February 24, 2023 • 30 mins
Hi friends! This episode is a ramble from the heart during a time that i’m making major shifts to recalibrate and show up as the version of me that’s been in hiding.
I spill:
- Why I’m ditching verbal disclaimers
- The old traumas that learning new things bring up
- The power of the yoga poses to help us OFF the mat
- How I’m dealing with pregnancy announcements after a loss
- and my hot tips for drinking (or not drinking) mindfully.
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Host @lisahayim
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Edited by Houston Tilley
Intro Jingle by Alyssa Chase aka @findyoursails
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
I know a Rye. Even when times gethart and you
feel you're in the dark, Cucye, just so beautiful life
can be. When you soph in your heart, you can
(00:22):
find lest your true seeus life. Hello everyone, welcome back
to the Truthiest Life. It's your host, Lisa Ham And
I know you're not going to believe this, but it's
a Lisa Lately, which means it's the last Friday of
the month and it's only February twenty fourth. And that's
(00:47):
a little bit confusing because February came and it went,
and it's a weird month because it's a limited amount
of days and it's not like the regular months, but
it's only really a few days shorter, yet it feels
like so much more. Anyway, it truly is the end
of February coming up, So I'm here doing it Lisa Lately,
and I kind of snuck up on me, so I
(01:07):
was just kind of getting my thoughts together about what
has really been on my mind, my heart, my soul,
and I think that pretty much everything right now really
comes with wanting to be in deep alignment with myself
to the most that I possibly can, and a few
things have shaken me a bit in the last few
(01:30):
months that have allowed for me to be cracked wide
open and see some of the places that I need
to work on. And I love this invitation into self
because historically Februaries are really hard months for me. It's
when my seasonal depression or depression really kicks it up
a notch. And although I am struggling with a lot
(01:52):
of things, I don't feel depressed right now, So that's
a win for me, and I credit that to deep
taking care of myself in radically new ways and moving
away from habits of destruction or just regular habits that
don't suit me as much as newer rituals can. I
(02:14):
recently talked about the five by five Mindful method that
I've been doing every morning, and it's no doubt that
that's showing up for me. If you missed it, well,
you can go back to that episode to get to
the details, and I'll just sum it up with every
morning before jumping onto my phone or into even anything,
I'm doing a few things to recenter that include movement, stillness, journaling, breathwork, meditation.
(02:39):
If that sounds like too much for you, I'm just
going to say choose one. Wake and shake, focus on
your breath, grab a journal, Meditate one of those things
every day, and you will surely anchor into a different
version of yourself than the grabbing your phone. I've actually
been really successful at not being on my phone in
the morning at all. I think overall, just being on
(03:00):
my phone less does make me happier, which definitely leads
me to think more deeply about my relationship to social media.
A career in social media, no changes for now, but
I'm constantly really thinking about that. And just yesterday I
thought popped up into my mind that was so profound
and essentially you've heard before the advice live every day
(03:23):
as if it's your last right, and it's almost so
cliche that we throw it out the window. But I
thought about it a little bit more deeply yesterday because
somebody that I know very abruptly passed away and he
certainly didn't know that it was his last day the
day before or that day even, and therefore who knows
what he wasted time on. And so if we really
(03:45):
sink deeply into that thought and into the sobering reality
that we never know when it is going to be
our last day, most likely we have to really think
about are we spending this day, assuming it's our last day,
as fully as we want to or as deeply present
as we want to. And I think having a baby
and solely getting sick most recently has really shaken me
(04:08):
up to that thought. And Yeah, I really want to
make sure that I am doing things that are truly
aligned with who I am and just not fall prey
to habitual or addicting behaviors such as the cell phone
that I know doesn't make me feel my happiest or
my strongest anyway, looking at my little list of things
(04:30):
that I'm going to share with you today, I think
that the overall message here is that I am unifying
into one whole person, and I am actively looking at
the ways that I don't show up as a whole person.
So I know who I am deeply, and there are
moments when I am not that whole version of myself,
(04:52):
and I'm examining where they are and pushing myself to
be whole, to be my full potential, and really shining
light into the places where I'm getting stuck. So one
of the things that I'm really focusing on is language,
recognizing that in matters in high school. I was in
this unique English program. We didn't follow the regular school curriculum.
(05:16):
We kind of did things our own wacky way, and
we had a lot of time to explore creative writing
and journal entries, and we also had time to share
those journal entries and creative writing that we did, and
you didn't have to share, but if you did share,
you were not allowed to use disclaimers, So you couldn't
start with, oh, I think this is so bad, or
I wrote this really fast. You had to just open
(05:37):
your journal and read what you wrote, and it was
so challenging. And since them, I've always noticed when people
start with disclaimers for anything that I find it just
like nonsense, Like let's just like get to the point.
It's so much stronger if you just speak your truth.
So one of the things that I'm trying to do
more is to lean into not using disclaimers in any
(05:59):
part of my life. In emails, they're just like fluffer words,
and they distract from what you're trying to say. Not
in emails, not in personal friendships or relationships. There's a
lot of places that we do use it because it
creates a little bit of a buffer, but it's needless,
and we're so much stronger when we speak without them.
So examples of some of these disclaimers are things like
(06:21):
just popping on to say or I was just going
to say, or this is bad but or don't be
mad but, or even things like at the end of
the day, it's there are so many things that habitually
go in front of a sentence that detract from the
meaning of what we're trying to say. It's a little
bit like beating around the bush. And we can be effective,
(06:44):
stronger and get what we want or get heard more
effectively if we remove those fluffers. So first step is
to just become aware of when you do them, and
if that's too hard, start with becoming aware of where
people do them. In your email, you will find tons
of them. They are disguised as pleasantries, but really they're
just nonsense, and in your personal life and friendships, you'll
(07:06):
see them all about and it will be really cool
to just flag them because once you see them outside
of you, then you will more easily see them within you.
