STORIES TO TELL: Dating as a Black Woman with Jessica Thorpe

This is a very special edition of NAKED, it is different from our normal format. We are introducing a new segment and conversation but what really makes this episode special is the intimacy between Cari Champion and her dear friend Jessica Thorpe. The topic is dating and the search to find, “the one”.  Thorpe shares her very unique insight into the single black female hula-hoops, that are prevalent on the dating scene. This is a silly episode, but it circles back to how important it is to be true to who you are and what you want in life.

Connect @CariChampion @iammsJessica

Let us know your thoughts and experiences dating, leave a comment via Apple Podcast or wherever you’re listening, or slide in the Naked Podcast DMs.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You see what? Now, what's he doing?

Speaker 2 (00:02):
So what I said was is that I may have
potentially kind of seen him kind of sucking his thumb
in fatal position.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
And I said, no, I close my eyes.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
And that was my dear, dear friend, Jessica Thorpe. She's
joining us on today's Naked. It's a different version of Naked.
She is definitely a professional you can admire. But what
I admire most about her is her courage and her
ability to talk about love. We're talking about love on
this edition of Naked.

Speaker 4 (00:42):
It's the greatest suspension entertainment kN Naked Win Carry Chap
and Carrie Chappy is to be a champion, a champion,
and Carrie Sheppy and the Girl a Champion and Carrie
Sheppion and Carrie Sheppy Entertainment n Naked Ward.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
Hey y'all. So it's summer, right and and people are
on vacation and living their best lives. And so during
the summer here on Naked sometimes we every now and
again do something different. It's a slight departure from the
normal podcast. And this particular version, or this particular edition
of Naked is about love and finding love. So my

(01:19):
friend Jessica is a communications professional. She is the director
of brand communications for a really big company, and she
is so successful in so many ways. I bumped into
her because she hired me to do an event for
her last year, and I really liked her. We just
hit it off right away, but I thought it was interesting. Recently,

(01:42):
I've watched her dates two or three guys, and they
have really not turned out to be what she thought
they were initially. But I wanted to talk about black
women looking for love, professional black women looking for love
and how difficult it is. But the desire to date
is there. And I'm not being extreme. I'm not doing

(02:02):
something where we're bashing men that she's trying to date
or men in general. We're just talking about the availability
of the men that she meets the requirements, and her
approach to dating is far different than mine. So I
thought to myself, this is great. I love to listen
to her. She's much more open, she's much more I'm
gonna let love find me, no matter what it looks like,

(02:24):
no matter what package it comes in, etc. Etc. And
Yet and still she finds herself asking simple questions about
how she end up in certain positions with certain men,
and so this is a really truly naked podcast. But
I think a lot of people who are dating or
not dating can relate to the disappointment of it and
what does that perfect mate look like, if perfect exist,

(02:48):
because I don't know if it does. But I want
to thank her for coming on this podcast, and I
want to warn you that we are being silly, so
we're having a lot of fun, don't take anything personal.
But then at the end we circle back to the
point of it all, getting naked and vulnerable with who
you are and what you want in your life. Welcome
to this edition of Naked with My dear friend Jessica.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
Thorpe Chapion and Carri Shepyan and Carri Shepy.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
My dear friend Jessica Thorpe is coming on the show
today and we have been hanging out pretty tough since
I've been going back and forth from New York City
to LA I'm pretty much bi coastal, and when I
decided to be by coastal, I didn't really have anybody
to call a friend, a near and dear friend, and
her and I met on a project that I was
working on for the marathon, and she hired me and

(03:36):
I ended up really taking a liking tour for a project,
and I said, you know what, I think we should
hang out. I'll be living in New York soon. And
the Shenanigans have been plenty. When I tell you, we've
been two professional women living in the city. It's been
sex and the city minus sex. But it has been
an adventure in the city. And so this morning we

(03:57):
were on the phone and we were talking about dating
and how tough it is for women. It's for a
tough period, right, It's tough to find your person. It
doesn't matter whom you are. But if you're very diligent
about wanting to date a particular type of person, if
you want to you only want to date a brother,
you want a black man, you know, or you want
a successful man, whatever it is. When you start putting

(04:19):
only in front of a category, pickens are slim. And
so with that being said, we have been out and
about on the town and we have been looking and
looking and looking in all the wrong places. But we
have come up with some really, really funny stories that
we wanted to share with you. And we didn't know
what we would call this the title of this podcast,

(04:41):
but we do know that it might be a pilot
for what I call girlfriends with giggles, because we giggle
when we get together and we laugh and we're ridiculous.
And there's so much going on currently. I am dating
someone that I really really really like. However I didn't
I wasn't always dating exclusively with this person. There's been
many moments where we have not been dating, and Jessica

(05:05):
has been there for all of them. As she SIPs
her wine during this part, and I want to begin
with one night we were out and about and Jessica
was like, I'm just looking for a good man, you know,
I just want to date. I just want a good
guy now by the way, beautiful, tall, smart, intelligent, well
tall and spirit smart, intelligent and really successful, and you

(05:29):
would think brothers a plenty. And so we're going to
first tackle sliding in the DMS. And sometimes women meet
men when they slide in their DMS. I will say,
for me, I don't do that because I particularly for
what I do for a living and being forward facing,
I can't slide in out DMS like and you can't
slide in mind without me being like, what's what's this about?

(05:52):
You must be crazy? I'm really cautious. Jessica, on the
other hand, met a young fella. Uh he slid in
her DMS. We're going to start with I and can
you tell me Jessica, how dating has been for you
as of late, before we get into the fella who
slid into your dam. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
So, first of all, thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be here. This is going to
be really, really fun because we are bringing our phone
conversations to the podcast.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
So let's get into it.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
Wiz go, We're bringing a true phone conversation to the podcast.
Lord Jesus, help us go on true.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Okay, so you know, I've been in Brooklyn for twelve
and a half years, and as you know, dating has
not been I've not been really successful in dating, right,
So over the twelve and a half years, I've had
every single type of relationship from like two and a
half years there, a year and a half here, different

(06:50):
types of men, and over the years they've all failed
miserably at some point or another. But this year, I
may a commitment to myself to be open to any
and everyone today as many people as I can, no
matter how they come to me. And then by the
end of the year, I'll have a boyfriend. That is
the goal. So dating, let me ask you this question.

(07:13):
Let me ask you this question, okay, because I want
to make sure. So when you say you made a
commitment to yourself to date anybody who came your way,
without being too picky, why did you decide to do that?
Because you know, I am a type of person I
go off with energy and vibes.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
I'm not really a person.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
Who does online dating because you don't really understand the
energy of a person from like a swife and so
like a lot of my friends are like, oh, you
should do an online dating profile, and I'm like, I
just I just can't do it. And so then I
was like, second best thing is except the DMS right
still online? You know, somebody found me. I can see
who they know, who I know, and so yeah, I

(07:54):
started that journey and it's been not good. They come
three for three and those failing relationships at this point.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
So let's begin with bachelor number one. Oh tell me
how Bachelor number one slid into your DMS.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Okay, Bachelor number one slid into my DMS on a
random night they I think he commented on something and
just wanted to spark a conversation. I realized that we
were in a very similar industry, and he seemed really cool,
you know, really funny. He led with humor, I like

(08:31):
to laugh. It was great, and so then I eventually
gave him my phone number, and I realized, like, our
companies kind of worked together, right, so he doesn't really
work with my brand, but our companies work together. So yeah,
conversations were great. I actually even purchased the book because
of his recommendation.

Speaker 3 (08:52):
He just seemed.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Extremely mature, you know, like really Looking for Love. Just
had a really mature perspective on relationships and day and love.
And we were vibing on the phone, but it was
just the telephone for a couple of weeks, you know,
no FaceTime, and it's twenty twenty three and so you know,

(09:14):
one day, but you like the vibe.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
You liked him. Oh you thought he was a nice guy.
His professional he was in here. He said, I read
a book. You're like, oh you read Oh my god,
i'd have found Einstein. Okay, great, so he reading a book,
you in love because he can turn the pages and stuff. Okay,
he's okay, he's getting into it. Getting into So then
what happens after you guys have this connection, when do
you guys take it to the next level, which is

(09:38):
maybe FaceTime? Is that the next level?

Speaker 3 (09:40):
FaceTime the next level of face time?

Speaker 2 (09:42):
And the reason that I wanted to FaceTime is because
he had asked me on a really nice date, and
my whole thing is like stranger danger. I don't want
to get what is it called hoodwink fish hoodwink bamboozle.
So I felt like, okay, okay, I don't want to
show up on this day and be stuck there like,

(10:02):
oh my god, I got to make a grand escape
because I've had to escape a date this year, as
you know, I had to escape, So I was like,
I'm not gonna have to I'm not gonna put myself
in a position to have to make a grand escape.
So yeah, we go on FaceTime and I realize that
he had a wine glass and he was positioning it

(10:22):
directly in the center of a space during this conversation,
and I'm the entire conversation.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
So let me get this right, sister sister from another mystic,
you guys have been talking on the phone for a
few weeks, and he decides to position the wine glass
in front of his face the entire FaceTime conversation.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
The entire time, even when he was sipping his wine,
I would see the full bottom of his glass, so
I didn't get to see the full face.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
Now what are you thinking at this moment? I'm like,
you're doing he he don'e romance the telephone, like romance
in the stone. He done romant answerd you over the phone.
And now he's got a wine glass covering his face,
full face. What do you think? I got to think.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
I gotta look at some patterns in the photos as
we were talking, so you know, I'm like paying attention,
and I'm like, hmm, he doesn't really show his eyes.
So I decided to pay more attention. And then I
noticed one eye was looking at me and another I
was looking at the ceiling.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Oh okay, so he had a wondering eye and he
was insecure about it.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yes, he had a wondering eye. He was insecure about it.
And listen, I get it. We all have things.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
I have things. You know, It's like nobody's perfect, but
I felt no one's perfect.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
But I felt like he was super intentional about masking
this right and I'm like, well, you can't really mask
that if I meet you in person.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
So it was just one of these, Yeah, if you
guys go on a date, what's gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
He's gonna wear sunglasses the whole time. That's what I thought.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
But it was just kind of like, and I know
this may sound shallow, and I know it's not right,
and I know, like I struggled with this internally for
a while, but you know, I came to the conclusion like, Okay, Jessica,
you know, we gotta be honest with thyself, right.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
And you want to be a track, you gotta be
honest with thyself. So the honesty was that listen, I
want to be really attracted to you. One and then
the second part is like he should have just told
you from jump so that it wouldn't be weird, Like
it just no need to hide it, you know what I.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Mean, You need to hide it and listen, I have
no problem with it.

Speaker 5 (12:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Or like when women are dating or men are dating
and they put the wrong photo up from like ten
years ago, it's like, why do that? Just do just
be honest so that we can just rip the band
aid off.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Rip the band aid off right, rip the band aid off.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
But I unfortunately had to reschedule our date and so,
and it had nothing to do because you know, we
talked about this. I was working through my own like
you know, Carr, he's a really nice guy, like I
don't want to be shallow, like you know, but it
was one of those moments where his insecurity, in my mind,
now this is just my opinion, overcame his confidence because

(13:09):
after I wanted to reschedule the date, he kind of
just naturally fell off right.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
And yeah, so he felt like you didn't like him
because you wanted to reschedule the date because you guys
had did the FaceTime. Is that what you think?

Speaker 2 (13:24):
That's what I think, you know, and you know I
think that also some men don't understand like if I
have to reschedule something, it's because I am very forgetful
and I'll remember like, oh my god, I have this
thing tomorrow. I totally forgot about it, like I have
to reschedule or I'm going out of town.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
I forgot. So I think he took it personally.

Speaker 1 (13:41):
Well, wait, let me ask you. Let me ask you
a question. If he would have said, hey, I've a
you know what I'm a little self conscious about this
and I want to share it with you. What would
you have said, please share? You would have been like,
thank you for telling me. I'm probably yeah, I thank
you for telling me. That may put me in a
position to feel like what's next next, you know, but
thank you for telling me? Or or would you have

(14:04):
been like, it's over.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
No, I think I'm very open.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
I think I would have been like, thank you so
much for telling me, let's talk about it, because I
would have.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
Understood him a bit differently.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
But when you just make your own grand escape from
my life because I had to reschedule a date, that
lets me know that you're not comfortable with your stuff
and I just need more transparency and communication. And if
I have to reschedule a date, don't like just completely
fall off the face of the planet.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
It's like that to keep persuing weird, Like, isn't that
weird that he got he took it personal and just
was like, never mind, she saw me. Well, what was
was he going to try to trick you in person?
What was he going to do? I don't understand this
was going to happen eventually.

Speaker 3 (14:45):
It was going to happen eventually exactly right.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
But you know, I feel like, you know, he probably
would have given me flowers and there would have been
alcohol involved.

Speaker 3 (14:54):
You know, it's always alcohol involved.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
And when it's alcohol, so you try to say he
tried to get you drunk, so he wouldn't know, you
wouldn't have know.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Well, we were going to get drinks.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Uh huh, and so he was gonna be like, let
me get her real messed up so she doesn't know. Okay,
So that's that's bachelor number one. Hey, everybody, we gotta
pay some bills. You know, it's often that we have
to do this on this show. So you can fast
forward and press that little fifteen second button until it's done.
Thank you for listening, and we'll be right back.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
Every Champion and Kerry Chappion is to be a Champion
out a Champion and Carry Chappion and Carrie Chappy out
a Champion and Cary Chppion and Carrie.

