I developed feelings for my STRAIGHT friend… it ruined our friendship! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts, and we have
some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing
is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.
So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
I developed feelings for my straight friend. It ruined our friendship.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
No, we just got to take a turn for context
ie yay, and my friend is straight, I've developed feelings
for him. I know Classic story didn't want to be
a stereotype. But here we are. Here we are We've
known each other for over two years now, meeting in
an organization we were both part of. By the way,
this comes from ad acceptable seven three three three and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to

(00:40):
our slash Okay story Time severed it. We had a
lot in common, quickly became really good friends, went out together,
went on trips and even vacations. We developed a really
strong friendship where we were always able to be really
open and vulnerable with each other. Last year, he broke
up with his ex and went through a really difficult period.
He had some personal issues coming from his upbringing that
gotten the way of the relationship, and the relationship with

(01:02):
his parents wasn't great at the time either. He told
me near the end of the relationship that he had
been suffering a lot for some months already. Once I knew,
I tried to be there for him. We had some
serious talks about his relationship, his personal issues, and his family,
et cetera. I texted him regularly to check in and
support him. He thanked me a lot for that time,
saying how much he appreciated ME being there for him

(01:23):
and how much that meant to him. He went to
study in a different country for a few months, which
helped him get past the whole situation. After he came back,
we would be living in the same dorm, which is
where we were a few months ago. At first, it
was really great. Of course, we spent a lot of
time together, and I guessed we were each other as
close as friends at the time. We would have a
lot of really personal and honest conversations and often expressed

(01:44):
our appreciation for each other. For context, Before this, I
never thought I would ever fall in love with him.
I found him attractive, sure, but I knew for certain
that he wasn't the kind of guy I was looking
for even if he would have been not straight or
by so I never really worried about being close with
him as the titles. At a certain point, this shifted
and I started to realize that I was.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Falling in love with him.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
I kind of ignored it at first because I hoped
it would go away quickly and I didn't want to
possibly jeopardize our friendship. But we were spending so much
time together that I couldn't possibly get some space to
get over it without him noticing that something was off.
And because we had such a strong friendship before, it
felt like those feelings went from zero to one hundred
really quickly. So I confessed to him at a certain point,

(02:25):
which was really hard, but I wanted to stay honest
and figured it was the right thing to do. I
told him I would be needing some space to get
over it and I wouldn't be able to spend time
with him anymore. He wasn't weirded out or anything. He
got quite upset.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Actually, what are you thinking? What that way is? He's
so upset.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
Maybe he's just maybe he's just straight and missing his friend.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Maybe he's not.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
And was worried that he would lose me as a friend.
It was a really emotional night for both of us.
On my suggestion, we agreed that from then on it
would be on my terms for a while, meaning I
would indicate to him if I was okay with spending
time together and he just give me space. We also
agreed that he would just be uprount about it if
he was starting to date someone, as I would find
out anyway and would prefer to just be prepared for it.
I mean, if he is straight, this is you know,

(03:09):
great friendship and really really like lovely that they have
this open conversation.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Yeah, I would just love to see a heart stopper.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
I would love if the you know, yeah, anyway, He
asked if he could talk to people about it, saying
he felt the need to so I agreed, of course,
but asked him not to talk about it with mutual friends,
as I didn't feel comfortable with it and I thought
it would make things more difficult to get back to
normal considering we lived in the same dorm, met up
with mutual friends a lot, and we're still in the
same organization. This also meant that I would be skipping

(03:38):
stuff with friend groups if I wasn't up for it,
even though he told me he wanted to be considerate
and could skip things too, I insisted at the time
that I would just deal with this myself and he
didn't have to worry about it. Needless to say, that
wasn't very easy, as our lives were just very connected
at the time, and even though he didn't really talk,
I also couldn't really get away from it. At the
same time, I was going through quite a bit with

(03:59):
my parents, which I was able to talk about with
him before, so being at home wasn't a relief either.
It was a really difficult period for me, and I
felt really bad about all of it. I was frustrated
a lot and couldn't really hide it. He also couldn't
really handle giving me space because he missed me, still
texting me regularly, and to be fair, I also really
failed at taking space for myself, and so we still

(04:19):
spend time together from time to time. Things didn't get better,
and I was really just completely in love with him
at that point. Well boy ob At a certain point
I found out that he had talked to three different
people about it, one of which was a mutual friend,
and so I got angry with him, saying I told
him not to, and this would only make things more complicated.

(04:42):
He said he wasn't good at hiding stuff like that,
and he is indeed bad at it, but I didn't
feel like that was a good enough excuse. I made
it clear that I didn't want him to talk about
it with anyone else, especially not if they knew me,
which is a fair boundary to put up. Absolutely, It's like, hey,
I want this friendship to eventually go back to how
it was, right, and if everyone knows about it, it's.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Just gonna be so much more complicated, right, And this
is just remind clarification editors don't put the scent. But oh,
he's talking about like O. Prdy confessed that.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
Oh, Pardy confessed to the guy friend, gotcha and said
to the guy friend, hey, don't tell you can talk
like because the guy friend said, hey, can I talk
to people?

Speaker 2 (05:18):
He said, yeah, just don't know mutual friends, not these guys.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
In general, though, I would often say I was okay
with certain stuff when I was thinking clearly and was
in a good headspace, but then afterward I would get frustrated. Anyway,
we would then talk about it for a long time,
which often got quite emotional. And then ended in a
regained understanding of each other's situation, but we also still
had really amazing moments in between. This kind of cycle
repeated itself multiple times, and I realized I allowed myself

(05:44):
more and more each time and gave him quite a
bit of trouble, even though I told him at first
I would deal with it and he didn't have to
worry about it. He also wasn't upfront about the fact
that he started dating someone from our organization, and so
I had to hear it from other people.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
No.

Speaker 3 (05:58):
Oh, just like he asked for like a couple different
you know, like two things, Yeah, don't tell our mutual friends,
and like let me know when you're dating someone.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
Also, it doesn't seem like this is gonna be a
heartstopper situation, and that so annoying me.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Although I mean in heartstoppers. He was dating that girl
at one point, kind he wasn't that interesting.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
Well, she asked him out on a date and he
was like, well your dog passed away, so sure.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
Well yeah, like the image for a little bit which
he wasn't interested wasn't in So there's still hopes.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
He told me that they were putting it on hold
due to other reasons unrelated to me, which felt like
a relief because I would be moving out soon enough. Anyway,
I already told him that I really didn't appreciate him
not being upfront with me about it, and it made
things even more difficult for me, as that organization was.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
A pretty important environment for me.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
It bothered me more than I expected, feeling like he
was putting a random girl above our friendship. He then
said that it was stupid of him to prioritize someone
he barely knew over me, which while I meant a
lot more to him, but all of it kind of
damaged our friendship. I felt like he wasn't being open
anymore like we always used to be before. Even though
he was saying how he appreciated me still being so
honest and vulnerable about everything, at the time, it felt

(07:10):
kind of dishonest. It was also hard to see him
be happy. I kind of figured he was dating this
girl again, but I didn't know for sure when I
was feeling so bad all the time. Even though I
absolutely want the best for him when it comes down
to it, our situations felt so different at the time
that I felt really disconnected from him, as a friend
as well, also due to those repeated cycles of ME
saying I was fine, but then getting frustrated again. He

(07:32):
said he couldn't always believe me anymore when I thanked
him for handling things so well, et cetera. And he
was getting more frustrated with the fact that I was
on my turns and I was taking too much liberty
with that canceling agreed upon plans after he said the
slightest thing that I didn't like, for example. Both of
these points were fair from him. The last week, however,
before I moved out, I heard again something about him

(07:52):
and that girl. It bothered me a lot that he
wasn't upfront about it for the second time, even though
we clearly talked it through during some events of our organization,
and I also got the feeling that the girl he
was dating knew about the situation. I was driving myself
razy by all of it, and at a certain point
I went through their conversation on his laptop when he
wasn't at our dorm and searched for my name on it.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Uh not good, not good.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
No, this was really messed up on my part, and
I'm still really ashamed of it. Yeah, I mean, it's
not a great look and it's not a great move.
You know, if you want this person to be in
your life, you can't be you know, invading their privacy.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
But it turned out he had been constantly talking about
the situation to her, practically telling her everything all the time.
Asked him if he had talked about it with anyone anymore,
and he only said he mentioned it very briefly because
she had noticed something was off, but nothing more. I
told him I went through their conversation and saw he
wasn't really angry that I disrespected his privacy, and he
did apologize for not simply being honest, also admitting that

