do not drink and dry, right, I think that
is what this person is admitting to.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Oh, mayor they're drunk and calling and driving, and that's
a lot on a person and a lot on the road.
Oh boy, we don't encourage that here on the podcast.
We never will. Yeah, that's crazy. Please please put down
that pint before you hit that or maybe we misread it.
I don't think we did, but you can put press way.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
I'm driving to get some wings stop and I was
listening to the latest upload and David's commercial was like
links is not here. If you want to leave some
holiday conspiracies, do that, and I couldn't think of any.
But then I was like, shit, okay, so I have
this one. So do y'all remember the movie Jack Frost?
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yes, isn't that a Christmas movie.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
With Like, I'm thinking of the wrong white man. It's
not Kevin Costner, but that's the name. Anyway, there's also
a horror movie called Jack Frost.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
What's up with that?
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Because now I only think of a horror movie, but
somehow I think of that one wholesome movie with that
one white man who's not Kevin Costner. Anyway, I hope
it makes the episode. I hope you'll talk about this ship.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I love y'all. Yeah, bye, what do you want from that?
You know what I mean? Like? What are you asking
us to do? Here? You you called us? You said
there's a movie that I've seen, there's another movie, and
(27:38):
then there's another movie that I've seen, And what's up
with that? I don't know. Man, I don't got it
for you. What what do you want? You called? I
think you want some wing stop. You're drinking, you're driving. Focus.
It's not good to drink drunk drive. It's bad to
drink and drive. But if you're gonna do it, you
(27:58):
gotta focus. And you can't call a podcast. You gotta
leave us out of this. If you're calling a podcast,
you can't call us no. Come on, man, you know
we're not gonna handle this good. That's oh man, Jack Frost,
what are you doing?
Speaker 5 (28:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Jack Frost was both a horror movie. Uh. There's a
a nineteen ninety seven horror comedy called Jack Frost, and
then similarly, there is a Jack Frost uh with Michael
Keaton that comes out the following year that is not
a horror comedy comedy. It's a family comedy about Michael
(28:38):
Keaton getting turned into a snowbet man.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yeah, any snowboards.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Now here's what I'll say, And I'm willing to explore
a conspiracy that you did not introduce to us. This
didn't come from you, brother. You didn't offer us any
context for what to do with this conversation. But what
I will say is it does get interesting. To me
when a property fails and then they try to sort
(29:02):
of like redefine it or save it on the back end.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, because you wonder was one of those move was
the second movie going to be called Jack Frost because
you know how far an advanced production is. Like maybe
because that other one failed, they were like, go on,
call this new one, Jack Frost. Watch which movie did better?
The Michael Keaton one came out later, So that was
I assume the one they were thinking was going to
be good.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
That's someone I would assume the bigger hit of yeahs
nineteen percent on Rotten Tomatoes. It was a more like
commercially success, commercially successful film versus the other Jack Frost.
And I do think like if I'm the producers of
that film, I watched Jack Frost, the horror movie fail
and I go fuck it.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're fine. We'll be all right. Yeah,
nobody even knows that happened.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
We can weather this storm. Yeah yeah yeah, And whatever
the associations might be, so be it.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
And also, do not drink and drive. Do not drink
and drive and call call us.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
We love hearing.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
When we stopped livers now it says so on the back, and.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
It's and it tastes the same, you know what I mean,
they didn't work that hard on it in the first place. Well,
I'm not w wing starts pretty good, all right, man.
I think I love Wingstock. Okay, I'm a big I'm
a big fan of Wingstop. But I am not going
to pretend for a second that there are real chefs
in those kitchens. Oh yeah, yeah, okay. I winding Stop
(30:24):
perfected the formula in a lab. Anybody could do it.
Anybody could give us the Wingstop. It just happens that
there are some teenagers I have to ask politely for
for eight bonus?
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah, can you turn the ice machine on?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Yeah? I know it's not you know hey, man, I
did say blue cheese. This is ranch? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Could we could you guys for it? So you need
to fix it? Come on, man, you charge me. They're
charging too much for ranch.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yeah, and I don't I'm going to say this. I
don't want carrots from Wingstop.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Oh the carroat's always some sit weird.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
In my stomach, That's what I'm saying. Like, I don't
need you all to pretend that you do wings traditional
with vegetables.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Give me that corn. Give me those weird textured fries.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Just give me the wings. Yeah, everything else, the corns,
I'm saying, like everything else that's on the menu, But
I don't need the accouterment that wingstop provides because it
is not good produce. You're not ye, it's not high quality.
You're not investing in good products. So you can keep
(31:31):
the carrots in the celery. I'm just gonna I'm gonna
dip my wings in my French fries and be all right. Christmas,
Merry Christmas. I hope this warmed everyone's hearts. Yeah, us
talking down to two people who called weird.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Yeah, And I think if you're struggling for addiction at
this time this time.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
We'll check on you in the new year. I'm gonna
be with my family, but tell the people where they
can find you.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Cool.
Speaker 6 (31:58):
Got joke City seven on it Instagram. That's really it
right now. Follow me Atlanceman Kerrman on all social media platforms.
That aspiring Deadbeat Tour continues in twenty twenty six. We're
gonna have lots of new dates for you to check out,
and more importantly, send us your drops, your own conspiracy theories.
Tell us something that actually makes sense at Mymama pod
(32:20):
at gmail dot com and of course give us a
call at A four four Little Moms, we will talk
down to you. And by the merch by a nice
present for someone by bitch.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Tho the Blessings of God. My Mama Told Me is
a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and
iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Created and hosted by Langston KRK.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Co hosted by David Bordi.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Joel Monique.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Co produced by Bee Wayne.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Edited and engineered by Justin Kahne.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Music by Nick Chambers, artwork by Dogon Cree. You can
now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me on YouTube.
Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe to our
channel
Hosts And Creators
Langston Kerman
David Gborie
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