Speaker 5 (15:29):
Sheppy Entertainment, can Nike you work, Harry.

Speaker 4 (15:39):
Champion and Carrie Chappy is to be a CHAMPIONTA Champion
and Carrie Sheppi and the Champion and Carrie Sheppion and
Carrie Sheppy Entertainment and Nick you working.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
Hey, everybody, thank you for fast forwarding past those commercials.
We still have my dear friend Jessica Thorpe to back,
relax and enjoy the rest of this interview. And at
the same time, you went on a day with Bachelor
number one. I went on a date with the guy
that I met online on a quote unquote celebrity app
when I wasn't dating the guy that I like.

Speaker 5 (16:12):
And.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
He turned out to be a stalker because we went
on one day and he said meet me, so I'm
gonna just be honest. He was like, Carrie, meet me
at this location. And I, you know, I'm not familiar
with New York. I just got there and I met
him at a market. It might have been a flea market.
And I walked in. I was dressed super cute, and
here I am in this market where they had where

(16:36):
people are selling meat, pieces of meat. And I was like, well,
this isn't gonna work now, is it. I was like,
he was really sweet, but this isn't gonna work because
one of two things happened. Transparency failed itself.

Speaker 5 (16:52):
One.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
I walked into the market and I was like, okay,
I'm a little bougie and I'm honest with that. This
is not this is not my vibe. This is date seventeen, Like,
this is six months into a relationship date. This isn't
the first day, the second, the second thing that went on,
Jessica that I share with you. He told me he
was he was a partner at a firm, but sometimes
he was an actor. And so then the red.

Speaker 3 (17:15):
Flags not one episode nobody could find.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
He was like I was in this one episode at
the eight minute mark approximately at and I was like, WHOA, Okay,
so he's an actor. And my suspicions went up, and
I was like, oh, I think he might be trying
to use me to get him on TV. I just
had all these different suspicions and I wasn't into it.
And so you and I were like, we might have
a a stalker because he then did what to you?

Speaker 3 (17:43):
Now?

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Mind you, I had just met Jessica people. He didn't
know any of my friends, he didn't know anything that
was going on in my life. He didn't know anything
about me to my knowledge, and somehow, some way he
found you.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
And what did he do? He found me?

Speaker 2 (17:59):
He definitely a lea should actually be in the FBI.
I'm telling you that was that was interesting.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
He found me.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
I had posted a photo of an award that I
had won, and he slid into my DMS to congratulate
me on my award, and I immediately screenshotted it and text.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
You, like, what in the entire f is this?

Speaker 1 (18:23):
You were? You were like, carry, we have a problem.
We haven't That guy you told me about that you
went to the flea market day with is somehow in
my DMS reaching out to you and I'm like reaching
out to me, And I was like, well, how did
he even know we're friends? He had to really research that.

Speaker 3 (18:38):
That took some real research.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
That took some real like investigative journalism, Like I'm gonna
look at every single person and see what she's commenting
on and who she's liking. And I think he went
to all of your likes and comments on your page
and just went down the list to see who you're
engaging with.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
But that had to have been That was a new one.
That was a new one.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
I'd never I never thought I would get DMed by
one of your dates, one.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Of my dates talking about congratulations on an award, and
I was like, theyding cannot be this awful. So I
immediately started thinking about how we had to get back
on these streets. And so, for those who are listening,
Jessica and I hit every spot in the city. We
went to Seville to listen to live music. We hung
out with different people that I kind of was interested in,

(19:27):
and after I was kind of interested in somebody, Jessica
would give a quick recap like he's not the one
because maybe you know, we don't want to go out
with him because I saw him pick his nose at
the table. I'm like, Jessica, everybody picks their nose. Why
are you so picky? You know what I mean? Or
or you know, like Jessica, love is hard to find
and every jack needs a jill. Every jill needs a jack.

(19:50):
Every jill needs a jill, you know what I mean.
I was like, you can't be that way, No, So
we decided to go to so fast forward, I'm skipping
over a lot of things. We decided to go to
London to see Yes, this is gonna be a time,
but we weren't going together. We were going separately. It
just so happens we were going to the same concert.
So I'm like, girl, I'm gonna see you in London.
We're gonna have a good time. We're gonna have a

(20:11):
good time. We're gonna have a good time. So Jessica
gets to London and just is living her little cue
so like she's dancing, She's meeting all kinds of men.
She's like, grow up, man, five men last night, I've
met two men. The other night, I'm at this one
man here and there one man there. And you met
one guy who was really sweet to you and it
was a sign of chivalry and we were like, this
might be it. Please explain Bachelor number two.

Speaker 2 (20:33):
Bachelor number two, Oh, what a wonderful person. First of all,
let me just say to the black lady, if you're
looking for love, go to London. They love themselves a
black American woman.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
I mean they do.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
You gotta bat them off with. It's like a fly swater.
You're like, I can't even go down the block without
somebody fun enough on me. I think I might have
to move to London. Well, I think I might have
to move to London just for like you might two
weeks for look. That was that was That was an experience.
But out of all the gentlemen, I went on several
dates in London. I was only there for like four days.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
Now you did not put We've moved on and now
we're on to bachelor number two.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
Number two, so said.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
So I had several dates in London. They were amazing.
But there was this one guy who was my knight
in shining armor. He saved me from a pretty racially
charged situation.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
And the next day check what was the racially charged situation?

Speaker 2 (21:35):
Oh my gosh, there was this gentleman who decided to
spew racial slurs at me and call me out of
my name walking out of the SOHO house and shortage
and you know, the PG County and me was shocked
and stunned. And when I got outside is when I
confronted him about his disgusting behavior and just had to

(21:58):
let him know, like, don't you ever talk to black
queen like that again, because I'm not the one, or
the two or the three. So this gentleman came in
between this feud and told the guy flat out like
you're disrespectful, you're wrong, and just came to my rescue.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
And I felt wonderful.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
It was wonderful. I felt very valued, I felt appreciated.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
I felt protected because I'm in this country that you
know by myself. You know, I've only been there once before,
and it was like late at night, and I've never
had somebody like attack me verbally with like with racial undertones,
like really racist undertones. So it was a very vulnerable moment.
And so he invited me out to brunch the next

(22:41):
day just to check on me, make sure I was good.
But this is the day of our concert. So at
brunch we have a really good energy, a good vibe.
He's so sweet to me, so nice, and then he
wanted to spend more time, and I'm like, listen, I
have to get a bottle of ove for Carrie and
ized car ride to the concert because we're having a
party in the car.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
So yeah, we're having an uber party.

Speaker 5 (23:03):
Guys.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
We're driving safely. We are not drinking. I mean we're
not driving. We're being chauffeured around by this great, lovely
uber guy and we need some champagne. That makes perfect sense.
Go ahead, But yes, we.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
Don't drink and drive over here. Oh no, we don't
do that. You can't. Life is so important. Don't drink
and drive PSA.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
Okay, So he does the nicest things, like I'll go
upstairs to get dressed in my hotel. He's like, I
will give you a bottle for you and your friend.
When I come down, he has another drink waiting for me.
Doing all the things. Met me back in my part
of town after the concept. Remember he spent the night.
No hanky panky, guys, no hanky panky, but he spent

(23:44):
the night.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
You just did an adult You did an adult friendly sleepover,
which people do often exactly.

Speaker 3 (23:49):
Oh no, right, adult.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
And by the way, if you didn't want to do
just an adult friendly sleepover, that's fine too. I mean
you're good and grown, like you pay your bills in
your taxes. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
So then we went out on a few more days
after that, because I was there a couple more days,
like a day or two.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
He wanted to see me again, took me to dinner
and on my lafe.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Wait a second, so he's just really into you. I
want to make sure. I mean to keep putting you off,
but he's really into you, and he wants to see
you while you're in London. By this time I had left.
I had a quick stay. I was in and out,
and you were in the city and you were being
romanced by this lovely gentleman who was like your night
in shining.

Speaker 3 (24:25):
Armor, yes, with a great accent.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
And then my last night after dinner, he spent the
night again, no hanky panky. But in the middle of
the night I felt I just get a little restless
at times. So I rolled over and I slowly opened
my eyes just you know, four in the morning. And
I'm not sure if I saw it, because this is
what I said to you. I think I saw something,

(24:48):
but I don't know if I actually saw the something.
But what I think that I saw that I might
have really seen was him sucking his thumb.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
You see what now? What was he doing?

Speaker 3 (25:04):
So what I said was is that I may have.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
Potentially kind of seen him kind of sucking his thumb
and metal position. And I said, no, I closed my.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
I see no evil.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
I said no. Wait wait, you said no, enclose your
eyes tight because you were hoping it was a fathom
of your imagination, of your imagine, Karry.

Speaker 3 (25:32):
You know, I thought I was dreaming.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
There's no possible way. It wasn't possible. But no, because
I closed my eyes just really quickly, like lord, I'm
not doing this. Why you got jokes up there? You
got some jokes upstairs by the god. But I said,

(25:54):
I could I.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Give my version of this story. I'd like to give
my version because I really want to be naked. So
Jessica meets this guy and she's like, Yo, he's great,
he's this, he's that. I'm like, oh, I was like, good,
tell me about him. So we get back from London
and I was like, girl, and I talked to her
at the airport. She was like, I'm leaving tomorrow, but
he's so great. We had a good time. She's still

(26:15):
excited about him. I noticed maybe the exciting went from
a ten plus to maybe an eight plus. But she's
still excited about this young lad. And so she gets
back home. We're in Brooklyn. We're chilling and I'm like, oh, so,
what's going on with London because everyone has a name.
And she's like, well, I'm going to tell you something.

Speaker 3 (26:32):
And I said, what's going on?

Speaker 1 (26:34):
And I'm thinking the worst? Listeners, I'm thinking the worst,
and she's like, he's nice. I don't know. I you know,
it's probably just me, because this is how sweet she is.
She goes, it's probably just me. I don't know if
this happened or not. It probably didn't, but something happened
at night, and now I'm even going to even worse,

(26:54):
Like I'm like, we about to hop on the flight
and caught a cops like did he try to assault you?
Was he doing something perverted? What did he do with disgusting?
And she's like, well, I'm not for sure, Lie number one.
I'm not for sure. I think maybe, but I don't know.
It could be just me. Lie number two. She's putting
it on her. She was like, I turn over and

(27:17):
I think but it was dark, Lie number three, it
was dark, and I think he might have been sucking
his thumb. And I was like, I wouldn't even let
her finish it.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
I just said, you said, like sixty tis.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Because she was making it. And she was like, it
probably was me. I did have my glasses on. I
was closing my eyes really tight. I popped them open
again and then I opened them one more time and
it was nothing there, and then back again. I closed
them and then I opened them and I closed them
and I opened them and yeah, so it might have
been me. I was like, if you think you saw

(27:55):
this forty year old man sucking his thumb, you did
see him sucking his thumb. How do you want to proceed? Now?

Speaker 5 (28:04):
What is that?

Speaker 1 (28:05):
I hope listen, I have no work.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
I was going to give it, you know, Carrie, you
know me. I like people. I'd like to accept people
as they are.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
You do. And you said at the beginning of the podcast, Lord,
whoever comes my way, I'm dating them, and I'm not
because I'm looking for love and I'm not going to
be picky. That was your intention, that was my.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
Intention, and I was so adamant and I said, okay,
now if that's just a sleep thing, right, I don't
okay it As we discussed, you know, it made other
things a little bit more obvious as to why they
were those things.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
Such as.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
Well, you know, there was a little bit of a
tooth that just protruded it slightly forward, just to tinge
and so I speak, just pinch, you know, and listen,
I teeth is you know, we could fix that, that's easy.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
But you see, okay, So do you see how sweet
sheee is? Everybody? This is why I love being around
her because she will find redeeming qualities. She's a problem solver.
She does it for a living. She's going to do
it in her personal life too. And only reason why
I kept saying uh was because I was like, why
are you blaming yourself for what you actually saw? You're like, well,
maybe it was me. I wasn't sleeping well in London.

(29:24):
We've been out all night. I'd been hanging out late.
I blinked my eyes. Things were different when I opened
them again, Like you were coming up with every excuse
because you want to You wanted to date him because
he was a nice guy, right, Why why is thumb
sucking a deal breaker for a grown man? I'm curious
what were your thoughts? What did that tell you?

Speaker 3 (29:41):
So I happen?

Speaker 1 (29:42):
Are we vain?

Speaker 4 (29:45):
Vain?

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Maybe slightly? Not really because I was open then, but
you know what it was? It was so this is
what it was, is that talking to you? I must
have been talking to you about this because it wasn't
so much. It took me a minute to process that
because I have a delayed a mode of response. But
it wasn't so much the act of thumb sucking.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
It's why.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
A grown man is sucking his thumb.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
Are their mommy issues, are their child abandonment issues, and
those things are going to manifest themselves later in life,
Which is I think you actually are the one that
gave me that advice and was like, listen, friend, listen,
this is indicative of something bigger than the act itself.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
Maybe, so we're going to you came up. You were like,
maybe we can put some hot sauce on his thumb,
Like you were ready to go back to London and
put some hot sauce on his thumb.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
I put some hot sauce on his thumb, maybe a
soft on his hand. You know, I feel like those
are really affective strategies to break. I mean, the two
year olds can break out of sucking thumbs. Why can't
a forty year old.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
I Now, I'm just curious. These are just things that
I'm just like. And again, here's what you said. You said, God,
I don't care what he looks like because all he
loves me, and God is testing you and he's seeing
whether or not you believe that. Do you care what

(31:05):
they look like? No?

Speaker 5 (31:09):
No?

Speaker 2 (31:10):
Yes, okay, So here's my perspective, right, So it's a
combination of the energy, because the energy is like key,
like I have to get along with you. You got
to make me laugh, like there has to be some something,
and then I have to be attracted to you. Now,
do my friends think every man that I've dated on
the planet is attractive? Of course, absolutely not. But I

(31:32):
have to be attracted to them, you know. And it's
not perfection. I'm never I think people who are like
too perfect, like men who are too perfect, I don't know.
I get a little bit anxious around that. But you know,
everybody has something, and that's like my philosophy is like
I have my things. Everybody has something, so try to
look past that if the energy is good. But I'm

(31:53):
learning through this process of just saying yes to every
single person that comes my way that I can't look
past everything, and there's this level of discernment that I
have to have right and question the why behind things.
And also like looks are in everything, that there's something,
they are something you know they.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
Have to be. Yeah, you want to you want to
be attracted. And by the way, men would even have
this conversation, men are so and I don't want to
say all men, but a lot of men are just
really vain and they'd be like, oh, no, I'm not
feeling what her because whatever, I don't know. Here's the deal.
Though I don't necessarily think a man would be unattracted
to a woman issue sector thumb. I think I think that,
you know, I think that something childlike, infantile like, rather

(32:39):
even for that matter, is a turn off for a
woman who's looking to be taken care of, looking not
by financially, but like I need a man like you
gotta financially take care of me. But can are you
going to secure with them? If we get into a fight,
a street fight, walknu stream Brooklyn, somebody, try to get
it what you're gonna do? Pop it in like it
just meant more. And I hate that we're bringing this light.

(33:01):
But I'm sure we're not the only ones. I'm sure
other people feel this way. So God is like, all right,
I'm gonna bring you a guy who's nice and and funny,
but he was embarrassed to tell you about his situation,
so he covered his face with a wine glass. And
then you meet another guy and he's super sweet and
he's handsome, and he's doing all the things, and he
saved your life. Why do you think you woke up

(33:22):
in the middle of night and looked over like, don't
you think that I said, if you would have slept
through the night, you wouldn't have known. What do you
think that means?

Speaker 3 (33:29):
My grandmother warned me. She was like, girl, wake up.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
That's what I think.

Speaker 3 (33:34):
June Lennard was like, baby, wake up.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
The ancestors woke you up. My ancestors woke you up
and was like, take a look around.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Take a look around. Since the girl take a look.
I mean, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
I think I also know.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
I mean you never know. I swear there is no.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
Reason I would have woken up in that moment and
then yeah, for him to remove his thumb and like
put his hand down because he felt me look or like.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
That was just that was that was.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
That was the ancestors. I can't tell you where I
woke up.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
That's a revelation in our friendship, because remember you tried
to dance around it. I was like, did he did
he know you were looking? You're like, well, maybe not,
because you, like you wanted it to work. I was like,
he moved his you blinked your eyes and then he
moved his hand quickly, and I was like, how would
you do that unless he was away. I don't think
he was awake. Maybe I was imagining it because you
wanted it to work.

Speaker 5 (34:23):
I did.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
I did he was a nice guy, and I was like,
you know what if that's the only thing, But then again,
it could be indicative of more things, because it's never
just that. So I'm trying to learn, you know, see
the signs early, no matter what they look like, a
sign as a sign. But Lord have mercy, now that

(34:45):
one was that was an intentional way. There's no way
I would have woken.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
Up it four am. Ever correct? Yeah? Correct? Okay?

Speaker 3 (34:53):
Crazy.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
So we get back stateside, we confess our secret. It
takes away its power because every time I kept asking
you about him, You're like, why, all right, here we go.
I have a confession. It probably was just me. I wasn't.
I wasn't quite sure. I blinked and it was different.
It was probably me. I just ah, I think I

(35:19):
think I I think maybe I didn't see this. I
was like, no, Nigro, you saw it.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
I was like, Carrie, I don't know. Do you think
I saw it?

Speaker 4 (35:27):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (35:29):
It was an illusion, figment of my imagination. I was sleeping,
my eyes were closed really tight. Perhaps my contacts were
bothering me. I was like, no, I couldn't.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
I just couldn't stop it. I just I couldn't I
couldn't come. I couldn't conjure up the courage or the words.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
How do I see this?

Speaker 3 (35:52):
How do I share this with my friend? How do
I how do I articulate this?

Speaker 1 (35:58):
I love you so much, You're so so she is
the sweetest I cannot That is why I adore being
around her, because she's like, well, I don't really want
to she doesn't want to say anything bad about anybody.
I'd be talking smack about people all the time. She'd
be like Carrie, well, okay, you know, but so she
didn't want to say nothing bad about the guy because
he was a nice guy. Yeah, saved your life. Okay, So,
so have you talked to him since? How did you?

(36:19):
How did did that fall by the wayside? What happened
to Bachelor number two?

Speaker 2 (36:23):
It fell by the wayside, you know, the time difference
and on a different continent.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
You know, those are difficult things.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
And then you know, I mean, it's summer, so life
has been life in life has been life in so yeah,
that fell by the wayside.

Speaker 3 (36:38):
And you know, I'm glad. I mean mess ain't glad.
I God makes no mistakes.

Speaker 4 (36:46):
Every champion and car every champion has to be a
Championta Champion and carry Chappion and carry chat Champion and
carry chat.

Speaker 5 (36:53):
Bean and carried ch greatest entertainment. Canke it work?

Speaker 4 (37:02):
Karry Champion, the Cary Champion is to be a champion,
a champion and carrie Chapi and the Champion they carry Champion,
they carried Shepty.

Speaker 1 (37:13):
So you're minding your business your state. Side you say
the truth. We go back out in these streets to
hang out and meet people, these vicious lonely streets that
I love so much in Brooklyn. And side note, we
go to I don't think I think it was the
NBA Draft party. We're going to get to Bachelor three

(37:35):
in a minute. But we go to the NBA Draft
party and we have been having a time and uh
my agency put it on and we go and it's
late and Jessica's still meeting the booze you got. We've
got two or three numbers at night. It's not like
you're not meeting guys. You were meeting guys. You met
remember the.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
Guy, Yeah, you met Atlanta.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
They mister Atlanta. And so she's meeting guys and I'm
just like, I'm tired, I'm ready to go home. I
go to work in the morning. I was going to
tell you about this young lady. I was like, I'm
getting ready to go. We hop in an uber and she,
I don't know, bumped into some old flame I guess,

(38:15):
and he wants to hang out and we decide to
go back and hang out with him at a location,
and I don't really want to hang out with him.
I'm like, I'm tired. I want to go home and
I'm done. I'm done. Like, I'm like, okay, the match
is out, the fire, it's gone. I got to go home.
Jessica is in the uber giving this poor man four
or five different directions and he's getting so upset, and
she's yelling at the uber driver and I'm hollering because
we're ridiculous. It's like three in the morning in Brooklyn.

(38:37):
We are at the bridge. I make them pull over
because I'm about to take my own uber home. She's
heading back to where she lives. I'm gonna ta go
home my way, and she's like, we're not going to
leave you friend, We're gonna stay here, sir. Pull over.
I'm paying for the maleage and I don't need your smack. Okay, sir, sir, sir, sir,
oh lord, and so so many uber in. So We're

(39:00):
having a good time and I'm laughing and I'm joking,
and then I get in my uber I think, what
a legendary night. This girl is so hilarious. We have
such a great time. But the gods are listening. And
I mean, my timeline may be a little off, but
you meet a guy shortly thereafter London because she meets
the booze. You meet a guy Bachelor number three. Great,

(39:21):
tell what you want to tell about Bachelor number three
in whatever way you feel you're comfortable.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
It's another DM, guys. I mean, honestly, I don't know
what's been going on with Instagram. I think I'm going
to get rid of it because this is just chaos.
I think, what is happening? I can't mind my business
and catch up on the Real Housewives without nonsense. So
it was another DM on a Friday night. I think
that I'm going to enjoy taigh food and just like

(39:46):
live my best life. But nope, God had different plans.
So a guy slides into my DMS. I see that
we have mutual friends, one of which or two of
which are my best friends, and another very close friend,
So of course I don't believe in stranger danger. You know,
I've been here before with Bachelor number one. There was
another He's not even a bachelor or a possibility, but

(40:09):
there was another situation and I'm just like, I'm just
not doing the DM. So I asked my friend, like,
who was this person? He gave me the green light.
We went to dinner. Friday night turned into six days.

Speaker 1 (40:22):
Like.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
The chemistry was right, he was cute. I was not well.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
I'm not going to say that I preserved my thoughts,
but it was a vibe. We had an amazing time.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
He was super We're no surprises. He didn't put a
wine glass in front of his face, he didn't pull
his thumb out of his mouth in the middle of
the night. He was Everything was good. We're good, We're good.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
Where hanging out.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
He's was visiting, and so he stayed a little longer.
He you know, all his plans to change, they were
all me. It was great and we ended up dating right,
and because he lived in a different state, the next
time we saw each other, I went to see him right,
got to meet all the friends. Things are great, There's
a lot of intensity, there's just I get flowers. He

(41:08):
gives me my favorite roses, even when he was in
New York, like day three, I told him in a
casual conversation that my favorite flower is a white rose.
And like on day three when he was in New York,
I had a tough day at work, like he was texting,
I'm like, oh, I had a tough day.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
He shows up with like a dozen long stem white roses.
Just super nice. I know, I met his friends in
New York and in his state.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
You know, he just really there was a bomb in
Gilead and you were like, finally, yeah, really.

Speaker 3 (41:39):
I was so pleased. I was so happy. So we're
talking for a couple of months.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
He you know, wanted to come visit me for another holiday,
and I was debating whether or not I should have
a barbecue for my family, not my family, for my friends.
He insisted on cooking for forty people. Right, there was
a lot of people. There was a good little handful
shop with me paid for half of that.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
I mean, he was just great.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Another great week in the books. Everything's perfect. Everybody loved him.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
He was amazing.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
He invited his friends, you know, more of his friends,
which is great. And then we fast forward to a
couple of weeks after that.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
So but for two months, you guys are hide and heavy.
Things are good relationships, great, You're making plans. You're making plans,
future plans, like like what you do for your birthday,
What I would do for my birthday, those kinds of plans,
not like get married plans.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
But we were planning to go see our mutual friend
in La like it was like a thing. Like it
was a thing. It was a thing, and I enjoyed it.
It was a wonderful thing.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
I was more vulnerable than I usually am because my therapist,
you know, coaches me through when I'm a bit uncomfortable
with certain things and helps me to communicate my feelings.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
So I was a bit more vulnerable. I was very open.
He was as well.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
It felt like we were on the same page until
the week that he was supposed to come see me,
because he asked me to get him tickets to a
particular concert through my connections. I did that, and that
week he completely ghosted me. He ghosted me, And thank

(43:23):
you for giving me the courage to be able to
stay my peace because like on the day that he
was supposed to have flown in which was like two
days after I stopped hearing from him, you told me
flat out. I was like, yeah, I'm not going to
say anything, and You're like, why not if you hurt
your feelings? Telling me hurt your feelings, Like, don't not
say anything.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
So I did.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
Still no response, but a lot of interesting things happened
after that, like he got rid of his entire Instagram page,
which is unusual, right, And then.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
Today should I talk about today? Like what we saw today? Today?

Speaker 2 (43:59):
He had re emerged on the Instagram. It's my Instagram
is dangerous and is looking at my stories now. I
went through a lot of frustration and pain for the
past couple of weeks because my feelings are hurt. Because
I really cared about this person. I felt like he
was genuine, he was honest. Because of our mutual friend,

(44:22):
like and how close that friend is to me, I
thought he would have approached this with some level of respect.
And we have history because I met him six years ago.
Apparently he worked on my campaign and you know, we reconnected.
So it's one of those things where I'm just kind
of still like, hmm, this is I don't know what's

(44:44):
going on. But the twenty twenty three version of me
is very much like, I'm very clear on what I
want in my life and what I don't want in
my life, and what I don't want in my life
is instability and chaos. And so because this person has
brought instability and chaos, he's not a person I can
a future with, you know. So I think that mentality
has helped me to kind of heal through this a
bit faster. And then great friends like Carry and a

(45:08):
great therapist like Kelly, because honestly, the old me would
have because I was triggered.

Speaker 3 (45:14):
From past relationships which I told him about.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
So I just felt really disrespected and I told him
that I feel disrespected, I feel rejected. This is not okay.
I don't deserve it the end, you know. But at
the end of the day, he's like, trying to look
at my stuff. So I don't know, I'm not what.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
Do you mean, look at your stuff? It sounds sexual?

Speaker 2 (45:33):
Oh no, look at my instant stories. I was like,
why are you all up in what I'm doing? And
when did you get back to Instagram? Welcome back?

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Okay, So let me summarize. You have these two interesting
dates and you're just like I'm just keep trying. I
want you guys to understand she's trying. She's like, I
love love, I'm not giving up. I'm gonna find me someone.
And then you meet this guy and you're like Heaven said,
You're like finally normal, like walks and talks, not odd,

(46:04):
not ghosting, being normal. You guys have two months of
a world win relationship. He comes to visit you, stays
with you for days at a time. You go to
visit him, stays with him for days at a time.
You guys are making plans together for his birthday and
your birthday. And he is waiting all of your friends.
He's cooking for all of your friends at a Fourth

(46:25):
of July barbecue. You are truly included, and he is
waiting on you. I witnessed hand and foot making sure
you're comfortable, making sure everybody else is comfortable. And I
could see that you really like this guy because he
was making an effort, and you're like, finally, I can
put my shoulders down, I can exhale, if I could
use a term from Terry McMillan, I can chill out.

(46:48):
He meets your sisters, he has interaction with them. He
is all of things. He's just showing up consistently, and
he says to you, Hey, I want to go to
this concert. I'll come back the Thursday before the concert
and hang out with you. So a week before the concert,
he just starts acting different, not returning your calls, completely

(47:11):
unusual for the last two months, not being open and transparent,
completely unusual from the last two months. And then he
just goes silent. And your last message to him before
telling him how you feel was like, hey, you still
coming to the concert?

Speaker 3 (47:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (47:26):
Like did he reply?

Speaker 3 (47:27):
No, not at all.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
And he knows I'm a planner, like because what I
do for a living in because like, if you're staying,
he wanted to stay with me for eleven days, So
I need to like sort that out because I have life,
I have a dog.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Yeah, well dogs are humans. I know that.

Speaker 5 (47:44):
No, you know.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yeah, so you were going to let him stay with
you for eleven days. This is a relationship. Anybody can
stay with you more than a weekend, y'all. Y'all in it.
Eleven days, that's a long time, Okay.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
I have anxiety about that, you know, I'm only gonna
have got Like even the first time I went to
go see him. I called my friend Holly on the
way to the airport and I'm like, girl, I don't
know if I could do this, Like this is like
six days with a person not in my own space
is going to be a challenge.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
But I did it, you know, so yeah, it's great.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Why do you think.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
That's a great question? I have no idea.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
I mean, if I had to guess, it had test
to be another woman, right, So that's kind of what
I'm thinking.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
But you know, I don't want to make assumptions.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
I feel really odd that now he's looking at my
stories because like why, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
I don't want people to having access to me, like
when they're not treating me well.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
But who knows.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
It could be another woman. It could be a mental
health thing which I would never want to make light of,
or it could just be.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
I have no idea. I've never been through this. I
am at a loss.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
You here's what's interesting. Do you want him to reach
out to you? No?

Speaker 3 (49:00):
Because I feel like, at this point, like, what are
you really going to say?

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Because I've gone through my grieving and my healing from this,
because it was so like pull the carpet from under
my feet, like I had to catch myself, and now
that I've caught myself, you know, I don't want to
fall back into the chaos. And it's kind of like
whatever he has to say, I'm not sure I would
necessarily believe. But I feel that if we go back

(49:26):
to all these three different scenarios, I feel like I'm
learning a valuable lesson, or at least I'm putting God
is putting me in a space to put into action
the lessons that I've learned. Right, we all have had
a guy and they do something after a couple months
that's drastic, and we take them back, right, and then

(49:46):
you see those behaviors show up time and time and
time and time and time again over the next three
years and it never works out. And so for me,
and I say three years because that's my story, I've
had that happen to me multiple time. I'm not ghosting,
but just chaos. And so for me, you know, it's
like I have to be honest with myself about what
I'm attracted to. I have to see beyond like the

(50:08):
good and understand like they're like when people do things
like stuff their thumb, there's a bigger issue there, and
then more importantly, when people show you who they are,
you believe them the first time. Why it's kind of
like for me, I don't want to welcome into the
ability into my life. So it's like, Okay, you've shown
me that you have the ability to abandon me, because

(50:28):
I have to look at it like how you're treating me,
not how you treat everybody else, because how you treat
everybody else is not how you should treat Jessica Thorpe,
you know, because I've been good to you, and so
you know, I can hear all the excuses and all
the apologies in the world. But what I do know
is that if I take you back, or if I
open the door for that, I'm going to be in
the same situation in a year and it's going to

(50:49):
be more painful for me because we would have had
a year more of memories.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
So it's like, get out early. We had a great time.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
But like, that's never going to work for me because
it's like you, like my therapist said this, she goes,
when you're married, but are you just gonna walk away
for two weeks and take it two Like you can't
take a break, you know?

Speaker 3 (51:07):
And I know we're not married, but it's like, give
me the respect.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
And I think it's because I feel disrespected, Like give
me the respect of communicating with me, because I'm a
communications professional, and more importantly, it's just human decency and
you don't treat people like this.

Speaker 3 (51:22):
So it's like, I'm like, you told me you're.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
We're sure we're gonna hear from him, and then today
he's lurking on my social media.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
I can tell you one thing I know for sure.
They always come back, girl, They always do. I don't
care what relationship end, they will find the audacity. I'm
me tell you something. People will do you wrong and
they will look under the couch cushions and be like,
here's a link full of audacity. Let me call Jessica
Thorpe and be like, girl, what you're doing? Like, no
big deal, you know what I mean. And so they

(51:52):
all do that. And I think that people who wrong
other people, especially good people, feel like they have a
window of opportunity to I'm back. It doesn't matter whom
you're dating. If you are a good soul and you're
dating someone, they'll miss that quality because you can't find
that quality and or connection from really solid good people often,
and you're right, he has to display the pattern. But

(52:15):
it still doesn't mean you can't miss him, and it
still doesn't mean that you can't miss with the relationship,
and it still doesn't mean that you may not want
to talk to him and figure out why, because that
would be killing me. I'm like, how you just ghost
me after you you asked me to go get some
tickets for the concert, and now you go to me.
You go to me.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
You wanted to do all these things, to make all
of these grand gestures, you know, making plans.

Speaker 2 (52:36):
I'm putting you on my gym membership. I'm like, why
because I have a gym in my building, But you
know whatever, I'll do it. But yeah, it is interesting
because yes, those feelings do come up. I do miss him,
I do miss our connection. I do miss the you know,
the banter, all those things. But it's like I missed that,
but I'm existing, I was existing in this. I'm existing

(52:57):
in a space of confusion right because they're there's no
communication and so it's like I miss you butt, right,
there's the butt, and I don't want to be when
anybody where I have to do the butt. You hurt
me type of thing, but you did this because what's
going to happen is, let's say I allow that I
miss you feelings to like take over right like I

(53:18):
used to, because I mean, so many men have done things,
and had I just taken heed at month three, by
year two and a half, I wouldn't have been as hurt, right,
because I would have been moved on. But it's like
just one of those things where it's like, you know,
my grandmother always says this. People do what they want
to do, make no mistake about it. My grandmother used

(53:38):
to say to me, your grandfather could up and leave
me tomorrow and there's nothing I can do about it.
Because at the end of the day, people do what
they want to do. So when somebody does something or
doesn't do something, it's because they don't want to or
they want to. And so I'm believing yeah, and I
believe you, And it's like you got to take a

(53:59):
like a And I'm not the most pragmatic analytical person.
I'm very emotional, and anybody who knows me knows like
I'm doing my best to try to, you know, be
a bit more pragmatic just in terms of life. But
I'm a very emotional person like I hurt like everybody else.
I've cried my tears, I've had my frustrating moments, but

(54:19):
like and taking a step back and looking at like
my life and the patterns of my relationships over the years,
this is one that shows up. And so it's like
back to the earlier question, what do you think God
is showing you? It's like I gotta remember the lessons
and move accordingly to get to the next chapter because
I can't keep displaying the same behaviors and accepting the

(54:40):
same nonsense if I want something different. And so it's
just weird because it's like I feel like I'm dating,
but like I'm in it. But there's also a version
of me that's like a bird's eye view, that's like
looking at everything and saying, Okay, let's assess this.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Thank godf of therapy, raise a little up there.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
I will say this, you're not alone and you're in
your quest two fine love. I think anyone listening can
understand what it feels like to want to be with
someone because you have so much love to give and
and what I do love about you is that you
don't get jaded, you don't get exhausted by the shenanigans,
because we have had some shenanigans most recently, and I'm
all like, or you have got to be getting me

(55:23):
not Bachelor number one, two and three all back to back,
Like that's a shenanigan in itself, back to back to
back to back, and and and the reality is must
be said, no one is perfect. We're not asking you
to show up perfectly. But you know, you have to
be ready to walk away when it's time to walk away.
And you have to also know what you want. And

(55:43):
that's the that's the one thing I think you have
that I don't have. You know exactly what you want
it to look like and what it feels like. And
so when you get a sense of that, you want
to hold on to it. And that's what you did
with Bachelor number three. But he he you know, he
fumbled the bag. That's his bad. That's he fumbled the bag.
That is his bad. So you're back in these streets,
back you back outside. How is dating?

Speaker 3 (56:05):
I just.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
I fall into this spiral when I'm hurt that I
just get a little reckless, and I just I get reckless.
It's reckless. But you know I'm gonna take a step back.
I'm just gonna like ship, I'm a chill. I'm want
to give myself the rest of the year to just
like focus on a lot of work stuff going on.
So I just want to focus and pace myself for

(56:31):
the next bachelors that decide to slide in the DM
or enter my life or see me outside. But yeah, Carrie,
it's just some days I wake up and I'm like, Jessica,
that's all I got, Just sigh.

Speaker 1 (56:47):
Why did I get lad? Are we going back to London?
Are we gonna go is oh boy with the thumb
looking good? Should we go back to London and find him? Like?
What's going on? Where we are? We We're not that desperate.
We're not back there yet, right No, no, no, no,
not that we're.

Speaker 3 (57:04):
Going to But I crossed the pond just to see
what's out there. But yeah, I can't. I can't. I
can't double back with that one because it's already in
my head.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
Listen, Okay, So in closing, as we wrap the podcast,
what is your advice to anyone who's dating man, woman,
girl boy? What is your advice to anyone who is
out here dating as a professional looking for love and
trying to navigate between social media, online dating, meeting someone
walking down the street, through musual friends. What are you

(57:34):
saying to people who are still who still have hope
and have not given up. People who still have hope
and that have not given up. The advice that I
would give you is be honest with yourself, right, remember.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
The life lessons that you've been taught over the years,
and never give up on love because at the end
of the day, it will come. We just have to
be patient and we have to be discerning, and everything
happens the way it's supposed to one day a year
from now and two years from now, and be like, ah, now,

(58:11):
I see why that didn't work out because I was
supposed to meet this guy at this location a month later.
So just be optimistic, be careful with your heart, be
gentle with yourself, and remember like life goes on hashtag onward.

Speaker 3 (58:26):
You know that's how I feel.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
So goodbye to the guy who was hiding his eye,
Goodbye to the guy with the thumb, and goodbye to
the ghost. We're moving onward, deuces. Yes, Jessa, thank you
for sharing your story. This is an unusual naked but
not unusual in a bad way. We were truly naked
and we giggled and it's ridiculous, but it was also guitartic.

(58:50):
I thing for you, so it's special. You got it
on whack so that you know how strong you are.
When you listen to this back, you'll realize that, yeah,
I'm that girl. I can pick everything up and move
ahead and live the life that I ultimately want to
live with the love that I deserve. And that's what
you're going to be able to hear in this. So
thank you for telling your story and being so honest
and brave. I appreciate you, my friend.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
I love you, and I appreciate you, and you're an inspiration.
And just thank you for having my back and being
there for me every.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
Step of the way.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
I love you and laughing at you.

Speaker 3 (59:20):
That's true and with me and with me because I
laugh too.

Speaker 5 (59:24):
Child.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
Now, with that being said, I'm glad that she shared
those stories, and I'm glad she still believes in love.
I am so jaded. This is why I hang out
with her because she's so positive and I love that
she's still like, no matter what, it'll find me when
it's supposed to find me. And she gave you all
those words of encouragement, and I love it. And obviously
I didn't get into my business because you know, I

(59:49):
don't like to get into my business. On my own podcast,
I'm just nosey asking her all her questions. But I
will say this, I am dating, and I am happy.
I like the person I'm with. We're enjoying each other.
I don't I want to get into too much because
I think I'm gonna jinx it and I'm nervous and
my fingers are crossed that it doesn't get messed up,
that I don't overthink about it and overtrip and all
the other things that I do. But with that being said,

(01:00:12):
with your girl up, she got to hear naked and
vulnerable dating in twenty twenty three. That's a dangerous thing
to do dat in twenty twenty three. I'm jealous of
all my friends who don't have to date, and I
also admire my friends who are like, I'm done dating.
I'm done. I'm just gonna sit at home and play
with my cat as an animal. Don't get nasty. We

(01:00:33):
got a new addition of Naked coming up next Monday.
Thank you guys so much for listening and give it
up for Jessica. She's a sweetheart.