I BETRAYED my best friend… by sleeping with her deceased son! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Cowboy Sam and this is Yeh John And we've.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Last showed in some amazing stories for y'all the Okay
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quick little two minute out break from those bucking sponsors.
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Speaker 1 (00:18):
I betrayed my best friend by sleeping with her deceased son.
What I'm guessing before he was deceased, hopefully I twenty
nine female. I am having mixed emotions in this whole situation.
I feel like a trader, like I betrayed my best
friend slash boss forty five female for sleeping with her
son twenty two male. At the same time, I really

(00:39):
cared about him and I loved him. I wanted a
family with him, and we were seeing each other for
about nine months officially already. I've known her for a
little over two years and she's helped me get on
my feet. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Lonely
w And if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Sorry time separated it
And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give
good advice goof. But we don't have all the answers.

(01:01):
We only know what we would do in this situation.
So let us know what you would do in the
comments below. I work for her business and I now
manage all the employees. I started off living in my
car and she gave me a place to stay while
I made some money to find an apartment. After that,
she started giving me more work and even started giving
me some work at her home. She trusts me completely,
and I guess I broke that trust by seeing her

(01:23):
son without her permission. I have mixed feelings because I
did things the wrong way, but at the same time,
I treated her son like a king, and I know
that he was happy with me before he left. She
has no idea about our relationship that we had, and
we were going to tell her, but life took a
bad turn. I know he left before his time because
he had many great things coming, and I now have

(01:45):
to raise our child with him absent.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
WHOA, you have a child and she has no dude,
why didn't you tell her like ages ago. It's not
like this was like a one night stand. You guys
were officially dating and you didn't tell his mom.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, that's wild, that is wild. Tell her now, why
is this such a big deal. When is the right
time for me to go to tell her to the
truth and that she's going to be a grandmother.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Like as soon as possible. Should have done it months ago. Yeah,
but certainly now. Yeah, tell her that. You know, she's
probably devastated that she's lost her son, of course, And
yeah it mightbe she'll be upset that you kept it
a secret for so long, but you know, at least
she gets the joy of knowing that she has a
little piece of her son.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, absolutely, tell her as soon as possible.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Oh my goodness. I love her and I don't want
this to hurt her more. And edits I forgot to
clear things up. She knows that I'm pregnant, she just
doesn't know who the follower is.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
These are these comments aren't really super helpful. If I
could trade my life for his, I would. I'm only
willing to live on for my baby now, but I
have nothing else for me. Edit number two. I talked
with her last night after we had dinner. I apologized
for hiding it from her. Okay, good, yes, and I
told her that I didn't want any money or anything
from her. I just wanted her to be able to

(03:02):
enjoy her time with their grandchild. I was honest with
her on how our relationship started and how much I
loved her son. She had her doubts about it and
told me that she knew something was up between us two,
but she didn't say anything because she wasn't sure and
she didn't want to make assumptions. She was very upset
at first and told me that I should have never
hid things from her, and that she would have accepted
us together if she knew that my intentions were clean

(03:24):
and I wouldn't hurt her son. I showed her pictures
of us together, places we went, our messages, and she
broke down crying. She looked very upset, and I genuinely
thought that she was going to hit me, because it
looks like she was about to slap me. She asked
me to leave and give her some space. I left home,
and she called me at midnight and asked if I
could come back and spend some time with her. We
finished talking and I offered her to take a DNA

(03:45):
test so that she could see that it's her grandchild.
She believed me on what I said, but she told
me that I should have never hid things from her
because now she regrets not being able to support us.
Since the beginning, she kept asking to hold my stomach
and feel her grandchild, and she told me that she
would be for the baby. I told her that I
would leave work and leave her alone if she didn't
want to see me anymore, but she told me no,
to stay and keep on moving forward how we were before.

(04:09):
I apologized a dozen times, and she told me that
she was happy that she still at least has a
part of her son in me. She's been very emotional
and she's just been wanting to feel her grandchild, and
she has been nice to me. I just assured her
that I treated her son with respect and I was
very loving with him. Hopefully she is still accepting of
the whole situation in the long run. And there are
some comments, but do you have any comments before we

(04:30):
move on?

Speaker 2 (04:30):
None that I haven't already said.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah, I agree with everything. I think. I think things
will be fine in the line.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
I think so.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
She seems to you know, be upset, but coming around
to it, Yeah, NYC storyteller says, I'm sorry for your loss.
And for hers and for your child, who will grow
up without its father. Your son was old enough to
make his own life choices without his mom's permission. However,
it is kind of messy to secretly date your boss's child.
I would tell her that you lied to her about

(04:56):
not knowing who the baby's father was because you were
scared about her reaction and you need to apologize for that.
Tell her that you would be glad to give her
some space and time to process, and that you're hoping
that she will eventually be excited to be a grandmother,
even though it's a lot to process right now.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
It seems like she was doing this.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
It's like she's already pretty excited. Yeah, so that's good.
It's just whatever says. Wow, this is a heck of
a situation, and I'm sorry for your loss. Honestly, I'm
not sure what the root problem was for her. She
clearly respected and cared for both her child and you,
and logically, I would think that she would be relieved
and happy to have a grandchild from her recently lost son.
But I don't know all the details here. You might

(05:32):
as well let her know now, assuming that you're far
enough along in the pregnancy to communicate that ideally the
two of you can work as a team, and I'm
sure that that's what her son would have wanted. Hope,
he responds, I hope she's happy about it. I love
her and I loved her son so much. If she
would have approved, I think I would have married him eventually.
It's been tough, but I at least know that I'll

(05:52):
have a reminder of him. And yeah, I am more
than halfway along the pregnancy. I just have been holding
his mother off on knowing that he's the father. Excited
for my pregnancy and she knows that, but she doesn't
know that it's his baby. And I'm assuming these comments
are before that last edit. Yah we got it's just whatever,
also says do you know why she didn't want the
two of you together? Outside of her resistance, this seems

(06:12):
like a good situation. Initially, Opie says she didn't actually
say that ever, I just thought that he was off
limits since I'm her best friend and that's her son.
That Commentariret still says, Oh my gosh, that's even better.
You might be in a situation where an awful scenario
can be given a silver lining by just using some
direct communication, and I believe we're getting that. I think,

(06:32):
so we do have an update. Woo eight months later.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Oh, baby, baby out, Baby's here, Baby's here.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
I know it's been a while, and I just wanted
to give some closure. I probably won't use this account again,
and I'm just trying to get through the hundreds of
messages that I got. It was really hard at first.
I didn't really get a chance to grieve for him,
and I still miss him. I had my baby, but
it wasn't easy and there were some complications and I
almost lost him. Oh so scary after everything. Now my
baby is healthy and he resembles his father so much.

(07:04):
He honestly doesn't look like me much compared to his dad.
Along the way of all this, my friend had her
times where she would randomly go off on me and
be upset. But I get why, and I forgave her
After that, she has been nothing but supportive. She was
there for me when my son was born, and she
cried so much the first few days. And there is
a little bit more to the story. But this is great. Yeah,
this is great.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
It's exactly what I wanted. I wanted you to tell
the truth immediately and you did.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah, it seems like she maybe had some lash outs,
but that lost her son within the year.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah, oh yeah, you know his child is at the
time when she told her the child was what a
couple months along, more than halfway she said, okay, okay,
So the point is, yeah, son hasn't been had to gone.
He had to have passed away, yeah, within the year, right,
within like a few months. Yeah, So that's like pretty
pretty devastating. Yeah, and she's already going through that loss

(07:57):
and then finding out, you know, friend lie, Yeah, if
I have a grandchild that I didn't know about, right,
a lot of mixed emotions.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
It's all gonna take a lot of time to process. Yeah,
But there is a little bit more to the story.
She has been offering for me to live with her
since she wants the baby close to her, but I
have declined to show her that I really am not
just after her money. She always wants the baby, and honestly,
she is such a help at work because she's always
holding him or has him in her office with her
while I'm working, and I don't need to find a

(08:24):
babysitter to trust. She spoils him and buys any baby
supplies that I need, and I am so grateful. I
just really miss her son. I can't ever sleep at
night knowing that he won't ever get to meet the
little baby that he and I made together. I just
want to cry every time I think about him, and
it's hard seeing how much my son resembles him. How
can I thank her for being so wonderful to me
and her grandchild. I love her so much, and I

(08:47):
still feel for the way things happen between us, and
there are some comments. A law prestigious twenty seven to
eighty nine says, just go up to her and say
thank you. Hope says, I thank her every day, but
I don't think it's enough. That's what she says, says,
it is. You're good. You don't need to go overboard
because she's not doing it out of obligation. She's coming
from a place of love, love for you, for the
baby and also her son. If this situation calls for anything,

(09:10):
a thinking of you gift or gesture would be appropriate.
For example, thought you'd like coffee or smoothie or a cupcake,
so I got you one as well, And just show
up for her as best you can. But it sounds
like you're already doing that. It takes a village. You know,
you're very lucky to have one another. I wish you
love in your time of healing. Yeah, I think those
are some good ideas. I mean, what would you say
to OPI for what she could do?

Speaker 2 (09:31):
I mean they're already friends. I think it's just like
I think OP set like, oh it's not enough. I
think her every day, and it's like it might not
feel enough to you. But just letting her know that
you appreciate her and showing that gratitude and stuff and
getting through this together because you're both in it exactly.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
Yeah, I agree, you can continue to say thank you,
but I feel like, really the biggest thing you could
do is just spend time with her. Just keep letting
her see the baby. You can you know, maybe I
don't know, help clean around her house or something like that,
some sort of of service or little gifts like that.
One commenter said, But yeah, I think you're you're good.
She'll understand.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
My best friend confessed to me right before I got engaged.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
This is bad timing. Girl.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
I twenty eight female, have been friends with Ed twenty
six male for eleven years. He is the closest thing
I feel I've had to a soulmate. See edit too.
We can read each other's minds, love all the same things,
et cetera. We attempted to date once a year into
our friendship. You're reading in it's like once a year.
I was like today, he really tried, but we just

(10:34):
wanted different things and Ed was questioning his identity. Sucked
at first, but we managed to move past it into
a great friendship. We've both been in multiple dedicated relationships
since then. By the way, this comes from trauma or
and if you want to spit your own stories, go
to the r slash okay story to Tim subret it.
I'm Sophia and I'm Angie, and we're here to give
good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all the answers.

(10:54):
We only know what we do, So let us know
what you'd do in the comments. Isn't it funny the
drama that happens only a day or so after a
therapy appointment. I have been dating Steve twenty nine mail
for a year and a half. I have never felt
so appreciated and safe in any other relationship. Steve and
I are actually going to Greece in a week. It
was accidentally spoiled to me a few months ago that

(11:15):
he's planning to propose to me. His grandpa got confused
and thought it had already happened, congratulating me early. Oops.
Maybe we shouldn't have told grandpa if he has memory troubles.
I love imagining and planning a future and family with him.
Steve and Ed aren't super close friends, but get along
really well. I sometimes feel like the third wheel when
they play games or build legos together. Steve knows of

(11:37):
the history of my friendship with Ed. He confidently tells
me he doesn't feel threatened at all by Ed, nor
has he gotten bad vibes from him. So Over the weekend,
I went to pick up Ed for a mutual bachelorette party.
While waiting for him, his mom came up to me
and said, you need to get back together with Ed now.
His mom is struggled with Ed's journey with identity. These
comments weren't foreign, but it had been a very long

(11:58):
time since she'd said an We thought she finally caught
a clue. As we're driving, I voiced my annoyance at
the disrespect Ed is clearly annoyed too fast.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Forward to this morning, Ed.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Invites me to coffee, not unusual for a Sunday. It
is there he says something along these lines to me.
The reason Mom brought that up is because I've been
struggling with the news you're getting engaged. I wasn't gonna
say anything, but I'm now scared I'll regret it if
I don't. I'm in love with you, I have been
the last few years, but I also want to make
it clear that I know life is in a movie.
I'm not telling you this so you'll leave Steve. I'm

(12:30):
telling you because I feel guilty. I like Steve and
can tell you love him. I can tell he's good
for you better than I ever could be. Most days,
I accept that loving you as my best friend is
what's healthiest for you. But sometimes I feel like a
snake and hate myself for it. I want you to
talk to Steve about this. Please don't hide this from him.
I'd be more than happy to talk about it too.
I acknowledge the feelings may be louder right now because

(12:52):
I'm lonely and you're the safest constant in my life.
I don't want to lose you as my best friend.
I don't want to steal you from Steve or lose
him as a But I also don't want to feel
like SCM anymore and feel I need to be honest.
I promise it's not the only reason we're friends. I
would never just keep you around as a backup love interest. Wow.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
Wow honestly Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Really good? I agree, really good.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah, ten out of ten confession, I completely agree.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
He's being very honest.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
Seems like he's not really holding anything bad.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
He's like, I had to tell you, yeah, just to
get it over with. I don't want to change anything here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
I think you guys just need to be aware of
it and I'll get over it. Maybe maybe I don't know.
That was really good. Yeah, good job, ed, Good job Ed.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
You nailed that. I also really really appreciate the last
thing of this is not why we're friends. Yes, because
that is important.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
A lot of times when you have like a guy
confessing to a girl, it's like, oh, you've never actually
seen me as your friend. I was always just a
love interests exactly like you're trying to get there. Yeah,
but this is it's clear he's like, no, no, no,
I care about you very deeply as a friend. It's
just also I'm a little bit of love with you.
I do plan to talk to Steve, and knowing him,
he'll just be like, oh okay and go about his day,

(14:05):
trusting both me and Ed's words. Steve sounds great.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
We got a couple of good guys, yeah, a.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
Couple of emotionally mature men out here.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
But I feel so much dread. Now what am I
supposed to do? Cut head off and lose my best
friend forever, not Mary Steve, to save my best friend's feelings,
risk it and see how things turn out. I feel
terrible because I technically forced this confession out of him
by telling him what his mom said. Has anyone had
a similar dynamic where everything turned out? Okay? What is
something I should consider? What would you do?

Speaker 1 (14:34):
Comments?

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Comment one, I'll be honest, I don't like your friends. Well,
comment looks like he is more afraid of your engagement
than actually wants to be with you. If he's known
for a couple of years while you're dating your current
boyfriend a year and a half and he didn't do
anything to act on those feelings, added pressure from his
parents and suddenly you're the one who got away, not
the one he stirred along for years. By choosing to

(14:56):
end your limitic relationship but still keeping your soulmate non
st and dumping all that rumbling on you before engagement
is really low blow. Now it's your problem and somehow
your responsibility. This is not friendship, this is codependency, and
it's one of your genuine questions is to not marry
someone who is supposed to be your life partner just
because your friend isn't happy. You already prioritized him over

(15:18):
your boyfriend, and it mean you are not ready to
marry him. So I also don't think Ed has been
leading me on this whole time. I also clarified to
another individual that I believe soulmates are made, not destined,
my own self worth issues aside. Prior to this, I
was feeling very positive about Steve being a romantic soulmate
rather than a twinning one. I feel for Ed, but
now I just feel I'm not meant to be with anyone.

(15:39):
I feel like trash PLI says, Look, I don't know
your situation beyond what you wrote there, and I'm not
a qualified professional, but from what I can see, a
lot of your self esteem issues may be related to
your so called best friend. You had strong enough feelings
for him to date him almost right away from the
start and called him your soulmate. But he, on the
other hand, his feelings towards you weren't as strong as

(15:59):
your and he decided to end your relationship. It wasn't
a mutual decision. It was him looking for the greener
pastures and you adapting to his decision by creating that
soulmate friendship illusion when you are clearly not over him
but decided to take whatever you can give to you.
It's not an equal dynamic, and obviously part of you
is feeling not good enough for him to be his
romantic partner. Now you have a choice. You can choose

(16:20):
to sort out your own feelings. I strongly recommend to
book an appointment with a professional therapist for that and
decide what you actually want, or you keep living in
limbo and play by his rules. He still didn't offer
you any commitment or real relationship, just I'm lonely, and
now it's kind of your problem because he doesn't want
a relationship. He is said he doesn't want you and
steve to break.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Up come to you're stupid.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
It's not like he wants to actually date you. He
just wants you to be on his side whenever he
feels like and be grateful for any chance of attention. Ope,
he says, thank you for your thought out and kind response.
Was that kind?

Speaker 1 (16:53):
Ah, that's such a good response, just like thanks for
your input, Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
So. Ed and I have been friends longer than we
dated by a long shot. I met him when I
was fifteen. I didn't think he was my romantic soulmate
back then, but as our friendship withstood the test of
time and the breakup, he grew to be more and
more of a soulmate. We've been together way longer than
we ever dated. But trust me, all death continued to
talk up to my therapist about my self worth. And
now this comment too says you lost me when you

(17:20):
asked rhetorically, if you're supposed to not marry your boyfriend
to spare your friend's feelings, If that's even a consideration,
I don't think marrying him is a good idea. Reply
She lost me when she described the friend as the
closest thing to a soulmate and the fiance is safe.
Edit one Okay. To be fair, you guys can't hear
the tone in my head when reading all this. The
leave Steve part is rhetorical. I don't want to leave Steve.
This isn't a matter of who should I choose. There

(17:42):
is no romantic choosing. I want to marry Steve, but
I also don't want to hurt my friend. And that's
what I'm trying to get across. That was clear to me.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
Oh pie, Yeah, I was incredibly clear to me. I
don't know what these comments are on.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
And I want to hurt my best friend. I don't
want to lose the man I want a future with.
I'm scared, I want hope. I'm wanting to your sympathy
or advice because I'm panicking. I don't handle loss well,
and I'm already constantly dealing with self worth issues. This
makes me feel like I'm not only a bad friend,
but also a bad partner for not just guiltlessly wanting
to cut ed off atit too. I believe soulmates are made,

(18:15):
not destined. Besides all of my self worth issues, before
this happened, I was feeling very confident that Steve would
be my romantic soulmate. Ed feeling more like a twining
soulmate due to how long we've been around. I have
a lot of relationship anxiety, which leaves me scared to
label Steve as my romantic soulmate until we're years down
the road. But I was feeling positive about it prior
to the self agate that flared up from all this.

(18:37):
But since Ed has been there through almost half my life,
through lots of good and mad, he feels like a
platonic soulmate. And don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
I'm sick of the notion that just because like whether
or not your male female or something you know, opposite sex, friends,
friends can be your soulmate. I did talk to Steve
when he got home. He was as gentle as I

(18:57):
thought he'd be. He expressed a lot of faith in Ed,
knowing how lonely he'd been and how much he's been
struggling with his own loneliness and identity. He knows the
amount of emotion that can go into one safe person
and how confusing that can be. We talked about boundaries,
all of which were reasonable and most already in place.
He does plan to talk to Ed just to be
that source of support and to talk about trust. I
was honest with Steve about my anxieties towards the engagement

(19:20):
and how guilty I feel for not easily being able
to conclude cutting Ed off.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
He was very.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
Reassuring that it would be okay. Due to how long
Ed had been my bff. You didn't expect it to
be easy, nor did he expect me to cut ed off.
He shared that he has faith in both me and
Ed and believes I will come to him if things
get uncomfortable and we'll go from there. I want to
reassure you all that I do plan to go over
this in therapy to discuss things further. A lot of
self hatred and anxieties bubbling up because of this. Thank

(19:45):
you to those who gave kind words and thought it responses,
and that is the end of that story. But I
think that you are doing okay, Opie, and don't listen
to all of those commenters who are coming up with
their own thoughts and feelings based off you know, probably
there experiences or.

Speaker 1 (20:01):
Two shows that they've watched. Yeah, it seems like they're
just creating problems that don't actually exist exactly.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
You know your friend and you know Steve Best, so
I think that you are the best person to analysts.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
My best friend is planning to become a monk, but
confessed that he likes me.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
That probably won't go ever well.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
My friend twenty male and I twenty females. Entire friendship
is honestly very strange. Since the first day that we met,
our church friends have been shipping us. By the way,
this comes from a username, and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay,
storytime separated it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're
here to give good advice. Gooofully, but we don't have
all the answers. We only would say what we would

(20:42):
do in this situation. But what would you do? Let
us know in the comments. Right after liturgy, I found
my friends with this new guy. We spoke a bit
and that was that. Our friends decided to hang out
after church and we joined them. The thing is they
are very loud in public and just overly energetic, while
me and the new guy are very reserved. Whenever our
friends were acting out, we gave each other a look
of discomfort because it was pretty embarrassing for us since

(21:04):
they were bothering people that wanted silence. From that day,
they have been saying that we would look like a
cute couple and such, but we kept our distance because
it was just too awkward. Around the end of the day,
we spoke a bit more and found out that we
went to the same school. It was very strange since
we were in the same year and never noticed each other.
When I got home, I got a text from the
new guy, and at the same time, my friend twenty

(21:25):
two male said that he gave my number to my
boyfriend mockingly. I highly struggle with avoidant attachment and have
been really careful with everything since I found out that
the new guy asked for my number. Since day one,
he made it clear that his goal was to become
a monk. I wanted nothing to do with the relationship
or even being accused of it. Wait to be clear,
new guy wants to be a monk. Yes, okay. I

(21:47):
wanted nothing to do with the relationship or even being
accused of it. Even knowing that he wanted to be
a monk, I had no desire to become friends with him.
He often texted me and I barely replied, though I
did not take it personally since he texts everyone so much.
He would ask if I was joining church events, show
me a chance, and so on all church related things,
and I knew my friends got the texts too. One
day I saw him at school and he noticed me too.

(22:09):
I went up to him out of politeness and greeted him.
He told me that he got promoted at his church.
We go to different churches, and he invited me. He
invited his classmates and our church friends too. This all
happened a while back, so I'm a bit fuzzy on
the timeline. But there is an important part. I once
mentioned that I really liked the red and white bracelets
that my friends had and wanted one too. I totally
forgot about it. The day of the event came, I

(22:31):
went to his church but had to leave early. On
the day I saw him at school. I got him
at present an icon and a Mother Mary statue. Unknowingly,
he got me something too, a Mother Mary icon and
the bracelet I mentioned. I was very surprised because it
was his special day. When I got home, I called
my cousin twenty two mail and asked what he got.
It turned out that I was the only one that

(22:52):
got something from him. I felt special, but also confused.
Our contact was still limited after that day. We spoke
only to ask when we would see each other in
school or church. After graduation, we randomly became super close.
We started texting a lot, hanging out often, and realized
that we had a lot in common. We immediately became
best friends, texting for hours a day or seeing each
other whenever we could, even if it was just for

(23:13):
thirty minutes. Everyone noticed us getting close our friends, families, churches,
and before we knew it, everyone thought that we were
either secretly together or hoping that we would end up together.
He has always wanted to become a monk, which was
perfect for me because I have no desire to marry anyone.
I used to think about maybe becoming a nun or
some kind of celibate theologian. My avoidant attachment makes relationships

(23:34):
very difficult to me. I hate having friends. Somehow, I
can only stand him interesting, and the thought of being
in a relationship makes me panic. Wait, she doesn't like friends,
I guess not, even though she's got them.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
It seems like I hate my friends.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, I also have an intense desire for perfection. It
gets in the way of forming close bonds because the
thought of someone seeing me as flawed makes me sick
to my stomach. A relationship where someone sees the worst
of me is a big no. Me and the guy
often get mistaken as a couple. We are always clinging
to each other, playing around, sharing drinks and food, hugging,
et cetera. Girl, girl, we were just like always going

(24:10):
on dates and kissing. Everyone sees us as a relationship.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
Though I hate everyone butt him. Yeah, he literally said,
I don't like anyone butt him.

Speaker 1 (24:19):
You're sharing drinks and food, girl, You're hugging, playing around.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
I really think the only reason that she's so reticent
to even get even think about a relationship with.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
This guy is because she has so much self confidence
that she is girls. She's like so close to figure
out you're straight.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
Go get that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
This week has been a bit odd. On Saturday, we
went to a church in another city because the bishop
would be there. After the event, we played in the
park next to the church with the kids, doing little
parkour and games. There was a sliding pole thing. I
went on it and he filmed me. Then he got
on it and I filmed him. That evening he told
me that he felt conflicted. He really wants to become
a monk, but he keeps thinking about how everyone ships us.

(24:59):
He even ad that he thinks that he would fit
really well with me, but brushes it away. I did
not really know how to reply, so I just listened.
On Sunday, he sent me the video where I was
playing on the playground. I told him that he had
already sent it, and he confessed that he knew, but
he kept watching it because he found it cute. Days
of past and here is some inside info. Me and
him always shook hands when saying goodbye. Interesting On Tuesday, I'm.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
Sorry, I'm sorry, you're going You're going hey bye bye bye.
You can't even see it. We just shook hands.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, like you're you're hugging each other normally and sharing
food and drinks and playing around and stuff, but you're like, okay, bye, okoydbye,
good day, good day to you, stay to you.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
So a little bit of a tipsy.

Speaker 1 (25:43):
On Tuesday at church, I hugged my friends who are
guys goodbye because they were leaving for the monastery for
a few days. When I got home, the new guy
said that he felt jealous that I hugged them, but
always shook his hand. I found it odd because I'm
not usually jealous over friends. It is hard for me
to understand the situation because I'm extremely distant. I do
not really enjoy having friends, so I do not know
what the boundaries are or what is considered normal. Today Wednesday,

(26:06):
he again told me about his conflicting thoughts. We have
this thing where we say the exact same thing. It
happened five times in fifteen minutes.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
God, you guys are really in love with each other.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
It's so obvious.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
I think you guys need some insight infote from us. Yeah,
I think new slash.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yeah, you guys are perfect for each other.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
You're perfect for each other, and you're the only people
that like, Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Yeah, come on, it happened five times in fifteen minutes.
That's crazy. I mentioned how odd it is, and he said, yeah,
I'm conflicted about something, then explained that he keeps thinking
about what our friends said the first day we met.
Maybe God does not want him to become a month.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
That's so funny, God, I don't I saw you on
that poll, and I don't think God wants me to
become a month. I think that was a sign from God.
That was a sign from God.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, I can't stop watching this video. I think that's
just what God is putting on my heart right now,
feeling things.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
When I watched this video, and I don't think God
watch it.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
I think that's I think that's God that I'm feeling.
But he thinks it is just a distracting thought since
we are just church friends. He ended his text with,
But on the other hand, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
What I know is that you guys are in love
with each other. Yes, I'm sorry. Everyone else in the
whole freaking school can see it. Yes, everyone everyone but you, baby.
You guys are live.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
You're You're definitely and it's so like, it's so funny
but sweet and enduring. How Like He's just like, yeah,
I'm just so conflicted. I mean, everyone says that we
should be together.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
I just can't stop thinking about that.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
I mean, we shouldn't, right right. I told him to
speak to his priest, which I will be doing too.
He asked if his priest was free this Sunday, and
I have an appointment with my priest this Saturday. Honestly,
my obsession with perfection really gets in the wave relationships.
So I'm definitely going to ask advice on that from
my priest and perhaps even secret therapist. Yes, that bad.
I feel like it's that bad. This is great that

(28:00):
you're reaching for out who. I really need some outside
perspective on this, since the only people I talked to
know him. For some extra notes, Yes, we're strict Christians,
but not the way that America makes it seem. We
believe in things like therapy. Hugging the opposite gender is
also very common, and we don't consider every little thing
a sin. Orthodox Christianity is not what modern Christianity has become.

(28:20):
And there are some comments coming. Number one says God forbid.
Religious people admit that they are human and let themselves
be happy. Opie says, God forbid. Religious people have a
different goal in life that'll make them happy. What's wrong
with our goals being religious?

Speaker 2 (28:33):
There's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
I Yeah, I think these religious goals are totally fine.
I mean, if you want it to be a monk,
go for it. If you want to be a nun,
go for it.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
Sure, from everything I read in this story, that is
not the case. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
I think they're so close to figuring this out, and
you know, possibly right because of their strict religious upbringing.
You know, I'm sure that's where her seek for perfection
comes from, in her pressure for that.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
So hopefully talking to the priest will help. I'm sure
I'm gonna be hope hoping that the priest is like,
you guys are in love.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
Yeah, like it's it's chilled you guys. You're not a
nun or a monk yet. Yeah, you're good. You haven't
done that yet. So it's so cute because this stuff
feels like such little high school like, oh, I don't
know how friends are supposed to act to each other.
I don't know, like you know, this kind of stuff,
which obviously, I mean, I'm sure I dealt with stuff
like that recently out of high school too, But I mean,

(29:28):
I'm sure I'm assuming with their upbringing that maybe they
just haven't been able to think about this stuff yet.
And it's just so sweet seeing this happen. I hope
you guys end up together. I hope. So that's the enditing, No, yeah,
that's the end of the story, But I really hope
we get an updated.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Figure it out. I think they're gonna figure it out. Yeah,
because I don't want to check for close.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
They're so they're so close. They just seem to need
like approval from other people.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
Yes, they just need someone else to be like God's chill.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Like you're good, guys, you're good, You're good, You're good.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
We're going to get back to these stories. But here's
three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
My mother in law called me selfish because I refuse
to pump my milk for her.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
There's a lot of ways that could be interpreted.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
So I am a first time mom and this whole
experience has been very overwhelming for me. My wonderful baby
just hit three months and is efficiently no longer a newborn.
I have been lucky enough that I have a good supply,
so my baby girl is exclusively breastfed, except for any
excess that we use when my husband does her night feeds.
By the way, this comes from username and if you
want to spit your own stories, go to the r

(30:34):
slash Okay, storytime severed it. I'm Sophia and I'm Angie,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofy, But we
don't have all the answers we only know what we'd do,
so let us know what you would do. In the comments,
I have made it very clear to most of our
friends and family that I don't want anyone but me
or my husband feeding her. My mother in law has
been slightly annoyed, bordering on judgmental, about this, but has

(30:54):
mostly kept her mouth shut. We have never had any
issues in the past, so I just chalked it up
to her wanting to bond with the baby. I might
allow it when she's older, but for now I'm not
comfortable with anyone else doing it. So we were over
at my sister in law's house for a son's birthday,
and while all the cousins and husbands played outside, me
and all the ladies sat inside, playing past the baby.
She ends up in my mother in law's arms and

(31:16):
began to make a fuss and make her hungry cry.
I stood up and went to take her before she
pulled her back and told me to go make a bottle.
I told her now that I would go to the
guest room and feed her. My sister in law stood
too and said she had some formula and would make
it for me. I refused again and quickly took my baby,
saying she's never had formula and I don't want her
to be sick. My mother in law sighs and rolls
her eyes and asks, why don't you just pump some

(31:37):
so I can feed my baby?

Speaker 1 (31:38):
I'm sorry, your baby. We had so many stories were
mother in law's, Yeah, their grandchildren there, baby.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
You already had a baby.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
Yeah, I already had a baby. If they're this young too,
they'll be hungry in like another couple hours. Literally just wait.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
I must have been visibly horrified because one of my
other sister in law stood and tried to guide me
away by my shoulder. I took her to the other
room to feed her and sat in there with her
the rest of the party. The sister in law whose
party it was, came to find me.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
I almost hit her.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
When she said, don't you think it's a little selfish
You won't let mom feed the baby. You could have
just pumped a couple ounces for her. I said, I
will never pump anything for anyone, because I'm not a cow,
and she said, my baby. She declared I was being
witchy and walked away. My husband doesn't know this is
all happening, but on the ride home, his mother and
two of the other wives texted me to tell me

(32:24):
it was unfair to hog my baby and to make
it so she couldn't bond with anyone else, And then
I should have just pumped before I came so I
didn't have to hide her away. Oh my god, they neednt.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
Have calmed out.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
Literally, they are going crazy over your baby.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
Yeah, you should have pumped before you came to avoid
this whole mess. How did how would she know that
this would be a mess?

Speaker 2 (32:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Yite.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
My mother in law specifically said that I was being
so selfish with her only granddaughter and it wasn't fair
to her that she couldn't even feed her baby. I
just texted back that it wasn't her baby and put
my phone on do not disturb. I know I should
tell my husband, but I don't want to add more
st as he and his mother are still trying to
heal their relationship from when they had a big fight
a couple of years ago. I don't want to cause drama,

(33:06):
but I'm starting to feel very guilty, especially since I'm
still getting tons of texts about how cruel I'm being.
Am I the a hole for refusing to pump for
my mother in law. I'm all a bit of context.
My little sister choked while being fed by our great aunt.
She hadn't been holding her properly, and my sister had
to be rushed to the hospital. I was very young,
but the memory is still very fresh in my mind,

(33:26):
even when my husband is feeding our baby. I never
want my baby to be unsafe while being fed, and
I worry about other people feeding her because of this.
And there are some comments, but do you have any thoughts.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
I think everyone needs to calm down. They need to
calm down. Yeah, I mean, like obviously being a mom
I'm apparently is very stressful. You know, I would believe
that I don't have the experience myself, but it would
make sense that if she's a new mom, like, just
let her do.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
Her thing, guys, let her feed her baby the way
she wants to feed her baby. Stop demanding the baby. Yeah,
because you don't have that's not your right. It's a
pretty that you were being gifted by opeas.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
And people saying that she's.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
Cruel or richly blond, that is.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Like an immediate like, Okay, you totally cross the line.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
You don't get to see the baby at all.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, like you've made it so much worse now.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
Comment one. Not telling your husband just allows mother in
law to slant the event to her advantage. Keeping secrets
from your husband, even for his own good, is bad precedent.
Not the ahole op. He says, I'm definitely sitting them
down when he gets home from work. I hate to
make their relationship worse, but this whole thing is making
me realize she probably shouldn't have a ton of access
to me or baby. Reply says, you're doing the right