So step one is to start noticing where they're popping
up around you in text or verbally, and step two
is to start noticing where and what your common ones are.
And then step three is to try to write emails
(07:29):
and verbally speak without using them. And it can make
you feel really afraid at first, it's like you got
a bulldoze through it. And then once you speak that
sentence without it, and you speak so truly from your
heart without putting some little softener in front of it, Wow,
it feels good. And I think that language really does
(07:50):
play and impact as to how we are perceived, and
a lot of the times we are not utilizing how
strong we all are or showing that off and showing
up in our true strength, which we all have. It
demands respect from other people. And I know a lot
of us are people pleasers or easily pushed around in
our workplace, and it's an easy way to not be
(08:12):
like you have to respect me, but you'll see that
it just naturally demands respect and a different type of
response from people. So that's something that I'm really working on.
Another thing that I'm working on is sitting with criticism.
(08:35):
I just finished my yoga training, my advanced three hundred
hour at Yoga Shanti. I'm really proud of myself because
a lot of life hurdles got in the way, and
I still did it. And at the end of my training,
I had to present a sequence that showed that I
understood everything that I've learned in these last six months
to my mentors and my teachers. And my teachers are
(08:56):
Rodney and Colleen. Sediment saidman, I think is actually the
correct pronunciation, and they are intimidating. They are two of
the best yogis in the world. And by that I
don't mean they're good at yoga. I mean they understand
the full spectrum of yoga mind, body, spirit, and they
are brilliant, gifted healers at what they do, and they
(09:18):
are not shy to give criticism. And after presenting the
sequence that I worked really hard on, they gave it
to me and I loved it. I had to sit
there and practice not defending everything that they said back.
And the takeaways from sitting with the criticism were just
(09:38):
so powerful. And it wasn't just you know, downward facing dog,
make it better by turning your foot in. No, no, no.
They called me out as a person. And because I
was able to actively listen and sit present and not
be triggered by them telling me where I need to
improve and what they see I took so much away,
and it's a really hard thing to be able to
(09:59):
take instructive criticism, which is just criticism with a nice
name on top of it. But if we're able to
really digest criticism from somebody, it can be really interesting.
And I kind of used it as a little bit
of an experiment because I was noticing myself getting uncomfortable
during certain parts, and then as time passed, I could
(10:19):
digest what they said, and they were correct about so
many things. And it actually Rodney, I will say, has
totally changed my life because he's somebody that although I've
been in this training with them, it's been half virtual,
meaning I can go to the studio or do it online,
and so I've been to the studio a handful of times,
but even so there's a lot of students. We don't
get a ton of one on one time. But he
(10:41):
saw something in me that and he said it straight
out what he saw, and he called me out on
something and it just was spot on. It was something
about myself that I haven't been able to verbalize that
I know I need to work on, and he has
given me so much to work through with this more
than years of therapy. And it's not to say that
(11:02):
therapy then was useless. I've actually taken it to therapy,
and I've been working so hard at these things. And
I'm being a little vague because it is a little
bit deeply personal, but what you will see is the
effects of what he shined light on within me. And
now that I'm working through it, I'm already feeling so
much more confident. And I'm so glad that I was
(11:24):
able to take what he said and not get defensive.
I feel like that's just such a thing that I
don't know if it's natural or learned, but we get
so defensive when somebody tells us that we are one way,
or they call it like they see it. And it's
so important to be an active listener and digest what
people say about us. In certain circumstances and other circumstances,
it might mean that we need a boundary. But given
(11:45):
this circumstances, it has really fuel the fire within me.
And on that note, how we can embody these versions
of ourselves that we want to be. I have really
found that what happens on the mat actually becomes embodied
within us. Again, going back to the sequence that I
had to create for my final It was a fierce
grounding sequence with a focus on listening to the body.
(12:08):
So I had a lot of grounding Asina's postures within
my sequence that I practice over and over again because
I had to present it. And what was super interesting
was by being in these postures, what I took away
with it by the end of the day was a
fierceness and aliveness and a deep connection to my body.
(12:31):
And I didn't realize when going through the sequence on
the mat how that would be translated after, but I
felt differently in my body, and this reminder that yoga
is so much more than like what the modern world
shapes it out to be, that it has something to
that it's even a workout. I mean, yes, it is
a workout, but it is such a deep connector to
(12:52):
our worth and our self and it quiets everything around us,
and it can bring out a far ociousness. And even
though people think of yoga as being like kumbaya peaceful,
in fact it just stirs up within us exactly what
we need that day and connects us to our truth
(13:13):
without the outside world weighing in, and it carries with us.
I think that's the main thing. You know, going on
my yoga journey probably ten to twelve years now, I'm
continuing to peel layers back about what I love so much,
and right now it has certainly reminded me that embodiment
(13:33):
of emotions is so key embodiment of who we are.
You know, it's one thing to feel confident, It's another
thing to feel confident, do you know what I mean?
You know when you just like feel it in your body.
And yoga as this always available way to jump in
is something that I hope everybody can gift themselves with.
(13:55):
I do hope to be teaching more to kind of
drive this through because I know it's not tandem well
unless you actually feel it. So one of my goals
is to definitely teach more yoga this year and give
the gift of being embodied with your greatness that I
come to experience through my own yoga practice. I also
want to be honest that this yoga training that I've
(14:17):
been in has not been all funning games. Doing a
yoga teacher training really rips you wide open learning anything new,
really does. I think I have talked about it a
little bit, but when you are learning something new, there's
a learning curve, and on the beginning of that curve
is a lot of frustration before you find your flow.
