Driving Me Racist: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Langston answers a listener's email about Pontiac cars and their secret racist acronym.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Motherfucking many years sold, motherfucking many years. Yep, yep, yep,
there it is there, And yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the

(00:23):
podcast where we died deep, deep into the pockets of
black conspiracy theories and we honorly worked to approve the
theories that you the listeners have at home. Bitch that
I mentioned it's a mini episode, I probably didn't, but
you know the game, baby, it's motherfucking Thursday, which means

(00:44):
it's a motherfucking many episode. And it is just as
many and just as I guess, uh, motherfucking as all
of the other motherfucking many episodes. And I'm excited it's
gonna be a good one because today's episode comes to
us from a person representing the Caucus region of this country.

(01:07):
That's right, a Caucasian person sent me a message that
I thought was worth diving into. And I'm excited to
read you this message today. It comes from a gentle person,
A gentle person, let's say, a gentle person that seems
very piece in today's uh today's times, you know, to say,
a gentle person. We're not gonna gender this individual, but

(01:30):
Greg which as a gender tone to it. But that's
my antiquated brain kicking in. You know, that's me needing
to grow past my own bullshit. That said, Greg sent
me something he started with just Lengston Comma, which feels
like I'm about to get a stern talking to. But
Greg said Langston. I love the My Mama Told Me podcast,

(01:51):
and I have been thinking about this one ever since
I started listening. I am white and grew up in
a predominantly white area, so I'm having flash facts of
how racist things were around me as a kid. One
thing that cycled around in my school was that the
car company named Pontiac was actually an acronym for poor

(02:12):
old in word. Thinks it's a cadillact. Now, I want
to be clear that Greg did put in word. He
didn't write nigga. I don't know the rules around writing
nigga for white people. I think if you're sending it
as an email to a black man, you probably should
just say in word, and Greg did exactly that. So
good for you. Greg. Anyway, he says, obviously this is

(02:32):
pretty horrible, But I didn't know if it was a
common thing or just for my just from my areas,
figured it would be a good mini episode topic. Thanks Greg. Okay,
So Greg, first of all, thank you for sending me this.
I had never heard of this before in my life.
I think, whatever racist ship hole you come from, Greg's,

(02:52):
this is special to y'all because this wasn't something kicking
around in my Chicago suburb. That said, I was very
excited to read it, not not because I was excited
that people behave this way, but more because it did
seem like a fun thing to dig into. And I
did exactly that, Greg, I dug in. I did my research.

(03:13):
I spent I would argue minutes figuring out real answers
to your hypothetical of whether or not Pontiac the the
legitimate car company Pontiac defunct in two thousand and ten.
I might add, but the the once legitimate card company
Pontiac was in fact hiding an acronym. Poor old Nigga

(03:37):
thinks it's a Cadillac. Now, as it turns out to Greg,
to answer your question, Pontiac is not an acronym at all.
That suggestion was not at all real. This wasn't a
secret acronym. The Pontiac line of vehicles was actually named
after a legendary Ottawa chief who bravely fought against the

(03:58):
British nearly two and fifty years ago. He basically teamed
up with American soldiers and he was most known I
guess for like sort of like uniting the Native nations
at the time. That like, he was a dope speaker
and a great leader, and he got a bunch of
communities that otherwise wouldn't have participated in the fighting to

(04:19):
join forces. Now, in the Wikipedia, and this is important,
it also says that the namesake for the city of Pontiac,
Michigan comes from this guy, so Chief Pontiac. He was
part of the naming of both the Pontiac vehicles and Pontiac, Michigan.
Now I said named and this is important. It says

(04:39):
in the Wikipedia that he gave his name to the
city of Pontiac, which I find to be pretty unlikely,
do you know what I mean. It's just hard to
imagine he was. He was lying on his deathbed like
I want to give my name. I want to give
my name to a city filled with with white people,

