"Just Waiting For My Dad To Die" w/ Laci Mosley

The Scam Goddess herself is in the HOUSE! Laci Mosley ("iCarly", "A Black Lady Sketch Show") joins Arden and Bryan for an afternoon of delusional brides! Death Doulas! PB Fit baking (aka Microwaving!) and sexy dates at Beer Gardens! Did they call the press on themselves for being TOO SEXY????? Tune in and find OUT!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
No, who are you wearing?

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Will there be pressed to Alix Fabias?

Speaker 3 (00:09):
She han me, yeah, gotcha, didn't And Brian, I hear it.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Last there be this and they've got lat of podocast
But honey, no, no, no, no, honna grass pees. We
live in the glamor lifel like celebrities and sharing out
the favorite baby fit recipes. But Hony, no, no, no,
no auntographs.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
No autograph, hair, no autograph. I'm in a real like
keep my hands busy mood today. I love. I can't
stop keeping my hands busy.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
Hello, welcome, you can't stop keeping my hands business wear.

Speaker 5 (00:53):
My name is Art Marine. I'm here with my lover.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
I'm Brian Sophie and I just had like a hot
flash or something. But I gotta tell you, well, I
just finished this has shoes and I wanted I was
embarrassed in eating them in front of a literal goddess.

Speaker 5 (01:03):
And I figurative way yeah, a literal yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
She's all of them, and so I was like trying
to clean it up. But then I was like, oh,
I'll just put it in the center right.

Speaker 4 (01:10):
None of this, no, no, I understand, but you know
it makes me feel better because when I get in
modes like that, and I start like organizing because I'm
kind of messy.

Speaker 5 (01:21):
You're quite tidy.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
I'm pretty tidy.

Speaker 5 (01:23):
I'm a little bit.

Speaker 4 (01:24):
Messy, but I'll get into modes where I need to,
like get my remote straight this podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I'm a little bit tidy and I'm a little bit messy.
That would have been.

Speaker 5 (01:34):
Yeah, by the way you look, I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
Wearing my panty shorts. Are you wearing a button down?

Speaker 5 (01:39):
Are these your your swim trucks? Bathing su season?

Speaker 1 (01:42):
It's bathing suit season for me.

Speaker 4 (01:44):
Now.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Lacey mostly the iconic one and only scam got us herself.

Speaker 5 (01:48):
She's she's on I Carly, this.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
Is what I mean. She just doesn't stop.

Speaker 5 (01:54):
She's in a gorgeous jumpsuit.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
The way it's true jumpsuit.

Speaker 5 (01:58):
Thank you, lazy lady.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Lacey looked under the.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
High tis.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Lacy. I'm such a fan and so in love with you,
to be honest, and I have to say I really
took it to heart when I said I was wearing
panty shorts and you looked under the table to look
at that very creepy. I like this stream. I have
more extreme ones.

Speaker 5 (02:23):
I just.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
What Lacey did, didn't involve hands. You've got a little
hands there.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
I care. I love that sort love.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
I have to tell you I hate wearing pants. I
really do my legs apparently I've just learned from a
wardrobe person. And she was like, next time, will you
just make sure to say athletic cut? And I was like, yeah,
what is it?

Speaker 5 (02:47):
What is that?

Speaker 1 (02:47):
She was like, it's for guys with dick thighs. And
I was like, okay, you warbe.

Speaker 5 (02:52):
Do you want me to fight her?

Speaker 4 (02:53):
I'm sorry, I just looked at your I didn't actually
look at your.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Well, my dick isn't under my shirt.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
I mean it's okay.

Speaker 6 (03:02):
I mean if if the role is reversed, and you
were like, oh I love that skirt, and Brian like
stuck his head under.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
You know, like what I did was like super fun.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
What I love about you, Brian. It was when we
talked about his love. You love wearing swimsuits with like
like a dress button.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
Do I think that I want to blame it on
zoom because from here, but.

Speaker 5 (03:29):
You love bathing suits.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
I do love a baby.

Speaker 5 (03:31):
It's like your thunderblanket for a dog.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
It is a little bit, but we're getting to an
age like say where we need to start. I'm not
talking about you.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
I'm just doing whatever the I want.

Speaker 6 (03:45):
It's so funny because they want to dress like younger,
but you're an adult, like you have to like brand
it now. Like there's like kid core, a childish like
I just swear like nothing, you.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
Know, but I'm not embarrassing any children.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
Kid core it's.

Speaker 6 (03:58):
Where people just like you know, like they'll put like
burrets in their hair, they'll wear like basically like the
adult version.

Speaker 7 (04:03):
Of Oshkosh gosh.

Speaker 6 (04:05):
Yes, but I'm like, can't they just be adults who
like wearing what they wear, but we have to like
brand it so we see that's weird.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Maybe if I have children, I was dropping them off
at school, I wouldn't wear my panties, would wear fopants.

Speaker 4 (04:20):
You just have a T shirt and nothing underneath panties, or.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
You could be that dad.

Speaker 6 (04:25):
I mean that excites people in the carpool line kids.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
They'd be getting bored with the born and ask kids talk.

Speaker 4 (04:32):
About We were talking about with Carl Tart about daddy
and he was saying that sometimes he gets called daddy
and like he felt he felt like, oh does that
mean I'm old? And I was saying the daddy thing
I was saying, I think it means like it's a compliment, like, oh,
you have your ship together, like you got it, You're
on it. Your daddy, what do you think with like
the dad, the hot dad.

Speaker 6 (04:49):
At this like and called mommy, No, don't call me
mommy that Why does that feel so much creepy?

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Does mommy? Like you can tell me mommy, but don't
tell me mommy. Very big difference.

Speaker 6 (05:04):
One of those is like do you want me to
like whip you and put on adult diapers?

Speaker 3 (05:07):
And that's not my thing. If that's your thing, I'm
not king shaming.

Speaker 5 (05:09):
That's not my thing.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
I don't want you on a diaper. I feel like
daddy like for me like Zaddy.

Speaker 6 (05:13):
Unfortunately I've never put like a monetary weight to it
because the truth is like you can just be so poor,
but just like so Zaddy, like just so high, like
you got a beer that connects saying like you know,
usually Zaddi's like don't have a lot of money, but
they have a lot of like sexual swagger and penis
to provide.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
That's to provide no lace on the show.

Speaker 6 (05:37):
Well, first of all, there getting by Drew Barrymore. They
are climbing over the table.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Upset Lacey. I have to tell you, I don't know
if you watch Dateline.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
Ever, Yeah, you know murders.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
The Dateline Friday Night didn't involve a murder. It involved
one of the biggest con artists I've ever seen in
my life. And I think you would appreciate it. The
episode was called dead Man Talking. Did you see this in?
Tell me incredible? Tell me tell me I want you
guys to watch it. If you should watch it, especially
you Lace, I think you would love it. You should
look into this guy for your show. Well, it depends

(06:10):
on the day. It's either Nick Rossi or Alfred Knight.
And he's either British or American. Wow, and he wears
cost it's you've got to look at this. You've got
to look at this. That's a tip. And by the way,
the reason you'll like it too.

Speaker 5 (06:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
It all takes place in Rhode Island, and I have
to tell you I have never in Providence, and I've
never in my life because at all some of it
happens at the capitol there, like the state Capitol. I've
never seen state representative dress like this in my life.
They're all wearing track shots. Yeah, track suits, and they're like,

(06:49):
they're talking about this guy and they go, he's a
cocka roach's it's so much and it's so much context.

