June 10, 2025 • 39 mins
Many of you called our hotline and sent emails seeking our advice, and we are here to help. From party invitation etiquette, to a coupon fiasco straight out of a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, the boys give their takes and dole out some help.
And for more, check out our newsletter at www.nosuchthing.show. If you have a question you want us to answer or want to be featured in our next advice episode, email us at mannynoahdevan@gmail.com or give us a call at (860) 325-0286.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm Manny, and this is no such thing. The show
where we answer our dumb questions and yours by actually
doing the research. Today's episode is an advice episode. Many
of you sent in questions seeking our advice, and we're
here to answer that. Let's get started. There's no such thing.
(00:23):
Touch Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, So
many of you may be asking why the hell are
many No and Devin giving advice, and uh, there's no
real good answer. To be honest, I've I've personally noticed
(00:46):
on a lot of podcasts that I like to listen
to they just started doing advice segments.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
These segments are usually sponsored by someone some company, and
but no, we just wanted in on the fund a
little bit and thought this would be kin a good
way to spend some time on the MIC's here. So
that's why we're doing this.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hey, no such thing. Long time listener, first time caller.
I'm hoping to get your advice on something. We're entering
party season, and i'd like your sauce on invitation etiquette,
specifically as.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
It relates to plus one.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
What are our person's responsibilities when it comes to inviting
significant others to parties? Is there a threshold when it
becomes disrespectful to give a friend of plus one instead
of inviting their partner as an individual person, as someone
in a serious cohabitating relationship. I found myself slightly offended
by being plus one by friends of my partner over time. However,
(01:41):
I also recognize the inconsistency of my own inviting habits
when I'm on the other side. Boys, please help ground
me in reality here.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
First, I want to shout out the use of the
phrase cohabitating partnership.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Was that serious cohabitating relationship?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
That's very inclusive, well done. It's a it's an interesting question.
It's tough for me. I'm someone who has never minded.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
That's something aroundwork here a little bit, because I think
she's talking about like a party, full invite, right, not
like a just a casual text, like.
Speaker 6 (02:16):
A a group chat, right.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
Yeah, And officially this sounds like something a little bit
more official, not a wedding, Like I'm having a gathering
and there's enough people that I.
Speaker 6 (02:23):
Got to like I'm blasting the thing. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
So within that context, if me as being invited to something,
do you feel awkward if you are not also on
that invite? At this point, you guys are living together
for going on two years.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
A long time.
Speaker 6 (02:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
For some reason in my head, if it's primarily MIA's friend,
if me as the reason I know this person, I
haven't minded it.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
At the same time, maybe that I just haven't really
thought about it being offensive, Like maybe I should think
more about like why am I not invited as an individual?
Speaker 6 (03:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (03:01):
I mean it depends because there's certainly people I know
just through their partners that I might like them, they
like me. I would never hang out with these people
want or not with that other person, whether it's my partner,
their partner. So in that sense, I kind of get
just like, listen, you're invited, you can bring whoever. It's assumed, So.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
I'm gonna be the one that has to have an
issue with it.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Please.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
I think the simple test for this is do you
have this person's phone number. I don't have the person's
phone number, and you are sending out an invite and
this is not okay. We're doing like I don't know,
this is the first time we're hanging out with this
person's boyfriend and we just happen to be on one
group chat together. This is you know, this person's in
(03:49):
a serious they're living together, right, So if the person
you're inviting is living with this person and you have
their phone number, you should also just send them an invite.
It is very easy to just add another contact. Yeah,
it would be I get not like if you don't
have this person's phone number, being like okay, and now
I'm going to reach out to know and be like, hey, yeah,
can you send me Julia's number I'm having.
Speaker 6 (04:11):
It's like that's a bit much.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
If someone's been dating someone for a year, two year,
three years, a certain point, it doesn't matter that we're
not hanging out one on one. It's just like, just
also invite them. They shouldn't just be a plus one.
Speaker 6 (04:22):
I guess.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter to me.
It doesn't really matter if it's like if that partner
is never going to come on their own, even if
they got the invite, you know what I mean, Like,
let's use Manny and Mia. All right, if I'm inviting
you to something and there's no world in which me
is going to come by yourself to this event, yeah,
it's kind of like we mutually wouldn't care.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Yeah, it's like a formality, but you would. Yeah, well,
I'm trying to get into the shoes of the person
who's asking this question, Like, how should.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
You feel if I'm that person?
Speaker 1 (04:56):
If you know, it sounds like this person is feeling
quite slighted by the fact that they're not invited to
a thing, And it sounds like the person who's not
inviting them individually, like sounds like they know them pretty well.
So I guess, like I'm trying to figure out how
I would feel in that instance.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
He's gonna be the worst advice episode. You're like, well,
I don't care, why are you asking me?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I think it's justified to feel upset or slighted about this.
We're all different. I personally don't mind that much, but
I could see why someone would be would mind And.
Speaker 5 (05:35):
Look, I don't think it's if you are annoyed. I
think it's up to your partner to address here. Yeah,
I'm annoyed, and it's that's your friend. You go talk
to your friend about why I'm not on the invite.
I'm not having that conversation.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Would you mind asking your friend.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Just put demon on an invite like he wants to?
You know, if there's updates about the park. He doesn't
want to have to text me about it.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Then. I think, now it's like if my partner complained
to me about this and then I have to go
to you, Devin and be like, I'd be like, she's
gonna be nagging me about this, Just just shoot at
the text next time. I don't know if I would
even do that.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
You would, because you wouldn't have want to have that
conversation again for the next Evie.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
I'd be like, yeah, I told him, and then I'd
just be like, I don't know why he's Yeah, that's
what I would do.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I've seen this. I've seen this.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
Then I think it is worth bringing it up to
your partner if it bothers you and you don't need
to make it a big deal. I think you can
bring it up and it's pretty nonchalant sight away of
just sort of like, hey, it's just like you know,
she wants to add it to a calendar, all this stuff,
and it's just easier if like, she just gets the invite,
if you don't have her number, here's her number, and
just make it pretty low key. I don't think anyone
who received that from one of their friends will be like,
(06:48):
how dare they request that they are invited? It sounds
like what's happening here is that like people are just
doing the easiest thing for them and not thinking about
other people's feelings. I don't think it's that they're intentionally
not inviting you, especially if you're living together. It's different
if like I don't know if there's still a thing.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Because it's essentially assumed this person is going to come. Yes,
if it's unless it's like obviously a very small thing,
that they're a different thing.
Speaker 6 (07:15):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
And I think that's fair. And then just to kind
of put a point on that, it's just be the
change you want to see. So you better be inviting
everyone in every problem if you're going to be thinking
this way.
Speaker 6 (07:31):
I will say too.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
As a final note, it sounds like maybe this is
not about the invite at all, and maybe this is
about how you feel in the presence of your partner's friends,
and maybe it sounds like you feel like you're being
left out to some degree. Yeah, so I would I
would take a long, hard look at that.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Well, because I mean, yeah, things get complicated. There's been
friends of mine who have had long term partners, and
you know, I try my best, and sometimes it's like
this person is not give they don't care if I
livered in front of them. And I've known them for
maybe i'll say, like a decade. Yeah yeah, and you
know those people aren't around anymore with good reasons.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Yeah they didn't make the.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Cut, but you know, or like and the flip side,
it's like you can tell like some people would make
no effort to even meet with the significant other, and
it's like, okay, you can only pretend like you know.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
This person yeah or something.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Yes, but yeah, anyway, that's obviously a larger.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Issue but yeah, yeah, but still one that I feels
pertinent to this.
Speaker 6 (08:34):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
I think it's if I think if you felt included
in other aspects, it wouldn't feel as big of a deal,
which is I think kind of what we're talking about here,
where it's like, ah.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Somebody forgot like an email whatever, who cares.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
But I think it's like, oh, every time I hang
out with these people, like they don't greet me, they
don't say anything to me, and I'm not on an email,
Like then it starts to add up.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Ye. Yeah, it's like, well, maybe I won't even bother
going to this.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Yeah, exactly. Maybe you don't even want me there. Yeah
sounds like they don't.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Yeah, hey Manny No Devin responding to your question mail
bag request, I have a crush on a co worker.
Oh this shit is brutal, But here we are. I'm
five years older than him. I'm thirty seven with fresh eggs.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Oh what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (09:18):
I's hold the commentary for app. I'm afraid of even
saying anything for lots of reasons, but the biggest being,
am I too old? Is this real? Is this perception?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
What is even real?
Speaker 4 (09:30):
For context, I am by a homeowner outside of my
current city and wants to have a baby in the
next two years.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
The age is fine, The ages are fine. Yeah, and
thirty two.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
It's not like she's talking about having a crush on
like a twenty two year old. It's like, I'm not
what kids in the next two years? Yeah, thirty two?