(05:02):
filthy white people who will eventually claim that that my
name is an acronym to antagonize poor black people none
of us have ever met. And then he died. You know,
that's that's hard to believe, that old Pontiac that was
its plan. But the ironic part is that Chief Pontiac

(05:22):
decided to fight against the British because he is said
to have realized that under British rule his people would
no longer be welcomed in the forts, and that they
would ultimately be deprived of their hunting grounds by aggressive
settlers encroaching upon their ancestral lands. Now, not like the Americans, who,

(05:43):
as we all know, ended up being super cool to
the Native Americans. And I have no notes for you
white people. You nailed it perfect, perfect perfect is there
truly put his faith in the Americans, thinking that the
British were gonna do wrong by them, which they probably
would have. I don't want to confuse this. The British
were probably gonna be pieces of shipped to the Native Americans,

(06:06):
But unfortunately, so were the the fake Americans, who had
already sort of made plans to steal all of this
land from the Ottawa people and all of the other
Native tribes that surrounded the Great Lakes and everywhere else
that they already lived in this country. Now, it's likely

(06:27):
that the cause for this supposed acronym that you're talking about, Greg,
and I'm sure you know this already, is that Pontiacs
were sort of known for being a pseudo luxury brand.
They really wanted to be a lot fancier and more
classy than they ended up being received. They started out
as this company attempting to make like luxury sedans. These

(06:48):
were these were cool, sexy cars for the working man,
and then out of nowhere because and it's not out
of nowhere, because they more or less weren't as welcomed
as one would hope. They weren't sort of like matching
the success of your Cadillacsia, Lincoln's, your Buicks at the time.
They started attempting then to make muscle cars, and that's

(07:09):
where they found their success. They made some some cool
muscle cars, but then you know, muscle cars sort of
like uh, they that's not how you keep the business alive,
you know, you kind of have to to be able
to sell more cars and more functional vehicles. And by
the time they ended they dead it out in two
thousand and ten, they had to declare bankruptcy in two

(07:30):
thousand nine. Basically, after the the financial crisis of two
thousand and eight, the company GM had to make some
decisions and they were like, hey, you guys make bullshit, Pontiac,
We're we're gonna kill you off. And so Pontiac, running
out of money, had to kill themselves off. And it's
a fair decision because by the time that they dead
it out, they were making weird SUVs, like something called

(07:52):
the Pontiac Montana, which I had never heard of, but
if you look it up, you'll see exactly why they
didn't keep making that move. And then even worse, they
made something which is objectively known as one of the
worst vehicles of all time, which is the Pontiac ASTech. Now,
I don't know how many of you remember the Pontiac Astec,
but I'll describe it for you now because I had

(08:13):
to read. I had to look it up again just
to remember why it disgusted me. But the Pontiac aztect
basically looks like if a turtle and a Tetris piece
fucked and then had a real weird baby, you know
what I mean, Just turtle beating them guts up in
a Tetris piece and then that Tetris piece gives a birth.
I don't know why the Tetris piece would be the

(08:33):
one giving birth and not the turtle. It seems like
the Tetris piece would be easier to insert in the
turtle wherever turtle pussy is kept. But as it turns out,
in my imagination, the turtles the one fucking and the
tetrispiece is the one making the baby. I'm real progressive
in that way. I can see beyond your norms. You're

(08:54):
conforming norms, and I see something more beautiful, which is
a Tetris piece with its breaks up on stirrups, as
as something real fucked up like a pontiac aztec crawls
out of its its whole. Now anyway, I'll keep going.

(09:14):
I didn't have to get that graphic. Apparently, these acronyms
are largely regional and do seem to correlate with the
things that people personally hate. So like your community, Greg,
you hate black people and not you personally, obviously you
don't you you like at least one black person, and
that's all we ask, you know, That's all I ask

(09:35):
of of any white person, like at least one you know, Well,
I go to two or three. Just find one you
dig and write them letters. Anyway, the acronyms are not
limited to just hating black people. Actually found a website
that had a list of potential acronyms that for some
reason are rated on the side. People have the chance

(09:57):
to rate some of these acronyms, and some of them
are pretty uh fucked up, just equally fucked up to
that uh, the one from before. So there's things like
puts out to Pontiac's nance for puts out noxious toxins
in all cities, which I don't know what that means. Pontiac.
People on narcotics think it's a Chevy. That one's funny

(10:19):
to me. I enjoyed that one. Pontiac. Poor old Nut
thinks it's a Cadillac. Now we know, Nut in this situation,
depending on who you're talking to, could be something else.
There's poor old Norwegian thinks it's a Cadillac. Poor old
Nutter thinks it's a Cadillac. Poor old end thinks it's
a Cadillac. Now we know what that end stands for,

(10:41):
don't we? People People of classy, normal thinking intelligence, acting
classy Uh that you know, Yeah, it's it's a little.
It feels wordy. It feels like you're working too hard
on that one. Pontiac pull over, Now the injectors are cooked.
Here's here's the one that I enjoyed. Pontiac Packer Woods

(11:03):
of Nascar thinks it's a Chevy. Now I love hearing
a white person get called a Peckerwood. That's fun for me.
So that was my favorite. If I have the option
to rate it, I'm giving it a five stars. Baby,
that's a great one. Poor old New Yorker thinks it's
a Cadillac. Pontiac only never think install a chevy people
of native tribes inside a casino. That one super racist

(11:27):
because it's actually a native name, paid overnight to inject
air coolant. Poor old Neo Height thinks it's a Cadillac.
I'm sure that's a racist word that I'm less familiar
worth with with worth who can talk nowadays, who has
the time to talk? Well, you know that's what I
always say. Pontiac parents of nabline now now by loan

(11:54):
take it and crash. God damn, that's probably some racist
shit about black people. Pontiac, but old tractor traded as
a Corolla, and then poor oldies, not trash. It's awesome.
Come on, people worked really hard to hide those acronyms,
which in all likelihood were just long form ways of
being mad at black people. Now getting back to some

(12:17):
of these acronyms, it did make me excited that Cadillac
and these other companies were treated with such uh, they
were revered in such positive ways. And so I got
to thinking, wouldn't it be fun if there were other
acronyms that that were sort of floating around in Greg's neighborhood,
you know, like whit What if there were other acronyms
for some of these other cars that are just mad

(12:39):
at black people, like Cadillac. What if Cadillac meant uh
con ass darky is licking lips at chicken. You know
Cone has dark he is licking lips at chicken. That
that's a fun one. Or Lincoln means listening niggas because
oh Fay loves nooses. That's I had so much fun

(13:05):
writing these. Billick means uh, bitch you is couchie game?
That one. That one's not racist, but it means the
most of me. That was my favorite and I will
be submitting it to the fine folks at Bilwick if
they're still in business. I truly have no idea of
Bilick still in business. They also make pretty shitty cars. Anyway,

(13:25):
If you or or your friends would like to send
me racist acronyms from your childhood, then then please send
them to my mama pot at gmail dot com. I
would love to hear from you and and as always,
subscribe to the podcast, review the podcast, write me letters
where you can plain about my nonsense. Truly, it all

(13:48):
means the world to me, and I love to hear
from you. And if you don't do it, I'm murdered
your entire family. How about that if if you don't,
if you don't write a review, I I look, I
threatened to beat your knees before, and he clearly didn't
work for some of you. So now I'm just gonna
go straight at it. I'll murder your entire family. I'm

(14:09):
not even sure if I'm legally allowed to say that
on the podcast. We may have to edit it out.
But if we don't have to edit it out, just
know I'll kill everyone you love. Okay, I'll miss you
and I'll talk to you soon. Bye, bitch. Motherfucking many years,
so many years motherfucking many years, so, motherfucking many years, so,

(14:42):
motherfucking many years so