"The Lady Always Faces Out!" w/ Paul F. Tompkins

Do we even need an intro for this icon? Paul F. Tompkins (Cher) is on the pod! Paul joins us and nominates king of kings Steven Slater - the JetBlue flight attendant who quit his job via aircraft escape slide - for the biggest NAPS energy of the week. Plus, Arden and Bryan go on a date at a New England water park but that annoying little girl Chloe shows up. And did Paul like this week's peanut butter cake? Listen to find out!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
No, who are you wearing? Who will there be pressed?
Do abi? Li Ya watch out and Bryan, I hear
it last there being this and they've got lots of podocast.
But honey, no, no, no, no grass bees. We're leaving

(00:24):
the caramel life like celebrities sharing out the favorite baby
bit recipes. But I'm in No no, no, no autographs
nor no autograph, no autograph, no no graph please going.

(00:50):
I dare anyone listening to do a better run. First
of all, usually the guests wait for an introduction and
don't mean we have got a butter in our horny
he was horny to jumping. He was so horny. That
was no autographs, please energy, that was horny, No autographs, Yeah,
so horny, that was so horny. I used to have
a song. Talk to me if single, you have a single.

(01:12):
I had a single and it was a take on
the Ramones, M a take on them. Yeah. I wanted
the Romans from I Want to be Sedated, the Ramones
from I want to be Sedated. And I would say
in the mirror as a joke, Sure, twenty twenty twenty
four hours a day, I want to be on camera. No,
how old are we talking? Oh like five years ago. No, yeah,

(01:35):
that is joke, but that was the energy you were giving.
Wait a minute, did it work? Paul left Tomkins is here.
So you basically made like a like you made like
a vision board. Okay yeah, okay wait. First of all, hello,
we ford looking at your own face. Absolute. I took
a picture on it. Put that picture on my board. Hi.
My name is Arta Maurine. I'm Brian's first before we
rear guested, I just didn't check in with you. Are

(01:56):
you I missed you? How has Hancord been to conquered?
I went to Austin to a wedding. I went to
a wedding. I played corn Hole. No autographs please, I
played Cornell for the I was in your homestag. Oh yeah,
speaking of corn and hole, thing of absolute monster chauvinist pigs.

(02:17):
Could I just say this is my fourth grade Spanish
teacher used to call me a chauvin us, and I
truly have no I She was like, I would ask
a question. Name was missus Cratchevski shout out yeah. She
was polished, and she used to say um when I
would raise my hand or something, Yeah, that would raise
my hand and start talking. Yeah, she's like a chauvinist nig.
She would say, mister Safa, you're a male chauvinist. Pick

(02:40):
My kindergarten teacher, missus Pick called me a chatterbox in
a social butterfly in a negative way, and I was like,
that is correct about how dare you pointed out that's right?
How dare you defame butterflies? How dare you defame butterflies?
I mean, I'm gorgeous. We have this is true. I mean,
this is talent. This is like Corny with talents. This
is share, except he has two names in an inn.

(03:01):
This is share. Otherwise it would be shared because he's
that huge and his first name is four letters Paul,
like share men don't really do the single name things. Slash.
I am pitbull, He's the pit bull of comedy. I
saw him Napoleon. I saw, Oh, yeah, you're right. Napoleon
went by one neighbor. Could could have right, He's the

(03:25):
only one I know. We don't know any of the
others apart yeah, but anyway, by Napoleon. But you could
also say Napoleon like doesn't even know Josephines last, nobody knows.
Nobody does. I want to say to you this You
are truly When people say who is your favorite stand
up like, like, who do you love? I gotta tell you.

(03:46):
I feel like I always say you. I saw you
a larger one time and you just literally am what
I love about you. He's funny, You're always flash always
always funny. You don't you do the difference between men
and women? Comedy? Do you do? Wear jo? Put the sea?
They put the seed down, not up? You do airplane
trait comedy? You do? You do? You? You? Literally I

(04:08):
saw you improvised. There was somebody had crutches that were
leaning on the side. We're at Largo. You just walked over.
You go. That bums me out and it made me
laugh for like three days. I don't know why. It
was so funny. You really are one of the funniest
people on the planet. And Also he's going to be Sunday,
May fourteen, He's going to be live at the Lodge
Room live in Los Angeles at Highland Park. Yeah, doing Variatopia,

(04:28):
honey a Live Variatopia live at Now you know him
from BoJack Horseman, you know him from many his many, many, many,
many many podcast with our girl Lauren Lop because he's
been on Freedom Freedom of course, Um, you know him
from comedy Bang Bang. You know him from being our
horniest guests to our intro song with a start of
pipes that could win American Idol. I did not know,
do you actually are you very good at carry good?

(04:50):
Do you have a good grip? Guests, ladies and gentlemen
share Paul Off Tompkins. Wait was there a question before?
I do have a good voice. I don't do karaoke
that much, and I think I freeze up on song selection.
You what if you went to San Diego because there's
truly nothing else? Then no problem? Can I just tell no?
I want to tell you a truth. Here's the truth.

(05:10):
I have a boyfriend. He's younger than me. I went
to this wedding in Austin. I thought the problem was
going to be game Night, which I've done, and then
our references are different. I didn't realize I didn't think
out Carrie. Yeah. So we did karaoke. There were songs
that I just did not even I'd never heard any
like I did not know, And I was like, what

(05:32):
do I pick? Because even another gal picked Abba and
MoMA Mia, and I go everybody and nobody sang because
nobody knew to goma mia. So then I went with Killers,
mister Brightside, because I know that spans generations and that
was a hit, but I didn't know I was frozen.
Just in general, I didn't know what to pick, and
then I was like, what do I pick when there's
an age spring? So I went with the Killers mister Brightside.

(05:56):
That seems like a good choice. Do you have a
good voice? Yes? You do? And I recently was able
to actually admit that was it. Did you go through
a lot of therapy you did you do like trauma
therapy about it? It felt like it felt like a
weird thing to declare, yeah. Sure. But then I will
tell you what I've I've become more confident in my

(06:17):
singing over the years because I sing a lot in
my show. Yeah, And somebody, a friend of mine, who
is a very good singer, pointed that out to me,
and I was like, yeah, I do feel like I've
become more confident. And then a professional musician, yes recently,
said hey, you've got a really good voice. Said thank you,
and he said, yeah, did I tell you this story? No? No, no,

(06:37):
I just I assumed, yeah, you've got a really good voice.
And I said thank you, and I said, not like
a good voice for somebody who's not a singer, but
you just have a good voice period. I'm glad you're
sharing this one. And I was like, wow, that's that.
That really meant a lot to that's really not can
we help? But I do think my singing has gotten
better over I know because honestly I was like, I
actually was like, he sounds great. Would you want to

(06:58):
know something for me? Imatically think of you as like
a song and dance man, like I see you saw
a showman. A showman's a showman exactly like I could
see you in spanning, Like I could have seen you
in like triangle of sadness on the yacht. Yes, first
of all, he looks, he always looks, says on a yacht.
This is the first time I haven't seen him in
an asshole. I could see you. I could see you
in a baseball diamond. I could say, oh, everybody see

(07:20):
you may I could see you, yes, Christopher Crawford. I
could see as christ and Crawford. Oh, sure the one
gets trapped in now, I lya love it. Can we
give a shout out to when you briefly married Julia Roberts.
That was why it was a wild but it was
worth it. Worth it question, so what do you panic?
And you were like, and I do we all? Do?
We all have anxiety? Yes? When you well, that's part

(07:42):
of why we came up with this podcast is because
we get nervous and we want to capture some of
the insane confidence of people who are delusional. But as
a deluded person, a person, what what what if you
had if nobody was watching, what Karason would you like
to belt out? Do you know what? I will tell
you since you mentioned the Killers, one of my favorites
all these things that I've done. It's a very dramatic song.
I don't know it. It's got a lot of peaks

(08:04):
and valleys sing it, sing you mine. I couldn't even
do that. It was like they wouldn't even know what
that was. It's mister brightside. Oh that's what I said,
Kelly Clarkson was she was not in the mid Do
you think when you thought you were singing Mom and me,
you were singing like the national anthem or something like.
I don't know. That's why nobody joined it. They still
didn't even know that. Okay, wait, so what so it's
a shame that young people don't know the national anthem

(08:25):
these days, and it makes me sick. It's a busy Tina.
We yellow poke it up from our generation for hour.
We grew up yellow poking everybody. It's so fun. Okay,
what so? Can I hear one bar of it? How
that song goes? Sorry, Brian, Oh, that's the one that's

(08:48):
got the bridge that goes God so called again against
all all these things, all these things that I've done.
I didn't know that's what it was called. And that's
The Killers. That's The Killers. Maybe the same album. God,
that's a good album. Yes, which is scarier? Scariest snakes

(09:09):
going to a basketball game, at baseball game or a
football game. Because I have my hunches and you come
from a sports town, I would say football game. I
thought football the whole time. Basketball on television. They screamed
the entire game. Basketball, Baseball is boring. Football scary because
they're big and they they screamed. The audience is screaming

(09:30):
the entire mind. It's look, it's the crowd, the crowd.
I don't I've never liked football always, and the sound
of football specifically like on TV right basnap. It makes
me hater much. It gives me anxiety because I mean
school the next But do you like me drunk? Dad?
But do you like the Eagles? I mean, I'm always
happy for the home team. I love the bands. My Eagle,

(09:54):
my go to karaoke song, of course this Witchy Woman,
which will surprise me, Paul, can I screw question? Fun
to listen to that song. You've had a lot of
context absolute that one. Man. See how by the way

(10:17):
we're doing at we're doing We're doing a live show
at Union Hall in New York April fourteen. Yeah, and
we need to then and then and then we're doing
and we're doing another one. But do you have a
question about uber? Yeah? Yeah, do you know your score?
Thank you your personal rating? Get on. I gotta tell

(10:37):
you mine needs some help. And I have no what
is that idea? It's like four seven one. No, I
think you're probably late one time that mine is like
four eight nine so much. No, non't no. I think
you were probably like you know, my will you were
you were probably giving yourself a blowout eighty four. Now

(10:58):
I don't know what I could be doing is because
all I'm doing is getting in the goddamn what is read?
Two four point eight four? Mine? Literally four seven one?
And is the ground? No one is. I've never seen
a score lower than mine, and I have absolutely. I
just go in, I sit in my seat, and I
have a blast. Somebody talks to me, I talk back exactly.
You know what I mean. I don't you know? Four

(11:18):
four nine three? What are these guys? What the fucking
sane said? High? What's yours up? Two four seven nine?
Still the lowest, still the lowest. I think we've all
been the late. I think we've all made somebody wait
for two minutes once and they were like that where
they're backed in too many bags? And what I am?

(11:40):
She said, witchy woman the whole time. I am a
world traveler and citizen. And I got to tell you
when I go to other countries, I still get in
ubers and I still tell Okay, yeah, no, you understand, Yeah,
these these ratings are worldwide. I don't understand, Paul. You
seem confident. Do you struggle with you bragging about this
entire end? Do you stuggle? Do you get anxiety? Because

(12:03):
I do I do get anxiety, But done? What kind
because I get it for real. What what kind of
anxiety do you get? I feel like I've developed social
anxiety that I maybe didn't have before before. And I
feel like, although maybe it's something that I wasn't able
to recognize before, and now I'm like, oh, that's what

(12:24):
this is, right, I know I haven't. I've discussed this
with your your queen, Lauren labkis because I I've also
identified as I feel like my I've become more aware
of my social anxiety, but I realize in the settings
where it's fairly activated, some of the people that I'm
around are non assholes, and I should be anxious. Do

(12:45):
you know what I mean? It's like, oh, actually it's
okay to be uncomfortable around them. They're kind of dicks. Yeah,
Like I'm comfortable with you guys. Like I think, once
I know somebody, I'm okay, but like sometimes I feel
like the body knows. But you know what, I'll also
get anxious even if I'm going to a place where
I know and like everybody's name, yeah, and I'll be like,
whatever it is, it depends on how I feel about

(13:06):
myself that day. Yeah, And so sometimes I'll think I
don't want people to see me or look. Yeah, I
don't want to have to act like I don't feel
like garbage. Yeah, it feels like a huge effort to
make I also think, though, that's because we're like sensitive people. Yeah,
in a good way. We're just a little sense I
like you because you are a sweet pea, and sometimes

(13:27):
but I think we all are nice. I think it
is it is you know, or if people know you
kind of on and you're like, I'm not at my best,
and sometimes it's like just I have learned that it's okay.
It's like, oh that you're LoVa Believen not at your best.
You can still show up. Even last not at tennis,
I felt a little off. Brian and I too. Tennis
at a rec center, Yeah, we do. We go to

(13:49):
the one in Griffin and then we also go up
for mont can yet and we also grow up. Yeah,
so we do Griffith Park and then a rec center.
And you're two rec centers are two rec centers, any recreation,
any championship, we can do that. We don't. We have
people trying to get us. We never served, so that
makes it hard. We never serve. We just play games.
We just play games. But we're with people were with

(14:10):
a lot of like so it's like we play live balls,
like live drills we do. It's a lot of the stack. Okay,
this isn't getting clearer. There's a guy that feeds the ball.
So you're like, do you know practicing? I know not
that it's not that trying to narrow down the yes,
but but so we were with some people that are
really good and this has actually helped me with my

(14:31):
anxiety because I was never very sporty. I was never
picked for teams, and I always felt like a liability
and I would want to sort of my eyes would
well with tears and because I felt embarrassed and I
wouldn't want to leave, including a test because some mornings
there's some hotheads. There's there's some aggro dudes. Some agro
dude they're cheaters and they're kind of some of them
are mean. Some of them are great, but some of

(14:52):
them can yell in your face and when you know,
you're like, I never claim to be that. That's why
I'm here at a rec center. Like I never clicked,
but like that it was like that one time I
won a game against one of them, and he and
I was like, Okay, I have to go because I did,
and he made me stay longer so that he could
be here. I'm gonna guess who it was after camera.
I'm going to write it down. It was Tulliver, it

(15:14):
was it was Tightus Welliver, and it was William Yeah
of course. Okay. So I wanted to say that um
doing this though and not leaving has actually, in real time,
allowed me to take healthier risks out in the world
because I've pushed through when when I get nervous and
I want to leave and I and I want to
shut down to like not leave for just to keep going.

(15:38):
And I think it's helped me with stand up. It
helped me with dating, like it's helped me when because
people are scary and I do have a little bit
of Boo Radley that lives inside of me, and I
think Tennis has helped along those lines. What I would
like to talk about is do we have a nomination
no autographs please energy this week, because what we're talking
about is people who just have it in spades, don't question, confidence, finally, optimistic. Yeah,

(16:00):
I hope this qualifies. I think you will. Let's hear it.
I would like to nominate. To me, this man is
a legend. They can't wait years twenty ten, great, can't wait.
This is a great jet Blue flight from Pittsburgh. Name
another one who did the slide, Stephen Slater. What's his name.
That's a cool fucking name, but I don't remember. It's

(16:22):
a very cool name. It's like an action hero. Yeah,
that's what you wanted. Here's what he did. He got
in a culturalton with a passenger who was getting up
before they were allowed to get up. The plane head landed.
I mean we're still taxing. This woman got up out
of her seat to get her suitcase. Huh. He said, ma'am,
you have to sit down, and he was not. He

(16:44):
was a passenger, flight attend, a flight attended. According to him,
this woman hit him in the head with her bag. Shootcase.
Passengers said, that's not what happened. By the way he
did someone, there's no way that's what happened. But I
mus Steve, he was she was verbally were all she
was verbally abusive to him. This was this was absolutely true. Huh.

(17:06):
Then our boy Steve, he gets on the intercom. Oh yeah,
he releases a string of profanity. He grabs a couple
of beers. He activates the inflation slide, the emergency slide,
and he retires over the microphone. He sets on the
microphone this I've been doing this for twenty years and

(17:29):
I'm done. I've had it, and he slides on flights
on the side. He goes. He leaves the airport, gets
his car long term parking, and goes home. I didn't
realize he made it all the way home. All the
way he slid down to the arms of the We
need to get him on as a guest. It all
happened so fast. The cops visited him at home and

(17:50):
they said, we have to talk to you. Mister Slade
got arrested. I think he did. He did. Okay, we
need his heart. We need to have him on as
he guess what amount of money would you pay to
be on that flight to be Oh my god, to
run about it? Five thousand dollars? Yes, do you think
there about anyone else? I think you were fifty eight
hundred dollars. You made that sound like much more, but

(18:11):
it's only eight hundred dollars. I do think it's eighty
two hundred dollars. What's the best eighty two hundred dollars
to be front row to see. Why are you making? Like?
Why don't even have to pay? I'd be fine seeing it? No, no, no,
how much would you be on the flight to be
on the flight so you could see? How much would
you pay to be there? I would do it for free?

(18:32):
No, no no, you don't get paid, do you? You You
don't get paid mask for anything. I would. You're not
be getting anything or giving the money. He's gorgeous. He
normally doesn't pay for flights. He doesn't normally pay for
I've never paid for a flight. I would pay for

(18:52):
a flight. I mean, I don't know. Usually NBC, I
guess I don't think. Here's the thing I would also have.
I'm married. I would have to talk it over with
my partner. How much money am I? How much money
are you comfortable with me spending? One of us can go,
by the way, it's the best money you'll ever spend,
because can you imagine you can you imagine? I would
do it for free. Would be so lucky to see

(19:15):
ye and I need And he was over it, like
even when you saw him talking interviews afterward, he has
that that flight attendant blonde sort of smoky blonde hair.
He's very pale, pale, even slater slater sound like a character.
Then he went missing in Mexico briefly wow sound. People
thought he was dead. He released the statement saying I'm

(19:37):
not dead. I'm still here. True folk hero. Yeah, he
has a folk he this wow wor like an easter egg. Yeah.
And his eye he's iconic. He like an like that's

(19:57):
the most colorful picture I've seen of him that is
icon on it. Yeah, they added some rouge. Oh my god,
he is iconic. Look at up. Well he is. He's incredible. Well,
that's a pretty good nomination. I gotta say that's one
for the For the record, do you have a nomination, Brian,
I do. Mine is just my friend Danny okay Um
went on a date. It was it was the first

(20:17):
time that she went home to the first time she
had a boyfriend whose parents she met. You know what
I mean, Yes, I do. The first time at what age?
Oh this was young? This was like yeah forty one. Yeah,
this was so she was meeting the parents. Yea hysterical movie.
But she's meeting the parents. I love meeting the meeting

(20:41):
the fucker. I love me well, I like meetings anyway,
I always thrive. I love it. I love analyzing this. Yeah,
I love that. So yeah. I love Romance The Stone
Standard Anger Managed. I love those two. I love those well.
Minus my God sent to AnGR mamageant classes. Oh shit,

(21:02):
it was you and Chris Jenner. Yeah yeah, it's Christian anchor.
You got to be a momager. Tell me how to
mount momage my expectations. Okay, that's good. Do you have
taking ten percent off all children? Do you have a
lip gloss and um like uh like under underwear line
at all times? Wait? I don't. You could always see

(21:24):
my underwear through my pants. Isn't that wonderful? Is that
what you meant? Yes? Yeah, okay, noticed that. I don't
know how to bring it up. That's how I launching
underwear line. A look, and they're really long, he's they're
like Beekeeper out better. Okay, I don't know if I
want to tell the story anymore. Oh, the parents with
Bob DeNiro. She was meeting the parents and anyway, she

(21:47):
was so anyway, she was so nervous. Anyway, whatever, she
was just nervous. Who wouldn't be, Oh my god. So
they passed around salad and instead of going for the dressing, yeah,
like the salad dressing, she got nervous and just scrapped
thing right and started pouring it on her salad. Love
it and ended up being ketch up and she ate
the entire thing. And they said, oh, is that what

(22:08):
you do? She's like, we do this all the time
at home and she really really different. That's a full
naps Energy, absolutely, and that as you're saying this, I
have a NAP's Energy nomination. This is my favorite story
I've ever heard. Oh my god, I can't wait. You're
gonna die. I will not name names, but i'll tell
you off camera I have there's a person that I
go to their Thanksgiving. It's up and like solving. It's

(22:32):
near where they filming sideways. It's good, you tell us
the name later. This this person has it's like a ranch. Okay,
it's far, it's far away and um so but this
is like it's scific. But but you know, but you
need that that you need that for this story. No, no, no,
you need this for later on. Ye. So there's there's
some sort of not known to like the general, but

(22:54):
there was like an important producer that was there and um,
this person had a friend that is like a star
fucker who was coming to the party and was like
wanted to network with this producer and was like, you, well,
this called the producer Share. So he kept saying to
my friend, like, you gotta introduce me to Malibus Shair.
You gotta come on, you got it, Like he wanted

(23:14):
to network because she's like very powerful. You gotta introduced
me to Malibu Shair. So allegedly, Malibu Shair had just
had like some kind of work done, and Malibu Shair
was on like pain pills allegedly, and um, oh, an
important fact about the star fucker we'll call Paul, Um
Paul Paul has it could definitely fear of farting in public. Okay,

(23:37):
So Malibu shairms like you can control that far. Okay.
So Paul's was drinking and drinking because he was drinking
and drinking and drinking. It was Thanksgiving, it was all day.
He realizes that is he's like slashed now and he
hasn't talked to this person. He hasn't talked to Malibu Shair,
and he's like, oh shit, I need to fart really badly.

(23:58):
And there's like a bathroom that it's all dim lighting
and there's like around the corner. So he gets in
to like rip his fart out, and he realizes, like,
oh my god, I think I'm gonna like shart. Okay,
so he goes, he rounds the bend, he pulls his
pants on just rip. He starts to rip it out,
and he sits on the toilet to just like have
the fart of all farts, and it's a soft landing.

(24:21):
And it turns out Malibu Shirt had passed out, like
from like pain pills, was like blacked out on the toilet.
He farted on her lap so badly and then realized
who it was because she was passed out. He started
he farted all over her and then committed and then
he literally like was so embarrassed that he this is

(24:42):
like up in the Windy Hills. He was so mortified
drove home that he like got in his car, no autographs, please, energy,
He just drove through the hills sinking, drove all the
way back to Los Angeles. Did he make a mistake
on her? I don't. I found it out. I was like,
did he shart? Did he shart? Did he outbroke or
did he shart his pants. He didn't shart, he just
had But it was like the grossest part ever. And

(25:03):
it was like on a soft landing, and it was
her thighs because she'd passed it on the toilet because
she had pain pills from a facelift or whatever. And
he literally farted on the person that he wanted to
network with and then drove all the way home. Is
that that the best thing you've ever heard in your
entire life? Did she awaken from her No, she doesn't
know what happened. Well, you know what, I bet she
does on a cellular level, On a cellular you know it.

(25:26):
Can you believe that that happened? And one of those
things that you sort of do want to do to
reproduce her? Who would you do it too? If you
could do that to anybody? Who would you do that?
Joel Silver? Yeah, definitely, Jack Warner, David Zannah, cecil Be
to Mill Probably he was flow Zifel, I mess up

(25:57):
my earphone. Here's what's happening here we are. We're going
to take quick break, but before we do, this is
a portion. As every natural flow goes. You could feel
the chemistry between Brian and I. You can tell that
we want to go on a date with one another.
Here's what's magic about our listeners. Okay, they email, they
dm us, they message us real horrible things that have

(26:18):
been said to them out of context on have you
ever did you ever have anything terrible said to you
on a date? Or I was the bad date for
a lot of people? This bad. I guarantee you we're
have this bad So we out of context. And if
you want to email us any out of context lines
napspod one at gmail dot com, or you can DM

(26:39):
me or Brian on Instagram, or you can just put
it in any of our comments. These are real things.
So when you we're going to go on an improvised date,
it has to end well. Brian and I, um, we
have been given names from listeners. The location is a
water park in New England somewhere. Yeah, and um, my
name that was emailed in Can you pronounce that? Yeah,

(27:00):
it's Audrey de Vincenzounzo. Mine your Italian? Are you? Yeah?
Mine is I didn't get a last name. It's Matt
one t That's what they said. Okay, Matt one And
when you here's what's fun about it, so you can
when you will know. It's a real life line said
by one of our listeners. When you hear this bell,
that means that we're about to say one of the

(27:21):
real life lines. When we come back and Paul will
be filling out the world, Matt and Audrey will be
going on a date at a New England water park.
Let's do it. Oh wow, you look great. Those are

(27:46):
some child barren hips, Matt oh, Audrey, Audrey Vincenzo. I
don't normally, you don't normally see child rear and hips
on a gentleman, you know. I I'm proud of my
shape and who I am, and I've come to terms
with what God and my mother, God bless her, and

(28:08):
my father made you fucking perfect, gave me. I've never
been to one of these places before. Do they have
cake pops? Do you feel like you like getting wet
and going out to slide chewing on a cake bar? Yeah,
it's just one chew um, But I don't know. Let's go.
I know they've got a snack bar over here. You
want them to eat? You know what, when I get nervous,
I'm newly single, I'm not technically divorced yet. You're my

(28:31):
third date. M So oh wait, by the way, this
is my three year old daughter, Chloe. She's coming with
us because we need to see how you'll be as
a dad. Chloe say, I had a map. Chloe, nice
to meet you. You're three years old. Studio one plus
two is numbers. Oh god, Chloe, Chloe put your son block.

(28:54):
What's your favorite thing about your mother? M She feeds me. Chloe,
that's not Look who did your hair this morning? I
did your hair? Yeah, look good, isn't Chloe fun? You
look exactly like not Shirley Temple. Who's the other one,
Charley McLain exactly. Thank you? You know from the back

(29:14):
you actually looks in You know what, I don't need
to thank you. I'm fine with my shape. I like
how I look. I just told Audrey this and I
don't need to hear from Chloe. Chloe. Sorry, Can we
go get a snack now? Please? Yeah? Okay, Chloe? Do
you want a cake? Pop? Mom? That place has good food,
but they're overhead lighting will do no favors for you.
Oh you know what. She's working holiday. I'm trying to

(29:42):
be here's I'm trying to become an influencer and Chloe's
my camera person, and she knows. You know, Chloe, she
does my ring light, she does My kids are really
good when you can, I ask Chloe a question. Has
anyone ever told you look like a lesbian because you're
a glasses? I'm sorry, don't only lesbians have bangs? That's

(30:04):
what I'm saying. Get glasses in your banks? Make you
look less? Are you lesbian? College? My glasses make me
look smarter. That's why I wear them. It was just
breaking the glass. You got people love. She's very I
gotta say your word constructions for three year old amazing.
I want to tell you well as trying to become
a lifestyle influencer. People love a kid in glasses. Nobody
liked her when she was just a kid with no glasses.

(30:26):
Look at her, she's got the glasses. Lesbians at banks,
so I didn't cut the banks. Is only lesbians at bangs? Right?
That's how rue. This is a very very intense family.
Can you sign at your move? I'm a little kid, right,
I put the glasses on, act like it's my first
time seeing everybody loves those videos. That's very cute. Yeah,

(30:47):
that's very cute. I'm hoping I'm her Mama jer I
went to that my hanger, mom, and you're classy and
I've learned it was sort of like one of those
master classes. But Chris Jenna taught it and I'm learning
how to be her. Mama Jan. I realize I only
have speedos. That's why I am. You know me? I
always wear shorts? O? Wait? You know me? I are?
We wear shorts? Wait? Have you always hurt short? Let's

(31:07):
play the quaki? Okay, I don't know why you brought
this little girl. Would you say? Is your don and
I believe you? I'm not, but I gotta say she's very,
very fresh. Can we go get a snack blease? Yes? Okay,
let's go to the snack Okay, to the snackb Welcome
to mid Atlantics. Oh my god, this is the restaurant.

(31:29):
We all talk the same, Thank you. I gotta say
Matt different because it's quick tea. It's a quick Can
I hear you say chlare? Do you want to try
to say it mate? Mid Atlantic? Can you say it? Yeah? Matt, No,

(31:52):
but you're not saying the tea, So it's Matt Matt, Matt, Yeah, yeah, Matt.
You like we will have Chloe you want, you want
to kick pop? I would love a cake, but I
want a bunch of them. I an entire lemons all
the time. Wait, I'm sorry, what into Chloe? Retire lemons
all the time? Will you do that right now? Clothe

(32:13):
that's disgusting? Put that down? And a tire Lemons don't
even like an apple che I know, you know, And
we're trying to train you out of that because people
thought that was gross. At first, it was cool on TikTok,
but now the people are closed down by them. You
really need to start doing something. I gotta say everything.
Can I tell you something? I've heard it from you,
I've heard it from Chloe. I've heard it from and

(32:35):
I gotta say, you know what, I look exactly like
my pictures. You can ask anyone who takes them. Well,
guess what. I find it very cute. I find it
really cute and endearing that one of your teeth is
kind of discolored. The rest are fine, though. Oh yeah,
it's a good tan tooth. It reminds me of my clothes.
I don't know any jeans on my Khaki's only cut
a gun. You know me, I only wear shorts. Well,

(32:56):
you take ten cake pops, one for him, one for
one for Chloe, and I'm gonna have eight. Also. I
don't know if you all do this, but I'm gonna
have a strawberry shake and a filet of fish. What
do you want? Do you serve those things? Here? Do
you serve those things? Strawberry? Sorry, you're gonna go water part,
You're gonna go rocketing down a slide. Fill the cake

(33:19):
pop strawberries? Just shakes you guys going to the water slide? Yeah,
which one do you recommend? Well? That place, there's a place.
There's a place called Splashies and uh, that place has
good food. But the other over letter will do no favorites.
My kids just told me that everywhere I go. What
the fuck is wrong with my face? What are you
guys saying something I'm not seeing from the top? Wow? Wow,

(33:44):
Give Chloe a sandwich to some deep all right? It
just it just shuts the mouth for a five seconds. Okay,
guess what. Listen. I don't need this. I don't need
this patronage. I can serve myself because I make my
own wine in a barrel in my garage. That's amazing,
you're kidding. Yeah, I'm kind of. I'm kind of an
odd Thank you, Matt, Matt, I'm kind of an artist

(34:06):
and I consider myself like that. I'm so sorry, Matt.
Ma Ma, ma, ma, you just sing. I want you
to know I will never fall in love with you,
but I will marry you. Oh what do you think?
What an awful? That's not bad. Actually I've been raped

(34:27):
to the culture from my body if you like, if
you like to hold the wedding here, I mean, well,
I only date artsy weirdos, so this might work. Congrats.
Oh my god, well could we get married one of
the slides? Oh? Oh my god. Hi, sir, Hi, sir, Hi, sir.
You're in charge of you're you're the referee. I'm the

(34:50):
slide referee. Do you mind if I take off my
pants so I can do this in my speed out?
I encourage you to do it. My daughter and I
are both in matching songs. Oh really, that's just discuss
the same as me, same as me and my cat.
I'm sorry what my cat my cat has? Like? Sorry?

(35:11):
What my cat has a turbital z it's let me
guess twarking. Yeah, my cats has turtal twiking? How old
is your cat? My hat is old and human years. Whoa,
that's it old cat, that's like seven thousand years old. Yeah,
she stinks like hell, what's her name? Her name is
Baudreie Marjorie Maud Maud like oh like the Wrights. Yeah,

(35:45):
here's one of my cat's teeth. Would you like it? Oh, Chloe, Chloe,
do you want one of his tea cats teeth? Come on,
give it she you can play with it. I bring
all my Yeah, listen, Yeah, you're a good listener usually don't.
We'll see you so much about basic cat. Thank you.

(36:07):
I don't know. I feel very seen by you. I
love looking at you, but I feel very seen. I
feel very intentional. I think give being very intentional form
a connection with this woman. And I think you're budding
it on a little all right. Wait, I don't know.
Seem like somebody's going with you guys. Yeah what yeah?
If you're for the wedding and I want to get
into my swimsuits, yeah, we're getting there. Listen. I want

(36:30):
to give you a kid, yeah, please, you really need
to start to stood up. I gotta say, those are
some child wearing hips. Oh my god. I want to
give you a present, though, before we are we getting married?
Are you? I promise my sense say I would never
kill anyone? Okay? Case, And I want to give you

(36:54):
a present forehead. Look, I'm just looking for a father
for Chloe, and I'm not legally divorced yet. But I
don't know if this marriage is to be binding. But
I want to give you present. I want to give
you this blink one eighty two c D because I
want to support the band. Cell phone. No, I don't either, Like,
does anyone actually know how cell phones work? Could explain it? No?

(37:16):
People can go ahead do it? Okay. There's like dull
towers and there's like radio. God, is that double on
your legs? Gross? Man? I wish you would have catch
a close online. Well I remem between boxes, all right,
I'm in between boxes? Look all right? So here's the deal. Week.

(37:38):
If you ever buzz cut your hair, you wouldn't be attractive.
But I love the long breed all the way down
your back right now? How long did that take you
to grow? Eighteen? You guessed it? So did you start
with a bud so you weren't attractive? Like nineteen? Nobody
used to be aery Krishner? Ya do you use a

(38:02):
horse and made shampoo. I do. I'll make it. Not
you you can't. You can't buy that instruction use shampoo. Okay,
I do because my hand needs to grow okay, suious
quickly and has to remain thick because I write in shows. Okay, Well,

(38:22):
I want to say maybe I could you know I
love animals. I make hats for cats for fun. You can't.
Please don't let your cats is ok it's never gonna
make it. Okay, I can't believe good my cat? Can
we talk about vows? Now? Okay, here's my vow? Okay

(38:47):
to Matt. Are you gonna ghost me? Or am I
gonna ghost you? Do you? Beloved? Oh? Yeah, thank you?
You're a good listener. Usually do what wants to use?
So much about my stick cat? We you joy these
sue it holy about you? Thank you? Thank you? Very
yea to be lost a husband? Are very nice? Do you?

(39:10):
I mean? Let me talk to Chloe first? Chloe, Chloe,
do you want a new daddy? Yeah, it's been a
couple of weeks. You feel good about this man? Hold on,
hold on, I heard that. Yeah? How many times you've
been married? Seven? Seven? I haven't I have to tell

(39:32):
you I get so nervous because I'm gonna tell you. Remember,
they didn't have the hook. Do you know where I
can put my hand on? Its stressing me out because
I've been carrying this thing all the way up to slide. Look,
I've got to say, and I'm nervous that you've been
married too many times? Have you phoned like nobody actually is?
Actually I gotta I gotta say it again. They do
know how it works. They have towers and they bounce

(39:54):
off the tie. I forgot about the towel. No. I
know that you don't wear jeans, but are those leave
It's so cool. It's it's so cool that you don't
care what you look like. Well, you know me, I
never wear shots. So yeah, these are well, they were levies.
I took them off. Well, I mean they're levies that
are now a speed. I cut them well, and I
get call. I call them panty shorts. They're like I

(40:17):
always said. I remember telling my mother when I was
a kid, I want to get married one day in
panty shorts. Sports. Have you heard that guy that's got
that line. It's like an underwear line. It's called Ports
for men. Skims. You can see right through. It's called
ports that comedian share Sha Share Malibu? Has it? Can
I say? Zunny? Because I'm talking about my mother. My

(40:38):
mom always massage is my head with whale? Wait? What?
My mom always massage is my head with whale? How
close are your mother? Very closely? Do you? Like? Do
you live with your mother? Like? Oh, she's long gone,
but I do still live with a young Look, you
live with a corpse. What do you mean she's long gone?
She's yeah, I mean I got a stuff? Do you
know you stuffed your dead mother? Give it big of boobs?

(40:59):
Who can't? But were you always stuff? He stops the
corpse of your dead mother with huge tip. I gotta say,
wouldn't you do something like that? I probably have. I
gotta tell you we're all thinking it. This was I
was nervous. You usked me to go to the beach first.

(41:21):
Right then we're like eyes. It was like, okay, he
clearly he liked water. But I took a look at you.
I saw those child rary hints, and I'm glad we
came here because neither you nor I have the bodies
to be able to surf. We're not gonna be buoyant.
We don't have the bodies to be able to surf
a corse strength to get up the board. You should
you think about doing sit up? Chloe? You drive me nuts.
But I gotta say, and I'm saying this to both

(41:42):
of you, I really want to take you to dinner tonight. Huh,
But I need to stop at Bath and body Works
two returns little Wooden back massage ball thing, because then
I'll get eleven dollars take you all out, so you
can take us all out for eleven dollars. We're you
gonna take us so us water before the lightning and

(42:04):
that Landings are gonna do that over Landy's gonna be
in a favor following you. Guys. Listen, I beg you
to come back for us, looking Cake, Bob, can we
do our reception there? Of course? Okay, we're married. Go
to the reception reption. Oh my god, all our friends
are here. Earthing two is playing. Why do you sing
the song? Would you ever disagree if I said get

(42:24):
on your knee. I'm not doing it yet. Oh, I
could tell you I'm a luck baby. You're probably just fart. Wow.
You know I heard an urban legend wise about somebody
who farted it on the way. Yeah, wow, witch woman. Yeah,
that's our signature song. Okay, that's our song the first day?

(42:48):
Could you sing a fower since we didn't bring up
your lips? Spices life of ag Yeah, she's guys, that chick.
She's got grace, she's got a water all over her face.
Bubble tubble boiler. Yeah, so sex struggle. I love you, honey.
I want you to know that. I want you to

(43:09):
know Irving. Irving, the person who ran the slide. Who
I can't remember your name? I don't think you never had, Chloe,
my senses. You're on the run from the log cart
a wet con. He's like a carney. But where and
of course, Darling, Chloe call me daddy, Matt. Do you

(43:29):
want to call you by your first name? Yes? Please?
I demand respects. Are you gonna take my last name?
Of course? What's your new full name? Matt d Vincenzio,
Matt Vincenzio, Thank you keep saying it. Who's next? Man, Chloe?

(43:50):
Do you know my middle name? Do you want to guess? No? Trash? Okay,
you know what? No? What is it? Barrel? You're close?
But Trash was more offense up barrel. What is it?
What's your middle name? Barrel? Matt Barrel. Well, it was
supposed to be Darrel, but they acidentally put a bee
on front. Matt Barrel. Not anymore, I'm kidding me, legal

(44:11):
documents changing them? Are you very crazy? How big are
your mom? How big are your mom's kits? Right now?
What did they start out? When you make They started
as long as it's hard to be long and an e?
How long? Excuse me? No? But when you bunch them
up in a bra they were very long? Yeah, and

(44:32):
now they're the double d's. I need to see how
you say this word? Sure, that's right. How do you
say this word? Oh you're so cute now the double ds.
She's got some big oranges in her She's got some
big oranges in her bra. Yeah, but before she had
long Feloppier's lock of a lot of bendcakes. Can I

(44:56):
just say, mister de vincenz yo, Earld de Vincenzio, I
marry you in three states, but in forty seven more
we're not married, Audrey. Could you look that way for
a second and I'll tell you why the lady always
faces out? Well, I think this has been a very

(45:17):
successful first date. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Irving,
thank you, Irving. You're welcome. Thank you, Chloe, thank you
another one. Yeah, that was a good day, great, great
new business. It's fun to do this. It's so stupid.

(45:40):
I ran out of mine. I should have given any more.
I shouldn't given any more. But I like the repeat.
Oh yeah, that was really fun. You have so many
I know, and I have. I put too many. I
didn't use a full page. I forgot about this. I know.
Dave him for next time this, leave him here for
next time, for the good guest. Yeah, I feel like
I pulled many that I was kept looking at my

(46:01):
place dirty. I gave him dirty ones that I didn't
know if you could say because I made yours, so
I didn't know if your character because you weren't dating,
so I didn't know if you would be able to
bump in and say these. Some of the typos are
good too. If you are swelling to fuck my face,
I literally cutn't paste from what people. I just cultn't
pay if you're swelling too, And we're back, Paul, before

(46:33):
we get going, what was your favorite line that was
a real life line? What what rocked it. What did
we all enjoy? I like the sense it what we
Oh my god? It was from Rita Cats? And what
was the line I promised my I would never kill anyone?
Can you like? What was the situation with that? Oh
it's a guy talking about himself and acting like he

(46:54):
was a lethal weapon that you know, I had to
register his hands with the fucking FBI. Or It's a
real boom for me. When someone starts talking about martial arts,
do you know what I mean? Because they're so I
don't know, there's something about it that like they're very
proud of it. Yeah. And also I feel like anyone
who's like a black belt, if they actually got into
a fight, they would lose in a second flat. They

(47:14):
all have that energy where they're like, I don't know.
Like my aunt had friends who were all black belts.
They were like sixty and they were like, oh, I
could kill anything walking, and I'm like, you absolutely couldn't. Yeah.
I have not been in a physical fight since I
was in grade school, and even then it was very brief. Yeah,
but I feel like if I got into a fight
with somebody now as an adult man, yes, first thing
I do is go for those balls. Oh yeah, I'm

(47:37):
not gonna be like trading really killed. Yes, it's when
you see a movie somebody gets hitting the balls and
then they get up like it's and you're talking for them.
You're done. Which wine did you like saying to someone
on a date, let's play the quiet game? That is

(47:59):
a down That that was from the Julia, I mean
that was wild. Did you have one? Um? I said
the sense? Which one did you like? Oh? Yeah, uh,
I don't know. Whine in a barrel in my own
garage was kind of fun. That was from child Bearing
Hips too. Jesus, these people whine in a barrel in
my own garage is from Melissa Peterman, who's an act

(48:20):
so funny. Yes, she was in Who's Opening the Hollywood Bowl.
I flew behind her once on a plane and she
was looking at sectionals on Wayfair. She was like and
she was like, very tidy with how she celebrities. Wayfair
trial trafficking. What do you mean she did you order
an adrena chrome from the Wayfair to child traffic? Of course,

(48:42):
But that that became like one of those weird conspiracy
theory was yes, that somehow fair were gonna say okay, Paul.
This is a portion where we're trying to become lifestyle influencer. Yeah,
who was? And so we're gonna did you bring a snack?
Oh my god, that's a real nice one's chocolate, lonely

(49:07):
that This is good chocolate. Okay, this is great. All
their all their variations are good. Alicia, I love the
place brand. Then the weirdest name. Why is it called
that so import So do you like peanut butter? And
are you allergic to eggs? Love peanut butter? I feel
like we love it. Yo, I'm trying to because you no,
I'm doing It'll scramble them. I swear I'm doing it

(49:29):
this week. This week we're doing it trying. Fine, Fine,
and then next week we're gonna get some baking powder. Fine.
I think these are threats. Okay, here we I think
last week you just popped it right out. Oh absolutely not.
I'm telling you don't. But we're gonna okay, here we go. Okay,
here you go tell them about this is a great
life hack and wayfair whatever. But if you peanut butter

(49:52):
potter is just dehydrated peanuts, so basically it has do
you know what it is? Okay, like you did, I know.
I'm like, I'm I'm trying to indicate the I'm following one. Okay,
so yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone knows this. It's the hydrate peanuts.
I gotta tell you. You just add a little water
and it becomes peanut butter. But it's only got like
this is a life hack, because I'll tell you if

(50:13):
you're a peanut butter addict like me, I love peanut butter.
This You just add water to this and make any
amount of peanut butter you want. And it's like seventy calories,
eight grams of protein and like no fat. But there's
no way. It's good. It's so fucking good. Are you
kidding me? It's so fun water, it's so but let
me ask you, the king, what's what's your favorite real
life peanut butter that's not a powder? Okay? I like

(50:35):
guck organic? You like which organic spread? That's like it's
because it's not separated in oily. This is very squalid,
and I want to direct you to uh ma, peanut butter.
What's marin know, I'm putting pumpkin I'm making you a
peanut butter pumpkin pie. It sounds gross. I'm making you
a peanut butter pumpkin pie. Just put in peanut butter,
and I promise it'll be good. Okay, wait, Marini, I

(50:57):
can't promise me. I'm pretty sure. Marion Natha organic peanut
butter Kreme. It's so good. I'm putting it a little.
It's like a little treat to give myself, putting in
a little that it's how would you spell marinetha m
A r A like Rooney Mara? Right? Her parents owned
Her parents owned a football team. Yeah, yes, that's right.

(51:17):
That's why her name is Rooney from Roone Arledge? Is that?
Who was he? The one who he was a football
owner or he was like a commissioner of the league
or something like that. And her parents were friendly with
this guy, and so in honor of him, they named
her Rooney. I was so shocked when her rich. I
was so shocked when her sister got pushed in front
of the train by Kevin Spacey. Yes, that was the

(51:40):
most shocking thing. Kevin Spacey did. Um and then the
House of the Spirits. So it's like Rooney Mara and
then Natha like Mara another another Rooney. Now, last week
Brian didn't stir it. I stirred it this week. We
don't go back over old line, Yes, exactly after. Okay,

(52:05):
I'm gonna put one in now. Okay, I want to
confess something now. Since I shamed Brian, I'm gonna shame myself. Great,
you don't have to I'm going to do. I'm such
a monster that Brian. I've been housing this here, this
is Brian's. I've snuck got a couple of nights in stolen.
I'm I've made something out here. Yeah. Yeah, I've come out.

(52:26):
I've left the house like in pajamas and I've come
out and I've made like peanut butter, just saying, and
I was ashamed. I felt ashamed doing it. It was
like it was like it was like the move of
a monster. You know. Yeah, I don't think so, thank you.
When I think of a monster, that's the kind of
thing I think of. Oh, people who sneak peanut butter,
powder and waters in the garages. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. Now, Paul,
we want to talk. You have to talk as well.

(52:48):
This is cooking. It'll be about a minute. I have
to talk to We need you to say this. What
is your morning routine? Yeah, what is your morning? What
are your sleeping happens? Yeah? Do you torture by sleep?
Like I am? Uh no, not really. I sleep pretty
well actually, like unmedicated. Yeah yeah yeah. And sometimes I
can stay up if I don't if I'm like if
I'm watching something, if I'm playing a game. Sometimes from

(53:11):
scrolling on my dumb old phone. Yeah, I can be
up for hours past when I should and then be like,
oh should I have to go to bed too, And
then I can fall asleep right away. But I usually
you scroll through. I quit Twitter, Okay, so now it's
mostly like Instagram. I'm still here's Here's the thing. Since
I quit Twitter, I don't miss Twitter, but I do

(53:31):
still have the muscle memory of Here's what I do
is like I'm just pushing my thumb up the phone
and I have to stop doing it. Do you ever
google people you hate late at night? No, that's nice,
those kind of at I'm past those habits. I used
to do stuff like that, but I'm I finally got
past that stuff. I would do it. I would google myself.
I don't google other people. I would say I do

(53:53):
it three times a year. I'll look up people and
if I'm really really bad about myself. I'm really on
If I'm really on one, I'm gonna treat myself badly.
I'll it never ends. Well, you know when I used
to feel badly about myself and this I cannot believe.
This took me so long to figure out. I would
I would search my own name, Yeah, because I thought,
I told myself I was looking to see if somebody

(54:13):
was saying something good about me. Yeah, but really I
was looking for conference can't You can't stop until you
see something making And that's totally yeah. We done be
a thousand wonderful thing said about you, and just that
one is to you that oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you
truly are one of my favorite stand ups ever. And
I remember there was a period of time where you
said you weren't doing it anymore. Yes, I didn't take

(54:34):
a break, and how did you push through? Like how
did you take a break? Well? I got frustrated with
uh stand up when I when I did my last special,
nobody really wanted to buy my last hour, nobody really
wanted to produce it shocking, and I was like, wow,
I thought it really was a very defeating time because

(54:54):
I felt like my stature and stand up was cemented,
it was like yes, and then to find out that
it wasn't, I was like, oh shit, right and so
but at the same time, I was getting into improv
so I was like, I really enjoy doing this and
it doesn't require any preparation. I get to play with
other people. That's and I'm also learning a new skill,
which is fun, you know. But now I started doing

(55:15):
my variety show again in twenty twenty one, and that's
that became where I would like test out my material.
So I'm slowly but surely like putting time back together.
And so sometimes soon I'm gonna have to book like
an hour to do like a tryout hour, you know,
where everybody knows like this is not polished. This is
just like me doing it all together for the first one.
Eyone wants us to see that. How oft I would

(55:38):
be there in a minute too. I love watching before
well I don't. I don't have any stand up tours playing,
but we do have some Varietopia's coming out Sunday, May fourth,
May fourteenth, just yeah, yeah, yeah. Variotopia at the Lodge
Room in Highland Park. You can get tickets at the
June You can get tickets at Google and then in
June I'll be going to my hometown of Philadelphia to

(56:01):
do for Utopia for the first time. Nice. As of
this recording, the Fried of the Saturday Show is sold out,
but Friday there's still some tickets avail. Do you say, felly? No,
I don't. It's hot you that, but I used to.
I used to have more of a pronounced accent. What
I yeah, water that will still come out sometimes, so
I'm not careful? And what about um? What's the other one? Like? Poor? Right?

(56:24):
Try the dessert? Blow on it? This nice spoon you
did nice? Thank you both. You know what? This kid?
You gotta mix it. You gotta mix it. It's not
terribly sweet, but that's the chomp. We could have made
it too hot. And also we could have made it sweeter. No,
I only tried a little bit of Stevie in. That's nice, right,
Remember it's a cake. Nice right, that's nice. You hate it?

(56:46):
That's great? Only one person we see we gotta get
We gotta make it sweeter. We gotta make it sweeter. Lauren,
you do have to make it sweeter, sweeter? Yeah? What
did Lauren say? She didn't want any sweetener she wanted.
She didn't want any like sugar or anything. Why nut?
We should bring honey out. You know what. It's a
good goal because one of these things we're gonna get it.

(57:07):
So right, But the problem is arden to night every week.
Love it? We love it. I still love that. Can
I say? I love it? You guys? Did you sent
me a sort of like, here's how the show works,
here's what we do, and why don't you bring a
thing from home? Yeah, and we'll put it. We're gonna
make a peanut butter cake. Yeah, and I'm spooning ye
mud out of the ball, out of a mug. You

(57:28):
know what, we never said I was gonna this is
our promise to America. Yeah, this is what I tell
on my clients. It's not gonna look good, but it's
gonna feel great. That wasn't on the sheet, by the way,
right because we didn't want you to think. The sheet
very boldly says we make a peanut butter cake. Well,
what do you think this is? I give it? How

(57:49):
good that is? I love it? It's like a lot.
I'm not even kidding. We enjoyed us all the time
so much for being here. The ball would you like
to We just did votopia of course Sunday May fourteen.
Sunday May fourteen, but go to paul etompkins dot com
slash live where you can see all my live dates. Fabulous,

(58:09):
Go right there. I can't believe how good this is.
I love No, it's it's I think it's our best.
That's the last time you ate something that wasn't that? Yeah?
I had the other day. No, let me thank were
you at a comedy festival? I was gonna say, it's
definitely free. Anyone who's ever paid for a kind bar
is a Can you imagine what you'd be a the

(58:31):
sucker of all songs? Paid for never? This is my
message to my clients into the world. You never for
a kind. Let me just have a piece of this chocolate,
barn and see if it's you know, as good or
close to as good as the mud. Scoop it onto
the mud, onto the chocolate. Look at that. I like

(58:55):
the cake better. Brian, Come on, man, what are you doing?
I gotta say, she is she making you say no?
But she's one of my clients. But she's not making
me say that's right, life coach money. But to all
my clients. I say, when you start getting used to this,
you start you like it. This is well. Can you

(59:18):
start getting used to this, you start getting used to
being a winner. Yeah, okay, Paul, thank you for being here.
We wish you luck, We wish you luck. Okay, real quote.
I had a great time, did you really? What was
your favorite part we need in gratifications part? I think
eating the style only. Okay, done? Okay, guys, I know

(59:45):
we're only on week three, but we've already gotten some
nice ratings and reviews. Real nice, real sweet, real genuine. Right,
keep rating us. Isn't that great? Okay, here's a fun one.
This is five Stars Staying a Champion. Katie loves podcast
improv with Arden. Can't get any better than that, so nectar,
Thank you Katie. You can't go wrong. Now, you can't

(01:00:07):
go wrong with Katie. We have another one from b Cobain.
Five stars. Yeah, come on, woo hoo hoo. I mean
that's I love it. That's all you need to do,
that's all it literally just it costs you nothing, cost
you nothing helps the podcast. What do you tell all
of your clients? Tell all of my clients, listen. The
least you can do is take one second hit five stars?
Five stars write a little something? How do you handle

(01:00:28):
got steed back? By the way, way everybody's been nice
so far? I agree. Okay, well, I'm sure we'll get
some next week. What are you hoping for in your
next review that you get five stars? Brian's voices? Gadgets
Brian's voice. This gadget is how can I become Brian's client?
I've never seen such drama in a figure before. Yeah,
I'm helping five stars. Arden's voice is so soft, soothing. Yeah,

(01:00:55):
I've never seen such a soothing tone in a voice before.
I want to see how could pants possibly hit an
ankle better? That's what I want? People? Can they come
for the podcast? They stay for the visual of the
ankle pants? That's right, that's right. Now? Who are you wearing?
Who will there be pressed to? Aliaby Honey, yea out

(01:01:20):
Argan and Bryan I hearing last there be this and
they got lots of podocast, But honey, no, no, no, no,
asbes we're living in the calm of life like celebrities
and sharing our favorite baby bit recipes. But honey, no, no, no,

(01:01:42):
no autographs, no, lad, I got no autograph, no autograph,