(34:33):
thing by exclusively breastfeeding, and it turns out babies can
bond with people who do not feed them. Babies bond
to their siblings, and those siblings don't breastfeed them or
bottle feed them. They can bond to extended family members
who do not bottle or breastfeed them. If mother in
law wants to spend time with this baby and bond,
that can be okay. She does not need to feed
this baby to bond. Not the ahole comment too. What

(34:56):
the actual f nobody ever fed my baby's bottles just
because they wanted to. Ridiculous. My only daughter, my youngest
of three, is the only one who has given birth
four times and breastfed them all. I don't think I
gave any of them a bottle ever. They are now seventeen, eleven,
four and two. What is going on with these grandmothers
these days? Stop demanding or you may not get to

(35:16):
see the grandchildren at all. They're not your child. They'll
bond with you when you start reading books to them
or helping them put a puzzle together or get them
a snack.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
When they're a little older. You can make.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
Fairy gardens with them, or teach them to sew embroider
or knit or all of them. Yeah, you can bake
cookies with them. My two year old likes to help
with laundry and put the wet clothes in the dryer.
It's pretty hilarious. Actually, she's so proud of herself when
she gets to slam the dryer shut. Anyways, stop feeling
guilty and keep drinking a lot of water, which helps
with your milk supply. Sounds like you don't need my
advice in that department, though. Good luck and enjoy the baby.

(35:47):
And there is an update any thoughts.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
Yeah, those seem like solid guns.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
I agree.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, there's other ways you can bond.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
M and they need to figure that out.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
So, after everyone's suggestions, I decided I was going to
talk to my husband when he got home from work.
I put baby down to sleep before initially posting, and
I posted because of all the messages from mother in
law and sister in laws. Apparently his oldest brother's wife
had called him today at work and told them what
my mother in law had said and what the other
wives had said. When I left the room, we sat

(36:17):
at the kitchen table and I had him read the
messages from start to finish. He was upset with me
at first from keeping it from him, then hugged me
and said he hated that I had to go through
this alone. He went upstairs to call his mother. He
told me after about ten minutes on the phone that
until baby is a year, mother in law will have
minimal contact, as well as his sister not being allowed
around the baby either. He told me to block both

(36:37):
their numbers for the time being, and so I did.
There's a little bit left. Any final comments, Great job, husband, Yeah,
I'm glad that your husband is on your side. Yeah,
that's great to hear. Yeah, he's taking care of you
except those boundaries.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
He also told me that their fight two years ago
was over his mother trying to get him back with
his ex right after he proposed to me, and that's
why they stopped talking for the rest of them. Yikes,
he said. He told his mother that if she pushes
for more next time we give her an opportunity, that
it would be her last chance at a granddaughter. And well,
just pushing. This is all progressed so quickly, and everyone

(37:12):
was right about talking to my husband. I wish I
had gone right to him when it happened, but I
was so worried to put more strain. Thank you for
all the advice. Common one says, kudos to your sister
in law that called your husband, and major kudos to
your husband. Just worry about taking care of yourself and
little one and let your husband handle the rest. Oh,
he says, I just want to save her as much
as I can while she's still so little. I love

(37:34):
my husband for all that he does, and I couldn't
love that sister in law more if I tried. He
is definitely getting a gift basket too, says kudos to
your husband. Love to hear of a reddit husband that
stands up for his wife and baby. Also, if your
anxiety regarding your baby's safety does start increasing, or you
feel surges of any irrational fears, Please don't be scared
to talk to your doctor. With my firstborn, my PbD

(37:56):
manifested as anxiety and I burnt myself out very quickly.
I would even force either my husband or I to
stay awake all night watching him breathe. Plus my husband,
but he did it for me because it was the
only way I would go to sleep. And that is
the end of that story. Folks. Wow, yeah, but yeah,
I think you guys are on the same page about
how to you know, take care of your baby, and
that's all that you need. Right My brother in law

(38:19):
wants to hijack my daughter's birthday party to announce his
coming baby.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
Get your own party.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
My brother in law, thirty mail, has lived with my
husband and I on and off for close to eight years.
Even when my husband and I had kids, he lived
with us. It's a long time. Last year he got
serious about finding a serious relationship. I was happy for
him when he found someone in November. He moved into
her house in December. By the way, this comes from
Hattie Runner and if you want to sbmit your own stories.
Go to the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm

(38:46):
Sophia and I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,
but we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we'd do, So let us know what you do
in the comment. In April, they found out brother in
law's girlfriend is pregnant.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
She's due in January.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
He told her family right away and left it up
to brother in law to tell his He chose to
be a coward and say nothing. Well, tomorrow, my daughter
is turning two, and brother in law has decided that
is when I'll tell everyone, mostly because when they show up,
his girlfriend is very obviously pregnant. I'm kind of livid.
Father in law is known to fly off the handle

(39:20):
for things. Our son ate a goldfish cracker off our
floor and father in law had a fit about how
disgusting that was, made a scene and stormed out of it.
Never heard of the five second rule, truly, that kids
are hearty creatures.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Yeah, you got to build up those immune systems exactly.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
We'll be fine. He's also told my husband that he
needs to watch himself because apparently I'm not the right
kind of woman would you mean? But that back to
the party. I don't want this announcement to happen because
if father in law flies off the handle, my daughter's
party is ruined. Even if he doesn't, it's suddenly going
to be a pregnancy gender reveal, and no one is
going to remember why they're actually there. I know my

(39:57):
daughter won't remember it, but I will. Husband thinks it's
not a big deal and he's excited. I've tried to
communicate my anxiety about it, but he says his dad
will be fine. I told him the only way this
is happening is if his brother goes to their parents'
house well before the party and tells them, Otherwise I'll
be kicking people out. He scoffed, but said, Okay, now,

(40:17):
I'm just really conflicted. Am I the a hole? When?
What do you think? I don't really think so.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
No, I feel like this is a worry that's completely valid.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Yeah, if he had all this time to tell the
family that you know, his or his girlfriend is pregnant
and he didn't, I feel like maybe you could do
it earlier before the party.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
Right, I mean how much When does the party come up?

Speaker 2 (40:39):
Yeah? Which time do we have to plan a brunch. Yeah,
you can have a little mimosas and talk about well, well,
not all the orange juicy girlfriend, but there are some
relevant commons. Commoner says, not the a hole. If brother
in law is going to be too cowardish to say something,
you could always beat them to the old one too
and spill the beans for him. Would it be a
weiener move?

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (41:00):
But also they shouldn't be co opting your kid's birthday
to announce a pregnancy. Oh P says I've been trying
so hard not to drop hints to the in laws.
My husband and I have known since April. Brother in
law just hasn't told their parents. And comment two says,
don't invite your father in law if he's that delicate,
and tell your brother in law he isn't invited unless
he tells everyone before the party. Oh P, he says.

(41:21):
I pondered these options. I'm also worried for the girlfriend's feelings.
I don't know her too well, and I'm sure brother
in law has told her how father in law was
growing up. But it's one thing to hear stories about
it versus being the target of his rage filled rants.
I've experienced quite a few. Another commoner says, I'm wondering
if brother in law moved in with girlfriend and is
helping pay any of the expenses. Sounds like he's always

(41:42):
been a mooch and girlfriend needs to know that it's
his game plan moving forward. Sounds like a real loser
to me. Did he help with rant or anything when
he lived with you and your husband?

Speaker 1 (41:50):
Did he work?

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Oh? P says when he moved in with her, he
had been out of a job company went under for
a few months. He got a grown up job just
before they found out she was pregnant While he was
out of work living with her. Girlfriend expected the house
to be clean and that he do the cooking. He
made a comment about how he felt like a nineteen
fifties housewife. Well, you don't have a job, so you
gotta do something.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
God of what you are.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
Also, doesn't seem like you're paying rent right, so you
gotta earn your keep. Bud Commoner says, not the ahle. Honestly,
your husband is the biggest a hole for not having
your back. I would take the birthday girl and yourself
and go celebrate her somewhere else on your own. Since
father in law already doesn't like you, husband isn't supporting
you or respecting your boundaries and home together, and his
little brother wants to hijack his niece's own birthday because

(42:31):
he's a coward. Just go enjoy that day with her
and let the bomb explode on its own. If husband
doesn't like that, he should have had your back, Hope.
He at least has your side when his family is
nasty to you, Hope. He says, he does usually have
my back. His dad is the only one with a
problem with me. When I was talking to him about
why he thought it was a good idea, he said,
because we had such a great experience telling his parents

(42:52):
about our pregnancies. He wanted to be there for his
brother in that moment. I had to remind him. At
the time of our first pregnancy, we'd been married two
years and together for nine where brother in law met,
moved in with, and got pregnant in five months. More
on Ope's husband's relationship with his brother, Opie says, my
husband has the mentality that he needs to look out
for his brother. He's the oldest and it shows. So

(43:15):
when his brother gets in a pickle, we take him
in However, this time, when brother in law said he
was moving out, I made it extremely clear that if
this relationship goes south, he is not coming back here.
He's thirty and needs to start acting like it. My
husband agreed with us. Commra says, why is this going
to cause father in law to be upset? OHP says,
father in law is old fashioned, even after being with

(43:35):
my husband for nine years. When our first was born,
father in law told my husband to protect himself just
in case. So I can't imagine what'll have to say
about a woman that's been around less than a year,
not married, and pregnant. That's why I'm concerned for the
girlfriend's feelings, especially because she was pushing brother in law
to tell everyone at twelve weeks. To be clear, no
one else in the family is judgmental like this, just

(43:57):
father in law and there is an update. Yeah, I
feel like you gotta either, you know, tell your father
in law not to come, or force your brother in
law to say something before the party.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
Yeah, I mean, can we talk to the brother in law.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
Yeah, let's have a conversation with him and say, hey,
we really don't we really would not like you to
do the reveal at our daughter's birthday party.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Yeah, so let's do that. Let's do that at you know,
earlier time. Right. See, I feel like, see what he
thinks about it. I don't think they've mentioned actually talking
to her now.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
It seems like they're just kind of talking amongst themselves
and assuming things. Yeah, updates. Well, if anyone smelled smoke today,
it was probably the dumpster fire that was my daughter's party.
Oh no, No. Firstly, father in law actually seemed to
take the news pretty well. I guess that wasn't part
of the fire.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Surprisingly, mother in law is more angry that he waited
so long to tell them. No scene was made, However,
every conversation from that point forward was all about the
baby and pregnancy and how girlfriend told her parents. Is
there a name yet, et cetera. Mother in law made
a comment about how my husband and I can now
give brother in law and girlfriend all the baby stuff
we're not using anymore. As an added bonus, brother in

(45:05):
law also decided to use this opportunity to tell everyone
him and his girlfriend are engaged away. They're planning a
big move stop.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
Oh wow, too.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
Many things to relocate closer to her family and I
guess us before she's due. So on top of the
baby questions, there was also conversations about wedding planning and
house hunting. There is a little bit left to this story. Yeah,
that's disappointing.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
Yeah, disappointing. I feel like they could have easily. It
makes sense that people would talk about that. Sure, if
they hear about it, it's something to celebrate. But I
feel like that that's a lot more than we thought
it was gonna be. So can we not just have
like a little lunch or dinner or something. Literally could
have done that any other time you've had your own party.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
As another edition, my sister and her daughter came. Except
my niece has an active staff infection and has been
on antibiotics for twenty four hours, but this wasn't mentioned
to us until the party was almost over. It was
assumed to not be a big deal because all open
wounds were covered and she'd had twenty four hours of antibiotics.
My husband was furious and pulled me to the side

(46:05):
to say some not nice things about it. After that,
I shut down. I isolated myself by putting together my
daughter's new toys. Everyone left pretty early and everyone was
feeling tense. I'm feeling upset and defeated, and now I
have to monitor my three younger kids for signs of
a staff infection and try to sanitize my house. I
think I'm done having parties for a while, and that

(46:27):
is the end of that story. Probably need some sort
of counseling with your husband, Yeah, I think so too,
because you guys aren't on the same page.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
Yeah, not on the same page, and he seemed to not.
You know, he doesn't have to share your same feelings,
but it feels like maybe he was overlooking how strongly
you felt about this. Yes, and that is you know,
something to talk about pot.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
And then immediately gets on you for your like family
making one mistake.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. My mother in law felt entitled over
my child, so I had to set firm boundaries. Now
your child. My husband and I have been together for
ten years, married for five We are expecting our first
child at the end of August.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
Congratulations.

Speaker 1 (47:08):
Since the beginning of our relationship, just now, mother in
law has never liked me, but tolerated me. She's local,
so we visit with her pretty often. By the way,
this comes from Affectionate Guard five five zero, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia,
and we are here to give good advices goofully, but
that does not mean we have all the answers. So

(47:30):
if you would do anything that we don't say so,
we would guess what our best move would be in
these stories. But if you would do anything differently let
us know in the comments. The first few times I
met her, I accidentally referred to her as ma'am. I'm
originally from the South, where it's typically seen as polite
to referred elders as ma'am and sir. Her response was
visceral and had me feeling like I had said something

(47:51):
terribly offensive. She said, ew, did you just call me ma'am?

Speaker 2 (47:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Please don't ever do that ever again. I hate that.
There were many other stances of unpleasantness in the beginning,
for instance, asking personal questions about me and my social
political beliefs and my career goals, but then openly criticizing
my answers in front of the entire room. She acts
as if her opinions are objective truths. It's exhausting because
even when I try my absolute best to keep quiet,

(48:17):
she manages to either criticize something or be generally condescending
in a passive aggressive way. And if I'm not her target,
my husband will be. And if it isn't him, she'll
complain about someone else. Needless to say, I'm always riddled
with anxiety during our visits with her. This has never
changed or improved in the entire ten years of our relationship.
Mother in law's weird comments include she often says things

(48:38):
that I personally find reprehensible, like if I could go
back in time and never have had kids, I would
do it in a heartbeat for the sake of boosting
my career. You're gonna say that around your children?

Speaker 2 (48:49):
That's ouch.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
That's crazy, mom. Do you regret me? That's a full
grown adult now. Huh hikes. She lets my husband and
me know intimate details about his sister's waxing habits and
lingerie preferences for no reason at all. Stop that she
openly has all of her children on a list of
most liked to least liked. But even though she says

(49:12):
what we feel are wildly inappropriate things, we don't push back.
For the sake of keeping peace and avoiding conflict. She
has never liked any of the women her sons have
dated in the past. She often fantasizes to us about
both of my brother in law's getting divorces, even though
they have happy, thriving marriages. I'm sure she feels the
same about my marriage as well. So our current issue.

(49:33):
Now that we're expecting our first child soon, my anxiety
about interacting with mother in law has tripled. She has
already overstepped throughout my pregnancy by critiquing my parental choices
about my birth plan, future schooling ideals, and things like that.
She even openly said that she absolutely hated the name
ideas that we initially had for the baby. She hijacks
the entire baby shower planning process that my mom had

(49:55):
been setting up after knowing that my mom was planning
it for me. She even tried to change the ocation
theme and music playlist that I had picked for the shower.
She told me that I had better be ready for
her unsolicited parenting advice, and she has it in her
head that she will be at our home whenever she
feels like it once we're out from the hospital.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
And now The problem here is no longer your mother
in law, It is your husband. Yeah, what's he doing?
What's he doing? We gotta start. We gotta go to
a husband say, hey, I really don't want your mom
giving me unsolicited parenting advice and showing up at our house.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Yeah all the time. Right, you should figure out how
to deal with your mom. Yeah, it's it's gonna be
a stressful time and she's not gonna help at all.
She doesn't intend to help me around the house or anything.
She doesn't clean in general. She just wants to hold
my baby and bond with her. I told my husband
that it gives me massive anxiety as a hormonal first
time mom, and that I'd like a peaceful postpartum healing

(50:50):
slash bonding process with our baby without mother in law
looming over my shoulder and criticizing me every day. I
also have my mom nearby that I can call for
help should I need it during this warulnerable time. He
was one hundred percent on the same page and decided
that we'll let her. Note that after our baby is born,
we will call her for help and visits, but otherwise
we'd prefer for her to give us space. Reminder that

(51:12):
we've been peaceful and non confrontational all the way up
to this point, managing to keep a somewhat stable relationship
with her by staying neutral about everything for ten years.
So we told her. Her reaction was intense, like a
defiant child. She literally told us that she will not
be staying away from our home when her grandbaby is born.
So my husband told her that she is not entitled

(51:33):
to our son or to our personal space. She's shut
down completely, ending the conversation right there and left the room.
So we went back to our home. I called my
mom to talk about it, and she said that if
mother in law wants to be a part of her
grandchild's life, she'll have to learn that she can't be
overstepping our boundaries and treating us with disrespect. The problem
is mother in law is a notorious grudge holder and

(51:54):
a power tripper. Anyone who's stripped away her control of
a situation is quote literally evil in her opinion. In conclusion,
I wish there were a way to repair this for
the sake of my husband's relationship with his mom and
our baby's future relationship with her grandma. But I also
know that we didn't say anything unreasonable. My husband pointed
out that if she can't act like an adult and
respect us, she doesn't think that he can even trust

(52:16):
her to be around our child. We've been more than
gracious to her, but I just know that she's going
to spin this as me being the reason that her
son stood up to her. So anyway, can anyone relate
and there is an update. I personally can't relate because
I'm not married or have a child, neither of those things. Yeah,
but I mean sucks, and I can be there. Sure

(52:36):
does and does suck. Yeah, that you know, I feel
like it's the kind of thing like if she does
think that that you are the reason that her son
stood up to her, it's like, I mean cares.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Yeah, she already doesn't like you exactly, what great loss
is it?

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Yeah? And if you were like whatever, he should stand
up for you. Yeah, So that just sucks. Hopefully she
respect your boundaries and you don't have to like get
a restraining order or anything.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Hopefully we do have an update.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
My husband and I have still not spoken to mother
in law since the incident happened where she shut down
when we established basic boundaries, but we've discussed everything in
more detail with each other and have decided to not
bring it up to mother in law again. We won't
be treating her like a child and asking her politely
if she heard our requests. My husband plans to take
many of your wonderful pieces of advice, and we'll be

(53:23):
enforcing the boundaries that we've already set with her. If
she wants to act like nothing happened and still come
over uninvited when the baby is born, my husband will
reinforce our boundaries and remind her that she needs to
make sure it's a good day for us to host
visitors before turning her away. My mom has already been
so helpful by surprising my husband and me with freezer meals,
fridge essentials, and homemade lasagna. Recently. Mother in law, however,

(53:45):
wants to use dinners as a sort of transaction to
manipulate us into letting her spend time with our baby.
She has literally said this, that's crazy. She's like, hey, guy,
I want to like manipulate you with this.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
I'd love to manipulate you.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
That's that all right, wild. I know it isn't fair
to compare, but it's kind of hard not to when
these women are so night and day from each other.
So yesterday my husband had a chance to catch up
with his father in law on the phone. My in
laws are divorced. He confided in father in law so
that he was truly surprised that his mom reacted to
the way that she did. Father in law was super
apologetic on her behalf to the both of us, and
so that he really thought that she would have matured

(54:19):
a bit after all these years. Then he dropped a
bombshell on us.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
Oh, My husband asked if his mom ever put up
with father in law's mother coming by whenever she felt
like it to see them as babies. Not only did
father in law say no, and that mother in law
banned his mom from coming over whatsoever, but also that
mother in law demanded that father in law stop visiting
his mother when she was severely sick a few years

(54:44):
after they all had their kids.

Speaker 2 (54:45):
And that's when you go, hey, mom in law, I
would be following your lead and a husband cannot see
you anymore. Right, you think that's such a great idea.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
I'm just taking a note out of your book.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
I think that's brilliant. I think you're so smart. Oh
my gosh, I will be doing that.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
He was only seeing his mother a few times a week.
She gave him an ultimatum, to which father in law
apologized and started prioritizing mother in law with what little
time he had outside of work. His mom ended up
passing away about a week later, and he didn't get
to say goodbye to her. Not only did mother in
law not go visit her own sake mother in law
with the kids to support her husband, but she robbed

(55:20):
him of the chance for closure, all because she demanded
his attention at the worst possible time. I must add
that prior to this event and afterwards, she had never
been demanding of his time or affection. There are so
many old videotapes that we have of them as a
married couple, and in every single one, mother in law
looks annoyed by all of father in law's attempts to

(55:40):
be affectionate. She never needed his attention until he was
giving it to his mother. With all these events in
my anxiety, recently I had to go to the hospital
for an NST. No baby wasn't moving and my blood
pressure has been elevated. Thankfully, everything is okay, that's good,
But at this point, if I go back to the
hospital for any new symptoms. They may just induce me.

(56:01):
So baby could potentially arrive at any point now. And
I'm really curious to see what'll happen when we're back
home from the hospital. I think mother in law will
tread lightly. My husband fears that she may just ignore
our boundaries. We shall see, and I will update again
when we know more. Oh wow, good luck.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
With your mother in law. Good luck, dude.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
That is terrible. I'm very sorry that that's caused complications
in your friends.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
I mean, all that stress.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
Yeah, good for baby, absolutely not. So hopefully that will
be you know, honestly, hopefully you go even lower contacts
after all that. Yes, possibly even no contact because you
have to protect your peace and that's baby to do it. Yeah,
but that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
Hey, John Ogi, hoist here. We're gonna get back to
this episode.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
But a quick three minute break of ads from a
sponsor's keeping the show alive.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
I ended a ten year friendship because she couldn't even
text me happy birthday.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
And now I had a sad birthday thanks to you.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
I twenty six al have been friends with a girl
on six Females since freshman year of high school. She's
always been very introverted, the I'm not really a people
pleaser type. I was introverted too, and we liked a
lot of the same things, so we hit it off
pretty quickly. She would go quiet sometimes, but I had
other friends and didn't mind too much that she would
ghost and disappear, although it was annoying. By the way,

(57:18):
this comes from Round Loss eight eight zero, and you
can submit your own stories on the r slash Okay
storytime severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and Op says.
Fast forward ten years and most of our friend group
fizzled out or moved away, but we stayed close. I
moved to another state after graduating, while she stayed in
our hometown even from a distance. I made a big

(57:38):
effort to keep our friendship going, staying in touch, checking
in on her life, inviting her on trips, listening to
her vent, and trying to keep her updated on my life.
But honestly, it was always me making the effort. I
always texted first. I always sent a gift on her birthday,
at least a birthday card, if nothing else. I gave
her space to talk about her issues even when I
had my own and what did she give back? Nothing

(58:01):
close to that. She ignored me when I needed to talk.
If we started a conversation about her and I dare
to bring up something troubling me, that conversation would soon end.
All I got for my birthday after I left was
a happy Birthday text, not even a birthday card. While
we lived in the same state, she would actually be
a good gift giver. She never asked how I was doing,
even when I was clearly struggling. If I don't text,

(58:23):
we don't talk. When I called her out, all she
could say was she was sorry and that I truly
meant a lot to her, but that she's depressed and
trying her best, and that she's just a girl.

Speaker 1 (58:32):
Yeah, a valid, valid excuse.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
She's just a girl. The thing is girl. I'm depressed too.
My mental health has been in the gutter for years.
Moving out of state to my first city and doing
my first corporate job after breaking up with one of
my oldest friends, losing my grandmother, and dealing with the
VID wasn't exactly a cake walk, But I still made
time to treat people with decency, especially someone I considered
a best friend. I have other friends dealing with really

(58:56):
heavy stuff, substance, regularly use, clinical depressed, and time spent
in mental institutions after self harm attempts. Yet they always
managed to reach out and check on me when they could,
even with their own issues. Thinking back, even when I
was home, it was always like this, always about her,
never about what I may want or need. Even inviting
her places was basically begging. All while she's complaining about

(59:18):
not being able to make friends and being the therapist
friend with her army buddies, a role she's never played
for me.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
Deep down, I knew all this, but I stuck around
because I cared about her. Real quick pause.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
If you've got friends who are just not putting in
the same effort that you're putting in, then sometimes those
friendships are meant to be long term. Yeah, And sometimes
they come back around, they reach out, you realize, oh,
hey we can rekindle this, right, But for the time being,
if you're not seeing the effort that you're putting in
being reciprocated, then it's just stop trying, you know, stop

(59:51):
trying to push it totally.

Speaker 1 (59:52):
Yeah, it doesn't need to be a thing of like, ah,
you need to put it in more effort. You could
just be like, Okay, I guess it's just not the
time right now.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
And it doesn't have to be like, oh well, i'm
depressed too, I'm able to do this. It's like, you
know what you might be able to she's not for
whatever reasons, right, so you know, don't put in that
effort that you're not seeing. In December, I went back
home for the holidays and brought.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
Her a gift.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
She said we should hang out, and I agreed. I
texted her the day after Christmas to see if she
wanted to make plans. I didn't mention anything specific. I
was down for anything, even just sitting in the car talking.
She didn't respond. She's probably busy with the holidays, I
told myself. So I waited two days and messaged her again.
She brought me this excuse of not being on her
phone for the last two days sure, and that her

(01:00:34):
family was coming home that day and she was on
a tight budget.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
No problem.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
I called it a range. After a day, I'm thinking, well,
I'm gonna leave soon and I haven't seen her in
two years, So I let her know i'd be leaving
soon and if she had any time, I'd make it work.
Around the same time, I saw she posted a note
on Instagram making fun of women who are okay with
open relationships. This isn't the first time I've seen her
make a posts like this. We haven't talked in a while,
so in an attempt to start a conversation with one

(01:00:59):
of my oldest friends, I asked her what's wrong, using
her note as an icebreaker. I remembered her once mentioning
she'd be into having a two guys, so I jokingly
messaged her, you wouldn't be this against it if the
roles were reversed. I don't know if that was the
best move. Yeah, could be honest. Feels like you guys
haven't been friends in a minute, feels like a little

(01:01:19):
feels a little too familiar.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:01:23):
And she responded saying that women are the real prize,
go to any dating app. Blah blah blah. I don't
really care about this. In my opinion, people do what
they want. But I wanted to talk to her, so
I teased her about having double standards and that we
men navid harder and dating and she shouldn't be so
pressed about now. Please keep in mind, I have no
idea what prompted her original note. She hadn't provided me
with any context, and I'm just trying to have a conversation. Well,

(01:01:45):
this girl blows up saying that she hasn't posted about
this before. She definitely has, and then I'm projecting because
I made this about myself. I clearly hit her nerve,
so I backed off to stop the argument. I explained
that I wasn't projecting and that I was just trying
to make a conversation. Apologized and said I was probably
confusing her posting with something someone else posted, but I
definitely Wasn't you mentioned the woman who kored thing a

(01:02:08):
few times.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Nevertheless, this is a.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
Stupid thing to argue about, so I took the l
He didn't respond to this to my text about making plans.
She then responded saying that she doesn't feel like doing
anything crazy and that she's on a tight budget, so
she doesn't know what I want to do with her.
This honestly rubbed me the wrong way because it's such
a dry, low effort response. She knows full well I'm
the one with the car and that I'll pick her up.
She knows I would treat if I had to. Plus

(01:02:30):
I left it open so money wouldn't necessarily need to
be involved. We could have just hung out in the
car or the park near her house. She clearly can't
be bothered to spend time with her friend, who she
cares a lot about but hasn't seen in two years.
I blew up and told her all that. She didn't
even respond again, like, this is just not a person
who you know wants to be friends at least, yeah,

(01:02:52):
close friends with you anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
Yeah, and you just can't. Yeah, you just can't keep
pushing that, right, because yeah, it's like, you know, you
can try to look at these things and you know,
make excuses or trying to figure out why it's sometimes
like the answer is just like yeah, they just didn't
want to hang out with you, or they just sometimes
that's it. Yeah, that's it. And that sucks that you
don't want to think that. That's why you don't think

(01:03:14):
of that as the first option. But if you were
looking at it like objectively like we are, that's how
you would see it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
Because sometimes it's not like, oh, they're going through a
really tough time and you need to like keep pushing
through to be there for them, and sometimes it's literally
just you guys have grown apart. Yeah, and one person
you is latching on to this friend who's like walking.

Speaker 1 (01:03:34):
Away from you. Sucks. But I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
I recognize it was the holidays and we both had
personal stuff going on, which contributed to the heightened tensions.
Maybe I overreacted a bit, but at this point I
was tired. I was tired of always being the one
to reach out, of always de escalating. She's a grown
woman and I'm not her father. If she wants to
keep being friends, she would reach out, so I didn't
say or do anything. If she reached out, I would

(01:03:57):
apologize and forgive her, and we'd keep going as if
nothing hap spoiler she didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
Yeah, dude, you just gotta take that sign for what
it is.

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
Yeah, I agree. Instead, for the next few months, she
posted vague captions on her stories, like Hey, I know
I haven't been the best of all of you, but
know that you all matter. I am such a cutie patuti.
How could anyone do me wrong or resist me? The
reason I'm good at being petty is because I'm forgetful.
She reshared a post saying I hate instant connections because
we've finna be toxic, but caption it this but as friends,

(01:04:28):
no idea If those were meant for me. I honestly
don't know, but I ignored them once I did go
to the gym and poked fun at girls who say
look at my hair while just showing their butt by
parroting that type of post. She later posted a selfie
at the gym with the small text on the side
saying Lolfu yah yu, you know who you are. So
I believe that one was meant for me. I ignored
it too. At this point, we've been in radio silence

(01:04:50):
for almost half the year. I visited home to celebrate
my birthday and she knew I did, Yet she made
no attempt to contact me or even bothered saying happy
birthday in a text. Ever forgotten her birthday or left
her with at least a text or birthday guard. But
again I made excuses and told myself she's probably gone
through something. She'll reach out eventually. I'm an idiot.

Speaker 1 (01:05:10):
I know.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
A few days past and I'm attending comic Con with
another friend. She's there in full costume with a giant
mace prop and a group of people. She sees me
I see her, we ignore each other. After a decade
of friendship and half a year of radio silence, everything
is reduced to acting like strangers. That just sucks, dude,
Yeah it sucks. It always sucks. But yeah, I mean

(01:05:32):
you're saying it's a year and a half, but it's
more like, you know, three years.

Speaker 1 (01:05:35):
Yeah, I'm just kind of going downhill. Yeah. Yeah, Because
it's always the kind of thing of like if your
if friends start to kind of feel the thing of like, oh,
like I feel like they're not caring about me, I'm
gonna like test them with the you know, if they
don't respond. I never really like that, but yeah, like
if you want to talk to them, then do it.
But it does seem like he didn't do that, like

(01:05:56):
oh he was trying to talk and then after a
while it was like okay, now let me see Yeah,
and then you got your answer.

Speaker 2 (01:06:03):
I've I've had really close friends who have just kind
of like slowly eatered out. Yeah, And I have nothing
against them. I'm just like, yeah, I'm I'm less close
to you now. We have different things going on. Sometimes
it's distance. Sometimes you know, it's just life.

Speaker 1 (01:06:17):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:06:18):
It seems like it's a little bit distance for you too.
You just kind of have to move on to the
people who I mean. I talked to my friend about
this as well. Mm hmmm, because they talk to me
a lot about, like, you know, trying to find people
who actually make the effort and stuff, and how a
lot of the friends like don't do that, and yeah,
you just really it's trial and error. You have to
find people that want to be there for you, right.

(01:06:40):
She had the time to get tickets, to get a
group of people together she doesn't even particularly like, by
the way, and to make a full costume with a
giant mace prop while depressed and feeling bad because she
hasn't been the best but we all matter. But she
couldn't write me a happy Birthday text, send me a
birthday card in the last three years, or even a
gift through Amazon. She couldn't even spare thirty minutes of

(01:07:00):
to see a friend she hasn't seen.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
Two years yet.

Speaker 2 (01:07:03):
With me, she never had the energy to leave the house.
So when I arrived home that weekend, I decided to
cut my losses and take her off all my social
media and just officially end the friendship on my end.
I don't mean to trivialize mental health struggles. But to me,
depression is a reason, yes, but not an excuse to
treat people like crap? Did I of react? Did I
blow a situation out of proportion? Was I U the

(01:07:24):
fair too needy? I just need real, honest thoughts. I
think you just going through a friend breakup that's been
going on for a couple of years, and you just
have to realize there's not really much you can do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
I don't think you're overreacting at all. I mean you're
not really doing anything. You're really just kind of like
noticing the situation now, and like, you know, you know
that you didn't mean that Instagram story to be a
petty thing against her specifically. Yeah, you know, so the
fact that she took it that way is annoying. You
never want to communicate through posts? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
Yeah, let's not.

Speaker 1 (01:07:54):
Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. I'm not someone you really like,
want to have, or at least it's not like the
best connectionists stick around, so agree. Hopefully she can grow
out of that and then eventually we'll miss you and
come back to you m M.

Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
But for now, find the friends that care about you exactly,
and that is the end of that story,

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I BETRAYED my best friend… by sleeping with her deceased son! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories