I changed my mind about being a SURROGATE for my sister… she didn’t take it well! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:00):
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
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Speaker 1 (00:14):
I changed my mind about being a surrogate for my sister.
She didn't take it.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
Well, Oh, what stage in the process did we change
our minds here?

Speaker 4 (00:22):
That's my question.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
That's a very good question. Years ago, my sister found
out that she would not be able to carry children
traditionally and that her eggs would likely not be viable.
She had complications and everything had to be removed. This
is when she was twenty two, and she was absolutely
devastated by the way this comes from. I'm sorry, but
I can't And if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime subbured. So, my

(00:45):
sister has always been very nurturing and loves children. We
were the best of friends growing up and we were
still very close until this happened. At the time, and
now I am child free. So I told my sister
that it was okay because I would definitely donate my
eggs and if I could surrogate for her, I would,
and I really did mean it. I wasn't just saying
it to make her feel better. Because I love my

(01:07):
sister and seeing her in such pain and thinking she
was less of a person because of it devastated me too.
I wanted to help her in any way I could.
We pinky swore, a thing we did as kids when
we really meant something op dropping pinky swear lore. Yeah,
we pinky swore. And she felt a lot better knowing
she could have a child that was genetically very similar
to her, and we do look very much alike people

(01:28):
cause twins all the time. She got married two years
ago to a man who knew about her situation, but
I guess also knew about the promise I had made.
He very much wanted children to but they are both
against adopting because they want a child as genetically close
to them and looking like them as possible. They are
afraid of hidden health issues in a child unrelated to them.
I didn't know she told her husband about my promise,

(01:49):
and though I hadn't forgotten about it, because she reminds
me every once in a while, it wasn't something I
thought about often. Because I was living my own life. Well,
about a month ago, she and her husband came to
me and told me they're ready to have their baby
and it's time for me to make good on my promise.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
Oh wow, Yeah, I feel like timing really should be
something that ope should be consulted with about. You know,
I feel like they can't just be like, at any second,
now you can be pregnant, right because I say so.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Right where it's like remember your pinky swear, it's time
for you to get pregnant. Right, It's like, all right,
let's at least discuss timelines, discuss you know, which maybe
they are I don't know, but that phrasing, it's time
for me to make good on my promise. Yeah, you
you have one part where it's like yeah, that's gross.
But then also it's like making that commitment as op,
like making that commitment to your sister being like, yeah,

(02:40):
I will surrogate for you and you can use my eggs.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah, you might not have realized at the time necessarily
how big of a commitment that is true, you know, Yeah,
and I know this shit she says, she meant it,
but it's like still, well, yeah, now theoretically it's time
to get pregnant.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Hard to imagine.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
So I reacted with utter surprise because I felt like
they sort of ambushed me and gave me no notice
to be okay with it. But she just said I've
had more than five years to be okay with it.
I guess because I was surprised, I didn't say I
needed to think about it or anything. I just flat
out said, no, I don't think I can do that.
I explained to her that now I am in graduate
school and working at a job I really like that

(03:20):
I just started and will have a career. I can't
be pregnant for the next nine months, and most places
will not agree since I have no children. I'm also
in a relationship with a man I really love. I've
talked to him about this, and he feels a bit
weird about it the way I do having a child
that is biologically my child with my brother in law
who we always have to see, and see the child

(03:40):
very often too. Over the years, I've just decided don't
feel right with the child that is biologically mine in
the world. I guess it might be different if I
never have to see the child, but it'll be my
son or daughter running around, and my sister has already
very adamantly said that she will tell the child about
what I did for them and how they're lucky, when
I do not want that at all. I don't know
if it's gonna be hot day. I've been full of

(04:00):
them today, Opie. The moment you started feeling this, you
needed to bring it to your sister, the instant that
you realized.

Speaker 4 (04:09):
Yeah, I would not do that, Yeah, that would be smart.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
You needed to bring it up. She also maybe wants
more than one kid, and obviously I would have to
be the surrogate for all of them because they will
not have children that have different mothers.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
What is this that's a lot to put on on.

Speaker 4 (04:26):
Ope.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, she also maybe wants more than one kid, and
obviously I would have to be the surrogate of all
of them because they will not have children that have
different mothers. On top of that, I am sensitive to medication.
I don't want to be on fertility substances. And even
without all these reasons, I just feel like this is
not something I want. These are all very selfish reasons,
I know, especially considering the gift I would be giving

(04:49):
my sister of a child, the thing she wants more
than anything. She called me later in tears, yelling, saying
that I'm a liar and that to go back on
my word and leave her child list just because I
want that life makes me the worst kind of person.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
That is so unfair. It's really, yeah, that is so unfair.
This is not her fault at all, and.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
There are so many other options, Like come on, that
is so unfair.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
You know, your sister's devastated. You're like, I'm let me
help you. OP didn't realize the at the Maybe at
the time, if OP had done it right, then maybe
it works. Fast forward, you know, several years, have a decade. Now,
she's starting a career, she's got a boyfriend. You know,
it's like it's just not gonna's not feasible anymore, right.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
I mean the timing I feel like comes into play
a lot because again, like you said, like she's got
this job going for her, she's like in school or
graduating or something like that.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
She's in graduate school.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
Yeah, and so so it's like now school starting a career, gotcha. Yeah,
It's like, Okay, well maybe someday I would love to
or maybe, like you know, when I learn more about it,
or when I'm mentally ready then like maybe maybe then
I could still do it eventually, but right now now
had a great time for me and my.

Speaker 4 (05:59):
Body, you know, external organs.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
It's a hard spot. I'm rock in a hard place
type situation. I cried too and told her that's not
why at all, and try to explain my reasons again,
but she just said her husband will divorce her over this,
and could I live with that?

Speaker 4 (06:14):
Oh, that's crazy tripping.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Her husband's a nice guy, but he's always wanted kids
and this has always been in their relationship, so I
can see how he would divorce over this. She's not
just making threats. Honestly, I can't live with that, and
she knows that. I know how badly this hurts her,
and it hurts me too, but I just don't think
I can do it. Later that week, my mother called
to yell at me too. My cousins and aunts have

(06:38):
said on Facebook that it's my body, but making these
choices is selfish and I'm really hurting my sister. They
don't want to be involved, but they do not agree
with me. My mother said I am not her daughter
if I continue to behave this way and hurt my sister.

Speaker 4 (06:52):
Oh my gosh, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
You're literally like your whole life would go on pause
for a year. You're starting a career, you're trying to
finish grad school, you're in your own relationship.

Speaker 4 (07:01):
Yeah, come on, man.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
My dad has been understanding of my points, but he
doesn't want to live in a family divided, so he
tells people to leave me alone, but will also not
fight with my mom, who is way more aggressive than
he is. It's been this way for the whole month,
with my sister ignoring me, except sometimes when she messages
me or calls me to be angry. My brother in
law has messaged me, and my mom calls me daily

(07:23):
to tell me that she did not raise me like this,
and that her children know that giving your word is
the most important thing, and that following through on your
promise is the biggest deal then, bigger than everything else,
and that it is a comparatively small sacrifice for what
I would be giving to my sister.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Girl.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Oh my god, that's toxic. Not I mean, keeping your
word is one thing, but I think we're talking about
this like it's like, you know, you said you'd go
with her to the East Coast. Yeah, it's like this
is being pregnant for nine months, yes, and then having
to see the kid all the time and feeling weird,
like now you didn't.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Know if your postpartument, not even being able to have
your child. Some people we pass away during pregnancy, Like
that is not a small sacrifice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
I know a lot of people will say it's your body,
so do whatever, But it's not that simple to my family,
and I don't want to lose all of them. Well,
they're all going to lose you, not the other way around.
I love them and my sister, and I know it's
crappy to be mean to me, but it's also kind
of crappy of me to go break my promise her true.
Thank god, OPM so glad that you just own that. Yeah,

(08:24):
how do I help them understand? Or should I just
do it? I'm really confused and unsure right now? And
there's an edit to add. This is not the first
time I've mentioned to my sister my reservations or told her.
As my life changes, this becomes more and more impossible
to do.

Speaker 4 (08:39):
Wait a second.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
She has also changed her mind many times about whether
she could love a child that isn't hers. She has
decided that she is happy being without a child. She
has talked about how painful it would be seeing a
child that isn't hers with her husband, and not only
isn't hers, but is her sister's. I have okay, I
have been very open about how I feel along the way,
and nothing in my post was there's new information to her.

(09:01):
Jes it probably has never happened all at once in
that explosion before. I feel like she is somewhat ignoring
a lot of our conversations over the past several years
and just fixating on what I said when we were
going through this when we were twenty and twenty two
years old. But I also understand that because I know
she's in so much pain, and she is right. I
did make that promise, and I made that promised in earnest.

(09:23):
I meant it. People should keep their word when they promise.
But for people who are saying that I was not
honest and never told her how I felt, that is
just not true. I've told her how I feel every
time she's asked me, and every time I've told the truth.
There's an update. Okay, Now I'm fully firmly in the camp,
if you do not need to do this, Okay, not
at all.

Speaker 4 (09:41):
Big info revealed there.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
I've been in that camp this whole time, but I
was just yeah, in the degree of like, what you
could have done to prevent this, it's like nothing.

Speaker 4 (09:48):
Yeah, you were twenty and you did it.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
She said multiple times that she wasn't so sure, like
as she kind of gets closer, she feels like it's
a little more impossible, which is like, what you were
saying is to say it ear looks like she did,
and she just.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
Ignored Your sister, just your sister completely ignored it. Yeah, okay,
let's sit this update. Because of everything I read, I
realized I needed to do my best to hear her
and to also be heard. I sent my sister a
text begging her to see me, to talk to me
as we did in the past, and not like enemies.
I wanted us to be a team again, working towards
her being happy. My sister finally called me and decided

(10:22):
to come over. Almost as soon as she was in
the door, she was in tears, hugging me and crying.
I cried with her before she was ready to talk,
and when she did talk, I was completely unsure of
what to say. She told me that she was becoming
okay with the idea of being childless for her life,
and she knew that asking me at this time was
literally the worst time she could have chosen. She told

(10:43):
me that though the promise meant worlds to her back then,
I was still a girl in her mind, and she
used it only to feel better and relied on it
too much to feel better even through the years. I've
always been her little sister that she protects and watches
out for, and she wasn't even sure if she could
accept such a thing from me. She never really expected
me to do that without actually talking to me about it,
and that is partially why we have only had half

(11:06):
conversations about it. It was a great source of comfort
for her, but not something she felt like she could
make real. Her husband though, are we discovering Are we
uncovering the real villain of this story?

Speaker 4 (11:17):
Perhaps we are.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
I don't forget the mom too great snakes. Mom was, oh, yeah,
the whole family, being like, I raised you better than this,
I raised you to make babies.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
Yeah, it's like okay, Grandma, calm down, mom as mom, yeah,
it's crazy crazy.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Her husband though, has been insisting that they have a
child now and that it has to be that way,
even though she has told him many times that it
was okay if I couldn't do it, and that they
could be happy without a child or a child that
was genetically only related to his family. He disagreed with her,
got in her head and convinced her to ask me.
My mom had also begun to ask her when she
would start this process, as it's often long and involved,

(11:58):
so she felt pressured by all of her support systems
to do this, so she did it in that way
because of the pressure and because she knew I'd have
to refuse. She apologized very much over this to me
and wanted to sooner, but hearing ME really say no
reminded her of the hurt she went through back when
she first found out. Since I was her rock. Then,
she realized that she never had her own place to

(12:19):
anchor her pain inside of her because it was anchored
to me.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
Whoa big therapy moments happening right now? That's crazy, she said.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
It felt like going through all of that again, but
alone with her angry husband insisting that she find a
way to make this work. She said she felt comforted
by my family and mother's siding with her, but realized
it was still a way of not dealing with things
by herself. She wasn't even fully aware of what was
happening with them until she got back on Facebook and
talked to our mom and was really upset by that.

(12:50):
I was just as surprised as before, not sure what
to tell her. I told her that if she had
to go through a divorce or being childless, I would
of course support her through that. She said she was
not sure her at all what she wanted and that
it would be easy to stay with her husband and
just let him hate me. That didn't feel right what
we could in contact or what. I told her that

(13:12):
it would be fine to me if I didn't lose
her and if at the end of it he could
be okay with other options, But she said this wasn't
fair and she wasn't even sure what other options she wanted.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
So now maybe she's thinking like, Okay, this is a
lot to put on opee, But at the same time,
I don't really know if I would want other options well,
because I mean, like she said before, if it's not
her kid, she doesn't know how she would love it.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Yeah, that is true. I don't know. What I'm not
getting is that she said this wasn't fair. I'm like,
that sounded perfectly fair to me.

Speaker 4 (13:40):
I mean, maybe not fair to ope with being like,
well you I know, but I.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
Mean it's still just about the husband hate her exactly.

Speaker 4 (13:49):
That would be fair.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
I don't know. I would feel weird living with my
husband that hates my sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, that's
maybe hopefully that's what that makes. That makes a lot
of sense.

Speaker 4 (13:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
What else makes a lot of sense is you can
listen to full episodes with stories like this on Spotify
and iHeartRadio and Apple podcasts wherever you listen to podcasts,
just search okay story time, and you're gonna your mind's
gonna be blown at what you find. Did absolutely okay,
we have a little bit more story left, and do
you have any finishing thoughts here?

Speaker 3 (14:18):
This is It's just I'm glad that they can have
this conversation now because before it was getting scary.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
It was getting scared.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
I was thinking that the piggy promise was gonna be
held over her head for.

Speaker 4 (14:28):
The rest of her life.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
But it looks like things are starting to calm down,
and that the solution is more on the actual couple
having the child and not on op a little.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
Bit more at least, I'm glad they were really helpful
the revelation that the sister literally never even wanted to.
The sister was like, this is not gonna really happen, right,
it's crazy. Yeah, and her husband's like, you gotta make
it happen.

Speaker 4 (14:49):
Yeah, exactly, So my husband's wild.

Speaker 1 (14:51):
Thankes allows this. Yeah, husband sounds pretty detoxic. Yeah, but
I digress. I'm not sure what to tell her now either,
or how to help her. Husband loves her very deeply,
I know, and this hurts him. We're all just people
trying to cope with something that is terrible and painful.
I don't know if they will stay together or not,
or if my sister is right and that they just

(15:11):
needed something concrete to snap them out of the fantasy
so that they could deal with this in their life
and marriage realistically. I'm hoping that he is okay and
that she is okay, and that they can move away
from this stronger. But whatever happens, I will support my
sister and that oh good is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (15:29):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Wow, Okay, yeah, Sissy, stick together. I honestly I like that.
That's I feel like that's probably the best way that
could have gone.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
Yeah, I feel good about that. Husband to figure out.

Speaker 1 (15:41):
Like I get it, Like you have a right as
like a person. You're like, this is what I want.
I want my kid to be like as genetically similar
to me as possible. Sure, but like not considering the
fact that op is also a human being who will
be carrying the child instead of just a machine like
a test tobe of some kind.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah, he needs to learn more about pregnancies and the horrors.
So I think to really understand this. Joy because I'm scared.
My father crashed my car and left me to deal
with it.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
He's just like, I'm gonna go to the hospital. You
go ahead and just take cars. He just disappears, just
walking off to find him in Tijuana.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I twenty one male, have been living at my parents'
house due to recent life events. We have a pretty
good relationship, but of course we have our moments. Well,
about a week ago, my mom was at work and
my dad needed to run by the store. He couldn't
wait until my mom got back, so he asked to
borrow my car. I agreed to let him have it
as I didn't have anything I needed to do right then.

Speaker 4 (16:40):
By the way, this comes from Oh Okas Katie.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
If you want to submit your own stories, go to
the ARS Sugar start time some reading.

Speaker 5 (16:49):
Well.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
About forty minutes later, I get a call from him
saying that he had been in an accident. Of course,
that scared the crap out of me, and I made
sure that he was okay. First he said that he was,
come on and explained the accident. Long story short, he
ran a stop sign and smacked straight ahead into another vehicle. Luckily,
no one got seriously injured except my car. It's busted

(17:11):
up pretty bad. Without going into much detail, the bumper, headlights, hood,
and parts of the engine are all messed up.

Speaker 1 (17:17):
Ooh, that's really bad.

Speaker 4 (17:18):
It sounds like it's total to.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
Me, engine damage from a like a bump. Of yeah,
that wasn't a bump. That was a smash.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
That's a smash.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
I got my car in the shop and I'm still
waiting on the estimated time it will take for me
to get it back. Until then, though, I need a
car to get to and from work, and that's where
the problem is. See me and my mom have different
work schedules, but similar enough to where I could see
us working something out. She usually goes in an hour
earlier than me and gets off about thirty minutes before me.
I figured I could drop her off, go to work,

(17:48):
and then.

Speaker 4 (17:48):
Pick her up. Well, my mom hates the idea.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
She says that she doesn't want to have to rely
on me to pick her up or get her to
work on time. She said that since she wasn't involved
in the accident, she shouldn't be affected by the consequences. Well, unfortunately,
you do live in the same household as these people.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
So I just if you live in a place with
public transportation, which is not everyone does, that is the
solution to this problem.

Speaker 4 (18:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
A lot of you am astounded at the amount of
people who are like, just refuse to take the bus
with no other options.

Speaker 4 (18:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yeah, if I took the bus in my hometown, it'd
be weird.

Speaker 4 (18:20):
I was just thinking about that. Did they even have
bus again too?

Speaker 1 (18:23):
But you have to walk to town to get to it.
A lot of places don't want to have very good
accessible public transportation. But if you have it, that's your solution,
right yeaw, yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
Told her it would just be until I got my
car back, but she didn't care. I was expecting Dad
to back me up, seeing as he's the reason I
got into this mess, but instead he just agreed with
her and so that I should find a different way.
The problem is there is no different way. There's no
good public transportation system in our town.

Speaker 4 (18:50):
We live about forty five minutes away from where I work. Gotcha,
there's your end.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
It's like you read my mind.

Speaker 3 (18:56):
Yeah, you like heard him talk to you or something
like that. My dad and then suggested I bike to work,
which I quickly shut down. I'd rather not have to
bike all the way to and from work every day
when we could literally just share a car.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah, but think of how pumped up your calves would be, dude.

Speaker 4 (19:11):
You're gonna be so strong. Cavs would be yoked, dude.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
I told them it was unfair for them not to
let me use their car since Dad crashed mine. Then
they said that I was just being ungrateful, as they
were already putting a roof over my head and I
shouldn't expect much more from them. I have no idea
where they even thought I was being ungrateful. All I'm
saying is, why would I choose a harder, more time
consuming way to work when there is an easier option?

Speaker 4 (19:37):
Am I being unreasonable?

Speaker 3 (19:38):
I feel like at the least Dad could convince mom
to let me use their car since this is his faults,
But instead he's just sitting there agreeing with everything she says.
I would ask my siblings to chime in on this,
but knowing them, they'll just agree with my parents.

Speaker 4 (19:51):
So am I the a hole? We have some comments,
But what do you think?

Speaker 1 (19:55):
I don't think you're the a hole? But I think,
you know, if depending on what the financial situation, if
your mom's going to work and that money that she's
making it work like contributes to keeping the house like
your house, I think that you need to prioritize her
getting to work. I guess, so you know, but there's
there's also like a situation where she could probably make
it work, where it's like we can both share the car,

(20:18):
So her being unreasonable after the dad literally like not
who knows if it's totaled, but the dad crashed the
car and then you know, to pull like the well
we put a roof over your head and you're asking
too much. It's like yeah, I'm pretty sure that one
of the bare minimums for having children is we shouldn't
be homeless.

Speaker 3 (20:33):
Right. Yeah, that's like legally what you have to provide, right,
I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
Pretty sure, whether we were here or not, you'd have
a roof, right yeah. Here, you'd want one.

Speaker 4 (20:42):
So it could fit more than two people in there,
right Yeah. Yeah, So that's what I think. It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
It's like, like it's really not much that she's asking because,
on the one hand, op has to walk or bike
over an hour at this point, becau if it's forty
five minutes in a car, it's going to be so
much longer walking and biking. Yeah, or the mom just
like has to maybe risk being late sometimes. But that's
not even like guaranteed at all. Right, But there are

(21:07):
some comments coming. Number one says, info, do you pay
for your own car insurance and upkeep on the car? Also,
did you buy your car or did your parents? Opie says,
I bought the car and I pay for the insurance
and any maintenance it needs. Comment Number two says, not
the a hole. Your mom's objection is that she doesn't
want to rely on you to get.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
Her to work on time.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
Ask her to take you to work and pick you up. Yes,
you'll be inconvenience by the earlier arrival time, but you
will have arrived at work without having to take public
transportation or ride a bike.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
Boom.

Speaker 3 (21:35):
Maybe you can start earlier and finish later, at least
for the short term.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
Failing that, honestly, your father needs to own his errors here.
He wrecked your car.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
He needs to get you to work while your car
is being repaired. Maybe he's got a friend who owes
him a big favor. Maybe one of your siblings can
do him the favor of loaning you a car. Maybe
he can come out of his pocket to pay for
ubers or a rental. Yeah, you have grounds to sue
him as he created a problem that is impact your
ability to work.

Speaker 4 (22:01):
Your court case is.

Speaker 3 (22:02):
The nuclear option though, And I wouldn't drop that bomb
until I was already out of their house.

Speaker 4 (22:06):
Yeah, that's a big thing to go to, huge bomb.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
And I again, I think this ignores that like a
lot of too man these situations just like it's the finances.
It's like, it's not feasible for me to go to
court against my own father.

Speaker 3 (22:18):
I feel like if you're like if you're willing to
go to court because of this whole thing.

Speaker 4 (22:22):
It's like, just don't go.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
To work for the time that you don't have the car.
That's the amount of money that you'll be spending.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
You're gonna lose more money suing your dad.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
Ope.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
He does respond to that comment, saying I brought up
the idea of her dropping me off and picking me up.
She says it will mess up her schedule and that
she doesn't want to wake up any earlier than she
has to.

Speaker 4 (22:42):
I feel like she's just unwilling to try to share
the car.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
It's true. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (22:46):
Commentary number three says this is insane.

Speaker 3 (22:48):
I hope your car at least is in your name
so you have no trouble after getting it back. If not,
make sure that he transfers the title and then take them.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
Off the insurance.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
It's not going to work, but I would first put
it to them in terms of liability and use your
mom's argument to justify your demands. If your mom's argument
of not having been involved and therefore not needing to
contribute anything is going to hold, then faris fare. At minimum,
you should be compensated use of a car to get
to and from work, or the cost of a rental,
and some form of monetary compensation for the increased premiums

(23:19):
that will result from an at fault moving violation and
collision that was not your responsibility.

Speaker 4 (23:24):
We've got a lawyer on our hands. Everyone.

Speaker 3 (23:26):
Even with the worst insurance, I have to expect that
there's an increase of at least fifty dollars a month
on top of what you were paying previously.

Speaker 4 (23:33):
That's a good point.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
Insurance will go up from being in a crash like that,
possibly more given your age. Insurance is very high for
your age bracket. And then when that fails, I would
remove the spark plugs from both of their cars and
make them miss a day of work and see how
they effing like it. How do they expect you to
get money to move out if you lose your job?
Soft brain narks, is the distance really accurate? Forty five
minutes by car is like four hours by bike. That's

(23:56):
an insane thing to say, unless there's a mistake there. Oh,
you responded, I didn't even realize that the bike ride
would be four hours long. In my mind when he
said it, I thought it would take somewhere around one
hour thirty minutes to two hours, which is still just
an outrageous suggestion, But four hours is insane. I'm going
to bring that up if he mentions that again, because
there's no way he expects me to do eight hours

(24:17):
back and forth.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
It's a full shift.

Speaker 4 (24:18):
That's that's a full shift.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
Toma Chin number four says, this is a tough one
that should obviously step up and take care of this.
Why isn't the insurance covering a rental while yours is
in the shop? But I didn't know that was not
every insurance policy has that. Yeah, are you living rent
free at your parents? Not the ale ope, he responds,
I'm allowed to live with them rent free as long
as I'm saving money in order to move out again.
I do buy my own groceries and help with the bills, though,

(24:41):
so it's not like I'm totally living off of them
as far as the rental car goes. Apparently that's not
something I chose to add to my plan. So something
stupid on my part. But we do have an update.
Let's just jump right in, shall.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
We even just wan dive right into that For a.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
Little backstory, I've twenty one mail had been living with
my parents some recent life events. About a month ago,
I made a post here talking about how my dad
crashed my car and my mom refused to let me
use theirs for my commute to work. Long story short,
my parents ended up paying for the expenses to have
my car fixed. We did also end up sharing a
car until I had mine back. Good thank you for

(25:16):
finally being smart. After that, I thought it was done
and over. My mom made a comment about it here
and there, but it didn't seem to seriously bother her
until about a week and a half ago. She demanded
that I pay them all the money from my car
expenses back. She said that it wasn't fair that she
lost money due to an accident that she didn't cause,
and I think that's fair. But I reminded her that

(25:37):
I didn't cause it either. Dad caused the accident, and
I told her I'm sorry that it ended up affecting
her as well, but that didn't change the fact that
my car had to be fixed and it was Dad's responsibility.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah, well he ran the stop sign. Yeah, absolutely ran
the stop sign. Absolutely ran the stop sign. Say his fault.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
She got really mad at that and started on a
rant about how it was unfair and I was using
them for money.

Speaker 4 (25:59):
And what was my dad's response to all of this?
He just agreed with her.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
I ended up just telling her what I've already said
because there was honestly nothing else to say. She's been
very upset with me since then, but she never mentioned
any possibility of punting me out. So imagine my surprise
a couple days ago when I came home to all
of my stuff being outside of the house in boxes,
literally on the curb.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Dang, that's wow, next level buffoonery.

Speaker 4 (26:26):
Yes, parents, they gosh.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
They got your in an accident in your car. Yeah,
for no reason other than the dad was impatient. Yes,
And now all of a sudden, yeah, you're they're kicking
you out because what yeh? Because you were like, hey,
that was your fault.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
You didn't do anything at all at all.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
You just want us to pay for the damages we caused,
don't you.

Speaker 4 (26:45):
That is mind blowing? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
I was honestly shocked and mad about this, and I
immediately went in the house to question my parents about this.
My mom said that she was tired of letting someone
so ungrateful live in her house. My dad just repeated
what my mom said, but in a kinder way, because
I guess he thought she was being harsh.

Speaker 4 (27:04):
I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
I asked her to explain how I have being ungrateful,
and she responded by basically saying, we raised you, And
how does that mean you're on grave fault for being raised?

Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yeah? You raised me to be someone who keeps others accountable.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
We went back and forth for a bit and we
were both pretty mad at each other.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
Then my mom told me to leave the house or
else she would call the police on me. What is
going on? This is crazy?

Speaker 1 (27:29):
Where's dad for like any of this? Like, come on,
he's there.

Speaker 4 (27:32):
He's just like like the mom is just like I've
gotta got the police on you, And then the Dad's like,
I'm gonna call the police on you.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
It's like, I know that's what's going on. I know
I'm the one who caused all of this. Yeah, but
I'm not going to say anything because I'm also scared
of your mother. Right.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
I have no idea if anything actually would have came
to that situation, But at that point I was so
confused and angry that I just went outside and called
around to find someone I was able to stay with.
I ended up sleeping at a friend's house. It's been
a couple of days now, and siblings have I've both
been calling me. I guess my parents must have told
them what happened. I'm assuming it was specifically my mom
bad talking me to them. My sister agrees with my

(28:07):
mom and says I should have paid them back the money.
My brother agrees that it was unfair for them to
punt me out, but also says that I should have
just paid the money back. My dad has also been
trying to reach me, but honestly, I've just been too
mad to pick up the phone for him. I'm just
so shocked by this whole situation. I wouldn't say me
and my parents' relationship has always been easy street, but
it's never.

Speaker 4 (28:27):
Been this bad.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
I honestly thought we were good until all this. The
worst part is I was planning to move out and
rent an apartment with a friend once their lease was
up in two months. My parents knew that and still
decided to do this. I'm just so confused, and I
don't understand where they're coming from. I get that they
raised me and took care of me and all that,
but I just feel like that doesn't give them the
right to do this all of a sudden. I don't

(28:49):
think I did anything wrong, So honestly, am I the
a hole in this situation? We have an updates, but
what's our answer? No, not the answer, and we do
have a Sunday. We're just going to roll into a
really really fast camp out.

Speaker 4 (29:03):
Update number two. Some things have happened since my last punts.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
Huzza.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
I calmed down a bit and decided to finally answer
one of my dad's calls.

Speaker 4 (29:11):
He started talking about how afraid.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
He was that I was never going to talk to
him again. Then he said that things weren't supposed to
go that way and the other day and apologize for
Mom putting my stuff outside. Apparently the plan was to
talk to me about it first, but he said that
Mom got caught up in her emotions. When I asked
why he didn't step in, he said that it was
because he didn't want to upset her anymore. I didn't
really want to accept that excuse, but I took it

(29:35):
so we can move forward.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
It really was literally like I'm sorry, I'm just really scared.
Oh yeah, and I was amazed. I was getting I
was getting out of it, like I had my get
out of jail free card. She was just focused on you.
I was wanting to crash that car. I was astounded. Yeah,
I just decided to play my cards right.

Speaker 4 (29:52):
Oh my gosh, dude.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
That was until I got another call from my brother.
Mom's been absolutely rap talking me to him and my sister. Apparently,
she kept comparing me to them and how good they're doing.
Mind you, they're both older than me by several years.
Then she went on a rant about how much harder
it's been to raise me compared to them. At one point,
he says that she even insinuated that I was a mistake,

(30:15):
though he says to take that with a grain of salt,
as she didn't outright say it. My brother was uncomfortable
with listening to her talk about me so harshly, and
he decided to call and tell me.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (30:26):
By the way, I want to tell you that you
can find full episodes with more stories just like this
one on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, I Heart Radio, whatever your
favorite podcast app is, and in search Okay, story Time
that will always be there for us. There's a little
bit more into the stories we keep going.

Speaker 4 (30:41):
Stowey, do you have anything to say?

Speaker 2 (30:42):
Right?

Speaker 3 (30:43):
Okay, I'm feeling a mix of emotions about this right now.
Part of me is still mad about the suddenly punting
me out thing, but I'm mostly just sad about it all.
Knowing that my mom is saying all this stuff behind
my back only makes me think that she really means it.
And whether she outrights said it or not, hearing that
she thinks I'm a mistake honestly crushed my soul. I
don't understand why still, but I guess she has her reasons.

(31:05):
I don't really want to talk to her again, but
I do really want to know the truth of why
she feels this way about me. I'm not sure about
Dad yet. I'm not the type to cut people off,
and having to do it to one person is already
too much for me. I'm still staying with my friend
as of now until I figure out what I'm doing.
I guess I'll see how it goes from here, and
that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Oh. I don't know if my mom has like a
emotional regulation disorder of some kind, Perhaps if it's maybe
like misplaced, like maybe Mom can't give Dad the consequences
of this because of I don't know. Maybe it's like
I don't want to admit that there's problems in my marriage,
so instead I'm gonna make it problem with my kids.

(31:43):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
It's not a very mature thing to do in all
friends except for Ope's like, really, Op didn't do anything
at all?

Speaker 1 (31:49):
No, nothing, And it's you know, the human brain is
a mysterious monster. And you're so right. There's so many
different reasons that the mom could have been acting like that.
However there's yeah, none of it was all right. Yeah,
we raised you pretty sure. That's what you're supposed to
do when you have a kid.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:06):
Hey it's John here.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with the Aswermur sponsors.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
I lost my best friend and my family just because
I got married.

Speaker 4 (32:17):
The person who married sounds like they sucks.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
This is going to be a two in one kind
of story. One part is about my family and the
other about my ex best friend. Both stories interlock and
it all revolves around my wedding. For context, my husband
twenty nine Mail Thomas, and I twenty nine Female, decided
to pay for our own wedding. Not only did we
want to have a simple, low cost wedding, but we

(32:41):
also didn't want anyone feeling that they had to say
over the event because they contributed financially. By the way,
this comes from user the Unsocial Panda, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Showcase Storytime subreddit. So we did as much as
we could ourselves and di wide a bunch of things.
We still continue to diiy a lot of things ourselves

(33:03):
to this day, and it's something we both love. I
met Thomas in high school at about age fifteen. I'd
meet my ex best friend Stacy when we were five.
I'd have a crush on Thomas as soon as he
started going to my school, and we'd both secretly crushed
on each other until our mutual friends got sick of
it and made us confess. At the end of the year,

(33:24):
he asked me to be his girlfriend, and we've been
together since. Stacy didn't go through the same high school
as Thomas and me, so I introduced them outside of school.
At first, she would really like him, but as Thomas
and I spent more time together, I barely heard from Stacy.
I wasn't even invited to her sixteenth birthday party, which

(33:46):
really hurt. I'd noticed this and would call her and
ask if something was wrong, and she'd tell me everything
was fine. I brushed past this because I thought that
maybe she was hurt because I was spending time with
Thomas and less than usual with her. Fast forward to
when we were nineteen and Thomas proposed we'd talked about

(34:06):
getting married. Since we'd gotten together, we've had the kind
of relationship where everything just clicked, and so I was
really excited that this was finally happening and we would
soon wake up next to each other every day. I
messaged Stacy that night and asked her to be my
maid of honor, and she said yes. That's when things
started going downhill. My in laws planned an engagement party

(34:28):
for us. One day, Stacy and I were texting about
nothing in particular before I started work, and I then
asked if she'd like to be a photographer for the party,
as she was interested in being a photographer someday. Suddenly,
she went silent until I got a call from her sister,
who began yelling at me about how I was a
selfish friend and wouldn't talk about anything but the wedding.

(34:50):
This was maybe the second time in months that I'd
mentioned it, and that Stacy was bawling her eyes out
because I hadn't wished her a happy birthday. It was
eight am, and I would drive at least an hour
and a half to work. I was shocked, because of
course I hadn't forgotten her birthday. In fact, i'd bought
her a gift over a week ago, and I didn't

(35:10):
understand why she didn't tell me herself that I'd upset her.
I profusely apologized and felt horrible the whole work day
next with the bride'smaid dresses. I'd originally thought Stacy and
I would plan the wedding together. My husband was studying
at university at the time, and I'd wanted to keep
stress off of him. But Thomas and I just decided

(35:32):
on things so easily that there wasn't much to discuss
with Stacy. We were paying for the wedding ourselves and
didn't have much money, so we kept things pretty cheap
and asked the bridal party if they could pay for
their outfits. Everyone was fine with that, and I reassured
my bride'smaids that I wouldn't pick a dress they didn't want.
No one was expected to fork out hundreds of dollars

(35:53):
just for our wedding, so they had the power to
veto anything they weren't comfortable with. Well, on the day
we went dress shopping, Stacy, my other childhood best friend, sister,
and mom. Stacy ended up spending almost the whole time
talking about what she would do for her wedding. She
was talking about what colors she'd want, the style of dresses,

(36:13):
her wedding dress, and a wedding theme. Mind you, she
didn't even have a partner.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
Yeah, says the single person.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
I let it go as I just read it as
her being excited for my wedding, but it really bothered
everyone else. My mom and another bestie even asked her
to stop multiple times. Then comes my bachelorette party. I
had left all planning of that up to Stacy. She
wanted that, and I honestly didn't care what she did.

(36:42):
I just wanted to have some fun with my girls
and didn't care for any big expense I would even
have paid for myself. We ended up doing bowling laser
tag Laser's laser skirmish, laser skirmish, laser laser skirmish, pan
cake manner.

Speaker 5 (37:00):
What what is this?

Speaker 4 (37:04):
Where are you?

Speaker 1 (37:05):
I want to go? And then going to some bars
afterwards normal The legal drinking where age rhy'me at is
eighteen So it was so much fun, except for the
bars as it was a Sunday night so they were
completely empty. I thought that part of the planning was weird,
but we tried to make something of it. Turns out
my mom had actually planned the bowling, laser skirmish and

(37:27):
pancake manner because Stacey hadn't planned a thing. My mom
had been asking Stacy for weeks what was happening with
the bachelorette party, and Stacy just kept saying she hadn't
planned anything but was going to. So with the wedding
day looming close, my mom ended up planning it herself.
The bars were a last minute planned from Stacy so
she could claim something for the night. My mom told

(37:47):
me this I'd figured it out as she just wanted
me to have a fun night and was fine with
Stacy getting all the credit. Next comes the big day itself.
The weather was a bit dramatic and we almost had
to change our plans. We di wied so much of
the wedding to keep costs low, including the invitations to
flower arrangements, and even strung up two hundred meters of

(38:09):
fairy lights at the venue our cells. We'd arranged with
the venue to go the day before the wedding to
set everything up. However, it had been raining a lot
and it had flooded around our venue. Not only was
there only one road accessible to the venue, but all
the staff were flooded in and couldn't get there to
let us in. Eventually, after about three hours, the manager

(38:31):
was able to make it out to let Thomas and
my brothers in to start setting up. I'd laughed it
all off because Thomas and I didn't want to be
stressing about the wedding. The important part for us was
our life together afterwards, not the wedding. On the day
of the wedding, the weather was cold. It was the
first week of winter, and there were bits of rain
here and there. Our ceremony was to be outside. It

(38:55):
was so cold that my makeup, which I'd planned on using,
was frozen. Whoa, and so I'd had to completely change
what I'd planned on doing. Not only that, but the
hairdresser I'd hired didn't do the hairstyle I'd wanted. She
didn't even know how to put in clip in hair extensions.

Speaker 4 (39:09):
Wait, so she had like talked to her about them.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Yeah, I shouldn't that have been like a range.

Speaker 5 (39:13):
Okay, this is what I'm thinking about for my wedding day.

Speaker 4 (39:17):
Can you do this?

Speaker 1 (39:20):
No? I can't, so she would have to redo my
hair and rush it, which resulted in a hairstyle that
looked nothing like what I wanted and we didn't even
end up using the hair extensions. While I was stressing
about all of this, Stacy was just blabbing my ear
off and I don't even remember about what. And my

(39:40):
other bestie saw this and ended up shutting her out
of the room to give me a break. She was
my hero on that day. Finally I was ready and
we headed off to the venue. Thankfully, it wasn't raining,
so we were able to have the ceremony where we
had planned. It was, however, windy, and my dress had
capped sleeves and a keyhole back, so I was absolut
lutely freezing. That'll happen in the winter.

Speaker 4 (40:04):
Yep, sorry, that's outdoor winter wedding.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
I didn't notice that in the middle of the ceremony
a branch had fallen off the tree above me and
hit my face on its way down.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
Why are we outdoor in the winter.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
Everyone gasped, Oh no, and my husband almost almost leapt
toward me and asked if I was okay. I was fine,
And it's now just a funny story we tell of
that day.

Speaker 5 (40:31):
So it was like, it was like a small branch, Yeah,
just like a stick.

Speaker 1 (40:35):
I thought you just got like whacked. A bird was
playing a prank on you.

Speaker 4 (40:39):
Yeah, like, and everyone's like, You're like, it's this guy's fine.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
Now comes the worst part. They always say, you don't
remember much of your own weddings, so take moments where
you stop and look around you to take in the event.
These are the moments you'll remember. So here is what
I remember. I remember my first dance with Thomas, Thomas's
uncle laughing at the best man's speech, and a crowd
of my guests surrounding Stacy as she had a sob

(41:07):
session about how she's worried she'll never get married, Like.

Speaker 5 (41:12):
Is this really a time girl? Go home and cry
about it? After the wedding, you can call I don't know,
call some call your mom up or whatever. Go cry
in your room and get an ice cream, some ice
cream and a hot chocolate and you can watch freaking
uh morom coms in your pjs.

Speaker 1 (41:34):
She's never done that. I haven't, but you had no
not ones.

Speaker 4 (41:42):
Never with ice cream.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Got him on the technicality boom, never with ice cream.
She went on and on and on and on about
how she doesn't have a boyfriend and that she needs
a backup husband, build the best man, that he was
her back up, and again told everyone all the details
of her hypothetical wedding that she was worried she wouldn't
have to reiterate. She was nineteen at the time, which

(42:08):
is the same age as op in the story. Not
only that, but she refused to give a maid of
honor speech and pulled her skirt up so high while
dancing she flashed my stepdad or underwear, who was sitting
about one point five meters behind her. She also decided
that my wedding day was the time to tell me
she no longer wanted me as her maid of honor
like we'd always planned, but that she wanted her sister

(42:28):
to be her maid of honor instead. So yeah, that's
what I remember about my wedding day, my supposed best
friend making a day that was supposed to be about
celebrating Thomas and I t into being all about her
and the wedding she wasn't even having. So how you asked,
does this have to do with my family? Well, let's
go back in time a bit. Around the time Thomas
and I got together, I started realizing how harmful my father,

(42:51):
Richard was. I won't go into too much detail, but
here's just some for context. I was told by him
many times I wasn't worth his time, that I couldn't
achieve much because I'm a girl, and that I'd never
be good enough for him. He would compare me to
one of my brothers and even Stacy and say I
should be more like them, and even threw things at

(43:14):
me in anger. My parents split when I was at
the beginning of grade twelve, and so I didn't do
very well that year. Oh and they'd split because he'd
been having an affair with his boss's secretary and Richard
decided he wanted to be with her instead of my mom.

Speaker 4 (43:31):
Dude, Richer, we have drama in your family.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Manh, this guy's really putting the the rich and Richard dude.
I agree. He rented a house near our home so
we me and my siblings could stay with him every
other weekend, but despite earning a six figure income, we
were made to sleep on the floor and sit on
camping chairs with a cardboard box for a table. I
was also expected to make everyone dinner, as he never

(43:55):
planned food for us. Yo, Daddy, dadda sucks, No Dad,
He's bad, big bad. It didn't take long for me
to get to the point of yelling at him about
why he couldn't even provide the bear basics for his
children to stay with him for a weekend and why
so much was left up to me. He called me
ungrateful and many other names. So I called my mom

(44:16):
to pick me up and I never went back. This
began years of harmful and manipulative messages from him. Richard
wasn't invited to my high school graduation and even tried
manipulating me to see him by saying he wouldn't give
me my eighteenth birthday money unless I saw him. Money
has never been more important than it has to be
for me, so I didn't care that he withheld it.

(44:38):
When it came to my wedding, he was of course
not invited, nor was one of his brothers who had
been cheating on and manipulating his partner, who became one
of my mom's best friends and I still consider an
aunt to this day. I cautiously ended up inviting Richard's
parents to other brothers and sister. Big mistake. Huge. One day,

(45:02):
my uncle Justin, who was invited, called me out of
the blue to ask for a plus one to the wedding. Now,
we didn't do plus ones because not only were we
paying for the wedding ourselves as to nineteen slash twenty
year olds, which.

Speaker 5 (45:15):
Is impressive and it makes sense that you're doing all
that DIY.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
With one of us being a UNI student, but we
also only wanted to celebrate our relationship with people we
knew and cared about. He said he wanted to bring
his new girlfriend to my wedding to celebrate because she
was important to him, and so was our wedding. That's weird.
I would be like no. He said he'd be happy

(45:39):
to pay for her to go if money was an issue,
but he understood if we decided not to invite her.
I told him I talked to Thomas about it and
get back to him. I was so uncomfortable by this request,
as not only had I never met this woman, but
he'd also just separated from his wife with many years
that he also shared two children that I had invited
to the wedding.

Speaker 5 (46:00):
Yeah, I think I would go back and be like, hey,
I talked to him my hubby, and uh, I think.

Speaker 4 (46:07):
We just want to keep it to people we know
really well. No thanks, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
I'm hitting you with a no so quick no, and
be like, especially after I explained once, can I can
I get a plus one from my new girlfriend? I'd
be like, well, we're really only having people who are
like super close to us and like know our relationship
and know us. Yeah, but it's like she's really important
to me and it's important. No, no, no, next moving on,

(46:35):
Thomas agreed to not invite Justin's new girlfriend. So I
messaged Justin saying we're sorry, but we just weren't comfortable
with it, and hoped he could still come. He was
not happy, and that's what he hit him with another no.
He caught me one night to yell at me and
tell me it was unacceptable to not invite his girlfriend
because she was so important to him, and he'd even

(46:57):
offered to pay for I told him, it was my
wedding and I got to invite who I wanted there.
You yeah, and that if he wasn't happy with that,
he could just not come.

Speaker 4 (47:08):
Whoa, oh my godliant. Yeah, he could be all as
unhappy as he wants to do.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
I told him it was my wedding and I got
to invite who I wanted there, and that if he
wasn't happy with that, he could just not come. He
continued to be rate me, even saying how rude it
was that I didn't even call him to tell him this,
and just sent him a text until I just hung
up on him. The next morning, I received a message
from my grandma, Richard's and Justin's mom Richard is the dead,

(47:35):
who told me how disrespectful it was to tell Justin
that and how dare I hang up on him? I
ignored this message, but it didn't end there. I told
my mom everything that was happening, and she decided to
send an email to Justin, his parents, sister, and other brother,
all members of that side of the family who were invited,
reminding them to be civil, and that the wedding was

(47:56):
about celebrating Thomas and I. If they couldn't do that
and they shouldn't come, well, the family came at her. They
berated her on how she had raised such a disrespectful
daughter who wouldn't even invite her own father to her wedding.
See there it is.

Speaker 4 (48:13):
Ah, and that was the real stories.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
Why aren't we talking about Why aren't we talking about
Unk's girlfriend?

Speaker 4 (48:21):
Yeah? Why is she not the disrespectful one?

Speaker 1 (48:24):
Uh? Huh, what's going on? Even the uncle that wasn't
invited to the wedding emailed her asking why he wasn't
included in the email. My goodness, From then on I
received RSVPs of no from every single member of that family.
Oh and the way my grandparents RSVP'd no was by
tearing up our handmaid invitation and sending it back to

(48:45):
us in the.

Speaker 4 (48:45):
Mid so petty.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
That honestly made me laugh, because I couldn't believe something
so immature had come from someone in their fifties. Not
only that, but Thomas and I had found out later
that they had also sought out the pastor who was
marrying us and contacted him to convince us to invite Richard,
teach us respect and tell us how sinful our actions were.
He obviously did not and ignored them.

Speaker 4 (49:09):
You get a it's got a bill you for that.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
Things got so crazy that we weren't sure if they
would try to show up on the day, so we'd
ask Thomas's sword fighting friends, who were invited, if they
could be on the lookout. Whaw was. Thankfully, the family
didn't even show up to this wedding, much to our
sword fighting friends disappointment and Sophia's. However, the drama didn't

(49:34):
end there. This whole time, Richard was consistently emailing me,
trying to make amends to our relationship so he could
come to the wedding. He was, of course, never going
to be invited, even if somehow we did make amends,
and I told him this. He denied trying to even
come to the wedding, but that was clearly a lie.
After the wedding happened while I was on my honeymoon,
he continued to email me and started sending me hurtful

(49:56):
and manipulative emails. Again. I told him to stop contacting me,
and even Thomas had sent him an email under his
lawyer father's guidance and advice to stop contacting me or
we would be taking him to court. Richard then sent
a threatening email to Thomas and we decided to go
get a DVO against him. When we got home. Upon

(50:18):
receiving the documents, Richard went into full blown person freak out.
He called and emailed my mom, berating her and telling
her to make me cancel the DVO, which she refused
and told him that she supported me in making whatever
decision I felt was best. He even got one of
my brothers to try and tell me to drop it.
This brother is one of the most thoughtful people I

(50:38):
know and hates conflict, which Richard knew and used to
manipulate him into doing this. This is where the two
stories intersect. Who While all this drama was going on,
I was trying to confide in Stacy about everything that
was happening, thinking I would have her support. Instead, she
would just start talking about her own dad who had

(50:58):
cheated on her mom but was still actively involved in
her life as a loving father, or scroll on her
phone while I was trying to talk to her. It
was in that moment that I realized how little of
a friend she truly was. She ended up not telling
me about big things happening in her life despite any
efforts on my part to remain friends, and I only
found out about them through her posts on Facebook. Not

(51:21):
only that, but I was studying a beauty degree at
the time, and so i'd do some beauty treatments on her.
Even though she'd agreed to pay me for the products
I'd used, she never did, and she'd brag about how
between me and her mom she could get all her
beauty treatments for free.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
Dang.

Speaker 1 (51:38):
She continued to ghost me, and so I decided I
was done. I ended up settling with Richard outside of
court on a no contact agreement for two years, all
the same rules as a DVO, without him having one
against him, and I never messaged Stacy again. Oh and
to top off all this drama surrounding the wedding, a
week before my wedding, my mother and Lae decided, without

(52:01):
talking to myself or Thomas, to invite all of her
Facebook friends to our wedding.

Speaker 4 (52:07):
How many Facebook friends does she have?

Speaker 5 (52:10):
Or she's like, yeah, I've in writing all my Facebook friends.

Speaker 1 (52:14):
Are like, oh, you can't do that, yeah, Betty Beth
and Margaret. Margaret said she's a baby.

Speaker 5 (52:23):
Margaret's out of town that weekend, so I don't think
it's gonna work out. And also Tina, Tina doesn't really.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
Like to go out. Yeah, Tina's not really a huge flake. Yeah.
Thankfully no extra people ended up coming, because who in
their right mind thinks that showing up to a wedding
when you're not officially invited is okay? So here are
some updates because I know you all love your updates.
After Thomas and I had our first baby, Richard's mom
was diagnosed with cancer and it was terminal. I had

(52:53):
made my peace with never seeing any of them again,
because why would I want someone in my life who
treats me the way they did. Of course meant they
all felt entitled to see my child, and I was
consistently contacted by Richard's father, particularly, but also by Richard
a couple of times. This was after the two year
no contact agreement ended about how badly she wanted to

(53:14):
see my baby before she passed away. Thomas and I were,
of course not comfortable with this, so we didn't contact
them back. We saw them at my brother's graduation after
Richard's mom had passed and his dad confronted me about
how she had wanted to see my baby. I told
him that we were not comfortable with that and kept
our distance for the rest of the night. And I

(53:34):
get it. Look, it's like, sure, you have a regret, right,
you're at the end of your life. You're like, I
want to see the baby. But you know what, just
because you want it doesn't mean you get it.

Speaker 5 (53:45):
Yeah, because you know, just get kind of whatever you
want when you like, if you got whatever you want
when you were passing, why then.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
My stepdad and mom were watching them the whole time,
making sure they didn't try to pull anything. Because of this,
I am now no longer alive to them, so none
of them have tried to contact me since. And that
is the way I like it. The trash go ahead
and took itself outpeep As for Stacy, years later, after
I'd had two kids, her sister sent me a friend

(54:15):
request on Instagram, which I just dismissed. Then a couple
of days later, while we were having a family night out,
I ran into her and she confronted me. By the way,
while my husband wasn't with me, I was waiting in
line to get us some churos over how I'd apparently
ignored Stacy and cut her out and treated her so poorly.

Speaker 5 (54:35):
Oh my goodness, Stacy, were you not there for your
whole life?

Speaker 1 (54:39):
By the way, you wouldn't be treating your ears poorly
if you listened to full episodes with stories like this
on Spotify. iHeartRadio, Apple podcasts. Wherever you listen to podcasts,
Just search Okay, story time and you've got fifty three
times twenty four hours worth of stories. That's twelve hundred
and seventy two ish math is right hours. I told

(55:02):
her it was the other way around, and that Stacy
had lied about what happened. Oh, we're confronting her. And
she yelled at me about how that was incorrect and
her sister would never do that. I cut her off
and said I wasn't going to argue, and that she
could believe what she wanted to believe, but that I
was done talking to her. She spat finely and stormed off.

(55:24):
As for Thomas and me, we are coming up on
our nine year wedding anniversary.

Speaker 5 (55:28):
Look at you push past all of that family drama
made it and three kids later, we are really happy
together and.

Speaker 4 (55:36):
Look at that. Wow, look at that Dakota.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Yeah, I guess, Hey, happily married for nine years.

Speaker 4 (55:42):
Being next to each other for nine years.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Well, we don't know if they are. They could have
slept next to each other for nine months and then gone.

Speaker 4 (55:49):
Hey, okay, let's two different rooms.

Speaker 5 (55:50):
Separate bedrooms, which honestly is like, sometimes it's a good
you know, it's a good thing.

Speaker 4 (55:57):
Some couples have separate bedrooms.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
My parents did that because because of the snoring, they
literally could not. I think it's good.

Speaker 4 (56:02):
I mean, it's also just like, sometimes it's nice to
have your own space.

Speaker 1 (56:05):
It is. Sometimes you just want to sleep in a
bed by yourself.

Speaker 4 (56:09):
That's okay.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you do be able to choose anyway.
I'm running a successful business that continues to grow, which
is my dream since I was a little girl. My
husband is doing amazing at his job, and we continue
to hold those that mean a lot to us close.
We hope to be able to have a party for
our ten year anniversary without drama, to celebrate the life

(56:31):
we've built together. Damn, that's the end of that story. Hey,
it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (56:39):
My mother is causing problems with my fiance's family. I
can't stand her.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Ah, then you should sit down. Maybe.

Speaker 5 (56:47):
So this is a weird situation. My mom and I
haven't had the best relationship. She has a history of
emotional abuse. I didn't see her from ages twelve to
eighteen and live with my dad exclusively. There was a
no contact order issued by the court after multiple shrinks
evaluated her. By the way, this comes from Wetted Throwaway one,
two three, and if you want to submit your own stories,

(57:09):
go to our Slashowkay story Time Separate it. So after
high school we started rebuilding our relationship and things have
generally been good. We haven't had any blow ups in
a long time. She and my fiance, Marie twenty eight
got along great. Everything seemed perfect. She threw Marie a
beautiful bridal shower out of fancy winery in the area.

(57:31):
My mom likes to show off by spending lots of
money on parties. There were about forty people in attendance.
The shower went great and everyone was happy until a
couple of days later, when she texted Marie's mom and
asked if she could come over with a bottle of
wine and talk. It was an unusual request. She went
to my mother in law's house and talked to her

(57:51):
for an hour and a half about how trashy Marie's
brother girlfriend, Sarah is. Sarah's seventeen and has had a
pretty rough life, but she's a nice girl all things considered.

Speaker 4 (58:03):
Mother in law treats her like a daughter.

Speaker 5 (58:05):
My mom said she ate too much at the shower
even though everyone had multiple servings according to multiple people,
and was classless, trashy, and wasn't good enough for my
future brother in law.

Speaker 4 (58:16):
She ate too much, sue a girl for being hungry.
That's so weird.

Speaker 5 (58:22):
She also happens to be not white. She's Latina, and
my mom grew up in a rural area with lots
of migrant workers who she's always looked down on. According
to everyone we have asked, Sarah was very well behaved
and didn't do anything to justify this response. My mom
also said that she would only be allowed one meal

(58:44):
at the wedding and rehearsal dinner, which is not her
call to make.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
We're rationing food. Now you're done, you're out, You're canceled
everyone eat. She's too fat and I hate her because
of who she looks like or what she looks like.

Speaker 5 (59:00):
Ah says she'll pay for extra food, but my mom
said that it's not about money. She said, Sarah needs
to learn some etiquette.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Bit m, you got me almost cursing, lady, you need
to learn some etiquette. Yeah, maybe you should learn how
to keep your mouth shut. Mm mmmmmmm.

Speaker 5 (59:16):
A little more context. My mom works a corporate job
and makes good money. My mother in law is self
employed as a housekeeper. My mom hires mother in law
to clean her house. It's a weird class power dynamic.

Speaker 4 (59:27):
WHOA.

Speaker 5 (59:28):
My mom has always had a very elitist attitude and
looks down on those who aren't doing as well as her.
My mother in law is normally not one to take
crap like this. She really cares about this girl like
her own daughter. But out of respect for me, she
held her tongue and took it for an hour and
a half. Afterward, she called Marie and told her about it.
Marie was devastated because it became very apparent that my

(59:51):
mom doesn't like her brother and family is the most
important thing to her. By extension, I was upset to
my mother has no business doing this, It's not her place.
The next morning, I emailed her and said that what
she said was very hurtful, that she shouldn't have done it,
that Sarah can eat whatever she wants, and that the
shower will forever be remembered for this and not the

(01:00:13):
actual beautiful event that occurred. She responded kind of flabbergasted
that I would think this thing. It was a misunderstanding,
and she's very hurt by my email. She said she
was only trying to help Sarah. She seesed Marie and
mother in law, and that she wished we would have
spoken in person about this. Then she says that she
doesn't understand why Marie is upset about this, said Sarah

(01:00:33):
needed an attitude check and that she isn't as cute
as she thinks she is. At the end, she throws
in a jab directed at me and says that I
treated her like my dad treated me in an incident
last year, which was not at all the same and
not relevant to this.

Speaker 4 (01:00:50):
Conversation at all.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Yeah, now you're just trying to shift perspective, be like
I'm actually a victim. You're treating me like the I'm
being a victim. I'm victim.

Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
This set me off.

Speaker 5 (01:01:00):
My dad, who along with his wife, raised me while
she was in awed to speak to me, had nothing
to do with this. I fired back, perhaps too hastily,
in an email that recalled the six years she didn't
see me because she was court ordered not to for
being abusive, the fact that I don't remember most of
my childhood because of her, and how the white trash
woman with three divorces and married first cousins has zero

(01:01:23):
room to judge people on their classiness and an etiquette.

Speaker 4 (01:01:26):
E Ope, he did not pull any punches.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
How is it? Do you think they're all three married
to each other? Do you think they're married into a thruple.

Speaker 4 (01:01:34):
Potentially thrule cousins potentially?

Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
I think so. I hope they're. Yeah, they're a family.

Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
Trees a circle.

Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
Oh, the family tree is a bush. Tom is a
flat circle.

Speaker 4 (01:01:46):
She responded that she.

Speaker 5 (01:01:47):
Would not be able to attend the wedding. After a
lot of discussion, I decided I wanted to give her
an out of the hole. She dug and called her,
leaving a voicemail apologizing. He texted back, saying she wanted
to speak in person. To Marie and me, so I
proposed a time for the next day. She responded the
next morning this morning, saying that she thought about it

(01:02:09):
and nothing is going to change her mind. She wished
us all the path. We're still operating under the assumption
that she'll change her mind and come again. She is
my mother. Our relationship is forever changed, but I still
want her there. I also think that she isn't going
to be able to spin this to her friends and
family in a way that doesn't make her look bad.

(01:02:31):
She is big into her image and I don't think
she could handle that. However, I am making no moves
towards having her come. The ball is one hundred percent
in her court. Now for the complications. We have about
one hundred guests coming, and about twenty eight of them
are her friends and family. Do we let them know
about this? She's not coming, so no hard feelings. If
you don't, do we uninvite them? What if none of

(01:02:54):
them show. She gave us a fair amount of money
for the wedding. I'm tempted to give it back to her.
We don't need it. We saved enough ourselves. She used
to use money as a control thing, but I make
more than her now, so she can't. I don't need her,
and I think that scares her a little. However, I
also don't see a downside to keeping it too.

Speaker 1 (01:03:12):
I mean, yeah, really, don't give the money back to
the racist. No, keep their money so they can't use
it for racism.

Speaker 5 (01:03:19):
I think any judge would laugh her out of court
if she sued to get it back. Quite frankly, I
think I'm owed it, and I'm going to use it
to pay for her friends if they still end up coming.
We hired private security for both the rehearsal dinner and
the wedding. This is not without precedent.

Speaker 1 (01:03:34):
Oh no.

Speaker 5 (01:03:36):
There are multiple instances where my mom made a public
spectacle growing up over bad situations. She attacked my dad
at a middle school band concert in front of all
of my classmates after she'd been served papers earlier of
the day so he could get full custody of me.
I do love her despite all her shortcomings. She's my mom.
I just can't stand out judgmental she can be. I

(01:03:58):
know everyone will regret it if she does. Well, you know,
I don't think Marie will regret. I don't think Marie's
side will really care.

Speaker 1 (01:04:06):
Yeah, I don't think anyone will regret I don't even
think honestly, you have to regret it. No. I mean,
you know, we've all got a lot of strange feelings
about our parents and people who's really close and weird
strange relationships with. Yeah, but yeah, it doesn't sound like
your relationship is built on a solid foundation of snorbility,

(01:04:28):
you know.

Speaker 4 (01:04:29):
But there's an update.

Speaker 5 (01:04:31):
A couple months have passed and things have finally settled down.
Things were fairly stressful before the wedding. My mom tried
playing some mind games with us after she told us
she had thought about it and wasn't coming. I stopped
responding to her. A couple days after that, she texted
asking if she could drop something off for the wedding,
which was obviously a way to get back in.

Speaker 4 (01:04:50):
Which I didn't respond to.

Speaker 5 (01:04:52):
Finally, a week before she texted myself, Marie, and mother
in law apologizing in a fairly half budded way. She
called Marie and left a voicemail as well, also saying
she'd call me and mother in law, but didn't call
me or mother in law. Marie texted with her a
little bit, saying she could come to the wedding. A
few hours passed and I still never got a call.

(01:05:16):
So Marie texted her, I hope you call op and
mother in law, and within a few minutes she called me.
I let her leave a voicemail. We had a little
scrambling to do. We hired the security guard, made other
arrangements for pet sitting. You should also hire your sword friends, yeah,
or maybe last o piece sword friends.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
Yes. The previous nary we had some sword sword wielding guards.

Speaker 4 (01:05:38):
Yeah, for their wedding.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
They weren't really swords, they were sticks.

Speaker 5 (01:05:43):
My mom was going to take our cat while we
were on our honeymoon for two weeks. We had generally
watched each other's cats while on vacation and basically eliminated
any dependency we had on her. It wasn't too hard,
but it was additional work. The resal dinner was fine.
My mom and her boyfriend sat by themselves. No one
would talk to them, so I tried to make them
feel less awkward by talking to them for a while,

(01:06:05):
as did Marie. She has been a great sport for
all of this. Marie had planned to rent this diamond
necklace from some jewelry rental website to wear. But when
my mom got wind of that, she did it before
Marie could, so she gave us the necklace at the
RSAL dinner.

Speaker 4 (01:06:20):
Yet another control.

Speaker 5 (01:06:21):
Thing in my opinion, But I was almost done with her,
so I didn't find it. We got married as planned.
My mom was on her best behavior, but you could
still tell something was totally off. She had super crazy
eyes the whole time. The security guard looming around probably
didn't help, and this guy was all business.

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
He was amazing.

Speaker 5 (01:06:39):
During pictures, she did some weird bowing gesture to me
as if I was somehow subjugating her by not putting
up with her crap.

Speaker 4 (01:06:47):
I mostly ignored her the whole night.

Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
Maybe she was just trying to be really polite. Actually
she's like I read that the deep bow is very polite.

Speaker 5 (01:06:55):
The morning after I met her at the hotel cafe
and dropped off the necklace, there were a couple of
family members there, so we talked for a little bit.
I don't think they knew what was going on that
I left.

Speaker 1 (01:07:05):
But you should never leave us never.

Speaker 5 (01:07:07):
You should listen to full episodes of stories just like this. Yes,
just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio.

Speaker 4 (01:07:12):
And search a pokey story time.

Speaker 1 (01:07:14):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:07:14):
We went on our honeymoon for two weeks, came back,
and I've been living our lives as a married couple
sans my mom being in the picture. I haven't heard
from her. I haven't tried to talk to her. Marie
went to see her counselor about all of it, and
she also confirmed, which I guess I knew but didn't
want to admit, that my mom is crazy. It's actually
been nice with her not being around. I feel more free.

(01:07:35):
I guess I hope deep down that there's a way
that she can be made not crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
But I'm not old in

Speaker 5 (01:07:41):
My breath, and that is the end of that story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I changed my mind about being a SURROGATE for my sister… she didn’t take it well! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories