April 21, 2023 • 51 mins
This week, Arden and Bryan talk to the hilarious and stylish Jacquis Neal (“Grand Crew,” “Physical”) about that orange man’s NAPS energy, plus a lady who shut down a train because a Dorito was stuck in her throat! And then they all go on a date in a cemetery. And what does Jacquis rate this week’s peanut butter cake? We’re hoping for at least a 5.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
No, who are you wearing?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Will there be?
Speaker 3 (00:06):
Pressed to all a fabians?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
And she honey, yeah I didn't, And Brian, I hear it.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Laugh there be and they've got lots of podcast but honey, no, no, no, no, honna.
Speaker 5 (00:22):
Dress peas we live in and the glamor lifelike celebrities
and sharing our favorite FEBI recipes. But honey, no, no, no,
no autographs.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
No.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Autograph.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Hello, welcome another episode. No autographs please. My name is
Arta Marine, my name is Brian Sophie. Can I just
say you look gorgeous?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
That can't be true? You look good because I have
to tell you why, because I'm looking at your keysn
right now? Who is pull it together?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
He's gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
I think you did. I got We're obsessed with your
sweatshirt obs I love it. Yeah, guess right out of
the gate.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
First of all, I did his very popular monthly show,
Comedian Feud in Los Angeles is so funny, And that's
when we met and we became friends. But then I
sucked you into my podcast. Will you accept this? Rose?
And I got to say, I feel close to you.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I feel close to you.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
This is how I make friends.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
This is my origin.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I'm like, do you want to complay patty Cake? This
is home. I get to know people because I get anxiety,
so I need like an activity. So then then once
I feel comfortable with you, that's how we met.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Do you have social anxiety?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You get social anxiety.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
I don't get social anxiety. You don't, I don't. I
don't know. I think because I get tired of people quickly,
so like and I don't mean that in a bad way,
get it, like it, I can keep it moving. So
there is very easy for me to meet anybody, sure
and be cool in a situation and then go home
(01:56):
and recharge.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's hard to get into the inner circle of jeqis
is what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
No, no, no, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Then, but but you get tired, like you know, when
you don't need to stay at the party all night.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
I don't. Yeah, I don't, I will.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Do you remember the first Do you remember the first
time you got on the internet?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm pretty sure it was to look
up like breast.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I feel like that's what it is. Far that's what
people do.
Speaker 6 (02:27):
I mean, it's either alel chat, yes, okay, but which, by.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
The way, we're filthy, which you're terrible but exciting, terrible.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I like you kids think you know.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Oh my god, we was there were no parental controls.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
We were fucked up completely late nineties early about nasty ships.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yeah, so fast, so fast.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And all our computers were also fucked up.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah, because there's a dial up saying getting online.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Everything was terrible.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Everything sounded like a fact side true story. My voice
is the same tone as a fact and a pound sign.
So to this day, if I get excited and I'm
leaving you a message, it will like erase and go
message erais because it's the same vocal quality as a
fact tone and a pound sign, and then say things
(03:20):
like the number five is not a valid entry about
my voice when I'm speaking. If I get excited, I want.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
To know this, I want to play that number pounds.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Okay, let's hear it, let's hear it. Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, oh my god, I got a text.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Which people say my voice, that's my voice.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I mean, I would like to try to do it
later on. I want to try to call and I'm
going to say, like a party trick. I want to
I want to get excited and have a phone. Hang
up on that?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
What do you say though, No, I'm just talking.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I'll go to message. Your raised is that it's the
quality I try to tone it down.
Speaker 6 (03:58):
I'm so happy that you decided that is like your
voice sounds like a pound as. The reason why is
like because like I think like a lesser person will
be like the internet or a computers hate me. No, no,
like you are like, no, this is it and I
believe it is.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I believe it will I'll.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Do it to your phone later.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I want to see it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
No quies, so you don't have social anxiety. So here's
a question. So we part of the first part of
our podcast, No autographs Please, we admire and because we
get a little bit hard on ourselves. Are you hard
on yourself?
Speaker 7 (04:30):
Am?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I am hard on myself? Okay, now now you're comedian.
I'm hard on myself because there.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Are no Because there are those comics that come off
the stage that are full swagger and you know they
didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Long I say, like, usually those ones are not very funny, yes, and.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
So, but like they have the confidence that they killed it, yes,
and so they sort of have like a no autographs
please energy. That's like you didn't do that well, but
you and they don't, and some of them get successfu.
Speaker 6 (05:00):
I appreciate those people because I appreciate the mediocrity. Yeah,
because you know, especially you know, being a black dude,
we got to be excellent.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yes, sure, And I don't want to be I want
to be medio. I would love to be mediocre.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
I would love for mediocre to fail upwards. When I
disparage those who do it is not because I hate
that you can, just because I want it object.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
To work as hard and get more recognition.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
So great.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
For nothing?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Do you nap? Are you a napper?
Speaker 6 (05:37):
I should not nap because I have sleep athne in
machine a machine. Do I have a name for my machine?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I should? Yeah, I will, I should? Rihanna, okay, Rihanna.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
You know when you have a lady friend over, do
you pull out the machine or do you just take
the hit? What do you what do you do with
your lady friend?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
I take the hit? Okay, I don't spend the night out.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
But you are you afraid you might stop?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I won't die. I'll be fine. I use it as
an excuse to leave.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Okay, this is good at home?
Speaker 6 (06:14):
At home, baby, I gotta get home to my baby waiting.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Honey.
Speaker 6 (06:19):
I always make sure I shouldn't say this loud, but
I always make sure to at some point in the
night if it's a new person.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Yeah, man, you know what sucks. I gotta sleep apn
which is.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
True, true.
Speaker 6 (06:33):
And then when it gives time to be like, all right,
you staying and be like I got to get home
to that machine.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I gotta get home to that.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
I gotta be honest with you. That's a works really
well because it's true because it's very who's going to
argue with that?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
You want him to have a hard time.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
But I will also say this, I hope they never
find out what the machine sounds like because I dated
someone to sleep appening and it was like a white
noise machine. It is such great. Okay, let's don't never experienced.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
How long does it take you before you're like, I
want to spend the night.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
That's a great question.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I don't love not sleeping in my.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Mind, me too. I'm very selfish that way I am.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
I don't love not sleeping in my own I love
a sleepover. I don't mind if people don't mind if
people come over a sleeper.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I don't care. I'll sleep anymore. I love a sleepover.
Speaker 6 (07:25):
I'm not as I'm not a social sleeping with somebody
that I would love to continue to have sex with,
because like I toss and turns sweat.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I'm a light sleeper. I'm a bad sleeper.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So your journey, your journey. I'm a nightmare as well.
I mean, I'm not saying youre a neighbor. I am
personally I'm a nightmare. I'm going on tour. I'm going north, south,
east west. I get hot, i get cold, I'm snuggling in,
I'm taking all the sheets. I'm having a night terror.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I was reading situation. I was reading in a grocery
store the other day, stop Ragging, which was let me
think just one. I picked up some magazine called Like
Think Clearly. I mean it was one of those that
scientology like comes. I happened to be the Celebrity Center.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I thought you were going to pick up like a
royal family magazine that's like Prince the Little Boy, like
the Prince George George.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
You know, this was a magazine that was like clearly.
One edition. It was called like Think Clearly. I thought
to myself, I'm waiting but I think great, Okay, So
I opened the magazine to get some thoughts ideas, and
what they said in there was people who sleep on
the left side of the bed, their left are happier.
(08:44):
Now I always sleep on the rights. I do too,
so I have yet, by the way, I'm such a
right side sleeper that even reading that has not made
me want to make anything different communist or or what
I'm used to.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
If you're looking at the bed, it's.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
On the left, your left. So if you're if you're.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I want to say, I was normally a left, but
my new lover right, he's taken the left right. So
now he's trying Is he working against me? Should I
break up to my doctor? Sham going for you?
Speaker 6 (09:19):
Because I'm extremely selfish ill like, that's my side of
the bed.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Tonight, I'm going to sleep on. I'm going to do
I'm admitting my doormat. I'm sleeping on the left side
of the bed tonight, and I'm going to tell everyone
tomorrow how I feel I need that.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Now, let's talk about did you bring a nominee for
so for new listeners no autograss please energy, How would
you describe that? If what he's fuck it.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
It's just that thing if you're just sort of like,
you know what I'm done. I'm doing it. I don't
care exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Okay, who would you like to nominate today?
Speaker 6 (09:52):
All Right, So I have a basic one and I
have like somebody in my both.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Could one at a time.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
First one first, Let's do the basic one. First. Let's
do it because this is very basic. It's very Obviousky
is Donald Trump?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I thought about me.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
He sort of is. The art of the no autographs
is worked.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
For him, and it has worked for him.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It has worked for him.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
It saddens my soul awful as a comedian that he's
so vile because he's so fucking funny.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, because it is insane energy, insane.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
I'm the only one that can fix it.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It's like watching someone you know, you know, like some
things are just universally funny, Like watching someone trip is
funny basically because it's shocking. And every time he does something,
you have that like nervous giggle of like I can't
believe someone said that. I can't believe someone's doing that.
And someone is falling down in front of me, and
I'm so scared that I'm laughing.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yeah it is. I mean even just I'm gonna go
with even when you see him getting out of a
pool and the hair comb from the back all the
way to the front, and it's like, yeah, I've got
a full head of hair, but it starts at the
back and it combs all the way for it's are.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Just a he really I hate to say it, but
he does have that he has.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Is okay, great, that's a great you know what, thank you.
That's absolutely knocking out.
Speaker 6 (11:20):
Because I don't know if anybody said knock it out.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
We've all been thinking that two things can be true
to One thing can be true that he's so horrific
that it's funny, yes, And another thing can be true
that he's horrific yeah.
Speaker 6 (11:35):
Yes, okay, there's I have to find this. I have
to find this because it just makes me laugh and
it is the epitome.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I mean, it was also just like doesn't give a
fun It was also just how we would say his
insults would be like sad you know what I mean, yeah,
so wrong that you're like this is actually the confidence
like I remember, good bless her and I think she's
well now. But when Amanda Bindes was like really suffering.
She would go on Twitter and call people ugly, and
I was like, that's sort of fresh, It's wild. Did
(12:06):
you like it?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I was bron to be such a people pleaser that
you're like, wow, like just a little I don't want
a full glass of that, but have a little eye
dropper of.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
That swagger in my life.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I feel like I might sleep better Blacks, I might
not go on tour on bed, you know, I might
be a little more like.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Do you guys think Donald Trump sleeps on.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
The left side of the bad he sleeps in the middle.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Seems Oh yes, the fucking Raphael John of Man hate
whatever that yeh.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
You may sleep like sideways. You may not even sleep
like top to bottom.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
You may just sideways, and also thinks it's crazy that
no one else would.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Melania has no autograss, please energy, because she clearly hates him.
She does, she clearly has hated him for years, hates
him and it's like still there, but like like it's
not trying to hide that she hates more than anyone.
And that's a little not autograss, please energy.
Speaker 6 (13:08):
I play this for you, guys, of course, is this
is the epitome of somebody who doesn't give a fun
because you have to know, you have to know you're
making the joke. Okay, he's saying the Puerto Rico. Okay,
this is who I'm saying it.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
You're also praying for the people of Peto Rico. Oh God,
the worst?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Where to Ricoh? I don't give a fuck you hear
anyone say it that way?
Speaker 7 (13:39):
Nobody.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
My dad just came back from the dead and a
miata to say Puerto Rico. I cannot even I can't
like so mocking.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So it felt like the one time he's tried to
have a calming energy. Yeah, like makes it breathy.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, Brian, did you bring it out? Grass? Please? Energy?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I did?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Who do you bring?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Well? This is a tail, I mean as old as time.
It's a tale as old as time.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I think you've heard the story.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
This happened to my friend Lindsay in all fairness, but
she told me the story and I have I will
never get over it as long as I live, because
this person, to me really won the day. So on
an amtrak I'm.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Here for this.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
This woman stands up on the while the train is
moving or whatever, from her seat and she goes, can
someone get the conductor, there's a dorito in my throat?
She makes the train stop. Who the conductor stopped the train?
She comes over and the conductor commercary is like, what's
(14:43):
going on? She's talking normally. She's like, there's like part
of a dorito stuck in my throat. And he's like, okay,
well did you try drinking water? Yet it's not helping.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
So then someone's like conductors like, well, let me go
over the pa and see anyone's a doctor. She's like, thanks,
that would be really helpful. So the guy goes on
the pia and it's like, say any doctor. The doctor
comes in with the guy. He's like, okay, what's going on,
isterriita stuck in my throat? The conductor he goes, okay,
let me think. The conductor goes, I have an idea.
Why don't I start back up the train and when
it gets at full speed you could stick your head
(15:13):
out the window and open your mouth and maybe this
really happened and maybe dislodged. Maybe that would dislodge. The
doctor goes, do not do not do that, and he goes,
do you have any the doctor? The doctor said don't
do that. The conductor was conductor. So the doctor was like,
do not do that. And he was like, do you
have anything thick at like your food card? Like do
(15:35):
you have any yogurt or something like that? Exactly?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, like a snack pat.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
And he goes, I can find out, but I think
we do. When she goes which flavor. That's pretty much
the end of the story. But I got to give
it up to her because to have she's not choking,
she's talking. She's talking. She's talking and being picky about
what could.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Save her stop the whole track being on a train
at full speed.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
God forbid, there wasn't a doctor on there sticking your
head out of window and opening it and hoping it
dislodges the dorito stuck in your throat.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
She would have got her.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Ultimately worked.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
It might have been knocked down your position. What do
you think about that advice?
Speaker 3 (16:20):
I would just wait until it went back down.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
I would just sit there and you wouldn't have stopped
my life until it went down eventually.
Speaker 6 (16:31):
I also say something radical, Yeah, there's nothing stuck in
her throat.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
There was a scratch.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
It was because I gotta say this too. Yeah, sorry, like.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Sometimes you can like scratch your eyeball it's already gone,
but you got the fantom scratched, Like she might have
a fantom throat thing.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, I tell you, a dorito gets soggy fast. So
she had been drinking water, that thing would have folded
up like you know what I mean, like pache I.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Would have had. I've had a cool corn kernels like
hooked on the back of my throat that I had
to get my little finger in a little and I
had to get I had to like scoop it out,
but I got it out. I didn't stop a train.
I just take my head out of a window.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I have one more little thing to nominate, and it's
actually Arden Marine who. One time when I was driving
with her Rhode Island.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
In New York, what did I do?
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Oh? Yeah, we thought she was sick. She was like,
I'm not sick. I burned the back of my throat.
It happens all the time. And the way she casually
said that, the way she said I burned the back
of my throat it happens all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Because why because I okay, by the way, So then
I went because I had a date with my now lover,
and I had to go get I had to go.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I wanted to take a COVID test.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
I got a strep throat test right, and yeah, because
it felt like strep throat and I was really fucked,
like really badly burned. Yeah, and I was like, like,
how did the burn get all the way? You'll learn
this when I microwave you a peanut butter cake later on.
I like to eat, and I'm a bit of a
raccoon and I'm a fast eater. I love I am
(18:03):
not I'm a nocturnal creature jekis. But in the morning
I set my coffee the night before Mittens wakes me up.
She's like, Mittens is my alarm clock, my cat with
the thumbs. And then I have had the same breakfast
for eighteen years, which is okay. So I have Greek
yogurt and oatmeal, and I slid up fruit in both,
(18:24):
and I cook the oatmeal and I get so excited
that there's an oatmeal time that I'm like and I
get like third degree burns, like three.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Times to the back of your throat.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, exactly, I get I have Mitten's sling shot like
a like a pudding. And then I would say like
and I'm like, well that's a little hot. I should wait,
and I'm like half fuck it. And then it burns
my entire esophagus and I say it happens.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Like like full incredible a.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Couple degree burns a few times a year and then
I have to go get strep throat tests and they're like, no,
you've burned it on oatmeal. Yeah again. And there's a
place each time you think like it can't be this, Yeah,
it must, it has to be. Now there's a I
don't generally go to my doctor. I love to go
to a clinic. And there's one in Hollywood that's like
(19:12):
I'm like Cosmo or what that you can't So it's
like it's like a clinic slash like MIDSPA where you
can get like botox and stuff but all but it's
near like the Australian hostel. So I go there and
they have like all these gorg they look like it'd
be on a Broado show like Summer House or something.
So I always go and I'm like, I have mono.
I think I have mono, and they're like you know,
(19:34):
I'm like, give me a test and then and now
are you Australian, and then I and then I and
then I become like the creeper. Well then I'm like, wow,
you're and I've literally been the creper, Like wow, you
guys are so tracked. I'm like, you're so pretty. You're
like I'm literally have like an oatmeal burnt throat telling
the doctor how they are mono. It's like, you know what,
(19:56):
I do that like three times a year.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Okay, you know what?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I love this?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
What brand of o'meal?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Great?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I are you a Quaker? You are Bob's I do
a Bob's.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, Bob, it's not for Anna Stina, and you and
Brian have both travel with me. You're you're doing your
own thing. You're not judging me.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I've honestly never noticed see oatmeal ever. Thank you because
that's that's a friend.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
That's a friend. You don't judge me. I have a
not Can I nominate another? No autographs please? It's also
going to be myself.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
The crown this year.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Okay, so this was when I was twenty one. Okay,
my mom, when I graduated from college, she took me
on a two weeks. I'd never been to Europe. We
went to London and Paris.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
What a beautiful mom.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Beautiful mom. Two weeks we go to Paris for one day.
They were so rude. We're like, let's go back to London.
So we take the channel back and they were so rude.
We take the channel back and we like, you know,
we go to like all the like the equivalent of
like TJ Max of London, you know, like all the
discountsters Alantak, We're Maxinett. So we go discount chopping all
over the best time. So I come back to my talent,
(21:04):
tiny town little Compton, Rhode Island, like the best place
in the world. Yes, not to the dump. So I
decide one time, I've never been to a fancy Newport party,
but I knew somebody that was having like a man
like somebody like knew someone that knew someone that was
having a mansion party. I show up. My friend's not there.
I show up with my friend, my brother and my
friend Andrew, who steps in a pile of dog shit,
puts it in his in a napkin and puts it
(21:24):
in his hand in his pocket because we're walking and
he doesn't know what to do.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Is disgusting.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
So that is absolutely dis I mean I would have
done anything except that.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
So then I walk in and they go, what do
you want? I was like, I'll have a gin and tonic.
They're like, we're out of tonic. I'm like, that is
not a problem. So they give me basically like a
tumbler of gen of course, and have any of you
spent time with me?
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Am?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
I I'm not a heavyweight drinker.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Certainly not.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
I I mean, you say you.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Are someone who walks around with people who have shit
in their pockets. I will.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I will walk around with somebody who's to their pocket.
So i have a tumbler of Gen and I'm twenty
one years old. I'm wearing a silver skirt like a robots.
I'm in a mansion that I'm not invited to with
men that are actually wearing like it was like a
cartoon version of rich people. Like they're actually wearing like
like tuxedos, like bow tie like like like like oh
(22:15):
we're going on the y like like like a like
a like an a model mister Peanut exactly. So I'm
talking to mister Peanut and leggings Jay Gings, Creuton's mules,
Jordan's exactly billionaire. So my friend fake arms, fake arms
(22:36):
they have. They've got like the neck brace thing that's
like got the like the halo that where they actually
like bolt you in. So I'm talking to them. I've
just gotten back from London. My friend hears me talking
and I'm like, well, you know, I'm moving down to
Mulk in two weeks and they're like, are you I did,
and they're like, are you British? I was like I
(22:56):
I basically became hilariable, God bless. I was like, I've
spent some time. I'm in London and he was like,
oh really, like I'd been there for like nine days okay,
And I was like, well, my friend and I are
getting a flat down and like I was that bitch
that went for not even a semester. I went for
like nine nine days with my like two days of
(23:16):
which we were traveling and one day was in France.
So it's like it'll say nine and a half days.
And I had the swagger with today to my friend,
which ship in the rocket to have a talking to
a man of the monocole, a bad fake British exit
that I wouldn't And I think he was married. I
think his wife was there. I mean, I was not
a threat nobody needs to like.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
But you know what, yeah, you doole.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's I have to say it. That's the real no
autograst please energy. Well, Gakis, will you join us on
We're gonna go on a date? Okay, great, Well, we're
gonna go on a day and we'll be we're gonna
take a quick break, we're gonna come back back and
we have a little improv date. Beautiful and we're back.
(24:08):
All right, here we go. This is the portion of
no audogras Please, where Brian and I are going to
go on an improvised first date and it has to
end well and throughout it. If you hear this sound,
that means we are about to use a real line
that has been said to some like to one of
our listeners, that they've either emailed us or tweeted at us.
(24:30):
So these and we will give credits at the end,
but these are real, like the worst things that have
been said to people on dates. So if you hear
a bell, that is not us being wild improvisers. That
is us just actually saying real things that have been said.
We've also been given names suggested by people from our listeners.