And during that frustration point, you really hit up against
(14:41):
parts of yourself that otherwise you may have left behind
in your adult world. And for me, twofold kind of
came up. One was my abilities to learn, remember and
be smart really came up for me. I think a
lot of us have triggers to learning and childhood and
(15:02):
what that was like in our growing up environment. For me,
I never felt smart. I was surrounded surrounded by very
smart people, and I have a lot of bones to
pick with. I don't know if this was like a
New York thing or my public school, but very specifically,
I remember we would be put into reading groups. So
(15:22):
within my class of twenty five people in elementary school,
we would be put into three groups. Let's call it green, Blue,
and red. And it was very obvious that red was
the smart people, Blue was the medium, and green was
below that. And you know, I was in blue, and
I felt shame for not being in red. I could
only imagine what green felt like. And to be viewed
(15:44):
by your other peers and put into these groups so
publicly it doesn't end up being supportive, even if that
is the idea that you know, put people at the
level that they're at, doing it within the confines of
a whole class actually created this divide that made it
distracting to learn or be better. And I have like
(16:06):
a little bit of myself that always returns to that
blue group person to say I can't do this, I'm
not smart, when in reality, you know, I'm somebody that
works really hard when it comes to academic stuff. I
understand the formula of what they want to do well
in typical school, but you know, I went to Columbia
Grad School and Ivy League school. I worked really hard
(16:26):
to get there, so deep down that belief is that
is still I'm not smart, no matter what the academics
of me say, And learning new stuff sometimes brings me
back to that place, and it's so cool to have
the opportunity to work through that as an adult, but
it feels really crappy in the moment. And then there's
the physical practice of yoga that if I just attend
(16:49):
a yoga class here and there, I might find my
physical restrictions and then we're onto the next pose. But
in a yoga class training, you're really working through poses
very slow and getting to know their architecture on a
much deeper level. And I have a very restricted body.
It's not flexible. I know that a lot of people
probably think it is for whatever reason, but I'm not flexible,
(17:12):
and the restrictions piss me off. Especially it brings out
comparison other people so easily going into a split. I mean,
my split you would literally laugh at. But it frustrates me,
especially because I put so much into being within my
body and yet I don't see the results of flexibility
or things like that. So again, these things really came
(17:35):
up for me as I hit my physical restrictions so
early on compared to people. But again it's been such
a great experience that better getting to know myself. And
on the other side of this training, I'm feeling so confident.
I have an improved sense of self worth. I have
new tools in my toolbox to help people drop in
(17:56):
fork the noise and connect with their bodies on a spiritual, physical,
emotional level. And I'm just hope that if you want
to learn something, just know that there will be things
thrown at you that say you can't, and you absolutely
can and It's worth pushing through that learning curve because
(18:17):
the other side of that frustration is flow. Another really
cool thing that I've been doing has been so proud
of myself learning how to sew. So I so so
I used to know how to sew on a sewing machine.
(18:39):
I was not amazing by any means, but I was
a fashion major before nutrition and I've always loved design
and creating on my own. It has been close to
fifteen years since I was on my sewing machine, and
the beginning of the pandemic, I said to myself, I'm
going to learn how to sew. I even bought this,
like very cheap, small sewing machine, and I never did it,
(19:00):
and it pissed me off because I really wanted to.
But I'm also not somebody that is a great like
online learner when it comes to technical things such as
a sewing machine, and so I sign myself up for
sewing classes instead of just telling myself I'm going to
do it or trying to do it myself. And what
has really helped me the most has been entering the
(19:22):
experience of learning something new with what I'll call learning
something new energy. Previously, when I try to learn something
new I get very caught up on the idea of
I have to remember everything, so let me write it
down and let me just pay so much attention that
I end up remembering nothing and not even having a
good experience. I have gone into this with such a
(19:44):
relaxing nature of I'm going to learn. I'm going to
learn slowly. It's okay if I don't pick up everything.
It's okay if I don't get it right on the
first time. I don't need to write every detail down. Instead,
I'm just going to be and to try and learn
something from a place of just being instead of I
need to absorb every single detail, which is how I've
(20:05):
previously gone about learning from a place of anxiety. I
can't tell you how much more effective it is on
this other side. I am absorbing so much more by
just being than trying so hard, and it's been really, really,
really cool. I'm very supported in this class by a
professional that's helping me move through so that I'm not
(20:26):
doing this all on my own. But I'm really proud
of myself for first of all, getting up and doing
the thing I've been saying I wanted to do, for
putting a quote unquote hobby in the middle of my
work week schedule. Even though it's not quote unquote productive
or adding to my professional life, it's simply something just
for me, and having it in my schedule has felt
(20:47):
really good. It feels so cool to create something with
my own hands and have these basic skills back in
my arsenal. So if you are thinking of doing something
that you've been putting off, I hope that this is
your green light to do it and to bring that
engaged not trying so hard energy into it. Okay, next
(21:08):
up on Lisa. Lately, many of you know, and in
case you haven't, I had a pregnancy loss in November December,
and since then it's been about three months or so.
It seems like everywhere I look there's a pregnancy announcement,
and this would be around the time that I too
would be announcing if it wasn't a loss. And I
(21:32):
love pregnancy announcements. I think that they are so shock
filled and beautiful and people are so excited. I don't know,
I just I just love pregnancy announcements so much. But
I have noticed that within me is a trigger. I
have what I now call a burst of emotion bubbling
within me. That is not all positive, and it shocked
(21:54):
me because I have deeply processed my loss and come
to peace with it in many ways. I'll just preface
this by saying, you know, the medication that I had
to get for the ectopic pregnancy, I actually can't get
pregnant for six months after anyway, And nonetheless, I don't
know if I want to have another child. So all
(22:14):
of this to say that I don't want to be
pregnant right now, and I don't know if I will
have another pregnancy in my future if that's not something
that I want. But this burst of emotion has taken
me by surprise, and it's pretty much everywhere I look,
and it's taken me a long time to really understand
what it is. It's taken probably over fifteen pregnancy announcements
(22:37):
and a therapy session for me to now have a
good grip on what's happening. And at first I was confused,
because what does this emotion? Does it mean that I
really want to have another child? Doesn't mean that I
haven't healed and really processed what I've went through. And
I've now have a deeper understanding that the emotion coming
(22:57):
up is just grief. It reminds me of the loss
that I had, and it has nothing to do with
the future. When I've shared this with my partner or friends,
a lot of the things that they say are like,
don't worry, it'll happen to you, or everything happens for
a reason, and all of those things are fine and
well and true and things I do believe. Actually, you know,
I do think even that this happened for a reason,
(23:18):
given what I went through with my daughter shortly after.
