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January 17, 2025 14 mins

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r/BORUpdates - My husband (25M) has asked to start going on regular dates with me (26F) again, and I’m a little sad.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My husband is trying to exploit our marriage for content.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
For content.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
I mean, John's always down for that for content. So
my husband John fake name and I sorry, sorry, how
uh a three hundred? I think my husband John big
name and I have been married for over two years
and dated for about three years before that. Overall, we
have a generally a healthy relationship with good communication. By

(00:29):
the way this comes from, I don't have ADHD and
they are such okay story times over it's.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
And for context, the male is twenty five and the
female is twenty six.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
So when we first got married, we used to go
on lots of dates, not necessarily anything big, sometimes just
coffee or dry but we went out of our way
to get out of the house together for quality time.
As time has passed, I have taken on more freelance work,
keeping me busier, and he started saying that he's just
too tired, doesn't feel like getting ready to go out

(00:59):
after work or on his days off. Up until now,
I haven't had an issue with that. He does work
a lot, and I don't blame him. But here is
where things have changed.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hmmm.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
A couple of months ago, he got really interested in
digital marketing, basically selling products online. He bought an expensive
course to help him learn and has started trying to
consistently post three times a day in order to build
a following on a new Instagram account.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Okay, consistency, so.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
He's really putting a lot of work into this. Also,
that's more than us a day. We only post twice
a day day of our game. I'm not holding my
breath that it will work out for several reasons that
I won't get into here unless you want them. But
I've never discouraged him for doing it. When he gets stressed,
I encourage him. I tell him often that I'm proud
of all his hard work, I am, et cetera. I

(01:50):
only mentioned that to say that I'm not against him
trying this out and haven't put him down for it ever.
But this is why I've gotten a little sad. Last week,
we won a cute date after he got off work
on Saturday, and I loved it. We laughed and talked
and generally had a great time, like those first dates
after getting married. While we were on the date, I

(02:13):
had an idea for a cute reel that took maybe
five minutes to record, and then I put my phone
away for the rest of the time. When we got home,
I created and posted the reel, adding him as a
collaborator with his new digital marketing Instagram account at his requests.
At his request, I guess he's gotten advice to post
real life things, not just videos trying to sell no biggie,

(02:35):
I didn't mind, well, since I already have a falling
small but bigger than his. That reel did better than
any of the other ones on his account. Uh oh,
we both thought. But now he's asked to go on
a small date every Saturday. Here we go, girl, that's

(02:56):
just called aligned incentives.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Double down on what ladies and gentlemen. This is what
Jon and Sam do.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
Okay, I will say, I'm gonna call John out on
one thing.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
For okay raps.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
One time my face got like ten million views, and
ever since then, my face is the first thing that
shows up on okay raps real because I think he
wants to try and do that.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Is that why?

Speaker 4 (03:23):
Because it made sense for you to ask the question,
and then we were like person ask questions, we respond, I'm.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Totally wrong.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
To go on Riley's example, we had like one TikTok
that was like who has the best producer tag?

Speaker 2 (03:38):
I then proceeded to make.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
A hundred tiktoks on who has the best producer tag?

Speaker 2 (03:44):
We must make a hundred videos to know.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
John is mister double Down? Yeah, yes, you heard of
mister world Ride, but have you heard of mister double Down?
At first, I was so happy. I'd love to get
back to our regular dates, but then he said it
would be so that we could get content for his
paid for content. He asked if I could be a

(04:09):
collaborator on all or most of the posts, but if
he could post them himself so he gets credit for
the engagement. I guess all the views, alikes, et cetera
don't actually bump his page analytics since I was the
one who created the posts. Well, I'm feeling hurt because
for over a year he hasn't shown much interest in
taking me out. Now all of a sudden because he

(04:30):
needs content and saw how I can help his view
count go up. God day, he wants to go on dates,
though I guess I'm feeling used and like I'm not
any kind of priority. I feel like the dates won't
even count as actual dates because he's not asking to
go out to spend them with me. He's just like, Babe,
can you hold this tripod right here? Or no, no, no,

(04:51):
bamee hit record, all right, we're gonna we gonna go
again again three times, three times.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
This might not be real love, but these are real news.

Speaker 3 (05:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
I do want to reiterate that I'm not opposed to
him doing this side job, and I'm not even opposed
to helping him or collaborating on both. Though I prefer
not to do it every week. I'm actually really happy,
whether or not it works out as a money maker,
that he's just putting a lot of effort into something
that excites him. I haven't seen him this into anything
maybe ever.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
Oh no, this is gonna crash so hard because not
only is the content maybe not gonna work out, but
then your relationship if it doesn't work, it's just gonna
crash so hard because he's this excited.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Or you become like one of those couple vloggers and
then just blow up huge. And as long as the
views are good, you at least have to fake it
for the camera. So you'll have some semblance of the relationship.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
You'll have something in common, you'll have something in common,
needing to pretend to be in a relationship to generate
an income.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Hey, this is this is Hollywood. Maybe you got to
You gotta fake it until you make it.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
Show it to be so messed up as if he
figures out monetization and he gets like money from this,
but like does not pay op at all.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
He pays OP in love and she pays them in
fricking views.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
He pays her in exposure.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
Ye, it's not his fault that her love language is
quality time and his views on.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Instagram and his qualified views.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
Babe, you see like your heart is in your heart
and my heart is just below the post with that
little little next to the commet bubble, that little little
like button. If you could just like that. I'm asking
for advice because I don't know if I should bring
this up to him or not, And if I do,
what should I say? The last thing I want to
do is make him feel bad or discourage him in

(06:42):
his new endeavor. Should I just be grateful to be
going on dates again? Am I being selfish? Opie is
asking for the lowest bar. Thanks for any and all advice.
If this is very long, If this could be posted
to the sub I'm open to suggestions. I couldn't post
it on relationship advice because it has to be a
yes or no question. Edit because so many people are
getting hung up on the double standard of me making

(07:03):
contents on the date but not wanting him to. I
just want to clarify I'm not a content creator by
any means. I asked if he wanted to do a
real and he said yes, It's not a regular thing,
as I don't post much. To me, the difference here
is that the whole point of these dates moving forward
will be to get content, and for him it will
be work, where for me it was just a fun
thing for us. Maybe this doesn't make a difference, but

(07:24):
that's just how I see it in my head. And
there are some relevant comments in an update. I'm just
seeing Win wins baby on sn wins his views ob
scene his views. You know, at the at the base
of every relationship is a ten million view TikTok.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
Babe, how are we supposed to subscribe to this relationship
if we cannot get people to subscribe to our content.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
I ask you that simple question.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, if our love was true enough, the interweent net
would know and they would watch it a million times
you know, true love of gets views. John showed me
a beautiful video that had like fourteen million views about
true love storybe you did I didn't do that.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
I remember that, yes, and it was a beautiful story.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
It was made me cry. You're right, it was great.
There you go, But we got some comments. So Caroline
Sakura says, how about you tell him how you feel
and that a date is a date and reels are
for work. If he wants to go on dates just
to get views, those can be only one on five dates.
If you are comfortable with even that communicates and the

(08:33):
Ring says communication is key, you could talk to him
and with the idea above even and frame that date
as a work date. If you're on board and comfortable,
maybe keep the Saturdays as your special dates and then
whatever day lines up. Other than that, try to make
reels together. But what if the spice of the relationship
is the reels. You know, before you had these reels,

(08:55):
there were no dates. As soon as you recorded it,
there's dates.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
You know.

Speaker 1 (08:59):
It's kind of like when you're playing poker and you're
not playing with real money, it's like, oh, it's this fun,
But as soon as you're playing for a little bit
of cash. It's like it spices up the game.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
The whole thing changes, you know.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
I think if you love for views, maybe you love
a little bit harder. WHOA never think about that? Did you?
Did you think about that? If you generally don't like
the idea, then tell him that. As well Away Grape
for four two ninety seven says, so he's in an MLM,
and he admitted that this wanted to go out with
you was to support his cultish business rather than to

(09:30):
get because he values the time. That hurts. I get it.
I'm sorry. I do want to say that these companies,
slash Opportunities slash MLMs are very scripted to high pressure
and designed to make people think if they fail they
are at fault, despite the actual setup being a massive
reason for the failure. They literally borrow cult tactics in
order to prey on people. I think you should talk
about your feelings because I also think you should try

(09:52):
lightly because the whole system is designed to be defensive.
If you bring up reason, it's part of the gig.
There are lots of hu uggs. I'm sorry, and there
is an update.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
So what is he trying to sell on his Instagram account.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
Again, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (10:06):
Maybe, like all we know is that he bought a
expensive course, yeah, to help him do it, Yeah, something
like that. Maybe my guess was he bought an expensive
course on how to make expensive courses.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
That was my guess. Makes sense, But we got an update.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Oh so, first of all, thank you to the vast
majority of you who are logical and kind, and screw
the people who immediately jumped to bashing women in twenty
twenty four. Really, anyway, here's what I ended up doing.
Many many of the comments said that the best thing
to do was probably just take the win and find
the good in my situation. But if it's really bothering

(10:44):
me to bring it up to John, I honestly didn't
want to. But I didn't want to be upset on
every day either, So I decided to give it a
trial run and see how I felt after I waited
two weeks to make a decision and chose to go
ahead and mention it to him. For those of you
who think I'm some dramatic winch who saw has been
could never do enough to make her happy, I told

(11:05):
him I was sure how I felt wasn't how he
intended to come across, but then explain what I'd been thinking.
Sure enough, as many of you said, he was simply
killing two birds with one stone. I told him I
was totally fine creating content on our dates. I just
didn't want to feel like that was why we were
on a date. He said that he understood and would

(11:26):
be careful about that, and if I was bothered or
wanted to have a no content date, then just let
him know. So that's a good part. The next part
was a little tougher, per the advice of a couple
of you with either digital marketing or MLM experience, I
had the tough pyramid scheme talk Ooh.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
It wasn't MLM, though, that sucks.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
I told him before, during, and after this conversation that
no matter what he chooses, I do and I will
support him and help him. But I also explained to
him a few things, how the marketing was misleading, how
most people lose money instead of making it, how they
will try to keep trying to get him to spend
more money to make it work, et cetera. I all
suggested that he track his hours of learning, content creating,

(12:09):
and posting so that even if he does start making sales,
he can decide if the time is worth a payout.
I probably mentioned other things as well, but I don't
remember what if. So I've always been very anti MLM
and like to think I know a lot about it,
so I just tried to give him all the basic
info in a kind way. After all that, I told
him if he wanted to keep trying, I was for it,

(12:31):
as long as he doesn't invest any more money before
he makes some. I also told him how I was
proud of all the work he put into his side
hustle so far, and how I loved that he was
excited about it, how he's getting up early to work
out because of it. He will record parts of his
run stretches, etc. But actually does a full workout or run,
and I love how it's energized him. By the way,
if you want to be energized, you should joined our

(12:53):
YouTube and Facebook every weekday at three pm PSD where
we go live and we're probably live right now our profile.
I'm gonna go straight into the updates, so understandably, yeah,
exactly exactly that that that's exactly what looking or you're
looking at a meme of the office of Michael realizing

(13:15):
he is in a Pyramids game, so understandably he was
a little sad and quiet, but he understood everything and
wasn't mad at all. This was all night and he
was totally back to normal before bed, and he continued
posting today, so I guess it didn't hurt his feelings
or discourage him like I thought it might. That's the
whole reason I waited so long. But I guess it

(13:36):
would have been fine all along. I'm looking forward to
our weekly dates and to the fact that we will
be able to look back and remember them all since
we will have videos from each one. Again. Grateful for
all of your kind words, and I'm happy to answer
comments or questions. Just be nice for goodness sake. And
that is where that story ends, and this episode ends.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Wow, yeah, I'm not mad. I communication communication.

Speaker 6 (14:02):
I like that story was, you know, a fun, funny
littleptic and you know what, also, man, if he's just
like getting out there recording content going to the gym,
remember how she said the line where he's like, I've
never seen him this, Like yeah, it.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Sounds like you know, like, yes he's recording for the
you know, the videos of the gym, and yes he's
recording the dates for the videos, but it sounds like
like he's just like the recording of his life is
actually making him do the things that he should do.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
Right He's now under the world's watchful lies.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
Instagram, see it no way. I would love to see
it though if we can, there's no way. There's no way,
there's no way comments, There's a way that if you
love us, you should subscribe we do love you and
see it tomorrow.
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