September 29, 2025 • 46 mins
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00:00 r/BORUpdates - I(30m) just found out my girlfriend(28) of a year+ had a whole life I knew nothing about, right as I was ring shopping. Advice?
13:39 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - Need advice: Breaking up while my girlfriend is away with her other partner
32:53 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - My boyfriend (m26) has a list of every financial expense/gift he's given me (f25)
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
#reddit #funnyredditposts
okay storytime, okstorytime, okopshow, okop show
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay storytime
podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but
before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show alive.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I discovered my girlfriend's secret while ring shopping.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Was the secret that it was a secret ring.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Trigger warning for loss of a child. I thirty male,
have been dating the most amazing woman twenty eight female
for the past year and a half. I have been
in puppy love me too before, the kind where they're
all you can think about and you smile when you
think of them, and we have that too. But she
has also brought to me the joy of being together
but not together, that magnificent way you can just be
(00:38):
and be alone in the same room, her reading a book,
me doing a project, and really knowing someone, knowing how
her mouth crinkles when she thinks, the way the rain
makes her feel, all the stories of her childhood, all
the little stuff that makes her a person. At least
I thought I did.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Yeah, it's just basically being roommates with extra steps.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
It's not even that cool. Let's make it not even
that cool. I do get that.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Let's cope like that, be like you gross having deep
connections to someone.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
You mean being a roommate.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
By the way, this comes from throw two on two Away.
And if you want to smit your own stories, go
to the arslash. Okay, storytime severed it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Ohp says I was shopping for a ring and had
been dropping hints that made her smile, and we would
plan this little suburban life. A deck with a grill,
a goofy puppy, a piano. That's what I want. Pianos
are so expensive.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Though, Yeah, she doesn't want the puppy, she just wants
the piano.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I just want the piano. You gotta pick one. They're
both quite unless you're going to a dot.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
She's gotta pick one.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
You gotta pick one, a piano or a puppy.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I want a puppy that plays the piano.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Well, then you're gonna have to figure out a way
to afford a piano for the baby.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
But piano.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We talked about baby names and vetoed ones. We have
the joke names Trevor and Trevina. We'd pick out pink
colors and flooring at lows and giggle like idiots. I
was one hundred percent confident. I just hadn't chosen a ring.
You know, she didn't want a diamond, but didn't know
what she does want. Then I got a Facebook message
today from some guy. He said that he was her
(02:12):
brother in law and that she had blocked him on Facebook,
but could I please pass along a wedding invite? And
it would mean a lot if she was there. I
pressed for more details and it all came out. She
was married before to a guy named Brendan, and they
had a little boy, Sam. She told me before she
didn't like that name.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Oh, no secret family. And you said you don't like
your secret child's name.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Well, I mean, she's like, I can't name both of
my kids Sam.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Why not you already named one Sam? Why?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's just the harm. In another way, the son passed
away in a car accident.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Oh oh no, I take it back.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
That's the harm. And afterwards they had an ugly divorce
and she cut ties five years of her life. I
never knew about, and I don't know if I ever
would have. I think she was never going to tell me.
I've felt sick about this all day, made up an
imaginary sickness to sit and think by myself, and I
feel paralyzed by it.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Brother, how do you think she feels about it?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Clearly she's still deeply traumatized.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
This is got to be the dumbest reason to make
something about you.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Ever, this is not about you.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I mean, like, you guys have known each other for
a year and a half, and yes, you were about
to get married, but like only a year and a half,
and this is the deepest trauma that She's like, you
absolutely should know about it before you get married, but like,
let's just.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Have a necessarily agree with that.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yeah, I feel like it's relevant information, especially if they
want to have kids. I don't know, but I mean,
but I don't think that it's like a we have
to break up because you lied to me. I think
it's like, hey, can we talk about this? That's what
I think. Yeah, this morning I knew her, and now
I don't. I don't even know how to bring this
up or what. I definitely can't go by the ring
(03:55):
and pretend at the same time, I want to be
with her. I'm hurt, but no, that was horror that
she went through something unimaginable. But I don't know what
that means for us, am I just a distraction? Dude? Dude,
come on, is this something she does? I just don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Help what he's making it about him?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Come on, you're you. I think that OPI has a
right to be a little bit hurt that this like
didn't come up at all before they got married. However,
you're making this way too much about you. It's not
about you.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
It's a thing in the past. And she said there's
a reason why she didn't want to Yeah up.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Like you're allowed to be like, hey, can we talk
about this because I just found out this really huge
information that I had no idea about it, and I
want to start a family with you, and I feel
like this is relevant. But like, I feel like, you
can't be like, oh, this is something she does. She
had an incredibly traumatic experience. Of course she's going to
have trouble talking about it.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I don't even think you ask her, Like, look, the way.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
That you go through this is because you came across
this information through no digging of your own.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
It just kind of organically came to you.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
So you need to go to your partner and say, hey,
found out about your past marriage. And Sam and I'm
so sorry, and I accept you, and I accept that,
and if we or when we have our own family,
you know, we can talk about this or work through this.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
But I'm never gonna make you talk about it.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
I think that's an interest and to feel comfortable enough
to bring that to me, you know, I'm here, But
you don't have to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
But I think you, now that you know you do,
you need to make it clear that you know yes.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Agreed. Comments says remember Kombe Valley says, oh, man, what
a situation. You're probably not a distraction and this is
probably not something she does. What does that even mean?
What do you mean this is something she does?
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Yeah? Does she always keep her most extreme trauma close
to the vest when she dates people? It's like, uh, yeah, idiots,
so does everybody until you know, I don't know some point.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
This is not okay, not by a long shot. But
it could honestly be that she was hoping to just
outrun the grief, to not have it be part of
her anymore. When you go through something awful, it's a
lot easier sometimes to only be around people that don't
know about it.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Rude Yard, Oh, rude Yard.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I don't know how to pronounce Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Rudyard Kipling English major.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
It's my dad actually name.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
This is actually more relevant to your actual major.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
But I don't know if that's how you spell that name.
I can't remember how to pronounce the first name. But
the poet.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Kipling Rudyard Rudyard Kipling, right, Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Oh, I thought you were just making Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
A red Yard Rudyard. I think it's Rudyard. You just said,
you know, well, now you've made me doubt myself.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Rudyard, Rubb says patri B, so just lied to me.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
I don't know. That's definitely not right.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
I'm gonna trust. I think it's Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Okay, shut up, r Kipling. That's it's okay.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Can you get a pronunciation check for us, Babe, Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what he says.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
No, that's wrong. It's Rudard what I think it is?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah, you know what? No, it is Rudard.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Yeah, go ahead, I'm sure I'm going you're right, You're right,
it's Rudard. I I don't know what. Go ahead, it's Rudard.
What is it? It's rudd it's right. It's Rudd, is.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
It, yes?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
For sure?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Call him for God's sake. The poet Kipling, I hate
this so much.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
I'm skipping this our Kipling, I get through.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
We needed this for this story because this story is
so sad. Oh God, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Kipling even wrote a poem that talks about this. The
lines there is knowledge God forbid more than one should
own always suggested to me something that I learned as
a teenager. Sometimes, when people know you've been through heck,
when they look at you, heck, because all they see
it holds you there. It makes it really hard to
outgrow the horrors of the way you've been when you
can see it reflected in people's eyes. So, from my perspective,
(08:09):
this was probably not an attempt at manipulation, but instead
an attempt to just not be that person anymore. Not
be the grieving mother, not be the injured ex wife,
not be the divorcee whose marriage and relationship with family
was shattered. Even now her ex brother in law wants
her company. That does not tell me that she's a
bad person. That does not, however, make it okay. Not
when the two of you were talking about marriage, she
(08:31):
should have told you when you started talking about rings
and baby names, and you're not wrong to feel conflicted
and maybe a bit angry and hurt about it.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Stunned, Absolutely, No, I disagree about anger and hurt.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
You should be feeling like sympathetic.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
You can't control the human emotion, like people feel different
things and finding out this information and op, he's probably
feeling like why didn't she feel comfortable telling you before?
Which is you know, no, And I'm not saying that.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
You're getting angry angry that's why, Yeah, you know what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
No, I agree. I'm just saying that, like people are complicated,
and I think like he's allowed to process all of
those emotions as long as he doesn't put them on
a pe, you know, or put them on his fiance or.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
True to me true.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
My advice would be to sit her down and to
tell her that her brother in law got in touch
with you. Don't accuse, don't shout, don't get angry, Just
tell her that you were told to pass on a
wedding invitation and see how she responds to that. Be calm.
Does knowing that she has lived through this grief make
you less likely to want to marry her? Does knowing
about everything make you less likely to want to have
children with her? And there is an update, folks eleven
(09:37):
days later, do you have any thoughts now?
Speaker 4 (09:40):
I already said exactly what I thought you should do.
I agree, I have no more thoughts about that. That's
all you should do.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I kind of that last comment almost made it sound
like you should make it like a test.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
And see how she responds, that's dumb. Don't do that.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
I think you're a way of bringing I think just
be straightforward, straight up. You don't have to be like seeo,
she responds.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Just be like S. I gotta tell you, y, I learned.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
This information, and I wanted to let you know that
I knew it. You know, you don't have to talk
about it, just wanted to let you know. Eleven days later,
I spoke to her the day after. She told me
she had wanted to tell me for a while but
didn't know where to start, that she thought about Sam
every day, but at the same time didn't know how
to begin. She pulled out a shoe box from her
closet and showed me the pictures pictures of her wedding.
(10:23):
This propped up little thing at the courthouse. Her in
a short white dress with a slight stomach, her husband,
this cocky, smiled kid with shaggy blonde hair, then the
baby Sam. Pictures from a red faced baby to this
little four year old person, birthdays and Christmases, and pictures
of the three of them a family. She talked about Brendan,
how they came from these radically different backgrounds, and she
(10:47):
barely knew him as a person before he was a
father and husband. They'd only been dating three months when
she got pregnant. They were twenty. Then she talked about Sam,
her baby. She kept saying he was the best thing
that ever happened to her. Hearing that broke my heart.
So she talked about how his hair calicked in three
different spots, and how he was always singing or humming,
that he loved to climb. She told me his favorite
(11:08):
movie and book. She made him a person to me.
Then she told me how they lost him. Some kid
augh ran a red light and then he was gone.
She barely remembers the funeral because she was so heavily medicated.
But the worst part was after going home and him
not being there. How she'd walked past his room and
expect to hear him playing, waking up and forgetting for
a minute he was gone. Their marriage had never been
(11:30):
good and they turned on each other. That was so sad.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Oh isn't this? Is this the plot of a marriage story?
