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00:00 r/relationships - My Fiancée [f/25] has been and still could be a Secret Escort. I [m/26] am lost and scared and I don't want things to end. Please Help Me
29:22 r/relationships - is he (35m) cheating on me (28f)?
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll
get into the episode. I discovered my fiance's X rated past,
and I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Maybe you should like watch watch it. That might be fun.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
My girlfriend. Now, my fiance has kept a rather important
secret from me, which I discovered at two thirty am
this morning, and now I'm scared, lost and confused. This
will take some explaining, so I'll break it up into chunks.
Here is the backstory. By the way, this comes from
my other me, and if you want to go submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime
subread it. So our wonderful relationship. We've been together for
(00:45):
almost a year and it has been completely blissful. I
love her more than I have loved anything, and from
what I can tell, she really loves me too. And
I try really hard on this relationship, not to the
point that I'm possessive and controlling. She has as much
freedom as she wants. I will always make her a
cup of tea when she needs to cook her most
of the dinners, roll her SIGs in the morning, meet
(01:07):
her whenever and wherever she wants, will always listen without
butting in, excuse her occasional laziness around her home, and
do most of the cleaning without being a weaner about it.
I earn quite a bit more than her, and I
generally pay for things, and I've been doing this to
help her get on top of her student debts and stuff.
Sounds like he's doing a lot. I am worried about,
like the imbalance of work in the relationship, and like
(01:30):
her not maybe like he's doing most of the chores
and bringing in most of the money.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Eh, I mean, hey, maybe he's your man who likes
to provide.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Hey, and if it works for him, that's okay a
little bit. Worry a little bit, but let's see. So
most of all, I respect her. I think she is
a truly wonderful and strong woman. We're both pretty serious feminists.
You get it on the perfect effing boyfriend jokes, but
I really do try to be as good as I
can for her. I just like doing it makes me
(02:00):
hurt with smiles when I do something special or even
just a bit thoughtful, and I can see her appreciating me.
We have never had any arguments, really, only minor disagreements.
Neither of us have ever raised our voices with each
other or been violent in any way. This is pretty
great considering the intensity in speed of the relationship. We
hate spending time apart and haven't slept in separate beds
(02:23):
since February thirteenth. I know it's sad that I know that,
but she does too, and we giggle unbearably when either
of us mention it. It sounds like you have a cute
freaking relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah, it sounds like you guys are a cutie pies.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Where's where's it going?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
To? Run for the shoe to come in?
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Drop? And oh my god, don't even get me started
on the spicy sleep. It's amazing. She gets my spicy
hobbies and I get hers. We have spicy sleep often
and it consistently is incredible, with multiple O moments all around.
We read to flat together, own a cat together, are
spending Christmas together, getting married in June and after that
planning to move to New Zealand and having kids.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
They must have learned your meditation technique.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Quick, Okay, story time. I learned full body orgasm on
a meditation retreat like a while ago, and I did
it on the plane on the way back here.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I bet that was fun for everyone. I don't think
they saw, Yeah, Like they didn't see because I was
under that. They didn't see because I was under the blanket,
but they definitely heard.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Anyway, it's not it's not there's no omission. It's not
like that. It's just like that, oh euphoria. Just you.
It's like it's like being on a molly. Anyway. Neither
of us are new to this relationship business or feel
like we were rushing. We have both had a couple
of serious relationships in the past. I was engaged to
a girl for seven and a half years, and she
was engaged to a dude who didn't really treat her
(03:41):
very well as long as her having a lot of
fun whilst she was at UNI. How I know what
I know? Okay, So that is the background. Now we're
getting in to the uncovering of this spicy X rated truths.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Freaking get our shovels and our shake axes.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Back in April, I was laying in bed at watching
my beautiful significant other get ready for work. I asked
if I could look something up on the internet using
her phone as my battery was dead, and she agreed.
I unlocked it and saw a strange message from a
man using only his initials in the text, saying, looking
forward to seeing you again later today. I'm at the
(04:20):
Apex Hotel. I'm in room whatever.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
No way he can afford the whatever room at the
Apex Hotel.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I scrolled up to get the context and couldn't make
sense of it. All I could see was that they
have met before in hotels and have a long text history.
To be perfectly clear, that is generally how I saw
the message. I'm not a snooper. The previous time they
met was at a hotel in London in February, when
she told me that her and her best friend, Jess
not a real name, we're going to an opera and
(04:49):
she was staying with her friend and she also had
some freelance calligraphy work down there. This is something she
said she used to do before we met, and has
not traveled away for it at any other point relationship
had a lot of calligraphy work. I freaked out, thinking
she was cheating on me. I hadn't pieced together much
of anything then. All I knew was a friendly man
(05:09):
meeting my girlfriend secretly in a hotel. When I brought
this up to with her later on, instead of stalking
her and calling the number of the guy texting her
I might add, she said that I have completely misunderstood
the situation. She used to do some free proofreading for
a human rights lawyer and from time to time he
asked her to help him out on the cheap and
(05:30):
it's apparently very illegal, and that is why she didn't
want to say anything.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Stop. That is such a lie. Stop it Stop. That
can't be true. If it was that illegal, there'd be
no record of it in your phone.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
She explained that that was all London was, and that
the dude had paid her well and given her a
gift because they go back to when she did an
internship with him whilst she was at UNI. I told
her I would have understood, but she needs to understand why.
That freaked me out, and just asked her to be
more honest with me in the future. No shouting was done.
I felt a little hurt, but put it in the
(06:06):
back of my mind. Besides, it was cool that we
scored a few hundred quid and we got a pizza Q.
A couple of months later, same dude, similar situation, different hotel.
I found out this time because I was being a
bit playfully nosy while she was using her phone and
snuck up behind her, saying what you're doing or something
like that. I saw enough in those few seconds to
(06:27):
know what was going to happen. I asked her about it.
Got a little upset, saying I asked her to just
be honest about this in the future. She said she
was going to tell me, but it just hadn't crossed
her mind. A couple months after that, her friend Jess
moved up to our city. Jess is cool, She's a
cool lady, and they got along really well. I suspected
in the past from hearing bits and pieces that she
was an escort, which made me rethink my lovely lady's
(06:50):
rendezvous with a mystery man for cash, and the way
that there seemed to be some weird, unsmoken history between
the two. But I put it to the back of
my mind. You're putting too much to the back of
your mind, sir. Your head's gonna go all like this,
I'm gonna I'm just gonna fall over. I'm gonna be
like a turkey staring at the sky and you're gonna drown.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm just I'm just astounded he's believing, like believing these lies. Yeah,
like who, there's people out there believe that she's literally
texting the dude as you in real time in front
of you. And then is going, oh, it didn't cross
my mind that I needed to tell you about the
guy I'm currently talking to right now. OOPSI did. Just
(07:31):
didn't cross my mind. It would have crossed your mind instantly,
Kat said, she is.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
So full of crap. Yeah, I agree. I try to
give her a few opportunities to say if something was up,
just asking generalized questions when we had been talking about
spicy sleepwork in that we have lots of interesting political
issu discussions, and she said nothing. After a short while,
she finally explains to me that Jess is in fact
an escort and was I still cool with that? In her?
(07:57):
Of course I was. She was still the good friend
of my fiance who had been nothing but nice to me.
Who am I to judge? I even gave her another
opportunity in the nicest possible way, Wills having a walk saying,
be honest, have you ever done or considered doing escort work?
She laughed and said, of course not. She didn't think
(08:17):
she'd be capable of doing it.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
And now I got the climax, everyone's favorite, big of
the escort experience.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Of how I know for sure? I overheard my lady
and Jess talking about something at a party wilst a
bit wasted. I didn't hear much, but I heard them
talking about Estan not his real name and an initial
not s in the same breath. The same fake name
and initial combination going on in the messages. I once
saw there was mention of some problems, something about remembering,
(08:45):
and I thought I heard that he was going to
be coming up. This all happened on Friday. I didn't
want to be the paranoid boyfriend. I didn't want to
just start answering ridiculous questions again. I just sat on
what I thought I heard and tried to be skeptical
and rap about it every time I went over anything
in my head. I remember how she acted slightly strangely
with her responses, and I thought at the time that
(09:07):
could be a sign of lying, but I wasn't sure
if I was just remembering this wrong. Finally, after going
a bit quietly mad and not wanting to bring things
up again, we were up late watching the US elections
last night with them in the UK, both hoping the
Americans would do the right thing and reelect Obama. She
fell asleep and I was staring at her phone with
all of this crap going on in my head. So
(09:29):
I did something inexcusable.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Wait, so this is twenty twelve, I think.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So, And I opened it and went through her messages.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
I honestly feel like that switches up a lot of
the context of this why well, at least in terms
of like modern like sentiments and like popular culture. I
feel like there's a huge difference between like house like
like sexual drass courting lices.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, I mean because like early girls, and like the
popularization of it.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah right, it's it's become way more like, I guess,
tolerated or mainstream whatever you want to say, but which
it is to be clear, it's fine to do that stuff
like it doesn't make you im moral.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Monster or anything, but it's also fine to not be
okay with that in a relationship. Sure, and also not,
but it's I don't think it's fine to do that
secretly while in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
She's laughing about it on purpose, and she's probably doing
it because it's ruined previous stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, so I feel awful for this, and I don't
handle guilt well. I saw messages from Jess about this
Stan guy, where she said that the hotel she was
taken to in London recently with another client was really
nice and quite a lot like where Stan used to
take them, that Stan was going to be about in
our city soon. I saw that Jess, at some point
in September I had a companionship job with a couple
(10:43):
really rich guys where she just hung out. Did she
want to go with her second time round? I know
you are spoken for it, but I thought I should ask,
and they weren't expecting anything, well, at least not the
previous night. But things might change and I will obviously
give you cash for this. And I froze and felt sick.
She replied, saying she wasn't sure if she would go,
but then said only if you come round and help
(11:05):
me dress up. I checked out the dates and this
went on, and I honestly think she didn't go ahead
with this. I can't remember exactly what I and we
were doing that evening. I looked further through her messages
and read the single message on her phone that was
there by Stan, addressing both my fiance and Jess by
their initials, saying he was going to be around. They
should meet up together again like old times, and maybe
(11:27):
this time try something new. He hadn't replied to this message.
I don't know what to do at this point. I
was guilt stricken because I couldn't trust her enough to
not go through her phone, but at the same time
distraught about the whole escort thing. I woke her I
couldn't do anything else. She seemed mad at me for
going through her phone and got very pissed off. I
apologized a whole bunch and properly broke down with the
stress of it all. I didn't ask her right away
(11:49):
about everything, because she clearly wasn't in the right mood
to discuss it. She said she was angry and tired
and wanted to talk on a clear head. By this
point I had already sobbed a whole bunch and couldn't
have made it any clearer to her. How sorry I was.
I mean, yes, you did something wrong by looking through
her phone, like that breaks the trust of the relationship,
but also like there was a lot of evidence that
(12:12):
you had beforehand that you ignored.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
And yeah, like the most ridiculous lies I think ever
that I've heard.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, I amy Lynn says something. I'm thinking I'd be
distraught that she lied more than anything, like is that not?
Are we not going to focus.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
On that at all? And That's what I'm just drought about.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I'm just drought about that a lot. I feel like
he's so in love that he's not He's not even
registering that he should be mad to She said that
she was also hurt because I had been keeping this
to myself instead of speaking to her, and whilst doing
that telling her how great everything is, she thought I
was being insincere in what I had said. I explained
that I genuinely meant the nice things I had said,
(12:52):
and there were some cognitive dissonance going on. When any
specifics came up, she was reluctant to say anything too specific.
We talked it through without actually really mentioning the whole
escort thing, to a point where we're both saying we
love each other and they both want to try to
make it work, and it sucks. I was scared she
was going to leave me there it is. He is
not acting in his self interest because he's too scared
(13:12):
of being alone.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Fear. Far, best things in life are on the opposite
side of fear. Oh, you can't get to the good
gooey gum drops. You're all miired in the fear swamp.
All right, you gotta get out of this swamp of
fear and eat up those Yeah, you know what, you
(13:34):
know what he means. You know what I'm saying, Mike Way.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
I asked her if he could still talk about the
escort thing when things were more calm, even though I
had betrayed her trust, and she said, yes, you're being
too apologetic here, dude. We have canceled our cinema double
date tonight. Talk about it. He finally went to bed,
and she opened up a bit and said she didn't
go ahead with that paid date and then whatever job
because she would have felt icky. The fact that she
considered it and got back to Jess is enough to
(13:59):
upset me. Still wouldn't talk about the hotel meetings, though,
and remained vague. She repeated to me that she hadn't
cheated on me though.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Right, No, officer, that wasn't me. I didn't romb the bank.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
I'm just working. It's not it's not it's it's not
even sex. It's really not even sex.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I didn't cheat on you. I got paid to do this.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
It's not like I wanted to do. I gained you, dude. Sorry,
I remember so clearly, her story of her London trip
changing with each bit of information I gave her about it,
what I knew and how odd I felt. The really
upsetting part is that it is my birthday very soon,
and we were going to go away for the weekend,
starting with a gig. She became quickly reluctant about this
(14:41):
about the time the message from stand camp, saying she
wasn't sure if she could get the time off work
to leave early enough and seemed weird. When I said
I didn't care. I'd pay for her train down and
we could meet after the gig and have our weekend.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Then she's like, dang, he had a solution to that problem.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I want to go meet with stanf ah.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
No, I'm suddenly indisposed, Bug says.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Really said, oh, can we please talk about the escort thing, like, oh,
you know, he's being so accommodating for something that she's
she's so obviously transgressed so many boundaries in the relationship,
right and he's the one apologizing, like, yeah, this, this
man has absolutely no backbone in the relationship, like none, none, none.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, it's just a season of in survival mode right now.
It's like, how do I make sure the relationship stays alive?
And it's like this that I thought this shouldn't be
some cringey, biting story about being like, oh, my girlfriend's
had sex with someone else before. Yeah, but it's like
I think your girlfriend actively was getting paid to sleep
with other men while she was with you, which is
(15:49):
a big deal.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
That's a big no no. I you know, call me
old fashioned, call my old fashioned. Maybe I'm still back
in twenty twelve. Yeah, but I don't know if I would,
I would, I would be down for this. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
It's uh feeling like a red big red flag, brother.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Big red flag. Well, this weekend exactly when San is
in town. She still has one of the days off
when we are not away, but I am working, which
was the suggested date by him. You know what, I
think I could forgive her, But I don't know if
I'm being a fool? Da kodo? Is he being a fool?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I don't think so, you know, I don't. I don't think.
So what what you don't think he's being a fool? Oh?
I must have uh uh? Oh? I didn't hear that, right,
did I? Can you say that one more time? Please?
Think he's being a fool, but he's he is forgiving her?
Speaker 1 (16:40):
You know what? I think I could forgive her? Oh,
I don't know if I'm being a fool.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I heard the negative of that. See I heard not forgive? No,
not forgive a fool.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I still love her, and our relationship has been practically
perfect except for this. This is a big accept She
stresses a lot about money, thanks to two student loans
and an old flatmate leaving her in more debt, so
I can see why she would do it. She gets
upset that I pay for most things and has said
to me on a number of occasions that she doesn't
want me thinking that she is taking advantage of me.
(17:16):
I don't. I just want to help herself so we
can get on with our lives together and not have
to worry about past debt. If there were truly no
feelings attached and it was just a job, I could
be accepting of that, even though I wouldn't ever want
her to continue doing it. The biggest thing I feel
is betrayal. Yes, yes, you should feel betrayal. She was
(17:36):
lying to you. She broke the integrity of the relationship.
You could be okay with her sleeping around, you know,
Like I am down all right. I think two people
can establish any kind of relationship they want if they
had talked about it before and she's like, hey, you
know you have you have your job as an escort.
I'm cool with that. Thank you for telling me before
we get into the relationship. Keep going about it, you know.
(17:58):
And if that was communicated, that would be fine. You
can create any kind of relationship dynamic you want. That's
the beautiful thing. It's true about relationships. But what you
can't do is you can't have a lack of integrity.
You can't have lying right, And yes you should feel betrayed,
but you should grow a backbone and realize that the
integrity of this relationship is gone. It is not a
(18:20):
simple thing to just say, oh, it's just this one thing.
It's just this one lie. No, it is a big
lie that compromises the entirety of the relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
You're like, Oh, this house is so perfect. Look at
this beautiful beach house. It's got five floors, eight hundred
million square feet and they're giving it to me for free.
Oh wait, the foundation is made out of sand and
as soon as I step into it it will collapse.
It's gonna crumble and fall upon me.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Or maybe they just need to read secure and maybe
it'll all be okay.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Actually, actually just read polysecure.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Oh my god, dude, I mean god, is it like, like,
what do we tell this guy to get to?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Just where do you think she learned those moves? No? Ego?
So are you sure you don't want to watch see these?
Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I think? I think? Dude, this man has sex brain.
He is so caught up in the amazing sex fog
that and I've been there, brother, it is it is
a dangerous, dangerous No. But talking about the sex brain.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
None of us won the lottery that lets the one
person per year have sex. But that's how that works.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
One year.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I see acting like he doesn't know what the lottery
is over here, Dude, this guy's crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
But we got a little bit more to this story.
But brother, get out of the sex fog. Brother, Oh, brother, oh,
not telling me straight up even before we started getting
really serious, even when I gave her a number of
opportunities framed with the sincere phrase I would be angry
with you. My question, what the F do I do? Reddit?
(20:03):
I am lost? This relationship means everything to me. She
seems so honest, seems and sincere in all the nice
things she tells me and tells her friends. They all
get on with me really well and are so lovely
to me because she truly does speak highly of me
to everyone. How do you know which means she really cares? Right?
I don't think any of her friends know about any
of this, and though Jess is a good friend, they
(20:25):
are not BFFs or anything. I needed to write all
this down just to help me process this. I'm sorry
it so long. I'm typing this will shaking and choking
back tears in my office at work, completely unable to
get on with anything. By the way, you should get
on with full episodes with stories just like this. Go
to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app search. Okay, storytime,
there's another relevant update. But before we get into this
(20:48):
final update, what do you think OPI should do? Opie
is asking what should I do? What should op do? Ude?
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Op? You literally said at the end, You're like, I'm
barfing and pooping, like completely losing my cool. I can't
even move through my life. Yeah, brother, I think you
got a walk, you got the trade, you got lied
to like, you got a way that spine and a walk. Yeah,
with your head held straight, I think lesson. You're like,
(21:16):
this relationship means everything to me. That was your direct quote. Hey,
maybe don't put all your eggs in one basket next time, buddy.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Also, the relationship that you thought you had is not
the relationship that you have exactly.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
So it's like that, really, the relationship you thought you
had is what means everything to you, But you don't
have that anymore. Yep, So you actually you gotta start
grieving because it's already gone.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
But let's get into the final bit of this story.
How should I approach talking to her? She doesn't do
arguing well, so I don't want to be on the attack.
Otherwise she will end up being on the attack or
be become so upset that we won't get anything sorted again.
Noodle's fine. I hate conflicts so much, Noodley, how can
I make it up to her for reading her messages?
(21:57):
I guess my biggest concern is that she has had
some emotional problems in the past, and I really don't
want to trigger another downward spiral in her whatever happens.
She's been good and pretty consistently happy since me well,
at least on the surface, but she has been to
some dark places mentally, and I just don't want her
to return there. I love her, Jess effing say some words. Reddit,
(22:19):
I need something right now. Thank you so much for
being there, and we have a really important edit message.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Wow, I wonder what that's gonna say. Dude, Dang, I
I got You're lost in the sauce.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You's lost, dude. He's asking the questions. V Rod says,
how can she make it up to you? Dude?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Right? What the right? Like? Like like you undo all
those guys. You are operating from a position of like
why are you the one responsible for everything wrong and
bad that has happened? And you're not responsible for how
she's gonna emotionally react to your truth that you feel
betrayed and that this probably isn't gonna work cause you
(22:59):
are barfing and farting all day over how emotionally turmoiled
you are.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, this is bad.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
This is bad, dude.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
It sounds like she's never taken accountability for anything in
this relationship. Zero zero.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
She's still lying. Bro. Oh, it's my lawyer friend, and
it's actually really illegal, so I can't have it.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
But I never told you ambulance is op one, get
tested and two. You are focusing on the wrong betrayal,
correct a man. But we got an edit.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
We got an edit, really important edit message.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
A lot of people are saying that she is sleeping
with loads of guys behind my back loads loads, just
taking some loads. I really do not think this is
the case of anything. I believe it is an old
client or something. I spend enough time with her and
know her work friends well enough to know with some
confidence that her sleeping with a ton of people isn't
(23:52):
the case. And comments she lied to you about being
a spicy worker. She lied to you about being a
spiky worker. She lied to you about being a spicy worker.
Are you effing kidding me? Right now? Get tested? Figure
out if you can live with this air bus A
thirty of a lie, I personally would be out the
door well before I thought about writing to Reddit to help.
(24:12):
Holy crap, dude, she lied to you about being a
spicy worker, and you were asking how you can make
it up to her. Another reply, OK, please listen to this.
I've seen a ton of guys just like you, insecure,
with low confidence, and girls like this they prey on them.
They come in with whirlwind romances and give you everything
you want romantically and spicy sleep. You'll ee. They make
(24:34):
you believe that they are your whole world and you
are theirs. In the end, it's a lie on the
scale she's told you. It's very evident that she's pulling
a scam job on you because instead of apologizing profusely
and telling you the truth, she made you feel guilty.
You're begging to stay with someone who was dishonest with
you about a very huge if you from the get go.
(24:56):
I also would like to point out so these guys
she's being paid, you know, to sleep with, right, I
think on a larger level, you are paying her lifestyle
and she is trading that in this. I think she
doesn't love you as much as she's saying, and it's
just using you as a meal ticket and to fund
a lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
What no, not only would wait, wait, the liar can lie.
The liar's gonna lie about more stuff.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, could tell you about you.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Get out of town, though, brother, I can't handle that
level of insanity coming from you.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Now, instead of feeling remorse, she shifts the blame on you.
It's very telling where your self esteem and confidence has
been it this whole time because you feel like you
need to fix things. It's not your fault comment to well,
seeing as how you are considering forgiving her for this.
You don't seem to have a problem with the idea
of your girlfriend as a spicy worker. But the betrayal
(25:52):
you speak of is the fact that she has been
hiding it from you. She has been lying to you
over and over for your entire relationship. What does this
tell you? It tells you that she will lie to
see if you trick, you, do whatever it takes to
make herself appear to be the kind of girl you
want her to be. She isn't willing to stop doing it.
She's only going to continue to hide it from you.
Even if she promises to end it will she really
(26:14):
or will she just become better at hiding it? Exactly
what other secrets does she have? This is supposed to
be the woman you are going to spend your life with,
and you can't trust a word, she says. Stop apologizing
for checking out her phone. She gave you no choice.
Blind trust isn't good for any relationships. Trusting someone who
deserves to be trusted is very easy. This girl has
(26:34):
been lying to you for day one. How can you
expect to have trust in her? I would walk away
as I feel she isn't capable of being trustworthy. Anyone
who can lie to someone they love that easily for
this long with no guilt will probably never change their ways. Nevertheless,
if you want to make it work, you have to
sit her down, be strong, stop apologizing and letting her
(26:55):
make it seem like you are in the wrong for
what you did. This is about her. Get the truth.
Get the truth out of her no matter what. And
if you still can't because she keeps lying, and walk
away and don't look back and hope he does respond.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Oh my god, yes, op he does.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Respond, maybe a little bit more with a backbone this time.
Thank God, So thanks. I really am being a pushover.
I just need to be strong this evening, and then
I'll have an idea about all of this. It is
nice to hear from so many people that I shouldn't
beating myself up over this, and that is where that
is in a way. Do we think he's actually gonna leave?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
I think I doubt he's ever getting on the internet
again after literally I'm sure everyone just eviscerated him. So
I doubt there's an update. But yeah, I would say
he left. Yeah, I'm gonna without a doubt that man left.
I don't think so he did. He realized it took
I hope so I took a big title wave.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
But it's easy. It's easy to say that in a message.
I think it's harder to actually convince.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
I think, uh, I think here's what happens, okay, all right,
tell me. He tries to break up with her.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
He tries to break up with her. They're at the.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Airport because they were going to go on a vacation together. Yep,
and he just couldn't hold it anymore. He breaks up
with her at the airport.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Can they hear you?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
She gets off, she gets arrested. Done, She's done now,
She gets arrested at the airport. No one ever sees
her again. She disappears. Op now goes on a globe
trotting journey, buys the first random flight. You had to
find her, Yeah, sure, let's do that. He finds her
and then no, he starts in his journey to find her.
(28:42):
Ye like, and try to find everywhere the Indiana Jones,
the plane with the red line. It's going all over
the place, and he finds her in Oh god, I'm
trying to think of that. What was that place that
had Hillary Clinton's emails?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
I do not know. But what I do know is
this story was bonkers.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Is there just the old There's a comment saying, yeah,
thanks guys, I'm gonna get tested. Yeah. I think I
think he's done. I hope so, I hope so he's done.
He's a field researcher and antarctica now but taking ice cores.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
But do we have another story? We got one more story.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I confronted my possibly cheating boyfriend, and now I'm ashamed.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Don't feel ashamed for confronting a cheater.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Over the last several days, my boyfriend, whom I live with,
has just been distant and irritable, not violent, not physical,
just short tempered, seeming le on edge, not really interested
in talking much. It seemed to come around almost out
of nowhere. And by the way, this comes frum user,
is he cheating? Eleven sixteen and if you want to
(29:51):
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story times subredded. So he goes to work earlier than
I do. And this morning, while I still dozed, I
heard his phone ringing as he was getting ready for work.
I glanced at the clock and saw it was exactly eight.
My boyfriend almost always leaves the apartment at seven fifty
to make sure he catches his bus to work, so
whomever was calling was calling at a time he normally
(30:13):
would have already left our home. I heard him quickly
walk to the phone and silence it, not pick it
up or talk, just to turn it off, sus, which,
as we all know, is not how you answer a
phone call. So after he left, he didn't know I
was up. I did something I feel bad about. I snooped.
I went into his Facebook and nothing, I mean not nothing.
(30:36):
There were posts, all of which I had seen as
his Facebook friend. His Facebook conversations were fairly banal. Some women,
some men, and of the women he's spoken to mostly
just what's up, how you been, happy birthday, congrats.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
On the new baby.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Was his normal, normal, normal, normal women conversation. I looked
at the profiles of the women he messaged and that
had been messaging him, to see how they might know
each other.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
The bulk, Yeah, this is way too hard. You didn't
have any evidence. You didn't have any evidence. You've broken
the trust of the relationship. I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Maximum snoopage was who called you?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
And short of that, Wait, this is too much, too much, actually, no,
anything beyond that, way too much. Yeah. The bulk of
those were high school, college and grad school friends, a
few work colleagues. Nothing out of the ordinary or unusual.
All pretty banal, mindless social networking jatter. I'm not a
jealous person usually, so I'm not bothered by occasional exchanging
(31:30):
pleasantries with female friends and past acquaintances. I should have
stopped there, I went into his email. You should have
stopped like way before, even where you are right now?
And uh again, nothing too out of the ordinary. Some
Black Friday emails stuff I sent him, stuff from his mother.
The first few pages were just very boring. You went
through pages and pages.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
That's too much.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I'm assuming there's gonna be something here, right Wait, pages
of what emails? Pages we went through like she went through.
I went through the emails, next page, next page. This
is what what has he done? You should just break
up secure, you break up now, because you can't be
in a relationship with someone if you feel like this.
When they get a phone call, they don't answer.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Yeah, you're not prepared for it.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
That we thought maybe that he didn't answer it because
it was eight and he's late. He doesn't have time
to answer the phone anyway. On his Google Hangout chat
window on the left, I saw two conversations, one from
his ex amy. I didn't want to open the chat
to make it look like I was there. But the
last message was him to his ex amy two days
ago saying hey, are you around? And then there was
(32:35):
another girl, Beth. I didn't recognize the name. The last
message from him was thanks, let me know when you
want to meet up. Smiley face included not the smiley
face damning evidence and yeah, it's like you're gonna go.
I saw what you did a smile. Who are all
the other women in your life making you smile.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I mean, the text of the X is a little suspicious,
but I don't know.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
But this could literally be for any reason and under
the entire sun as of right now.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Okay, let's keep you all, let's see you.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
My final curiosity at this point got the better of me,
so I checked his browsing history and again nothing scandalous really,
no secret, nothing, no Craigslist took ups. But the history
shows another email account having been logged into the computer
under a woman's name, let's call her Carol. Carol. I
tried to open this one, but it wouldn't work. It
(33:26):
had to be signed out. And none of this explicitly
points to anything. All I have is a more than
normally grumpy boyfriend, a strange call at eight am he
didn't pick up, him trying to reach his X, talking
and Google hangouts to a girl about meeting up, and
a strange female name having logged into her email account
on his computer. There is no smoking gun here, no
obvious cheating, just a whole lot of little things. Yeah,
(33:47):
just little things. There's not even normal stuff. There's not
even a good or a bad attach to them. There's things.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
The only thing that seems a little suspicious is the X.
But it's not like it's not a It's not enough
to warrant this kind Like I feel like she should
immediately apologize for what she did.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Yeah, he'd be like, I don't know what happened. Now,
you had that call in the morning and I went insane. Yeah,
so I'm considering confronting him, but if I do, it
means admitting I violated his privacy and didn't actually find
anything definitive. Somebody please tell me what to do. You
should probably just, I don't know, break up with this guy,
because I don't think you should be in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I don't know if you need to break up quite yet,
but you need to have some serious conversations about where
this insecurity is coming from and try to remedy it,
because this kind of jealousy and insecurity will hurt your
relationship long term. It is already hurting it. It's already
hurting it, but like I think it'll cause even more
problems if it's not addressed.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, well we have an update, folks. What's quid and
just many? Alright, yes, yes, yes, well it's official. I'm
a witch. Put the bee in front of their folks.
I texted him based on what you said, asking him
to call me on his break from work and that
I really needed to talk to him, and he called
(35:00):
me immediately. I told him what happened and confessed to everything,
but said, while I understood if he was angry, I
just needed an explanation for all of it. And here's
what he said. He said he was having some money problems,
nothing serious, and that he didn't want to alarm me.
That we were still paying our bills, but things were
extremely tight otherwise, that the rays he had been counting
(35:21):
on didn't work as he had hoped because he's on
some sort of payment plan with his student loans and
is obligated to tell them of any change in salary,
and when he informed them of his raise, they increased
his loan payments and basically wiped out the rays.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
That sucks. Hey, it's sam og host. We're going get
back to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of
ads from our sponsors to help support the show.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
He didn't tell me because he didn't want me to
think we weren't okay, that we are, just that he
was running extremely close to the bone.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
I feel like that's also a red flag on his part.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
What that he didn't want to be like, Hey, I'm
literally destitute, but we're paying bills.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah, I mean, I think you should be very honest
with your partner about the financial situation.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
I think it's a coin flip for me, really. I
mean I think it's like, you know, if it's like
this is a temporary I'm getting out of this. This
is I don't need to let anyone know that I'm
a you know. But wait, they're married, right, you know what,
I don't even know. I think I don't think they're married.
Is it a boyfriend, I don't think they're married.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
They're not married.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
They're not married.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Okay, if they're not married, then I think it's fine. Yeah,
if they're married, it wouldn't be fine.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Right, I mean, if you have joint finances. But anyway,
in terms of the contact with his ex, well, she's
part of the reason he's in that mess. He basically
supported both him and her for months when they were together,
waiting for her to get her crap together. When she
finally did not, he dumped her, but left him with
a lot of debt in his name that he acquired
(36:46):
believing that she'd make good and now two years later,
the payments on it are starting to stress him out.
After he dumped her and told her why, she promised
to fix it and promised to start paying him back
by the end of this year. So the message to
her was vain hope that she'd actually make good on
her promise and see if she'd start paying him back. Unsurprisingly,
it went unanswered.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
I mean, I feel like all of this makes sense,
Like these are good explinations. You're all yes, which is
gonna make I feel like he's got to be like
a little bit upset about the trust being breached.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yeah, by biop, I gotta say I would probably take
a step back.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
I don't think I would break up from this. I
would be like, hey, like, we got to work on this.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So the email account in a woman's name, it was
me kind of to make a few extra bucks. He
started doing some online survey sites, and he told me
one of them allowed two members per household to join
instead of just one. So he created a fictitious female
second person, which was essentially him doing a second account
as the female of the house. I e. Me ah,
(37:50):
But he didn't want to actually violate my privacy, sigh,
and give them my real name. So he made up
a fake name to pose as the woman living at
the address and named the email a Lee.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
He's being so accommodating and so thoughtful on her behalf
of her privacy. That's like, that makes what she did
even worse. Exactly, Yeah, it's like ikes.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Yeah, and in the interest of your privacy, which you know,
in hindsight, I guess I didn't need to care about it.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
So he then gave me the password to the email
so I could see and it is all survey invitations.
The strange phone call wasn't a phone call. As he
was headed to work, he checked the weather on his
phone and realized the temperature had dropped substantially overnight, which
is true. We're in the northeast and we had a
massive cold front. And realizing his fall jacket wouldn't cut it,
he went to dig his winter clothes out of the
(38:37):
closet and then he couldn't find his phone. Already running
late for the bus because of having to get his
coat and the gloves, he used his watch to page
his phone. Is this a thing? Yes, it is. You
can do that with the smart watches.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Do you think it is okay to tell a partner
like a boyfriend girlfriend, or to not tell a partner
a boyfriend, girlfriend that you're living with, that you're having
money troubles that you believe that you can fix.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
I might get flagged for this, but I think that's
heavily weighted on, Like if you're well, it's rooted in culture,
and if you're like a man and like you know,
you're feeling this, like ah, if she feels like I
can't provide for her, she's gonna leave me. It's like
it's only natural that you're like, well, I shouldn't tell
her that I'm broke right now because I want things
to go good, And a lot of women have left
(39:26):
men for being broke, not saying that that's what all
women do, of course that's not true, but like, you know,
so if he's like I got this in the bag,
I got this in the control. Yeah, sure, I got
that raise and then my student loans f me over,
but I've got it.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
As he feels like he can pay all the bills,
I do think feel like if they're financially tied, though.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Which are we doing? Know? I agree with that. I
think if you're financially tied. You can't even really hide
that in the first place.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Well, I think he's like paying for her things, like
he's paying bills for the both of them, and like
maybe she could help. But Helena Bayin says he is
a liar, dude. I think, like I guess my like
I I would communicate if I was paying joint expenses
for a partner. I would probably communicate if I was
(40:13):
having moneys. I mean, like even like I was, like
when I was like a few years ago, I was
like super broken. My girlfriend at the time was raised wealthy,
and she was always like, why aren't you taking me
to NOBU? And it would be like, I'm broke, I
got no money, and that was informative for her and
she asked that less.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, she asked les. She started asking it.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Less, she started asking it less.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Look like he's lying yet, But it's like it's I
know people who are like this, and that's why I
know that, Like, yeah, it can be a lie, but
it's like, I there's not there's no that you just
didn't say, like right, he is, he is looking. He
is trying to look out for her because he's like
I don't want to stress her out by her now
(40:58):
knowing that the money is tight, because it's a stressful
thing to know. Yeah, so you don't have to know
it because it's not gonna change anything. The money's still
gonna be tight. What's he gonna do. He's gonna say,
go get a job. No, he's not gonna do that.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
But hem. I but I think I think like in
a and I think it it helps in a relationship
to know, especially a relationship where you're living together and
it's committed, not when you're like dating or whatever, but
when you're living together and it's committed and you're sharing expenses.
I think I think it is good to communicate. I
know that's not everyone's relationship style, but I feel like
(41:30):
it would avoid potential pitfalls.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
With the phone, the phone was ringing, but it was
really just an alarm. Realizing that he had left it
in the other end of the apartment, he ran over
to silence it so he didn't wake me up. The
other woman he wanted to meet, Beth, belongs to a
tabletop gaming club.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Oh, he's just a beautiful nerd.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
He plays Warhammer for war NERD.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
That's trying to provide for his girl.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Still which, by the way, if this guy's tight on
cas she needs to stop playing Warhammer because those minifigs
are so Actually, yeah, I know there's people spend thousands
of dollars building their like army or whatever. It's crazy.
So yeah, it's a super expensive to D and D
like Giant. Yeah, it's like DD in Space thousands. Yeah,
(42:20):
like no, like, oh my god, just for one like
big guy, he's like, kadude, I just don't have enough
money to really pay for the bills and my thousand
dollar whatever collection.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Oh god.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Okay. So the woman a friend of a friend who
reached out to their mutual friend let's call him Dan
a few months ago, asking Dan if he knew a
friendly attorney she could ask some advice for regarding a
situation with her landlord. Dan put her in contact with
my boyfriend, who then gave her some advice. Beth then
reached out to my boyfriend recently, thanking him for his advice,
(42:55):
but saying she couldn't afford to pay him, but that
since she, Dan, and my boyfriend were all into tabletop
gaming and she's a good painter and model builder, did
he have any models she might be able to build?
And paint for him as a thank you man.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
It's like, I just need money please, but love God,
no money.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
He this guy just the angels started singing when he
read that. In that in that message, he did as
he always does and gave her some at the club
sometime the message, Beth told him they were done and
to let him know when he wanted them back. So
he said for her to let him know when she
wanted to meet at the gaming club to give them
(43:35):
back to him.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Miss Woozy says he's a lawyer. He won't be broke
for long then? Is he a lawyer?
Speaker 2 (43:40):
I guess, dude, he's gonna be some kind of law
he has something.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
He's gonna be. Maybe maybe he really it's like I
gotta feel like I gotta figure it out. Like it's
not like it's like like money is tight, but it's
not like it's not a it'll be fine in a month. Yeah,
maybe it's like going to be I think he might
have it all lock. I don't know, he's a lawyer.
Who knows who knows?
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Is he? Maybe he's just like the receptionist at the
lawyer's office.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, or like what's the paralegal apparent? Legal.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
He's like the janitor. Yeah, he's this is good will hunting.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, he's just he's just shred in law documents.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
He's like, yeah, that's really funny. All of your legal
expertise is just like the twenty percent of the document
you can read before it rose.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
The friend is a lawyer. He's a lawyer. Way, but
it's OPI the.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Friend is, so we had it backwards. Stan's the lawyer. Okay.
He then said there was something he had been hiding,
and I braced myself. Oh, and then he told me
what he was hiding was he had started smoking SIGs. Again,
throw him in the Thames, dude, he knew I disapproved
of him smoking. He is actually already a cancer survivor
(44:52):
at thirty five. You wouldn't be, dude, cancer survivor smoking.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Broad communication on both ends of this relationship right now.
This is bad. This is not good.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Hey, it's John here. We're going to get back to
this episode.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
But a quick three minute break with aswer more sponsors.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Under the stress of the situation he was in, he
fell off the wagon and hid it from me, but
he realized using a dangerous and expensive habit was literally
the opposite of a good idea when he's money stressed.
So after a few weeks he went cold Turkey a
week ago. That totally not him behavior like the irritability
and quick to snap attitude was him quitting smoking, and
(45:28):
he didn't want to admit it to me because he
didn't want to admit he had started again. So the
things he was hiding from me was that he was
under some financial stress because a raise he was planning
on didn't pan out, but he didn't tell me because
while he was tight, we weren't at risk of not
having our obligations taken care of and didn't want to
worry me, And that he had gone back to and
(45:49):
subsequently quit smoking again, and that any observed attitude changes
were because he was quitting smoking again. The strange female
contacts were essentially innocuous. They were trying to get his
ex to pay what she owed and arranging with someone
to pick up something she did as a favor to him,
and a fictitious email account created to make a few
spare bucks doing online surveys. The strange phone call was
(46:10):
not a phone call. It was a misplaced phone he
had paged with his watch, which started ringing loudly, and
he quickly silenced it to not wake me up. And
by the way, you can wake up and listen to
full episodes with stories just like this on Spotify and
Apple podcasts and iHeartRadio and wherever you listen to podcasts.
(46:33):
Oh you gotta do is search on Okay story Time
and you can listen to basically all of them.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Man, I guess my story we have a little bit more,
But I just feel bad communication on both ends, like
they need they need to work work, work with each
other a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Yeah, you know, I mean.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
I don't think it's relationship ending. I just think it's
like not a.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
That do think, Like I hope I don't make everyone
upset when I say this, but I think that Ope
needs to do more work on like where did that
intense belief that's something I'm being cheated on? There's someone else,
there's something going on, like wherever that came from needs
to be like one hundred percent addressed before like and
(47:14):
you can really move forward from this.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
And I think also like by the same token, I
think Opie's partner needs to inquire like why didn't he
like feel safe to share that there was financial stress
and why didn't he feel safe to share that he
started smoking in because you know, like our partners should
be able to help us through our tough times, right,
(47:37):
if we just keep that all in, it's just gonna
be really hard to establish a relationship.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Smoking thing I can get because it's like a lot
of that's deeply rooted in shame. And he's a cancer survivor,
so it's like extremely absurd for him to be smoking.
So he's so like, I get that, and he definitely
could share that, and he did. He said the reason
he didn't is because it's like, well, we can still
pay all our obligation, but there's more to life than
just the obligations, you know.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
That's why I think it's not relationship. And I just
think it would be better to have all these things
out in the open. But I understand, I understand why
he's he's doing that, Like you know, there's there's there's
this shame, probably from the financial side and from the
smoking side.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
And eleanor Ban says that is right. It came from
all the behavior from him quitting smoking was what made
her like suspicious, So it came from somewhere.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I just think there needs to be again. You know
what it really is.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
It's that she looked, and she looked deeper and even deeper,
and even it's like the fact that you felt they
need to keep going until you found something.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
I feel like, but she was right, she was right,
she was there was things that she was hiding from
her and I mean specifically about.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
A woman is what I was sure. But found the
Google hangout messages and then was like, there it is there.
Speaker 1 (48:51):
I thought it was a woman, but there there was
things that she was hiding just in general. So I think,
I guess it's like I think what happened is you
have a vicious cycle of people hiding things from each other,
and when it turned out to like what happened is
now people are escalating what they think it could be.
And it was really not that not that bad. And
if we had been a little bit more communicative, if
(49:13):
he had communicated early and often, a lot of this
would have been avoided.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Actually one hundred percent of it, just straight up, clear, honest,
vulnerable communication. None of that happens.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
But I want to hear where we ended.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
All right, I feel like it's gonna end well, yeah,
feel okay. And then after I land it all out
and was bracing for the worst a breakup. He says this, no, no,
oh man, no way, we saw that.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
You are really keeping us on the edge of the sort.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
I'm sorry, guys, all right, here we go, okay, that
he understood where I was coming from, that I was
probably suspicious because I knew him well enough to know
something was being hidden, being the money troubles and the smoking,
but I didn't know what that something was. He was
annoyed that I went through his things, But he's somewhat
(50:07):
understood because my instinct that something was being hidden from
me were fundamentally true, even if the things weren't that
big of a deal. And he didn't tell me for
a fairly good reason, and that he didn't really have
anything to hide from me anyway, so he was sorry
he didn't tell me he started smoking again and knew
I was sorry for doing what I did, and that
(50:28):
he could overlook my snooping if I could overlook him
not admitting he had been smoking again, and we could
just move forward with no hard feelings. I don't effing
deserve this, man, Oh, I think you do. And that's
the end of that story. Yay, we got a good one.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
We got a good one. But I feel like the
lesson op he should take away from this is communicate
with each other about all of these things. Communicate about
the fact that you feel like there's something off instead
of snooping. And he should communicate the fact that he's
struggling if he feels like he's struggling. Right, If you
communicate about these things, you can, like, like I think,
in all your relationships, if you're ever struggling, giving people
(51:06):
the opportunity to do the right thing by you, I
think is is almost always better than holding it in
and being like a little bit more and not not nefarious,
but being like I got this. You know.
Speaker 2 (51:18):
The money subject is so interesting to me because it's like,
I genuinely think all of that was just from the smoking.
And he didn't feel that he needed to say any
of that, yeah, because he felt like, as long as
the bills are paid.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
There's no issue issue.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
So like, where is the theoretical like amount of financial
pressure to feel where it becomes like now there's an obligation.
It's like, is it when the bills can't be paid
or is it before that? If it is like like
if you want a good relationship. As soon as you feel.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
Stressed, you should you should tell your partner like, yeah,
I feel stressed.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
So if you're just like man, I'm like I don't
I'm not making enough money right now. And she's like,
oh my god, well I do about it. You're like,
well you could maybe do you want to get another
job so that I can't. It's like it's like, all right,
I'm doing nothing. I don't know. It's I and I think,
but I think I think if you can't pay the bills,
that definitely needs to be said.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
But I think in that situation, it's like, hey, like
I'm just feeling stressed about money and she's like, oh,
like I don't, like I can I can get another jobs?
Like I don't think you need to do that yet,
but just I just want to let you know that
I feel stressed, and like, if there's things that pop
up over these next couple of weeks that that maybe
are suboptimal for our relationship, it's probably because I'm stressed
(52:31):
about money. I just feel like what it could do
is it could open up this period of grace for
for someone if they're experiencing that, And I think that
goes for anything that you're stressed about. You're like, oh, man,
like I just, you know, hit a car this morning
and I'm stressed about about it. And you tell that
to like the people, I think they'll extend you more grace.
(52:52):
And I feel like it's the allowance of someone to
be like, oh, I understand the the whole of of
what this person is showing up with, and now I
can better accommodate them in my life and how I
treat them. At least that's what I think, but I
would love to know what you guys think.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
It sounds like a good take to me, But I
Speaker 1 (53:09):
Believe that is the end of that story and the
end of this episode.
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll
get into the episode. I discovered my fiance's X rated past,
and I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Maybe you should like watch watch it. That might be fun.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
My girlfriend. Now, my fiance has kept a rather important
secret from me, which I discovered at two thirty am
this morning, and now I'm scared, lost and confused. This
will take some explaining, so I'll break it up into chunks.
Here is the backstory. By the way, this comes from
my other me, and if you want to go submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime
subread it. So our wonderful relationship. We've been together for
(00:45):
almost a year and it has been completely blissful. I
love her more than I have loved anything, and from
what I can tell, she really loves me too. And
I try really hard on this relationship, not to the
point that I'm possessive and controlling. She has as much
freedom as she wants. I will always make her a
cup of tea when she needs to cook her most
of the dinners, roll her SIGs in the morning, meet
(01:07):
her whenever and wherever she wants, will always listen without
butting in, excuse her occasional laziness around her home, and
do most of the cleaning without being a weaner about it.
I earn quite a bit more than her, and I
generally pay for things, and I've been doing this to
help her get on top of her student debts and stuff.
Sounds like he's doing a lot. I am worried about,
like the imbalance of work in the relationship, and like
(01:30):
her not maybe like he's doing most of the chores
and bringing in most of the money.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Eh, I mean, hey, maybe he's your man who likes
to provide.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Hey, and if it works for him, that's okay a
little bit. Worry a little bit, but let's see. So
most of all, I respect her. I think she is
a truly wonderful and strong woman. We're both pretty serious feminists.
You get it on the perfect effing boyfriend jokes, but
I really do try to be as good as I
can for her. I just like doing it makes me
(02:00):
hurt with smiles when I do something special or even
just a bit thoughtful, and I can see her appreciating me.
We have never had any arguments, really, only minor disagreements.
Neither of us have ever raised our voices with each
other or been violent in any way. This is pretty
great considering the intensity in speed of the relationship. We
hate spending time apart and haven't slept in separate beds
(02:23):
since February thirteenth. I know it's sad that I know that,
but she does too, and we giggle unbearably when either
of us mention it. It sounds like you have a cute
freaking relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah, it sounds like you guys are a cutie pies.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Where's where's it going?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
To? Run for the shoe to come in?
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Drop? And oh my god, don't even get me started
on the spicy sleep. It's amazing. She gets my spicy
hobbies and I get hers. We have spicy sleep often
and it consistently is incredible, with multiple O moments all around.
We read to flat together, own a cat together, are
spending Christmas together, getting married in June and after that
planning to move to New Zealand and having kids.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
They must have learned your meditation technique.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Quick, Okay, story time. I learned full body orgasm on
a meditation retreat like a while ago, and I did
it on the plane on the way back here.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I bet that was fun for everyone. I don't think
they saw, Yeah, Like they didn't see because I was
under that. They didn't see because I was under the blanket,
but they definitely heard.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Anyway, it's not it's not there's no omission. It's not
like that. It's just like that, oh euphoria. Just you.
It's like it's like being on a molly. Anyway. Neither
of us are new to this relationship business or feel
like we were rushing. We have both had a couple
of serious relationships in the past. I was engaged to
a girl for seven and a half years, and she
was engaged to a dude who didn't really treat her
(03:41):
very well as long as her having a lot of
fun whilst she was at UNI. How I know what
I know? Okay, So that is the background. Now we're
getting in to the uncovering of this spicy X rated truths.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Freaking get our shovels and our shake axes.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Back in April, I was laying in bed at watching
my beautiful significant other get ready for work. I asked
if I could look something up on the internet using
her phone as my battery was dead, and she agreed.
I unlocked it and saw a strange message from a
man using only his initials in the text, saying, looking
forward to seeing you again later today. I'm at the
(04:20):
Apex Hotel. I'm in room whatever.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
No way he can afford the whatever room at the
Apex Hotel.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I scrolled up to get the context and couldn't make
sense of it. All I could see was that they
have met before in hotels and have a long text history.
To be perfectly clear, that is generally how I saw
the message. I'm not a snooper. The previous time they
met was at a hotel in London in February, when
she told me that her and her best friend, Jess
not a real name, we're going to an opera and
(04:49):
she was staying with her friend and she also had
some freelance calligraphy work down there. This is something she
said she used to do before we met, and has
not traveled away for it at any other point relationship
had a lot of calligraphy work. I freaked out, thinking
she was cheating on me. I hadn't pieced together much
of anything then. All I knew was a friendly man
(05:09):
meeting my girlfriend secretly in a hotel. When I brought
this up to with her later on, instead of stalking
her and calling the number of the guy texting her
I might add, she said that I have completely misunderstood
the situation. She used to do some free proofreading for
a human rights lawyer and from time to time he
asked her to help him out on the cheap and
(05:30):
it's apparently very illegal, and that is why she didn't
want to say anything.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Stop. That is such a lie. Stop it Stop. That
can't be true. If it was that illegal, there'd be
no record of it in your phone.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
She explained that that was all London was, and that
the dude had paid her well and given her a
gift because they go back to when she did an
internship with him whilst she was at UNI. I told
her I would have understood, but she needs to understand why.
That freaked me out, and just asked her to be
more honest with me in the future. No shouting was done.
I felt a little hurt, but put it in the
(06:06):
back of my mind. Besides, it was cool that we
scored a few hundred quid and we got a pizza Q.
A couple of months later, same dude, similar situation, different hotel.
I found out this time because I was being a
bit playfully nosy while she was using her phone and
snuck up behind her, saying what you're doing or something
like that. I saw enough in those few seconds to
(06:27):
know what was going to happen. I asked her about it.
Got a little upset, saying I asked her to just
be honest about this in the future. She said she
was going to tell me, but it just hadn't crossed
her mind. A couple months after that, her friend Jess
moved up to our city. Jess is cool, She's a
cool lady, and they got along really well. I suspected
in the past from hearing bits and pieces that she
was an escort, which made me rethink my lovely lady's
(06:50):
rendezvous with a mystery man for cash, and the way
that there seemed to be some weird, unsmoken history between
the two. But I put it to the back of
my mind. You're putting too much to the back of
your mind, sir. Your head's gonna go all like this,
I'm gonna I'm just gonna fall over. I'm gonna be
like a turkey staring at the sky and you're gonna drown.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm just I'm just astounded he's believing, like believing these lies. Yeah,
like who, there's people out there believe that she's literally
texting the dude as you in real time in front
of you. And then is going, oh, it didn't cross
my mind that I needed to tell you about the
guy I'm currently talking to right now. OOPSI did. Just
(07:31):
didn't cross my mind. It would have crossed your mind instantly,
Kat said, she is.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
So full of crap. Yeah, I agree. I try to
give her a few opportunities to say if something was up,
just asking generalized questions when we had been talking about
spicy sleepwork in that we have lots of interesting political
issu discussions, and she said nothing. After a short while,
she finally explains to me that Jess is in fact
an escort and was I still cool with that? In her?
(07:57):
Of course I was. She was still the good friend
of my fiance who had been nothing but nice to me.
Who am I to judge? I even gave her another
opportunity in the nicest possible way, Wills having a walk saying,
be honest, have you ever done or considered doing escort work?
She laughed and said, of course not. She didn't think
(08:17):
she'd be capable of doing it.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
And now I got the climax, everyone's favorite, big of
the escort experience.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Of how I know for sure? I overheard my lady
and Jess talking about something at a party wilst a
bit wasted. I didn't hear much, but I heard them
talking about Estan not his real name and an initial
not s in the same breath. The same fake name
and initial combination going on in the messages. I once
saw there was mention of some problems, something about remembering,
(08:45):
and I thought I heard that he was going to
be coming up. This all happened on Friday. I didn't
want to be the paranoid boyfriend. I didn't want to
just start answering ridiculous questions again. I just sat on
what I thought I heard and tried to be skeptical
and rap about it every time I went over anything
in my head. I remember how she acted slightly strangely
with her responses, and I thought at the time that
(09:07):
could be a sign of lying, but I wasn't sure
if I was just remembering this wrong. Finally, after going
a bit quietly mad and not wanting to bring things
up again, we were up late watching the US elections
last night with them in the UK, both hoping the
Americans would do the right thing and reelect Obama. She
fell asleep and I was staring at her phone with
all of this crap going on in my head. So
(09:29):
I did something inexcusable.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Wait, so this is twenty twelve, I think.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So, And I opened it and went through her messages.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
I honestly feel like that switches up a lot of
the context of this why well, at least in terms
of like modern like sentiments and like popular culture. I
feel like there's a huge difference between like house like
like sexual drass courting lices.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah, I mean because like early girls, and like the
popularization of it.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah right, it's it's become way more like, I guess,
tolerated or mainstream whatever you want to say, but which
it is to be clear, it's fine to do that stuff
like it doesn't make you im moral.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Monster or anything, but it's also fine to not be
okay with that in a relationship. Sure, and also not,
but it's I don't think it's fine to do that
secretly while in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
She's laughing about it on purpose, and she's probably doing
it because it's ruined previous stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, so I feel awful for this, and I don't
handle guilt well. I saw messages from Jess about this
Stan guy, where she said that the hotel she was
taken to in London recently with another client was really
nice and quite a lot like where Stan used to
take them, that Stan was going to be about in
our city soon. I saw that Jess, at some point
in September I had a companionship job with a couple
(10:43):
really rich guys where she just hung out. Did she
want to go with her second time round? I know
you are spoken for it, but I thought I should ask,
and they weren't expecting anything, well, at least not the
previous night. But things might change and I will obviously
give you cash for this. And I froze and felt sick.
She replied, saying she wasn't sure if she would go,
but then said only if you come round and help
(11:05):
me dress up. I checked out the dates and this
went on, and I honestly think she didn't go ahead
with this. I can't remember exactly what I and we
were doing that evening. I looked further through her messages
and read the single message on her phone that was
there by Stan, addressing both my fiance and Jess by
their initials, saying he was going to be around. They
should meet up together again like old times, and maybe
(11:27):
this time try something new. He hadn't replied to this message.
I don't know what to do at this point. I
was guilt stricken because I couldn't trust her enough to
not go through her phone, but at the same time
distraught about the whole escort thing. I woke her I
couldn't do anything else. She seemed mad at me for
going through her phone and got very pissed off. I
apologized a whole bunch and properly broke down with the
stress of it all. I didn't ask her right away
(11:49):
about everything, because she clearly wasn't in the right mood
to discuss it. She said she was angry and tired
and wanted to talk on a clear head. By this
point I had already sobbed a whole bunch and couldn't
have made it any clearer to her. How sorry I was.
I mean, yes, you did something wrong by looking through
her phone, like that breaks the trust of the relationship,
but also like there was a lot of evidence that
(12:12):
you had beforehand that you ignored.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
And yeah, like the most ridiculous lies I think ever
that I've heard.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, I amy Lynn says something. I'm thinking I'd be
distraught that she lied more than anything, like is that not?
Are we not going to focus.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
On that at all? And That's what I'm just drought about.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I'm just drought about that a lot. I feel like
he's so in love that he's not He's not even
registering that he should be mad to She said that
she was also hurt because I had been keeping this
to myself instead of speaking to her, and whilst doing
that telling her how great everything is, she thought I
was being insincere in what I had said. I explained
that I genuinely meant the nice things I had said,
(12:52):
and there were some cognitive dissonance going on. When any
specifics came up, she was reluctant to say anything too specific.
We talked it through without actually really mentioning the whole
escort thing, to a point where we're both saying we
love each other and they both want to try to
make it work, and it sucks. I was scared she
was going to leave me there it is. He is
not acting in his self interest because he's too scared
(13:12):
of being alone.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Fear. Far, best things in life are on the opposite
side of fear. Oh, you can't get to the good
gooey gum drops. You're all miired in the fear swamp.
All right, you gotta get out of this swamp of
fear and eat up those Yeah, you know what, you
(13:34):
know what he means. You know what I'm saying, Mike Way.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
I asked her if he could still talk about the
escort thing when things were more calm, even though I
had betrayed her trust, and she said, yes, you're being
too apologetic here, dude. We have canceled our cinema double
date tonight. Talk about it. He finally went to bed,
and she opened up a bit and said she didn't
go ahead with that paid date and then whatever job
because she would have felt icky. The fact that she
considered it and got back to Jess is enough to
(13:59):
upset me. Still wouldn't talk about the hotel meetings, though,
and remained vague. She repeated to me that she hadn't
cheated on me though.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Right, No, officer, that wasn't me. I didn't romb the bank.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
I'm just working. It's not it's not it's it's not
even sex. It's really not even sex.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I didn't cheat on you. I got paid to do this.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
It's not like I wanted to do. I gained you, dude. Sorry,
I remember so clearly, her story of her London trip
changing with each bit of information I gave her about it,
what I knew and how odd I felt. The really
upsetting part is that it is my birthday very soon,
and we were going to go away for the weekend,
starting with a gig. She became quickly reluctant about this
(14:41):
about the time the message from stand camp, saying she
wasn't sure if she could get the time off work
to leave early enough and seemed weird. When I said
I didn't care. I'd pay for her train down and
we could meet after the gig and have our weekend.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Then she's like, dang, he had a solution to that problem.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I want to go meet with stanf ah.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
No, I'm suddenly indisposed, Bug says.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Really said, oh, can we please talk about the escort thing, like, oh,
you know, he's being so accommodating for something that she's
she's so obviously transgressed so many boundaries in the relationship,
right and he's the one apologizing, like, yeah, this, this
man has absolutely no backbone in the relationship, like none, none, none.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, it's just a season of in survival mode right now.
It's like, how do I make sure the relationship stays alive?
And it's like this that I thought this shouldn't be
some cringey, biting story about being like, oh, my girlfriend's
had sex with someone else before. Yeah, but it's like
I think your girlfriend actively was getting paid to sleep
with other men while she was with you, which is
(15:49):
a big deal.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
That's a big no no. I you know, call me
old fashioned, call my old fashioned. Maybe I'm still back
in twenty twelve. Yeah, but I don't know if I would,
I would, I would be down for this. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
It's uh feeling like a red big red flag, brother.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Big red flag. Well, this weekend exactly when San is
in town. She still has one of the days off
when we are not away, but I am working, which
was the suggested date by him. You know what, I
think I could forgive her, But I don't know if
I'm being a fool? Da kodo? Is he being a fool?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
I don't think so, you know, I don't. I don't think.
So what what you don't think he's being a fool? Oh?
I must have uh uh? Oh? I didn't hear that, right,
did I? Can you say that one more time? Please?
Think he's being a fool, but he's he is forgiving her?
Speaker 1 (16:40):
You know what? I think I could forgive her? Oh,
I don't know if I'm being a fool.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I heard the negative of that. See I heard not forgive? No,
not forgive a fool.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
I still love her, and our relationship has been practically
perfect except for this. This is a big accept She
stresses a lot about money, thanks to two student loans
and an old flatmate leaving her in more debt, so
I can see why she would do it. She gets
upset that I pay for most things and has said
to me on a number of occasions that she doesn't
want me thinking that she is taking advantage of me.
(17:16):
I don't. I just want to help herself so we
can get on with our lives together and not have
to worry about past debt. If there were truly no
feelings attached and it was just a job, I could
be accepting of that, even though I wouldn't ever want
her to continue doing it. The biggest thing I feel
is betrayal. Yes, yes, you should feel betrayal. She was
(17:36):
lying to you. She broke the integrity of the relationship.
You could be okay with her sleeping around, you know,
Like I am down all right. I think two people
can establish any kind of relationship they want if they
had talked about it before and she's like, hey, you
know you have you have your job as an escort.
I'm cool with that. Thank you for telling me before
we get into the relationship. Keep going about it, you know.
(17:58):
And if that was communicated, that would be fine. You
can create any kind of relationship dynamic you want. That's
the beautiful thing. It's true about relationships. But what you
can't do is you can't have a lack of integrity.
You can't have lying right, And yes you should feel betrayed,
but you should grow a backbone and realize that the
integrity of this relationship is gone. It is not a
(18:20):
simple thing to just say, oh, it's just this one thing.
It's just this one lie. No, it is a big
lie that compromises the entirety of the relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
You're like, Oh, this house is so perfect. Look at
this beautiful beach house. It's got five floors, eight hundred
million square feet and they're giving it to me for free.
Oh wait, the foundation is made out of sand and
as soon as I step into it it will collapse.
It's gonna crumble and fall upon me.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Or maybe they just need to read secure and maybe
it'll all be okay.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Actually, actually just read polysecure.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Oh my god, dude, I mean god, is it like, like,
what do we tell this guy to get to?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Just where do you think she learned those moves? No? Ego?
So are you sure you don't want to watch see these?
Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I think? I think? Dude, this man has sex brain.
He is so caught up in the amazing sex fog
that and I've been there, brother, it is it is
a dangerous, dangerous No. But talking about the sex brain.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
None of us won the lottery that lets the one
person per year have sex. But that's how that works.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
One year.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I see acting like he doesn't know what the lottery
is over here, Dude, this guy's crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
But we got a little bit more to this story.
But brother, get out of the sex fog. Brother, Oh, brother, oh,
not telling me straight up even before we started getting
really serious, even when I gave her a number of
opportunities framed with the sincere phrase I would be angry
with you. My question, what the F do I do? Reddit?
(20:03):
I am lost? This relationship means everything to me. She
seems so honest, seems and sincere in all the nice
things she tells me and tells her friends. They all
get on with me really well and are so lovely
to me because she truly does speak highly of me
to everyone. How do you know which means she really cares? Right?
I don't think any of her friends know about any
of this, and though Jess is a good friend, they
(20:25):
are not BFFs or anything. I needed to write all
this down just to help me process this. I'm sorry
it so long. I'm typing this will shaking and choking
back tears in my office at work, completely unable to
get on with anything. By the way, you should get
on with full episodes with stories just like this. Go
to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app search. Okay, storytime,
there's another relevant update. But before we get into this
(20:48):
final update, what do you think OPI should do? Opie
is asking what should I do? What should op do? Ude?
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Op? You literally said at the end, You're like, I'm
barfing and pooping, like completely losing my cool. I can't
even move through my life. Yeah, brother, I think you
got a walk, you got the trade, you got lied
to like, you got a way that spine and a walk. Yeah,
with your head held straight, I think lesson. You're like,
(21:16):
this relationship means everything to me. That was your direct quote. Hey,
maybe don't put all your eggs in one basket next time, buddy.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Also, the relationship that you thought you had is not
the relationship that you have exactly.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
So it's like that, really, the relationship you thought you
had is what means everything to you, But you don't
have that anymore. Yep, So you actually you gotta start
grieving because it's already gone.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
But let's get into the final bit of this story.
How should I approach talking to her? She doesn't do
arguing well, so I don't want to be on the attack.
Otherwise she will end up being on the attack or
be become so upset that we won't get anything sorted again.
Noodle's fine. I hate conflicts so much, Noodley, how can
I make it up to her for reading her messages?
(21:57):
I guess my biggest concern is that she has had
some emotional problems in the past, and I really don't
want to trigger another downward spiral in her whatever happens.
She's been good and pretty consistently happy since me well,
at least on the surface, but she has been to
some dark places mentally, and I just don't want her
to return there. I love her, Jess effing say some words. Reddit,
(22:19):
I need something right now. Thank you so much for
being there, and we have a really important edit message.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Wow, I wonder what that's gonna say. Dude, Dang, I
I got You're lost in the sauce.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You's lost, dude. He's asking the questions. V Rod says,
how can she make it up to you? Dude?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Right? What the right? Like? Like like you undo all
those guys. You are operating from a position of like
why are you the one responsible for everything wrong and
bad that has happened? And you're not responsible for how
she's gonna emotionally react to your truth that you feel
betrayed and that this probably isn't gonna work cause you
(22:59):
are barfing and farting all day over how emotionally turmoiled
you are.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, this is bad.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
This is bad, dude.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
It sounds like she's never taken accountability for anything in
this relationship. Zero zero.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
She's still lying. Bro. Oh, it's my lawyer friend, and
it's actually really illegal, so I can't have it.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
But I never told you ambulance is op one, get
tested and two. You are focusing on the wrong betrayal,
correct a man. But we got an edit.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
We got an edit, really important edit message.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
A lot of people are saying that she is sleeping
with loads of guys behind my back loads loads, just
taking some loads. I really do not think this is
the case of anything. I believe it is an old
client or something. I spend enough time with her and
know her work friends well enough to know with some
confidence that her sleeping with a ton of people isn't
(23:52):
the case. And comments she lied to you about being
a spicy worker. She lied to you about being a
spiky worker. She lied to you about being a spicy worker.
Are you effing kidding me? Right now? Get tested? Figure
out if you can live with this air bus A
thirty of a lie, I personally would be out the
door well before I thought about writing to Reddit to help.
(24:12):
Holy crap, dude, she lied to you about being a
spicy worker, and you were asking how you can make
it up to her. Another reply, OK, please listen to this.
I've seen a ton of guys just like you, insecure,
with low confidence, and girls like this they prey on them.
They come in with whirlwind romances and give you everything
you want romantically and spicy sleep. You'll ee. They make
(24:34):
you believe that they are your whole world and you
are theirs. In the end, it's a lie on the
scale she's told you. It's very evident that she's pulling
a scam job on you because instead of apologizing profusely
and telling you the truth, she made you feel guilty.
You're begging to stay with someone who was dishonest with
you about a very huge if you from the get go.
(24:56):
I also would like to point out so these guys
she's being paid, you know, to sleep with, right, I
think on a larger level, you are paying her lifestyle
and she is trading that in this. I think she
doesn't love you as much as she's saying, and it's
just using you as a meal ticket and to fund
a lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
What no, not only would wait, wait, the liar can lie.
The liar's gonna lie about more stuff.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, could tell you about you.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Get out of town, though, brother, I can't handle that
level of insanity coming from you.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Now, instead of feeling remorse, she shifts the blame on you.
It's very telling where your self esteem and confidence has
been it this whole time because you feel like you
need to fix things. It's not your fault comment to well,
seeing as how you are considering forgiving her for this.
You don't seem to have a problem with the idea
of your girlfriend as a spicy worker. But the betrayal
(25:52):
you speak of is the fact that she has been
hiding it from you. She has been lying to you
over and over for your entire relationship. What does this
tell you? It tells you that she will lie to
see if you trick, you, do whatever it takes to
make herself appear to be the kind of girl you
want her to be. She isn't willing to stop doing it.
She's only going to continue to hide it from you.
Even if she promises to end it will she really
(26:14):
or will she just become better at hiding it? Exactly
what other secrets does she have? This is supposed to
be the woman you are going to spend your life with,
and you can't trust a word, she says. Stop apologizing
for checking out her phone. She gave you no choice.
Blind trust isn't good for any relationships. Trusting someone who
deserves to be trusted is very easy. This girl has
(26:34):
been lying to you for day one. How can you
expect to have trust in her? I would walk away
as I feel she isn't capable of being trustworthy. Anyone
who can lie to someone they love that easily for
this long with no guilt will probably never change their ways. Nevertheless,
if you want to make it work, you have to
sit her down, be strong, stop apologizing and letting her
(26:55):
make it seem like you are in the wrong for
what you did. This is about her. Get the truth.
Get the truth out of her no matter what. And
if you still can't because she keeps lying, and walk
away and don't look back and hope he does respond.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Oh my god, yes, op he does.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Respond, maybe a little bit more with a backbone this time.
Thank God, So thanks. I really am being a pushover.
I just need to be strong this evening, and then
I'll have an idea about all of this. It is
nice to hear from so many people that I shouldn't
beating myself up over this, and that is where that
is in a way. Do we think he's actually gonna leave?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
I think I doubt he's ever getting on the internet
again after literally I'm sure everyone just eviscerated him. So
I doubt there's an update. But yeah, I would say
he left. Yeah, I'm gonna without a doubt that man left.
I don't think so he did. He realized it took
I hope so I took a big title wave.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
But it's easy. It's easy to say that in a message.
I think it's harder to actually convince.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
I think, uh, I think here's what happens, okay, all right,
tell me. He tries to break up with her.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
He tries to break up with her. They're at the.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Airport because they were going to go on a vacation together. Yep,
and he just couldn't hold it anymore. He breaks up
with her at the airport.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Can they hear you?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
She gets off, she gets arrested. Done, She's done now,
She gets arrested at the airport. No one ever sees
her again. She disappears. Op now goes on a globe
trotting journey, buys the first random flight. You had to
find her, Yeah, sure, let's do that. He finds her
and then no, he starts in his journey to find her.
(28:42):
Ye like, and try to find everywhere the Indiana Jones,
the plane with the red line. It's going all over
the place, and he finds her in Oh god, I'm
trying to think of that. What was that place that
had Hillary Clinton's emails?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
I do not know. But what I do know is
this story was bonkers.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Is there just the old There's a comment saying, yeah,
thanks guys, I'm gonna get tested. Yeah. I think I
think he's done. I hope so, I hope so he's done.
He's a field researcher and antarctica now but taking ice cores.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
But do we have another story? We got one more story.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I confronted my possibly cheating boyfriend, and now I'm ashamed.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Don't feel ashamed for confronting a cheater.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Over the last several days, my boyfriend, whom I live with,
has just been distant and irritable, not violent, not physical,
just short tempered, seeming le on edge, not really interested
in talking much. It seemed to come around almost out
of nowhere. And by the way, this comes frum user,
is he cheating? Eleven sixteen and if you want to
(29:51):
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story times subredded. So he goes to work earlier than
I do. And this morning, while I still dozed, I
heard his phone ringing as he was getting ready for work.
I glanced at the clock and saw it was exactly eight.
My boyfriend almost always leaves the apartment at seven fifty
to make sure he catches his bus to work, so
whomever was calling was calling at a time he normally
(30:13):
would have already left our home. I heard him quickly
walk to the phone and silence it, not pick it
up or talk, just to turn it off, sus, which,
as we all know, is not how you answer a
phone call. So after he left, he didn't know I
was up. I did something I feel bad about. I snooped.
I went into his Facebook and nothing, I mean not nothing.
(30:36):
There were posts, all of which I had seen as
his Facebook friend. His Facebook conversations were fairly banal. Some women,
some men, and of the women he's spoken to mostly
just what's up, how you been, happy birthday, congrats.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
On the new baby.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Was his normal, normal, normal, normal women conversation. I looked
at the profiles of the women he messaged and that
had been messaging him, to see how they might know
each other.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
The bulk, Yeah, this is way too hard. You didn't
have any evidence. You didn't have any evidence. You've broken
the trust of the relationship. I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Maximum snoopage was who called you?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
And short of that, Wait, this is too much, too much, actually, no,
anything beyond that, way too much. Yeah. The bulk of
those were high school, college and grad school friends, a
few work colleagues. Nothing out of the ordinary or unusual.
All pretty banal, mindless social networking jatter. I'm not a
jealous person usually, so I'm not bothered by occasional exchanging
(31:30):
pleasantries with female friends and past acquaintances. I should have
stopped there, I went into his email. You should have
stopped like way before, even where you are right now?
And uh again, nothing too out of the ordinary. Some
Black Friday emails stuff I sent him, stuff from his mother.
The first few pages were just very boring. You went
through pages and pages.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
That's too much.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I'm assuming there's gonna be something here, right Wait, pages
of what emails? Pages we went through like she went through.
I went through the emails, next page, next page. This
is what what has he done? You should just break
up secure, you break up now, because you can't be
in a relationship with someone if you feel like this.
When they get a phone call, they don't answer.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Yeah, you're not prepared for it.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
That we thought maybe that he didn't answer it because
it was eight and he's late. He doesn't have time
to answer the phone anyway. On his Google Hangout chat
window on the left, I saw two conversations, one from
his ex amy. I didn't want to open the chat
to make it look like I was there. But the
last message was him to his ex amy two days
ago saying hey, are you around? And then there was
(32:35):
another girl, Beth. I didn't recognize the name. The last
message from him was thanks, let me know when you
want to meet up. Smiley face included not the smiley
face damning evidence and yeah, it's like you're gonna go.
I saw what you did a smile. Who are all
the other women in your life making you smile.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I mean, the text of the X is a little suspicious,
but I don't know.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
But this could literally be for any reason and under
the entire sun as of right now.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Okay, let's keep you all, let's see you.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
My final curiosity at this point got the better of me,
so I checked his browsing history and again nothing scandalous really,
no secret, nothing, no Craigslist took ups. But the history
shows another email account having been logged into the computer
under a woman's name, let's call her Carol. Carol. I
tried to open this one, but it wouldn't work. It
(33:26):
had to be signed out. And none of this explicitly
points to anything. All I have is a more than
normally grumpy boyfriend, a strange call at eight am he
didn't pick up, him trying to reach his X, talking
and Google hangouts to a girl about meeting up, and
a strange female name having logged into her email account
on his computer. There is no smoking gun here, no
obvious cheating, just a whole lot of little things. Yeah,
(33:47):
just little things. There's not even normal stuff. There's not
even a good or a bad attach to them. There's things.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
The only thing that seems a little suspicious is the X.
But it's not like it's not a It's not enough
to warrant this kind Like I feel like she should
immediately apologize for what she did.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Yeah, he'd be like, I don't know what happened. Now,
you had that call in the morning and I went insane. Yeah,
so I'm considering confronting him, but if I do, it
means admitting I violated his privacy and didn't actually find
anything definitive. Somebody please tell me what to do. You
should probably just, I don't know, break up with this guy,
because I don't think you should be in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I don't know if you need to break up quite yet,
but you need to have some serious conversations about where
this insecurity is coming from and try to remedy it,
because this kind of jealousy and insecurity will hurt your
relationship long term. It is already hurting it. It's already
hurting it, but like I think it'll cause even more
problems if it's not addressed.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, well we have an update, folks. What's quid and
just many? Alright, yes, yes, yes, well it's official. I'm
a witch. Put the bee in front of their folks.
I texted him based on what you said, asking him
to call me on his break from work and that
I really needed to talk to him, and he called
(35:00):
me immediately. I told him what happened and confessed to everything,
but said, while I understood if he was angry, I
just needed an explanation for all of it. And here's
what he said. He said he was having some money problems,
nothing serious, and that he didn't want to alarm me.
That we were still paying our bills, but things were
extremely tight otherwise, that the rays he had been counting
(35:21):
on didn't work as he had hoped because he's on
some sort of payment plan with his student loans and
is obligated to tell them of any change in salary,
and when he informed them of his raise, they increased
his loan payments and basically wiped out the rays.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
That sucks. Hey, it's sam og host. We're going get
back to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of
ads from our sponsors to help support the show.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
He didn't tell me because he didn't want me to
think we weren't okay, that we are, just that he
was running extremely close to the bone.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
I feel like that's also a red flag on his part.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
What that he didn't want to be like, Hey, I'm
literally destitute, but we're paying bills.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yeah, I mean, I think you should be very honest
with your partner about the financial situation.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
I think it's a coin flip for me, really. I
mean I think it's like, you know, if it's like
this is a temporary I'm getting out of this. This
is I don't need to let anyone know that I'm
a you know. But wait, they're married, right, you know what,
I don't even know. I think I don't think they're married.
Is it a boyfriend, I don't think they're married.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
They're not married.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
They're not married.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Okay, if they're not married, then I think it's fine. Yeah,
if they're married, it wouldn't be fine.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Right, I mean, if you have joint finances. But anyway,
in terms of the contact with his ex, well, she's
part of the reason he's in that mess. He basically
supported both him and her for months when they were together,
waiting for her to get her crap together. When she
finally did not, he dumped her, but left him with
a lot of debt in his name that he acquired
(36:46):
believing that she'd make good and now two years later,
the payments on it are starting to stress him out.
After he dumped her and told her why, she promised
to fix it and promised to start paying him back
by the end of this year. So the message to
her was vain hope that she'd actually make good on
her promise and see if she'd start paying him back. Unsurprisingly,
it went unanswered.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
I mean, I feel like all of this makes sense,
Like these are good explinations. You're all yes, which is
gonna make I feel like he's got to be like
a little bit upset about the trust being breached.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yeah, by biop, I gotta say I would probably take
a step back.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
I don't think I would break up from this. I
would be like, hey, like, we got to work on this.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So the email account in a woman's name, it was
me kind of to make a few extra bucks. He
started doing some online survey sites, and he told me
one of them allowed two members per household to join
instead of just one. So he created a fictitious female
second person, which was essentially him doing a second account
as the female of the house. I e. Me ah,
(37:50):
But he didn't want to actually violate my privacy, sigh,
and give them my real name. So he made up
a fake name to pose as the woman living at
the address and named the email a Lee.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
He's being so accommodating and so thoughtful on her behalf
of her privacy. That's like, that makes what she did
even worse. Exactly, Yeah, it's like ikes.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Yeah, and in the interest of your privacy, which you know,
in hindsight, I guess I didn't need to care about it.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
So he then gave me the password to the email
so I could see and it is all survey invitations.
The strange phone call wasn't a phone call. As he
was headed to work, he checked the weather on his
phone and realized the temperature had dropped substantially overnight, which
is true. We're in the northeast and we had a
massive cold front. And realizing his fall jacket wouldn't cut it,
he went to dig his winter clothes out of the
(38:37):
closet and then he couldn't find his phone. Already running
late for the bus because of having to get his
coat and the gloves, he used his watch to page
his phone. Is this a thing? Yes, it is. You
can do that with the smart watches.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Do you think it is okay to tell a partner
like a boyfriend girlfriend, or to not tell a partner
a boyfriend, girlfriend that you're living with, that you're having
money troubles that you believe that you can fix.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
I might get flagged for this, but I think that's
heavily weighted on, Like if you're well, it's rooted in culture,
and if you're like a man and like you know,
you're feeling this, like ah, if she feels like I
can't provide for her, she's gonna leave me. It's like
it's only natural that you're like, well, I shouldn't tell
her that I'm broke right now because I want things
to go good, And a lot of women have left
(39:26):
men for being broke, not saying that that's what all
women do, of course that's not true, but like, you know,
so if he's like I got this in the bag,
I got this in the control. Yeah, sure, I got
that raise and then my student loans f me over,
but I've got it.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
As he feels like he can pay all the bills,
I do think feel like if they're financially tied, though.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Which are we doing? Know? I agree with that. I
think if you're financially tied. You can't even really hide
that in the first place.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Well, I think he's like paying for her things, like
he's paying bills for the both of them, and like
maybe she could help. But Helena Bayin says he is
a liar, dude. I think, like I guess my like
I I would communicate if I was paying joint expenses
for a partner. I would probably communicate if I was
(40:13):
having moneys. I mean, like even like I was, like
when I was like a few years ago, I was
like super broken. My girlfriend at the time was raised wealthy,
and she was always like, why aren't you taking me
to NOBU? And it would be like, I'm broke, I
got no money, and that was informative for her and
she asked that less.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, she asked les. She started asking it.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Less, she started asking it less.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Look like he's lying yet, But it's like it's I
know people who are like this, and that's why I
know that, Like, yeah, it can be a lie, but
it's like, I there's not there's no that you just
didn't say, like right, he is, he is looking. He
is trying to look out for her because he's like
I don't want to stress her out by her now
(40:58):
knowing that the money is tight, because it's a stressful
thing to know. Yeah, so you don't have to know
it because it's not gonna change anything. The money's still
gonna be tight. What's he gonna do. He's gonna say,
go get a job. No, he's not gonna do that.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
But hem. I but I think I think like in
a and I think it it helps in a relationship
to know, especially a relationship where you're living together and
it's committed, not when you're like dating or whatever, but
when you're living together and it's committed and you're sharing expenses.
I think I think it is good to communicate. I
know that's not everyone's relationship style, but I feel like
(41:30):
it would avoid potential pitfalls.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
With the phone, the phone was ringing, but it was
really just an alarm. Realizing that he had left it
in the other end of the apartment, he ran over
to silence it so he didn't wake me up. The
other woman he wanted to meet, Beth, belongs to a
tabletop gaming club.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Oh, he's just a beautiful nerd.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
He plays Warhammer for war NERD.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
That's trying to provide for his girl.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Still which, by the way, if this guy's tight on
cas she needs to stop playing Warhammer because those minifigs
are so Actually, yeah, I know there's people spend thousands
of dollars building their like army or whatever. It's crazy.
So yeah, it's a super expensive to D and D
like Giant. Yeah, it's like DD in Space thousands. Yeah,
(42:20):
like no, like, oh my god, just for one like
big guy, he's like, kadude, I just don't have enough
money to really pay for the bills and my thousand
dollar whatever collection.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Oh god.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Okay. So the woman a friend of a friend who
reached out to their mutual friend let's call him Dan
a few months ago, asking Dan if he knew a
friendly attorney she could ask some advice for regarding a
situation with her landlord. Dan put her in contact with
my boyfriend, who then gave her some advice. Beth then
reached out to my boyfriend recently, thanking him for his advice,
(42:55):
but saying she couldn't afford to pay him, but that
since she, Dan, and my boyfriend were all into tabletop
gaming and she's a good painter and model builder, did
he have any models she might be able to build?
And paint for him as a thank you man.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
It's like, I just need money please, but love God,
no money.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
He this guy just the angels started singing when he
read that. In that in that message, he did as
he always does and gave her some at the club
sometime the message, Beth told him they were done and
to let him know when he wanted them back. So
he said for her to let him know when she
wanted to meet at the gaming club to give them
(43:35):
back to him.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Miss Woozy says he's a lawyer. He won't be broke
for long then? Is he a lawyer?
Speaker 2 (43:40):
I guess, dude, he's gonna be some kind of law
he has something.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
He's gonna be. Maybe maybe he really it's like I
gotta feel like I gotta figure it out. Like it's
not like it's like like money is tight, but it's
not like it's not a it'll be fine in a month. Yeah,
maybe it's like going to be I think he might
have it all lock. I don't know, he's a lawyer.
Who knows who knows?
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Is he? Maybe he's just like the receptionist at the
lawyer's office.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, or like what's the paralegal apparent? Legal.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
He's like the janitor. Yeah, he's this is good will hunting.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, he's just he's just shred in law documents.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
He's like, yeah, that's really funny. All of your legal
expertise is just like the twenty percent of the document
you can read before it rose.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
The friend is a lawyer. He's a lawyer. Way, but
it's OPI the.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Friend is, so we had it backwards. Stan's the lawyer. Okay.
He then said there was something he had been hiding,
and I braced myself. Oh, and then he told me
what he was hiding was he had started smoking SIGs. Again,
throw him in the Thames, dude, he knew I disapproved
of him smoking. He is actually already a cancer survivor
(44:52):
at thirty five. You wouldn't be, dude, cancer survivor smoking.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Broad communication on both ends of this relationship right now.
This is bad. This is not good.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Hey, it's John here. We're going to get back to
this episode.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
But a quick three minute break with aswer more sponsors.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Under the stress of the situation he was in, he
fell off the wagon and hid it from me, but
he realized using a dangerous and expensive habit was literally
the opposite of a good idea when he's money stressed.
So after a few weeks he went cold Turkey a
week ago. That totally not him behavior like the irritability
and quick to snap attitude was him quitting smoking, and
(45:28):
he didn't want to admit it to me because he
didn't want to admit he had started again. So the
things he was hiding from me was that he was
under some financial stress because a raise he was planning
on didn't pan out, but he didn't tell me because
while he was tight, we weren't at risk of not
having our obligations taken care of and didn't want to
worry me, And that he had gone back to and
(45:49):
subsequently quit smoking again, and that any observed attitude changes
were because he was quitting smoking again. The strange female
contacts were essentially innocuous. They were trying to get his
ex to pay what she owed and arranging with someone
to pick up something she did as a favor to him,
and a fictitious email account created to make a few
spare bucks doing online surveys. The strange phone call was
(46:10):
not a phone call. It was a misplaced phone he
had paged with his watch, which started ringing loudly, and
he quickly silenced it to not wake me up. And
by the way, you can wake up and listen to
full episodes with stories just like this on Spotify and
Apple podcasts and iHeartRadio and wherever you listen to podcasts.
(46:33):
Oh you gotta do is search on Okay story Time
and you can listen to basically all of them.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Man, I guess my story we have a little bit more,
But I just feel bad communication on both ends, like
they need they need to work work, work with each
other a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Yeah, you know, I mean.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
I don't think it's relationship ending. I just think it's
like not a.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
That do think, Like I hope I don't make everyone
upset when I say this, but I think that Ope
needs to do more work on like where did that
intense belief that's something I'm being cheated on? There's someone else,
there's something going on, like wherever that came from needs
to be like one hundred percent addressed before like and
(47:14):
you can really move forward from this.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
And I think also like by the same token, I
think Opie's partner needs to inquire like why didn't he
like feel safe to share that there was financial stress
and why didn't he feel safe to share that he
started smoking in because you know, like our partners should
be able to help us through our tough times, right,
(47:37):
if we just keep that all in, it's just gonna
be really hard to establish a relationship.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Smoking thing I can get because it's like a lot
of that's deeply rooted in shame. And he's a cancer survivor,
so it's like extremely absurd for him to be smoking.
So he's so like, I get that, and he definitely
could share that, and he did. He said the reason
he didn't is because it's like, well, we can still
pay all our obligation, but there's more to life than
just the obligations, you know.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
That's why I think it's not relationship. And I just
think it would be better to have all these things
out in the open. But I understand, I understand why
he's he's doing that, Like you know, there's there's there's
this shame, probably from the financial side and from the
smoking side.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
And eleanor Ban says that is right. It came from
all the behavior from him quitting smoking was what made
her like suspicious, So it came from somewhere.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I just think there needs to be again. You know
what it really is.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
It's that she looked, and she looked deeper and even deeper,
and even it's like the fact that you felt they
need to keep going until you found something.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
I feel like, but she was right, she was right,
she was there was things that she was hiding from
her and I mean specifically about.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
A woman is what I was sure. But found the
Google hangout messages and then was like, there it is there.
Speaker 1 (48:51):
I thought it was a woman, but there there was
things that she was hiding just in general. So I think,
I guess it's like I think what happened is you
have a vicious cycle of people hiding things from each other,
and when it turned out to like what happened is
now people are escalating what they think it could be.
And it was really not that not that bad. And
if we had been a little bit more communicative, if
(49:13):
he had communicated early and often, a lot of this
would have been avoided.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Actually one hundred percent of it, just straight up, clear, honest,
vulnerable communication. None of that happens.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
But I want to hear where we ended.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
All right, I feel like it's gonna end well, yeah,
feel okay. And then after I land it all out
and was bracing for the worst a breakup. He says this, no, no,
oh man, no way, we saw that.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
You are really keeping us on the edge of the sort.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
I'm sorry, guys, all right, here we go, okay, that
he understood where I was coming from, that I was
probably suspicious because I knew him well enough to know
something was being hidden, being the money troubles and the smoking,
but I didn't know what that something was. He was
annoyed that I went through his things, But he's somewhat
(50:07):
understood because my instinct that something was being hidden from
me were fundamentally true, even if the things weren't that
big of a deal. And he didn't tell me for
a fairly good reason, and that he didn't really have
anything to hide from me anyway, so he was sorry
he didn't tell me he started smoking again and knew
I was sorry for doing what I did, and that
(50:28):
he could overlook my snooping if I could overlook him
not admitting he had been smoking again, and we could
just move forward with no hard feelings. I don't effing
deserve this, man, Oh, I think you do. And that's
the end of that story. Yay, we got a good one.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
We got a good one. But I feel like the
lesson op he should take away from this is communicate
with each other about all of these things. Communicate about
the fact that you feel like there's something off instead
of snooping. And he should communicate the fact that he's
struggling if he feels like he's struggling. Right, If you
communicate about these things, you can, like, like I think,
in all your relationships, if you're ever struggling, giving people
(51:06):
the opportunity to do the right thing by you, I
think is is almost always better than holding it in
and being like a little bit more and not not nefarious,
but being like I got this. You know.
Speaker 2 (51:18):
The money subject is so interesting to me because it's like,
I genuinely think all of that was just from the smoking.
And he didn't feel that he needed to say any
of that, yeah, because he felt like, as long as
the bills are paid.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
There's no issue issue.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
So like, where is the theoretical like amount of financial
pressure to feel where it becomes like now there's an obligation.
It's like, is it when the bills can't be paid
or is it before that? If it is like like
if you want a good relationship. As soon as you feel.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
Stressed, you should you should tell your partner like, yeah,
I feel stressed.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
So if you're just like man, I'm like I don't
I'm not making enough money right now. And she's like,
oh my god, well I do about it. You're like,
well you could maybe do you want to get another
job so that I can't. It's like it's like, all right,
I'm doing nothing. I don't know. It's I and I think,
but I think I think if you can't pay the bills,
that definitely needs to be said.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
But I think in that situation, it's like, hey, like
I'm just feeling stressed about money and she's like, oh,
like I don't, like I can I can get another jobs?
Like I don't think you need to do that yet,
but just I just want to let you know that
I feel stressed, and like, if there's things that pop
up over these next couple of weeks that that maybe
are suboptimal for our relationship, it's probably because I'm stressed
(52:31):
about money. I just feel like what it could do
is it could open up this period of grace for
for someone if they're experiencing that, And I think that
goes for anything that you're stressed about. You're like, oh, man,
like I just, you know, hit a car this morning
and I'm stressed about about it. And you tell that
to like the people, I think they'll extend you more grace.
(52:52):
And I feel like it's the allowance of someone to
be like, oh, I understand the the whole of of
what this person is showing up with, and now I
can better accommodate them in my life and how I
treat them. At least that's what I think, but I
would love to know what you guys think.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
It sounds like a good take to me, But I
Speaker 1 (53:09):
Believe that is the end of that story and the
end of this episode.
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