I know I couldn't have survived hurt my daughter being
in the hospital, being pregnant. You know, there is so
much of my faith restored. But those responses don't rub
the emotion that comes up properly, because all it is
is grief of that loss coming up for me, and
(23:39):
so for anybody who has experienced that or is experiencing it,
I want to offer you the advice that my therapist
reminded me. I have it within me, but she reminded
me that the emotion belongs. And when I have made
space for that emotion to come up without me judging
its meaning and just saying this belongs, this is reminding
me of my loss and the terror of that time
(24:02):
of my life and just the sadness that comes with
a true loss. I have space, like even me saying
it right now, right like my breath is slowing down,
my shoulders are relaxing away from my ears. And with
that space, do you know what else comes peace? I
can have sadness, peace and happiness for somebody else that's
pregnant all in one. And I know my situation is
(24:23):
a little bit unique, and I don't expect everybody to
feel full peace, especially people who have been trying and
trying and trying. It certainly might come with why me,
why not me? Why that should be me? But let
that come up, Let that belong If that's happening for
you too, whatever is coming up, let that emotion be
within you without chasing it off or being fearful of
(24:44):
what it means, of what type of a person that
you are, even if it's frustration or anger like, let
it all come up to the surface still with it
is going to come space. And I think that we
have to stop being so afraid to process our emotions
and also not get distracted by the stories that we
attach to those feelings that we have. I have already
shared this on my Instagram, and I know that it
(25:07):
affected a lot of people. So for anybody who may
have missed, they wanted it to live here on this
Lisa Lately as well. It will come up again. I
had one woman reach out to me after sharing on
social media that it's been five years since her loss
and she's still triggered by pregnancy announcements or specific dates
like the date that she lost it or the do date.
And these are things that we carry as women that
(25:29):
we don't realize every woman is carrying within us. So
just more normalization into loss in what it goes into
it and how it's not an isolated event and we
don't heal once. It truly requires our continued attention and
tenderness towards the expected and unexpected bumps in our lives
(25:51):
when it comes to remembering the losses or fertility struggles
that we've had. So I hope that this helps somebody. Okay,
my last topic today is talking about drinking and alcohol.
I know I've talked about this on a bunch of
Lisa Lately's, but the last couple of months, with everything
going on in my life, alcohol just like hasn't been
my vibe for the most part, I'm not a hard
(26:11):
no on drinking, but I've taken a very mindful approach
to it, and I think that with the mocktail huge
craze going on, it's awesome and a lot of people
are trying to give up alcohol completely. Again, I've talked
about that all or nothing mindset before backfiring for a
lot of people. But I thought I could offer some
tools into how to be more mindful about drinking if
(26:34):
it's something that you're struggling with, and I'm going to
work this backwards. I haven't been drinking very much at all,
but the other night we went out to dinner and
I wanted a glass of wine, so I had one.
I think I might have had two actually, And when
I got home that night, I noticed that I was
not sleeping great, and I was like, you know what,
I'm going to really take note of this. I'm going
(26:54):
to write down what it feels like after I drink,
cementing in that experience to inform the choices that I
make in the future, and by taking a moment in
my notes and my phone to write down what I
felt like, slight headache, dry mouth, not falling deeply into sleep,
maybe heightened anxiety a little bit. I actually secured that memory.
(27:16):
And I think that a lot of us have post
alcohol or during alcohol symptoms that we brush through that
we don't consider when making future drink choices. And these
were all like very light things that were going on
for me. It wasn't a huge headache, it wasn't annoying
dry mouth, my sleep wasn't completely awful, but it was
just enough for me to write it down and notice
(27:38):
it and consider it the next time I have a drink,
because a lot of the times that we do make
choices to have the drink, it comes from that immediate
source of pleasure or removal of pain, not very much
future thinking about self. So I thought that was just
something I've never done before. That the next day we
went out to eat, I had that list and I
was like, I don't want any of those things tonight,
(28:00):
so I didn't have a drink, simple as that. I've
talked about this before too, but it's always helpful when
having a drink to ask yourself what emotion am I feeling?
If it's anything like anger or sadness, you do not
want to add alcohol to that mix. Always asking yourself,
am I drinking too numb. I like to ask will
alcohol add to this experience? And I like to also
(28:20):
check in with like the normalcy is a lot of
times people are used to drinking in certain situations, whether
it's dinner, out to dinner, weekend, vacation, everyone else doing it,
and it's helpful to notice those things and instead of
just knee ordering a drink, asking myself do I want it?
Is it just the weekend? Is it because I'm out
to dinner, is it vacation? Or because everyone else is
(28:42):
doing doing it? And oftentimes once we break that cycle once,
it's a lot easier than we think that it would be.
And especially with the rise of mocktails on menus at
least where I live, I mean they're on just about
every menu, and it's not just like you know, non
alcoholic drinks. The best option I used to have was
like red Bull or maybe coconut water at a good restaurant.
(29:03):
But now we're getting mocktails and it feels nice to
sip on something besides for just water at a meal
when you're not drinking. So those are my thoughts on that,
And yeah, that's my Lisa lately for this month. I
am doing a lot to work on myself and showing
up as the whole version of me. It definitely means
(29:24):
taking inventory of my norm. So you might see changes here,
you might not notice them. You might see them on
social media again, you might not notice them. But I
am taking inventory of my norm of things that I've
always done, and I'm making sure that I am recalibrated
into being the version of myself I want to be
(29:46):
and that I already am. So thank you all for listening.
I hope you all have a great week ahead, and
I hope that this episode helps you
I know a Rye. Even when times gethart and you
feel you're in the dark, Cucye, just so beautiful life
can be. When you soph in your heart, you can
(00:22):
find lest your true seeus life. Hello everyone, welcome back
to the Truthiest Life. It's your host, Lisa Ham And
I know you're not going to believe this, but it's
a Lisa Lately, which means it's the last Friday of
the month and it's only February twenty fourth. And that's
(00:47):
a little bit confusing because February came and it went,
and it's a weird month because it's a limited amount
of days and it's not like the regular months, but
it's only really a few days shorter, yet it feels
like so much more. Anyway, it truly is the end
of February coming up, So I'm here doing it Lisa Lately,
and I kind of snuck up on me, so I
(01:07):
was just kind of getting my thoughts together about what
has really been on my mind, my heart, my soul,
and I think that pretty much everything right now really
comes with wanting to be in deep alignment with myself
to the most that I possibly can, and a few
things have shaken me a bit in the last few
(01:30):
months that have allowed for me to be cracked wide
open and see some of the places that I need
to work on. And I love this invitation into self
because historically Februaries are really hard months for me. It's
when my seasonal depression or depression really kicks it up
a notch. And although I am struggling with a lot
(01:52):
of things, I don't feel depressed right now, So that's
a win for me, and I credit that to deep
taking care of myself in radically new ways and moving
away from habits of destruction or just regular habits that
don't suit me as much as newer rituals can. I
(02:14):
recently talked about the five by five Mindful method that
I've been doing every morning, and it's no doubt that
that's showing up for me. If you missed it, well,
you can go back to that episode to get to
the details, and I'll just sum it up with every
morning before jumping onto my phone or into even anything,
I'm doing a few things to recenter that include movement, stillness, journaling, breathwork, meditation.
(02:39):
If that sounds like too much for you, I'm just
going to say choose one. Wake and shake, focus on
your breath, grab a journal, Meditate one of those things
every day, and you will surely anchor into a different
version of yourself than the grabbing your phone. I've actually
been really successful at not being on my phone in
the morning at all. I think overall, just being on
(03:00):
my phone less does make me happier, which definitely leads
me to think more deeply about my relationship to social media.
A career in social media, no changes for now, but
I'm constantly really thinking about that. And just yesterday I
thought popped up into my mind that was so profound
and essentially you've heard before the advice live every day
(03:23):
as if it's your last right, and it's almost so
cliche that we throw it out the window. But I
thought about it a little bit more deeply yesterday because
somebody that I know very abruptly passed away and he
certainly didn't know that it was his last day the
day before or that day even, and therefore who knows
what he wasted time on. And so if we really
(03:45):
sink deeply into that thought and into the sobering reality
that we never know when it is going to be
our last day, most likely we have to really think
about are we spending this day, assuming it's our last day,
as fully as we want to or as deeply present
as we want to. And I think having a baby
and solely getting sick most recently has really shaken me
(04:08):
up to that thought. And Yeah, I really want to
make sure that I am doing things that are truly
aligned with who I am and just not fall prey
to habitual or addicting behaviors such as the cell phone
that I know doesn't make me feel my happiest or
my strongest anyway, looking at my little list of things
(04:30):
that I'm going to share with you today, I think
that the overall message here is that I am unifying
into one whole person, and I am actively looking at
the ways that I don't show up as a whole person.
So I know who I am deeply, and there are
moments when I am not that whole version of myself,
(04:52):
and I'm examining where they are and pushing myself to
be whole, to be my full potential, and really shining
light into the places where I'm getting stuck. So one
of the things that I'm really focusing on is language,
recognizing that in matters in high school. I was in
this unique English program. We didn't follow the regular school curriculum.
(05:16):
We kind of did things our own wacky way, and
we had a lot of time to explore creative writing
and journal entries, and we also had time to share
those journal entries and creative writing that we did, and
you didn't have to share, but if you did share,
you were not allowed to use disclaimers, So you couldn't
start with, oh, I think this is so bad, or
I wrote this really fast. You had to just open
(05:37):
your journal and read what you wrote, and it was
so challenging. And since them, I've always noticed when people
start with disclaimers for anything that I find it just
like nonsense, Like let's just like get to the point.
It's so much stronger if you just speak your truth.
So one of the things that I'm trying to do
more is to lean into not using disclaimers in any
(05:59):
part of my life. In emails, they're just like fluffer words,
and they distract from what you're trying to say. Not
in emails, not in personal friendships or relationships. There's a
lot of places that we do use it because it
creates a little bit of a buffer, but it's needless,
and we're so much stronger when we speak without them.
So examples of some of these disclaimers are things like
(06:21):
just popping on to say or I was just going
to say, or this is bad but or don't be
mad but, or even things like at the end of
the day, it's there are so many things that habitually
go in front of a sentence that detract from the
meaning of what we're trying to say. It's a little
bit like beating around the bush. And we can be effective,
(06:44):
stronger and get what we want or get heard more
effectively if we remove those fluffers. So first step is
to just become aware of when you do them, and
if that's too hard, start with becoming aware of where
people do them. In your email, you will find tons
of them. They are disguised as pleasantries, but really they're
just nonsense, and in your personal life and friendships, you'll
(07:06):
see them all about and it will be really cool
to just flag them because once you see them outside
of you, then you will more easily see them within you.
So step one is to start noticing where they're popping
up around you in text or verbally, and step two
is to start noticing where and what your common ones are.
And then step three is to try to write emails
(07:29):
and verbally speak without using them. And it can make
you feel really afraid at first, it's like you got
a bulldoze through it. And then once you speak that
sentence without it, and you speak so truly from your
heart without putting some little softener in front of it, Wow,
it feels good. And I think that language really does
(07:50):
play and impact as to how we are perceived, and
a lot of the times we are not utilizing how
strong we all are or showing that off and showing
up in our true strength, which we all have. It
demands respect from other people. And I know a lot
of us are people pleasers or easily pushed around in
our workplace, and it's an easy way to not be
(08:12):
like you have to respect me, but you'll see that
it just naturally demands respect and a different type of
response from people. So that's something that I'm really working on.
Another thing that I'm working on is sitting with criticism.
(08:35):
I just finished my yoga training, my advanced three hundred
hour at Yoga Shanti. I'm really proud of myself because
a lot of life hurdles got in the way, and
I still did it. And at the end of my training,
I had to present a sequence that showed that I
understood everything that I've learned in these last six months
to my mentors and my teachers. And my teachers are
(08:56):
Rodney and Colleen. Sediment saidman, I think is actually the
correct pronunciation, and they are intimidating. They are two of
the best yogis in the world. And by that I
don't mean they're good at yoga. I mean they understand
the full spectrum of yoga mind, body, spirit, and they
are brilliant, gifted healers at what they do, and they
(09:18):
are not shy to give criticism. And after presenting the
sequence that I worked really hard on, they gave it
to me and I loved it. I had to sit
there and practice not defending everything that they said back.
And the takeaways from sitting with the criticism were just
(09:38):
so powerful. And it wasn't just you know, downward facing dog,
make it better by turning your foot in. No, no, no.
They called me out as a person. And because I
was able to actively listen and sit present and not
be triggered by them telling me where I need to
improve and what they see I took so much away,
and it's a really hard thing to be able to
(09:59):
take instructive criticism, which is just criticism with a nice
name on top of it. But if we're able to
really digest criticism from somebody, it can be really interesting.
And I kind of used it as a little bit
of an experiment because I was noticing myself getting uncomfortable
during certain parts, and then as time passed, I could
(10:19):
digest what they said, and they were correct about so
many things. And it actually Rodney, I will say, has
totally changed my life because he's somebody that although I've
been in this training with them, it's been half virtual,
meaning I can go to the studio or do it online,
and so I've been to the studio a handful of times,
but even so there's a lot of students. We don't
get a ton of one on one time. But he
(10:41):
saw something in me that and he said it straight
out what he saw, and he called me out on
something and it just was spot on. It was something
about myself that I haven't been able to verbalize that
I know I need to work on, and he has
given me so much to work through with this more
than years of therapy. And it's not to say that
(11:02):
therapy then was useless. I've actually taken it to therapy,
and I've been working so hard at these things. And
I'm being a little vague because it is a little
bit deeply personal, but what you will see is the
effects of what he shined light on within me. And
now that I'm working through it, I'm already feeling so
much more confident. And I'm so glad that I was
(11:24):
able to take what he said and not get defensive.
I feel like that's just such a thing that I
don't know if it's natural or learned, but we get
so defensive when somebody tells us that we are one way,
or they call it like they see it. And it's
so important to be an active listener and digest what
people say about us. In certain circumstances and other circumstances,
it might mean that we need a boundary. But given
(11:45):
this circumstances, it has really fuel the fire within me.
And on that note, how we can embody these versions
of ourselves that we want to be. I have really
found that what happens on the mat actually becomes embodied
within us. Again, going back to the sequence that I
had to create for my final It was a fierce
grounding sequence with a focus on listening to the body.
(12:08):
So I had a lot of grounding Asina's postures within
my sequence that I practice over and over again because
I had to present it. And what was super interesting
was by being in these postures, what I took away
with it by the end of the day was a
fierceness and aliveness and a deep connection to my body.
(12:31):
And I didn't realize when going through the sequence on
the mat how that would be translated after, but I
felt differently in my body, and this reminder that yoga
is so much more than like what the modern world
shapes it out to be, that it has something to
that it's even a workout. I mean, yes, it is
a workout, but it is such a deep connector to
(12:52):
our worth and our self and it quiets everything around us,
and it can bring out a far ociousness. And even
though people think of yoga as being like kumbaya peaceful,
in fact it just stirs up within us exactly what
we need that day and connects us to our truth
(13:13):
without the outside world weighing in, and it carries with us.
I think that's the main thing. You know, going on
my yoga journey probably ten to twelve years now, I'm
continuing to peel layers back about what I love so much,
and right now it has certainly reminded me that embodiment
(13:33):
of emotions is so key embodiment of who we are.
You know, it's one thing to feel confident, It's another
thing to feel confident, do you know what I mean?
You know when you just like feel it in your body.
And yoga as this always available way to jump in
is something that I hope everybody can gift themselves with.
(13:55):
I do hope to be teaching more to kind of
drive this through because I know it's not tandem well
unless you actually feel it. So one of my goals
is to definitely teach more yoga this year and give
the gift of being embodied with your greatness that I
come to experience through my own yoga practice. I also
want to be honest that this yoga training that I've
(14:17):
been in has not been all funning games. Doing a
yoga teacher training really rips you wide open learning anything new,
really does. I think I have talked about it a
little bit, but when you are learning something new, there's
a learning curve, and on the beginning of that curve
is a lot of frustration before you find your flow.
And during that frustration point, you really hit up against
(14:41):
parts of yourself that otherwise you may have left behind
in your adult world. And for me, twofold kind of
came up. One was my abilities to learn, remember and
be smart really came up for me. I think a
lot of us have triggers to learning and childhood and
(15:02):
what that was like in our growing up environment. For me,
I never felt smart. I was surrounded surrounded by very
smart people, and I have a lot of bones to
pick with. I don't know if this was like a
New York thing or my public school, but very specifically,
I remember we would be put into reading groups. So
(15:22):
within my class of twenty five people in elementary school,
we would be put into three groups. Let's call it green, Blue,
and red. And it was very obvious that red was
the smart people, Blue was the medium, and green was
below that. And you know, I was in blue, and
I felt shame for not being in red. I could
only imagine what green felt like. And to be viewed
(15:44):
by your other peers and put into these groups so
publicly it doesn't end up being supportive, even if that
is the idea that you know, put people at the
level that they're at, doing it within the confines of
a whole class actually created this divide that made it
distracting to learn or be better. And I have like
(16:06):
a little bit of myself that always returns to that
blue group person to say I can't do this, I'm
not smart, when in reality, you know, I'm somebody that
works really hard when it comes to academic stuff. I
understand the formula of what they want to do well
in typical school, but you know, I went to Columbia
Grad School and Ivy League school. I worked really hard
(16:26):
to get there, so deep down that belief is that
is still I'm not smart, no matter what the academics
of me say, And learning new stuff sometimes brings me
back to that place, and it's so cool to have
the opportunity to work through that as an adult, but
it feels really crappy in the moment. And then there's
the physical practice of yoga that if I just attend
(16:49):
a yoga class here and there, I might find my
physical restrictions and then we're onto the next pose. But
in a yoga class training, you're really working through poses
very slow and getting to know their architecture on a
much deeper level. And I have a very restricted body.
It's not flexible. I know that a lot of people
probably think it is for whatever reason, but I'm not flexible,
(17:12):
and the restrictions piss me off. Especially it brings out
comparison other people so easily going into a split. I mean,
my split you would literally laugh at. But it frustrates me,
especially because I put so much into being within my
body and yet I don't see the results of flexibility
or things like that. So again, these things really came
(17:35):
up for me as I hit my physical restrictions so
early on compared to people. But again it's been such
a great experience that better getting to know myself. And
on the other side of this training, I'm feeling so confident.
I have an improved sense of self worth. I have
new tools in my toolbox to help people drop in
(17:56):
fork the noise and connect with their bodies on a spiritual, physical,
emotional level. And I'm just hope that if you want
to learn something, just know that there will be things
thrown at you that say you can't, and you absolutely
can and It's worth pushing through that learning curve because
(18:17):
the other side of that frustration is flow. Another really
cool thing that I've been doing has been so proud
of myself learning how to sew. So I so so
I used to know how to sew on a sewing machine.
(18:39):
I was not amazing by any means, but I was
a fashion major before nutrition and I've always loved design
and creating on my own. It has been close to
fifteen years since I was on my sewing machine, and
the beginning of the pandemic, I said to myself, I'm
going to learn how to sew. I even bought this,
like very cheap, small sewing machine, and I never did it,
(19:00):
and it pissed me off because I really wanted to.
But I'm also not somebody that is a great like
online learner when it comes to technical things such as
a sewing machine, and so I sign myself up for
sewing classes instead of just telling myself I'm going to
do it or trying to do it myself. And what
has really helped me the most has been entering the
(19:22):
experience of learning something new with what I'll call learning
something new energy. Previously, when I try to learn something
new I get very caught up on the idea of
I have to remember everything, so let me write it
down and let me just pay so much attention that
I end up remembering nothing and not even having a
good experience. I have gone into this with such a
(19:44):
relaxing nature of I'm going to learn. I'm going to
learn slowly. It's okay if I don't pick up everything.
It's okay if I don't get it right on the
first time. I don't need to write every detail down. Instead,
I'm just going to be and to try and learn
something from a place of just being instead of I
need to absorb every single detail, which is how I've
(20:05):
previously gone about learning from a place of anxiety. I
can't tell you how much more effective it is on
this other side. I am absorbing so much more by
just being than trying so hard, and it's been really, really,
really cool. I'm very supported in this class by a
professional that's helping me move through so that I'm not
(20:26):
doing this all on my own. But I'm really proud
of myself for first of all, getting up and doing
the thing I've been saying I wanted to do, for
putting a quote unquote hobby in the middle of my
work week schedule. Even though it's not quote unquote productive
or adding to my professional life, it's simply something just
for me, and having it in my schedule has felt
(20:47):
really good. It feels so cool to create something with
my own hands and have these basic skills back in
my arsenal. So if you are thinking of doing something
that you've been putting off, I hope that this is
your green light to do it and to bring that
engaged not trying so hard energy into it. Okay, next
(21:08):
up on Lisa. Lately, many of you know, and in
case you haven't, I had a pregnancy loss in November December,
and since then it's been about three months or so.
It seems like everywhere I look there's a pregnancy announcement,
and this would be around the time that I too
would be announcing if it wasn't a loss. And I
(21:32):
love pregnancy announcements. I think that they are so shock
filled and beautiful and people are so excited. I don't know,
I just I just love pregnancy announcements so much. But
I have noticed that within me is a trigger. I
have what I now call a burst of emotion bubbling
within me. That is not all positive, and it shocked
(21:54):
me because I have deeply processed my loss and come
to peace with it in many ways. I'll just preface
this by saying, you know, the medication that I had
to get for the ectopic pregnancy, I actually can't get
pregnant for six months after anyway, And nonetheless, I don't
know if I want to have another child. So all
(22:14):
of this to say that I don't want to be
pregnant right now, and I don't know if I will
have another pregnancy in my future if that's not something
that I want. But this burst of emotion has taken
me by surprise, and it's pretty much everywhere I look,
and it's taken me a long time to really understand
what it is. It's taken probably over fifteen pregnancy announcements
(22:37):
and a therapy session for me to now have a
good grip on what's happening. And at first I was confused,
because what does this emotion? Does it mean that I
really want to have another child? Doesn't mean that I
haven't healed and really processed what I've went through. And
I've now have a deeper understanding that the emotion coming
(22:57):
up is just grief. It reminds me of the loss
that I had, and it has nothing to do with
the future. When I've shared this with my partner or friends,
a lot of the things that they say are like,
don't worry, it'll happen to you, or everything happens for
a reason, and all of those things are fine and
well and true and things I do believe. Actually, you know,
I do think even that this happened for a reason,
(23:18):
given what I went through with my daughter shortly after.
I know I couldn't have survived hurt my daughter being
in the hospital, being pregnant. You know, there is so
much of my faith restored. But those responses don't rub
the emotion that comes up properly, because all it is
is grief of that loss coming up for me, and
(23:39):
so for anybody who has experienced that or is experiencing it,
I want to offer you the advice that my therapist
reminded me. I have it within me, but she reminded
me that the emotion belongs. And when I have made
space for that emotion to come up without me judging
its meaning and just saying this belongs, this is reminding
me of my loss and the terror of that time
(24:02):
of my life and just the sadness that comes with
a true loss. I have space, like even me saying
it right now, right like my breath is slowing down,
my shoulders are relaxing away from my ears. And with
that space, do you know what else comes peace? I
can have sadness, peace and happiness for somebody else that's
pregnant all in one. And I know my situation is
(24:23):
a little bit unique, and I don't expect everybody to
feel full peace, especially people who have been trying and
trying and trying. It certainly might come with why me,
why not me? Why that should be me? But let
that come up, Let that belong If that's happening for
you too, whatever is coming up, let that emotion be
within you without chasing it off or being fearful of
(24:44):
what it means, of what type of a person that
you are, even if it's frustration or anger like, let
it all come up to the surface still with it
is going to come space. And I think that we
have to stop being so afraid to process our emotions
and also not get distracted by the stories that we
attach to those feelings that we have. I have already
shared this on my Instagram, and I know that it
(25:07):
affected a lot of people. So for anybody who may
have missed, they wanted it to live here on this
Lisa Lately as well. It will come up again. I
had one woman reach out to me after sharing on
social media that it's been five years since her loss
and she's still triggered by pregnancy announcements or specific dates
like the date that she lost it or the do date.
And these are things that we carry as women that
(25:29):
we don't realize every woman is carrying within us. So
just more normalization into loss in what it goes into
it and how it's not an isolated event and we
don't heal once. It truly requires our continued attention and
tenderness towards the expected and unexpected bumps in our lives
(25:51):
when it comes to remembering the losses or fertility struggles
that we've had. So I hope that this helps somebody. Okay,
my last topic today is talking about drinking and alcohol.
I know I've talked about this on a bunch of
Lisa Lately's, but the last couple of months, with everything
going on in my life, alcohol just like hasn't been
my vibe for the most part, I'm not a hard
(26:11):
no on drinking, but I've taken a very mindful approach
to it, and I think that with the mocktail huge
craze going on, it's awesome and a lot of people
are trying to give up alcohol completely. Again, I've talked
about that all or nothing mindset before backfiring for a
lot of people. But I thought I could offer some
tools into how to be more mindful about drinking if
(26:34):
it's something that you're struggling with, and I'm going to
work this backwards. I haven't been drinking very much at all,
but the other night we went out to dinner and
I wanted a glass of wine, so I had one.
I think I might have had two actually, And when
I got home that night, I noticed that I was
not sleeping great, and I was like, you know what,
I'm going to really take note of this. I'm going
(26:54):
to write down what it feels like after I drink,
cementing in that experience to inform the choices that I
make in the future, and by taking a moment in
my notes and my phone to write down what I
felt like, slight headache, dry mouth, not falling deeply into sleep,
maybe heightened anxiety a little bit. I actually secured that memory.
(27:16):
And I think that a lot of us have post
alcohol or during alcohol symptoms that we brush through that
we don't consider when making future drink choices. And these
were all like very light things that were going on
for me. It wasn't a huge headache, it wasn't annoying
dry mouth, my sleep wasn't completely awful, but it was
just enough for me to write it down and notice
(27:38):
it and consider it the next time I have a drink,
because a lot of the times that we do make
choices to have the drink, it comes from that immediate
source of pleasure or removal of pain, not very much
future thinking about self. So I thought that was just
something I've never done before. That the next day we
went out to eat, I had that list and I
was like, I don't want any of those things tonight,
(28:00):
so I didn't have a drink, simple as that. I've
talked about this before too, but it's always helpful when
having a drink to ask yourself what emotion am I feeling?
If it's anything like anger or sadness, you do not
want to add alcohol to that mix. Always asking yourself,
am I drinking too numb. I like to ask will
alcohol add to this experience? And I like to also
(28:20):
check in with like the normalcy is a lot of
times people are used to drinking in certain situations, whether
it's dinner, out to dinner, weekend, vacation, everyone else doing it,
and it's helpful to notice those things and instead of
just knee ordering a drink, asking myself do I want it?
Is it just the weekend? Is it because I'm out
to dinner, is it vacation? Or because everyone else is
(28:42):
doing doing it? And oftentimes once we break that cycle once,
it's a lot easier than we think that it would be.
And especially with the rise of mocktails on menus at
least where I live, I mean they're on just about
every menu, and it's not just like you know, non
alcoholic drinks. The best option I used to have was
like red Bull or maybe coconut water at a good restaurant.
(29:03):
But now we're getting mocktails and it feels nice to
sip on something besides for just water at a meal
when you're not drinking. So those are my thoughts on that,
And yeah, that's my Lisa lately for this month. I
am doing a lot to work on myself and showing
up as the whole version of me. It definitely means
(29:24):
taking inventory of my norm. So you might see changes here,
you might not notice them. You might see them on
social media again, you might not notice them. But I
am taking inventory of my norm of things that I've
always done, and I'm making sure that I am recalibrated
into being the version of myself I want to be
(29:46):
and that I already am. So thank you all for listening.
I hope you all have a great week ahead, and
I hope that this episode helps you
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