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r/BORUpdates - AITA for Sabotaging my Husband’s Tournament after he refused to help with our newborn?
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I sabotaged my husband's gaming tournament because he refused to
help with our new born. My husband, Jake, thirty male,
and I twenty seven female, recently welcomed our first baby, Emma,
who is now three months old. As most new parents know,
it's been a challenging time, filled with sleepless nights and
endless diaper changes. I'm on attorney to leave, so I'm
(00:23):
home with Emma all day, but I still need help
from Jake, especially during the night. By the way, this
comes from Puzzle to six six one five on the
Best of rehditor updates, so ibreddit. So Jake works from
home and is a huge gamer. He spends most of
his free time playing online games with his friends. I've
tried to be understanding and give him space, but it's
(00:43):
been hard when he refuses to help with Emma. At
Knight got to help his squad win those games.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
You just have time for kids.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, come on, babe, I am the leader of my
Alphas squadron.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
We're playing cod Baby out of time to coddle a baby.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
You would understand it's life death out there, babe. This
is just some kid you can grow up on his own.
I've asked him multiple times to take turns getting up
with her, but he always says he's too tired or
that he has an important game. Breastfeeding has been particularly difficult.
Often the baby struggles to latch properly, leading to painful
and sometimes cracked nipples. We don't want that out. You
(01:23):
got to use that? Uh what baby oil or cocoa butter?
I don't know whatever whatever you need for?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
What? What? Ladies? What use for those nipple cracks? Let
us know in the chat. I've had mass miss titties,
mess Titus, mass titties twice already, mass Titus.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I think it's mass titus.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Mass titty mass titus mass titus twice already, which leaves
me feeling feverish and in intense pain.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Because going matt masterities.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I was close. I think despite seeing me in pain,
Jake just lasted off, finding it amusing. That's no laugh
being matter mast Titus would never and should never be
laughed at. Kristen Did says nipple shields and ointment. Sassy
Seen says nipchap lily, Pilly Willy says there's cream for
(02:24):
chapped nips. He never offers help during these moments. Even
though I'm visibly struggling and desperate for support. One night,
after I'd been up with Emma for the third time
and Jake was still glued to his computer, I'd have enough.
I went to his office and asked him to take
over so I could get some sleep. He waved me off,
(02:45):
get out of here, get out of here, saying he
was in the middle of a game and that I
should just handle it. I'm sensing some misogyny.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
My misogyny, sins aingling.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Yeah, you're on maternity leave and free all day while
I have to work, so I need time to relax.
You're just sitting around doing nothing all day. I was
exhausted and on the verge of tears. I needed his help,
but he was completely dismissive, and in a moment of
frustration and desperation, I walked over to the router and
(03:19):
turned off the Wi Fi, which not.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
That bad, not that bad, not that bad.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
I thought she was gonna go and smash it, like
that would have been worse. Turn off the router, like,
she's like, I need to have a conversation with you.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, And she's also being like neglected, and she's probably
lacking sleep is in pain, is frustrated.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And even she's like, hey, I realize I was not
in the best place when I did this, Like she's
even feeling bad about just turning off the WiFi.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
That's when Jake completely lost it. He stormed out of
his office screamed at me. Apparently him and his friends
were in some sort of online tournament and they were
about to win when I unplugged the Wi Fi. He
called me selfish, irresponsible, and accused me of sabotaging his
one form of relaxation. He went on to say that
(04:08):
I had no right to interfere with his me time.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
He doesn't get me time, he doesn't get that much
me time when she's taking care of the child full time.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I mean, she just needs so minute. She needs help,
She needs help, and she hasn't asked for that much.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
No, and he hasn't given any.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
And that I should have waited until he was done.
I calmly explained that I needed his help and that
our baby was more important than his game. He refused
to listen and continued to berate me, adding that I
haven't even been having spicy sleep with him, and that
we've only had spicy sleep four times since Emma was born.
He accused me of wanting to take everything away from
(04:45):
him while doing nothing all day and sitting at home
on my butt. Jake never helps during the day either,
even after he finishes work at five PM. I don't
expect him to help during work hours, but once he's off,
he should be stepping up as a parent, yeah, which
I think is fair. I think it's like, like, you
guys are both working, yeah, during the work day, and
(05:05):
then when you both are home, yes, like there needs
to be time for relaxation for you both.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
But I think there's also an expectation that, like when
you were a new parent, Yeah, you're gonna lose some sleep,
You're gonna lose your me time. You don't get to
just go play with your buddies whenever you want and regardless.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Right, Like, let's let's let's just say he believes, you know,
he he was doing everything right? All right, When your
partner goes up to you and says, hey, I'm exhausted,
I need taking care, I need help taking care of
our child. If you're a good partner and a good parent,
you're gonna do something. Yeah, Like I can't imagine my
partner being like, hey, I need help with the baby.
(05:43):
Be like.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Playing video games.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Play video games. My work was done way back at
the beginning. I shot my shot, and now it's on you, babe. Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous. Instead,
he goes straight to his games, leaving me to handle
everything alone. Since then, he's been sulking around the house
barely speaking to me. To make matters worse, his friends
have been sending me nasty messages, calling me a crazy
(06:09):
wife and saying I'm unreasonable.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh, now he's getting He's probably ranting to his friends, Oh,
my wife is insane. She don't won't let me play anything.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Or any of them do any of them have children?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
They must not or they do. Maybe this is how
they act as well.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
My right. Maybe I don't remember the ages, if we
got ages at the beginning, But this feels like a
young I have to believe it's a young marriage because
this is so immature, like to not be taking your
taking care of your child?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
No, incredibly, Also, don't you want to take care of
your kid?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Do not feel any obligation?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I guess not, I guess.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Or maybe he has old school values where it's like
Jimmy Las says, where is her mean time? Exactly?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
No, he doesn't want to give her because he doesn't.
He is not prioritizing her at all. It's all about him.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Like I think, maybe when a kid gets older, you know,
there's less full time attention that needs to be uh,
that needs to be there with a kid.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, but when you have a newborn baby, it's all consuming,
it's all Yeah, you should always like like the the
the whole thing is like, yeah, you have like the jokes,
You get no sleep, and its torture for like the
first couple of years.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah. Yeah. They call my wife crazy and saying I'm unreasonable.
One of them even suggested that Jake should leave me
because I'm too demanding.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah, and as so, now his friends are telling him
to leave his wife and newborn child.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Dude, I hate these guys. Guys. I feel like I'm
losing my mind here. I am too, just trying to
get a bit of support. I'm exhausted, and all I
wanted was for Jake to step up. Jake, get off
your games, come on, be an adults, be a father.
Where are you?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Where are you? I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Instead, I'm being painted as a villain for one to
help with our newborn.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
No, not a villain. Not a villain. You literally turn
off the Wi Fi like boo freaking who, Yeah, get
over it. I'm smarry with.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
The real world husband.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I just can't imagine getting that upset over turning off
a video game. I mean, even if you're in a game,
I don't even care unless he's getting paid for that tournament.
