"Coke Stroke is OUT! Bar Rescue is IN!" w/ Gareth Reynolds

Comedy superstar Gareth Reynolds (The Dollop, Arrested Development) join Arden and Bryan to discuss the glamorous MAGIC of comedy club owners, the chic arrogance of at-home PRINTERS, and how sexy it is to start a car with a SCREWDRIVER HUNNNNAY! All this AND Bryan and Arden have HIGH HOPES for the their glorious PBFit Mug Cake when Gareth actually seems to enjoy his ZEVIA, STEVIA soda? Will one of their guests actually ENJOY their sexy sweet offerings???? Tune in to find out!!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
No, who are you wearing?

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Will there be pressed to Ali Babay, Yeah I didn't
and Brian, I hear it, laughs there be and they've
got lots of podcast but honey, no, no, no, no,
hona dress peace.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
We live in and the glamor LifeLock.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Celebrities and sharing our favorite baby recipes. But honey, no, no, no,
no autographs, no.

Speaker 4 (00:41):
Autograph, their autograp no autograph. Pol Please you call the press.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
You know what I didn't see? Okay, are we done?
I just want to kill I want to kill the
lights and kill the jokes. I want to end the fine.

Speaker 4 (00:56):
Well, my name is Artan Marie.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
My name is Brian Sophie, and I am here to
make you laugh and laugh.

Speaker 4 (01:01):
Are you a laugh You're a lostter.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
I'm here to yes and yes and it's a ball
in the air.

Speaker 4 (01:07):
Oh my god, Brian, it's so nice to see you.
I have seen you since our last Have you lost
a lot?

Speaker 1 (01:12):
I have loft. Everything has made me mad.

Speaker 4 (01:17):
I've never said that in my life. That actually hurt
my feelings.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
I have a theory about to me at this point,
and Gareth, should we just bring him in?

Speaker 4 (01:25):
Okay, wait, let me just say because I'm looking right now.
I wanted to say we know that on no autographs please,
I have another podcast that was my firstborn. Come on,
will you accept this Rose and this podcast we've given
birth to a character like so this guy already is
like one of the most successful podcasters out there with
a doll. He's a like brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, tourying stand

(01:47):
up comedian. He was a writer on Arrested Development. He's
an actor, he's a performer. But most importantly, first of all,
he's my fiance on the podcast because he won last year.
He did win, but he's also from the undead. He
is Dracula in the world of bachelor. He is Ladies
and Gentlemen, one of our very face favorite favorite fi.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
He has a face Garrett's run on myself. I could
be called Baola. That's what I just thought. I gotta
I gotta tell him. I have to tell the world.
If you've never I guess it's not available anymore. Right,
what I tell you what? I know what you're gonna say?
The live I thought that was enough and it clearly

(02:29):
I am stopping my senses, is still the live show
of Ardens.

Speaker 4 (02:34):
Well accept this Road, birthday bacheloret.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Are those still available or no? Those are what I
had to tell you if you've never seen for two
years in a row, this is really how I know
Garrett the most I knew of him before, But this
is it is. All you want to do is keep
up with him. He is so stuck. I mean you
want to do I'm not kidding. You are so fucking hilarious.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Can we just talk about it? He comes out in
a pirate shirt.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
He comes Soclar jeans and New Balance.

Speaker 4 (03:05):
Gene, a pirate hirt, a cape that fall.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
I've actually the first time I've seen him without things.
I think maybe.

Speaker 5 (03:15):
Yeah, well one year, remember I forgot the thing and
so I just used wax like gentle West.

Speaker 4 (03:20):
I remember that, and I remember there's and you draw
on there's braces.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yes, that's right. How did you?

Speaker 4 (03:26):
How did you have that hand?

Speaker 1 (03:27):
If you sell that store?

Speaker 6 (03:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (03:30):
Yeah, I love it. What are you going to do
with it?

Speaker 7 (03:36):
You know?

Speaker 1 (03:37):
You know that something's wrong with my brain today. I'm
not able to finish my thoughts. Don't ask me. I
don't know what I'm gonna do with it.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
But I want to say the cutest thing that happened
for our listeners at first, so we need to welcome,
of course, the incredible production.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Team Doctor Banana.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
Doctor Banana, Katie Levi, are you kidding? Are you kidding me?
As you all know, Brian and I are trash and
we live like orphan raccoons, and we have a dessert
we because we're trying to become lifestyle influencers. So we
have a baking section at the end and you'll see
the microwave over there.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
That's a good start, thank you.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
And so Brian and I also live on we'll shore
our listeners z Va root Beer.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
And Cream song sponsored. We literally just drink this like
it's water.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
So then Brian brought me from home and then I
got scared. He's like, it's wada and I had to
run it. I got scared that I didn't have but
I had to run it and I was like, Gareth,
do you want one? And Gareth said he opened it.
He like And Brian whispered to me during the theme song,
he goes, I think it's a really good time that
he likes her beer.

Speaker 8 (04:30):
I think he might really like the.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Gig for sure. I feel like that is really good, right, Yeah,
I feel like a personal thank you told me, told
me to say this for the show. This root beer okay,
pours out clear clear it does.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
No no, can I just say already, so good Tomkins,
You're our favorite. You're our favorite.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Guess they didn't have this, but judge it.

Speaker 4 (04:58):
I've offered it to her before.

Speaker 5 (04:59):
She did usually my.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Film part every episode. For about a minute, we talked
about how Lauren Lapkus has essentially ruined our lives sweping
because because she didn't like like, she put the curse
on this cheff.

Speaker 4 (05:12):
She has two parents to love her, Okay, so she
was a child. She was loved as a child, so
she doesn't need to She drinks probably just a regular
roof here. She would have like an a n w
you know what I mean, or like a doctor brown.
Maybe she's bougie, right dad? Yeah, her dad isn't going
to live with the twins Ellen a Nileen?

Speaker 1 (05:31):
That's right? And you do play shout out.

Speaker 4 (05:33):
I mean, could I just say your dad is almost
an original? No autographs, please energy why Okay?

Speaker 1 (05:39):
He went?

Speaker 4 (05:41):
Is it fucked up that I'm like, should not mention her?

Speaker 6 (05:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (05:45):
Well, you I mean, am I is it wrong? I'm
nominating his move in with the twins.

Speaker 5 (05:49):
Well, I would say it was I don't know anyone,
Yeah it was, Yeah, it was a tratograph. He he
basically my parents told me when I was seven they
were getting separated, and I was like, I don't know
what that means, and so that's yeah, and then and.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Divorce I would have been able to figure out, right,
but like, well.

Speaker 4 (06:08):
Then showing up, but then im.

Speaker 5 (06:13):
And then he would go and then so he'd be
like he then he wouldn't be living at our place,
and he'd always have various places, and he was living like,
you know, like a cop, like a steakout cop, basically,
like I'd open his fridge and it would be like
two coronas and baking.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
And then at one point he was and then at
one point you got you got this.

Speaker 5 (06:31):
And then at one point he was in a duplex
with a set of twins named Ellen and I Leen,
and I just don't and I just would go over
there and he'd be and I'd be like, there's like
a TV and like one couch and he'd be like,
you could go see what La and Ileen are doing.
And I'd be like, what are you doing? And they
would take me to their basketball game sometimes like it.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
Was very they were that kind. Yes, okay, I don't
even have to be how quickly well look as a
member the LGBT plus menity, I am it weren't on
the case. Yeah, I get a feeling, Yes, I get
a feeling. And I hear two women living together as adults.

(07:08):
What could those they're twins, but they were all thought
they were with each other. No, oh, I could believe
you gather there reletive lesbians who were twin lesbians who yes,
well you know, we didn't really celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week,
which was two weeks ago on the show. So this
I'm glad.

Speaker 4 (07:26):
We're sorry that I personal trauma.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
You share a duplex with my I mean, were they
like fun? Yes, they were great because they sort of
were like surrogate stepparentsming.

Speaker 4 (07:37):
Yes, I wish my dad left when I was seven,
and I.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
Wish I lived twins. Yeah, it was a lot. You're identical.
They were identical.

Speaker 4 (07:45):
Did they have a twin language?

