July 26, 2022 • 56 mins
Are there alligators living in the city sewer system? Langston and David go underground on this conspiracy theory where there are some truth to the matter and how exactly alligators are getting into these sewers.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Also wrath where those are forks, I'm not afraid of that. Yeah,
size and not for four Kish or Kids for Kids,
which is a new Kenya Bears project that I'm sure
he's working on. I'm a hundred percent so he's working
(00:22):
on a show called Fokish he has I'm auditioning. Yeah,
I hope so fat Uncle on four Kishi racists, money
(00:51):
stuff I can't tell me. Welcome to another phenomenal episode
of My Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep,
deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we
finally worked to prove that Michael Jackson didn't fact invent
the gritty on the hint of his music video they
(01:15):
Don't Care about Us. That was a weird Michael Michael
in Africa, strange time. Yeah, he got in trouble and
he really started focusing on global issues. Yeah. Yeah, all
of a sudden, everything's very Jamaican vibe, which I don't think.
I didn't like it. But he did hit the gritty
in that video. I don't remember that, but I'm excited
(01:37):
to go back and look, and I do I believe.
I'm I'm invested in whatever you're pitching here. Do you think,
do you think John morant Is is aware of this?
Is that going to change his position on the gritty
even I often wonder about these kids who, like I
grew up at the era where it was never weird
(01:59):
till I Michael, Like, we saw him get weird, right,
So I still had bad Michael Jackson, like everything before
black or white, right, But these kids, he was always
a freak. He was always just like right. I never
knew him as dark skinned Michael Jackson. I by the
(02:23):
time I mean, by the time I became aware of
Michael Jackson, he was already the transformed Michael Jackson. And
so every era after that was just him getting weirder.
He was already a weird Oh to your point, but
you grew up with him as a viable music. He
(02:43):
wasn't a joke when you were a little not at all.
He was a very serious, respected man in and certainly
my home and all the homes of the people I loved. Oh,
we lit a candle for him. We're praying for you, Michael.
I pray those mean little boys don't get justice against you. Michael. Yeah,
(03:03):
we leave the back door up, and you can you
leave the back door unlocked. You can always come home. Right.
I don't even know what side of argument. The point is,
I'm saying John morand like that kind of guy. Michael
Jackson was always like a crazy cartoon character. Right. He's
he's young enough that like he probably started Michael Jackson
(03:24):
at Wacko Jacko era shit, right, which means that he
it's oh, I'm just doing silly ship, right, I'm I'm
jumping around the house like that freak on TV. Yeah,
he doesn't know about the remember the time video, you
know what I mean? You mean the man with no nose. Yeah,
I think I'm gonna I'm gonna make fun of him. Yeah,
I can do his dance holding babies over balconies. He's
(03:49):
not a serious person. But yeah, Michael, I I remember
when Michael got that bob, that that short little bob
was the worst era. I think the music was still
hit no and and it was right that what was
that that that sad song where the sort of like fude,
yeah you are not alone. That was the one where
(04:10):
he introduced the bob. And for me it was like,
I still a serious man in my book, still a
man I respect. I don't know the bob to me
that he looked you know who he looked like. He
looked like who's he looked like Mike Myers? And so
I married an ax murderer. It's like a very uncomfortable haircut,
(04:36):
it is. I mean, it's a it's a phenomenal move
to get the haircut of the boys you supposedly molested.
Do you know what I'm site? It was some scarlet
lettership it truly. He was like he was like, hey,
give me the scared child. And the barber was like,
say no more family, you mean like your man's who
you brought in with you? Yeah? I got it. Yeah, yeah.
(04:59):
Can I do you have a question about Michael Jackson,
because we're talking about him anyways. Do you ever remember
seeing his nipples? I don't remember Michael Jackson's nipples. No,
I don't. I will say, I don't think he has
ever been shirtless in any public for him, really, I don't.
(05:21):
I don't think so. And in fact, I think he
went out of his way to never take his shirt
off because the claim was his vida ligo was much
more apparent underneath his clothes. But I feel like he
was always like wind swept shirts. Yeah, but he always
(05:42):
had like an undershirt underneath that it was never chest
out Michael Jackson as far as Oh no, I'm here
to tell you. I googled Michael Jackson nipples image search.
I got your man with his shirt off and the
vibe the bob fuck, it's so bad. I gotta send this.
Oh no, you're not gonna like it at all. There's
(06:03):
no way I could. There's no way that I look
up Michael Jackson's nipples and and it's a pleasant surprise.
I always thought that he had weird nipples here. I
bet they're dark. I bet they're They're thick and dark.
That's what you want it to be. That's not what
they are. Oh wow, let's let's see what he's got going.
(06:25):
Oh no, oh no, Michael, they're so pronounced. He looks
like an inappropriate anime character, like dirty ban. Yeah, like
this is it's teetering into hints Ie. It's not quite Hintie,
(06:48):
but there's a lot of tentacles. Oh but he's gonna
get in there. Oh I don't like it, Michael. What happened?
Because he's an in shape guy. It's not like he's
like a bad bodied man. What what the funk? Happened
to his nipples. Maybe maybe this is where it started.
Maybe it was always that he had bad, bad nipples,
(07:09):
because bad nipples on the dude, that'll suck you up.
I've got bad nipples, and yeah they're there. I got,
I got big ones. N Yeah, I got the like
genuine nips. Yeah I don't. I'm not familiar with Genuine's nipples.
You you seem to be a man well versed in
uh in the nipples. I've seen some nips. I have
(07:34):
no doubt that you've seen some nips. Please don't for
a second thing that you're out that I think you're
out here nipp list. That's all I wanted to know.
I just want you to know. But Genuine had puffy ones.
Yeah I got. I got the puffy joints and and
I don't love it. Uh, you know, because there's nothing
you can do, right, I don't think so. I mean,
(07:54):
I guess I could get like a surgery of some kind,
but that feels like les man. Yeah, I got porno nipples.
I got My ship looks like he's kisses. Oh nice. Yeah,
it's like one of the few good things I got.
(08:16):
Everything else sucks, But ship blown out but the nips
on point gorgeous nipples. I don't know that we can
keep talking about nipples. I understand in this episode because
we we have a conspiracy theory, don't have to do.
We have a job to do, and and it's a
conspiracy theory. I'm super excited to dig into. It feels
(08:38):
fresh for this show. One that that is rare. It's not.
It's one that I'm familiar with. What But I don't
think it's often associated with black people at all. But
I do think black people have long speculated about this
as much as white people have. The conspiracy that we're
talking about today is my mama told me there are
(09:01):
alligators in the sewers. Love it, You're already on board.
Tell me, tell me what you know about this? Is
there is this a theory you believe? It's this one
that that you tell your children. I've always had an
obsession with under the streets since the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, definitely.
(09:25):
I was one of those kids who like pulled off
a few man manhole covers, you know what I'm saying,
Like God in there a little bit, but then got
too scared. But I it's a whole network of catacombs,
and I believe that it seems reasonable to me that
you could live down there. So you went so far
(09:47):
as to attempt to hunt these these potential alligators. You
weren't just uh, you aren't sucking around. I guess. I
don't know if hunt is the word, And I don't
know if I was even going down there because of alligators.
Is much is maybe looking to find some teenage turtle
friends or something like that, Like, I don't know. I
just always wanted to. I've always felt like there is
(10:09):
a life to be led under the streets, and I
don't think it's crazy that an alligator ended up in there.
You've ever been in Florida, I've seen alligators on the
side of the high road. High wait, like, of course
they could get in there. And then they start having
gator babies, and they started I don't know why, but
the way you said they started having gator babies felt bigoted,
very like I was talking about Armenians. Yeah, it felt
(10:33):
like you had a different group in mind that weren't
the alligators when you said it. But you know well
enough to call them alligators because yeah, your grandkids don't
like when you talk like that. Yeah, I just don't
want one. Dating my daughter is I will say that
(10:55):
that I similarly had a massive obsession with the teenage
mutant Ninja turtles. Leonardo was my guy, which I now
know is dweep ship for Yeah, he was a smart one. No,
Leonardo was the the Yeah, he was like the responsible one.
It's like you fucking loser. In retrospect, I think Donna
Tello is my favorite. He he was the smart one
(11:17):
and and also staff Yeah, exactly as obviously a Michelangelo guy.
You're Michelangelo. It felt heck to me if I was.
He loved pizza and he had numb chucks. I was seven.
There's it's like a low bar. That's all I want.
He started living in your dream that yeah. Yeah, yeah,
(11:38):
you're a pretty good guy. Yes, Leonardo was the blue
one with the swords. Yeah, Leonardo had the sword. Raphael
I think was a very popular first choice for a
lot of people, but he was too grumpy for my taste.
It was a hothead too. Yeah, I like the more
reasonable man and Leonardo he always came in reasonable, you
know what I mean. The conversation that hand, These Niga
(12:01):
Turtles did naturally progress for me into believing in all
the living creatures that could potentially come out of the sewers,
which for some reason I think are always reptiles in
my mind, even though we know for sure are down there. Yeah,
that's a good point. Why is it so reptile? Bit
it's something about their cold blooded right, something about that
(12:22):
seems to lend itself to being away from the light forever.
I don't I don't really know, Yeah it seems. And
also it's like, oh, y'all, don't mind being wet and
it wheah, yeah, when that seems like your vibe even
though you like, yeah, you like it, you sick little
fuss knocking out of my house. I also felt the
(12:44):
idea that like there's something of like an alligator seems
like somewhat of a rogue animal to me, like that
it could like exist away from other like when I
think about like birds or like cats, they have to
be like in the mix with all the other animals.
But like, for some reason, alligators, because they're so old,
(13:06):
they're like dinosaurs, they seem to me like they could
exist far away from everything, like they don't need to
socialize like that, certainly not not with other kinds of species,
like if they're they're together. Maybe alligators you know, hang
out with other alligators, but they're not fucking uh chilling
(13:26):
with like raccoons and ship exactly why, which is why
the sewers is perfect for them. Yeah, now that makes
perfect sense. I I doesn't. It doesn't seem impossible to me.
It doesn't seem like this far fetched thing. Although you know,
and we'll talk about this more when we look at
the research, there are a lot of people who do
(13:46):
treat it as this super far fetched idea that it's
like and no, absolutely not. There are no alligators underneath
our streets and ship. Alligators don't even have to be big,
is the other thing? M what are those little ones
you know? Uh or something like, oh, you're talking about
funck now Cayman Cayman which you're referring to, But Cayman
(14:10):
aren't actually that or they're not necessarily little either. It's
just a different like mouth shape and head shape. Oh,
they're not smaller. Now, they can be smaller, but they
can also be big as fuck, like Cayman can be massive.
Okadn't that but gators, gators similar to to Cayman can
range like to your point, they can be like three
(14:32):
feet or they can be like twelve feet, and it truly,
it just depends on the gator. And I don't know
what they eat, but I feel like they would eat
our trash. Mm hmmm. Does that make sense? Do you
think gators are like they're like eating McDonald's rappers and
ship Well, I think that I throw away a lot
of rib bones and things. I don't think it's only
(14:54):
trash McDonald's. I've cooked for myself. I'm a grown man.
Scrap some things like that that ain't nerve. I don't
know what you looked this weekend, but but some meal
you had this weekend, I felt like the wrong choice.
And I brought up McDonald's and you're like, look, I
I do other things for myself. I'm a big strong man.
(15:19):
Oh man, you really did get me. I put cheese
on a hot lake and I've been like, I've been
like you gotta relax, like you can't live like bro.
My friend was like, he was like, that's like putting
more frosting on top of a cupcake. Like, and I
was trying to tell people, it's like we're at the lake,
and I was like, oh no, it's good with the cheese,
(15:40):
and everybody was like, what are you doing? Yeah, like,
hey man, it's America's birthday, not yours. You gotta relax.
Put your shirt down, take the cheese off, the hot wake,
put those gorgeous nipples, those nips back, little chocolate chip nipples.
Put them away. You're acting wild right now. Yeah, so
(16:02):
you caught me on that. That's fair. Let me ask
you this before we take a break. Has there ever
been in your home a conversation around the potential alligators
in the sewers? Where you ever? Did you ever bring
this to your mom, your family of any kind and
say like, hey, y'all, here's what I think. Where y'all
(16:23):
at with this? I don't think so. Because so this
is strange my mom. I don't know if it's because
she's African, I don't know what it is. She has
a very strange aversion to the Ninja Turtles, Like she
fucking she hated the Ninja Like I wasn't supposed to
watch it until a little older and then you can
kind of navigate she like, and she's never really given
(16:46):
me a good excuse why, but she hates the Ninja Turtles.
So I think that I don't think I ever brought
this up. This was like one I kept inside. That's fascinating.
I don't what could the Ninja turtles have done that
made her feel that way. I've never had I've never
really understood because it's like I could watch G. I. Joe.
If you watch X Men, do you think it's and
(17:08):
I'm just gonna start guessing stuff, but do you think
that like there's some weird race thing inside of this
where she like feels like it's some like this is
the black people of of the mutant community and she
didn't like the representation it was implying or something like that.
I have literally never thought neither did I until just now.
(17:31):
I think she thought it was gross. I don't know, man,
I think that she was fresh from Si leone, right,
and then she comes here and they got these weird
these turtles that eat pizza in the sewer and they're talking.
That's kind of gross. I understand that like mutants you
get because they like they got superpowers, but they still
look like people. Uh. G I. Joe is just dudes
(17:54):
with guns. But it's just this gross abomination. Why were
there no girls like everything about right that they were
How were they gonna Because that's the other thing is
why were they Why were there no turtle girls? Well,
what were they gonna do? They went through puberty at
some point. Well I and this this is maybe tough
for you. They did add a girl at one point.
(18:16):
They added a fifth Turtle for the I believe the
Third Turtle film, and her name escapes me. It was
she's named after an art tiste eight but it's it's
bad it yes, Venus de Milo or some ship in life. Yeah,
(18:37):
so she was added for that film. Was supposedly like
the Lost Turtle sister. And her her mask is light
blue and yep, you guessed it. She does have titties.
She has turtle ties. I hate that. But also the
Lost Sister. That's not really getting it done, you know
what I'm saying. No, you can't funk on your sister. Yeah,
(19:00):
doesn't really help at all. No, So them boys, and
you know, we saw it over and over again. Them
boys just had to be horny for a news reporter
lady who could never really fuck them, and they just
had to watch their friend in the hockey mass fucker instead.
I don't think that they watched. You don't think so
you don't think that these guys who climb through her
(19:21):
apartment window every night we were still kids, like even
more reason why they would feel comfortable going and sneaking
and watch her. Fuck Casey Jones. Oh, I hate that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what's happening here, but I
truly believe they watched them. Fuck you know, let's put
(19:42):
a break. I got well, David, this price lessing. We'll
take a break. We'll be back when more, my mama
told me, and we are that you got what I need. Yeah,
(20:11):
We're back here with more, David boy, more length, thinker,
I mean more. My mama told me. We're still talking
about the possibility that alligators live in our sewers. That
they are, they are beneath our feet as we speak,
running around. They're doing alligator ship, whatever the funk that
might be. Are you at all worried about the alligators
(20:34):
and the sewers? Does it feel like a threat to
you at all? No, because I don't hang out in
your train ditches and I'm not in the suitters like
that anymore. So like anymore, I don't mean that like
that's crazy, that's crazy, Like I'm not even ever trying
to get down there to get like a ball or
I'm fucking they got their own life, I got you. Yeah,
(20:54):
it doesn't bother me at all. What about you? I
don't think so. I guess my fear is that they
come up the drains right like. That would be the
biggest anxiety that I feel. Yeah, I don't want to
gator up my butt, you know what I'm saying, But
that would probably be more of a Cayman because of
the smaller head. Yeah, they got that little head. They
(21:17):
get up there real good, and then they you know,
now they're in my butt hole and I don't want to.
But beyond that fear, I think I'm fine with them
living beneath us and getting ship on their foreheads. I
guess I don't. I don't know what else could be
the thing I don't. That's the thing I also don't.
And this is, you know, showing my ignorance. I don't
(21:38):
know how elaborate the sewers system is. Like once you
were referencing a lot of T and M M T
or whatever, they led you to believe that they were
like abandoned subway stations and shipped down there. I don't
think it's that crazy, right you think? So you think
there's just like a couple of pipes and and that's that. Yeah,
(22:00):
I think it's just a couple of tunnels. Damn. I
actually think it's I've always imagined it's like a world,
the whole world beneath us, like that's you know, Atlantis
in my mind, the system. But why would it be that,
because there there are and I've read articles about it,
(22:20):
there are actual human beings that live in our not
in our sewers necessarily, but in the subway systems underneath
New York City. So it's like entire families and ship
like have built you know, communities down there. And okay,
so it is so it is elaborate. I think it's
pretty elaborate. Yeah, and they're down there. And I don't
(22:44):
know to that point if that the sewer system and
the subway system crossed, you know what I mean, Like,
I don't know if there's a point where like that
piping dumps out into this place kind of thing. And
maybe it doesn't, and that is my own ignorance as well,
but I do know that at least the subways are elaborate.
So I would imagine maybe our our ship goes through
(23:05):
a few you know, it looks like Futurama down there,
right right right right, right right right, yeah, mutants. Yeah.
I guess I've always felt, regardless of what I know
about the system, I've always felt like there was enough
space to that to inhabit there. Yeah. And I don't
(23:28):
think gators need like a lot, you know what I mean.
Like they're not like they're not collecting big properties. They're
just sort of this pipe works. I'm chilling here, and
I'll come out to eat something and come back. They're
one of the oldest species, their toughest. Yeah, you know
what I mean, they could like you'll be finding there.
(23:49):
So this urban myth quote unquote, and I'm gonna put
heavy quote unquote on this dates all the way back
to the early nineteen hundreds that this this has been
a rumor, a if that's sort of circulated all the
way back then. There was actually a New York Times
piece from nineteen oh seven that I found where a
city worker was bitten by a baby gator that they
(24:10):
found in a sewer while trying to clear it out.
So they see this sew this uh strange creature. They
point to it. The boss goes over to try to
check it out, picks it up, and it bites him
on the hand. And then he's like, what the funk
it's an alligator. And then this is where it gets crazy.
They traced the owner somehow, like they figured out who
(24:31):
the gator belonged to, and apparently the gator had escaped,
and they returned the gator to its owner, like they
found this sewer gator technology. Yeah. I don't know how
they did this. I don't know if they like put
out an ad in the newspaper, like we found a
baby gator if you've been looking for him? What's up?
But something right, that's back when men were men, and
(24:57):
they didn't play the gator. That wasn't there's And I
always get and this might sound don't come from New Yorkers.
I just get the feeling that New Yorkers have a
disconnect from nature and reality in that Like I feel
like a New Yorker would try to just like flush
an alligator down the toilet. Yeah, they're like, it's it's
(25:17):
no Yeah, what do you want me to do? Take
it to the woods? Yeah, and seating all of my meatballs.
I gotta go all the way up down to Central
Box to get rid of this fucking no thanks. Yeah, Like,
I don't know, man, you could have called anybody to
(25:40):
help you with this. You didn't just let me go
on the street. You It probably would be nicer than
putting it down the fucking toilet. Yeah, that's a really
gross way to do it. So in nineteen thirty two,
there was a major gator hunt that happened apparently like
New York as well. In New York. A lot of
(26:00):
this is New York based sort of theory, I guess,
like New York is sort of the hub for whether
this theory was born and continues to to blossom. But yeah,
ninety two there was a major gator hunt organized by
the police because some boys claimed that they saw swarms
of gators near the Bronx River and in fear. As
(26:23):
this sort of legend was growing and more and more
people are claiming to have seen alligators in rivers, on streets,
in their steward pipes, everything, they then decided that they
they armed themselves. They got rifles and went hunting for
gators to basically like wipe out the steward gator population.
So here's my first question. A few questions, were these
(26:45):
white boys are black boys? Uh, that is a great question,
and I don't actually know. It wasn't clear at the
implication or at least the energy it had was white
boys that these were these were white boys who found
this gay eater. Because now it makes me feel like
the gator is gonna get emmett too or for lack
of a better trip, Oh yeah that they they claimed
(27:07):
the gator was whistling at them, and now all of
a sudden, we're murdering a gator for for no reason. Right,
they runted up a posse just because these little white
boys said they saw gator. Yeah, they said they saw swarms,
which makes it even more hateful in the way that
you're talking about where it's like, if you say swarms,
you're being yeah, you're pretending like there's more than there are.
(27:30):
There were like two of them, and you're like everywhere
there were swarms. The windows were talking about like those
gators weren't bothering nobody, big Uh, they were. They were
grilling in the park just like you have every right.
They've been living here longer than your family's been here. Yeah,
you know what, those gators are more American than you are,
(27:51):
but you don't want to have that conversation, not today,
not today. You just want to run and tell the cops.
So in the gator round up, did they find it
doesn't seem like they did. It seems like they It
just sort of created more kerfuffle, right that that the
legend sort of grew from this, And the theory that
(28:12):
this all comes from is actually that wealthy families would
vacation and warmer climate and then return from those places
to New York City with cute little baby gators as pets.