Speaker 4 (11:37):
No?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I don't think they ever had a kid.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
They didn't have a kid, Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
He blamed her because she had fastened the booster seat
on that side of the car. She blamed him because
he had been driving. They were divorced within a year
after the accident. Brendon had a new child within two.
She had spent the time doing overload on classes and working,
keeping busy because it made things easier. She didn't see
her old friends because they'd drifted away. They never knew
what to say, and they mostly had kids of their own.
(12:02):
She was surviving, but seeing Sam's brother, who looked so
much like Sam, hurt so much that she decided she
had to get away and stop wallowing. She took the
pictures down, donated clothes and toys, deleted her Facebook, and
stopped seeing the old friends who weren't really friends anymore.
She said she chose to keep breathing because that was
what it had come down to. Then, she met me,
(12:25):
and she said I made her want a fresh start,
a better marriage, and more children because she loved me.
We talked for hours. She cried and I cried for her.
I still love her, maybe more now because I feel
like she opened up to me so much. It's hard
to imagine her married with a son, toys on the
floor and pictures on the fridge. It's hard because in
(12:45):
a lot of ways, it's the life I've been imagining
with her. I still plan on marrying this woman. She's
the love of my life. And some relevant comments, remember
kom Valley says, I'm glad that most of the commentars
in the last post were right. She didn't mean anything
cruel by not telling you. She was trying to be alive.
I mean, let's never assume that just because someone hasn't
told you a deeply traumatic story, that they're hiding or
(13:07):
being manipulative. Maybe we should just assume that it's deeply
traumatic and they struggle to talk about it, and then
you know, if we find out this information, we can
tell we know, be honest and not expect anything out
of it.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
And that's why you always open with an open mind,
and you'd be like, hey, when you want to talk
about it, I know about this. When you want to
talk about it, we can talk about it. But I'm
here in your corner exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Ouch. That was sad with a brief.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
That story was too hard.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
As someone who exclusively uses humor to cope with horrible things,
I couldn't say anything funny about that. I broke up
with my girlfriend while she was with her other partner.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
That's a great reason to break up with her.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Ah. For some background, my girlfriend twenty eight female and
I twenty eight male, have been together for about six years.
We talked about opening during lockdown, but only started acting
on it when it was safe again.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Not to say, that's like the worst time to talk
about opening your relationship when you can't see anyone.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Yes, that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
By the way, this comestry user perfect patient one to
one and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slage. Okay, storytime subret it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon and Ope says the first
two years were basically one sided, with me not having
any success while she kept meeting new people. I had
a lot of emotional work to do, but Eventually I
worked on myself and managed a few flings of my own.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
I'm sorry it immediately sounds like you.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Were like, well, I wasn't really enjoying this, but I
did some emotional work and got myself to a point
where I could.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Dudes, if we're not into the open marriage one hundred
percent closed the door.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Dating became her main social outlet, and she pushed for Polly,
which created a lot of resentment on my side.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
To her credit, I kept it to myself, so that's
on me.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
It is on you. If you're against something, say no,
that's on you.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Internship and there on her.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
A year ago, I'm I had an amazing woman twenty
five female through a shared hobby and had an immediate connection.
She was just out of a serious relationship, so being
a secondary I hate that term worked for her until
she was ready to start looking for a new mono relationship.
I did not expect jealousy from my girlfriend at this
new connection.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Personally, I want to keep mano out of my relationships.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
But I'm you got a real rude ot over here.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
It's gonna be the stage, dame, It's gonna be the
entire thing today.
Speaker 6 (15:27):
It's gonna be great.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
I feel like I've put up with a lot from
her constant dating. In the first time I have something
more serious, she melts down. About a month ago, my
new partner admitted that she'd been interested in going monogamous
with me, which I did not give a solid answer
to or disclose to my girlfriend. Friday evening, my girlfriend
left for a week away with one of her main partners,
thirty three male. It was planned and happened before, but
(15:52):
seeing her leave really broke the emotional damn for me.
I don't think I'm made for Polly or ethical non monogamy.
I've started moving my things to my parents home over
the weekend and agreed to be monogamous with my new partner.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I'm spiraling a bit.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
It's crazy that you've somehow figured out how to kind
of cheat while being cheated on, but not.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Because you agreed to it.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
This is like a four dimensional hypercube of like, who
is wrong in this situation?
Speaker 2 (16:17):
It's just like to break up. I think it's the
easiest solution here.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, because like I'm going to call it a wash. Yeah,
I'm going to call it a complete wash.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Let it.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
I'm going to say there's no way your partner didn't
notice that this was negatively affecting you.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Yeah, and I'm going to say that.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
You had no idea how to get out of it,
and once you felt something real for this other partner
who you were allowed to see. But technically we're supposed
to keep secondary. It's out of your hands. At that point,
you're just living your life.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I like that.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
Yeah, I'm going to wash myself after I'm done reading this.
Both my parents and my new partner think I should
tell my girlfriend and not have to find out when
she comes back. I think it's better not to ruin
her vacation and to have a clean break afterward. My
reasoning is that she won't be alone, she has all
her partners to help her out.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
H Confinde says this sounds more like non ethical, nonlog.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
The way this would turn me into a Lex Luthor
super villain, my guy yye or I.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Just wouldn't have put up with it.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
Yeah, I would have been like, yeah, so this is
actually making me insane and I'm gonna leave.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah, And I love that He's like, but I'm just
gonna like, she deserves a nice vacation show, So I'm
just gonna lie to her until she gets.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Back, which, like, honestly, another great reason I think this
is a wash. Like, he's not like actively trying to
hurt his current girlfriend slash partner, slash whoever she is.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
He's like, man, she can have a good vacation.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
With her and then I'll break up with whatever her
guy is when she gets back, and she'll have the
comfort of all of her partners.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
I'll let her know it's over when she gets back.
I doubt she's really thinking about it right now.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yikes.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Yeah, you guys just need a breakup, Okay. She has
all her partners to help her out, is crazy. Also,
I'll pay my share of the rent while she looks
for a new apartment if she'd rather not keep our
current place. What would you rather have me do if
you were in my girlfriend's shoes? Relevant comments We already
know what Sophia wants to do.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, Kean, what are you doing?
Speaker 6 (18:30):
This is I'm speechless. Honestly, this is really dumb. It's like,
this is so stupid.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Yeah, and you're putting You're putting up with it, which
is insane.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
For two years, I'm just thinking, I'm like, Okay, I
don't know if it'd be kind of annoying to be
on the vacation and then get broken up with while
you're trying to enjoy your vacation.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
But all she'd be able to enjoy it even more.
Maybe I don't. I it's hard to say.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I'm just like I've I mean, like when I got
broken up with it was a week after he met
my parents, and I really wish he had said, hey,
let's let's not meet your parents.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Let's just break up.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
That would have been great.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
So I feel like it's like, hey, so my relationship
with my girlfriend's relationships with her boyfriends is really complicated,
so we're going to add more to the mix to
make it more complicated.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I just think break I think it's gonna work.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Right, Just think breakup.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
It's like I can't figure out the math problem, so
I'm adding more math to the equation.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, let's simplify the problem. Let's reduce those fractions and
solve it.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
Solve for X, You're gonna be the ex Tali Carr
nineteen eighty one says, my ex spouse told my meta
before me that they what is that?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
What does that mean?
Speaker 4 (19:51):
My expouse told my meta before me that they didn't
love me anymore. Honestly, it felt worse than the breakup.
Please tell her soon. You've already told everyone else close
to you you're soon to be ex should not have
been the last to know.
Speaker 6 (20:06):
Okay, there, I got you. So that's a new term.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
A metamoor or meta is your partner's other romantic or
spicy sleep partner with whom you do not have a
romantic or spicy sleep relationship with yourself. Okay, so it's
the other person metamor it's the other person that is
hanging out with your partner, but you're not hanging out
with them.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Sunny, says metaphorical boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Yeah, metaphor more like metamorph into a complete stranger who
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Please, I would not like to know you.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (20:36):
It is indeed a polly or more term.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
So good. Okay too.
Speaker 6 (20:43):
Of course we don't know that because none of us
are polly.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Op says I only told my parents because I'll be
crashing with them and my new partner. None of our
mutuals know. Helpful Battle forty one seventy eight replies, not
sure if it's right or wrong, but like you, I'd
probably wait until she's back from her vacation. Either way,
you're going to give her the bad news, might as
well let her enjoy your vacation, or at the very
(21:05):
least prevent her from using that as a justification for
further blame. And how often do they call or update
each other? And then someone named cat Burggers replies, I
mean beyond the fact that some vacations may include unreliable
cell signal or jam packed days or time zone differences
that may make communication difficult to plan for.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Every relationship is different.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
I don't talk to one of my partners unless we
are together in person or if there are logistics needing sorted. Wait,
what that's insane. Not gonna lie what that's insane to me?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
What unless talk to your partner at all unless you're in.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Person, unless they're planning on the logistics on when they're
meeting up in person. Yeah, they are not speaking.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
They just send. It's just like telegraphs. Meet at under
the bridge, stop at twelve oh four, stop literally Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Stop having partners.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
And then it's like short term memory, where it's like
once they leave your field of vision, you literally like
forget they exist.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Basically, Wow, that's you.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
You operate like they don't actually exist until they're in
front of you.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Is the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
That's that's a that's just baby mindset.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
It's also really hard, especially for me. Maybe it's just me,
but if someone named cat Bookers was giving me advice,
I'd be like, that's not sound proud.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I don't know if that's the most sound if your
name was rudyersh Okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
We have our weekly date night and hang out from
time to time outside of that night, but we don't
call or text just to talk. If I go on vacation,
he doesn't expect me to check in with him. We've
been together more than a decade and this works for us. Oh,
he has not been voicing his needs to as soon
to be X. She should not be expected.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
To read his mind.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
If he was acting like he was fine, seemed like
he was totally accepting of Polly and her other relationships.
How the F is she supposed to coddle his emotions.
I expect my partner to me into their emotional needs.
I'm autistic. I refuse to let people guilt me for
taking them at their word and not reading their mind.
If you need something in a relationship, it is your
job to make that need known to your partner. Hope,
(23:12):
he says, Yeah, we're both pretty independent people. She sent
a text to let me know that they arrived safely,
and I'm not expecting us to get in touch more
than a good morning, love you text here and there.
