December 18, 2025 • 21 mins
Here's another holiday special! Langston and David answer a listener's email about people becoming Jehovah’s Witnesses to scam their way out of Christmas and birthday gifts
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Well the fucking mini your soul many episod well the
fucking mini yever soul.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yep, yep, yep, there it is. There it is. Ladies
and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal mini episode of My
Mama Told Me.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of
black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And we finally work to prove the theories that you
the listener have at home. It's your time, baby. You're superstar,
You're a god. Damn you're a goddamn angel. And you
know what we want to hear what you gotta say.
We love you, we love you, You're special to us. We'll
(00:51):
go down on you. Fuck it, We'll go you will,
We'll flip it over.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
We'll go to the back too. Why not?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Why not if we feel the way we feel about you?
Why wouldn't we smack it up, flip it, rub it down.
Oh No, I'm David Boring.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
And I'm like Ston.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Kerman, And boy, is that a greeting we need to
learn to replicate? Huh? Should we? Should we do that
on every episode?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I think that's about as good as it's gonna get.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
Yeah, smack it up, flip it rub it down. Oh no,
I'm David Bord. I want a fucking way to introduce yourself.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Yeah, you don't know where I'm coming from.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Not at all. I will say that that.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
We We've gotten a few messages last time we spoke.
I believe we talked about a bit of a debate
you and I had about the math from from driving
from Denver to the middle of Wyoming, the the un
undecided middle of Wyoming right. And I have now gotten three,
(02:00):
I think upwards of three emails from various listeners who
all wanted to make it clear that you, David, were
in fact correct.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
About it there. And I don't even drive like that.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
A person named Asia said, Hey, David and Langston love
the podcast. Keep up the good work, David. You never
said we're in the middle of Wyoming. So I picked
Riverton on a good day. Denver to Riverton is three
hundred and forty nine miles via I eighty West or
US two eighty seven North. A two thousand and six
Honda Civic Basic Bitch Model No Fast, no Furious, has
(02:36):
a fuel tank capacity of thirteen point two gallons and
gets thirty miles per gallon in the city and forty
on the highway. We're gonna use thirty because ain't no
way we're gonna risk it and run on fumes in
the middle of Wyoming. If you're driving from a full
tank three hundred and ninety six miles per tank, you
can make it to Riverton with forty seven miles left
on empty. If this math is wrong, oh well, but
(02:58):
I'm pretty sure it is. It is anyway, by bitches,
what Asia wrote, and to all of that, I say,
fuck you, Asia. You didn't have to do none of that.
You could a mind your motherfucking business. Stayed the fuck
out of grown folks business. Asia. Fuck you. Fuck fuck Carol, uh,
(03:20):
fuck Padra because Pedra had a whole bunch of say
about this shit talking about two hundred and ninety four
miles from Denver to Jefferson City. Fuck all, y'all. I
don't give a shit.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I think you all. You guys are great.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I appreciate you doing mad calculating in the lab whatever
you had to do to.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Because you could be wrong. I don't know, but.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I trust you. That's what I gotta say about that.
You couldn't be wrong, but I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I dressed you right, Yeah, I didn't care for you
dork's involving yourselves at all, But you don't want to
appreciate you listening. We're big fans.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
That you're not at these dorks for doing research. You're
the one who does the research for this pod.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yeah, but only to my advantage, not not for other
people to sauce on me. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Oh, that's fair. They were saucy.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
They were saucy. They started. She said, if a train
is traveling at one hundred and thirty six miles per
hour in one direction, you know what I mean. She
hit me with some fucking word problems.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yeah, there was a lot to unpack there, man, God
bless it. I got to drive to Wyoming. Now, get
some fireworks. Get some fireworks. That's right, you said that's
the big thing for Wyoming for y'all. Yeah, I mean,
I guess. I assume there's some type of industry, but
for me, it was mostly for fireworks.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I want to get into this unrelated I guess conspiracy theory. Oh,
this is another thing that I should address before we
get into the conspiracy theory. I also received a message,
and this relates to our conversation around milk we remember
we were talking about the dangers of milk. Recently, and unrelated,
(05:06):
a person named Brian sent me a message about my
puffy nipples. Maybe you remember we had a I do
remember discussion about puffy nipples as well and Brian. Brian said,
I too used to suffer from puffy nipples until one
day I read a Darwin D's blog post that talked
about how he used to be badly afflicted with acne
(05:29):
until he quit dairy. So I did the same, and
not only did my acne clear up, but my nipples
calmed the fuck down. I figured it was because I
no longer was no longer secondhanding some sort of nipple
based hormone, and because I was lactose intolerant. My conspiracy
theory milk can fuck you up. Love the podcast. Thanks,
that's from Brian.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
I don't I think that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yeah, I think it's think there's legitimate of what Brian's saying.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
It tracks like he did the research. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
No, he he did the experiment on himself. He gave
up the milk, and them titties turned.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
To what titties went flat on him.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Yeah, And there's nothing wrong if you got puffy nipples.
You know, there's no shame in it.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Yeah, don't ever feel bad about your poofy nipples.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yeah, but but still, you know you could change it.
You could do something about it. And I'm gonna try
to do something about it now. Thank you Brian for
your inspiration.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Yeah, you should like track your nipple puff progress.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get a real small ruler and.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
You take every pictures every day for a month.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I'm gonna make an inspirational Instagram account for the titties
that I transformed my titties into.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Oh man, put like a like a grind hustle it motivate,
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Yeah, I like that, but for going down.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And then after a while I'll start getting sponsorships or
things that have nothing to do with puffy nipples, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
It'll oh yeah, it'll just be.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Like temporary tattoos that are like asking me to promote
their shit.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
So yeah, motor oil for less pumpy nipples.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
All right, I want to get into our actual big
email for the day. This is This came from a
person who requested to remain anonymous. Really they yeah, they
didn't want to share their name. And you'll see why.
Pretty quickly, they sent a message. They said, high length
high lengths in the David, please don't use my name,
Smiley Face. I love the show, and for all the silliness,
(07:45):
you too, really stimulate productive conversation about the effect of
white supremacy on black people. I don't know if that
was our goal, but I'm glad that that's what you're
getting out.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Of I also don't think you've heard the last episode.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
We were over. We were aiming for chaoans. We weren't
really going to fix nothing. But but that said, it
means the world to us that that you feel that way.
They went on to say, my conspiracy theory that I've
been quietly spreading for months is that black families with
lots of kids become Jehovah's witnesses to avoid purchasing Christmas
(08:23):
and birthday gifts. They realized they should They could still
love Jesus and not have to buy into commercialism or holly,
or holidays or birthdays. Please find some examples to support
this idea below, Serena Williams family, Donald Glover's family, Michael
Jackson's family. I rest my.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Case, man, that feels that feels pretty possible to me. Yeah,
I've never known somebody who was like it was just
me and my single mom. We were Jehovah's witnesses, right right,
there was always twelve of them.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yeah, it's always a fuck ton of kids that that
are Jehovah's witnesses.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Like they're buying vans, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I like how you made it seem like it's a
fleet of vans just to move these children from uh
school to not holiday parties.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
You never you never grew up with like you never
had weird van families.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
We did have weird van families. It was rarely a fleet,
but I hear you that they they're talking about. Yeah,
they had like a mini van that was much older
than it seemed like it should be.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, yeah, and then it was just like eight LDS
kids packed in there at all times.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
My question, or at least what immediately popped in my
head because I agree with you, it does feel like
it holds a little bit of weight. Is My question
is do the kids before or are they a byproduct
of like Jehovah witness practices, right, because I think some
of it is also like and maybe this is not true,
(10:12):
but I think they're like, ah, you ain't gotta come on, man,
you ain't gotta wear no condoms.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Oh they're fucking raw.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I think that that's the main reason people become crazy
religious is the.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Fuck is anti condom shit?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Yeah, God says, I don't have to win one baby? Yeah,
like you know, I mean that's right.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
I mean it's all about fucking. It's the same reason like.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Mormons they're politamous because they like fucking a lot, Like
that's the that's the thing, right, So like, yeah, I
cannot imagine Jehovah's witnesses where condoms or use any kind
of birth control other than gravity.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Right, And so with that, I guess the question is,
are you becoming Jehovah witness afterwards or are you actually
like already that and then all these kids become a
part of it because y'all are just raw doging each other.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
I bet it's later.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I would I would bet that it's like damn five,
all right, we gotta do something.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Yeah, and there's like, fuck, who who would make sure
that we don't have to buy these kids' gifts sweet
Jehovah gyra?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because what because that's the only thing
I even know about Jehovah's witnesses.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Mmmm, Like is it? What's what else is different about them?
Like are they just are they just Christians?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
They believe that heaven has like a capacity that like
there's it's a limited number of people that can get
into Heaven. And that's why they go door to door
spreading the word is because number one, they're trying to
recruit new members. But number two, that is part of
like their mission to earn their spot into Heaven is
(12:03):
by getting more people to believe in God.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Okay, but if there's a capacity, couldn't they be like max,
and now what if, like you, you bring ten people
in and then now there's no space for you.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
That's always been my issue with it, is like I
think that the number is like one hundred and eighty
something thousand.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
That's not so.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
It feels like you already the door's already shut, you
know what I mean, Like they're already being like, hey,
no more if you ain't got no girls, which you
can't come in at the door, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
But that's why they got all those kids and wives.
I'm rock ten chicks, right, I'm not showing up alone.
We buying bottles.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Peacher Rock for me and all my family.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Right, you're saying, you're saying, right now, we're at normal capacity.
But if you're willing to drop the bread, you can
still get in the club.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Right, No, I mean because yeah, I feel like it's
definitely something that happens afterwards though. It's definitely like you
have a few kids, money's getting tight. These they got
birthdays every year, and like, let's say you have six
kids evenly spaced out, that's a birthday every other month.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Yeah, that's not good. And and I'll be holidays. I'll
be honest, I'm feeling anxiety just uh with my one
child and buying a birthday gift and like something that's
appropriate to a one year old and also is gonna
impress my wife enough not to make make her feel
like she needs to leave me. So it's like, yeah, no,
(13:41):
it stinks. But having to do that six times a year,
that's and then Christmas, that's that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Wait, what are you gonna get the one year old?
Have you decided? No?
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I haven't. I'm not. I'm not landed on nothing. But
if you got pitches, I'm taking them, baby, that's see
that's the problem. My wife already got her like some
bracelets and ship, so I'm ship. Yeah, I'm coming in.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Oh you should buy some ship that you can't nail down,
like get her name a star after.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Some No, man, that's a that's a scamier.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
At the zoo, or some ship in her name or
some ship.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
That's a scam you can only pull on like sick
kids and grandma's. You can't. You can't do that to
discerning adults who know you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
It does sound like a scam. Ship. What are we
gonna What are you gonna get your daughter?
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I don't know, but I gotta figure it out and fast.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Have you bronzed any of her ship?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
No, nothing's bronzed yet.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
You should bronze something.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Okay, as I'm now, I'm liking where you're heading.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Yea, yeah, dip some baby shoes and uh in the
first ones, get the first ones. You guys got whoever diplomat,
I'll bronze it for you. I got a guy, I
got a bronz think guy, I got I got bronze
gold plated whatever you need.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Okay, Well, let's talk after the podcast. We might we
might be able to find something here.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
But as far as these Jehovah's witnesses, man, I because
it just seems like I don't know a lot of
everybody I've ever known that was Jehovah's witnesses seemed to
be some type of late life conversion via their parents.
Like I don't I but and maybe that's because I'm
(15:35):
not close to the church, But I don't know a
lot of people who are like I grew up with it.
Like it seems like a lot of people grow up
with it and then they leave that shit. Princevills having
birthday parties.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, no, I I've known a few people who grew
up that way and then didn't stay committed to it.
And then there are people who I knew who grew
up that way.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
How many kids do they have? A lot?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Actually not sh Yeah, they kept fucking They were like,
now that part's cool. Yeah, they're like, I hear y'all
on this. Maybe a day party, Yeah, birthday party would
be tight too. But that said, I also have a
family member two who grew up that way and then
(16:21):
were like excommunicated from the church. And that's like a
real thing that the church tends to do, and it
is one of the things and Quinta is a person
who grew up that way, but she she's not the
excommunication person, but she's talked about this or she and
I talked about this of like how it is one
(16:41):
of those things that I do respect about their commitment
to the religion, where like if you do what they
don't like, they kick you the fuck out. They don't
like play that thing where they're like, nah, you can
still save your soul. They're like, no, uh uh, you
ain't making the cut. Get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I mean, I respect the discipline for sure, respected even
the disciplit of no birthdays and holidays. I even respect
the discipline of that. I think there's a great case
to be made for it, right, I mean, but I
think that it's like a it seems to be like
based in frugal, being frugal, you.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Know, yeah, it doesn't seem completely altruistic, not at all
at all. You're not just looking out for the kids
greater good by taking away birthdays, you you truly are
saving hundreds of dollars, if not thousands of dollars a year.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Jesus celebrated holidays.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, Jesus loved a good holiday.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Well, wait are they? But are they? Do they read
the Bible? Do they believe in like the Covenant of
the New Testament? Are the Old Testament people?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I think they. I don't know one hundred percent, but
I know that they read the Bible. I'm pretty sure
that they're They have like their own extra chapters if
I'm remembering.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Oh, like the Catholic Apocrypha whatever.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yeah, it's similar to That's essentially what Mormon situation is too.
That like, it's not that they don't read the same Bible,
they just have some extra like stuff that they have.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
This stuff from the tablets though, yeah, may I don't
know where it's from. He looked through the thing and
what Joseph Smith or whatever he was, he was a
snake oil salesman. That's not what we're getting into. Everybody
knows being a Mormon is a scam. They wear magic underwear.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Jehovah's witnesses I do. I'm with this one. I'm won one.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
You respect the Jehovah's witnesses, but you also acknowledge their
frugality in their decision making.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah, and I think that's fine.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
M okay, that's a good old take on it. You're like, look, yeah,
I think you're right that they probably are turning to
Jehovah's witness beliefs in order to save money. But that
doesn't make them any less committed because of the level
of work that they're putting in to stay part.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Of the church. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
All right, Well, that that seems legit to me. I
think that's fair. If I have to go door to
door and try to convince very angry people that my
way of interpreting the Bible and religious texts is correct,
then yeah, I deserve not to buy my daughter a
birthday gift.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
That seems that seems fair. I don't got no issues
with that. So listener, anonymous listener, I hope this satisfies
your theory, and I hope you've learned a lesson about
judging the Jehovah's witnesses unfairly. Maybe they're not cheap, Maybe
they're they're just making necessary sacrifices for not going broke
(19:47):
and broad dog in their wives.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well, we did it, all right, Bory. Could you tell
the people where they can find you? What cool shit
you have going on?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Uh, you know, just go to just follow my Instagram
Cool Eye Jokes eighty seven.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
As always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman and
you can come see me at Lyric Hyperion on September
fifteenth and that's gonna be a really fun show. And
then you can see me in New York on September
nineteenth at City Winery. And if you want to send
us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you
want to accuse other religions of being cheap, you can
(20:28):
send those theories to mymamapod at gmail dot com. We
would love to hear from you. That's it, that's all. Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Motherfucking Miniyear Soul Mini Episod, motherfucking miniev Cel, motherfucking Mini
Era Souls Manie Episode A, mother fucking miniev culs
Speaker 6 (21:00):
A
Well the fucking mini your soul many episod well the
fucking mini yever soul.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yep, yep, yep, there it is. There it is. Ladies
and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal mini episode of My
Mama Told Me.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of
black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And we finally work to prove the theories that you
the listener have at home. It's your time, baby. You're superstar,
You're a god. Damn you're a goddamn angel. And you
know what we want to hear what you gotta say.
We love you, we love you, You're special to us. We'll
(00:51):
go down on you. Fuck it, We'll go you will,
We'll flip it over.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
We'll go to the back too. Why not?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Why not if we feel the way we feel about you?
Why wouldn't we smack it up, flip it, rub it down.
Oh No, I'm David Boring.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
And I'm like Ston.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Kerman, And boy, is that a greeting we need to
learn to replicate? Huh? Should we? Should we do that
on every episode?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I think that's about as good as it's gonna get.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
Yeah, smack it up, flip it rub it down. Oh no,
I'm David Bord. I want a fucking way to introduce yourself.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Yeah, you don't know where I'm coming from.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Not at all. I will say that that.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
We We've gotten a few messages last time we spoke.
I believe we talked about a bit of a debate
you and I had about the math from from driving
from Denver to the middle of Wyoming, the the un
undecided middle of Wyoming right. And I have now gotten three,
(02:00):
I think upwards of three emails from various listeners who
all wanted to make it clear that you, David, were
in fact correct.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
About it there. And I don't even drive like that.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
A person named Asia said, Hey, David and Langston love
the podcast. Keep up the good work, David. You never
said we're in the middle of Wyoming. So I picked
Riverton on a good day. Denver to Riverton is three
hundred and forty nine miles via I eighty West or
US two eighty seven North. A two thousand and six
Honda Civic Basic Bitch Model No Fast, no Furious, has
(02:36):
a fuel tank capacity of thirteen point two gallons and
gets thirty miles per gallon in the city and forty
on the highway. We're gonna use thirty because ain't no
way we're gonna risk it and run on fumes in
the middle of Wyoming. If you're driving from a full
tank three hundred and ninety six miles per tank, you
can make it to Riverton with forty seven miles left
on empty. If this math is wrong, oh well, but
(02:58):
I'm pretty sure it is. It is anyway, by bitches,
what Asia wrote, and to all of that, I say,
fuck you, Asia. You didn't have to do none of that.
You could a mind your motherfucking business. Stayed the fuck
out of grown folks business. Asia. Fuck you. Fuck fuck Carol, uh,
(03:20):
fuck Padra because Pedra had a whole bunch of say
about this shit talking about two hundred and ninety four
miles from Denver to Jefferson City. Fuck all, y'all. I
don't give a shit.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I think you all. You guys are great.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I appreciate you doing mad calculating in the lab whatever
you had to do to.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Because you could be wrong. I don't know, but.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I trust you. That's what I gotta say about that.
You couldn't be wrong, but I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I dressed you right, Yeah, I didn't care for you
dork's involving yourselves at all, But you don't want to
appreciate you listening. We're big fans.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
That you're not at these dorks for doing research. You're
the one who does the research for this pod.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yeah, but only to my advantage, not not for other
people to sauce on me. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Oh, that's fair. They were saucy.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
They were saucy. They started. She said, if a train
is traveling at one hundred and thirty six miles per
hour in one direction, you know what I mean. She
hit me with some fucking word problems.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yeah, there was a lot to unpack there, man, God
bless it. I got to drive to Wyoming. Now, get
some fireworks. Get some fireworks. That's right, you said that's
the big thing for Wyoming for y'all. Yeah, I mean,
I guess. I assume there's some type of industry, but
for me, it was mostly for fireworks.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I want to get into this unrelated I guess conspiracy theory. Oh,
this is another thing that I should address before we
get into the conspiracy theory. I also received a message,
and this relates to our conversation around milk we remember
we were talking about the dangers of milk. Recently, and unrelated,
(05:06):
a person named Brian sent me a message about my
puffy nipples. Maybe you remember we had a I do
remember discussion about puffy nipples as well and Brian. Brian said,
I too used to suffer from puffy nipples until one
day I read a Darwin D's blog post that talked
about how he used to be badly afflicted with acne
(05:29):
until he quit dairy. So I did the same, and
not only did my acne clear up, but my nipples
calmed the fuck down. I figured it was because I
no longer was no longer secondhanding some sort of nipple
based hormone, and because I was lactose intolerant. My conspiracy
theory milk can fuck you up. Love the podcast. Thanks,
that's from Brian.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
I don't I think that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yeah, I think it's think there's legitimate of what Brian's saying.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
It tracks like he did the research. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
No, he he did the experiment on himself. He gave
up the milk, and them titties turned.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
To what titties went flat on him.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Yeah, And there's nothing wrong if you got puffy nipples.
You know, there's no shame in it.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Yeah, don't ever feel bad about your poofy nipples.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yeah, but but still, you know you could change it.
You could do something about it. And I'm gonna try
to do something about it now. Thank you Brian for
your inspiration.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Yeah, you should like track your nipple puff progress.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get a real small ruler and.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
You take every pictures every day for a month.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I'm gonna make an inspirational Instagram account for the titties
that I transformed my titties into.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Oh man, put like a like a grind hustle it motivate,
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Yeah, I like that, but for going down.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And then after a while I'll start getting sponsorships or
things that have nothing to do with puffy nipples, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
It'll oh yeah, it'll just be.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Like temporary tattoos that are like asking me to promote
their shit.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
So yeah, motor oil for less pumpy nipples.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
All right, I want to get into our actual big
email for the day. This is This came from a
person who requested to remain anonymous. Really they yeah, they
didn't want to share their name. And you'll see why.
Pretty quickly, they sent a message. They said, high length
high lengths in the David, please don't use my name,
Smiley Face. I love the show, and for all the silliness,
(07:45):
you too, really stimulate productive conversation about the effect of
white supremacy on black people. I don't know if that
was our goal, but I'm glad that that's what you're
getting out.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Of I also don't think you've heard the last episode.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
We were over. We were aiming for chaoans. We weren't
really going to fix nothing. But but that said, it
means the world to us that that you feel that way.
They went on to say, my conspiracy theory that I've
been quietly spreading for months is that black families with
lots of kids become Jehovah's witnesses to avoid purchasing Christmas
(08:23):
and birthday gifts. They realized they should They could still
love Jesus and not have to buy into commercialism or holly,
or holidays or birthdays. Please find some examples to support
this idea below, Serena Williams family, Donald Glover's family, Michael
Jackson's family. I rest my.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Case, man, that feels that feels pretty possible to me. Yeah,
I've never known somebody who was like it was just
me and my single mom. We were Jehovah's witnesses, right right,
there was always twelve of them.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yeah, it's always a fuck ton of kids that that
are Jehovah's witnesses.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Like they're buying vans, you know.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I like how you made it seem like it's a
fleet of vans just to move these children from uh
school to not holiday parties.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
You never you never grew up with like you never
had weird van families.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
We did have weird van families. It was rarely a fleet,
but I hear you that they they're talking about. Yeah,
they had like a mini van that was much older
than it seemed like it should be.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, yeah, and then it was just like eight LDS
kids packed in there at all times.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
My question, or at least what immediately popped in my
head because I agree with you, it does feel like
it holds a little bit of weight. Is My question
is do the kids before or are they a byproduct
of like Jehovah witness practices, right, because I think some
of it is also like and maybe this is not true,
(10:12):
but I think they're like, ah, you ain't gotta come on, man,
you ain't gotta wear no condoms.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Oh they're fucking raw.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I think that that's the main reason people become crazy
religious is the.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Fuck is anti condom shit?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Yeah, God says, I don't have to win one baby? Yeah,
like you know, I mean that's right.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
I mean it's all about fucking. It's the same reason like.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Mormons they're politamous because they like fucking a lot, Like
that's the that's the thing, right, So like, yeah, I
cannot imagine Jehovah's witnesses where condoms or use any kind
of birth control other than gravity.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Right, And so with that, I guess the question is,
are you becoming Jehovah witness afterwards or are you actually
like already that and then all these kids become a
part of it because y'all are just raw doging each other.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
I bet it's later.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I would I would bet that it's like damn five,
all right, we gotta do something.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Yeah, and there's like, fuck, who who would make sure
that we don't have to buy these kids' gifts sweet
Jehovah gyra?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because what because that's the only thing
I even know about Jehovah's witnesses.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Mmmm, Like is it? What's what else is different about them?
Like are they just are they just Christians?
Speaker 2 (11:41):
They believe that heaven has like a capacity that like
there's it's a limited number of people that can get
into Heaven. And that's why they go door to door
spreading the word is because number one, they're trying to
recruit new members. But number two, that is part of
like their mission to earn their spot into Heaven is
(12:03):
by getting more people to believe in God.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Okay, but if there's a capacity, couldn't they be like max,
and now what if, like you, you bring ten people
in and then now there's no space for you.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
That's always been my issue with it, is like I
think that the number is like one hundred and eighty
something thousand.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
That's not so.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
It feels like you already the door's already shut, you
know what I mean, Like they're already being like, hey,
no more if you ain't got no girls, which you
can't come in at the door, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
But that's why they got all those kids and wives.
I'm rock ten chicks, right, I'm not showing up alone.
We buying bottles.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Peacher Rock for me and all my family.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Right, you're saying, you're saying, right now, we're at normal capacity.
But if you're willing to drop the bread, you can
still get in the club.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Right, No, I mean because yeah, I feel like it's
definitely something that happens afterwards though. It's definitely like you
have a few kids, money's getting tight. These they got
birthdays every year, and like, let's say you have six
kids evenly spaced out, that's a birthday every other month.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Yeah, that's not good. And and I'll be holidays. I'll
be honest, I'm feeling anxiety just uh with my one
child and buying a birthday gift and like something that's
appropriate to a one year old and also is gonna
impress my wife enough not to make make her feel
like she needs to leave me. So it's like, yeah, no,
(13:41):
it stinks. But having to do that six times a year,
that's and then Christmas, that's that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Wait, what are you gonna get the one year old?
Have you decided? No?
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I haven't. I'm not. I'm not landed on nothing. But
if you got pitches, I'm taking them, baby, that's see
that's the problem. My wife already got her like some
bracelets and ship, so I'm ship. Yeah, I'm coming in.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Oh you should buy some ship that you can't nail down,
like get her name a star after.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Some No, man, that's a that's a scamier.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
At the zoo, or some ship in her name or
some ship.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
That's a scam you can only pull on like sick
kids and grandma's. You can't. You can't do that to
discerning adults who know you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
It does sound like a scam. Ship. What are we
gonna What are you gonna get your daughter?
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I don't know, but I gotta figure it out and fast.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
Have you bronzed any of her ship?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
No, nothing's bronzed yet.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
You should bronze something.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Okay, as I'm now, I'm liking where you're heading.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Yea, yeah, dip some baby shoes and uh in the
first ones, get the first ones. You guys got whoever diplomat,
I'll bronze it for you. I got a guy, I
got a bronz think guy, I got I got bronze
gold plated whatever you need.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Okay, Well, let's talk after the podcast. We might we
might be able to find something here.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
But as far as these Jehovah's witnesses, man, I because
it just seems like I don't know a lot of
everybody I've ever known that was Jehovah's witnesses seemed to
be some type of late life conversion via their parents.
Like I don't I but and maybe that's because I'm
(15:35):
not close to the church, But I don't know a
lot of people who are like I grew up with it.
Like it seems like a lot of people grow up
with it and then they leave that shit. Princevills having
birthday parties.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah, no, I I've known a few people who grew
up that way and then didn't stay committed to it.
And then there are people who I knew who grew
up that way.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
How many kids do they have? A lot?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Actually not sh Yeah, they kept fucking They were like,
now that part's cool. Yeah, they're like, I hear y'all
on this. Maybe a day party, Yeah, birthday party would
be tight too. But that said, I also have a
family member two who grew up that way and then
(16:21):
were like excommunicated from the church. And that's like a
real thing that the church tends to do, and it
is one of the things and Quinta is a person
who grew up that way, but she she's not the
excommunication person, but she's talked about this or she and
I talked about this of like how it is one
(16:41):
of those things that I do respect about their commitment
to the religion, where like if you do what they
don't like, they kick you the fuck out. They don't
like play that thing where they're like, nah, you can
still save your soul. They're like, no, uh uh, you
ain't making the cut. Get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I mean, I respect the discipline for sure, respected even
the disciplit of no birthdays and holidays. I even respect
the discipline of that. I think there's a great case
to be made for it, right, I mean, but I
think that it's like a it seems to be like
based in frugal, being frugal, you.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Know, yeah, it doesn't seem completely altruistic, not at all
at all. You're not just looking out for the kids
greater good by taking away birthdays, you you truly are
saving hundreds of dollars, if not thousands of dollars a year.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Jesus celebrated holidays.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, Jesus loved a good holiday.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Well, wait are they? But are they? Do they read
the Bible? Do they believe in like the Covenant of
the New Testament? Are the Old Testament people?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I think they. I don't know one hundred percent, but
I know that they read the Bible. I'm pretty sure
that they're They have like their own extra chapters if
I'm remembering.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Oh, like the Catholic Apocrypha whatever.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yeah, it's similar to That's essentially what Mormon situation is too.
That like, it's not that they don't read the same Bible,
they just have some extra like stuff that they have.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
This stuff from the tablets though, yeah, may I don't
know where it's from. He looked through the thing and
what Joseph Smith or whatever he was, he was a
snake oil salesman. That's not what we're getting into. Everybody
knows being a Mormon is a scam. They wear magic underwear.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Jehovah's witnesses I do. I'm with this one. I'm won one.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
You respect the Jehovah's witnesses, but you also acknowledge their
frugality in their decision making.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah, and I think that's fine.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
M okay, that's a good old take on it. You're like, look, yeah,
I think you're right that they probably are turning to
Jehovah's witness beliefs in order to save money. But that
doesn't make them any less committed because of the level
of work that they're putting in to stay part.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Of the church. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
All right, Well, that that seems legit to me. I
think that's fair. If I have to go door to
door and try to convince very angry people that my
way of interpreting the Bible and religious texts is correct,
then yeah, I deserve not to buy my daughter a
birthday gift.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
That seems that seems fair. I don't got no issues
with that. So listener, anonymous listener, I hope this satisfies
your theory, and I hope you've learned a lesson about
judging the Jehovah's witnesses unfairly. Maybe they're not cheap, Maybe
they're they're just making necessary sacrifices for not going broke
(19:47):
and broad dog in their wives.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well, we did it, all right, Bory. Could you tell
the people where they can find you? What cool shit
you have going on?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Uh, you know, just go to just follow my Instagram
Cool Eye Jokes eighty seven.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
As always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman and
you can come see me at Lyric Hyperion on September
fifteenth and that's gonna be a really fun show. And
then you can see me in New York on September
nineteenth at City Winery. And if you want to send
us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you
want to accuse other religions of being cheap, you can
(20:28):
send those theories to mymamapod at gmail dot com. We
would love to hear from you. That's it, that's all. Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Motherfucking Miniyear Soul Mini Episod, motherfucking miniev Cel, motherfucking Mini
Era Souls Manie Episode A, mother fucking miniev culs
Speaker 6 (21:00):
A
Hosts And Creators
Langston Kerman
David Gborie
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