And then the gators get bigger, they outgrow the space.
You gotta put them in the bathtub. Now you don't
know where to put your your side, where to watch.
(28:34):
New York City obviously isn't building for accommodating alligators. And
so then they just get rid of the motherfucker's either
by flushing them or throwing them out of windows, whatever
the funk it is. And then subsequently those gators buill
colonies underneath the the systems because I know that the
New York to Miami pipeline is real, yes, just like
(28:57):
the people, So it makes sense to gators, what way
right that they would also vacation part of the year
in in Miami and then come back to New York
talk about it like they went to a different country
or something that you have to go. You simply have
to go to Miami. Have you ever met a Cuban man?
(29:20):
You simply must meet one of these Cubans. But I've
met four Puerto Ricans. You told me that. I don't
mean that. So what gets even crazier is and I
didn't realize this. In the nineteen thirties, baby gators for
purchase were constantly advertised in magazines and newspapers, and they
(29:41):
would ship you the gators by mail. If you wanted
a baby gator, you could simply call a number from
the newspaper and they would send you a baby gator
as a pet in the mail. Okay, so this is
even more viable than it was like a fashionable pet
to have. It was apparently like a super cool thing
(30:02):
to be able to like buy a gator in the mail.
This country, man, I mean, we've taken in light of
a few recent steps, we've taken pretty far back. But
we were going nuts. Yeah, we and stuff like this
doesn't make me. It does make me go, oh, I
see what they're talking about when they say make America
(30:23):
great again? You know what I mean? Yeah, you couldn't.
You could do anything. You could just order alligators in
the mail. Bro You could have called a number and
had an alligator the next day. That's fucking crazy. Who
sent him this and nobody? That's what made it so beautiful.
There were no sanctions, there was not Everything was anything.
You drift it. You could have it, man, just to
(30:45):
get oh man, see so a lot of those I
guarantee you that flush rate on mail alligators. No fucking
way am I keeping a mail gator. There's no I
have no commitment. I didn't even go out and earn it. No, no,
I didn't wrangle it. I just got it in a box.
I don't even know if it came down or alive.
(31:06):
It's got fucking instructions next to it. Um, I'm fleshing
this gator. I gotta feed this thing pineapples? What are they?
Don't you truly have no idea? What alligators that I love?
I have no idea. Old chicken they meet, right they meet.
I don't think it's pineapples. I think they think if
(31:26):
you gave them one, I bet it would I bet
it's not turning down pineapple. It's not better than pineapple. No,
it's a very good. So although the city and and
experts claim that it's a mostly unfounded theory right that
that there are not New York City the government says, so,
(31:47):
the government denies that there are any versions of colonies
of gators living beneath the earth. And it is worth
noting that one of the things that people claim now
is not only that there are alligators in our sewers,
but that the the gators themselves have now evolved to
be like these blind albino alligators that basically are better
(32:09):
at managing without sunlight and and sort of like fresh
air the way that the average alligator would be able
to live. Okay, because I've seen an albino gator at
the zoo. Yeah, no, there are real albino gators. They're
saying that sewer albino gators are like a different breed
that has grown from like they evolved. Yeah exactly. That, Like,
(32:31):
I kind of have a tough time like that because
like evolution, the one thing we know about it is
that it takes a long time. So they got albino
and what three generations that seems kind of Yeah, seventy
years doesn't seem like enough to like turn you your
whole species white, right right right, right right exactly exactly.
(32:52):
So I don't believe that, do I believe that maybe
if there's a bunch of gators down there, one is
an albino. Sure, albinos are everywhere I've seen. I've seen
the multiple albinos in real life, so you know what
I mean. And that's just walking around, you know, wherever
I'm at. You know what scares me is I don't
(33:12):
know if albino is now suddenly like uh not the
term that you're supposed to call somebody if they are
talking about people. Yeah, like I know, I don't think
you can call them binos. I think you have to.
You gotta say the whole word. Yeah, you gotta have that.
(33:35):
That's like the one. That's the part I do know
for I guess you and I imagine you know this
from experience this. I just assume listen, I wouldn't. I'm
not gonna be I'm not like on the street yelling
at them. I will also say, though, I've seen so
many more black albinos then white. But I think that's
because of Africa say more like him in Freetown. You
(34:00):
pretty much every time you go out you'll see in albino. Oh.
Because you know what's funny, We actually did an episode,
uh not too long ago about the fact that there
are a bunch of nations throughout the world, not specific
just to Africa, that where albinos are are hunted, that
they're actually treated like either they are cursed or that
(34:22):
their bodies can be used for like uh, curses and
and hexes and and ship Asia. No, it's it's it's
not just I think Australia probably focks around over there,
but like the Philippines, I think they did that ship
Nigeria they murdered their albinos for jest and ship for
(34:44):
Jesus Christ. Uh not in Yeah, it wasn't like that necessarily,
but we we digress. The point is, do I think
that there are some magical albinia that's the least reasonable
part of this whole conspiracy to me, that they've now
developed into like some type of super see in the dark.
I don't believe that. I definitely think not swarms because
(35:07):
I'm not racist, but I'm sure that's down there. So
what's funny is, and I'm glad that you said that.
Is that they're despite this, the city sort of denying it.
And part of the reason that these experts say that
it's not possible is that New York sewers are too
cold and toxic for alligators to actually survive for very long,
(35:28):
especially if they're eating rats and raw sewage. They're they're basically,
you know, constantly eating poison because of the ship that's
floating around in our sewers, and that would kill them,
along with the freezing temperatures and the lack of sunlight's
freezing as hard as that city gets in the summertime.
(35:50):
You want me to think it's freezing in the I
think it's getting pretty cold. Where are our sewage is
where there's no sun and you know, the fucking the
city is not hot all year round. That's fair. So
they're just saying because so frozen temperate cany migrant. I
also don't know, is there like, like, is there like
an outlet where it would be like, oh, in the wintertime,
(36:13):
you know they come out, Yeah, they go by this
abandoned space eater and yeah, come out for a little bit.
And then I don't I mean, I don't know. Yeah,
I I to your point, I do presume that they're
not just sitting in the same spot no matter what,
no matter what, Like they're they're no animal stationary. So
(36:34):
maybe they're just figuring out, like I, this is cool
for this part of the year or this time of day,
and then I'll go over here where it's similar temperatures
during the other part of the day or year. Right,
Like maybe they got a brownstone in Brooklyn that runs
the heat too much in the day. Yeah, the basement
has like a real thin floor and they can just
(36:56):
feel whatever's coming through. Yeah, they just soak it up.
So these experts deny the possibility that the alligators can
be down there, But despite that, the city does acknowledge
that they have to rescue multiple alligators a year. Even
to this day, multiple alligators a year are being taken
(37:18):
out of the sewards by the city. Multiple a year
is insane. Yes, bro, if there's multiple, any more than five,
they're down there, fucking right that this isn't just like
isolated incidents, now, this is no. No. I could believe
up to five random people put alligators in the sewer
(37:39):
at different places. Anything more than that those they're recreating
one per borough is what David Bori says, One alligator
per borrow. I mean that if it's happenstance. Anything after that, though,
is they're they're fucking they're I'm with you on this.
I I truly believe that if you're pulling out multiple
(37:59):
alligators a year, and more than that, they're also fielding.
They said hundreds of calls every year of people either
just curious about the alligator situation or reporting having seen
something alligator related. Who is that guy who calls the
cops because he's curious about the alligator situation. I think
(38:19):
he's just like, hey, man, I've been hearing a lot
of stuff for the past. No, no, no, no, yeah,
I'll hold I get you. Got some other stuff going on, No,
I handle the burglars and then get back to me.
It's gonna take a while, Yeah, but please just make
sure you section off some time because I have questions,
(38:41):
big gator questions. Do we have Do you have any
numbers on that? No? They tried to be I think
particularly vague about it, and some of this I think
this is the you know, this is that that's how
they get you moment because this is them trying to
to pretend as if this isn't an actual problem by
(39:05):
by sort of keeping the numbers unclear, you know what
I mean, Like this, this might be we might be
dealing with a big fucking problem. And they go, oh,
it's just you know, every once in a while we
find a gator. It's nobody, it's not a problem. Yeah,
but like we feel a lot of calls. We feel
a lot of calls, Like we save multiple gators. How
(39:28):
many constitutes a swarm? Yeah? And and what's even scarier
is that they're sitting and they're they're pretending as if
the people who are calling are the crazy ones. Do
you know what I mean? They go, you nutty sons
of bitches, there's no gators in the sewer, But there are,
in fact gators in the sewers. We recover gators from
(39:51):
the sewer regularly, and they won't tell those people on
the phone. You know who we gotta get to as
the gator butt Who's who's recovering m m hmmm. Almost
the gator busters. But that's not a term. Again, it
sounds racist, but no one does sound bad. That one
(40:12):
does sound bad. The gator busters. There's no way, that's
a warm, more group of people that you have affection for. No,
that's not anybody who celebrates the culture, not at all.
All Right, we're gonna take our second break. We'll be
back with more gator talk and more. My mama told me,
(40:39):
and we are bad. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah,
we're back here with more David Borie, more Langston Kerman.
We're still talking about the possibility that there are alligators
in our sewers, that they're living down there, fucking and
sucking and making gator babies that that then go on
(41:02):
to do uh gator ship. We don't know what they do,
and we certain David definitely doesn't know what they eat. Pineapples.
I think pineapples is the best guests we've gotten so far.
I here's the thing. New York City is so big,
um hm, and like I just I think this one
is real. Man. I really believe in this. So one
(41:25):
of the things that that sort of became the go
to story and where the the theory really found its
legs and maybe this will even help support what you
believe in is that there was this big story in
nineteen thirty five about a group of teams in East Harlem.
So now you know what race. They are a group
of teams in East Harlem spotting an alligator in a
(41:49):
storm drain. And then last so did out and that
gator ended up being more than eight ft long and
a hundred and twenty five pounds. Okay, so the reasonable
young black man rescued gator, didn't run of the cops
and cry about how they were swarms attacking their families. Well,
let me be clear that gator was murdered because it
(42:12):
did snap at the police and then the police stomped
it to death. That's that's a legit thing. That are
you making fun of me? I swear to God this
is what happened in the in the story, the cops
stomped out the gator. They curb stopped the gator for
snapping at them after it was found in a storm
drained by some urban youth. So somehow the urban youth
(42:35):
extracted this gator just fine, and then the cops had
to stop it out. The cops showed up and murdered
the gator because because it did gator things. That's not
even like a technology, no it they they truly, they
acted purely out of like rage and passion when they
killed it. Man, I hate that. But once again, eight
(43:01):
foot gators, that's fucking that. It was. If it's a
feet and there's something down there, it's sucking it. It's
you don't let me get eight feet tall and I'm
not fucking yeah, now you earned it. No, you're eight
feet that's too the victor goals of spoils. Come on, man,
if if ain't nobody sucking you, I'll fuck you if
you're a feet Yeah, got to got to what I see?