(24:50):
So today our date, as suggested by a listener. Our
date will be at a cemetery. My name is Jerry
Can and Brian just in case, just in case, and
I take you now too, and our lovely Jacquise will
be filling out the rest of the world and we
might leave the cemetery.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Who knows, who knows?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Anything's possible. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Ooh spoky, oh my god. When you suggested a cemetery
for a day, First of all, I thought, well, when
I first met you, I thought, Wow, that's crazy, how
wrong you're eating that sandwich?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
But what what am I a HOGI wrong? What's wrong
with this?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
I don't know. I just came in here and you
were sitting by a headstone shating a sandwich. Really weird
you were. You were sort of putting your arm all
the way across over your head and then feeding yourself
that way.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Look, I gotta say, as you know, as of avid Yogi,
I like to test out my skills. I did take
it up during the pandemic, and I'm not super flexible
in my lower body, but I'm very fable up top. Jerry, Wow,
so how much money do you make?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Oh? Well, It sort of depends on what the week
is if I'm if I'm working that week, okay, I
will make anywhere between one hundred and one hundred thousand
dollars doing what, well, various things. I'll either sort of
you know, sometimes I help my mom and other times
I you know.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
You mom, What did you make a hundred thousand dollars
helping your mom?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I did one time.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yeah, do you want to buy to this pepperoni? Before
we go? Sit by that that open grave.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah, let's see what they're digging up over there. Oh oh,
excuse me, sir, Yes, yes, yes, yes. You seem like
you work here. I do.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
I'm a grave digger.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Whoa How long you been doing this? About two? Three days?
Oh shit, so you're I don't need to curse in
front of the dad. I'm so sorry, it's okay.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
I can't hear you.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Oh well, do you always travel with a pack of
dogs with you or is that just your thing?
Speaker 3 (26:53):
No? No, I travel with my dogs everywhere. They're my family.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I just don't get why people like dogs.
Speaker 6 (26:59):
I'll tell you what people like dogs. They are as
they say, man's best friend.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I just don't get it. I don't get it.
Speaker 6 (27:07):
Men are so lucky. Can you throw a frisbee? A
lot of girls say they can throw a frisbee?
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Great?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Can they?
Speaker 3 (27:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
But my dog can see you.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Dog can throw a frisbee.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
I can throw a frisbee because I'm very flexible with
my upper box.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I gotta say something. I'm so impressed already, because even
though dogs are a man's best friend, not a woman
should never own a dog. And it's right there in
the writing. Even though dogs are a man's best friend,
women are so lucky because they know for sure if
they have kids out there or not. And so forever
I will envy a woman. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I don't like that attitude. Why I don't like what's
coming at me. You're saying one hundred dollars. You're saying
one hundred thousand dollars. You bring out the worst in me,
and not in a fun way.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Jesus, mister.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Yes, my name is Jack. WHOA like Jack?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Like Jack? The ripper Jack, the digger Jack, the digger Jack.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Do you think you have any kids out there that
you're not aware of?
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I have herpes?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Are you considering those your children?
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Every wart? Every wart? Yes, yes, yes, I do. Uh
wart right.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Here, he's showing us.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Okay, well, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
I mean we were getting close. We're in the grave.
Were right here?
Speaker 6 (28:27):
Name is Joe? Okay, right here? Name is Joe Hanson?
Is Joanna?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
So different Jose from around the around the pair?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
You've got the Netherlands. God, that's lovely gonna say.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
I relate to you because my ex husband gave me syphilis.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 6 (28:50):
Well, whole life, I've been waiting to get rid of
these dogs and find someone.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Jack, hang on, you know what? Sorry, excuse me? Last
I checked. Yes, I was on the state with Jerry
and Jack. I would love to say that I am
riddled with something right now. Unfortunately I'm not. I wish
I were so I could fit in guilt. My name
happens to be justin just in case.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Well, there you go. You're riddled with a terrible name.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
You know what, too, can't be boot?
Speaker 1 (29:25):
What the fuck does that mean?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
It means you bring out the worst in me, and
not in a fun way.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
All right, you're only getting two points because this was
not a first aid activity.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Are you rating? Are you scoring our date as we go?
Speaker 3 (29:38):
So you two are on the date apparently.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah, we thought we'd come here because you know, in
Los Angeles. I heard because I have a friend who
has allegedly been there. But I actually I am not
sure if I believe so snobby. They show movies and cemetery.
So I brought my laser disc player. Yes, and I
also brought the Dirty Dancing Yeah, so I brought Jerry Dancing.
So I was gonna play. Do you guys do movie
screens here? Could personal one? I watch dirt?
Speaker 3 (30:03):
You can do the lift? Yes, you can do the lift.
You may fall into the grave.
Speaker 6 (30:06):
Everybody I've seen do the lift here has fell into
the grave.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
At it happens every day.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Well, you've only been here a couple of days. It's
happened every day since yours.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Happened the past three days. That's every day to me.
Speaker 6 (30:21):
Everybody shows up here and tries to do the Dirty
Dance lift and they fall.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
If you remember that part of the lift took place
in cemetary. Yeah, famous, Who are you burying?
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Who am I burying? Well, there's this Johanna.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
No, not Johannah, because if they find her, I'm dead.
I'm dead.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Your mother is dead.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
She will find her.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
What do you mean I think you just admitted to
a crime.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
If they find her.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
No, what I meant to say is she's dead to me, Okay, okay,
but she's not physically dead. Okay, I'm not acknowledging that.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Okay, I won't ask you who.
Speaker 6 (30:56):
I'm not a police officer, so you could tell me
no and believes Jack the digger. I'm burying someone who
used to be a professional tennis player.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Okay, Wow, I don't know who that is, but still alive.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
I just had lunch with Serena.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Is not Serena Williams.
Speaker 6 (31:16):
Is Anna Cornikovia gorgeous?
Speaker 2 (31:20):
You know what, George?
Speaker 6 (31:21):
And Cornakova is a little too thick for my taste.
She's a little too thick for my task. She can
barely fit in this casket. Wow, her ass is hidden
each side of the casket.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
So you're very professor.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
I'm burying that bad as point.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Negative one point?
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Is that for me or for you?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
It's a good thing you were tiny. I could never
date a man whose ass was bigger than mine.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Are you talking to me?
Speaker 2 (31:52):
You're tiny?
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Okay? You know what, that's not fair, because I do
happen to have a very big.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
And a tiny ass.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Can I see your ass?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I mean it literally looks like a thimble.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I'll be the judgement.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
He will be the judge of that. He's judged on
a corner car.
Speaker 7 (32:10):
I'm wearing.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
I'm wearing a few layers. So let me take off
my khakis.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Hey, you got your skins.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Let me take off my skins. Let me take off
my leggings. And I'm a form more Mormon, but I
still practice secret a least. Let me take off my underwear.
Let me shave my legs really quick, because I'm embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
That you're seeing.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Okay, now, I'm.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Gonna take a step aside. I'm gonna let you two
do this. I'm gonna take a step aside for a second.
I'm gonna take a moment alone while you're showing.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
This to Jack. Oh sure, okay, So I'm gonna you know,
I feel very uncomfortable showing my ass and not in
the presence of women. I want to see that I back.
Here we go, can you see I'm back.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I'm sorry. I love so quickly. The truth is, I
ate a lot of meat earlier, and I'm having the
meat sweats really bad. Please forgive me you.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
I've noticed your sweats and I like him.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Thank you Jack, no comment on my ass, and I.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Love your I left you hanging.
Speaker 6 (33:06):
You goes right from your back straight to your legs.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
They used to call me the Okay, in school, they
called me the upside down V. It's a little complicated.
But my body looks like this, so like this is
my butt between the knuckles, and then these are my legs.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
So your legs were the V.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
My legs were the the upside down. The between the knuckles.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Everybody in everybody's leg in.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Between my legs, in between the knuckles, in between the
knuckles is my butt. So they used to call me children.
I'm talking kindergarten would call me the upside down V.
Speaker 6 (33:52):
Your knuckles extend out, so you still got some cheeks.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
No no, no, no, in between the knuckles, but that's my
but the.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
Knuckles are hips. Yes, we do have some big ass We.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Gotta I gotta be honest. I did not come, but
the reason I wanted to meet at midnight was that
the shade could be lifted off my hips. Okay, I
wanted to come to a funeral, or not to a funeral.
I hate funerals. I've been to so many.
Speaker 6 (34:18):
Seems like you're self conscious, and I just want to say,
if you wore makeup, you could be pretty hot. Well,
it would be pretty hot if you wore make up.
By the way, nobody will care about that ass if
you wore makeup.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
This is the tragedy. Let me get my flashlight, okay please?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Oh I like that space work.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
I am wearing clown makeup? Oh wow, wow, white and red.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I didn't see that.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Yeah, that's right. That's good because I've heard that before.
But I guess I didn't know specifically. What did you
mean clown makeup? Or do you just mean like clown makeup?
Speaker 2 (34:50):
If you didn't live out of state, I think I
would end up stalking you.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Really guess where I live?
Speaker 7 (34:56):
Where?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
But first of all, we're obviously in the greater Metropolitan
Area of Saint Paul. Obviously I live in the greater
Metropolitan Area of Orlando. Oh my, and I came here
for this day you flew.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Oh wait, wait, so you live in Orlando.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
What are your parameters on hinge that you set?
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I think it's approximately seventy five thousand dollars?
Speaker 2 (35:21):
How many dates have you flown in for? Does your
mom mind? Because you are you all.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Looking for work because I'm deeply, indefinitely fulfilled with my
grave ding in jail. Do you need an assistant?
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I do?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Oh? Are you taking applications? Yes?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Okay, Well I did need you to know. I know
a lot about money. My favorite book is The Art
of the Deal. You sound chill huge many a starfish
like my idol.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Great.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
This seems like your date is going pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It's not great.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
But are you to help you fix I am taking applications.
Would you like to apply?
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Yes? My name is just in case you told me
my birth date is none? Ya? Okay, I don't reveal
my age, my oh you your wallet? My sex is good? Oh?
Ship to drive? My license.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Ninety ninety.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Nineteen. Okay, here's what you need to know. Wow. Wow?
Did you ever see a movie called Freaky Friday?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Yes? I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
So I've experienced that with a with a dying elderly clown.
I said the same word as him, and we read
a restaurant together starch Places. Wow.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Is that one of the funerals you've been to?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yes? So I'm actually very young, but I appear as
one hundred and four year old's clown.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Oh my goodness, wow with a tiny ass. Yeah, you
know what, I just want to say. I'm working really
hard to be attracted to you.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
My goodness, is it my makeup?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I'm just being honest. I'm just being honest.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
You guys hold hands yet? No, no, I think you
should try to hold hands. Okay, look, and I want Justin.
Speaker 6 (36:57):
I want you to look into your lovely dates okay,
and I want you to repeat after me.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
I can just see you as my little french maid.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
I can just see you as my little french maid.
We we we now. I'm sorry. What was your name again? Jerry?
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Jerry Jerry Can.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
Jerry Can.
Speaker 6 (37:21):
I want you to look back into Justin's eyes, and
I want you to say this. I want you to
have my punk rock babies.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
I want you to have my punk rock babies.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Oh man, well I would, but technically I think you're
the one that would have to have them. But I
would love to, don't me. I didn't mean you're a fist, No,
I am. I didn't mean to call you a woman.
I'm sorry, even though people are. I'm very sorry.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
Listen. I want you to repeat after me, Jack.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Yes, and I really have to get back to work.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
I understand, but you to repeat after me. I will
if it's okay. If it's okay, would you take your
pants off? Would you take your pants off so I
can see what your penis looks like? So I can
see what your penis looks now. I wanted to say
that because you all saw my ass and it's very tiny. Yes, okay,
but I really would like you to see the front
(38:20):
of me because you want to talk about the clown wig.
