Introducing: No Autographs, Please!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Oh, Hello, I'm comedian and actor Arden Marine. You might
know me from Shameless and Satiable Matt TV, Chelsea Lately,
or my very elegant Bachelor podcast? Will you accept this? Rose? Well? Hello,
I'm actor and comedian Brian Saffie. You might know me
from nine one one you Young and Hungry and the

(00:29):
podcast's attitudes and ask Ron. So here's what's happened. Arden
and I stocked each other and then slid into each
other's DMS demanded we be friends, and now we are.
We have a new podcast called No Autographs Please, coming
out March thirty. First, Brian, did you call the press?
I hope the press isn't here. They come around on
their scooba gear and try to stalk us. No overgross please.

(00:52):
Every week hilarious gifts like Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lobkiss,
Drew Droguey and Moore dropped by to reveal who is
giving autographs please Energy? What's no autographs please Energy? Well,
it's that special kind of delusional confidence we all aspire to.
Then we improvise a first date based on real dates
listeners have actually submitted, so we use real lines that

(01:15):
listeners were actually told on those dates for those improvs
lines like this, I am not interested in dating beautiful people.
I prefer interesting looking people like you. I remember now
why I don't eat oysters. I really wanted to date
your best friend, but since he has a girlfriend, I
asked you out. I'm not going to order a margharita

(01:35):
because I'm a man, which boys like to help me move.
This guy made me watch a video of him winning
a foot race against his coworker in their office building
that day, and they capture you're playing it and got
so stoked about himself that he got a phoner. I
ate two leaders of yoga last night. Good in general
is just kind of boring to me. I can get
you a trainer, plastic surgery, whatever. Listen to no autographs please,

(01:58):
starting on March thirty first on the Heart radio app,
Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts, wherever you
get your microwavee peanut butter cake podcasts. No no, no,
no honograspies. We're living in the camel lifelike celebrities and
sharing out of favorite peeby Fit recipes. But on no, no, no,

(02:21):
no autographs