(43:27):
This is just so in what year was that? That
was nineteen thirty five? Come on, man, this is a consistent.
So now we have a consistent timeline of gators being
found in the sewers, and more to that point, in
the nineteen thirties, late nineteen thirties, the nyc UH sewer
officials basically no, apparently there are like they're sewer officers, right,
(43:52):
like people who are truly in charge of of our
sewer systems. And it had become such a big conspiracy
theory it'd be myth for everybody to be dealing with that.
They actually lead a giant army of sewer man down
to the sewers to exterminate the gator colonies, so not
just hunting one gator like the previous story. They went
(44:14):
down there fully being like, Yo, we're about to go
wipe out all the gators so that everybody could get it. Yeah, exactly,
which also feels like environmentally kind of crazy, right. Yeah.
I don't think you're supposed to just wipe out entire
species of anything. You can't just be like we're gonna
go down there and kill all of them. No, Like
you hear how crazy that sounds when I say it.
And then so what was the what was the response
(44:40):
on that? Did they kill some alligators down there? I
don't think so, or if they did, I don't think
it was enough to justify the man hunt that they
sort of created out of this. Well, here's another thing.
They live in the sewers. They were born in the darkness.
We merely adapted to it. We're not gonna go down
there and like they're not just gonna be like, oh ship,
(45:03):
you found us, right And we're sitting up there and
I know people, people go yuck, it's poop. I can't
And it's like the gators fucking love it there, dude,
Just some drunk dudes, you know what I mean, Like, yeah,
it probably wasn't effective, but I don't know how easy
(45:23):
it is to hunt the gator on land, let alone
in its element in the sewer. I have trouble when
I go to the few times that I go to
the zoo, I have even seeing the gator and it's
in his area. Yeah, no, the gator is yeah, because
they hide. So I think that like, of course that
you go and like, yeah, everybody's all loud, they got
(45:45):
fucking torch lamps and ship like that. Of course they
ain't catch any gators. Yeah, you're not catching no goddamn gators,
you losers? Eight footer? What are you? A bunch of
Harlem teans. So the part of this, or the part
that that sort of grew out of control, is that
it the conspiracy comes starts to spread into popular culture,
(46:08):
right that it stops being just news, and then it
starts to appear in things like Leave It to Beaver
had an episode about them buying an alligator in the
newspaper for like fifty cents. Thomas Pensions v talks about
someone buying an alligator in the newspaper as well, when
there was even this is my favorite thing. Uh. There
was a movie called Alligator that was about a giant
(46:31):
mutant gator in the sewer, But this is my favorite part.
There was also even a nineteen seventy five porno called
Suprentice are In, which involves a unit nurse treating a
team of scuba divers returning from a gator hunting expedition
in New York City. Sewers, Wait, that was all the
plateau a porno? That was a porno. Yes, that's a
(46:53):
lot of exposition. It is, especially since it's about the nurse.
Did they fuck that? But I think these scuba men
showed up fully suited, and I guess, and I guess
bit from from the alligators they were hunting. And she
was like, boys, there's only one way to fix this.
(47:15):
I gotta I gotta suck that gator poison. Why did
she hit super We've really fallen off as a country
pornal wise. They were really telling stories that they were
telling stories. Now it's just like, oh, hey, how did
(47:35):
you get to my couch? Yeah? No, they had it.
That had to have had a writer's room, you know
what I mean? They didn't. That's a fool. That's a story.
That's a short story, they went for it, and now yeah,
it's we all. It's pizza delivery guys and and naughty
teachers and like a lot of step sisters for some reason,
I'm yeah, i am, but that's my business, as is
(47:59):
your right. As a puffy nipped man. You can like,
you gotta you gotta have something when your nips are
this big, you know. So. One of the things that
then gets even crazier is that, despite denying all of
(48:20):
this being real, the Sewer's Department at one point changed
their logo to an alligator wearing sunglasses and climbing out
of a manhole, and they even began selling t shirts
that said, the legend lives underneath the alligator climbing out
of the manhole with sunglasses. That's that's too brazen New
(48:43):
York City. They're they're truly being like, yeah, this ain't real,
but we'll we'll get rich off y'all dumbasses. They think
we're idiots. I don't think that we're dumb though, we're right, yeah, no,
we're a hundred percent right. But they're they're trying to
get it on both ends, you know what I mean, right, right, right, right,
I gotta look this sewer alligator logo. I'm not gonna lie,
(49:04):
it's pretty hard logo. Yeah, I think I found it
here is I I'd rock the ship out of the
T shirt that uh that that had that. Yeah. Man,
see this is I think this all goes back to, like, yes,
there are gators, Like now they're coming from us. They're
they're they're like they're they're they're trying to make us
seem like, no, you're stupid idiots. But like, the proof
(49:27):
is in the pudding. All I've heard this whole podcast
today is proof that, multiple multiple sources from different only
in New York City, but other than that, the alligators
live in the sewer. I gotta believe it. I'm I'm
my mom, I'm I'm pro. I'm pro gators in the
in the sewer. You support the gators in the sewer too.
(49:50):
I think I land on on the side of this
is a very legitimate thing, even if the the experts
and officials claim that it isn't. I will say that
the last little bit that I'll share with you is
that this conspiracy theory reminded me of an old news
clip that I saw about snakes being in our toilets.
(50:11):
And sort of like climbing up our toilets. And as
it turns out, there are a ship ton of those
that like toilets. Yes, if you look it up on YouTube,
there are places where like one man I was watching
a video reported having had five four or five different
snakes that he's now had to pull out of his
toilet because they keep just finding their way in. And
(50:34):
you were just watching those for personal reasons. I my
my business. I watched snakes come out of toilets. That's
naughty stepsisters and snakes and toilets. That's my ship all right,
all right, I got, I got. Yeah, snakes to me,
for some reason, seems less interesting, less interesting. I've always
(50:55):
kind of found snakes were stupid. I don't have reasoning
behind it, but that's just how I've always Oh, they
seem like brilliant, seductress type animals to me. You think
snakes are brilliant and women? Yes, I think they're. Man.
Maybe this is my own misogyny kicking in in a
way that I don't love because they're they're not positive
animals in the popular culture. But yeah, I think they're
(51:18):
they're like sexy like ladies. You know, snakes are sexy ladies.
Snakes were stupid. Dude. Look, if you repeat it back
to me, it's gonna sounding awful. If you just let
me say it, it's fine. But when you when you
say it back the way you say things, it makes
it seem like I'm I'm a monster. I don't know
(51:38):
what anything greets me on it. I just said what
you said, you think snakes are sexy ladies is a
very concise way of saying a thing that I didn't
mean for it to sound like, you know, he said
sexy seductress. Your eyes got told Squinty. Look, all I'm
(52:03):
saying is snakes make me horny. And I'm not sure why.
The point is that the snakes are actually very common
in our sewers and in our rather in our pipes,
and part of what the reason or the reasoning for
the snakes finding their way into the pipes as they
like cold damp areas. But it's not that they're coming
up from the sewers necessarily, but they're sort of like
(52:26):
moving into drain pipes or falling into drain pipes from
trees and then working their way up the toilets. It's
so it's it's less of the conspiracy theory of them
living in sewers, but more them just finding their way
into pipes and finding their way up them. But I mean,
isn't that similar to what's happening with the alligators, Like
(52:47):
they're kind of just finding their way in I think so,
or being forced in by our own sort of like
bad choices. And then you know, I think it's mostly that.
I think it's more. I think humans put the I
think they live down there and they proke right now.
But we are definitely the reasons that they're done there. Yeah,
there's no way the alligators were, Like I, this is
where I wanted to be the whole time. It wouldn't
(53:09):
even be in New York, right. No, I don't think
alligators are natural to New York City. I don't really
think anything is. No, nothing's thriving in New York. No, no, no,
it's just a lot of surviving. Uh. Yeah, man, I
I gotta say, I mean, I know we're getting towards
the end of the episode. I I'm I think I
(53:30):
believe it. I believe that alligators live live in the
sewers system, and I believe that do your own research.
Don't let Big Gator tell you any different. Yeah, don't
don't let these motherfuckers who want to take down the
Gator community convince you that the gators aren't real. They're
very real, and they live beneath you, and and you
don't have to be scared of them. I think they'll
(53:51):
mind their business if you mind yours. Yes, snakes are
coming from your ass. Yeah, you should be terrified about
the snakes. They're really They're gonna bite your gooch. They're
the bit that's the worst the work. I can't figure
anything worse happening than go in and just sit down
on the toilet and getting just in your fucking like,
oh my god, in your minding your business. You're on
(54:13):
your phone. Yeah I'm fucking I'm doing word and it's
a tough one today. And here it comes a goddamn
snake biting you. And now you forget you forget which
letters that you didn't didn't use, you know what I mean. Also,
I have to take a snake off my penis. Yeah,
that's and that's gonna take a while. It's your days over.
(54:35):
You can't just like slap the back of a snake's
neck and be like released, No, it's not a pit bull.
You gotta I don't even I wouldn't even know who
to call. Yeah, they say when a pit bull bites you,
you gotta like kick it in the dick, Isn't that? Yeah?
I don't know where snake dick is and our nuts, man,
it'd be a lot easier if you did. Also, you
(55:01):
think snakes snakes are women? There's no you don't. There's
no nuts on your snake. I don't think all snakes
are women. I'm not sitting here. Do you think all
women are snakes? Excuse me? All right, we did it.
This is enough. I'm not gonna sit here this abuse
any longer. Didn't David tell the people where they can
find you on what cool ship going on? You can
(55:22):
find me at Cool Guy Jokes City seven on Instagram.
I'm gonna be in the Washington d C at the
Improv from July, and I'm gonna be at Cleveland at
Hilarities from August twelve to thirteen. And I'm gonna be
at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Women to North
Carolina aug Goddamn a lot of dates. Check out check
(55:46):
out David while he's on the road, and as always,
you can follow me at Lankston, Kerman. I'd love to
hear from you. I have dates too, but I always
forget him and I don't I don't care to look
him up. I'll be honest with you. I'm sitting here
and I have the potential, but I'm not gonna do it.
But you can follow me at lengths in Kerman. And
if you want to send us drops, if you want
to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you want
to tell us what a terrible job we're doing, please
(56:08):
send all of that to my mama pod at gmail
dot com. We would love to hear from you. Otherwise,
that's it. Bye, bitch babies, crop chips in your pails.
Quala bears are racist. The host mostly money, any stuff, really,
(56:36):
I can't tell me
Also wrath where those are forks, I'm not afraid of that. Yeah,
size and not for four Kish or Kids for Kids,
which is a new Kenya Bears project that I'm sure
he's working on. I'm a hundred percent so he's working
(00:22):
on a show called Fokish he has I'm auditioning. Yeah,
I hope so fat Uncle on four Kishi racists, money
(00:51):
stuff I can't tell me. Welcome to another phenomenal episode
of My Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep,
deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we
finally worked to prove that Michael Jackson didn't fact invent
the gritty on the hint of his music video they
(01:15):
Don't Care about Us. That was a weird Michael Michael
in Africa, strange time. Yeah, he got in trouble and
he really started focusing on global issues. Yeah. Yeah, all
of a sudden, everything's very Jamaican vibe, which I don't think.
I didn't like it. But he did hit the gritty
in that video. I don't remember that, but I'm excited
(01:37):
to go back and look, and I do I believe.
I'm I'm invested in whatever you're pitching here. Do you think,
do you think John morant Is is aware of this?
Is that going to change his position on the gritty
even I often wonder about these kids who, like I
grew up at the era where it was never weird
(01:59):
till I Michael, Like, we saw him get weird, right,
So I still had bad Michael Jackson, like everything before
black or white, right, But these kids, he was always
a freak. He was always just like right. I never
knew him as dark skinned Michael Jackson. I by the
(02:23):
time I mean, by the time I became aware of
Michael Jackson, he was already the transformed Michael Jackson. And
so every era after that was just him getting weirder.
He was already a weird Oh to your point, but
you grew up with him as a viable music. He
(02:43):
wasn't a joke when you were a little not at all.
He was a very serious, respected man in and certainly
my home and all the homes of the people I loved. Oh,
we lit a candle for him. We're praying for you, Michael.
I pray those mean little boys don't get justice against you. Michael. Yeah,
(03:03):
we leave the back door up, and you can you
leave the back door unlocked. You can always come home. Right.
I don't even know what side of argument. The point is,
I'm saying John morand like that kind of guy. Michael
Jackson was always like a crazy cartoon character. Right. He's
he's young enough that like he probably started Michael Jackson
(03:24):
at Wacko Jacko era shit, right, which means that he
it's oh, I'm just doing silly ship, right, I'm I'm
jumping around the house like that freak on TV. Yeah,
he doesn't know about the remember the time video, you
know what I mean? You mean the man with no nose. Yeah,
I think I'm gonna I'm gonna make fun of him. Yeah,
I can do his dance holding babies over balconies. He's
(03:49):
not a serious person. But yeah, Michael, I I remember
when Michael got that bob, that that short little bob
was the worst era. I think the music was still
hit no and and it was right that what was
that that that sad song where the sort of like fude,
yeah you are not alone. That was the one where
(04:10):
he introduced the bob. And for me it was like,
I still a serious man in my book, still a
man I respect. I don't know the bob to me
that he looked you know who he looked like. He
looked like who's he looked like Mike Myers? And so
I married an ax murderer. It's like a very uncomfortable haircut,
(04:36):
it is. I mean, it's a it's a phenomenal move
to get the haircut of the boys you supposedly molested.
Do you know what I'm site? It was some scarlet
lettership it truly. He was like he was like, hey,
give me the scared child. And the barber was like,
say no more family, you mean like your man's who
you brought in with you? Yeah? I got it. Yeah, yeah.
(04:59):
Can I do you have a question about Michael Jackson,
because we're talking about him anyways. Do you ever remember
seeing his nipples? I don't remember Michael Jackson's nipples. No,
I don't. I will say, I don't think he has
ever been shirtless in any public for him, really, I don't.
(05:21):
I don't think so. And in fact, I think he
went out of his way to never take his shirt
off because the claim was his vida ligo was much
more apparent underneath his clothes. But I feel like he
was always like wind swept shirts. Yeah, but he always
(05:42):
had like an undershirt underneath that it was never chest
out Michael Jackson as far as Oh no, I'm here
to tell you. I googled Michael Jackson nipples image search.
I got your man with his shirt off and the
vibe the bob fuck, it's so bad. I gotta send this.
Oh no, you're not gonna like it at all. There's
(06:03):
no way I could. There's no way that I look
up Michael Jackson's nipples and and it's a pleasant surprise.
I always thought that he had weird nipples here. I
bet they're dark. I bet they're They're thick and dark.
That's what you want it to be. That's not what
they are. Oh wow, let's let's see what he's got going.
(06:25):
Oh no, oh no, Michael, they're so pronounced. He looks
like an inappropriate anime character, like dirty ban. Yeah, like
this is it's teetering into hints Ie. It's not quite Hintie,
(06:48):
but there's a lot of tentacles. Oh but he's gonna
get in there. Oh I don't like it, Michael. What happened?
Because he's an in shape guy. It's not like he's
like a bad bodied man. What what the funk? Happened
to his nipples. Maybe maybe this is where it started.
Maybe it was always that he had bad, bad nipples,
(07:09):
because bad nipples on the dude, that'll suck you up.
I've got bad nipples, and yeah they're there. I got,
I got big ones. N Yeah, I got the like
genuine nips. Yeah I don't. I'm not familiar with Genuine's nipples.
You you seem to be a man well versed in
uh in the nipples. I've seen some nips. I have
(07:34):
no doubt that you've seen some nips. Please don't for
a second thing that you're out that I think you're
out here nipp list. That's all I wanted to know.
I just want you to know. But Genuine had puffy ones.
Yeah I got. I got the puffy joints and and
I don't love it. Uh, you know, because there's nothing
you can do, right, I don't think so. I mean,
(07:54):
I guess I could get like a surgery of some kind,
but that feels like les man. Yeah, I got porno nipples.
I got My ship looks like he's kisses. Oh nice. Yeah,
it's like one of the few good things I got.
(08:16):
Everything else sucks, But ship blown out but the nips
on point gorgeous nipples. I don't know that we can
keep talking about nipples. I understand in this episode because
we we have a conspiracy theory, don't have to do.
We have a job to do, and and it's a
conspiracy theory. I'm super excited to dig into. It feels
(08:38):
fresh for this show. One that that is rare. It's not.
It's one that I'm familiar with. What But I don't
think it's often associated with black people at all. But
I do think black people have long speculated about this
as much as white people have. The conspiracy that we're
talking about today is my mama told me there are
(09:01):
alligators in the sewers. Love it, You're already on board.
Tell me, tell me what you know about this? Is
there is this a theory you believe? It's this one
that that you tell your children. I've always had an
obsession with under the streets since the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, definitely.
(09:25):
I was one of those kids who like pulled off
a few man manhole covers, you know what I'm saying,
Like God in there a little bit, but then got
too scared. But I it's a whole network of catacombs,
and I believe that it seems reasonable to me that
you could live down there. So you went so far
(09:47):
as to attempt to hunt these these potential alligators. You
weren't just uh, you aren't sucking around. I guess. I
don't know if hunt is the word, And I don't
know if I was even going down there because of alligators.
Is much is maybe looking to find some teenage turtle
friends or something like that, Like, I don't know. I
just always wanted to. I've always felt like there is
(10:09):
a life to be led under the streets, and I
don't think it's crazy that an alligator ended up in there.
You've ever been in Florida, I've seen alligators on the
side of the high road. High wait, like, of course
they could get in there. And then they start having
gator babies, and they started I don't know why, but
the way you said they started having gator babies felt bigoted,
very like I was talking about Armenians. Yeah, it felt
(10:33):
like you had a different group in mind that weren't
the alligators when you said it. But you know well
enough to call them alligators because yeah, your grandkids don't
like when you talk like that. Yeah, I just don't
want one. Dating my daughter is I will say that
(10:55):
that I similarly had a massive obsession with the teenage
mutant Ninja turtles. Leonardo was my guy, which I now
know is dweep ship for Yeah, he was a smart one. No,
Leonardo was the the Yeah, he was like the responsible one.
It's like you fucking loser. In retrospect, I think Donna
Tello is my favorite. He he was the smart one
(11:17):
and and also staff Yeah, exactly as obviously a Michelangelo guy.
You're Michelangelo. It felt heck to me if I was.
He loved pizza and he had numb chucks. I was seven.
There's it's like a low bar. That's all I want.
He started living in your dream that yeah. Yeah, yeah,
(11:38):
you're a pretty good guy. Yes, Leonardo was the blue
one with the swords. Yeah, Leonardo had the sword. Raphael
I think was a very popular first choice for a
lot of people, but he was too grumpy for my taste.
It was a hothead too. Yeah, I like the more
reasonable man and Leonardo he always came in reasonable, you
know what I mean. The conversation that hand, These Niga
(12:01):
Turtles did naturally progress for me into believing in all
the living creatures that could potentially come out of the sewers,
which for some reason I think are always reptiles in
my mind, even though we know for sure are down there. Yeah,
that's a good point. Why is it so reptile? Bit
it's something about their cold blooded right, something about that
(12:22):
seems to lend itself to being away from the light forever.
I don't I don't really know, Yeah it seems. And
also it's like, oh, y'all, don't mind being wet and
it wheah, yeah, when that seems like your vibe even
though you like, yeah, you like it, you sick little
fuss knocking out of my house. I also felt the
(12:44):
idea that like there's something of like an alligator seems
like somewhat of a rogue animal to me, like that
it could like exist away from other like when I
think about like birds or like cats, they have to
be like in the mix with all the other animals.
But like, for some reason, alligators, because they're so old,
(13:06):
they're like dinosaurs, they seem to me like they could
exist far away from everything, like they don't need to
socialize like that, certainly not not with other kinds of species,
like if they're they're together. Maybe alligators you know, hang
out with other alligators, but they're not fucking uh chilling
(13:26):
with like raccoons and ship exactly why, which is why
the sewers is perfect for them. Yeah, now that makes
perfect sense. I I doesn't. It doesn't seem impossible to me.
It doesn't seem like this far fetched thing. Although you know,
and we'll talk about this more when we look at
the research, there are a lot of people who do
(13:46):
treat it as this super far fetched idea that it's
like and no, absolutely not. There are no alligators underneath
our streets and ship. Alligators don't even have to be big,
is the other thing? M what are those little ones
you know? Uh or something like, oh, you're talking about
funck now Cayman Cayman which you're referring to, But Cayman
(14:10):
aren't actually that or they're not necessarily little either. It's
just a different like mouth shape and head shape. Oh,
they're not smaller. Now, they can be smaller, but they
can also be big as fuck, like Cayman can be massive.
Okadn't that but gators, gators similar to to Cayman can
range like to your point, they can be like three
(14:32):
feet or they can be like twelve feet, and it truly,
it just depends on the gator. And I don't know
what they eat, but I feel like they would eat
our trash. Mm hmmm. Does that make sense? Do you
think gators are like they're like eating McDonald's rappers and
ship Well, I think that I throw away a lot
of rib bones and things. I don't think it's only
(14:54):
trash McDonald's. I've cooked for myself. I'm a grown man.
Scrap some things like that that ain't nerve. I don't
know what you looked this weekend, but but some meal
you had this weekend, I felt like the wrong choice.
And I brought up McDonald's and you're like, look, I
I do other things for myself. I'm a big strong man.
(15:19):
Oh man, you really did get me. I put cheese
on a hot lake and I've been like, I've been
like you gotta relax, like you can't live like bro.
My friend was like, he was like, that's like putting
more frosting on top of a cupcake. Like, and I
was trying to tell people, it's like we're at the lake,
and I was like, oh no, it's good with the cheese,
(15:40):
and everybody was like, what are you doing? Yeah, like,
hey man, it's America's birthday, not yours. You gotta relax.
Put your shirt down, take the cheese off, the hot wake,
put those gorgeous nipples, those nips back, little chocolate chip nipples.
Put them away. You're acting wild right now. Yeah, so
(16:02):
you caught me on that. That's fair. Let me ask
you this before we take a break. Has there ever
been in your home a conversation around the potential alligators
in the sewers? Where you ever? Did you ever bring
this to your mom, your family of any kind and
say like, hey, y'all, here's what I think. Where y'all
(16:23):
at with this? I don't think so. Because so this
is strange my mom. I don't know if it's because
she's African, I don't know what it is. She has
a very strange aversion to the Ninja Turtles, Like she
fucking she hated the Ninja Like I wasn't supposed to
watch it until a little older and then you can
kind of navigate she like, and she's never really given
(16:46):
me a good excuse why, but she hates the Ninja Turtles.
So I think that I don't think I ever brought
this up. This was like one I kept inside. That's fascinating.
I don't what could the Ninja turtles have done that
made her feel that way. I've never had I've never
really understood because it's like I could watch G. I. Joe.
If you watch X Men, do you think it's and
(17:08):
I'm just gonna start guessing stuff, but do you think
that like there's some weird race thing inside of this
where she like feels like it's some like this is
the black people of of the mutant community and she
didn't like the representation it was implying or something like that.
I have literally never thought neither did I until just now.
(17:31):
I think she thought it was gross. I don't know, man,
I think that she was fresh from Si leone, right,
and then she comes here and they got these weird
these turtles that eat pizza in the sewer and they're talking.
That's kind of gross. I understand that like mutants you
get because they like they got superpowers, but they still
look like people. Uh. G I. Joe is just dudes
(17:54):
with guns. But it's just this gross abomination. Why were
there no girls like everything about right that they were
How were they gonna Because that's the other thing is
why were they Why were there no turtle girls? Well,
what were they gonna do? They went through puberty at
some point. Well I and this this is maybe tough
for you. They did add a girl at one point.
(18:16):
They added a fifth Turtle for the I believe the
Third Turtle film, and her name escapes me. It was
she's named after an art tiste eight but it's it's
bad it yes, Venus de Milo or some ship in life. Yeah,
(18:37):
so she was added for that film. Was supposedly like
the Lost Turtle sister. And her her mask is light
blue and yep, you guessed it. She does have titties.
She has turtle ties. I hate that. But also the
Lost Sister. That's not really getting it done, you know
what I'm saying. No, you can't funk on your sister. Yeah,
(19:00):
doesn't really help at all. No, So them boys, and
you know, we saw it over and over again. Them
boys just had to be horny for a news reporter
lady who could never really fuck them, and they just
had to watch their friend in the hockey mass fucker instead.
I don't think that they watched. You don't think so
you don't think that these guys who climb through her
(19:21):
apartment window every night we were still kids, like even
more reason why they would feel comfortable going and sneaking
and watch her. Fuck Casey Jones. Oh, I hate that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what's happening here, but I
truly believe they watched them. Fuck you know, let's put
(19:42):
a break. I got well, David, this price lessing. We'll
take a break. We'll be back when more, my mama
told me, and we are that you got what I need. Yeah,
(20:11):
We're back here with more, David boy, more length, thinker,
I mean more. My mama told me. We're still talking
about the possibility that alligators live in our sewers. That
they are, they are beneath our feet as we speak,
running around. They're doing alligator ship, whatever the funk that
might be. Are you at all worried about the alligators
(20:34):
and the sewers? Does it feel like a threat to
you at all? No, because I don't hang out in
your train ditches and I'm not in the suitters like
that anymore. So like anymore, I don't mean that like
that's crazy, that's crazy, Like I'm not even ever trying
to get down there to get like a ball or
I'm fucking they got their own life, I got you. Yeah,
(20:54):
it doesn't bother me at all. What about you? I
don't think so. I guess my fear is that they
come up the drains right like. That would be the
biggest anxiety that I feel. Yeah, I don't want to
gator up my butt, you know what I'm saying, But
that would probably be more of a Cayman because of
the smaller head. Yeah, they got that little head. They
(21:17):
get up there real good, and then they you know,
now they're in my butt hole and I don't want to.
But beyond that fear, I think I'm fine with them
living beneath us and getting ship on their foreheads. I
guess I don't. I don't know what else could be
the thing I don't. That's the thing I also don't.
And this is, you know, showing my ignorance. I don't
(21:38):
know how elaborate the sewers system is. Like once you
were referencing a lot of T and M M T
or whatever, they led you to believe that they were
like abandoned subway stations and shipped down there. I don't
think it's that crazy, right you think? So you think
there's just like a couple of pipes and and that's that. Yeah,
(22:00):
I think it's just a couple of tunnels. Damn. I
actually think it's I've always imagined it's like a world,
the whole world beneath us, like that's you know, Atlantis
in my mind, the system. But why would it be that,
because there there are and I've read articles about it,
(22:20):
there are actual human beings that live in our not
in our sewers necessarily, but in the subway systems underneath
New York City. So it's like entire families and ship
like have built you know, communities down there. And okay,
so it is so it is elaborate. I think it's
pretty elaborate. Yeah, and they're down there. And I don't
(22:44):
know to that point if that the sewer system and
the subway system crossed, you know what I mean, Like,
I don't know if there's a point where like that
piping dumps out into this place kind of thing. And
maybe it doesn't, and that is my own ignorance as well,
but I do know that at least the subways are elaborate.
So I would imagine maybe our our ship goes through
(23:05):
a few you know, it looks like Futurama down there,
right right right right, right right right, yeah, mutants. Yeah.
I guess I've always felt, regardless of what I know
about the system, I've always felt like there was enough
space to that to inhabit there. Yeah. And I don't
(23:28):
think gators need like a lot, you know what I mean.
Like they're not like they're not collecting big properties. They're
just sort of this pipe works. I'm chilling here, and
I'll come out to eat something and come back. They're
one of the oldest species, their toughest. Yeah, you know
what I mean, they could like you'll be finding there.
(23:49):
So this urban myth quote unquote, and I'm gonna put
heavy quote unquote on this dates all the way back
to the early nineteen hundreds that this this has been
a rumor, a if that's sort of circulated all the
way back then. There was actually a New York Times
piece from nineteen oh seven that I found where a
city worker was bitten by a baby gator that they
(24:10):
found in a sewer while trying to clear it out.
So they see this sew this uh strange creature. They
point to it. The boss goes over to try to
check it out, picks it up, and it bites him
on the hand. And then he's like, what the funk
it's an alligator. And then this is where it gets crazy.
They traced the owner somehow, like they figured out who
(24:31):
the gator belonged to, and apparently the gator had escaped,
and they returned the gator to its owner, like they
found this sewer gator technology. Yeah. I don't know how
they did this. I don't know if they like put
out an ad in the newspaper, like we found a
baby gator if you've been looking for him? What's up?
But something right, that's back when men were men, and
(24:57):
they didn't play the gator. That wasn't there's And I
always get and this might sound don't come from New Yorkers.
I just get the feeling that New Yorkers have a
disconnect from nature and reality in that Like I feel
like a New Yorker would try to just like flush
an alligator down the toilet. Yeah, they're like, it's it's
(25:17):
no Yeah, what do you want me to do? Take
it to the woods? Yeah, and seating all of my meatballs.
I gotta go all the way up down to Central
Box to get rid of this fucking no thanks. Yeah, Like,
I don't know, man, you could have called anybody to
(25:40):
help you with this. You didn't just let me go
on the street. You It probably would be nicer than
putting it down the fucking toilet. Yeah, that's a really
gross way to do it. So in nineteen thirty two,
there was a major gator hunt that happened apparently like
New York as well. In New York. A lot of
(26:00):
this is New York based sort of theory, I guess,
like New York is sort of the hub for whether
this theory was born and continues to to blossom. But yeah,
ninety two there was a major gator hunt organized by
the police because some boys claimed that they saw swarms
of gators near the Bronx River and in fear. As
(26:23):
this sort of legend was growing and more and more
people are claiming to have seen alligators in rivers, on streets,
in their steward pipes, everything, they then decided that they
they armed themselves. They got rifles and went hunting for
gators to basically like wipe out the steward gator population.
So here's my first question. A few questions, were these
(26:45):
white boys are black boys? Uh, that is a great question,
and I don't actually know. It wasn't clear at the
implication or at least the energy it had was white
boys that these were these were white boys who found
this gay eater. Because now it makes me feel like
the gator is gonna get emmett too or for lack
of a better trip, Oh yeah that they they claimed
(27:07):
the gator was whistling at them, and now all of
a sudden, we're murdering a gator for for no reason. Right,
they runted up a posse just because these little white
boys said they saw gator. Yeah, they said they saw swarms,
which makes it even more hateful in the way that
you're talking about where it's like, if you say swarms,
you're being yeah, you're pretending like there's more than there are.
(27:30):
There were like two of them, and you're like everywhere
there were swarms. The windows were talking about like those
gators weren't bothering nobody, big Uh, they were. They were
grilling in the park just like you have every right.
They've been living here longer than your family's been here. Yeah,
you know what, those gators are more American than you are,
(27:51):
but you don't want to have that conversation, not today,
not today. You just want to run and tell the cops.
So in the gator round up, did they find it
doesn't seem like they did. It seems like they It
just sort of created more kerfuffle, right that that the
legend sort of grew from this, And the theory that
(28:12):
this all comes from is actually that wealthy families would
vacation and warmer climate and then return from those places
to New York City with cute little baby gators as pets.
And then the gators get bigger, they outgrow the space.
You gotta put them in the bathtub. Now you don't
know where to put your your side, where to watch.
(28:34):
New York City obviously isn't building for accommodating alligators. And
so then they just get rid of the motherfucker's either
by flushing them or throwing them out of windows, whatever
the funk it is. And then subsequently those gators buill
colonies underneath the the systems because I know that the
New York to Miami pipeline is real, yes, just like
(28:57):
the people, So it makes sense to gators, what way
right that they would also vacation part of the year
in in Miami and then come back to New York
talk about it like they went to a different country
or something that you have to go. You simply have
to go to Miami. Have you ever met a Cuban man?
(29:20):
You simply must meet one of these Cubans. But I've
met four Puerto Ricans. You told me that. I don't
mean that. So what gets even crazier is and I
didn't realize this. In the nineteen thirties, baby gators for
purchase were constantly advertised in magazines and newspapers, and they
(29:41):
would ship you the gators by mail. If you wanted
a baby gator, you could simply call a number from
the newspaper and they would send you a baby gator
as a pet in the mail. Okay, so this is
even more viable than it was like a fashionable pet
to have. It was apparently like a super cool thing
(30:02):
to be able to like buy a gator in the mail.
This country, man, I mean, we've taken in light of
a few recent steps, we've taken pretty far back. But
we were going nuts. Yeah, we and stuff like this
doesn't make me. It does make me go, oh, I
see what they're talking about when they say make America
(30:23):
great again? You know what I mean? Yeah, you couldn't.
You could do anything. You could just order alligators in
the mail. Bro You could have called a number and
had an alligator the next day. That's fucking crazy. Who
sent him this and nobody? That's what made it so beautiful.
There were no sanctions, there was not Everything was anything.
You drift it. You could have it, man, just to
(30:45):
get oh man, see so a lot of those I
guarantee you that flush rate on mail alligators. No fucking
way am I keeping a mail gator. There's no I
have no commitment. I didn't even go out and earn it. No, no,
I didn't wrangle it. I just got it in a box.
I don't even know if it came down or alive.
(31:06):
It's got fucking instructions next to it. Um, I'm fleshing
this gator. I gotta feed this thing pineapples? What are they?
Don't you truly have no idea? What alligators that I love?
I have no idea. Old chicken they meet, right they meet.
I don't think it's pineapples. I think they think if
(31:26):
you gave them one, I bet it would I bet
it's not turning down pineapple. It's not better than pineapple. No,
it's a very good. So although the city and and
experts claim that it's a mostly unfounded theory right that
that there are not New York City the government says, so,
(31:47):
the government denies that there are any versions of colonies
of gators living beneath the earth. And it is worth
noting that one of the things that people claim now
is not only that there are alligators in our sewers,
but that the the gators themselves have now evolved to
be like these blind albino alligators that basically are better
(32:09):
at managing without sunlight and and sort of like fresh
air the way that the average alligator would be able
to live. Okay, because I've seen an albino gator at
the zoo. Yeah, no, there are real albino gators. They're
saying that sewer albino gators are like a different breed
that has grown from like they evolved. Yeah exactly. That, Like,
(32:31):
I kind of have a tough time like that because
like evolution, the one thing we know about it is
that it takes a long time. So they got albino
and what three generations that seems kind of Yeah, seventy
years doesn't seem like enough to like turn you your
whole species white, right right right, right right exactly exactly.
(32:52):
So I don't believe that, do I believe that maybe
if there's a bunch of gators down there, one is
an albino. Sure, albinos are everywhere I've seen. I've seen
the multiple albinos in real life, so you know what
I mean. And that's just walking around, you know, wherever
I'm at. You know what scares me is I don't
(33:12):
know if albino is now suddenly like uh not the
term that you're supposed to call somebody if they are
talking about people. Yeah, like I know, I don't think
you can call them binos. I think you have to.
You gotta say the whole word. Yeah, you gotta have that.
(33:35):
That's like the one. That's the part I do know
for I guess you and I imagine you know this
from experience this. I just assume listen, I wouldn't. I'm
not gonna be I'm not like on the street yelling
at them. I will also say, though, I've seen so
many more black albinos then white. But I think that's
because of Africa say more like him in Freetown. You
(34:00):
pretty much every time you go out you'll see in albino. Oh.
Because you know what's funny, We actually did an episode,
uh not too long ago about the fact that there
are a bunch of nations throughout the world, not specific
just to Africa, that where albinos are are hunted, that
they're actually treated like either they are cursed or that
(34:22):
their bodies can be used for like uh, curses and
and hexes and and ship Asia. No, it's it's it's
not just I think Australia probably focks around over there,
but like the Philippines, I think they did that ship
Nigeria they murdered their albinos for jest and ship for
(34:44):
Jesus Christ. Uh not in Yeah, it wasn't like that necessarily,
but we we digress. The point is, do I think
that there are some magical albinia that's the least reasonable
part of this whole conspiracy to me, that they've now
developed into like some type of super see in the dark.
I don't believe that. I definitely think not swarms because
(35:07):
I'm not racist, but I'm sure that's down there. So
what's funny is, and I'm glad that you said that.
Is that they're despite this, the city sort of denying it.
And part of the reason that these experts say that
it's not possible is that New York sewers are too
cold and toxic for alligators to actually survive for very long,
(35:28):
especially if they're eating rats and raw sewage. They're they're basically,
you know, constantly eating poison because of the ship that's
floating around in our sewers, and that would kill them,
along with the freezing temperatures and the lack of sunlight's
freezing as hard as that city gets in the summertime.
(35:50):
You want me to think it's freezing in the I
think it's getting pretty cold. Where are our sewage is
where there's no sun and you know, the fucking the
city is not hot all year round. That's fair. So
they're just saying because so frozen temperate cany migrant. I
also don't know, is there like, like, is there like
an outlet where it would be like, oh, in the wintertime,
(36:13):
you know they come out, Yeah, they go by this
abandoned space eater and yeah, come out for a little bit.
And then I don't I mean, I don't know. Yeah,
I I to your point, I do presume that they're
not just sitting in the same spot no matter what,
no matter what, Like they're they're no animal stationary. So
(36:34):
maybe they're just figuring out, like I, this is cool
for this part of the year or this time of day,
and then I'll go over here where it's similar temperatures
during the other part of the day or year. Right,
Like maybe they got a brownstone in Brooklyn that runs
the heat too much in the day. Yeah, the basement
has like a real thin floor and they can just
(36:56):
feel whatever's coming through. Yeah, they just soak it up.
So these experts deny the possibility that the alligators can
be down there, But despite that, the city does acknowledge
that they have to rescue multiple alligators a year. Even
to this day, multiple alligators a year are being taken
(37:18):
out of the sewards by the city. Multiple a year
is insane. Yes, bro, if there's multiple, any more than five,
they're down there, fucking right that this isn't just like
isolated incidents, now, this is no. No. I could believe
up to five random people put alligators in the sewer
(37:39):
at different places. Anything more than that those they're recreating
one per borough is what David Bori says, One alligator
per borrow. I mean that if it's happenstance. Anything after that, though,
is they're they're fucking they're I'm with you on this.
I I truly believe that if you're pulling out multiple
(37:59):
alligators a year, and more than that, they're also fielding.
They said hundreds of calls every year of people either
just curious about the alligator situation or reporting having seen
something alligator related. Who is that guy who calls the
cops because he's curious about the alligator situation. I think
(38:19):
he's just like, hey, man, I've been hearing a lot
of stuff for the past. No, no, no, no, yeah,
I'll hold I get you. Got some other stuff going on, No,
I handle the burglars and then get back to me.
It's gonna take a while, Yeah, but please just make
sure you section off some time because I have questions,
(38:41):
big gator questions. Do we have Do you have any
numbers on that? No? They tried to be I think
particularly vague about it, and some of this I think
this is the you know, this is that that's how
they get you moment because this is them trying to
to pretend as if this isn't an actual problem by
(39:05):
by sort of keeping the numbers unclear, you know what
I mean, Like this, this might be we might be
dealing with a big fucking problem. And they go, oh,
it's just you know, every once in a while we
find a gator. It's nobody, it's not a problem. Yeah,
but like we feel a lot of calls. We feel
a lot of calls, Like we save multiple gators. How
(39:28):
many constitutes a swarm? Yeah? And and what's even scarier
is that they're sitting and they're they're pretending as if
the people who are calling are the crazy ones. Do
you know what I mean? They go, you nutty sons
of bitches, there's no gators in the sewer, But there are,
in fact gators in the sewers. We recover gators from
(39:51):
the sewer regularly, and they won't tell those people on
the phone. You know who we gotta get to as
the gator butt Who's who's recovering m m hmmm. Almost
the gator busters. But that's not a term. Again, it
sounds racist, but no one does sound bad. That one
(40:12):
does sound bad. The gator busters. There's no way, that's
a warm, more group of people that you have affection for. No,
that's not anybody who celebrates the culture, not at all.
All Right, we're gonna take our second break. We'll be
back with more gator talk and more. My mama told me,
(40:39):
and we are bad. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah,
we're back here with more David Borie, more Langston Kerman.
We're still talking about the possibility that there are alligators
in our sewers, that they're living down there, fucking and
sucking and making gator babies that that then go on
(41:02):
to do uh gator ship. We don't know what they do,
and we certain David definitely doesn't know what they eat. Pineapples.
I think pineapples is the best guests we've gotten so far.
I here's the thing. New York City is so big,
um hm, and like I just I think this one
is real. Man. I really believe in this. So one
(41:25):
of the things that that sort of became the go
to story and where the the theory really found its
legs and maybe this will even help support what you
believe in is that there was this big story in
nineteen thirty five about a group of teams in East Harlem.
So now you know what race. They are a group
of teams in East Harlem spotting an alligator in a
(41:49):
storm drain. And then last so did out and that
gator ended up being more than eight ft long and
a hundred and twenty five pounds. Okay, so the reasonable
young black man rescued gator, didn't run of the cops
and cry about how they were swarms attacking their families. Well,
let me be clear that gator was murdered because it
(42:12):
did snap at the police and then the police stomped
it to death. That's that's a legit thing. That are
you making fun of me? I swear to God this
is what happened in the in the story, the cops
stomped out the gator. They curb stopped the gator for
snapping at them after it was found in a storm
drained by some urban youth. So somehow the urban youth
(42:35):
extracted this gator just fine, and then the cops had
to stop it out. The cops showed up and murdered
the gator because because it did gator things. That's not
even like a technology, no it they they truly, they
acted purely out of like rage and passion when they
killed it. Man, I hate that. But once again, eight
(43:01):
foot gators, that's fucking that. It was. If it's a
feet and there's something down there, it's sucking it. It's
you don't let me get eight feet tall and I'm
not fucking yeah, now you earned it. No, you're eight
feet that's too the victor goals of spoils. Come on, man,
if if ain't nobody sucking you, I'll fuck you if
you're a feet Yeah, got to got to what I see?