I agree with your second point. I think I was
too defensive in my post, and now people are saying
she's harmful or self absorbed, which couldn't be further from
the truth.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
It's just tricky to voice ter.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Insecurities about imbalance as the man in a heatero open
relationship without feeling like you're coming off as whiny, especially
since I wasn't really jealous about her having the spicy
sleep at all, but rather the mismatch in opportunities which
she can't do much about. And these feelings basically disappeared
when I managed my own flings until we moved to Polly,
of course, but I should have really ended things at
(23:52):
that point, and there's an edit here. Thanks for the feedback.
I'll be home to have the talk with her when
she comes back. No point ruining her vacation. I'm also
slowing down on the moving stuff out part. I was
being dramatic, and we can sort how we want to
split some things out.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
I'm sorry. I still think that's crazy to be moving
out and not tell your partner that you're breaking up
with them. I feel like that's like, unless there is
a safety thing at play. I really feel like you
just need to tell her now, because like imagine she's like, oh,
I've had this great vacation and then she comes out
and you fully moved out. Yeah, and that would be
(24:27):
like such a blind side I'd be personally, I hate
blondes being blindsided. So just tell me when you feel
in things.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
Yeah, it feels like this is the culmination of a
lot of stuff you've been feeling for a long time, exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Op. Literal whole problem in this relationship is that he
could literal whole problem is that he could never tell
her how he feels about anything, and he's still doing
it and everyone's like, it's fun. Don't rutification stop letting
this guy get away with not communicating ever.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Sorry, I'm putting that one back. I'm putting that back.
There's an update, though he does a literal whole problem.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
There's an update, though, As I said, I slowed down
moving my things out to my parents and waited for
her to get home to avoid ruining her vacation. She
came back Thursday night, the week of the previous post,
and I went to meet her at the train station.
She had her partner still with her, but I managed
to get her home. We had to talk, and this
was my biggest breakup to date, so it got a
bit emotional on both ends. She basically offered to slow
(25:24):
down with her other partners and then monogamy. I declined
and went to sleep at my parents. There's not much
else to say. It wasn't super dramatic in the end.
We've spent the past ten days figuring out the logistics.
But as someone who lurked on this sub for a
long time, this was my first time confronting the advice
given here to a real life situation. If you're thinking
of posting here too, keep in mind that there's a
(25:45):
lot of noise people projecting people who have it out
against open relationships and ethical now monogamy, and also ethical
now monogamous people that are a bit disconnected from the
broader monogamous world.
Speaker 6 (25:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Oh p my advice to you for your next relationship
is use your words, use your big boy words.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Yeah, that is true. It's like when when you get
into these situations and you feel stuff, it's like, you know,
op's uh or that commenter there was a commentary saying
that they're autistic, so they need to be told exactly
what to do. I do think in a relationship like
I don't know, unless you were really really good at
masking this really.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Would be pretty clear that there was something wrong. However,
that's an assumption.
Speaker 4 (26:25):
So the only thing you can do is to just
actually be like, yeah, this is driving me crazy, and
there is. In any open relationship, you're gonna have to
deal with the fact that there will always be more
opportunities for women than men in the modern dating, online
dating era or whatever, which is where a lot of
this stuff happens.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
The only place we got more opportunities.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
No, it's the only place we got more opportunities.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
That's crazy. Uh yeah, I don't worry.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
It's it's not it's not better opportunities.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
It's just no, it's literally just uh yeah. If anything,
it's just more more chaffed to weed through.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
But it is interesting. I could go into a whole
die tribe on that.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
But we won't because we've got a little bit left.
Speaker 6 (27:11):
Yeah, but won't do that. We won't do that, that
says Reed.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Yeah, I wore that today.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Everyone would shut up and says it on my shirt,
So everyone shut up about.
Speaker 6 (27:23):
It, yea. Dakota looks down though, so dear.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Oh, it's kind of comforting, it.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Says, dam damn. It's good.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
Okay, we've got some final comments here grow g R
four one.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (27:39):
I think it's great one. No, wait, no, it's in four.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It's g one one.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Okay. Quoting Ope, they say she basically offered to.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
Slow down with her other partners then monogamy, and I
declined and went to sleep at my parents. She was
offering that to appease you, not in a necessarily because
she actually wanted to good move on, letting it go.
After reading your initial post, the thing that I saw
that was concerning was her jealousy when you finally started
to see someone, even though she had been seeing several people.
I don't think this is how it all works, and
that wouldn't have meshed well, you would not have been comfortable.
(28:17):
I hope your new relationship is a great one. Excellent
sign forty five fifty three says I don't think this
is fair at all. Op didn't want polyamory, but made
little efforts to directly communicate. He's avoidant, refused to communicate,
and built resentment. He should have sat his partner down
way earlier than this and been clear that polyamory was
the boundary to me. Her saying she's willing to be
mono just shows the stupidity of avoidant communication. She clearly
(28:40):
is in some way willing to renegotiate the terms of
the relationship. OP just didn't try. I don't get it. Well,
here's what you do do wrong?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
That was stupid.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
Yeah, I don't even near it. Both done. I don't
even need to explain why.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
But that was a stupid comment. They're both in the
wrong and they both need to be out of that relationship.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Saying I don't get it is insane.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
You shall get it to some level.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Don't get it.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Right, even if it's not what you would feel. You
should be able to understand that maybe someone couldn't come
back from that, right right, You don't get it?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
He built up resentment until he basically couldn't stand her
grow up. Also, yes, you dating someone hits you very
differently than your partner dating someone. He had time to
work through his big emotions surrounding new partners. This was
her first instance she too needs practice building coping skills,
et cetera.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Maybe let's just not do that.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
They don't have to practice together.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Maybe if we need to develop brand new coping skills
because we hate that our boyfriend has a girlfriend, maybe
we just don't do that.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Maybe we just don't even be together.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
Maybe we just beat with.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
Each other and go through the disillusionment phase together. Okay,
this is a brand new position for her to be in.
I'm sure she's done a lot of that. Of course,
there will be insan securities. OPI gave her no time
to work these out.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Oh my goodness, that was a bad comment. That's all
I have to say.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Op replies. I agreed that I'm not the best to
communicate it.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
We all know that, buddy.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
But always being the one that has to ask for
things to slow down is not fun either. It makes
you come off as whiny, and it was the same
during that conversation.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
She didn't say she wanted monogamy.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
She offered to go monogamous if I wanted, Like, I'm
always the one that has to ruin the fun in
the end. Also, she's not harmful or self absorbed, like
some people were claiming in my first post, but she
had one year since I met my new partner to
learn how to.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Deal with jealousy.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
She was okay ish when I was just hooking up
with random people, but I truly don't think she can
handle her primary seriously dating someone else in the end. Though,
I think you're right, I should have pumped the brake
on Polly a long time ago and just dealt with
being the boring, insecure one.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
It's not boring or insecure to say that you don't
want to be in a poly relationship.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
Yeah it is, and you should have been boring in
insecure the rest of your life.
Speaker 6 (31:01):
Damn, are we boring?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
We're boring here? No, everyone's got different relationship styles and
you need to communicate or else you're boring and insecure
for not communicating.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Damn.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
That's all I have to say. You guys, both everyone
sucked in this story and they shouldn't be together. Well, okay,
it's my final thoughts.
Speaker 4 (31:21):
Moving on, Moving on, I got nothing left to say
about that.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
I've said all I need to say.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
All I need to say. Kim finesays sent a baby
and a carrot. What does that mean?
Speaker 6 (31:33):
I don't want to know.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
A baby carrot. I get it. I understand now took
me a second.
Speaker 6 (31:39):
Baby, all right?
Speaker 4 (31:41):
Ish in the chat saying yes, Polly isn't for everyone
and there's nothing wrong with that. Agreed, Agreed. I don't people.
I do not hate people in Polly relationships. I do
not hate people who are Polly. But I just hate
reading a story of people who don't need to be Polly,
who like.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Do it and it ruins everything. Oh ye hate that show.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
You are not into Polly, don't do Polly. If you're
not into monogamy, don't do monogamy.
Speaker 6 (32:05):
It's like the same thing of like, yeah, just communicate.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
It's the same thing of like someone was just in monogamy,
like oh I you just hate microL.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
And then they were like cheating on other parts yeah
the story and they're like, well, I'm Polly, You're in
a monogous relationship.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
And it's in a poly relationship act.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
And then it's like the notion that like trying Polly
or or like moving to an open relationship is the
same thing as like like trying on a new bathing suit.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
It's like, no, my guy, like this is that's.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Just complicated bathing suit you're gonna put.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
This is a very big thing to pivot to, and
it has a chance.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
It's like you're wearing a swimsuit, but it might also
just spontaneously light on fire and the water doesn't put
it out.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
But we got another story, folks.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Hey, it's John here Og, host of the show. We're
gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a
quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
My boyfriend keeps a list of all his expenses from
our relationship.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Get paid.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Brother. I've female twenty five, have been with my boyfriend,
male twenty six for about two years. Also just wanted
to add my own little quips for taxes.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
We're currently separated, yeah, man, because dating you is a
full time job.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
We're currently separated, but we're already thinking about moving in together.
Speaker 4 (33:19):
I wound out maybe they mean that in like just
a distance way.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I found out today that my boyfriend has a list
on his phones with all his expenses and gifts along
with their prices. By the way, this comes from bez
Throwaway six four sixty six and if you want to
spit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
Storytime Separated.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
OHP says he made a joke out of the blue
and said that he spent exactly twenty six euros on
me on Valentine's Day. It irritated me a bit and
I didn't think anything of it, but unfortunately, he then
said that if we broke up, I would owe him
exactly two hundred and eighty euros. He's been with you
for two years and he's only spent two hundred and
(34:01):
eighty euros on you.
Speaker 5 (34:02):
Really sad, and he's retract with that too, also really sad.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
That's embarrassing. I was shocked by what he said and
that he meant it. He admitted that he wrote down
every expense he made for me, saying he only did
it because his ex girlfriend had taken advantage of him.
It's not like I'm taking advantage of him in any way.
Quite the opposite. I work at a hospital and earn
a very good salary. I mostly cover our dates, et cetera.
And that's not a problem for me. What is a
(34:28):
problem for me, though, is that it seems like he
sees things like gifts or snacks he gave me as
something he can simply demand back that honestly hurt me
a lot. Has anyone had similar experiences and can give
me advice on how to react? And there are some
relevant comments, But uh, what do you think Dakota?
Speaker 4 (34:45):
I would react with laughing and then probably breaking up
with him.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Yeah, but okay, first I would.
Speaker 4 (34:50):
Be laughing and then he'd be like, do you think
this is a joke? And I'd be like, wait, how
is it not? And then I would discuss and if well,
it's because my ex girlfriend took advantage of me, I'd
be like, I look like your ex girlfriend, my guy, do.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
You have a type?
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Do we look the same? Is that why you're getting confused?
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Have I been, I don't know, taking advantage of you
paying for the majority of all of our dates and interactions?
Speaker 2 (35:13):
And then you say, oh, okay, so wait, you're charging
me two hundred eight euros. Well, let's take a look
at all the things I paid for.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
And it's like a if it's like a haha, just joking.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
I'm like, of course you are, because that would be
insane if you weren't be crazy, right, And we can
just move on because I'm not going to care if
you just made a joke.
Speaker 5 (35:31):
It would be so much funnier too, if Opie spent
way more on the relationship, like oh.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
And then he's like oh, and she's like, oh, you
actually owe me you're in debt?
Speaker 3 (35:40):
No, does it work like that?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Comment one says, does he seriously think you'd have to
pay him back for gifts if you broke up? Wasn't
that a joke? Opie says, Unfortunately, he was serious about it.
He wants the money he spent on gifts and other
things back. If I were to act exactly the same way,
I would have already been dealing with him in a
four digit amount. Then do that comment to says question,
did he only note down how much he spent on
(36:03):
larger occasions or did he also note down snacks, the
occasional coffee, etc. If the former, I don't find it alarming.
I know many family members who generally note such expenses,
for example, how much they received as a gift from
person X y Z for their milestone birthday, and then
they can give back a corresponding amount on similar occasions.
I do that sometimes too, and note it as an
(36:24):
expense in my budget for the respective month. If the
second option is yours, I find it extremely strange and worrying.
I would definitely follow up and if in doubt, not
accept anything as a gift until the matter is resolved.
Otherwise it's kind of like a temporary gift. If he's
already planning this so that he has something concrete to
use against you in the event of a breakup, then
(36:45):
he's probably not ready to really commit to someone yet.
OHPI says, Unfortunately, that means everything, be it a bag
of gummy bears or coffee he bought me. So far,
I've never received anything larger from him. It's often been
limited to a bouquet of flowers snacks, So it shocks
me a lot. Yeah. I mean, if he spent two
hundred and eighty euros on you, he definitely isn't buying
you anything large. OHP. On her boyfriend's finances, OHP says,
(37:09):
he's actually totally into the financial game. I wouldn't be
surprised if he soon goes totally into it and demands
everything back with interest. I'm breaking up with them.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Yeah, like I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Breaking up with them. I'm saying, oh, always his little
boy is a little boy broke. Does little boy not
have any money? Do you need me to pay for
everything because you can't You can't spend money on your girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (37:30):
I'm not even I break up with you. I'm not
even gonna be mean. I'm just gonna be like me.
You know what, Chief, that was a bad play and uh,
at the end of the day, can't stay with you
just because that's crazy and you're free to track your
expenses like a good little boy. But yeah, don't uh,
don't bring it up to your next partner like they're
gonna owe it to you.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
You have a good one and then you leave forever.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Like goodness to get separated. Whatever that meant.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
Why are you still thinking about moving in with this guy?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Hopefully not Comment three says I would tell him very
clearly that he doesn't need to give me anything anymore.
Gifts should be given out of love, not as a reward,
and to bring joy to others. We don't even discuss
the price. If you move in with him, he'll calculate
how much electricity and water you've used, how much you eat,
including weighing it, how much dish, soap and toilet paper
(38:18):
you use, fuel consumption, and car wear and tear when
he drives, payroll for household help when he tidied something
up or cleaned something for you. And then at the
end there'll be this bill when you split up, with
payment terms and interest or what. Opie says. My birthday
is next week, and I've already told him I'm politely
declining everything. The thing is, he suggested that because I
(38:40):
consume more than he does, I should also pay more.
I've also dismissed such comments as a bad joke, but
he's serious. None of this is a joke.
Speaker 4 (38:48):
During the breakup too, you also just need to hit
him with it. Yeah again, chief, bad move.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
We're done.
Speaker 4 (38:55):
Also, don't expect any of this to be paid back
to me. But here's your ideas list. It's three thousand euros.
Have a good one.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Bye, Common four says. If he's actually serious about it,
I'd cold bloodedly make a list. I read that you'd
already be in the four figure range with him. Next
time you're paying for your meal, just casually say okay,
now you're only about X euros in the red in
case of a breakup, and I would take that as
an opportunity to talk to him about this topic, because wtf.
(39:23):
His gifts are basically bonds that you have to pay
back at some point. I've never heard of that before. Dan,
he should just stop giving you presents and pay back
the difference first. From then on, everyone pays for themselves.
Everyone will only breathe the same number of breaths per
day in your shared apartment communism, and you'll also need
separate water and electricity meters. I'm truly sorry for phrasing
(39:44):
this so sarcastically, but I find it incredibly disrespectful of
your boyfriend. I understand his motives, but gifts are effing
optional and you're not his X. I hope you can
clarify this. Oh, P says I have dismissed his comments
as bad, but now that I know that he means
it serious, I'm very shocked. I also do not understand
why anyone would expect anything in return for a gift,
(40:06):
and as OP given her boyfriend anything. OP says, I've
paid for almost all of his dates so far. Regularly
give him attention without listing it, and when I think
about the total, I'm already in the four figure range.
He's just stingy and resentful when it comes to his
ax and there is an update. Folks, all those comments
are wrong because none of them said break up.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Yeah, and that's the only answer. Breakup yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
You say, you know what, chief, big Chief, big old,
big man, big man, big man.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
That was a bad move, big man.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
And you go ahead and send that invoice to my
accountant so we can pin it up on the fridge
and laugh at it. I live with my accountant in
this fake scenario.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
I'm not living with you updates.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute
break from as for more sponsors.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I brought up the topic again and asked him if
I could take a look at the list. He refused
several times and tried to distract me from the topic
till I gave.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Him a choice. He just said, what's over there?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I turn around, tur round. There's something behind you.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
Turn around now, and then I want you to turn around.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
I gave him a choice either show it to me
and talk openly about it, or I break up with him.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
After that, He did show it.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
To me, but I wasn't allowed to touch his phone
or scroll through the list myself. He secured the list
with face ID, which I obviously found odd, but I
didn't think anything of it at first. It's because all
of the other women he's seeing he also itemizes their
lists on the same notes app.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Is this did he find an infinite money glitch?
Speaker 2 (41:37):
M m oh, you date a woman for a couple
of years, get all that money.
Speaker 5 (41:41):
You only spend about three hundred dollars or euros or
what have you on this one specific woman, make a list,
and then they all pay you back, and you're like,
all right, rinse, repeat, recycle.
Speaker 3 (41:51):
It's the girlfriend pyramid scheme.
Speaker 4 (41:53):
Your one girlfriend, you get them to send you three
hundred euros, so then you spend three hundred euros on
your next girlfriend, and then and she pays it back,
and you spend it on the next one, and you
really you get to spend three hundred euros on seventeen
different girlfriends, but you only spent it one time.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Exactly In any case, absolutely everything was written down on
the list from a bottle of water to a bouquet
of flowers. Everything he ever gave me or spent on
during our entire relationship was written down there. After he
closed the list and went on Instagram. However, I noticed
that he had several lists on his phone. The different
lists were named after different women. I called it.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Wow, I freaking called that.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
I thought about it for a moment, and then confronted
him and demanded that he gave me his phone if
he had nothing to hide from me. He then gave
it to me and asked me to not be upset
about what I found there. What I found was three
more lists named after the names of three other women,
and they also listed every expense by boyfriend had made
for them. Things like shopping, underwear, and even restaurant visits
(42:54):
were noted there.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
Maybe they're just coworkers. Maybe coworkers need underwear.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Maybe I knew immediately what was going on and told
him I was breaking up with him and immediately punted
him out of my apartment.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
But you did a good one, you got him out
of there.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
Yeah. Yeah, he was a cheater and I think we
literally actually called it perfectly. I think this is his
girlfriend pyramid scheme.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
Girlfriend pyramid scheme, you too can be three hundred euros
richer forever, forever. You just have to be emotionally bankrupt.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Yep, you only have to pay three hundred dollars once,
and then every girlfriend can have three hundred dollars.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
Yes, three hundred pounds pull woman.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Apparently he cheated on me throughout our entire relationship. I'm sorry,
and he said, don't be mad. He said, don't be
mad at me.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
I specifically told you that you can be mad about this.
So what in God's name are you doing being mad
at me for cheating on you?
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Apparently he cheated on me through our entire relationship. He
admitted that he'd been seeing another woman regularly for a year,
but said it wasn't physical, which I didn't believe. I
hope I've learned from this and will look out for
these warning signs with my next partner. And comment says,
one thing you can give your friend credit for is
that he keeps track of his expenses. You probably also
used finances. I can only imagine why this is being
(44:16):
done to several women at the same time. By looking
at the class benefit analysis, Opie says, I'm glad to
finally know what was going on behind my back, but
knowing that he spent several hundred euros on other women,
it made me feel as if he had the right
to demand money back from me for his gifts was shocking.
I was awake all night thinking about how to resolve
the whole situation, and now I'm at least somewhat relieved,
(44:38):
but also extremely sad. Opie responds to downloaded commenter regarding
seeing her boyfriend's list. Opie says, I didn't write down
every little detail, but the whole thing wasn't resolved within
ten minutes. We discussed for almost two hours, so he
should show me the list, and then I wanted to
see the rest of the stuff. Afterwards. He tried to
convince me that we were just friends. He tried to
(45:00):
convince you, his girlfriend, that you guys were just friends.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
We've just been friends all along.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
I'm sorry he tried to pull an udo reverse. You
fight out that he is cheating on you, and he goes, no, no, no, babe,
you don't understand we're just friends.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
You've got it.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
You have to understand that if you're gonna make the
seventeen layer girlfriend MLM pyramid work, you gotta you have
to gaslight at an audacious level.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
It doesn't work otherwise. Wow. He had been trying to
contact me constantly via WhatsApp to convince me that it
isn't the way I think it is, and now he's
actually demanding money from me. Comment to has he tried
to demand a refund from you now that you're broken up?
Opie says, unfortunately, Yes, that's wild wild man.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
You just send this guy, Why y'all send this guy
the dictionary definition of a gift or.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
A friend or the definition of a girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
To send the definition of gift, and then enemy and
an idiot and the idiot and then nemesis.
Speaker 4 (46:02):
Yeah, and then you know what, throw a curveball in
there and send nematode is that's what this guy's acting.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Like a worm, just a worm.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Just a worm. But folks, that's the end of that
story and the end of that episode. So if you
love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay storytime
podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but
before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show alive.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I discovered my girlfriend's secret while ring shopping.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Was the secret that it was a secret ring.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Trigger warning for loss of a child. I thirty male,
have been dating the most amazing woman twenty eight female
for the past year and a half. I have been
in puppy love me too before, the kind where they're
all you can think about and you smile when you
think of them, and we have that too. But she
has also brought to me the joy of being together
but not together, that magnificent way you can just be
(00:38):
and be alone in the same room, her reading a book,
me doing a project, and really knowing someone, knowing how
her mouth crinkles when she thinks, the way the rain
makes her feel, all the stories of her childhood, all
the little stuff that makes her a person. At least
I thought I did.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Yeah, it's just basically being roommates with extra steps.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
It's not even that cool. Let's make it not even
that cool. I do get that.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Let's cope like that, be like you gross having deep
connections to someone.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
You mean being a roommate.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
By the way, this comes from throw two on two Away.
And if you want to smit your own stories, go
to the arslash. Okay, storytime severed it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Ohp says I was shopping for a ring and had
been dropping hints that made her smile, and we would
plan this little suburban life. A deck with a grill,
a goofy puppy, a piano. That's what I want. Pianos
are so expensive.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Though, Yeah, she doesn't want the puppy, she just wants
the piano.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I just want the piano. You gotta pick one. They're
both quite unless you're going to a dot.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
She's gotta pick one.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
You gotta pick one, a piano or a puppy.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I want a puppy that plays the piano.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Well, then you're gonna have to figure out a way
to afford a piano for the baby.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
But piano.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We talked about baby names and vetoed ones. We have
the joke names Trevor and Trevina. We'd pick out pink
colors and flooring at lows and giggle like idiots. I
was one hundred percent confident. I just hadn't chosen a ring.
You know, she didn't want a diamond, but didn't know
what she does want. Then I got a Facebook message
today from some guy. He said that he was her
(02:12):
brother in law and that she had blocked him on Facebook,
but could I please pass along a wedding invite? And
it would mean a lot if she was there. I
pressed for more details and it all came out. She
was married before to a guy named Brendan, and they
had a little boy, Sam. She told me before she
didn't like that name.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Oh, no secret family. And you said you don't like
your secret child's name.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Well, I mean, she's like, I can't name both of
my kids Sam.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Why not you already named one Sam? Why?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's just the harm. In another way, the son passed
away in a car accident.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Oh oh no, I take it back.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
That's the harm. And afterwards they had an ugly divorce
and she cut ties five years of her life. I
never knew about, and I don't know if I ever
would have. I think she was never going to tell me.
I've felt sick about this all day, made up an
imaginary sickness to sit and think by myself, and I
feel paralyzed by it.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Brother, how do you think she feels about it?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Clearly she's still deeply traumatized.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
This is got to be the dumbest reason to make
something about you.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Ever, this is not about you.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I mean, like, you guys have known each other for
a year and a half, and yes, you were about
to get married, but like only a year and a half,
and this is the deepest trauma that She's like, you
absolutely should know about it before you get married, but like,
let's just.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Have a necessarily agree with that.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yeah, I feel like it's relevant information, especially if they
want to have kids. I don't know, but I mean,
but I don't think that it's like a we have
to break up because you lied to me. I think
it's like, hey, can we talk about this? That's what
I think. Yeah, this morning I knew her, and now
I don't. I don't even know how to bring this
up or what. I definitely can't go by the ring
(03:55):
and pretend at the same time, I want to be
with her. I'm hurt, but no, that was horror that
she went through something unimaginable. But I don't know what
that means for us, am I just a distraction? Dude? Dude,
come on, is this something she does? I just don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Help what he's making it about him?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Come on, you're you. I think that OPI has a
right to be a little bit hurt that this like
didn't come up at all before they got married. However,
you're making this way too much about you. It's not
about you.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
It's a thing in the past. And she said there's
a reason why she didn't want to Yeah up.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Like you're allowed to be like, hey, can we talk
about this because I just found out this really huge
information that I had no idea about it, and I
want to start a family with you, and I feel
like this is relevant. But like, I feel like, you
can't be like, oh, this is something she does. She
had an incredibly traumatic experience. Of course she's going to
have trouble talking about it.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I don't even think you ask her, Like, look, the way.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
That you go through this is because you came across
this information through no digging of your own.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
It just kind of organically came to you.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
So you need to go to your partner and say, hey,
found out about your past marriage. And Sam and I'm
so sorry, and I accept you, and I accept that,
and if we or when we have our own family,
you know, we can talk about this or work through this.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
But I'm never gonna make you talk about it.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
I think that's an interest and to feel comfortable enough
to bring that to me, you know, I'm here, But
you don't have to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
But I think you, now that you know you do,
you need to make it clear that you know yes.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Agreed. Comments says remember Kombe Valley says, oh, man, what
a situation. You're probably not a distraction and this is
probably not something she does. What does that even mean?
What do you mean this is something she does?
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Yeah? Does she always keep her most extreme trauma close
to the vest when she dates people? It's like, uh, yeah, idiots,
so does everybody until you know, I don't know some point.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
This is not okay, not by a long shot. But
it could honestly be that she was hoping to just
outrun the grief, to not have it be part of
her anymore. When you go through something awful, it's a
lot easier sometimes to only be around people that don't
know about it.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Rude Yard, Oh, rude Yard.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I don't know how to pronounce Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Rudyard Kipling English major.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
It's my dad actually name.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
This is actually more relevant to your actual major.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
But I don't know if that's how you spell that name.
I can't remember how to pronounce the first name. But
the poet.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Kipling Rudyard Rudyard Kipling, right, Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Oh, I thought you were just making Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
A red Yard Rudyard. I think it's Rudyard. You just said,
you know, well, now you've made me doubt myself.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Rudyard, Rubb says patri B, so just lied to me.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
I don't know. That's definitely not right.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
I'm gonna trust. I think it's Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Okay, shut up, r Kipling. That's it's okay.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Can you get a pronunciation check for us, Babe, Rudyard.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what he says.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
No, that's wrong. It's Rudard what I think it is?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah, you know what? No, it is Rudard.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Yeah, go ahead, I'm sure I'm going you're right, You're right,
it's Rudard. I I don't know what. Go ahead, it's Rudard.
What is it? It's rudd it's right. It's Rudd, is.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
It, yes?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
For sure?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Call him for God's sake. The poet Kipling, I hate
this so much.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
I'm skipping this our Kipling, I get through.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
We needed this for this story because this story is
so sad. Oh God, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Kipling even wrote a poem that talks about this. The
lines there is knowledge God forbid more than one should
own always suggested to me something that I learned as
a teenager. Sometimes, when people know you've been through heck,
when they look at you, heck, because all they see
it holds you there. It makes it really hard to
outgrow the horrors of the way you've been when you
can see it reflected in people's eyes. So, from my perspective,
(08:09):
this was probably not an attempt at manipulation, but instead
an attempt to just not be that person anymore. Not
be the grieving mother, not be the injured ex wife,
not be the divorcee whose marriage and relationship with family
was shattered. Even now her ex brother in law wants
her company. That does not tell me that she's a
bad person. That does not, however, make it okay. Not
when the two of you were talking about marriage, she
(08:31):
should have told you when you started talking about rings
and baby names, and you're not wrong to feel conflicted
and maybe a bit angry and hurt about it.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Stunned, Absolutely, No, I disagree about anger and hurt.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
You should be feeling like sympathetic.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
You can't control the human emotion, like people feel different
things and finding out this information and op, he's probably
feeling like why didn't she feel comfortable telling you before?
Which is you know, no, And I'm not saying that.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
You're getting angry angry that's why, Yeah, you know what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
No, I agree. I'm just saying that, like people are complicated,
and I think like he's allowed to process all of
those emotions as long as he doesn't put them on
a pe, you know, or put them on his fiance or.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
True to me true.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
My advice would be to sit her down and to
tell her that her brother in law got in touch
with you. Don't accuse, don't shout, don't get angry, Just
tell her that you were told to pass on a
wedding invitation and see how she responds to that. Be calm.
Does knowing that she has lived through this grief make
you less likely to want to marry her? Does knowing
about everything make you less likely to want to have
children with her? And there is an update, folks eleven
(09:37):
days later, do you have any thoughts now?
Speaker 4 (09:40):
I already said exactly what I thought you should do.
I agree, I have no more thoughts about that. That's
all you should do.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I kind of that last comment almost made it sound
like you should make it like a test.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
And see how she responds, that's dumb. Don't do that.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
I think you're a way of bringing I think just
be straightforward, straight up. You don't have to be like seeo,
she responds.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Just be like S. I gotta tell you, y, I learned.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
This information, and I wanted to let you know that
I knew it. You know, you don't have to talk
about it, just wanted to let you know. Eleven days later,
I spoke to her the day after. She told me
she had wanted to tell me for a while but
didn't know where to start, that she thought about Sam
every day, but at the same time didn't know how
to begin. She pulled out a shoe box from her
closet and showed me the pictures pictures of her wedding.
(10:23):
This propped up little thing at the courthouse. Her in
a short white dress with a slight stomach, her husband,
this cocky, smiled kid with shaggy blonde hair, then the
baby Sam. Pictures from a red faced baby to this
little four year old person, birthdays and Christmases, and pictures
of the three of them a family. She talked about Brendan,
how they came from these radically different backgrounds, and she
(10:47):
barely knew him as a person before he was a
father and husband. They'd only been dating three months when
she got pregnant. They were twenty. Then she talked about Sam,
her baby. She kept saying he was the best thing
that ever happened to her. Hearing that broke my heart.
So she talked about how his hair calicked in three
different spots, and how he was always singing or humming,
that he loved to climb. She told me his favorite
(11:08):
movie and book. She made him a person to me.
Then she told me how they lost him. Some kid
augh ran a red light and then he was gone.
She barely remembers the funeral because she was so heavily medicated.
But the worst part was after going home and him
not being there. How she'd walked past his room and
expect to hear him playing, waking up and forgetting for
a minute he was gone. Their marriage had never been
(11:30):
good and they turned on each other. That was so sad.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Oh isn't this? Is this the plot of a marriage story?
Speaker 4 (11:37):
No?
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I don't think they ever had a kid.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
They didn't have a kid, Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
He blamed her because she had fastened the booster seat
on that side of the car. She blamed him because
he had been driving. They were divorced within a year
after the accident. Brendon had a new child within two.
She had spent the time doing overload on classes and working,
keeping busy because it made things easier. She didn't see
her old friends because they'd drifted away. They never knew
what to say, and they mostly had kids of their own.
(12:02):
She was surviving, but seeing Sam's brother, who looked so
much like Sam, hurt so much that she decided she
had to get away and stop wallowing. She took the
pictures down, donated clothes and toys, deleted her Facebook, and
stopped seeing the old friends who weren't really friends anymore.
She said she chose to keep breathing because that was
what it had come down to. Then, she met me,
(12:25):
and she said I made her want a fresh start,
a better marriage, and more children because she loved me.
We talked for hours. She cried and I cried for her.
I still love her, maybe more now because I feel
like she opened up to me so much. It's hard
to imagine her married with a son, toys on the
floor and pictures on the fridge. It's hard because in
(12:45):
a lot of ways, it's the life I've been imagining
with her. I still plan on marrying this woman. She's
the love of my life. And some relevant comments, remember
kom Valley says, I'm glad that most of the commentars
in the last post were right. She didn't mean anything
cruel by not telling you. She was trying to be alive.
I mean, let's never assume that just because someone hasn't
told you a deeply traumatic story, that they're hiding or
(13:07):
being manipulative. Maybe we should just assume that it's deeply
traumatic and they struggle to talk about it, and then
you know, if we find out this information, we can
tell we know, be honest and not expect anything out
of it.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
And that's why you always open with an open mind,
and you'd be like, hey, when you want to talk
about it, I know about this. When you want to
talk about it, we can talk about it. But I'm
here in your corner exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Ouch. That was sad with a brief.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
That story was too hard.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
As someone who exclusively uses humor to cope with horrible things,
I couldn't say anything funny about that. I broke up
with my girlfriend while she was with her other partner.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
That's a great reason to break up with her.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Ah. For some background, my girlfriend twenty eight female and
I twenty eight male, have been together for about six years.
We talked about opening during lockdown, but only started acting
on it when it was safe again.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Not to say, that's like the worst time to talk
about opening your relationship when you can't see anyone.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Yes, that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
By the way, this comestry user perfect patient one to
one and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slage. Okay, storytime subret it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon and Ope says the first
two years were basically one sided, with me not having
any success while she kept meeting new people. I had
a lot of emotional work to do, but Eventually I
worked on myself and managed a few flings of my own.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
I'm sorry it immediately sounds like you.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Were like, well, I wasn't really enjoying this, but I
did some emotional work and got myself to a point
where I could.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Dudes, if we're not into the open marriage one hundred
percent closed the door.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Dating became her main social outlet, and she pushed for Polly,
which created a lot of resentment on my side.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
To her credit, I kept it to myself, so that's
on me.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
It is on you. If you're against something, say no,
that's on you.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Internship and there on her.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
A year ago, I'm I had an amazing woman twenty
five female through a shared hobby and had an immediate connection.
She was just out of a serious relationship, so being
a secondary I hate that term worked for her until
she was ready to start looking for a new mono relationship.
I did not expect jealousy from my girlfriend at this
new connection.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Personally, I want to keep mano out of my relationships.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
But I'm you got a real rude ot over here.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
It's gonna be the stage, dame, It's gonna be the
entire thing today.
Speaker 6 (15:27):
It's gonna be great.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
I feel like I've put up with a lot from
her constant dating. In the first time I have something
more serious, she melts down. About a month ago, my
new partner admitted that she'd been interested in going monogamous
with me, which I did not give a solid answer
to or disclose to my girlfriend. Friday evening, my girlfriend
left for a week away with one of her main partners,
thirty three male. It was planned and happened before, but
(15:52):
seeing her leave really broke the emotional damn for me.
I don't think I'm made for Polly or ethical non monogamy.
I've started moving my things to my parents home over
the weekend and agreed to be monogamous with my new partner.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I'm spiraling a bit.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
It's crazy that you've somehow figured out how to kind
of cheat while being cheated on, but not.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Because you agreed to it.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
This is like a four dimensional hypercube of like, who
is wrong in this situation?
Speaker 2 (16:17):
It's just like to break up. I think it's the
easiest solution here.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, because like I'm going to call it a wash. Yeah,
I'm going to call it a complete wash.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Let it.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
I'm going to say there's no way your partner didn't
notice that this was negatively affecting you.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Yeah, and I'm going to say that.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
You had no idea how to get out of it,
and once you felt something real for this other partner
who you were allowed to see. But technically we're supposed
to keep secondary. It's out of your hands. At that point,
you're just living your life.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I like that.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
Yeah, I'm going to wash myself after I'm done reading this.
Both my parents and my new partner think I should
tell my girlfriend and not have to find out when
she comes back. I think it's better not to ruin
her vacation and to have a clean break afterward. My
reasoning is that she won't be alone, she has all
her partners to help her out.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
H Confinde says this sounds more like non ethical, nonlog.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
The way this would turn me into a Lex Luthor
super villain, my guy yye or I.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Just wouldn't have put up with it.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
Yeah, I would have been like, yeah, so this is
actually making me insane and I'm gonna leave.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah, And I love that He's like, but I'm just
gonna like, she deserves a nice vacation show, So I'm
just gonna lie to her until she gets.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Back, which, like, honestly, another great reason I think this
is a wash. Like, he's not like actively trying to
hurt his current girlfriend slash partner, slash whoever she is.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
He's like, man, she can have a good vacation.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
With her and then I'll break up with whatever her
guy is when she gets back, and she'll have the
comfort of all of her partners.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
I'll let her know it's over when she gets back.
I doubt she's really thinking about it right now.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yikes.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Yeah, you guys just need a breakup, Okay. She has
all her partners to help her out, is crazy. Also,
I'll pay my share of the rent while she looks
for a new apartment if she'd rather not keep our
current place. What would you rather have me do if
you were in my girlfriend's shoes? Relevant comments We already
know what Sophia wants to do.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, Kean, what are you doing?
Speaker 6 (18:30):
This is I'm speechless. Honestly, this is really dumb. It's like,
this is so stupid.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Yeah, and you're putting You're putting up with it, which
is insane.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
For two years, I'm just thinking, I'm like, Okay, I
don't know if it'd be kind of annoying to be
on the vacation and then get broken up with while
you're trying to enjoy your vacation.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
But all she'd be able to enjoy it even more.
Maybe I don't. I it's hard to say.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I'm just like I've I mean, like when I got
broken up with it was a week after he met
my parents, and I really wish he had said, hey,
let's let's not meet your parents.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Let's just break up.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
That would have been great.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
So I feel like it's like, hey, so my relationship
with my girlfriend's relationships with her boyfriends is really complicated,
so we're going to add more to the mix to
make it more complicated.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I just think break I think it's gonna work.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Right, Just think breakup.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
It's like I can't figure out the math problem, so
I'm adding more math to the equation.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, let's simplify the problem. Let's reduce those fractions and
solve it.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
Solve for X, You're gonna be the ex Tali Carr
nineteen eighty one says, my ex spouse told my meta
before me that they what is that?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
What does that mean?
Speaker 4 (19:51):
My expouse told my meta before me that they didn't
love me anymore. Honestly, it felt worse than the breakup.
Please tell her soon. You've already told everyone else close
to you you're soon to be ex should not have
been the last to know.
Speaker 6 (20:06):
Okay, there, I got you. So that's a new term.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
A metamoor or meta is your partner's other romantic or
spicy sleep partner with whom you do not have a
romantic or spicy sleep relationship with yourself. Okay, so it's
the other person metamor it's the other person that is
hanging out with your partner, but you're not hanging out
with them.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Sunny, says metaphorical boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Yeah, metaphor more like metamorph into a complete stranger who
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Please, I would not like to know you.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (20:36):
It is indeed a polly or more term.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
So good. Okay too.
Speaker 6 (20:43):
Of course we don't know that because none of us
are polly.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Op says I only told my parents because I'll be
crashing with them and my new partner. None of our
mutuals know. Helpful Battle forty one seventy eight replies, not
sure if it's right or wrong, but like you, I'd
probably wait until she's back from her vacation. Either way,
you're going to give her the bad news, might as
well let her enjoy your vacation, or at the very
(21:05):
least prevent her from using that as a justification for
further blame. And how often do they call or update
each other? And then someone named cat Burggers replies, I
mean beyond the fact that some vacations may include unreliable
cell signal or jam packed days or time zone differences
that may make communication difficult to plan for.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Every relationship is different.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
I don't talk to one of my partners unless we
are together in person or if there are logistics needing sorted. Wait,
what that's insane. Not gonna lie what that's insane to me?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
What unless talk to your partner at all unless you're in.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Person, unless they're planning on the logistics on when they're
meeting up in person. Yeah, they are not speaking.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
They just send. It's just like telegraphs. Meet at under
the bridge, stop at twelve oh four, stop literally Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Stop having partners.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
And then it's like short term memory, where it's like
once they leave your field of vision, you literally like
forget they exist.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Basically, Wow, that's you.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
You operate like they don't actually exist until they're in
front of you.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Is the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
That's that's a that's just baby mindset.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
It's also really hard, especially for me. Maybe it's just me,
but if someone named cat Bookers was giving me advice,
I'd be like, that's not sound proud.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I don't know if that's the most sound if your
name was rudyersh Okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
We have our weekly date night and hang out from
time to time outside of that night, but we don't
call or text just to talk. If I go on vacation,
he doesn't expect me to check in with him. We've
been together more than a decade and this works for us. Oh,
he has not been voicing his needs to as soon
to be X. She should not be expected.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
To read his mind.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
If he was acting like he was fine, seemed like
he was totally accepting of Polly and her other relationships.
How the F is she supposed to coddle his emotions.
I expect my partner to me into their emotional needs.
I'm autistic. I refuse to let people guilt me for
taking them at their word and not reading their mind.
If you need something in a relationship, it is your
job to make that need known to your partner. Hope,
(23:12):
he says, Yeah, we're both pretty independent people. She sent
a text to let me know that they arrived safely,
and I'm not expecting us to get in touch more
than a good morning, love you text here and there.
I agree with your second point. I think I was
too defensive in my post, and now people are saying
she's harmful or self absorbed, which couldn't be further from
the truth.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
It's just tricky to voice ter.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Insecurities about imbalance as the man in a heatero open
relationship without feeling like you're coming off as whiny, especially
since I wasn't really jealous about her having the spicy
sleep at all, but rather the mismatch in opportunities which
she can't do much about. And these feelings basically disappeared
when I managed my own flings until we moved to Polly,
of course, but I should have really ended things at
(23:52):
that point, and there's an edit here. Thanks for the feedback.
I'll be home to have the talk with her when
she comes back. No point ruining her vacation. I'm also
slowing down on the moving stuff out part. I was
being dramatic, and we can sort how we want to
split some things out.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
I'm sorry. I still think that's crazy to be moving
out and not tell your partner that you're breaking up
with them. I feel like that's like, unless there is
a safety thing at play. I really feel like you
just need to tell her now, because like imagine she's like, oh,
I've had this great vacation and then she comes out
and you fully moved out. Yeah, and that would be
(24:27):
like such a blind side I'd be personally, I hate
blondes being blindsided. So just tell me when you feel
in things.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
Yeah, it feels like this is the culmination of a
lot of stuff you've been feeling for a long time, exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Op. Literal whole problem in this relationship is that he
could literal whole problem is that he could never tell
her how he feels about anything, and he's still doing
it and everyone's like, it's fun. Don't rutification stop letting
this guy get away with not communicating ever.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Sorry, I'm putting that one back. I'm putting that back.
There's an update, though he does a literal whole problem.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
There's an update, though, As I said, I slowed down
moving my things out to my parents and waited for
her to get home to avoid ruining her vacation. She
came back Thursday night, the week of the previous post,
and I went to meet her at the train station.
She had her partner still with her, but I managed
to get her home. We had to talk, and this
was my biggest breakup to date, so it got a
bit emotional on both ends. She basically offered to slow
(25:24):
down with her other partners and then monogamy. I declined
and went to sleep at my parents. There's not much
else to say. It wasn't super dramatic in the end.
We've spent the past ten days figuring out the logistics.
But as someone who lurked on this sub for a
long time, this was my first time confronting the advice
given here to a real life situation. If you're thinking
of posting here too, keep in mind that there's a
(25:45):
lot of noise people projecting people who have it out
against open relationships and ethical now monogamy, and also ethical
now monogamous people that are a bit disconnected from the
broader monogamous world.
Speaker 6 (25:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Oh p my advice to you for your next relationship
is use your words, use your big boy words.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Yeah, that is true. It's like when when you get
into these situations and you feel stuff, it's like, you know,
op's uh or that commenter there was a commentary saying
that they're autistic, so they need to be told exactly
what to do. I do think in a relationship like
I don't know, unless you were really really good at
masking this really.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Would be pretty clear that there was something wrong. However,
that's an assumption.
Speaker 4 (26:25):
So the only thing you can do is to just
actually be like, yeah, this is driving me crazy, and
there is. In any open relationship, you're gonna have to
deal with the fact that there will always be more
opportunities for women than men in the modern dating, online
dating era or whatever, which is where a lot of
this stuff happens.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
The only place we got more opportunities.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
No, it's the only place we got more opportunities.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
That's crazy. Uh yeah, I don't worry.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
It's it's not it's not better opportunities.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
It's just no, it's literally just uh yeah. If anything,
it's just more more chaffed to weed through.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
But it is interesting. I could go into a whole
die tribe on that.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
But we won't because we've got a little bit left.
Speaker 6 (27:11):
Yeah, but won't do that. We won't do that, that
says Reed.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Yeah, I wore that today.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Everyone would shut up and says it on my shirt,
So everyone shut up about.
Speaker 6 (27:23):
It, yea. Dakota looks down though, so dear.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Oh, it's kind of comforting, it.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Says, dam damn. It's good.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
Okay, we've got some final comments here grow g R
four one.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (27:39):
I think it's great one. No, wait, no, it's in four.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It's g one one.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Okay. Quoting Ope, they say she basically offered to.
Speaker 4 (27:54):
Slow down with her other partners then monogamy, and I
declined and went to sleep at my parents. She was
offering that to appease you, not in a necessarily because
she actually wanted to good move on, letting it go.
After reading your initial post, the thing that I saw
that was concerning was her jealousy when you finally started
to see someone, even though she had been seeing several people.
I don't think this is how it all works, and
that wouldn't have meshed well, you would not have been comfortable.
(28:17):
I hope your new relationship is a great one. Excellent
sign forty five fifty three says I don't think this
is fair at all. Op didn't want polyamory, but made
little efforts to directly communicate. He's avoidant, refused to communicate,
and built resentment. He should have sat his partner down
way earlier than this and been clear that polyamory was
the boundary to me. Her saying she's willing to be
mono just shows the stupidity of avoidant communication. She clearly
(28:40):
is in some way willing to renegotiate the terms of
the relationship. OP just didn't try. I don't get it. Well,
here's what you do do wrong?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
That was stupid.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
Yeah, I don't even near it. Both done. I don't
even need to explain why.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
But that was a stupid comment. They're both in the
wrong and they both need to be out of that relationship.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Saying I don't get it is insane.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
You shall get it to some level.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Don't get it.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Right, even if it's not what you would feel. You
should be able to understand that maybe someone couldn't come
back from that, right right, You don't get it?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
He built up resentment until he basically couldn't stand her
grow up. Also, yes, you dating someone hits you very
differently than your partner dating someone. He had time to
work through his big emotions surrounding new partners. This was
her first instance she too needs practice building coping skills,
et cetera.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Maybe let's just not do that.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
They don't have to practice together.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Maybe if we need to develop brand new coping skills
because we hate that our boyfriend has a girlfriend, maybe
we just don't do that.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Maybe we just don't even be together.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
Maybe we just beat with.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
Each other and go through the disillusionment phase together. Okay,
this is a brand new position for her to be in.
I'm sure she's done a lot of that. Of course,
there will be insan securities. OPI gave her no time
to work these out.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Oh my goodness, that was a bad comment. That's all
I have to say.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Op replies. I agreed that I'm not the best to
communicate it.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
We all know that, buddy.
Speaker 4 (30:11):
But always being the one that has to ask for
things to slow down is not fun either. It makes
you come off as whiny, and it was the same
during that conversation.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
She didn't say she wanted monogamy.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
She offered to go monogamous if I wanted, Like, I'm
always the one that has to ruin the fun in
the end. Also, she's not harmful or self absorbed, like
some people were claiming in my first post, but she
had one year since I met my new partner to
learn how to.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Deal with jealousy.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
She was okay ish when I was just hooking up
with random people, but I truly don't think she can
handle her primary seriously dating someone else in the end. Though,
I think you're right, I should have pumped the brake
on Polly a long time ago and just dealt with
being the boring, insecure one.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
It's not boring or insecure to say that you don't
want to be in a poly relationship.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
Yeah it is, and you should have been boring in
insecure the rest of your life.
Speaker 6 (31:01):
Damn, are we boring?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
We're boring here? No, everyone's got different relationship styles and
you need to communicate or else you're boring and insecure
for not communicating.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Damn.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
That's all I have to say. You guys, both everyone
sucked in this story and they shouldn't be together. Well, okay,
it's my final thoughts.
Speaker 4 (31:21):
Moving on, Moving on, I got nothing left to say
about that.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
I've said all I need to say.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
All I need to say. Kim finesays sent a baby
and a carrot. What does that mean?
Speaker 6 (31:33):
I don't want to know.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
A baby carrot. I get it. I understand now took
me a second.
Speaker 6 (31:39):
Baby, all right?
Speaker 4 (31:41):
Ish in the chat saying yes, Polly isn't for everyone
and there's nothing wrong with that. Agreed, Agreed. I don't people.
I do not hate people in Polly relationships. I do
not hate people who are Polly. But I just hate
reading a story of people who don't need to be Polly,
who like.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Do it and it ruins everything. Oh ye hate that show.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
You are not into Polly, don't do Polly. If you're
not into monogamy, don't do monogamy.
Speaker 6 (32:05):
It's like the same thing of like, yeah, just communicate.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
It's the same thing of like someone was just in monogamy,
like oh I you just hate microL.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
And then they were like cheating on other parts yeah
the story and they're like, well, I'm Polly, You're in
a monogous relationship.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
And it's in a poly relationship act.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
And then it's like the notion that like trying Polly
or or like moving to an open relationship is the
same thing as like like trying on a new bathing suit.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
It's like, no, my guy, like this is that's.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Just complicated bathing suit you're gonna put.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
This is a very big thing to pivot to, and
it has a chance.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
It's like you're wearing a swimsuit, but it might also
just spontaneously light on fire and the water doesn't put
it out.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
But we got another story, folks.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Hey, it's John here Og, host of the show. We're
gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a
quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
My boyfriend keeps a list of all his expenses from
our relationship.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Get paid.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Brother. I've female twenty five, have been with my boyfriend,
male twenty six for about two years. Also just wanted
to add my own little quips for taxes.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
We're currently separated, yeah, man, because dating you is a
full time job.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
We're currently separated, but we're already thinking about moving in together.
Speaker 4 (33:19):
I wound out maybe they mean that in like just
a distance way.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I found out today that my boyfriend has a list
on his phones with all his expenses and gifts along
with their prices. By the way, this comes from bez
Throwaway six four sixty six and if you want to
spit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
Storytime Separated.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
OHP says he made a joke out of the blue
and said that he spent exactly twenty six euros on
me on Valentine's Day. It irritated me a bit and
I didn't think anything of it, but unfortunately, he then
said that if we broke up, I would owe him
exactly two hundred and eighty euros. He's been with you
for two years and he's only spent two hundred and
(34:01):
eighty euros on you.
Speaker 5 (34:02):
Really sad, and he's retract with that too, also really sad.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
That's embarrassing. I was shocked by what he said and
that he meant it. He admitted that he wrote down
every expense he made for me, saying he only did
it because his ex girlfriend had taken advantage of him.
It's not like I'm taking advantage of him in any way.
Quite the opposite. I work at a hospital and earn
a very good salary. I mostly cover our dates, et cetera.
And that's not a problem for me. What is a
(34:28):
problem for me, though, is that it seems like he
sees things like gifts or snacks he gave me as
something he can simply demand back that honestly hurt me
a lot. Has anyone had similar experiences and can give
me advice on how to react? And there are some
relevant comments, But uh, what do you think Dakota?
Speaker 4 (34:45):
I would react with laughing and then probably breaking up
with him.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Yeah, but okay, first I would.
Speaker 4 (34:50):
Be laughing and then he'd be like, do you think
this is a joke? And I'd be like, wait, how
is it not? And then I would discuss and if well,
it's because my ex girlfriend took advantage of me, I'd
be like, I look like your ex girlfriend, my guy, do.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
You have a type?
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Do we look the same? Is that why you're getting confused?
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Have I been, I don't know, taking advantage of you
paying for the majority of all of our dates and interactions?
Speaker 2 (35:13):
And then you say, oh, okay, so wait, you're charging
me two hundred eight euros. Well, let's take a look
at all the things I paid for.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
And it's like a if it's like a haha, just joking.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
I'm like, of course you are, because that would be
insane if you weren't be crazy, right, And we can
just move on because I'm not going to care if
you just made a joke.
Speaker 5 (35:31):
It would be so much funnier too, if Opie spent
way more on the relationship, like oh.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
And then he's like oh, and she's like, oh, you
actually owe me you're in debt?
Speaker 3 (35:40):
No, does it work like that?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Comment one says, does he seriously think you'd have to
pay him back for gifts if you broke up? Wasn't
that a joke? Opie says, Unfortunately, he was serious about it.
He wants the money he spent on gifts and other
things back. If I were to act exactly the same way,
I would have already been dealing with him in a
four digit amount. Then do that comment to says question,
did he only note down how much he spent on
(36:03):
larger occasions or did he also note down snacks, the
occasional coffee, etc. If the former, I don't find it alarming.
I know many family members who generally note such expenses,
for example, how much they received as a gift from
person X y Z for their milestone birthday, and then
they can give back a corresponding amount on similar occasions.
I do that sometimes too, and note it as an
(36:24):
expense in my budget for the respective month. If the
second option is yours, I find it extremely strange and worrying.
I would definitely follow up and if in doubt, not
accept anything as a gift until the matter is resolved.
Otherwise it's kind of like a temporary gift. If he's
already planning this so that he has something concrete to
use against you in the event of a breakup, then
(36:45):
he's probably not ready to really commit to someone yet.
OHPI says, Unfortunately, that means everything, be it a bag
of gummy bears or coffee he bought me. So far,
I've never received anything larger from him. It's often been
limited to a bouquet of flowers snacks, So it shocks
me a lot. Yeah. I mean, if he spent two
hundred and eighty euros on you, he definitely isn't buying
you anything large. OHP. On her boyfriend's finances, OHP says,
(37:09):
he's actually totally into the financial game. I wouldn't be
surprised if he soon goes totally into it and demands
everything back with interest. I'm breaking up with them.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Yeah, like I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Breaking up with them. I'm saying, oh, always his little
boy is a little boy broke. Does little boy not
have any money? Do you need me to pay for
everything because you can't You can't spend money on your girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (37:30):
I'm not even I break up with you. I'm not
even gonna be mean. I'm just gonna be like me.
You know what, Chief, that was a bad play and uh,
at the end of the day, can't stay with you
just because that's crazy and you're free to track your
expenses like a good little boy. But yeah, don't uh,
don't bring it up to your next partner like they're
gonna owe it to you.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
You have a good one and then you leave forever.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Like goodness to get separated. Whatever that meant.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
Why are you still thinking about moving in with this guy?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Hopefully not Comment three says I would tell him very
clearly that he doesn't need to give me anything anymore.
Gifts should be given out of love, not as a reward,
and to bring joy to others. We don't even discuss
the price. If you move in with him, he'll calculate
how much electricity and water you've used, how much you eat,
including weighing it, how much dish, soap and toilet paper
(38:18):
you use, fuel consumption, and car wear and tear when
he drives, payroll for household help when he tidied something
up or cleaned something for you. And then at the
end there'll be this bill when you split up, with
payment terms and interest or what. Opie says. My birthday
is next week, and I've already told him I'm politely
declining everything. The thing is, he suggested that because I
(38:40):
consume more than he does, I should also pay more.
I've also dismissed such comments as a bad joke, but
he's serious. None of this is a joke.
Speaker 4 (38:48):
During the breakup too, you also just need to hit
him with it. Yeah again, chief, bad move.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
We're done.
Speaker 4 (38:55):
Also, don't expect any of this to be paid back
to me. But here's your ideas list. It's three thousand euros.
Have a good one.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Bye, Common four says. If he's actually serious about it,
I'd cold bloodedly make a list. I read that you'd
already be in the four figure range with him. Next
time you're paying for your meal, just casually say okay,
now you're only about X euros in the red in
case of a breakup, and I would take that as
an opportunity to talk to him about this topic, because wtf.
(39:23):
His gifts are basically bonds that you have to pay
back at some point. I've never heard of that before. Dan,
he should just stop giving you presents and pay back
the difference first. From then on, everyone pays for themselves.
Everyone will only breathe the same number of breaths per
day in your shared apartment communism, and you'll also need
separate water and electricity meters. I'm truly sorry for phrasing
(39:44):
this so sarcastically, but I find it incredibly disrespectful of
your boyfriend. I understand his motives, but gifts are effing
optional and you're not his X. I hope you can
clarify this. Oh, P says I have dismissed his comments
as bad, but now that I know that he means
it serious, I'm very shocked. I also do not understand
why anyone would expect anything in return for a gift,
(40:06):
and as OP given her boyfriend anything. OP says, I've
paid for almost all of his dates so far. Regularly
give him attention without listing it, and when I think
about the total, I'm already in the four figure range.
He's just stingy and resentful when it comes to his
ax and there is an update. Folks, all those comments
are wrong because none of them said break up.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Yeah, and that's the only answer. Breakup yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
You say, you know what, chief, big Chief, big old,
big man, big man, big man.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
That was a bad move, big man.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
And you go ahead and send that invoice to my
accountant so we can pin it up on the fridge
and laugh at it. I live with my accountant in
this fake scenario.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
I'm not living with you updates.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute
break from as for more sponsors.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I brought up the topic again and asked him if
I could take a look at the list. He refused
several times and tried to distract me from the topic
till I gave.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Him a choice. He just said, what's over there?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I turn around, tur round. There's something behind you.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
Turn around now, and then I want you to turn around.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
I gave him a choice either show it to me
and talk openly about it, or I break up with him.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
After that, He did show it.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
To me, but I wasn't allowed to touch his phone
or scroll through the list myself. He secured the list
with face ID, which I obviously found odd, but I
didn't think anything of it at first. It's because all
of the other women he's seeing he also itemizes their
lists on the same notes app.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Is this did he find an infinite money glitch?
Speaker 2 (41:37):
M m oh, you date a woman for a couple
of years, get all that money.
Speaker 5 (41:41):
You only spend about three hundred dollars or euros or
what have you on this one specific woman, make a list,
and then they all pay you back, and you're like,
all right, rinse, repeat, recycle.
Speaker 3 (41:51):
It's the girlfriend pyramid scheme.
Speaker 4 (41:53):
Your one girlfriend, you get them to send you three
hundred euros, so then you spend three hundred euros on
your next girlfriend, and then and she pays it back,
and you spend it on the next one, and you
really you get to spend three hundred euros on seventeen
different girlfriends, but you only spent it one time.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Exactly In any case, absolutely everything was written down on
the list from a bottle of water to a bouquet
of flowers. Everything he ever gave me or spent on
during our entire relationship was written down there. After he
closed the list and went on Instagram. However, I noticed
that he had several lists on his phone. The different
lists were named after different women. I called it.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Wow, I freaking called that.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
I thought about it for a moment, and then confronted
him and demanded that he gave me his phone if
he had nothing to hide from me. He then gave
it to me and asked me to not be upset
about what I found there. What I found was three
more lists named after the names of three other women,
and they also listed every expense by boyfriend had made
for them. Things like shopping, underwear, and even restaurant visits
(42:54):
were noted there.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
Maybe they're just coworkers. Maybe coworkers need underwear.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Maybe I knew immediately what was going on and told
him I was breaking up with him and immediately punted
him out of my apartment.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
But you did a good one, you got him out
of there.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
Yeah. Yeah, he was a cheater and I think we
literally actually called it perfectly. I think this is his
girlfriend pyramid scheme.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
Girlfriend pyramid scheme, you too can be three hundred euros
richer forever, forever. You just have to be emotionally bankrupt.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Yep, you only have to pay three hundred dollars once,
and then every girlfriend can have three hundred dollars.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
Yes, three hundred pounds pull woman.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Apparently he cheated on me throughout our entire relationship. I'm sorry,
and he said, don't be mad. He said, don't be
mad at me.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
I specifically told you that you can be mad about this.
So what in God's name are you doing being mad
at me for cheating on you?
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Apparently he cheated on me through our entire relationship. He
admitted that he'd been seeing another woman regularly for a year,
but said it wasn't physical, which I didn't believe. I
hope I've learned from this and will look out for
these warning signs with my next partner. And comment says,
one thing you can give your friend credit for is
that he keeps track of his expenses. You probably also
used finances. I can only imagine why this is being
(44:16):
done to several women at the same time. By looking
at the class benefit analysis, Opie says, I'm glad to
finally know what was going on behind my back, but
knowing that he spent several hundred euros on other women,
it made me feel as if he had the right
to demand money back from me for his gifts was shocking.
I was awake all night thinking about how to resolve
the whole situation, and now I'm at least somewhat relieved,
(44:38):
but also extremely sad. Opie responds to downloaded commenter regarding
seeing her boyfriend's list. Opie says, I didn't write down
every little detail, but the whole thing wasn't resolved within
ten minutes. We discussed for almost two hours, so he
should show me the list, and then I wanted to
see the rest of the stuff. Afterwards. He tried to
convince me that we were just friends. He tried to
(45:00):
convince you, his girlfriend, that you guys were just friends.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
We've just been friends all along.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
I'm sorry he tried to pull an udo reverse. You
fight out that he is cheating on you, and he goes, no, no, no, babe,
you don't understand we're just friends.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
You've got it.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
You have to understand that if you're gonna make the
seventeen layer girlfriend MLM pyramid work, you gotta you have
to gaslight at an audacious level.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
It doesn't work otherwise. Wow. He had been trying to
contact me constantly via WhatsApp to convince me that it
isn't the way I think it is, and now he's
actually demanding money from me. Comment to has he tried
to demand a refund from you now that you're broken up?
Opie says, unfortunately, Yes, that's wild wild man.
Speaker 4 (45:47):
You just send this guy, Why y'all send this guy
the dictionary definition of a gift or.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
A friend or the definition of a girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
To send the definition of gift, and then enemy and
an idiot and the idiot and then nemesis.
Speaker 4 (46:02):
Yeah, and then you know what, throw a curveball in
there and send nematode is that's what this guy's acting.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Like a worm, just a worm.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Just a worm. But folks, that's the end of that
story and the end of that episode. So if you
love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
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