(08:50):
it was a lot more serious with this girl than
all the times he had told me before. I accused
him of jeopardizing our friendship by this, not understanding why
he couldn't just pause it until I moved out, or
at least tell me upfront and not constantly talk about
me with her, because these were personal things for me
and it wasn't just up to him. He said, he
wasn't the only one jeopardizing our friendship, pointing to all

(09:10):
the times that I got frustrated with him, I could
be really hurtful when I'm in a bad place, and
he always just had to take it. He was very
right about that. I mean, I think you guys are
just both kind of not handling this best way, which
is fair. You know, it's messy, it's a difficult situation.
You like him, he wants to be your friend, yeah,
but doesn't want to hurt your feelings and is trying
to tiptoe around them and is messing up because he's human.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah. Yeah, it's a very you know, confusing situation, and
it makes sense that someone doesn't know how to handle
it in the best way possible, especially if this is
the first time they've been in this situation. Yeah, it's
really tricky.

Speaker 3 (09:43):
He said that I wasn't able to control all my feelings,
which is why I often get frustrated with him. And
in the same way, he wasn't able to control all
of his feelings, which is why he couldn't put it
on hold until I moved out. Yeah, I mean, you
can't ask him to put it on hold. You can
ask him to be honest with you and to like
let you know if they're coming over thing, but you
can't say, like, oh, stop seeing her.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
Yeah, I feel like negative romantic emotions are a lot
harder to regulate than pausing some exciting romantic emotions.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
But maybe I'm wrong for that.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
I definitely do believe that I rapidly lost perspective over time,
and I allowed myself too much, not being able to
judge what was acceptable anymore, and bothering him too much
with him, I think also because he was so kind
and was so willing to kind of, you know, help
you with anything. He was like, yeah, I'll do whatever
you want, and like we'll go through this however you want. Yeah,
that maybe along the way you were like, Okay, well

(10:32):
I can just ask whatever I want. You know, I
can ask him to stop seeing her, and he should
do it because he's been so understanding.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
At this point.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, but it's like, you can't. You can't do that, right, right,
There's there's a limit to those things. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
He would always let me go off and never really
indicated when I crossed a line, especially if I compare
how I promised I would handle the entire situation versus
how I actually did. It was the last day before
I moved, so we had a long final conversation about
all of it. It was very intense for both of us,
but also really helpful, and afterward we were able to
act like good friends again. I moved out a few

(11:03):
days ago, so things have calmed down a bit again,
and I can see again that he really isn't the
person for me, which is a relief. I'm also working
on the fact that I have an unhealthy attraction pattern
when it comes to romantic partners due to my upbringing
and internalized homophobia. Both of these things are giving me
hope that in time I will be able to see
him as nothing more than a platonic friend again. But

(11:23):
at the same time, I still feel quite hurt because
he really broke my trust and was dishonest, something I
valued the most about our friendship before, and I completely
disrespected his privacy, and I wasn't able to not let
these feelings get the best of me, being really demanding
and hurtful to him at times. Throughout this period. We
were always able to see eyed eye again and be
understanding of each other after being open and talking things through,

(11:46):
but I feel like we weren't able to fully do
that in this last big talk, or at least I
didn't feel like we were. I really do want to
save our friendship. He was an amazing friend before all
of this and still was during most of it. To
be fair, and the girl he's dating seems great, and
I just want to be able to.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Be happy for both of them.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
The other option is, of course, to just walk away
for his sake and let them be happy. Although he
always tells me he doesn't want that. That's a perfectly
reasonable thing. That hostly reasonable. There's more to the story,
and I am sad about it. Yeah, you know what,
I can't always have what I want. And sometimes, you know.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
This is this is a good story read because humble
you it well, it just shows you.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
Sometimes this is like you got to get through tough situations. Yeah,
and uh, and and like sometimes friendships are complicated and
you have to kind of work through them.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, definitely, And especially with these situations. I mean, what's
good about it is that they both seem to care
a lot about the friendship. Yeah, and they both seem
to you know, uh, they seem willing to put in
the work to make it like good for everyone. Is
just a rocky road to get there, exactly, you know, man,
oh man, But there's a little bit more. I need
some outside perspectives on this entire situation. Because I can't

(12:55):
judge which of my reactions are valid in our friendship
and which are due to my feelings. I hope you
can give me a reality check in general. Have I
been overreacting and expecting too much? Quite sure? The answer
is yes.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
After typing all this out, Is it fair that I've
heard about what he did? Was it okay to demand
these things to begin with? Can I still be hurt
after I completely just rect disrespected his privacy? How do
I best handle this? Do I keep my distance for
a while? General advice from people that have had feelings
for a good friend and got over it and that
is the end of that story. Oh boy, I think
it's I mean, I think you both made mistakes, and

(13:28):
I think you both are committed to fixing the friendship.
I think you need to take the time that you
need away. And maybe it's not like completely cutting off
the friendship, but it's just, you know, yeah, treating a
little bit of distance. Maybe there's certain things that you
guys don't do anymore, like, you know, if you like
were physically affectionate before, maybe that's there's a little bit
of the boundary there just so your feelings don't get

(13:50):
all confused, right, you know, it's.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Important to be very clear about these things. And I
think it because the situation is just very uncle you're
in and of itself, like it's it's a little harder
to like communicate those things. So it's understandable, but it's
you know, I'm hoping that they can work it out
or you know too. Yeah, but that's the end of
that story. My best friend portrays herself as a sweet

(14:17):
Christian girl, but her actions are anything but sounds like
she's really sour. So let me explain. I had known
this girl for years and she eventually became a BFF.
But ever since then, she's shown me a whole different
side to her. By the way, this comes from dizzy
Net thirty eight, thirty seven, and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the ur slash Okay
story time Sepreda. So for some context, she portrayed herself

(14:39):
as a very understanding and sweet Christian girl with good
morals and non judgmental or controlling tendencies. She's twenty three
and married her friend from high school and he's in
the military. I'm not religious at all, but I am
a witch. I'm not married, but I do have a
partner of eight years, and I am twenty six. My
man is an assistant chef. Well, here's the first thing
that completely con how I first felt about her. She's

(15:01):
come to my home a few times and has ridiculed
my practice as evil. I originally shrugged it off because
we all have different experiences. Well, she ended up throwing
out all of my witchcraft books. She's also thrown out
my puppets and spell jars. I tried to confront her
about it, but all I got back was it's evil
and you need to go to my church to cleanse
your darkness. At first, I went with it, like, okay, fine,

(15:22):
let's see the hype and maybe I can talk with
her and see why she feels so defensive about my practices.
The church was fine, a decent community, not my style,
but decent. And she finally told me that she had
dealt with a demon before. I'm pretty aware of demons
and how they're very indifferent, like across or Pentagram. Ain't
saving anyone by itself. It takes a lot of work.
But then she said that the same demon that latched

(15:43):
onto her was latching onto me. As well, So I
get it, but it's not like I go to her
home and throw away her belongings. I've dealt with very
cultish religious people many times, so I try to confront
her about it, and she gets mad, saying why are
you defending the practices of the devil? And I get
annoyed to the point that I just sit silently as
she takes me home. Now, the second thing that really

(16:03):
irks me a lot was when I had finally gotten
a gig on a game show called Let's Make It. It
was my first ever big time gig, and I was excited,
so I decided i'd invite her with me. We had
planned this out a month beforehand and what we'd go
dressed up as. Since it's a game show that requires
a costume, we agreed that she'd be a princess and
I'd be a dark fairy. On the day of going there,
she last minute changes her costume to some kind of