Speaker 1 (07:46):
I don't know. I never got in the twin link.
There was a there were There was a set of
identical twins on my swim team, and I remember just
staring at them all the time. And then just like
like I was sixty minutes peppering them with questions like
what I was like, six, would like you cut him?
Does he believed?

Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (08:04):
All of that. If you get pregnantle she feel it right?

Speaker 4 (08:06):
What was the answer?

Speaker 1 (08:08):
They were very quiet?

Speaker 4 (08:10):
Twins freak me out.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
It is a strange thing. Twins freak me out, like
I'm I'm jealous. I am honest. I wish I had
a twin. Oh, I would have loved it. Twin growing up?

Speaker 5 (08:18):
Someone figured out what separation man. I could also Yeah,
we could have tried to crack the case together.

Speaker 4 (08:23):
I could also see what like if bangs look good
on me or not? I would have to be the
alpha toy.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
You want to Yeah, you want to testing twin?

Speaker 6 (08:29):
You want to?

Speaker 1 (08:30):
You want to test? Kiss? You want a basement? Sisters?
What you want? How would that looks? He's like, may
I come upstairs? Shut up? Put bags on her. I'm
not sure if I like this? Will you wear it tonight?

Speaker 5 (08:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yeah, with a scar on my face. I want to
get my nose pierced. Let's go. I want to cut
my nose off.

Speaker 4 (08:49):
Great, guys, I pierced my own nose one night when
I was nineteen. It was just so not like me
because I'm not very poetry. Yeah, with a safety pin
in Chicago. And then I couldn't get the earring through
because it was like a jagged route. It took like
an hour.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Did you like sanitize? Like what was that? Got it?

Speaker 4 (09:07):
Got infected?

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Sure? And then you just straight up yeah, slowly drove
one through your nose.

Speaker 4 (09:13):
It's like an hour. And then I couldn't get the
earing in and then I had like the blackhead.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
For years of that year. Sucks. You bounced back, Hi,
dictor Banana.

Speaker 4 (09:20):
Did you know that about your queen? No, that's actually
quite shocking.

Speaker 8 (09:23):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (09:25):
Who wants to start with theirna autograssi? After that was
our appetizer.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Mine's a real dad living with twins one to.

Speaker 4 (09:31):
Be honest, that's explained to our new listeners of course.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
So it's someone who no autographs please energies, but Arden
and I aspire to. It's people who say, fuck it,
I don't care, I'm doing this with confidence. Cast entries
have included a Laria Baldwin who really doesn't give a shift. Yes,
Lauren Lapkis's neighbor who sent out Christmas cards that said,
go to hell to the entire they're.

Speaker 4 (09:52):
Beautifully beautiful cards and insights. She hand wrote, go to.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
Hell fabulous, and uh, I think last week I had
like people, or a few weeks ago, people who drive
the wrong way down the one way street and don't
seem to care.

Speaker 4 (10:02):
I love it because because we're kind of people pleasers,
and we want to channel the like cars. We want
to care less and feel like we're nailing it more.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
I was embroiled this morning.

Speaker 4 (10:13):
Talk to me.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
I was embroiled with an absolute villain. Tell me, okay,
tell me. I wish I had the energy. And this
is gonna sound real, Seinfeld, I wish I had the energy,
the fuck it energy and the fuck you energy. And
then I'm not changing a goddamn thing about myself. I'm
perfect of printers. Ok I gotta tell you. Those people

(10:38):
who make printers are not interested in making them better. No,
they're not interested in making them last. They're not interested
in perfecting the toner or the they don't care. They
want to rob you, Yes.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
Blind, that's right, they don't. They actually like my job
is to make a bad problem.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
I have.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
They've changed one thing since the eighties. They truly don't give.

Speaker 4 (10:57):
Me matrix printer.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
No, I have a because I'm still working with a
fucking twenty pound And by the way, I had to
get a new printer today this morning. And yeah, and
by the way, this one is no smaller, no more efficient.
There's not cool or not even a different color. It's
all the same fucking thing. Really are like, I'm here
to stay. I think who I am and I'm not

(11:21):
changing a goddamn thing. Hundred macaroni?

Speaker 4 (11:24):
Where'd you get at Staples?

Speaker 1 (11:26):
I went to Staples and then they told me if
I bought it, I get thirty dollars off, and I thought,
my god, what have I walked into you? And then
you got to buy the print ink and that is
one hundred and fifty dollars and then you get the
thirty dollars off the next fucking time you go there, right,
So can you imagine?

Speaker 9 (11:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (11:41):
And they were like, do you want to return it?
And I was like, no, because I have a page
to print. I gotta go back home and do this bullshit. No,
I know, I know had to happen. I had to
get one anyway, you know, because I print my journal
and you know what I mean, You're there my diary
more exactly.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
Should know I used to not keep a diary as
a child because I knew that my family would read.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
I would read it every time I've kept when someone
is right it, So I.

Speaker 4 (12:08):
Don't I apologized about that. Can you imagine if I
read your diary a lot of printer stuff.

Speaker 1 (12:13):
It's all just printer talks.

Speaker 4 (12:15):
I'm hoping as a child I would edit my diary
because I knew that people were going to read it.
I would kind of censor myself and like edit it.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
I'm also hoping at some point that like the Jack
Parr Show comes back so I can do my printer routine.

Speaker 4 (12:26):
Then I can't wait.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
As the standard I love that J I admire printers.
Really not giving a I asked.

Speaker 4 (12:34):
When did is Jack parstill alive?

Speaker 2 (12:36):
No?

Speaker 1 (12:36):
I don't think it was on, But that doesn't mean
that Brian won't book the show.

Speaker 10 (12:41):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (12:42):
I was on a talk morning show in Chicago with
somebody I thought was Jack Barr. There was somebody who
was like a seventies guy who wore a turtle neck.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Well, there was one in Philadelphia, he was in New York,
he was he was he was nationwide.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
No, it wasn't no dick.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
I was sexy. He is sexy. He is so smart.

Speaker 4 (13:04):
He is sexy and smart. Do you have a no autographs?
Please nominee?

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Sure? I Well, I was gonna go to okay. Well.

Speaker 5 (13:13):
I was a friend of mine worked on a season
of Tila Tequila years ago and would talk about how
when they would check into hotels like at eleven at night,
like she would have like nobody would recognize her and
she would have her hood on and would be acting
like God, leave me alone and nobody would bother her.

Speaker 4 (13:31):
Who would know, say, when I was on med TV.
She came on one time and it was when she
was doing that dating show or something whatever it was,
and she I remember in the trailer everything was as
sexual innuendo and a point it was like like we
get it, you're sexy. We're all like comics here, like
I'm a lady comic, Like you're gonna win in the sexy.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
I have a blackhead from thirty years ago.

Speaker 4 (13:56):
But everything was like a blow job, like oh can
I fit it in my mouth? Like everything was I
was like it was. I remember it was like seven
am and like a sandy beach parking lot, like like
I was like filming, I feel like I was feeling fletch.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (14:10):
I was like, I think people think acting acting is
so easy but also so unenjoyable.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
I feel like enjoy a beach and a trailer.

Speaker 5 (14:21):
Like and when they asked you to bring your own stuff,
I just had that where they were like, bring your
own club. I don't know why grabbing eight outfits to
me is like I would rather die. I'm like, I
can't believe it's this is.

Speaker 4 (14:32):
Not going to be.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
We've got some options for you here, but feel free
to bring as many. Don't use your stuff a bit ever,
but jackets wrinkled.

Speaker 4 (14:42):
I remember I did a thing once that was for
like what was that short lived, very small network that
was like on your phone. It wasn't Quibi quib. It
was another one, a guest spot on a sea show
show show, and I got and I got.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
It was in a show I worked at. Now the
woman I love that.

Speaker 4 (15:04):
I like the videos of dolphins people. That's but I
remember the Sea Saw costume ladies, the Sea Show so Constant.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Lady saws by the Sea Shore.

Speaker 4 (15:18):
She was like, will you bring a turquoise belt, white pumps?

Speaker 1 (15:22):
I'm like, what that's like a hooker. Do you think
I got an art that as a compart?

Speaker 4 (15:29):
Teacher say like, what the do you think I like it?
She was like, will you bring like a long skirt
like a wedding dress? What are you supposed to say?

Speaker 1 (15:37):
An, I'm that hooker's a compliment worker. Good. I think
we got I think we got ahead of this controversy. Definitely.
We've already apologized for it. By the way, I truly
has a quote that says a woman wearing white pumps
is the son of a true hooker, and I love

(15:57):
her for it. That's right, I'm quote. So you're putting,
who are ready for my dad? Okay? I don't know
if that Oh yeah, I wouldn't. I would welcome. Yeah,
I don't think that's gonna work. By the way, you
just love your quibie dealted.

Speaker 4 (16:18):
Everyone, Okay, give us another pase, all right.

Speaker 5 (16:22):
The other would be the squatting waiter, the waiter who
squats down to give you the special. People will say
it's because they're tired, but there, that's not who my
beef is with mine is I worked with a squatting
waiter who did it to seem cool, like the teacher
turns the chair around chat ergy the squatting waiter would

(16:44):
be in your face.

Speaker 4 (16:45):
And it would be like, we don't need to like
just staring right at you.

Speaker 5 (16:49):
Yeah, And you'd just be like, I don't need like
the don't get down on my left. It's not like
an NBA, Like we're not drawing up a play on
the sideline. And they would be like, you know, and
I would be And then people will be like, well,
could the legs are tire? Whose legs feel better when
you do something like that? But that's not even who
I'm taking issue When you said airplane the pilots.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
The pilots have a real.

Speaker 5 (17:10):
No autogress God, I think, well, it's that, And then
it's when the pilot comes out a lot of times
I feel like the and I think pilots should be
paid more. I like that they are severely under ye yeah, however,
and I know that they do the bathroom thing for safety.
But it is when you see the pilot. The pilots like, look,
I'm just a regular person like you.

Speaker 6 (17:31):
I know you are.

Speaker 5 (17:32):
And then at the end of the flight, I feel
like the like you see the pilot standing there and
you've got to be like that is really a great landing.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Have a good life. You do want me. It's almost
like meeting the queen. You do feel like you have
to say like, oh, thank you, yes.

Speaker 5 (17:45):
Thank you for the thank you for the coke earlier,
and to you, to you who without this, without you,
none of this would have been possible.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Unbelievable stuff back there. Yeah, like your little uniform you're
a captain.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
Is the last time I heard a captain? I was saying, hey,
there's no lady captains. But also like the voice of this,
hey folks, or just like when they enter.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
They are they at that moment, they are the squatting
wa yes, yes for sure.

Speaker 4 (18:12):
Yes, you're also like in a nap. It's like listen,
we're over Denver because it's like, okay, I don't need you.

Speaker 5 (18:18):
And there's there's sometimes does unfurl into the thing. We're like,
what's going on?

Speaker 3 (18:22):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (18:22):
And then they truly but you can tell that they
don't know what to say next. Yeah. So and then
you hear the thing the radio click off mid sentence
and they come back on and they're like, okay, got it.
So yeah, so it should be nice and probably gonna
need you to you said, I don't know, people tell
you how these seats were. They can't go back a

(18:43):
touch for sure. And you said, there's no lady captains.

Speaker 11 (18:46):
But I actually want to give you actually a great
not autographs, please, lady captain. There was a Southwest pilot,
a woman who there was this happened maybe a few
years ago where something broke off a Southwest plane and
hit a window crack the in remember hearing a woman
almost got sucked out of the plane.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, that's my biggest I know everything ever. Gonna say,
I'm very unusual because I sometimes get nervous something one
of those people who above the air.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
Did you dream when you're sorry, I'm coming back to
doctor be But when I'm on a plane and I
fall a sep and and take a nap, I always
dream that like we're landing on a highway now, like
on the plane, we're landing on a highway.

Speaker 11 (19:29):
Yes. So the audio of the captain of this Southwest
plane is so incredible to woman and she is so calm,
it's as if nothing has happened on the but and she's.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Like we're coming down town.

Speaker 11 (19:40):
Yeah, there seems to have been an incidents.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
She literally went out.

Speaker 11 (19:49):
Yes, she almost got sucked out and they pulled her
back and he actually died from she did.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, well that's all. Almost get sucked out of a
plane window. What got her? I think probably getting plane?

Speaker 4 (20:02):
Yeah, they smashed the wall.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
I recommend go look up. The audio woman was just
sucked out of the plane. But her talking to.

Speaker 8 (20:13):
Movie, you know, but she her energy is as if
we have a credit card Mary.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
Thousand miles, Hawaiian.

Speaker 11 (20:21):
She's such a stone cold killer and she was the
best captain you could possibly good for her.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
She's the captain. She's the captain.

Speaker 4 (20:30):
Okay, here's my not audogs energy that I'm not going
to name names. I used to tour quite a bit
as a stand up and there was a regional stand
up person that had a famous person of history's name,
so we will call him be Mayor. So he he
was a club manager. Oh god, I don't know if
I can say this.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
Okay, So I love that it's a great role. But
the club manager is a great one.

Speaker 4 (20:57):
Just so he was like a comic himself. I got
along well with him and like one New Year's so
he would also like hold the crowd hostage because he
was a comic and he'd be like, I'm just gonna
go do five minutes, and then he would do like
and then he would do like fifty five minutes and
he would scream at the people in the front row.
And then I had heard he'd had a stroke, and

(21:19):
I was like, well, this poor guy had a stroke.
And then somebody was like, arden he had a cook stroke.
And then I don't know if the store or not,
but then he also had been on like Restaurant Rescue
or whatever, but it was them like basically trashing him
on hair, like say, doing the club and they like
basically were like ripping his imma new asshole. But he

(21:40):
thought it made him a celebrity, so he played it
on loop in the club for the pre show.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
Is this was he on bar Rescue? Yes, okay, I
know exactly what he was on.

Speaker 4 (21:47):
Bar Rescue and he would put it on. It was
on in the green room, it was on in the club,
but he would put it on as if like you've
seen him on bar Rescue, but he's not getting terrible
and the club that you're in that is I gotta say,
We'll cut Cokestroke, We'll keep Bar Rescue.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
I gotta say to me, it is an absolute fact.
Just artists on air edits are unreal. Coke stroke keeping
Bar Rescue.

Speaker 4 (22:18):
Yeah, just keep all of that.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Yeah, it's great a swag. Yeah, Keeper, you're just like
a band leader being like from the town. Yeah for sure,
an old pro couch stroke keep by Rescue.

Speaker 4 (22:34):
Yeah, okay, can you imagine area anything And it's like yes, no,
one go please, yes, you know me from TV, Yes,
it is me getting.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
Into By the way, it is a waste of time
for Bar Rescue to even go into a comedy club.
It was from what I hear, it was yeah, like truly,
what would evenna be the point? Yeah, it was like, yeah,
it did not work.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
And then one New Year's Eve, I was three shows.
The first room was like two GPM, and so then
I was trying to get paid and everybody was so
fucked up. And there was a guy who was like
you're like you're much older than you look. And then
I had to go get the check from like and
like there was a man in a bolo tie hello,

(23:16):
And I had to go get from the guy the
bolo tie. I had to go like get him to
cut a check. But everybody was so fucked up onto
yours eve and I was like, I got real bunch,
And I was like, no, you sit down, you write
it out to me, give me the fucking check and
get me like an uber, just like get me. Somebody's
sober to drive me back the comedy.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Contract have friends on the red sox right after the
comedy cond That just seems like the toughest people. It
seems like the toughest crowd. Can you even the club
owner is a great no.

Speaker 4 (23:47):
No autograss plate. Yes, do you have a club? There's
a there's a.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
Guy and I are you guys talking about the device
that goes on a steering wheel?

Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (23:57):
Been club owners.

Speaker 4 (23:57):
I have another cl boner for you too.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
Well, this guy, same deal.

Speaker 5 (24:02):
I'm going to do ten minutes and then you'll be
like forty five minutes, like I cut my time at
this point.

Speaker 4 (24:07):
But and the audience also was so miserable, like he's.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Like miserable before he's not.

Speaker 5 (24:14):
It's the same stuff, but he's not terrible, but he's
losing his hearing and so it'll be like i''ve been together.

Speaker 1 (24:23):
What did you say? I can't hear? You can't have
to speak up? Huh je, how'd you meet? What now
my hair?

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yeah, I had a.

Speaker 4 (24:36):
Club owner who picked me up in her minivan that
had no seatbelts and she was dry. I was like
flying around the back of the car.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
The most shock.

Speaker 5 (24:44):
Katie's been throughout the whole episode and getting sucked out
of plane windows.

Speaker 4 (24:51):
She was all pissed off. And the night before she
wears only leopard, and the night before didn't I help
real had she had put a huge Christmas tree and
she got to the top to put the star on
and she fell over with the tree. She ate Leopard.
She and the tree. She would showed me a picture

(25:12):
she and the whole tree fell over with all the
ornaments on it, this giant tree. She was telling me this,
I'm flying around the back of the mini van with
no seatbells, like no like real seats because I think
she took it out to the tree and that was
that was a real adag please energy. There were no
seats there was just like she was like, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Gareth Garis, we're cutting that entire opening, so we're low.
We don't have yeah, but next what we're going to
do is we're going to go on a date on
an improvised datification.

Speaker 4 (25:50):
And here's the thing. Here's and our listeners will explain
more at the break for how it actually works. Sure,
but our listeners will know that this was emailed in
by Kyle. Our date will be and this was a
real date place that she went on. It's Uncle Fat's
tavern in Tampa, Florida is where we're having it from
Kylie Breach. And Gareth has supplied us our names from

(26:13):
his childhood.

Speaker 1 (26:13):
It's I am going to be Jason Jankowski.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
And I'm Rebecca O'Neill. And everything is improvised. The only
rules are it has to end well. And anytime you
hear this is because we will be using a line
that has been emailed into us. We ask for and
please do this now go to NAP's pod the number
one at Gmail. We want to hear the worst things
out of context, the worst one lines that have been

(26:39):
said to you on a date. So I have bad lines,
Brian has bad lines, and Gareth. These are all submitted
from listeners of real terrible things that have been said
on a date, and we're going to include them in
our improgress.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
So when you hear the bell, just once again Okay,
that means that's a real line that is about to
be said, and the rest is just Goda's impropert.

Speaker 4 (27:09):
And we're back here we are Uncle Fat Tavern and Tampa, Florida.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
Well, hi, I thought you'd be here. I mean I
knew you'd be here. We plan That's one of the
jokes I usually do.

Speaker 4 (27:23):
Oh are you a comedian?

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Well, well, well, I am not a paid comedian, but
I am a real estate agent. And frankly, that's the
same thing, because what we have to do in our
sales just make the person feel seen, make them chuckle,
and make them buy.

Speaker 4 (27:41):
Oh well, let's get me into escrow.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
Do you like my new car? My mom just got
up for me because my old one sucked.

Speaker 4 (27:47):
Oh yeah, whoa, it's an yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:52):
You're tired with your mother very tight. However, by the way,
my mother would love you. She has Alzheimer's, but she
would love you. Oh oh, are you the valet?

Speaker 7 (28:04):
Yes, I am the valet, and uh, I just wanted
to let you know if you're parking your car here,
it will be fine.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
Will remind you.

Speaker 7 (28:13):
I got to the car wreck this morning, so I
have a fifth of jacket three vikings in me right now.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
I don't know if we should trust this man. I mean,
I have a brand. Want to mother. It's a lovely vehicle.
It's nice, my mom, beautiful.

Speaker 4 (28:26):
I have my own here. I've got a Dodge charger.
Let me just say, can you hear me that screwdriver?
I need to start the car?

Speaker 1 (28:34):
Absolutely? Yes, here you go. Did we use this sometimes
when the cars want start?

Speaker 11 (28:39):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (28:39):
Okay? She takes your on the fifth, but I thought
you were. I am the valet.

Speaker 4 (28:43):
Yeah, a Dodge charger.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
We have to park our own cars at the valet.

Speaker 5 (28:48):
Yes, we do it French style here. Yes, you park
your own car. I observe and I'll tell you which.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
You Just to be clear, Uncle Fat's tavernous French.

Speaker 5 (28:58):
Where's the valet? Company been outsourced to the fresh Eboor
city native himself. He's got an amazing story that I'm
sure he will tell you once you get inside. After
you park your cars in the designated spots, I can.

Speaker 4 (29:11):
Tell that your French because your shirt looks like a diaper.

Speaker 7 (29:15):
Well, we do like to have clumpy clothing, very style.
And I would say it's a good thing you're tiny,
because I could never dat the woman whose ass was
bigger than mine. U.

Speaker 1 (29:25):
Of course I'm not everybody. Everybody. I've been to the Louverra,
I've been to the moozy door. Say I've been to
Berry Wow. And here's what I will say. All like this.

Speaker 4 (29:53):
I have to say, as a woman, I appreciate him
calling tiny because I wanted to say to you. I
know I'm a lot bigger than I was in the
picture I sent you. I was doing a lot of
heroin when that was taken.

Speaker 5 (30:04):
Oh well it was hero Okay, hero I would say,
you're like a of course meal, but right now I.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
Just want to snack. Okay, okay, I getting it to
you all. I know this is the French way. Absolutely,
just getting slightly uncomfortable. First of all, Yeah, okay, should
we go park her cars? Yeah, you're parking ninety two
and you are parking five. Are they they have they
have numbers? Are they eighty seven spaces apart?

Speaker 6 (30:32):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (30:32):
You will not be near each other for this.

Speaker 4 (30:34):
Yeah, you're getting You're getting in with me. You're going
to ride in the car with me. I'll see you
in side.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yes, I want to make sure she gets there. Okay,
I'll be I'll be waiting. I have a good trip.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
Oh wow, thanks for helping me. I know, yeah nice.
Did it looks like someone stressed?

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Well yes, I am very It's been a nightmare here. Yeah.
Uncle Fans is just like working for parking Hitler. He
is hi, sorry, not called the window? Are you guys
almost ready? He is about to leave? Okay? Oh no, no, no,
it's fine. Ok I know this is the French. I'll
give you time. I'm gonna go wait okay, yeah something
yeahs are they're so not to like comedians? Sorry? Do

(31:16):
you guys mind if I leave my card on your windshields?

Speaker 5 (31:19):
Where?

Speaker 1 (31:19):
I would love that? Okay, but I'm forget the parking
five Oh yeah, I won't fe he wouldn't.

Speaker 4 (31:27):
Wear a turtleneck in one hundred and five degree heat.
But he's just.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
He looks like I'm wearing used is clamping? Am I right? Okay?
We cut to twenty five minutes later in Uncle Fat Taborn.
Where the fuck? This is crazy? This is actually crazy? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (31:46):
Back to the car. I mean I should probably go inside.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
It's just there's one more thing. You've never been to Disneyland.
I revealed my Mickey Master whoa.

Speaker 4 (31:59):
I like how you say it back to the bar.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Can I get a drink? Please? I I just grab legs.
Most women won't order something so messy on to day.
Oh god, your heart of hearing. I knew it, But
I get you some crab. That's not what I want.

Speaker 9 (32:12):
All right, I'll be right back with the grab legs.

Speaker 4 (32:17):
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Honestly, I'm so sorry. I'm so chopped.

Speaker 4 (32:22):
I just I love a bad boy. I'm a sucker
for an accent. But but I love a comedy. I
love love, and I love houses like I.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Just didn't thinking so because you and I definitely matched socioeconomically.

Speaker 4 (32:34):
Oh thank you.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
I'm happy about that.

Speaker 4 (32:36):
Also have a four to twelve FICO score.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
You know that's not good. I mean that's like actively
there's a couple of hundred that's like act. Do you
want to drink? Kill serve crab? I want crab leg?
What do you want?

Speaker 4 (32:51):
Lemon drops?

Speaker 1 (32:51):
All right? Some shrimp? All right? Yeah? So anyway, it
doesn't look like we're actually wow drink anything.

Speaker 4 (32:57):
So you're you love comedy?

Speaker 1 (32:59):
You look?

Speaker 4 (33:00):
Are you into music too?

Speaker 1 (33:01):
I'm into music. I like a little bit of afroll
every now and then.

Speaker 4 (33:05):
Well, I'm actually a bigger fan of Fallout Boys later catalog,
but I like their early stuff too.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
I'm just gonna hear your cleavage to get through this.

Speaker 4 (33:14):
You said that out loud.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
I did shrimp for you. Quick reminder, just uncle fan's advice.

Speaker 7 (33:19):
Jubby girls can sometimes be attractive if they have an
undeniably pretty face, like movie star pretty face.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
Oh and their teeth have to be straight and very white. Okay,
I uncle fat? Yeah, would you like some drinks for
your seafood anything? A moral staters looking for seafood? Water
comes out of the shell.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
Drop.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
I've walked away. So wait is that I didn't even get?
Is that shock? What is he doing? He's about? Is
it coming in here?

Speaker 10 (33:55):
Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Hi, dap, there's been a crisis outside. Yes, it was
the crisis that we depart our own cars out of
LA crisis is in five? Yeah, it's brettan new Yes, no,
my mom got that from me. My mom has Alzheimers.

Speaker 7 (34:14):
And well, you're going to want to forget what happened
out there, because unfortunately the windows have been smashed by
what by me?

Speaker 6 (34:23):
What?

Speaker 1 (34:24):
I thought you were still in sad there? I fucking
lost my mandic. But you thought it was like, yes,
and so did you see me in the No, that's
what the panic came from him.

Speaker 4 (34:36):
Yeah, help him?

Speaker 5 (34:37):
Yes, okay, and I noticed that he was he was
I could not see him, so I thought you had
passed under the sea, broke every windows on the fin.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
There are eight billion people on this planet, and at
least half of their lives are worth less than my phone.
But I gotta tell you it won't be a problem
for me to fix this. Such a great attitude. Thank you,
And they ask you, so, how is your labor? You
come out Okay, I didn't.

Speaker 4 (35:00):
I actually I didn't have a baby. I've just I've
been having a few. I got stressed during COVID.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
If you're gonna stay here, I might just want make
a conversation starter because I've got a good one for sure.
I've heard about a procedure where two men could have kids.
They turned sperm into an egg.

Speaker 9 (35:17):
Oh my god, Wow, that is crazy. I guess you
could mold it. I suppose I'm trying to absolutely well.
I think what you do is jaqa and I would
like go separate. I assume you come buckets shock.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Your friend. Yes, a problem way to take that, you know,
the real wax you put on braces. We would mold
it into something like that, very familiar, and it would
turn into eggs. Oh and by the way, Cadbury can
do it. That anyone can. Oh my god, I just
love to whip ups and eggs. Oh, you guys, don't

(35:52):
fill up on the seafood. We'll make seaman eggs. Way
uncle fat? Yeah? Could we get something to eat? All right?
I'll have a vodka anything, all right?

Speaker 4 (36:07):
I got a crab, pap the crowd.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
I haven't even honestly, my don't even want drink, No,
we do. And also I want at least something to crack.
I have blood over my hands. We're trying to open
this crab.

Speaker 4 (36:24):
Yeah. I didn't hear a word that you said because
I was looking at you in your turtle neck. And
life must be really fun with those boobs.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Okay. I had a wild night where you know how
sometimes people steal you, kidnap you, but.

Speaker 4 (36:41):
You secondary location.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
They took me to a secondary location. They put an
ivy of soy into my body, and these breasts bloom.
You got fat, you got beautiful, I got soy boobs.
So I've been trying to cut back on the soy.
But of course I'm addicted.

Speaker 4 (36:57):
Sorry that my brother as a hole in this year,
just like you. But I guess it's just a pimple
or something.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
Yeah, okay, I drove a nail through my eve without
any anesthetic or any paper.

Speaker 4 (37:10):
Why would you do that? Because you asked me one
question about it? What do you want to know?

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Okay? First of all, I want to know what was
the most fun you had last weekend?

Speaker 4 (37:21):
I went to I did a bungee jump.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
Oh, that's great. Cut to the bungee jump three two one,
I cut back tokal fats. It was a good time.

Speaker 4 (37:41):
Oh. I love adventure. I'm very cut, loose and fancy free.

Speaker 1 (37:46):
Well, as I met you before, I'm a cook. So
I do have another question for you. Can I make
you some dinner? And what a microwavable meal work?

Speaker 6 (37:52):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (37:52):
Can I just say?

Speaker 4 (37:53):
Have you ever had microwavable peanut butter pump? I'm a baker.
I'm a microove baker.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
You're a baker.

Speaker 4 (37:56):
I'm a professional microwave baker. I bake it a microwave.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Uncle fat? Does this place have baked good? Step of
pastry chefs? My ears a while ago? But crabtre Do
you have a crab cake? Lemon drops?

Speaker 5 (38:10):
Let me?

Speaker 1 (38:11):
Thank god? You know what that worked?

Speaker 4 (38:12):
It did work.

Speaker 9 (38:13):
It did work.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
Snugglers during COVID.

Speaker 4 (38:17):
You hired snugglers during COVID to stuggle with you.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
Yes, that's actually professionals. One of the saddest things I've
ever heard. Oh, I got plenty.

Speaker 7 (38:26):
I said things like what Well, for instance, I broke
car windows because I was jealous of your day.

Speaker 4 (38:32):
But I thought you said you own the bar and
you also work in the vala.

Speaker 2 (38:36):
I am.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
I have what one would call problems. Would you? Would
you all please walk out to my car with me
so I can that's the stam Yes, got to the
car walk. Your heels are so Yeah, you walk like
a go like on hoofs. I do they call me
the they call me hoof? Yeah, I call you hoof.

Speaker 4 (39:00):
I've heard you've got a mean tennis stroke, Well now
I do.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
Haven't mean you get mean gorgeous? Shock my car?

Speaker 4 (39:06):
What the ship this is? I mean I thought it
was very classic destroyed.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
It's not just a window subject that.

Speaker 5 (39:15):
Listen, this is public parking. I had just finished the
meal inside when I saw you too.

Speaker 4 (39:23):
Don't work here?

Speaker 1 (39:24):
No, you don't know.

Speaker 5 (39:25):
I wanted to, but I wanted to be a part
of you too, of our day. Yes, so I just
told you some of these things. It's so you're a.

Speaker 4 (39:32):
Hammered You told us that you were like a viking,
and like, look, look.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
My favorite book is Art of the Deal, so this
is covered in part of it. So this makes you
lie about everything that makes the reality you feel comfortable
inside the Yeah. Wow, I am stunned. Now listen, I
do feel very sorry for you, so do. I would
have forgiven you if it had just been the windows

(39:57):
bashed in, But you took a baseball bat and a
janitor key ring full of keys to my car. I
mean it, truly. It absolutely looks like it's snowed on
my Yeah, and by the way, uncircumcised, so I know
you're really friends. Yeah, Well, to me, that's normal.

Speaker 5 (40:14):
It's supposed to look like an earthworms.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
To me, I feel like that's fine. I think yours
look strange. It looks like I've seen them.

Speaker 5 (40:26):
Your Americans are so embarrassed. That's why you put the
dividers up. You go to my country, it's like a
piggy trough when.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
You go to the toilet.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
You got the daddle like divine. Let me explain how
it works. Yeah, so men have dividers between the urine
country and they have cakes inside them. Yes, I wanted
to They are bad. You do have bad luck. Yes,
it's terrible.

Speaker 5 (40:51):
But in my country it looks like you're feeding anteaters.
There's the troughs divide or whatever.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
It looks like this party. Okay, all right, my book
is on the deal.

Speaker 4 (41:02):
Okay, life must be really fun with those boobs.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
I want to ask both of you, yes, because this
might be a fun conversation started. I'm in real estate,
so I'm constantly starting conversations for new client. I want
you each to tell me what you saw which is
so wonderful about me? Wow, tell me what you saw.

Speaker 5 (41:25):
Which is so and then to me someone who speaks
mostly English, that sounds like, tell me what you saw which.

Speaker 4 (41:33):
Is so much Okay, what I saw which is so
wonderful to me about you is a man in a
turtleneck with his boobs. I saw a man a realtor,
and a comedian, an officer, and a gentleman with hooks
with hoofs, and a mother who won't remember me but
will love me. I saw a man with a broken
Honda fit, which is so wonderful about you.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
Yeah, my mom's gonna freak out. I remember what that
seems cool? Your mom? No, no, no, I love her.

Speaker 4 (42:01):
So you just take advantage of your mom's check book.
Did you know she bought you that car? She bought
you the car.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Does this car still run?

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (42:13):
It was still run. Like I said, there's cocks all
over it inside.

Speaker 4 (42:19):
Inside yes, yes, yes, Hey, listen, listen, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
I took the seats down in the back like someone
was trying to move a tree.

Speaker 4 (42:27):
Let me just talk to Jason alone. Can I just
get in your Cockmobile for a second.

Speaker 5 (42:31):
I know when I should probably take off, and I
think this is the first time I've got in the
hint that I'm a bit of a sword.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Wheel, a short third wheel. Okay, yeah, well I only
have three wheels on this, so actually get it.

Speaker 11 (42:47):
Now.

Speaker 4 (42:47):
I know that we're in unlikely tree. I'm a singer. Wow,
I'm a singer.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
Are you a singer?

Speaker 4 (42:57):
Yes, I'm a singer songwriter. Do you like my new car,
the Cockmobile?

Speaker 8 (43:02):
I do like your new car.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
I know they were on an unlikely trio, but when
I met you at Uncle Fest tavern in Florida, I
saw my future in all four of your eyes. Wow,
you two gentlemen, are my thropple future.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
That is, How did you write that? I just do it.

Speaker 4 (43:22):
I just wrote it. I just wrote it. I'm a
scat artist.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Wow, that's expect it is not.

Speaker 5 (43:31):
I mean, I love the art, but I did not
know I was among the regular. The want is just
in the nature's fudge.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
Okay, okay, listen fudge face. Thank you. What a magical
deep that now?

Speaker 6 (43:47):
But you.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
Don't ever make that joke again.

Speaker 6 (43:51):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
I don't stand for your.

Speaker 8 (43:52):
Mom just okay, Okay, I like I like to like
tough me.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
Why don't I take you to one of my properties
and show you the furniture if you know what I mean.
That's what I call my you're.

Speaker 4 (44:06):
Huh uh huh, you're you're feeding trough.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
I call my dick the furniture. Wow. So I'd love
to show you second language. But that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (44:18):
I have to say that wasn't actually a great offer.
But maybe we can go back to my place and
listen to follow up boys later catalog love it.

Speaker 5 (44:26):
I will stay here for what I do is try
to convince people I work here, I'll never forget you.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
Jah, Well, then you're not like mother.

Speaker 8 (44:38):
Good night, good night, and we're back.

Speaker 4 (44:50):
First of all, what a.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Cute micro so cute and I know nothing, but I
know that's cute.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
Thank you so much, Garrett. And you were you were
our first guest that was excited about all of our ingredients.
Peebe fit. That is not a sponsor yet.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
And by the way, there's a far track record. There's
absolutely no way they ever one.

Speaker 4 (45:08):
Why would they be? Before we get going, I want
to ask how crazy are the wines that you read
that we Have you ever.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
Come close to saying anything like this on a date
or has anyone ever said anything as horrible? I don't
think I've ever had any Which one shocked you the most?
There's a lot of I.

Speaker 5 (45:25):
Mean, the fact that you got in a car wreck
this morning, had a fifth to Jack and three Viking
and is crazy.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
Yeah, it doesn't bode well, Jimmy.

Speaker 5 (45:32):
Girls can be sometimes attractive. They have a pretty face
like a movie star.

Speaker 4 (45:37):
Yeah, can you hand me that screwdriver? I need to
start the car? Was really good? Yeah that's us from
M D Leech too. That's so crazy.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
I mean, I do love two men having kids by
turning sperm into it.

Speaker 4 (45:49):
At somebody sent us an email or maybe they put
a review, but they thought it'd be fun to bring
on some of the craziest ones and have like actually
have people tell the story of what happened and on
the date with a thank you. Thank you to everyone
who submitted bad datelines. We have Karen McCullough sent in
a bunch which was amazing, Heather Upton, Kristin Haffenraffer.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
Kelse Butler, Annie ro LTPDX, Dale Bowitz, Jjon Petro, Mister
M Shermey and Miss Wender Woman.

Speaker 4 (46:22):
Lily McCullough, MD Leech two Modified, Margaret Alba Underscore, Kirki Taylor,
Jay Pratt, and Kylie Breach. Again was the one who
gave us the location. And I know there was a
few more, and I'm sorry that I didn't have it
written down, but we really appreciate that you sent them in.
And if you we love getting the emails, you can
either put them on our Instagram which is naps pod,

(46:44):
and then if you want to email us, it's napspodnumber
one at gmail dot com. You guys, we are absolutely
touched in over the Moon with how the response that
we're getting. It really helps when you like and review
us on Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
If you're able to, please do it helps the show
so much. And by the way, it costs you nothing
and rating. Let's just tapping five stars baby.

Speaker 4 (47:03):
By the way, we're up to three to zero two.
Isn't that so fun?

Speaker 1 (47:05):
Very exciting?

Speaker 4 (47:06):
We got a really cute one today is from Miraborg
gets five stars. No autographs please. I've loved Brian and
Arden for years from their other podcasts, and when I
heard of their friendship and new podcast, I was absolutely thrilled.
These two are hilarious, have great guests, and I love it.
Will they ever get the peebe fit pumpkin cake?

Speaker 10 (47:24):
Right?

Speaker 1 (47:24):
I hope? Ma Honey, Jesse, you way, girl, Carla Marla
says long floppy as five stars so good. Do not
listen to this podcast while drinking water choking house?

Speaker 4 (47:34):
Oh my god? That is so here's one. Let's see
five stars, Holly p my new favorite podcast. Love this podcast.
Brian and Arden bring so much joy and laughter weekly.
Every episode has me laughing harder and harder. Thank you
for creating this. I truly need this podcast in my life.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
Jewel by t says five stars only. I tell all
of my clients five stars only, and always stir your
eggs this one.

Speaker 4 (47:58):
It's really sweet, Brian. This is a person who's never
reviewed a podcast before. It's five stars from mister p
pile Tiles, first time reviewer. I've never reviewed a podcast before,
but I had to with this one. It's a perfect
podcast and I have no notes. Honestly, I hope it
lasts forever because it brings endless joy. Listen while you

(48:18):
eat your microwave baby fit pumpkin. You won't regret it,
doesn't It feel so good that people are enjoying our madness.
It's such a specific world, and I.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
Want to say I feel seen because so many people
have also said that they've now bought powdered peanut butter
and they're converts. And I got to say, that's my
kind of person, because what they've heard on this show
is basically how gross it is. But that is my move.
Like even when I hear that, I'm like no, but
I still want to try it, so God bless you all.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
When I when I saw Supersize me, I feel like
you're either the person who's.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
Like nevers my brother.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
I wanted that the final quarter pounder that he like
would like it was the final one that gave him like,
you know, basically gave him a goose liver, like yes, sate,
and we were like, we want that one. Anyway, let's
go back to the show and see if Gareth enjoys
his uh, his peanut butter perfect. Okay, So now Brian
and are trying to be lifestyle influencers and each episode

(49:10):
we make a gorgeous sure you know peb fat did
you bring something to cook with this?

Speaker 1 (49:16):
Yeah? It's okay, nothing could hurt it, nothing could hurt
And I want to say this boats well, I'm excited
for this. Or you mentioned at the beginning, Yeah, he
likes the zva. He also was familiar with this peanut
and I liked it. He loves it. So I feel
like we're starting now do you like that time?

Speaker 6 (49:32):
Do you like?

Speaker 1 (49:32):
We love?

Speaker 3 (49:33):
You like it?

Speaker 6 (49:33):
We love?

Speaker 1 (49:34):
Yeah? Okay, Okay, what did you bring?

Speaker 6 (49:35):
Well?

Speaker 1 (49:35):
I don't know if what I brought is going to
compliment the day A cam okay, show.

Speaker 4 (49:42):
Camera shout the people.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
Well, let me just explain a couple of things.

Speaker 5 (49:44):
First of all, so it was twenty twenty, yeah, right,
And I was cooking a ton at home and I.

Speaker 4 (49:50):
Saw this advert something happened in twenty twenty.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I missed it. Yep uh.

Speaker 5 (49:55):
And there was a thing called Flavor godkay on Instagram.
And this is when I think I was ordering a
lot of stuff off of it. Remember this, They were
getting me really well. Yeah, and everyone like Flavor God
and Flavor Guy was like, we've run out of stuff,
like give us a while, and so I ordered like
all their spices, okay. And so when you mentioned it,
I thought, well, I didn't know if it was supposed
to be good or bad. So I brought it. I

(50:15):
brought some some Flavor God would you bring? And then
I did notice that it is expired.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
I didn't know.

Speaker 8 (50:22):
So this is what it is.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
It's a flavor got Jamaican jerk spice.

Speaker 6 (50:25):
You know what.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
I actually think it's going to be good attitude. I
think it might be because game, we don't know what
we're missing yet. Yeah to us, it's perfect now.

Speaker 4 (50:35):
We were So I'm going to put in a little pumpkin.
I'll just do the egg white to make it a
little moos. You know what we need. We need to
buy some baking soda or baking power.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Ellen Andileen that my dad has some in the fridge
the years nineteen.

Speaker 4 (50:49):
I think we need some because of a lot of
the recipes. Also, somebody emailed us a nice one that
had cool whip and chocolate chips. But Brian and I
are both such monsters that we can't have it in
our house and not eating can't, so we can't do it.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
I act like I can have a pint of ice
cream in my house. And does anyone know does anyone
carry the I'm asking Katie and Anna this too. Does
anyone carry over a pint of ice cream? Even whatever
base it is? Because I know you're vegan. Does anyone
ever carry a pint of ice cream into day two
once it's in there?

Speaker 5 (51:23):
Never?

Speaker 1 (51:24):
You do.

Speaker 8 (51:24):
I knew it.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
I can see never, not ever.

Speaker 6 (51:29):
Never.

Speaker 4 (51:29):
They can lest me like five days shocking, unfair. Okay,
now we were we all.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
You think you're better than us?

Speaker 4 (51:36):
We were talking.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
She didn't say no, she knows that the problem is.

Speaker 4 (51:43):
She's right, Gareth. We were teking at the beginning of
the show that somebody asked you.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
Last week the measurements, by the way, have to be
very specific. Okay, yeah, I can tell that. Just you know,
I'm hoping you have one prepared under the table that
you pull out.

Speaker 4 (51:56):
We wish I had a little pumpkin I'm doing. I'm
stirring it with peanut butter powder. We were trying at
the beginning of the show, somebody asked you what you
do for fun? You couldn't think of anything because this
isn't our self care portion. Uh, because I have found
that balance is.

Speaker 5 (52:09):
Hard when we get to do I was thrown. It
was like someone was like, how do you break into
a bank? When they do you like chocolate? I don't, Yes,
I do.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (52:19):
I thought I was gonna pretend like I was thrown,
but it was basically a friend of mine's family when
I was in New York, you know, nobody involved in
the business or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
And they were basically like, so, okay, so you work
a lot, so what do you do for fun?

Speaker 2 (52:34):
And uh?

Speaker 5 (52:34):
And I was like and I really didn't have an answer,
and then I go, you know, I'll watch stuff like whatever.
It took me ages to even say that because I
was interesting instead of like altern on the TV.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
And then they were like, what do you watch?

Speaker 5 (52:51):
And then I was like, I didn't really have a
good answer for that either, because the real answer is
Below Deck is my favorite show.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Oh my god, absolutely blow Deck dateline. How I watch garbage?
Start watching?

Speaker 4 (53:03):
Have you ever watched Love Island from season one? England?

Speaker 6 (53:07):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (53:07):
You have watched that one with Hannah and John. Yeah,
unbelievable that I couldn't watch this last season. It just
wasn't doing it.

Speaker 4 (53:13):
I just starting.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
My buddy was watching it.

Speaker 4 (53:15):
I'm on twenty sixty.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
You could watch that.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
They're still fucking on TV.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
Yeah, I can't watch that show. She was blind. I
can't either. No, I Love Island? Oh fuck, I meant
love is Blind. You're talking about love Blinland, which is
you can't.

Speaker 4 (53:28):
Do Love is Blind. I can't do it any match maker.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
I was, yes, and I was able to do Love
his Blind.

Speaker 4 (53:34):
It's really good.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
It's on Netflix, Netflix, and now they're back in person
because you know, okay, Gareth, Yeah, so you came up
with what you do that thing?

Speaker 5 (53:42):
I came up with like Below Deck, I said, I
watched like your cat, you played with your cat? Yeah,
but this was after like ten minutes of me not
really having any tell you didn't to do bailed me out.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
Someone else started talking about stuff they like not to do.
When someone asked what he do for fun? Is say
I play with my cat?

Speaker 2 (53:58):
Do not?

Speaker 1 (53:59):
I didn't. I didn't say it, and it goes and
by the way, I mean the offender, don't say I
play with my dog. Yeah, because you know what it is.
I'll tell you what it is. I did. Yeah, I
saw it. I gotta say we are we are honestly
crayting like that was strange. I do it all the time.

Speaker 5 (54:16):
Oh wow, I didn't realize she had paper. She felt
too comfortable after you made her feel like.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
Arden confuses with flower seed. So the measurements are just
very what specific, very specific, because you know, baking is
the science.

Speaker 5 (54:30):
I don't know if you've heard absolutely you do it
in a mug with a microwave on your podcast.

Speaker 1 (54:33):
Gareth, I want to know, get that jerk spice to
remember it's expired. You're about to add the jerk well
too late. I met him last night, Gareth. Yeah, this
is a wild today. Shout out flavor guy. Not too
much had. Actually I'm actually not allowed We're actually not

(54:54):
allowed to give notes. Okay, now listen now it goes
to the bwave. Yeah, Garrett Arden and I are dying
to know. We asked this, if everyone, what is your
morning routine? You wake up and take us from there. Well,
it's gonna be sad because you said, don't say I
play with your cat.

Speaker 5 (55:11):
But I wake up. My cat lays on my chest.
I'll pet him for like a half hour. That's nice,
really really like that's meditated for both.

Speaker 4 (55:21):
Meditate first thing in the morning with Jose.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
Then I will make a coffee.

Speaker 4 (55:25):
Well, listeners, your cat tattoo?

Speaker 1 (55:27):
Sure, my cat too. Your cat, it's actually adorable. That's
a really good The colors are so good. Can you
guys hear it? You know someone told me that's not
gold line by the was about her cat.

Speaker 11 (55:40):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Anyway, yeah, okay, but I'll play with Ose.

Speaker 5 (55:43):
I'll make a coffee, then probably clean a little bit,
and then i'll guy.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
Yeah, very tidy. No, I'm a very I had sex.
I hear it's bad. It's such a disappointment what you have.
Never want to have it again. That's why to me,
I just watched Gary do it on below deck. That
seems like plenty of things give Gary's hot.

Speaker 4 (56:07):
We saw Gary at Bravo.

Speaker 11 (56:09):
I wouldn't consider him hot.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
He's hot. Gaza, Gaza.

Speaker 4 (56:13):
Who's your number one girl from below deck?

Speaker 8 (56:17):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (56:17):
You know there was I can't remember her name, but
I followed her in real life. I followed her.

Speaker 5 (56:22):
Thought she was furious. Obviously I had no right to
do that. Put the bell in there. I think her
name was Courtney. I think her name was Courtney.

Speaker 1 (56:31):
Was it Courtney or Courteney Courtney? Okay check it from Okay,
we all try it now. Yeah, it's gonna be good.
It's gonna be real hot, real hot. Not because the jerk.

Speaker 4 (56:44):
I didn't burn my lip again said all week. I
don't have new fruit. I don't know.

Speaker 11 (56:48):
Good.

Speaker 4 (56:48):
Thanks Gary, my god.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Oh, by the way, does here's what has to happen.
I haven't eaten in days. No, we love every week.

Speaker 10 (56:54):
We like it.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
It's just a given.

Speaker 5 (56:55):
We like it.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
And what did Lauren think of it? Jada, you don't
like it? Interesting? She wasn't a good fit for this podcasts.

Speaker 4 (57:03):
I should get rid of her friend.

Speaker 1 (57:06):
The friendship was over after that. This is really good,
Derek Garrett, Gareth, Gareth, this is what we need to do.
Rank zero to ten. We actually had to add a
zero because I think someone it's no longer one to ten,
a zero to ten and be honest, we want the truth.
This is a seven or an eight?

Speaker 11 (57:28):
Good?

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Wow? How does it feel?

Speaker 6 (57:32):
Ardin?

Speaker 4 (57:33):
I agree, Gareth, you're our favor.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Really good, Garrett, I have more?

Speaker 4 (57:38):
Please, banana? Do you want to buy a little bit?

Speaker 1 (57:42):
Okay banana? A snake banana? And by the way, you also, Katie,
there's egg white and you can't have that. I'm sure,
I'm sure you're broken.

Speaker 4 (57:51):
I actually think what this actually added saltiness?

Speaker 1 (57:55):
That was good. This was the key. I want you
to keep that. Really yeah, I want you to keep
Can I see that.

Speaker 4 (58:00):
You actually added a nice saltiness air?

Speaker 1 (58:01):
I want you to keep it was really good. I
gotta say, and flavor, God did us right? Good and.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Good?

Speaker 1 (58:11):
Number one number. I'll give you a night totly fuck Arden.
Do you think that the flavor was helped by you
banging this on the counter off of my teeth? You
did very good. You can't change a thing. Science.

Speaker 4 (58:26):
I put in a lot of peanut butter powder. I
put him this much pump.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
Yes, for those of you at home, we're wondering how
much pump can just do the visual of that. It's
exactly this month that much, you know, a handful, I'd
say it's exactly this metric handful. One of your cats,
your cats, yeah, one of Arden's cats.

Speaker 4 (58:46):
Yes, I did it. One egg white, let's.

Speaker 1 (58:49):
Eat that shell. That's good. Nuts.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
I Diditian Vanilla. I did three Stevie Tree Trivia.

Speaker 5 (59:00):
And then I did Flavor God Jamaica Jerk Flavor God
that expired about a year ago.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Don't forget that point. We have found the secret. Gareth.
What a ride? Have another? Where can they follow you?
Listen to you get Nora.

Speaker 5 (59:15):
I'm looking to talk to Courtney from below deck if
she's around, Okay, here's where you.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
I'm yeah, pretty single? Yeah, oh, I'm sure she's gonna
love hearing I have a cat.

Speaker 4 (59:29):
I think if you want somebody's single ish, well, yeah,
you can't go better than Dracula, Are you kidding?

Speaker 1 (59:38):
Surprise? I agree?

Speaker 4 (59:41):
Everybody you can get access to Ellen and Eileen.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
Well, because I couldn't find him, remember I tried.

Speaker 4 (59:46):
We tried, we could get you. You could bake for her. Yeah,
he's a baker.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
Oh I made a pecan pie at Christmas for my mother. Yeah.
You made the pie crust to Katie, what do you
think about that vegan? No, I can cater towards a
vegan very easily. That isn't a good pitch for a date.

Speaker 10 (01:00:05):
I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
That's right, you deserved me on a date. I'm fantastic. Absolutely,
he's nothing like these lines.

Speaker 4 (01:00:12):
Honestly your favorite. Yes, because you like us the mom.

Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Well, that's great, you're not. I'm not. I feel like,
are you okay? You need water? I feel like you're
cho You drink a little jerk flavor, but that'll put
the frow rip into ye. Pull it out everything stroke
stroke like full coke struck. I gotta say the warden.

(01:00:35):
All of that worked. This is our biggest success. Excited
in the edits is good?

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
I like it?

Speaker 11 (01:00:42):
You do?

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Yes, it's really you. We absolutely we wish you the
very best quote quote works.

Speaker 4 (01:00:51):
For my dad, and you'd have no quotes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
From my dad the band in court, So we have.

Speaker 4 (01:00:57):
The worst quote my dad, you your mom.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
Or your dad tight race. My dad would be fun.
My my dads would just be like I love you
and I meant to hood went around and I'll be like,
oh my god.

Speaker 4 (01:01:09):
No, mine would be Mine would be the worst.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
My mom is very casually cruel, so I don't.

Speaker 4 (01:01:14):
My dad would be the worst, right, all right?

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
We had it all right anyway.

Speaker 4 (01:01:17):
Reynolds, Gareth, you have any shows coming up that you
want to promote?

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
Many? I'll be in La this Friday.

Speaker 5 (01:01:23):
What's the best way to find Dynasty typewriter Gareth Reynolds
dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
Great show'll come out a little later on my specials
on YouTube.

Speaker 5 (01:01:30):
Oh yes, you told me to say the rest to
my website one time, England Weed and the rest or
You can go to my website Gareth Rods dot com
and click the special.

Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
Link, can say No one is funnier than Gareth is.
You should go to YouTube, go to his website and
watch it. He is so I mean, howling, dying of laughter.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
He is so fun circle My knees moved so fast
on my bike.

Speaker 4 (01:01:55):
When I get to be funny with you, England Weed
and the rest, England Need and the rest, you guys,
thank you you come play with us again?

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
Yes, gladly, thank you. I can't wait to see how
this part of all you're going to Is this going
to keep changing?

Speaker 6 (01:02:06):
Well?

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
No, I think we hit the piece. I think this
is all you.

Speaker 4 (01:02:10):
Ever recipes each time, okay, but nobody. You're the only
one that has liked it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
I loved it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
Thank you. This is I think the best one we've made, too.

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
Should be on the show.

Speaker 6 (01:02:21):
Yeah, we have a part of the aircraft this you's
still going to need to float out a bit.

Speaker 10 (01:02:25):
Southwust thirteen eighty speed is your discretion. Maintain at any
altitude above three thousand feet, and you'd let me know
when you want to turn base.

Speaker 6 (01:02:34):
All right, out of three thousands southwest thirteen eighty'd like
to turn to start training a.

Speaker 10 (01:02:40):
Band Southlust thirteen eighty turn, Just start turning southbound. There
there's a southwast seven three seven on a four mile
final we'll be turning southbound. Start looking for the airport
us off to your right and slightly behind you there.
And altitude is your discretion, use caution for the downtown area.
Maintain vagier maintained out about two thousand, two hundred for
the MBA.

Speaker 6 (01:02:59):
Okay, could you have the medical dat us there on
the runway as well. We've got injured passengers.

Speaker 10 (01:03:06):
Injured passengers, okay, And are you as your airplane physically
on fire.

Speaker 6 (01:03:10):
No, it's not on fire, but part of its missing.
They said there was a hole and someone went out.

Speaker 10 (01:03:16):
I'm sorry you said there was a hole when somebody
went out. Salsas thirteen eighty doesn't matter. We'll work it
out there. So the airports just offs you right, reported insight.

Speaker 6 (01:03:23):
Please thirteen eighty Airports in site Salpa thirteen eighty, en
Rich two seven left clear to land Alca thirteen eighty.

Speaker 8 (01:03:31):
Rachel, when you're.

Speaker 10 (01:03:32):
Able, you want to stop wherever you need to assign.

Speaker 6 (01:03:34):
Thanks, you were going to stop righting your brother by.
Thanks guys for the house.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Who are you where? And will there be pressed? Yeah? Gotcha?

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
And Bryan are you in love?

Speaker 4 (01:03:56):
Cast?

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
But honey, no, no, no, honor grass pees. We live
in the Caramel lifelike.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
Celebrities sharing our favorite Femi recipes.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
But honey, no, no, no, no autographs. No I I
got some autograph. The autograp