I CAUGHT my boyfriend talking harshly to my cat… so I told him to leave! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but
before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show alive. I caught my
boyfriend talking harshly to my cat, so I told him
to leave.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Get out of here yet for context, my twenty four
female boyfriend thirty mail and I recently moved in together.
It's something we've been talking about and when his lease ended,
he moved into my apartment.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
By the way, this comes from user cat Woes Throwaway and.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
If you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime subredit. I have a cat, Millie,
who is my baby girl that I've had since she
was a kit. Back when my boyfriend and I first
started dating. He made the joke that if we were
ever going to live together, he'd have to get rid
of that cat, which I dismissed at the time. When
he would come over, he would ignore Milly, making jokes

(00:48):
about how cats are stuck up how much he's a
dog person. Again, I dismissed this because he never acted
a hostile towards her. I figured it was just a preference.
When we started to get serious about moving in, he
asked if I would consider giving her because he didn't
like the idea of living with a cat. I almost
laughed ah before realizing he was serious. I told him
that under no circumstances would I get rid of my cat.

(01:10):
I felt guilty about being unwilling to compromise, but he
actually took it well and reassured me that if she
was this important to me, he'd get over it. Fast
forward to last night. I don't think he realized. I
was in the kitchen when he came home. Milly was
on the couch, and I heard him go into the
room and give this sigh. Before I could call out,
I heard him say, you're so effing worthless. It terrified
me because I've never ever heard him speak with such malice.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
He sounded like a different person.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
It was just so cold and hostile that I panicked
and rushed out there to see him looking at Milly.
Here's where I might be the a hole. I completely
freaked out. I was yelling, asking what he thought he
was doing talking to her like that. He jumped and
I scooped Milly up and told him to leave my apartment.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
Right now.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
He looked so stunned and started to argue, asking where
he was supposed to go. I told him I don't care.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
He just needs to leave.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
He was pissed and said he was going for a
drive and slammed the door behind him. I immediately started
and holding Milly. I was shaking, and she could tell
I was upset and kept cuddling me. She called me down,
and later when he texted asking if he could come back,
I said, yes, put Millie in the bedroom so we
could talk. We were both a lot calmer, and I
felt awful. After he explained his side. I'll often call
Milly little names, and he said he was just trying

(02:17):
to be playfully mean too, and misjudged his tone, which
that's a lie.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
That's so wow, that's such a bit.

Speaker 5 (02:24):
He's like, no, like when you say, like, oh, come here,
little kitty, I was saying, oh, stay away from me,
a little berth, this little like little piece of crap,
you know, lovingly.

Speaker 4 (02:34):
That's the most insane lie I've ever heard.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
I think both people.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
He came back and you talked, which is fine, yeah,
but like like blowing up and kick him out of
the apartment pretty and not not the right.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
I'm a cat person.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
That's that was way way overblown, and he might now
be lying because he's like.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
Do I have to come up with a lie for this?

Speaker 2 (02:51):
Because if I tell her I just don't like her cat,
is she gonna, yeah, like obliterate me.

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Like what's going on?

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Testing out little pet names?

Speaker 2 (02:58):
And it's like, look, I know people who are dog
people who are like I love dogs. They're useful, you
could train them. They do this cats It's like, you
have to be subservient to the cat. I hate it,
and it's true, you do. The cat doesn't do anything
for you. But he said it felt awful that I
chose a cat over him, and that I called it
my apartment when it's supposed to be our place.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
Is your name on the least, buddy?

Speaker 2 (03:17):
He told me he was constantly feeling second best to Millie,
who I wouldn't even consider rehoming, and I had thrown
him out over an animal when he's a person.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
This is the d was one of the dumbest things
I've ever read.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
I explained to him how much he means to me
and apologized forever, making him feel like this wasn't his home.
I think I might have overreacted, but I just don't know.
He's my boyfriend, and she's something I keep refusing to
compromise on. She's an animal that you love love.

Speaker 5 (03:42):
I don't even understand what the There is no compromise.
There is no compromise here because you want the cat
here and it's your place. He wants the cat gone.
There's no middle ground. What is it gonna go away
on weekends? No that there's no middle ground. He wants
the cat gone. He doesn't want you to compromise. He
wants you to do what he wants.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
My boyfriend, and she's something I keep refusing to compromise on.
But I also don't believe that he just misjudged his tone.
So am I the a hole? No, you're not an
a hole.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
You're not at all any hole.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
And I've already told you all of my comments, so
I have no more. He's a liar.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
But I would be also stunned if someone reacted like
I'm surprised he came back. I'd be like, you know what,
actually this is way too much for me. So it'd
be different if you walked in He's I don't know,
he just was like.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
You useless freaking thing.

Speaker 5 (04:25):
Yeah, that's and you're like, it's like like your okay,
reaction was way too intense. But also he's lying to
you and right, and he wants to get He's probably
just gonna try and get rid of your cat.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Right, That's that's the thing I'd be worried about.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
It's like, yes, it's probably not gonna stop until he
gives what he wants. Comment number one info You are
aware that kats can't understand English, right, they understand tone though,
and it freaked me out, says op. Comment to considering
how deeply you buried the lead about you talking to
her like that too, I don't buy your claim about tone.

Speaker 4 (04:55):
Oh he wasn't talking about you've.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Not shown yourself to be a reliable narrator. What is
that comment even on?

Speaker 3 (05:00):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (05:00):
He says, I don't speak to her like that comment
Or three he says, not the a hole. You had
every right to be upset and ask him to leave.
Do you have any indication that he will be nicer
going forward? OHP says after our talk he said he
wouldn't ever speak to her like that again, and that
he'd start calling her MILLI instead of just the cat.
Comment four info Does he have a reason to hate
the cat? Is Milly interrupting his sleep? Is she hostile

(05:20):
towards him without reason? Is she peeing somewhere else in
her litter box? People should be able to coexist with
harmless cats, even if they are not a cat person.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Nop.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
He says, there's nothing going on like that. She's very
social and stays near me, so sometimes she gets underfoot.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
Comment five says, not the a hole. Listen to your instincts.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
Your gut reaction was to protect Milli and make him
leave the cold voice. That wasn't him playing. That was
him dropping the mask he usually wears around you. If
you stay together, he's going to hurt million remover from
your life.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
You are at the first scene of what.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Will either turn into a horror movie or just a
small but normal breakup drama. This is very extra I
don't necessarily know if this guy has.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
The combility to the capability to hurt your animals. I
just think he might get.

Speaker 4 (05:59):
Rid of the cat.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
I think you, okay, you should just have a very
frank discussion that's what's going on with this cat, or
know that's it? Tell me why this is an absolutely
not thing for you.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
Please choose the safety of yourself and your pet.

Speaker 5 (06:12):
I mean, I think that you cannot live without the cat.
You know that because you reacted insanely. You know that
you can't live without this cat. You love this cat.
And if he wants to live without the cat, then it.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
He can live anywhere else on the whole planet.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
So there's an update every about His comments were extremely
eye opening. I felt sick to my stomach reading about
people afraid from Milly, and it had already crossed my mind.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
Honestly, making that post.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Validated all the fears that I had kept dismissing as dramatic,
and it was almost relieved to be encouraged by strangers
to do something I had previously.

Speaker 3 (06:40):
Been too afraid to do. We broke up.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
It's my apartment, he wasn't on the lease yet, and
he's going to go stay with his brother. Had to
read around about gaslighting, and my sisters would agree with
all of you about that one. Yeah, you were being
gas lit. It was hard to lose somebody I trusted
and thought I knew well, but based on his reaction,
I knew I made the right call. He essentially told
me that if I couldn't learn to put other humans
before my cat, I'd be alone for a very long time,

(07:04):
and that he'd be waiting for me to reach out.
Millie doesn't deserve to just be tolerated. She deserves to
be safe and treated like the little princess she is
by anybody I live with. She's seen me through so
much and I'd rather be alone than her wandering around
the side of the road somewhere. And I am absolutely
terrified of her ever being hurt. It isn't worth the risk.
I'm okay with it being just her and I for now.

(07:26):
Thanks everybody for the advice. Also, he is the baby
my girlfriend can't stop overspending. Now I'm rethinking marriage, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:33):
Because you get married to a big hole in your pocket.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
How do you deal with a partner that seems absolutely
allergic to money? Opie says she tries to take her
son out every day, by him things that he likes
and treat him. I have no problem with the occasional treat,
but twenty to thirty toys in a day, plus the
expenses of doing activities, play aary, et cetera has eaten
us in TWI fight the angel nightmare By the way,

(07:56):
this comes from a responsible coil, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slasha
Okay storytime subreddit. So I got paid two days ago.
Fifteen hundred bucks. Bills and et cetera took a chunk,
but there's still enough to survive and do fun stuff,
roughly six to seven hundred once everything's gone out. I
checked today, there's about two hundred to survive the entire month.
Every time I bring it up, I'm either being stingy,

(08:19):
I'm trying to pay off debts accrued from not paying
bills while unemployed, some of which are hers and save
for a wedding, or I'm being horrible because she wants
to get him what he wants.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Now.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
I'm admittedly a bit softer on this because it's not
like she's spending everything on shoes for herself. But given
this habit keeps landing us in financial hot water. I
can't keep asking relatives for help. And she spent two
hundred dollars on groceries yesterday, a chunk of which she
did for a stranger, A nice act, but not once
she ran by me before doing it or checked the accounts,
which has dropped us in it, not to mention it again,

(08:52):
came with twenty dollars in toys, thirty dollars in chocolates,
with barely any actual food beyond some expense of steaks
that she's fond of, and then food for the kids.
So now she sees what little we have left, and
she's panicking, demanding I come up with a solution, which
is likely going to mean eating into the wedding fund,
something I'm going to have to console her about, and honestly,

(09:13):
part of me wants to flatly explain that she has
caused this because she not only has very little money sense,
but she's incapable of saying no. I'm not annoyed I
have to work to provide for everyone. I'm annoyed that
a mess has been created that I now have to
stort out because she has no financial sense. If I
start setting limits, I'm being controlling. If I don't, I
allow her to drive us into a financial disaster, I

(09:35):
walk away. I'm punishing her, her sons, and my daughter.
I have no idea what to do anymore. I can't
pick up more shifts because that's not the kind of
job I have. I've already sold most of what I
personally own, and I can't keep taking the hit because
of her poor impulse control. Quick edit. The daughter is
six months old, so it's not really possible for her
to say she wants new toys and fancy stuff. Right.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
That's crazy, toddler, that's crazy. It's not even a talking
I'm sorry, it's a freaking bean.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Twenty a day on toys means twenty dollars, not twenty
toys a day. Sorry if I wasn't clear, Okay, that
is that helps. And yes, they get broken slash lost
within a couple of weeks, so I often see the
cash thrown in the bin. We have an update, I
have the conversation. I think she realized she messed up
when I told her we have no choice but to
use some of the wedding funds. While she's not happy

(10:25):
about it, she's fully aware that she has caused a
problem and agrees that out of the two of us,
I am far more financially responsible or stingy, depending on
the day, and telling her that she cannot have her
cake and eat it, no matter how nice it would be,
has really opened her eyes that I'm being serious and
if we have to cancel the wedding, it would be
on her for not curbing this spending. As a consequence

(10:47):
of this, I am taking control of the finances. All
bills are funneling through me, and I've set up three
accounts Bills, Home and fun Fund as well as my
savings account that I am using to track wedding saving
and spending. Doing a full breakdown with her, showing her
how much we have to play with once bill slash
debts are covered, going through how much she spends a
day out and what a weekly grocery bill should come to.

(11:09):
Then I'm breaking down the remainder, what needs to go
away for the wedding to come to fruition and what
we can afford to have left over for fun days out,
toys and the like. We both took her son out
today as he needed new shoes since he wore his
old ones out, as well as our daughter, who I
need to say is six months old. This is not
favoritism and part of why I want to stop this
overspending is to prevent her from being spoiled. Once we

(11:31):
got them, he wanted a toy. I said no, he
didn't like that, but my partner backed me up. And
stayed firm, which I actually appreciate a lot because she
often folds and we have a second update. We spoke.
She understood that if she wants a wedding, then money
needs to be controlled, and even without a wedding to
plan for, we need to not spend like crazy in
order to not end every month on the verge of

(11:51):
having nothing. We made spreadsheets, broke down finances, showed that
we owe debt and monthly payments versus our current wage.
After a couple of days past, she tells me she
wants to scrap ninety percent of the planes for the wedding,
telling me she thinks it's just best to tie the
knot in a registry office and leave the reception for.
Reasoning for this is that her son getting fed up
about not having much to do over the summer holidays

(12:13):
because he wants to go on trips to the beach with.

Speaker 3 (12:15):
All the trimmings.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
We're talking bowling, play areas, due toys all the time,
et cetera, et cetera, and it's hard to do that,
save for a wedding and pay the debts. Honestly, given,
I said this to her when she mentioned we should
do this, I can't help but laugh. She's worried, he
feels jealous of his brother, who's currently at his father's house,
different dads by the way, and doing fun stuff with
him like fishing, which I can sympathize with. Then it
started to tie raid into how hard she has it,

(12:39):
how she feels like she wasted her time planning the
wedding when it's not going to happen, basically acting like
I canceled it. Blamed her taking him out every day
on me because I work from home, and that she
is keeping him out of my hair, and how exhausted
she is, and how she feels like I don't appreciate
what she does. I do. I tell her every time
I appreciate it, but she doesn't need to do it.

(13:00):
I know it's exhausting. I've told her don't take him
out all the time. I offered to go work at
the office if she felt bad that he was being
loud while I was at work. But no matter what,
I am in the wrong according to her, I can't
just say I appreciate her. I have to show that
appreciation with affection and spending time with her. While I
appreciate this, Rennett, we normally start getting out of bed
around eight, take the dog out that she wanted to

(13:22):
go to the toilets. I start work at nine, so
I work eight hours a day at my abin job
to pay for all the extravagance she wants without appreciation
in the slightest. Once I finish at five, I immediately
wash up and start cooking dinner because she hates cooking,
and I'm the one who stays in her son's room
until he falls asleep so he both feels safe and
doesn't start playing instead of going to bed. She claims
her back hurt's sitting on the floor too. Long before

(13:43):
I had this job, I was also the one walking
her son to school and back every day, something she
now does and also through in my face. The only
time we get to cuddle and hang out is about
an hour a night after nine, when her son falls asleep,
which I often try to cuddle or suggest watching a movie,
and instead she just sits there walking her phone or
scrolling Facebook. I just feel like, what's the point and
do something else, which turns to an argument because I'm

(14:05):
not spending quality time with her. I'm helping as much
as I can. If I stop doing any of these tasks,
you would complain I'm putting too much work on her shoulders.
She does look after our daughters and entertain our sons,
which I not only appreciate. I understand it's a big
task some days, and I'm as supportous as I can
be for that. But I'm not just exactly sitting on
the sofa playing video games myself. The conversation ended up
fizzling out, and we both went to bed annoyed. She

(14:25):
didn't take him out today and has been in a
mood with me, acting like I appreciate nothing she does.
At this point, I don't even want to get married. Heck,
I don't even know if I want to stay together.
She doesn't respect my boundaries. She basically guilted me into
failing my MSc in the final year because she wanted
me home bore. Her impulsiveness causes problem after problem. She

(14:46):
asks for something, I tell her no because it'll affect
other things. She begs me and says it won't affect
other things. Then the big problem happens and I'm left
to pick up the pieces. And on top of everything else,
she keeps throwing ultimatums in my face whenever I say
no to something. Despite this, I love her, and I
fear I'd be making a mistake leaving her. Why heck,
if I know, love is dumb. I guess does anyone
think I might be wrong for feeling this way? Or

(15:08):
is this a sign of some sort of mental illness.
I'm having a conversation tonight, and whatever comes of it
is whatever comes of it. But I'm open to the
idea I'm wrong and my pride and ego are binding me. Well,
let's just just to close it out. Let's give a
good old. Maybe we pull also, yeah, we haven't done
or nah, Dakota, your take while we get that up.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
I don't know if that will ever stop fully, even
after you get married. Maybe you guys go to therapy.
It's just gonna be like, oh now I can do this.
Now I can do that. Maybe you're making more money
in the future. Oh now I can do this. Yeah,
now I can spend the money however I want.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
Now I can. So I don't know. Yeah, I would
be fortunate for money ever to get in the middle
of all this.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
And there's just there's just a limit, like the amount
of times you can sit down and say it's serious
and then like half and not even just this specific scenario,
but it sounds like it started like revealing like oh,
there's all these different areas. Op's doing a lot of stuff,
you know, he's it's a lot for him. And she's like, hey,
you never appreciating what I do and whatever. He's like, well,
I do appreciate what you do, and what about what
i'd do?

Speaker 2 (16:08):
You know?

Speaker 6 (16:09):
So is she one of those people where you're gonna
have to learn the hard way? Unfortunately, you don't want
to go down with that ship she's taking I mean,
she's kind of you're the ship and she's taking you down.
Like she's like, oh, let's open this, let's open that,
Let's spend more money, Let's spend more money. It seems
like Opie's at their wits end and like I'm yeah,
I'm a divorce.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
How many times you sit down and have the same
serious talk before you're like we should just stop.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
We can try.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Try, try like counseling or something to yeah, okay, spend
there money.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
Is there just.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
Something being lost in the conversation transfer the way we communicate,
that's like not resonating. Do we need to do? We
need a referee to help, like, actually see this through
and maybe that's what it is. But I would guess
here it seems like it's all kind of all areas
of life. And if it's at that point and it's that.

Speaker 6 (16:52):
Yeah, let's do simple math right in front of you.
You see what happens here. It's not going up, it's
going down.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
My partner that he needed to find a job, but
he kept refusing get a job. Myself thirty one female,
and my boyfriend Sean thirty mail not his real name,
just celebrated our four year anniversary this month.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
In January, we welcomed our first child, a little baby boy.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
By the way, this comes from user striking history through
three seven and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. So
we met through a mutual friend on Facebook, talking and
texting for hours, and then eventually two or three months
after being introduced, we met in person and started dating
not long after. Growing up, my parents always stressed I

(17:37):
needed to date and marry someone who could take care
of me. This became even more pressing when I became
sick in twenty seventeen.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
With systemic loopus.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
My loopus attacks my joints and even causes me to
have low blood platelets, which makes me a walking accident
waiting to happen. Recently, we found out my loopus is
attacking my kidneys. And for people with lupus, it is
hard to find a life partner because not everyone wants
to stick around with someone who is sick and help
take care of them. I was terrified to tell Sean

(18:07):
I was sick, but when I did, he reassured me
that no matter what, my illness will not ruin our relationship.
He's been great with everything, from doctor's appointments, surgeries, reminded
me to take my medications, and helping me shower when
my body is just too sore to move on its own.
When Shawn and I started dating, he wasn't working. It
wasn't unusual at the time because it was twenty twenty

(18:27):
one and we were in the middle of the pandemic
and our state was still locked down. Even though he
wasn't working, I didn't mind paying for small things like
a quick bite to eat or a small gift.

Speaker 3 (18:37):
Here or there. My love language is a gift giving.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
At the time, I worked for local law enforcement as
it as an administrative clerk and I made decent money.
Not long after we started dating, I was let go
from my job and job hopped for a couple of
years before landing my current job as a veterinary assistant.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
I have been at this job for a year and
a half and I love it.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
Throughout those few years, my boyfriend held two jobs, but
they didn't last long. The first job lasted six months
and the second only three months. When he would get
a job, he would complain that his brother in law
Tom didn't have to work because he was getting SSI
for his autism and that it wasn't fair. I told
Sean that living on SSI is very, very hard and

(19:19):
that it's not a comfortable way to live. I have
friends who are on SSI for physical disabilities and they
struggle every single month. But when Shawn doesn't work, he
complains that he wants to work, and I tell him
he can't have it both ways. Shawn was diagnosed with
ADHD and major depressive disorder, and his doctor said he
could technically file for permanent disability. I asked him if

(19:41):
that's what he wanted, and he said he wasn't sure
because he likes working. Backstory on Shawn's family. When I
met Sean, there were six people living in their three
bedroom house, Shawn's parents, his youngest sister Nicole, middle sister Rose,
and her husband Tom, and then Sewn himself. The only
person working at the time was Shawn's dad. Growing up,
Shawn and his sisters were never encouraged to work, get

(20:04):
a driver's license, or go to school, so his sisters
have only ever had one job, which they had quit
after only a couple of days. Shawn worked for his
grandfather's landscaping company and learned how to drive, but he
dropped out of high school and his mom told him
it wasn't important to finish anyways, and he never ended
up testing for his license. Shawn's mom had jobs in
the past, but always happened to get sick after a

(20:24):
couple of weeks of working and would just never go
back when she got better. I felt bad for Shawn's
dad and Tom because they were taking care of a
bunch of adult babies. But even when Shawn wanted to work,
his mom would talk him out of it and even
convinced him to quit his first job. When he told
me he quit, I was very disappointed in him, but
told him he should go back to school for his GED,

(20:45):
and that is what he did. Maybe this is a
good place to pause anyway and say, what the heck's
going on with the parent values here.

Speaker 6 (20:52):
There's a lot going on, especially for Sean, Like can
you imagine with everything going on in his life and
then also with ope tied to it, I feel like
Sean's gonna crash out.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Shawn's like, my wife has lupis. We just had a kid.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
I'm taking care of adult babies.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
I've been programmed to want to be on social support
my whole life. I need to go back to school
and finish my GED. Is it from both sides, I'm
so confused. So the dad works, but it's also like
you should definitely want to get on disability.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
It's so good. Stuff's great. He's like, what, so.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
Dad's just like I wish I was on disability. Yeah,
I gotta work for all you guys. Why don't you
guys get on disability? This this is crazy. So when
Shawn got job number two, it was a love and
hate relationship. In three months in he had to take
a family emergency call and he was let go because
he wasn't supposed to be on the phone.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
It was what it was, and we made things work.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
At this time, I was still living with my parents
and he with his crap hit the fan when I
caught my dad cheating on my mom. Yeah, the cheating
on my mom knows the story for another post. My
mom exiled him, but eventually let him come back home.
My dad made my life very difficult, and I ended
up moving out into my boyfriend's already cramped house. The

(22:07):
agreement was I paid the water bill three hundred and
fifty bucks every month and that would be considered my rent,
but I had to give the money to Sewan's mom,
my mother in law. By this time, Nicole had one
baby and was pregnant with baby number two. Her boyfriend
also started living in the house and paid exactly zero
dollars in rent or bills. He had a great job,
making twenty seven dollars an hour, and Shawn's parents saw

(22:28):
no help from him.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
Every time Sean wanted to.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
Go test for his license or get a job, his
parents would talk him out of it and tell him
to focus on our relationship. But I was confused because
there was nothing wrong with our relationship.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
Here and there.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
I would help Sean where I could, as far as
looking for jobs and fixing up his resume. At the time,
I was finishing school for my associates in veterinary Technology.
This was my third degree, as I have my AA
and BA in English. Then in August of last year,
I found out I was pregnant. We were so happy
and told his mom. Nicole was happy for us, but

(23:02):
Rose went off on a tangent on how I was
a horrible person and that it was her that should
be pregnant. It really hurt, but Sean reassured me it
would be okay. I stressed to him that we needed
to get our own plays, especially with a baby on
the way, and he hit the pavement looking for a job.
In November of that year, Sean Land did a job
making twenty nine dollars an hour, full time with benefits.

(23:23):
Not long after, in December, I was admitted to the
hospital with pregnancy complications. Around this time, Sean was let
go from his job because he didn't have a driver's license.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
Even though his job didn't require him to drive.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Higher ups required all of their employees to have a
driver's license, so Sean was let go because he was
hired on what they called a technicality because time was
ticking with the baby coming soon, a doctor's wanted me
to have the baby early. Sean made the necessary steps
to get his permit and then his driver's license. This
included him getting glasses, which was a pain in the
butt because he had a hard time passing the vision

(23:58):
test without his glasses. Held his permit until he got
a doctor's clearance. Woo, California DMV I was hospitalized an
hour away from home because of how young my baby
was going to be when he was born and he
needed to be at a Level three NICU hospital. This
made visiting from Sewn very hard because he couldn't legally
drive and his parents had to drive him to see me.

(24:18):
When he would come visit, his parents would leave him
there for a few days at a time until my
parents could drive him back to their house and Shawn's
parents would come get him from there. Most of the time,
his parents would say no to bringing him and tell
him to ask my parents to take him, which was
already embarrassing. My parents couldn't always bring him because of
how far he lived from my parents, and it would

(24:38):
make them backtrack and make the trip thirty to.

Speaker 3 (24:41):
Forty five minutes longer.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
Then in January twenty twenty five, I developed severe pre eclampsia.
I was in disbelief and frustrated about it, especially when
the nurses were giving me a bunch of medications but
not telling me why. I refused more medications until someone
explained me what was going on, and one nurse threatened
to have my baby go out and take it from
me like a cesareans? What the they got? The mean

(25:05):
gruff nurses at the hospital?

Speaker 3 (25:06):
What is going into?

Speaker 6 (25:08):
What is going on if you don't take this medicine? Also,
I'm taking that baby Sean's parents. Can we just talk
about them for just like one hot second? And I'm
trying to decipher what is up with those people. There
is something like you need to focus on your relationship,
but you need to like do work, but you don't need.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
To do that.

Speaker 6 (25:24):
They're so wishy washy on all over the place. I'm
kind of confused on what they actually want. And at
this point, I'm like, what do you want from me?
If I were Shawn and op like together, because this
is very confusing from the their standpoint of I don't know.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
I don't know if this is what Belton in the
chat commented illegal, and I don't know if that is
in reference to something else or if that's maybe they
could from a nurse of their like their citizenship. I
was very confused that maybe the parents or like their
immigration status could be because a lot of time, if
families are like they have something like that, they're like,

(26:01):
don't don't. We don't want anyone. We don't want to
bring any attention to this area. So it's like, yeah,
you don't have a driver's license, we don't want you
to get one. So they're gonna say, oh, what, who's
your family members? Who's taking care of you? Your mom
or your dad? They have driver's license?

Speaker 3 (26:13):
Who are they?

Speaker 6 (26:15):
I just feel like OP cannot catch a single break,
like the nurses, like everyone is.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
Just that's weird, this is nursing. That that's crazy that
that person should not be a nurse. Yeah, oh, Belton
was referencing to the nurses' activities. However, I've also I
posited an interesting theory then all by myself, like let's
get back into this store. So she threatened me like
I was uneducated, and ignored me for hours. I was
in such a panic that I didn't sleep. I called

(26:42):
my mom hysterical, and she called the hospital's patient liaison,
who spoke with me about what was going on. I
told her everything, and those nurses were removed from taking
care of me. My mom and Sean drove up to
see me and make sure I was okay. On January fifteenth,
five days later, my doctor told me to make my
phone calls because I was going to have an emergency

(27:02):
see section, and the first person.

Speaker 3 (27:04):
I called was Sewn.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
I told him the baby was coming and I needed
him to come to the hospital. Sean told his parents
about what was going on, and they flat out told
him they weren't going to take him to me. I
asked if they could take him to my parents' house
so my mom could take him, and they said no.
I was heartbroken and scared was having major surgery and
my son's father was not going to be there. I
called my parents and let them know what was going on,

(27:26):
and they left work in an instant and tried to
work something out with Sean's parents about how to get
him to the hospital. But they wouldn't budge. Sean was
not going to be there. Why why why can't Sean go?
Hey don't care if you don't want me their parents.
I'm walking out of the door at this point.

Speaker 6 (27:42):
Yeah, why doesn't sewn just like call Opie's parents and
like hey, pick me up on the corner.

Speaker 3 (27:46):
Let's go. It's go time.

Speaker 6 (27:47):
Anything like there's they cannot stop you from leaving the house.
Sean opened the door. Free will, don't miss the birth
of your child. He even wants to go. You can
tell you he's like wants to go. But what Yeah,
someone said, Uber, we're.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
Talking about ages, and it's I think that the age
at the beginning where like thirty ages at the top
were there. And sometimes, you know, we have stories, the
details aren't always exactly true.

Speaker 3 (28:09):
So don't listen to your parents.

Speaker 6 (28:11):
If my child is being born and my partner says,
I need you here right now, I am moving everything
and anything to be there.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
Now, But my mommy said no.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
Because of my loopus, I had to be completely sedated
for my operation in case there needed to be life
saving measures done. That meant I could not have a
support person in the room, not even my mom. Baby
was born with no issues and I had no complications.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
Baby spent four weeks.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
In the NICU and finally came home because I had
major surgery. I stayed with my parents while I healed.
I postpartum depression was rough, but we made it through.

Speaker 6 (28:45):
I'm scratching my head at everything Sean and his family
are doing right now. Why didn't Sean get any means
of transportation to help with the baby, help op go
against his parents' demands? What are the parents doing? I
need answers. There's there's so many questions. There's more questions
than answers right now, and I need I need something

(29:08):
that's gonna help me because it seems like there's no
they have no reasoning.

Speaker 3 (29:12):
I'm confused.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
There's truly nothing that could justify other than like maybe
that like if they are if they're no, if they're no,
Well it's just I'm not a part of a like,
you know, a community. I'm not tapped into the illegal
immigrant experience. Well there's undocumented, right, because I'm pro immigration.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
I don't I don't know about that.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
Sometimes when people like when they're like they just don't
want the scrutiny, they're afraid of the scrutiny.

Speaker 6 (29:40):
I don't think that's what's happening. Sean's happening. Sean is
a grown, grown man. And I get it. You live
under your parents roof and you live by their rules.
But this is one of those things where like, I
don't care anything you say. I don't care. I'm I'm
walking out that door, and whatever whatever you want to
do with punishments or repercussions. What I'm walking out that door.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
Yeah, I mean, what could stop?

Speaker 6 (30:04):
That's what I least I need to know. I really
need to know what he pushed the parents to be like,
uh uh, you can't go. Well, hopefully we get there
at the end of this story.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
Fast forward to today. This is the end of this story.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
I'm back working, and while I work, Sean is the
primary parent to our son. I work ten hour days,
but commute one hour two and from work. When I
get home from work, I give the bait, I give
the baby a bath, a cuddle, and put him to sleep.
I take him to all of his doctor's appointments and
therapist visits. It's been a struggle because I had to

(30:37):
get another car due to my old car breaking down.
I've been asking Sean to look for work, but he
waves me off. We have childcare, so that's not an issue.
I told him, I'm drowning in bills and need the help,
and he tells me I'll figure it out. I don't
know what else to do. I've contemplated on giving him
an ultimatum. If he doesn't get a job in the
next couple of months, we might need to rethink our relationship.

(30:59):
I feel like I be an a hole, but I
also feel like my feelings are valid thoughts.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 6 (31:06):
Uh wow, So it just got worse and worse for
hope we have won.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
We got worse for us too.

Speaker 6 (31:11):
We didn't find out a single reasoning why Shawn's parents
said you can't go now.

Speaker 3 (31:18):
We have baby.

Speaker 6 (31:20):
Yeah, we have baby great, we have baby healthy, baby great.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
But now Sean doesn't want to do anything. We're gonna
have to go to couple's therapy at the very least.
We also need to get out of his house. Yeah,
get out of this house first.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
Handing living with the parents, Uh yeah, we're gonna have to.
And why why that's going on, and how much that
his family dynamic is sort of leaking into your family
because it's wrong, it's not right.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Hey, it's sam og Host. We're gonna get back to
these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of ads from
our sponsors to help support the show.

Speaker 6 (31:54):
My girlfriend moved her friend into our home and it's
ruining our relationship.

Speaker 3 (31:59):
Why don't you just make a relationship with her friend?

Speaker 6 (32:01):
I NB twenty six, non binary have been with my
girlfriend for about a year and a half now. We
met through my ex female twenty eight, and I was
going through a really bad divorce. She helped me through that.
I won't get into that as it's not relevant, but
she and her then boyfriend male twenty five let me
sleep on their couch for a while and help me
get back on my feet. By the way, this comes

(32:22):
from user specific Rodent thirteen oh six, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subburtate. So just her added context, Me and
my girlfriend are polyamorous, and her ex ended up not
being polly. They broke up after I moved out, and
that was a whole messy thing that led us to
having to get the cops involved. That only just got

(32:43):
finished recently, nearly two years later. We're going to call
my girlfriend Willow for this. Sometime after I moved out,
Willow ended up losing her job because of a discrimination
and retaliation. Ever since then, she has been struggling to
find employment and selling magic to gathering cards to scrape by.
I was helping them out as a thank you. We
ed up becoming a couple. After some time, they broke

(33:04):
up and she moved in with me. To make a
long messy story short, me and Willow worked at the
same job prior to being fired. She actually helped me
get the job in the first place, and in October
of last year, I was then also discriminated and retaliated
against and ultimately fired. I was unemployed for six months
and recently got a job thanks to my sister. Willow

(33:24):
had won for a short while, but because of a
manager that hated her guts and ongoing her and stalking
from her ex, she was also fired there too, so
financially we have been struggling horribly. Sometime after us getting
together officially as a couple, and before I got fired,
we met her friend and I'll call her Sophie h.

(33:45):
She is chronically ill, and the three of us ended
up growing pretty close. She hasn't had many friends and
started crossing some boundaries. One important thing I should note
is that Willow has what some people would call a
savior complex. I find that to be kind of a
rude way to put it. But she cares very deeply
and tries to help others as she can. Unfortunately, people

(34:05):
have a bad tendency to sometimes take advantage of it.
And just to make it clear, I'm not saying Sophia
is one of those cases. I don't think we had
a serious talk with her and set boundaries of us
not wanting to cross the lines between friends and caretakers
and stuff of that sort.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
I don't want to talk too much about that, as
this is long enough and not relevant.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Maybe.

Speaker 6 (34:25):
However, Sophia has, within the time we've known her, been
in and out of the hospital multiple times, with the
becoming more frequent of these past six months. We found
her on one occasion on a life threatening situation after
not hearing from her a few days after Valentine's Day.
After that, we ended up helping her by having her
dogs day with us because she couldn't care for it

(34:46):
with her health. All right, So Sophia again, you said,
Sofia has chronic illness and it's getting to caretaker mode. Now, Yeah,
you're no longer like a friend. It's more like I
have to worry about.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
You going to pay me to be okay taker to
full time position it is.

Speaker 6 (35:02):
Anyway, sometime after I got a job back in March
and things were looking better, I was still struggling with
my mental health, but I was trying my best. Willow
ended up meeting someone and befriending her. Her name will
be Sally, and Sally was homeless and needing help. One
thing I didn't want to include in this, but I
guess it's going to end up needing to be said
everyone mentioned so far as artender, and I will state

(35:24):
if not for the future, if needed. Anyways, Sally was
needing help, and Willow being Willow called me after I
got off work one morning asking if Sally could stay
a few nights to help her out and get her
some resources to get help. I was in a pretty
good mood at the time, and I worked specifically with
homeless folk and getting them help, as had Willow, so
I said sure. That ended up being a mistake. Sally

(35:47):
is an extremely toxic person to be around and takes
a lot of her own internalized transa and in a
way self projects it in a very vile way. As
insults against others. Willow has always been, or at least
tried to be a very confident person and let that
stuff get to her. However, she had recently started medically transitioning,
and a lot of what Sally, who passes very well

(36:09):
as being on HRT for over a decade and as
a small white girl, says, started to get to Willow.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
Okay, all right, So to summarize this, We've got a
lot of big energy in the house.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
It feels like it's lots of big energy. It's interesting characters.

Speaker 6 (36:26):
Yeah, it's giving full house, but everywhere you look, but
it's it's like going the wrong way, like Willow's has
a savior complex. Sally is just vile with comments. Op
is just trying to stand on their own two legs. Yeah,
and Sophia is chronically ill and needs to be watched

(36:49):
over and taken care of. Twenty four for a dull
moment in this house. Yeah, that's not the only thing
that had been hurting Willow. People every day are like
that to her, just because that's how life is for
non passing, non white transfems. But Sally really said a lot,
even it wasn't directed at Willow, of really harmful things.
I know it's very fast that Sally held a lot
of trans medicalist and sometimes discriminatory things. I talked to

(37:13):
Willow about it, and she wanted to try to teach
her what she was saying was wrong, because she wants
to think the best of people. I started isolating more
just because of the fact that we live in a
studio apartment with all these people, and I'm really not
as extroverted as Willow. Sally ended up staying longer than
a few nights, and after a huge thing between her
and Willow and her emotionally manipulating Willow, we finally had

(37:35):
enough and punted her out.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
In that same week, I also.

Speaker 6 (37:39):
Had to put down my childhood cat and deal with
the illegal stuff involving her ex A week later, Willow
went to a protest and got arrested. No, she didn't
do anything wrong, Yes, her charges were dropped.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Good.

Speaker 6 (37:51):
However, during her weekend in jail, she met up with
someone she had been talking to prior, and they both
got arrested at the same time. We'll call her Sarah
female around twenty seven. They ended up rushing into it
while they were in the cells next to each other.
And call each other each other girlfriends.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
Wow, it's a whirlwind romance.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
When you meet in jail actor being arrested at the
same protest, it's a lot going on.

Speaker 6 (38:15):
It's a classic American love story. Yeah, I was unaware
of this at the time. I had previously talked to
a little about my boundaries with bringing others into our
relationship and said that I'd like to be informed first
of who people are, meet them, know you're thinking about
potentially starting a relationship with them, and YadA, YadA, YadA.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
You get the gist. This was not the case for this.

Speaker 6 (38:34):
I waited outside the jail waiting twelve hours for her
to be released, and when she came out, she told
me this information. I took that extremely hard after all
the stress of worrying about her and everything else, but
ultimately ended up forgiving her as we both weren't in
the right headspace. I hadn't slept in two days at
that point, and both Sarah and I met me. Sarah

(38:55):
and Willow ended up messing around. Communication was not the best,
and their relationship was quickly lived. Quickly lived is a
great way to say that things that didn't work out.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
Yeah, quickly lived.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
Is a beautiful way to say, and it violently imploded
upon itself.

Speaker 3 (39:11):
I don't know, wait, maybe maybe not. I don't know
who's to say.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (39:15):
We however, are all on good terms and still friends.
Now was just not a good time as all. Anyways,
Now on to the most recent thing. Our friend Sofia again,
this is the one who is chronically ill, just got
just again got out of the hospital the day Willow
got out of jail, and while I was out work
one night, broke down to Willow and said, she doesn't
think she's going to live for much longer.

Speaker 3 (39:35):
Oh wow.

Speaker 6 (39:37):
I don't know exactly what happened that night, but it
was decided that Willow was going to cross the line
into the caregiver and move her in with us. I
didn't have a say in this. Sofia was being evicted anyways,
and she would just not survive being homeless. Sofia was
moved in the day of my birthday earlier this month.
This has been causing a lot of strain on us
emotionally and in our relationship. I'm afraid of being evicted ourselves.

(39:59):
Willow isn't and he's supposed to be here, and I
recently just got a vaguely threatening email from my landlord
of them letting me know what they are aware Willow
is here. We've also already had Sophia have an emergency
and go to the hospital again, and the paramedics had
trouble getting her out. I worry what would happen if
something worse happened. A week ago, Willow met someone that

(40:20):
I'll name Ashley. We don't know the age, but is
female who currently does van life.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
This is a van I don't know. She either does
van life or her life takes place in a van
where she lives. I don't know which one it is.

Speaker 6 (40:31):
I don't know her much at all. She said she
was going to go run an errand and Ashley was
giving her a ride. We had a fight and I
was pretty mean. I was upset with how little time
we've had one on one together right before she had
to go, and she promised she would be back before
I had to go to work that night. One more
thing to note, Willow doesn't currently have phone service due
to our financial situation, so she relies on hotspots and

(40:53):
Wi Fi. She never returned that night and stop responding
a few hours before I had to leave and I
started to panic, thinking the worst.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
I didn't know where she was.

Speaker 6 (41:02):
I didn't know this person, and I had no contact
information about her, and all options of locating her weren't
an option. I asked Sophia to log into her computer
and try maybe used to find my device feature, and
she ended up pinging her phone three miles away at
a park some hours prior. I was extremely distraught that
whole night, as she's never done something like this before.
She sometimes isn't able to be contacted for a few hours,

(41:24):
but she always had made sure to contact me somehow
to update me. After I got off and still no response,
I made my way home and ended up renting a
car to go where she was where she was last
ping dat. As I was pulling up, Sophia called to
tell me that she had made it home.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Okay, dude, you went like.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
Full Batman detective mode.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
And then the moment she got the batmobile because they
were looking Wait, were they looking for Sophia or Willow?

Speaker 3 (41:47):
Willow? Okay, so never mind, they did. Sophia did. Now Okay,
so you still never mind? We needed a whiteboard for this.
Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (41:54):
Yeah, it's there's so many names that keep coming in
and out of the story.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
I don't know who uh the commentor was, but someone
said will is just out here picking up people like
they're straight puppies.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
It's like true.

Speaker 6 (42:05):
Yeah, okay, let's let's talk about Willow. What are we
doing Willow again? This was said in the beginning of
the story that she is a savior complex girl. You
need to save yourself first before you can save anybody else. Exact,
you don't have the need the means for communicating with Op.
I think Op needs to maybe also take that advice.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
Op.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
I don't know if you feel some sort of like
responsibility or like like a burden to like take care
of this group of people you found yourself in. But
it's like, you can take care of yourself first and
it'll actually help all the people around you because then
you'll be able to actually take better care.

Speaker 6 (42:40):
Yeah, you're it seems like what what it like? The
description is Op is standing on one leg balancing Willow
balancing now Sophia on top of Willow, and then Willow
is balancing actually.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
On like it just like what am I doing here?

Speaker 1 (42:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (42:56):
We can't. We can't be spinning plates.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Okay, first we got to learn how to summersault and
we can work up to spinning play. First, we need
to stay it on two legs, honestly, exactly how it
works being a baby.

Speaker 6 (43:05):
Willa wasn't mad at me as I thought she could
have been. She and I ended up bawling our eyes
out when we saw each other. She thought I was
furious at her and she couldn't handle it and broke
down to Ashley that night and said she couldn't come
home and needed space. I told her that I wasn't
and I was just hurt and extremely scared for her safety,
and she said she was extremely sorry and she'd never

(43:25):
do it again. She then told me she needs more
space frequently, and that she and Ashley would be going
to do a road trip on the twenty ninth together
for a few days. This really broke me. I've been
wanting a break and help for a long time now,
with stuff like chores and having so much stress in
our lives, And just a weekish ago prior, she was
telling me how we would go on a road trip
together and maybe go camping soon, and we haven't had

(43:48):
a little vacation just her and I and I've been
saying for longer than I've known her, that I missed
my home state and I haven't been there in over
a decade and would love to go back sometime. So
to learn she was going there hurt extra bad. I
was also scared about Sophia. What was I going to
do all alone with her?

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Again? Willow is the one that took Sophia in as
a caretake.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
Look, if Sophia is literally ill to the point where
she cannot take care of herself, that's like, you know,
you got to sign up for federal assistance. You got
to sign up for state assistants. No, you're disabled, so
you know, and there's nothing like wrong with that. There
are systems in place in the country that are built
to take care of people.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
In those situations. You got to do the legwork for it.

Speaker 6 (44:31):
I was gonna say, Willow has a savior complex, but
the the savior here is really op because it's Ope's
up like a studio.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
No, I think one PC has that complex as well,
or they would not be doing this.

Speaker 6 (44:44):
What if Sofia had a medical emergency while I was
away at work? She then thought she could maybe take
her with them. They apparently had a conversation about it,
and that was the plan, but I was really struggling
with it all, as I had told her very recently
that I've been extremely lonely, and while yes, I say
I just want to be alone, I don't mean without her.

(45:04):
When I say that, I mean I just want some
time with her in our apartment without people. Two nights ago,
I ended up becoming very short and irritable and snapping
at both Sophia and Willow. I didn't mean to, and
I hate how me and I get when I get
this stressed out. When me and Willow went out for
a smoke, I broke down crying, telling her again I
am really scared about her leaving on the twenty ninth.

(45:26):
How I'm so stressed out with Sophia staying here and
crying about the whole situation. I feel terrible for it.
But later on they talked and had a plan to
rearrange the room for more privacy and had Sophia go
to the library for a few hours so we can
have some time together.

Speaker 3 (45:40):
It was so nice. I thought things were maybe getting better.

Speaker 6 (45:45):
I don't even remember exactly what started it, but after
Cepha I got home, Willa went with Sophia to her
apartment to pack up some more of things and bring
it back with the help of Ashley with her car.
I had a few hours to myself, which was nice
and I appreciated it. But something that I genuinely I
can't remember right now caused us to talk again about
the trip she was planning and how hurt I was

(46:05):
by it, and how she ended up crying again and
saying she couldn't take it and needed space again tonight
and left with Ashley.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Yeah, she's van lifing with Ashley.

Speaker 3 (46:18):
Sorry.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
Look, man, I don't know what's going on here, but
I know that if you weren't in a polycule, it
would be a lot less complicated.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
Clearly, the people you are trying to have a group
relationship with are not viable candidates.

Speaker 6 (46:34):
Willow promised me she would be back to talk before
noon today and said she would have her location on
via hotspot from Ashley. It's three pm now where I'm at,
and she's not home. She had her location offline for
three hours now. I never got actually's contact information and
none of my messages are even being delivered to her phone.
She swore she would have had her location on and

(46:54):
come home before noon. I'm so afraid of losing her,
and I'm trying my best to be the best partner
I can for her. She keeps telling me that she's
tired of making huge choices for everyone, and how that
she's been hurting for months now and I haven't listened
to her. I thought I had been, and while I
know I'm not perfect at all, I've been trying to
be there for her the best I can. She's She's

(47:17):
also been asking me to go to therapy and is
upset with me for not doing so yet, and I've
also asked for the both of us to go to
couple's therapy now, but we haven't gone to that yet.
I bought her flowers, her favorite candies, favorite drinks, and
a pack of SIGs for when she returns as a sorry,
and I'm scared that might be too much, but I

(47:37):
don't know what else to do. I am genuinely so
in love with this woman and I want to marry
her one day and I can't imagine life without her.
I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. Please,
if anyone has any advice, please tell me. I'm so
lost and desperately need help. I don't know what to
do without her, and I'm sick with worry about her.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
And we have an update, it looks like you're gonna
have to live life without her because she I don't
think she's feeling the same way you're feeling about her. Honestly,
I think I think she's way more in the collecting
sort of new friends era, not the I'm so wildly
in love with you op that I want to marry

(48:17):
you one day.

Speaker 6 (48:18):
I don't think she's Yeah, it just seems like Willa
wants to do whatever she wants. She's like, that seems fun, op,
Like I love you, but like that's the fun, that's
the fun side over there.

Speaker 3 (48:29):
I'm gonna go do that, like I hear you. I
hear you. I want to do that.

Speaker 6 (48:35):
But that's more fun and less stress free because I'm
stressed out because you're stressing me out.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
What's crazy is there.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
Is something too, like when people become used to living
their life in a certain way mm hmm, that even
if they would make like positive, beneficial changes, it's like
the perception is that it would actually be worse because
it's taking away from the lifestyle you're familiar with and
that you've grown accustomed to, and like, h yeah, maybe
Willow is just used to this like high octane craziness lifestyle.

(49:05):
I met my new girlfriend in jail and I found
a you know, my next lover on the street.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
I'm going to help her out.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
And it's like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know
she's willing to settle down off of that.

Speaker 6 (49:17):
Also, what op he's doing right now is coddling her,
and that's the last thing you need to be doing.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
She pointed the finger at you.

Speaker 6 (49:24):
It's like, you haven't been doing anything right and I've
been like helping everyone out. I've been going out with Ashley.
I haven't been doing what you need. Yeah, we have
an update. She came home around APM yesterday and after
actually randomly texted Sophia apparently she had our contact info
with the whole time, something random and completely unrelated to Willow.
Sophia called her and started explaining how she's unable to

(49:46):
help with her request, and then following it up asking
where the heck Willow is. Ashley was apparently fully aware.
She said she would be back before noon. It's just
that they fell asleep. Understandable I get that, but why
doesn't she bother to text me or wake Willow up
at all?

Speaker 3 (50:02):
Nothing?

Speaker 6 (50:03):
And when Willow returned, Ashley didn't speak to me at all.
I'm unsure if I just read her wrong, but she
looked mad at me. I don't know her, and I
don't know what Willo said to her, But I'm really
unsure about Ashley. Willow barely wanted to touch me and
didn't kiss me until this morning. I asked if we
could finally talk, but she asked to speak tomorrow today now. Instead,

(50:24):
we just went straight to bed again. Now onto this morning,
she's a lot happier.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
We went onto a.

Speaker 6 (50:30):
Dog walk with Sophia and split away for a bit
from Sophia to finally talk, and then she dropped the
bomb on me. She plans to leave for six months.
Am I unreasonable to be incredibly hurt by this and
not have a little freak out about it? To just
go for six months, apparently taking Sofia with her and
just leaving me behind. She says, I don't listen to her,

(50:52):
but I do. I know she wants to get out
there and see the world. I do too, though, and
to just leave me with some random person she just met.
I asked her that, and she said she would have
gone with anyone once they came around. I know she
wants to go out. I know she wants to go
see where her ancestral homelands are, but just leave me.
I never wanted to do long distance ever.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Again.

Speaker 6 (51:15):
I asked her all about all the financial issues we
are having. She just decided she's going to sell off
the rest of her magic the gathering cards, and make
sure the rent's paid off, and then go and somehow
she'll find money out there to send back somehow.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
Um.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
No, No, this person is leaving your is exiting your life,
and it should be a big positive event.

Speaker 6 (51:36):
It sounds like Will hasn't been able to find employment
this whole time. I'm not exactly sure why she suddenly
why she suddenly believes she'll find it that easy. Now
she says she's going to plan all of this for
the next four months and then leave for six. Honestly,
I feel completely numb at this point. I don't know
what to do, and I don't trust Ashley at this point. Op,

(51:56):
you're kind of getting the answer straight to your face
with the director's answer.

Speaker 3 (52:01):
You are single. You're single, dude.

Speaker 6 (52:04):
She's Willow is leaving you for Ashley. It's plain and simple.
She she again what I said earlier. She found something
that She's like that seems fun. You're kind of lame
and this is depressing. I want to do that. You
wanted to do that too. That sucks you didn't. You
didn't do it, so but she's doing it. So I'm
gonna do it with Ashley.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
To just clear this up, Willow is going with Sophia
the chronically ill one and Ashley the van life one,
leaving op behind with Sarah her jail girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (52:36):
Who what?

Speaker 1 (52:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (52:37):
What this is?

Speaker 2 (52:38):
You need to completely remove these people and like the
order of like what do I need to be thinking
about right now to like for my life? They're all
the way at the bottom now, and you finding a
new place to live in a new situation is at
the top. Yeah, don't think about Sarah. Sarah will find
her own way to make her own list. Sophia, No, Sarah, Oh, Sarah, Oh,

(52:59):
exactly exactly, whiteboard, exactly what's going on here?

Speaker 3 (53:03):
What's going on?

Speaker 6 (53:04):
Yeah, Opie, it's I know you care, but again, you're
putting in one hundred percent of the result. The relationship.
You're getting not even a percent back from Willow. Sorry,
and if you're afraid to lose her, you probably need to. Yeah,
best things in life. On the opposite side of what fear,
there's a little bit left. Let's go and finish this

(53:26):
off and see what happens. I forgot to mention, but
one morning, when I came home prior to her leaving
the first time, I just got en off work. I
was aware they were hanging out. But when I came
outside to have a smoke with her, as I was
turning the corner, I saw actually all around Willow acting
all funny and laughing hard. Apparently she was just super high.

(53:46):
I asked Willow about it and told her it made
me feel a bit uncomfortable. I had only just briefly
met her the night prior, right before I went to work,
and the excuse was she's just really high right now,
and we're both flirty people.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
You know.

Speaker 3 (53:59):
I don't know if she had good intentions. I don't
know about any of this. Honestly, Hey, it's John here.
We're gonna get back to this episode. But a quick
three minute break with Asramur.

Speaker 5 (54:08):
Sponsors my boyfriend's family looks down on me because I
didn't come from money.

Speaker 3 (54:14):
Get rich and prove them all wrong.

Speaker 5 (54:16):
I am twenty eight female Hispanic American who met my
boyfriend let's call him Brian, thirty two male, five years
ago on a backpacking trip in South America. We did
the long distance thing and it worked out well because
I was finishing up my studies and he was looking
for a job. By the way, this comes from the
Throwaway Girl in NL and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

(54:37):
Separate it. So his parents have always had reservations against me,
especially his mom. She comes from a blue blood family
and wanted her son to marry into money. I don't
come from money. My parents came from a Caribbean country
to New York and worked hard for what they have.
It's not much, but we have our essentials. Vaughn, realizing
our relationship was serious and we wanted to live in

(54:59):
the same cus, I decided to move to the Netherlands.
For him to live in New York, we'd have to
be married, and we don't want to rush into marriage
when we're not as financially stable as we like to be.
This was two years ago and we wanted to live
together first. It was easier for me to move to
the Netherlands because there is a relationship visa that only
requires him to have a stable job, no marriage needed.

(55:22):
We planned this move for two years, upon which in
that time Brian lost his job and I couldn't move,
so we had to wait another year. In that last year,
my dad had an aggressive battle with care and passed
away a few months ago. Words cannot express the amount
of pain, stress and depression in these last few years.

(55:42):
Because of this, I actually moved last December to the
Netherlands due to regulations and a lot of crat with
visa stuff. Long story, I had to move despite me
wanting to stay because of my dad's declining health. I
visited a few times and made it back the day
before he passed away.

Speaker 4 (55:59):
Thankfully, I made it work.

Speaker 5 (56:00):
Though. I enrolled in university to go for my master's.
I am starting Dutch lessons, started seeing a psych slowly
but surely. I'm trying to make a good life here.
His parents are still very harsh towards me. They thought
this would be a typical vacation romance. His mother is
nice to me in person, but whiches to Brian about
how different I am, how our cultures clash, how he

(56:21):
needs to be careful that I'm not out for money.
She calmed down about this lately, but it is resurfacing
now that I live here. It's like I need to
rush to be a typical Dutch person. I need to
have a job, know the language. They frown upon me
and constantly worry Brian that I'm not doing what I
need to do. Brian feels stuck in the middle, constantly
defending me, but seeing where his mom comes from. This

(56:43):
past weekend, his father, sixty five mail, was in a
terrible bike accident. As someone who just lost her dad,
I am there for my boyfriend who was struggling as
his life hangs by a thread. My heart breaks for him,
and I can see and understand what Brian is going through.
His father lives in a city, so every day we've
been commuting to visit him. Wow, his mother tells me

(57:04):
not to visit anymore because his father has.

Speaker 4 (57:06):
Too many guests.

Speaker 5 (57:07):
The house is too busy for her to entertain us
when they're not in the hospital, et cetera. I understand
that and respect that, but then I find out that
my Brian's younger brother, Joey's thirty male girlfriend let's call
her Mary Anne twenty seven female, is not only allowed
to visit, but she even stayed over at their home.
She is Dutch, and his mom constantly showers her with
compliments and tells the family what a perfect example of

(57:30):
a Dutch girl she is because she comes from a
good family, has a good job, and is perfect.

Speaker 7 (57:35):
Are really sure that this is because you make less
money and not just because you're not Dutch?

Speaker 3 (57:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (57:40):
I think she's we got a little bit of xenophobia
going on every year. Is it crazy for me to
think I'm being treated differently?

Speaker 3 (57:47):
Girls?

Speaker 5 (57:48):
Oh, you are being treated differently, very blatantly.

Speaker 4 (57:52):
So I don't think she's trying to hide that, and
she's not hiding it right now.

Speaker 5 (57:56):
I want to be there for Brian, but I feel
like his family pushes me away and doesn't want me
to the way they treat me hurts a lot, and
I feel like I haven't done anything wrong to rub
them the right way. Brian and I have a good
relationship with a few turbulent problems. Granted, I am the
first girl he's been serious with, lived with while I
have had plenty of experience in those departments, but I

(58:17):
moved here for a reason. I want to make a
life with him, and I'm willing to work on her problems.
But it seems like his family just doesn't want to
accept me. I don't really know what to do. I
feel paralyzed in my emotions. Sometimes I wonder if I
should just go back to New York right now. I can't.
I'm in the middle of my master's program, so I'm
at least here.

Speaker 4 (58:36):
For the year.

Speaker 5 (58:37):
The last few years have been so hard, especially with
the death of my father, feeling lonely and alone here
in a country that is so culturally different. I'm trying
hard to make it work here, but sometimes I feel doubtful.
Just so everyone knows. I understand and respect that his
family is all over the place because of his dad's condition.
I've felt like this even beforehand. It's just aggravated now,

(59:00):
especially that I would think that they'd be open and
understanding that I want to be there for my guy
in such a hard time. Another thing to note, things
recently got stirred up, starting with his older brother's birthday.
Let's call him Harry, thirty five mail. A few weeks ago,
I had this terrible bronchitis that flared up, and though
I had RSVP to attend, I canceled at the last

(59:21):
minute because I didn't feel well and I wanted to
use my energy to finish a final exam essay I
had to do in two days. This was just a
family dinner at home. It wasn't some huge lavish event.
I felt okay canceling, but his parents and his brother
found me offensive to cancel last minute for something that
wasn't that big of a deal in their eyes.

Speaker 7 (59:40):
They probably would have had a problem if you went too.

Speaker 5 (59:44):
You were you had bronchitis, and they were like why
didn't you come?

Speaker 7 (59:48):
Yeah, And if you went, they would have been like,
you came letitis.

Speaker 5 (59:51):
You can't win, You can't win. Dutchess Cassanis has learned
Dutch and secret she wasn't.

Speaker 7 (59:57):
She was learning it twoice yeah, yeah, like wow, no
they don't.

Speaker 5 (01:00:01):
They just being super xenophobic towards Ope. I felt okay canceling,
but his brother and his parents found me offensive to
cancel last minute for something that wasn't that big of
a deal in their eyes. I had to email them
this long apology because they were upset at me and
were yelling at Brian about it for so many days. Now, Today,
for Easter, my boyfriend and I had plans for an

(01:00:23):
at home dinner. Easter is very meaningful to my family,
and this is the first Easter I am away from
home and that my dad isn't around. The plan was
that tomorrow we go to his family for the Easter
Monday dinner at their home. They celebrate Easter Monday here
in the Netherlands. Now, his dad's condition got worse last
night and Harry drove him and my Brian to his

(01:00:44):
mom's house in case something happened. I was told again
not to come yet Mary Anne came along, stayed over
and is there to support Joey. I mean, I think
at this point, like your partner really needs.

Speaker 4 (01:00:56):
To, yeah, needs to put a stop to this. Something mean,
there needs to be.

Speaker 7 (01:01:00):
That very out there like hey, what are you doing
and like I am with this person and stop.

Speaker 5 (01:01:07):
Like please, like we we live together, We're serious. Yeah,
she's not just gonna go away. You can't keep treating
her like.

Speaker 7 (01:01:14):
This and to now miss the Easter that like means
so much to you.

Speaker 4 (01:01:19):
Yeah, yeah, this.

Speaker 7 (01:01:22):
Is I don't like, it's not necessarily like like it's
not like a breakup, like things are going great in
your relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:01:28):
It's just like it's a conversation.

Speaker 7 (01:01:30):
Yeah, and he needs to have this fine to go
back to his family. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:01:34):
Like I think it's tricky right now because it is
like obviously the dad is in the hospital and stuff.

Speaker 7 (01:01:39):
But like, say, well, hey, mary Anne's here, why couldn't
my girlfriend come.

Speaker 4 (01:01:44):
Yeah, on a holiday that I was supposed to celebrate.
On a holiday that I.

Speaker 7 (01:01:48):
Was supposed to celebrate with her, Yeah, because she just
lost her father.

Speaker 5 (01:01:53):
Yeah, and red Bull Rana says, what is xenophobic? Uh,
Xenophobia is when you have prejudice towards a person from
a different country. We're gonna get into more of the story. Then,
Harry said the plan was that they would see their
dad in the afternoon for Easter today, and that he
drive Brian over so we could spend time together since
I was alone. Brian calls me thirty minutes later to

(01:02:15):
say Harry changed his mind and since the whole family
is together anyway, that they will have dinner at their
mom's house and that Brian would come home late, so
even though I prepared something. And this coming from the
guy who says canceling last minute is wrong, does it
to me and doesn't see anything wrong in it. They
keep saying, don't come And just now they say, if
I want to go home to take a two.

Speaker 4 (01:02:36):
Hour train ride over.

Speaker 5 (01:02:37):
Meanwhile, Marianne is being picked up to be taken there
and I have to spend a crapload of money to
get out there. And he says the whole family is together, Yeah,
except me. I don't feel that is very nice at all.
And that is what motivated me to write this post.
What do you guys think? And update?

Speaker 4 (01:02:54):
There is an update, folks. What do you think? What
does hope you do?

Speaker 6 (01:02:58):
Oh?

Speaker 7 (01:02:59):
It comes back act to like your partner, my husband,
Your partner needs to be like, hey, she is coming
to these things, like like I am with her long term,
we are planning, we are living together, Like this is serious.
And if if the mom doesn't or if any of
the family doesn't get that, like I don't even know,

(01:03:19):
if you go like low contact with them or because
that's also the only people you know in that country.

Speaker 4 (01:03:24):
Yeah, what would you do?

Speaker 7 (01:03:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:03:28):
I think you just have that conversation with your partner
ands you say like this, I'm alone here. Yeah, I
need you to stop up for me because no one
else is gonna do that. Yeah, and I'm trying to.

Speaker 7 (01:03:37):
But if you're actually trying, and you're actually trying to
learn Dutch, you're actually trying to get a job, like
you're putting in the work, and they're just they don't care.

Speaker 5 (01:03:45):
But there is an updates. Someone made a point about
how Brian's mom may see me this way because it
seems like I'm mooching off her son. I can understand
why you may think this. I foolishly forgot to mention
my job situation. Prior to moving to the Netherlands the
first time, I saved a lot of cash bartending, waitressing
and writing. Whilst finishing my undergrad I had four long

(01:04:08):
term freelance writing jobs that dwindled down to one as
of January twenty fifteen. Yes, my guy handles the main bills,
but I contribute for groceries, dates, my personal things, school,
et cetera. However, after my dad passed away, I took
a leave of absence from work and I'm still on
the sleeve. Considering how unbelievably time consuming my thesis is
about the situation with my boyfriend and his mom. I

(01:04:31):
mentioned that I made an anonymous post to my boyfriend
and if he had wanted to read the advice. He
said he absolutely wants to, but that right now isn't
the right time to discuss how to handle his mother.
All of our energy needs to go to his dad,
and I understand that. I told him I support him
mentally and that I know what he's going through.

Speaker 7 (01:04:49):
I see a lot of people in the chat saying
that she needs to be the one to go in
and like say like, hey, this is what's going on.
Do you like I think to her she they're saying
to the family, Oh, like if you're not you're not
seeing me as family and that's not fair and like
all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 4 (01:05:07):
Yeah, what's your thought?

Speaker 7 (01:05:09):
Like, I'm kind of torn on that because it's like, yeah,
she needs to make her mind known to them, but
is it her place.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
I don't know if that would be effective.

Speaker 5 (01:05:18):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, especially right now while they're dealing
with the dad in the hospital and stuff. I feel
like if you did that right now, they'd be like, wow, look, yeah,
you know the American who doesn't know when to.

Speaker 4 (01:05:31):
Like, yeah, you know, it's such a tough place in
the hospital. Yeah, I think that they would not react.

Speaker 7 (01:05:39):
Yeah, okay to some people, Amuln said, Nope, his family
his responsibility.

Speaker 5 (01:05:43):
Yeah, I agree, I agree, but there is a little
bit left to this story. He understands that what his
mother said and the way she behaved was insulting towards
me and already mentioned something to her. She apologized to
me and said she doesn't want me to feel this way,
and that right now we're all folks.

Speaker 4 (01:06:00):
Fusing on his dad.

Speaker 5 (01:06:01):
I still agree that there needs to be a deeper
discussion about how she has acted, especially in the past
about pressing me to be Dutch. But I do see
that now is not the right time. Over the past
few days, his dad got worse, may have had a stroke.
They are looking into it, doing a lot of routine tests,
and for now he is stable and doing well. It
was a terrible accident and the doctor said he is

(01:06:24):
extremely lucky to be alive and we are all thankful
for that. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (01:06:31):
Folks,

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