I chose to live with my STEP mother instead of my father… after they divorced! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2247 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is, this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes. We'll get
into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
I chose to live with my stepmother instead of my
father after they divorced.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
Well, is she nice to you?

Speaker 3 (00:29):
I eighteen female, I am about to graduate high school and
things have been weird at home for a while, but
now everything's kind of blown up and I'm getting a
lot of mixed reactions, so I.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Figured i'd post here.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
By the way, this comes from user ad Taylor, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. So my dad remarried
when I was fourteen. His new wife had two kids
from a previous marriage who were younger than me. From
the start, she was polite but cold, never rude, but
definitely distant. She always seems more relaxed and affectionate with

(01:01):
her kids, which hurt, but I figured maybe that was
just natural. Well, I think both of those things can
be true. Yeah, but whenever I came in the room,
she stopped laughing and looked at me as if I
was a danger of hurting her children.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Boy.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
For years, I felt like I was walking on eggshells
around her. I tried being friendly and helping her out
with the kids, giving her space, et cetera, but it
never felt like I was truly welcome in my own home.
It hurt, but I got used to it. But something
changed this past year. I don't know exactly what triggered it,
but Stepmom started acting.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Different, more present, kinder.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
She started checking in on me, inviting me to sit
with her and her kids more, even standing up for
me when my dad would snap or criticize me. And
that's when things started to click between us. Turns out
my dad had told Stepmom a lot of stuff about
me when they first got together, things like I was manipulative, dishonest, moody, lazy,
emotionally unstable. Basically made me sound like some troubled, dramatic

(01:54):
teenager who couldn't be trusted. I found this out because
I overheard them fighting about it. She apologized and said
she realized how wrong she'd been, and how my dad
was constantly nitpicking, belittling, and controlling, and how she never
saw it clearly until she started watching how he treated
me versus everyone else. They divorced about two months ago.
My dad expected me to stay with him. Legally, I

(02:15):
could do whatever I want though, since I'm eighteen, But
I told him I wanted to live with stepmom. It
caused a whole explosion. He said I was choosing a
woman who never even wanted me, that I was turning
my back on my real family, His parents, my grandparents
called me ungrateful. Even a few family friends said I
was being disloyal and just trying to hurt him.

Speaker 4 (02:37):
Bro.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
But here's the thing, Dana does want me now. She's
apologized and made an effort, and she's treating me like
a human being. She's the one coming to visit my
school competitions and helps me whenever I ask her. My
dad hasn't taken a real interest in me in years.
She listens, she makes space for me, and showed me
what it feels like to be safe. So am I

(02:58):
the a hole for choosing to live with my former
step mom instead of my dad?

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Not only are you not an ahole, but your dad
is an ale, So flip that whole story around.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:09):
Also, you're fourteen. All these people eighteen, it's alone. Oh yeah,
graduating high school.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
Where they got to get They got married when he
was fourteen, gotcha.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
Yeah. Yeah, it's just like you're their kid. They can't
be just accusing you of hurting your parents' feelings on purpose.
I don't know. That's just just so extravagant. And if
you're the real family, then maybe you should understand him
a little bit, or at least try to. Yeah, so
not the a hole for sureseys.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
If the whole family's hitting you up trying to tell
you you're bad, just go ahead and be like, hey,
so here's what he said about me.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Yeah, well, how do you feel now?

Speaker 4 (03:50):
Expose him?

Speaker 2 (03:50):
How do you feel now?

Speaker 3 (03:51):
He lied to my step mom and called me like
a I don't know he made up with this story
about how I'm like a troubled teen.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Because that's the way that was weird to me.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
Whereas like she walked in and she was like she
was acting like I was a danger to her kids.
I'm like, what, Yeah, that was weird, and it's well,
it makes sense now because she's been told that.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
She probably is mm.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
A part scene ninety fifty nine says turns out my
dad had told stepmom a lot of stuff about me
when they first got together, things like I was manipulative, dishonest, moozy, lazy,
emotionally unstable. So replying to that part of the story,
and the thing that I don't get is why did
it take her three years to figure out this wasn't
true when you all live together. If all those things
are lies and she lived with you, wouldn't she notice

(04:30):
it's untrue within months? Opie replies. Throughout most of my
high school time, I went to a boarding school. I
could have come home at the weekends, but because I
did feel unwelcome at home, I stayed there for most
of the year.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
I only came home during the holidays.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
My senior year, however, I couldn't go back because my
father thought the boarding school would only make me entitled,
that I would think of myself better than the rest
of the family. But that wasn't true at all. How
would he even know? My father hasn't taken an interest
in me in years. I bet he he doesn't even
know what sport I like to play, or the name
of my best friend. He only started to pretend to
care when I chose to live with stepmom, A mortally

(05:07):
wounded one says, not the a hole. He married a
woman and immediately turned her against you for absolutely no reason,
ensuring that you would have a little to no relationship
with the woman he chose to be your step mother.
Get away from him and stay away from him as
far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Judgment, not the a hole. Update four days later.

Speaker 4 (05:27):
Uh oh uh oh.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Should be just like make like some folks on a
trampoline and just like jump.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
In, jump right into it.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
Update four days later, Hi again.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
I honestly didn't expect my post to get the attention
it did, but thank you to everyone who offered support, advice,
or even just validation. Reading your comments helped me feel
a little less alone in all this. I wanted to
give an update, especially since some people asked if my
dad ever tried to explain himself.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
He did.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
After I moved in with my ex step mom. Things
were quiet for weeks. Then last week my dad asked
to meet. I agreed, hoping maybe this would be a
turning point that he'd acknowledged the way he treated me
and maybe even apologize. But instead I got a whole
different kind of explanation. He told me that he was
still in love with my mom, who passed away when

(06:17):
I was ten, and that he had never truly moved on.
All right, pops, But who asked about that?

Speaker 4 (06:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (06:23):
How is this possibly going to tie into you lying
about your daughter?

Speaker 4 (06:30):
Yeah, it feels like it's on its way to to's
just gilt tripping.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
It's you know, it's on a direct flight to feel
bad for me, Yeah street, feel bad for Me town.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
He's the mayor of feel bad for Me Town.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
He said that after she passed away, he felt like
he lost not just his wife, but a piece of himself.
He admitted that he married Stepmom not out of love,
but because he thought building a new family would help
him fill the void. But it didn't, and instead he
grew bitter and angry and started taking it out on everyone,
on step Mom, on her kids, on me. And then
he said something that completely shattered me. He said he

(07:05):
never wanted her to bond with me because if she did,
it would feel like my mom was being erased. That
he couldn't handle the idea of me loving someone else
in a mother role, that every time he saw Stepmom
and I getting along, it felt like I was letting
go of my mom and replacing her, which is just
not true. I will always love my mom and nothing
could ever change that. But I also deserve to have

(07:26):
people in my life who care about me now, people
who show it. Stepmom has done that. She's trying, and
she's here. When I asked him if he realized how
much he'd hurt me, how he'd changed from the dad
I remembered, he didn't deny it, but he also didn't apologize.
He just said he was dealing with his grief the
only way he knew how, and that I should respect that.

Speaker 4 (07:44):
No, no, no, no, not because you.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
Have feelings doesn't mean your behaviors are in all excused.

Speaker 4 (07:52):
Yeah no, absolutely. Like, as he's saying all these things,
it's like, okay, the explanation, not the excuse. You can
maybe explain these things and be like, ah, I'm sorry,
it was the wrong way to deal with this. My
bad dog, my mess that up. But he's not apologizing.
He's just saying, like, no, this is what was happening.
I'm so sad, So now you need to forgive me.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Right, He's saying, I'm the mayor of feel bad for
Me Town.

Speaker 3 (08:15):
I was feeling bad, So you can't be mad at
me through the things that I did. Maybe I shouldn't
drag an entire other family into my mess now that
I've realized, Hey, this isn't filling the void. This is
actually just making me an angry, bitter piece of crap. Guy,
he told me stepmom was taking me away from him
and that I had replaced my mom. He said, word

(08:36):
for word, who chose her over your real mother's memory?

Speaker 2 (08:39):
Wow, I walked out, good for up.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
A lot of people at eighteen wouldn't have the understanding
that that's when you do that.

Speaker 4 (08:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
I don't think I will talk to him again unless
he does apologize and changes his ways. I'm still processing
all of this, and I'm trying to hold space for
the version of my dad who was kind, who tucked
me in at night and made me waffles on Saturdays.
But I'm all so not going to pretend the last
few years didn't happen. Grief isn't an excuse for cruelty,
and choosing peace and love now isn't a betrayal of

(09:09):
the past. We do have a little bit of story left, yes, Like,
can I like sympathize with this guy?

Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (09:16):
Yeah, does it excuse all of the mistakes that he's
made to the point where he can just go, well,
you need to respect that I was going through it
when I was doing this.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
No, no, no.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
Does that train of thought cause me to question all
of his motives?

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (09:33):
So yeah, I'm not ready to have a relationship with
this guy until he reaches out to me expressly apologizing
for ruining and sabotaging my relationship with my stepmom. Stepmom
is not perfect, but she's trying, and for now, this
feels like the healthiest place for me to be.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
We're rebuilding something strange and new, but it feels more
real than anything I've had in years. I don't know
what the future holds with my dad, but I know this.
I'm allowed to be loved and I'm allowed to choose
it wherever I find it. Thanks again, read it and
we have some comments to take us on home.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Driftwood two fifty six says, not the ale grief isn't
an excuse for cruelty and choosing peace in love? Now?

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Is it a betrayal of the past. You couldn't have
put it better? What a crappy father?

Speaker 3 (10:21):
Glass Confusion four four eight says There is a really
great scene in Clueless where Cher explains about her annoying
ex stepbrother still hanging around and spending time with her father,
and her father says, you divorce a spouse, you don't
divorce kids, choosing the parent and home that is best
for you in the short and long term. Laughing Dragon
seventy seven says stepmom didn't replace your mom, sounds like

(10:42):
she replaced your dad. One Recipe seventy four to twenty
three says, my useless dad once argued that my ex
stepmother now second mother, that she was trying to replace him.
She replied back, in the softest voice, that seat was empty.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Good luck, o pe. Know that you're not alone. You're bio.
Mom would be proud of you and your stepma. Yeah,
and that's the end of that story. I agree.

Speaker 4 (11:05):
My parents are trying their best to sabotage my wedding
because I'm queer.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
What are your parents? The Beastie boys.

Speaker 4 (11:10):
Trigger warning phobia. When I was a little girl, my
oma and my girl cousins and I sat around and
talked about our future weddings and what we would want
our dresses to look like in bouquets and future husbands,
number of kids. I was not super engaged in the conversation,
but I was included by the way. This comes from
Diamine Selah don Kat. If you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time

(11:32):
stub reddit. So but Mayama knew how to draw me
in because we bonded over our mutual love of stuffed animals,
something that has followed me into adulthood. She'd hand me
downs for all the other little girls in the family
to give them for their wedding days, such as jewelry,
hand mirrors, other trinkets, shoes, or handbags. They stopped in
her vast closet all day, and I sat in her
room and played with the stuffed animals. And she asked

(11:54):
me if I wanted a tiny palm sized stuffed white
mouse to put in my bouquet when I got married.
It would be about the size of a peany bloom,
lightweight and the right size not to crush the flowers.
I was immediately obsessed. She gave the mouse to my
mom for safe keeping. My mom held onto the mouse
and I would pull it out and hold it reverently
and inspect it and make sure that it was clean

(12:15):
and knew that it was being saved for a special day.
Then in high school, I came out as and suddenly
I wasn't. My parents barely tolerated eldest daughter because let's
face it, we had problems then too, but they're openly
disliked son, and as soon as they could wash their
hands of me, they did, And I wasn't allowed to
take Almah's mouths with me when I left. I didn't

(12:36):
think about it because when I moved out, I didn't
have blushing bride to be in the forefront of my mind.
My parents are not even willing to mail me my
birth certificate to help me leave the country safely. Right now,
I'm sure the stuffed mouse is out of the question.
I'm still not a blushing bride and I'm not going
to marry one. My future husband and I want to
have a immemorial bouquet with the mouse in it on

(12:58):
a table at our wedding, next to our take a
kippa just for today. We promise they don't bite basket.
I wanted to just replace the mouse because I know
where she bought it originally, but it's discontinued. They're available
online but I'm having a hard time finding one that
isn't used in warn looking. I just have grief. I
won't even have a date yet. We haven't even started

(13:18):
planning or anything official. This was my literal first wedding
planning thought. Anyways, thanks for listening, cheers. It all has
to get better from here. None of my side of
the family is even invited, Elmo, and there are some comments.
Do you have any comments but.

Speaker 3 (13:33):
Normalized not inviting people who are bigoted towards you to
your wedding, even if they are your family. Yeah, So
the love of God, please can we stop inviting people
we know we don't like, they don't like us.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
Why are we inviting them? I don't care if you
gave birth to me you hate me.

Speaker 4 (13:50):
Now, those are all very valid questions. Even if you
gave the mouse bag, that doesn't deserve a return of entry,
doesn't deserve for control. But some comments, such as missus
Sir Walter Scott says, I'm so sorry you're going through
all of this so when you're supposed to be having
one of the best seasons in your life. I hope
you can take comfort in the fact that your Alma
loved you so much. If you want to post a

(14:11):
picture of one of the mouse stuffies or the name
of it or anything, I can try to help you
find one. I'm glad that you're creating a new family hope.
He responds, it's ridiculous. It's like the Ikea der ghosting
mouse in white upright. It is so silly because it's
not an impossible task. I haven't searched high and low
or anything, but I have balked at spending twenty four

(14:32):
to fifty dollars on a ninety nine cent plush and
it's not about the cost. And I don't know why
I'm stuck on it. I think it's because I want
my mouse, not someone else's second hand used mouse that
they still think is worth fifty dollars just because it's discontinued. Now, okay.
Isopod In ninety seven sixty nine says this is super
random and it might not scratch the itch for you.

(14:53):
But I'm a sapphig who knits and sews. I can
make you a mouse like that. Maybe that'll feel better
to you than buying from a stranger community stepping in
for family and all that. My dms are closed because
I don't like randoms dming me. But if you feel
like that would be a solution that would fix this
for you, just respond to this comment. I'll open my
DMS and you can give me some more info about
the mouse and we can figure out the details from there,

(15:15):
maybe embroider you or your spouse's initials onto it somewhere
at a little rainbow, a tiny bow tie whatever. I
also see your use of omah and if it's any solace,
I'm German, so in any way, you'd be getting it
from someone from the same cultural background who can kind
of understand what your alma would have been like. This
is an incredibly sweet offer and I saw it right
after someone in Europe found one for a very palatable price.

(15:37):
If that comes through, I'm gonna be so excited. I
haven't heard back from them. I think I kind of
want to see what you come up with. Regardless though,
it's such a lovely offer, and we haven't set a
date yet, so there's no urgency. And when my community
rallies together, my mouse can have a friend and they
can be attracted to the same gender. Mie mice mie
gouse is symbolic a mouse a gowse with a spouse,

(16:02):
a gouse spouse is also a gows Gow's mouse. If
it's all the same to you, that is restless. Dragon says,
not sure if you're interested, But if you want a
mom who loves you just the way you are at
the wedding, let me know. That's cute. Opie says, thank
you so much, you want a very kind over my
fiance and I laugh. I have no loving family, but
as the child of an amicable divorce, my partner has
four loving parents who co parented really cohesively and continue

(16:25):
to do so. That means he entered the relationship with
enough family for the both of us, because between the
parents and the seven siblings it averages out to a
normal amount of in laws for a couple to have.
They're just awe of his side. However, they feel like
my family already, and with the way that they've embraced me,
I feel very fortunate in that way. Lepa says, I
actually have one of these dm me. I'm in Finland,

(16:46):
but it is so light he could fly. Opie says,
I have had in my mice accomplished. I have two
kind of talks me. If you would still very much
like to send me one, I am accepting them as
a symbol of how community has embraced us when my
family did not. And I am thinking about writing a
small sign of explanation of how we lost the original

(17:07):
mouse to time. I just don't even want to think
about my nasty family, and wonderful people around the world
saved our day to source replacements for us. I am
of the opinion that the more the merrier, but I
have the mice. I need to have my perfect day
and to memorialize my ole mom. If your mouse will
be missed, please keep it in your home and we
do have an edit.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
Keep your mice indoors. We have an edited lot Swedish
mouse Mafia.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
So many support of mice here.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
I just have to point out that Josephine earlier in
the chat commented in all caps it's.

Speaker 4 (17:41):
A rat wedding.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Oh my god, rat wedding of mice and men of mice.

Speaker 4 (17:49):
Of mice. We do have another edit that is the
day after the original post edits number three. Three wonderful
people have found solutions to my mouse problem. When initially
I came here primarily to grieve in a community who
would not focus on the part, but rather the mouse part.
I even have been offered a solution that includes something
so meaningful and moving that I am not mentioning it

(18:11):
in this edit because I want it to be a
surprise and I don't want my fiance to accidentally spoil
it for himself if he finds this post. I am
in absolute tears and I'm not the easy crier in
this relationship. Thank you, folks so much words cannot express.
We've got another addit. I have now received offers of
five mice yes, which has reminded me of the strength

(18:31):
of the community in times that I have found quite
bleak recently. Because of that, I would like to extend
invitations to any gossip mouse who would like to attend
my wedding as a visual reminder that family other people
who show up for you, no matter what that ends
up looking like, we will be including a small sign
explaining that our original mouse was lost a time to
avoid addressing my lousy family, and that people from our

(18:52):
community from around the world wanted to help make sure
my oma was honored and our day was perfect. Regardless,
I am, of course happy to pay travel expenses and
shipping for any mouse who wants to attend our wedding.
Please do not feel obligated, as I have substantially more
mice than anticipated and more than I needed. My heart
is full.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (19:10):
I am only telling my fiance about one mouse, and
the rest will be a surprise to him on our
wedding day. Some of Opie's comments this ideal let four
thirty nine said, Hi, we're in the Fountain Pen community together,
So I just want to say mazeltop on your engagement.
From another queer Jew who has inky fingers, Opie says,
thank you so much. This post that I typed up

(19:31):
in a moment of just cranky grief on the very
first day of wedding planning has brought me such unexpected
joy in community in unexpected places. Ninety sixty five says,
your Alma's love is always with you, even though you
won't have the mouse, Opie says, but the beautiful thing
is we will have mice, not the original one, but fairy, loving,
gifted replacements from this community. I cannot put into words
how surprised and grateful I am to the wonderful and

(19:52):
thoughtful people here who are stepping in to be the
helpers that my family just aren't. Author one twenty four
says it's no less and you deserve. I wish you
and your future husband a beautiful wedding day and a
wonderful life together. Opie says, well, good news, we already
have checked one of those boxes. I moved to his
state to flee DV and get back on my feet
a few years ago and met him some months after.

(20:14):
He has patiently and generally transformed how I think about
myself and helped me build safety and independence even outside
of him. Now we have a beautiful home. My dogs
adore him and he adores them, and no small feet.
Their high drive, high energy working dogs and can be
intense to people used to companion dogs. And I have
never felt so comfortable and understood in a friendship, let

(20:34):
alone a romantic relationship. We have learned how to integrate
and navigate my trauma from growing up with a total
loser parents with the help of therapy and patient practice.
This is definitely the most beautiful season of my life,
and not because it's been easy or free from pain
or difficult periods. I'm sure that we will check off
the other item too, Okay, and then on March twenty three,
twenty twenty five, ohp says, I have rather lost count

(20:57):
of how many of mice are arriving on this very moment.
I have been weep all year because of how much
I missed my oma and how much I wish I
could talk to her, And this feels like a hug
from her. With the help from strangers. Even before the wedding,
we do have an update to a centil mental detail
my parents try to wrap from me.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
This is a heartwarmer? Really is warmer de wormer this
update that's just just reviewed saying all the same stuff.

Speaker 4 (21:21):
Yeah, but to Anny, who I came to share how
heartbreaking the estrangement for my family is during the time
in my life that should be shared with my loved ones.
I came to wind the My admittedly lazy search online
to replace my step mouse turned up expensive or subpar substitutes.
I expected others to share similar stories of lackluster family
and maybe give creative ideas and how to honor my
almost memory another way. Instead, the wonderful people in this

(21:42):
community overwhelmed me with an outpouring of kindness and support.
I had people source me exact substitutions for my Alma's mouse,
and offers to them to me from around the world,
over three continents. I have even had two people offered
a handmake some replica ice. I have stuffed my flooding,
my mailwox, and I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and

(22:03):
of no words for the impact that this has to be.
Right now, I intend to create a display with all
the mice and a little map from where each one
came from.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
That is so cute, little traveling mice. Yeah, to make
a diorama for each mouse, for each location.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
This is how the Black Plague started. The mice, mice dioramas, mice,
mice traveling the world. Of course, of course you'll say
the Black Plague started with a man.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
You you're crazy After our wedding, I plan and putting
them in a shadow box and framing them somewhere in
our home. There are still more mice on the way
to me. One is hanging out with my best man,
and another is with a friend of mine closer to
where we are about to move. I am just floored.
Thank you all truly for all your kind words and
your mice, and reminder that family are the people who
show up for you, not the people who give you

(22:52):
genetic material and on the thing, there's an image of
a cute group of stuffed mice. Oh, he says. This
is all reminding me that my family's approval of actually
not a goal of mine, and that joy is everywhere
if I look for it. Commenter says this is adorable.
I'm sorry about what your parents have put you through.
Are you still accepting are ke and mice? Another commenters says,
full body goose bumps. Well, I am deeply sorry for

(23:12):
the pain you feel from the heartache your family has cause.
I'm delighted that the entire world joined forces to.

Speaker 5 (23:18):
Cheer you on.

Speaker 4 (23:18):
Congratulations. Ohp he says. I have my oma, who was
very progressive and always proud me for me, and even
when I left my family, she made sure I knew that.

Speaker 3 (23:27):
So.

Speaker 4 (23:27):
Another commentary says, my first thought was rats, but I
spend too much time on the internet. I'm so glad
that people came through for you. Op responds they can
beat rats for you. Ikia calls them rats very technically
if you want to mince hairs. I thought of them
as mice, but they're apparently listened as rats. My partner
and I are close enough for me.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Wait, oh, so it's official. We've got men and rats
for the wedding.

Speaker 4 (23:51):
But we do have another updates. Oh mg, hi to
the best of red update people. I never expected one
of my posts to blow up like that, posting this
one because it feels like bloatt to the LGBT weddings feed.
I'll post the next pix update here, probably in October.
We finally have a date set for our wedding, which
if you saw my previous posts, we didn't. You're still
accepting mice, and I've opened it to all colors of

(24:14):
gossiing mice and any variety of homemade mice, So now
I can finally tell y'all mice who cannot find airfare
before October first likely won't be able to attend our wedding.
This wedding has been so emotionally fraught for me. The
enormous joy and redemption I and by extension, my partner
have experienced has brought so much insulation from the anguish
in the outside world because I get to sit in

(24:35):
my very silly stuffed mouse and wedding planning bubble. When
I think about it, I went from worrying that my
side of the wedding would look humiliatingly sparse, to wondering
if we would have enough mice to put mice in
the seats that felt too empty. These mice have felt
like a very tangible expression of something that I've had
to have my whole life, creative problem solving in the

(24:56):
face of a really lousy family who refused to celebrate
me or anything about me, even on the most joyous
moments of my life, and the people who have shown
up time and time again to help me when I've
needed it. My family of origin sure haven't done it,
but there have always been people available somewhere. This time,
it feels like there's people literally in every corner of
the globe looking to help us. It's a little unbelievable.

(25:16):
I had to spill the beans about the mice to
my partner. Originally they were keeping it a secret. We're
both going through a lot because of stuff related to
the wedding and surrounding the wedding, a lot of it
having to do with family drama and current politics. Wouldn't
you know, planning an interfaith wedding when your entire family
voted for not that and has yet to voice any
disapproval of any of it is emotionally draining. He was

(25:38):
just running out of steam anytime we talked about it. Yes,
I'm still getting married, Yes this year, but so discouraged
that he couldn't just have his big, happy family around
without trauma. So one evening I just brought the box
full of mice in from the garage and held it
in my lap and explained it to him. He already
knew about Almah's mouse and that I replaced one. I
explained that I went online toy and that y'all didn't

(26:01):
take it as whiny but embraced me instead, And then
I started just throwing mice into his lap, one at
a time and explaining that I got mouse after mouse
after mouse because you folks would just not let it go,
that I just needed one, because y'all wanted our joy
to overflow, not just see minimum needs met. I explained
that when gifting mice to him, it was my way

(26:22):
of reminding him that if Oma was around, she would
have loved him. And he's part of my family now too,
and I'm welcoming him in even if there's no one
else around to do it. We have a bunch of
mouse stand ins who will be much more civil than
my actual family members. Now we get to design the
mouse dis way together. He has such an eye for aesthetic.
I think it's a good move. There's a little bit

(26:44):
more to this story. Shall I just wrap it right up?

Speaker 2 (26:48):
Yeah? I mean I love this.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
I want to rat wedding every day on this story,
this on this show. I want a story like this
every day.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
Please?

Speaker 4 (26:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (26:59):
Can we have more rat weddings?

Speaker 4 (27:01):
Cattarah rasas the rat dress?

Speaker 2 (27:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (27:03):
Can you imagine if you got little rat suits and dresses?

Speaker 2 (27:07):
Do you know what these are? What on my blanket?

Speaker 4 (27:09):
Oh? Pigeons?

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Yeah, which are also known as as rats with wings?

Speaker 4 (27:14):
Woo, whoa dude? Send someone?

Speaker 2 (27:16):
It's a full circle moment.

Speaker 4 (27:18):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Which one of these pitches is?

Speaker 3 (27:22):
That's how that works, folks. You can't tell by sight.
Creative solutions to modern problems.

Speaker 4 (27:27):
I love it. There's a little bit more. Let's go
ahead and wrap this all up. So we now have
a wedding date to This is probably the last big
update until October. We are still accepting MI so I'm
happy to assist with mouse airfare if they do not
travel with excess luggage. I do request that my set
travel to come to us come with a little note
that we can display as well. I originally thought about
cutting out the postage and making a collage of that,

(27:47):
but I didn't want to tediously censor addresses if I
posted pictures. I am a college artist by hobby, so
it would be nice to include something like that. I
could have to frame behind them when I display them
later on to remember.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
You all buy a slightly, says mice Window needs to
show his face. Mice Window.

Speaker 4 (28:03):
One of the comments says Jesus, I can't imagine telling
someone that they don't deserve a one dollar stuffed mouse
that they didn't even pay for for one of the
most important days of their life. Opi says. This comes
from the same parents who told me I didn't deserve
a medically necessary shoulder surgery because it was too expensive,
but refuse to take on any kind of financial assistance
because it was beneath them to take handouts. This was

(28:25):
before I even came out, as they simply were uniquely
unsuited to be parents. And that is the end of
that lovely mouse story. Lovely lovely mouse story.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Hey's John og host.

Speaker 3 (28:37):
We don't get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
My partner and I bought a house, but I'm expected
to pay back the loan.

Speaker 5 (28:45):
Yeah, you bought the house.

Speaker 4 (28:47):
It makes sense you not us. You. I am more
than expecting ninety nine percent of these comments to be
this is why you shouldn't buy a house with someone
before you are married. I deserve them. However, I really
would like an outsider's perspective on this as well. I
think I'm going crazy over this and have never experienced
something so hard. By the way, this comes from house Regrets,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go

(29:07):
to the our slash Okay story time separreddit. So I
have been with my boyfriend for two years. We've lived
together for one We have just purchased a home together.
Cooling off period has passed and we're just waiting for
the settlement. The scenario that I'm in, his family offered
a lot of money for a deposit, and so we
had a really good head start. Our loan was lower
and our interest was therefore lower. In no way do

(29:29):
I think that money is mine.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
It is his.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
And we discussed that if we were to break up
and sell the house, he would get his percentage straight back,
it wouldn't be owned fifty to fifty. It would be
skewed to what I could deposit and what was deposited.
We were going to draw up a contract in the
event that this happened. What ended up happening after the
cooling off period was that his dad sent through spreadsheets

(29:52):
showing what my repayments would be and what his would be.
Given the difference in deposits, I was paying at least
three times as much in this blindsided me. This is
an email I have sent him explaining why I'm so upset.
I hope that helps the show where my mindset is at.
I feel hurt because I feel blindsided, take an advantage of,

(30:12):
and like you don't care about me in this situation
or me in this relationship, slash us as a couple.
I feel blindsided because there are four things that were misleading. One,
when I sent through our budget on what we would
be paying should we move forward, they were equal amounts.
You did not say anything except for the fact that
we both agreed that it was within our budgets. Two,

(30:33):
when you said that you wanted to discuss this further
with me, I told you to present something. I told
you to talk to your dad, get me something to review,
and we will chat about it. Because we didn't have
anything to discuss without this information. You never did that three,
when you said you wanted to discuss further again, I
mentioned that I was stressed with what I was doing
to set it all up, and if it's just about

(30:54):
how we split the ownership of the house, if we
were to break up, then surely that can happen when
everything has settled in a couple of weeks. You agreed
and said it was fine for when we actually applied
for and got the loan alone, is a debt to
the bank that we are both responsible for equally. If
we default on the loan, they come after both of us,

(31:14):
not me for seventy percent and you for thirty percent.
All these things, in addition to the discussion that we
did actually have, led me to believe that we needed
to put an agreement in place for a situation that
would only occur in the event that we break up,
not that we would split the payments to seventy one
dollars a week from you and two hundred and twenty
six dollars a week from me. Even if you wanted

(31:36):
to discuss these figures and alter them. That was not
what was implied to me. You did not tell me.
And similarly, if your dad had it in his mind
that this was going to happen, I feel that someone
should have told me this was the case, and I
would have never gone ahead with it. I even sent
your dad to the budget too, and if he had
an issue with it, it should have been clarified then

(31:57):
and there. The reason I feel taken advantage of is
because you have a loan with your dad that is
interest free. You may not even pay it back. You
said you will try. Oh yeah, I'll try to pay back,
try to pay back to my dad.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
That's my red flag right there.

Speaker 4 (32:12):
Yeah right. I feel like if the dad is giving
out this money and then charging OP for all this money,
I feel like, oh.

Speaker 5 (32:18):
Kay, the boyfriend has no idea what the way? He
just got like, oh yeah, he doesn't understand the way
of any of this. Yeah, And the dad might eventually
just be like, A, I don't worry about it. You
don't have to pay me back.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
So I mean, good for them with that circase.

Speaker 5 (32:31):
But this is weird.

Speaker 4 (32:32):
That's fair for sure. You have altered three payments in
a way that I am paying off the amount of
money loaned by your dad plus interest, and you benefit
by getting a lower repayment, which I again am covering
the difference. I am actually offended by this. The reason
I think you don't care about me is because, honestly,
the way this was all gone about was awful. Similarly,

(32:54):
you cannot understand why I am upset. You tell me,
do you really think that I would just hand you
half of my money? That's one of the most awful
things that you could say. It shows greed and selfishness,
because of course I would not want half of your money.
If we were to split, you would get your fair amount,
so I wouldn't be taking a cent of it. We

(33:14):
are a couple, we are growing a life together. Everything
about the scenario shows you exhibit no empathy towards me,
or faith in our relationship lasting, or interest in working
together as a couple. Wow, there's still a couple. I
think maybe it's not gonna last very long after I
thought in the beginning they broke up. No, so this

(33:37):
is all. They have been together for a couple of years,
lived together for one Now they're getting a house, and
so this is all discussions. If they were to break up,
what would happen to the house. That's the discussion. Okay, Yeah,
I'm just wondering how different this would go if it
was in person rather than a conversation, like you could

(33:59):
type it out read it in front of the person.

Speaker 5 (34:01):
Maybe also say we get a house and my parents
put down a loan, I mean, or vice versa, your
parents put down the loan, whoever's parents put down the loan.
I'm probably thinking the other half would sell that part
of the house to them back to the parents. Or yeah,
so we got a house, we broke up, then I
would probably be like, I'll buy your share. M you

(34:23):
see what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (34:24):
Yeah, no, I would understand that, like whoever wants the
house would just.

Speaker 5 (34:27):
Buy it, not like oh this other split. Things are
gonna work because you guys are broken up and you're
still gonna live together.

Speaker 4 (34:32):
Very complicated situde. I'm just scared of what the reaction
is going to be after this. Yeah, seems like a
little bit of a scam, but there is a little
bit more to the email. So please also consider if
this situation was reversed and if it was my mom
who put in a significant amount, I would not do
this to you, and neither would Mom. Points to mention.
I know for a fact that if the situation was reversed,

(34:53):
my mom would not present him with a spreadsheet. We
rent a house from her at a significantly lower rate
than what it would be, and we both get that discount.
She hasn't skewed it, so I pay less and he
pays more. We share it equally. We have had a
conversation after this email, and he basically said that he
wants to treat this as a business venture. We have
been together for two years, so he is not sure

(35:15):
about me. I said, we are building life together. I
am blindsided by this, and you would get all your
money back if we broke up. I don't see why
we can't stick to the original agreement. He said that
we really didn't discuss it properly, and that was always
his intention. His intention was to buy half a house each.
I wanted to buy a home and build it together,

(35:36):
and if worst came to worse, he'd be protected. Am
I being ridiculous?

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Edit?

Speaker 4 (35:41):
Thank you all so much for the feedback. I did
comment this when I was sorting everything out this afternoon.
But I have asked his parents to reduce what they
are putting in, and my mom has done everything that
she can do to access the funds to match. She
is awesome. It's now even funds are sorted in relation
to what is going to happen with us as a couple.
I don't know. He is spending the weekend with his parents,

(36:03):
so I can try not to use emotions as strongly
as I am now. I am not sure that I
can get over this. He is going to counseling with me,
and I hope that that will help. I am willing
to try. If not, the house can go back on
the market or one of us can buy the other out.
I have dedicated another six months of my life to
sort this out, as the location in the house that

(36:24):
we snagged was awesome, so we should be able to
walk away if not in the exact same scenario we
went in with, or better, I do not know what
will happen with our families. My mom is disgusted, his
parents think I'm flaky and they're hurt. He said this
weekend that he wanted to post his version after reading
these replies, and he feels that he came across as

(36:45):
a villain. I don't know how it will differ. I
really think I was as objective as I could be,
especially including verbatim what my email concerns were. But I
will link it here when he does. Thank you for
helping me and giving me an outlet. I have of
obviously told my mom, but am too embarrassed to talk
to friends right now. I do appreciate even the people
that told me that I'm being ridiculous by getting upset. Oh,

(37:08):
and we do have an update.

Speaker 5 (37:09):
I'm a little worried about Bro going to his parents'
house for the weekend. I'm gonna clear my head out,
go to my parents and figure this out myself.

Speaker 4 (37:19):
Yeah. I'm not saying that that's like a clear sign
that there's a breakup coming, but I will say that
in a lot of stories we've read, usually people don't
go to the parents' house unless someone like cheated or
something like that. Not saying cheating is happening, yeah, but
it's just the fact. It's usually like there's a problem,
we're not doing well, I need space.

Speaker 5 (37:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's totally fine.

Speaker 4 (37:43):
M hmm.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
It's just the fact the quarrel is happening, yeah, to
parents and him. So he's definitely not gonna be Oh,
whatever I think is gonna happen. No, it's gonna be
whatever the parents think is gonna happen. But we do
have an update.

Speaker 4 (37:58):
So I really wanted to say. It's such a since here.
Thank you for the support I really had broken when
I posted it. I do feel better and I am
proceeding with the fifty k each option. I have gotten
less upset at my significant other, and I do see
that there was a lot of miscommunication on both sides.
He saw it as we are buying half of a
house each, and I saw it as we are buying

(38:20):
a home together. I would have never proceeded had I
known the intention. However, this is the situation that I
am in now, and I'm going to see what happens.
He also posted his side, which not sure if many
of you have seen, but he doesn't use Reddit or
know that he should have linked it, etc. He got
a lot of hate, so he deleted the body of
the thread. He is still adamant that he was just

(38:42):
trying to be as fair as possible we both buy
half of a house. As for an update, it's not
really so much what I have done since the update,
but what my next step is. So far, my significant
other is still in his parents. I have seen him
once since posting, and I was too mad to talk
about anything properly or or thoroughly. I am too mad

(39:02):
at his dad because he thinks that the whole reason
that I'm upset about this is a financial naivity that
is completely offensive to me. I am planning to message
my significant other, we haven't talked that much, to arrange
a sit down with both his parents, and I will
focus more on why this is a poor business deal,
since I don't believe that they will understand the emotional side.
This is my course of action, and I would love

(39:25):
any amendments or suggestions. This is quite nerve wracking. I
want to sit down and say something along the lines
of these dot points. I am offended that you think
that I'm upset because of financial naivity. I understand the
numbers and I agree with them. If I were to
buy a house with a friend or an investor, I
would suggest the exact same thing, but not someone I

(39:45):
am in a romantic relationship with and plan to build
a life with. I don't understand why you think that way,
because I feel like if I was buying a house
with someone in a romantic way. I don't think that
would be different from like a friend or something. Maybe
you could talk about it differently because you have different
conversations in a romantic relationship, but I feel like the
numbers would have to be the same, you know, because

(40:08):
you really do have to think, like, well, what if
everything just like went down the drade? What if everything
just blew up for some reason, you know, not thinking
that that would happen, but expecting or preparing for it anyway.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
Yeah, So I don't know.

Speaker 4 (40:21):
I didn't understand I was going to be treated like
a business since this was a business transaction. I think
it was poorly executed. I said, I'm going to try
to pay off as much as our mortgage as I can,
so we can pay it off sooner and pay less
in the long run. Significant others name boyfriend's response to
this spreadsheet presented to me, Well, you were always going
to pay more. You said that this is just set

(40:44):
out in a weekly payment structure, which just makes more sense. Well,
it is not the same as what I said, because
with me paying more the way you have presented, it
doesn't pay off the mortgage sooner. I was misled. I
also said, if this is just about what happens when
we break up and split the house, then why can't
we do it after the dust had settled. Boyfriend was

(41:05):
always going to have more equity in the house. Similarly,
Boyfriend said that he wanted us to all sit down
and talk about this, and my unwillingness to do so
is what caused this confusion. However, I sent the dad
our fortnitingly budget the stamp duty costs prior to signing
for the loan, a spreadsheet comparing the different interest rates.

(41:28):
Plus I was at every family tea this occurs every Wednesday.
They are British, by the way, for this whole process.
And even so, there was nothing stopping you setting this
through earlier, picking up the phone or emailing me, since
it was always your intention if you wanted it to
be a business transaction, I was unaware that it was.

(41:48):
You should have presented the terms and conditions to me
prior to signing anything, and I would have rejected your terms.
We also got a joint and loan. We are both
in debt to the bank on that loan equal which
means that we would pay it back equally. If I
had known that this was how you expected it to go.
No way would I have gotten a joint loan. We
should have gotten two separate loans. I can't believe that

(42:12):
you allow this to proceed knowing what you did. I
never wanted a cent of your money. If we broke up,
you would have gotten every cent back, plus profit and interest.
You would have more equity in the house, you would
get more. You would not have gotten back exactly one
hundred forty five thousand dollars extra. Because I do understand
the time value aspect of money, it's offensive to suggest

(42:35):
that I don't. My boyfriend also said that it's concerning
that I feel that I should benefit from this and
it's a gift to him, and that he's the one
that benefits. That shows me how he feels about the relationship,
because I want him to benefit wherever we both can.
My mom gave both of us a discounted rent, and
she did make him pay the market price. If the
situation was reversed, I would never have gotten about it

(42:57):
this way. This has shaken our relationship to the core
because we both clearly have different values. I want to
be a team and he wants us to be completely
individual people that won't be a team until we're married.
That's not the relationship I want to be in, and
the relationship I want to be in my boyfriend doesn't.
I think it's a fantastic thing what you're doing to
help boyfriend out, but to suggest that I'm upset because

(43:19):
of financial naivity is just so ridiculous to me. This
talk will hopefully happen on Thursday. I am a nervous wreck.
My significant other will be there, as well as both
of his parents. I need to show I will not
be walked over. I need to also make it known
that he is not controlling my life. I have no
idea the outcome of this, but I'm hoping that I
gain respect from this approach. I'm hoping that with his

(43:41):
mom there, the most emotional out of the bunch, my
side will get across. My mom has also asked me
to organize his mom to meet with her on Saturday,
and then I want to try and see my significant
other on Sunday. I want to hug him. I want
this to just be a blip in the road. Depending
on how all this goes, I do this final sign
off on Monday. If I am happy and comfortable to

(44:04):
move forward. Thank you so much for helping me get
through the most difficult week of my life. I still
don't sleep well and have cried a few times, but
I honestly don't know what I would be doing if
I didn't originally post here. I feel so much stronger
and I'm ready to stand up for myself this week.
If anyone has any suggestions on my approach. I know
this is more directed at the dad, but I really

(44:25):
am at a loss as to how myself and significant
other deal with this, so I haven't said much, and unfortunately,
I'm hoping that therapy will be the answer. I would
love to hear it and we do have an update.
Do you think that she's going about this in a
good way? All that stuff that she would say is good.

Speaker 5 (44:42):
Yeah, because she's on a misunderstanding of how people were
treated and it doesn't seem like she's getting the same treatment. Yeah,
because family is involved on both sides. When her family's evolved,
it was fair, whenever his family's evolved. Nah, doesn't seem
super fair, right exactly. She just speaking her mind, and yeah,
this would shake me to my core. I'm a little disappointed.

(45:03):
The boyfriend thinking it's not a team effort, because I mean,
relationships are team effort if you're looking to marry someone
and I don't even know if this guy wants a marrier.

Speaker 4 (45:11):
He doesn't even know either. I mean he said, like
this is a business venture because I'm not sure.

Speaker 3 (45:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (45:18):
I know someone that got a rental property the boyfriend
they broke up and now they're like settling it, and
it's like it seems.

Speaker 4 (45:26):
Pretty so messy. Like I understand that, like living together
before getting married is a great way to go about things,
because you know, living together is a big part of
your relationship and like that that can say a lot
about how you guys interact. But at the same time,
like I'm not gonna move into with someone less like
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry him. Yeah you know

(45:47):
what I mean, Like that's just like very big commitment.
So I'm updating because I really appreciate all the advice,
and I really mean that. I had a few people
telling me that I wasn't listening to the overwhelming response
and not to go through with it. Whilst I agree
that I looked really stupid and wanted to try, I
genuinely was taking everything on board together. Whether I acted
on it or it seemed like a disagreement, I just

(46:10):
really wanted that to be known. This is exactly why
I love this community. Anyway, on to the update we
went through with it. I am currently sitting in the
lounge room of the new house. Oh wow, No, that's
not the update I was speaking. They were gonna get
she seems like I go with the flow type of
chick and this is something you should not go with

(46:31):
the flow on. Well, I just wonder, I mean, she's
trapped herself. I want to know how that conversation went,
and I think we're gonna find out. Okay, got the
quick rundown of what happened at dinner where I confronted them. Basically,
that's the main outcome of the dinner. So my significant
other went to them too late for help, which in
my opinion is still none of their business. But he

(46:51):
did ask, he apologized for everything. We are still going
to couple's therapy at the start of January because clearly
there's a miscommunication issue here and I'm really excited to
keep working on everything. So really that's sort of apparently
they weren't trying to go behind my back. With how
they expected the money to be split. His dad only
said that there needed to be a set of rules
in place for people who are buying a house that

(47:12):
weren't married. He didn't bring it up at the family
weekly tea because he said that it wasn't his business.
It was up to us to ask him for any
advice that we wanted. I didn't want any, so it
fell on my partner's head to ask if needed be.
My significant other went to him after we signed a
contract to ask for advice, and he came up with
one scenario way too late in the game. I think

(47:35):
that scenario that he came up with was unfair, which
was paying different mortgage repayments, and after telling him the
dad what I thought if we broke up he would
have more equity, he actually agreed that my way was fair,
if not more. After this, my significant other and I
had a big discussion where he profusely apologized was embarrassed
that I organized the gas, electricity bank meetings, real estate, etc.

(47:59):
And knew that it was all going to come to
a head when I confronted his dad. I'm not a wallflower.
I hate confrontation, but I'm more than happy to do
so if need be, and he was extremely anxious about it.
He's an anxious person as it is. After talking to
his dad more in depth, I understand his position a
bit better and realize that my anger was misplaced and
my significant other needs to be able to stand up

(48:21):
to his parents better if need be. He needs to
grow up, and that he's getting much older and shouldn't
really rely on them that much. He agrees and is ashamed.
That is what we are working on now. There is
a little bit more to the story. But do we
agree with the situation that's going on? Do we think
that this is like a fair situation.

Speaker 5 (48:40):
She confronted him, Yeah, seems like the guy and he's
like man up and away, like adult up. Yeah, instead
of relying on his parents to pay his part and
try to pay back.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (48:52):
It seems like he's relying on the parents in a way,
and the parents there's a lot of miscommunication over Yeah,
and maybe more conversations. I wouldn't feel satisfied with this.

Speaker 4 (49:00):
Yeah. I feel like there's almost reasoning behind her decisions.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
That I'm not aware of.

Speaker 4 (49:07):
Yeah, Like I don't really understand. I don't think it
was explained why she thinks that if they split up,
he would get more money if they're paying evenly. I
don't understand that, but everyone else is like, yeah, that's fair.
So I feel like there's maybe something that I'm just missing,
but I wouldn't do that. Yeah, it's gonna warn you
if we're paying evenly, we're gonna split it up evenly

(49:29):
if need be.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (49:30):
This is confusing me. I don't understand this arrangement. She's
more because the parents already put it down payment, so
they're like, oh, just pay us back for our part
since yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:38):
For like making that sacrifice or something.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:40):
Maybe, but there is a little bit more to the story.
As much as everyone is going to tell me that
this is a mistake, I just wanted to say that
I'm happy I didn't give up. I'm in a great place.
I have proven that I know what's right by telling
his parents what I thought, which was in the last update,
and his dad told me that he respected me more
for being such a strong woman. I'm sure that people
will still tell me what I'm doing is wrong, but

(50:02):
I feel secure. I read some stories here that are
clearly awful, and I think that a lot of the
reason people post here are because they already know that
they should end it. However, I still do get really
excited when people work it out. I hope that I'm
one of those cases. I'm so appreciative of all the
responses and if there's any queries, I've unpacked all day,
so I'm sitting here relaxing and I want to thank

(50:24):
you for your feedback. Apologies, this isn't the ninety nine
percent of advice, but I still did take it on
board and love this community more than ever. I hate
that in the current climate we are so spoilt for
choice and if you can easily find someone else if
they don't suit you at the current time. That's the
same of that story. It seems like it wrapped up well,
oh piece in a good space, so I'm happy for her.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
Good for her.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (50:51):
I said something awful to my boyfriend, but I was
under the influence.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
At doesn't count. We all know it doesn't count.

Speaker 4 (50:58):
Before I get started, I just want to say I
know I epped up and I am the a hole here.
My boyfriend is a wonderful human being who loves me
and only deserves the best. By the way, this comes
from bet Russy, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime suppredd
it so okay. So, like I said, I twenty nine female,

(51:19):
have a wonderful, wonderful boyfriend twenty eight male, and we
lived together. He had a bit of a rough time
finding work, and he started a job at the post
office where he works very hard and works forty to
sixty hours a week. I'm only saying this next part
because it's necessary to the situation. But I make more
than he does and work fewer hours than him, and

(51:39):
we're struggling with some unexpected finances right now and it's
been causing some tension between us. Last night, I went
to a bar with some coworkers and I stayed out
later than I should have and came home at two
thirty am pretty wasted. My boyfriend was up waiting for
me and told me that he was worried about me,
and I asked why he stayed up, and he told
me that he was waiting for me and I shouldn't
be out that late on a night when I have

(52:00):
work the next day. I don't know why this set
me off, but I got very angry and told him
that he had no right giving me job advice since
he doesn't have a real job and can't even afford
to pull his weight like a loser. Who ouch man ouch.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
I gotta say, working at the post office has got
to be one of the most real jobs of all time.

Speaker 4 (52:24):
Yeah, yeah, that's some for real stuff, especially around the holidays.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
Yeah no, And she already said, like I know I'm wrong. Yeah, yeah,
I was wrong.

Speaker 4 (52:32):
She's a little intoxic, definitely wrong. I like, I could
see getting annoyed at that, being like, hey, I'm fine,
Like you don't need to tell me what to do,
Like you don't.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
That is that is also true. It's being like what
you telling me? Yeah, well, used up past your bedtime,
You'll ground.

Speaker 4 (52:48):
It right right, Like I'm aware that it's not the
ideal situation, but definitely not his way to respond. He
told me that he thought I should go to bed
and walked me over to my room, helps me get
my shoes and us off, and I just got in bed,
lie down and go to sleep. But the worst part
was as I was drifting off. I heard him crying
in the bathroom. Oh no, that hurts my heart. That's

(53:13):
so sad. When I woke up this morning, he had
gone to work, and now I'm at work hungover, which sucks. However,
I have no idea what to say to him now.
He should be home tonight, but I don't know what
I can do at this point to let him know
how sorry I am and how much I do admire him.
And it was just acting out of wasted stress last night.

(53:33):
He loves steak and potatoes and he's also a big
movie guy, so I was thinking of making him steak
and potatoes and renting a movie. But I just don't
know any advice would be appreciated. And we do have
an update. But what would you do in her situation?

Speaker 2 (53:46):
I mean, you just gotta say sorry?

Speaker 4 (53:47):
Yeah, yeah, I like the idea of having a gesture
in there, but yeah, in addition to that, definitely just apologize.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
I think, yeah, like cooking em something could be a
good way. Yeah the express you're like, you know, it
was a slip of the tongue.

Speaker 4 (54:03):
Yeah, yeah, maybe try to figure out why you said that,
because I think like if I was him, i'd be like,
is this just what you think of me all the time?

Speaker 3 (54:12):
Right? Ye know? Like, because you've now opened the door
to a much more real conversation about your relationship and
how y'all view each other exactly.

Speaker 4 (54:21):
We do have an update. So I've been meaning to
write this for four days, but I have just been
completely wiped of all emotion bandwidth. My boyfriend is working
hard at his job right now and is racking up
some overtime, so I figured i'd take a moment to
post it. First off, some information I left out of
my original post, in case anyone didn't notice. I don't
respond well to booze. I have no dependency on it,

(54:44):
but my self control and decision making are really not
good when I'm wasted, and I just get extremely vicious
and it brings out the absolute worst in me. Good
thing to learn about yourself. On that same note, I
had a group of coworkers who have been wanting to
celebrate a promotion one of us got for the past
two months, and Sunday it was the first time any
of us were free, so we were just gonna have

(55:05):
a Sunday afternoon chill that was gonna end before day. However,
one bad decision led to another, and we all just
collectively stayed up until two am with drinks. Okay, if
you're drinking very late the night before you have to
go to work with your coworkers, kind of fun. You're
all in it together. You're not really fun the next day,
but at least you're with your friends.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
It's like, hey, you know, this just kind of happened.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
Yeah, boopsop, but now we're all doing it together. Yeah exactly.
But like, yeah, if you know you're if you know
you're a mean drunk and don't get drunk.

Speaker 4 (55:37):
It's something to work on. Bad, something to work on.
A second, I said what I did out of annoyance
I had with him regarding some financial decisions over the
past two years that we are now reaping the benefits of.
Long story that frankly doesn't matter because it's not about that.
I'm still a little unhappy about it, and I expressed
that in a very unhealthy manner. I'm so proud of

(55:57):
him pro finding a job and trying to provide for us.
Now for the update. I read through the comments all
afternoon and then wrote down a map of the things
that I wanted to say and waited for him to
get home. Additionally, I got in contact with my old
therapist and he was able to squeeze me in for
the following morning, so I called out of work the
next day to meet him. My boyfriend finally came through

(56:18):
the door, and I asked if we could talk, and
he said that I could, but he also had some
things to say. I started by saying I had no
idea what to say to express how sorry I am,
except that I shouldn't have said what I said, and
I love him and admire him for how hard he works.
I also told him that I was going to stop
drinking and I had an appointment with my therapist the
next day. I also emphasized how much I appreciated how

(56:41):
he waited for me and helped me get into bed
after I came home, and how he absolutely didn't deserve
what I said. He told me that I actually covered
the basis of what he was going to say. He
said that he was very hurt by what I said,
but throughout the day he was thinking and said that
it was so out of character for me that he
actually started to get worried.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (57:00):
Interesting. Both of his parents had problems with booze at
one point in his life but got sober, and he
told me that he was going to tell me I
needed to quit drinking and see a therapist or anger
management counselor or else he couldn't stay in this relationship.
WHOA wooh wow. Yeah, that pretty much is what he
was saying. I told him I thought that that was
very fair and sensible boundary, and I would do my

(57:22):
best to do whatever I could. Then he asked if
I could be honest and asked me if I meant
when I said. I told him I was being purposely
vicious because it came from a place of frustration, but
I was intentionally trying to upset him, so I said
some terrible things. He said that he'd love to talk
to me about that place of frustration, but that wasn't

(57:43):
the time for it. But he told me that he
forgave me and was really happy and admired that I'm
taking the steps to make things better, and we had
a lovely long hug. Then I had a really emotional
appointment with my therapist and I told him everything that happened,
and he helped me map out my feelings and how
to express that to my boyfriend. The appointment went great,
and I have another one next week. But he thinks

(58:04):
that I should look into seeing a psychiatrist because I
may very well have an undiagnosed mental health condition. That's
the next step, definitely. On Wednesday, I had to sit
down with my boyfriend where I expressed the frustrations and
he told me that my feelings were valid, and frankly,
he still kicks himself that he didn't start a new
job earlier too, because then his credit card debt probably

(58:25):
wouldn't be so high. And he talked about how he's
always felt like he let me down with his financial decisions,
with being unemployed for such long periods of time. I
won't get into it any further, but we had a
really productive conversation. And you know what, you should get
more into.

Speaker 3 (58:41):
Rypto because that's I'm betting what that guy was into it.
Maybe that's my I just had to split.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
That out there. He's like, financial decisions not gonna get
into it. The benefits not gonna get into it.

Speaker 3 (58:54):
Yeah, he's unemployed for a long time, not gonna get
into it. Very suple theory right there. This guy was
trading meme coin. Yeah, anyway, and.

Speaker 4 (59:04):
There is a little bit more to the story. But
I love their communication.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
Yes, this is good.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
Yeah, it's all good. This is great, I think. Yeah,
I don't. I had something to say before, but I Crypto,
you remember, I don't remember Crypto. But yeah, I feel
bad that he like feels that guilt of putting them
in this situation. But I don't know, it seems like

(59:30):
they're working it out.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
This is what working it out looks like.

Speaker 4 (59:34):
Yeah, I think this totally is this can look like this. Oh,
I remember what I was gonna say. I really like
that she's being very honest about why she was being mean,
you know, like, I really like that she wasn't like, oh,
I didn't mean it, like I just said something random
Like I like that she was like, I'm gonna be honest.
I tried to hurt you.

Speaker 3 (59:51):
Yeah, he said that to me. I got so annoyed immediately. Yeah,
and I tried to say the worst thing I could
say to you. Yeah, and did exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:00:01):
I love that she's being honest about that, because like, yeah,
it's a problem, but you're not gonna be able to
fix it as a couple if you aren't just like, yeah,
I was just straight up, straight up being bad, My bad,
But there is a little bit more to the story. So, yeah,
we're taking steps and are openly communicating with each other,
and it looks like we're gonna be okay. We've been
snuggling together at night, and this morning we even showered

(01:00:23):
together before he went to work. I have some trust issues,
so I'm still very anxious that he's going to come
back and be like, wait, actually no, I don't forgive you.
But he's promised me that he's going to be open
with how he feels, which he has been, So I
think we're going to be okay. And there's a couple
comments dinner, and an apology is not going to cut it.
You struck at his heart and now you will need
to bear your own spend the day in self reflection,

(01:00:45):
be honest with yourself about whatever deep ugly part of
you wanted to say that to him. Kind of seems
like she did all that. Yeah, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
Don't yeah, probably just rehash and yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:00:59):
Or before the update it or something.

Speaker 3 (01:01:00):
But that

Speaker 4 (01:01:02):
Is the end of that the ind of that story.

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I chose to live with my STEP mother instead of my father… after they divorced! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2247

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I chose to live with my STEP mother instead of my father… after they divorced! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2247