I CATFISHED my stalker to make her stop… but now everyone says I'm worse! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2339 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.

Speaker 3 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
I catfished my stalker to make her stop, but everyone
says I'm the worst.

Speaker 4 (00:13):
Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
It might be morally wrong.

Speaker 5 (00:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Years ago, my partner and I split up. We've been
together five years already, but we weren't happy, arguing a lot,
drinking a lot, and being very nasty towards each other.
It was bad after we split because we were both
very broken people. We put ourselves on dating sites and
spoke to some other people because that's how you heal,
but we could never get each other out of our minds. Eventually,
something brought us back together. We sat down, talked about

(00:39):
what was wrong, and decided try and fix it. By
the way, this comes from Expensive Secret three one two,
and if you want to spend your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime supparate where this story
is from. This is one of our own I'm.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Riley, I'm Carly, and I'm Dakota, and we're here to
give a good advice goofully, but sometimes we don't have
all the answers, so oh if you have any thoughts
or questions or advise, please put it down in the comments.
As Op says, we both took ourselves off the dating
sites and talked about what we had done in the
period that we've been apart. One of the women on

(01:13):
the side he never met continued to talk to him,
and because I'm not an insecure person, I was okay
with it. He told her we were back together and
he was just being friendly. I saw the messages. I
trusted him, and I'm not threatened by other people. He
never hid it from me.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
I get that a lot of people would be upset
about it, but I'm just not one of them. After
about two or three weeks of her texting him every
single day, he told me that she was starting to
get a bit much, getting annoyed when he never responded,
asking about a relationship and being very full on. He
said he wasn't comfortable with her anymore and how it
was going, so he told her he wasn't going to

(01:48):
be responding anymore and worshed her well. The next week,
she continued to text him. He received a message containing
tickets for a band he loved, saying to take me
have a great time and that she's been thinking of him.
This to me, flew all kinds of red flag, so
I decided to step in. I sent her a text
telling her that it was inappropriate and that she needed
to respect his wishes and back off, and that I

(02:10):
understood how she possibly felt, but should move on. It
didn't go down well. She took offense to me messaging,
and what ensued after that was just pure madness. She
did not stop messaging him and said she chose the
message to me. Every single day she would send me
abuse threats, calling me names, telling me he loved her,

(02:30):
that he was cheating on me with her. She told
me she was following me and watching me, always commenting
on my appearance. Every account I blocked, a new one appeared.
I was fat, ugly, unlovable, a doormat in a toxic relationship.
None of it bothered me. Ignore, block, repeat, But that's
how it went for a long time. He was water off,
ducks back to me. So we just carried on and

(02:53):
lived our lives years past. We had a baby, we
were happy, We lived a normal life apart from every weekend,
I was still getting harassed by a complete stranger. He
got to the stage where she started mentioning our child.
Now she'd come to our house, so we called the police. Yoks.
We gave them all the messages, her name and contact details,
and they went to issue her with caution. When they

(03:15):
came back, they told us she lived with her fiance
and two teenage boys, and that her behavior was very
out of the ordinary for someone with her life. So
I did some digging, and the entire time she'd been
pestering me on a dating site. She had a fiance
fifteen years and two kids.

Speaker 5 (03:32):
God, and she was on a dating app.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
This is why we should throw some water on the internet.
Sometimes burn the internet alive. We don't need it anymore.

Speaker 5 (03:40):
We don't except for Okay, let's.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
All gather at the town square at noon and we
can read stories together. How about that, the old fashioned.

Speaker 4 (03:49):
Way tell us the stories.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
We'll just live.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, we'll have like a little tip jar at the front,
and you guys can just throw stuff in there, get
to say whatever. I thought it would all stop now
that the police were involved, but then't. We had maybe
three weeks apiece, and then I got a message from
her directly telling me how miserable my life was and
how amazing hers was, and all the usual name calling.
So I sent her a message telling her that she

(04:14):
needed to stop and go be with your fiance and
leave us alone. She didn't know that we knew about
her life, and it sent her spiraling. She started copying
everything we did. I'm an Instagram blogger and have a
very successful page. She found my friends, family, work, and
endorse companies on there, started contacting them, spreading lies and
telling them how my partner was cheating with her slandering

(04:38):
my name and threatening me with the police. She made
out everything she was doing was actually the other way around.
This was this tip my partner over the edge. He
unblocked her number, called her. She didn't answer, but she
messaged him, telling him how much she loved him, that
she missed him, that she wanted them to be together,

(04:58):
and to call her back when she was alone. He
told her that he would be filing another police report
and she needed to leave his family alone. He blocked
her number again and we were hoping that she might stop.
The Next night, a knock on the door the police.
An anonymous report had been filed that I was being
domestically mistreated by him. I lost my ever loving mind.

(05:20):
I went to show them the messages she had been sending,
and she had sent me one saying that I needed
to make a stand and report the abuse, that he
didn't love me if he hurt me, and not to
stand for it. I was furious. The police believed us completely,
and they said they would issue her a second warning.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
I feel like we're.

Speaker 5 (05:38):
Beyond warnings at this point. Can we not get the
full restraining order yet?

Speaker 2 (05:43):
What is happening? This is crazy? Ew gross. After that night,
I was exhausted. I'd had to put up with this
for nearly four years. Oh my god, she could have
graduated college by now. Dude, you are a you have
an undergraduate and being stocked Yeah, congrasso crazy, Oh my gosh.

(06:05):
I just needed it to stop. So I decided to
do something that I've never done before. I took some
photos off a friend I told him and I made
up an account pretending to be him. I spent a
week establishing set account to make it look genuine, and
then I added her. I liked a few of her posts,
commented on some stuff. It didn't take long for her
to DM the account being nice. After a matter of days,

(06:26):
she started asking personal questions. I played her along, being nice,
playing into her compliments to the point she carefully felt
comfortable because she talked all about her life. Okay, and
this is where you start writing your movie.

Speaker 5 (06:40):
Op this moment you're reading the script.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Oh, this is beautiful. She told me how she was
in a relationship but resented him because he ignored her.
She loved him but wasn't in love with him. She
stayed for the kids, that she was really insecure. A
click for me. It all made sense. She was miserable
in her life and herself because I wasn't. She was projecting.

(07:03):
The clarity that it gave me was profound. It didn't
annoy me anymore. Felt sorry for her now, I just
needed it to stop. I carried on listening to her,
playing along till one day she re entered my own
personal DMS by how she'll never leave me alone until
I realized that my boyfriend doesn't love me. I'm ugly
and he loved her blah blah blah blah blah. And

(07:24):
then to the Catfish DM, she sent a photo. It
was a photo of her and a bra and underwear
in front of a mirror.

Speaker 4 (07:32):
Ooh oh what was what.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
People have to do here? She told this man she
was attracted to him and wanted to meet him for
some extramarital activities.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah, get me.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Out, go to this location. Boom swat team arrested for
what stalking?

Speaker 1 (07:51):
The thing is like?

Speaker 5 (07:51):
The cops have done nothing to help this so far?

Speaker 2 (07:55):
Oh yes they They gave him two warnings, two wrists
slaps Carly.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
How good does that work?

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (08:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (08:04):
Some like what it just irritated her?

Speaker 1 (08:06):
I feel like, yeah, it.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
Made it do worse.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
A few more photos followed after I didn't need to
see with sentences. No engage, woman should be messaging someone.

Speaker 4 (08:16):
Else, not engaged. She's married, No, she's engaged.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
I thought she's married for fifteen years, fiance of fifteen years.
Mm eo, I know.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
Fiance for fifteen years.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Where we do it at that point? Yeah, she said
she was off to work and to think about what
she wanted. So I shut it down. I saved the
entire conversation, shut down the page. After a day myself
being me again, I opened up my socials to a
barrage of abuse. She was none the wiser about what
I'd done, but it was all directed at me and

(08:48):
my kids.

Speaker 5 (08:49):
Oh no, she's a blackmail he Ooh probably so.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
So I did the one thing that I knew would
make it stop. I sent her the photos of everything
I had done. I told her that I felt sorry
for her, that she needed to address her shoes and
be a better person fiance and mother, or I would
print it all out and send it to her partner.
Expecting her to hyper implode and bracing myself. She sent
me one message telling me I was a loser, that
she would always be better than me, she felt sorry

(09:14):
for me, that he loved me. I was fake. I
wanted to be her. I was jealous of her, and
that was that.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
I mean, did this go well?

Speaker 4 (09:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (09:24):
I'm like the morality of like, was it right to
basically catfish her and then blackmail her back with it?

Speaker 1 (09:32):
No?

Speaker 5 (09:33):
Like, I don't think that was your best plan of attack?
Is it maybe possibly gonna work better than what the
cops are barely doing to help?

Speaker 1 (09:42):
I mean maybe, Like.

Speaker 5 (09:44):
I know, they really won't step in until something happens.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
Usually, Yeah, she's kind.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
Of like, are you just gonna wait for that?

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (09:51):
It's kind of like Okay, you took it into your
own hands.

Speaker 4 (09:53):
Yeah cool.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
I mean, I don't know. It didn't really seem like that. Help.
This one was crazy and she should be an Alaskan
fishermen for six months to experience. Yeah, aloneiness being on
the boat catching fish in Alaska.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
Maybe she'll love it.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, she just needs to go somewhere. So oh, he continues,
I've not heard a single thing from her since she
deleted all her fake accounts. She deleted all real social
media accounts. She's gone. It's been a while now. It's
been so nice being stock her free. I don't know
if it's for good though. I'm not a mean person,
but after everything she tried to do to me and

(10:32):
my family, I literally wouldn't think twice. I recently told
a few people my story, and when I did, and
it didn't go the way I expected, people said I
was worse than her because I led her on and
should be ashamed. But I just needed to stop. I
needed my life normal and pestumate free. She got two
police cautions and still never stopped. What more was there

(10:53):
to do? She clearly had issues and didn't care. So
I just want to know in this whole situation. Am
I the A hole? I think you could have reached
down to the fiance way sooner than getting all these spicy.

Speaker 5 (11:08):
She'd never reached out to the fiance though, She's just
got the black mail to potentially reach out to the fiance.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah, but you could have said, hey, this person won't
stop pestering me and is saying she lost my husband, like.

Speaker 5 (11:18):
The fiance does kind of deserve to know that. I mean,
out of all of it, whether you were the a
hole or not, she was obviously the biggest scariest one.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (11:27):
I don't think that you necessarily were the A hole.
I just think you did something that wasn't always considered
like morally correct. But yeah, my boyfriend is still not
over his ex and I'm getting.

Speaker 4 (11:39):
Tired of it.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
It's time. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (11:42):
I'm twenty five female and my best friend, Jill twenty
four female, has been dating this guy, Jack male twenty
six for about seven months. About six months ago, Jack
introduced me to his roommate Tom male twenty seven. By
the way, this comes from Throwaway Sympathy h And if
you want us to make your own stories, go to

(12:03):
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and.

Speaker 4 (12:09):
We're here to give good advice.

Speaker 5 (12:11):
Goofily, But we don't have all the answers. We only
know what we'd do. So let us know what you
would do in the comments, and Opie says Tom is
literally the hottest dude I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
Eck bottle hot, movie star hot.

Speaker 5 (12:26):
He could probably get any girl he wants. And on
top of that, he's smart, funny, driven, and sweet, like
the total package. Honestly, he's intimidating.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
Af Let's see this Tom, there he is.

Speaker 5 (12:40):
The four of us started hanging out a lot, and
about a month later Tom and I started dating.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
Oooooooo.

Speaker 5 (12:47):
I can't even explain the butterflies I get. Then, one night,
at the beginning of our relationship, after too much wine,
we started talking about x's. I was not ready for
what he's say said yo oh. He told me he
had an ex who was basically the one that got away.
They met in Nashville years ago, instant sparks, and he

(13:10):
straight up told me she was the most exotic, gorgeous,
shoes smart girl he ever met. He also said it
was the best spicy sleep of his life.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
He got a breakup with him, no joke, like break up.

Speaker 5 (13:25):
Get out of there, Like, why would he say that
to me to make me jealous? They tried long distance,
but it fell apart. He blamed the distance. What really
got me is that even after they broke up, they
kept coming back to each other between other partners, like
vacations in Mexico and stuff. He said he used to
think they'd end up together. I couldn't believe he actually

(13:47):
said that to me. He says, they just text every
now and then now and he hasn't seen her in
a year. He swears it's over and he's over her now.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
He's not over her now, He's not he's not over
her now stuff, Because if he was over her, he
wouldn't be saying she was the best person I've ever
been with.

Speaker 5 (14:04):
That just like to me, screams like okay, well then,
like I'm clearly just not the person for you, yeah,
because if you found that person, I would be hotter,
cooler and better than this person.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
You can't get exactly exactly.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
I played it cool, but inside I was spiraling. I
didn't sleep for like two nights, and obviously I stalked
your socials don't judge. She's gorgeous, fun life, tons of friends,
always out doing cool stuff, basically like the girl version
of him. I've gotten obsessed watching for signs she had
a new boyfriend. But nope, nothing. My boyfriend isn't anywhere

(14:39):
in her socials, although that's not surprising since he has
a strict no social media policy. Then about a month
into me and him dating, he just stopped answering me. Yeah,
not even reading my texts. I thought he lost his phone,
but Jill said nope, he was home with his phone.
I called, emailed, texted ten times. No response. Finally Jill

(15:02):
asked him what was up, and he just said he
needed a breather. No fight, no reason, just space. Then
a week later he called me like, nothing happened. Girl.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
If you stay with this man, if you.

Speaker 6 (15:15):
Don't talk to someone for a week, you're broken up.
Broken a month into the relationship month, you're broken up.

Speaker 5 (15:22):
I would give it less than a week. If I
don't hear from you in like three days.

Speaker 1 (15:25):
After a mon relationship, I'm like, I think we're broken up.

Speaker 5 (15:28):
I need like sign a life at least just like
a hey still need space, talk to you tomorrow, Okay.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
You're alive.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
No, I've been ghosted before after like seeing someone for
a month and yeah, after a couple of days, you're like, okay,
that's yeah. They ghost they weren't done. Yeah, that's it.
And then they came back a month later to be like,
are ever ghosting? And I'm like, oh, you're still gone.
I didn't respond to that. I'm like, what do you
that's over? It was a month.

Speaker 5 (15:52):
I asked if I did something wrong and he was like, nope,
just oh I am and he wouldn't talk about it.
Since then, he's done it multiple times, just ghosts me
for days, sometimes a week or so, then comes back
like everything's normal. When I get upset, he tells me
not to be so insecure and that the more clingy
I get.

Speaker 4 (16:11):
The more space he needs.

Speaker 5 (16:13):
Once, Jill even asked him if he was like this
with the perfect X our nickname for her, and he
admitted he was, but she was super chill about it.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
He liked that she.

Speaker 5 (16:23):
Was confident and independent and would give him space without
texting more than once pew.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
So yeah, this.

Speaker 5 (16:29):
Keeps happening and it's driving me crazy.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Girl.

Speaker 5 (16:32):
I know he's not cheating, he's not dating you. Jill
sees him every day, but it only lives me that
sometimes I can hang out with them all and sometimes
I can't. I don't handle space well at all. It
makes me panic more. Me and my friends are obsessed
with the stories on here, and we always joke about
starting a podcast where we read them out. About a
month ago, I actually wrote this whole thing about my boyfriend,

(16:55):
but I didn't post because I got too anxious and
low KI didn't want to hear the answers. But now
things have gotten way worse, and I really wish I
had posted. I want to accept this is who he is,
but I don't know if I can. I've already fallen
for him hard, but I'm afraid to tell him. I
feel like I'm losing my mind. Has anyone had a
boyfriend that randomly ghosts you for days or weeks.

Speaker 4 (17:17):
At a time.

Speaker 5 (17:18):
Does this have anything to do with the Perfect X?
Would he ghost her this much? Should I end things?
If he keeps ghosting?

Speaker 1 (17:26):
Should end things now? If you have a partner who
is ghosting you, they're not your partner. We should not
be dating them. No.

Speaker 5 (17:34):
At this point, it sounds like you've been ghosted more
times than you're considering yourself to be in this relationship
I a longer period of time personally.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
What you ghost me? You're God, yeah, that's it. But
your ghost me? You're literally like, this is gonna sound
I'm only saying because it works with ghost But you're
passed away to me. You've ghosted me. Yeah, we can't
be together. You've left and he's done this multiple times
to you.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
Oh insane.

Speaker 5 (18:01):
I can't imagine ringing up with this once, let alone.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
Oh that's what I'm saying. I'm like, I wouldn't put
up with this once. And it doesn't really matter if
he's going back to his ex, if it's about you,
if it's you know, if he's seeing someone else, entirely,
none of that matters. The only thing that matters is
that he ghosted you, at least once for a week. Edit.

Speaker 5 (18:22):
Jack told Jill that Tom was the one who had
been stringing the X around this whole time. Jack said
that Tom never got over her. He always blamed the distance,
But it wasn't the ex who ended things. It was Tom.

Speaker 4 (18:35):
It's so confusing.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
We have an update.

Speaker 5 (18:38):
Okay, So, first off, thanks to everyone who commented or
DMed me. I honestly didn't expect so many people to
reach out. A lot of you said stuff I really
didn't want to hear ouch loel, but reading it all
actually made me stop and think instead of just pretending
everything's fine.

Speaker 4 (18:54):
So here's the brutal update.

Speaker 5 (18:55):
A couple weeks ago, I ran into one of Tom's
friends and his girlfriend at Starbucks. The girlfriend, Melissa, was like,
are you going to the beach house? And I was like,
what beach house? The friend got all awkward and they
left quickly. Later I asked Tom about it, and he
just shrugged, said, a few times a year, the guys
all go stay at this beach house together. I asked

(19:17):
if I was invited, and he said, nah, just the guys.
But I had literally just been asked about it by Melissa.
He said it was only because she's friends with the
host's girlfriend. Then I asked where the beach house even
was and yep, turns out it's in the same city
where the perfect ex lives.

Speaker 4 (19:35):
Girl wore she wasn't gonna be there.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Girl, Now we need to have some self respect here. Like,
if this was further along in the relationship and it
started happening, I'd be like.

Speaker 4 (19:45):
Yeah, that's really so.

Speaker 5 (19:46):
I also keep rereading this is not early on You're month.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
And this started happening a month into it. Yeah, it's like,
this starts happening a month into it. We need to
have that self respect and not stay.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
But it's like, what if he's like so had Pitt
and George Clooney and Bill scars Guard and Antonio Banderas
all rolled in.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Okay, well it's it's your hottest people.

Speaker 5 (20:11):
Before he left, I DMed Melissa, probably a bad idea,
I know, told her don't tell Tom, but I was
nervous about him running into the X and I hope
she'd be a girl's girl about it. She was actually
super sweet and promised she'd let me know. I asked
if she even knew who the perfect X was and
she was just like, oh yes, which like okay. While

(20:32):
he was gone, I tried to be chill, only texted
him a couple times a day, good morning, good night,
trying to do the whole give space thing stop. Still,
I was low key stalking everybody's socials, his friends, the girls,
the ex Lol. Nothing weird came up. He didn't respond
to any of my texts, but I understood that he

(20:52):
was with his guys, so I was okay with it.
I can't imagine being so uninterested in my partner. Yeah
that I don't want to talk to them at least
a little bit, even if I'm on like a girl's
night if I was away for a week. Yeah, to
be talking to keuts absolutely. Sunday, I thought I was

(21:15):
being cute by surprising him with dinner at his place
after his long drive. But when he walked in looking pissed,
said he out a migraine and went to bed, bad vibes.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Oh Pie, you cannot be this oblivious.

Speaker 5 (21:30):
I DMed Melissa and she said nope, X wasn't there.
Next day, he texted me an apology, said he was
skipping class, which he never does, and invited me to
watch a movie. We were cuddling on the couch when
he got some notification on his phone. Then boom, bad
mood again. Wouldn't say what it was, just went back
to bed. I'm not an idiot, Obviously something happened. I

(21:53):
DMed Melissa again and she suggested we meet at Starbucks.
She swore me not to say anything because her boyfriend
would get mad. She caused drama, but she admitted she
kind of left out some important details before. Apparently one
of the guys on the trip told Tom that he'd
been dating the perfect X for a few months. Melissa
said Tom didn't take it well and it caused a

(22:15):
whole drama thing all weekend. She swore no one saw
the X, but yeah, she was the topic of conversation
basically the whole trip. I literally broke down sobbing in Starbucks.
Melissa was so nice but didn't know what to do.
I had to call Jill to come meet us to
help get me home. I felt like I was gonna puke.
His crappy mood has been all about her.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
The same advice I've been giving you the whole time.
Break up.

Speaker 6 (22:41):
If you do not break up after this, this is
the most worthless relationship.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Like there's nothing here to say.

Speaker 5 (22:48):
No one is like hot enough to ignore all of this.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
He's not into you.

Speaker 5 (22:52):
He's not into you.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Sorry. I have to give you the hard truth because
you don't deserve this. You deserve much better, to be clear, Yeah,
this isn't about the ex being hotter than you. That
we don't know if that's true. This is his opinion.
This isn't about like you know you having done something
wrong or texting him too much. He is a bad boyfriend, terrible,

(23:14):
He sucks, and you don't deserve to have to put
up with dating this guy. So leave him.

Speaker 5 (23:18):
You're not even really dating this guy, you're dating him.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
Ah.

Speaker 5 (23:22):
Melissa even told me Tom and the ex had this
super messy history where he wanted her but would panic
and pull away. Then when they weren't together, he compared
everyone else to her. So yeah, I've read all your comments.
I know I'm more into him than he is into me.
But when it's good, it's so good, and I don't
know how to just throw that away. Part of me

(23:43):
thinks maybe now that the ex has moved on, he'll
finally get over it too, Like, if he's gonna move
on with someone, why not me?

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Girl, Please have some self respect.

Speaker 5 (23:54):
Yeah, I don't know. Half the time, I feel like
a fool for waiting around for him. The other half,
I'm like, maybe if I stay patient and show him
I'm independent and chill, he'll realize I'm the right one. Ugh.
Jill wants me to talk to him, but I know
he won't want to. I think maybe I just wait
this one out while he heals what to do. At

(24:14):
the end of that.

Speaker 7 (24:15):
Story, my flatmate's boyfriend crashed in our home. Now I'm
forced to move out.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
Get out of my house.

Speaker 7 (24:22):
My flatmate message to me the day before that she
was due to arrive back home from holiday to let
me know that her boyfriend would be coming back to
live with us for two months, and that he would
be finding a job while he lived with us. He
had moved overseas to live and work for a year,
and then if things didn't work out in the other country,
he would probably move back with her. By the way,
this comes from Dancing Pineapple four and if you want

(24:44):
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,
story time is Separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia,
I'm Riley, and we're here to give good advice goofily,
but we don't have all the answers. We're only gonna
guess what we would do in this situation. But let
us know what you would do in the commons down below.
So uh Op says, I was really pissed off because
she let me know less than twenty four hours before

(25:06):
that he would be living with us. She didn't ask either.
She just let me know it was happening. I said
I wasn't okay with it, and was really clear that
this is completely unfair on me and disrespectful. Our house
is quite small and I didn't agree to live with
three people in a small two bedroom house, let alone
a couple. She said sorry, but that she would do
what she could to make sure that I wasn't inconvenienced.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
Well, that would be by not having him come over. Yeah,
that would be he can't move in. That would be
the least inconveniencing thing. Yeah, I just don't do it
at all. Yeah, that is so crazy.

Speaker 7 (25:41):
I let her know that if this was happening, he
had to pay his share. I wasn't happy and told
her that I wouldn't be around much. We used to
spend a lot of time together hanging out and watching
similar TV shows. I let her know that I wouldn't
do that anymore and instead would just do my own
thing in my room or stay out of the house.
She said that she agreed with me, and that she
would talk to him when I got home after work.

(26:02):
They were both there like nothing was wrong. When her
and I finally got to talk on her own, I
repeated everything I had said. She agreed with everything and
let me know that it was only for two months, hopefully.
I asked if he was moving back permanently, because if so,
I would move out. I didn't want to be living
in limbo. She said that he wasn't and she didn't
want to change her life when he would leave. I

(26:23):
asked if she was sure, because he was here for
two months and I seemingly had no choice in this,
So what if he decided to say, then what happens
to me? She said she spoke with him and that
he was really depressed that things didn't work out how
he thought it would in the other country. She didn't
want to push him or upset him. I let her
know I still wasn't happy about this situation. She agreed,

(26:45):
and then nothing happened. I told her I wouldn't hang
out much, that I was annoyed, and that I didn't
want to get so frustrated I'd end up saying hurtful
things because I felt stuck and unhappy. I thought about it,
and even though it had only been a week, I
was still really uncomfortable about it.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
So I decided to tell her that.

Speaker 7 (27:01):
I wanted to move out or he needed to find
somewhere else to say, for the two months, because I
didn't want to be uncomfortable in my own house. I
felt bad because I knew i'd put her in a
crappy situation. I mean, she kind of put herself in
a crappy situation. This is just consequences.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Absolutely.

Speaker 7 (27:16):
She obviously hadn't spoken to him about all of this,
or if she had, they were both pretending that everything
was fine, which made my feelings about this seem very dismissed. Also,
if he did move back overseas after two months, she'd
then be stuck with the least that she probably couldn't
afford on her own. But I didn't want to be
living for two months in a situation that I never
agreed to, and then possibly at the end of it

(27:37):
having to find a new place. Anyway, and we do
have some comments, but not want to hear your comments
before we get into those.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
Huh, I think. I mean again, I think you should
have gone through like the landlord and said, like, this
is not part of the least you can miss bah.

Speaker 7 (27:51):
Yeah, if it comes to the point where you need
to move out, yeah, well.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
That's not fair. I think it's saying, like, hey, we
agreed to live together. I did not agree to live
with another person. Yeah, our least did not agree to
have three people in it. Right, he's not on the lease,
so we can't live here.

Speaker 7 (28:07):
Yeah, and like I can't trust him to pay that
money if he's not on it too, I mean he's
not he's not liable for any of that. Yeah, exactly,
And like, just tell me about things in the future.
This is big, is big, Yep, it is big, But
we do have some comments. Comment number one says, not
the a hole. It is not okay for her to

(28:29):
unilaterally decide things like this when you are roommates. What
she has done is constructive eviction. She has changed the
terms of your rental situation so drastically that it no
longer resembles your original agreement. You have not put her
in any situation. She has put you in one, and
you leaving is a natural consequence of her actions. Yep,

(28:49):
do not place any blame on yourself and do not
accept any from her. Someone else responds exactly this, And
what I'd wonder is what their lease says, unless soon
to be ex roomy is the homeowner letting a room
to Ope. I'm not a lawyer, but I can't imagine
many ways there aren't least violations. And making a unilateral

(29:10):
decision to move in another person for a few months, Yep,
it's a great It's sad that it's come to Ope
caring enough about Roomy's feelings to worry about moving out
a consequence of Roumy's actions. But Rumy didn't care enough
beyond boyfriend's feelings to care about Ope's with him moving in.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
And we do have an update. But yeah, I agree, Yeah,
I think that was well said. I agree, and that's
what I was saying. So, yeah, I have no other
thoughts than check your lease. Yeah, exactly, check check your lease.

Speaker 7 (29:40):
If you need to. Yeah, I think I think it.
That is honestly a good point. Though It's like if
if her reasoning was that, you know, the boyfriend was
all depressed that this didn't work out, then it's like, well,
what about me being depressed when he's in here and
I have to stay in my room because I don't
like the situation? Yeah, but we do update. So I

(30:01):
ended up being able to organize moving out. Okay, I
gave her a month's notice, and I'm being removed from
the lease and moving elsewhere. It's been incredibly uncomfortable, and
I think in the end I didn't deal with it well.
This was all happening just before Christmas, which was crappy.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
I spoke with her.

Speaker 7 (30:17):
Again and was firm. She let me know that she
understood that he would be leaving for a week before
coming back for a short time and then leaving again.
I thought this would be okay, but he never ended
up leaving. Ah, of course, yeah, yeah, so he would
be leaving.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 7 (30:33):
Suddenly it was Christmas Eve and she was cooking the
three of us at Christmas dinner while I was at work.
I felt awful because I was still mad and annoyed
that she once again seemed to lie to me. Yet
I couldn't be angry that he was still there because
it was Christmas and she was cooking a dinner. I
didn't want to participate and accept those nice gestures when
I felt like it was all fake. My coworker convinced

(30:54):
me that I had to say something. I felt horrible,
but she convinced me. Although I probably ruined my flatmates Christmas,
I think it needed to be said. I let her
know that I was sorry, but that he never left,
and since she didn't stick to what she said, I
would now be leaving. She canceled a dinner and wouldn't
speak to me when I got home. Later, she told
me that she asked him to stay because she didn't

(31:16):
want to be alone. She was upset that no one
considered her feelings, and that she was distressed because she
couldn't please both of us. She said she would rather
I speak with him directly instead of using her as
a middleman. I was confused and asked if I had
a guess that she had a problem with, would it
be her responsibility to punt them out? But there is
a little bit more to the story. But yeah, that's

(31:40):
just a frustrating situation. It really is like you go
in like living with a friend, Yeah, and then it
just breaks down because they don't, you know, they're respectful
because like, yes, like her feelings might be all she
might be distressed in the situation, she might be getting
pressure from both sides, but it's also like, well.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
There's only one pressure that actually matters.

Speaker 7 (32:01):
Yeah, Like you are involved, whether you like it or not,
Like you you brought this situation in. Maybe like take
a second back away from these people. Yeah, think about
what you actually think is right. If the boyfriend is
maybe pressuring you into like like, oh, I don't love
place to say I'm so depressed or whatever, then you
gotta stand your ground with someone you're doing it with,

(32:22):
OPI maybe you should be doing it with your boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
You're making promises that you cannot keep, Yeah, because it's
not your right to keep them exactly. But there is
a little bit more to the story. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (32:33):
So I've been venting to my best friend about everything
that has happened, and in hindsight, that was an awful mistake.
She is friends with my flatmate, but she has recently
decided that she doesn't want to be friends with this
person anymore.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
If that is how they.

Speaker 7 (32:45):
Treat people, it's all my faults and I've tried to
convince her otherwise, but she won't budge.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
I didn't want to move out.

Speaker 7 (32:51):
I enjoyed living with this person, but unfortunately I couldn't
let the blatant disregard for the fact that it is
also meant to be my house go.

Speaker 1 (32:59):
Yeah, so next week I move out.

Speaker 7 (33:01):
I do feel bad about how all this went down,
but I also feel relieved, and there are some comments.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
I mean, it really really sucks that you were kind
of forced out of your place mm hmmm, when like
she had no right to do any of that. Yeah. However, also,
you know best, Like the other scenario is that you
stand your ground, you convince so that she can't do this,
and then it's awkward for the rest of your time

(33:29):
living there. Yeah, so like this is probably the best situation,
so you don't have to live in like an awkward environment. Right, Yeah,
it still sucks. I think this it's just people pleasing tendencies.
Coming out here.

Speaker 7 (33:40):
It might feel bad, but once you get out of there,
I feel like in hindsight, you'll be like, yeah, that
was just really crappy what she's just doing. So you're
doing the right thing. Don't worry about that.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Don't worry. But we do have some comments.

Speaker 7 (33:53):
Comment number one says, it's nice that you're so cary,
but I'm concerned that it's bordering on something unhealthy for
you. You didn't do any anything wrong. You should have said something,
so you did. You have every right to vent to
your best friend, so you did. It's not your responsibility
to talk to her boyfriend about this.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
So you didn't.

Speaker 7 (34:10):
Any fallout is her fault. It's not like you posted
on social media or went around trying to get people
to hate her. Also, her feelings are hers to care
about and manage. She was a bad roommate doing that
to you, and whatever she feels about this is again
her fault. She needs to grow up Hope, He responds.
I agree, It's actually something I'm trying really hard to

(34:31):
work on. I think many people are probably like this,
where they go along with what someone else wants because
they don't want to cause a problem.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
That's how I felt anyway, but.

Speaker 7 (34:39):
I really wasn't okay, and even just speaking up and
saying no was really uncomfortable, especially when she agreed that
I was put in a bad situation and apologized, but
nothing seemed to change, or she made promises and then
didn't follow through. I'm not sure if she was lying
or if it was terrible communication. It's unfortunate things turned
out this way, and I hate being in this house now,
but I'm glad to be and really appreciate your kind words.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
And that is the end of that story. Yeah, good luck.
Ope you're not better situations in the future. Hey, it's
Sam your og host. Here, we're gonna get back to
the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
My roommates expected me to be their maid, so I
packed my bags.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
You all gotta share the chores people.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
I have two roommates, a couple, Lola and Tyler. They're
about ten to twenty years older than me, respectively. In
our age gap never interfered with what could have been
a friendship. By the way, this comes from qs all
and if you insmit your own stories, who are the
r slash okay story tom Subreddit.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
I'm Riley, and I'm Angie and I'm Sophia.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
And we're here to give good advice scrufully, but we
don't have all the answers. We really know what we do,
so let us know what you would do in the
comments below. So OPI continues, I never lived away from
home before and moved in with these people last minute,
around the same time last year. They were alternative, just
like I am, so I thought things would go pretty well.
But for my the first few months, I could overhear

(36:02):
them talking crap about me and my habits around the house,
like the fact I accumulated too much trash or that
I didn't talk to them as much as they'd like.
This made me withdraw even more. This being my first
time having a cool space without children, like at my
family's house, I decided to have a small party for
my birthday. Tyler and Lola were very supportive and let

(36:25):
me know that they would love to attend and help
me set up, but they told me I should help
them deep clean the house, even though I had only
been there for two months to prepare everything for the party.
Even though I knew my guests would not care if
the house wasn't what Tyler and Lola expected to be perfect,
it was supposed to be chill. I agreed, thinking it
would be just going through the art room, maybe getting

(36:48):
a few chairs, sweeping and mopping the house, but they
never set aside of time for me to join them
until right before the party was starting and I was
setting up decorations with my friends. According to them, they
spent over sixteen hours deep cleaning the house for my
party and thought it was unfair that I didn't really
help other than sweep the stairs the living room, which

(37:09):
wasn't to their standards anyway. Sixteen hours deep.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
Cleaning, how long were you guys awake before this party.
It's a long topica out.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
But if you're deep cleaning, how dirty was it? They
never gave me a time to get together and clean,
even though we had opposite schedules and I need a
guide and as to what they wanted to be done.
The house looked very clean to me, so I genuinely
had no idea what the deep clean was supposed to
look like. They just took it upon themselves to do

(37:39):
it and then got upset with me. After the party itself,
Tyler came up to me and said that they were
not lifting a finger to clean the house after the party.
I laughed and said okay, awkwardly. After the party ended
the next day, I took out all the trash, wipped
out all the counters, and empty out all of the
leftover beers. I momped the living room and gathered all

(38:01):
of the balloons into one spot, just in case anybody
wanted to play with them. I took down a majority
of the decorations that I thought couldn't just stay there
as a cute little memory, and was truly pleased with
my work, other than having way more solo cups than
we would need for the next few months, everything looked
the same as it did after what they'd done. But

(38:21):
later they asked me to do even more cleaning without
specifying what they meant. So I looked at them confused
and said I already did clean. That made Tyler very angry,
and he raised his voice, saying that they had cleaned
the house for sixteen hours for my party and lest
I could do was to get it back to their
standards afterwards.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
But like, like, what are those standards?

Speaker 7 (38:42):
I feel like like you gotta teach me maybe, I mean,
like not in the way where she was saying like, well.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Teach me how to clean.

Speaker 7 (38:50):
Yeah, Like if we have different standards, you have to
tell me what they are. Yeah, yeah, Like tell me
what I'm missing. Shot point to what I'm missing and
what you don't like being.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
There, don't be mad about it. Maybe Opie didn't grow
up where you know, the house looked a certain way,
or like, you know, learned how to clean, right.

Speaker 7 (39:08):
I remember being a kid and was like, oh, my
room is so messy, and then I like was like
I cleaned my room and then I like sent a
picture on my iPad to my friend and she was like,
that is there's so much on the floor side, and
I was like, I was like, what do you mean
you can like see it now though like the corn
see there was like still like some barbies left out
here and there, and I was like, well, it's pretty

(39:29):
much clean.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
And then I was like, oh, okay, okay, got it.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
That is so funny. Got it.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
I looked around for anything and everything to do and
found a few crumbs here and there. That was about it.
About a week later, I got Tyler in the living
room letting all the air out of the balloons is
saying this should have been my job.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
I didn't know they didn't want to keep the balloons,
and it was never expressed to me that they wanted them.
Gone okay on the balloon issue. I see rope he's
coming from.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
I I do too. But the thing is that no
one is actually like, ohp he's like, they didn't tell
me OPI We got to ask too. We gotta be like, hey,
you go, guys cool with these blues being left up. Yeah,
everyone just needs to say what they're feeling in this household.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
You know what, we really need your moderator, like someone
or mediator, someone in the middle just kind of like talking,
talking it out with people. I think that would help
out a lot.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
I mean, maybe they can try the middle man.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
Yeah, but I don't think it's working, Like I don't.
Op sees cleaning as a in a different perspective than
her roommates.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
Yeah, yeah, true, yeah some communication. Personally, wouldn't want to
live with the b Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
Oh gosh, I felt bad, but I went upstairs in
my room not thinking anything of it. So let's go
by and my sister visited. Tyler is not the most
social adept person and likes to poke fun at people.
He's almost forty five, but still has that dark family
guy type of humor where he likes to get under
people's skin. And I could tell he was making my

(41:04):
sister uncomfortable. It started to make me angry. I snapped
at him and escalated to him getting very threatened to
throw things and screaming and me and my sister's faces,
even though you're half his age, oh my god.

Speaker 7 (41:17):
Yeah, and earlier so that he raised his voice. Yeah,
this is not a safe person to be around, not.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
At all super super weird.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
My gosh.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
I felt very unsafe and wanted to leave. I knew
I couldn't stay in that house any longer. That wasn't
the first time he had screamed at me. In fact,
it was the third, but I never expected him to
do it while I had guests over. What was he
so upset about? You ask me being messy, but not
messy in my own space, like smelling of cat litter
or big messes. He was mad about little things, not

(41:49):
that everyone notices, like a ring on the table, a
leftover receipt, or crumbs by the toaster. Those were the
things he was angry about. I could admit that I'm
a messy person, yea, But even when I'm cleaning, I
don't get upset with people for living tiny messes like that,
because I can understand that it's just human nature and

(42:09):
it was never intentional malice. He was upset that after
the three roommate meetings we had about me picking up
after myself, I was always very confused about what they meant.
But when he was screaming at me about a receipt, crumbs,
and a ring on the table, I suddenly understood this
issue was a lot bigger than me just being messy.
I can admit that my room looks like a tornado

(42:31):
went through it. But I can graciously say that I
do not leave very big messes in communal spaces. That
is something I would never do. I even got my
friend and my sister involved to back me up that
I would never do something like that on purpose and
that it's probably not something they should be so mad about. Eventually,
I felt like I was being gas lit because they

(42:51):
were making claims about things that weren't true. They said
they had thrown out my leftovers and that they had
been there for weeks. When an actuality, I track everything
I eat, so that made no sense. I understand that
I'm much younger than them, but I never asked them
to take care of me like that. After realizing he'd
be so verbally harmful, I realized I had to get

(43:13):
out of that place, because no grown man should be
screaming at the top of his lungs in the faces
of young women, especially when one of them is really small.
My sister is five two. Lolo would just sit in
the back and sometimes separate us when things got too heated,
but other than that, she seemed unfazed by his behavior.

(43:33):
All these combined things made me walk on eggshells in
my own home. I thought these people were going to
be really cool when I moved in, but I was wrong.
I didn't fit in their very strict standards for what's
clean and escalated to the point of verbal Tyler was
throwing things, screaming in my face, and putting his hands
too close to me, to the point where my sister
had to get between us. I realized I needed to

(43:56):
move out, and a couple of months later I finally
got the opportunity to start planning. My settlement check for
my car accident was coming in and I would finally
have enough money. A friend of mine also reached out,
and he said she would like to move in with
me and be my roommate.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
All right, okay, we're finding solutions here.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Someone who has seen my room in shambles and still
wanted to live with me. It made me feel very nice.
My settlement check came on December fourth, and I told
them December first that I was going to move out.
They offered for me to stay, and I declined because
I wanted to help out my friends since she needed
to move too. They were very upset with me for
giving them such short notice. Because I do plan on

(44:36):
moving in the next few weeks now that I have
the money. It was always an urgent need, but I
didn't want to let anybody know until I was certain
I could move, so things just would to be awkward.
Now they're sending me messages about taking pictures of my
room with my stuff in it for listings and scheduling
people to look in my room without consulting me. They're

(44:56):
demanding that I have the room presentable for them without
scheduling with me first. I get they need more notice,
but I was generally afraid, Tyler, we get it again
if I said anything advice please, I understand where you
could be in the wrong for the short notice, But
if you're just gonna if the only consequence is then
being mad at you, totally worth it.

Speaker 7 (45:18):
Yeah, honestly, like if you if you can get out
of there as soon as possible, I think that's for the.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
Best if you.

Speaker 7 (45:24):
I's totally understandable too that you were like scared of
him getting violent again.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
I mean, that's that's not safe at all. I think
in the meantime, if you how much time does she
have before she moves out?

Speaker 2 (45:37):
A few weeks?

Speaker 1 (45:38):
Yeah, so that's that's good.

Speaker 7 (45:39):
If it's possible for you to kind of like lay
low and just kind of like honestly, you know, do
I don't want to say like do what he says,
but if you can try to appease to them somehow,
just to keep your safety, yeah, that would probably be important.
And then just get out as soon as possible. And
it's because of how he reacted.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
He doesn't deserve any good treatment from you at all. Yeah,
I know that, Like I just suggested, you.

Speaker 7 (46:06):
Know, being nice to him and stuff, but like he
doesn't deserve more of a notice.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
He deserves like you leaving him as as soon as possible.
We don't have to do anything to like, you know.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Depending on the contract, you probably do need to give
more than Yeah, month.

Speaker 7 (46:21):
Notice depends on the contract. I think it's usually probably
usually a month. But but you don't feel bad about it, yep,
you know, because just gotta get out there.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
It's for your safety. You might have to pay longer. Yeah, true.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
Yeah, we have an update update on the ale. What
thank you all for the helpful comments. I generally had
no idea how so much went into housekeeping.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Yeah, I didn't think he's just talking about them being
part Yeah, you're not the I mean, like there that
your roommates the ale for screaming at you, because that's
crazy for sure, but don't Yeah, you have to learn
how the clean.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Yeah, I wasn't taught. I lost my parents at a
young age. I have apologie to Tyler and Lola and
have been helping them in any way I can to
find a new roommate better suited for them. Even though
I don't feel safe around Tyler. He did say I
was on his top three roommates list, So I guess
the other parts of me outshine my disgustedness. I'm moving
in with someone just as clueless as me, so it'll

(47:19):
be a better dynamic. We have planned a day off
every week to clean. I found a AI web page
to make a list of stuff for both of us
to do since we weren't tault nice and we both
have the right attitude of being ready to improve. Thank
you for everyone for being so honest. Okay, all right,
all right, that's awesome.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
That's great.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
That is probably the best thing that you could have done.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
Yeah, here's janio og Host here. We're gonna get back
to the stories, but he's a quick three minute break
of ass from our sponsors. I didn't pick my friend
as a bridesmaid. Now she's backed out of my wedding.

Speaker 8 (47:52):
Oh well her loss.

Speaker 1 (47:54):
I twenty eight female, am getting married in over a year. Recently,
I've been putting together the bridal party with my fiance,
twenty nine Mail. He has four people that he wants
and therefore I will only a four. I'm okay with that,
as I want even numbers. By the way, this comes
from ill effect. And if you want to spit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime supparate it.

(48:15):
So I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and I'm Angie, and we're
here to give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have
all the answers. We only know what we do, So
let us know what you would do in the comments
and op says. However, my four I have chosen are
from different chapters of my life middle school, high school, college,
graduate degree. I have a super close friend from middle

(48:36):
school that I have known for nearly sixteen years. We
talk almost every other day. My best friend, Grace from
high school and I have been BFFs for almost eleven years.
I go to family dinners, vacations, and holiday events with
their family. Alice from college and I have been like
family for eight years. I am her son's godmom, and
my graduate friend has been my closest friend in the

(48:58):
state I live in. Context, I knew who I would
want for a long time now. This friend and I
never had a conversation in the past nine years where
I said I would have you in my party. This friend,
twenty eight female, let's call her Sarah, and I have
been friends since college. We met freshman year, but she
transferred out. Sarah apparently lived thirty minutes from my hometown,

(49:21):
and I introduced her to my best friend from my
high school, Grace twenty eight female, who is now my
mate of honor. Ever since, we have all three been friends. However,
Sarah would get very upset if Grace and I did
anything without her. Grace and I have been best friends
since junior year of high school. It would be okay
if it was just Sarah and I doing something, or

(49:41):
her and Grace doing something, But if Grace and I
did anything, we had to include her. Moreover, she mentioned
to Grace that she thought her and Grace wouldn't be
in my party because I have a lot of new
friends in graduate school. For more context, I moved five
states away and have not lived at home for almost
three year years. Now moving along. I met my now

(50:03):
fiance my sophomore year of college. She unintentionally caused issues
between him and I a few times, and by unintentionally,
I mean one of those times she called me to
pick her up from waffle House at ten pm after
the bar and needed a ride home. She posted a
video and it made it look like I was out
with a bunch of guys, although I placed it to
go order anyway. That got cleared up, but a mutual

(50:27):
friend told me that Sarah swore he and I would
never work out. Well, then why would you want to
be one of the bride'smaids if you don't even believe
in this union?

Speaker 2 (50:36):
You know why?

Speaker 8 (50:38):
Because Sarah's a pick me girl.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
Yes, she wants to be a part of everything.

Speaker 8 (50:43):
Yeah, you gross.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
She also would try to create a divide between Grace
and I over the nine years we have been friends.
For at least two years we were not friends. Yeah,
that probably makes sense. Why you wouldn't have her as
your bride'smaid If.

Speaker 8 (50:58):
You're already wishy washy with your friends with somebody can't.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
Be my bridesman can't be my maid. However, my relationship
with Sarah does not go unnoticed. It was rocky a
lot of the time, but there are good parts too.
Sarah and I are friends, and I have been there
for her through her health issues and family crisis. Sarah
has been there for me during my mom's medical issues,
and my other friends were two. Sarah is not a
terrible friend, but she can be very dramatic at times,

(51:24):
causing issues with other people that I had to help navigate.
I am grateful for our friendship, but at the same time,
I also feel like I have to hold her hand
emotionally and walk her through right and wrong ways to react.
This has been our whole friendship. Part of me knew
that on a special day to me, she would support me,
but I was also afraid of the theatrics. During my

(51:46):
sophomore year, I also met my second best friend ever,
Alice twenty eight female. Alice and I were inseparable almost
as Grace and I were in high school. I basically
moved into Alice's dorms. Alice is the one who act
encouraged me to date my fiance. I was Alice's maid
of honor for her wedding, and now she will be
the matron of honor at mine. I am her son's godmom. Anyway,

(52:09):
I decided on my four I was confident in who
I wanted, but I also knew it would come at
a price of upsetting Sarah. I sat on it for
days before bringing it up to her. I wanted her
to know before asking anyone, because I did not want
her to feel blindsided. In my message to her, I
convey that me choosing the different chapters doesn't diminish the
value I have in her as a friend, or that

(52:32):
I do not love her. I told her I was
choosing from different chapters of my life. I knew it
would upset her, but I did not think it would
be this bad. I am feeling guilty. I even told
her I never want to hurt her, but I never
want to make her feel less important to me. I
love her as a person, but I was also protecting
my peace. She has not talked to me in threeish

(52:53):
days since the message. Am I the ahole for not
choosing her? I feel like I did the right thing,
but I'm just racking my self and guilt for hurting her.
And there is an update, folks.

Speaker 8 (53:04):
But what do you think I said all the time,
your wedding, your rules, your wedding. Yeah, it's also that's
very generous of you to even go to her first
be like, hey, I already have my four picked out. Yeah,
I feel like you could have You're still very important
to you could have sugarcoated it. There was a fifth,
you'd be the fifth. Yeah, and there's not so And
I need you to understand.

Speaker 1 (53:22):
Like you're my fourth favorite friend.

Speaker 8 (53:24):
Yeah, exactly, I need you to understand that.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Yeah, no, I don't say that, but yeah, I think
that's very reasonable. I think you get to choose who
is standing by you on a very important day.

Speaker 8 (53:35):
And she the fact that, I mean, we don't have
her response yet, but we already know how she could respond.
I mean, she didn't respond to you with three in
three days. That's wild.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
She should be.

Speaker 8 (53:47):
I know it's kind of upsetting, and you know, I
get it, but she should be like, Okay, it's your wedding.
I support it as long as I'm there, and I
can support you from like the sidelines, I guess, or
from the back. I'm so happy to be there. She
should be doing bad as a friend Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Hi everyone, thank you for your comments. She got back
to me this afternoon. Essentially, I have been informed she
doesn't want to attend the bachelorette next year. She doesn't
want to attend the bridal party. She doesn't want to
join me in getting ready. I try to offer to
get ready with us so we could still be together.
I only have four spots, but was told that it
was stupid to offer that but not offer her a

(54:27):
spot up front at the wedding. I told her I
was upset she didn't want to be part of the bachelorette,
even stating that two of my friends in grad school
wanted to be in the wedding, but I told them
no because of limited spots, and they still want to
be part of everything else. My dad and fiance have
told me that they knew she would react this way,
but I have the right to be upset that she

(54:48):
doesn't want really anything to do with anything. At first,
I thought I missread her text saying she didn't even
want to be a guest. That was what made me cry. However,
she clarified she will be in attendance about nothing else.
She also said that I do not value her the
way she values me and that if I cared for
her at all, I would have waited to tell her
because she has a lot going on because her boyfriend

(55:10):
of three months's aunt passed away and she's upset.

Speaker 8 (55:14):
Hey see what I'm doing right.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
Now reaching beachee.

Speaker 8 (55:19):
Wow that's a far reach right there.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
Wow, she's an mpath. H that's crazy, which I had
no idea about. Why would you? It's her boyfriend's aunt of.

Speaker 8 (55:31):
Three months, by the way of three months.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
To be clear and fair, I first knew of this
hours after I texted Sarah to let her know. I
learned through Grace of her FaceTime that evening that Sarah
was upset over her boyfriend's family. Rightfully, so I told
Sarah today that I had no idea. Again, why would you?
She then sent me a screenshot from the group chat
with Grace and I where she did post that his

(55:53):
aunt passed away. I didn't read it because I was
in an interview that had class. So what would we
have done with that? Even if she had read it?
Right like, send him you know, our best wishes, sorry,
like I hope he's okays, yeah.

Speaker 7 (56:09):
Ope, he would be like, well, how do you know
that that wasn't really hard for me to learn.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Yeah, yeah, like it was actually really hard for me
to learn that your boyfriend's aunt.

Speaker 8 (56:18):
I have to postpone the wedding.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
Yeah, that evening, I set an update about future goals
and still did not read their messages because most times
the group chats just work sucks or funny TikTok. Anytime
I find out something is going on, I instantly reach out,
asking how she's doing and saying that I'm praying for
her every single time I told her. If I was
more diligent in reading the text messages, I would have

(56:41):
never sent the message that day, which I feel she
should know that I wouldn't just do that because I
have always been careful with her emotions and supporting her
through everything, So why would I choose then to hurt
her more. That's what's upsetting me too.

Speaker 8 (56:55):
I think the funniest thing is that everybody knew Sarah
was going to react exactly like how she's going to react.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Yeah, They're like, yeah, we all figured that.

Speaker 8 (57:03):
What happened, the fact that you want her and so
many other things, and she's still like, no, I'm better
than that. Again, great, I know you want to maintain
that friendship, but I feel like you're putting way too
much energy energy.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
Into this, too much drama.

Speaker 8 (57:18):
It's not worth it.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
It ain't worth it. I spoke with Grace, and Grace said,
I knew you did not know about it when I
told you because of how you reacted, and usually you
text back if it's something like that. Grace is upset
that Sarah is behaving this way and doesn't understand why
Sarah is using her boyfriend's situation to practically call me
a terrible friend. I see Sarah having the right to

(57:42):
be upset, but I ask for some grace and forgiveness
because I'm not selfish in the sense that I would
just tell her because she was already having our time.
I would never do that. Finally, my last thought is this.
She said she assumed she would be a bridesmaid because
we have been friends for years, and that the fact
I'm not putting her upfront with everyone just shows I
do not val you were. This has made me feel

(58:04):
that it's not about being my friend, but about obtaining
the role. The worst part of the conversation is over.
I apologize for upsetting her and said that I cannot
change how she feels, but can only apologize for making
your upset. Oh my goodness, and that's the end of
that story.

Speaker 8 (58:19):
Somebody called Sarah wa ambulance.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (58:22):
I feel like it's like, oh, she's using that the
boyfriend's aren't passing away. Like when she starts crying and
she's like, I want a piece of candy, or I
want what I want what you won't give me, and
then you give to it. He's like, thanks, thank you,
finally some recognition exactly. So, uh, sorry, Ope, I mean.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
Doesn't sound like a great friend.

Speaker 8 (58:44):
No, she sounds again, so.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
Sounds like a friend. You need to maybe just slowly
phase out.

Speaker 8 (58:50):
Yeah, I just enjoy your wedding. I mean she'll be
there and try and just ignore her. Again. You apologize,
and I don't feel like you don't need to apologize.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
For I agree, Sagreen.

Speaker 8 (59:02):
Good luck.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I CATFISHED my stalker to make her stop… but now everyone says I'm worse! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2339