I BANNED my mother-in-law... because she’s turning me into my husband’s enemy! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2306 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some rockin stories for you coming up.
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keeping the show rocking and rolling.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
I banned my mother in law because she's turning me
into my husband's enemy.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Oh no, not pitting them against each other. Hi.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm a thirty five year old woman and I've been
with my husband thirty two since college. Met in twenty nineteen,
and he quickly became my best friend. He was carrying, attentive, funny, supportive,
honestly just a great person overall. Of course, neither of
us is perfect, but he has so many qualities I
admired and still do. By the way, this comes from
userslash no mill brackets under no underscore mill. If you

(00:47):
want to assume in your own stories, good at the
r slash okay storytime stubreddit.

Speaker 4 (00:51):
And this is directly from the r slash okay storytime slubreddit,
so we'll obviously read that.

Speaker 5 (00:55):
Send them in.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
We started as close friends and eventually became friends with benefit.
I wasn't ready for a relationship back then.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
I was scared.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
Interestingly, now, my mother in law was one of the
few people who knew about our situation, and she was
always welcoming. She would invite us to visit her often,
even though she lived nearly two hours away. I would
usually drive since my husband didn't have a car at
the time. I loved spending time with her. She was sweet, helpful,
and we bonded like I never thought possible. She helped
me prepare for interviews, we had long girl talks, and

(01:24):
I honestly thought she was the best mother in law
I could have asked for. I've always loved my own mom,
but were not very close, and being the youngest of
three girls with two golden sisters, I often felt alone,
so having a maternal figure like her felt incredibly special.
I even told my then best friend now husband how
thankful I was for her presence in my life. A
few weeks later, while we were at her house, he

(01:46):
took me out to dinner and officially asked me to
be his girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
I was happy and excited to share the news with her,
but when we returned and told her, something changed in her.

Speaker 5 (01:56):
Who no, who No.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
At first I thought I was imagining it, but Over time,
her demeanor toward me became distant, cold, and passive aggressive.
We began visiting less frequently, not because we didn't want to,
but because we had school and were busy, so we
made the effort to go at least once a month,
but each.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
Visit became more uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
One time, while chatting in the pool, I told her
that my husband had always felt somewhat distant from her,
like an outsider, and had once shared that he believed
she only married his father because she got pregnant. She
calmly told me that his grandmother had told him that
and it wasn't true. I thought we were having a
sincere moment.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
It was a moment. Sincerely, it was a moment. Yeah,
uh yeah. Shortly after, my.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Husband wanted to accompany me to visit my grandmother. When
his mom found out, she got upset and accused him
of taking time off school for me, but.

Speaker 5 (02:45):
Never for her.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Then came the holidays. We had agreed to spend Thanksgiving together,
then separate for Christmas Eve I would visit his family
on the twenty fifth and spend New Years together, But
as Thanksgiving approached, she came to our apartment crying, no
She said her brother was coming to visit it and
that family comes first, implying I wasn't family. That hurt
more than I can explain. That's understandable.

Speaker 5 (03:07):
Yeah, that's hard.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
To have been in this and feel like you understand
what a relationship is and then find out, Ah, it's
not quite what.

Speaker 4 (03:16):
I thought, especially since I mean this started out with
Ophi being like I thought she was a great maternal
figure and I felt so accepted into the family.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, she told us she didn't want us to get
engaged or married. Oh, at least not until she met
my entire family and waited another five years. She didn't
want to be a grandmother anytime soon either.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
She said we hadn't talked about family health issues, which
we had. She insulted me directly and indirectly, making it
seem like I wasn't even in the room.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
That's crazy to.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Come to somebody else's house, yeah, and be like, by
the way, you're not getting married for five years.

Speaker 5 (03:51):
Literally, It's like, okay, I get that.

Speaker 6 (03:54):
Like parent has a certain idea or like what they
might want.

Speaker 5 (03:59):
For a relationship for their kids.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Never up to them unless you are the one getting
on your knee yeah, with that fourteen carrot ring or whatever.

Speaker 5 (04:10):
With the twenty four k golden Labuo boo, you're not.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
You're not deciding what the timeline is.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
No, and that was so many requirements.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, and also yeah, you're doing this well, you're waiting
five years.

Speaker 5 (04:22):
Also, I don't want any.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
Grandkids right now until we talk about potential the way,
until we pun it square it out.

Speaker 5 (04:28):
Yeah, I need to meet your entire family.

Speaker 3 (04:31):
Yeah, true, Hi goodness.

Speaker 5 (04:33):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Eventually I broke and told my husband she won't stop
until she gets what she wants.

Speaker 5 (04:39):
To just go with her for Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
And like flipping a switch, the tears were gone. She
turned to him and asked anything else. I, still hoping
for some healing, brought up the comment he once made
about her marrying his dad out of obligation.

Speaker 5 (04:52):
Oh boy, my husband.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
Scared to confront her and eager to please, denied ever
saying it.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Later, she blew up.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
She claimed I insulted her by calling her easy and
judged her for getting pregnant before marriage, something I never said,
nor believe. I would never judge anyone for that, not her,
not my own siblings, not myself. It hurt that she
twisted my words and intentions. That night, I told my
husband I was done. I couldn't believe he stood by
while she insulted me. I called my mom crying. She
told me, you don't let anyone make you feel small.

(05:20):
He needs to make a choice. I went outside, talked
to my mom, and once I felt better, and I
told him I was leaving. I couldn't stay with someone
who wouldn't protect me. He broke down, crying and begged
me to stay. He said he'd cut his mom off
if he had to, that he didn't want to lose me.
I agreed to stay, but only if he started therapy.
We continued our relationship, but on his mother's birthday, she

(05:41):
was rude again, making faces at me. That's go crazy
And that was the last time I saw her, over
two years ago. But anyways, since then, he proposed and
we got married. Oh so, like the faces happened two
years past, proposals happened. When he told her about the engagement,
as his therapist recommended, all right, therapist and well okay,
I warned him she might act out. Sure enough, she

(06:02):
pretended to have a health emergency and was taken by
ambulance to.

Speaker 3 (06:06):
The hospital as we expected. She was completely fine.

Speaker 5 (06:11):
Oh my gosh, that's what I would call then over Yeah, yeah, yeah, good.
Oh man.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
We didn't tell her about our legal marriage. Over these
two years, I've learned so much about her behavior. His
stepfather stole from him, gave him gifts and took them back,
and his mother regularly insulted him on the phone. He
forgave her.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
I couldn't.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
She has a long history of emotional manipulation, and no
one ever hold her accountable. Everyone just apologizes to her.
Even early on, both my husband and his stepfather told
me I should apologize, thankfully, with my therapist's help, I refused.
She also weaponized his brother with special needs by preventing
him from seeing me. Eventually, I messaged her and said
I didn't want her in our life until she sought

(06:53):
therapy and found her own healing, even spiritual.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:57):
No, that's fair.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
I'm with you on that one.

Speaker 4 (07:01):
On that one, yeah, because I mean, like, it's a
lot to deal with someone who's faking going to the hospital.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
And also how expensive is an ambulance?

Speaker 5 (07:11):
Yeah, right, crazy, That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
There are better ways to Like, I'm not advocating for this.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah, oh wow.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
I'm not advocating for the faking something to distract, but
I'm just saying they're easier and cheaper ways to do it.