I've got it right underneath my pants.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Huge Bush Bush like a canned ham.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
You know Barbara Bush?
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Do you remember her hair?
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yes, the senior like the one that was married to
Barbara Bursor, the one.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
That was married to Barbara bus senor the twin who
married herself.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
So my poobs, your puberdies from puberty, look like your
pubis bone.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Barbara Bush's like the way I shape it, it looks
like her face. But the hair quality, the thickness, the luxuriousness,
the rintse.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yeah, do you have like a perm?
Speaker 1 (39:01):
It's her?
Speaker 2 (39:02):
You said it at night?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yeah, I set it and forget. How do you wear
a do rag? Do I silo with the dog?
Speaker 6 (39:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
I do, of course. Well I don't seem arag, but
my crotch kill me.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Have a I would like to have a little kiss
for one second. I'm gonna just try it. Can we
kiss for one second?
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Sure, you remind me and my brother.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Oh no, sexier words I've ever been.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Give me one more little peck baby. Okay, we're at
different points in our lives. I'm more established and successful
than you are.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Oh my goodness, more kids. Are you really funny or
did you learn to be that way because of your ears?
Or you were actually sad?
Speaker 1 (39:45):
There's that? Great for one more body, because I can't
take it anymore.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
Can you always go down doing the lift? Please?
Speaker 5 (39:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Will you bury us?
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (39:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Ready? Yeah? One? Two three?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
One?
Speaker 1 (40:06):
The gotcha negative one point?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Well that was a hit.
Speaker 6 (40:14):
When you're down there and you go to heaven, can
you find out something for me? Because I firmly believe
dinosaurs aren't in the Bible, and so when you go
to heaven, can you ask God for me if dinosaurs
are in the Bible?
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Please?
Speaker 2 (40:30):
Wow, I will thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
Oh my goodness. I've loved every moment.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Of this day. So if we jack now, if you
don't mind, I'd like to get some forever sleep. Down.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Okay, good night, everybody.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
You can bury me.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
You can bury me, love and work and.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Lone day. We'll be right back after this break. Goodbard
and we're back.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
I know.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Have you had any bad dates?
Speaker 6 (41:09):
Oh yeah, but like more just like you know, yeah,
no connection, nothing like oh this person says something racist,
just saying something like landish, or this person saying they
are a White Sox.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Man, are you a soul? I would I would end
a date.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Where what are the different stadiums called in Chicago?
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Yeah, you have Wrigley Field.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
It is such a great in the city. It's right
in the.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
City, right in the neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
And yes, it's really nice.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
And he gets down on like the l platform which
is like their subway, which is like elevated and you
can actually see in the game. It's so cool.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
It was great.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
It's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
And where do the White Sox White Sox play?
Speaker 6 (41:57):
I don't know what their new stadium is called because
they changed the name every like five years. It feels
like it used to be called If you are I'm
thirty six, so if you're like of my age, you
know it as Komisky or us Cellular Park.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Who is Komiski.
Speaker 6 (42:12):
I have no idea, No, I'm somebody's name, or maybe
it was a company. But it was Comisky Comisky. Oh jesus,
I'm not a Sox fan, so I can get this wrong.
It was either Kmiskey Park or Comisky Field. I think
it was Comisky Park. But did you go to where
did you go to college in Chicago, Columbia?
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Excuse me?
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Downtown Chicago?
Speaker 1 (42:29):
And where are you from Chicago? You are okay and
going there in a month? Oh, three nights? Please give
me now right now?
Speaker 3 (42:37):
As you can see you're making now, I'm making.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
This is a portion arts turned this week everyone needs.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
So I'm making less pumpkin heavy. We're doing peebee fit.
Do you know about peanut butter powder?
Speaker 6 (42:49):
I do not.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
It's it's a lot less fat. That's like it's like
you basically put a little water and you make it up.
It's like peanut butter. And we are watching our figures
and we'd like to eat a lot of food up
much that I burn my mouth so fast because I
go to So this is like a healthy alternative.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
I can't food sometimes in my trunk.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, me too, A lot of food in my trunk
so we're compulsive people. So this is something that's like
a nice healthy dessert.
Speaker 6 (43:12):
So we have this.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Smells great.
Speaker 5 (43:13):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Starting vegan. You're not vegan.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
I'm not vegan.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Okay, great. Did you bring something for me to add?
Speaker 3 (43:20):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (43:21):
I don't know it was supposed to be something to
add because I don't think these things are going to add.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
About that protein.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
This is a Keto protein bar. That's great. I don't
talk you sure you don't want this beef jerky to
I'm not not at it.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Jerky to die at this beef jerkey. Look how I
got a beef jerky the other day. This is a
tip for this is celebrity. I love beef jerkey. Seven
eleven was selling Oh you guys.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Are beef jerky.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
How funky.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
That's a nice little pack too.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
This is called Strive st r y v E.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
It's a nice pack.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
I would buy that just and they're calling it air
dried beef, which to me is beef jerky. Yeah, but
they're just putting it a different oisode.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
They're saying air dried beef slices.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Yes see, it's beef, just beef jerkie, but they're calling
it air dried beef slice exactly.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
You know we're adding Keto powdered so this is also
Keto friendly good. We used a little Stevia like trivia.
We've got pumpkin, pumpkin, the peanut.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Butter, powder and egg and love an egg.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Put a little bit of your kiss my keto. I'm
gonna microwrate it two minutes.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
All right now, chickies, Yes, I might as well tell
you the honest truth about how this has gone so far.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
Let's see.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Yeah, it's not been a hit.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
No okay, I'm not talking about your episode. No no, no, okay,
yeah it's gone great. It's been terrible night. No, it
was not. And I we love that arden and I
love it. Every time our guests it's gone down the middle.
No one thinks it's like gross, it's not gross.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
So you've made this.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
You've made this multiple times.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
For every guest, and we're trying to perfect.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
And we have people bring from their kitchen something to
add so we can switch it for our listeners at home.
I'll have Tompkins and Laura Lauren love is hate.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
She gave it like an I could have Lauren hated it, but.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
I feel like she likes herself a lot, like food
in her trunk, like she can just have snacks in
the house. All right, here you go, now get in
there to be.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
The first one to eat this scoop.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
It's hot.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
I gotta say, this looks good. Yeah, okay, you can
imagine how the others have looked.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
This doesn't look great. It looks like baby food.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
I know.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
So this was the best looking one.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Okay, yeah, this is the best looking.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah. You didn't blow it at all, you you yeah,
you guys, you gotta stup donated?
Speaker 2 (45:39):
The people get mad.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Oh, I don't even.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
How was it?
Speaker 3 (45:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
I like ities. I keep going.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
I don't want another bite.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
You don't want another BikeE?
Speaker 3 (45:56):
No, you don't know. But I didn't hate I'm okay
on another bite.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Wait, hang on, but I don't hate it.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
I don't hate it.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
When is the last time you took a bite of
something you didn't hate and then refuse to take another ride?
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Doctor Bananas? I what's wrong with that?
Speaker 3 (46:18):
So the flavor and this is somebody who.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
We might need salt.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
No, that doesn't need salt. That doesn't sta It tastes
like rubber. The after taste is rubbery.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
Keto, No, I think I like it.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
I do like an extra rubbery. If I had to
put a spin on the if I were ordering this
at a diner, I would say extra rubbery. Okay, now
the keys go ahead. Give us your honest review. One
to text.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
The texture is odd, the textures.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
It's like you tried to make a sponge cake and
didn't do it well.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
Is it the egg?
Speaker 1 (46:53):
But did it better? So you love?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
You're giving this.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Still the texture, it's still crazier. I don't know. I
don't know what's happening in this.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
It could be my fault. It could be my fault.
Speaker 6 (47:07):
But if you like rubbery, and it seems like this
has always been rubbery, like this was.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
A little well done, but this one was well done.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
What do you give it? How do you like it?
Give that a seven?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
I'm going to give it an eight.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
Okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Can I taste
one more little bite?
Speaker 1 (47:27):
And I like how it kind of turns to like
it falls apart.
Speaker 6 (47:29):
It looks worse and worse as we go on, as
it starts to like not be hot anymore.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Give us your rating before the second bite and give okay.
Speaker 6 (47:40):
My rating before the second bite is a solid five. Okay,
it's a five. It's a five, thank you, just five.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Let me let me try this now, thank you.
Speaker 7 (47:54):
I think it did get worse. My second is worse, Jill,
my second bite. I'm bringing mine from an eight.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
To a six, seven to us five.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I wanted to like this.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
You were honest, and that's wo to like it.
Speaker 2 (48:13):
I didn't want them to be honest. I wanted to
say you.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
Wanted to lies. Well, listen, if you want to lie,
I'll say this.
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Yea.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
I might go home and make this.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Oh my god, you're lying, and I'm here for and
make this. I want to say, I'm here for other lies.
You can rate and review us, and please just lie.
If you're not liking it, just lie. Five stars, five
star one from Robert to Louis two. Very hilarious. I
came over from weeks of this rose and loved this.
Made me laugh. Please please please never eat while recorded
(48:46):
another episode.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Sue me. I'm a human being.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
Yeah, you guys are You guys are very nice.
Speaker 6 (48:51):
If anybody remembers mean you remember from coaching, we didn't
give a fuck, yes, and we would curse our fans
out like you know what I mean, you fuck you,
but you are much more lovely than I.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Here's another one, five stars, five stars, Scorpiella. What a
time to be alive. I agree and Brian are already
the highlights of my week on their various other brilliant podcasts.
But now one together.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
Magic Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
That's beautiful, that's beautiful. That's gadget.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
That's deserved. That's gadget, that's deserved.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
Yes, I know for sure we can get people to
follow you everywhere.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
Neil at Jackies, Neil Instagram.
Speaker 6 (49:33):
Gonna be by the time this comes out, I will
have debuted on Grand Crew this season, So make sure
you're watching it if you have in l a coming
comedian feud.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
So love it.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
It's a great time, everybody, It's a good time.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
I'm so excited to get you on.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
I love I want to go on with Brian.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
Yes, we'll make it happen.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
We'll make cake. Don't worry. Well, you know, we'll make
one of these for everyone.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
You we are okay, well, we don't worry about it.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
We will doesn't allow food.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
We will and you know what, you know what, We're
going to make sure they eat it during your sets. Okay, yeah, okay,
thank you so they can have the best experience.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Until next time.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
My name is Arda Marie, my name is Peanut Butter.
Who are you wearing?
Speaker 4 (50:19):
Will there be pressed to Ali Fabian?
Speaker 1 (50:23):
She yeah, gotcha, didn't and Bryan, I hear it.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
Laugh there'd be and they got laughs of podocast. But honey, no, no, no,
no grass pease we live in and the came life.