(43:27):
This is just so in what year was that? That
was nineteen thirty five? Come on, man, this is a consistent.
So now we have a consistent timeline of gators being
found in the sewers, and more to that point, in
the nineteen thirties, late nineteen thirties, the nyc UH sewer
officials basically no, apparently there are like they're sewer officers, right,
(43:52):
like people who are truly in charge of of our
sewer systems. And it had become such a big conspiracy
theory it'd be myth for everybody to be dealing with that.
They actually lead a giant army of sewer man down
to the sewers to exterminate the gator colonies, so not
just hunting one gator like the previous story. They went
(44:14):
down there fully being like, Yo, we're about to go
wipe out all the gators so that everybody could get it. Yeah, exactly,
which also feels like environmentally kind of crazy, right. Yeah.
I don't think you're supposed to just wipe out entire
species of anything. You can't just be like we're gonna
go down there and kill all of them. No, Like
you hear how crazy that sounds when I say it.
And then so what was the what was the response
(44:40):
on that? Did they kill some alligators down there? I
don't think so, or if they did, I don't think
it was enough to justify the man hunt that they
sort of created out of this. Well, here's another thing.
They live in the sewers. They were born in the darkness.
We merely adapted to it. We're not gonna go down
there and like they're not just gonna be like, oh ship,
(45:03):
you found us, right And we're sitting up there and
I know people, people go yuck, it's poop. I can't
And it's like the gators fucking love it there, dude,
Just some drunk dudes, you know what I mean, Like, yeah,
it probably wasn't effective, but I don't know how easy
(45:23):
it is to hunt the gator on land, let alone
in its element in the sewer. I have trouble when
I go to the few times that I go to
the zoo, I have even seeing the gator and it's
in his area. Yeah, no, the gator is yeah, because
they hide. So I think that like, of course that
you go and like, yeah, everybody's all loud, they got
(45:45):
fucking torch lamps and ship like that. Of course they
ain't catch any gators. Yeah, you're not catching no goddamn gators,
you losers? Eight footer? What are you? A bunch of
Harlem teans. So the part of this, or the part
that that sort of grew out of control, is that
it the conspiracy comes starts to spread into popular culture,
(46:08):
right that it stops being just news, and then it
starts to appear in things like Leave It to Beaver
had an episode about them buying an alligator in the
newspaper for like fifty cents. Thomas Pensions v talks about
someone buying an alligator in the newspaper as well, when
there was even this is my favorite thing. Uh. There
was a movie called Alligator that was about a giant
(46:31):
mutant gator in the sewer, But this is my favorite part.
There was also even a nineteen seventy five porno called
Suprentice are In, which involves a unit nurse treating a
team of scuba divers returning from a gator hunting expedition
in New York City. Sewers, Wait, that was all the
plateau a porno? That was a porno. Yes, that's a
(46:53):
lot of exposition. It is, especially since it's about the nurse.
Did they fuck that? But I think these scuba men
showed up fully suited, and I guess, and I guess
bit from from the alligators they were hunting. And she
was like, boys, there's only one way to fix this.
(47:15):
I gotta I gotta suck that gator poison. Why did
she hit super We've really fallen off as a country
pornal wise. They were really telling stories that they were
telling stories. Now it's just like, oh, hey, how did
(47:35):
you get to my couch? Yeah? No, they had it.
That had to have had a writer's room, you know
what I mean? They didn't. That's a fool. That's a story.
That's a short story, they went for it, and now yeah,
it's we all. It's pizza delivery guys and and naughty
teachers and like a lot of step sisters for some reason,
I'm yeah, i am, but that's my business, as is
(47:59):
your right. As a puffy nipped man. You can like,
you gotta you gotta have something when your nips are
this big, you know. So. One of the things that
then gets even crazier is that, despite denying all of
(48:20):
this being real, the Sewer's Department at one point changed
their logo to an alligator wearing sunglasses and climbing out
of a manhole, and they even began selling t shirts
that said, the legend lives underneath the alligator climbing out
of the manhole with sunglasses. That's that's too brazen New
(48:43):
York City. They're they're truly being like, yeah, this ain't real,
but we'll we'll get rich off y'all dumbasses. They think
we're idiots. I don't think that we're dumb though, we're right, yeah, no,
we're a hundred percent right. But they're they're trying to
get it on both ends, you know what I mean, right, right, right, right,
I gotta look this sewer alligator logo. I'm not gonna lie,
(49:04):
it's pretty hard logo. Yeah, I think I found it
here is I I'd rock the ship out of the
T shirt that uh that that had that. Yeah. Man,
see this is I think this all goes back to, like, yes,
there are gators, Like now they're coming from us. They're
they're they're like they're they're they're trying to make us
seem like, no, you're stupid idiots. But like, the proof
(49:27):
is in the pudding. All I've heard this whole podcast
today is proof that, multiple multiple sources from different only
in New York City, but other than that, the alligators
live in the sewer. I gotta believe it. I'm I'm
my mom, I'm I'm pro. I'm pro gators in the
in the sewer. You support the gators in the sewer too.
(49:50):
I think I land on on the side of this
is a very legitimate thing, even if the the experts
and officials claim that it isn't. I will say that
the last little bit that I'll share with you is
that this conspiracy theory reminded me of an old news
clip that I saw about snakes being in our toilets.
(50:11):
And sort of like climbing up our toilets. And as
it turns out, there are a ship ton of those
that like toilets. Yes, if you look it up on YouTube,
there are places where like one man I was watching
a video reported having had five four or five different
snakes that he's now had to pull out of his
toilet because they keep just finding their way in. And
(50:34):
you were just watching those for personal reasons. I my
my business. I watched snakes come out of toilets. That's
naughty stepsisters and snakes and toilets. That's my ship all right,
all right, I got, I got. Yeah, snakes to me,
for some reason, seems less interesting, less interesting. I've always
(50:55):
kind of found snakes were stupid. I don't have reasoning
behind it, but that's just how I've always Oh, they
seem like brilliant, seductress type animals to me. You think
snakes are brilliant and women? Yes, I think they're. Man.
Maybe this is my own misogyny kicking in in a
way that I don't love because they're they're not positive
animals in the popular culture. But yeah, I think they're
(51:18):
they're like sexy like ladies. You know, snakes are sexy ladies.
Snakes were stupid. Dude. Look, if you repeat it back
to me, it's gonna sounding awful. If you just let
me say it, it's fine. But when you when you
say it back the way you say things, it makes
it seem like I'm I'm a monster. I don't know
(51:38):
what anything greets me on it. I just said what
you said, you think snakes are sexy ladies is a
very concise way of saying a thing that I didn't
mean for it to sound like, you know, he said
sexy seductress. Your eyes got told Squinty. Look, all I'm
(52:03):
saying is snakes make me horny. And I'm not sure why.
The point is that the snakes are actually very common
in our sewers and in our rather in our pipes,
and part of what the reason or the reasoning for
the snakes finding their way into the pipes as they
like cold damp areas. But it's not that they're coming
up from the sewers necessarily, but they're sort of like
(52:26):
moving into drain pipes or falling into drain pipes from
trees and then working their way up the toilets. It's
so it's it's less of the conspiracy theory of them
living in sewers, but more them just finding their way
into pipes and finding their way up them. But I mean,
isn't that similar to what's happening with the alligators, Like
(52:47):
they're kind of just finding their way in I think so,
or being forced in by our own sort of like
bad choices. And then you know, I think it's mostly that.
I think it's more. I think humans put the I
think they live down there and they proke right now.
But we are definitely the reasons that they're done there. Yeah,
there's no way the alligators were, Like I, this is
where I wanted to be the whole time. It wouldn't
(53:09):
even be in New York, right. No, I don't think
alligators are natural to New York City. I don't really
think anything is. No, nothing's thriving in New York. No, no, no,
it's just a lot of surviving. Uh. Yeah, man, I
I gotta say, I mean, I know we're getting towards
the end of the episode. I I'm I think I
(53:30):
believe it. I believe that alligators live live in the
sewers system, and I believe that do your own research.
Don't let Big Gator tell you any different. Yeah, don't
don't let these motherfuckers who want to take down the
Gator community convince you that the gators aren't real. They're
very real, and they live beneath you, and and you
don't have to be scared of them. I think they'll
(53:51):
mind their business if you mind yours. Yes, snakes are
coming from your ass. Yeah, you should be terrified about
the snakes. They're really They're gonna bite your gooch. They're
the bit that's the worst the work. I can't figure
anything worse happening than go in and just sit down
on the toilet and getting just in your fucking like,
oh my god, in your minding your business. You're on
(54:13):
your phone. Yeah I'm fucking I'm doing word and it's
a tough one today. And here it comes a goddamn
snake biting you. And now you forget you forget which
letters that you didn't didn't use, you know what I mean. Also,
I have to take a snake off my penis. Yeah,
that's and that's gonna take a while. It's your days over.
(54:35):
You can't just like slap the back of a snake's
neck and be like released, No, it's not a pit bull.
You gotta I don't even I wouldn't even know who
to call. Yeah, they say when a pit bull bites you,
you gotta like kick it in the dick, Isn't that? Yeah?
I don't know where snake dick is and our nuts, man,
it'd be a lot easier if you did. Also, you
(55:01):
think snakes snakes are women? There's no you don't. There's
no nuts on your snake. I don't think all snakes
are women. I'm not sitting here. Do you think all
women are snakes? Excuse me? All right, we did it.
This is enough. I'm not gonna sit here this abuse
any longer. Didn't David tell the people where they can
find you on what cool ship going on? You can
(55:22):
find me at Cool Guy Jokes City seven on Instagram.
I'm gonna be in the Washington d C at the
Improv from July, and I'm gonna be at Cleveland at
Hilarities from August twelve to thirteen. And I'm gonna be
at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Women to North
Carolina aug Goddamn a lot of dates. Check out check
(55:46):
out David while he's on the road, and as always,
you can follow me at Lankston, Kerman. I'd love to
hear from you. I have dates too, but I always
forget him and I don't I don't care to look
him up. I'll be honest with you. I'm sitting here
and I have the potential, but I'm not gonna do it.
But you can follow me at lengths in Kerman. And
if you want to send us drops, if you want
to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you want
to tell us what a terrible job we're doing, please
(56:08):
send all of that to my mama pod at gmail
dot com. We would love to hear from you. Otherwise,
that's it. Bye, bitch babies, crop chips in your pails.
Quala bears are racist. The host mostly money, any stuff, really,
(56:36):
I can't tell me
Hosts And Creators
Langston Kerman
David Gborie
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