September 26, 2025 • 18 mins
What do you do when family members ask you for money? It can become a real problem, particularly if you’ve “made it” in their eyes, and they start hitting you up like an ATM. On this week’s MiniPod hosts Tiffany Cross and Andrew Gillum navigate money and family.
If you’d like to submit a question, check out our tutorial video: www.instagram.com/reel/C5j_oBXLIg0/
Welcome home y’all!
—---------
We want to hear from you! Send us a video @nativelandpod and we may feature you on the podcast.
Watch full episodes of Native Land Pod here on YouTube.
Native Land Pod is brought to you by Reasoned Choice Media.
Thank you to the Native Land Pod team:
Angela Rye as host, executive producer and cofounder of Reasoned Choice Media; Tiffany Cross as host and producer, Andrew Gillum as host and producer, and Lauren Hansen as executive producer; Loren Mychael is our research producer, and Nikolas Harter is our editor and producer. Special thanks to Chris Morrow and Lenard McKelvey, co-founders of Reasoned Choice Media.
Theme music created by Daniel Laurent.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Native Blame Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership
with Reason Choice Media.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome home, y'all, we
are here with this league mini pod, and I know
you all are going to find as relatable because Andrew
had the great idea to talk about money, specifically loaning
money to family and friends. And when you start making
(00:25):
money and you become the person like JJ want to
go to prom the loan, make that money for his tugs,
and Renee want to go to the Dans and she
needs money for her dress and all those things. We
certainly have been through that collectively. So Andrew, what made
you want to talk about this?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
No?
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I you know, I came across this clip and I
thought it was like quite something to hear a very
very very very rich woman share this problem that a
lot of us common folks also encounter. And I just
I just wanted to see if our audience might relate
(01:03):
similarly to how this particular person deals.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
With she because not her, that's my only.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
This.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
The voice that you're going to hear if you're on
the listening side is Melanie Hopson, who I'm sorry I
say Melanie. You can have a D in your name
all day of you a melody and I'm also.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
But she's I don't know, we know her, but a
lot of people like may not actually know her. She's
the president of a Real Investments, which is a huge
management strategic planning firm, but really in finance. She also
happens to be married to George Lucas.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yes, yes, star Wars.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Wars fame, so collectively they are ballin' very She was
formerly on the board of Starbucks, but I don't think
she's on the board now. And I think she's on
the board of the Rockefellow Foundation as well.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I mean, she's a big deal. She's a big Check
her out. I will check it out. You should. I
think you find it.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Interesting how when you become the one person in the
family that makes money, how do you maintain relationships with
your family?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
This would be hours of conversation, but I'm going to
give you the highlight reel. For me, I was my
mother's retirement plan. She fully expected and believed that, but
she put a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
On me, a lot.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
We had a young woman who worked at Ariel. Her
father was the CEO of a big company She was
a young white woman, and she was like, you lend
your family members money, you take care of your parents.
And we're all like, there are a bunch of black
people in the day.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
We're like, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Have to set boundaries. You have just set very very
clear boundaries. And what I did, which was a bit
extreme because it became debilitating to me and it was
going to end relationships that I had, was I put,
honestly an accountant between me and my family, and I
made it that you can't ever call me for money,
but you can call this person. I'm not going to
talk to you about this. You have to call Tom.
You have to call Tom. You have to call Tom.
It was ugly in the beginning. The last thing I
(03:08):
tell people all the time is when you make that decision,
just understand it's a donation. You're never going to say
it again. Whatever I do give, I do not expect back.
I never said that to them, but emotionally that was
my way of dealing with when I didn't get it back.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I could relate to that. First of all, the accounting
think that ain't in my league. I'll be clear clearly.
But but Tiff, I don't know about you. But when folks,
you know, sort of make up in their mind that
you're the one that has the resource as the relative,
and in my opinion, sort of suspend with the fact
(03:45):
that you got their kids and their family and got
all that, and it's sort of like, this is what
I need and can you help, and can I just
borrow such and such an until next week or such
and such, you know, I like, like Melody said, once,
I once I gave money, even if it were a
(04:05):
quote loan, I made up in my mind immediately it
wasn't coming back. Because early on when I really did
think people were asking for a loan, and they really
were next Tuesday, don't pay me back. And then I
saw them next week on Saturday, and they were buying
themselves some kicks. And in my mind, I'm now resenting
and I got judgment. Now I'm watching your spend, I'm
(04:27):
watching all of it. And it wasn't that like I
needed the money back so badly. It was just the
principle of the matter, like you said, with your whole heart,
the next week Tuesday, you were going to do a thing,
and it's Saturday, and you didn't do that thing. You
didn't do the thing you said. But worse, you not
taking the money. You should be paying me back and
buying shoes and this and that. And let's go to
(04:49):
you know, restaurant X, Y and Z and get brunch.
How you gonna get brunch? You owe me money? Right,
So that was that began to tear at relationships for me.
And I'm talking to you know, history forward, and so
it was like, Andrew, you got to make one or
two decisions. You either are going to say, no, I'm
(05:10):
not loaning money. I don't give no, I can't do that,
or you're going to say if it is a gift,
if it's a loan, it's a gift, it is make
up in your mind. You you are never seeing it again.
And that way I can release it right when I
release the money, that is gone.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I think that's a good practice. So I didn't know
we were going to be talking about this, but just coincidentally,
of course, you know, I'm writing a book and I
write extensively about this, so I actually have some data
on this. And the challenge with Andrew is, you well know,
as a parent, sometimes you're now put in a position
where now you're taking care of parents and you're taking
care of children. So you're getting bled by both ends,
(05:49):
which puts you in peril. So then the cycle continues.
You put your children in a position where they now
have to take care of you and their children. Then
it's like, how do you stop right? But many of
us are doing just that. So in fact, nearly half
all college educated black households are taking care of their
parents or you know, putting money back into their family,
while just sixteen percent of college educated white households do
(06:13):
the same. And more than a quarter of Black Americans
live in multi generational homes here. So you look at
what we're doing and also considering the wealth gap. So
I write about that, and it's not just data, but
I also write about it through my own personal lens
and how I live my life. Look, this is one
(06:33):
of the challenging things for me. I am a giver.
If I have it, I will give it, and I
certainly you know, I have an immediate family member who
I take care of all of her needs as best
I can. I don't want her to want for anything.
And then outside of that, I get a little frustrated
because I made certain choices in life and I have
(06:55):
been a really amazing steward of my own finances. I
have budgeted in a way that I have this pot
of money to live off of every month. And since
since one of the comments in our survey was I
don't talk about my personal life and tell all my
personal business, I'll tell you all a very specific story.
Just recently, I had budgeted where I paid for everything,
(07:16):
All bills are paid, family taken care of, you know,
grocery money, going out money, everything, And I just had
a thousand dollars surplus. You know, this was just free
cash for me to do with whatever. If I wanted
to pay for dinner one night, if I wanted to
catch the train to New York to meet with my
publisher about just whatever, nothing silly your publisher, yeah, or
(07:41):
whomever in New York. No, not the kind you turned
off with the guy. I know he would be paying
for it if I was going to see him. But me,
you know, whatever appointments I might have to have to
go back and forth in New York all the time
is really expensive. And so just a thousand not free money.
You know, that's not allocated anywhere, not even to my
going out budget. And just like that, my family hit
(08:02):
me up. I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well that'sk
on another family member, I need three hundred dollars. Okay,
well now I'm down the six hundred. Then this family
needed something, Well now I'm down to five hundred. And
it just got whittled and whittled, and so now I
have a three hundred dollars surplus for myself. Now I
didn't want for anything. I was well taken care of.
(08:22):
But to be honest, I did have a little bit
of resentment because I budget my money for that reason,
and I do wonder, like, what are you doing that
you're not budgeting your money and the assumption that you're
going to borrow money and I know I'll never see
that money again. And then I also feel like an
(08:43):
asshole for asking for the money, because you know, I
make my family can't comprehend. But I also live in
one of the most expensive cities, so it's not like
I'm out here ball and it's like, yeah, what I
pay in rent might be their mortgage for six months,
you know, So it might look like I have this
surplus of cash, but I have this huge bucket of
(09:04):
expenses and I'm never you know, like the woman who
gave me life, and never like I always want her
to not have have what she needs, but we have
what she wants as well. So I really appreciate you
bringing up this conversation because I don't have kids, and
I can't imagine trying to take care of children. But
(09:27):
it is exhausting. It's emotionally exhausting, it is financially taxing.