Speaker 3 (06:58):
It's so sincere.

Speaker 6 (06:59):
Like if a politician were tracks that, I'm like, you
do crime, that's fine, you're in politics.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
You're dressing.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
That's a daddy politician. That's a daddy politician.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Okay, Yeah, what we do on this show many things
that not one connects. But the first thing we do
on the show.

Speaker 5 (07:17):
There's three dings. None of these.

Speaker 4 (07:21):
We have no we have no capacity to like set
a mood and then they.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
Could each stand on their own if they needed to.

Speaker 5 (07:26):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
So we nominate every week people from our lives were
in the culture who have no autographs please energy, which
is just that fuck it, sort of delusional. Maybe even
Hilario Baldwin.

Speaker 6 (07:41):
Come back, come back, unbelievable.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
I love her.

Speaker 6 (07:47):
All of her kids have the most lots of next
names you've ever is Alaria.

Speaker 5 (07:51):
She just named baby Alaria.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
She was like, now someone ligterally is named that.

Speaker 6 (07:55):
She's Hillary's Kich was like, but my baby.

Speaker 4 (07:59):
Is Michelle Collins saw her last week with the nanny
and all the kids, and and.

Speaker 5 (08:08):
She was coming out at the live show.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
She was saying about she noticed at first of these
gorgeous children, tons of them, gorgeous, me filthy, filthy, and
then and then Alaria was there with the nanny, and
that she was very loudly speaking Spanish everybody, but she
said she was very good at speaking Spanish.

Speaker 5 (08:23):
Go at the time, does your.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
Friend speak Spanish?

Speaker 6 (08:28):
Though you do, obviously you know what I mean, But
but my Spanish is hello, fucking broken. But I have
a great Mexican ac because that's where I learned from,
so like it can sound real if.

Speaker 5 (08:42):
You don't have a ear right, that's a great question.
I don't know. We'd have to ask Michelle.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
I heard something from gorfee Doll recently. Not from him,
he's I think he's dead, but I read something where
he said Italian men he's gay. He said the difference
between Italian men and American men is that Italian men
have dirty feet but clean holes, and American men have
clean feet and dirty buttholes. I don't know what to
make of it, and I had to share it. I
had to get it out of my system because I'm

(09:07):
not sure what it meant.

Speaker 5 (09:08):
Now that's hard time. I need to hear it again.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Italian have dirty feet and clean ass holes, and American
men have clean feet but dirty assholes.

Speaker 4 (09:20):
I feel you must have gotten this from just I
feel that means that they're also not that fun and bad.
That means the Italian men they don't give a ship.
We're out, we're dirty, but I'll keep my important thing clean.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
Dirty assholes more more sexy than you.

Speaker 4 (09:32):
No, no, no, no no no, I'm saying the clean asshole.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
You flipped it. Italians have the clean booty.

Speaker 4 (09:37):
Yeah, the Italians have the clean booty, and they're more
exciting in bed because sorry, I flipped it. The Italians
are more exciting in bed because they're like and they're
also like, we're out, we're living life. We're like walking around,
we're having a wine, you know, like, yeah, my feeter.
But I keep my important things clean because I like to.
I like to live life and be part of the
earth with my feet. But then I'm gonna keep it
together for my fucking and then American men are like,

(10:01):
whatever you're gonna come like.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
You know, trying to keep up appearances, but.

Speaker 5 (10:06):
Maybe not that fun. But I don't know, I see
where you're going with this.

Speaker 6 (10:09):
I'll raise you that that I would take a dirty
foot in a clean booty, because the dirty foot is
like are you outside being a rugged, ash ship a
house like man. And then as in the dating women,
I will need to be clean, like I don't know
why it's just women that's not okay for me, but
a dirty foot man, I'm like, I did not think.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
That you two would be able to weave this into
some sense.

Speaker 4 (10:31):
And you yeah, the Italian man, but the dirty feet
and the clean booty?

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Lazy? Do you have anyone to nominate this week for
no audience?

Speaker 5 (10:39):
I'm so exciting.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
Okay, so someone that I know. I know, so I
have to keep it very vague.

Speaker 6 (10:44):
But this person, okay, they have a very regular profession,
like you know, the kind of you go do like
a four year institution for and then you like when
you graduate, you go and work there like explain the.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Job and then like after five minutes you're like, I
don't even understand what you do.

Speaker 6 (10:59):
And they get serifications and stuff, but it's just like
a regular job. Yeah yeah, yeah, But this person lives
like a double life where like if you I'll show
you their Instagram.

Speaker 3 (11:08):
But if you look at their Instagram, it looks like
they're like.

Speaker 6 (11:10):
Married to a rapper or like living this insane life
that you're like, this makes absolutely no. So so I'm
saying that this person has the energy.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
Of they know autographs because they know how to have
their avatar be killing it.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
Yeah, but that's not all the way.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Why.

Speaker 6 (11:31):
So the reason that I say that this person has
no autographs energy is because this person has fully been
like well in a relationship, but like cheating and stuff
like forever.

Speaker 3 (11:41):
Right, But like this person.

Speaker 8 (11:43):
Got engaged, yes, and the engagement photo was just them
holding out their hand showing the ring and it said
mrs and like the spouse that the person the fiance
that they're getting engaged to is not in the photo.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
Welcome to the rest of your life.

Speaker 5 (12:03):
Can you take this again?

Speaker 4 (12:05):
I need you to redo it. I need you to
redo this.

Speaker 6 (12:08):
This person only puts like bear because like they're fully
like sitting out save the dates and ship right now.
This person only puts their engagement stuff on private story.

Speaker 4 (12:18):
They want to seem available out in the world. They
want to seem not to But what.

Speaker 6 (12:25):
A couple like this is like the amount of followers
you have and it's friends and family and people you meet, right,
but they post like they have millions.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Of follow their influence.

Speaker 6 (12:33):
Yes, but like it killed me when they posted, like
engaged like the post because.

Speaker 3 (12:38):
Like it was so funny.

Speaker 6 (12:39):
Somebody from like a past life or whatever comments like
it was like, who are you marrying?

Speaker 5 (12:45):
Yeah, I've never seen this person. They've never been on
your gram. Who are you in love on any of
the photos gave you that?

Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (12:58):
Games and be in the photol biosself.

Speaker 5 (13:01):
Having a private Graham, a private Graham.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
How does that make your fiance feel?

Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (13:07):
Terrible, Yeah, absolutely terrible.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
She's got a business to run, even though it's not
a business.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
Like Jake was hiding the world from his kid.

Speaker 6 (13:15):
They hid in the world from.

Speaker 4 (13:18):
It is fascinating when you see some people when you
know the reality and then you see people's avatar of
like whoa Like I know for a fact you've been
hitting your brother up for rent for the last five months,
but like, how are you at this resort? Like what
the fuck? I know that's not there's no foundation there.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, I know. There was someone who asked me out
recently who I found out like didn't have a car
and not for ecological reasons, like it just is sort
of I'm at a point I'm not shaming you if
you don't have one. I just want to date someone
who has a car.

Speaker 6 (13:52):
That's a good idea though, Like if I have a car,
be like, because I'm not trying to ruin a planet
turn buke, say I should have a car.

