October 3, 2025 • 50 mins
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00:18 r/AITAH - AITAH for blocking my mom and telling her she won’t be able to be in my daughters life
13:23 r/AIO - AIO for cutting contact with my step mom over a stupid fight (and the last 28 years)
35:40 r/BORUpdates - My (M30) younger brother's (M28) girlfriend (F25) said something that made me (and everyone else in the room) super uncomfortable. It's been months and it's still a problem, how do I get everyone to move past this? [Short] [Concluded]
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is cole Minor, John, this is coal Miner Sale.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
And we have been digging for stories on the Okay
Storytime podcast as long as we can remember saying.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
And we've found some diamonds of the rough, how haven't we? John?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
That's right. But before we do that, we have to
wade through two more minutes of incredible ads from our
sponsors keeping us finding more great stories on this show.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I will let my mother be in my daughter's life,
keep her out, build a fence. I twenty three female,
am currently twenty seven weeks pregnant with my first child.
I found out in January twenty twenty five that me
and my boyfriend twenty three male, were expecting our first child,
and we were absolutely over the moon with joy and happiness.
We both had concerns we may not be able to
(00:41):
have children. My concerns more due to overthinking than anything else.
By the way, this comes from user ic reference twenty
seven ninety nine, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.
I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says my
mom forty five female, and I have always had a
rocky relationship. She always would talk badly about my dad's
(01:04):
side of the family, specifically my grandmother who raised me
from the age of six until she passed away when
I was seventeen. We won't even get into the drama
she caused when my grandmother had passed away. Now this
next part I'm only adding in for context as to
how my mother can be. When I was nineteen years old,
I decided I was ready to get my first tattoo,
(01:24):
which happened to be for my grandmother who raised me.
I posted it online, excited just because not only was
it my first tattoo, but I had family members related
to my grandmother as well as some of her close
friends on Facebook. Mostly everyone was supportive, even both of
my mom's sisters, But my mom saw it and made
a comment publicly about how I had another grandmother that
(01:46):
had passed away. Instead of feeding into what was clearly
an attempt at gathering sympathy or attention where everyone could see,
I messaged her privately letting her know she had no
right or reason to comment that on a post that
had nothing to do with it. She ended up going
off on me as well as saying my drinker of
a dad and something along the lines of me honoring
(02:07):
a woman who stole me from her.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
What is she talking about?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
She is upset that I think she got Oh, he
got a tattoo of her paternal grandmother.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Yeah, And she's like, yeah, you're my daughter.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
And she's like, yeah, what do you love me? You
had a grandma on my side too, And she's gone, she.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Does have a tattoo on your body?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Where's her tattoo?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Only give tattoos the grabad you like.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I tried to defend myself as well as my family,
who mind you? When my parents were together, did everything
they could to make my mom feel included and loved,
and along the way, my mom told me to go
f myself and blocked me. He gotta love it when
the trash takes itself out.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Yeah, good riddance.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
A few months later she ended up unblocking me, and
I told her my boundaries about being in my life
and things that I wouldn't tolerate her saying. Fast forward
to now. I was so excited about my pregnancy, and
at the time, we both had a somewhat normal relationship
with one another, so I was especially excited to share
the news with my mom. Mind you, I am my
(03:09):
mom's only child as well as her only daughter. I
told my mom in the beginning that I didn't want
it posted or announced anywhere that I was pregnant due
to being afraid of the chance of a lost pregnancy,
especially since I've heard its bad luck to tell a
lot of people early on, which at first she respected.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
I will say, like future reference, when you have someone
who you have kind of a rocky relationship with who's
already kind of shown that they're not to be that
trusted on social media, maybe we wait until we're ready
for everyone to know, yeah, before we tell.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Her when your mom's boundary stomper, Yes, she's making that.
Never mind, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, she's
stomping the boundaries.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Stop stomp stomp.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
You gotta expect that she's going to do it again.
In early February, my mom sent me a message telling
me to text or call my grandfather, her dad. At
the time, I was at a doctor's appointment with my boyfriend,
so I told her I wasn't able to at the
current moment due to being at the doctor's but that
I would get a hold of him later. Once I
was done. She immediately told me how my grandfather was
(04:10):
trying to get a hold of me and how he's
about to be a great grandfather, so he's obviously just excited.
I told her once again, i'd be able to message
him later and that in the current moment, I was busy.
She proceeded to tell me how I should be able
to make time to speak with him, considering he's in
his seventies and who knows how long he has left
on this earth doctor his granddaughter, to which I told her,
(04:30):
I'm aware of just how fast it can be to
lose a family member, seeing as by this point in time,
I had not only lost both of my grandmothers, but
my great grandmom and one of my other grandfathers. I
told her that guilt tripping me as well as gaslighting me,
was not going to make me message anyone faster, especially
when I myself have a lot going on. She proceeded
to tell me that it wasn't gaslighting to remind me
(04:52):
of how family was important, and that I must not
care when it comes to her side of the family. Darvo, right?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Was that?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Darvo? Did? I? What is that accuse? And then reverse
victim offender.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Deny attack, reverse victim, and.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
She's like, I wasn't gaslighting you. You just don't care
about your family.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
You hate me, and I guess my I suck you're
attacking me.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Keep in mind, most of my life I wasn't even
in contact with her side of the family due to
her actions, and only just recently got more in contact
with them. I told her that I cherished the fact
that I still have two living grandfathers and don't take
either one of them for granted, but that the phone
goes both ways and he could also reach out to me.
(05:33):
She responded that sometimes I need to be the one
to make the effort. I told her that it was,
in fact gaslighting to tell me while I'm already in
an emotional state that my grandfather doesn't have much time
left to speak to his granddaughter, and that I don't
mean anything I've said in a rude way.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I don't know if it's gaslighting, but it is guilt. Trippin.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah. She told me I was being straight up rude
and disrespectful, and that my boyfriend means more than anyone else,
because in the end, that's all you have, right, girls,
Shut up. I met the doctor for the baby.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
That's what I'm gonna have a boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
That's baby Doddy. Shut your mouth, mom, babydaddy or if
that is your real name, because you didn't freaking raise me.
It was my dad's mom, my grandmother who raised me.
Fly Oh, shut your freaking mouth.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Blocked, literally block, I'll unblock you. After my doctor's appointment,
I informed her at this point she was just disrespecting
me and taking things a completely different way than what
was meant, and that once she was done with this
childish act, she'd be able to have updates about me
and my child's life. She proceeded to tell me how
my other family did a good job at keeping her
out of my life and how I can keep my
(06:41):
ignorant attitude here in the state I live where it belongs.
Then told me that she hopes me and my baby
have a great life. Blocked. She said some more things
that ultimately hurt deep down because I was always fighting
for a relationship with her my whole life, so I
won't put it on here. I'm sorry. Ope that sucks.
I told her I hope this my pregnancy would be
something that would make us closer together, but that ultimately
(07:03):
she hadn't changed at all from when she blocked me
before and then I blocked her a few hours not
even later, a friend of mine as well as a
cousin of mine, texted me asking me if I had
seen what my mom posted on her Facebook. Oh no,
I would have said, nope, I'm unbothered by my mother.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
I I don't actually care. Goodbye.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
They ended up sending me a screenshot of the post,
and it ended up being a whole rant about me
and her announcing my pregnancy to the world just because
she was upset. I'll include a picture of the post,
but please leave any personal details out. Due to not
wanting any more drama, I've battled with my own emotions
ever since then. Regarding if I should or shouldn't unblock her, No, uh,
(07:43):
definitely don't.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Unknown don't unblock her if if you're just gonna a
block her to be like why would you do that?
But but take that dowt like it's not gonna work. Yeah,
it's not gonna do anything. So just probably what's done
is done. It's terrible. It sucks keep her blocked. Announce
it when you're ready. You still don't have to go
and say like like, oh well, she's announcement, so now
I have to go tell everyone.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yeah, there's if you unblock her. It's probably exactly what
she wants because she probably realized that none of her
messages or calls were going through and then was like, fine, fine,
you're gonna wap me. Fine, I'll just yeah, just keep
her blocked. So am I the ah or overreacting? What
for blocking your mom for hijacking your pregnancy announcement and
(08:25):
dogging you like that? Absolutely not? No, no, no, there's an
update before we get into though, what what conditions need
to be met for an unblocking to happen here?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I mean she would have to come and be like,
I'm so sorry, I've been going to therapy. I realize
the errors of my way. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I think therapy would probably be a precondition for that.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yeah, Like otherwise she's just like absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Has changed, right. It would just be like I'm saying
whatever I need to say right now to get you
to get access to me get what I want. I'll
do whatever. I am now thirty six weeks pregnant and
the plan is to induce me at thirty seven weeks
due to the size of my daughter being on the
smaller side for those who may want an update on
my pregnancy. Also for clarification on the update, my mom
lives in a different state than I do, and has
(09:07):
since I was about eleven or twelve years old. One
thing that happened was my mom ended up creating a
new Instagram account and tried to request to follow me
on it. No, my account on Instagram is private, so
she couldn't see anything I've posted. Good. I didn't accept
it or deny it, and still to this day, it's
been sitting in my follow requests because I'm not personally
ready to extend an olive branch to her myself.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Then you might ever be ready, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
You don't ever have to. Like we said, she's got
to do stuff. Yeah, it'sheard he's around the olive branch.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I didn't flat out block her, just in case she
tried to message me apologizing or even just acknowledging where
she may have gone wrong. I also didn't accept her
request because I didn't want her to access anything I've posted,
which I mentioned later on as well in this post
and use it to post on her own accounts to
make the world believe she's been actively involved this entire time.
A few weeks ago, maybe three to four mo post,
(10:00):
I had a friend Amber, who lives in the state
my mom does, contact me to tell me that my
mom came into her job, which isn't out of the
ordinary since she works at a local store in the
area my mom lives in. Amber knows what happened between
my mom and me, as well as other family members
who live in the same state. I made it known
to everyone who lives around her that I didn't want
(10:21):
my mom to be given any information on me, my daughter,
or my pregnancy, due to knowing my mom would just
use it to post on Facebook and act like she's
the greatest parent in the world, something she's done in
the past. My mom walked up to the register and
began to try to lie to Amber to make it
seem like she did nothing wrong, stating that she just
messaged to give a call to my grandfather and that
(10:42):
I just started to freak out on her. She then
proceeded to ask Amber what name me and my boyfriend
had decided for the baby, as well as any other
information on me. Amber acted as if she had no information,
telling her that we had a list of names, but
that I didn't tell her what we chose. She should
have just lied. Yeah, in the moment, you should have
(11:03):
lied instead a bunch of stuff that's not true at all. Rain,
we're gonna name her Shenise.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Her name's apple Tree.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
We're naming her Beetroot.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Her name's Bilbo.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And then you should have been like, yeah, and Op
actually just had to amputate their leg. Yeah, which is
normal for uh pregnancy right now. I don't know, it's
kind of a trend. Yeah, I just say a bunch
of stuff. And then when she posts on Facebook, everyone
will be like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You're unhinged, You're crazy, lady.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah, can't faul to Amber for not you know. Yeah,
gotta be able to stick a move to get that one.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
She's just not quick enough. Gotta think on your feet.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
A few days after that, Amber gets a message from
my mom mentioning she'd like Amber to ask me for
the link to my registery so she can see and
figure out things I wanted or needed for the baby,
which wouldn't be a big deal in hindsight, except for
the part she specifically told Amber that she didn't need
to tell me that she was asking for it. The
message was left unread, according to my knowledge, especially given
(11:59):
the fact I had sent Amber the registry in general,
because I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to send
her by anything if they couldn't. Do we have anything
to add, folks, No, I.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Think what Opie's doing is great. I think keep her
on an information diet, keep her blocked, keep her, keep.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Your distance, agreed, Ralito, she's about to lose some weight
in a informational sense. The mother, yes, because she's got
no more information weight. Let's finish this. I still haven't
been in contact with my mom ever since those first messages,
and she has done everything in her power to avoid
coming to me directly to apologize or even ask how
(12:34):
I've been doing. She just tried to go through one
of my friends or even asked one of my aunts
her sister if they'd heard anything or spoken to me.