Then there's also those random tax bills that come up,
and so when you have, you know, I think some
of the income challenges and blessings that we have. That's
another thing. It's hard to explain that to family, like
you don't understand it. I'm paying a lawyer, or if
(09:47):
I'm collecting the speaker fee, I'm paying an agent, I'm
paying my speaking agent, I'm paying my overall agent. I'm
paying the manager, I'm paying an assistant. Every like, there
are things that I budgeted for and I allocated for this. Now,
I don't always feel like there's a lot of consideration
to that. I mean, I trust some people come to
me they feel bad and they've gone through all the things.
(10:09):
But I also look back, like god damn, like when
we were younger. This is why I was trying to
tell you should do this, this like makes a different
decision and it didn't happen, and so I don't know.
I just I feel guilty. I class guilt for sure.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
No, I feel that. I feel that. And sometimes our friends, family,
wild ever sort of make us to feel, you know,
sort of shamed or guilty in some way or another,
because you remember, I gave my last for such and
(10:43):
such and such, and I did my and I know
about those things, so we feel some obligation there. I
guess if I could, if something could be different about
the dynamic I get, for me, it will probably be
just don't call it alone if you don't really mean
for it. Yeah, it's just something about that that just
(11:07):
doesn't feel right. Yeah, you feel really taking advantage of
and almost like playing for stupid, Like now you damn
ll no, you ain't paid back the last six and
you ain't about to pay back the seventh, and so
don't say it, stop joshing me. Stop you know, acting
like I was born last night, because that did. Something
(11:30):
about that just doesn't feel honest with the relationship. And
that's what I would say I sort of missed the most.
There was a period in time where I just didn't
want to take calls from them, you know, you know,
from from from server. I knew what it was on
the other end, and so I was like, you know what,
I need peace today, Like I just can't get in
(11:51):
the middle of it. And then also got to a
stage where you know, you just need to leave a
text or voicemail with the amount and like and then
that's done and this is over. Like I don't want
to have to fake I don't want to have to
fake it. I don't ask me how I'm doing, how
you've been, and you don't mean it. You know, I
can see from the ring, I know it from this
(12:14):
to the phone vibrates. Yeah. And but I also know
that there are people who get out and they are
working job. They're showing up to their job, they are
working their job. They are getting the paycheck from the job,
and before they can cash it, it is already spent
on the bills and obligations. I know that life all
(12:35):
too well. I remember trading, you know, paying you know,
robing Peter to pay Paul, and then borrowing again, you know,
off the Paul money and the serpent, you know, to
do this. So I don't I don't I try not
to act like I don't know what's going on. I
get it, but then I also want on the other
side for you to know that just because you saw
me on a plane to d C the other day
(12:56):
and then I was in New York, that ain't my person.
I'm not I'm not here ball and taking trips every week.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
That is, it's your life and get made money. But
they don't know as a work for somebody else's is
putting the build. But all they said the highlight reel
and make assumptions. But my point is even if you
see me land on the bit on the beach in
the Maldives, like so I budgeted for that, I worked
(13:23):
for that, and I get to do that. So it's
this is a sensitive topic. I you know, I I
I didn't know we were going to talk about this.
But it is making me feel even guilty right now,
to be honest, because I also know like it's hard,
Like there are people in my family where yes, we
have the same opportunities, but we had different coping skills
(13:44):
with life, we had different goals in life, and so
I feel bad that I made certain decisions that other
people did not. But what I'm working through is living
for myself and choosing my joy because I can't carry
other people's pain and it does. It pains me when
my family it's even if their feelings are hurt, it
(14:05):
pains me. And so when they ask, like it is
difficult for me to say no, actually I saved his money.
I wanted to get my hair done. You know, Johnny
Wright got a pretty penny. I was like, I wanted
to get my hair but it looks like it but
it's like, yeah, I'm paying a lot of money, but
I budgeted to be able to pay this money to
(14:27):
get my hair done. Or I'm you know, speaking at
this event and they're not paying for hair and makeup,
like that had to come out of my own pocket.
And so I feel like the asshole. And I'm like, damn,
you can't pay your phone bill and I have it,
except I want to go use it to get this
fancy haircut. And then I feel guilty, and then I
feel mad that I feel guilty about it, and I
(14:47):
just can I get resentful that I'm forced to feel
all yes, yes, And so I I know what this
society has done to our people. I understand the wealth gap.
I understand the decisions that our respective families have had
to make. I understand what my uncles and different people
in my life who have given me money and you know,
(15:08):
just gifted me things for surplus just because I was
their niece. But it can be taxing in every possible way.
So I'm curious for my viewers if you guys can,
if you are the the borrower, what are the circumstances
that lead you to ask your auntie, a sister, a
(15:30):
cousin for money? Do you pay it back? Do you
so uncomfortable? How do you handle it? And if you
are the one who is issuing funds to family, how
do you guys handle it? And y'all know I read
the comments, but I'm also asking just because I want
some guidance for myself as I navigate my own emotions
around it. Uh, how do y'all? How do y'all deal
(15:53):
with it? And I don't know this to my parents
for the record, like the people give me life, they
just get to, you know, do whatever. I don't mind that.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
If I got it, you got it. Basically is you know,
I think this is a charged topic for a lot
of us in our community, and we've come by it
the hard way because most of us know it so well,
which is why we find ourselves so obedient to the
request because at various points in our lives, and you know,
God forbid in our future life will wee ever find
(16:26):
ourselves on the on the side of need. But I
will say, if I am ever on the side of need,
when I have been on the side of need, I've
made it my creed to pay people, and I like
to do it right when I say, and I hope
it's the next, very very next week if it can,
because I know the feeling of I'll pay you back
in I don't ever want.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
To be in character, and if I can't, I'm going
to acknowledge it. At least I'm going to say, hey,
for sure say something right, but just the assumption, I mean,
that's just the behavior of men and women, grown adults.
This is how how that goes.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
So yeah, that's real. Well, thank you all for indulging
us in this conversation, and thank you TIF for sharing
more of your personal love. Although I have to say
I disagree with that comment because I think you are very,
very vulnerable and open about what's going well it certainly
if you're you know, doing some experimental stuff. You just
(17:24):
you just set that camera up and we'll be the
judge of it. Okay, y'all, thank you for being with
us on this, on this mini pod. I hope you
took something from it, and we are still expecting to
get something from you. We want to hear your thoughts
and reflections on how it is you negotiate.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
At this.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And we kept it brief, so get it in the
group chat. Take you everybody, Welcome Home.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Native Lampod is a production of iHeartRadio and partnership with
Recent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Native Blame Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership
with Reason Choice Media.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome home, y'all, we
are here with this league mini pod, and I know
you all are going to find as relatable because Andrew
had the great idea to talk about money, specifically loaning
money to family and friends. And when you start making
(00:25):
money and you become the person like JJ want to
go to prom the loan, make that money for his tugs,
and Renee want to go to the Dans and she
needs money for her dress and all those things. We
certainly have been through that collectively. So Andrew, what made
you want to talk about this?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
No?
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I you know, I came across this clip and I
thought it was like quite something to hear a very
very very very rich woman share this problem that a
lot of us common folks also encounter. And I just
I just wanted to see if our audience might relate
(01:03):
similarly to how this particular person deals.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
With she because not her, that's my only.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
This.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
The voice that you're going to hear if you're on
the listening side is Melanie Hopson, who I'm sorry I
say Melanie. You can have a D in your name
all day of you a melody and I'm also.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
But she's I don't know, we know her, but a
lot of people like may not actually know her. She's
the president of a Real Investments, which is a huge
management strategic planning firm, but really in finance. She also
happens to be married to George Lucas.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yes, yes, star Wars.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Wars fame, so collectively they are ballin' very She was
formerly on the board of Starbucks, but I don't think
she's on the board now. And I think she's on
the board of the Rockefellow Foundation as well.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I mean, she's a big deal. She's a big Check
her out. I will check it out. You should. I
think you find it.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Interesting how when you become the one person in the
family that makes money, how do you maintain relationships with
your family?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
This would be hours of conversation, but I'm going to
give you the highlight reel. For me, I was my
mother's retirement plan. She fully expected and believed that, but
she put a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
On me, a lot.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
We had a young woman who worked at Ariel. Her
father was the CEO of a big company She was
a young white woman, and she was like, you lend
your family members money, you take care of your parents.
And we're all like, there are a bunch of black
people in the day.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
We're like, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Have to set boundaries. You have just set very very
clear boundaries. And what I did, which was a bit
extreme because it became debilitating to me and it was
going to end relationships that I had, was I put,
honestly an accountant between me and my family, and I
made it that you can't ever call me for money,
but you can call this person. I'm not going to
talk to you about this. You have to call Tom.
You have to call Tom. You have to call Tom.
It was ugly in the beginning. The last thing I
(03:08):
tell people all the time is when you make that decision,
just understand it's a donation. You're never going to say
it again. Whatever I do give, I do not expect back.
I never said that to them, but emotionally that was
my way of dealing with when I didn't get it back.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I could relate to that. First of all, the accounting
think that ain't in my league. I'll be clear clearly.
But but Tiff, I don't know about you. But when folks,
you know, sort of make up in their mind that
you're the one that has the resource as the relative,
and in my opinion, sort of suspend with the fact
(03:45):
that you got their kids and their family and got
all that, and it's sort of like, this is what
I need and can you help, and can I just
borrow such and such an until next week or such
and such, you know, I like, like Melody said, once,
I once I gave money, even if it were a
(04:05):
quote loan, I made up in my mind immediately it
wasn't coming back. Because early on when I really did
think people were asking for a loan, and they really
were next Tuesday, don't pay me back. And then I
saw them next week on Saturday, and they were buying
themselves some kicks. And in my mind, I'm now resenting
and I got judgment. Now I'm watching your spend, I'm
(04:27):
watching all of it. And it wasn't that like I
needed the money back so badly. It was just the
principle of the matter, like you said, with your whole heart,
the next week Tuesday, you were going to do a thing,
and it's Saturday, and you didn't do that thing. You
didn't do the thing you said. But worse, you not
taking the money. You should be paying me back and
buying shoes and this and that. And let's go to
(04:49):
you know, restaurant X, Y and Z and get brunch.
How you gonna get brunch? You owe me money? Right,
So that was that began to tear at relationships for me.
And I'm talking to you know, history forward, and so
it was like, Andrew, you got to make one or
two decisions. You either are going to say, no, I'm
(05:10):
not loaning money. I don't give no, I can't do that,
or you're going to say if it is a gift,
if it's a loan, it's a gift, it is make
up in your mind. You you are never seeing it again.
And that way I can release it right when I
release the money, that is gone.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I think that's a good practice. So I didn't know
we were going to be talking about this, but just coincidentally,
of course, you know, I'm writing a book and I
write extensively about this, so I actually have some data
on this. And the challenge with Andrew is, you well know,
as a parent, sometimes you're now put in a position
where now you're taking care of parents and you're taking
care of children. So you're getting bled by both ends,
(05:49):
which puts you in peril. So then the cycle continues.
You put your children in a position where they now
have to take care of you and their children. Then
it's like, how do you stop right? But many of
us are doing just that. So in fact, nearly half
all college educated black households are taking care of their
parents or you know, putting money back into their family,
while just sixteen percent of college educated white households do
(06:13):
the same. And more than a quarter of Black Americans
live in multi generational homes here. So you look at
what we're doing and also considering the wealth gap. So
I write about that, and it's not just data, but
I also write about it through my own personal lens
and how I live my life. Look, this is one
(06:33):
of the challenging things for me. I am a giver.
If I have it, I will give it, and I
certainly you know, I have an immediate family member who
I take care of all of her needs as best
I can. I don't want her to want for anything.
And then outside of that, I get a little frustrated
because I made certain choices in life and I have
(06:55):
been a really amazing steward of my own finances. I
have budgeted in a way that I have this pot
of money to live off of every month. And since
since one of the comments in our survey was I
don't talk about my personal life and tell all my
personal business, I'll tell you all a very specific story.
Just recently, I had budgeted where I paid for everything,
(07:16):
All bills are paid, family taken care of, you know,
grocery money, going out money, everything, And I just had
a thousand dollars surplus. You know, this was just free
cash for me to do with whatever. If I wanted
to pay for dinner one night, if I wanted to
catch the train to New York to meet with my
publisher about just whatever, nothing silly your publisher, yeah, or
(07:41):
whomever in New York. No, not the kind you turned
off with the guy. I know he would be paying
for it if I was going to see him. But me,
you know, whatever appointments I might have to have to
go back and forth in New York all the time
is really expensive. And so just a thousand not free money.
You know, that's not allocated anywhere, not even to my
going out budget. And just like that, my family hit
(08:02):
me up. I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well that'sk
on another family member, I need three hundred dollars. Okay,
well now I'm down the six hundred. Then this family
needed something, Well now I'm down to five hundred. And
it just got whittled and whittled, and so now I
have a three hundred dollars surplus for myself. Now I
didn't want for anything. I was well taken care of.
(08:22):
But to be honest, I did have a little bit
of resentment because I budget my money for that reason,
and I do wonder, like, what are you doing that
you're not budgeting your money and the assumption that you're
going to borrow money and I know I'll never see
that money again. And then I also feel like an
(08:43):
asshole for asking for the money, because you know, I
make my family can't comprehend. But I also live in
one of the most expensive cities, so it's not like
I'm out here ball and it's like, yeah, what I
pay in rent might be their mortgage for six months,
you know, So it might look like I have this
surplus of cash, but I have this huge bucket of
(09:04):
expenses and I'm never you know, like the woman who
gave me life, and never like I always want her
to not have have what she needs, but we have
what she wants as well. So I really appreciate you
bringing up this conversation because I don't have kids, and
I can't imagine trying to take care of children. But
(09:27):
it is exhausting. It's emotionally exhausting, it is financially taxing.
Then there's also those random tax bills that come up,
and so when you have, you know, I think some
of the income challenges and blessings that we have. That's
another thing. It's hard to explain that to family, like
you don't understand it. I'm paying a lawyer, or if
(09:47):
I'm collecting the speaker fee, I'm paying an agent, I'm
paying my speaking agent, I'm paying my overall agent. I'm
paying the manager, I'm paying an assistant. Every like, there
are things that I budgeted for and I allocated for this. Now,
I don't always feel like there's a lot of consideration
to that. I mean, I trust some people come to
me they feel bad and they've gone through all the things.
(10:09):
But I also look back, like god damn, like when
we were younger. This is why I was trying to
tell you should do this, this like makes a different
decision and it didn't happen, and so I don't know.
I just I feel guilty. I class guilt for sure.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
No, I feel that. I feel that. And sometimes our friends, family,
wild ever sort of make us to feel, you know,
sort of shamed or guilty in some way or another,
because you remember, I gave my last for such and
(10:43):
such and such, and I did my and I know
about those things, so we feel some obligation there. I
guess if I could, if something could be different about
the dynamic I get, for me, it will probably be
just don't call it alone if you don't really mean
for it. Yeah, it's just something about that that just
(11:07):
doesn't feel right. Yeah, you feel really taking advantage of
and almost like playing for stupid, Like now you damn
ll no, you ain't paid back the last six and
you ain't about to pay back the seventh, and so
don't say it, stop joshing me. Stop you know, acting
like I was born last night, because that did. Something
(11:30):
about that just doesn't feel honest with the relationship. And
that's what I would say I sort of missed the most.
There was a period in time where I just didn't
want to take calls from them, you know, you know,
from from from server. I knew what it was on
the other end, and so I was like, you know what,
I need peace today, Like I just can't get in
(11:51):
the middle of it. And then also got to a
stage where you know, you just need to leave a
text or voicemail with the amount and like and then
that's done and this is over. Like I don't want
to have to fake I don't want to have to
fake it. I don't ask me how I'm doing, how
you've been, and you don't mean it. You know, I
can see from the ring, I know it from this
(12:14):
to the phone vibrates. Yeah. And but I also know
that there are people who get out and they are
working job. They're showing up to their job, they are
working their job. They are getting the paycheck from the job,
and before they can cash it, it is already spent
on the bills and obligations. I know that life all
(12:35):
too well. I remember trading, you know, paying you know,
robing Peter to pay Paul, and then borrowing again, you know,
off the Paul money and the serpent, you know, to
do this. So I don't I don't I try not
to act like I don't know what's going on. I
get it, but then I also want on the other
side for you to know that just because you saw
me on a plane to d C the other day
(12:56):
and then I was in New York, that ain't my person.
I'm not I'm not here ball and taking trips every week.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
That is, it's your life and get made money. But
they don't know as a work for somebody else's is
putting the build. But all they said the highlight reel
and make assumptions. But my point is even if you
see me land on the bit on the beach in
the Maldives, like so I budgeted for that, I worked
(13:23):
for that, and I get to do that. So it's
this is a sensitive topic. I you know, I I
I didn't know we were going to talk about this.
But it is making me feel even guilty right now,
to be honest, because I also know like it's hard,
Like there are people in my family where yes, we
have the same opportunities, but we had different coping skills
(13:44):
with life, we had different goals in life, and so
I feel bad that I made certain decisions that other
people did not. But what I'm working through is living
for myself and choosing my joy because I can't carry
other people's pain and it does. It pains me when
my family it's even if their feelings are hurt, it
(14:05):
pains me. And so when they ask, like it is
difficult for me to say no, actually I saved his money.
I wanted to get my hair done. You know, Johnny
Wright got a pretty penny. I was like, I wanted
to get my hair but it looks like it but
it's like, yeah, I'm paying a lot of money, but
I budgeted to be able to pay this money to
(14:27):
get my hair done. Or I'm you know, speaking at
this event and they're not paying for hair and makeup,
like that had to come out of my own pocket.
And so I feel like the asshole. And I'm like, damn,
you can't pay your phone bill and I have it,
except I want to go use it to get this
fancy haircut. And then I feel guilty, and then I
feel mad that I feel guilty about it, and I
(14:47):
just can I get resentful that I'm forced to feel
all yes, yes, And so I I know what this
society has done to our people. I understand the wealth gap.
I understand the decisions that our respective families have had
to make. I understand what my uncles and different people
in my life who have given me money and you know,
(15:08):
just gifted me things for surplus just because I was
their niece. But it can be taxing in every possible way.
So I'm curious for my viewers if you guys can,
if you are the the borrower, what are the circumstances
that lead you to ask your auntie, a sister, a
(15:30):
cousin for money? Do you pay it back? Do you
so uncomfortable? How do you handle it? And if you
are the one who is issuing funds to family, how
do you guys handle it? And y'all know I read
the comments, but I'm also asking just because I want
some guidance for myself as I navigate my own emotions
around it. Uh, how do y'all? How do y'all deal
(15:53):
with it? And I don't know this to my parents
for the record, like the people give me life, they
just get to, you know, do whatever. I don't mind that.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
If I got it, you got it. Basically is you know,
I think this is a charged topic for a lot
of us in our community, and we've come by it
the hard way because most of us know it so well,
which is why we find ourselves so obedient to the
request because at various points in our lives, and you know,
God forbid in our future life will wee ever find
(16:26):
ourselves on the on the side of need. But I
will say, if I am ever on the side of need,
when I have been on the side of need, I've
made it my creed to pay people, and I like
to do it right when I say, and I hope
it's the next, very very next week if it can,
because I know the feeling of I'll pay you back
in I don't ever want.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
To be in character, and if I can't, I'm going
to acknowledge it. At least I'm going to say, hey,
for sure say something right, but just the assumption, I mean,
that's just the behavior of men and women, grown adults.
This is how how that goes.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
So yeah, that's real. Well, thank you all for indulging
us in this conversation, and thank you TIF for sharing
more of your personal love. Although I have to say
I disagree with that comment because I think you are very,
very vulnerable and open about what's going well it certainly
if you're you know, doing some experimental stuff. You just
(17:24):
you just set that camera up and we'll be the
judge of it. Okay, y'all, thank you for being with
us on this, on this mini pod. I hope you
took something from it, and we are still expecting to
get something from you. We want to hear your thoughts
and reflections on how it is you negotiate.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
At this.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And we kept it brief, so get it in the
group chat. Take you everybody, Welcome Home.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Native Lampod is a production of iHeartRadio and partnership with
Recent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Hosts And Creators
Tiffany Cross
Andrew Gillum
Angela Rye
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.