Speaker 4 (07:27):
Right.

Speaker 5 (07:27):
You know, you can do it at least be smart
about it.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
Go on.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
You don't need an ambulance or like do your little
like fainting at home, and then when people get there
and they're like, we should call an ambulance, you're like, actually, yeah,
like I'm fine.

Speaker 3 (07:39):
Feeling better now, I'm feeling so much better.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
A few weeks ago, she, her husband and her son
came to visit our city.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
We moved five hours.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Away, and they weren't welcome in our home. They stayed
at a hotel. He had dinner with them and told
me I was invited five minutes before. I didn't go fair,
don't don't. This weekend, it was his brother's birthday. Again,
I wasn't invited, nor did I want to be. But
when he came back, he was clearly emotionally manipulated.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
He said.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
He asked his mom to apologize if she wanted a
relationship with us, and her response was, she can come
tell me what I need to apologize for.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
That was infuriating.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Understandable. That's not remorse, that's avoidance. She knows exactly what
she did. I shouldn't have to list every insult, every
moment she tried to accumulate or isolate me a sincere
apology doesn't come with conditions. What upset me even more
was how my husband presented it, like his mom really
wanted to fix things, and like I was the one refusing.
He didn't say those exact words, but that's how it felt,
as if I was the barrier. We've been talking about

(08:37):
having children, and I had to be honest with him.
I told him I don't want his mother anywhere near me.
I'm not even sure I want kids with him. Every
time she comes back into his life, he regresses all
the progress he made in therapy gone in an instant,
and if we ever did have children, she would not
be allowed near them.

Speaker 5 (08:52):
Whoof Yeah, wow, that's why they gave.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
Us the kind of chill story right before this.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
That's why we were like the last one, we were like, actually, that.

Speaker 5 (09:00):
Wasn't too bad, give us a little bit of a break.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
That was great.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yeah, everybody kind of figured it out and out what
their feelings.

Speaker 5 (09:06):
Healthy. Right, Let's go to the next one o them
movie storm.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah fair, I'm glad that she's being honest and standing up.

Speaker 3 (09:14):
Yeah, for herself. This is a rough situation.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah, that's not the ideal situation. I don't want to
feel this way, but I will not let someone like
her who refuses accountability, uses emotional blackmail, and manipulates everyone
around her anywhere near our future children. He says, he agrees,
but then days like this come and it's back to
mommy dearest. If she truly wanted to make things right,
she had every chance, including when she came here, but
she didn't. And now I'm the one who feels like

(09:38):
the bad guy for holding the line. But I won't bend,
not for her, not anymore.

Speaker 5 (09:42):
Dang man.

Speaker 6 (09:44):
Yeah, that's hard because obviously he's in this like manipulative
relationship from his parents, right, Like that's very hard to
break out of. And even though he is in therapy
and she's seeing him regress, it's like, I feel like
you still have to be sympathetic. But at a certain point,
it's like if not the thing is really happening and
really staying there and staying in practice, it's like it's

(10:05):
at a certain point you kind of do have to
detach yourself if you are getting the front of it.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, so it I don't. There's a lot of stuff
going on, you know, ups and downs. There's some messy
bits to this, but at the end of the day, Yeah,
it sucks.

Speaker 3 (10:19):
To have to deal with that.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
And this one didn't say, am I the A hole?
I would say, I would say, not the a hole?
I would say, this is a weird Yeah, you know,
you gotta holding the line is a good phrase I
think of just you have to keep that boundary there
because otherwise, right, Okay, update from the comment, I'm evaluating
my future slay. We will start couple's therapy and I

(10:43):
will decide after that.

Speaker 5 (10:45):
Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Comment one, you will spend the rest of your life
trying to fix and repair this family and never succeed.
It's time to cut the strings and eliminate the hurt
and nonsense comment too. I'm wondering if he's still in
contact with her is because of his younger brother. Many
times siblings or family members will become their legal guardians
when parents pass or become too ill to care for them.
I also would not trust her with any child, much
less a special needs child. People that behave like this

(11:08):
are seriously scary on what they won't do to get
their way. If your husband does go no contact, she will,
without a doubt, in my opinion.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Go full throttle on the crazy.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
He needs to make a choice before you decide to
make it for him. I would definitely invest in security
cameras if he.

Speaker 5 (11:22):
Does pull his head out. Oh god, there's opie.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yes, my husband is still in contact with his mother,
but only because of his younger brother, and part of
him hopes things can get better. His brother is a
kind and respectful young man who just turned eighteen, and
he has nothing to do with the conflict between us
and their mother. Unfortunately, she still has a lot of
control over him, and my husband doesn't want to abandon him,
which I completely understand. When we first went no contact,
she didn't respect that boundary. She kept sending manipulative messages, texts, videos,

(11:48):
and articles about why sons stop talking to their mothers,
all suggesting I.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Was the reason.

Speaker 5 (11:54):
Oh my gosh, wooh.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
It was emotionally exhausting and clearly meant to guilt him
back into contact.

Speaker 5 (12:00):
That sucks.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
I'm sorry about that. Yeah, that's it's also biased journalism.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Right.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
You know, I assume she wasn't sending other articles that
weren't saying yeah, it's because of your son's just.

Speaker 5 (12:14):
Part confirmation bias going on.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
Before a wedding celebration.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
She even tried to send him a handwritten letter through
a friend, hoping it would reach him right.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
Before this ceremony.

Speaker 5 (12:24):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Thankfully his friend refused and told her not to create drama.

Speaker 5 (12:29):
Shout out to them. Yeah, that is the hero of
this story, honestly, Wow, my goodness.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
She ended up texting it instead, and of course it
was full of guilt and manipulation. Dude, not being at
the wedding, like looking at the altar.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
I just I think you're making a huge mistake. I
know you probably won't see this until after the.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Vows have already been exchanged.

Speaker 4 (12:50):
But yeah, I know, you're literally in the middle of
a wedding and don't even have your phone on you
right now.

Speaker 5 (12:54):
Or imagine he did and he's.

Speaker 4 (12:55):
Just reading trying to like and it's like, oh, looking
on in la Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
Because of his brother.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
I'm not sure that going completely non contact is even
realistic right now. She seems to know that and uses
it to stay connected honestly, sometimes it feels like real peace.
It won't come until she's no longer around. I don't
say that out of spite, just from exhaustion and experience.
And yes, we already have cameras and home security, not
because of her, but we just want to feel safe
in our own space.

Speaker 5 (13:21):
Yeah, woof.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
I refuse to take in my stepsister, even if it
would help her.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
You don't need to.

Speaker 1 (13:28):
When I, now twenty nine, female was fourteen, it came
out that my dad had been living a whole secret
life behind his wife and my mom's back one where
he had a one year old daughter who is now sixteen,
with his employee. What practice family what? Back then it
was a huge deal.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
I've like it's a huge deal now.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
My brother, now thirty one, refused to speak to our
dad for a whole year, and I couldn't look him
in the eye ever since. Now. I don't know if
our mom knew or if she just didn't care, but
I remember her being very desperate to keep her husband.
Perhaps it was because he was the breadwinner and made
quite a lot, who knows. But eventually, after many therapy
sessions and counseling, they stayed together by the way. This

(14:14):
comes from user patient Win eighty eight thirty one. If
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime Subradett. But that didn't mean his
other family was brick walled, as you'd think would be appropriate.
In fact, my dad stopped going out with the other woman,
but they remained friends, and my mom and her had
some sort of sister wives vibes going on. It was

(14:35):
just weird. On every holiday there'd be this woman who
knowingly and willingly almost destroyed another family. Yes, she was
aware our dad was married and didn't care. And this
baby who we me and my brother were meant to
treat like a sibling. We haven't felt like a family since.
My brother refused to participate in holidays like Christmas or
Easter for a few years. Then came around when Ali,

(14:56):
my stepsister's fake name, was four years old, and decided
he'd be a brother to her. It was a very
sudden switch, though he still doesn't speak to our father
or Ali's mom. Maybe I'm jaded, but I never saw
Ali's mom as anything but a home wrecker and a
terrible person, and Ali as a result of that. I
don't know if Jade, it's the right word for that.

(15:17):
I think you're probably traumatized. I think you need to,
like really and.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
The brother when he comes How old was he when
he came into the family.

Speaker 1 (15:25):
Or I don't think we had the number. It's he's
now thirty one, so.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
Okay to like try and be a brother to like
probably lighteens, maybe early twenties somewhere in there.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
I know my dad is to blame as well, but
back then it was easier to be angry at them
than at my dad.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Well, I feel like your dad is the blame.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
You're also fourteen year child, so it makes sense. Yeah,
I never saw Ali as his sister and made it
clear that resulted in some familial tension that continues to
this day. It would be really hard to list everything
that happened here, so I won't, and I'll get to
the main issue at hand. Ali recently decided to change
schools because of some issues I'm not interested in. For clarification,

(16:10):
my country's high schools can have specific specializations like art, confectionery, hairdressing,
and so on and so forth. These are just the
first ones I could think of, but I'm just not
sure how common it is. Ali used to study in
grammar school, high school that has no specific field but
is usually a stepping stone between high school and college.
But apparently grammar school was too demanding and she decided

(16:32):
to drop out and pursue art school. She's not an
extraordinary artist for her age, but good enough to get
accepted into a pretty good art school that happens to
be near me. Ali and her mom live close to
my parents, and my parents live a solid three hours
away from me, so getting to and from school would
be difficult for her, but not impossible. Two days ago,
we had a family dinner, yes, Ali and her mom

(16:52):
were invited, much to my dismay, where the issue was
brought up. They talked around the topic, maybe expecting me
to pipe up and open my doors for her, but
I didn't, so they eventually asked flat out if I
could let Ali live with me for the school year.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
That's a big ask.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
It feels like they should know that You're already like
you don't like this.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
You've never wanted a relationship with Ali, which, like you know,
is your own thing. They're dealing with. Yeah, regardless of
whether or not out like, Ali's obviously not in.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Fault yeah, regardless of where that comes from, this is
not going to be a situation that's helpful to anybody.
You're like the current circumstances. I think it is.

Speaker 3 (17:25):
The sixteen year old is going to live with a
person who hates her.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
No, we shouldn't do that. Parents don't know how bad
it is, you know. Yeah, maybe it's just been kind
end up and held inside the whole time. Fourteen year
olds are really good doing that.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
And so maybe maybe Op just says no, I hate her. Yeah,
like she goes no, and they go, what, I hate her?

Speaker 1 (17:48):
So she'd be there from Monday to Friday and be
at home for any holidays and such. I also work
in art and am an illustrator, so they think it
would be beneficial for Ali to spend time around real artists,
which is hilarious because they previously called my profession useless.
Here are my reasons for declining. There is an option
of dorms just outside of campus. The living conditions are good,

(18:11):
not five star hotel, but good. Nonetheless, I don't like Ali,
and have made that clear. We have absolutely no relationship.
Aside from her being blood related. There's nothing about her
that would convince me to take her in. My brother
lives closer to the art school, like an hour away.
It's not right around the corner, but doable. Plus he
actually likes Ali. When I needed help and came to

(18:32):
Ali's mom as a hail Mary, she laughed me out
the door and said that we're not family. So for
her to insist we are, in fact a family now
is both irritating and funny. I have a pretty modest apartment.
Yes I have two rooms, but I'm renting out the
other one for my best friend. They didn't ask me nicely,
they demanded, and when I showed hesitation, they immediately descended
upon me like a pack of vultures. Apparently Ali doesn't

(18:55):
want to live with a stranger in a dorm, something
about anxiety, which, while I can sympathize, I also lived
in dorms with two strangers that didn't even like me.
She's my sister despite it all, and God wanted us
to be a family now because I'm atheist. My brother's
girlfriend is currently pregnant with a baby soon do, and
he doesn't want to bring Ali into all of that.
Plus his girlfriend is nervous around strangers, which is the

(19:15):
last thing she needs. I should displace my roommate in
favor of family, and it should be a no brainer
to let my sister live with me. Again, She's not
my sister.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
Oh Pete has not seen her, has her sister.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
I don't know her, and I never put in the
effort to get to know her, nor do I want to.
I don't want to know. If I'm the a hole
for that, I guess I am, because it's not her fault.
She came to the world like this. Anyway. I wanted
to think about it for a bit and then turn
them down, to at least pretend to seriously consider it.
But with how the evening devolved from calm and peaceful
to yelling and demanding in a matter of seconds, I

(19:50):
said no immediately and remained firm on my stance. Everything
calmed down when Ali ran out of the house back
to her house, I assume. Then I was asked to leave,
which I was already doing, and was told we'll discuss
the matter when I'm ready to act like an adult,
in which case I better sign up for kindergarten before
they're all full. I made this all very clear, and

(20:10):
when Ali's mom messaged me to discuss the topic, I
left her on red and when my dad called me,
I didn't pick up, which is fair because you've already
made it very clear you're not going to do it. Yeah,
I won't put up with them yelling and demanding, as
if that would change my mind. Am I the a hole?
Not about yeah, not about that, only about the thing
that you admitted you were the a hole about Now

(20:32):
you've already given the situation.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
I think you recognize that, Like, you have a lot
of animosity and feelings that should be directed at your
dad that you've redirected at this girl, which makes sense.
I think a lot of people do that, of course,
but they were also forty Obviously you were traumatized.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
It's not Allie's fault, yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
Which is something I think like therapy can help, you know,
working through those feelings. But at the end of the day,
your question is am I the for not letting her
move into my house? And you are not the a hole?

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Not at all, You're not.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
Zero percent.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
It does kind of, it does, kind of, it's you know,
it just sucks. So am I the a hole?

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Like?

Speaker 1 (21:11):
No, update, The thing I feared the most happened. Currently,
Ali is in my room after appearing out of nowhere
in front of my apartment with my friend letting her
in after she started having a mental breakdown in the hall.
You are now living a Hallmark movie. Oh I think
it's now you have to lean into like I'm gonna
write a script out of this and sell it for

(21:32):
a jillion dollars and it's gonna win an Oscar.

Speaker 3 (21:35):
Oh man. They can't just leave a sixteen year old,
she's a minor.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
I really really didn't think this would happen. I mean
I thought about it, but more so in the humors
what if kind of way. I think my father and
Ali's mom divorced themselves from reality if they thought I
would let this slide. I'll update later, and there's comments here.
Comment number one not the a Disregarding everything else for

(22:02):
a second. Ali's only sixteen. She's going to be three
hours away from home and will potentially want to experiment
with that freedom. Because teenager, but also because teenager, you
will automatically be expected to act as the default parent substitute,
ensuring she eats properly and coxs up with her studies,
monitoring who her friends are waiting up at night when
she's out doing who knows what.

Speaker 3 (22:19):
That's what I said. I was right.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Meanwhile, because you are not her parent, she will laugh
in your face if you try to assert any authority
over her, which why would you, and you'll get the
blame if she messes up. No, it's far too big
of a responsibility, even if you wouldn't have to make
big changes to your own life. Who accommodate the request?
Op replies Once Ali left, Dad and his ex side

(22:44):
chick told me they've already told her she'll have to
act super nice and respectful for me to agree to
take her in, So I guess me saying no was
a bit of a blow. She was apparently even saving
up money so she can help with the bills. Although
I must say my dad likes to fluff up his
statements so they sound better, so maybe he was lying.
I don't know. Still pretty fed up of them to

(23:04):
act like I'll agree to this to taking care of
this kid. Comment two would you consider going load to
no contact, even just for a few months until the
school year starts. I wouldn't be surprised if they just
showed up and dumped Ali at your front door. I'd
get a door camera and change the locks if they
have any sets of keys, not the a hole. Opie says,
they don't have the keys luckily, and I'll have to

(23:25):
ask my landlord about door cameras. Thank you for the suggestion.
I didn't even think about them. Breaking in Comment three
says I would have said no from the get go.
And these family dinners with both partners give me the creeps.
Opie says, Oh my god, you have no idea. Ali
and Ali's mom aren't invited over every time, but when
they are, we meaning me and my brother, get either

(23:46):
no warning or a warning five minutes before we get there.
Maybe they're forgetful, but I also wouldn't put it above
them to do this intentionally. They know I hate Ali's
mom and feel very ambivalent about Ali herself, so I
wouldn't attend if I knew forehand. My parents' house has
two extra bedrooms, and Ali's mom sometimes sleep there. It's
so effing weird. They don't sleep there often, if my

(24:08):
parents are to be believed, And it's so shocking my
mom went from a proud, headstrong woman to being a
borderline side chicken plain sight under her own roof.

Speaker 3 (24:17):
Ooh, I don't even that's ouch.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
It's it's kind of cathartic to let all this out.
Only my friend who I live with, sees my point.
Others excuse it or outright call me the a hole,
not to mention how fine my brother seems with everything.
One Sunday, I walked in and saw Ali's mom in
a towel and brushing her teeth, and I just left. Yeah,
I think you need help working through this, honestly.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
And also, they clearly don't have any boundaries. The problem
is that none of this is Ali's fault, but none
of the adults, the other adults in your life, have
learned anything from this whole scenario. Yeah, they still all
suck And like, Ali's a child, it's not her fault.
You were the had to deal with this at fourteen,

(25:00):
your fault, but you're still dealing with that, like anger
and frustration from you know, your dad, and your dad's
a fair partner and your mom. Uh, and it's all
going on Alley.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yeah, and like others, it's like it sounds like a
little bit on your brother too, And like why isn't
my brother more upset? And it's like I don't know, Yeah,
maybe he doesn't want to be you know, Yeah, Sam,
here og host where you get back to these stories.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors. First, I
skipped my brother's wedding because I wasn't invited to the
engagement party.

Speaker 1 (25:34):
Well that's interesting.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
I twenty eight male, have a twin brother. Growing up,
we were inseparable, and until recently I thought we were
still very close. I was always more of a shy
nerd and he was an extrovert that played sports throughout
our childhood and high school. But we spent almost all
of our time together by choice. By the way, this
comes from the Juggernaut Slow four two one three, and

(25:56):
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay story times up. So we went
our separate ways when college came. He stayed local in
Arizona and I went to college in Portland. When I graduated,
I stayed there because I fell in love with the city.
My friends are here, my professional networks from internships were here,
et cetera. But I always flew back home for holidays, events, birthdays,

(26:19):
et cetera. My brother announced on Instagram that he and
his girlfriend of three years got engaged. I was incredibly happy.
For him and texted him congrats. He mentioned they were
planning to have an engagement party in six to eight weeks,
and I told them to let me know so I
can book a flight to come celebrate. I was never
told a date. If I brought it up with him

(26:41):
or anyone in my family, they'd changed the subject or
say it's still being planned and confirmed. After a few weeks,
I texted my brother to ask about the date, because
it must be getting close and I don't want to
pay for a last minute flight. No response. I asked
my mom for details, and she said it's not really
an engagement party, just a small dinner with ban There's
no need to come down for it. Oh he is family,

(27:04):
that's that's that's her brother. I eventually found out that
it was in fact a big party. They rented out
an entire restaurant for four hours and there were about
eighty guests day.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
That's not time. I also Riley had to pee.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
Oh Tinkleman, every old family, friends, cousins, everyone.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
So to be fair, this is now makes a lot
more sense why you would skip the wedding because you
didn't go to the engagement party because they lied to
you about it.

Speaker 3 (27:35):
They lied, they lied. Yeah, ah boy, everyone was told
I couldn't make it. My aunt, who was like a
second mother to me, texted me that she was very
disappointed I couldn't make time to join, and I replied
that I would have happily come, but I was not invited.

Speaker 5 (27:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Words spread quickly about my snub, and my parents and
brother tried to say it was just a misunderstanding. Oh,
because you because you asked about it. You said, hey,
is there a party happening? And they said no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
it's it's nothing.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Don't come, do not come. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
That was almost over a year ago. Since then, I've
tried to get to the bottom of why I wasn't invited.
Over the course of months, it went from it was
just meant to be a small gathering to I don't
know what happened. There must have been a miscommunication, to
it's just a party, it's no big deal. I asked
my brother if he was mad at I thought maybe

(28:32):
his fiance didn't like me. Even if she or he
didn't want me there. Why were my parents okay with this?
This really wasn't like them. Christmas and Easter was as
awkward as heck, because no one but me wanted to
address the elephant in the room, and any conversation about
anything was like small talk with strangers.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
Come on, man, like really like you literally go out
of your way to be like, don't even come down.
She's a small thing. You lied because you were like,
I mean, I don't want to tell you that, but
it's a big thing that you're the only one basically
being excluded from. So I'm gonna lie to you and
say that it's not anything.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
So I hope he's like, I just want to talk
about it. I literally just want to talk about it.
If you were mad at me, just tell me.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
I want to get to the bottom of this.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
Why when I visited in May for my sister's birthday,
I left early after my sister said, you moved so
far away, it's like you're not really family anymore.

Speaker 5 (29:22):
Huh.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
Huh.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
I didn't know there was a physical distance attached to
literal family ties.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
You make everything feels so weird. Now. Nine months ago
I got the Save the Data announcement, and six months
ago I got the invitation to the wedding. I wasn't
asked to be in the wedding party, which is fine
and wasn't surprising at the point. My sister and younger
brother were asked to be in the wedding or in
the wedding party, so another snub. I also didn't get
a plus one for my girlfriend I've been seeing for

(29:52):
almost a year and a half. My sister, however, got
a plus one for her friends with benefits well, so
so I decided I wasn't welcome and I was probably
only invited for optics and to play happy family. I
did an RSVP no, since I knew that would cause
a crap show, I just didn't go. The wedding was

(30:12):
this past weekend. No one contacted me about missing the
rehearsal dinner, so I guess even if I did go,
I wasn't invited to that either or expected to be there.
I started getting calls and texts about an hour before
the ceremony, asking where I was, if my flight was delayed,
how far along I will be, et cetera, and I
ignored them. They stopped for a while during the ceremony,

(30:33):
but started up again right after. I finally picked up
my mom's call, and she screamed, where the heck are you?
In reply, I said, in Portland, where you all preferred
me to be. You said, this is your brother's wedding out.
Get you, I'm barrathat, I answered, just a party. It's
no big deal, right.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
Yeah, I mean you soak it up.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
It was get up, probably the first time in my life.
My mother was speechless. A few seconds of sight Islands.
I said, tell everyone, I said, hi, and I hung up.
Now I'm getting calls and texts from everyone saying I
was being petty and ruined the day. So am I
the ale here? I feel like I'm just matching their
energy and dropping the rope in census not the Ale,

(31:16):
so much so that I had to dig for the
your the Ale comments, which mostly consisted of the fact
that it's poor formed not RSVP, or that OPI must
have excluded some vital information to make themselves look innocent. Uh.
And we've got some more comments by OP. But do
you have any thoughts?

Speaker 1 (31:30):
Yeah? I mean the engagement party being like lied about
is fun. Like I just want to know whose ideas?
Whose point is this?

Speaker 3 (31:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (31:38):
Is it like your brother's Beyonce who doesn't like you?
Is it your brother? Like? Why? Like, why can't anyone
just like tell you what was up? Is there?

Speaker 3 (31:47):
Something seems like they really don't care about you being
on any of these things. They just don't like when
people call.

Speaker 1 (31:53):
Them out for you not being It's like, how far
away is Portland from where they are. It's a flight
away for the engagement dinner. It's like I can see being.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Like invited and then to say it's going to be
a small thing.

Speaker 1 (32:06):
True, but it's like that can also come from like
we don't want to make you feel like you have
to buy a plane ticket to get to go to dinner,
and also we don't want to make you feel like
you're missing out. So I'm gonna tell you it's small
because there's literally no communication going on here. There is
no way to know what the intent was. And until
I knew that intent, I probably wouldn't have gone out

(32:26):
of my way to like because you know, I know
you're like, I didn't want a RVP no because it
be a crap show, but you knew you weren't gonna
show up, and you knew it would be a crap
show regardless, So I think I would have dug way harder.
I would not have let them get away with no,
what are you talking about? I'd be like, just let
be what's going on? And if they told me like, yeah,
we just didn't want you to feel like you had
to be there because it's like we didn't want to

(32:48):
feel like we were forcing you, then you know, then
that's that. I don't know. It's hard. I why would
they be so malicious? That's what I would That's what
I need to know.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
Yeah, and that's I think what is wondering.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
This?

Speaker 3 (33:03):
Sorry some of the comments by ope. I really do
feel like they've been icing me out for at least
the past year, probably started long before that, but I
just didn't realize it. Honestly, I was gonna suggest family therapy,
but I'm not sure that'll even work or if I
want anything out of that. Thinking about the last few years,
it feels like any contact was always initiated by me.
The flights aren't very long, two and a half hours,

(33:24):
and between holidays and birthdays and other celebrations, I'm back
in Phoenix almost every month. So it's Portland to Phoenix.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
OK, Yes, that's not that far.

Speaker 3 (33:32):
That's not far enough to be wet, that's not far
enough to be like, Oh, I didn't want to bother you.
It's not like I moved to another country and they
haven't seen me in the years. If anyone was just like, hey,
it feels like we've lost touch. So just to heads up,
you may not be as involved as others would have been. Fine,
you were only reinvited to the wedding so you could
sit there like a prop while everyone clink glasses and

(33:54):
said look at our perfect family, says one user, and
OPI says one of my cousins who on my side,
actually told me that I wasn't even placed at the
family table because there wasn't any room to fit me
in there. So even if I went, I would have
been some random guest. My extended family on both sides
are no more than a thirty minute drive away from

(34:15):
each other. I was expected to come back home after
I graduated, and the guilt trips when I told everyone
I was staying where I established myself almost made me
change my mind and moved back. I always thought we
stayed close. You'd visit me about every year for a
week since I graduated. We may not have chatted or
texted every day, but we kept each other abreast of

(34:36):
what's going on in our lives. We may not text
for two to three weeks, but when we did there'd
be an hour of texting back and forth and inside jokes.
I traveled back home about ten times a year, so
I met his now wife, and I thought we got
along too. No change in politics, as far as I
can tell, no magazation or anything like that. My dad
is a lifelong Republican, my mama Democrat, and my siblings

(34:56):
and I are all still pretty liberal. No real change there,
and no shit I've noted from any post on social media.
My brother has visited about five times. My sister lived
with me one summer for an internship. Yere my cousin,
who is totally on my side, live with me and
two of my friends in a four bedroom, of course,
for two years after she transferred to the college I

(35:17):
went to and finished her degree here. My parents visited
twice during college, and my little brother has no interest.
Went to a party school, but seized get degrees. From
what I know, he likes his job and makes a
decent wage. I make a surprisingly good wage which allows
me to visit home regularly, or allowed me to visit
home often. But I doubt I'll be traveling there anytime

(35:38):
in an air in the near future. I definitely didn't
bully him. He would have whooped my butt. No change
in politics from what I could see. Literally everyone in
my family, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins live a thirty
minute drive from each other. I'm the only one that's
moved away, but I visit almost on a monthly basis
to keep connected. I probably make the most of all

(36:00):
my siblings. So I've gifted money in the past, mostly
because I know it's a waste to loan to family.
I feel like I give one hundred and ten percent
to receive seventy percent back.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
You're in an unwinnable situation. I'm starting to see it now.

Speaker 3 (36:13):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
It's like you go to Portland and you come visit
and you bring your big Portland money, and they're like, oh,
big Portland man thinks she's so much better than us
with Portland money.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
He wouldn't stay in Arizona.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
If you didn't do that and you just stayed in
portlandly they'd be like, oh, big Portland boys too to
get to go see his family with his Portland Portland vibe.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
Doesn't share his Portland money, just stay in Portland, Richie
rich My last visit was in May for my sister's birthday.
I will not be visiting until after a few weeks
after my cousin, whom I'm still close to, gives birth
in January, and even then it'll probably just be to
see her only about Opie's partner. Honestly, my family loves her,

(36:53):
or at least they say they do. He came with
me for Christmas, and my mother pulled me aside and said,
I finally found someone who can put up with me
and she can stop worrying about my future.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
Now. Oh, okay, that's a weird way to put that,
I guess, but it could be cute if you're being cheeky.

Speaker 3 (37:07):
My girlfriend was cool with there being no plus one
and said it's getting more common to only give plus
ones to engaged or married couples since the bride and
groom don't want some rando they never see again and
their photos if the relationship doesn't work out, like the
friends with benefit. Yeah, engagement and marriages sometimes don't work
out either. But then she found out my sister got

(37:27):
a plus one for her f boy and there is
an update, folks, I have no idea I mean, the
only thing I can think of is that he moved
away and they hate him for that, moved.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Away, makes a lot of money, hates him for it.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
Yeah, but there is an update one week later. Thank
you to everyone who responded to my last post. I
can't believe how many replies it got, and I'm trying
to keep up, but couldn't. I also thought it'd be
fifty to fifty, not the Ale and you're the Ale,
because I know what I did was a bit petty
to the people who said you're the Ale. I understand
your reasons. Yes, it was cowardly to not are to

(38:00):
avoid drama, but looking back, I was in a headspace
where I just caved the guilt if I RSVP'd that
I wasn't planning to attend. Also, a little part of
me was hoping they'd realize I didn't RSVP and they
tell me they want me to come. But every day
that passed between the RSVP date and the wedding, I
got angrier and more hurt, and I wanted to make
it clear in a big way that if they don't

(38:22):
want me around, I don't have to be around. And
I get that's an a whole move. I had a
long phone call with my aunt and cousin last night
about the wedding drama. They have given me some more info,
and our suspicions are a bit of conjecture based on
what we know and what we've heard. But here it goes.
We really do think my mother felt I rejected them

(38:42):
when I didn't move back after graduating. This is despite
always coming home for my brother and sisters, graduation, all birthdays,
mine and immediate families, holidays, special events, etc. I practically
visit on a monthly basis. But despite this, we think
that she has some weird vendetta against me for splitting
up her family and being an example to my siblings

(39:05):
that they don't have to stay local.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
They don't though you don't.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Even worse, somehow, visiting so often made my mother resentful,
because my aunt mentioned that my mother once told her
a few years ago that I was launting my wealth
by showing I could visit so often.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yes, see Dad, she said, yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
Thanks to my senior year internship, I went immediately into
a field where progression can be quick, and thanks to
going back for a very specialized master's degree, I am
in a very niche space within that field and was
able to move up faster. I'm not bragging. It was
just luck, connections and a great mentor. Early on, people

(39:45):
suggested my brother might be jealous he does earn less,
but as far as I know, he loves his job.
It just doesn't have the same career progression. Honestly, his
job is much more exciting than mine, and I'm sure
it fulfills him a lot. My job isn't terrible. Well,
it's just not one anyone wants to hear work stories
about at a dinner party.

Speaker 6 (40:03):
Lol.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
I was also flaunting my money by gifting family money
when they needed it. My grandfather often said, never loan
family money. Give it freely if you want to, but
you'll destroy relationships when you start asking for repayment. I
think that's actually very smart. That's a very smart thing
to say.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Money will definitely money is a way that money will
blow anything up. Dude.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
Yeah, I think loans are very tricky, tricky tricky.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
Not a week of Judge Uty reruns goes by without
proving that true. So when I could, I gifted my
family money when they needed it, money for car repairs,
money to help with my parents' mortgage, when my dad
was out of work, during the VID money, when my
brother ran out halfway through his kitchen renovations, and until
last night, my parents internet and Disney Plus bills. But

(40:50):
I've now canceled the monthly auto payments. Again, this was
me flunting my success. But they never stopped asking either.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah. That's the crazy part is it's like.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
Okay, so yeah, this is this is why they're saying.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
So it was literally exactly, You're in this unwinnable position
where it's no matter what you do, you're either flawning
your wealth or you feel like you're too good to
even help them. So this is not this is a
them problem, not a you problem.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
Nope. My aunt and cousin also said they've heard lots
of passive aggressive comments about me over the years, first
from my mother during the first few years after I
decided to stay in Portland, and then eventually from my siblings.
We're pretty sure my mother slowly poisoned them against me,
if for not moving back home and showing what happens
if they ever tried to move away. Someone said this

(41:37):
about my mother meeting my girlfriend in my previous post.
Be honest, given the context of everything else that's happened.
What your mother said here about finally finding someone who
can put up with you sounds less like a tongue
in cheek joke and more like a not so subtle barb.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
It's like this.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
It's a weird way to put that.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Yep, I see it now. I laughed it off as
just my but I now also see that these passive
aggressive comments to me to my siblings over years was
subtle manipulation to turn them against me and for me
to learn to accept it. A lot of people suggested
this treatment was to get me to move back home
and to punish me for leaving. But I'm not gonna

(42:18):
come home to embrace treatment like this and hope it
goes away now that they got their way, especially when
it's been too ingrained in them by now. It also
explains by for the past few years, almost every conversation
is initiated by me. They simply don't like me anymore
and don't need me until they need or want something.
My cousin also learned from another cousin that my brother

(42:39):
shot himself in the foot when he mentioned the engagement party.
I wasn't supposed to know at all. The plan was
to tell everyone I couldn't make it and hope i'd
never find out. My brother told that cousin that I
wasn't supposed to find out about it, but after he
let it slip, I wouldn't shut up about asking to come.
Based on how they've been talking about me for a

(43:00):
couple of years, lots of extended family thinks I'm some
annoying loser who makes my too often visits miserable for
my family, and I can't get the hint to f off,
so I'm finally effing off. I'm sorry. Anybody in your
family who's hearing this of like, oh, he's so annoying
loser who comes He's crazy? You are family. I don't

(43:21):
care if you're you were annoying your family. You can't
get the hint to f off your family unless they
have definitive proof that you're stealing money or awful person
your If I heard that, I'd be like, you want
your brother to f off?

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Like he won't take the hint. It's like, well, because
you're too scared to tell me to f off because
you're taking my money.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
This is not a guy who's like, will you go
away with me?

Speaker 1 (43:48):
Will you go out with me?

Speaker 3 (43:49):
No, this is your brother. My aunt and mother never
really got along. My aunt is my mother's brother's wife. Okay,
but my aunt said she knew all of this had
my mom's name all over it, and that years of digs,
passive aggressive comments, and full on aggressive comments have all
come to this. She said, they're not the same people.

(44:10):
I told them that. I don't think there's any coming
back from this. My aunt and cousin both mentioned that
they never heard my dad say anything bad. So my
aunt is going to have my uncle talk to my
dad man to man to see if he can find
out what the heck is going on.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
Yeah, lose their number, lose your mom's number. Probably, I
don't know.

Speaker 3 (44:31):
That's just don't give any more money.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
Check. Yeah, I said it started there. It started from
one of your parents, and then it seeped into everything else.
I think figure out never told you that the engagement
party was happening. Don't lose their number.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
No, the brothers it slip brother.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
Right, So it's like even your brother, I think he
was the twin right, But it's like I feel like
if you step back, yeah, and you just pull back,
and then the mom probably goes crazy about it because
now she can't I don't know, there's there's nothing left
for her to manipulate, so she's just gonna go ballistic. Probably, Yeah,

(45:07):
And I feel like your siblings might be like, maybe
we were wrong to believe everything she said about our brother,
even though we do. You know, we're human. You can
feel jealous. You can feel insecure about like somebody like
a brother or a close friend being more successful than you.
But like, especially if you have like another thing like
pushing you behind you to like be like yeah, and

(45:29):
it's worse than you think, and it's worse than you think.
Like you know, I think you just.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
Need to figure out who reaches out to you.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
Yeah, definitely do a season of no contact and yeah,
no financial aid to your whole fancy who.

Speaker 3 (45:42):
Comes over and says like, hey, what happened exactly? You
know why? You see? Who comes over and says, hey,
what happened? Are you okay? And who says, hey, we
want money?

Speaker 1 (45:52):
Right? And yeah, yeah, but uh.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
There's a little bit more. I thanks to my aunt
and cousin and reminded them they are pretty much the
only family I have left, and I don't plan on
losing touch with them. My aunt even mentioned that they
haven't gone camping in years and asked if there are
any nice places around Portland. It's too far to drive
to go camping, but it means they may visit sometime.
They also said they're going to try to correct info

(46:16):
about me with extended family members, but I told them
not to bother. They've already chosen to believe it. But
for now, my immediate family are cut off. I blocked
them on my phone and social media. No more free
handouts when they need money. No more wasting money to
go to Phoenix f Thing, Arizona ten times a year
just to be roasted by the sun and family members.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
Yeah, that's yes, Phoenix's Hot, Phoenix Hot.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
No more the old one, tu in Bag. Thank you
all for your support and helping me realize my family
really is crappy.

Speaker 1 (46:50):
Comment one.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
This makes me sadder than a lot of the more dramatic,
angst inducing posts I find on the sub. It really does, reply,
especially because you feel in the first post that Opie
thought he was close to his family, but then they
pulled this crap. Comma two. You know Opie's going to
get all those money requests in a few months, asking
for more handouts dowd he would update, But man, what
I love to know the crap storm of who with me?

(47:12):
I need money? When that comes through? I don't get
mom though. Shouldn't she be proud that her kid did
so well professionally and financially And the fact that none
of his siblings can see through the BS says a
lot too commed. Three. Although the uncle will presumably speak
to the opie's dad, it's hard to see much movement
from that. You have failed as a father, you have

(47:35):
failed as a human being, and your wife is an
absolute disgrace. Isn't an easy message to stick the landing on.
And even if it does land, what is the dad
gonna do? Gravel, divorce, deprogram as other kids? It's broken
and the dad will at best despise himself for his
chronic failings. Common four says, I may be wrong, but

(47:56):
I'm picking up some ex Mormon coded language and family
dynamics here. That's a really good point, could be. Yeah,
is there Well, I just think even if it's not
ex Mormon, is there a religious element of like leaving
the faith?

Speaker 1 (48:10):
You know? Yeah, just Another reason was, like, mister Big
Chad thinks he's so much better than the Latter day Saints.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
Arizona has a decently high concentration of the faith. NFOP
moved away to a liberal city and left the church.
The rest of the family belonged to in this case,
potentially including all extended family too, because Mormonism that would
really make being iced out from his family make more sense.
Mormons believe in prosperity Gospel, and when someone is able
to be happy and successful after abandoning the faith, they

(48:38):
have to tear that person down to legitimize their own
life choices. I have unfortunately experienced the same thing and
know many many other former members of COLTS have had
similar experiences.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Hey is John Ogihost. We're gonna get back to the stories,
but a quick free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
My wife cheated with her ex. Now I might lose
my kids, life and kids.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
The worst double duo ever.

Speaker 3 (49:02):
I mail fifty two, lost my first wife ten years ago.
At the time, I had two daughters, now twenty one
and twenty four. Life went on. After about three years
I met my current wife, female thirty eight, met innocently enough.
Basically kept bumping into her at various places around town,
never really talked, sometimes made eye contact. We would point
at each other a distance and just smile. Then one day,

(49:26):
getting my car worked on, she walked into the waiting
room while hers was worked on also, so we finally
had a long conversation. We went across the street to
get real coffee as the service centers was bad. We
talked about an hour, then I was paged mine was done.
I asked if she would like to do lunch one
day to continue talking. We exchanged numbers and set a
day to meet up. By the way, this comes from

(49:46):
what about the kids and if you want to spit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime,
separate it. We dated two years, then married. She has
two boys, now ten and fourteen. They moved into my house.
She's been living with her parents for three years. Girls
lover not as a stepmom, but as a big sister.
Although having another adult in the house with two teenage
girls was a blessing, life is grand. I love those

(50:09):
boys as if they were my own. I want to
adopt them when they can make a decision on their own.
The little one calls me Dad the oldest. It was awkward.
I told him to call me what he felt comfortable with,
so my first name. The girls called her by her name.
Wife is a stay at home mom, we decided until
the kids were adjusted.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
Now.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
She doesn't want to work, but does volunteer at school,
lunch and other thing. Daughter one goes off to college,
now graduated. The younger daughter graduated this past morning. We
were moving the rest of her things this weekend. I
was told her ex abandon them about the time baby
number two came along and has been no contact since.
Her mom is very nice, but holds me at arm's length.
He is an alpha dog. I don't think he wanted

(50:46):
anyone else taking care of his daughter, only child, and grandkids.
He would beerate me because I was too old, not
much younger than them. This would be any time I
was around them. I'm non confrontational, so I told wife
I would just stay away from them. I did encourage
her to continue the relationship, as they only live a
couple blocks away. February this year, her ex reappears wants

(51:07):
to be in their lives. He's sketchy at best. I
cannot refuse this. He starts coming around often. I set
a boundary that he comes on weekends so as not
to interfere with school and so we can control his
visitation somewhat. He comes most weekends, but really spends little
time alone with the kids as we try to give
him space. I asked wife if he had made any
child support payments while he was gone. I suggested to

(51:30):
her to talk to him about getting caught up on
whatever he owes and to ask about signing over rights
so I could adopt. She said she would talk to him.
First part of March, our spicy sleep life starts to dive.
You know where this is going, right?

Speaker 1 (51:43):
No?

Speaker 3 (51:43):
No, no, but I'm oblivious. I mention it to wife.
She has the usual excuses. I noticed little things around
the house are different. My favorite snacks are gone, missing,
a few adult sodas. Not a big drinker, just one
every now and then. But the big one was I
could smell what I thought it was devil's lettuce. I
asked why if she was smoking, as we don't. She hasn't.

(52:05):
I thought that now. Fourteen year old was suggested we
talk with him, and she says she would handle it.
About two weeks ago, the fourteen year old asks me
if I love mom? I said yes, thinking he has
a girlfriend. Time for a talk, right, He says that
we always sat together and we were touching each other
some way or other. This made him feel good. He
asks if mom loved his dad. I responded that sure

(52:27):
on some level. She does. Why ask him? He replies
that they are always looking at each other, talking and touching,
and he is over all the time. I asked what
he meant by all the time. Almost every day when
they got home from school, he's there, then leaves, yes,
fourteen year old's ratting out the freaking scummy parents. He's like,

(52:48):
you know what, I like my stepdad. This isn't okay.
I'm gonna be like, what's love?

Speaker 5 (52:52):
I'm just a fourteen year old.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
He's come an overall like fourteen year old absolutely knows
what's going on, and I feel like he's playing kind
of to be like I didn't know it was a secret.
That weekend, I'm in the living room he is over
for visitation. He comes in and sits down across from
me with an adult soda. I look up for my
reading and tell him to help himself to an adult soda.
He says nothing. I ask why he isn't with the kids.

(53:16):
I could hear laughing coming from the family. He said
he might go in a little bit. I tell him
I will not drink in front of the kids. I
wait until after there in bet he says nothing. He
then states, you know I'm only here for her. What
does that mean? You're talking about my wife? He says,
technically not divorced. He never signed papers, so she's his wife.
I know a judge signed off on the divorce because

(53:37):
he could not be found. That's why it took longer
to divorce. I finally asked about the child support since
I never heard back. Just looked at me and said
he was caught up paid her fifteen thousand dollars in cash. WTF.
I asked then, if she talked to him about giving
up rights. Never asks. He asked what it would be
worth to me. I said, you gotta be kidding. You
would sell your kids. Before you could answer, I told

(53:58):
him to leave. The next day. This past Sunday, the
kids bread Gramma and Grandpa with wife. I bought and
installed a camera. I put it on top of the TV.
Very small. It has a view of the front door
and living room. Motion activated so I'm at work. I
get a notice figure it's the wife cleaning up. I
look anyways, he comes back, She lets him in. They
kiss long. He starts grabbing at her, She playfully pushes away.

(54:20):
They're laughing, no sound. He sits on the couch. She
brings him an adult soda and snacks. Ten am, she disappears.
She's back a few minutes later, clothes changed. She's going
to school for lunch. They're talking, more grabbing, more pushing away, laughing.
A few minutes later, she's up, getting ready to leave.
He gets up, grabs her again, making some gestures, then
poses like he's praying. Hands together. They sit down again,

(54:42):
then she gives him spicy time. He finishes up, goes
out of range, comes back, says something, then leaves. He
then watches TV, then takes a nap. Screen eventually goes black.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
Dude, Oh my gosh, he's not even h This is
the worst thing ever.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
A little after one pm, i'm another alert. She's home.
They talk, they both leave the room. I know they're
headed to the bedroom. I race home and find them.
They never heard me coming. There is the hysterics you
would expect. He slithers out. I tell her she asked
to go. She pleads it was a one time mistake.
He had just got there. She was lonely because we
weren't having spicy sleep, et cetera. I called BS. I

(55:19):
asked how often he came over, just the weekends, this
was an anomaly. I showed the video of him napping.
She said he was tired and asked. Then I showed
her the other spicy stuff. She had nothing to say.
I told her to pack her bags. She's out. I
left and called her dad to take them in. We
were having issues. He of course takes alpha position, telling

(55:39):
me how I would screw this up, YadA YadA. I
couldn't get a word in. Finally I stopped him, asked again.
He said yes, then started on me again. I had enough.
I said I would send him something. I sent the
video edited down to the spicy stuff. I told them
to view and call me back if I was wrong.
Never heard back. I talked a lawyer Auray. He helped

(56:01):
with estate plan after first wife preferred me to a
partner who does family law. We'll meet tuesday, divorce will happen,
he felt, but did not know for sure that I
would be on the hook for support for kids, no
alimony since she broke our prenup. I made it up
before marriage, in addition to a state plan to protect
my girls. I don't care about the support, glad to
do it. It's the boys. So my question or advice needed.

(56:22):
Has anyone else been through divorce and was able to
see their ex's kids, even if they're not yours? How
did that go? The fourteen year old is partially vulnerable
as he will be in high school next year formative years.
I don't want to see him go down the tube
and turn out like dad. Thanks to you all in advance,
and there is an update. Butt home Sunday put daughter's
stuff from apartment in garage. I get a call early

(56:43):
evening from fourteen year old dad. What's going on? No
one's talking to us. Mom and grandma are crying, Grandpa's yelling.
Is this because of what I told you? I assured
him that his mom made a bad mistake, that he
had nothing to do with this mess. He asked if
I was packing up their stuff because he saw the
U haul in the driveway. I explain what happened and
that all their stuff would remain there. Monday and Wednesday

(57:04):
were sports night. Family sits in bleachers while I stand
behind home plate backstop, my usual spot. Since I don't
see eye to eye with father in law. On the
way across the field, the oldest stops, swarm up and
runs over to me. We hug and talk a few minutes,
then I send him back. As I get to my spot,
I have a ten year old crash into me at
full speed. I bend down, hug and kiss him all over.
As he is squirming away, my father in law asks

(57:27):
if we could talk. We step away from your shot.
He apologizes for the way he has treated me in
the past and that he was wrong well a little late,
but I accepted and said I knew that it was
a hard thing for him to do. He invited me
to sit with them. I declined. He asked if I
wanted to talk to wife. I said Thursday would be better,
So we set time and place. Tuesday comes meet with lawyer.
I told him the whole story. He knew from his partner,

(57:49):
but wanted to hear from me. He asked what I
wanted to do. I wanted to stay with the boys,
then stay married. The boys were most important. He stated
in his experience that the marriage would be a Sharah
not good for the boys. We could work out a
visitation if wife is willing. As far as support, he said,
I could do what I wanted for the boys, not
to give her anything for me to control. The prenut

(58:10):
was solid. She violated conditions no support. He cautioned, though,
that judges around the country have in some instances ordered
child support in my case due to being in their
lives so long. He did not think our judges had
ruled that way in the past, but you never know.
He was sure her attorney would seek support. He suggested
that we try to agree on everything we could before court,
then the judge would look favorably on us. Yeah, I think,

(58:33):
see if you can be in their lives before you try,
and like you know, before you stay married. Before leaving.
He told me that every Monday morning, the partners meet
to discuss new and ongoing cases. My previous attorney started
out describing everything. Each partner has a specialty estate planning,
elder law, criminal liability, family. Later in the PM, the
criminal lawyer meets up with my attorney. After the meaning

(58:55):
he calls a contact in the prosecutor's office. The fifteen
thousand dollars did not seem right. How do folks in
the middle class have fifteen thousand dollars in cash laying around?
Turns out X did not abandon them. He was in jail.
He was released three years ago when fed's were releasing
non violent criminals to ease overcrowding, et cetera. He was

(59:16):
sure the police would be interested if he was back
and practicing his profession again, but he did not have
any other info but the jail time. Thursday, I meet
with wife and father in law. I asked if they
minded if I recorded, so there would be no misinterpretation.
Later they agreed. Before we started, wife wanted to talk privately.
Father in law moved to another room. Wife started to apologize.

(59:37):
I cut her off. I said, before you say anything,
know that I know a lot more than you think.
I asked how long the spicy sleep had been going on.
She said the one time. I told her the video
shows that's not true. I played a clip of her
dusting the TV. She never saw the camera. I know
it was only a few days, but she was going
to lie, so I was due. She thought it was
part of the video games. Not big, but it is

(59:57):
obvious on top of the TV. She admitted since March.
Almost right away, I told her no more. Lie. I
told her of the family secret, that he was in jail,
not running away. She admitted to this also. I asked
how long in contact since February. I asked if she
met up any time before him appearing. She said no.
I then told her he had been out for three years.
We got father in law back in turn on recorder.

(01:00:20):
I asked if she had a lawyer.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
No.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
Told her to get one because the divorce will happen.
They both asked if something along reconciliation could take place.
I said no. I said I wanted the boys. She
could live with X. I told her, when speaking privately,
that X tried to sell me the boys. I repeated
for father in law. We settled on the boys could
see me any time within reason. She would not keep
them from me. I said I would provide at my choosing.

(01:00:44):
She would get no support. I did not want her
getting the boys to ask me for things. They would
be honest if I asked, there you have it. One
last thing. Redditors, The wife and I are avid readers
of this site. We have our favorite subs. We would
read and share it was a thing we did together.
She has read my post as she figured it out,
and she read every reply you made. She stated, you
savaged her. I mean, come on, girl, come on, you

(01:01:06):
said many things I only wish I could have because
I did feel it. For that, I thank you. How
do you, I don't know, Like, how do you go
on read it and read all these stories and then
you're like, well, I'm gonna I'm gonna do something that
I've read about

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I BANNED my mother-in-law... because she’s turning me into my husband’s enemy! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2306