Speaker 6 (09:52):
Realm. We joke about it a lot, but you can't
have kids at this age.
Speaker 5 (09:55):
Surprisingly, it's legal. So it is of the age where
if you had something that was serious for a few years,
you can see maybe you know too cutting in a
little tight Yeah, being that like you're not with this
person yet.
Speaker 6 (10:11):
Yeah, but you know.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
I don't want to worry too much about the baby thing,
even though that's an important conversation to have within a
couple of months at this rate.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
But yeah, wait, wait, so wait, what's the actual question, Like,
what's one of this.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
I mean, figure out, you know, is it with all
these other parameters? Are they kind of crazy for even
thinking about it's a coworker, Yeah, so co worker, the
age thing.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Okay, so as it pertains to the question of like,
is it uh kosher?
Speaker 6 (10:44):
Yeah, right, I won't put business.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Likely thing for you to say. Yeah, I think I'm
pretty biased here, but never in an instance where one
of us had a power dynamic over the other, per
since so it was always like either different teams, level
playing field or different teams.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I date all my interns, So I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Think there's any real issue with you working with the person.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Yeah, it's it's more a matter of, obviously, if you
don't know this person's interest in you, I think it's
totally fair to ask them out. But after that you
need to, right, you need to let it go and
box that up and bury it.
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Yeah, the rest of.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Your career there, And I will say part of this
is like we don't know you, right, and because.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
To know what kind of job this was?
Speaker 5 (11:37):
Yeah, what happened? That's a really good point. What type
of you actually work with them?
Speaker 6 (11:41):
Yes? Are you working directly with them? Is this just
someone in the office.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You guys as or are you in a like an
office job ye or Quiznos corporate for the Chrisnos office job.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
And I think it's important to like, what is the
what are your personalities?
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Right?
Speaker 5 (11:59):
Like, are you to people who if you get like
if this doesn't work out, or you're gonna be able
to continue working.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
In this environment and everything's going to be fine.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
Because I've been in situations where not me in a
relationship with co workers, but I've been the boss of
people who have been in relationships working very closely together
on teams yea who it's great when it's going great,
and then you know they get into a fight and
then somebody's calling out sick oh, or someone refuses to
(12:32):
work with the other person.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
We should believe out names, but is this.
Speaker 5 (12:36):
And no, So I think knowing the personalities at play
here too, like is this going to be something that
like if it's awkward and that's all it is.
Speaker 6 (12:48):
Who cares? Yeah, shoot your.
Speaker 5 (12:49):
Shot if it's awkward, all right, whatever, You can move
past it if you think it's going to impact, Like
if this doesn't go well, if you think you're gonna
have to quit your job, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Is the worst situation that you'll be miserable at work,
you'll be fired? Like what Like, yes, we gotta lay
out the consequences. But just to respond to a part
of this email that seemed to be very important, which
is like the fertility. Yes, yeah, I would describe a
crush as something that's pretty frivolous, like low stakes. This
seems to be like seems to be tied to like
(13:23):
a desire to have babies pretty soon.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Well, they just don't have time to waste.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
Yeah yeah, okay, which is fair, But you also don't
want to You're putting a lot of expectations on a
person that you don't even know if they like you. Yeah,
she's trying to give herself an excuse to not approach
him and not have a conversation. But I think it's
like step one is just like it's interested in you
like each other, yes, and you can sort of go
through all these other things. Why are we talking about, Yeah,
(13:49):
having a baby in two years? You don't even like
you probably don't even know this guy's midle name.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
You know.
Speaker 6 (13:53):
It's like there are a lot of steps we got
to go through.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, there are a few things I wish I knew,
like more context, Like are these people flirting with each other?
Or do you just look at a person every day
and yes you have a crush on them, you know what.
That's fine too, But I just mean, like, you know,
so many people are kind of can't read when someone
likes them. It's like we might be answered, we might
be telling you to go approach someone who is not
(14:16):
interested in you.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
But that's fine. You can find that out very quickly.
And you could be like, hey, you want to grab
a drunk after work?
Speaker 6 (14:21):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
You know, like the stakes aren't let's watch the Knicks?
Speaker 6 (14:24):
Yeah thinks exactly. Stakes are not that high.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I'll replay of the next there they're in cancn right now.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Hey, y'all, I need some advice. I'm having a birthday
picnic and I've told all of my friends that they
can bring their dogs, because of course they can. I
have no problem with dogs being at my picnic. But
I do have this one friend who dog I hate.
(15:03):
This dog is energetic, yeahy aggressive. This dog ruins the
vibe every time. And my friend has no idea that
this dog is a problem. She thinks her dog is perfect.
I do not want to ruin my birthday picnic. How
do I tell her? Knowing that this will likely make
(15:24):
her upset?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
And I am conflict avoidant? Please, hell, I've got a
question before we get into it. Yep, for the dog
owners of the show, how much of a dog's like
bad behavior can be attributed to its personality versus just
not training it. Well, it's a mix, yeah, like a
(15:49):
dog like at a picnic, kind of just running around,
smelling all the food, licking it up, like just kind
of being a nuisance. I mean to me, I'm like, yeah,
it's it's a dog. I mean, that's what they do.
I guess.
Speaker 6 (16:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
But then it seems like some dogs probably start out
that way before they're trained to be more polite.
Speaker 5 (16:06):
Yeah, it sounds like and this is a tough thing,
you know, as a as a fellow dog owner, I
fucking love my dog and no one else can talk
shit about my dog except me. Yeah, but I'm also
very aware of my dog's shortcomings, like what he can do,
what he can't do, what situations I should put him in,
(16:27):
what situations I should not put him in when it's
time to just like we just got to go. And
I think, if you're going to be the type of
dog owner who's gonna be like, I love my dog,
blah blah blah blah blah, you got to be really
aware of how other people feel around your dog, especially
with a bigger dog. You know, you can't just assume
everybody's going to be comfortable with your dog jumping on
(16:47):
in for food and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
So, but you seem to have kind of the wherewithal
to know in certain situations that your dog might not
be great for some yere.
Speaker 6 (16:59):
I'm not bringing my dog everywhere for that.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
The issue here, So to help the caller here, how
can she let her friend know that her friend doesn't
know that the dog is bad in these situations.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
I don't think there's an easy way to do this
without being direct.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
Yeah, if you allow other dogs, yes, that's the problem everybody.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
I think it's it's totally fair, even at a park
picnic thing, to just be like, hey, no dogs, like
there's too much food and other stuff, Like it'll just
be kind of easier if we don't need to have that,
and you could blame it on someone's allergies, like there's
a million things to do.
Speaker 6 (17:35):
But if you're gonna.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
Allow other dogs there, Yeah, it isn't obviously specific and
you can't just put out a vague thing of like yeah,
good dogs only, like yeah, unless this dog is like yeah,
this dog is aggressive, but like it doesn't sound like
the dog is like biting people where it's like okay someone,
Like that's what I would assume if if I have
(17:57):
a dog that doesn't hurt people, I'd be like, cool,
my dog's fine.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
I think you need to think about I know they're
conflict avoidant. Do you want to have an awkward conversation now?
Or do you want your party to possibly be ruined
by this dog doing this thing for an hour, two hours,
three hours, however long the picnic is?
Speaker 4 (18:17):
Yeah, I think that's if it's more of like.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
The dog's a little bit annoying and like you know,
he runs around a little bit, but like it's not
gonna really mess up the party. Okay, maybe you just
got to suck it up and then next time just
get ahead of it and say like, hey, no dogs. Yeah,
but if this dog, if you're thinking this dog is
going to like you, she said she hates this dog.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (18:40):
I'm like one of those people that like, if it's
my thing, I'm not inviting somebody I don't like. Yeah,
and that includes your dog. So like you have to
have a friend conversation with them and be like, hey,
I would love for you to come, but like, don't
think it's going to be the best environment for your dog.
Speaker 6 (18:55):
And if your friend is actually your friend and.
Speaker 5 (18:58):
A will receive that in for me and be okay
with it and leave your dog at home and show up.
If you're not really your friend, they're not going to
show up.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
What exactly should she say to this person? I think
you can touched on it a little bit.
Speaker 6 (19:08):
Yeah, let's have a mock let's have a mock conversation.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I think something in the message should be like, maybe, hey,
i'd like your dog, but I feel a little uncomfortable
around your dog. Sometimes something that's like not like you
suck your dog sucks, You're going to ruin the party.
But like maybe if it's personal like that.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Are you calling him or doing this in person? Do
you think I'm probably texting?
Speaker 6 (19:32):
Okay, texting Hey, don't call.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Hey? Three wise?
Speaker 6 (19:38):
Hey, what's up?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Man?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
He's so excited for the party. I've already I've already
gotten Alia a brand new bandana.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
For Well, that's actually what I what I wanted to
talk about today.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
Thanks for responding to this message.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
As you know, my birthday party welcomes dogs, but on
more than a few occasions, I felt a little bit
uncomfortable around Ollie. Don't. I don't have anything against dogs
in general, but Ollie in particular makes me a little nervous.
And I don't want to be uncomfortable in any way
(20:21):
at my birthday celebration. But I was wondering if it's
okay that you come, but Ollie stays.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
Home, So you're gonna be letting other dogs come but
not Ali?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yes, because I feel a little bit more comfortable around
these dogs. They're not as energetic, they're not running around
trying to eat the food, and I'm just gonna feel
a lot more comfortable. And normally I wouldn't ask this,
but it's my birthday, so I just want to feel
as good as I possibly can please. He's laying it on.
Speaker 6 (20:53):
You know.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
I guess it's fine or whatever, but it's just kind
of weird to me, and that this is the first
time you're ever bringing up the fact that you been
feeling uncomfortable around Ollie because you've been around Ollie so
many times, and like you've never said anything, so it
sounds like you're just kind of making this up.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You're right, I should have brought this up earlier, but
in previous instances, I didn't want to make you feel bad.
In this instance, I'm fucking had enough.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
I need to stand up for myself.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
And on last year at my birthday, I was a
little bit nervous and anxious around your dog, and I
don't want to feel that this year on my birthday.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
That's very all right, this is a classic incoming, I think.
All right, Hey, Mandy, No and Devin, we have a
question for you. Our good friends invited us on a
dinner double date. When picking a location, we told them
(21:54):
we don't have a preference, and so they selected a
new restaurant that none of us had been due before.
The food ended up being a nothing special. At the
end of the meal, when the checks came, our friends
told the waiter that they would be using a coupon
that they had and ended up paying about half price
for their meal while we paid full price. This left
us with a bad taste in our mouths. A few
weeks later, they invited us to another restaurant, again that
(22:16):
none of us have been to. This time, we asked
them ahead of time if they had a coupon to
go there, and they said yes. We declined their offer
because of the previous experience and it was a random,
out of the way location. Curious to hear all of
your thoughts on the situation. Do you think what they
did was rude? Or are we being upset for no reason?
Should they have offered us to use the coupon on
(22:38):
the appetizer they split with us? Does it make a
difference that they had to pay a subscription fee to
receive these coupons?
Speaker 6 (22:46):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Should they have been more upfront about their coupon and
reasoning for the restaurant selection? What are the social norms here?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Thanks? And remind me at the beginning who invited who
to the dinner? They invited them, They invited the emailers. Okay, yeah,
I think it is rude. Yeah, I think it's rude
number one to only choose restaurants because you're getting a discount.
(23:14):
And maybe this is different in New York than wherever
they live, but like, I feel like, if you're going
to go on a double date, there's gotta be some intention,
like why are we choosing? Like, you know, there's gotta
be something personal about where you're going for dinner with
these people. If it was just like the three of us,
we're getting dinner after bowling or something, and one of
you had a coupon and that's why we're going, I
think that's totally fine. But this goes somewhere because you
(23:37):
have the coupon. Yeah, this feels way more intimate a
double date. And then you know, if I had the coupon,
I'd be upfront about it and be like, hey, if
I'm inviting these people, hey yeah, and if I'm inviting you,
you're getting some of the discount.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
This is going for everyone.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Yes, Yeah, That's what's crazy is the effort that goes
into using coupon just on your half of the meal. Yes,
that's where it's like, all right, this is not like
an accidental thing. No, you're you're telling the waiter specifically,
only take this twenty percent off on this, and it's like,
you know, money's tight whatever the economy.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Like you're doing this to save Like yeah, what like
how much money could it be worth?
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Is that really worth doing this?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Yeah? I'm trying to figure out the rude part of it,
because like.
Speaker 5 (24:27):
It's rude because you're inviting somebody to dinner and you're
not being honest about why you're choosing the restaurants. Yeah,
and that the fact that you have a coupon, so
it's like they may be picking a place that's expensive
and it's other couple's like, well, if they want to go.
Speaker 6 (24:42):
We go.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
So we get there and then we're ordering all the
normal you don't say anything till the very end and
then to know it's point and then you're only like
using the twenty percent on your you and your spout,
Like that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
It's really rude. I mean, I'm trying to imagine my
scenario where like we get to dinner, it's time to
pay out, and then the couple who invited me pulls out.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
Like a coupon and for themselves.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
And they don't use it on this selves I'd be like, oh, what.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
You know.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Obviously I don't. I'm not entitled to it. Yeah, but
it just odd.
Speaker 6 (25:14):
Yeah, I mean it.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
I would feel embarrassed if I was the person inviting
someone if I had a coupon and did not mention
it ahead of time.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
To me, there's two violations happening here. One is that
we're only going to this place because you have.
Speaker 6 (25:25):
A coupon, there's no other reason.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Completely strips away any kind of like intimacy about wanting
to take your friends out on this double date. To
you get to the part where you use the coupon
and you're not including the people you invited to this
place for the sole reason of having the coupon. Now,
the third violation is like, hey, let's do this again, Yes,
because I have another coupon. I would feel like I
(25:49):
would feel so pissed.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
I will say, some people just don't have any like
social awareness mm hmmm.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
And I would be up front.
Speaker 5 (25:57):
I know they said that they told them like, no,
we don't want to go to that restaurant, But I
would be upfront with them and be like, hey, it
seems like you guys are only picking restaurants that you
have coupons for we don't have coupons. If we're going
to go out to eat, you guys, we want to
go somewhere that we actually want to eat that, you know,
And it's kind of awkward that you guys are inviting
us just two places that you have coupons for, being
that we don't have coupons. So there's no incentive for
(26:19):
us to do that. If you guys just want to
use your coupons, just go out by yourself to these restaurants.
Why are you inviting me and then leout if it's good,
and then if it's great, yeah, then we can go back,
come back.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
I don't care if they pay for a subscription fee
for now. I mean that's weird. I mean, I don't
know what it does not matter that they're no, I mean,
I mean, how much could that be even whatever it is,
even if.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
Someone gave me a gift card to the place. Right,
so I'm getting say one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 6 (26:48):
Dollars off at the restaurant.
Speaker 5 (26:49):
If I'm inviting somebody else to that restaurant, they are
getting that disc.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Off the top. Yes, yeah, it's off the top. And
then you do.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
I mean, look, I pay for Regal Unlimited twenty three
dollars a month so that I can go see movies
without paying for the movie. This person is paying a
subscription to get this discount on things.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
It feels like kindergartener mentality, if like everything needs to
be fair and even it's like sometimes you should just
do things because it's nice. Yeah, you're not always gonna
like it's your coupon. I get it, you pay a
subscription fee, but like, if you're inviting your friends out,
maybe you're just gonna not get as much money back
as you thought you were.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Yeah, you should enjoy the experience. And like, if you're
that hard.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
Up for money that you should issue.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
You should be paying for a subscription service for coupons. Yeah,
and you shouldn't be going out to restaurants, let alone
inviting other couples exactly. Like that's it. It's just like
when it's like when people complain about tipping normally at
a restaurant, it's like, well then you can you can't
afford it, You shouldn't be ready. Yeah, just make some
mac and cheese.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, so pretty unanimous by many, Noah and Devin. Your
friends should feel ashamed.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
And you should you should confunct them about it?
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Yeah, yeah, no more?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I mean yeah, were you were too nice in saying no?
Just because the restaurants far away, I'd been like, why,
what is happening here? What is wrong with you?
Speaker 4 (28:14):
That's some help? Maybe talk to you know, send it
an advice question to some people. All right, hey, guys,
I've got some advice to ask. How do I pursue
new friendships without neglecting the friends I already have? I
absolutely love all my friends. They're incredible people, and they
mean the world to me. I have a few particularly
close friends, but I can't help but feel that many
(28:36):
of them have this untouchable connection with each other that
I just can't reach. I try my best to spend
more time with these people, but always worry about neglecting
the close friends I already have. There are also people
who are not quite friends, but acquaintances that I'd like
to get to know better. But I don't know how
to start that process without a looking weird or b
making my current friends think I'm trying to move away
(28:57):
from them, or that I enjoy their company any less.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
What do you think I feel like, out of the
three of us, Manny, you should answer this because the
amount of friends that you have is disgusting.
Speaker 6 (29:08):
Yeah, that's fair, So you do a good job.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
So what do you think.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
I have a lot of friends there, But like, I mean,
it seems like this person doesn't have that much time,
because my initial response to this is that you can
do all of this at the same time. Yeah, it
seems like you can like make new friends without having
to neglect the other ones.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
Precidically, it sounds like they're saying they have to sacrifice
time with their friends. They already have to deepen relationships
with newer friends, which yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
And they're not trying to lose any It's not like,
oh I don't like this friend group. No, they're not
like holdovers from college or something.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
There is some level of like politics to this in
a weird way, Like I've run into this all the time,
where I'm someone who wants to invite every single person
I know on a weekend to the same bar. But
I've found that, like some groups don't mesh well with
other groups. Some groups want very specific people there. They'll
be annoyed if other people show up, not because they
don't like the person, but like it just changes the
(30:03):
dynamic expectations.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
Well, yeah, it's like, if I'm going to meet up
with two people, it's way different than meeting up with
five people, even if I like all those people.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Yeah, and there's different goals for different hangs. Sure, so
there's definitely a lot to think about in this scenario.
Speaker 4 (30:18):
All right, So let's let's break it down. I guess
there's someone who is a friend of a friend. Maybe
you've seen each other a few times at bar parties
or whatever. You're friendly but not friends. How should we
approach going about taking that next step?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
For me, it's always been like weirdly similar to trying
to ask someone out on a date, where it's like, hey,
hey man, I like really enjoy hanging out with you, Like,
let's get a beer sometime soon. Then it stops becoming
a thing you plan around, so like yeah, once you
fortunately like this stuff has to does have to be
pretty organic, otherwise it doesn't feel authentic. People will be
(30:53):
like what is this about? And I've noticed that too,
where like people will be really kind of weird about
asking to hang out with me and it kind of
turns me off. Similar to dating, you want to make
sure it's like mutual interest.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah, I just like, well, well, now I need to
go like this person's bugging me, Like there must be
some sort of reason you are connected.
Speaker 6 (31:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
And then I think, as far as not worrying about
cutting out other people, I think it's just keeping up
with Yeah, just like don't ignore the group chat or
whatever it is, and just like, yeah, you can't hang
out with everyone all the time.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Yeah, my advice would be not to worry about like
not paying attention as much to the previous friend group.
If you're close enough, that's gonna be fine.
Speaker 6 (31:34):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I'll have friends who hit me up who I haven't
talked to in like six months, and we'll just pick
but right back up like nothing, like there had been
no gap in them communications. And I think like your
best friends are like good friends will be like that.
I really wouldn't worry about losing your previous friends and
no one's gonna be at home being like damn, man,
he didn't text.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
Me, or like see that you went out with one
other person one time and be like, oh, I guess
I'm done now. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Now, there was a part of the question that was
like they feel like they can't penetrate. Yeah, So like
a dynamic that feels very close, which is also another
interesting thing. Some people like meet each other two weeks
ago and then you see them hang out and it
seems like they've been friends for definitely ever. Yeah, there's
just certain personalities that click with each other like that,
(32:21):
and it's I don't think it's worth like trying to
penetrate that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Yeah, because I'm read to reread that bit it says
I love all my friends. They're incredible people and they
mean the world to me. I have a few particularly
close friends, but I can't help but feel that many
of them have this untouchable connection with each other that
I just can't reach. So this makes me think of
our follow Ups episode in a way.
Speaker 6 (32:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
But yeah, it's like you feel like you don't have
that real deep connection. You kind of just need maybe
one on one time or something like if you're always
hanging out in groups, try to get more individual attention.
I feel like that always makes me feel closer, even
if it's not we're going to have a hard conversation
with each other. It's just like, I don't know, it
(33:04):
just means something different to carve out time with one
person versus with a group of four people or something.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
An easy way I've done that in the past is like,
if you're out at drinks of the group and then
one of the friend you want to connect with more
wants to get a drink, You're like, hey, I'll go
with you to the bar. Depending on what bar you're at,
you're actually going to be by yourselves for a while
and you can talk a little bit.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Yeah, and even that that's something small like that, which
could even be it could only be three minutes. It
could just be enough, like okay, somewhat intentional, even though
there's this added thing of yeah, we're waiting at the
you know, yeah, drinks or whatever.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
The other person will go home and they won't be like, oh,
this person made an effort to talk to me. But
it's something subconscious that happens, and the next time you
see the person, I don't know it makes more sense.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Some people are just unknowable.
Speaker 6 (33:50):
Yeah, and every friend has their role right exactly.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
Yeah, I'm the leader of the group, and then everyone
else kind of falls in line. Hi, Manny Noadavik, I
need advice about my friend's wedding. I'm the best man
in the wedding. Between two of my closest friends. I'm
psyched to be a part of it, but they have
(34:14):
very different taste than me, and I was down for
whatever they had mined for me in their wedding planning process. Lately,
their choice has gotten aggressively questionable. The first choice that
really threw me is their strict requirement for black formal
wear in an all outdoor pomp Springs venue that averages
one hundred and ten degrees during the month of their wedding.
They invited my dad, but I can't send him out
(34:36):
in a suit to bake in that kind of heat.
What's pushing me over the edge is that they're suing
their reception caterer lot. Even though it's them trying to
break their contract. It's a small business we really love
to support, so it's wild to see my friends so
ready to literally sue him just to get their way.
I know it's not my place to step in where
I just have differences in opinion, but is ever okay
(34:58):
to voice disapproval if you think your friends are being assholes?
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I think this person is in the right, but I
do wonder if they should just bite the bullet here.
Speaker 6 (35:12):
Yeah, I mean they.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Shouldn't be trying to fucking sue the caterer, but like
they're clearly going through some kind of stress. You might
not want to add to that just because it's gonna
be hot that day.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
My view, as someone who's getting married soon is that, yeah,
it's kind of like this is not really your your problem,
so I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'll say, though, like,
I think it's especially you obviously are really close with
the dad situation that he I don't think they're gonna
change it, but I think it's fair to say maybe like, yeah,
here's why my dad's not coming. Yep, Like it's gonna
(35:46):
be way too hot, so I just can't do it
with the formal Like with the dress code, it's just
there's no way. Yeah, and then maybe that'll budge them
in some way to make it more casual or whatever.
The caterer thing reading this now for the second time
is again not really your problem. Seeing that you know
the business does make it a little bit more of
(36:08):
like if they are being totally out of line, I
don't think it's crazy if you say something like are
you sure about that? Like, yeah, I don't know about this.
Speaker 5 (36:17):
It's about like, hey, this is a business that we
know and love, and you guys are not acting rational.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (36:23):
I think that's worth bringing up, and more so just
sort of like, hey, is this really worth it?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
The aspect of this where you where I feel like
this person should suck it up, so to speak, is
just going to the wedding knowing that it's going to
be really hot.
Speaker 6 (36:39):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
The parts where they should say something is like hey,
don't think my dad's gonna come to this.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
It's just fucking you could gently push back on basically
all these things.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah, but I wouldn't stress out too much about a person.
It's like, you know, when is the wedding? Yeah, at
this stage, probably too late even to make any changes.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
Yeah, maybe move the location of the wedding to somewhere, like,
you know, upstate New York where it could be Yeah,
it'll be outside in the summer, mom, but it'll be yeah,
so you know, it could be worse. That's for for
one listener out there.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah, weddings though, are like, I mean, that's something you
can't see.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
In the main area where there's dinner and stuff.
Speaker 6 (37:16):
But yeah, anyway, is.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
This about someone we know, it's interesting though. Weddings are
so removed from these this same kind of issue, like
outside of a wedding, you know, like for sure, if
it weren't a wedding, it'd be like, yeah, to tell
your friend that they're being fucking idiots. Yeah, it was
like their birthday party in Palm Springs and one hundred
ten degrees, I'd be like, yeah, what are you guys crazy?
Speaker 6 (37:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Weddings though, are just like damn, that's everyone's one day
for their lives, their whole lives. Where it's like, maybe
it is fucking stupid as hell, but.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
You kind of just need to Yeah, you need to
let them do what they're doing. You can't really complain.
There's so many weird kind of wedding specific things that
do make people act is this is this not a character? Yeah,
you're the best man.
Speaker 5 (38:02):
You should know if this if they're acting out a character,
I think you could take it a little bit differently
than like, h here they go again.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah, true, but definitely leave your dad at home.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
Yes, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
He guess what I would do?
Speaker 6 (38:14):
Watch the game.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
That's it. For our advice episode, I will say we
did get a voicemail from someone with a two to
oh nine area code. Uh, your message did not come through. Actually,
there seemed to be some kind of a glitch that happened,
so please try again and we'll try to get to
your question in a future episode. Thanks for listening to
(38:44):
No such Thing. Produced by Manny, Noah and Devin. Theme
song is by me Manny. Shout out to everyone who
sent us questions asking for advice. If you'd still like
to do so, you can email us, or, better yet,
call the number in the description and leave us a voicemail.
Let us know if you want us to disguise your voice.
(39:05):
We'll talk to you guys soon
I'm Manny, and this is no such thing. The show
where we answer our dumb questions and yours by actually
doing the research. Today's episode is an advice episode. Many
of you sent in questions seeking our advice, and we're
here to answer that. Let's get started. There's no such thing.
(00:23):
Touch Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, So
many of you may be asking why the hell are
many No and Devin giving advice, and uh, there's no
real good answer. To be honest, I've I've personally noticed
(00:46):
on a lot of podcasts that I like to listen
to they just started doing advice segments.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
These segments are usually sponsored by someone some company, and
but no, we just wanted in on the fund a
little bit and thought this would be kin a good
way to spend some time on the MIC's here. So
that's why we're doing this.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hey, no such thing. Long time listener, first time caller.
I'm hoping to get your advice on something. We're entering
party season, and i'd like your sauce on invitation etiquette,
specifically as.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
It relates to plus one.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
What are our person's responsibilities when it comes to inviting
significant others to parties? Is there a threshold when it
becomes disrespectful to give a friend of plus one instead
of inviting their partner as an individual person, as someone
in a serious cohabitating relationship. I found myself slightly offended
by being plus one by friends of my partner over time. However,
(01:41):
I also recognize the inconsistency of my own inviting habits
when I'm on the other side. Boys, please help ground
me in reality here.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
First, I want to shout out the use of the
phrase cohabitating partnership.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Was that serious cohabitating relationship?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
That's very inclusive, well done. It's a it's an interesting question.
It's tough for me. I'm someone who has never minded.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
That's something aroundwork here a little bit, because I think
she's talking about like a party, full invite, right, not
like a just a casual text, like.
Speaker 6 (02:16):
A a group chat, right.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
Yeah, And officially this sounds like something a little bit
more official, not a wedding, Like I'm having a gathering
and there's enough people that I.
Speaker 6 (02:23):
Got to like I'm blasting the thing. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
So within that context, if me as being invited to something,
do you feel awkward if you are not also on
that invite? At this point, you guys are living together
for going on two years.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
A long time.
Speaker 6 (02:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
For some reason in my head, if it's primarily MIA's friend,
if me as the reason I know this person, I
haven't minded it.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
At the same time, maybe that I just haven't really
thought about it being offensive, Like maybe I should think
more about like why am I not invited as an individual?
Speaker 6 (03:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (03:01):
I mean it depends because there's certainly people I know
just through their partners that I might like them, they
like me. I would never hang out with these people
want or not with that other person, whether it's my partner,
their partner. So in that sense, I kind of get
just like, listen, you're invited, you can bring whoever. It's assumed, So.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
I'm gonna be the one that has to have an
issue with it.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Please.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
I think the simple test for this is do you
have this person's phone number. I don't have the person's
phone number, and you are sending out an invite and
this is not okay. We're doing like I don't know,
this is the first time we're hanging out with this
person's boyfriend and we just happen to be on one
group chat together. This is you know, this person's in
(03:49):
a serious they're living together, right, So if the person
you're inviting is living with this person and you have
their phone number, you should also just send them an invite.
It is very easy to just add another contact. Yeah,
it would be I get not like if you don't
have this person's phone number, being like okay, and now
I'm going to reach out to know and be like, hey, yeah,
can you send me Julia's number I'm having.
Speaker 6 (04:11):
It's like that's a bit much.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
If someone's been dating someone for a year, two year,
three years, a certain point, it doesn't matter that we're
not hanging out one on one. It's just like, just
also invite them. They shouldn't just be a plus one.
Speaker 6 (04:22):
I guess.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter to me.
It doesn't really matter if it's like if that partner
is never going to come on their own, even if
they got the invite, you know what I mean, Like,
let's use Manny and Mia. All right, if I'm inviting
you to something and there's no world in which me
is going to come by yourself to this event, yeah,
it's kind of like we mutually wouldn't care.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Yeah, it's like a formality, but you would. Yeah, well,
I'm trying to get into the shoes of the person
who's asking this question, Like, how should.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
You feel if I'm that person?
Speaker 1 (04:56):
If you know, it sounds like this person is feeling
quite slighted by the fact that they're not invited to
a thing, And it sounds like the person who's not
inviting them individually, like sounds like they know them pretty well.
So I guess, like I'm trying to figure out how
I would feel in that instance.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
He's gonna be the worst advice episode. You're like, well,
I don't care, why are you asking me?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I think it's justified to feel upset or slighted about this.
We're all different. I personally don't mind that much, but
I could see why someone would be would mind And.
Speaker 5 (05:35):
Look, I don't think it's if you are annoyed. I
think it's up to your partner to address here. Yeah,
I'm annoyed, and it's that's your friend. You go talk
to your friend about why I'm not on the invite.
I'm not having that conversation.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Would you mind asking your friend.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Just put demon on an invite like he wants to?
You know, if there's updates about the park. He doesn't
want to have to text me about it.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Then. I think, now it's like if my partner complained
to me about this and then I have to go
to you, Devin and be like, I'd be like, she's
gonna be nagging me about this, Just just shoot at
the text next time. I don't know if I would
even do that.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
You would, because you wouldn't have want to have that
conversation again for the next Evie.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
I'd be like, yeah, I told him, and then I'd
just be like, I don't know why he's Yeah, that's
what I would do.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I've seen this. I've seen this.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
Then I think it is worth bringing it up to
your partner if it bothers you and you don't need
to make it a big deal. I think you can
bring it up and it's pretty nonchalant sight away of
just sort of like, hey, it's just like you know,
she wants to add it to a calendar, all this stuff,
and it's just easier if like, she just gets the invite,
if you don't have her number, here's her number, and
just make it pretty low key. I don't think anyone
who received that from one of their friends will be like,
(06:48):
how dare they request that they are invited? It sounds
like what's happening here is that like people are just
doing the easiest thing for them and not thinking about
other people's feelings. I don't think it's that they're intentionally
not inviting you, especially if you're living together. It's different
if like I don't know if there's still a thing.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Because it's essentially assumed this person is going to come. Yes,
if it's unless it's like obviously a very small thing,
that they're a different thing.
Speaker 6 (07:15):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
And I think that's fair. And then just to kind
of put a point on that, it's just be the
change you want to see. So you better be inviting
everyone in every problem if you're going to be thinking
this way.
Speaker 6 (07:31):
I will say too.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
As a final note, it sounds like maybe this is
not about the invite at all, and maybe this is
about how you feel in the presence of your partner's friends,
and maybe it sounds like you feel like you're being
left out to some degree. Yeah, so I would I
would take a long, hard look at that.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Well, because I mean, yeah, things get complicated. There's been
friends of mine who have had long term partners, and
you know, I try my best, and sometimes it's like
this person is not give they don't care if I
livered in front of them. And I've known them for
maybe i'll say, like a decade. Yeah yeah, and you
know those people aren't around anymore with good reasons.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Yeah they didn't make the.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Cut, but you know, or like and the flip side,
it's like you can tell like some people would make
no effort to even meet with the significant other, and
it's like, okay, you can only pretend like you know.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
This person yeah or something.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Yes, but yeah, anyway, that's obviously a larger.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Issue but yeah, yeah, but still one that I feels
pertinent to this.
Speaker 6 (08:34):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
I think it's if I think if you felt included
in other aspects, it wouldn't feel as big of a deal,
which is I think kind of what we're talking about here,
where it's like, ah.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Somebody forgot like an email whatever, who cares.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
But I think it's like, oh, every time I hang
out with these people, like they don't greet me, they
don't say anything to me, and I'm not on an email,
Like then it starts to add up.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Ye. Yeah, it's like, well, maybe I won't even bother
going to this.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Yeah, exactly. Maybe you don't even want me there. Yeah
sounds like they don't.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Yeah, hey Manny No Devin responding to your question mail
bag request, I have a crush on a co worker.
Oh this shit is brutal, But here we are. I'm
five years older than him. I'm thirty seven with fresh eggs.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Oh what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (09:18):
I's hold the commentary for app. I'm afraid of even
saying anything for lots of reasons, but the biggest being,
am I too old? Is this real? Is this perception?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
What is even real?
Speaker 4 (09:30):
For context, I am by a homeowner outside of my
current city and wants to have a baby in the
next two years.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
The age is fine, The ages are fine. Yeah, and
thirty two.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
It's not like she's talking about having a crush on
like a twenty two year old. It's like, I'm not
what kids in the next two years? Yeah, thirty two?
Speaker 6 (09:52):
Realm. We joke about it a lot, but you can't
have kids at this age.
Speaker 5 (09:55):
Surprisingly, it's legal. So it is of the age where
if you had something that was serious for a few years,
you can see maybe you know too cutting in a
little tight Yeah, being that like you're not with this
person yet.
Speaker 6 (10:11):
Yeah, but you know.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
I don't want to worry too much about the baby thing,
even though that's an important conversation to have within a
couple of months at this rate.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
But yeah, wait, wait, so wait, what's the actual question, Like,
what's one of this.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
I mean, figure out, you know, is it with all
these other parameters? Are they kind of crazy for even
thinking about it's a coworker, Yeah, so co worker, the
age thing.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Okay, so as it pertains to the question of like,
is it uh kosher?
Speaker 6 (10:44):
Yeah, right, I won't put business.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Likely thing for you to say. Yeah, I think I'm
pretty biased here, but never in an instance where one
of us had a power dynamic over the other, per
since so it was always like either different teams, level
playing field or different teams.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I date all my interns, So I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Think there's any real issue with you working with the person.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Yeah, it's it's more a matter of, obviously, if you
don't know this person's interest in you, I think it's
totally fair to ask them out. But after that you
need to, right, you need to let it go and
box that up and bury it.
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Yeah, the rest of.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Your career there, And I will say part of this
is like we don't know you, right, and because.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
To know what kind of job this was?
Speaker 5 (11:37):
Yeah, what happened? That's a really good point. What type
of you actually work with them?
Speaker 6 (11:41):
Yes? Are you working directly with them? Is this just
someone in the office.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You guys as or are you in a like an
office job ye or Quiznos corporate for the Chrisnos office job.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
And I think it's important to like, what is the
what are your personalities?
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Right?
Speaker 5 (11:59):
Like, are you to people who if you get like
if this doesn't work out, or you're gonna be able
to continue working.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
In this environment and everything's going to be fine.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
Because I've been in situations where not me in a
relationship with co workers, but I've been the boss of
people who have been in relationships working very closely together
on teams yea who it's great when it's going great,
and then you know they get into a fight and
then somebody's calling out sick oh, or someone refuses to
(12:32):
work with the other person.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
We should believe out names, but is this.
Speaker 5 (12:36):
And no, So I think knowing the personalities at play
here too, like is this going to be something that
like if it's awkward and that's all it is.
Speaker 6 (12:48):
Who cares? Yeah, shoot your.
Speaker 5 (12:49):
Shot if it's awkward, all right, whatever, You can move
past it if you think it's going to impact, Like
if this doesn't go well, if you think you're gonna
have to quit your job, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Is the worst situation that you'll be miserable at work,
you'll be fired? Like what Like, yes, we gotta lay
out the consequences. But just to respond to a part
of this email that seemed to be very important, which
is like the fertility. Yes, yeah, I would describe a
crush as something that's pretty frivolous, like low stakes. This
seems to be like seems to be tied to like
(13:23):
a desire to have babies pretty soon.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
Well, they just don't have time to waste.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
Yeah yeah, okay, which is fair, But you also don't
want to You're putting a lot of expectations on a
person that you don't even know if they like you. Yeah,
she's trying to give herself an excuse to not approach
him and not have a conversation. But I think it's
like step one is just like it's interested in you
like each other, yes, and you can sort of go
through all these other things. Why are we talking about, Yeah,
(13:49):
having a baby in two years? You don't even like
you probably don't even know this guy's midle name.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
You know.
Speaker 6 (13:53):
It's like there are a lot of steps we got
to go through.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, there are a few things I wish I knew,
like more context, Like are these people flirting with each other?
Or do you just look at a person every day
and yes you have a crush on them, you know what.
That's fine too, But I just mean, like, you know,
so many people are kind of can't read when someone
likes them. It's like we might be answered, we might
be telling you to go approach someone who is not
(14:16):
interested in you.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
But that's fine. You can find that out very quickly.
And you could be like, hey, you want to grab
a drunk after work?
Speaker 6 (14:21):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
You know, like the stakes aren't let's watch the Knicks?
Speaker 6 (14:24):
Yeah thinks exactly. Stakes are not that high.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I'll replay of the next there they're in cancn right now.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Hey, y'all, I need some advice. I'm having a birthday
picnic and I've told all of my friends that they
can bring their dogs, because of course they can. I
have no problem with dogs being at my picnic. But
I do have this one friend who dog I hate.
(15:03):
This dog is energetic, yeahy aggressive. This dog ruins the
vibe every time. And my friend has no idea that
this dog is a problem. She thinks her dog is perfect.
I do not want to ruin my birthday picnic. How
do I tell her? Knowing that this will likely make
(15:24):
her upset?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
And I am conflict avoidant? Please, hell, I've got a
question before we get into it. Yep, for the dog
owners of the show, how much of a dog's like
bad behavior can be attributed to its personality versus just
not training it. Well, it's a mix, yeah, like a
(15:49):
dog like at a picnic, kind of just running around,
smelling all the food, licking it up, like just kind
of being a nuisance. I mean to me, I'm like, yeah,
it's it's a dog. I mean, that's what they do.
I guess.
Speaker 6 (16:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
But then it seems like some dogs probably start out
that way before they're trained to be more polite.
Speaker 5 (16:06):
Yeah, it sounds like and this is a tough thing,
you know, as a as a fellow dog owner, I
fucking love my dog and no one else can talk
shit about my dog except me. Yeah, but I'm also
very aware of my dog's shortcomings, like what he can do,
what he can't do, what situations I should put him in,
(16:27):
what situations I should not put him in when it's
time to just like we just got to go. And
I think, if you're going to be the type of
dog owner who's gonna be like, I love my dog,
blah blah blah blah blah, you got to be really
aware of how other people feel around your dog, especially
with a bigger dog. You know, you can't just assume
everybody's going to be comfortable with your dog jumping on
(16:47):
in for food and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
So, but you seem to have kind of the wherewithal
to know in certain situations that your dog might not
be great for some yere.
Speaker 6 (16:59):
I'm not bringing my dog everywhere for that.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
The issue here, So to help the caller here, how
can she let her friend know that her friend doesn't
know that the dog is bad in these situations.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
I don't think there's an easy way to do this
without being direct.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
Yeah, if you allow other dogs, yes, that's the problem everybody.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
I think it's it's totally fair, even at a park
picnic thing, to just be like, hey, no dogs, like
there's too much food and other stuff, Like it'll just
be kind of easier if we don't need to have that,
and you could blame it on someone's allergies, like there's
a million things to do.
Speaker 6 (17:35):
But if you're gonna.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
Allow other dogs there, Yeah, it isn't obviously specific and
you can't just put out a vague thing of like yeah,
good dogs only, like yeah, unless this dog is like yeah,
this dog is aggressive, but like it doesn't sound like
the dog is like biting people where it's like okay someone,
Like that's what I would assume if if I have
(17:57):
a dog that doesn't hurt people, I'd be like, cool,
my dog's fine.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
I think you need to think about I know they're
conflict avoidant. Do you want to have an awkward conversation now?
Or do you want your party to possibly be ruined
by this dog doing this thing for an hour, two hours,
three hours, however long the picnic is?
Speaker 4 (18:17):
Yeah, I think that's if it's more of like.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
The dog's a little bit annoying and like you know,
he runs around a little bit, but like it's not
gonna really mess up the party. Okay, maybe you just
got to suck it up and then next time just
get ahead of it and say like, hey, no dogs. Yeah,
but if this dog, if you're thinking this dog is
going to like you, she said she hates this dog.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (18:40):
I'm like one of those people that like, if it's
my thing, I'm not inviting somebody I don't like. Yeah,
and that includes your dog. So like you have to
have a friend conversation with them and be like, hey,
I would love for you to come, but like, don't
think it's going to be the best environment for your dog.
Speaker 6 (18:55):
And if your friend is actually your friend and.
Speaker 5 (18:58):
A will receive that in for me and be okay
with it and leave your dog at home and show up.
If you're not really your friend, they're not going to
show up.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
What exactly should she say to this person? I think
you can touched on it a little bit.
Speaker 6 (19:08):
Yeah, let's have a mock let's have a mock conversation.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I think something in the message should be like, maybe, hey,
i'd like your dog, but I feel a little uncomfortable
around your dog. Sometimes something that's like not like you
suck your dog sucks, You're going to ruin the party.
But like maybe if it's personal like that.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Are you calling him or doing this in person? Do
you think I'm probably texting?
Speaker 6 (19:32):
Okay, texting Hey, don't call.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Hey? Three wise?
Speaker 6 (19:38):
Hey, what's up?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Man?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
He's so excited for the party. I've already I've already
gotten Alia a brand new bandana.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
For Well, that's actually what I what I wanted to
talk about today.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
Thanks for responding to this message.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
As you know, my birthday party welcomes dogs, but on
more than a few occasions, I felt a little bit
uncomfortable around Ollie. Don't. I don't have anything against dogs
in general, but Ollie in particular makes me a little nervous.
And I don't want to be uncomfortable in any way
(20:21):
at my birthday celebration. But I was wondering if it's
okay that you come, but Ollie stays.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
Home, So you're gonna be letting other dogs come but
not Ali?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yes, because I feel a little bit more comfortable around
these dogs. They're not as energetic, they're not running around
trying to eat the food, and I'm just gonna feel
a lot more comfortable. And normally I wouldn't ask this,
but it's my birthday, so I just want to feel
as good as I possibly can please. He's laying it on.
Speaker 6 (20:53):
You know.
Speaker 5 (20:54):
I guess it's fine or whatever, but it's just kind
of weird to me, and that this is the first
time you're ever bringing up the fact that you been
feeling uncomfortable around Ollie because you've been around Ollie so
many times, and like you've never said anything, so it
sounds like you're just kind of making this up.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You're right, I should have brought this up earlier, but
in previous instances, I didn't want to make you feel bad.
In this instance, I'm fucking had enough.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
I need to stand up for myself.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
And on last year at my birthday, I was a
little bit nervous and anxious around your dog, and I
don't want to feel that this year on my birthday.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
That's very all right, this is a classic incoming, I think.
All right, Hey, Mandy, No and Devin, we have a
question for you. Our good friends invited us on a
dinner double date. When picking a location, we told them
(21:54):
we don't have a preference, and so they selected a
new restaurant that none of us had been due before.
The food ended up being a nothing special. At the
end of the meal, when the checks came, our friends
told the waiter that they would be using a coupon
that they had and ended up paying about half price
for their meal while we paid full price. This left
us with a bad taste in our mouths. A few
weeks later, they invited us to another restaurant, again that
(22:16):
none of us have been to. This time, we asked
them ahead of time if they had a coupon to
go there, and they said yes. We declined their offer
because of the previous experience and it was a random,
out of the way location. Curious to hear all of
your thoughts on the situation. Do you think what they
did was rude? Or are we being upset for no reason?
Should they have offered us to use the coupon on
(22:38):
the appetizer they split with us? Does it make a
difference that they had to pay a subscription fee to
receive these coupons?
Speaker 6 (22:46):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Should they have been more upfront about their coupon and
reasoning for the restaurant selection? What are the social norms here?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Thanks? And remind me at the beginning who invited who
to the dinner? They invited them, They invited the emailers. Okay, yeah,
I think it is rude. Yeah, I think it's rude
number one to only choose restaurants because you're getting a discount.
(23:14):
And maybe this is different in New York than wherever
they live, but like, I feel like, if you're going
to go on a double date, there's gotta be some intention,
like why are we choosing? Like, you know, there's gotta
be something personal about where you're going for dinner with
these people. If it was just like the three of us,
we're getting dinner after bowling or something, and one of
you had a coupon and that's why we're going, I
think that's totally fine. But this goes somewhere because you
(23:37):
have the coupon. Yeah, this feels way more intimate a
double date. And then you know, if I had the coupon,
I'd be upfront about it and be like, hey, if
I'm inviting these people, hey yeah, and if I'm inviting you,
you're getting some of the discount.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
This is going for everyone.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Yes, Yeah, That's what's crazy is the effort that goes
into using coupon just on your half of the meal. Yes,
that's where it's like, all right, this is not like
an accidental thing. No, you're you're telling the waiter specifically,
only take this twenty percent off on this, and it's like,
you know, money's tight whatever the economy.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Like you're doing this to save Like yeah, what like
how much money could it be worth?
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Is that really worth doing this?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Yeah? I'm trying to figure out the rude part of it,
because like.
Speaker 5 (24:27):
It's rude because you're inviting somebody to dinner and you're
not being honest about why you're choosing the restaurants. Yeah,
and that the fact that you have a coupon, so
it's like they may be picking a place that's expensive
and it's other couple's like, well, if they want to go.
Speaker 6 (24:42):
We go.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
So we get there and then we're ordering all the
normal you don't say anything till the very end and
then to know it's point and then you're only like
using the twenty percent on your you and your spout,
Like that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
It's really rude. I mean, I'm trying to imagine my
scenario where like we get to dinner, it's time to
pay out, and then the couple who invited me pulls out.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
Like a coupon and for themselves.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
And they don't use it on this selves I'd be like, oh, what.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
You know.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Obviously I don't. I'm not entitled to it. Yeah, but
it just odd.
Speaker 6 (25:14):
Yeah, I mean it.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
I would feel embarrassed if I was the person inviting
someone if I had a coupon and did not mention
it ahead of time.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
To me, there's two violations happening here. One is that
we're only going to this place because you have.
Speaker 6 (25:25):
A coupon, there's no other reason.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Completely strips away any kind of like intimacy about wanting
to take your friends out on this double date. To
you get to the part where you use the coupon
and you're not including the people you invited to this
place for the sole reason of having the coupon. Now,
the third violation is like, hey, let's do this again, Yes,
because I have another coupon. I would feel like I
(25:49):
would feel so pissed.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
I will say, some people just don't have any like
social awareness mm hmmm.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
And I would be up front.
Speaker 5 (25:57):
I know they said that they told them like, no,
we don't want to go to that restaurant, But I
would be upfront with them and be like, hey, it
seems like you guys are only picking restaurants that you
have coupons for we don't have coupons. If we're going
to go out to eat, you guys, we want to
go somewhere that we actually want to eat that, you know,
And it's kind of awkward that you guys are inviting
us just two places that you have coupons for, being
that we don't have coupons. So there's no incentive for
(26:19):
us to do that. If you guys just want to
use your coupons, just go out by yourself to these restaurants.
Why are you inviting me and then leout if it's good,
and then if it's great, yeah, then we can go back,
come back.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
I don't care if they pay for a subscription fee
for now. I mean that's weird. I mean, I don't
know what it does not matter that they're no, I mean,
I mean, how much could that be even whatever it is,
even if.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
Someone gave me a gift card to the place. Right,
so I'm getting say one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 6 (26:48):
Dollars off at the restaurant.
Speaker 5 (26:49):
If I'm inviting somebody else to that restaurant, they are
getting that disc.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Off the top. Yes, yeah, it's off the top. And
then you do.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
I mean, look, I pay for Regal Unlimited twenty three
dollars a month so that I can go see movies
without paying for the movie. This person is paying a
subscription to get this discount on things.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
It feels like kindergartener mentality, if like everything needs to
be fair and even it's like sometimes you should just
do things because it's nice. Yeah, you're not always gonna
like it's your coupon. I get it, you pay a
subscription fee, but like, if you're inviting your friends out,
maybe you're just gonna not get as much money back
as you thought you were.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Yeah, you should enjoy the experience. And like, if you're
that hard.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
Up for money that you should issue.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
You should be paying for a subscription service for coupons. Yeah,
and you shouldn't be going out to restaurants, let alone
inviting other couples exactly. Like that's it. It's just like
when it's like when people complain about tipping normally at
a restaurant, it's like, well then you can you can't
afford it, You shouldn't be ready. Yeah, just make some
mac and cheese.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, so pretty unanimous by many, Noah and Devin. Your
friends should feel ashamed.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
And you should you should confunct them about it?
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Yeah, yeah, no more?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
I mean yeah, were you were too nice in saying no?
Just because the restaurants far away, I'd been like, why,
what is happening here? What is wrong with you?
Speaker 4 (28:14):
That's some help? Maybe talk to you know, send it
an advice question to some people. All right, hey, guys,
I've got some advice to ask. How do I pursue
new friendships without neglecting the friends I already have? I
absolutely love all my friends. They're incredible people, and they
mean the world to me. I have a few particularly
close friends, but I can't help but feel that many
(28:36):
of them have this untouchable connection with each other that
I just can't reach. I try my best to spend
more time with these people, but always worry about neglecting
the close friends I already have. There are also people
who are not quite friends, but acquaintances that I'd like
to get to know better. But I don't know how
to start that process without a looking weird or b
making my current friends think I'm trying to move away
(28:57):
from them, or that I enjoy their company any less.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
What do you think I feel like, out of the
three of us, Manny, you should answer this because the
amount of friends that you have is disgusting.
Speaker 6 (29:08):
Yeah, that's fair, So you do a good job.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
So what do you think.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
I have a lot of friends there, But like, I mean,
it seems like this person doesn't have that much time,
because my initial response to this is that you can
do all of this at the same time. Yeah, it
seems like you can like make new friends without having
to neglect the other ones.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
Precidically, it sounds like they're saying they have to sacrifice
time with their friends. They already have to deepen relationships
with newer friends, which yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
And they're not trying to lose any It's not like,
oh I don't like this friend group. No, they're not
like holdovers from college or something.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
There is some level of like politics to this in
a weird way, Like I've run into this all the time,
where I'm someone who wants to invite every single person
I know on a weekend to the same bar. But
I've found that, like some groups don't mesh well with
other groups. Some groups want very specific people there. They'll
be annoyed if other people show up, not because they
don't like the person, but like it just changes the
(30:03):
dynamic expectations.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
Well, yeah, it's like, if I'm going to meet up
with two people, it's way different than meeting up with
five people, even if I like all those people.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Yeah, and there's different goals for different hangs. Sure, so
there's definitely a lot to think about in this scenario.
Speaker 4 (30:18):
All right, So let's let's break it down. I guess
there's someone who is a friend of a friend. Maybe
you've seen each other a few times at bar parties
or whatever. You're friendly but not friends. How should we
approach going about taking that next step?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
For me, it's always been like weirdly similar to trying
to ask someone out on a date, where it's like, hey,
hey man, I like really enjoy hanging out with you, Like,
let's get a beer sometime soon. Then it stops becoming
a thing you plan around, so like yeah, once you
fortunately like this stuff has to does have to be
pretty organic, otherwise it doesn't feel authentic. People will be
(30:53):
like what is this about? And I've noticed that too,
where like people will be really kind of weird about
asking to hang out with me and it kind of
turns me off. Similar to dating, you want to make
sure it's like mutual interest.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah, I just like, well, well, now I need to
go like this person's bugging me, Like there must be
some sort of reason you are connected.
Speaker 6 (31:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
And then I think, as far as not worrying about
cutting out other people, I think it's just keeping up
with Yeah, just like don't ignore the group chat or
whatever it is, and just like, yeah, you can't hang
out with everyone all the time.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Yeah, my advice would be not to worry about like
not paying attention as much to the previous friend group.
If you're close enough, that's gonna be fine.
Speaker 6 (31:34):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I'll have friends who hit me up who I haven't
talked to in like six months, and we'll just pick
but right back up like nothing, like there had been
no gap in them communications. And I think like your
best friends are like good friends will be like that.
I really wouldn't worry about losing your previous friends and
no one's gonna be at home being like damn, man,
he didn't text.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
Me, or like see that you went out with one
other person one time and be like, oh, I guess
I'm done now. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Now, there was a part of the question that was
like they feel like they can't penetrate. Yeah, So like
a dynamic that feels very close, which is also another
interesting thing. Some people like meet each other two weeks
ago and then you see them hang out and it
seems like they've been friends for definitely ever. Yeah, there's
just certain personalities that click with each other like that,
(32:21):
and it's I don't think it's worth like trying to
penetrate that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Yeah, because I'm read to reread that bit it says
I love all my friends. They're incredible people and they
mean the world to me. I have a few particularly
close friends, but I can't help but feel that many
of them have this untouchable connection with each other that
I just can't reach. So this makes me think of
our follow Ups episode in a way.
Speaker 6 (32:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:43):
But yeah, it's like you feel like you don't have
that real deep connection. You kind of just need maybe
one on one time or something like if you're always
hanging out in groups, try to get more individual attention.
I feel like that always makes me feel closer, even
if it's not we're going to have a hard conversation
with each other. It's just like, I don't know, it
(33:04):
just means something different to carve out time with one
person versus with a group of four people or something.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
An easy way I've done that in the past is like,
if you're out at drinks of the group and then
one of the friend you want to connect with more
wants to get a drink, You're like, hey, I'll go
with you to the bar. Depending on what bar you're at,
you're actually going to be by yourselves for a while
and you can talk a little bit.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Yeah, and even that that's something small like that, which
could even be it could only be three minutes. It
could just be enough, like okay, somewhat intentional, even though
there's this added thing of yeah, we're waiting at the
you know, yeah, drinks or whatever.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
The other person will go home and they won't be like, oh,
this person made an effort to talk to me. But
it's something subconscious that happens, and the next time you
see the person, I don't know it makes more sense.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Some people are just unknowable.
Speaker 6 (33:50):
Yeah, and every friend has their role right exactly.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
Yeah, I'm the leader of the group, and then everyone
else kind of falls in line. Hi, Manny Noadavik, I
need advice about my friend's wedding. I'm the best man
in the wedding. Between two of my closest friends. I'm
psyched to be a part of it, but they have
(34:14):
very different taste than me, and I was down for
whatever they had mined for me in their wedding planning process. Lately,
their choice has gotten aggressively questionable. The first choice that
really threw me is their strict requirement for black formal
wear in an all outdoor pomp Springs venue that averages
one hundred and ten degrees during the month of their wedding.
They invited my dad, but I can't send him out
(34:36):
in a suit to bake in that kind of heat.
What's pushing me over the edge is that they're suing
their reception caterer lot. Even though it's them trying to
break their contract. It's a small business we really love
to support, so it's wild to see my friends so
ready to literally sue him just to get their way.
I know it's not my place to step in where
I just have differences in opinion, but is ever okay
(34:58):
to voice disapproval if you think your friends are being assholes?
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I think this person is in the right, but I
do wonder if they should just bite the bullet here.
Speaker 6 (35:12):
Yeah, I mean they.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Shouldn't be trying to fucking sue the caterer, but like
they're clearly going through some kind of stress. You might
not want to add to that just because it's gonna
be hot that day.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
My view, as someone who's getting married soon is that, yeah,
it's kind of like this is not really your your problem,
so I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'll say, though, like,
I think it's especially you obviously are really close with
the dad situation that he I don't think they're gonna
change it, but I think it's fair to say maybe like, yeah,
here's why my dad's not coming. Yep, Like it's gonna
(35:46):
be way too hot, so I just can't do it
with the formal Like with the dress code, it's just
there's no way. Yeah, and then maybe that'll budge them
in some way to make it more casual or whatever.
The caterer thing reading this now for the second time
is again not really your problem. Seeing that you know
the business does make it a little bit more of
(36:08):
like if they are being totally out of line, I
don't think it's crazy if you say something like are
you sure about that? Like, yeah, I don't know about this.
Speaker 5 (36:17):
It's about like, hey, this is a business that we
know and love, and you guys are not acting rational.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (36:23):
I think that's worth bringing up, and more so just
sort of like, hey, is this really worth it?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
The aspect of this where you where I feel like
this person should suck it up, so to speak, is
just going to the wedding knowing that it's going to
be really hot.
Speaker 6 (36:39):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
The parts where they should say something is like hey,
don't think my dad's gonna come to this.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
It's just fucking you could gently push back on basically
all these things.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah, but I wouldn't stress out too much about a person.
It's like, you know, when is the wedding? Yeah, at
this stage, probably too late even to make any changes.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
Yeah, maybe move the location of the wedding to somewhere, like,
you know, upstate New York where it could be Yeah,
it'll be outside in the summer, mom, but it'll be yeah,
so you know, it could be worse. That's for for
one listener out there.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah, weddings though, are like, I mean, that's something you
can't see.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
In the main area where there's dinner and stuff.
Speaker 6 (37:16):
But yeah, anyway, is.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
This about someone we know, it's interesting though. Weddings are
so removed from these this same kind of issue, like
outside of a wedding, you know, like for sure, if
it weren't a wedding, it'd be like, yeah, to tell
your friend that they're being fucking idiots. Yeah, it was
like their birthday party in Palm Springs and one hundred
ten degrees, I'd be like, yeah, what are you guys crazy?
Speaker 6 (37:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Weddings though, are just like damn, that's everyone's one day
for their lives, their whole lives. Where it's like, maybe
it is fucking stupid as hell, but.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
You kind of just need to Yeah, you need to
let them do what they're doing. You can't really complain.
There's so many weird kind of wedding specific things that
do make people act is this is this not a character? Yeah,
you're the best man.
Speaker 5 (38:02):
You should know if this if they're acting out a character,
I think you could take it a little bit differently
than like, h here they go again.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah, true, but definitely leave your dad at home.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
Yes, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
He guess what I would do?
Speaker 6 (38:14):
Watch the game.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
That's it. For our advice episode, I will say we
did get a voicemail from someone with a two to
oh nine area code. Uh, your message did not come through. Actually,
there seemed to be some kind of a glitch that happened,
so please try again and we'll try to get to
your question in a future episode. Thanks for listening to
(38:44):
No such Thing. Produced by Manny, Noah and Devin. Theme
song is by me Manny. Shout out to everyone who
sent us questions asking for advice. If you'd still like
to do so, you can email us, or, better yet,
call the number in the description and leave us a voicemail.
Let us know if you want us to disguise your voice.
(39:05):
We'll talk to you guys soon
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