I don't even care a tournament when he's a new
new father because he's got a game. He's got it.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Also, like, this doesn't feel like the most relaxing environment.
Like you said you need to relax. He said, you
need me time your high stakes tournament. Yeah. Also, yeah,
what is she getting her me time? I'm also curious, like,
what do you think should be the expectation if you
have someone working full time and someone being a full
parent after five pm? What do you feel like the
(08:48):
expectation is for each partner? Obviously this guy should be
taking care of his kid, But like, what do you
think is the ask here? If she is trying to
stay in the relationship and it's not like a instant
divorce and she's like hey, like he's actually good. Besides
this gaping red flag that I see right in front
of me and wants to stay like what do you
(09:10):
what do you? What do you ask for? And then
if that doesn't happen, maybe, you know, we go to divorce.
Tia says, divorce Now, he's never going to change. Michelle
D says fifty to fifty. So five PM, fifty fifty,
that's what feels right to me.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I think. So, I think she's been taking care of it.
And when you have a new newborn, you're you can't
just like go take a shower when you need to.
You can't go to the bathroom without you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
All you're like, yes, baby is sleeping maybe sometimes, but
the baby do also doesn't sleep that long when it's
the newborn. Maybe that baby's waking up like every like
thirty minutes. And also just like the all consuming thing
of like just suppressing all of your needs for another being,
like that's it's just it's it's just it's just all.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Sits much hard, Like I think it's harder than almost
any job if you are full time.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Oh yeah, oh yeah. I mean also like there's I
don't know what kind of job is he has, but
childcare is more often more demanding than maybe the average job.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I think so as someone who's like baby's you know,
and done, like like I worked at a unnamed coffee shop,
it was much harder to babiesit. Not saying that it
wasn't fun, but it was like five hours. That was
I was like running around for five hours. And also
like you're like on, you have to be on and
watching and aware.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Yeah, if he has done the babysitting, she knows. Also,
on the note of how old everyone, Jessica Hinckley, thank
you for the reminder. He's thirty, she's twenty seven, So
he's not even young enough to get get taken off
the hook, not that he should be regardless of how
old he is. So he accused me of wanting to
take everything away from him while doing nothing all day
(10:45):
and sitting at home on my booty. Jake never helps
during the day either, even after he finished work. I
don't expect him to help during work hours, but once
he's off, he should be stepping up as a parent,
and said he goes straight to his games, leaving me
to do everything alone. Since then, he's been sulking, going
around the house, barely speaking to me, to make matters
worth his friends calling me crazy. One of them even
suggested I'm to leave me. So I feel like I'm
(11:07):
losing my mind here, just trying to get a bit
of support. I'm exhausted, and all I wanted was for
Jake to step up and be a parent too. Instead,
I'm being painted as the villain for wanting help with
our newborn. Am I the a Hole? We do have edits,
we do have updates? But is OPD a hole? And
also every time I hear a story like this, yeah,
(11:28):
and I hear am I the A Hole? After? And
it makes me sad, sad because this woman has been
like convinced, convinced that this is normal behavior that like,
like her husband can completely shut her out of his responsibility, yeah,
like his responsibility to take care of this kid.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And he's just like no, yeah, he's a good no,
it's me time time. And then he gets all of
his friends to harass her. So she's already probably like
she has no sleep, she's exhausted, she's in pain, and
now she's getting text messages saying that she's crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
That is.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Over.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Even if he believes that he is right to have
your friends harass your wife is insane.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Well, the thing that he could not if he thought
he was right, he could have gone to her and
said like, hey, that was over the line. Yeah you know,
let's have a conversation about this. But no, because he's
in the wrong.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
This isn't one of your cod chat rooms where you
can just yell slurs and stuff at the top of
your lungs and have all of your friends gang up
on the one girl in the chat. No.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, no, I mean, like you see how those shot.
Like I've seen the videos of those chat rooms. Oh yeah,
those chat rooms are like make me sandwich. I love
the videos where the women are like killing it, annihilating, Yeah,
make me sandwich.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And it's like no, yeah, I just like can't comprehend. Yeah.
Margerie says Op is so not the A whole. I
think all of us agree, not the A whole. It
seems like chat agrees, not the Ahill Lily Pilly Willy says,
hey or not, Margress, OPI is so not the A whole.
Alicia not the A whole, of course, Jelly but says,
treating her like she's a video game fodder. Nurse Aaron
(13:09):
says she is so much not the a hole he
is though, and his friends. Yeah. Yeah, this also feels
like something systemic. It's like not like a single issue issue.
This is like something that feels like belief. Yeah, this
is this is These are deep seated beliefs. But we
got an update for those of you saying why I
(13:31):
married him and didn't I know this before? Jake was
completely different, before em was born. He was supportive, he
was understanding. This behavior is new and shocking to me.
And edit too, all those calling me an a whole
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Who's calling and a hole gamers?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah, dude, understand the game. Also, something that like scares
me about marriage is that like just like someone can change,
someone can change, can change, like just like I think.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I think it's like really important too. I mean, like
we see a lot of stories where people get married
after like a year of knowing each other, and I'm like,
I don't think you can know someone until you're at
least like.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Well, I feel like years in. I feel like i've
really I feel like I haven't really known my significant
others until like two years in. Yeah, and then like
all of the like I think you see just you
just see who someone like really really is at the
two year mark. And then also if you travel with them,
my parents say, like, don't marry someone.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Until you've had it, been on a road trip if.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
You if I think road trip or third world country, Yeah,
either one of those, like tight quarters just like camping
or in a van for multiple weeks, like can you
can you there's going to be conflict, it comes up.
Can you get through it? Can you push through it?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
And so yeah, I went on a three month trip
with my friends, still friends with them, Yeah, doesn't always happened.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I went on a month trip with my ex girlfriend
and she's an ex.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
We found out, and there you have it. They have
it that every.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Time, every time. My parents traveled for months through Europe
and India. Married for twenty seven years more than I
am old, thirty six years and.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Mom got married a year before.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
You. No, they've known each other since eighty nine.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah, but they got me. I think they got married.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
They got married the year before. But they've known each
other since eighty nine. Okay, so it's like twenty eight
if they know, Like how long have they known each other?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Okay, okay, yeah, thirty five years? Quick maths. We got
another edit? So uh to all those calling me an
a hole. I'm sorry your words cut deep, and I
feel more hurt than I can't express. I didn't turn
off the Wi Fi out of spikes or because I
couldn't handle my responsibilities. It was a desperate act after
(15:57):
feeling completely unsupport it and alone. I feel like I'm
drowning in guilt and sadness. This time with Emma has
been incredibly challenging. I'm constantly exhausted and in pain from breastfeeding.
All I do is cry because I feel like such
a failure.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
And I feel like this is like when you have
a partner is going through this like such physical change. Uh,
you need to be so supportive. It's hard and it's
a single parent perfect but yeah she is a single.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
She's a single parent. Like maybe he's providing a check,
but yeah, single parent bad roommate but roommates subsidizing the house.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yeah that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Nurse Aaron says, Okay, this is making me very worried postpartum.
I don't know if I would even like like potentially, yeah,
but it's like I would be.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I would, as you said, like obviously could be.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But yeah, it's like anyone would be, would be super station.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah, causation kind of, yeah, exactly. No, it's just this
guy is terrible.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Ya, he is terrible. All I do is cry. I
can't just can anymore. Jake works hard, and I appreciate him,
but his indifference to my struggles makes me feel so isolated.
I spent my days and nights in tears, wondering if
I'm failing as a mother and a wife. Well, maybe
maybe the postpartum is making her not realize how bad
(17:21):
the situation.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Is for her, putting it anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah, all I've wanted is for us to share the
responsibilities of parenting, especially during those late nights, feedings and
diaper changes that leave me feeling so drained. I've been
struggling with feelings of sadness and guilt, wondering if I'm
failing as a mother and wife. It's not about controlling
his downtime, It's about needing his support during this incredibly
(17:44):
tough time. I wish you could understand the depth of
loneliness and frustration i've been feeling. Your words about me
being selfish and mature hit hard because I've been questioning myself. Honestly,
dang it, Reddit, I never wanted to play the victim
or make Jake out to be the bad guy. All
I wanted was for us to work together like a team,
like we promised each other when we decided to start
(18:05):
a family. I'm sorry if my actions hurt anyone, including
Jake and his friends. I was overwhelmed and at a
breaking point. I'm trapped in a cycle of guilt, feeling
like everything is my fault. I never wanted to hurt anyone.
I just don't know how to cope anymore. I'm not
trying to be selfish. I'm just trying to survive the.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Fact that anyone, including Opee, thinks that they hurt, Like
she hurt her husband and his friends for turning off
a game they're playing a game, and also his friends
were still able to play. They took one person out
of a game.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Cheryld Die says she needs a therapist and a divorce lawyer.
Yeah yeah, I mean, like the fact, like you know,
I'm debating, you know, do you go straight to divorce?
He's not even trying to communicate, He's not even seeing
how far she's being pushed. Yeah, you know, and still
is blaming on her.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I just think, to me, it's the fact that he
got his friends involved is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And that's whack too. And three, a lot of people
are saying I'm making breastfeeding a huge deal and millions
of moms do it too. But mess titis isn't just
a minor inconvenience. It's excruciating, throbbing pain that feels like
shards of glass stabbing into my breasts with every suckle.
(19:21):
Oh oh, my nipples are hurting now. Oh Jesus. Sometimes
the pain is so intense that I cry, oh silently
while Emma feeds, and I have to bury my face
in a pillow just to muffle my cries because Jake
has made it clear that my suffering is a nuisance
to him. Oh this is sad.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
This is really sad. Yeah, you are a single parent.
Like it's like when people say, oh, like, don't divorce
with the kids. He's not doing anything. He's providing a
check which you would still get if you divorced.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Oh oh, pus sucks. He says he's either working, gaming,
or sleeping, so I should not disturb him. Where in
there is it parent? Where's parent? Because parents should be
in there. You said you were going to be a
parent yeah, and some people are saying that even if
this happens to me, then what the f should be done? Here?
Do I expect him to grow a breast and feed Emma?
(20:13):
Read it?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I hate read it? Whoever's commenting this, like who's doing this?
And also a lot of times, like I'm sorry, a
lot of times mothers will like pump a bunch of
stuff and then you'll have extra milk left over, in
which case he could feed his baby, could warm it up.
I'm sure there's tons of things that he could be doing.
Could be, you know, getting her water, could be getting
her food, could be making her more comfortable while she
(20:36):
feeds the baby, could be taking the baby immediately after.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Is there a way to make him see what's happening?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I mean, if she's already trying to have a conversation,
he's not listening.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
I don't know, like maybe the divorce conversation will shock him,
but I don't know what else.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah, I mean, like divorce is going to be hard. Yeah,
but you know, I feel like I don't know if
he's going to get it if that doesn't happen, I'm curious,
you guys, think, like what would be best for her.
Does seem like she has such like a bunch of
like a support structure. No, but I mean it feels
like divorce is the best option. But yeah, we'll let
(21:11):
you know from you guys. So do I expect him
to grow breast and feed Eva. No, I'm not expecting
him to do that. I just want him to support me.
He never offers the help during these moments, even though
I'm in tears and desperately in need of support. Mistresslida says,
not the ahle spicy sleep four times with a three
months old, considering that one is not supposed to have
intercourse at all during the first six weeks due to infection.
(21:33):
He is not painting himself in a pretty light here
at all. And b Fan seventy two says, as soon
as he brought up the lack of spicy sleep, it
showed who he was. If you told him that you
wanted spicy sleep, you would stop gaming when he came home.
This has to do with you not catering to his needs.
You need to really think about if you want your
daughter to be raised in a house where her father
(21:54):
treats her mother badly, remember that his kids learn what
is acceptable behavior in relationships by watching what their parents do.
Is this the kind of relationship that you would want
your daughter to have? Oh, it is sad, It is sad.
I feel like when you're in these kinds of relationships,
you know you have to you have to get out,
but it's like, you know, you want to learn how
to avoid getting into these things in the beginning. I
(22:17):
think often these situations are actually there's a lot there's
a lot of people are constantly signaling who they are.
People are constantly signaling who they are.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
And yeah, I mean, like I think as when you're
in a relationship, there's when you see those signals. A
lot of times we ignore them.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah, and they're usually small, you know, the signals of
who someone is are usually small and.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Like easily excused away by you.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Yeah, yeah, because like oh it's just like you know,
this happened is a small thing, Like it's probably nothing.
But usually what they are are they they are indicators
of larger dynamics that will happen in a relationship. And
so like, for example, you know, is this the kind
of guy that won't won't help you if you need
(23:05):
something to be picked up? Right? Like, oh, like hey,
can you pick this up from the laundromat or something? Right?
Like would he do that for you in the relationship
If that's something that he would never do because he's
busy gaming, then is that big hay? We'd got a
change when he like you have a kid with him?
Probably not.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I also think like does he like one example is
like does he get you flowers? Not saying that every
person has to get some flowers? But is he doing
those small? Like is that is your partner doing those small?
And this just goes both ways because this is something
I would do, you know, like is your partner getting
you like giving you things? Is like thinking about you?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, And did you.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
See a change from is it like were they doing
that and then that stopped? You know?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Yeah? Yeah, I just yeah. I think it's really it's
like you kind of want to you want to stop
it at the source. I feel like open has to
get out of there as soon as possible. But I
think like the lesson is to like people getting into
relationship is really like listen to what this person is doing.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Because you know, yeah, and sometimes don't don't let infatuation
blind you from the red flags that your your gut
is telling you about.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
A thick booty will blind many of people, So beware,
beware of the thick booty. Sarah Bata says, leave him
with his child. No, that's that is a terrible idea.
Take the child, Take the child, want care of the child.
Come on, but birthday a ann On says, that was
(24:30):
a part that really sent it over the top for me.
What kind of person complains about only getting their little
spicy hot dog wet four times since their baby was
born just three months ago. Doing the math makes the
look even worse. Wostmoment are not physically, mentally, emotionally prepared
for any kind of spicy sleep for at least six
to eight weeks after creating an entirely new human being
(24:51):
from scratch. So either he's complaining about only having spicy
sleep four times in a month, which is a ridiculous complaint,
especially with a newborn in the house, or he pressured
her into resuming spicy sleep immediately after giving birth. Neither
of those make him the victim, and popular Bonus says,
and the mastic but the mass titis Uh, it's a
(25:13):
crappy man who enjoys spicy slip with women in pain.
Zie held a pen says Saturday morning, put some bottles
in the fridge, put the baby on Jake's chest, and
walked out the door. Came back eight hours later and
asked him.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Wait, they're suggesting that up leaves. They just gives him
the kit and leaves.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Oh, like a Saturday morning, Put some bottles in the fridge,
put the baby on Jake's chest, and walk out the door.
Come back eight hours later and ask him how sitting
around on his butt all day was forewarn mother in
law that this is happening, so she doesn't come and rest.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
I wouldn't feel The thing is, I wouldn't feel comfortable.
And if you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with
your partner, it's like that person's not a partner. They're
not They're not a parent either. I think both parents
should be able to look after their child effectively on
their own.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Chicken Waffle says, Yep. My friend did exactly this to
her ex husband, and he was very helpful after that.
She left him for other reasons, but stopped real quick
chance internal fifty four to fifty says husband quickly learned
the hard struggle when after baby three, he was the
stay at home parent, and I wasn't boy how our
relationship really got tighter than ever, even though it was
(26:25):
tight before. Opie replying to some nasty daily comments, I
understand your perspective, but it's really not that simple. Yes,
I'm home with Emma during the day, but caring for
a newborn is incredibly demanding, both physically and emotionally. Jake
works from home, which means he's here, but he rarely
helps with anything beyond his work or his games. Even
(26:46):
on weekends when he's not working, he's glued to his
computer gaming with his friends. He never changes diapers, dresses her,
or even comforts her when she's crying. It's not just
about the physical task. It's about feeling supported and not
shouldering everything on my own when I'm already stretched thin
emotionally and physically. I'm not trying to make it sound
(27:06):
like I'm the only one making sacrifices. I appreciate that
he works hard, but I'm also working hard to care
for our baby without much help. Yeah. I think that's
the issue here is she appreciates what he's doing.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
And he doesn't appreciate.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
He does not appreciate or understand what she's.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Doing or even want to understand.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
It is easy, yeah, but I'm also working hard to
care for a baby without much help. It's exhausting and
it hurts to feel like I'm doing this alone. I
just wish he would see how much I need him
to be present, not just physically here, but emotionally too.
It's not about throwing tantrums, about trying to get through
each day without feeling completely overwhelmed and unsupported. A girl
(27:46):
has no game, says, oh, you don't listen to this person.
There an idiot and ahole. You're not being selfish by
asking your partner to also parent his child. You're on
maternity leave, not vacation. Caring for a newborn is hard work.
Contrary to whatever this walking trash can believes. You are
three months postpartum, you're struggling with breastfeeding, You're sleep deprived, vulnerable,
(28:07):
and frequently sick, and your husband doesn't help and laughs
at you when you're sick. Who does that? He's putting
your child at risk. He's putting you at risk. You
are overwhelmed and exhausted and doing it all alone. That's
when accidents happened. Jake is the bad guy. He is
thirty years old, and he should be able to balance work,
free time, and caring for a child. Instead, he only
cares about himself. There are hundreds of fathers around the
(28:27):
world who love gaming, work and still parent their children
without complaint. You are drowning and your partner is watching
you and laughing about it. If you have a family
any other support, you need to reach out and tell
them what the heck is going on. Where are Jake's
parents and all this? Does his mother know? He leaves
you to do everything by yourself so he can play
video games respectfully F Jake and f his friends. He
(28:52):
is an adult with responsibility. He doesn't get to sit
around acting like a teenager. Exactly again, you are three
months postpartum. Your husband doesn't help last at you when
you're sec and Justifi is not helping because you haven't
had spicy sleep with him since you gave birth. Please leave,
You can stay with your family because this cannot go on.
It's going to affect your health and the health of
your child. Not the a hole, but you are doing
(29:13):
a disservice to yourself and your child if you stay
and let Jake act like this.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yes, yeah, good good commenters, it's I do think that
there's probably like tons of terrible commenters, but I think
also he might just be focusing and.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Focusing because of mentally at But yeah, op, like fine, yeah,
not at all your fault. And what you need to
do is you need to find support anywhere. You can
reach out to friends, family, family, extended family, and start
like with separation and some divorce proceedings, stay with someone
else that you can just like get out of there
(29:49):
because Jake is going to be mentally draining you. Yes, agreed,
they made me says I'm a dad gamer and stay
at home dad gamer. Simply put, kids come first. I
stopped playing games where I can't really control when I
walk away unless the kids are in bed. Also, you
had a baby with a man child. You all need
to pick better partners to have kids with already. There's
(30:10):
no way this type of crap just sprung up. That's
kind of what we were saying earlier.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Yeah, there's got to be signs.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
He has been this way since the beginning, and you
chose to ignore it. It's really sucky because you and
this kid deserve so much better. But come on, you
knew that your husband was like this before the kid.
I'm sure he barely helps with house duties, never mind
child slash baby duties. But no, you aren't the a hole.
Baby comes first, plain and simple, and Opie responds, I
wish everyone could be like you. It's incredibly tough when
(30:37):
the person you thought would be there for you and
your child isn't stepping up. I feel so lost and
alone in the struggle. All I want is for us
to prioritize our baby and work together, but it's been
a constant battle. Thank you for understanding that the baby
comes first. It means a lot to hear someone else
recognize that and the judgment not the a hole. Obviously,
(30:59):
obviously we got an update. We got an update. But yeah,
I agree with both those comments. I feel like both
of them were like the first one was like like
first of all, f jake and like get out of there.
It's like kind of giving the power back to op
where it's like, hey, yes it might feel hopeless, Yes
it might feel like you have no support, but think
about what you were just saying with like I think
(31:21):
she was saying something about like mother in law or no,
I think that was one of the comments, but I
think it. Yeah, but I think, like, think about what
your extended family looked like. Think about what his extended
family looks like. See if you can lean on them
for support. Anyone out of there, just like get out
of there and try to seize a little bit of
your power. But yeah, he does suck. And also I think,
(31:43):
looking going forward, really try to pick better partners.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
I think it is kind of against the second the
second commentaries. I think sometimes there is a switch between
before child birth and after because it is like a
big change in a person's life. I'm sure there are
some red flags, but I think sometimes it is also
just like a big switch up.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah, no, I yes, it can happen, but most of
I feel like most of the time you have you
have indicator like sure, like it's very rarely do you
have someone completely completely change. Yeah it does happen, for sure,
but very rarely does that happen. Usually it's like a slow.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Well yeah, more so, I think like sometimes it's just
like little things, and then when you have the child,
it's like.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Oh it's big things. Yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, the things
that were a little become big. Yes, but update two
days later,
I sabotaged my husband's gaming tournament because he refused to
help with our new born. My husband, Jake, thirty male,
and I twenty seven female, recently welcomed our first baby, Emma,
who is now three months old. As most new parents know,
it's been a challenging time, filled with sleepless nights and
endless diaper changes. I'm on attorney to leave, so I'm
(00:23):
home with Emma all day, but I still need help
from Jake, especially during the night. By the way, this
comes from Puzzle to six six one five on the
Best of rehditor updates, so ibreddit. So Jake works from
home and is a huge gamer. He spends most of
his free time playing online games with his friends. I've
tried to be understanding and give him space, but it's
(00:43):
been hard when he refuses to help with Emma. At
Knight got to help his squad win those games.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
You just have time for kids.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Yeah, come on, babe, I am the leader of my
Alphas squadron.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
We're playing cod Baby out of time to coddle a baby.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
You would understand it's life death out there, babe. This
is just some kid you can grow up on his own.
I've asked him multiple times to take turns getting up
with her, but he always says he's too tired or
that he has an important game. Breastfeeding has been particularly difficult.
Often the baby struggles to latch properly, leading to painful
and sometimes cracked nipples. We don't want that out. You
(01:23):
got to use that? Uh what baby oil or cocoa butter?
I don't know whatever whatever you need for?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
What? What? Ladies? What use for those nipple cracks? Let
us know in the chat. I've had mass miss titties,
mess Titus, mass titties twice already, mass Titus.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I think it's mass titus.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Mass titty mass titus mass titus twice already, which leaves
me feeling feverish and in intense pain.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Because going matt masterities.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I was close. I think despite seeing me in pain,
Jake just lasted off, finding it amusing. That's no laugh
being matter mast Titus would never and should never be
laughed at. Kristen Did says nipple shields and ointment. Sassy
Seen says nipchap lily, Pilly Willy says there's cream for
(02:24):
chapped nips. He never offers help during these moments. Even
though I'm visibly struggling and desperate for support. One night,
after I'd been up with Emma for the third time
and Jake was still glued to his computer, I'd have enough.
I went to his office and asked him to take
over so I could get some sleep. He waved me off,
(02:45):
get out of here, get out of here, saying he
was in the middle of a game and that I
should just handle it. I'm sensing some misogyny.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
My misogyny, sins aingling.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Yeah, you're on maternity leave and free all day while
I have to work, so I need time to relax.
You're just sitting around doing nothing all day. I was
exhausted and on the verge of tears. I needed his help,
but he was completely dismissive, and in a moment of
frustration and desperation, I walked over to the router and
(03:19):
turned off the Wi Fi, which not.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
That bad, not that bad, not that bad.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
I thought she was gonna go and smash it, like
that would have been worse. Turn off the router, like,
she's like, I need to have a conversation with you.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, And she's also being like neglected, and she's probably
lacking sleep is in pain, is frustrated.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And even she's like, hey, I realize I was not
in the best place when I did this, Like she's
even feeling bad about just turning off the WiFi.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
That's when Jake completely lost it. He stormed out of
his office screamed at me. Apparently him and his friends
were in some sort of online tournament and they were
about to win when I unplugged the Wi Fi. He
called me selfish, irresponsible, and accused me of sabotaging his
one form of relaxation. He went on to say that
(04:08):
I had no right to interfere with his me time.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
He doesn't get me time, he doesn't get that much
me time when she's taking care of the child full time.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I mean, she just needs so minute. She needs help,
She needs help, and she hasn't asked for that much.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
No, and he hasn't given any.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
And that I should have waited until he was done.
I calmly explained that I needed his help and that
our baby was more important than his game. He refused
to listen and continued to berate me, adding that I
haven't even been having spicy sleep with him, and that
we've only had spicy sleep four times since Emma was born.
He accused me of wanting to take everything away from
(04:45):
him while doing nothing all day and sitting at home
on my butt. Jake never helps during the day either,
even after he finishes work at five PM. I don't
expect him to help during work hours, but once he's off,
he should be stepping up as a parent, yeah, which
I think is fair. I think it's like, like, you
guys are both working, yeah, during the work day, and
(05:05):
then when you both are home, yes, like there needs
to be time for relaxation for you both.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
But I think there's also an expectation that, like when
you were a new parent, Yeah, you're gonna lose some sleep,
You're gonna lose your me time. You don't get to
just go play with your buddies whenever you want and regardless.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Right, Like, let's let's let's just say he believes, you know,
he he was doing everything right? All right, When your
partner goes up to you and says, hey, I'm exhausted,
I need taking care, I need help taking care of
our child. If you're a good partner and a good parent,
you're gonna do something. Yeah, Like I can't imagine my
partner being like, hey, I need help with the baby.
(05:43):
Be like.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Playing video games.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Play video games. My work was done way back at
the beginning. I shot my shot, and now it's on you, babe. Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous. Instead,
he goes straight to his games, leaving me to handle
everything alone. Since then, he's been sulking around the house
barely speaking to me. To make matters worse, his friends
have been sending me nasty messages, calling me a crazy
(06:09):
wife and saying I'm unreasonable.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh, now he's getting He's probably ranting to his friends, Oh,
my wife is insane. She don't won't let me play anything.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Or any of them do any of them have children?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
They must not or they do. Maybe this is how
they act as well.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
My right. Maybe I don't remember the ages, if we
got ages at the beginning, But this feels like a
young I have to believe it's a young marriage because
this is so immature, like to not be taking your
taking care of your child?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
No, incredibly, Also, don't you want to take care of
your kid?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Do not feel any obligation?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I guess not, I guess.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Or maybe he has old school values where it's like
Jimmy Las says, where is her mean time? Exactly?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
No, he doesn't want to give her because he doesn't.
He is not prioritizing her at all. It's all about him.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Like I think, maybe when a kid gets older, you know,
there's less full time attention that needs to be uh,
that needs to be there with a kid.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, but when you have a newborn baby, it's all consuming,
it's all Yeah, you should always like like the the
the whole thing is like, yeah, you have like the jokes,
You get no sleep, and its torture for like the
first couple of years.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah. Yeah. They call my wife crazy and saying I'm unreasonable.
One of them even suggested that Jake should leave me
because I'm too demanding.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah, and as so, now his friends are telling him
to leave his wife and newborn child.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Dude, I hate these guys. Guys. I feel like I'm
losing my mind here. I am too, just trying to
get a bit of support. I'm exhausted, and all I
wanted was for Jake to step up. Jake, get off
your games, come on, be an adults, be a father.
Where are you?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Where are you? I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Instead, I'm being painted as a villain for one to
help with our newborn.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
No, not a villain. Not a villain. You literally turn
off the Wi Fi like boo freaking who, Yeah, get
over it. I'm smarry with.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
The real world husband.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I just can't imagine getting that upset over turning off
a video game. I mean, even if you're in a game,
I don't even care unless he's getting paid for that tournament.
I don't even care a tournament when he's a new
new father because he's got a game. He's got it.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Also, like, this doesn't feel like the most relaxing environment.
Like you said you need to relax. He said, you
need me time your high stakes tournament. Yeah. Also, yeah,
what is she getting her me time? I'm also curious, like,
what do you think should be the expectation if you
have someone working full time and someone being a full
parent after five pm? What do you feel like the
(08:48):
expectation is for each partner? Obviously this guy should be
taking care of his kid, But like, what do you
think is the ask here? If she is trying to
stay in the relationship and it's not like a instant
divorce and she's like hey, like he's actually good. Besides
this gaping red flag that I see right in front
of me and wants to stay like what do you
(09:10):
what do you? What do you ask for? And then
if that doesn't happen, maybe, you know, we go to divorce.
Tia says, divorce Now, he's never going to change. Michelle
D says fifty to fifty. So five PM, fifty fifty,
that's what feels right to me.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I think. So, I think she's been taking care of it.
And when you have a new newborn, you're you can't
just like go take a shower when you need to.
You can't go to the bathroom without you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
All you're like, yes, baby is sleeping maybe sometimes, but
the baby do also doesn't sleep that long when it's
the newborn. Maybe that baby's waking up like every like
thirty minutes. And also just like the all consuming thing
of like just suppressing all of your needs for another being,
like that's it's just it's it's just it's just all.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Sits much hard, Like I think it's harder than almost
any job if you are full time.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Oh yeah, oh yeah. I mean also like there's I
don't know what kind of job is he has, but
childcare is more often more demanding than maybe the average job.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I think so as someone who's like baby's you know,
and done, like like I worked at a unnamed coffee shop,
it was much harder to babiesit. Not saying that it
wasn't fun, but it was like five hours. That was
I was like running around for five hours. And also
like you're like on, you have to be on and
watching and aware.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Yeah, if he has done the babysitting, she knows. Also,
on the note of how old everyone, Jessica Hinckley, thank
you for the reminder. He's thirty, she's twenty seven, So
he's not even young enough to get get taken off
the hook, not that he should be regardless of how
old he is. So he accused me of wanting to
take everything away from him while doing nothing all day
(10:45):
and sitting at home on my booty. Jake never helps
during the day either, even after he finished work. I
don't expect him to help during work hours, but once
he's off, he should be stepping up as a parent,
and said he goes straight to his games, leaving me
to do everything alone. Since then, he's been sulking, going
around the house, barely speaking to me, to make matters
worth his friends calling me crazy. One of them even
suggested I'm to leave me. So I feel like I'm
(11:07):
losing my mind here, just trying to get a bit
of support. I'm exhausted, and all I wanted was for
Jake to step up and be a parent too. Instead,
I'm being painted as the villain for wanting help with
our newborn. Am I the a Hole? We do have edits,
we do have updates? But is OPD a hole? And
also every time I hear a story like this, yeah,
(11:28):
and I hear am I the A Hole? After? And
it makes me sad, sad because this woman has been
like convinced, convinced that this is normal behavior that like,
like her husband can completely shut her out of his responsibility, yeah,
like his responsibility to take care of this kid.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
And he's just like no, yeah, he's a good no,
it's me time time. And then he gets all of
his friends to harass her. So she's already probably like
she has no sleep, she's exhausted, she's in pain, and
now she's getting text messages saying that she's crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
That is.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Over.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Even if he believes that he is right to have
your friends harass your wife is insane.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Well, the thing that he could not if he thought
he was right, he could have gone to her and
said like, hey, that was over the line. Yeah you know,
let's have a conversation about this. But no, because he's
in the wrong.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
This isn't one of your cod chat rooms where you
can just yell slurs and stuff at the top of
your lungs and have all of your friends gang up
on the one girl in the chat. No.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, no, I mean, like you see how those shot.
Like I've seen the videos of those chat rooms. Oh yeah,
those chat rooms are like make me sandwich. I love
the videos where the women are like killing it, annihilating, Yeah,
make me sandwich.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And it's like no, yeah, I just like can't comprehend. Yeah.
Margerie says Op is so not the A whole. I
think all of us agree, not the A whole. It
seems like chat agrees, not the Ahill Lily Pilly Willy says,
hey or not, Margress, OPI is so not the A whole.
Alicia not the A whole, of course, Jelly but says,
treating her like she's a video game fodder. Nurse Aaron
(13:09):
says she is so much not the a hole he
is though, and his friends. Yeah. Yeah, this also feels
like something systemic. It's like not like a single issue issue.
This is like something that feels like belief. Yeah, this
is this is These are deep seated beliefs. But we
got an update for those of you saying why I
(13:31):
married him and didn't I know this before? Jake was
completely different, before em was born. He was supportive, he
was understanding. This behavior is new and shocking to me.
And edit too, all those calling me an a whole
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Who's calling and a hole gamers?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yeah, dude, understand the game. Also, something that like scares
me about marriage is that like just like someone can change,
someone can change, can change, like just like I think.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I think it's like really important too. I mean, like
we see a lot of stories where people get married
after like a year of knowing each other, and I'm like,
I don't think you can know someone until you're at
least like.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Well, I feel like years in. I feel like i've
really I feel like I haven't really known my significant
others until like two years in. Yeah, and then like
all of the like I think you see just you
just see who someone like really really is at the
two year mark. And then also if you travel with them,
my parents say, like, don't marry someone.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Until you've had it, been on a road trip if.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
You if I think road trip or third world country, Yeah,
either one of those, like tight quarters just like camping
or in a van for multiple weeks, like can you
can you there's going to be conflict, it comes up.
Can you get through it? Can you push through it?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
And so yeah, I went on a three month trip
with my friends, still friends with them, Yeah, doesn't always happened.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I went on a month trip with my ex girlfriend
and she's an ex.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
We found out, and there you have it. They have
it that every.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Time, every time. My parents traveled for months through Europe
and India. Married for twenty seven years more than I
am old, thirty six years and.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Mom got married a year before.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
You. No, they've known each other since eighty nine.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah, but they got me. I think they got married.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
They got married the year before. But they've known each
other since eighty nine. Okay, so it's like twenty eight
if they know, Like how long have they known each other?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Okay, okay, yeah, thirty five years? Quick maths. We got
another edit? So uh to all those calling me an
a hole. I'm sorry your words cut deep, and I
feel more hurt than I can't express. I didn't turn
off the Wi Fi out of spikes or because I
couldn't handle my responsibilities. It was a desperate act after
(15:57):
feeling completely unsupport it and alone. I feel like I'm
drowning in guilt and sadness. This time with Emma has
been incredibly challenging. I'm constantly exhausted and in pain from breastfeeding.
All I do is cry because I feel like such
a failure.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
And I feel like this is like when you have
a partner is going through this like such physical change. Uh,
you need to be so supportive. It's hard and it's
a single parent perfect but yeah she is a single.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
She's a single parent. Like maybe he's providing a check,
but yeah, single parent bad roommate but roommates subsidizing the house.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yeah that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Nurse Aaron says, Okay, this is making me very worried postpartum.
I don't know if I would even like like potentially, yeah,
but it's like I would be.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I would, as you said, like obviously could be.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But yeah, it's like anyone would be, would be super station.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah, causation kind of, yeah, exactly. No, it's just this
guy is terrible.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Ya, he is terrible. All I do is cry. I
can't just can anymore. Jake works hard, and I appreciate him,
but his indifference to my struggles makes me feel so isolated.
I spent my days and nights in tears, wondering if
I'm failing as a mother and a wife. Well, maybe
maybe the postpartum is making her not realize how bad
(17:21):
the situation.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Is for her, putting it anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah, all I've wanted is for us to share the
responsibilities of parenting, especially during those late nights, feedings and
diaper changes that leave me feeling so drained. I've been
struggling with feelings of sadness and guilt, wondering if I'm
failing as a mother and wife. It's not about controlling
his downtime, It's about needing his support during this incredibly
(17:44):
tough time. I wish you could understand the depth of
loneliness and frustration i've been feeling. Your words about me
being selfish and mature hit hard because I've been questioning myself. Honestly,
dang it, Reddit, I never wanted to play the victim
or make Jake out to be the bad guy. All
I wanted was for us to work together like a team,
like we promised each other when we decided to start
(18:05):
a family. I'm sorry if my actions hurt anyone, including
Jake and his friends. I was overwhelmed and at a
breaking point. I'm trapped in a cycle of guilt, feeling
like everything is my fault. I never wanted to hurt anyone.
I just don't know how to cope anymore. I'm not
trying to be selfish. I'm just trying to survive the.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Fact that anyone, including Opee, thinks that they hurt, Like
she hurt her husband and his friends for turning off
a game they're playing a game, and also his friends
were still able to play. They took one person out
of a game.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Cheryld Die says she needs a therapist and a divorce lawyer.
Yeah yeah, I mean, like the fact, like you know,
I'm debating, you know, do you go straight to divorce?
He's not even trying to communicate, He's not even seeing
how far she's being pushed. Yeah, you know, and still
is blaming on her.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I just think, to me, it's the fact that he
got his friends involved is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And that's whack too. And three, a lot of people
are saying I'm making breastfeeding a huge deal and millions
of moms do it too. But mess titis isn't just
a minor inconvenience. It's excruciating, throbbing pain that feels like
shards of glass stabbing into my breasts with every suckle.
(19:21):
Oh oh, my nipples are hurting now. Oh Jesus. Sometimes
the pain is so intense that I cry, oh silently
while Emma feeds, and I have to bury my face
in a pillow just to muffle my cries because Jake
has made it clear that my suffering is a nuisance
to him. Oh this is sad.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
This is really sad. Yeah, you are a single parent.
Like it's like when people say, oh, like, don't divorce
with the kids. He's not doing anything. He's providing a
check which you would still get if you divorced.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Oh oh, pus sucks. He says he's either working, gaming,
or sleeping, so I should not disturb him. Where in
there is it parent? Where's parent? Because parents should be
in there. You said you were going to be a
parent yeah, and some people are saying that even if
this happens to me, then what the f should be done? Here?
Do I expect him to grow a breast and feed Emma?
(20:13):
Read it?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I hate read it? Whoever's commenting this, like who's doing this?
And also a lot of times, like I'm sorry, a
lot of times mothers will like pump a bunch of
stuff and then you'll have extra milk left over, in
which case he could feed his baby, could warm it up.
I'm sure there's tons of things that he could be doing.
Could be, you know, getting her water, could be getting
her food, could be making her more comfortable while she
(20:36):
feeds the baby, could be taking the baby immediately after.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Is there a way to make him see what's happening?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I mean, if she's already trying to have a conversation,
he's not listening.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
I don't know, like maybe the divorce conversation will shock him,
but I don't know what else.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah, I mean, like divorce is going to be hard. Yeah,
but you know, I feel like I don't know if
he's going to get it if that doesn't happen, I'm curious,
you guys, think, like what would be best for her.
Does seem like she has such like a bunch of
like a support structure. No, but I mean it feels
like divorce is the best option. But yeah, we'll let
(21:11):
you know from you guys. So do I expect him
to grow breast and feed Eva. No, I'm not expecting
him to do that. I just want him to support me.
He never offers the help during these moments, even though
I'm in tears and desperately in need of support. Mistresslida says,
not the ahle spicy sleep four times with a three
months old, considering that one is not supposed to have
intercourse at all during the first six weeks due to infection.
(21:33):
He is not painting himself in a pretty light here
at all. And b Fan seventy two says, as soon
as he brought up the lack of spicy sleep, it
showed who he was. If you told him that you
wanted spicy sleep, you would stop gaming when he came home.
This has to do with you not catering to his needs.
You need to really think about if you want your
daughter to be raised in a house where her father
(21:54):
treats her mother badly, remember that his kids learn what
is acceptable behavior in relationships by watching what their parents do.
Is this the kind of relationship that you would want
your daughter to have? Oh, it is sad, It is sad.
I feel like when you're in these kinds of relationships,
you know you have to you have to get out,
but it's like, you know, you want to learn how
to avoid getting into these things in the beginning. I
(22:17):
think often these situations are actually there's a lot there's
a lot of people are constantly signaling who they are.
People are constantly signaling who they are.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
And yeah, I mean, like I think as when you're
in a relationship, there's when you see those signals. A
lot of times we ignore them.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah, and they're usually small, you know, the signals of
who someone is are usually small and.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Like easily excused away by you.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Yeah, yeah, because like oh it's just like you know,
this happened is a small thing, Like it's probably nothing.
But usually what they are are they they are indicators
of larger dynamics that will happen in a relationship. And
so like, for example, you know, is this the kind
of guy that won't won't help you if you need
(23:05):
something to be picked up? Right? Like, oh, like hey,
can you pick this up from the laundromat or something? Right?
Like would he do that for you in the relationship
If that's something that he would never do because he's
busy gaming, then is that big hay? We'd got a
change when he like you have a kid with him?
Probably not.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I also think like does he like one example is
like does he get you flowers? Not saying that every
person has to get some flowers? But is he doing
those small? Like is that is your partner doing those small?
And this just goes both ways because this is something
I would do, you know, like is your partner getting
you like giving you things? Is like thinking about you?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, And did you.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
See a change from is it like were they doing
that and then that stopped? You know?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Yeah? Yeah, I just yeah. I think it's really it's
like you kind of want to you want to stop
it at the source. I feel like open has to
get out of there as soon as possible. But I
think like the lesson is to like people getting into
relationship is really like listen to what this person is doing.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Because you know, yeah, and sometimes don't don't let infatuation
blind you from the red flags that your your gut
is telling you about.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
A thick booty will blind many of people, So beware,
beware of the thick booty. Sarah Bata says, leave him
with his child. No, that's that is a terrible idea.
Take the child, Take the child, want care of the child.
Come on, but birthday a ann On says, that was
(24:30):
a part that really sent it over the top for me.
What kind of person complains about only getting their little
spicy hot dog wet four times since their baby was
born just three months ago. Doing the math makes the
look even worse. Wostmoment are not physically, mentally, emotionally prepared
for any kind of spicy sleep for at least six
to eight weeks after creating an entirely new human being
(24:51):
from scratch. So either he's complaining about only having spicy
sleep four times in a month, which is a ridiculous complaint,
especially with a newborn in the house, or he pressured
her into resuming spicy sleep immediately after giving birth. Neither
of those make him the victim, and popular Bonus says,
and the mastic but the mass titis Uh, it's a
(25:13):
crappy man who enjoys spicy slip with women in pain.
Zie held a pen says Saturday morning, put some bottles
in the fridge, put the baby on Jake's chest, and
walked out the door. Came back eight hours later and
asked him.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Wait, they're suggesting that up leaves. They just gives him
the kit and leaves.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Oh, like a Saturday morning, Put some bottles in the fridge,
put the baby on Jake's chest, and walk out the door.
Come back eight hours later and ask him how sitting
around on his butt all day was forewarn mother in
law that this is happening, so she doesn't come and rest.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
I wouldn't feel The thing is, I wouldn't feel comfortable.
And if you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with
your partner, it's like that person's not a partner. They're
not They're not a parent either. I think both parents
should be able to look after their child effectively on
their own.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Chicken Waffle says, Yep. My friend did exactly this to
her ex husband, and he was very helpful after that.
She left him for other reasons, but stopped real quick
chance internal fifty four to fifty says husband quickly learned
the hard struggle when after baby three, he was the
stay at home parent, and I wasn't boy how our
relationship really got tighter than ever, even though it was
(26:25):
tight before. Opie replying to some nasty daily comments, I
understand your perspective, but it's really not that simple. Yes,
I'm home with Emma during the day, but caring for
a newborn is incredibly demanding, both physically and emotionally. Jake
works from home, which means he's here, but he rarely
helps with anything beyond his work or his games. Even
(26:46):
on weekends when he's not working, he's glued to his
computer gaming with his friends. He never changes diapers, dresses her,
or even comforts her when she's crying. It's not just
about the physical task. It's about feeling supported and not
shouldering everything on my own when I'm already stretched thin
emotionally and physically. I'm not trying to make it sound
(27:06):
like I'm the only one making sacrifices. I appreciate that
he works hard, but I'm also working hard to care
for our baby without much help. Yeah. I think that's
the issue here is she appreciates what he's doing.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
And he doesn't appreciate.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
He does not appreciate or understand what she's.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Doing or even want to understand.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
It is easy, yeah, but I'm also working hard to
care for a baby without much help. It's exhausting and
it hurts to feel like I'm doing this alone. I
just wish he would see how much I need him
to be present, not just physically here, but emotionally too.
It's not about throwing tantrums, about trying to get through
each day without feeling completely overwhelmed and unsupported. A girl
(27:46):
has no game, says, oh, you don't listen to this person.
There an idiot and ahole. You're not being selfish by
asking your partner to also parent his child. You're on
maternity leave, not vacation. Caring for a newborn is hard work.
Contrary to whatever this walking trash can believes. You are
three months postpartum, you're struggling with breastfeeding, You're sleep deprived, vulnerable,
(28:07):
and frequently sick, and your husband doesn't help and laughs
at you when you're sick. Who does that? He's putting
your child at risk. He's putting you at risk. You
are overwhelmed and exhausted and doing it all alone. That's
when accidents happened. Jake is the bad guy. He is
thirty years old, and he should be able to balance work,
free time, and caring for a child. Instead, he only
cares about himself. There are hundreds of fathers around the
(28:27):
world who love gaming, work and still parent their children
without complaint. You are drowning and your partner is watching
you and laughing about it. If you have a family
any other support, you need to reach out and tell
them what the heck is going on. Where are Jake's
parents and all this? Does his mother know? He leaves
you to do everything by yourself so he can play
video games respectfully F Jake and f his friends. He
(28:52):
is an adult with responsibility. He doesn't get to sit
around acting like a teenager. Exactly again, you are three
months postpartum. Your husband doesn't help last at you when
you're sec and Justifi is not helping because you haven't
had spicy sleep with him since you gave birth. Please leave,
You can stay with your family because this cannot go on.
It's going to affect your health and the health of
your child. Not the a hole, but you are doing
(29:13):
a disservice to yourself and your child if you stay
and let Jake act like this.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yes, yeah, good good commenters, it's I do think that
there's probably like tons of terrible commenters, but I think
also he might just be focusing and.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Focusing because of mentally at But yeah, op, like fine, yeah,
not at all your fault. And what you need to
do is you need to find support anywhere. You can
reach out to friends, family, family, extended family, and start
like with separation and some divorce proceedings, stay with someone
else that you can just like get out of there
(29:49):
because Jake is going to be mentally draining you. Yes, agreed,
they made me says I'm a dad gamer and stay
at home dad gamer. Simply put, kids come first. I
stopped playing games where I can't really control when I
walk away unless the kids are in bed. Also, you
had a baby with a man child. You all need
to pick better partners to have kids with already. There's
(30:10):
no way this type of crap just sprung up. That's
kind of what we were saying earlier.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Yeah, there's got to be signs.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
He has been this way since the beginning, and you
chose to ignore it. It's really sucky because you and
this kid deserve so much better. But come on, you
knew that your husband was like this before the kid.
I'm sure he barely helps with house duties, never mind
child slash baby duties. But no, you aren't the a hole.
Baby comes first, plain and simple, and Opie responds, I
wish everyone could be like you. It's incredibly tough when
(30:37):
the person you thought would be there for you and
your child isn't stepping up. I feel so lost and
alone in the struggle. All I want is for us
to prioritize our baby and work together, but it's been
a constant battle. Thank you for understanding that the baby
comes first. It means a lot to hear someone else
recognize that and the judgment not the a hole. Obviously,
(30:59):
obviously we got an update. We got an update. But yeah,
I agree with both those comments. I feel like both
of them were like the first one was like like
first of all, f jake and like get out of there.
It's like kind of giving the power back to op
where it's like, hey, yes it might feel hopeless, Yes
it might feel like you have no support, but think
about what you were just saying with like I think
(31:21):
she was saying something about like mother in law or no,
I think that was one of the comments, but I
think it. Yeah, but I think, like, think about what
your extended family looked like. Think about what his extended
family looks like. See if you can lean on them
for support. Anyone out of there, just like get out
of there and try to seize a little bit of
your power. But yeah, he does suck. And also I think,
(31:43):
looking going forward, really try to pick better partners.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
I think it is kind of against the second the
second commentaries. I think sometimes there is a switch between
before child birth and after because it is like a
big change in a person's life. I'm sure there are
some red flags, but I think sometimes it is also
just like a big switch up.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah, no, I yes, it can happen, but most of
I feel like most of the time you have you
have indicator like sure, like it's very rarely do you
have someone completely completely change. Yeah it does happen, for sure,
but very rarely does that happen. Usually it's like a slow.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Well yeah, more so, I think like sometimes it's just
like little things, and then when you have the child,
it's like.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Oh it's big things. Yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, the things
that were a little become big. Yes, but update two
days later,
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