Speaker 5 (50:39):
Like celebrities and cheering up favorite Femi recipes.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
But honey, no no, no aunographs.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
H
No, who are you wearing?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Will there be?
Speaker 3 (00:06):
Pressed to all a fabians?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
And she honey, yeah I didn't, And Brian, I hear it.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Laugh there be and they've got lots of podcast but honey, no, no, no, no, honna.
Speaker 5 (00:22):
Dress peas we live in and the glamor lifelike celebrities
and sharing our favorite FEBI recipes. But honey, no, no, no,
no autographs.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
No.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Autograph.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Hello, welcome another episode. No autographs please. My name is
Arta Marine, my name is Brian Sophie. Can I just
say you look gorgeous?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
That can't be true? You look good because I have
to tell you why, because I'm looking at your keysn
right now? Who is pull it together?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
He's gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
I think you did. I got We're obsessed with your
sweatshirt obs I love it. Yeah, guess right out of
the gate.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
First of all, I did his very popular monthly show,
Comedian Feud in Los Angeles is so funny, And that's
when we met and we became friends. But then I
sucked you into my podcast. Will you accept this? Rose?
And I got to say, I feel close to you.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I feel close to you.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
This is how I make friends.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
This is my origin.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I'm like, do you want to complay patty Cake? This
is home. I get to know people because I get anxiety,
so I need like an activity. So then then once
I feel comfortable with you, that's how we met.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Do you have social anxiety?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You get social anxiety.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
I don't get social anxiety. You don't, I don't. I
don't know. I think because I get tired of people quickly,
so like and I don't mean that in a bad way,
get it, like it, I can keep it moving. So
there is very easy for me to meet anybody, sure
and be cool in a situation and then go home
(01:56):
and recharge.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's hard to get into the inner circle of jeqis
is what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
No, no, no, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Then, but but you get tired, like you know, when
you don't need to stay at the party all night.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
I don't. Yeah, I don't, I will.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Do you remember the first Do you remember the first
time you got on the internet?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm pretty sure it was to look
up like breast.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I feel like that's what it is. Far that's what
people do.
Speaker 6 (02:27):
I mean, it's either alel chat, yes, okay, but which, by.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
The way, we're filthy, which you're terrible but exciting, terrible.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I like you kids think you know.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Oh my god, we was there were no parental controls.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
We were fucked up completely late nineties early about nasty ships.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yeah, so fast, so fast.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And all our computers were also fucked up.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah, because there's a dial up saying getting online.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Everything was terrible.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Everything sounded like a fact side true story. My voice
is the same tone as a fact and a pound sign.
So to this day, if I get excited and I'm
leaving you a message, it will like erase and go
message erais because it's the same vocal quality as a
fact tone and a pound sign, and then say things
(03:20):
like the number five is not a valid entry about
my voice when I'm speaking. If I get excited, I want.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
To know this, I want to play that number pounds.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Okay, let's hear it, let's hear it. Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, oh my god, I got a text.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Which people say my voice, that's my voice.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I mean, I would like to try to do it
later on. I want to try to call and I'm
going to say, like a party trick. I want to
I want to get excited and have a phone. Hang
up on that?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
What do you say though, No, I'm just talking.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
I'll go to message. Your raised is that it's the
quality I try to tone it down.
Speaker 6 (03:58):
I'm so happy that you decided that is like your
voice sounds like a pound as. The reason why is
like because like I think like a lesser person will
be like the internet or a computers hate me. No, no,
like you are like, no, this is it and I
believe it is.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I believe it will I'll.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Do it to your phone later.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I want to see it.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
No quies, so you don't have social anxiety. So here's
a question. So we part of the first part of
our podcast, No autographs Please, we admire and because we
get a little bit hard on ourselves. Are you hard
on yourself?
Speaker 7 (04:30):
Am?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I am hard on myself? Okay, now now you're comedian.
I'm hard on myself because there.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Are no Because there are those comics that come off
the stage that are full swagger and you know they
didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Long I say, like, usually those ones are not very funny, yes, and.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
So, but like they have the confidence that they killed it, yes,
and so they sort of have like a no autographs
please energy. That's like you didn't do that well, but
you and they don't, and some of them get successfu.
Speaker 6 (05:00):
I appreciate those people because I appreciate the mediocrity. Yeah,
because you know, especially you know, being a black dude,
we got to be excellent.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yes, sure, And I don't want to be I want
to be medio. I would love to be mediocre.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
I would love for mediocre to fail upwards. When I
disparage those who do it is not because I hate
that you can, just because I want it object.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
To work as hard and get more recognition.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
So great.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
For nothing?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Do you nap? Are you a napper?
Speaker 6 (05:37):
I should not nap because I have sleep athne in
machine a machine. Do I have a name for my machine?
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I should? Yeah, I will, I should? Rihanna, okay, Rihanna.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
You know when you have a lady friend over, do
you pull out the machine or do you just take
the hit? What do you what do you do with
your lady friend?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
I take the hit? Okay, I don't spend the night out.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
But you are you afraid you might stop?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I won't die. I'll be fine. I use it as
an excuse to leave.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Okay, this is good at home?
Speaker 6 (06:14):
At home, baby, I gotta get home to my baby waiting.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Honey.
Speaker 6 (06:19):
I always make sure I shouldn't say this loud, but
I always make sure to at some point in the
night if it's a new person.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Yeah, man, you know what sucks. I gotta sleep apn
which is.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
True, true.
Speaker 6 (06:33):
And then when it gives time to be like, all right,
you staying and be like I got to get home
to that machine.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I gotta get home to that.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
I gotta be honest with you. That's a works really
well because it's true because it's very who's going to
argue with that?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
You want him to have a hard time.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
But I will also say this, I hope they never
find out what the machine sounds like because I dated
someone to sleep appening and it was like a white
noise machine. It is such great. Okay, let's don't never experienced.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
How long does it take you before you're like, I
want to spend the night.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
That's a great question.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I don't love not sleeping in my.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Mind, me too. I'm very selfish that way I am.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
I don't love not sleeping in my own I love
a sleepover. I don't mind if people don't mind if
people come over a sleeper.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I don't care. I'll sleep anymore. I love a sleepover.
Speaker 6 (07:25):
I'm not as I'm not a social sleeping with somebody
that I would love to continue to have sex with,
because like I toss and turns sweat.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I'm a light sleeper. I'm a bad sleeper.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So your journey, your journey. I'm a nightmare as well.
I mean, I'm not saying youre a neighbor. I am
personally I'm a nightmare. I'm going on tour. I'm going north, south,
east west. I get hot, i get cold, I'm snuggling in,
I'm taking all the sheets. I'm having a night terror.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I was reading situation. I was reading in a grocery
store the other day, stop Ragging, which was let me
think just one. I picked up some magazine called Like
Think Clearly. I mean it was one of those that
scientology like comes. I happened to be the Celebrity Center.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I thought you were going to pick up like a
royal family magazine that's like Prince the Little Boy, like
the Prince George George.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
You know, this was a magazine that was like clearly.
One edition. It was called like Think Clearly. I thought
to myself, I'm waiting but I think great, Okay, So
I opened the magazine to get some thoughts ideas, and
what they said in there was people who sleep on
the left side of the bed, their left are happier.
(08:44):
Now I always sleep on the rights. I do too,
so I have yet, by the way, I'm such a
right side sleeper that even reading that has not made
me want to make anything different communist or or what
I'm used to.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
If you're looking at the bed, it's.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
On the left, your left. So if you're if you're.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I want to say, I was normally a left, but
my new lover right, he's taken the left right. So
now he's trying Is he working against me? Should I
break up to my doctor? Sham going for you?
Speaker 6 (09:19):
Because I'm extremely selfish ill like, that's my side of
the bed.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Tonight, I'm going to sleep on. I'm going to do
I'm admitting my doormat. I'm sleeping on the left side
of the bed tonight, and I'm going to tell everyone
tomorrow how I feel I need that.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Now, let's talk about did you bring a nominee for
so for new listeners no autograss please energy, How would
you describe that? If what he's fuck it.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
It's just that thing if you're just sort of like,
you know what I'm done. I'm doing it. I don't
care exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Okay, who would you like to nominate today?
Speaker 6 (09:52):
All Right, So I have a basic one and I
have like somebody in my both.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Could one at a time.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
First one first, Let's do the basic one. First. Let's
do it because this is very basic. It's very Obviousky
is Donald Trump?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I thought about me.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
He sort of is. The art of the no autographs
is worked.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
For him, and it has worked for him.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It has worked for him.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
It saddens my soul awful as a comedian that he's
so vile because he's so fucking funny.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, because it is insane energy, insane.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
I'm the only one that can fix it.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It's like watching someone you know, you know, like some
things are just universally funny, Like watching someone trip is
funny basically because it's shocking. And every time he does something,
you have that like nervous giggle of like I can't
believe someone said that. I can't believe someone's doing that.
And someone is falling down in front of me, and
I'm so scared that I'm laughing.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yeah it is. I mean even just I'm gonna go
with even when you see him getting out of a
pool and the hair comb from the back all the
way to the front, and it's like, yeah, I've got
a full head of hair, but it starts at the
back and it combs all the way for it's are.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Just a he really I hate to say it, but
he does have that he has.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Is okay, great, that's a great you know what, thank you.
That's absolutely knocking out.
Speaker 6 (11:20):
Because I don't know if anybody said knock it out.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
We've all been thinking that two things can be true
to One thing can be true that he's so horrific
that it's funny, yes, And another thing can be true
that he's horrific yeah.
Speaker 6 (11:35):
Yes, okay, there's I have to find this. I have
to find this because it just makes me laugh and
it is the epitome.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I mean, it was also just like doesn't give a
fun It was also just how we would say his
insults would be like sad you know what I mean, yeah,
so wrong that you're like this is actually the confidence
like I remember, good bless her and I think she's
well now. But when Amanda Bindes was like really suffering.
She would go on Twitter and call people ugly, and
I was like, that's sort of fresh, It's wild. Did
(12:06):
you like it?
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I was bron to be such a people pleaser that
you're like, wow, like just a little I don't want
a full glass of that, but have a little eye
dropper of.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
That swagger in my life.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I feel like I might sleep better Blacks, I might
not go on tour on bed, you know, I might
be a little more like.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Do you guys think Donald Trump sleeps on.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
The left side of the bad he sleeps in the middle.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Seems Oh yes, the fucking Raphael John of Man hate
whatever that yeh.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
You may sleep like sideways. You may not even sleep
like top to bottom.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
You may just sideways, and also thinks it's crazy that
no one else would.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Melania has no autograss, please energy, because she clearly hates him.
She does, she clearly has hated him for years, hates
him and it's like still there, but like like it's
not trying to hide that she hates more than anyone.
And that's a little not autograss, please energy.
Speaker 6 (13:08):
I play this for you, guys, of course, is this
is the epitome of somebody who doesn't give a fun
because you have to know, you have to know you're
making the joke. Okay, he's saying the Puerto Rico. Okay,
this is who I'm saying it.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
You're also praying for the people of Peto Rico. Oh God,
the worst?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Where to Ricoh? I don't give a fuck you hear
anyone say it that way?
Speaker 7 (13:39):
Nobody.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
My dad just came back from the dead and a
miata to say Puerto Rico. I cannot even I can't
like so mocking.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So it felt like the one time he's tried to
have a calming energy. Yeah, like makes it breathy.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, Brian, did you bring it out? Grass? Please? Energy?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I did?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Who do you bring?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Well? This is a tail, I mean as old as time.
It's a tale as old as time.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I think you've heard the story.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
This happened to my friend Lindsay in all fairness, but
she told me the story and I have I will
never get over it as long as I live, because
this person, to me really won the day. So on
an amtrak I'm.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Here for this.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
This woman stands up on the while the train is
moving or whatever, from her seat and she goes, can
someone get the conductor, there's a dorito in my throat?
She makes the train stop. Who the conductor stopped the train?
She comes over and the conductor commercary is like, what's
(14:43):
going on? She's talking normally. She's like, there's like part
of a dorito stuck in my throat. And he's like, okay,
well did you try drinking water? Yet it's not helping.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
So then someone's like conductors like, well, let me go
over the pa and see anyone's a doctor. She's like, thanks,
that would be really helpful. So the guy goes on
the pia and it's like, say any doctor. The doctor
comes in with the guy. He's like, okay, what's going on,
isterriita stuck in my throat? The conductor he goes, okay,
let me think. The conductor goes, I have an idea.
Why don't I start back up the train and when
it gets at full speed you could stick your head
(15:13):
out the window and open your mouth and maybe this
really happened and maybe dislodged. Maybe that would dislodge. The
doctor goes, do not do not do that, and he goes,
do you have any the doctor? The doctor said don't
do that. The conductor was conductor. So the doctor was like,
do not do that. And he was like, do you
have anything thick at like your food card? Like do
(15:35):
you have any yogurt or something like that? Exactly?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, like a snack pat.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
And he goes, I can find out, but I think
we do. When she goes which flavor. That's pretty much
the end of the story. But I got to give
it up to her because to have she's not choking,
she's talking. She's talking. She's talking and being picky about
what could.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Save her stop the whole track being on a train
at full speed.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
God forbid, there wasn't a doctor on there sticking your
head out of window and opening it and hoping it
dislodges the dorito stuck in your throat.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
She would have got her.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Ultimately worked.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
It might have been knocked down your position. What do
you think about that advice?
Speaker 3 (16:20):
I would just wait until it went back down.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
I would just sit there and you wouldn't have stopped
my life until it went down eventually.
Speaker 6 (16:31):
I also say something radical, Yeah, there's nothing stuck in
her throat.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
There was a scratch.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
It was because I gotta say this too. Yeah, sorry, like.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Sometimes you can like scratch your eyeball it's already gone,
but you got the fantom scratched, Like she might have
a fantom throat thing.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, I tell you, a dorito gets soggy fast. So
she had been drinking water, that thing would have folded
up like you know what I mean, like pache I.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Would have had. I've had a cool corn kernels like
hooked on the back of my throat that I had
to get my little finger in a little and I
had to get I had to like scoop it out,
but I got it out. I didn't stop a train.
I just take my head out of a window.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I have one more little thing to nominate, and it's
actually Arden Marine who. One time when I was driving
with her Rhode Island.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
In New York, what did I do?
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Oh? Yeah, we thought she was sick. She was like,
I'm not sick. I burned the back of my throat.
It happens all the time. And the way she casually
said that, the way she said I burned the back
of my throat it happens all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Because why because I okay, by the way, So then
I went because I had a date with my now lover,
and I had to go get I had to go.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I wanted to take a COVID test.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
I got a strep throat test right, and yeah, because
it felt like strep throat and I was really fucked,
like really badly burned. Yeah, and I was like, like,
how did the burn get all the way? You'll learn
this when I microwave you a peanut butter cake later on.
I like to eat, and I'm a bit of a
raccoon and I'm a fast eater. I love I am
(18:03):
not I'm a nocturnal creature jekis. But in the morning
I set my coffee the night before Mittens wakes me up.
She's like, Mittens is my alarm clock, my cat with
the thumbs. And then I have had the same breakfast
for eighteen years, which is okay. So I have Greek
yogurt and oatmeal, and I slid up fruit in both,
(18:24):
and I cook the oatmeal and I get so excited
that there's an oatmeal time that I'm like and I
get like third degree burns, like three.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Times to the back of your throat.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, exactly, I get I have Mitten's sling shot like
a like a pudding. And then I would say like
and I'm like, well that's a little hot. I should wait,
and I'm like half fuck it. And then it burns
my entire esophagus and I say it happens.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Like like full incredible a.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Couple degree burns a few times a year and then
I have to go get strep throat tests and they're like, no,
you've burned it on oatmeal. Yeah again. And there's a
place each time you think like it can't be this, Yeah,
it must, it has to be. Now there's a I
don't generally go to my doctor. I love to go
to a clinic. And there's one in Hollywood that's like
(19:12):
I'm like Cosmo or what that you can't So it's
like it's like a clinic slash like MIDSPA where you
can get like botox and stuff but all but it's
near like the Australian hostel. So I go there and
they have like all these gorg they look like it'd
be on a Broado show like Summer House or something.
So I always go and I'm like, I have mono.
I think I have mono, and they're like you know,
(19:34):
I'm like, give me a test and then and now
are you Australian, and then I and then I and
then I become like the creeper. Well then I'm like, wow,
you're and I've literally been the creper, Like wow, you
guys are so tracked. I'm like, you're so pretty. You're
like I'm literally have like an oatmeal burnt throat telling
the doctor how they are mono. It's like, you know what,
(19:56):
I do that like three times a year.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Okay, you know what?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I love this?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
What brand of o'meal?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Great?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I are you a Quaker? You are Bob's I do
a Bob's.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, Bob, it's not for Anna Stina, and you and
Brian have both travel with me. You're you're doing your
own thing. You're not judging me.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I've honestly never noticed see oatmeal ever. Thank you because
that's that's a friend.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
That's a friend. You don't judge me. I have a
not Can I nominate another? No autographs please? It's also
going to be myself.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
The crown this year.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Okay, so this was when I was twenty one. Okay,
my mom, when I graduated from college, she took me
on a two weeks. I'd never been to Europe. We
went to London and Paris.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
What a beautiful mom.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Beautiful mom. Two weeks we go to Paris for one day.
They were so rude. We're like, let's go back to London.
So we take the channel back and they were so rude.
We take the channel back and we like, you know,
we go to like all the like the equivalent of
like TJ Max of London, you know, like all the
discountsters Alantak, We're Maxinett. So we go discount chopping all
over the best time. So I come back to my talent,
(21:04):
tiny town little Compton, Rhode Island, like the best place
in the world. Yes, not to the dump. So I
decide one time, I've never been to a fancy Newport party,
but I knew somebody that was having like a man
like somebody like knew someone that knew someone that was
having a mansion party. I show up. My friend's not there.
I show up with my friend, my brother and my
friend Andrew, who steps in a pile of dog shit,
puts it in his in a napkin and puts it
(21:24):
in his hand in his pocket because we're walking and
he doesn't know what to do.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Is disgusting.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
So that is absolutely dis I mean I would have
done anything except that.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
So then I walk in and they go, what do
you want? I was like, I'll have a gin and tonic.
They're like, we're out of tonic. I'm like, that is
not a problem. So they give me basically like a
tumbler of gen of course, and have any of you
spent time with me?
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Am?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
I I'm not a heavyweight drinker.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Certainly not.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
I I mean, you say you.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Are someone who walks around with people who have shit
in their pockets. I will.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I will walk around with somebody who's to their pocket.
So i have a tumbler of Gen and I'm twenty
one years old. I'm wearing a silver skirt like a robots.
I'm in a mansion that I'm not invited to with
men that are actually wearing like it was like a
cartoon version of rich people. Like they're actually wearing like
like tuxedos, like bow tie like like like like oh
(22:15):
we're going on the y like like like a like
a like an a model mister Peanut exactly. So I'm
talking to mister Peanut and leggings Jay Gings, Creuton's mules,
Jordan's exactly billionaire. So my friend fake arms, fake arms
(22:36):
they have. They've got like the neck brace thing that's
like got the like the halo that where they actually
like bolt you in. So I'm talking to them. I've
just gotten back from London. My friend hears me talking
and I'm like, well, you know, I'm moving down to
Mulk in two weeks and they're like, are you I did,
and they're like, are you British? I was like I
(22:56):
I basically became hilariable, God bless. I was like, I've
spent some time. I'm in London and he was like,
oh really, like I'd been there for like nine days okay,
And I was like, well, my friend and I are
getting a flat down and like I was that bitch
that went for not even a semester. I went for
like nine nine days with my like two days of
(23:16):
which we were traveling and one day was in France.
So it's like it'll say nine and a half days.
And I had the swagger with today to my friend,
which ship in the rocket to have a talking to
a man of the monocole, a bad fake British exit
that I wouldn't And I think he was married. I
think his wife was there. I mean, I was not
a threat nobody needs to like.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
But you know what, yeah, you doole.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's I have to say it. That's the real no
autograst please energy. Well, Gakis, will you join us on
We're gonna go on a date? Okay, great, Well, we're
gonna go on a day and we'll be we're gonna
take a quick break, we're gonna come back back and
we have a little improv date. Beautiful and we're back.
(24:08):
All right, here we go. This is the portion of
no audogras Please, where Brian and I are going to
go on an improvised first date and it has to
end well and throughout it. If you hear this sound,
that means we are about to use a real line
that has been said to some like to one of
our listeners, that they've either emailed us or tweeted at us.
(24:30):
So these and we will give credits at the end,
but these are real, like the worst things that have
been said to people on dates. So if you hear
a bell, that is not us being wild improvisers. That
is us just actually saying real things that have been said.
We've also been given names suggested by people from our listeners.
(24:50):
So today our date, as suggested by a listener. Our
date will be at a cemetery. My name is Jerry
Can and Brian just in case, just in case, and
I take you now too, and our lovely Jacquise will
be filling out the rest of the world and we
might leave the cemetery.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Who knows, who knows?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Anything's possible. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Ooh spoky, oh my god. When you suggested a cemetery
for a day, First of all, I thought, well, when
I first met you, I thought, Wow, that's crazy, how
wrong you're eating that sandwich?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
But what what am I a HOGI wrong? What's wrong
with this?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
I don't know. I just came in here and you
were sitting by a headstone shating a sandwich. Really weird
you were. You were sort of putting your arm all
the way across over your head and then feeding yourself
that way.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Look, I gotta say, as you know, as of avid Yogi,
I like to test out my skills. I did take
it up during the pandemic, and I'm not super flexible
in my lower body, but I'm very fable up top. Jerry, Wow,
so how much money do you make?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Oh? Well, It sort of depends on what the week
is if I'm if I'm working that week, okay, I
will make anywhere between one hundred and one hundred thousand
dollars doing what, well, various things. I'll either sort of
you know, sometimes I help my mom and other times
I you know.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
You mom, What did you make a hundred thousand dollars
helping your mom?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I did one time.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yeah, do you want to buy to this pepperoni? Before
we go? Sit by that that open grave.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah, let's see what they're digging up over there. Oh oh,
excuse me, sir, Yes, yes, yes, yes. You seem like
you work here. I do.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
I'm a grave digger.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Whoa How long you been doing this? About two? Three days?
Oh shit, so you're I don't need to curse in
front of the dad. I'm so sorry, it's okay.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
I can't hear you.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Oh well, do you always travel with a pack of
dogs with you or is that just your thing?
Speaker 3 (26:53):
No? No, I travel with my dogs everywhere. They're my family.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I just don't get why people like dogs.
Speaker 6 (26:59):
I'll tell you what people like dogs. They are as
they say, man's best friend.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I just don't get it. I don't get it.
Speaker 6 (27:07):
Men are so lucky. Can you throw a frisbee? A
lot of girls say they can throw a frisbee?
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Great?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Can they?
Speaker 3 (27:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
But my dog can see you.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Dog can throw a frisbee.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
I can throw a frisbee because I'm very flexible with
my upper box.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I gotta say something. I'm so impressed already, because even
though dogs are a man's best friend, not a woman
should never own a dog. And it's right there in
the writing. Even though dogs are a man's best friend,
women are so lucky because they know for sure if
they have kids out there or not. And so forever
I will envy a woman. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I don't like that attitude. Why I don't like what's
coming at me. You're saying one hundred dollars. You're saying
one hundred thousand dollars. You bring out the worst in me,
and not in a fun way.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Jesus, mister.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
Yes, my name is Jack. WHOA like Jack?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Like Jack? The ripper Jack, the digger Jack, the digger Jack.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Do you think you have any kids out there that
you're not aware of?
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I have herpes?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Are you considering those your children?
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Every wart? Every wart? Yes, yes, yes, I do. Uh
wart right.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Here, he's showing us.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Okay, well, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
I mean we were getting close. We're in the grave.
Were right here?
Speaker 6 (28:27):
Name is Joe? Okay, right here? Name is Joe Hanson?
Is Joanna?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
So different Jose from around the around the pair?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
You've got the Netherlands. God, that's lovely gonna say.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
I relate to you because my ex husband gave me syphilis.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 6 (28:50):
Well, whole life, I've been waiting to get rid of
these dogs and find someone.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Jack, hang on, you know what? Sorry, excuse me? Last
I checked. Yes, I was on the state with Jerry
and Jack. I would love to say that I am
riddled with something right now. Unfortunately I'm not. I wish
I were so I could fit in guilt. My name
happens to be justin just in case.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Well, there you go. You're riddled with a terrible name.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
You know what, too, can't be boot?
Speaker 1 (29:25):
What the fuck does that mean?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
It means you bring out the worst in me, and
not in a fun way.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
All right, you're only getting two points because this was
not a first aid activity.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Are you rating? Are you scoring our date as we go?
Speaker 3 (29:38):
So you two are on the date apparently.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah, we thought we'd come here because you know, in
Los Angeles. I heard because I have a friend who
has allegedly been there. But I actually I am not
sure if I believe so snobby. They show movies and cemetery.
So I brought my laser disc player. Yes, and I
also brought the Dirty Dancing Yeah, so I brought Jerry Dancing.
So I was gonna play. Do you guys do movie
screens here? Could personal one? I watch dirt?
Speaker 3 (30:03):
You can do the lift? Yes, you can do the lift.
You may fall into the grave.
Speaker 6 (30:06):
Everybody I've seen do the lift here has fell into
the grave.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
At it happens every day.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Well, you've only been here a couple of days. It's
happened every day since yours.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Happened the past three days. That's every day to me.
Speaker 6 (30:21):
Everybody shows up here and tries to do the Dirty
Dance lift and they fall.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
If you remember that part of the lift took place
in cemetary. Yeah, famous, Who are you burying?
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Who am I burying? Well, there's this Johanna.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
No, not Johannah, because if they find her, I'm dead.
I'm dead.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Your mother is dead.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
She will find her.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
What do you mean I think you just admitted to
a crime.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
If they find her.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
No, what I meant to say is she's dead to me, Okay, okay,
but she's not physically dead. Okay, I'm not acknowledging that.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Okay, I won't ask you who.
Speaker 6 (30:56):
I'm not a police officer, so you could tell me
no and believes Jack the digger. I'm burying someone who
used to be a professional tennis player.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Okay, Wow, I don't know who that is, but still alive.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
I just had lunch with Serena.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Is not Serena Williams.
Speaker 6 (31:16):
Is Anna Cornikovia gorgeous?
Speaker 2 (31:20):
You know what, George?
Speaker 6 (31:21):
And Cornakova is a little too thick for my taste.
She's a little too thick for my task. She can
barely fit in this casket. Wow, her ass is hidden
each side of the casket.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
So you're very professor.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
I'm burying that bad as point.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Negative one point?
Speaker 3 (31:43):
Is that for me or for you?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
It's a good thing you were tiny. I could never
date a man whose ass was bigger than mine.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Are you talking to me?
Speaker 2 (31:52):
You're tiny?
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Okay? You know what, that's not fair, because I do
happen to have a very big.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
And a tiny ass.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Can I see your ass?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I mean it literally looks like a thimble.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I'll be the judgement.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
He will be the judge of that. He's judged on
a corner car.
Speaker 7 (32:10):
I'm wearing.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
I'm wearing a few layers. So let me take off
my khakis.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Hey, you got your skins.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Let me take off my skins. Let me take off
my leggings. And I'm a form more Mormon, but I
still practice secret a least. Let me take off my underwear.
Let me shave my legs really quick, because I'm embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
That you're seeing.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Okay, now, I'm.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Gonna take a step aside. I'm gonna let you two
do this. I'm gonna take a step aside for a second.
I'm gonna take a moment alone while you're showing.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
This to Jack. Oh sure, okay, So I'm gonna you know,
I feel very uncomfortable showing my ass and not in
the presence of women. I want to see that I back.
Here we go, can you see I'm back.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I'm sorry. I love so quickly. The truth is, I
ate a lot of meat earlier, and I'm having the
meat sweats really bad. Please forgive me you.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
I've noticed your sweats and I like him.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Thank you Jack, no comment on my ass, and I.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Love your I left you hanging.
Speaker 6 (33:06):
You goes right from your back straight to your legs.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
They used to call me the Okay, in school, they
called me the upside down V. It's a little complicated.
But my body looks like this, so like this is
my butt between the knuckles, and then these are my legs.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
So your legs were the V.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
My legs were the the upside down. The between the knuckles.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Everybody in everybody's leg in.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Between my legs, in between the knuckles, in between the
knuckles is my butt. So they used to call me children.
I'm talking kindergarten would call me the upside down V.
Speaker 6 (33:52):
Your knuckles extend out, so you still got some cheeks.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
No no, no, no, in between the knuckles, but that's my
but the.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
Knuckles are hips. Yes, we do have some big ass We.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Gotta I gotta be honest. I did not come, but
the reason I wanted to meet at midnight was that
the shade could be lifted off my hips. Okay, I
wanted to come to a funeral, or not to a funeral.
I hate funerals. I've been to so many.
Speaker 6 (34:18):
Seems like you're self conscious, and I just want to say,
if you wore makeup, you could be pretty hot. Well,
it would be pretty hot if you wore make up.
By the way, nobody will care about that ass if
you wore makeup.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
This is the tragedy. Let me get my flashlight, okay please?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Oh I like that space work.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
I am wearing clown makeup? Oh wow, wow, white and red.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I didn't see that.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Yeah, that's right. That's good because I've heard that before.
But I guess I didn't know specifically. What did you
mean clown makeup? Or do you just mean like clown makeup?
Speaker 2 (34:50):
If you didn't live out of state, I think I
would end up stalking you.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Really guess where I live?
Speaker 7 (34:56):
Where?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
But first of all, we're obviously in the greater Metropolitan
Area of Saint Paul. Obviously I live in the greater
Metropolitan Area of Orlando. Oh my, and I came here
for this day you flew.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Oh wait, wait, so you live in Orlando.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
What are your parameters on hinge that you set?
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I think it's approximately seventy five thousand dollars?
Speaker 2 (35:21):
How many dates have you flown in for? Does your
mom mind? Because you are you all.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Looking for work because I'm deeply, indefinitely fulfilled with my
grave ding in jail. Do you need an assistant?
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I do?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Oh? Are you taking applications? Yes?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Okay, Well I did need you to know. I know
a lot about money. My favorite book is The Art
of the Deal. You sound chill huge many a starfish
like my idol.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Great.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
This seems like your date is going pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It's not great.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
But are you to help you fix I am taking applications.
Would you like to apply?
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Yes? My name is just in case you told me
my birth date is none? Ya? Okay, I don't reveal
my age, my oh you your wallet? My sex is good? Oh?
Ship to drive? My license.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Ninety ninety.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Nineteen. Okay, here's what you need to know. Wow. Wow?
Did you ever see a movie called Freaky Friday?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Yes? I love that.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
So I've experienced that with a with a dying elderly clown.
I said the same word as him, and we read
a restaurant together starch Places. Wow.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Is that one of the funerals you've been to?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yes? So I'm actually very young, but I appear as
one hundred and four year old's clown.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Oh my goodness, wow with a tiny ass. Yeah, you
know what, I just want to say. I'm working really
hard to be attracted to you.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
My goodness, is it my makeup?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I'm just being honest. I'm just being honest.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
You guys hold hands yet? No, no, I think you
should try to hold hands. Okay, look, and I want Justin.
Speaker 6 (36:57):
I want you to look into your lovely dates okay,
and I want you to repeat after me.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
I can just see you as my little french maid.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
I can just see you as my little french maid.
We we we now. I'm sorry. What was your name again? Jerry?
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Jerry Jerry Can.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
Jerry Can.
Speaker 6 (37:21):
I want you to look back into Justin's eyes, and
I want you to say this. I want you to
have my punk rock babies.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
I want you to have my punk rock babies.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Oh man, well I would, but technically I think you're
the one that would have to have them. But I
would love to, don't me. I didn't mean you're a fist, No,
I am. I didn't mean to call you a woman.
I'm sorry, even though people are. I'm very sorry.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
Listen. I want you to repeat after me, Jack.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Yes, and I really have to get back to work.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
I understand, but you to repeat after me. I will
if it's okay. If it's okay, would you take your
pants off? Would you take your pants off so I
can see what your penis looks like? So I can
see what your penis looks now. I wanted to say
that because you all saw my ass and it's very tiny. Yes, okay,
but I really would like you to see the front
(38:20):
of me because you want to talk about the clown wig.
I've got it right underneath my pants.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Huge Bush Bush like a canned ham.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
You know Barbara Bush?
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Do you remember her hair?
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yes, the senior like the one that was married to
Barbara Bursor, the one.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
That was married to Barbara bus senor the twin who
married herself.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
So my poobs, your puberdies from puberty, look like your
pubis bone.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Barbara Bush's like the way I shape it, it looks
like her face. But the hair quality, the thickness, the luxuriousness,
the rintse.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yeah, do you have like a perm?
Speaker 1 (39:01):
It's her?
Speaker 2 (39:02):
You said it at night?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yeah, I set it and forget. How do you wear
a do rag? Do I silo with the dog?
Speaker 6 (39:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
I do, of course. Well I don't seem arag, but
my crotch kill me.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Have a I would like to have a little kiss
for one second. I'm gonna just try it. Can we
kiss for one second?
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Sure, you remind me and my brother.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Oh no, sexier words I've ever been.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Give me one more little peck baby. Okay, we're at
different points in our lives. I'm more established and successful
than you are.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Oh my goodness, more kids. Are you really funny or
did you learn to be that way because of your ears?
Or you were actually sad?
Speaker 1 (39:45):
There's that? Great for one more body, because I can't
take it anymore.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
Can you always go down doing the lift? Please?
Speaker 5 (39:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Will you bury us?
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (39:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Ready? Yeah? One? Two three?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
One?
Speaker 1 (40:06):
The gotcha negative one point?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Well that was a hit.
Speaker 6 (40:14):
When you're down there and you go to heaven, can
you find out something for me? Because I firmly believe
dinosaurs aren't in the Bible, and so when you go
to heaven, can you ask God for me if dinosaurs
are in the Bible?
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Please?
Speaker 2 (40:30):
Wow, I will thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
Oh my goodness. I've loved every moment.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Of this day. So if we jack now, if you
don't mind, I'd like to get some forever sleep. Down.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Okay, good night, everybody.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
You can bury me.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
You can bury me, love and work and.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Lone day. We'll be right back after this break. Goodbard
and we're back.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
I know.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Have you had any bad dates?
Speaker 6 (41:09):
Oh yeah, but like more just like you know, yeah,
no connection, nothing like oh this person says something racist,
just saying something like landish, or this person saying they
are a White Sox.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Man, are you a soul? I would I would end
a date.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Where what are the different stadiums called in Chicago?
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Yeah, you have Wrigley Field.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
It is such a great in the city. It's right
in the.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
City, right in the neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
And yes, it's really nice.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
And he gets down on like the l platform which
is like their subway, which is like elevated and you
can actually see in the game. It's so cool.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
It was great.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
It's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
And where do the White Sox White Sox play?
Speaker 6 (41:57):
I don't know what their new stadium is called because
they changed the name every like five years. It feels
like it used to be called If you are I'm
thirty six, so if you're like of my age, you
know it as Komisky or us Cellular Park.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Who is Komiski.
Speaker 6 (42:12):
I have no idea, No, I'm somebody's name, or maybe
it was a company. But it was Comisky Comisky. Oh jesus,
I'm not a Sox fan, so I can get this wrong.
It was either Kmiskey Park or Comisky Field. I think
it was Comisky Park. But did you go to where
did you go to college in Chicago, Columbia?
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Excuse me?
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Downtown Chicago?
Speaker 1 (42:29):
And where are you from Chicago? You are okay and
going there in a month? Oh, three nights? Please give
me now right now?
Speaker 3 (42:37):
As you can see you're making now, I'm making.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
This is a portion arts turned this week everyone needs.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
So I'm making less pumpkin heavy. We're doing peebee fit.
Do you know about peanut butter powder?
Speaker 6 (42:49):
I do not.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
It's it's a lot less fat. That's like it's like
you basically put a little water and you make it up.
It's like peanut butter. And we are watching our figures
and we'd like to eat a lot of food up
much that I burn my mouth so fast because I
go to So this is like a healthy alternative.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
I can't food sometimes in my trunk.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, me too, A lot of food in my trunk
so we're compulsive people. So this is something that's like
a nice healthy dessert.
Speaker 6 (43:12):
So we have this.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Smells great.
Speaker 5 (43:13):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Starting vegan. You're not vegan.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
I'm not vegan.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Okay, great. Did you bring something for me to add?
Speaker 3 (43:20):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (43:21):
I don't know it was supposed to be something to
add because I don't think these things are going to add.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
About that protein.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
This is a Keto protein bar. That's great. I don't
talk you sure you don't want this beef jerky to
I'm not not at it.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Jerky to die at this beef jerkey. Look how I
got a beef jerky the other day. This is a
tip for this is celebrity. I love beef jerkey. Seven
eleven was selling Oh you guys.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Are beef jerky.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
How funky.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
That's a nice little pack too.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
This is called Strive st r y v E.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
It's a nice pack.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
I would buy that just and they're calling it air
dried beef, which to me is beef jerky. Yeah, but
they're just putting it a different oisode.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
They're saying air dried beef slices.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Yes see, it's beef, just beef jerkie, but they're calling
it air dried beef slice exactly.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
You know we're adding Keto powdered so this is also
Keto friendly good. We used a little Stevia like trivia.
We've got pumpkin, pumpkin, the peanut.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Butter, powder and egg and love an egg.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Put a little bit of your kiss my keto. I'm
gonna microwrate it two minutes.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
All right now, chickies, Yes, I might as well tell
you the honest truth about how this has gone so far.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
Let's see.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Yeah, it's not been a hit.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
No okay, I'm not talking about your episode. No no, no, okay,
yeah it's gone great. It's been terrible night. No, it
was not. And I we love that arden and I
love it. Every time our guests it's gone down the middle.
No one thinks it's like gross, it's not gross.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
So you've made this.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
You've made this multiple times.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
For every guest, and we're trying to perfect.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
And we have people bring from their kitchen something to
add so we can switch it for our listeners at home.
I'll have Tompkins and Laura Lauren love is hate.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
She gave it like an I could have Lauren hated it, but.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
I feel like she likes herself a lot, like food
in her trunk, like she can just have snacks in
the house. All right, here you go, now get in
there to be.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
The first one to eat this scoop.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
It's hot.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
I gotta say, this looks good. Yeah, okay, you can
imagine how the others have looked.
Speaker 3 (45:24):
This doesn't look great. It looks like baby food.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
I know.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
So this was the best looking one.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Okay, yeah, this is the best looking.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah. You didn't blow it at all, you you yeah,
you guys, you gotta stup donated?
Speaker 2 (45:39):
The people get mad.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Oh, I don't even.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
How was it?
Speaker 3 (45:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
I like ities. I keep going.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
I don't want another bite.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
You don't want another BikeE?
Speaker 3 (45:56):
No, you don't know. But I didn't hate I'm okay
on another bite.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Wait, hang on, but I don't hate it.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
I don't hate it.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
When is the last time you took a bite of
something you didn't hate and then refuse to take another ride?
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Doctor Bananas? I what's wrong with that?
Speaker 3 (46:18):
So the flavor and this is somebody who.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
We might need salt.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
No, that doesn't need salt. That doesn't sta It tastes
like rubber. The after taste is rubbery.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
Keto, No, I think I like it.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
I do like an extra rubbery. If I had to
put a spin on the if I were ordering this
at a diner, I would say extra rubbery. Okay, now
the keys go ahead. Give us your honest review. One
to text.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
The texture is odd, the textures.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
It's like you tried to make a sponge cake and
didn't do it well.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
Is it the egg?
Speaker 1 (46:53):
But did it better? So you love?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
You're giving this.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Still the texture, it's still crazier. I don't know. I
don't know what's happening in this.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
It could be my fault. It could be my fault.
Speaker 6 (47:07):
But if you like rubbery, and it seems like this
has always been rubbery, like this was.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
A little well done, but this one was well done.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
What do you give it? How do you like it?
Give that a seven?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
I'm going to give it an eight.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
Okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Can I taste
one more little bite?
Speaker 1 (47:27):
And I like how it kind of turns to like
it falls apart.
Speaker 6 (47:29):
It looks worse and worse as we go on, as
it starts to like not be hot anymore.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Give us your rating before the second bite and give okay.
Speaker 6 (47:40):
My rating before the second bite is a solid five. Okay,
it's a five. It's a five, thank you, just five.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Let me let me try this now, thank you.
Speaker 7 (47:54):
I think it did get worse. My second is worse, Jill,
my second bite. I'm bringing mine from an eight.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
To a six, seven to us five.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I wanted to like this.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
You were honest, and that's wo to like it.
Speaker 2 (48:13):
I didn't want them to be honest. I wanted to
say you.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
Wanted to lies. Well, listen, if you want to lie,
I'll say this.
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Yea.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
I might go home and make this.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Oh my god, you're lying, and I'm here for and
make this. I want to say, I'm here for other lies.
You can rate and review us, and please just lie.
If you're not liking it, just lie. Five stars, five
star one from Robert to Louis two. Very hilarious. I
came over from weeks of this rose and loved this.
Made me laugh. Please please please never eat while recorded
(48:46):
another episode.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Sue me. I'm a human being.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
Yeah, you guys are You guys are very nice.
Speaker 6 (48:51):
If anybody remembers mean you remember from coaching, we didn't
give a fuck, yes, and we would curse our fans
out like you know what I mean, you fuck you,
but you are much more lovely than I.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Here's another one, five stars, five stars, Scorpiella. What a
time to be alive. I agree and Brian are already
the highlights of my week on their various other brilliant podcasts.
But now one together.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
Magic Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
That's beautiful, that's beautiful. That's gadget.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
That's deserved. That's gadget, that's deserved.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
Yes, I know for sure we can get people to
follow you everywhere.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
Neil at Jackies, Neil Instagram.
Speaker 6 (49:33):
Gonna be by the time this comes out, I will
have debuted on Grand Crew this season, So make sure
you're watching it if you have in l a coming
comedian feud.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
So love it.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
It's a great time, everybody, It's a good time.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
I'm so excited to get you on.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
I love I want to go on with Brian.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
Yes, we'll make it happen.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
We'll make cake. Don't worry. Well, you know, we'll make
one of these for everyone.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
You we are okay, well, we don't worry about it.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
We will doesn't allow food.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
We will and you know what, you know what, We're
going to make sure they eat it during your sets. Okay, yeah, okay,
thank you so they can have the best experience.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Until next time.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
My name is Arda Marie, my name is Peanut Butter.
Who are you wearing?
Speaker 4 (50:19):
Will there be pressed to Ali Fabian?
Speaker 1 (50:23):
She yeah, gotcha, didn't and Bryan, I hear it.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
Laugh there'd be and they got laughs of podocast. But honey, no, no, no,
no grass pease we live in and the came life.
Speaker 5 (50:39):
Like celebrities and cheering up favorite Femi recipes.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
But honey, no no, no aunographs.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
H
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