Speaker 3 (13:59):
You were into planet.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
Yeah, that's exactly where he's.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Been waiting one year for this specific to come in
and a studio. This is this is not how you
live your life.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
I have an autograss please energy. That was as you
were talking, it sort of rang about when I first
moved to Los Angeles, I met California, Hollywood, the city
of Anglis. I met this woman that I just thought
was like a lady, just like this sort of like
nice older woman who was going to help me with something.

(14:33):
And so I gave her, she gave me her number,
and she just literally just looked like a lady. You know,
I didn't And I called a lady.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
Just like a regular you could lady.

Speaker 6 (14:49):
Is she like a Chico's lady? Is she a New
York and Company lady? She had been in a Republic lady.

Speaker 4 (14:55):
She felt like just like a productould Banana Republic, like
a Banana Republic lady lives in the valley, like perfectly nice,
like a Cardigan's Twitter, like a mom.

Speaker 5 (15:09):
Like I felt like a mom, like like like it
could have been from R.

Speaker 4 (15:12):
So I called this lady and somebody answered the phone
and said production and.

Speaker 5 (15:19):
I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I think I
have the wrong phone number.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
I'm looking for so and so and they're like yes,
and I'm like, oh, is this this is not their
phone number?

Speaker 5 (15:29):
Like no production?

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Can I do?

Speaker 6 (15:31):
This?

Speaker 4 (15:32):
Maniac was like a failed actor who had like a
service that would call and make it seem like they
were on set okay, and like was like they made
it seem like that this wild next and I will
tell you off air.

Speaker 6 (15:53):
I was like, I was like, oh, the production calls me.
I'm like hello, Like is production was like movies Hollywood.

Speaker 4 (16:04):
Anyway, So yeah, she would call and say production and
then I was like, oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (16:09):
You know I talked to her and she was like yeah,
like that's her number, that is full. No autographs please? Energy.
Isn't that wild to the mac? Can you imagine?

Speaker 3 (16:19):
She wants people to ask for the autographs so she
can say no.

Speaker 5 (16:22):
Yeah, it was a bit.

Speaker 4 (16:24):
I didn't know she was an actress, Like I didn't know.
I thought she was just like I had no concept.
I just thought it was like like the equivalentle like
my mom's friend. You should call her when you get
to La.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
I was like, why I am actually going to switch
my note autographs please this week? And actually because of
the autographs thing that you just said, lazy, I'm gonna
switch it to Laurie Laughlin. When she was outside the
courthouse during the trial for getting her kid into college legally,
she she'd like had headshots at the ready and assigning autographs.

Speaker 5 (16:48):
No, are you kidding?

Speaker 1 (16:49):
That is no yeah, no, she used it is like
it was like a job. She used it as like
a press opportunity.

Speaker 6 (16:54):
No. I met her right before all the shit came out,
Like I was at lunch with my manager in Beverly Hills,
which sounds very non autograph please, but like obviously she's
so she's walking this like the gass dog down the
street and like looking just like the most moisturized woman ever,
and she like walks up by her table like real
slow and then like like kind of like she's like, no, doggie,

(17:15):
Like no, it's like a big ass golden tree or something.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
She's like no, no, but you could tell she wants
to pet the dog. Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
I love people who do that, who like use something
else to be Like I went to meet.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
I was just doing my mussy moss and what now,
what's up y'all?

Speaker 1 (17:33):
I also my other okay, the other police I was
gonna say, yeah, which the production thing reminded me of.
I used to get my haircut at this place in
New York when I lived there that used to answer
the phone by the name of the salon, okay, but
then they just stopped doing it, and so they would
answer it hair studio. And I was like, okay, but

(17:54):
is this like they were like yeah, yeah. Then they
stopped doing that and they just started answering the phone studio,
And so I said, what's going on? Like why I
was sitting in a chair, why he's saying that? She said, well,
I can't it's a long story, but I've had a
really hard time lately. My son tried to karate kick me.
No no no. By the way, she never actually got

(18:19):
to why she was only answering the phone studio because
we only just talked about that, and I.

Speaker 5 (18:23):
Was like, oh, okay, how old is her son?

Speaker 1 (18:25):
I think like five?

Speaker 3 (18:27):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
And she kept saying the phrase karate kicked me by
the way. That is so and the salon still exists.
I walked by the last time I was in New York,
and I wanted to go in, but then I didn't
because she kept telling me I needed to dye my
hair red.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
That's such a strong suggestion from a stylace, like it's
like you need a trim, like.

Speaker 4 (18:50):
You should be I just had a vision of another
notaudogress please. Person was your old therapist who would watch
The Bachelor?

Speaker 9 (18:58):
Did she?

Speaker 1 (18:59):
She would be late for appointments because she did appointments
out of her house, like in her living room, whatever,
her in her compae, and she'd be late for appointments.
And I would hear her TiVo rewinding on.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
The Bachelor, so it's on t bow too, so she.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Time, yeah, and she's like, sorry, I was late. I
was on a call and I was like, you live
here alone. All I heard was the same thing of
The Bachelor over and over and over again, and you're
rewinding it, so you're late, And I didn't get extra time.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
Ever, she was rewinding while she was watching the roles ceremony.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Oh and then I told her that I had to
stop coming because I just wanted if I knew therapist,
and she goes, you know what, keep coming. You don't
even have to pay me, I can.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
We're just hanging out now. She just wanted to be
friends with me.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
She also was in the hotel during the Indian hotel
bombings in India. She was staying in the hotel. She
called me and she was like, honey, I'm not gonna
be able to make my appointment tomorrow. I can't come
back in town. I'm in the hotel that was bombed.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
I do you know She was really there because that.

Speaker 6 (19:52):
Was like she.

Speaker 4 (19:56):
Sorry, I know we're going along, but I just want
to end before but before we go to break your
bridal story reminded me of this thing that a listener Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa?

Speaker 3 (20:05):
A listener?

Speaker 5 (20:06):
Why don't look, don't look, don't look.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Wait, I've never seen arden look like this in my life.
I can't.

Speaker 5 (20:13):
I mean, okay, okay, okay, so a listener email. Then
we played this at Union hob.

Speaker 4 (20:18):
There's a whole category on YouTube of brides who starenade
themselves stone the aisle.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Okay, I thought that was you.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
I wish it was me.

Speaker 5 (20:28):
Can I just okay?

Speaker 4 (20:30):
Check this and the groom is the only one enjoying it.
The only person enjoying this.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Is okay, wait, I'm so embarrassed.

Speaker 5 (20:39):
Can you guys see?

Speaker 4 (20:40):
Yes, the groom is the only one here who likes it.
Her friends fucking hate it. Oh can you even can
you imagine?

Speaker 3 (20:54):
She does sound too bad?

Speaker 5 (20:58):
But it goes on. But wait, he does it.

Speaker 4 (21:00):
It gets worse because just when it can't get worse,
there's also a background question.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
I gotta say, this is really posting the ring energy
because he wait, it gets work.

Speaker 4 (21:10):
Her dad joins her. In a second, Her dad fucking
accompanies her.

Speaker 5 (21:14):
In a second.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
She's walking down the aisle so slowly? How many times
did they rehearse the walk to time it right?

Speaker 5 (21:19):
Okay, wait here we go? Here comes, here we go,
Here comes the dad. Oh my god, wait, sorry, let
me get Oh they don't so much, you can't. Okay, wait,
here we go. Look at this? Here comes the dad

(21:39):
and then she snatches the mic back.

Speaker 3 (21:42):
Very Nichol Swizard of her Why.

Speaker 4 (21:45):
Laughing, He's clapping his dick is like an advice about
to marry this woman, Like wait, watch her grab the mic.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
Oh my god, term that she's netted, Like it was
not done.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
He's like, you can walk the rest of the way
a line to her friends watching.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
They're all mortified, mortified, and there's gonna be like ten minutes.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
I'm so embarrassed for everybody. I'm proud.

Speaker 6 (22:12):
Can I just say this is somebody who wanted to
be a singer their whole life, could never hack it, yes,
you know, could never cut, cut the mustard or whatever.
And they were like, this is my last chance to
perform in front of a large cram it. Yes, so
happens to be people here for my wedding, but what
about it?

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yep, you've got an active audience that this is really
you know what. In her defense, actually, if you always
want to be a singer and couldn't hack it, and
you wanted a stadium for the people, do it at
your wedding.

Speaker 5 (22:36):
Do it at your wedding. Have you seen any weird
bride behavior at a wedding?

Speaker 6 (22:40):
A weird bride behavior, not as much as weird groom behaviors.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
Like my cousin.

Speaker 6 (22:46):
One of my second or third cousin's weddings, they had
a timer in the church that was counting down to
when the ceremony was going to start, which I thought
was very stupid on their part because these motherfuckers was the.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Late as hell, I'm just gonna say, no one's ever
on time.

Speaker 6 (23:00):
So the timer ran out and we were like, okay,
it's been twenty minutes and it's a zero, Like I'm
not glad to have hello. So then when my cousin
finally comes down the aisle, he's like, this is back
in the time where.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
Like people would just like wear bluetooth speakers in.

Speaker 6 (23:11):
Their ear to show or something as yes, and he
had it on the whole ceremony, and I'm like, are
you gonna take a call?

Speaker 3 (23:19):
Like why do you have this on?

Speaker 1 (23:21):
The worst story I've ever heard of my.

Speaker 6 (23:25):
That is like, I know I'm here and it's my
special name, but if somebody calls from business production production.

Speaker 5 (23:33):
Calls, I got to pick up production production.

Speaker 6 (23:37):
That is.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
I am so rarely without a reaction that I am
so floored that someone would walk down the aisle with
a bluetooth speaker please the.

Speaker 5 (23:50):
Ear in their ear in their ear.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Wow, okay, so that is we're gonna have to go
to break.

Speaker 5 (23:56):
Because this is we have to go to break. Well,
may come back.

Speaker 4 (23:59):
We're gonna go on a first date and improvise first
date where Brian and I are going to be going
on a first date.

Speaker 5 (24:04):
It has to go well. And one of our listeners
emailed in and their.

Speaker 4 (24:08):
Location suggestion was bear gotten. Okay and Lacy, would you
like to name Brian and I from two people that
you know from your childhood? Sure?

Speaker 3 (24:18):
Andrew, you got it? And Talia?

Speaker 4 (24:22):
Okay, great, great, all right, all right when we come back,
Andrew and Talia, we'll be at the beer garden.

Speaker 5 (24:35):
And we're back.

Speaker 4 (24:36):
We're at a beer garden where Andrew and Talia are
about to go on a date. If you have never
heard our podcast before, if you hear this bell, that
means that we're going to be doing an actual line
emailed into.

Speaker 5 (24:47):
Us or tweeted at us.

Speaker 4 (24:49):
That was the worst thing in real life said to
one of our listeners on a date out of context.
So if you want to participate, you can email us
at napspot one at gmail dot com.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Whoa big crunning? Oh there you are? I mean Andrew.

Speaker 5 (25:08):
Oh, Andrew, I'm told you.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
Oh wow, you you are some very different versus in person.

Speaker 4 (25:16):
Oh you know, I justn'm like I just always wanted
to feel very international right now.

Speaker 5 (25:21):
Yeah, look at your ward leader hose.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, don't take this the wrong way. Yeah, but you
are soft in all the right places.

Speaker 5 (25:30):
Oh, thank you, thank you so much. My surgery healing off.

Speaker 4 (25:34):
I just had a giant I had a Brazilian booty
booty lips. Okay, I've added, I've added a few outs,
but is huge, yes, padded.

Speaker 1 (25:43):
And one cheek is much bigger.

Speaker 5 (25:45):
Than out of my gofund me funds.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
You asked people to pay for your I'm you know, I.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
Don't love to work, but boy, you look but your
leader hose and looks like it's stuffed with dough, if
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Do you want to go get a beer? Yeah? Hi, Hi,
we need to. I don't know if you have Pilsner,
I p a, if you have anything? Do you have
anything on tap? Sorry, get nervous ordering?

Speaker 6 (26:10):
Yeah, we have a very long list of taps. Oh
really Yeah, if you want to just look at this
list right here. Yeah, just take your time. Okay, I'm
waiting for my dad to die.

Speaker 5 (26:23):
I'm a death doula. Wow, I'm a death doula. I
help shepherd people through death.

Speaker 4 (26:29):
So I'm just saying, if you need some healing, if
you want me to shepherd your dad.

Speaker 5 (26:33):
Is he nearby?

Speaker 3 (26:35):
No he's not. He's in the hospital.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
Sorry. Do you want us to order by the time
he dies?

Speaker 3 (26:41):
No, we don't know when he's gonna do. I'm just
waiting for a Melanie. It's fine, Melanie.

Speaker 5 (26:46):
I'm sorry for your future laws. I don't I don't
mean to be. I just want to say, no, this
is really inappropriate.

Speaker 4 (26:52):
And I know this is not what they normally serve
at a beer garden, but these green beans are fat
as dick.

Speaker 3 (26:57):
Yeah they are. They're really juicy as dick as well.
Would you like an order?

Speaker 1 (27:02):
This is a really open I mean, you know, normally
beer gardens are open because it's open air. But this
is a really you know, I'm fine. I just oh,
I hear that word, and we said, right, I guess
beans and juicy and dick and the fact that your
dad's dying in this thick list of beers. Anyway, I'll

(27:23):
take the book, the brook, the book.

Speaker 5 (27:28):
I'm going to take the the Peabody Pilsner.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
I have to ask you, why aren't you with your dad?

Speaker 3 (27:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Why aren't you just like you should?

Speaker 5 (27:36):
Dads are complicated.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah, and like I had this shift and no one
could swap me.

Speaker 5 (27:42):
Look, I want you to.

Speaker 4 (27:43):
Feel okay, I just want you to feel seen. My
parents recently got divorced, and my dad came out at
the closet and my mom married her first cousin since
they were done having kids.

Speaker 5 (27:54):
So it's everybody's got a full plate.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
You're comparing that to her dad dying.

Speaker 5 (27:58):
Look, I'm just saying everybody's in a dad situation, right.

Speaker 6 (28:01):
I mean, I find you both incredibly attractive, but I
find your beliefs disgusting.

Speaker 5 (28:07):
Wow, you have a little mustache and there's nothing wrong
with that, but you do.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
Oh so we're doing like hot Takes now, Rue Paul
is just enabling people with personality disorders? What just to
hot take kind of say? I don't approve of that show.

Speaker 6 (28:22):
I have a lot of all for you right now,
so much I thought you'd sweat more.

Speaker 1 (28:30):
Oh yeah, well I'm about quite a bit. This is
a funny story, and this is the first day.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
I love a first day Starr, I used to.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
Sweat so severely, okay that it would it truly looks
like I had just come from the cloud forest.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
Oh wow, that reminds me of my dad right now.
You sweat a lot when you die.

Speaker 5 (28:54):
It's true, you sweat it all out.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (28:57):
What's a cloud car?

Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah, we want to know.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Oh okay, See this is where I get a little
You see, I travel a lot and in a whole
different climates, and I'm actually reading a book. And by
the way, I'd love for you both to read my
novel and give me feedback whenever you might.

Speaker 4 (29:15):
I mean, there are all sorts of clubs for people
who read books. What about club for those of us
who read People magazine?

Speaker 1 (29:20):
Oh, I think it's a dying breed, to be honest
with you.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
Oh like my dad.

Speaker 6 (29:24):
Yeah, shit, shit, no, it's cool. We're all just still waiting.
Here's your beer, Thanks so.

Speaker 3 (29:30):
Much, Thank you.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
I hate to be this way. This is literally like
all foam. Do you mind putting more?

Speaker 5 (29:38):
It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 6 (29:38):
Oh, I thought that you would enjoy the phone. The
last time I saw a mouth like that, it was
on the end of a hook.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
I do have fish lips.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
Yeah, so I think you could like fish on that
andrew fish.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
On that phone. I gotta tell you again, back to
the words that are triggering me. It was beans, juicy dick,
and now it really is fish through that pham.

Speaker 10 (29:59):
Is that what you?

Speaker 6 (30:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (30:00):
Fish like, Yeah, don't imitate me.

Speaker 4 (30:04):
Don't imitate men have so much lip injection and that's
what drew me to you.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
Really, Yeah, I'm not.

Speaker 5 (30:10):
I just I had seen it on a lot of women.
I hadn't seen it on a lot of men.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
Well, in that case, I would like to look at
you and say, wolf.

Speaker 5 (30:20):
Wolf, Okay, what's your body count?

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Like how many bodies have I buried?

Speaker 5 (30:28):
I mean, whatever, however you want to take it.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
You shouldn't bring up death in front of her.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
Yeah, it's cool. My dad's still alive, right.

Speaker 5 (30:35):
Okay, I'm a death duela. I don't know if I
mentioned that you did, And.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
I just don't understand, like how you certifying that or like.

Speaker 5 (30:43):
Thank you for asking Listen.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
I just feel like I'm an EmPATH, so I feel things. Really,
it's really hard for me going through life. Like I
just I soak up energy. I'm like an energy healer.
But like I just feel vibes like you seem very anxious,
very and it's not just it's not just the dick.
It's not the green beer, it's not the it's not
the it's not the leader host. And I just I

(31:06):
pick up on things.

Speaker 6 (31:07):
I do.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
Dress as a theme.

Speaker 5 (31:09):
You dress as a theme.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Well, wait, when I hear I going to beer garden,
I dresses when I dress when I go to a cafeteria, Yes.

Speaker 5 (31:14):
I dress what cafeterias to go to?

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Excuse me? I go to Firs, I go, oh, that's sorry,
that's the place that by my first never mind I
go to. I go to Loubi's, I go.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
To oh, Lubies. So you also like to wait for
people to die mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
It is a lot of that there. I'll be honest
with you.

Speaker 4 (31:34):
So basically I have to be an mpath and just
sort of feel like, you know, I just have people
die all around me and I'm just like, oh, I'm sorry,
And that's like a death do a lot.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
So I know we met through Mary.

Speaker 5 (31:45):
Yes, don't remind me. Well she owes me money.

Speaker 3 (31:50):
Well, I why do you do your taxes at H
and R block? Are you poor?

Speaker 5 (31:55):
Thank you for asking?

Speaker 4 (31:56):
I don't actually make as much as I thought I
was gonna make. I quit being a lawyer to become
a death duel.

Speaker 5 (32:00):
Oh wow, so yes I am.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
I have a lot of big You're loaning people money,
like Mary?

Speaker 4 (32:05):
Well, I have to say, Mary, she ows, yes, I
loaned her money. I venmoed her money. She said it
was like a multi level marketing thing. I was trying
to buy some face cream.

Speaker 5 (32:14):
The purse.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
On her, I think it comes on me, got it? Well, look,
I know Mary thought we might have something in common
because we're both interested in fan fiction. But I've reevaluated
my life and I now believe anyone who reads fan
fiction must be a pedophone. Oh sorry, this a pedophone.

Speaker 5 (32:33):
Oh I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
Wow, that's wild a pedophone. So this isn't going to
work out after all.

Speaker 5 (32:38):
Listen, I love fan fiction, and I what I love.

Speaker 4 (32:42):
I take my people magazines and I see, for example,
last week was Kevin Bacon and Curas Sedgwick on the cover.
I write fan fiction of what if they had sort
of like a medieval theme. They're stuck in a castle.
They're like Harry Potter as a couple.

Speaker 5 (32:56):
You know, I don't know Harry.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Bacon words that are just not doing it for me.

Speaker 5 (33:01):
What you lack and personality you make up for in pigtails.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
I just got my hair done.

Speaker 3 (33:06):
Yeah do you like it?

Speaker 10 (33:08):
No?

Speaker 3 (33:08):
Okay, but I but look I honestly, I'm being rude.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
Well it's why my ex and I broke up. Her
name was Carol. Cut to Carol and me breaking up. Hey,
I got my hair on, babe. Oh my god?

Speaker 3 (33:24):
What My father was right? My father was right about you,
which was my father was right about you.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
I thought you said you you thought I looked cute
with longer hair. I have to go. Why where are
you going?

Speaker 3 (33:35):
No, I'm packing my things. Move, I'm taking the TV.

Speaker 5 (33:37):
What, Carol, we all knew. Everybody knew. I mean like
we were shocked when you were dating Andrew.

Speaker 6 (33:43):
I know, I know, and everyone said and everyone knew,
and Carol, move, I got to unplug it.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
I'm taking the cave.

Speaker 1 (33:50):
But you know what, honestly, it feels like you're leaving
your jewelry and taking the TV. Listen, Carol, is it
the pigtails?

Speaker 5 (33:55):
Carol?

Speaker 4 (33:56):
When I saw you post your friendship bracelet on your Instagram,
but all I saw was a piece of a pigtail.

Speaker 5 (34:02):
Hair on the side, but no face. I knew something
was fucked. Yeah, I'm Carol.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Why didn't you ever post pictures of me?

Speaker 6 (34:09):
Because I was hiding the world from our relationship. I
was trying to keep our relationship safe and sacred by
telling literally no one about it. Now, please move. I'm
also taking the DVR. What all my Bachelor is on here?

Speaker 1 (34:20):
Now?

Speaker 3 (34:20):
Fucking move?

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Well, all my I love Lucy's are on there, and
you know how I only watch whatever the fun network
that's on.

Speaker 5 (34:27):
Andrew listening. I know you were so did you go
to go get her a mirror? I know you wanted
to sing yourself down the aisle. You've got to get her,
You've got to get Okay, let me go talk to Carol.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
Hello, Hey, you're doing it? How'd you find out where
I live?

Speaker 5 (34:45):
The TV?

Speaker 1 (34:46):
First of all, looks great in here, Thank you.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
I can see I've mounted well.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
Anyway, I bought my friend Josephine to make you jealous,
but we're not together. But she suggested she's a big stoner.

Speaker 6 (35:00):
Hey, hold on one second, problem nice, Hey, Tom, can
you just stay on the couch.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
I'm taking a phone call right now at the door.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Wait.

Speaker 6 (35:07):
Yeah, we'll get to your therapy session in a minute. Yeah,
you're still on the clock.

Speaker 5 (35:10):
Wow, Carol is a real power broker.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
All right, Carol, I'm really proud. I'm really proud that
you ended up getting your your therapy license. I know
I was keeping you from that by friends in your life.

Speaker 5 (35:22):
Are you actually certifying? How do you become a therapist?

Speaker 3 (35:25):
A lot of online courses?

Speaker 1 (35:26):
Yeah, I mean she did what, Josephine, I have to
tell you she did work really really. Actually, you know what,
you can go back to the chevron. I'll pick you
up places like about me. Oh no, wait, wait very quickly,
very quickly.

Speaker 4 (35:36):
Guys, listen, there's a chance I might be sick because
my girlfriend has strep throat.

Speaker 5 (35:40):
So I'll just let you guys talk lesbian.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Okay, I thought maybe no, no, no, I'm fluid. Well
can you suggest this? So anyway, Josephine had this incredible
idea that if you and I got married, but I
think could still happen, that I would sing maybe it
would turn you on? If what was the song you
wanted me to sing?

Speaker 5 (35:58):
Old Man River, don't go crying, The old man River.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
Don't go sorry? Is that the name of one song.

Speaker 5 (36:04):
You know what I want to want? Andrew whatever your
favorite song as a baby boy was.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
Okay, here we go. Picture me going down to the aisle.

Speaker 5 (36:11):
Don't to you.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
Normally the men don't come to the like I would
be none.

Speaker 5 (36:16):
No, this is different.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
This is now. By the way, get woke.

Speaker 5 (36:20):
Okay, wake up, wake up, don't go breaking my heart.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
O God again, felt really that was so beautiful.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
Oh my god, I'm like a puddle. I'm so wet
right now here.

Speaker 5 (36:39):
Oh my god, flooded all over the in the empire.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
All right, I gotta.

Speaker 5 (36:44):
Keeps it.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
I'm gonna be honest with you. Keep I couldn't if.

Speaker 9 (36:48):
I up up up, Hold on, Tom, I'm almost half
fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
All right, listened, Mary, set me up on a date
with someone. I'm gonna go on the dates. I'm an
honest person. But I'm gonna tell her when I'm there
that you and I are back on. Carol, cut to it,
So listen. I just want to let you know I
have something really important.

Speaker 5 (37:16):
To say your mind now.

Speaker 1 (37:19):
I can't be I am I convinced my soon to
be bride. By the way, I'd love to introduce you here.
She just came in Carol over here, Carol, this is
the girl I told her I was going on a day.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
You have a cat, don't they have teeth and like
knives on their feet? How can you live like that?

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (37:38):
You know, I just feel like death is all around us.
You just have to like embrace it. But like the
cat gonna kill me with his claws.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Probably, so listen, I have this idea. It really benefits
you guys more than me.

Speaker 4 (37:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
You've probably always had a fantasy that I would be
a polygamist. Sure, so I was actually thinking it's every
woman's fancy.

Speaker 6 (37:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Yeah, I was like thinking, if you guys both want
to marry me.

Speaker 3 (38:01):
Okay, look I never saw my life like this.

Speaker 6 (38:03):
And you know how my dad is, and you know
what he says about you and what everyone says you
should meet the bartender.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
Her dad's much worse than your own.

Speaker 5 (38:09):
Your dad is dying.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
Oh yeah, my dad.

Speaker 6 (38:12):
I'm waiting on my dad to die. Oh hi, my
dad is very healthy. Oh man, that sounds nice.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
Don't eat the green beans?

Speaker 5 (38:19):
Well, those green beans are fat as dick.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
So what do you think?

Speaker 6 (38:23):
Honestly, if you talk to me a few days ago,
I just said no. But I'm totally down for this.
I just have one boundary. You can't watch the TV.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
It looks beautiful, you can't watch.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
You have hair like a cocker spaniel, and you can't
watch my TV.

Speaker 5 (38:40):
I love your teeth. You would be really interesting bite Mark.
So that's a yes for me.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
Guys, I don't go back.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
Guys, not here.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
I know.

Speaker 3 (38:53):
You can't hunt our stools.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
Good luck to your dad, Carol. I love you. Let's
do this and tall Yeah, I love you too.

Speaker 5 (39:01):
Talia, which do you go by?

Speaker 3 (39:04):
Y Oh you're the perfect amount of overweight?

Speaker 5 (39:08):
Oh my god, thanks sweet, thank you.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
Okay, guys, this was so fun. I am so let's
go get hitched.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
Okay, yeah, let's do it. Hey, guys, goodness, my dad died.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
Oh congratulations waiting for so much? Did you feel a
little freer now? I mean you you?

Speaker 5 (39:28):
How can I be of service to you?

Speaker 4 (39:30):
No?

Speaker 6 (39:30):
I feel amazing. I continue to choose tequila every day.

Speaker 5 (39:34):
Wow, do you want to ever call me? Just know
they'll say production when you call.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
But just so that's that that means really busy. I
basically don't call it. But I'm glad your dad died for.

Speaker 7 (39:45):
You so much.

Speaker 5 (39:56):
And we're back high lacy.

Speaker 4 (39:59):
Okay, so this is the portion where we make a
peanut butter powder cake for.

Speaker 5 (40:03):
You with peebee fit. We should really doctor Banana. We
should try to get them to sponsor us.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
I will so all this is this dehydrated peanuts? Peanuts?

Speaker 3 (40:13):
No, I've recently learned about this, because my cousin.

Speaker 4 (40:16):
Will you show our cameras what you've brought to add
into our to our cake.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
Oh right, we've been filming this whole time.

Speaker 5 (40:21):
Yet this is a thin.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
Butter cookie.

Speaker 5 (40:28):
That sounds so good. Where did you get these?

Speaker 3 (40:31):
I got them in a gift basket?

Speaker 6 (40:33):
You know those gift baskets you get that like have
companies that like nobody has ever heard of that love it.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
Yeah, and it's kind of a punishment, but it's also.

Speaker 5 (40:40):
A gift, yes, exactly for sure. Now, lazy, how did
you think that date went? And have you been on
any Are.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
You dating apple sauce?

Speaker 4 (40:49):
Oh my god, we're putting in here. Wait, we'll show
the I'll show the camera. Hand me when you're done,
I'll show what we're adding. We're adding in apple sauce
and we're adding.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
In Is this okay?

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Yeah, it's all good.

Speaker 5 (41:03):
I think we need a little bit of this, a
little bit of that.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Now, what is this tincture?

Speaker 5 (41:08):
This is just a little bit to sweet. It's just
a little bit. It's a little vanilla stadium. Okay, so
no lazy. How do you keep your spirits up in life?

Speaker 4 (41:16):
Like?

Speaker 5 (41:16):
Do you ever get down?

Speaker 10 (41:18):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Yeah, no, I've been down for the past three and
a half years. I just got up.

Speaker 5 (41:23):
How did you get up?

Speaker 6 (41:25):
I think it was like a process, Like I don't know.
I thought that I was going to go on a
retreat for a week and I was going to feel better.
And then I realized, like this whole process of like
feeling better, it's just like you have to take your
time and like take your lumps.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
But I'm feeling a lot better.

Speaker 4 (41:37):
We talk a lot about this on the pot. I
mean this is also we sort of created this because
it's like fun to come have community and hang out.
Do you have a community that like people that you
hang out with? You have your gallpalod what makes you
feel good?

Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (41:49):
I have a lot of great friends and family and
I like hang out and planning.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
Trips and do you like to go to Josa?

Speaker 8 (41:56):
Did?

Speaker 5 (41:56):
That was really nice?

Speaker 3 (41:57):
It was wonderful.

Speaker 6 (41:58):
There was a lot of like weird things that happened
because you get the services brought to your house. So
like one time we had like this chef who is
like really odd and could not cook at all.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
Like when I tell you the worst fucking food I've
ever had, I wanted to.

Speaker 5 (42:14):
This will be the worst food you've ever gonna It's.

Speaker 6 (42:17):
Gonna be better than when I had there. I promise you.
It was like I could like inedible. I was like,
how are you you know what he did? The scam
where he like put a bunch of fucking garlics. I
mean like when I say a bunch of think about
like a pan like maybe like this size. It's full
of just clothes of garlic and olive oil. And then
he stuck it in the oven and like made the
whole house smell like like this scarlety like it kind

(42:39):
of smelled really good, Like he got nothing with this scarlet.

Speaker 3 (42:43):
It was just a ruse to make it make it.

Speaker 5 (42:46):
Smell like you knows how to cook. Well, we don't
even pretend you'll know how to cook.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (42:52):
I think this.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
I think this mug of whatever y'all just made is
going to be absolutely delicious.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
So I'll give you the track record. The highest mark
we've gone and was from Drew Rogi who loved it.

Speaker 4 (43:02):
Katie Katie.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Katie gave it a seven. Anna has given it a seven.
He's given it, I think a four. Carl gave it
a two.

Speaker 5 (43:12):
Laura Lopez hated it, hated it.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
Yeah, but if it's any consolation, we love it everything,
and this is a this is my.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
Journey of radical honesty. So I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Trying to improve it. But we would never serve you
anything we thought was gross, so and you only to
take a bite, but we never served anything we thought
was gross. So I think you saw what we put
in it. Yes, this is very this is a very
people bagazine to be is.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
We have Poco powder, apple sauce, peanut butter powder, almond breeze,
a little cea and cookies butter cookie.

Speaker 6 (43:46):
I'm excited to see what movie. And to answer your
question about like weird dates. Yeah, I've brought some weird dates.
I don't go on enough dates, so I think that's why,
Like it's not that many, but like I remember one
where this guy lied to me and told me, like
when he asked me out that he was Puerto Rican, like,
which I don't understand why he lied about that.

Speaker 4 (44:05):
He was just.

Speaker 5 (44:08):
Puerto Rican if you're not.

Speaker 3 (44:09):
I mean maybe because I said, I s folks spanded.

Speaker 5 (44:11):
I don't know what it was, but it's trying to
impress you. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
And then he also like.

Speaker 6 (44:15):
Told me that he got fired from his job, and
I'm like, that's okay, Like people get fired sometimes.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
This is I was really young at the time, and
I was like, okay, that's okay.

Speaker 6 (44:21):
People get fired. And I was like, what did you
get fired for? And he's like insider training and I
was like what, yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (44:27):
And it wasn't because like he got caught doing the training.
It was because he was bragging about it around the office.
And I'm like, that's your fucking stupid been fine with
the insider trading yourself.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
Absolutely, we gave you the Jordan pensive gentleman mug from
The Bachelor.

Speaker 5 (44:44):
It's probably hot.

Speaker 3 (44:45):
He looks very pensive.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (44:50):
And then I'm trying to the only one weird one
liner that I can think of on a date. There's
probably so many, but maybe I.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
Have black eyed.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
I actually went on a date with someone in the
vein of you just talked about that they lied and
said that they were like a published novelist and that
was all a lie. It's like, don't you think I'm
gonna find that out?

Speaker 3 (45:04):
I think Google? Yeah, what actually not about?

Speaker 5 (45:09):
I think?

Speaker 4 (45:10):
I think our listener, this is a new recipe's pretty good.

Speaker 5 (45:14):
This is pretty good. The cookie makes it exciting.

Speaker 6 (45:16):
Yeah, it's given me something also, like, you know, I
grew up eating like a lot of the diet food,
so yes, so did we.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
And I actually never thought about it that way, but
I think that's why we like it.

Speaker 4 (45:28):
Actually just like eat regular food. Like Lauren just eats
regular food, and she's like, what the fuck is this?
Like I'm sure Carl eats regular food.

Speaker 5 (45:35):
It was like, what are you doing?

Speaker 6 (45:36):
But as someone who's like eating like Jitty Craig pieces,
and I'm like, it's.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
Just like the real thing.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Now, it's the time for truth. And you said you
were here for honesty, and we know you are, and
we want to hear it one to ten mm hmmm.

Speaker 5 (45:49):
One to ten based on but I'm okay, okay, you.

Speaker 1 (45:58):
Know what we can work with that two bites?

Speaker 4 (46:01):
Yeah you did, you did take two bites that was
a spoon though, Yeah, but you can put it on
this paper now. I thought of you because I remember
talking to you about dating, and I felt like you
had good esteem around dating, like good self esteem of
like knowing.

Speaker 5 (46:16):
Your own value, knowing your own worth.

Speaker 4 (46:18):
Like I feel like I remember talking to you and
you were like, no, like a guy needs to like
take me out and like treat me right.

Speaker 3 (46:25):
For sure.

Speaker 1 (46:26):
That's a new thing for me of being like actually
letting someone else pay for me and not even that
someone wanting to do you know what I mean. I
feel like so often I'm the one who's like begging,
like maybe next time we could go Dutch.

Speaker 9 (46:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah, But that's changed now, which I'm glad about.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (46:41):
I used to look at dates as like, oh, I
really hope this person likes me, And now I'm like,
I hope that I like this person and like I'm
here to audit changes everything, Like I'm not I'm gonna
shit if you like me, because at the end of
the day, I only like people who like me. So
that's like a fundamental like thing. I mean, So if
you don't like me, then oh well, like this ain't
go work anyway, because I really liked that it was
something on me. I changed thing for me was sort

(47:01):
of like it no longer is it a question of
I hope they like me. It's just do I like them?
And it changes everything. Yeah, And also like the little
I like, I'm sarcastic and I'm a comedian, so like
sometimes I like to like poke fun, but even like
figuring out the balance with that because I'm like, I
don't want to be like mean to the person I
find Like with women, I don't do it, but with
men it's like because I secretly hate them a little
bit because like they kind of ruled the world on Yeah,
but you know, but I will say that, like if

(47:23):
someone says something kind of like negative to me that
I feel like isn't unjust, then I'm like completely over.
I remember, like years ago, maybeook seven years ago, when
I first moved to LA I went on this date
and this guy was he was like, oh, what do
you do? And I was like, I want an actor
and he was like, oh, so what restaurant do you
work out? I hate I don't work out a restaurant,
but don't do that. Give me my things.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yeah, this is also what I want to say, like
who else would be so brave to go after what
they really love, knowing that it's gonna be a fucking
hard road and you're gonna have to jobs you don't
want to me. That's real passion. Thank you, You're welcome.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
Then for a little bit I went to just telling
people I was an accountant.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
Yeah, I used to people I worked in insurance, just
so that everyone just lay off.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Yeah, no one has any questions for people who working.

Speaker 4 (48:05):
I do that on airplane, I do it. I'll say
I I feel like I said, I do like graphic design.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
One time I said I was a lawyer in an
uber and forget it because everyone has a loss heirs,
you know what I mean. And I was like, I'm
not a good one.

Speaker 3 (48:19):
Yeah, to say I'm not a good one, I'm a
very bad ye.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
Whatever, you don't take my advice.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
Like Giuliani better than me.

Speaker 5 (48:31):
That's on his website.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Lacey, Lacey, thank you to the ends of the earth
for being here. Everyone listened to scam goddess everyone much.
I car that's much and everyone just follow her because
she's up to everything.

Speaker 5 (48:41):
She's souch. She has such a glamorous life. Would you like.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
Your Instagram so good. But you're one of the few
people who I think knows how to do Twitter.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
You're really good, so good, you all are so sweet.

Speaker 5 (48:51):
I also loved your mom and your family at your
birthday party.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
Yeah that was so my mom meeting everyone in my life.
I was so happy you could call four She's first
is your fourth of July.

Speaker 5 (49:02):
She throws a birthday party called Fourth of Julas.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
My invites sometimes go to spam, so I understand how
far did one last year?

Speaker 3 (49:10):
I'm flirting with it this year.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
You make every other year birthday party kind of thing
like you did one last year. I was like, I
don't know if I feel like one this year, but
I want to do one next year.

Speaker 5 (49:17):
Well, you're welcome to throw one here this year if
you are on.

Speaker 6 (49:19):
Thank you threw it for me last Obviously, lay Everywhere
delay a LAC delay.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
You want to you know what, if you guys want
to like and review us on Apple, here's some reviews we.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
Got gorgeous Apple podcast review my God.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
By the way, it really helps when now Anna, will
you tell people how to review us?

Speaker 2 (49:40):
Yes?

Speaker 7 (49:40):
So on your podcast app, whether on your computer or iPhone,
you can scroll down on the no autographs podcast page
and to an android.

Speaker 5 (49:50):
You might have an android. I find our android.

Speaker 7 (49:53):
You can't, all right, but you can review on You
can do like a star review on Spotify.

Speaker 5 (50:00):
Okay, okay, but if you're on a on the Apple.

Speaker 7 (50:02):
Podcast app, you scroll all the way down to the
bottom where you'll start to see the reviews. It says
ratings and reviews, and you'll see under the first review
that is portrayed. Write a review. There you go, and
they just click that and then if you have never
written a review before, it will prompt you to make
a uh and then you can leave for review.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
And by the way, it doesn't have to be clever
or funny or charming. It can literally just be an
emoji of a crying baby. Five stars. Okay, you want
to get into some here. Okay, these two are unhinged.
Five stars Ali McGreal I literally hear every week just
to listen to the guests. Try the peabe thick cake
bridon Arden, have real joy, eat real sugar. Excuse me,
we do have joy. No one's gonna like Pumpkin and

(50:44):
Stevie out lies. You're talking to two people who love it.

Speaker 5 (50:47):
Now, I have a problem.

Speaker 4 (50:48):
I can't eat sugar because I have like a chemical
reaction where I want to eat all of it. So
this is literally just so I'm not like eating out
eating fuck yeah every every seven, then go eat out
every seven eleven in Los Angeles.

Speaker 5 (51:03):
Yeah, Okay, here's one. Five stars.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
Hi, Hello, I thought the blank lights fer nineteen eighty six.
I tell all my clients to listen to this podcast.
It has everything. Brian Arden, questionable, mudcast.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
Guests, wonderful. Sienna nineteen ninety five says, best Friday Joy
five stars. This is just the kind of pick me
up I need as I go to work on a
Friday to go crazy for the next eight hours teaching kindergarten.
Keep doing the Lord's work.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
Five stars, RGF twelve. Arden has the most soothing voice.
There is room for everyone to have different tastes and
opinions in this world. Except if you don't like this podcast,
you're absolutely wrong.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
Twinkle Tip five stars. Obsessed. I need this podcast as
much as I need a best friendship like Gardens and Brian's.
The improv section will send you to the stars.

Speaker 4 (51:41):
Okay, final one, five stars. I tell all my clients
to watch this. Listen to this podcast. Jake Murdoc forty.
I tell all my clients to put on their gene pansies,
turn up Witchy Woman to full volume, and he's a
baby bit pumpkin mud scramble the ex option, Brian, don't
you feel so happy that here's the thing. This really
is my therapy one. I when I know that I'm

(52:02):
coming to record with you, We're gonna come play with
our friends, like I feel like, no matter what's going
on in my life, I'm okay me too, because this
was real nice, because I feel like, literally I don't
have to pretend to be anything other than how I am.
I've got a burn lip, I've got a chopped up face.
I'm doing better.

Speaker 5 (52:22):
That I was doing yesterday. Yeah, and like a lot
of that is hanging out with you and making peanut
butter fool cheese.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
For next week. You guys are gonna die. Tell me
at my no autographs, Please nomination next week. Oh I
was such a all right, please review us.

Speaker 5 (52:37):
We want to thank everybody who emailed in lines.

Speaker 4 (52:41):
The person who sent in the bride singing her way
down the aisle was b J Pete on Instagram.

Speaker 5 (52:47):
And Bryan, who were some of the people that you had.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
Lines from E Money, Honey, Samuel Byrne, Isabelle nine seven eight,
Lacy Fallen, Bastard Babery, creative tattooed feminist cat Lady Chelsea,
also Samy Pants two thousand, Angela at on a Tangent.
There were some that were sent in anonymously, Tanya, Jonathan,
lusk'neil and Dangly Go Go.

Speaker 4 (53:11):
Some of mine I don't know the name of and
I'm so sorry, but we have Sarah sean Field, we
have Leah Laali, we have Tabitha, Alyssa, Kate Maxa. So
we really appreciate everybody sending them in.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Thank you Anna, thank you, Katie, thank you Sergio.

Speaker 4 (53:29):
Thank you Mark, thank you Will Ferrell and big Money
Players and iHeart Brian.

Speaker 5 (53:33):
What would you like to promote?

Speaker 1 (53:36):
I think nine one one hasn't I think the season
finale hasn't happen yet, so you can go see or
just go on and you can watch all the episodes out.

Speaker 4 (53:42):
I'm a marvelous missus Masel this season, so you can
watch that, and then if you're in Seattle, I'll be
at the Seattle Film Festival with a movie called Year
with the Fox and.

Speaker 1 (53:50):
Laci where do people go for Ikarl?

Speaker 6 (53:53):
That's on Paramoplus, that on Peacock is Lopez versus Lopez.

Speaker 3 (53:56):
The first season is happening right now too. Yeah. I
think that's all the things that.

Speaker 5 (54:00):
Are all right, killing up, killing it. Okay, we love you, please.

Speaker 4 (54:07):
Please?

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Who are you wearing? Will there be pressed to Alex.

Speaker 10 (54:13):
Fabian Honey, yeah, gotcha, didn't And Bryan, I hear it
last there'd be as and they've got lots of podcast
But honey.

Speaker 3 (54:24):
Not no, no, no, honor grass peace.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
We live in in the camera LifeLock celebrities and sharing
our favorite Femi recipes.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
But honey, no, no, no, no autographs.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
I got