I cheated on her…but don’t I deserve to be happy? -r/RelationshipAdvice | Reddit Stories | EP2347 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.

Speaker 3 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

Speaker 4 (00:09):
I cheated on her, but don't I deserve to be
happy cheater.

Speaker 5 (00:13):
I hardly know her.

Speaker 4 (00:15):
Let's start with the backstory. I met my wife in
high school. We dated for three years, but broke it
off in the middle of senior year. We stayed broken
up for a little over a year. During that year,
I dated a little, spent time with friends, and had
a few casual fleeings nothing serious. We got back together
and everything was great. By the way, this comes from

(00:35):
am I a big jerk? And if you want to
speak your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story Time suffer at it.

Speaker 6 (00:40):
I'm Riley, and I'm Angie and I'm Sophia.

Speaker 4 (00:43):
We don't have all the absolute truth or experience here.
If you do, please comment below, but we're gonna give
our best shot at giving you advice. So op, he says.
At twenty one years old, we had our first child
and got married. My daughter changed my life. I went
from a nerdy video game slacker to a highly ambitious
IT professional. Overnight, I found a great job, got promoted quickly,

(01:05):
and started to travel for work. At twenty four, we
had our second kid. Four kids in our intimacy was
great anywhere from two to five times a week, but
after the second one it was maybe once every other month,
usually less. I met someone that worked at one of
those locations. I traveled to similar situation, young, married with
kids and lacking intimacy. It started innocent, it always does,

(01:30):
but eventually we decided we loved our spouses but still
needed a physical connection. Rather than risk emotional involvement, we
agreed to only meet when I was in town. When
I wasn't in town, we talk like friends, slash coworkers,
and keep things light. This arrangement allowed us to open
up to preferences we've never shared with our spouses.

Speaker 7 (01:50):
Let's test it with each other before we before we
tried things with our spouses, do.

Speaker 5 (01:53):
That trial run.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
We continued this for about a year and a half,
which ended up being about six visits. We both agreed
it was time to focus on fixing our marriages, and
I did. I completely put all my energy into rekindling
the passion into my marriage. It didn't really work, but
everything outside the bedroom was perfect, So I decided it
was okay with very little intimacy because she's an amazing woman.

(02:17):
I didn't want to break up with a great family
just because I wasn't getting what I wanted. I also
made a vow to stay faithful, which I did.

Speaker 5 (02:25):
So they I like this guy.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
So they didn't do anything, but they just were like, man,
we could do this, we could do that, we could
do this.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Is that what just happened?

Speaker 7 (02:32):
Real?

Speaker 5 (02:33):
They did do things. They met up six times.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
Well wait, wait, wait, wait, what was this with this?

Speaker 4 (02:36):
I also made a vow to stay faithful, which I did.

Speaker 5 (02:40):
Yeah, he's act, he said.

Speaker 6 (02:41):
He said he like did the cheating, and then he
was like, well I felt bad about that, so I
went back and uh, now I'm going to recommit to
my marriage.

Speaker 4 (02:50):
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, which I sayed faithful to.

Speaker 5 (02:54):
I didn't tell her that you.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Cheated on her.

Speaker 5 (02:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (02:57):
I think he's saying that, like once he decided I
had to work in his marriage again and not cheat anymore,
then he's decided to stay faithful, which, like, up until
this point that we're reading this, he has still a
crazy thing to say, Yeah, no, because he's.

Speaker 5 (03:11):
Already cheated on his girlfriend.

Speaker 6 (03:12):
Then he was like, well you know what, Yeah, I'm
gonna be faithful from now on exactly exactly faithful treating now.

Speaker 8 (03:19):
Yeah, so it's about to get stupid crazy right here,
let's do it in About two years ago, my wife
found a video on the laptop of me and my
former affair partner.

Speaker 5 (03:30):
Oohoo, why did you have that?

Speaker 4 (03:32):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Keep that, That's what I'm saying. Is there why he
is dumb?

Speaker 4 (03:40):
I came clean about everything I bet you did, admitted
it was wrong, and vowed to prove I was worth trusting.
She had some requirements that I accepted without question. I
stopped hanging out with friends, stopped playing any and all
video games, no longer chatting online, spent very limited time
on the internet, switch jobs, helped out more around the house,
and let her have full access to my email. I

(04:02):
decided that I would cut out everything that could be
a distraction from rebuilding trust. Just two years later, and
I'm confused. I've been faithful for more than three years
now and done everything ask of me and more. I've
made major changes in my life and who I am
to prove that I can be trusted. But it's made
very little difference. Still almost no intimacy, and she is

(04:24):
very mistrusting. She can have Facebook but I can't. She
can go out with friends occasionally, but I can't. I
can play a video game, but only if it has
no online slash chat component. We did counseling for about
six months, and the therapist said she saw improvements and
that I was making a serious effort to prove my trustworthiness.
Wife didn't like sharing details of our life and felt

(04:46):
it wasn't helping. Recently, a girl I knew in high
school contacted me and made it very clear she'd be
interested in a physically only relationship. I told her now,
but it made me wonder how much punishment I should endure?

Speaker 5 (05:00):
Sure, break up?

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Break up?

Speaker 4 (05:04):
Oh, I can't go out and have a physical altercation
with this woman. How much punishment can I still have?
I'm not getting any spicy sleep. This is not fair.

Speaker 5 (05:13):
How much of this is gonna angle?

Speaker 4 (05:16):
I can't even I can't even play my video games
with wife who's in it? This punishment is getting unruly.
I feel like I've tried as hard as I can
and I want to get better, but I refuse to
spend the next seventy years apologizing and walking around with
my head down. But I also don't want to be
a weekend only dad. That would destroy me and I
still very much love my wife. I just don't know

(05:39):
what to do. We got an update, Sophia, what are
you doing?

Speaker 5 (05:42):
I'm leaving. I'm breaking up. It's already not healthy like you. Wait, wait,
you can't fix this update.

Speaker 4 (05:49):
After reading all the comments last week, I decided I'm
not a prisoner and things had to change. I made
plans to go out with friends and it's seen an
over a year on a Friday night. On Thursday night,
I sat down with my wife try and reopen communication.
I told her that I have needs and once that
aren't being met, and that if we are going to
make this work, then some things have to happen. She's

(06:11):
my partner, not my warden. She took it pretty well
and seemed to understand where I was coming from and
recognize a huge amount of work I've put into myself
and this relationship. It felt like a fairly major breakthrough.
We even discussed picking a new therapist and giving that
another try, but there was something nagging at me the
whole time. A commenter told me he went through something

(06:32):
similar but eventually discovered his wife was also cheating, which
explained why his life was on lockdown. I didn't want
to believe it, but I couldn't shake the thought. My
wife is reasonable, so why had I been under these
restrictions for two years. After a couple of days, I
gave in and started the keylogger on the laptop, and
I did this Thursday afternoon. Friday comes and I'm excited

(06:54):
to see my buddies. We talked a little before I left.
She was apprehensive but understood this was necessary to rebuild
lasting trust in our relationship. And, like Reddit suggested, I
hardly had anything to drink, answered texts and calls promptly,
and got home twenty minutes before I said I would,
as a show of good faith. My wife was already
in bed, but sleepily asked how the night went, and

(07:15):
I told her it was great. Saturday morning, we discussed
at length. She seemed genuinely happy and understanding, and I
was beaming. Not only did I see my friends, but
it looked like I was making real progress. While I
was on this high, I decided trust is not built
with a keylogger.

Speaker 5 (07:30):
Oh a great, amazing, the great idea.

Speaker 4 (07:34):
It was pointless and would only create paranoia. I should
also mention that while she has full access to my email,
I also have access to hers.

Speaker 7 (07:43):
Oh oh, what's gonna happen?

Speaker 4 (07:47):
The keylogger was unnecessary. I went to uninstall it. Of course,
curiosity got the best of me. I checked the two
and a half days of logs. Nothing unusual, Amazon, Facebook, YouTube, Gmail.
Then I saw a Gmail log in I didn't recognize.
I opened it. No spam, no random junk, just a
folder labeled tax information. It was full hundreds of emails,

(08:10):
none of it tax related.

Speaker 5 (08:14):
Oh, I just gotta do my taxes really quick. Oh, taxes,
come on over.

Speaker 4 (08:19):
These emails have a lot of loopholes, talking about a
lot of loopholes in the tax breaks. Yeah, every single
one was to or from Steve for tax guys.

Speaker 5 (08:31):
Steve.

Speaker 4 (08:32):
I don't know who this Steve is. These messages were inappropriate,
full of intimate conversations, things they liked about each other,
and notes about every weekend together. I read through about
thirty of them before I forced myself to stop. I
made a new Gmail account and forward all of them there.
Then I deleted my tracks, stayed calm. It hurt, but

(08:52):
I cheated once, and now I was feeling what she
must have felt. As I forwarded the emails, I noticed
the dates this has been going on for you, back
to roughly a year before my son was born, before
I even cheated.

Speaker 5 (09:05):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
Wait, that realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
What if my son isn't mine? What if my baby
girl isn't mine? I completely lost it. I verified my
tracks and left the house, saying I was going to
the gym. Sat in my car two hours crying, wondering
how to move forward. I got home to find her
best friend there. They said there were going to a movie.
I nodded I needed time to think. Later, I checked

(09:31):
her secret Gmail. She had email Steve four hours earlier
saying she'd meet him after the movie. I checked the
time the movie should be ending. I called her phone
ten times, no answer. At one am, she walked in.
She was surprised I was still awake, and asked if
I was feeling okay. Stood up and asked, why didn't
you pick up the phone. He said she was at
the movie and could have talked, didn't forgot to check.

(09:52):
I looked at her and asked, how Steve doing?

Speaker 5 (09:56):
Uh uh?

Speaker 6 (10:00):
Now, I would believe.

Speaker 4 (10:01):
Steve is a tax guy if two things were to happen.
Number one, no inappropriate text. Number two, we don't have
to pay taxes. If that was the case, I'd be like,
all right, cool, how Steve doing? Accountant?

Speaker 1 (10:12):
I would believe that like if wait.

Speaker 7 (10:13):
What like if you didn't have to pay taxes, then
you'd believe that Steve is an actual Yeah.

Speaker 4 (10:17):
Like Steve and my wife are hanging out and they're
only talking about tax stuff and how to be sure
tax savvy.

Speaker 5 (10:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (10:23):
Unfortunately we did see the actual messages, so you know
that that's not true.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
Okay, but I was hoping for a surprise accountant here.

Speaker 7 (10:31):
It's like, no, it's actually actually I'm the accountant and
I'm helping Steve, whoa.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
Ther name is actually Stephanie. She just goes by Steve
for fun.

Speaker 5 (10:44):
There you go.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
Her face went, hell uh your uncle Steve.

Speaker 5 (10:52):
M mine says.

Speaker 7 (10:53):
Plot twist the movie was minecraft It's like, uh, well, yeah,
I mean he went to another but like he got
out of okay.

Speaker 4 (11:01):
O man went to her nether region another your uncle Steve,
She asked, No, I said, the Steve you just met
after the movie. How's he? She froze. I told her
I found the Gmail account. I told her I saw messages,
including the one from tonight, with that posure I had left.
I asked, why didn't you come clean when you found

(11:21):
out about me? We could have fixed things together. She
started crying and ran upstairs. I followed her. She admitted
she met Steve years ago at work. I asked why
she didn't tell me when I confessed my cheating. She
said she was hurt and ashamed. She claimed she ended it,
but started again about eight months later. Talk for hours.
I asked if the two youngest kids were mine. She

(11:42):
swore they were, she has no proof. I was shattered.
I told her I needed space. I won't be her warden.
I told her we need separation and therapy if we're
ever going to fix this. She didn't like it, but
I stood firm. I've been trapped for two years. Maybe
she loves the idea of us more than me.

Speaker 5 (12:00):
Very easy thing to do now, true.

Speaker 4 (12:02):
I don't know what comes next. I love my kids.
I still care for her, but I don't know if
we can ever trust each other again. Oh my gosh,
jimberly Fin said, not a single person in this story
has come clean. Agreed, that's pretty good. Got an update
six months after I found out my wife had been
cheating on me, and a lot has changed. After founding out,

(12:22):
The first thing I did was get the kids DNA test.
Spent the next two weeks sleeping on the couch having
endless conversations with my wife. The more we talked, the
more I felt like the world's biggest chump. I had
poured my soul into fixing the relationship and was wrecked
with guilt while she was out having an affair with
some guy named Steve. But I also couldn't see myself

(12:44):
just walking away. She'd been in my life since we
were fifteen. We are now twenty nine.

Speaker 5 (12:49):
Ooh, that's hard, dude. That's rough. Ah, that's rough.

Speaker 4 (12:53):
So I agreed to start therapy immediately and see how
I felt after talking to someone else. To say the
therapist was a bit shocked by our story is a
bit of an understatement. This lady was pretty blunt in
saying that nearly all of our problems stemmed from my
wife's actions and that she needed counseling just for her,
in addition to couple sessions while we were in therapy.

(13:15):
I moved out and crashed with my best friend, but
demanded the house on the weekend so I could be
with kids. My other conditions were that she cut off
all contact with Steve and that we talk openly about everything,
any lies, even the white lies, and I would be done.
I wanted full control of the bills and the budget.
She could blind. I never divulged that it was a

(13:36):
key logger that helped me to find out what was
going on. She assumed that she had stayed logged into
her secret Gmail account, and I didn't correct her low move.
But I figured that since I'd been lied to for
three plus years, I had the right to do a
bit of spying.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
But whenever you installed the key lagger, you didn't even
know what was happening exactly.

Speaker 7 (13:56):
Bro, you can't pull that, you can nah? You said, Okay, yeah,
we need to be super honest about all the lies,
even the white lies, which means we would have to
give all this information that might be important around it,
you know. But but I'm not gonna tell you that
I installed a key logger on your computer and then
snoop through your emails. That is so insane, That's so insane.

(14:19):
Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (14:22):
This puts us at Roughly four weeks after I found out,
and finally the results from the kids DNA test came back.
Oh mine, oh oh oh, okay, congrats.

Speaker 5 (14:32):
Well I mean glad we no, I'm glad.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
We know Steve shoots blanks. That was such a relief
that I can't even describe. It almost felt like I
didn't care what happened with my wife anymore, because I
knew my kids were mine and I'd always have them.
And one thought stuck in my mind the whole time
was I can accept that people make mistakes, but if
she loved me, she had the chance to come clean
about her mistake when she caught me. Instead, she put

(14:57):
me on lockdown for years. Who does that to someone
they love? I just couldn't stop thinking about that. Therapy
was going well, but I was becoming jealous and angry,
always upset. I was away from home all week, and
then on the weekend I'd tear apart the laptop trying
to find out what she'd been doing in my absence.
She was checking her secret email, and Steve was continuing

(15:19):
to email her, but she never responded. That was the
breaking point. She hadn't shut down the email like I
had asked, and while she wasn't responding, she was checking
the emails, almost like she was keeping her safety net
around so she could go back if things didn't work
out or maybe not. I don't know, but I didn't
want to be angry and jealous all the time. I
didn't want to be a warden. The next day, I

(15:41):
confronted her, told her I couldn't forgive what she had done.
I told her I could probably move past the cheating,
but the way I was treated was terrible. I explained
how I'd push friends out of my life and shut
myself off from the world to work on us, only
to find out I was being kept prisoner so she
could keep seeing her a fair partner. She broke down,
saying she do anything to salvage the relationship, but it

(16:03):
fell on deaf ears. That Monday, I contacted an attorney.
Fast forward four and a half months at my own place.
Divorce is nearly final, and I'm finally starting to feel
like me again. We're going for fifty to fifty custody.
I've been reconnecting with friends and trying my new hobbies
for when I don't have the kids. I've been on
two dates because a couple of friends wanted to double date,

(16:25):
thinking it would help me. It was nice to meet
new women, but I'm just nowhere near ready to trust anyone.

Speaker 7 (16:31):
No, I agree with everything that we've been saying. It's
just that everybody sucks your kind of situation. Oh yeah,
but I am glad that they're at least like or
at least so P is kind of moving forward, it seems.
So it's like, yeah, everyone sucks, but like you, guys
can't just not do anything for the rest of your lives.

Speaker 5 (16:47):
You gotta do something. So I'm glad he's doing this.
I'm glad they're getting divorced.

Speaker 4 (16:50):
I agree with Lisa Marie. However, many years you were married,
that's how many months you should stay single to work
on yourself after divorce.

Speaker 5 (16:58):
That's fair, that's fair.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
Part of me think I'll just put off dating until
the kids are out of high school. The kids are
sad that we aren't together, but we keep all of
this away from them. No arguing in front of them,
and no bashing the other when they aren't around. But
either way, I think I'm on the road to recovery
and feel free to ask anything because you guys helped
more than I could ever say. I say these the

(17:20):
story's done.

Speaker 5 (17:21):
This is ah ah, yeah, glad it is done.

Speaker 7 (17:26):
Glad you you know, aren't staying in that relationship up
And that's the.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
End of the story. We're going on to the next one.

Speaker 5 (17:33):
I walked in on him cheating? Would you forgive him? No,
I'd walk out.

Speaker 7 (17:39):
My boyfriend, who all call Kay and I had been
dating for four years after high school.

Speaker 5 (17:43):
He asked me to move in with him in a
different state.

Speaker 7 (17:46):
I agreed so that we can be together while we
attended college. By the way, this comes from Mayano Kiori.
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash okay story Teme's Upbreddit And I'm.

Speaker 5 (17:56):
Angie, I'm Sophia.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
And I'm Keon and we are not experts people.

Speaker 5 (18:01):
We are just here to give good advice. Goofily.

Speaker 7 (18:03):
We haven't experienced all of these situations, so if you have,
let us know what you would do or have done
in the comments, and Opie says, over the years we
made amazing friends here, and he was just as kind
to me as when we first started dating. Cute, awkward
text messages, surprise gifts, and flowers at least once every
two weeks. We had a date night every Thursday after
work as well. He also told me he loved me

(18:24):
at least once a day. Well, last week, I got
out of work early. I was in a good mood
because Kay had sent flowers to my workplace and ordered
me Chinese for lunch because I had mentioned that I
had a taste for it the night before. On my
way home from work, I picked up some of his
favorite donuts and went home. When I walked in the door,
I could immediately hear the sounds oh oh oh. I

(18:46):
walked to our bedroom to see that our friend Ellie
was on.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Top of him.

Speaker 5 (18:51):
No, my heart dropped.

Speaker 7 (18:54):
They'd known each other for ten years, but they were
never close, or so I thought.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
Yeah, little, they're really cl They're pretty close.

Speaker 7 (19:01):
You can get they're pretty close. They didn't notice me
until I dropped the donuts.

Speaker 5 (19:06):
Not the donuts.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
The donuts.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Was it like the box, Like all the donuts came
out like one.

Speaker 7 (19:11):
I'm picking up one and dropping it like frosting.

Speaker 5 (19:15):
First, shocking at them right.

Speaker 7 (19:18):
They quickly covered themselves up, and Kay got up to
try and explain the situation to me, but I wasn't
hearing any of it. I packed a bag and left
my friend's house. I spent a week at my friend's house,
wondering if I wasn't satisfying him enough and what I
did wrong. Both Kay and Elliet bombarded me with messages
trying to explain themselves. Kay told me that it just happened.
He said that this really was the first time and

(19:40):
it wasn't planned at all, that I should know that
this isn't the real hymn.

Speaker 5 (19:43):
Of course it is. What else was it? I don't know.
Was it your clone? We're not in the metaverse right now?

Speaker 6 (19:50):
Is you?

Speaker 5 (19:51):
This is you? This is you exactly.

Speaker 7 (19:55):
He explained that she came over and that one thing
just led to another and it was a mistake that
he'd do anything to fix.

Speaker 5 (20:01):
That's not how things lead to each other. Yeah, I
feel like you also wouldn't feel this way right after
your finishing fact, like if you were just doing it.

Speaker 7 (20:09):
Yeah, Like if she didn't walk in at that same
point in the day, you would have still kept you
wouldn't have felt this way, so the only reason you're
saying this is because she saw you.

Speaker 5 (20:20):
He's sent me pictures of an engagement ring as well
love bombing.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
Oh.

Speaker 7 (20:27):
Ellie messaged me as well, saying how she never meant
to hurt me and then it wasn't supposed to be
this way. I decided to call my friend Ian and
explain the situation to him. I asked him if he'd
be willing to come with me and help me grab
my things.

Speaker 5 (20:39):
Walk K was at work in the morning.

Speaker 7 (20:41):
I explained the situation to my friends and family, and
they all agree that leaving is the best option. I
will be taking all of my things and flying back home.
My parents have sent me the money for a ticket,
and I'll be moving back in with them for the
time being. I don't plan on telling Kay anything. He
will just come home to a partially empty apartment. There
are some relevant comments, but I want to hear your
comments first.

Speaker 5 (21:02):
Break up, Yeah, break up. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (21:04):
They have no excuse for doing that. All of their
everything they've said is just so stupid.

Speaker 5 (21:10):
Yeah, the excuses don't make sense.

Speaker 7 (21:12):
I didn't mean to hurt you, but you didn't mean
to do something that would hurt me, so.

Speaker 5 (21:16):
Like, y, what do you mean you meant to sleep
with them? Yeah, and it hurt me. So that's kind
of where we're at. And you knew that would happen.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
Services on that page, it's not what you think. I
love you. Here's a ring.

Speaker 5 (21:29):
Yeah, that was cra crazy, that's crazy.

Speaker 7 (21:33):
Min There are some comments. Cusco's dance partners says, I've
unfortunately been cheated on in a few relationships. It's always
an automatic deal breaker. There are no second chances. There
is no going back from that. There's no reason they
could give that makes it okay. I don't understand why
cheaters think an explanation will make it all better. You
did absolutely nothing wrong. None of this has anything to

(21:55):
do with you, and everything to do with your ex
and Ellie. I also agree with a few other comments.
This is not the first time it's happened, agreed, It's
just the first time when he got caught. No way,
it's the first time this has happened for sure. How
did Why was she coming over in the first place,
Why was she there?

Speaker 5 (22:13):
Why? Like, one thing couldn't just lead to another? If not,
how things lead to each other? How it works?

Speaker 7 (22:18):
Dude, and him setting a photo of an engagement ring
was a low blow. If he was truly in love
with you and sincerely wanted to marry you and spend
the rest of his life with you, he would not
have been engaging in.

Speaker 5 (22:30):
The behavior that he was.

Speaker 7 (22:31):
It's a heart crushing thing to go through, and I'm
so sorry you were having to experience this.

Speaker 5 (22:36):
That's cashi, okay uh. I'm a guy.

Speaker 7 (22:38):
Two relationships three to four years each two and with
lots of cheating on me and lying, then I'd second
chance them, and obviously it didn't matter, and that she
didn't kept going like, why don't you leave me first,
especially the second relationship, because we agreed that we would
leave each other first before cheating, and she even said, oh,
I'll never be that low and disgusting. Not saying this

(23:00):
to counter you, but reinforce the no second chances thing.
My first relationship didn't try to explain it away. They
literally just said I'm done. But Ben still slept in
the same bed, and then the second pulled a crying
move and anger at looking through her phone, so I
forgave her, but I.

Speaker 5 (23:17):
Knew it was over. But of course the cheating kept going, Yeah,
it's just.

Speaker 6 (23:21):
Not worth it to try and work like it's so
hard to work through that to rebuild trust.

Speaker 5 (23:27):
And when like he's actively.

Speaker 6 (23:29):
Lying about you know, this being the first time about
why he did it, then you're not gonna get anywhere
because if you don't start, like restart the relationship, which
with just complete honesty, then it's just it doomed from
the start.

Speaker 5 (23:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (23:43):
Absolutely, and we do have an update, so thank you
everyone for such supportive messages. For anyone who didn't see
the update on my page, this is what happened. As planned,
my friend and my friend Ian and I went back
to the apartment in the morning when I knew Kay
wouldn't be there to pack my things. We packed my
things into our car, then went to have them chips
back to my parents' house. I got on my phone
to look at the security cameras, and Kay was throwing

(24:05):
things around and acting like I'd never seen before.

Speaker 5 (24:08):
He'd always been.

Speaker 7 (24:09):
Very level headed, so that was scary to me. He
called me at least one hundred times, but I'm not
going to answer. I decided to take your advice and
block both him and Ellie. I'll be on my flight
back to my parents tomorrow morning.

Speaker 5 (24:22):
Art. Yeah, sorry it took so long for an update.
A lot of crazy.

Speaker 7 (24:25):
Things happened after I got to my parents as I
was getting settled in. It turns out that a mutual
friend of ours told Kay what I was doing, and
he thought that it would be a good idea to
come to me in person and beg for my forgiveness.
That's actually the worst idea. Don't talk to get out,
shoot to be honest. I almost had a moment of
weakness until it became a parent that he didn't come alone.

Speaker 5 (24:47):
He brought Ellie.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
No crazy, they're gonna.

Speaker 5 (24:53):
Hit We're Oh my goodness, that is so insane.

Speaker 7 (25:00):
He said it was because he figured, with her also
guaranteeing that it wouldn't happen again, I would believe him
and go back to him.

Speaker 5 (25:07):
That's crazy the logic, there's not logicing.

Speaker 7 (25:10):
Ellie also decided that this was the best time to
admit that she was pregnant and that Kay.

Speaker 5 (25:14):
Might be a father.

Speaker 6 (25:16):
Ah, I'm breaking up. I'm literally I mean she's already
breaking up. I think she already broke up.

Speaker 7 (25:23):
She broke up and left the state, and they followed
her by plane.

Speaker 5 (25:30):
That is so insane. How dare you?

Speaker 7 (25:32):
How dare you follow me to my parents' house in
another state get out to.

Speaker 5 (25:37):
Tell me that you're pregnant? That's insane? Why would I care.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
Leave live on my kids? I'm gonna call police.

Speaker 5 (25:43):
Bye bye, Go take your kid and go.

Speaker 6 (25:46):
Oh.

Speaker 7 (25:46):
Kay said that even if he was the father or
he would only be there for the baby, that his
heart would only belong to me.

Speaker 6 (25:53):
We already all that it doesn't. And why Elle telling
it you that?

Speaker 5 (25:57):
Or Ellie? Yeah? Why she the one who it's like
confirming that his heart only belongs to you.

Speaker 7 (26:03):
I was furious and my heart was broken all over again.
It's also made it very apparent that it was indeed
not the first time.

Speaker 5 (26:10):
Yeah, because Kay wouldn't leave.

Speaker 7 (26:12):
My younger brother, eighteen, Mail also came out and started
calling Kay and Ellie all sorts of things, and it
led to a physical confrontation. My little brother shoved him,
and thankfully Kay took that as a sign to leave.
This is all such a huge mess.

Speaker 5 (26:26):
I don't want to see Kay or Ellie anymore. I
don't want to hear excuses. My heart feels like it's
been ripped apart.

Speaker 7 (26:32):
They can have each other for all I care, and
we do have an update another update.

Speaker 6 (26:35):
What, oh man, you just need to leave your leave
them all behind.

Speaker 5 (26:40):
This is so insane, leave them all behind this straining corner.
Oh my god.

Speaker 7 (26:44):
Yeah, honestly restraining word. Yeah, if he keeps bothering you, yeah, honestly.
But we do have another update. I'm sorry for the
late update. Don't be sorry, oh pee, I've been going
through a wave of different emotions. First, I'll address some
simple questions. I got out of college, thankfully prior to
this whole incident. I was already taking online courses. I

(27:05):
do plan to move back, but in my own apartment
later on. Now, as for what happened next between Kay
and I, he came back twice to try and apologize
and ask me to reconsider. He reminded me about how
I said I have never felt this way for someone before,
and that ending this would be a mistake, that we
could work through these problems if I gave him a chance.
I told him that I don't plan on being a

(27:25):
step parent to his mistress's kids. So even if I
dismissed the cheating, which I made clear that I wouldn't,
i'd break up with him because of that, he began
crying and saying that he would try to change her
mind about the baby if it meant that I would
go back with him.

Speaker 5 (27:39):
WHOA, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
About having the baby.

Speaker 5 (27:42):
Yeah, leave me alone.

Speaker 6 (27:45):
That is crazl genuinely like, leave ope alone.

Speaker 7 (27:48):
I hate them both. But to be honest, hearing that
made me feel disgusted. I told him that we were
done and he needed to leave. The second time, my
dad threatened him if he didn't leave the property. From
what I hear now, he went back home and we
do have another update.

Speaker 5 (28:02):
Oh man, it doesn't stat doesn't just don't quit.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
I can't stop, won't stop, can't stop, won't stop.

Speaker 5 (28:08):
I'm always I think we should just rush right into it. Yeah,
run on it.

Speaker 4 (28:12):
Yep.

Speaker 5 (28:13):
Update. Hello everyone, it's been quite a while, around a year.

Speaker 7 (28:16):
I think I had to pull away from everything for
my own mental health, especially after I made that careless
late night post. But I truly appreciate all the encouraging
comments you all left for me on my original posts.
I thought I would give an update in case anyone
here was wondering about what had happened after the mess.
I'll start off by saying, no, I never got back
with K, and I never will.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
If any of you remember my friend Ian, the one.

Speaker 7 (28:39):
Who helped me pack and get out of that situation, well,
we started dating about five months out of that situation
have been together ever since.

Speaker 6 (28:50):
Okay, wonderful, marvelous.

Speaker 7 (28:53):
He's helped me every step of the way and moving
on from what happened, and I'm so grateful to have him.

Speaker 5 (28:59):
As for K, for the first.

Speaker 7 (29:01):
Few months, he was doing everything in his power to
attempt to contact me, including showing up outside of my workplace.
I went to the police, but they told me that
there was nothing they could do since he didn't do
anything yet. I then heard that while he was doing
all this, he was dating Ellie and she didn't know
about it. I told her to get her man sent
screenshots and then blocked her again.

Speaker 5 (29:21):
How does he do it? Does he do it? I
just can't even believe it. Don't understand, don't understand it.
My goodness. There's a little bit more.

Speaker 7 (29:29):
I hadn't heard from either of them since, but a
friend told me that she got pregnant for real this time,
and they had gotten married. They got divorced recently because
she cheated on him.

Speaker 5 (29:38):
Shocking go figure shocking and that's the end of the story. Yeah,
the people say.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
What goes around?

Speaker 6 (29:49):
Yeah, terrible friend, Ellie and your terrible partner, Oh whatever
his name is.

Speaker 1 (29:55):
Hey, it's Sam, your ogi host. Here, bring it back
to the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

Speaker 6 (30:00):
I kissed my crush while still dating my boyfriend.

Speaker 5 (30:03):
O pie, you can't cheat like that.

Speaker 6 (30:06):
Around a year ago, I committed to college to run
across country and track. I was searching through Instagram for
the team and was looking for my teammates that would
be joining me in the upcoming year. I found a guy,
let's call him Emmett, who did similar events as me.
I thought he was cute and I started to have
a crush on him. Oh, by the way, this comes
from Gail Runner, And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time,

(30:28):
separate it.

Speaker 5 (30:28):
I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and I'm Keon and we.

Speaker 6 (30:32):
Haven't been in all of these situations, so we can
only give the best advice we've got. But if you've
been in these situations, let us know.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
What you would do.

Speaker 6 (30:41):
And ohp says he went to a high school that
I did not have any meetings with. The only meat
that I could see him perform at was the state meet.
I did not make it to the state meet. You
did a few months from the day I found him
on Instagram. I watched him at the state meet. I
cheered him on and I snapchatted and yeah, he added
me me on Snapchat.

Speaker 7 (31:02):
Oh, whoa, you guys are practically married yep, and asked
if we could meet up.

Speaker 6 (31:07):
He agreed, but we didn't meet up. He was very
upset due to his poor performance. The only plus that
came from the meet was we started a Snapchat street.
Emma and I met up in between our orientations. I
made a bad impression because I had laryngitis. I sounded
like a frog, and I got butterflies when I was
talking to him. That interaction made me very excited for college.

(31:28):
For cross country, I had to move a week earlier
than everyone else at my college. That week later, all
the freshmen Aka and me had to go to a
welcoming college and go through some college rules. I checked
my phone before they started to talk, and I saw
it was Emmett's birthday.

Speaker 4 (31:45):
Ooh.

Speaker 6 (31:46):
One of the speakers had to pick a group leader.
Guess who they pick?

Speaker 5 (31:50):
Emmett. Emmett.

Speaker 6 (31:51):
I was in the section of seating to be in
his group. I was so excited to be in his group.
I tried to talk to him, but it was very minimal.
I said my birthday to him and.

Speaker 5 (32:01):
He appreciated it.

Speaker 6 (32:02):
After we got let out of the meeting, I decided
to give him a birthday card and get him cupcakes.

Speaker 4 (32:07):
Oh.

Speaker 6 (32:08):
I planned to take the stuff to his room. He
lived in a different dorm building than me. When I
was walking around in my first week of college before
everyone else came, I saw what room he lived in
the evening, I went to give him the card and cupcakes.
Emmett was very surprised by the stuff I gave him.
I talked to him a little bit, and I also
met his roommates. After we talked for a while, we
all went to a little dance.

Speaker 5 (32:28):
That was hosted by the college.

Speaker 6 (32:30):
At first, Emmitt went, but lost interest in it from
him not staying. I thought he did not want to
be by me. I was sitting in one of my
classes waiting for its start. Then Emmett walks in.

Speaker 4 (32:40):
Oohoo.

Speaker 6 (32:41):
There was an open seat next to me, but he
did not sit next to me. After that class, I
wanted to talk to the professor. I was waiting in
line to talk to the professor and EMMITTT came in
line too. We talked for a little bit and I
found out that he didn't know that I was in
the class. The next time we had that class, he
came and sat by me.

Speaker 7 (32:57):
OOOO.

Speaker 6 (33:00):
To move on from Emmett, I started to talk to
another guy. That guy and I did not last very long.
He broke up with his X because of me. At first,
whoa heartbreaker? Repy He that ignored me and got back
with his X.

Speaker 5 (33:11):
Yikes.

Speaker 6 (33:12):
I then go from random guy to guy. I got
lost during my troubled time of hopping from guy to
guy A big shot game. At dinner one night, a
group of freshmen across the country and I were eating.
Emmett and his roommates ate at the table with us.
As the rest of them got up, Emmett stayed. I
found that very weird of him to stay at dinner
for that long. After dinner, he snapchatted with me. He

(33:32):
told me that he thought my friend.

Speaker 5 (33:35):
Let's call her Faith was cute. Ah.

Speaker 6 (33:41):
My heart dropped inside. I liked him but I disregarded
my feelings for my friend. They started dating because of
my help. They were each other's first kiss. I thought
that the relationship was going well. He would come to
our cross country meetings. They would always hang out in
Faith's room. They never show affection or like they were
dating around campus. It just felt off. Then Faith began

(34:03):
to get panic attacks. I found out that they were
doing intimate things. From the timing of everything, I knew
that the relationship was causing Faith problem. After they dated
for three months, they got into a horrible fight. I
was at the library when their fight happened, and I
ran to Faith's room to figure out what happened in
her Panic state. I got a general story of what
went out, and then went to Emmett's room to hear

(34:25):
his side of the story. Emmett and I talked for
a long time about his in Faith's relationship. I felt
horrible for him. His first relationship wasn't like what he
thought it would be. He didn't get to know her
very well. They never had a deep conversation. He told
her that he loved her, but he didn't know what
love was. I felt like we had a deeper conversation
than what he and Faith had ever had. I told

(34:46):
him to follow his heart. As I was leaving his room,
I gave him a hug. My heart stopped when he
hugged me. The next day, Emmett broke up with Faith.
Towards the end of Emmett and Faith's relationship, I started
to talk to a guy let's call him Rob. I
found Rob on Tinder. I rarely used Tinder. I talked
to him for around two months, then we started to date.
He has seen me at my worst. I've told him

(35:07):
I love him. I'm still with him currently, but I've
started to lose feelings for him. One reason why I'm
losing feelings for him is the distance. We go to
the same college and we hang out most days. However,
back in our hometowns we live three hours away. You
go to the same college.

Speaker 5 (35:24):
Yeah, so that sounds like.

Speaker 7 (35:25):
That sounds like back then you have a lot of distance,
but now you're you hang out all the time.

Speaker 5 (35:31):
So what's the issue.

Speaker 6 (35:32):
I don't understand what. That's kind of a crazy thing
to say. Yeah, I'd be like, if that were true,
no one in college would have relationships.

Speaker 5 (35:39):
Yeah, I just don't get that.

Speaker 6 (35:41):
That doesn't make sense there is no distance there. You
go to the same college.

Speaker 7 (35:45):
Yeah, you're making it up by talking about your distance
back home, But what do you mean.

Speaker 5 (35:50):
I don't ye.

Speaker 6 (35:51):
This doesn't make any sense. I hate face to face interactions.
I do not like texting because it's hard to express
myself and give emotion. Video chats get boring not that long.
Another reason why is because he is struggling with my
mental health. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression,
and I had a past of self harm. Rob has
some mental health issues too. I got medications and I'm

(36:13):
still adapting to it. My mental health overall has been improving,
but it still needs some work. Rob has recently been
putting a negative cloud over me. He would always pick
pointless arguments. He would question everything that I did, even
with simple things. He would always question if I loved
him or not. He would ask me questions when I
didn't say anything when I wanted to just think. He

(36:33):
would literally question me if I were to take a
deep breath. Before Rob and I started talking, he was
very active physically and romantically. I had been intimate before, too,
but my interest in that area wasn't as strong as his. Personally,
I wanted to take a step back from intimacy. I
had gone through a very unhealthy and hurtfull relationship in
high school, and I wanted to distance myself from that

(36:54):
side of things. My mental health issues sparked from that relationship.
When I started to be with Rob, I told them
that I didn't want to be physically intimate. Although he
said he understood, I still felt like we were being
intimate more often than I was comfortable with. To me,
it didn't feel like true affection or connection. Well, he
thought it did. Honestly, I would have preferred not to
be intimate at all. You might be wondering what my

(37:15):
situation is. Well, during our spring break, I got very bored.
One day on a whim, I asked Emmett to hang
out as friend. You need to break up with your boyfriend.
You don't like your boyfriend, and.

Speaker 5 (37:27):
She said that she's still with that.

Speaker 6 (37:28):
You literally don't like your boyfriend.

Speaker 5 (37:30):
Yeah, yeah, because you're bored. Because you're bored, you said
it bored.

Speaker 6 (37:34):
Emmett drove an hour and a half to pick me up.
We drove to the big city that I lived nearby.
We went on a walk and we were talking about
a lot of random things. It mainly was making fun
of each other. We went back to his car and
sat in there and kept talking. We got into a
friendly fight. Then we started to wrestle a little. I
leaned in towards Emmett and we began to kiss. Oooh,
you fool.

Speaker 5 (37:56):
You wrestled a little bit.

Speaker 6 (37:58):
You wrestled, but we made out for a very long time.
He was feeling my chest and my butt. E. I
had imagined that moment for a year.

Speaker 7 (38:10):
At that point, I think you, silly goose, Opie, silly goose,
silly goose.

Speaker 5 (38:15):
I think you should break up with your boyfriend. Up
with your boy friend. You just cheated on your boy friend.

Speaker 7 (38:19):
Yeah, you don't like him, you hate him, actually, yeah,
you're bored with him, and you think that being closer
together is actually too much distance. Like I feel like
she said she had a distance problem, and it sounds
like she's like, the distance problem is that we're too
close to each other.

Speaker 5 (38:36):
Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 6 (38:37):
The distance problem is that they're still together.

Speaker 5 (38:39):
Right. I don't know what to say to you, Opie.

Speaker 6 (38:41):
Yeah, I don't break up with your boyfriend.

Speaker 5 (38:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (38:44):
After we stopped, he had to take me home. The
car ride back was very odd because we did not
speak that much. As he pulled up to my house,
I wanted to give him one last kiss, but he denied.
I said okay and left his car. I was in
shock afterwards. I kissed emmittt.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
No, I say it like she was giddy.

Speaker 5 (39:02):
I kissed Emmitt.

Speaker 6 (39:04):
He did not snapchat me for a few hours, and
I knew something was wrong. I texted about what had happened,
and we both agreed that it was weird and that
we should let that go and retain our friendship. I
couldn't let it go. I wanted him, but I don't
know how he feels about me.

Speaker 5 (39:18):
I think you do, Opie. I do. He literally made
out of you. We all know how he feels about you.

Speaker 7 (39:23):
I don't think he's that interested in He just made
out with you, didn't want to kiss you goodbye, yah,
didn't talk to you in the car, and isn't talking
to you on snapchat. I feel like, what's wrong here
is the fact that he's not into you, our girl.

Speaker 5 (39:34):
I'll bring up with your friend.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Uh oh, Opie, you might be a bad kisser.

Speaker 5 (39:39):
Well if they made up for well yeah, no.

Speaker 6 (39:41):
The I have a song that reminds me of Emmett.
I have been listening to that song since the State meet.

Speaker 5 (39:46):
Oh my god, my god, this girl, she's poor girl.

Speaker 6 (39:51):
I can't stop listening to that song. I can't stop
thinking about that moment. I can't stop thinking about Emmett.
I want to wear things out with Rob, However the
VID makes se him hard. I don't want to tell
Rob that I kissed Emmett. I don't know what to do.
What should I do?

Speaker 7 (40:05):
Break up with your boyfriend, yes, break up with your boyfriend?

Speaker 5 (40:09):
Maybe like invest in some hobbies, like get some hobby's
girlt hobbies.

Speaker 7 (40:13):
I feel like I don't know if you think that
something's wrong with like Emmett when he's not talking to
you and stuff.

Speaker 5 (40:19):
I feel like you're too I feel like you're too
indep too far in. You're so head over heels for
this boy. You you sweet, sweet child.

Speaker 7 (40:27):
You're probably just young and just yea all like literally
plans rom colums whatever.

Speaker 5 (40:32):
But I don't think you're in one. I just have
a feeling. You know, you kiss him. That so exciting.

Speaker 7 (40:37):
I don't think it's going to be everything that you wanted,
So don't get too hooked on this guy.

Speaker 5 (40:41):
Yeah, have some things for yourself just in case, but
not Rob. Yeah. Rob, Rob cannot be your hobby. That's
my one condition.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Robbie, Yep, you're Robbie.

Speaker 5 (40:49):
But uh, that's the end of that story. My boyfriend
pocketed my rent money for a year.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
WHOA, that's the felony.

Speaker 7 (41:00):
I've been together for five years. We live on a
property my boyfriend's dad is renting. His mom and dad
live in one house on the property and we live
on the other. When we moved in, he told us
the rent was sixteen hundred dollars for the house, so
eight hundred each for my boyfriend thirty mail and me
twenty seven female. A steal, I know, However, I just

(41:20):
found out that my boyfriend and his dad came to
an agreement at the start of the lease last spring
that his dad would pay our rent in full and
that the money that I pay my boyfriend for rent,
which I had presumed that he would pass along to
his dad for rent, they agreed that my boyfriend could
keep that money. By the way, this comes from a
username and if you want to submit your own stories,

(41:40):
go to the ur slash Okay storytime.

Speaker 5 (41:42):
Sep bred It and I'm Angie, I'm.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Dakota, and I am Keon and Nop says.

Speaker 7 (41:47):
He said they wanted to help him out by paying
his rent and his car while he lived here with them,
so this was how they thought to do it. I
immediately felt betrayed for not being involved and knowing about this,
but I.

Speaker 5 (41:58):
Also felt like it's a bit enough.

Speaker 7 (42:00):
It's cool because I wasn't aware of where my rent
money was going.

Speaker 5 (42:03):
I had been.

Speaker 7 (42:03):
Suspicious for a while, but I finally had the courage
to ask.

Speaker 5 (42:07):
He admitted it, and my stomach sank.

Speaker 7 (42:10):
His first reaction was to be mad at me for
being upset about it. His point of view is that
they didn't tell me because it's not my business since
I'm paying rent regardless. Therefore, if his dad wants to
give him eight hundred dollars a month for his car
and also pays rent to help him, this is a
less roundabout way of doing it.

Speaker 5 (42:30):
He just keeps the eight hundred dollars that I'm sending
for rent. He said.

Speaker 7 (42:34):
In essence, it isn't my money since it's rent money,
so I shouldn't care where it ends up.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
Okay, okay, okay, well okay, yeah, I think this now
becomes less because he's right about that, and now this
becomes less of a problem of like, my boyfriend is
pocketing my rent money versus my my boyfriend's dad is
like just giving him eight hundred dollars a month for
no reason.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
Where's eight hundred dollars a month? I don't know.

Speaker 5 (43:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (43:03):
He also said that his dad asked him to keep
it in between him and his parents, so he was
put in a weird position. I can see how this
logically makes sense, but I can't help but feel like
I've been paying him eight hundred dollars a month to
keep without my knowledge. I'm not upset about his parents
helping him, that is between them, and I don't want
to have my rent covered either. I'm grateful for the

(43:24):
cheap rent and believe that I should be paying rent.
It's just the dishonesty and the fact that he just
transferred my rent money into his bank account without telling
me for a year.

Speaker 5 (43:32):
That feels so wrong to me.

Speaker 7 (43:34):
We split everything else equally, like groceries, utilities, and internet,
except the occasional date night where he pays. I'm closed
with his family and frequently have them over for dinner,
so it hurts that they all knew something that I didn't.

Speaker 5 (43:46):
I have a full time job and a side job.

Speaker 7 (43:48):
My boyfriend is self employed but doesn't make too much
from that. I don't typically mind, but I would like
us to be more open with each other about finances.
I don't know how to move forward from this, even
though I want to be under standing and kind to him,
because he says that it's a nuanced situation and that
I should know he isn't the type of person to
steal from me. He has apologized for the dishonesty, but.

Speaker 5 (44:09):
Still doesn't see the issue.

Speaker 7 (44:11):
The relationship hasn't been perfect, but it has been a
worth staying in for five years. I just don't know
how to get rid of this gut feeling that this
situation doesn't sit right with me. Plus rent was due
yesterday and I haven't paid him yet. Is this grounds
for a breakup or can we work through it? If so,
how or is it truly none of my business? Any
advice is so appreciated, and there are some comments, but

(44:34):
I want to hear yours first.

Speaker 3 (44:35):
Dakota, I guess just talk to the dad and be like,
what is our rent situation?

Speaker 2 (44:41):
Go to the source, go to the source.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
It's like, the situation is that the dad pays, sends
the check to whoever needs the money. Yeah, because it's
not your dad owns the lander's rent whatever, but yeah,
he doesn't own it's I guess he's still paying it off, right,
But I don't know. It's just it's weird math because
why would you want Yeah, wouldn't he just not pay

(45:05):
any if you're if you're giving him half of the
rent money back in cash, so you rationalize, we'll just
keep the rent money your girlfriend gives you. Couldn't you
just also be like, you don't have to give me
any rent money because then that saves you that much
money per month since I just give it back to you.
But then it becomes an issue of why is my

(45:26):
as op? It's like, why am I the only one
paying rent in the house. Then it's like, well, no,
you're I'm actually paying rent, but it's being subsidized at
the exact same time, Yeah, by my dad.

Speaker 7 (45:36):
It's like exactly, It's just like what it's at the
end of the day, everyone is still getting and giving
the same amount of money that they would. It's just
a it's just like a weird way to do it,
and it's it really is just the dishonesty.

Speaker 4 (45:53):
You know.

Speaker 7 (45:54):
Cool, But there is more to the story and some
cunts run Jeep sleep, No, run jump sleep.

Speaker 5 (46:00):
I'm confused.

Speaker 7 (46:01):
Boyfriend's dad is renting a property that has two houses,
but is paying rent for each of the houses separately
or subletting one. You sure boyfriend's dad doesn't just own
the entire property. I would bet boyfriend's dad doesn't expect
any rent for the house, and boyfriend just told that
story to get money from Op, just like.

Speaker 5 (46:17):
What you said.

Speaker 7 (46:18):
Op says, No, it's like a big property with two
small houses and their businesses on it. He rents the
entire plot of land, he doesn't own it. Each house
used to have its own rent, along with the business spot,
but now he just rents all three.

Speaker 5 (46:31):
In one big lease. Run jumpsleep responds, So.

Speaker 7 (46:35):
There is technically, uh, no, sixteen hundred dollars in rent
to pay if he rents the entire property. It's just
you paying eight hundred dollars to your boyfriend. Dad isn't
actually putting out any extra money for rent. He would
be paying the same amount even if you and the
boyfriend weren't there since he rents the entire property, you
are being scammed. Ruby Mama in ninety eight says, before

(46:56):
you knew this, would you have described your relationship as
having no real secrets? Has it changed how you view
him or your relationship on a whole. Consider if you
were in a different rental agreement and his parents were
helping him financially without being involved in the rental agreement.

Speaker 5 (47:11):
He doesn't tell you. Do you feel the same way.

Speaker 7 (47:13):
Do you feel like your relationship should be past the
not sharing important information stage?

Speaker 5 (47:19):
Do you feel betrayed? Does his remorse match your feelings?

Speaker 4 (47:22):
Hope?

Speaker 5 (47:23):
He responds, these are good questions.

Speaker 7 (47:24):
I would say there were no real secrets before, but
this has changed how I view the whole relationship with
him and the one I had with his parents too.
After five years, I really felt like family, not a stranger.
I don't think i'd feel the same way if my
run money wasn't involved at all. I do feel like
our relationships past the stage of not sharing financial info.
We've discussed marriage. I do feel betrayed. His remorse doesn't

(47:48):
match my feelings. He's trying to dust it under the
rug and move on from it because he doesn't see
it as a big deal. But we do have an update.
I've been with my boy for six years now. He's
a content creator and posts two to three times a
year when certain products are released. Once you're a content creator,
you post two to three times a year.

Speaker 5 (48:10):
I thought you were gonna say, a.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
Week, will you Bill worked?

Speaker 5 (48:13):
That's crazy. Oh my god, that's hilarious.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Out Bill Wurds, though honestly one of the biggest geniuses.

Speaker 5 (48:20):
Ever, shut out to you. Bill. I have a nine
to five that is in my passion.

Speaker 7 (48:26):
I work from home about thirty five hours a week,
forty on a hard week, and I have a side
job related to my full time job that takes about
ten to fifteen hours a month. I love my job,
although it can be stressful at times, but it's ultimately
what I want to be doing, and I really don't
think I overwork or prioritize it more than other things.
I've always been super open about finances, but my boyfriend
has not, which I respected and didn't push. After some

(48:49):
unpleasant conversations about finances, I thought as long as he
had it together, I was okay with it. Recently, I
found out that he is getting help from his parents
on rent and his car payment, so I'm the only
one paying rent essentially, and.

Speaker 5 (49:02):
He hasn't made a livable wage.

Speaker 7 (49:03):
From his content creation since around the VID, which is
why he needs the help. When he isn't making content,
which he makes contents about three weeks out of the year,
he's doing whatever he wants to all day long, so
he doesn't work. So he's like, oh, I need support because.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
I don't work at all, okay, and this is you
know what, and it's I feel like my suspicions are
being confirmed now.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
Yeah, what parent is going to sign off on that?

Speaker 5 (49:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (49:30):
What parent is going to be like?

Speaker 3 (49:31):
Oh, you're like completely like without income, your job, your
career you do twice a year, right and it makes
no money? Oh yeah, go ahead and just take eight
hundred bucks from your girlfriend.

Speaker 7 (49:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
No, I feel like boyfriend is a lyon.

Speaker 7 (49:49):
We've been living together for two years now, and it's
frustrating that he hasn't tried to find another source of income.
And it's just okay with taking help from his parents.
He's not a nine to five type of person and
that's okay, but I would like him to do something.
We were arguing recently over the financial situation, and he
told me that my job is taking away from my
ability to be one hundred percent present in our relationship,

(50:10):
and then it doesn't benefit him at all.

Speaker 5 (50:12):
Well, clearly it does, because you're getting eight hundred dollars
every month.

Speaker 7 (50:16):
Come on, he thinks the time I spend working and
then carry over after work, whether it's stress or tiredness,
is affecting us negatively. He also said he doesn't benefit
from me having this job. I disagree, since I'm the
only one actually affording rent and our split household costs
like groceries. He also said that if my focus was
one hundred percent on our household, then our house between

(50:38):
both of us would be spotless.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
There's no way this unemployed grifter is telling you you
need to clean the house more. Yeah, that's crazy wild.
He's literally grifting you out of ten grand.

Speaker 7 (50:51):
Yeah, it's like you're you're a stay at home boyfriend
right now. This isn't I'm being I'm the breadwinner here.
You can't be telling someone like, oh, well, your normal
full time job is taking away too much time from
our relationship.

Speaker 5 (51:06):
How much time do you need to be put into
our relationship?

Speaker 7 (51:09):
That's normal. You need to have a job, you need
to have time away from each other like that.

Speaker 5 (51:15):
It's crazy.

Speaker 7 (51:16):
I'll admit I'm messier, occasionally leaving my coffee mug and
breakfast dishes in the sink until after work, or not
getting a chance to clean the litter box during my
work day. I also have ADHD, so we'll let laundry
pile up in my office git cluttered, but I'm working
on it and always make sure that our common area
is tidy. I think this is normal, but he sees
it as a lack of investment on my part. For

(51:37):
the record, no, he doesn't do more of the housework
than me, other than vacuuming the house one to two
times a day, but dishes, bathrooms everything else.

Speaker 5 (51:45):
We split. I do most of the cooking too.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Oh you've already you're the only investor here.

Speaker 5 (51:51):
Yeah. Literally.

Speaker 7 (51:52):
He basically told me that he doesn't regret not having
a job for the past two years because we were
able to spend a lot of time together, and that
I'm ungrateful for not seeing the things that he does
for me, like make me the occasional breakfast or coffee
during work. I'm grateful for these moments, But in my opinion,
now is when we should be working to build a
life together, which involves financial contribution from both parties and

(52:15):
a reminder to everyone, OPI is twenty six and this
man is thirty, or she's twenty seven or something like that.
Either way, this man is thirty. This is around the
time where you want to.

Speaker 5 (52:27):
Start planning for kids or a house of your own.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
You're doing something, you got it, You're doing something, doing
something besides just taking eight hundred bucks from your partner, right.

Speaker 7 (52:39):
I honestly would have preferred less time together the past
two years if it meant that we could talk about marriage,
buying a house, having kids in a realistic way. Now,
given that I'm supporting myself on about sixty k a
year and he isn't contributing anything else, that scares me.
He said, he never wants to be the person that
work takes them away from their family, or who prioritizes

(53:01):
work over their family. He's raised the concern that if
we had kids, I'd be distracted by my job. I
had working parents growing up, and it just makes sense
to me that I'd be able to have both without
being villainized. His belittlement of my job is hurtful because
he knows it's my dream job and a super competitive field,
so I care about it, but I also do prioritize

(53:21):
our home the rest of the time. I feel like
he doesn't understand since he's never had a normal job.
He's been working on creating an app that he says
can bring us a lot of money in the future,
and he's upset that I'm not being super supportive of it. Honestly,
I am supportive and I'm happy he's so invested in
this project, but I wanted him to find a steadier
source of income first. Is this just a difference in

(53:43):
values that we can work through or does it sound
like a deal breaker? And it's add I forgot an
important detail. He said he had to work on his
mental health for the past few years, which is why
he didn't seek a job sooner as well. This made
me feel bad because I'm empathetic to his mental health struggles,
but he never shared this with me, so from my
point of view, it.

Speaker 5 (54:04):
Looks like a last a lack of care or effort.

Speaker 7 (54:07):
What do we think about taking three years off work
for his mental health?

Speaker 5 (54:10):
What do you think about that?

Speaker 3 (54:11):
No? Yeah, I mean I think no, I think at
that point you file for disability.

Speaker 5 (54:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (54:18):
Yeah, God, I just if he's not lying about his
parents supporting him in this way, everything else in his
life does seem to be pointing to just spoiled child
and not understanding that you have to like work for
your money and like what we were saying earlier of like, yeah,
you either spend the time harvesting crops and hunting to

(54:40):
like survive, or you work for money to do these
things and to be able to spend time, like you
have to earn money to take care of your children.
That's like, yes, quality time is important, but also you know,
buying groceries is important and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Like unimployed for three years three years.

Speaker 5 (55:03):
Wild, I was scept for the three times he posts
a year.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
Yeah, except for that, which is not real. By the way,
you no one, it's you can't.

Speaker 7 (55:13):
You're not a content creator. If you're doing that, that's
not what you do. But there is a little bit
more to this story. Update number two. This is two
months now after the last post on moving out who.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
Gradually Let's go Billy Joel.

Speaker 7 (55:32):
I got approved for an apartment this weekend, and I'm
excited to have this space to gain my.

Speaker 5 (55:37):
Own perspective and clarity.

Speaker 7 (55:38):
We're staying together for now, and we'll see how it
goes when I move out. I think he's seeing it
as an opportunity for me to regret moving out and
come back to him, but I wanted to be an
opportunity for him to get his life together and build
a life with me. I'm aware it's unlikely things will
work out how I'm hoping, but I think whether we
break up or stay together, moving out is the best

(55:59):
next step. Thank you to everyone who gave advice and
validated how.

Speaker 5 (56:03):
I was feeling.

Speaker 7 (56:04):
It's a weird situation, and after a lot of therapy
and thinking, I'm okay with the fact that I don't
have to.

Speaker 5 (56:10):
Keep playing a game with rules that I don't understand.

Speaker 7 (56:14):
And to add that we had only lived in the
house for about a year when I found out about
the rent.

Speaker 5 (56:18):
We haven't lived there together the whole five years.

Speaker 7 (56:21):
Of the relationship. And that's the end of that story.
My goodness, it's exhausting.

Speaker 1 (56:27):
Hey y'all, it's John Ogi host here. We're gonna get
back to the story. So but here's a quick three
minute break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 3 (56:32):
My girlfriend acted inappropriately with her former in laws.

Speaker 5 (56:37):
What kind of inappropriate are we're talking about.

Speaker 3 (56:40):
Let's find out. We were scheduled to get married in September.
She female, twenty seven, has a six year old son.
I mail thirty two. Get along really well with him.
He's easy to get along with. She had been insisting
that I meet his dad's family because she's still close
with them. I met one of her ex brother in
laws at a rest by chance, and he gave me

(57:01):
grief about quote, stealing his brother's wife.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
He was a wasted.

Speaker 3 (57:06):
Idiot who wanted to get physical and by the way,
this comes from user read it well, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash okay storytime sub reddit.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
I'm Dakota, and I'm Angie and I am Keon.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
And Op says.

Speaker 3 (57:22):
I met her when she had been divorced for three
years and separated for four. But I guess this guy
still sees her as his brother's property.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
She's been insisting that.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
The rest of them are nothing like this one idiot,
and they're really educated in classy. I still never wanted
to meet them. I had started to feel like a knucklehead.
So I finally agreed to attend birthday party at the
house of one of her former in laws.

Speaker 1 (57:48):
Bad idea. I don't know, bro.

Speaker 3 (57:50):
I think if you're gonna, like seriously date this woman,
like you should know her son's family.

Speaker 5 (57:57):
Yeah, I feel like it wouldn't hurt.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
Well, it's like you're gonna have too. Yeah, you need
to understand.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
You're gonna have to get along with the former hat
because that's still her son's family.

Speaker 5 (58:10):
Yeah, that might be your son someday.

Speaker 3 (58:11):
Play cards, right, if you're getting married, if that was
the plan, right, you're gonna have to be cool with
those people.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
Or you probably not gonna get married.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
As soon as we arrived, she was greeted by a
bunch of men, all former in laws, and some of
them hugged her inappropriately, and a couple of them cupped
her butt. Oh when they hugged her. She was sober
at this point. I pulled her aside and confronted her
about it, and she totally denied it, said that she
didn't feel it and that I was imagining things and

(58:42):
that she would slap anyone who did that. I have
to agree there, right, Let's keep going. She started drinking
and the flirting got worse. She was soon doing body
shots with a bunch of these men, all family members
or friends of her ex who was not in attendance. Huh,
so that's the only guy you would really need to

(59:04):
be I think concerned about, right, and he's not there.

Speaker 7 (59:10):
Well, I'm concerned with this or like girl now though
she's doing body shots with these people.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
That does sound really crazy.

Speaker 3 (59:20):
She was soon doing body shots with a bunch of
these men, all family members are friends of her ex
who was not in attendance. Then she was dancing with
some of them while grinding all over each other sensing another.

Speaker 5 (59:32):
Eh.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
From the looks of it, that's how she behaves around
this group all the time. There's no way this was
a one time deal. I decided to leave, and she stayed.
She called me at about two am begging me to
pick her up because some of the guys quote wanted to.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Take advantage of her. Oh and I didn't pick her up.

Speaker 7 (59:52):
Okay, Now this is where you're getting into a whole territory.

Speaker 5 (59:56):
If she's saying that.

Speaker 7 (59:57):
And you didn't pick her up, and now you're like
leaving her in an unsafe situation. No, matter what you
think or if you believe it, or if you think
that she was like, you know, doing things to.

Speaker 5 (01:00:12):
Encourage that all night. Ask those questions later. You got
to help her.

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
Yeah, I had never seen this side of her. We've
drank together many times, but the events we go to
don't get as wild as that one. They're more civilized,
adult events that are pretty tame by comparison. The next evening,
she showed up at my house acting like nothing had happened.
I confronted her and she said I was exaggerating. She

(01:00:39):
also said that they would always be like family to her,
so that I need to get over it. As far
as her being close with them, I told her that
I wasn't willing to get over it. So she said
that I could always call off the wedding because she
wasn't going to give up lifelong friends for me, and
then she stormed out. I called her and told her
it was over, and she said, good. It's it's been

(01:01:00):
three weeks and now she's calling me and emailing me
a ton of apologies.

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
She says that we need to talk.

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
I texted her that we had talked, and she responded
that she couldn't believe that I could be so immature
as to end this relationship over what she calls a
petty fight. I don't think I'm compatible with this woman
anymore after what I saw that night. I just would
never behave that way while in a relationship. And I
can't marry somebody who finds that. Okay, we've been together

(01:01:30):
for two years and I'm in love with her, but
I'm terrified that if I marry her, this is gonna
happen again. I feel like this is a red flag
that I can't ignore.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
There is an update, but boil.

Speaker 5 (01:01:42):
Boy, Okay, wait, what happened in their little fight again?
What basically this?

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
It was because she was getting so what do you
mean like.

Speaker 5 (01:01:49):
So like he brought this up? I think I just
missed that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
She was like, if you're if you're not, if you're
not gonna be like accepting of like this, then you
can just call off the wedding because I'm not giving
up the he's friendships, you know, or I'm not giving
up And it's like it makes sense, because what are
you just gonna like be if you were already cool
with your son's husband's family.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
Yeah that you see?

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
Still Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna stop doing that because
it's still like my son's family, my son's family. It's
like we're we and his dad are no longer together,
but that's still his family.

Speaker 2 (01:02:24):
That's family.

Speaker 3 (01:02:25):
So I'm not gonna be not cool with these people, right,
And then he goes, well, then I guess I will
call off the wedding, and she went good and then
hung up.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
And it's been three weeks. I mean, I think both
of you suck at communicating.

Speaker 7 (01:02:38):
It kind of seems like I mean, yes, I agree
with that. It does kind of seem like that is
probably just what needs to happen. Like if if she
doesn't see a problem with those kinds of relationships and
partying with these people like that, you can't really change her.
You can try to talk to her about it and
express your feelings, but if she's just kind of saying like, no,

(01:03:00):
that's just what I'm going to keep doing, you can't.

Speaker 5 (01:03:03):
You can't try to.

Speaker 7 (01:03:03):
Control that, and you just need to be like, Okay,
well I guess I guess, Yeah, I guess you need
to find someone that is okay.

Speaker 5 (01:03:10):
With that, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:03:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
Update, I spoke to my ex once on the phone,
and she stuck to her story that I had imagined
most of what happened at the party, that I was
tired and probably was seeing things that didn't really happen,
and I hung up the phone. I can't argue against that.
I can't see myself debating her over what happened when
I feel she's not even operating in reality. It's really

(01:03:35):
acting frustrating to have that conversation with someone.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
Of course, a mutual.

Speaker 3 (01:03:39):
Friend of ours asked me to meet him for a drink,
and six of them showed up to confront me about
my ft up behavior towards my ex. This time, I
told them everything, but just as I thought, they knew
the story, but they were under the impression that I
was extremely wasted and therefore not able to see things clearly.
I started out by telling them the real truth and

(01:04:02):
went from there to defending myself from the wasted accusation
to telling them to f off out of my life.
I cussed out the guy that called me to invite
me for setting this up. I was so effing mad
because they all wanted to keep up this charade that
he honestly invited me, just me for a drink, and
the rest of them just happened to show up on

(01:04:25):
an unrelated outing. They're just like my ex.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
They try to.

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
Make you believe bs that's just so out of touch
with reality that it'll make you want to effing give
somebody the old one two. But then if you do,
you're the one who looks crazy because you got violent.
It's like they drive you to the edge of insanity
with their ridiculous BS, and then they back off when
they see you're about to lose it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
I don't know how I ever got involved.

Speaker 3 (01:04:48):
With this cult of crazy a holes, but just as
I figured, she kept calling, texting, and emailing to the
point where my sister was worried that she might do
something crazy to me.

Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
Some days she would text me forty to fifty times.

Speaker 3 (01:05:01):
I changed my phone number, and to this day, I'm
pretty sure she still doesn't have the new one. My
sister has been telling me that she sees her car
pass by our house sometimes. I wasn't sure because her
car is very common make and model and color, but
I wouldn't put it past her. There was one really bad,
crazy out of this world scene that scared me a bit.

(01:05:22):
I had not been really scared that she might do
something crazy but I'm not sure now. She knocked on
my door one evening, probably around seven pm, and I
just ignored her. She knocked so much that I considered
calling the cops, but I ignored her and the knocking stopped.
My sister came home around two am and calls me
to tell me that my ex is sitting on the

(01:05:43):
ground outside the front door.

Speaker 5 (01:05:46):
What this is all wild? Who are these people?

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
I'm gonna say, clearly your ex was also toxic, but.

Speaker 3 (01:05:56):
I think you're just completely ignoring her her not I
don't know, it's not I guess the knocking went away.

Speaker 1 (01:06:04):
You didn't know she was just down on the front porch,
So that's fair.

Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
Yeah, but I think it needed to be like a, Hey,
I don't want to talk to you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:11):
If you don't leave, i'm gonna call the police. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:06:15):
I think there's a level of confrontation you need to have,
not because it's like I don't want to give her
the satisfaction. It's like you're just you're prolonging this thing
by like not confronting that and saying, hey, this is enough.
We're not getting back together. I don't want to talk
to you. Just leave my leave right Like in.

Speaker 7 (01:06:32):
Some cases, ignoring is good, like if it's a munch
of text messages or something like that. In that case,
you would probably just block them. But like, yeah, wait
with this, like there is something to be done about it.
This is just weird, all of it.

Speaker 3 (01:06:46):
My sister backed out of the driveway and drove off
and called me from down the block. I went outside
and my ex started crying and telling me how sorry
she was about everything she had done. When I told
her to go home, she wrapped her arms around my
legs really tight while kneeling and said she wasn't going
to leave until I forgave her and promised the wedding
would be back on. I couldn't get her off of me,

(01:07:10):
so I warned her that she had to go or
I would call the police, and she ignored my please.

Speaker 1 (01:07:15):
So I called the cops.

Speaker 3 (01:07:17):
This was the most embarrassing thing I've ever been through.
The first cop that showed up was this really tough
looking lady with a flat top haircut. As she approached us,
she had a what the f look.

Speaker 1 (01:07:27):
On her face. I could tell she was like, am
I effing seeing this?

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
I see this cop a lot around town. Now it's embarrassing.
All the cop had to do was say, ma'am, you're
gonna have to let go of his legs, and my
ex complied immediately. She took her to the patrol car
and told me she'd be right back. After putting her
in the back of the patrol car, she came back
and just said, Okay, I imagine there's history between you two,
so tell me how we got here. I told her

(01:07:53):
the story, and she told me that if I didn't
press charges, it would be impossible to get a restraining order.
She said that she's never seen a jilted lover man
or woman behave the way my ex has been behaving
without it ending up with someone getting gravely injured. I
felt like crap and didn't want to give her a
criminal record, but I did it. But she said, quote,

(01:08:13):
we're also talking about keeping your sister safe. Don't underestimate
your ex. Before the cops left my house, one of
them told me that when they interviewed my sister, they asked,
point blank, why did you back out of the driveway
when you saw her, and my sister apparently said quote, because.

Speaker 1 (01:08:28):
I feared for my life. I don't know. I feel
like I.

Speaker 3 (01:08:35):
Guess she seems pretty unhinged. I think I think sister,
being like I was afraid for my life was maybe
a little extra, to be honest, But like standing outside
someone's door for five hours until it's two in the morning.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
Yeah, also no, even longer than that.

Speaker 3 (01:08:54):
Seven hours also pretty also pretty intense.

Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
Let's finish this story.

Speaker 3 (01:09:02):
I don't know what's happening to her legally, but at
the restaurant where I met those guys for a drink,
they told me that her son is living with her mother.
They implied that I got her in trouble, so her
son is with his grandma now. But I don't see
how that would happen so quickly, Seeing is how we
don't have a court date until later this month. I
think she just dumped him there. I don't know anymore,

(01:09:25):
nor do I care. There have been other unreal incidents
where I was confronted by my ex, but I don't
want to write a whole novel at itIt not that
it matters, But just for the record, it was a
male friend who asked me to meet him for a drink,
and it was five females that showed up later for
the quote unquote intervention.

Speaker 1 (01:09:43):
He just sat there and watched the whole time.

Speaker 3 (01:09:45):
It looked like they just used him to get me there,
and that is the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (01:09:50):
Interesting.

Speaker 7 (01:09:52):
Yeah, just a weird situational around yeah yeah, yeah yeah

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I cheated on her…but don’t I deserve to be happy? -r/RelationshipAdvice | Reddit Stories | EP2347

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I cheated on her…but don’t I deserve to be happy? -r/RelationshipAdvice | Reddit Stories | EP2347