(16:25):
nineteen fifties girl. While I'm not annoyed at the costume
because I figured I'd create an entire role for myself,
like oh, I kidnapped her and brought her to this
time era, I was more mad at how she treated
me the entire day and night there. So the first
thing that happened was we were talking with other contestants
and invitees, and I started to collect numbers because I'm
trying to be an actress and a voice actress, and

(16:47):
I was meeting all kinds of people directors, actors, voice actors,
fashion designers, all kinds of people in the big stuff,
and I really wanted to make as many connections as possible. Well,
one guy who happened to be a scriptwriter was talking
to us, and I got excited, so I asked for
his number and I got it. So she then turns
to me, smiles and goes, we'll talk about what you
just did, and then nodded. I played this off because

(17:09):
I'm collecting numbers like Pokemon, and she nods and smiles,
and then it turns back to him and continues speaking
with it. Well, fast forward to the end of the show,
where we were all getting ready to go home. There's
this random guy who is flirting with her on a
very noticeable level, and I'm confused because she seems totally
fine with it. I'm considering maybe she just doesn't know
she has a husband.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
I perhaps she has a hubb Perhaps she does, Oh
she does.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
I thought you were asking no, no, a husband. Yeah.
So we go to this restaurant and he tries to
buy us food and drinks. I thank him, but ultimately
turn him down and pay myself, and she goes she
has a boyfriend, which I felt was weird, but hey,
I'm not denying it, so I nod and smile. But
when I bring up her partner, she immediately stares me
down and goes, oh, you mean the dude who thought

(17:58):
he was my boyfriend?

Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (18:00):
And then is your husband? Yeah, he's not your boyfriend,
but is your husband? I laugh, going a, there was
that weirdoh, and she stares me down again. As I
bring up her being married, she just smiles and looks
down at her drink. Okay, weird. Fast forward a bit
after where he takes us to an arcade bar and oh,
my gosh, I absolutely loved it. Things were fine up

(18:22):
until we went to the karaoke bar. That's when everything
fell apart. She and I got very wasted. She kept
going up to sing several songs, and this is where
the guy we were hanging out with started to touch
and feel up on her even kissing her and giving
her a tongue. Wows. Why are we friends with this girl?

Speaker 3 (18:39):
I don't know, man, I'll OPI this is well on you, like,
not not her behavior, yeah, but like why are we?

Speaker 2 (18:44):
What are any Does she have any redeeming qualities? Right? Right,
it's not seeming like it. I'm wasted, but I notice it.
She sees me and then pulls me into the bathroom.
She tells me that she doesn't like him like that,
and I'm agreeing, like, that's very weird because she's married.
So we go out and now I'm on guard duty,
making sure that he's not touching her or doing anything
like that. She just keeps singing multiple songs, even though

(19:07):
by now the entire bar is extremely loud and you
can't hear anyone up there. I step out a bit
and try to call my boy I really just want
to go home at this point, I don't want to
be here. It's too loud, and I know my boyfriend,
who doesn't drink, could get us home safely. We're way
the heck out in LA, but my phone is down
a bit now and he's still at work down an
ocean side. Well. She comes out and gets very angry

(19:29):
at me, saying that this is for me and that
she was doing this for me. So I try to
be nice because we're both wasted. I am not a
talkative wasted despite being an honest one, whereas she's the
opposite of me, very talkative and very erratic. Near the
end of the night, the guy, who is also wasted,
gets angry because she's being all over the bouncer. I'm

(19:50):
again noticing this, so my friend and the dude go
off somewhere to talk. Right. I talk to the bouncer
and let him know that she's married, and then we're
just wasted. We need sober He's very understanding and agrees
that we both need to sober up and eat something. Well,
the guy that she talked to got mad, and she
just says, you're really going to get upset when you
just met me eight hours ago. So he storms off

(20:12):
and we wait from ten pm till two am, and
we're still pretty waste. But the bouncer invites us to
go over to his friend's place and we do have
an update. But I need to process all of that.
So many points. Yeah, because okay, first of all, you know,
kissing this random guy. Yeah, you're married. But then the

(20:32):
fact that she's like saying like, oh no, but I
don't like him like that, like I'll kiss him and
I'll like, i'll let him like slip tongue, but it's
not cheating because I don't like I just don't like
him like that. So it's okay, it's fine. Like that's
a that's a crazy thing to say at that, like
why are we friends with this girl? Yeah? But then
also just now with her saying like, oh, like, you

(20:54):
can't even get mad. He just met me eight hours ago.
Eight hours is actually kind of a long time. That
is so long to just be out. Though she met
him this night. Yea, and they've been out for eight hours. Yeah, man,
that's a long time. My gosh, home stopping trying with her,
But we do have an update. I'm really hoping that
they didn't go over to that friend's space. I immediately am

(21:17):
getting concerned vibes off of this entire thing and try
to convince my friend that we both wait in her
car before my boyfriend can come pick us up. She
gets very mad at this and throws the I'm doing
this for you and that point. I just go with it,
will try to contact my boyfriend on almost phone because
I want to go home, not to some after party
at some stranger's home. So she takes my phone and

(21:39):
then drags me with her and all of these people
I've never met before into this giant van. I'm already
having a panic attack. But we get there and things
are fine. They make food, they set up a karaoke machine,
which my friend immediately takes over and sings several more songs.
I'm just sitting here, completely dissociated with reality. Everything feels
as though it's a dream. I don't sleep at all.

(22:00):
I'm paranoid. My boyfriend manages to come down there, and
it gets and she gets so mad at me, saying
things like I did this for you. You never go out,
you never socialize, and I told you we'll go home
when I say we will. She doesn't give me my
phone back, and then calls him on her phone, saying
that I'm acting stupid and just being annoying. Mind you,
I've said absolutely nothing. I'm being as quiet as possible.

(22:22):
He hangs up with her and goes back home, and
then she gives me my phone back, goes back home
from La to ocean side. Oh my gosh, boy friend's dumb.
Your boyfriend's stupid. Yeah, yeah, this is everyone of the stories,
unsafe to stupid. Then she goes outside to make out
with the bouncer, and I'm just trying to make sure
that I don't pass out, because anything can happen at

(22:42):
this point. So finally, fast forward a few hours and
I'm making sure not to sleep in the car as
we drive back home. We finally get home, I just
go inside and sleep. But for the next three days,
I'm completely disconnected from reality. It wasn't until the fourth
day that I finally felt like, Okay, I'm home. This
is real. Everything that happened is real. This isn't it.
So fast forward a month later, and I think it's

(23:03):
time to finally try a new hairstyle. I'm not one
to do this, by the way, but I really wanted
to give curly hair a try. I'm excited, but I
end up messaging that same friend to come down and
help me with it. Well, she gets here, and I'm excited.
I had my hair cleaned and wet and got all
the new products out. She sits on my bed and
immediately wants to go on my social media, including my Instagram,
which I've not been on for a year. She just

(23:23):
goes through my chats and I'm asking her questions and
she brushes me off and just goes through all my
chats instead. What why is this happening? Why are we
letting this happen here?

Speaker 1 (23:34):
Sir?

Speaker 2 (23:35):
My excitement is kind of dying out. My hair is
drying out. So I finally get annoyed and tell her
that it's time to do my hair. She finally puts
my phone down helps me out, and I'm excited because,
oh my gosh, this is my first time. But after
she's done helping me, she just gets up and leaves,
doesn't even want to chat with me anymore. So I
sleep with it in and the next day I take
it out once my hair was fully dried. I'm okay

(23:56):
with this. It looks all right, and I send her
a picture. She gets very angry with me and says,
I'm supposed to leave curlers in for three days. I
don't know anything about hair, but people on YouTube seem
to say that you can do a three hour all
the way to a twenty four hour with curlers. Three
days is crazy? Leave them in for three days? Yeah?
What curlers. Do you need to do that with like?
Even like a perm is like you? You need to

(24:18):
do that many days? So I start to feel bad
because it looked great to me, but evidently my friend
is angry with it. I'm not your friend, not your friend.
When she gets off work, she decides to come to
my home and do my hair again. She sprays the
ever living heck out of my hair with hairspray. I'm
visibly choking and coughing, and she says, beauty is pain
and we need to go through it to look great

(24:38):
for their men. My boyfriend wasn't here, but when I
told him when he got home, he got very angry. Well,
now I'm having breathing issues and it's been going on
for about two weeks. Now I have chemical burns inside
my throat according to my doctor and dentist, Oh my gosh,
because of the hairspray. This is so insane, so insane,

(25:00):
So I cannot get any acting gigs, voice or physical acting.
I'm now on a temporary inhaler. So now let's fast
forward to finally, just last week, when we go to
a sunset market, still with this friend, still with this
This is ridiculous with this friend.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
I don't feel bad for you anymore. I literally I
have like no sympathy for you.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
See, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You gotta drop the people
that are getting you into random vans of strangers and
giving you chemical burns inside your throat.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
Like genuinely, I don't think that you can complain about
a person or a friend and how they're treating you
if you don't talk to them and also don't set
any boundaries and also just continue to be at the
friend and do nothing. Yeah, this is a like, why
are you complaining about them if you're not doing anything.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
It's like a nice little place that people set up
shops for food or jewelry or clothes, you know that
kind of thing. I kind of don't want to go,
but she begs me to come with her, and so
I do. I can't breathe can't do too much exercise,
let alone walk a certain distance. But I guess fine,
I'll try to be there for my friend girl. She
demands my boyfriend to come with us, and he eventually does,
but he hit social anxiety bad in crowded spots. Well

(26:09):
the entire time, I'm choking, coughing struggling to breathe, scratching
my throat because she's moving so fast and demanding a
catch up to her. She then tells me to shut
up and stop acting, and that I'm creating problems out
of nothing. She know that this is her fault. She
knows that this is from all that I told her hairspray.
I bet Op never said anything. I wouldn't be surprised
if Ope never said anything. She then mocks and makes

(26:31):
fun of me and says that I went and smoked
substances with homeless guys as we pass them. My boyfriend
thinks of this as just banter, and he laughs as
she does this. But I'm getting annoyed, very upset, and
decide I'm going home and they can have a nice
day because I cannot breathe and she's coming off as
Hella rude. So she gets mad and takes off somewhere,
and as I get home with my boyfriend, I tried

(26:52):
to explain that this wasn't normal banter, that actually felt
like real digs and that she was being rude. She
whips by us and gives my boyfriend fish and says
that I'm just trying to ruin their night like I
ruined her night when we went to the party. My
boyfriend doesn't take the food and instead helps me go
inside the home and we close the door. He apologizes
because he works with her and they and they banter

(27:14):
in the back of the kitchen. He didn't think it
was that bad, so we decided to officially cut her off.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
There we go, finally, Finally, it only took forever, forever,
and we are not going to hang out with her
or talk to her much.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
He encourages me to get back into my practice. I've
honestly felt happy with this decision. I got to heal
a bit better this week, and by next week I
should be off the inhaler. I will have to stick
to a liquid diet and nothing spicy or hot. But
we got some good news from my doctor and dentist
that it's healing and clearing up a lot. Within another
two weeks, i'll be able to heal. This friend has

(27:48):
sent me some messages asking if I'll go to church
with her or if I'd like to go to a gathering.
I haven't read any of them. I do feel bad, though,
because I get I don't know a lot about friends,
but I truly don't feel as though she was ever
there for me as a.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
Friend, and you were absolutely right about that. She wasn't
unlike this girl. Please please continue to keep her out
of your life. Yes, she sucks so much better worse. Yeah,
I hate her. She literally like she she burned your throat.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
She burned you and pulled you into a van, came
at to you.

Speaker 3 (28:24):
My advice for you is to be aware of the
people that you let into your life and.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
How they treat you. Yeah, because this is not okay, okay,
But again, as someone who grew up friendless, maybe I'm
being the wiener wad to her. I don't know if
I should tell her I don't want to hang out
with her anymore, or if I should just not respond
or say anything. It was so nice to feel like
I had a friend, but she is not the way
that she claimed that she was and has been completely opposite.
So I feel unsure if this is the right choice.

(28:54):
And that's the end of that story. But we are
here to assure you it is the right choice. Never
never talk to her again.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Here's johni og host here. We're gonna get back to
the stories, but here's a quick three minute break of
ass from our sponsors. My husband prioritizes a party over me.
My pregnancy is doing two weeks.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Oh no, he's at a birthday party.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
My husband's best friend got engaged and my husband is
in the wedding party. He is not the best man,
but is doing most of the planning for the bachelor
party and his friend group. They usually do a golf weekend. Also,
this is likely the last bachelor party in the group,
as the rest of the guys are already married. By
the way, this comes from Kiwi two to two to

(29:37):
two three, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to our slash Okay storytime subreddit. So we have
a two year old and I'm currently pregnant with our
second child and due on August twenty fifth. When he
started planning the bachelor party, I told him that planning
something earlier in the summer would give him a higher
chance of going for the full weekend. I originally framed
it as not wanting to be stuck watching our toddler

(29:59):
by myself for a full weekend and my third trimester
while he's out golfing, which was a mistake. I should
have framed it as not wanting him to go away
for a weekend so close to my due date because
he gives us the baby. They finally picked a date
for the bachelor party. It's August eighth, so I'll be
almost thirty eight weeks pregnant and considered full term. Technically,

(30:19):
I'll be thirty eight weeks the day he plans to
get back, so it's about two weeks before my actual
due date. The bachelor party will be about two hours
away without traffic, and on previous golf weekends, he has
been terrible about keeping his phone charged and it can
be hard to get in touch with him. Also, while
he doesn't drink, he does smoke pot and would likely

(30:40):
be smoking the whole weekend. He thinks that as long
as he gets someone to watch our toddler while he's gone,
it's fine to go for the full weekend two three nights.
And this makes me incredibly nervous. I'm willing to compromise
and agree to an overnight plus a day of golf.
I would also want him to keep his phone on
in charge at all times, and ask that he stay
sober in case I go into labor. He seemed to

(31:01):
think this is an unreasonable compromise. When I initially brought
it up, and since then he's unwilling to discuss it
until they have finalized the plans for the weekend. I'm
of the mindset that there are very few times in
our marriage where my needs, wants, desires take priority over his,
but that this is one of them. Also, yikes, Yeah,

(31:23):
reddits am I the a hole for not wanting him
to go to a bachelor party for two to three
nights so close to my due date? We got an update? Yeah,
I mean I don't think, ohp, he's the a hole
for asking that.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
No, not at all. I think your husband is the ahle.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah, I think he's the a whole. And also I
hope this moment shines light on the possible imbalance between
how you treat your husband and how your husband treats you.
Anion says that is pretty bad. Jenny Pearl Gardner says,
he sucks.

Speaker 3 (31:54):
I would also be really reticent to leave like a
pregnant person alone, you know, to take care to take
care of themselves just in general, after like six months, honestly,
because there's so many health things that could happen.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Want, you know.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
I would want to be next to my pregnant wife
like as much as possible. Yeah, update, I try to
talk to my husband about the bachelor party and specifically
asked how they arrived at that weekend. My husband said
the only requirement was that every groomsman be able to attend,
and that he throughout two dates, one in July and
the one two weeks before my due date. The July

(32:29):
date didn't work for some of the groomsmen, so he
picked the August date. Those were the only two weekends discussed,
and he apparently picked both. His argument is that if
I went into labor when he was at work and
happened to be on a long call, it could take
him over two hours to get home. So why is
it not okay to plan a trip that would take
him the same distance away. I tried to explain that
there's a difference between work where if he can't get

(32:51):
home it's because someone is seriously injured or something is
burning down and a bachelor party. Also, on the bachelor party,
he's probably not going to be sober. He also has
a history of not having his phone on, Like, I
feel like it's a little different, but I don't know,
maybe I'm off base.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
How does he work so far away?

Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yeah, two hours who's working two hours away? You have
to work in two hours away?

Speaker 2 (33:14):
I think you need to move houses.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Yeah, I mean some people have really long commutes. It's
almost like normal in America. I feel like to have
Like in Europe, people are like, oh, I have to
walk three blocks. That's crazy. He doesn't see it that
way and just wants to be their first friend. And
in his head the two days August twenty fifth, and
there's no chance that the baby could possibly come two
weeks early. We didn't get a chance to discuss duration

(33:38):
of the weekend or the possibility of not smoking before
the conversation dissolved. He got pissed when I brought up
he is a poor track record at keeping in touch
during these things. Although he was pretty angry throughout the
whole conversation, to be honest, another red flag. I tried
to remain calm throughout the conversation, but I did cry
and I was the one to walk away first. After

(34:00):
work today, I'm getting my son and we're going to
stay with my parents.

Speaker 3 (34:04):
Yeah, people who will actually, you know, be there when
your baby comes.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
And there is another update to the store. We have
some top comments what it feels like is this relationship
is kind of doomed. Maybe this is too bad.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
I think as long as we are on the course
that we're on right now with the communication style, the
nine hole course, the nine hole course of just poor communication.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Last hole got to lead to divorce. But if we change.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
Golf courses and maybe change our program, maybe change iron to.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
A seven o'clock ye to make small steps.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Yep, small steps towards.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
The right hole, then I know very little.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
A book calls Darth Charzard says, not the a hole.
I get that it's a big ask, but his best
friend is getting married and he's only going to be
two hours away. I think that as long as he
keeps his phone charge and he stays sober enough to drive,
it's not unreasonable that he wants to attend this event
he planned. But I also get, while you're nervous, can
he tentatively plan to attend and check in with your

(35:07):
doctor to see how likely it is you're going to
go into labor closer to the actual dates? And we
do have again more comments. Kind of refuting this, melly
Aka says doctors can guess but are frequently wrong. Lots
of women are told they'll have their baby any day
now at thirty six weeks and go overdue or told
there's no way the baby is coming yet, and going
to labor within a week two hours away is unlikely

(35:30):
to be a huge deal. But if he's drinking and
has to sober up first, or if she has a
precipitous labor, he could miss the birth entirely. Second babies
often come faster too. Personally, I wouldn't be willing to
risk that. And there is a verdict and an update.
So the bachelor party was this weekend. My husband and
I ultimately decided to wait until the doctor's appointment the

(35:51):
week before the party to make a decision. If she
said baby is coming any day now, he was going
to go for the day. Meanwhile, my mother in law
volunteer to watch the sun for the weekend, so the
sun was being watched. And it turns out that my
parents are moving and wound up moving to an apartment
that is five minutes from our house, so they would
be around in case I happened to go into labor.
So it seems like the.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
Very cool and slive mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
The ob said she didn't think the baby would come
this weekend, so we decided that my husband would go
to the bachelor party for two nights, two nights, with
the stipulation that he remained sober and be ready to
leave at a moment's notice.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
M man's gone for two nights.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Also, dude, Like, just for your own happiness, would you
not want to plan the bachelor party earlier?

Speaker 3 (36:35):
Yeah, he has a new baby the bachelor party earlier.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, so you could like actually enjoy the bachelor party exactly. Yeah.
My husband told his friends that he would be up
on Friday. We were all set. Then on Wednesday, all
heck broke loose. Our son got a rash on his
hands and feet, and it turns out that someone at
daycare had come down with hand foot mouth disease. He

(37:01):
wasn't showing any other symptoms, so we weren't sure if
he actually had it or just a random rash. We
decided to see how he was on Thursday. If he
had a fever, I was going to get a hotel
because if I came down with it, I could pass
it on to the baby and my husband was going
to have to stay home. Our son woke up fever
free on Thursday morning. So we were all set. Then
on Thursday night, my mom went to the er with
stomach thanes. Turns out she was going to need surgery.

(37:23):
My husband was supposed to leave at six am and Friday,
but I asked him to wait until we got an
update on my mom. When I called her on Friday morning,
apparently she was feeling better, so the doctor told her
that she might be able to go home and schedule
the surgery for a later dates. I gave my husband
the go ahead to leave for the bachelor part.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
Sorry, your child gets hand foot mouth disease, your mother
in law gets freaking.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Surch surgery, or all any you don't take.

Speaker 3 (37:47):
That as a sign from the universe that maybe you
should stay home.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
Honestly, like that feels like a sign.

Speaker 3 (37:53):
But two back to back, like crazy illnesses, I'd be like,
I'm not leaving this weeknd.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
I'm going to tell the boys that I don't need golf.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Except then the doctor changed his mind and decided the
surgery couldn't wait. My mom spent the weekend in the
hospital waiting for a surgeon to be available. She finally
was able to have surgery on Sunday morning. In the meantime,
I lined up a few friends just in case I
happened to go into labor. My dad was also around,
but had his hands full dealing with my mom and
the move. So this weekend it was stressful and it

(38:23):
felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.
But at least the baby stayed put. My husband got
to go to two of the three nights of the
bachelor party, and my mom's surgery went well, and our
son never actually got sick, and my husband was a
lot more responsive text than he normally is because of
the situation with my mom. I'm glad that my husband

(38:44):
is home and that this weekend is finally over. We
have some top comments and we have an update. Dang man,
I think we got through this weekend semi unscathed, semi,
but like, I still think there is an issue.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
Well, there's a communication as that hasn't been.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
Fully resolved exactly.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yeah, we lucked out of it in terms of what
events occurred on the weekend, but not actually, like you know,
addressing the.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Root issues have not been addressed. Yeah, completely agree.

Speaker 3 (39:16):
It's like you're like supposed to have a marathon on
the weekend and then you break your foot two days
before but then the marathon gets pushed like four months later.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
Yeah, rest Splenduit says I nearly got a panic attack
reading this. It was extremely irresponsible for your husband to
leave once potential handfoot mouth and your mother's surgery was
in the picture. He shouldn't even ask you because that
puts pressure on you to not be the witch. This
could easily have gone a lot worse and you just

(39:45):
lucked out. I was a premie from my mother's stressing out.
I've had really bad hand foot mouth as an adult,
and when I gave birth myself, it went from low
risk to life threatening pretty fast, and two hours would
definitely have made a big difference. He's a father, and
that means he's got to be there for you, his son,
and his new baby. To be a multida bachelor party

(40:06):
can't be a priority. It doesn't matter if you have
family and friends. It's his child. I feel like you
only got not the a hole because Reddit Skew's young
enough and male enough that they don't quite internalize all
the emotional labor that men pass to women and how
optional men find putting in the time to be a father.
Would they think it's reasonable if at one week postpartum,

(40:27):
you decide to leave baby behind and party it up
with your friends. After all, there's front airbag, pumps and formula,
so other people can theoretically do with the newborn parenting.
He owes you like all the four am feedings at
this point to make it up, and ostentatiously says, can
you imagine if she had gone into birth? Op? It's
just me today, OPI, it's just me to bay. Doc,

(40:48):
you have someone you can't call your mom, she's an
emergency surgery doc. Your dad, he's taking care of her. Doc.
Any friends, Well, they're caring for my son, who's hand
and foot mouth disease. Doc. Where's your husband again? He
really wanted to nights with his boys with the boys,
got it worked out, But I hope this man grows
up and we have an update. Wow. I really wasn't
expecting this to blow up like this. My husband and

(41:09):
I were looking at the weekend with a sense of humor,
as in, what else could go wrong. He's a great husband, father,
and very helpful around the house. I understand that he
wanted a last hurrah with the boys before the baby comes,
and I thought we did pretty well coming up with
a compromise that was e stress free as possible for
everyone involved. Unfortunately, the best laid plans and all that
crap were both just glad he was able to have

(41:31):
a great time with his friends. No one got hand
foot mouthed my mom is okay, and he didn't miss
the baby being born.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
But you know who didn't get to have a fun
little weekend getaway, you because you can't get away with
them from the baby.

Speaker 3 (41:45):
This is a Malcolm in the Middle episode, not a
full House episode. No issues were resolved at the end
of the day, but there were many problems.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
Were many problems exactly, I learned a truth about my
wife's past ruined our marriage.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Oh you should have lied.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
I am a twenty seven year old male and my wife, Addison,
is twenty six. We started dating six years ago, married
for four years, and have two children together, a four
year old daughter and a three year old son. By
the way, this comes from Moist Bookkeeper seven five sixty five,
And if you want to spend your own stories, go
to our slash Okay storytime stub right it. So, our

(42:24):
relationship has always been great. Well, we have a special
We have a serious connection on many levels. I honestly
feel like it's meaningful and filled with love and adoration
for each other. My friends and family love her, and
her friends and family love me. So cute. We all
get along and have a great time together, to the
point where we went on vacation with her friends, and
when we started our family, her friends made sure to

(42:47):
continue being close with us, even including our kids. This
means a lot to me because I know having children
can sometimes strain friendships. I personally know of people who
have children and their friends distance themselves from them. So
luckily that wasn't the case for us. Our relationship has
always been strong and we have great communication chemistry. Everything
is perfect for now. When our children were born, I

(43:09):
took off work and stayed home, making sure that aside
from breastfeeding, I took care of our children, not letting
her lift a finger so she could focus on healing
and adjusting to motherhood. She has thanked me for everything
I've done during and after both pregnancies, telling everyone how
lucky she is and that I'm a great father. Again,
nothing could go wrong. I never hesitate to brag about

(43:30):
how wonderful a mother she is and how I'm lucky
to be her husband. I say all this to show
just how happy and loving our relationship is. About three
months into dating, we were hanging out with her friends Ethan, Brian,
and Sarah when we decided to play never Haveeever. Long
story short, I ended up finding out she had been

(43:53):
in a minage. She was friends with the girl named Brittany,
who was an open relationship with a guy named Sam.
I guess at some point they had arranged to have
The couples had a small get together and invited Addison, Ethan, Brian,
and Sarah. At some point in the night, she ended
up having the manage with Sam. Brittany, Ethan, Brian, and

(44:13):
Sarah were in the living room. They all ended up
crashing at Brittany's and Sam's place, leaving the next morning.
And honestly, I found it a little weird that she
invited her friends to have that little group adventure. When
I asked why she invited them to go with her if,
she said she didn't want to be alone. Other than that,
it didn't bother me. Everybody has a past, and I
knew she had previous relationships before me, so it wasn't

(44:34):
a big deal at the time. Okay, Okay, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
I feel like this is not a problem right now,
as long as it wasn't overlapping with.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
The yeah, yeah, hey, everyone has a last everyone has
a passed. That's not them now, that's not them.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Now.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Someone could do that and settle down.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
It's true, you could do a lot before settling down Paraguay,
before settling down, And so if you had to answer
your question, you're like, how did they just do that?
It's like, it's never ever, It's probably never have I
ever had a you know, I.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
Honestly didn't think anything of it after that night, completely
forgetting about it altogether over the years. Well, two weeks ago,
my wife and her friends were all drinking hanging out
together when Brian wastedly brought up the fact that he
saw Sam the other day. He made a comment about
how he would have found it awkward to sleep with
somebody in an open relationship, which caught me off guard

(45:23):
because I knew about the years ago. However, he implied
she hooked up with him outside of the manage. Later
that night when we were alone, and I asked her
what exactly Brian meant by that, and she ended up
telling me that after the manage, she continued to sleep
with just Sam multiple times. She said she couldn't stand

(45:44):
talking to him, to the point where she wanted to
hit him. On multiple occasions, she said she didn't like
him as a person. He would just go to his house,
sleep with him, and leave afterward. It was purely some
booty calling. I asked her when the last time she
slept with him was, and she told me it was
about two weeks before she me so.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
No, Okay, I don't know if there's understanding the problem.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
I mean, I think if there is a problem here,
the problem is that she didn't.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Tell him that she's still friends with this guy.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
But yeah, yeah, which I think honestly is not cool.
It's not cool, Like it's not terrible, but it's also like,
uh and yeah, I mean they're hanging out with Sam, right.
I'm surprised that.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
Which is maybe why it's not Pop is maybe kind
of shocked by this news. If this is all it is,
this is not at all marriage ruining things.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
I don't know if it's marriage ruining, But I'm like,
why didn't.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
She Yeah, there would be a little bit of a
relationship should have to you know, work.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah. She explained that she was at a point in
her life where she didn't care about herself or what
happened to her, and that after we started dating, she
cut all contact with him. She has only been with
me since. I do believe her, but ever since she
told me this, I can't see her the same. I
understand everyone has a spicy sleep past, and I have
had my fair share of relationships, but she's had other

(46:59):
relationships with me. But knowing my wife was just some
guy's booty call and she was okay being used by
someone like a piece of meat has really affected how
I view her in our relationship. I'm not upset that
she slept with people before me, but those were relationships
where she had some kind of connection or feelings involved.
This was a situation where she was sleeping with someone
that she admitted she couldn't tolerate. It was just about

(47:21):
the physical act, knowing she gave herself to someone, offering
heimrself to him on a flatter.

Speaker 3 (47:27):
So weird.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
The question our marriage an entire relationship up to this point,
our entire relationship. We've always been very flirtatious and spicy,
sleepily with each other and physically affectionate. We would sleep
together five times a week, and when she would bend over,
I would playfully smack what is this story? Or if
I was standing behind her, she would lightly push her

(47:52):
booty up against me and give me a wink, among
other things.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Where do you think she learned those things?

Speaker 3 (47:58):
My guy?

Speaker 1 (47:58):
But after finding out about this, we have completely stopped
sleeping together and the flirting and physical affection are not existing.
I mean, it seems like you're on your end. Seems
like it's on your end.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
This is so dumb.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
This may be a Okay Storytime community member. I think
OPI our brother in Okay Storytime Christ.

Speaker 3 (48:19):
This is something that you need to work through. This
something easy to work with your wife's problem. The burden
is put on.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
You know, maybe you grew up in a religious family
and you're trying to get past that that religious trauma.
And you know what, here in Okay Storytime, we're here
to help.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
And I want you to go to therapy.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
And that's how we're here to help. We're saying go
to therapy, therapy because we're here to help you get help.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
This is not an appropriate reaction to have towards your wife,
who has been in a committed relationship with you for years.
Without any infidelity. Yep, these were relationships that she had
prior to your relationship. She's an adult woman who had
consensual relationships regardless of how she felt about the person,
and therefore it is not your right to judge yeah

(49:02):
her for these relationships.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
At this point, we even shower separately. She has tried
to do things that we've always done in a relationship,
but I told her I'm not comfortable with doing those
things anymore, and I need time to think. I shouldn't
make them sound like that. We still watch movies with
their children every night before we put them to bed,
and we have made sure to continue having a family time,
but we've gone from being in an affectionate adult relationship
to being best friends who have children together. I don't
know if I'll be able to go back to how

(49:26):
it was before. I haven't brought it up, but I've
had thoughts of divorce. I love her more than anything.
She's a great mother to my children and an amazing woman.
I don't want to break our perfect little family apart,
but knowing she was able to freely give herself to
someone makes me feel like what we have isn't as
special as I thought it. Was that our connection feels
meaningless now. She told me that I am special and

(49:49):
that I do mean something to her, but I don't
believe her, and I'm not sure what to do or
how to get over this and accept it. I don't
want a divorce, but if I'm unable to move past this,
that's exactly where we are headed. For anyone asking, no,
I've not met Sam or Brittany. Those are the people
that she has with. She stopped being friends with them
right before she met me for reasons I'm not aware of.
Sam and Brittany are still together. Also, one thing that

(50:10):
doesn't make sense to me is that she invited her
friends to go with her because she didn't want to
be alone. What if she really didn't care about herself
or what happened to her at the time, Why was
she worried about being alone.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
It seems like you might be from a religious background,
and I think that you need to work through again
the feelings that your wife is somehow lesser for having
a spicy sleep back, or.

Speaker 1 (50:33):
Your relationship or your relationship is less less sir.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
I think that you have to realize that many different
people have many different relationships with spicy sleep and that
does not discredit a romantic relationship regardless of their past.
For example, like a lot of people view spicy sleep
as something that can only happen in marriage, or something
that can only happen with a committed partner that they
have romantic feelings for, and some people think as greate

(51:00):
spicy sleep as an act from romance, and none of
those are any less valid or make a relationship any
less valid as long as there is no infidelity.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
But we got more to this story. She's by I've
known this since first meeting her, and anyone wondering, yes,
it would still make me feel the same she did
is with another woman. The gender of the person doesn't
change my feelings about it. The biggest issue is how
is what we have special? If she's just going to
give herself to someone like it was nothing. Please don't
attack my wife. Everyone has a personal prase and believes

(51:32):
about this type of thing. I'm just really needing non
biased advice on how can fix this and save my marriage.
If you are uncertain about is this special? I mean,
look at the life that you guys prayed together, like
she has children with you, She's only being with you.
She dropped these other people to be with you. She
has stayed faithful to you, Like if that isn't something

(51:53):
that makes you feel like she's choosing you, I'm not
sure how what her past has anything to do with
it she's choosing you now, But we got comments. Wow,
this is a lot. The issue I have is that
she didn't owe you her spicy sleep history unless it
came with her having kids with someone else before you,
or if she had an SDI he could expose you

(52:14):
to you act like she no longer is the same
woman you love because you know she had casual, spicy
sleep with someone before you met, or like she has
no value of morals as a person because she was
at a low point in her life and had low
self esteem before she met you. It's probably why she
even gave someone as immature as you a chance with her.
The statement that you can't believe your wife just gave
herself to some guy shows that you feel some ownership

(52:34):
over her, or you feel her behavior reflects poorly on you.
This just seems like it's all about your ego. The
whole reaction you're having is pretty crappy. You're pulling away
from her because you have new information about her spicy
sleep past that was really none of your business. Do
you hear how this sounds. Did you tell her about
every woman you dated or had spicy sleep with with?
Or why when you met her? Why does it matter anyway?

(52:56):
The only thing that is your business or matters at
all is anything that happened after you two were together.
You have kids with her, bro you say your marriage
was great before this, So either go to marriage counselor
or deal with your feelings and work it out with her,
or get over it. This is your problem, get your
head of your butt, think about how your immature behavior
is affecting your kids and wife. Seek help for your

(53:17):
full tunnel vision, and pray your wife forgives you for
the alienation of affection, which is a legal term and
a good reason for a divorce. She doesn't need to
apologize for something she did before she met you, and
you have no right to judge her for her past.
I mean, you're acting like she was a street walker
who serviced hundreds. This is the mother of your kids.
You're just supposed to love and support her. Get over

(53:38):
yourself and grow the f up. Just get back to
looking to the future and forget the past. The one
thing I would say is like, oh, you're not entitled
to someone's spicy sleep history. I think like you should
be open and forthright with your past to people, so
nothing comes as a surprise. There's just one thing I disagree.
It's like, oh, you don't owe your partner your spicy

(53:59):
sleep history. I would say, like, if it comes up,
be honest and forthright. But we got a little bit
more to the story. You're supposed to love her and
support her. Get over yourself and grow the f up.
Just get back to looking to the future and forget
the past. It really doesn't matter. What matters is being
a good father and husband to your family. She has
been a good wife to you based on your account,
and you are so in the wrong for your behavior
towards her. Start groveling if you want to save this marriage,

(54:22):
and we do. Have replied from Ope. I don't expect
an apology from her, and I don't expect her to
feel bad or remorseful for what she has done in
her past. That's her business and something she has to
live with, however she may do so. I never asked
her about her past. The only question I asked was
why bring your friends after she already told me what happened.
It's not an ego thing, because I know she's had

(54:44):
partners in the past and if I had my fair share.
Though I may not have worded it correctly, but when
I said she gave herself to someone, it's not because
I feel ownership over it. It's because she didn't love
herself enough to respect herself enough, whatever it may be,
to not give herself to someone she admits to not
being able to tolerate. If it was the same situation,
but she would have had some friendship with him, or
at least someone she was able to tolerate, I wouldn't

(55:06):
be upset about It has nothing to do with spicy
sleep itself. So it sounds it's like I'm mad my
wife had a low self esteem.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:14):
And also someone earlier said, you know, he's totally disregarding that.
She said that she was in a not really bad Yeah.
But also I don't even think that, Like it obviously matters,
but I don't think it matters in terms of whether
or not she was sleeping with someone she didn't really like.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
The situation.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
She heard my partner was like, I had a real
low point yeah, my reaction would be like, let me
make sure that you feel so good in yourself that
that never happens again, And his reaction is the opposite.
It's a fact that if she could have meaning a
spicy sleep of someone she doesn't even like, then what
does that make me? How do I know a relationship

(55:50):
means anything? Because all again I.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Want to pull my hair out.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
The spicy sleep itself is in the issue not being
able to at least find someone you could hold a
converse with, that is the issue. Everyone has their own
opinions on spicy sleep activity, and I personally don't think
having spicy sleep with people is a problem, But just
meeting the spicy sleep with people you don't even like
strikes me the wrong way. But thanks for insulting me
and trying to belittle me because you have a different opinion.

(56:15):
I wanted actual advice to help me learn and grow.
I told her every single person I've been with before her,
because a person's spicy sleep past does, in fact affect
their ability to manage relationships. There are studies and statistics
that back it up. Facts are facts as far as
that goes. And I do love her now, and I
still am thankful that she's the amazing mother she's always been.
But I knew this when I first met her. I

(56:36):
never would have dated her. But it's too late now
because I fell in love before finding all this out.
And that's where this story ends. Hey, it's Sam, your
ogi host here bringing it back to the stories. But
here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
My ex betrayed me for years now.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
He won't let me move on, let her move on.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
I thirty two female, was married to my ex, Scott
thirty seven, male, for just shy of eight years. During
that time, we had two kids, now aged eight female
and five male. For some background online and Scott's relationship,
we met online in July, dated for three months before
getting engaged in October.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
And married the following June. By the way, this.

Speaker 3 (57:14):
Comes from kk Stylist, and if you want to smit
your own stories, go to our Slashokease story time Subreddish
and reminder, this is directly from our subreddit. From the
early stages of the relationship, there was cheating on Scott's part.
I stayed thinking it would get better and wanting to
believe he would change. Looking back now, I also think
it was partly out of shame for not wanting to
go through another failed relationship. We had our daughter two

(57:36):
years after being married, and welcomed our son three years
after that. During our relationship, we had a back and
forth of him cheating me, saying it would be the
last time I forgive him, and threatening to leave.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
Next time cheating so much. Also, you should leave, Yeah,
it doesn't sound like a man that is worth your time.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
Well, next time came and went, and I never left. Instead,
I just found ways to make myself. I worked three jobs,
spent time with friends and family, and as much as
I could with the kids. After I got pregnant with
my son, we had come to a point in our
relationship where I knew I couldn't keep him from cheating,
but he knew I wasn't happy. Don't get me wrong,
I had my own downfalls, and I also stepped out

(58:16):
in our relationship. After about two years of his infidelity,
we both came clean about what I thought were all
the secrets and lies and decided to try and open relationship.
I personally wanted the don't ask, don't television. I was
not physically attracted to my partner. I stayed mainly to
not tear apart our family, and partly out of shame
for allowing myself to stick around this long. We had
this arrangement for about three years. I basically had one

(58:40):
outside relationship, as did he. We still had rules within
our relationship, one of being to wear protection. Well, he
did not do this and ended up getting his side
girlfriend pregnant. I didn't sleep or eat for a week,
tried to accept this as my fate and partly my fault,
and was ready to trudge through the trenches. That lasted
about two months before I came to my senses and

(59:02):
realized I didn't deserve this good and didn't have to
live unhappily. So I left, moved into a camper, and
we split the kids fifty to fifty.

Speaker 1 (59:10):
Okay, that is improven. That is the good on.

Speaker 3 (59:12):
Up past for October six months later, and I didn't
waste time getting into the dating world, not really looking
for anything, just kind of having fun building that confidence back.
I met some wonderful guys during that time and healed
a lot of stuff I'd been holding onto. Well, October
rolls around and I meet Austin on Tinder. Now Austin
and I had dated in high school my sophomore year.

(59:33):
We were dramatic teens and ended up having a messy breakup.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
We stayed in.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
Touch through the years and even went to a few
more school dances while I was still in high school.
We've always had a very good attraction to one another,
and I can say he was my first love. So
when fate rolled around to us both being single at
the same time, we jumped on it quite literally. We
started messaging on a Wednesday and drove two hours away
on Friday for a concert and never really spent any
time a part since then. It's now been over two

(59:58):
years and he has been a one parent figure for
the kids and has supported me and them fully while
I pursue my career, which unfortunately takes about two years
before making any kind of income. About four months into
me in Austin dating my ex received a job opportunity
that would have him moving four hours away. We agreed
that the kids would stay with me okay, and he
would do one weekend a month.

Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
Well about a.

Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
Year after that, me and Austin have started making plans
for a future, one of which is moving to where
his family is twelve hours away.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
Oh so then that would make it really hard for dad.
How does that work if you're co parenting and one
of the parents decides to move away from the place
you're co parenting, is.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
About to tell you?

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
Now, in my state, if one parent moves further than
a certain distance away, they know it's written.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
Well, you know, right when I had a question, they
answered it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:50):
Now in my state, if one parent moves further than
a certain distance away, they no longer have a say
and where the other parent lives. Well, me and Austin
were planning to move this coming summer after the kids
were finished.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
With the school year.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
My ex, with no notice, moved back, literally sent a
text saying, Hey, I move back and I'll pick the
kids up Monday for my week.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
Interesting.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
At this time, our divorce documents were not updated to
the once a month visit, so legally he did have
fifty to fifty. Still well, we had a mediation and
came to an agreement on custody. However, he does not
want to allow us to move since he's now back here. Now,
keep in mind, he did not know we had these
plans to move. I didn't tell him until we had
more things set in Stone with him saying no, it's

(01:01:33):
very difficult to have the courts agree to take away
any parent time from either side.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
I mean, I feel like that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
Makes Unfortunately, I do think that does make sense.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
I mean like, at least on courts. I mean, yes,
he moved four hours away, but he was still making
efforts to see the kids on the weekends.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
And you hadn't changed the custody agreement.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
You hadn't changed a custody agreement.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
And from a legal standpoint, this does.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
I mean also from a moral standpoint, I feel like
it would be. I mean, yes, he's a d bag
for all the cheating, but you can't just like move
twelve hours away so he can't see his kids anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
I think that is somewhat of a discussion.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
Then he yeah. Actually, with the other hand, I feel
like that's not fair.

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
So if he says no, I can't fight it a
whole lot without some amazing opportunity for the court to say, Okay,
I've tried talking to my ex and asking him for
a reason, as I offer to pay for the transportation
for him to still see the kids the same amount
of time he did when he moved, he won't budge
our state allows for the children to choose who they
live with once they are thirteen. However, I don't want
to stay in this town for an additional four to

(01:02:32):
five years. Housing is expensive. Austin works outside, and where
we live it gets one hundred and ten degrees every summer,
so he wants out and where he is the main provider.
I think he deserves to say so. I've always had
some family drama and frankly just need the distance from
everyone now to paint a picture of the relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
At home.

Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
My kids absolutely adore Austin. They tell him they love him,
constantly want to play games or watch shows with him,
sometimes blatantly ignoring me. Me and Austin have agreed to
move a little away to where we are still within
the distance that we don't need X or court permission
for two years after that. If my ex still won't
allow us to move with the kids, we still want
to go. If I have serious discussion with my kids

(01:03:10):
at the end of those two years about whether they
would rather stay with their dad and not move, would
I be the a hole if I went? There is
a little bit left to the story.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
What do you think there's some people saying a cheater
is never a good parent. Blah blah blah. I don't
know if that's necessarily true. Kimberly find three hours away
with kids in each house meant I went back one weekend,
bro came here one weekend and buy weekly weekends. We're
at our own homes, alternated b days and supplit holidays.

(01:03:38):
Donod McGregor says the ex husband moved to another state.
We met halfway. It was five hours on Friday and
Sunday Like those make sense, but moving twelve hours of
a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:03:49):
But let's finish this up. I never bring my kids
into issues that they don't need to deal with. I
don't talk poorly about their father to them or even
when they're at home. Right now, they're too young to
understand why me and their dad aren't together, but I
know that they will be able to figure it out
in the coming years. But I never want them to
think I'm abandoning them. I would never want to force
them to move either, so would I be the a hole?

(01:04:10):
And there are some comments to finish the story off.
Comment one difficult doesn't mean impossible. Are you sure there's
no way to get through this? I wouldn't give my
kids to someone who has proven himself to be a
liar or cheater. But that's only how I feel, OPI responds.
The judge has already stated that unless I show some
kind of amazing opportunity provided by us moving, they won't
take away parent time. So sadly, yes, as my career

(01:04:31):
is something that is clientele based, not job offers. As
crappy of a partner, he may be he loves his
kids and never missed a visit and does take.

Speaker 1 (01:04:39):
Care of them, Okay, that is evidence that, yeah, you
just can't take his kids away from them, Like, that's
not fair.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
Comment two says, But I never want them to think
I'm abandoning them, But you are abandoning them. Your relationship
with your X sounds awful and sounds full of toxicity
and inability to communicate or respect each other. Regardless of
all that, choosing to move away after those first two
years will damn hunch your kids beyond what you can
comprehend right now. A conversation about why you're moving won't
fix it, because at the end of the day, you're

(01:05:06):
choosing a partner and a new home over your presence
in your kids' lives. I don't think op wants to
move without the kids. I don't think that's she's asked
whether or I can take I should ask if the
kids want to come.

Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
Yeah, yeah, I think that. I don't think she would
leave the kids, but it's still traumatic to have that ask.

Speaker 3 (01:05:23):
Neither of you have put the kids as a first
priority throughout this whole thing. You brought them into this world,
and you both owe them to figure out some sort
of arrangement to have both of you in their lives
in a meaningful way until they are eighteen anything less,
and you're the disappearing act and Opie replies, I don't
view it as choosing a partner over my kids. I
can see how that is a perspective, though I would
not removing some of that TX behavior not be it benefit. Yes,

(01:05:46):
they may not like me at first. I do have
some faith that once they're old enough to understand what happened,
they can understand that being around this is not healthy
for anyone. And the reply says, doesn't matter how you
look at it, all that matters is how the kids
look at it. They aren't old enough and they don't
have the cognitive ability to work it out in their
head the nuances of the ex relationship, and what do
you think your ex will tell them? He will likely say,
mommy laugh because she doesn't love us anymore, or some

(01:06:07):
bs like that. In the end, you do you, But
I don't think leave them behind the minor children is
the right answer. After those two years, your kids will
be ten and seven. They won't know crap about f
at the age, nor will they know for years to come.
If they do, they're being forced to grow up way
too early. Their biological father will subsequently be all they
know and they will never choose you once they hit thirteen.
I promise you that you have to realize you might

(01:06:29):
be saying goodbye to your kids forever with this move.
Their father will tell them whatever he wants to tell them,
truth or not, and they will resent you for not staying.
They are not going to think, oh, mommy loved Austin
and didn't want to be near daddy. No, they'll do
what all kids do. They will personalize it and say
that Mommy left us. Whether you're the ale or not
is completely irrelevant. The only question is if you're ready
for every consequence to the relationship with your children that

(01:06:51):
this might produce. And actually it seems like, oh, he
wants to.

Speaker 1 (01:06:54):
Move, seems like oh, trying to move.

Speaker 2 (01:06:56):
I think I might have misunderstood.

Speaker 1 (01:06:58):
Yeah, maybe we both misunderstand good.

Speaker 3 (01:07:00):
It seems like, oh, he's saying that she wants to
move now, and then in two years say do you
guys want to move with mommy, which actually I think
changes a lot of here.

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
I think that I think that's a bad move too.

Speaker 2 (01:07:11):
That's not a good move.

Speaker 1 (01:07:13):
I think both are not good moves. I agree more,
let's keep going.

Speaker 2 (01:07:16):
Actually, no, there's not.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
There's not. That's it.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I developed feelings for my STRAIGHT friend… it ruined our friendship! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories