KyleFest Returns + The Five-Second Rule Is a Lie

The Headlines:

• Kyle, Texas Prepares for “Kyle Fest” and Another Attempt at the Guinness World Record

• Fyre Festival Postponed Again—No Fire, Just Fizzled

• TikTok Microbiologist Destroys the Five-Second Rule

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Kyle Festival Returns Next Month, and Yes, It’s Still All About Kyles

Mark your calendars: Kyle Fest is back! The third annual Kyle Fair: A Tex-Travaganza hits Lake Kyle Park in Kyle, Texas from May 16–18. Expect music, margaritas, fajitas, ribs, and, of course… Kyles.

Yep, the city will once again attempt to break the world record for the most people named Kyle in one place. (They’ve failed twice, but hope springs eternal.)

Highlights this year include music from Bri Bagwell (Texas Female Artist of the Decade) and Stefani Mantiel (2024 Tejano Music Awards Entertainer of the Year). And if your name happens to be Kyle—this might just be your Coachella.
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Fyre Festival 2.0 Postponed Indefinitely (Surprise?)

Just when we thought the chaos of the original Fyre Festival couldn't be topped, the sequel has been… postponed indefinitely. Ticket holders received emails confirming they'll be refunded and get first dibs when (or if) new dates are announced.

Honestly, if you did buy tickets, the real question is: why?
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The Five-Second Rule? Yeah, It’s Total B.S.

A microbiologist on TikTok is ruining snack time for all of us. He ran an experiment placing petri dishes on the floor for different time spans, from one second to a full minute.

The results? All of them showed microbial growth. Meaning it doesn’t matter if you grab that Cheeto in one second or five—it’s probably already got floor funk on it. And weirdly, the five-second dish wasn’t always cleaner than the one-minute one.

Moral of the story: If it hits the ground… maybe just let it go.
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Give us three minutes and we'll give you everything you

(00:01):
need to know for the day with Nina. What's trending?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Shout out to you if your name is Kyle, or
at least you can get a fake ID that says
that your name is Kyle, because the Kyle Festival is
returning next month. They have a Kyle This is a thing,
Kyle Fair. It's in Texas and it goes from May
sixteenth through the eighteen. It's a full blown text travaganza
full of music cookoffs and lots of people named Kyle.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
And it's it in Kyle, Texas. Yeah, I don't Yeah,
where else do Yeah, It's in Kyle, Texas.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
So if your name is Kyle, I feel like this
should be bucket for you to make sure that you go.
So I just wanted to give you a little heads
up so you start looking at those flights waiting for.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
The Jubil Khan. You could start by five of us.
I've only met one other Jubil before. Shout out to
that dude. He's in Canada.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
That's amazing.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, he came to a comedy show of mine once
and he got kicked out before I even went on stage.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
Wow, because the other comics in front of me kept
talk into the audience, and I guess he was also
kind of drunk and talking a little bit so kind
of like you know, but they kept talking to him
that like, what's your name is? Like Jubil, and then
they would get mad because they got you. It was
messing with them. The security kicked him out and then
I got on stage.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
I was like, his name is actually Jubil.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
He came all the way from Canada to the show.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
Right, there is double behavior the name proud.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Man.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
I know all you Jubles can show up to Fire
Festival when it finally gets a new date. Just because
we've been following it, I have to give you the
final update situation. It's the final update. It's been postponed indefinitely.
Everyone that who bought tickets to Fire Festival will be
receiving a refund, but they will also be able to

(01:51):
repurchase first when the new date.

Speaker 4 (01:56):
I want a list of the however many people bought
tickets to this. I want an actual list, and they
should be put on a watch list of just absolute stupidity,
bad decision. Yeah, on the undateable, unhireable list.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
I'm not convinced the list exists. I feel like he's
just saying that we're giving zerofore school probably fine print.
And lastly, a microbiologist just proved that the five second
rule is a bunch of baloney. What we've been talking
about this a lot. We all know that though right

(02:33):
on it. I grew up on it too, and I
still live by it, but now thinks to places like TikTok.
There's videos that show how the bacteria builds from the
second that it falls to the floor to the five seconds.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
So that helps your immunity build up.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Hold on, I thought we all knew that. We just
it's like a game we play with, like fate.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah, I didn't understand, I should say, I guess that
once you drop it one second later, there's the same
amount of bacteria on it as there is if you
just sit there for five seconds, because you'd think if
you catch it in time, it won't be able to
absorb as much.

Speaker 5 (03:05):
So you're saying we can extend it to the ten
second rule.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
No, you's got to be the same amount of fact
doesn't really.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Matter to our rules. Some things second chicken specifically, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:19):
You're talking about you a problem, so we know what. Yeah,
I think milk and chicken should be on the two
hour list. No milk, So the counter it up.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Got back to it every like ten minute, however long
you'd like to leave it. The gamble is yours. They say,
there's no you're never safe. Nobody's safe, or your job
it's gone.

Speaker 5 (03:41):
If no one's safe, you're always safe. That's something logic,
thank you. It's like the water thing. Everyone's wet, you're
not wet if what.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
You know when you're not, you know when you're not.
You've never heard it all.

Speaker 5 (03:54):
No, it's like if everyone's wet or if everything's wet,
you're not actually wet.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
That makes a zero sense.

Speaker 5 (03:59):
It makes so much because every if you're if everything's wet,
are you really wet?

Speaker 3 (04:03):
No, because everything else is wet and you're not wet, but.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
You're still wet. That's not a relative term. With all
the other west what's not a relative term. You either
are or you are not wet. If you're okay, if
you're tall and everyone's tall, then you're not tall, because
that's a relative term.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
Tall versus short, wet versus dry is not relative. They
are you are wet or you are dry. Just everything's wet. Yes,
everything's wet. Nothing's wet, You're.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
So everything's wet. It's all wet, nothing is dry, everything
is wet. No, it's not a relative term, Victoria.

Speaker 3 (04:34):
I wish you could.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
See the hands the Brad who's making As you tried
to explain this, I think, oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Those things only work when it's relative. That's not true
that everything around you is wet you are, for you're
not actually wet you are.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
I'm starting to buy into Victoria's theory now. I'm thinking
about being in the ocean, and I wouldn't consider myself wet.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
My wept though I was Brad, but not of everything
around you is what Sorry, No,