I don't feel as though I'm the a hole in
this situation, But the closer I get to delivering, the
more I feel the sadness and somewhat guilt of not
having my own mom around during a time I always
imagined she would be the biggest supporter for me, but yeah, selve,
(12:56):
because your mom sucks.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
No, it sucks that you don't have that, you know,
like just don't have a supportive mom. But yeah, don't
bring your mom back into the fray thinking that she'll
be that, because she's she's not that, unfortunately, and that's
the loss, is that you don't have a mom who
is that that is true, that can fill that role.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
That was very That is a very stute, yeah, very
astute summary right there.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Yeah, but we got another story coming right up. I
cut off my stepmother over a stupid fight.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Ah, that's stupid.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
My stepmother and I have a very complicated and somewhat
efed up history, but I understand that I'm not innocent
in some of the problems we have had. My bio
parents split before my birth, so I have never known
them together. Even to this day, they will actively avoid
being at the same place activity event room. By the way,
this comes from Old Bit eleven sixty three, and if
(13:50):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash. Okay, storytime, separate it. When I was in
first grade, my siblings and I moved out of our
struggling mom's place to my dad's when the only time
they have ever compromised that I know of. They amicably
decided on a fifty to fifty custody agreement on the books,
but we were primarily at our dad's. You quickly got
(14:10):
married to a woman who I will call Sharon for
the story. Sharon and I didn't get off on the
right foot. Some of it was because I was so
young and saw her as someone trying to replace my mom.
This was only made worse by seeing my mom always
feel left out, as if Sharon was getting to parent
when she wasn't. Aside from that, Sharon struggled with heavy
(14:31):
drinking and would have serious mood swings. I remember the
first time I knew she was wasted around me. She
leaned into whisper in my ear in front of my
dad and family to say, you're a witch.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
But she went, she went, you're a witch. She went,
you're a witch, Harry, You're a witch.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
This was just after we had moved in, so we
grew closer as my mom and dad pretty much always
had to work, but my stepmother always showed up for me.
She would even make my dad show up to things
he would never have before. We grew close as I
learned about some of her problems and tried to help
as best I could. As a child, she didn't always
(15:08):
make the right decisions, but she showed up for me
when no one else did, so I began to love her.
She would bring me to family events, do arts and
crafts with me, and teach me how to bake. I
would follow her around and hide her keys when she'd
been drinking. Eventually, she went through an inpatient regular use program,
and when she got out, I attended a few AA
meetings with her. During this time, however, there would still
(15:31):
be occasions where Sharon would really hurt me emotionally. Her
niece would lie about me saying or doing something mean,
and she would always believe it and punish me. She
told me I had a terrible voice when singing as
a child. Dang. She grounded me when I didn't swim
in a trash puddle with her. Huh. She told me
I was all fat and jiggled my arm when I
tried to justify weighing more than my older siblings by saying, whatever,
(15:55):
it's all muscle, among many other things. When I was
a teen, I saw her punt my oldest sibling out,
and while I agree, he was being a butt. When
she called my dad to tell him about it, she
had to get through several minutes of holding on the
phone and talk to his secretary, and didn't start crying
until she got to my dad. I can justify that
(16:16):
as letting yourself be vulnerable around your partner, or holding
it in until they could talk. But I remember seeing
the way it all went down, and it felt very
manipulative on her part and very calculated. After him, it
was her nephew who stayed and they got into a
fight about school, and she punted him out. When I
was sixteen, we clashed hard, but I never understood why.
(16:37):
I'd come home from school and she'd be watching TV,
something tame, probably Oprah or Ellen. I'd walk in and
say hey, and she would pause the TV and just
stare at me until I left, very clearly letting me
know she didn't want me there. I can't remember why,
but at sixteen she punted me out after some sort
of fight. I'm confused because it feels like op said
like sometimes she was nice and then sometimes she sucks.
(17:00):
You're talking about the same people.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
And I'm sorry. I just can't imagine the universe in
which I walk in and go hey, and somebody gives
me the evil eye and I don't go. So what's
that about? Huh? Unless I already know I'm over them? Yeah,
I'm gonna go hey. You look like you want me
to just be buried underneath the dirt. What's going on?
Speaker 3 (17:21):
I'm just confused because it seems like we start with
Sharon being awful, and then they grew close and Sharon
always shows up for Opie. They like love each other,
but then she's awful.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
What it seems like the theme is whenever the kids
become older, they get exiled. I guess so by the
step mom, right, yeah, Sharon? So why is dad letting
this happen? I don't know where's Dad?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Where's Papa? It's been almost twenty years. Sorry, but I
know for a fact it was a dumb fight. My
dad called me when I was at work and told
me I had to come home, but I could hear
Sharon saying in the background not to come back without
an apology. I said I wouldn't be coming back, so
my dad shut off my phone in hopes it would
force me to come back. I got a new phone plan,
(18:03):
co signed by my mom, and I stayed with my
mom through the summer and mostly couch hopped.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
I'm why do you have couch hopping?
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Why wouldn't you just stay with your mom? You're sixteen
now what. At the end of the summer, my dad
told me that if I didn't come back, he would
tell my school that I didn't live with him anymore
and I would have to change districts.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
In my last two years.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Geez, your dad sucks too. I moved back in with
them and worked hard last two years towards being the
first person in my family to graduate. When I was eighteen,
we got into a new fight after I stayed home
sick from school one day, had slept the entire day
and had left my room as per our stay home
from school sick agreement, where one must be bedridden and
puking to stay home.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
That was that was my agreement too. Yeah. It was like, well,
if you're gonna be sick, no fun allowed. And I'm like,
I'm already sick. Why what what am I? Exactly what
am I? Steve McQueen in the Great Escape? What are
you trying to imprison me?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
For? My mom would never let me watch any TV
if I was sick.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
And look how you turned out there.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
At the very end of the day, I had woken
up not necessarily feeling amazing, but better, and I had
a huge presentation due the next day that I no
longer had all day to work on or the school
time to finish. So I picked up my laptop and
had to look for my charger. When my stepmother asked
what I was doing, I told her and we got
into a huge fight about her thinking I was faking
(19:22):
and lying about being sick.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You should cough on her and get her sick. Yeah,
I'll be like, here's the test.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
We'll see if that open you open up, we'll see
in two days. This escalated to her punting me out again,
and I wasn't able to find my laptop charger on
the way out. By this point, the library was already closed,
and without the money for a replacement charger, I wasn't
able to work on the project until school the next morning.
(19:50):
I'll cut off here and just say I failed the
final project on several of the criteria, but luckily still
passed due to the hard work I had put in previously.
I feel like you should you know, you should have said, hey,
I got kicked out of my house.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Here's the lesson here, folks. And I remember being told
this in high school and being like, you had plenty
of time before the day before the project was due
to get more work on the project done.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I disagree as a as a procrastinator who did all
of my work day before.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
What is the what did you just say a procrastinator?
So does that mean that you had no time at
all to do it before?
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Didn't say that, but if someone that's why I had
in my house when I'm trying to do my work
the day before. As is my rights, as is my right,
as is my right.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
You're right, I guess. But then like when something like
this happened.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I wrote a projectay, and that's my right.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
You wrote it and I got a hundred that's my right.
She did write it, my right.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I did write an outline before, so it wasn't completely
done in the day.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Point being yeah, whatever.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I graduated high school and was staying in my then
thirty five year old friend's spare bedroom. Sharon was told
not to come to the ceremony, but.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Of course showed up.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Get out Sharon. While I hated seeing her, I also
respected that she was my father's wife, and I'd been
with me and us all through a lot, so I
didn't confront her. Yeah, she kicked you out multiple times.
She's she is the a lot. She's the a lot
that you're dealing with.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
After that was college, she made it clear I wasn't
welcome to come do laundry in the house I grew
up in and told me to change my address even
though I was in a dorm, so she didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Have to see me at all.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I dropped out of college and focused on work, going
through separate struggles including anorexia, homelessness, a car accident, oh
as well as my lifelong anxiety and depression getting much worse.
Why can't you live with your mom?
Speaker 1 (21:45):
It doesn't sound like she was available either, Kat.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
No, wait, that's my point. I was my point, Kat,
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
That I did that. To be clear, I did people
being like some people, I did that every time. Yeah yeah, no, No,
learned that lesson through being the guy who's like, duh,
if only I had done a single thing before the
day before.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Yeah. No. My point was that that's her right, and
also she had extenuating circumstances too. That was my point.
Eventually life settles down. I start making some money where
I'm able to afford a place to live, and my
boyfriend moves in with me. Many stories in between, but
long story short, we end up in a different apartment,
pregnant and get married. I tell my dad not to
(22:29):
bring his wife.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
It's a justice of the piece, ten guest type wedding.
He brought her.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
I literally would like, if you don't want someone to come,
and you really don't want someone to come, let's get security.
Yeah you need someone, say get out out.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
If you're ingreticipating the potential that someone might show up
you don't want. You need to have people that you
can go that one and then they'll just tackle remove
them from the premises.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And I didn't make a fuss, just tried to enjoy
our moment. During the next few months, Sharon and my
dad began to purchase hundreds of dollars worth of stuff
for our baby on the way, nearly everything on our registry,
and then some they came to the hospital and held
my firstborn. I would not let these people around my child.
After they made me go homeless, kicked me out as
(23:16):
a teenager, I would not let them anywhere near my kid.
I was still very wary of having a relationship with
her for a while, but slowly I began to write
off our problems as something most young women go through
with their mothers and mother figures. I felt like maybe
we butted heads because I was too headstrong or talked
back too much, and now that I was older, I
(23:37):
could have a more mature relationship with her. She kicked
you out as a teenager. She is not capable of
having a mature relationship. You are. She is not. So
As my son grew through the first year, I eventually
started to rely on her and trust her again. I
would never ever trust this person. She also became the
only person who would even help us with him when
(23:57):
I worked, as she was the one most off and
available and always willing to lend a hand. She became
basically the only one helping with our son. At one point,
her sobriety became an issue again and she fell off
the wagon. I made it clear that I wouldn't be
dropping off my son to her when she was in
that state, as well as worrying about her mental health
and well being in general. During this time, I did
(24:18):
everything I could at work to not need a sitter
or rely on others, but again, we had no one else.
Sharon and my dad eventually told me things were better,
and I started bringing my son around again. When I
had my second she agreed to take care of them both,
and for a short time it went on like that.
When my husband started a new job, all of his
hours changed and I asked Sharon again if she would
(24:40):
be okay with this change. She said she was not
able to take on the extra load of watching the
kids for longer, which I completely understood. This, of course,
led me to having to make changes at work. I
had to step down just before a better position opened up.
I had been working towards this for fifteen plus years,
which was really hard for me. At the same time,
she learn at a mini stroke and had to go
(25:01):
through intense speech and physical therapy to regain the ability
to speak correctly, and for the most part did. At
this point, one day a week at work was too
much for Sharon to commit to, so I left my
job and became a stay at home mom, though it
was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.
While I was home a lot, I would often visit
Sharon with my kids. I would always ask before coming
(25:22):
or be invited. She would make us lunch and we
would talk about whatever was going on in our lives.
She would have some health issues and sometimes we wouldn't
see her for a while, but we had gotten along
well for the past nine or so years with no problem,
so I figured during those times she was taking a
break from us or just didn't feel well. I know
this next part we'll sound ridiculous to some people, but
(25:44):
this is what happened, and this is what I need
input on. During the last presidential campaign, Sharon started bringing
up politics a lot more. I have very strong opinions
on pretty much everything. Everyone who knows me knows this.
Because of this, I never bring up politics with my
family or people I know well, but I can't help
but join the conversation if it's brought up. I have
(26:05):
gotten better at walking away when it doesn't involve me. Basically,
we ended up having an intense argument over it. We
didn't talk for days, and my dad ended up calling
me to talk about the argument. A couple weeks later,
he said we should make up, and Sharon was expecting
an apology for calling her a liar. He and I
talked for a while, and I explained what happened after
he sighed and said, she's been watching a lot of
(26:26):
podcasts lately and it's been changing the way she feels
about things. I swear, I'm not making this up. I
don't think you are. That sounds pretty.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
It sounds like the most normal way people become is crazy.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Not that crazy.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Can you believe it?
Speaker 3 (26:41):
It's been six months. They did come to a birthday
party for one of my kids, but said nothing to
my kids on their birthday. Many important life events came
and went, and while I continued to reach out via
text with pictures, there was no attempt to reconnect. We
saw Sharon at the grocery store. We live in the
same town, and she waved and left my toddlers standing
(27:03):
there without coming over. She drove away, and as I
walked through the grocery store, it finally dawned on me
how hurt I was when it was happening to me
growing up. I always could convince myself that it was
my fault. I have written her countless apology letters for
different arguments, and I was always in trouble, so I
know I was no golden child. This treatment towards my kids,
(27:25):
who were nothing but innocent in our fight. Broke my
heart at that moment, walking around the store, I began
mentally drafting a new letter. This time, however, it wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Be an apology.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Fighting tears. She actually came back to the grocery store,
saying she had to rush to the vets because her
pet's meds were ready, but came back after because she
felt sad she missed my child. She tried to hug her,
but my daughter was anxious about it, but I hugged
her and started crying. She left quickly after that. In
my opinion, she wasn't rushing off anywhere except to stonewallus,
but felt bad doing it to my daughter's face. And
(27:57):
after discussing it with my therapist and several weeks, I
sent a text to Sharon about how I love her
as a mother but felt she didn't care for me
the same. And we're gonna pause that because there was
a lot going on right there. I think it's really
good that you're going to therapy, because that was gonna
be my suggestion if you could afford it. Seems like
you can, which is great, but yeah, I mean, like
(28:19):
you have a really complicated relationship with this person. She's
it seems like she's always been on and off in
her support for you, which is really really tough to
deal with and also just kind of like confusing as
a kid. Try and figure out how you feel about
this person who you do have fond memories with but
also have very traumatic memories of her kicking you out
(28:40):
of the house. Yeah, so you know, definitely go to therapy.
And yeah, I think it's just I think at some
point you might have to severely limit contact with this woman.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Yeah, I think she's not gonna be good for the kids. No,
I just don't. I don't see it being like a
you know, she had one moment where she was like, Okay,
maybe that was a little overboy, but it's like, yeah,
you just like, don't do that from the beginning.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
That the more time that went by with no attempt
on her part to even ask about the kids, the
more upset I was over this, That I was open
to talking to her, but that it would have to
be through text or writing for now, so I can
think about my responses and answer when I had the
emotional energy to respond without getting upset. She said she
didn't know how to respond to that, and that she
wasn't avoiding us, as she had responded one word answers
(29:24):
to the pictures or updates I sent that she wasn't
open to messaging more, but we would call if we
needed anything from them. About a month ago, I saw
my dad and Sharon at a block party, and my
dad invited me to his Labor Day party. I asked
which day, and he said Saturday or Sunday. Sunday. You're
not having a Labor Day party on Labor Day week,
to which I said, that's great because I promised Joanna
(29:47):
i'd be at her birthday party on Saturday. He was
excited and it was really nice seeing him. Because of
the fighting, we haven't had many chances to see each other.
I asked him later again to confirm it would be
Sunday and he said for sure. I just received the
end invite for their party and it's on Saturday, essentially
at the same time as my close friend's birthday party.
When I texted my dad about it, he just said
(30:08):
he had thought it would be Sunday. At first. I
get that they can't arrange a party around me, but
I can't help but think Sharon moved to the party
because I said I wouldn't be able to make it.
Not to mention it would also be Sharon's birthday the
day of the party. You would think that would make
sense for a party, but normally she hides she hates
tension on her birthday, so I feel like they're going
out of their way to make sure I can't go,
(30:31):
or at least can't stay long. The invite said nothing
about her birthday. My dad said I could drop the
kids off, but that really bothered me because they've been
avoiding all of us, and that's all my family I
now have to miss. There is a little bit left
to this story. Any final thoughts, Keep you distance, Keep
you distance. Have you ever talked to your dad about this?
That's what I want to know, because it seems like
(30:52):
your dad has been so complicit in his wife just
icing you out whenever she wants yeah, And I feel
like that is not something that should be, you know,
written off as like, oh, this is all Sharon's fault,
Like it is very much your dad's fault too. Your
dad also cricked out a sixteen year old, you know, like, yeah, yeah,
(31:13):
I tried to get you back in but didn't kick
out the person who kicked you out, so it's kind
of clear where his loyalties lie.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
It was untenable for a long time.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I definitely am limit contact severely. Your kids come.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
First, yep, kids come first. Keep going to therapy.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Other context, friends of family who have known me and
Sharon for a long time all side with me. But
my husband said I should just apologize so that we
can make up that I'm making a bigger deal about
it than I have to. Does your husband not know
everything that you've been through? Because I'd be like, what
are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Gotta let him know?
Speaker 3 (31:51):
And that he thinks I get too heated and loud
when I talk about politics and things. It's really not
about the politics thing. It's about a lifetime of her
abandoning you whenever she was a little bit upset.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
That's what the problem is. What it sounds like.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I admit the last bit is definitely true, but I
had already apologized for getting loud. However, I stood strong.
I'm not apologizing for calling her out on the lies.
So am I overreacting to a stupid fight and should
just apologize for saying she lied? So my kids can
have their grandparents around again, or am I right to
just stay clear.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So my kids don't get hurt like I have?
Speaker 3 (32:29):
And there are some comments. Comment one says, hey coming
from someone who has a stepmom whose relationship with me
has never been great, but is conflicted with feelings because
she was once okay or there for me at one point,
I understand. I was punted out at eighteen by my
stepmom because I refused to be a second parent to
my younger sister when she was fully capable, and she
(32:50):
got pissed about it, called me a witch a bunch
of times, and gave me one month to get out.
And it was this time that made me realize a
couple things. The bonding I'd had with her when I
was twelve didn't matter anymore. There are things that I
feel that these family members do that are just horrific,
that they feel should be excused because their family agreed agreed.
(33:12):
Her kicking out a sixteen year old onto the streets
so that you were couch hopping.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Is despicable, disgusting.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
And after me getting punted out, I started to realize
I don't know anyone anything. What I'm trying to get
at is that you guys have a history of her
messing up, trying to fix it, things getting good, then
things getting bad, and then things are like how they
used to be. And at some point you can't write
off every wrong they do. You gotta recognize a pattern.
You don't know anyone anything, No matter how silly people
(33:42):
can make you feel about why you go no contact
doesn't matter. It comes down to you and how you
are going to feel battling this because it won't just
go away. I'm sure some memories your stepmom and your
kids might make might help ease some of this tension
at some point, but what cost. If I were you,
I don't know how old your kids are, but I'd
(34:04):
wait some time. I'd let yourself fully heal from everything
you've dealt with your whole life. And it sounds like
your stepmom can be a big trigger. I think you'd
be surprised you might become when you start to prioritize yourself.
And if you decide to talk to her after you
feel okay about things, that's okay too, but respect your peace.
Your kids might question naturally why your stepmom grandma might
(34:27):
not be around, but the older they get, they can
make their own decisions to see the situation, or you
could always have your kids being contact but not you.
But it just sounds like to me, you've been HEARDing
about some of this for a little too long, and
your snapping point may have been something less significant objectively
than some of the other things that had happened. Yeah,
(34:49):
that's the point. It's like your husband saying, oh, well,
like it was just like a little political debate. It's like, no,
it was years and years of her just neglecting you
and just emotionally abusing you.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
It's like being like World War One started because of
one guy.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
No, we're higher.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
That's just the end of the fuse. Yeah, there's so
much more context to that.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
I hope whatever you do, your husband will back you
up and you can enjoy some peace and folks, that's
the end of that story. Good luck, O P. And
I really hope your husband gets on the same page
because he just does not seem very in tune with
your emotions at all.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
And that is true. Yeah, you've got another story. Hey y'all,
it's John og Host here.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
My brother's girlfriend made an awkward joke. Now it's causing
tension between us. Awkward. March twenty seventh, twenty twenty five.
Some background. My brother John and I are very different
people and always have been. I'm a nerdy guy who
likes playing dungeons and dragons and works from home code websites.
(36:00):
And he's always been sporty and has one of those
corporate office jobs where I swear half of his work
is just playing golf and going to fancy lunches. Lame.
We didn't always get along, but we're pretty good these days.
And by the way, this comes from user Elephant No.
Thirty one to thirty nine. If you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slashowcase storytime subprend it.
Golf and fancy lunch is not lame, by.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
The way, Yes it is. Oh no reverse.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
He started dating his girlfriend who will call Jane a
few years back during what was a pretty low point
for me in life. I had just gotten out of
a long term relationship that had ended anything but amicably
was burning out of the career I went to college for,
and in general was about two paychecks away from having
(36:46):
to move in with my folks. The stress of it
all was taking a toll on my body. I went
from the slightly chubby I've been my whole life to
just straight up fat, and shortly after the breakup, I
had an anxiety attack so bad it put me in
the hut. It was not a good time to get
to know me. I was basically the picture of an
f up older brother. But I turned it around. I
(37:07):
got the mental health assistance I needed to diagnose and
treat some long standing issues. With that as a springboard,
I started exercising more and eating better, finding cooking to
be a good hobby. That also led me to eating
less takeout and processed foods. I'm still Noah Adonis, still
got a bit of a tummy, but I'm much stronger
(37:28):
and feel better. I was able to quit my job
and find a new one in a field that I
never considered but that I found I loved enough that
I'm going back to school to work on a PhD
in the fall so I can pursue it to a
greater extent. And finally I started dating again. Someone will
call her Flow, who was a better match for me
(37:49):
than my ex.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yay Yay progression shout out to finding people better than
your ex. I just meant for it.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody hates that guy.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Dude, your ex were allowed awkward. I was talking about
Opte awkward.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
This all brings us to the night things went wrong.
We have a family gathering at my parents' house, extended
family and all plus Jane and Flow. I'm making dinner
a beef Wellington. Oh, beef Wellington.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Wow, that's gonna take a while.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
What are you, Gorge and Ramges.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
That's funny. That was funny.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Everyone is raving about my food. I also did dinner
this past Thanksgiving as well, and also my recent glow up,
my new job and the program I got to, et cetera.
I'm smiling, politely and mostly just trying to do a
bunch of dinner prep while they won't get out of
my way. Then Jane says, yeah, never thought I picked
(38:56):
the wrong brother, but I'm starting to think I might have.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
She said that about you. She she was like, I
wish I had you. She was just she had you
because you're cooked.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
She's like, I'm just I'm just joking.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
How do you respond that? How do you respond that?
On the fly?
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Yeah, on a real level, wait, say that to me?
Speaker 3 (39:19):
What it was?
Speaker 1 (39:19):
The chop chop chop, top chop chop chop.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
I picked the wrong brother.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
You could hear a pin drop. I said nothing again,
just awkwardly laughed at what I assumed to have been
a bad joke. Jane's face immediately changed to the look
of someone who had only just realized their f up.
John looked pissed, and the two of them left the
kitchen shortly after.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
DANMG, She's like, no, babe, I swear I love your
I love your cooking, and I didn't mean anything by it.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
You know, It's just a joke.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
It was just a choke. It's just that now your
older brother is better than you in every way. Yeah,
he like really put a lot of work to himself,
and now like he is, he is objectively better than you.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
But like, I don't want better, I want I want worse.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I want you, I want you the worst option.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
From what I could see, she seemed to be trying
to apologize to him, while he looked really hurt. My
relatives said nothing, not immediately anyway. Flow just kind of
winced and later told me that it was really awkward
having to stand there. But she didn't know what else
to do that wouldn't have escalated things or put me
on the spot. That was over two months ago, and
both John and Jane avoid me like zip plague, not
(40:30):
even a text since then. Whenever I meet up with
my relatives they bad mouth her over it. And while
I think Jane did f up saying that, I really
do think she was just making a bad joke.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
I honestly agree. I honestly agree. I feel like like
I've heard people make that joke before, yeah, and like, yeah,
it's a bad joke. Probably wouldn't make it, but like
people make bad jokes all the time. It's not like
she wants to cheat on her partner, for Ope, it's
probably just talking about his cooking skills and like her
husband doesn't cook.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I was gonna smash that comment.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Dang, well, it's too late. I think I think that
if there, if anything.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Happen, shut up. No, that's what you said, not what
I'm saying to you. No, I'm sorry. Then I interrupted you.
Oh god, Okay, Yeah, people made bad jokes. Personally, I
think they're overreacting this aside, I think she's probably the
first person he's ever dated who was a fit for
(41:25):
him in terms of personality and lifestyle. The only person
being normal about it is Flow, who thinks it was weird,
but like me, just thinks it's a dumb thing to say.
No jealousy. She knows Jane ain't my type. How do
I clear the air with Jane and John and get
people to stop bringing this up? I'm sick of hearing
about it and just want things to go back to
how they were before. Right now, it just feels like
(41:48):
a dark cloud over all of our interactions. And there
is a small update saying message John grabbing adult sodas
over the weekend. Will update later in the meantime some
CYD info for some of the other comments. Jane is
a very nice person and she really cares for John.
She's been with him through some difficult times, including a
(42:08):
period where work separated the two of them for three months,
and they're otherwise attached at the hip. She does have
what some call a lack of a filter. We've known
that for a while, but she'd absolutely never leave him
for me. Why my relatives won't let it go Probably
because there are a bunch of old Italian Catholics who
like to gossip snaps which incidentally is probably why they
(42:31):
didn't like the joke in the first place. Yeah, my
brother and I have a pretty good relationship as adults
and aren't especially competitive. My folks and relatives don't favor
one of us over the other, though admittedly they do
understand my brother's career path better than mine. I agree
with the number of comments that the impetus of the
joke was that I'm a good cook, especially when it
(42:53):
comes to being celebratory feasts. Clearly John is okay in
the kitchen, but he's the kind of guy for whom
a fancy meal just means picking up a more expensive
cut of steak. I really don't think it has anything
to do with me being the hot brother now, as
a few comments suggested, I literally think.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
It was just about the food.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
It's just a joke.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
It was just a joke. It's just a joke. That's yeah.
That's kind of crazy that they're like blowing up this
entire family over this very insignificant joke.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Yeah, that's the type of joke that everyone's like. I
literally just would have gone a haha.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
Yeah, and then you move on, and then she feels
super awkward because she knows that her joke didn't land,
and that's her punishment.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Yeah, or anything, You move on. You don't have any
shame about it. You just make the next one, and
just one throwing spaghetti at the wall the next one.
John and I have always looked very different. Comparing us
would be more of a matter of personal preference than
any kind of objective hotness scale. He's tall with a
runner's build, and I'm a few inches shorter, with a
(43:53):
wide build and more visible muscles, as weightlifting is my
main form of exercise. Lastly, not to toot my own horn.
But I've never had any issues getting dates, barring the
aforementioned a year long period where my life was falling apart,
so I must have been doing something right.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
Oo toot that horn.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
Lastly, as some have said, I probably could have saved
everyone some awkwardness by playing along with Jane's comment with
a sorry, Flow, God to me first, or something else similar.
I go into what Flow dramatically calls the kitchen death
drive while cooking complicated meals, where I'm laser focused on
the task at hand to the exclusion of all else,
and my responses to questions tend to be short, curt
(44:36):
and even a bit rude. It's totally normal.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
You're focused there and have time for jokes, especially bad jokes.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
Too many cooks and is here kitchen? Get out of
my kitchen rut? Now, normally I would have tried to
help salvage the bad joke, but I was seeing a big,
expensive piece of tend alon at the moment, so my
thoughts were elsewhere that tender Yeah, your thoughts were on
you're Wellington, and they.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
Know exactly where your thoughts were. They were in the dough.
There's the meat.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
There's an update in the vEDS and in your mushroom mints. Yes,
there's an update. Three days later. Let's hit it. John here,
og host. We're gonna get back to these stories, but
a quick three minute break from house from our sponsors.
Met up with John at a sports bar we go
to sometimes when our dad is in town. Shot the
crap for a little bit before I asked him if
everything was cool. He didn't really know what I was
(45:26):
talking about at first, and I had to remind him
that weird thing at the family dinner, and he immediately
knew what I was talking about. I asked if we
were all right, if they were all right? And lastly,
what we should do about our nosy Catholic relatives gossiping
about all this crap. First off, he confirmed what I
and most of y'all thought was true. Jane was just
talking about my cooking, exclusively ovvylessly ovulation. She's a big fan.
(45:54):
It's actually the reason she came to that gathering in
the first place. So that's good to hear.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
She really love that's your cooking.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
He's just there for the beef Wellington, and if.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
She left your brother, it would just be for your cooking.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Nothing to do with my physique, though John did congratulate
me on the additional weight eyed loss since the whole ordeal. Second,
John's issue with Jane's joke had nothing to do with
the idea of her leaving him for me, or that
he'd lost some prestige as the athlete in our family
or anything like that. Something I didn't mention in the
original post because I didn't think it was important is
(46:27):
that John and I grew up middle class, while Jane's
family is loaded not billionaires. But she graduated from an
Ivy League school with no student loadang which she's turned
into a well paying and highly specialized tech job.
Speaker 3 (46:42):
She got money, she.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
Got up scromoney. She and John go on lots of
vacations together, have a very nice apartment in a very
expensive part of the city, all that good stuff. The
thing is, while John does pretty well for himself at work,
he's not making nearly as much as she is and
doesn't have old family money to fall back. Trying to
keep up with her has been putting a significant dent
in his savings. Apparently, he's been psyching himself up to
(47:07):
talk to her about how they may need to make
some lifestyle adjustments so he can put more money away
in savings, and was worried how that might go. Hearing
her say that I might be a better option after
hearing about my new to his mind high earning PhD
program was the sort of thing that came at exactly
the wrong time, so he had to walk away. I
(47:27):
did have a little laugh at that. This PhD will
open a lot of doors for me, but it's definitely
not going to make me a millionaire. Adding to the
sting of that while he and I don't have much
of a rivalry, he does still have some insecurity about
me being Zismot one of the two of us. I
say this with all the love in my heart. John
is an extremely intelligent guy, but you'd never know that
(47:49):
from just.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Talking to him. Ouch, he sounds like an idiot.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
You're rain manning your brother right Nowang. He's a whiz
with numbers and knows more about corporate finance than nearly
anyone I've ever met at any age. He also speaks
with the vocabulary and goofy demeanor of a frat boy.
I know a person like that. I know people like that.
You know people liked it. So on top of the
anxiety about his rich girlfriend thinking he's too broke to
(48:15):
hang out, he was a little frustrated about the idea
of a doctorate, putting more perceived distance between us. He
apologized for that jealousy, and I told him it was fine,
and if folks were giving him crap, he could tell
them he wasn't gonna look over their stock portfolios anymore.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
He also said that he and Jane spoke about the
money and she took it very well. The reason he
hadn't been in touch lately was because they'd been looking
for a more affordable apartment to move to when their
lease is up.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Well, I feel like this has going well, he just
needed to have a conversation with his brother and realized, oh,
it wasn't really out all about that joke at all.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
It's amazing what happens when you sit down and have
a conversational association instead of communication, imagining what they're thinking.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
Because you had all these thoughts inside your head about
what he was doing, but why he, you know, wasn't
talking to you, And then you realized they were all
just that.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Fairy dust. The only thing that was left was how
to handle the extended family. Apparently John didn't know they
were still on about that, largely because whenever he and
Jane see them, they just talk about how Flow has
too many piercings and swears too much. That gossip was
news to me, So we mutually said, oh, efham and
decided to continue not really letting what they say about
(49:28):
our partners get to us.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
Yes, yes, let the old Italian Catholics gossip and you
guys just live your best life.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
Yes, please do that more? Everyone, everyone out there? Do
Thatwhere do that? Do that more? Instead, we agreed to
spend more time just the four of us. Heck yeah,
And before we left for the night, John did ask
me for a few of my recipes. Heck, yeah, well
there you go. All's well that ends, well, you're sharing,
(49:59):
rest peace, Jo.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
Don't want you. John and you are still brothers and
flow seems cool as heck. But that's the end of
that story and the end of this episode. So if
you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
This is cole Minor, John, this is coal Miner Sale.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
And we have been digging for stories on the Okay
Storytime podcast as long as we can remember saying.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
And we've found some diamonds of the rough, how haven't we? John?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
That's right. But before we do that, we have to
wade through two more minutes of incredible ads from our
sponsors keeping us finding more great stories on this show.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I will let my mother be in my daughter's life,
keep her out, build a fence. I twenty three female,
am currently twenty seven weeks pregnant with my first child.
I found out in January twenty twenty five that me
and my boyfriend twenty three male, were expecting our first child,
and we were absolutely over the moon with joy and happiness.
We both had concerns we may not be able to
(00:41):
have children. My concerns more due to overthinking than anything else.
By the way, this comes from user ic reference twenty
seven ninety nine, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.
I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says my
mom forty five female, and I have always had a
rocky relationship. She always would talk badly about my dad's
(01:04):
side of the family, specifically my grandmother who raised me
from the age of six until she passed away when
I was seventeen. We won't even get into the drama
she caused when my grandmother had passed away. Now this
next part I'm only adding in for context as to
how my mother can be. When I was nineteen years old,
I decided I was ready to get my first tattoo,
(01:24):
which happened to be for my grandmother who raised me.
I posted it online, excited just because not only was
it my first tattoo, but I had family members related
to my grandmother as well as some of her close
friends on Facebook. Mostly everyone was supportive, even both of
my mom's sisters, But my mom saw it and made
a comment publicly about how I had another grandmother that
(01:46):
had passed away. Instead of feeding into what was clearly
an attempt at gathering sympathy or attention where everyone could see,
I messaged her privately letting her know she had no
right or reason to comment that on a post that
had nothing to do with it. She ended up going
off on me as well as saying my drinker of
a dad and something along the lines of me honoring
(02:07):
a woman who stole me from her.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
What is she talking about?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
She is upset that I think she got Oh, he
got a tattoo of her paternal grandmother.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Yeah, And she's like, yeah, you're my daughter.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
And she's like, yeah, what do you love me? You
had a grandma on my side too, And she's gone, she.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Does have a tattoo on your body?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Where's her tattoo?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Only give tattoos the grabad you like.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I tried to defend myself as well as my family,
who mind you? When my parents were together, did everything
they could to make my mom feel included and loved,
and along the way, my mom told me to go
f myself and blocked me. He gotta love it when
the trash takes itself out.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Yeah, good riddance.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
A few months later she ended up unblocking me, and
I told her my boundaries about being in my life
and things that I wouldn't tolerate her saying. Fast forward
to now. I was so excited about my pregnancy, and
at the time, we both had a somewhat normal relationship
with one another, so I was especially excited to share
the news with my mom. Mind you, I am my
(03:09):
mom's only child as well as her only daughter. I
told my mom in the beginning that I didn't want
it posted or announced anywhere that I was pregnant due
to being afraid of the chance of a lost pregnancy,
especially since I've heard its bad luck to tell a
lot of people early on, which at first she respected.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
I will say, like future reference, when you have someone
who you have kind of a rocky relationship with who's
already kind of shown that they're not to be that
trusted on social media, maybe we wait until we're ready
for everyone to know, yeah, before we tell.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Her when your mom's boundary stomper, Yes, she's making that.
Never mind, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, she's
stomping the boundaries.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Stop stomp stomp.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
You gotta expect that she's going to do it again.
In early February, my mom sent me a message telling
me to text or call my grandfather, her dad. At
the time, I was at a doctor's appointment with my boyfriend,
so I told her I wasn't able to at the
current moment due to being at the doctor's but that
I would get a hold of him later. Once I
was done. She immediately told me how my grandfather was
(04:10):
trying to get a hold of me and how he's
about to be a great grandfather, so he's obviously just excited.
I told her once again, i'd be able to message
him later and that in the current moment, I was busy.
She proceeded to tell me how I should be able
to make time to speak with him, considering he's in
his seventies and who knows how long he has left
on this earth doctor his granddaughter, to which I told her,
(04:30):
I'm aware of just how fast it can be to
lose a family member, seeing as by this point in time,
I had not only lost both of my grandmothers, but
my great grandmom and one of my other grandfathers. I
told her that guilt tripping me as well as gaslighting me,
was not going to make me message anyone faster, especially
when I myself have a lot going on. She proceeded
to tell me that it wasn't gaslighting to remind me
(04:52):
of how family was important, and that I must not
care when it comes to her side of the family. Darvo, right?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Was that?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Darvo? Did? I? What is that accuse? And then reverse
victim offender.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Deny attack, reverse victim, and.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
She's like, I wasn't gaslighting you. You just don't care
about your family.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
You hate me, and I guess my I suck you're
attacking me.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Keep in mind, most of my life I wasn't even
in contact with her side of the family due to
her actions, and only just recently got more in contact
with them. I told her that I cherished the fact
that I still have two living grandfathers and don't take
either one of them for granted, but that the phone
goes both ways and he could also reach out to me.
(05:33):
She responded that sometimes I need to be the one
to make the effort. I told her that it was,
in fact gaslighting to tell me while I'm already in
an emotional state that my grandfather doesn't have much time
left to speak to his granddaughter, and that I don't
mean anything I've said in a rude way.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I don't know if it's gaslighting, but it is guilt. Trippin.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah. She told me I was being straight up rude
and disrespectful, and that my boyfriend means more than anyone else,
because in the end, that's all you have, right, girls,
Shut up. I met the doctor for the baby.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
That's what I'm gonna have a boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
That's baby Doddy. Shut your mouth, mom, babydaddy or if
that is your real name, because you didn't freaking raise me.
It was my dad's mom, my grandmother who raised me.
Fly Oh, shut your freaking mouth.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Blocked, literally block, I'll unblock you. After my doctor's appointment,
I informed her at this point she was just disrespecting
me and taking things a completely different way than what
was meant, and that once she was done with this
childish act, she'd be able to have updates about me
and my child's life. She proceeded to tell me how
my other family did a good job at keeping her
out of my life and how I can keep my
(06:41):
ignorant attitude here in the state I live where it belongs.
Then told me that she hopes me and my baby
have a great life. Blocked. She said some more things
that ultimately hurt deep down because I was always fighting
for a relationship with her my whole life, so I
won't put it on here. I'm sorry. Ope that sucks.
I told her I hope this my pregnancy would be
something that would make us closer together, but that ultimately
(07:03):
she hadn't changed at all from when she blocked me
before and then I blocked her a few hours not
even later, a friend of mine as well as a
cousin of mine, texted me asking me if I had
seen what my mom posted on her Facebook. Oh no,
I would have said, nope, I'm unbothered by my mother.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
I I don't actually care. Goodbye.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
They ended up sending me a screenshot of the post,
and it ended up being a whole rant about me
and her announcing my pregnancy to the world just because
she was upset. I'll include a picture of the post,
but please leave any personal details out. Due to not
wanting any more drama, I've battled with my own emotions
ever since then. Regarding if I should or shouldn't unblock her, No, uh,
(07:43):
definitely don't.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Unknown don't unblock her if if you're just gonna a
block her to be like why would you do that?
But but take that dowt like it's not gonna work. Yeah,
it's not gonna do anything. So just probably what's done
is done. It's terrible. It sucks keep her blocked. Announce
it when you're ready. You still don't have to go
and say like like, oh well, she's announcement, so now
I have to go tell everyone.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yeah, there's if you unblock her. It's probably exactly what
she wants because she probably realized that none of her
messages or calls were going through and then was like, fine, fine,
you're gonna wap me. Fine, I'll just yeah, just keep
her blocked. So am I the ah or overreacting? What
for blocking your mom for hijacking your pregnancy announcement and
(08:25):
dogging you like that? Absolutely not? No, no, no, there's an
update before we get into though, what what conditions need
to be met for an unblocking to happen here?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I mean she would have to come and be like,
I'm so sorry, I've been going to therapy. I realize
the errors of my way. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I think therapy would probably be a precondition for that.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yeah, Like otherwise she's just like absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Has changed, right. It would just be like I'm saying
whatever I need to say right now to get you
to get access to me get what I want. I'll
do whatever. I am now thirty six weeks pregnant and
the plan is to induce me at thirty seven weeks
due to the size of my daughter being on the
smaller side for those who may want an update on
my pregnancy. Also for clarification on the update, my mom
lives in a different state than I do, and has
(09:07):
since I was about eleven or twelve years old. One
thing that happened was my mom ended up creating a
new Instagram account and tried to request to follow me
on it. No, my account on Instagram is private, so
she couldn't see anything I've posted. Good. I didn't accept
it or deny it, and still to this day, it's
been sitting in my follow requests because I'm not personally
ready to extend an olive branch to her myself.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Then you might ever be ready, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
You don't ever have to. Like we said, she's got
to do stuff. Yeah, it'sheard he's around the olive branch.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I didn't flat out block her, just in case she
tried to message me apologizing or even just acknowledging where
she may have gone wrong. I also didn't accept her
request because I didn't want her to access anything I've posted,
which I mentioned later on as well in this post
and use it to post on her own accounts to
make the world believe she's been actively involved this entire time.
A few weeks ago, maybe three to four mo post,
(10:00):
I had a friend Amber, who lives in the state
my mom does, contact me to tell me that my
mom came into her job, which isn't out of the
ordinary since she works at a local store in the
area my mom lives in. Amber knows what happened between
my mom and me, as well as other family members
who live in the same state. I made it known
to everyone who lives around her that I didn't want
(10:21):
my mom to be given any information on me, my daughter,
or my pregnancy, due to knowing my mom would just
use it to post on Facebook and act like she's
the greatest parent in the world, something she's done in
the past. My mom walked up to the register and
began to try to lie to Amber to make it
seem like she did nothing wrong, stating that she just
messaged to give a call to my grandfather and that
(10:42):
I just started to freak out on her. She then
proceeded to ask Amber what name me and my boyfriend
had decided for the baby, as well as any other
information on me. Amber acted as if she had no information,
telling her that we had a list of names, but
that I didn't tell her what we chose. She should
have just lied. Yeah, in the moment, you should have
(11:03):
lied instead a bunch of stuff that's not true at all. Rain,
we're gonna name her Shenise.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Her name's apple Tree.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
We're naming her Beetroot.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Her name's Bilbo.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And then you should have been like, yeah, and Op
actually just had to amputate their leg. Yeah, which is
normal for uh pregnancy right now. I don't know, it's
kind of a trend. Yeah, I just say a bunch
of stuff. And then when she posts on Facebook, everyone
will be like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
You're unhinged, You're crazy, lady.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah, can't faul to Amber for not you know. Yeah,
gotta be able to stick a move to get that one.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
She's just not quick enough. Gotta think on your feet.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
A few days after that, Amber gets a message from
my mom mentioning she'd like Amber to ask me for
the link to my registery so she can see and
figure out things I wanted or needed for the baby,
which wouldn't be a big deal in hindsight, except for
the part she specifically told Amber that she didn't need
to tell me that she was asking for it. The
message was left unread, according to my knowledge, especially given
(11:59):
the fact I had sent Amber the registry in general,
because I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to send
her by anything if they couldn't. Do we have anything
to add, folks, No, I.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Think what Opie's doing is great. I think keep her
on an information diet, keep her blocked, keep her, keep.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Your distance, agreed, Ralito, she's about to lose some weight
in a informational sense. The mother, yes, because she's got
no more information weight. Let's finish this. I still haven't
been in contact with my mom ever since those first messages,
and she has done everything in her power to avoid
coming to me directly to apologize or even ask how
(12:34):
I've been doing. She just tried to go through one
of my friends or even asked one of my aunts
her sister if they'd heard anything or spoken to me.
I don't feel as though I'm the a hole in
this situation, But the closer I get to delivering, the
more I feel the sadness and somewhat guilt of not
having my own mom around during a time I always
imagined she would be the biggest supporter for me, but yeah, selve,
(12:56):
because your mom sucks.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
No, it sucks that you don't have that, you know,
like just don't have a supportive mom. But yeah, don't
bring your mom back into the fray thinking that she'll
be that, because she's she's not that, unfortunately, and that's
the loss, is that you don't have a mom who
is that that is true, that can fill that role.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
That was very That is a very stute, yeah, very
astute summary right there.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Yeah, but we got another story coming right up. I
cut off my stepmother over a stupid fight.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Ah, that's stupid.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
My stepmother and I have a very complicated and somewhat
efed up history, but I understand that I'm not innocent
in some of the problems we have had. My bio
parents split before my birth, so I have never known
them together. Even to this day, they will actively avoid
being at the same place activity event room. By the way,
this comes from Old Bit eleven sixty three, and if
(13:50):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash. Okay, storytime, separate it. When I was in
first grade, my siblings and I moved out of our
struggling mom's place to my dad's when the only time
they have ever compromised that I know of. They amicably
decided on a fifty to fifty custody agreement on the books,
but we were primarily at our dad's. You quickly got
(14:10):
married to a woman who I will call Sharon for
the story. Sharon and I didn't get off on the
right foot. Some of it was because I was so
young and saw her as someone trying to replace my mom.
This was only made worse by seeing my mom always
feel left out, as if Sharon was getting to parent
when she wasn't. Aside from that, Sharon struggled with heavy
(14:31):
drinking and would have serious mood swings. I remember the
first time I knew she was wasted around me. She
leaned into whisper in my ear in front of my
dad and family to say, you're a witch.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
But she went, she went, you're a witch. She went,
you're a witch, Harry, You're a witch.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
This was just after we had moved in, so we
grew closer as my mom and dad pretty much always
had to work, but my stepmother always showed up for me.
She would even make my dad show up to things
he would never have before. We grew close as I
learned about some of her problems and tried to help
as best I could. As a child, she didn't always
(15:08):
make the right decisions, but she showed up for me
when no one else did, so I began to love her.
She would bring me to family events, do arts and
crafts with me, and teach me how to bake. I
would follow her around and hide her keys when she'd
been drinking. Eventually, she went through an inpatient regular use program,
and when she got out, I attended a few AA
meetings with her. During this time, however, there would still
(15:31):
be occasions where Sharon would really hurt me emotionally. Her
niece would lie about me saying or doing something mean,
and she would always believe it and punish me. She
told me I had a terrible voice when singing as
a child. Dang. She grounded me when I didn't swim
in a trash puddle with her. Huh. She told me
I was all fat and jiggled my arm when I
tried to justify weighing more than my older siblings by saying, whatever,
(15:55):
it's all muscle, among many other things. When I was
a teen, I saw her punt my oldest sibling out,
and while I agree, he was being a butt. When
she called my dad to tell him about it, she
had to get through several minutes of holding on the
phone and talk to his secretary, and didn't start crying
until she got to my dad. I can justify that
(16:16):
as letting yourself be vulnerable around your partner, or holding
it in until they could talk. But I remember seeing
the way it all went down, and it felt very
manipulative on her part and very calculated. After him, it
was her nephew who stayed and they got into a
fight about school, and she punted him out. When I
was sixteen, we clashed hard, but I never understood why.
(16:37):
I'd come home from school and she'd be watching TV,
something tame, probably Oprah or Ellen. I'd walk in and
say hey, and she would pause the TV and just
stare at me until I left, very clearly letting me
know she didn't want me there. I can't remember why,
but at sixteen she punted me out after some sort
of fight. I'm confused because it feels like op said
like sometimes she was nice and then sometimes she sucks.
(17:00):
You're talking about the same people.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
And I'm sorry. I just can't imagine the universe in
which I walk in and go hey, and somebody gives
me the evil eye and I don't go. So what's
that about? Huh? Unless I already know I'm over them? Yeah,
I'm gonna go hey. You look like you want me
to just be buried underneath the dirt. What's going on?
Speaker 3 (17:21):
I'm just confused because it seems like we start with
Sharon being awful, and then they grew close and Sharon
always shows up for Opie. They like love each other,
but then she's awful.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
What it seems like the theme is whenever the kids
become older, they get exiled. I guess so by the
step mom, right, yeah, Sharon? So why is dad letting
this happen? I don't know where's Dad?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Where's Papa? It's been almost twenty years. Sorry, but I
know for a fact it was a dumb fight. My
dad called me when I was at work and told
me I had to come home, but I could hear
Sharon saying in the background not to come back without
an apology. I said I wouldn't be coming back, so
my dad shut off my phone in hopes it would
force me to come back. I got a new phone plan,
(18:03):
co signed by my mom, and I stayed with my
mom through the summer and mostly couch hopped.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
I'm why do you have couch hopping?
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Why wouldn't you just stay with your mom? You're sixteen
now what. At the end of the summer, my dad
told me that if I didn't come back, he would
tell my school that I didn't live with him anymore
and I would have to change districts.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
In my last two years.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Geez, your dad sucks too. I moved back in with
them and worked hard last two years towards being the
first person in my family to graduate. When I was eighteen,
we got into a new fight after I stayed home
sick from school one day, had slept the entire day
and had left my room as per our stay home
from school sick agreement, where one must be bedridden and
puking to stay home.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
That was that was my agreement too. Yeah. It was like, well,
if you're gonna be sick, no fun allowed. And I'm like,
I'm already sick. Why what what am I? Exactly what
am I? Steve McQueen in the Great Escape? What are
you trying to imprison me?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
For? My mom would never let me watch any TV
if I was sick.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
And look how you turned out there.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
At the very end of the day, I had woken
up not necessarily feeling amazing, but better, and I had
a huge presentation due the next day that I no
longer had all day to work on or the school
time to finish. So I picked up my laptop and
had to look for my charger. When my stepmother asked
what I was doing, I told her and we got
into a huge fight about her thinking I was faking
(19:22):
and lying about being sick.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You should cough on her and get her sick. Yeah,
I'll be like, here's the test.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
We'll see if that open you open up, we'll see
in two days. This escalated to her punting me out again,
and I wasn't able to find my laptop charger on
the way out. By this point, the library was already closed,
and without the money for a replacement charger, I wasn't
able to work on the project until school the next morning.
(19:50):
I'll cut off here and just say I failed the
final project on several of the criteria, but luckily still
passed due to the hard work I had put in previously.
I feel like you should you know, you should have said, hey,
I got kicked out of my house.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Here's the lesson here, folks. And I remember being told
this in high school and being like, you had plenty
of time before the day before the project was due
to get more work on the project done.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I disagree as a as a procrastinator who did all
of my work day before.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
What is the what did you just say a procrastinator?
So does that mean that you had no time at
all to do it before?
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Didn't say that, but if someone that's why I had
in my house when I'm trying to do my work
the day before. As is my rights, as is my right,
as is my right.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
You're right, I guess. But then like when something like
this happened.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I wrote a projectay, and that's my right.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
You wrote it and I got a hundred that's my right.
She did write it, my right.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I did write an outline before, so it wasn't completely
done in the day.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Point being yeah, whatever.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I graduated high school and was staying in my then
thirty five year old friend's spare bedroom. Sharon was told
not to come to the ceremony, but.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Of course showed up.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Get out Sharon. While I hated seeing her, I also
respected that she was my father's wife, and I'd been
with me and us all through a lot, so I
didn't confront her. Yeah, she kicked you out multiple times.
She's she is the a lot. She's the a lot
that you're dealing with.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
After that was college, she made it clear I wasn't
welcome to come do laundry in the house I grew
up in and told me to change my address even
though I was in a dorm, so she didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Have to see me at all.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I dropped out of college and focused on work, going
through separate struggles including anorexia, homelessness, a car accident, oh
as well as my lifelong anxiety and depression getting much worse.
Why can't you live with your mom?
Speaker 1 (21:45):
It doesn't sound like she was available either, Kat.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
No, wait, that's my point. I was my point, Kat,
I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
That I did that. To be clear, I did people
being like some people, I did that every time. Yeah yeah, no, No,
learned that lesson through being the guy who's like, duh,
if only I had done a single thing before the
day before.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Yeah. No. My point was that that's her right, and
also she had extenuating circumstances too. That was my point.
Eventually life settles down. I start making some money where
I'm able to afford a place to live, and my
boyfriend moves in with me. Many stories in between, but
long story short, we end up in a different apartment,
pregnant and get married. I tell my dad not to
(22:29):
bring his wife.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
It's a justice of the piece, ten guest type wedding.
He brought her.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
I literally would like, if you don't want someone to come,
and you really don't want someone to come, let's get security.
Yeah you need someone, say get out out.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
If you're ingreticipating the potential that someone might show up
you don't want. You need to have people that you
can go that one and then they'll just tackle remove
them from the premises.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And I didn't make a fuss, just tried to enjoy
our moment. During the next few months, Sharon and my
dad began to purchase hundreds of dollars worth of stuff
for our baby on the way, nearly everything on our registry,
and then some they came to the hospital and held
my firstborn. I would not let these people around my child.
After they made me go homeless, kicked me out as
(23:16):
a teenager, I would not let them anywhere near my kid.
I was still very wary of having a relationship with
her for a while, but slowly I began to write
off our problems as something most young women go through
with their mothers and mother figures. I felt like maybe
we butted heads because I was too headstrong or talked
back too much, and now that I was older, I
(23:37):
could have a more mature relationship with her. She kicked
you out as a teenager. She is not capable of
having a mature relationship. You are. She is not. So
As my son grew through the first year, I eventually
started to rely on her and trust her again. I
would never ever trust this person. She also became the
only person who would even help us with him when
(23:57):
I worked, as she was the one most off and
available and always willing to lend a hand. She became
basically the only one helping with our son. At one point,
her sobriety became an issue again and she fell off
the wagon. I made it clear that I wouldn't be
dropping off my son to her when she was in
that state, as well as worrying about her mental health
and well being in general. During this time, I did
(24:18):
everything I could at work to not need a sitter
or rely on others, but again, we had no one else.
Sharon and my dad eventually told me things were better,
and I started bringing my son around again. When I
had my second she agreed to take care of them both,
and for a short time it went on like that.
When my husband started a new job, all of his
hours changed and I asked Sharon again if she would
(24:40):
be okay with this change. She said she was not
able to take on the extra load of watching the
kids for longer, which I completely understood. This, of course,
led me to having to make changes at work. I
had to step down just before a better position opened up.
I had been working towards this for fifteen plus years,
which was really hard for me. At the same time,
she learn at a mini stroke and had to go
(25:01):
through intense speech and physical therapy to regain the ability
to speak correctly, and for the most part did. At
this point, one day a week at work was too
much for Sharon to commit to, so I left my
job and became a stay at home mom, though it
was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.
While I was home a lot, I would often visit
Sharon with my kids. I would always ask before coming
(25:22):
or be invited. She would make us lunch and we
would talk about whatever was going on in our lives.
She would have some health issues and sometimes we wouldn't
see her for a while, but we had gotten along
well for the past nine or so years with no problem,
so I figured during those times she was taking a
break from us or just didn't feel well. I know
this next part we'll sound ridiculous to some people, but
(25:44):
this is what happened, and this is what I need
input on. During the last presidential campaign, Sharon started bringing
up politics a lot more. I have very strong opinions
on pretty much everything. Everyone who knows me knows this.
Because of this, I never bring up politics with my
family or people I know well, but I can't help
but join the conversation if it's brought up. I have
(26:05):
gotten better at walking away when it doesn't involve me. Basically,
we ended up having an intense argument over it. We
didn't talk for days, and my dad ended up calling
me to talk about the argument. A couple weeks later,
he said we should make up, and Sharon was expecting
an apology for calling her a liar. He and I
talked for a while, and I explained what happened after
he sighed and said, she's been watching a lot of
(26:26):
podcasts lately and it's been changing the way she feels
about things. I swear, I'm not making this up. I
don't think you are. That sounds pretty.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
It sounds like the most normal way people become is crazy.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Not that crazy.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Can you believe it?
Speaker 3 (26:41):
It's been six months. They did come to a birthday
party for one of my kids, but said nothing to
my kids on their birthday. Many important life events came
and went, and while I continued to reach out via
text with pictures, there was no attempt to reconnect. We
saw Sharon at the grocery store. We live in the
same town, and she waved and left my toddlers standing
(27:03):
there without coming over. She drove away, and as I
walked through the grocery store, it finally dawned on me
how hurt I was when it was happening to me
growing up. I always could convince myself that it was
my fault. I have written her countless apology letters for
different arguments, and I was always in trouble, so I
know I was no golden child. This treatment towards my kids,
(27:25):
who were nothing but innocent in our fight. Broke my
heart at that moment, walking around the store, I began
mentally drafting a new letter. This time, however, it wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Be an apology.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Fighting tears. She actually came back to the grocery store,
saying she had to rush to the vets because her
pet's meds were ready, but came back after because she
felt sad she missed my child. She tried to hug her,
but my daughter was anxious about it, but I hugged
her and started crying. She left quickly after that. In
my opinion, she wasn't rushing off anywhere except to stonewallus,
but felt bad doing it to my daughter's face. And
(27:57):
after discussing it with my therapist and several weeks, I
sent a text to Sharon about how I love her
as a mother but felt she didn't care for me
the same. And we're gonna pause that because there was
a lot going on right there. I think it's really
good that you're going to therapy, because that was gonna
be my suggestion if you could afford it. Seems like
you can, which is great, but yeah, I mean, like
(28:19):
you have a really complicated relationship with this person. She's
it seems like she's always been on and off in
her support for you, which is really really tough to
deal with and also just kind of like confusing as
a kid. Try and figure out how you feel about
this person who you do have fond memories with but
also have very traumatic memories of her kicking you out
(28:40):
of the house. Yeah, so you know, definitely go to therapy.
And yeah, I think it's just I think at some
point you might have to severely limit contact with this woman.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Yeah, I think she's not gonna be good for the kids. No,
I just don't. I don't see it being like a
you know, she had one moment where she was like, Okay,
maybe that was a little overboy, but it's like, yeah,
you just like, don't do that from the beginning.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
That the more time that went by with no attempt
on her part to even ask about the kids, the
more upset I was over this, That I was open
to talking to her, but that it would have to
be through text or writing for now, so I can
think about my responses and answer when I had the
emotional energy to respond without getting upset. She said she
didn't know how to respond to that, and that she
wasn't avoiding us, as she had responded one word answers
(29:24):
to the pictures or updates I sent that she wasn't
open to messaging more, but we would call if we
needed anything from them. About a month ago, I saw
my dad and Sharon at a block party, and my
dad invited me to his Labor Day party. I asked
which day, and he said Saturday or Sunday. Sunday. You're
not having a Labor Day party on Labor Day week,
to which I said, that's great because I promised Joanna
(29:47):
i'd be at her birthday party on Saturday. He was
excited and it was really nice seeing him. Because of
the fighting, we haven't had many chances to see each other.
I asked him later again to confirm it would be
Sunday and he said for sure. I just received the
end invite for their party and it's on Saturday, essentially
at the same time as my close friend's birthday party.
When I texted my dad about it, he just said
(30:08):
he had thought it would be Sunday. At first. I
get that they can't arrange a party around me, but
I can't help but think Sharon moved to the party
because I said I wouldn't be able to make it.
Not to mention it would also be Sharon's birthday the
day of the party. You would think that would make
sense for a party, but normally she hides she hates
tension on her birthday, so I feel like they're going
out of their way to make sure I can't go,
(30:31):
or at least can't stay long. The invite said nothing
about her birthday. My dad said I could drop the
kids off, but that really bothered me because they've been
avoiding all of us, and that's all my family I
now have to miss. There is a little bit left
to this story. Any final thoughts, Keep you distance, Keep
you distance. Have you ever talked to your dad about this?
That's what I want to know, because it seems like
(30:52):
your dad has been so complicit in his wife just
icing you out whenever she wants yeah, And I feel
like that is not something that should be, you know,
written off as like, oh, this is all Sharon's fault,
Like it is very much your dad's fault too. Your
dad also cricked out a sixteen year old, you know, like, yeah, yeah,
(31:13):
I tried to get you back in but didn't kick
out the person who kicked you out, so it's kind
of clear where his loyalties lie.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
It was untenable for a long time.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I definitely am limit contact severely. Your kids come.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
First, yep, kids come first. Keep going to therapy.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Other context, friends of family who have known me and
Sharon for a long time all side with me. But
my husband said I should just apologize so that we
can make up that I'm making a bigger deal about
it than I have to. Does your husband not know
everything that you've been through? Because I'd be like, what
are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Gotta let him know?
Speaker 3 (31:51):
And that he thinks I get too heated and loud
when I talk about politics and things. It's really not
about the politics thing. It's about a lifetime of her
abandoning you whenever she was a little bit upset.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
That's what the problem is. What it sounds like.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I admit the last bit is definitely true, but I
had already apologized for getting loud. However, I stood strong.
I'm not apologizing for calling her out on the lies.
So am I overreacting to a stupid fight and should
just apologize for saying she lied? So my kids can
have their grandparents around again, or am I right to
just stay clear.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So my kids don't get hurt like I have?
Speaker 3 (32:29):
And there are some comments. Comment one says, hey coming
from someone who has a stepmom whose relationship with me
has never been great, but is conflicted with feelings because
she was once okay or there for me at one point,
I understand. I was punted out at eighteen by my
stepmom because I refused to be a second parent to
my younger sister when she was fully capable, and she
(32:50):
got pissed about it, called me a witch a bunch
of times, and gave me one month to get out.
And it was this time that made me realize a
couple things. The bonding I'd had with her when I
was twelve didn't matter anymore. There are things that I
feel that these family members do that are just horrific,
that they feel should be excused because their family agreed agreed.
(33:12):
Her kicking out a sixteen year old onto the streets
so that you were couch hopping.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Is despicable, disgusting.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
And after me getting punted out, I started to realize
I don't know anyone anything. What I'm trying to get
at is that you guys have a history of her
messing up, trying to fix it, things getting good, then
things getting bad, and then things are like how they
used to be. And at some point you can't write
off every wrong they do. You gotta recognize a pattern.
You don't know anyone anything, No matter how silly people
(33:42):
can make you feel about why you go no contact
doesn't matter. It comes down to you and how you
are going to feel battling this because it won't just
go away. I'm sure some memories your stepmom and your
kids might make might help ease some of this tension
at some point, but what cost. If I were you,
I don't know how old your kids are, but I'd
(34:04):
wait some time. I'd let yourself fully heal from everything
you've dealt with your whole life. And it sounds like
your stepmom can be a big trigger. I think you'd
be surprised you might become when you start to prioritize yourself.
And if you decide to talk to her after you
feel okay about things, that's okay too, but respect your peace.
Your kids might question naturally why your stepmom grandma might
(34:27):
not be around, but the older they get, they can
make their own decisions to see the situation, or you
could always have your kids being contact but not you.
But it just sounds like to me, you've been HEARDing
about some of this for a little too long, and
your snapping point may have been something less significant objectively
than some of the other things that had happened. Yeah,
(34:49):
that's the point. It's like your husband saying, oh, well,
like it was just like a little political debate. It's like, no,
it was years and years of her just neglecting you
and just emotionally abusing you.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
It's like being like World War One started because of
one guy.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
No, we're higher.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
That's just the end of the fuse. Yeah, there's so
much more context to that.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
I hope whatever you do, your husband will back you
up and you can enjoy some peace and folks, that's
the end of that story. Good luck, O P. And
I really hope your husband gets on the same page
because he just does not seem very in tune with
your emotions at all.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
And that is true. Yeah, you've got another story. Hey y'all,
it's John og Host here.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
My brother's girlfriend made an awkward joke. Now it's causing
tension between us. Awkward. March twenty seventh, twenty twenty five.
Some background. My brother John and I are very different
people and always have been. I'm a nerdy guy who
likes playing dungeons and dragons and works from home code websites.
(36:00):
And he's always been sporty and has one of those
corporate office jobs where I swear half of his work
is just playing golf and going to fancy lunches. Lame.
We didn't always get along, but we're pretty good these days.
And by the way, this comes from user Elephant No.
Thirty one to thirty nine. If you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slashowcase storytime subprend it.
Golf and fancy lunch is not lame, by.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
The way, Yes it is. Oh no reverse.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
He started dating his girlfriend who will call Jane a
few years back during what was a pretty low point
for me in life. I had just gotten out of
a long term relationship that had ended anything but amicably
was burning out of the career I went to college for,
and in general was about two paychecks away from having
(36:46):
to move in with my folks. The stress of it
all was taking a toll on my body. I went
from the slightly chubby I've been my whole life to
just straight up fat, and shortly after the breakup, I
had an anxiety attack so bad it put me in
the hut. It was not a good time to get
to know me. I was basically the picture of an
f up older brother. But I turned it around. I
(37:07):
got the mental health assistance I needed to diagnose and
treat some long standing issues. With that as a springboard,
I started exercising more and eating better, finding cooking to
be a good hobby. That also led me to eating
less takeout and processed foods. I'm still Noah Adonis, still
got a bit of a tummy, but I'm much stronger
(37:28):
and feel better. I was able to quit my job
and find a new one in a field that I
never considered but that I found I loved enough that
I'm going back to school to work on a PhD
in the fall so I can pursue it to a
greater extent. And finally I started dating again. Someone will
call her Flow, who was a better match for me
(37:49):
than my ex.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yay Yay progression shout out to finding people better than
your ex. I just meant for it.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody hates that guy.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Dude, your ex were allowed awkward. I was talking about
Opte awkward.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
This all brings us to the night things went wrong.
We have a family gathering at my parents' house, extended
family and all plus Jane and Flow. I'm making dinner
a beef Wellington. Oh, beef Wellington.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Wow, that's gonna take a while.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
What are you, Gorge and Ramges.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
That's funny. That was funny.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Everyone is raving about my food. I also did dinner
this past Thanksgiving as well, and also my recent glow up,
my new job and the program I got to, et cetera.
I'm smiling, politely and mostly just trying to do a
bunch of dinner prep while they won't get out of
my way. Then Jane says, yeah, never thought I picked
(38:56):
the wrong brother, but I'm starting to think I might have.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
She said that about you. She she was like, I
wish I had you. She was just she had you
because you're cooked.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
She's like, I'm just I'm just joking.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
How do you respond that? How do you respond that?
On the fly?
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Yeah, on a real level, wait, say that to me?
Speaker 3 (39:19):
What it was?
Speaker 1 (39:19):
The chop chop chop, top chop chop chop.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
I picked the wrong brother.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
You could hear a pin drop. I said nothing again,
just awkwardly laughed at what I assumed to have been
a bad joke. Jane's face immediately changed to the look
of someone who had only just realized their f up.
John looked pissed, and the two of them left the
kitchen shortly after.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
DANMG, She's like, no, babe, I swear I love your
I love your cooking, and I didn't mean anything by it.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
You know, It's just a joke.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
It was just a choke. It's just that now your
older brother is better than you in every way. Yeah,
he like really put a lot of work to himself,
and now like he is, he is objectively better than you.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
But like, I don't want better, I want I want worse.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I want you, I want you the worst option.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
From what I could see, she seemed to be trying
to apologize to him, while he looked really hurt. My
relatives said nothing, not immediately anyway. Flow just kind of
winced and later told me that it was really awkward
having to stand there. But she didn't know what else
to do that wouldn't have escalated things or put me
on the spot. That was over two months ago, and
both John and Jane avoid me like zip plague, not
(40:30):
even a text since then. Whenever I meet up with
my relatives they bad mouth her over it. And while
I think Jane did f up saying that, I really
do think she was just making a bad joke.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
I honestly agree. I honestly agree. I feel like like
I've heard people make that joke before, yeah, and like, yeah,
it's a bad joke. Probably wouldn't make it, but like
people make bad jokes all the time. It's not like
she wants to cheat on her partner, for Ope, it's
probably just talking about his cooking skills and like her
husband doesn't cook.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I was gonna smash that comment.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Dang, well, it's too late. I think I think that
if there, if anything.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Happen, shut up. No, that's what you said, not what
I'm saying to you. No, I'm sorry. Then I interrupted you.
Oh god, Okay, Yeah, people made bad jokes. Personally, I
think they're overreacting this aside, I think she's probably the
first person he's ever dated who was a fit for
(41:25):
him in terms of personality and lifestyle. The only person
being normal about it is Flow, who thinks it was weird,
but like me, just thinks it's a dumb thing to say.
No jealousy. She knows Jane ain't my type. How do
I clear the air with Jane and John and get
people to stop bringing this up? I'm sick of hearing
about it and just want things to go back to
how they were before. Right now, it just feels like
(41:48):
a dark cloud over all of our interactions. And there
is a small update saying message John grabbing adult sodas
over the weekend. Will update later in the meantime some
CYD info for some of the other comments. Jane is
a very nice person and she really cares for John.
She's been with him through some difficult times, including a
(42:08):
period where work separated the two of them for three months,
and they're otherwise attached at the hip. She does have
what some call a lack of a filter. We've known
that for a while, but she'd absolutely never leave him
for me. Why my relatives won't let it go Probably
because there are a bunch of old Italian Catholics who
like to gossip snaps which incidentally is probably why they
(42:31):
didn't like the joke in the first place. Yeah, my
brother and I have a pretty good relationship as adults
and aren't especially competitive. My folks and relatives don't favor
one of us over the other, though admittedly they do
understand my brother's career path better than mine. I agree
with the number of comments that the impetus of the
joke was that I'm a good cook, especially when it
(42:53):
comes to being celebratory feasts. Clearly John is okay in
the kitchen, but he's the kind of guy for whom
a fancy meal just means picking up a more expensive
cut of steak. I really don't think it has anything
to do with me being the hot brother now, as
a few comments suggested, I literally think.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
It was just about the food.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
It's just a joke.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
It was just a joke. It's just a joke. That's yeah.
That's kind of crazy that they're like blowing up this
entire family over this very insignificant joke.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Yeah, that's the type of joke that everyone's like. I
literally just would have gone a haha.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
Yeah, and then you move on, and then she feels
super awkward because she knows that her joke didn't land,
and that's her punishment.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Yeah, or anything, You move on. You don't have any
shame about it. You just make the next one, and
just one throwing spaghetti at the wall the next one.
John and I have always looked very different. Comparing us
would be more of a matter of personal preference than
any kind of objective hotness scale. He's tall with a
runner's build, and I'm a few inches shorter, with a
(43:53):
wide build and more visible muscles, as weightlifting is my
main form of exercise. Lastly, not to toot my own horn.
But I've never had any issues getting dates, barring the
aforementioned a year long period where my life was falling apart,
so I must have been doing something right.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
Oo toot that horn.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
Lastly, as some have said, I probably could have saved
everyone some awkwardness by playing along with Jane's comment with
a sorry, Flow, God to me first, or something else similar.
I go into what Flow dramatically calls the kitchen death
drive while cooking complicated meals, where I'm laser focused on
the task at hand to the exclusion of all else,
and my responses to questions tend to be short, curt
(44:36):
and even a bit rude. It's totally normal.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
You're focused there and have time for jokes, especially bad jokes.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
Too many cooks and is here kitchen? Get out of
my kitchen rut? Now, normally I would have tried to
help salvage the bad joke, but I was seeing a big,
expensive piece of tend alon at the moment, so my
thoughts were elsewhere that tender Yeah, your thoughts were on
you're Wellington, and they.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
Know exactly where your thoughts were. They were in the dough.
There's the meat.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
There's an update in the vEDS and in your mushroom mints. Yes,
there's an update. Three days later. Let's hit it. John here,
og host. We're gonna get back to these stories, but
a quick three minute break from house from our sponsors.
Met up with John at a sports bar we go
to sometimes when our dad is in town. Shot the
crap for a little bit before I asked him if
everything was cool. He didn't really know what I was
(45:26):
talking about at first, and I had to remind him
that weird thing at the family dinner, and he immediately
knew what I was talking about. I asked if we
were all right, if they were all right? And lastly,
what we should do about our nosy Catholic relatives gossiping
about all this crap. First off, he confirmed what I
and most of y'all thought was true. Jane was just
talking about my cooking, exclusively ovvylessly ovulation. She's a big fan.
(45:54):
It's actually the reason she came to that gathering in
the first place. So that's good to hear.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
She really love that's your cooking.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
He's just there for the beef Wellington, and if.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
She left your brother, it would just be for your cooking.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Nothing to do with my physique, though John did congratulate
me on the additional weight eyed loss since the whole ordeal. Second,
John's issue with Jane's joke had nothing to do with
the idea of her leaving him for me, or that
he'd lost some prestige as the athlete in our family
or anything like that. Something I didn't mention in the
original post because I didn't think it was important is
(46:27):
that John and I grew up middle class, while Jane's
family is loaded not billionaires. But she graduated from an
Ivy League school with no student loadang which she's turned
into a well paying and highly specialized tech job.
Speaker 3 (46:42):
She got money, she.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
Got up scromoney. She and John go on lots of
vacations together, have a very nice apartment in a very
expensive part of the city, all that good stuff. The
thing is, while John does pretty well for himself at work,
he's not making nearly as much as she is and
doesn't have old family money to fall back. Trying to
keep up with her has been putting a significant dent
in his savings. Apparently, he's been psyching himself up to
(47:07):
talk to her about how they may need to make
some lifestyle adjustments so he can put more money away
in savings, and was worried how that might go. Hearing
her say that I might be a better option after
hearing about my new to his mind high earning PhD
program was the sort of thing that came at exactly
the wrong time, so he had to walk away. I
(47:27):
did have a little laugh at that. This PhD will
open a lot of doors for me, but it's definitely
not going to make me a millionaire. Adding to the
sting of that while he and I don't have much
of a rivalry, he does still have some insecurity about
me being Zismot one of the two of us. I
say this with all the love in my heart. John
is an extremely intelligent guy, but you'd never know that
(47:49):
from just.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Talking to him. Ouch, he sounds like an idiot.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
You're rain manning your brother right Nowang. He's a whiz
with numbers and knows more about corporate finance than nearly
anyone I've ever met at any age. He also speaks
with the vocabulary and goofy demeanor of a frat boy.
I know a person like that. I know people like that.
You know people liked it. So on top of the
anxiety about his rich girlfriend thinking he's too broke to
(48:15):
hang out, he was a little frustrated about the idea
of a doctorate, putting more perceived distance between us. He
apologized for that jealousy, and I told him it was fine,
and if folks were giving him crap, he could tell
them he wasn't gonna look over their stock portfolios anymore.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
He also said that he and Jane spoke about the
money and she took it very well. The reason he
hadn't been in touch lately was because they'd been looking
for a more affordable apartment to move to when their
lease is up.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
Well, I feel like this has going well, he just
needed to have a conversation with his brother and realized, oh,
it wasn't really out all about that joke at all.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
It's amazing what happens when you sit down and have
a conversational association instead of communication, imagining what they're thinking.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
Because you had all these thoughts inside your head about
what he was doing, but why he, you know, wasn't
talking to you, And then you realized they were all
just that.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Fairy dust. The only thing that was left was how
to handle the extended family. Apparently John didn't know they
were still on about that, largely because whenever he and
Jane see them, they just talk about how Flow has
too many piercings and swears too much. That gossip was
news to me, So we mutually said, oh, efham and
decided to continue not really letting what they say about
(49:28):
our partners get to us.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
Yes, yes, let the old Italian Catholics gossip and you
guys just live your best life.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
Yes, please do that more? Everyone, everyone out there? Do
Thatwhere do that? Do that more? Instead, we agreed to
spend more time just the four of us. Heck yeah,
And before we left for the night, John did ask
me for a few of my recipes. Heck, yeah, well
there you go. All's well that ends, well, you're sharing,
(49:59):
rest peace, Jo.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
Don't want you. John and you are still brothers and
flow seems cool as heck. But that's the end of
that story and the end of this episode. So if
you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
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