I DISINVITED my sister from my wedding… because she blew up at my fiancé! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 1 (00:12):
I this is invited my sister from my wedding because
she blew up at my fiance.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
I wouldn't let her in either. I, twenty five female,
am getting married next fall to my fiance, twenty five male.
My parents have been divorced my whole life and are
both now remarried. My bio dad would see me every
other weekend and was not a safe adult growing up.
By the way, this comes from user Casadilius, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash okay story time subreddit. I also have an

(00:37):
older sister, thirty one female, on my biodad's side. We
have the same dad, but different moms. Growing up, A
lot of my trauma stem from watching my bio dad's
treatment of my older sister, we'll call her Michelle. When
I was twelve and Michelle was eighteen, she went off
to the military and we didn't have much of a relationship.
While she was gone, I was really bitter and upset
about her leaving me with our dad for a long time,

(00:59):
but just through growing up and experiencing life myself, I
realized it wasn't her job to save me and that
she had to live her life. I also understand that
she was in some pretty bad relationships while gone. At
the end of twenty twenty three, Michelle moved back to
our home city and we began to build a relationship
as adults. By this time, my now fiance boyfriend and
I had been together at this point for three years.

(01:19):
We're living together, and she's always seen me with him
as an adult. When I told her we were discussing
getting engaged, she was so happy for me, looked at
her rings with me. It was great. She's blessed to
not have to work, and I work from home and
work at a work call center, so sometimes I have
a lot of passed away time at work, so we
talk on the phone for hours when I'd be alone.
The day my fiance proposed, she was like the first

(01:40):
person I told, and we had already had plans to
hang out that evening. When I saw her that night,
I asked her immediately to be my maid of honor,
and she accepted and we had a beautiful sister moment.
We were out at the bars. My fiance was there,
as well as another couple we're friends with and another
girl we're friends with. Everyone except Michelle is about twenty
three twenty four, and we all knew each other and
we're friends. By about two am, all the bars in

(02:00):
the area that we were at were closing and we
were debating if we should go find somewhere else to
hang out or just go home. Both of the boyfriends
had gotten dress coated a bunch, so we wouldn't get
into anywhere good, and the nearest place open was kind
of far and it was north. Everyone was heading south
for the night. We ultimately decided to call it a
night and see each other the next day. It's a Friday,
and we planned to be in the city all weekend

(02:21):
until Sunday. I had already told Michelle before we met
up to hang out that I wouldn't be giving her
a ride home if she didn't want to pay the
Uber prices, That's fine, but I still wouldn't be able
to go that far out of my way. She lives
super far north and doesn't have a car. I'm usually
really accommodating, but we just got engaged, and I knew
I wanted to get a little wasted and didn't want
to stick anyone else with that drive. We agreed to

(02:41):
call it a night, and my friend's boyfriend offered to
drive my car to their hotel so I could relax.
I wasn't wasted, but did have a headache, and then
me and my fiance could head home whenever. When I
got in the back seat, my older sister stayed in
the front seat. We thought her other sister was coming
to get her, but I guess she switched the directions
on my phone to go to her house before the
hotel without saying anything.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Oh what.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Our guy friend noticed and asked about it, and my
sister became immediately defensive and aggressive. After snapping at him
a few times, him and his girlfriend got out of
my car and opted to pay for an uber. I
was so embarrassed. I ended up driving my sister home,
even though I didn't want to, and she was yelling
the entire drive. Oh what about? How those people were

(03:22):
so rude and they couldn't drive her home? A sixteen
minute drive and she just yelled and yelled and called
my friend's witches and all other types of stuff. I
was getting ready to lose it when my fiance interjected
from the backseat and asked my sister to try and
calm down and that the conversation could wait until we
were parked, as he knows how yelling makes me feel.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
Yeah, Also, why are you still yelling? It wasn't even
It was the other friends.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
First that were like, she might have been a little
tips okay, but there's still not.

Speaker 5 (03:48):
If you excuse to be terrible.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
But here's the thing, ohp said the one thing to
a woman that you don't say.

Speaker 6 (03:56):
Yeah, but she was yelling before the.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah, but when she's upset, do you think telling her
to calm down is gonna calm her down? No?

Speaker 6 (04:02):
I still don't think she should yell.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
She shouldn't be. No, that's very right, And I think
you should have been like, OPI do you want to park?

Speaker 6 (04:08):
I feel like op, he's just so focused on like
I want to get home. I want to get this sister.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, I'm one hundred percent. I mean, you would have
thought he was a stranger the way she tore into him.
She did so much damage In sixteen minutes. Again, sixteen
minutes is not that far of a drive. She texted
to apologize, but when my fiance didn't respond immediately, she
doubled down on all the horrible things she said to him.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
God also, also, I hate text apologies like that. Call
me meet me in person, like why are we doing this?
Like I just yelled at you for sixteen minutes and
now I'm just gonna send you a text being.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Like what, Everything's okay? I yelled sorry through the text.
I tried to be cordial for a few months, but
by March we had a falling out as well, and
she said some pretty awful stuff about me, and then
she blocked me. Here's where I'm feeling like the a hole.
For my birthday early June, my dad took me and
my fiance to dinner and assisted my older sister be there. Okay,
I didn't make a fuss. Well. When I mentioned to

(05:03):
my dad a week after my b day that we
had solidified everything and would be sending out invites, he
started to bring it up that a couple of weeks ago,
he calls me at six am, wanting to pray and
trying to guilt me. That's how I took it into
inviting her. I thought about compromising, and my partner is
being so understanding with this whole thing, But honestly, the
thought of inviting her after the last interaction is making
me physically ill. I ended up telling my dad that

(05:24):
Michelle is a thirty year old woman who talked her
way into this, and she can call me if she
wants to discuss her attendance at our wedding. A part
of me feels like I should reach out to her
and try to be the bigger person, because I think
I actually am more mature and less emotional than her
right now. But every time I convince myself to try
to talk to her, I open that text thread and
see her last words to me and feel like I'm
betraying myself or even considering it. But she's still my

(05:45):
older sister. And while some people in my life are
very supportive and that she doesn't deserve to be there
and this is just a natural consequence of her actions,
there are also a lot of people who are very
vocal about me needing to forgive her and how this
will just make things worse. I really can't decide what's
worse having her miss out, having her there, So am
I the a hole for not inviting my oldest sister
to my wedding. We have an update, no.

Speaker 4 (06:05):
Your wedding and you get to say who comes? And
she was terrible to you and.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
Your boy, yeah, your fiance and your friends. Well she
was talking to your friends, but you'd be a sneaky yeah,
so she could see all those people and be like,
so that sixteen minute try that you didn't do for
me back then, you guys all suck and you guys
be like blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 4 (06:25):
Like the odds of her bringing this up at your
wedding the first time that you've seen her.

Speaker 6 (06:29):
Or talk to her since that is very high.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
Think you think talking to her after you disinvited her
to your wedding and she's no longer than made of
honor for your wedding. She got upset about a sixteen
minute drive home.

Speaker 5 (06:41):
I forgot she was.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, she got upset about a sixteen minute drive home,
not a two hour.

Speaker 4 (06:46):
Drive everything, And she would be the one like planning.
Can you a lot of the stuff with you?

Speaker 1 (06:51):
Can you imagine her like, oh man, she's gonna be
yelling and shouting for the rest of the wedding. I
ended up calling my sister today. She was actually very
pleasant and understanding about what I told her that at
this time, we're not inviting her to the wedding, but
I do want to continue to work on a relationship
and if things change, I would love to change my mind.
She said she understands, and she loves me and wants

(07:12):
me to be happy above all, She said that she'll
be happy for me no matter what, and that she's
not upset at all or taking it personal at all,
not being able to be there and it's our day.
We had a great conversation and I'm glad that she
was able to be positive. Come a number one general rule,
if your wedding is turning into a crapstorm, Elope, it's
about the marriage, not the wedding. Ope states. It's really
one side of my family. My stepdad's family is the

(07:33):
family I spent the most time with and they've been lovely.
I don't want to damage my relationship with my biodad's family,
but I kind of don't want to invite any of them.
It feels so forced to me. I'm a number two,
not the a hole. Look, I know it's your big sister,
and you want to mend things, but will things truly
be mended? If you reach out first, you will get
some half baked nothing apology, and then the entire thing
will be dropped. You and your fiance were in no

(07:54):
ways wrong that night, unless a lot of stuff was
left out of the story. I will just tell your
dad I am waiting for her to apologize. She's not
attending the wedding until she can see that she was
wrong and actually owns them. Until then, it's her own
choice to go no contact with me, and it is
her own choice not be any part of my wedding.
If you want to interfere, try asking her what's up
and see why she acted like that, But do not
come to me and tell me to forget it happened,

(08:16):
which hey, I was going to do before she doubled
in the text messages she sent me. The only way
for someone to learn that is for them to stop
being caudled, So I will wait. Codd number three. I
feel like a good rule of thumb is the thought
of something makes you physically ill, don't do it. That
would apply on any day of the week, and it
damn sure applies on your wedding day.

Speaker 4 (08:33):
My family banned my dogs from the party, so I'm
refusing to attend.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
Why are you banning the dogs?

Speaker 4 (08:39):
My family and I have always liked Thanksgiving. It's been
the one holiday we always spend together as a family.
My mom places major emphasis on it being an open
house type of event, and since I can remember, we
have gone grocery shopping together and cooked a meal together.

Speaker 6 (08:55):
She even let me host it four years ago at
my house.

Speaker 4 (08:57):
By the way, this comes from dictate This, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I have two dogs that
my parents love, a beagle and a Bassett Hound. Every
time I come home, I put them outside and we
all hang out on the back patio. We serve Thanksgiving
dinner inside and the dogs get to run around outside.

Speaker 6 (09:16):
We have been planning Thanksgiving for weeks now.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
Two weeks ago, my mom tells me my grandma from
out of state's coming. I had my wedding in October
and she couldn't come for that, so I'm really excited
to include her in our family's Thanksgiving. My sister just
had a baby and told me last week when I
was visiting that she was not coming to Thanksgiving because
she didn't want her newborn around people who had been
on plane.

Speaker 6 (09:37):
She is the mother, it's her choice.

Speaker 4 (09:39):
All week long, I have been texting my mom telling
her how excited I am to drive two hours home,
and how my new husband and I will be coming
with the dogs day on Tuesday night through Saturday. We
want to spend time with my parents and my grandmother.
As things have been quite busy with the wedding, new baby,
et cetera. We are off work starting Tuesday and have
planned to be there the whole week to see everyone.

(10:00):
We were even going to drive over an hour's way
to see my sister on Friday and bring her leftovers.
My text went mostly unreplied, busy, I assue.

Speaker 6 (10:08):
Today.

Speaker 4 (10:08):
I sent a follow up text after this morning's text,
saying again, we are so excited, can't wait for family time.
De responds with we need to discuss what to do
with dogs. With a new baby and an older person
for company, they aren't going to be welcome. Apparently, my
sister went to a doctor and they've alleviated her concerns
about having company from across the country around. I called

(10:29):
her and said Hey, so I hear you're coming to Thanksgiving.
That's awesome. So what about your son? She replies, We
will be bringing him, but the dogs cannot be there.
I've been confirming plans for weeks now, and now six
days out, both she and my mother want me to
board the pups. I called the three places we use
for boarding, and they're all booked. Duh, it's six days

(10:49):
out from Thanksgiving. I called my mother and expressed that
if we have to miss Thanksgiving because of our obligations
to the pets, we will and so be. She replied
that she wants all the family there for the things Thanksgiving,
so just don't shut down on her. I'm feeling really
frustrated in this scenario, as I've tried to mitigate options
and plans up to this point and have been met
with either sounds good or silence. I'm also frustrated that

(11:12):
this is somehow on me overreacting when in the text
response I did receive from her, it clearly implied the
dogs were not welcome and the only alternative to us
coming would be to board the dog or make the
drive only for the day, thus missing out on the
family time. I've been so looking forward to There was
not even the consideration that the dogs remain outside the
entire time we are there, nor the knowledge that neither

(11:35):
dog is aggressive and both are very well trained. It
was just say they aren't coming, and now I'm the
one who's being blamed for being frustrated? Reddit, Am I
out of line here? Should I be more understanding and
just that let this one slide? Or do I have
a right to be upset? I feel like if I
am told you're being ridiculous, cut some slack, I will,
and if my feelings are validated, I can let this

(11:55):
one slide and then prepare better in the future.

Speaker 6 (11:58):
We have an update. This is a doozy.

Speaker 4 (11:59):
A red called this in the original post, and the
irrational fear of dogs was totally brought on by my sister.
Instead of communicating with my husband and me about her concerns,
she placed my mother as the middleman and basically gave
an ultimatum if the dogs come for Thanksgiving, she will
stay home. This was not made clear to me until
I was already at my parents' house with the dogs
on Tuesday.

Speaker 6 (12:20):
After my post.

Speaker 4 (12:21):
On Friday, I contacted my sister and said, Kasis, I'm
really sorry if the phone call earlier didn't go so well.
I'm really glad you're going to come and then I
get to see my nephew. I hope that we can
better communicate in the future about having to make changes
and plans. I don't want either of us to put
either one in a difficult position where we can't communicate.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
Well.

Speaker 4 (12:39):
I love you, she said, Oh yeah, no worries. The
Thanksgiving planning communication got lost in the shuffle. I deferred
to mom and Dad since they are calling the shots
and hosting this year. I was still under the impression
that the issue with the dogs attending Thanksgiving at my
parents stemmed from my mother. I spoke with my mother
on Sunday and she said, please bring the dogs. They
will remain outside and it really isn't a big deal.

(13:00):
I want all the family there and that includes bringing them.
You can't find a place to board them. I went
over Tuesday to discover that this issue stemmed from my
sister's new mother crazy fears. My mom assured me that
it would be fine. When my sister arrived with her baby,
she would see the dogs would remain outside and away
from the baby at all time. Also, my parents own
another house, so she was still freaked out at seeing

(13:21):
this controlled situation. We could move the dogs to the
other house, and my husband and I would just go
check on them periodically until my sister left on Thanksgiving Day.
My sister was only planning on being here for six hours,
as opposed to me, who was going to stay Tuesday
through Sunday, help with Thanksgiving prep, and then make sausage
with my dad on Saturday. The prep goes wonderfully, and

(13:42):
Thanksgiving Day we are cooking up a storm. The dogs
are tied up outside with my husband and dad and
they are warming up the oil to deep fry a turkey.
My sister and her husband drive up, and my dad
sees my sister's mouth the dogs are here. Her husband
drives right past the house, turns around, doesn't acknowledge his
father in law or my husband, and drives the car away.
I think that's totally valid. I'm gonna be so for real.

(14:02):
I think that's totally valid. No one told her that
the dogs were gonna be there. She expressed her concerns.
No one said, hey, this is happening, but we have
a solution. She pulled up new mom brain sees the
only thing that she put a boundary up for and says,
we're going back, and I think that's fine. My sister
then calls my mother sobbing, asking how she could do
this to her. My mother assures her that the dogs
will be away at all times. The baby is less

(14:24):
than four weeks old. It's not like he will open
the sliding glass door and let the dogs in. Also,
we can move them to the other house if need be.
My sister refuses to budge and says they are going home.
My husband texts her husband and says, hey, man, I
know this issue involves us. We feel painted in a corner.
There must be a solution we can come to. We
really love you guys and can adjust in any way.

(14:46):
Please call me so we can come to a compromise
that fits you. Her husband responds, the decision has already
been made. Have a nice Thanksgiving overnight. My sister continues
to text my mother, father, and myself in a group text,
asking how they could do this to her. We drove
down to the marina and wait for you to reach
out with a solution, but you didn't. You made me
fight it out with my sister, and you know I
won't win that fight, and other series of dramatic texts.

(15:07):
These were sent around four in the morning. I woke
up at five to send my husband off to work
and respond to these texts. I tell her to knock
it off and stop blaming our mother and instead text
me privately since this issue concerns me and I gladly
would have compromised. But not once did she ever speak
to me about the dogs being an issue.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
So that sounds really petty on your part.

Speaker 6 (15:26):
No, that's what I'm saying. Oh, he's being so.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Petty because what are we in middle school? This sounds
so middle school middle school esque.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
So she shows up, she's mad, she drives away.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
No one contacts her.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
Yeah, I'm assuming maybe husbands didn't also tell wives that
they reached out.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
Probably the husband's thought that everyone communicated because it's all
within from the moment. This is what happens when you
have someone media is now.

Speaker 4 (15:50):
Like they didn't even reach out to see what was up.
Like I drove, they drove away, they waited nearby. Everyone
syone would contact that.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
Everyone, your your family, your family. Communication is so unhinged
right now, it's.

Speaker 6 (16:03):
So like everyone sucks. But I have mad sympathy for.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Mom. Yeah, because she was. She literally came and was
shell shocked.

Speaker 6 (16:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:13):
Me, How would we be able to communicate when you
two completely shut down even husband's name. Reached out to
your husband to try to find a solution. Take this
up with me, not our parents. Why it wasn't even
addressed with us is beyond me, considering it involved husband
and me. She then got very aggressive. She sent in
a private text that I let the parents decide what
is appropriate. That's what normal people do, except for you.

(16:36):
Since you seem to think you run the parents and
this whole show. I responded, I will speak to you
at another time in which I can appropriately respond. She
then proceeded to take what I said and copy it
into a group text message with this, I will speak
to you at another time in which I can appropriately respond.

Speaker 5 (16:52):
Thanks.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
I'm quivering in my boots and can't wait to get
yelled at by my little sister.

Speaker 6 (16:56):
So incredibly appropriate.

Speaker 4 (16:57):
Let's just continue to rubsul in this wound and not
handle this with whatever little grace we have left.

Speaker 6 (17:02):
Look, we don't see eye to eye on this issue,
and never will. Sis.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
I realized this was spiraling into an argument that is
not pertinent to the situation and definitely headed into territory
that could get really ugly, and what good would that do.
I have a new nephew, and I have had a
healthy relationship with my sister for the past few years,
and now it has become an attack on me personally
because of a miscommunication over dogs. I can't read her mind,
and she never once explained to me her concern over

(17:28):
my dog. She implied it was my mother's own concerns
and it wasn't until I was at my parents' house
already with the dogs did I learn this fear stemmed
from her. But that wasn't where the argument was going.
It was going personal, not what is needed. At five
thirty am me. Okay again, let's keep this off the
group text. I don't want to react out of frustration
because you and I have had a really great relationship

(17:48):
for a while.

Speaker 5 (17:49):
Now.

Speaker 4 (17:49):
This whole situation didn't work out well. Obviously, I don't
want the rest of it to not go well either.
I love you, and I don't want to be a
keyboard warrior and just text with anger, which is why
I said just now. I said I will speak later,
because for some reason, this became a fight, and that
isn't what it was about, nor what I want. We
are beyond the competitive stage in life, though I don't

(18:10):
want that fight. That's one I am unwilling to have.
It's not reality.

Speaker 6 (18:14):
I love you.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
I wish you would have spoken to me, especially after
I reached out again. I'm sad yours Thanksgiving was spent alone.
I haven't heard anything back. I wanted to diffuse the
situation and not get into a personal attacking fight. I
want the relationship with my sister to be positive, but
I'm afraid that in order to do so, I will
have to eat pro on this one. Even though I
don't feel like I'm really in the wrong here. She
did not let me know. How would I know? And

(18:37):
if I do let this one lie, am I setting
a precedent for when communication falters again in the future,
that I will come with my tails between my legs
and apologize always. Furthermore, I didn't know she felt this
aggression towards me and my relationship with my parents. Sure
we are close, but they have gotten closer too. I
have believed that this sibling rivalry and competition has been outgrown.

Speaker 6 (18:57):
He is thirty two and a new mother.

Speaker 4 (18:59):
But if she really feels this way about me because
of this one instance, this one issue, because she failed
to communicate with me, then are all the positive things
I've done for her? Baby shower, arriving once a week
with food for her after the baby, grocery store, shopping
for her? Are all these kind gestures negated? Now, Reddit,
I don't know where to go from here. If I
press on and fake an apology to appease my sister,

(19:21):
I don't know if I can have a genuine relationship
with her because if I unknowingly do something wrong, she
will attack my character and that hurts. You know, though
any advice would be helpful. How would you respond? And
what are reasonable expectations that I should have about my
sister and my relationship moving forward? Wipe my hands clean
of her, walk a fine line, or forgive and forget.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
What I also got from op is that she really
wasn't taking any real account of like she didn't also communicate.

Speaker 6 (19:47):
Oh yeahah, she.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Just pointed the finger at the sister saying, you didn't communicate.
She kind of did. You also kind of did, but
you also kind of didn't.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Both of you.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
Again, that's why, so both of you are to blame
again your mom too, in this mess of no one
really communicating here, I I think this should be like, hey,
you didn't communicate, I didn't communicate. I apologize. I'm sorry
for you know, not telling you.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
You know.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
I want you to be there. I love you. This
is Thanksgiving. This should have been a happy time to
see my nephew, your son, and like, make this a
really fun time for the family, not a thing that's like,
now we're butting heads. It's competitive, and now we can't
talk anymore. And now I'm gonna be petty and you're
gonna be petty. And who's gonna be the pettier one.
Hey it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

Speaker 4 (20:24):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (20:27):
My partner demands I play D and D without headphones
because it's ruining his mental health.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
Boll you gotta have.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
The music to like get in the mood.

Speaker 5 (20:36):
You know, My thirty four female partner thirty four male
of fifteen years is blaming me for his ongoing depression
because I played D and D online with headphones in
I played D and D for years. One casual homebrew
campaign and one recent Curse of Strawed campaign. My partner
always said he wants lots of kids, and last year

(20:57):
our first was born. I stopped playing until I was
and breastfeeding anymore, then attempted to return to the homebrew
game one Saturday a fortnight. By the way, this comes
from gold Eye Cold and if you want to smit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime,
separate it oooo. While I was pregnant, he suddenly demanded
to meet everyone I was playing with and see where.

Speaker 3 (21:17):
We were playing.

Speaker 5 (21:18):
When I tried to return after giving birth, he resented
me going to the game and would often try to
delay me going, and would sometimes call and interrupt the
game for minor issues. On the saturdays I did not play,
I was in charge of baby's care and bedtime while
he had drinks and games with his friend.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
I'm sorry, we're seeing yeah, stay in double? Am I
wearing glass? It in double?

Speaker 5 (21:46):
The Strawed game started after baby was born and initially
was played in our home, but because impossible for me
to concentrate on the game with the baby around, we
moved to playing at a different house.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
He saw me leaving on time and would call and.

Speaker 5 (22:00):
Interrupt the game, even if baby was with the sitter
with a VID. I've been playing online in a different
room with my headphones in. Usually I arranged for the
grandparents to have baby because otherwise I still find myself
interrupted too much to focus on the game Max five hours.
Two weeks ago, the game was canceled, but the group
still chatted. I had headphones and my partner kept trying

(22:21):
to interrupt and ask me things, which splits my focus,
so I was getting annoyed. Afterwards, we talked about it,
and he said that he doesn't like the headphones because
it excludes him makes him chronically depressed, and that there's
no point in him getting therapy for the depression. If
it's up, I'm going to keep doing the thing that
causes it, which is isolating myself and putting in headphones

(22:41):
to play D and d.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
F You, dude, what the frick?

Speaker 5 (22:44):
So she's not allowed to hang out with their friends
and have some like I think, especially because it's during
the VID. Having your guys separate alone time is so important.

Speaker 3 (22:55):
Yeah, you can never blame someone else for your depression
unless they're like you or something.

Speaker 5 (23:03):
Yes, which is not what she's doing. She's playing a
game with her friends for five hours a week.

Speaker 3 (23:07):
Yeah, she's got headphones in, Like, yeah, maybe if you
want to be included, ask like, hey, could you like
leave your headphones out? Secondly, listen to what you're doing?

Speaker 5 (23:16):
You know, Yeah, I would love to Like it sounds
like you guys having fun of love to here?

Speaker 3 (23:20):
Which is it like that?

Speaker 5 (23:21):
I think, you know, it'd be reasonable if she was like, yeah,
we're just kind of focused. Yeah, but it also bean
you know, probably she'd probably receive it a lot better
if the osband approached it that way.

Speaker 3 (23:31):
Yeah, so weird.

Speaker 5 (23:32):
The following week, I tried without headphones, but it's so
hard for me to focus on the game, especially around
him and the baby that I was brought to tears
and we only played for two hours, but he was
still unhappy about it. If he was still unhappy about
it even after you did what he asked, I'd be like, Okay,
well I'm going back to what I was doing before.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
Yeah, like sorry, you can deal with that unhappiness. Then
it's not my fault, he says.

Speaker 5 (23:57):
I need to adjust my standards about how I play,
but I want to be able to focus and immerse
properly in the game. I've already changed the hours that
I play and tried without headphones, but it doesn't work.
At the same time, he's been increasingly concerned about it security,
so I currently can't use my laptop. That sounds fake.

(24:18):
Sounds like a fake reason why you can't use your laptop.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (24:22):
He reset my iPad and phone multiple times and wants
me to get a new phone number. I've also, at
his request, produced my work hours so I'm more available
for the baby. What is he doing even though I
had full time work and he is technically unemployed but
trading crypto?

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Oh my god, babe, that's just called unemployed.

Speaker 3 (24:42):
That's just unemployed.

Speaker 5 (24:44):
I'm sorry he's making you cut back on your hours
during the VID Yeah, whow you have a baby when
he could be taking care of the baby.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
It's like, Bye, where's the money gonna come from? Bye?
I don't even know.

Speaker 5 (24:57):
Nothing about him is redeemable anymore, no at all.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
He's he's trying so hard to control her in any
way that he can. Yeah. Crazy.

Speaker 5 (25:06):
I think he feels like less than because he seemingly
has no one to talk to. Yeah, and also isn't working. Yeah,
and so he's putting all of those insecurities on her.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
Yeah, because Big Baby doesn't know how to regulate his
own emotion.

Speaker 5 (25:20):
I've changed what I can change for him. But I
don't want to give up D and D or play
in a less engaged way because I enjoy it so
much and lean on it for my mental health. I
want to get him therapy. But have I been the
a hole?

Speaker 3 (25:33):
Verdict? Not the ahole? Obviously not.

Speaker 5 (25:37):
And there are some comments from op, but do you
have any comments of your own?

Speaker 1 (25:40):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (25:41):
Yeah, And Nikki Wolfe says he wants to isolate her time.
That's absolutely true, Absolutely true, and especially during the VID,
it's like you need your other people. Yeah yeah. And
spending that much time doing these hobbies is great during
the vid. Yeah. Op.

Speaker 5 (25:57):
Here, So I have the opportunity to move into a
house only two minutes drive from where my brother lives,
which I'm going to do. I can take Baby and
the pets, but it's next month. That's also when my
credit card is due for renewal and the new one
is going to be posted to my brother's house instead
of me. I am setting that up to move out.
I have tried to talk to my partner and present

(26:17):
two options, get therapy or break up. He's taking it
kind of weirdly first moros, but now seems to think
it will all blow over and will work it out
on our own without a therapist. That will not happen.
There have been multiple tries over the last two years.
I'm going to let him calm down for the weekend
because I'm hoping I can get an uninterrupted curse of

(26:38):
strawed game.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
In after this.

Speaker 5 (26:40):
Talking good leaving, but we'll see work knows what's happening.
I've also emailed my partner's psychiatrist with details.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Of his behavior.

Speaker 5 (26:48):
So if you won't go to therapy, at least somebody knows.
I won't log in very often because of lack of opportunity,
But I really think I'm going to leave, leave the
D and D group for him. I think him whoa wait, yeah, yeah,
therapy or breakup?

Speaker 3 (27:02):
Okay, yeah, she's leaving him.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (27:07):
Thank you so much to those that replied, I was
trying to think of something I hadn't tried. Some other
ways to play D and D and still keep happy,
but I shouldn't have been. You just start to doubt
yourself when you've been stuck in the miss for a while,
and there is an update folks two months later. But
I'm really it's it's very uh impressive that Ope, during

(27:31):
the VID care taking care of a baby, has come
to this decision, yeah, and has recognized the signs with
you know, SIMI read it's help, but also I mean
she was recognizing these signs and was like, right, this is.

Speaker 3 (27:43):
Actually not okay. Yeah? Yeah, and prop are you props?
Do you? Dude? Yeah? Real? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (27:50):
Update two months later, I, folks, just wanted to offer
you all a little update since many of you offered
the perspective on reality. To get myself and my kid
into a better place, so I gave my ex the
ultimatum that either he and or we get therapy or
we separate. And he chose no therapy because therapists always
take one person's side. Well, now there will be no

(28:11):
sides because we will be broken up. So I forced
the separation. He moved out six weeks ago. I've been
in my new home for a month and it's like
the fog has lifted. Life is basically better in every way. Wow.
The more time I spend away from him, the better
I feel. I'm back up to almost full time hours,
which suits me well. With the toddler, I have significantly

(28:32):
more freedom, and I'm going to make our home beautiful.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
For the two of us.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
Since the separation, some of the highlights of his behavior
include not packing anything at all with almost a month's
notice until the last four hours before he had to leave.
When he came to visit our kid at my home,
he already knew where I would be living. He wanted
me to look up the closest train station, then bus route,
and the direction for him instead of figuring that out
on the three hour trip himself and I would say, oh, sorry,

(28:59):
we're not together, so yeah, you got this right, I
believe here's the address, walked into my home like he
owned the place, lay on my bed to pet the cat,
raided my pantry, said he was going to take my
remaining tea because I don't drink it and he does.
I said, no, it's for guests, and after our child
was in bed, offered to cook everyone himself, myself and

(29:22):
my three friends serving as guardians dinner out of my
freezer and still packed kitchen. I found a journal of
his while I was packing his things. Turns out he
did think I was having an affair at D n D.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
That's crazy. That's crazy. Yes, absolutely insane. That's why you
can hear her.

Speaker 5 (29:42):
You can literally hear all of her responses. Yeah, and also,
how was she having an affair?

Speaker 3 (29:48):
She was virtual?

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Literally read the next sentence.

Speaker 5 (29:50):
His reasoning was that I was always happy after a game.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Literally insane.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
He's like, you're never happy when you're with me. Yeah,
your constant state is not being happy, so you must
be having an affair if you're happy. Yeah, there's no way,
there's no other explanation. That's crazy, dude.

Speaker 5 (30:07):
He'd noticed changes in my appearance and behavior, which, for
the record, he had requested I do a few weeks. Yeah,
He's like, you, you decided to do the thing that
I asked you to do, and you wouldn't have done
that unless you were cheating.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
That's wild too.

Speaker 5 (30:22):
Also turns out his version of enough spicy sleep in
a day is three to five encounters. Uughy flat your
entire day.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
I hate this man, your entire day. I hate it.

Speaker 5 (30:35):
He paid a junkie down the street what for spicy
time when I was pregnant? What he seems to have
felt bad about that at various points in our conversation.
He has blamed me for trying too hard in the relationship,
for misinterpreting his actions and words, even direct quotes, for
not booking a therapist for him, and for not assuming
the best of him anymore. The kiddo is doing great,

(30:58):
though she hasn't actually noticed his absence at all, because
he wasn't doing anytime I was already absent, and is
having the best time in the new house. I'm also
going to turn the dining room into a D and
D room because.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
I can whoo woo. Yeah, So thank you.

Speaker 5 (31:13):
I know a lot of you read these things just
for entertainment, but seriously, thank you. And some realman comments
complicated disaster said problems. I think if I had spicy
sleep three to five times a day, I'd be broken
inside a week.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
Op. He says that.

Speaker 5 (31:28):
Journal entry was from when I was pregnant too and
working full time and afflicted by morning sickness. It was
an impossible expectation when told to get checked for STDs,
who says, don't worry. Results came through Wednesday, all in
the clear. Figured I deserved a small bit of luck
on my run. Comments from the subreddit common one says, wow,

(31:49):
a literal god forbid a woman as hobbies situation. Literally,
him lying down on her bed in her new home
after separating makes me think he doesn't actually understand that
their relationship is over.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Yikes. I mean, like, who's like, yeah, I'll make dinner.

Speaker 5 (32:05):
Like it doesn't feel like he yeah, or I think
he knows that it's over, but I think he's still
trying to insert himself.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
Into her life for sure, for sure.

Speaker 5 (32:13):
Comment two says therapists always take one person's side, so
I won't go. That's how we know that they know
that a sane professional won't support their BS, because if
they imagined for a second that the therapist would be
on their side, they'd be more than happy to go
along to several sessions. They know they're causing a problem,
but they don't want to change their behavior or their

(32:35):
expectation of you, so they'll do anything they can to
continue to insist that you are causing the problem and
you need to change to suit their demands. Reply Oh,
so you already know they're gonna call you on your BS.
Huh xdy and that is the end of that story, folks. Yeah, dude, Yeah,
I'm glad you got out. I'm glad you and your

(32:55):
baby are out and you're playing.

Speaker 3 (32:56):
D and D dude. Yeah, you're gonna have a whole score.
Cool dining room. I'm devoted to D D. That's Dan
D dining room. You can raise a little D and
D baby. Yeah, that's so sick, dude. We'd love to
see so sick. I love it. I have so much
fun on all your campaign, training the world's youth. Yeah,
my jealousy ruined my partner's bromance with his best friend.

(33:18):
Stop being jealous. Where do I even begin? I thirty male,
have been with my partner, Luigi twenty nine mail for
thirteen years now. We met in high school as sophomores
and juniors in twenty twelve. Even though we didn't go
to the same school, Luigi was the bad boy, always
ditching class to come to mine with his friend.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
Luigi is a bad boy.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Yeah what he do?

Speaker 3 (33:43):
I went to Okay, it's been amazing overall. We even
bought a house together in twenty nineteen. At twenty three
and twenty two, and couldn't be prouder. Luigi and I
are in your typical flamboyans either. We're two geeky, chunky,
lovable bros. Most people think I'm straight until I mentioned
my boyfriend, or until they really get to know me.
By the way, this comes from a Galindo one two

(34:05):
five on the Charlotte Dover YouTube subreddits. But if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime subreddit. So turning thirty gave me a
different perspective about myself and what this next chapter means.
We're not married, even though we have a house because
of the FID The next year pushed things back. Now
I'm going back to college, We're getting new jobs, new us,

(34:25):
and I want to fix my wrongs and propose again
to the love of my life. My wrong has to
do with Luigi's best friend, Elliott twenty nine mail. They've
been friends since they were five. They call each other brothers.
Luigi obviously being an Elliott being straight obviously. When Luigi
and I first got together, he told Elliott, and Elliot's
reaction was anger that Luigi hadn't told him earlier. Elliott

(34:48):
even stopped talking to Luigi for about a year. What
my senior prom Luigi and I went together and ran
into Elliott and his girlfriend Brandy, same great as me.
Brandy and I weren't friends, but we knew each other
from the hallway. After that, Luigi and Elliott patched things up.
We never hung out as two couples, mostly because Brandy
went to university a town away, but occasionally we'd double

(35:08):
date when she came back. Their friendship was super close,
like Bros Bean Bros. It'd go on long drives, pick
each other up, have dinner at McDonald's or Chipole. Actually
liked Elliott back then. He was an amazing friend to Luigi.
The issue actually started with Brandy. She'd get annoyed that
they'd hang out so much, or that Luigi with third Wheel.
At that time, I was working swing slash afternoon shifts

(35:30):
with no weekends off, so I didn't see it as
a problem. Luigi is super social and hates being home.
I even played designated driver to pick them up from
bars because I wanted them safe. I truly didn't have
a problem, but Brandy did, and it's fair she voiced
her feeling. Luigi would even tell me sometimes Brandy doesn't
want me there, can you come pick me up? Dang,

(35:51):
that's awkward? Okay, Like, dude, you gotta go. You gotta go, man,
you just can't be here. Yeah. By around twenty eighteen,
Brandy and Elliott were looking for houses but struggled to
find the right one. Meanwhile, Luigi and I found ours
in four months and moved to the other side of
the city, still close enough to visit family. About a
month after we moved in, Luigi told me good news.

(36:14):
We got familiar neighborhoods. Elliott and Brandy bought a house
five blocks away, and Elliott apparently joked, you can't get
rid of me that easy, And at first it made
me raise an eyebrow, but I tried to be happy
for them. A few weeks later, at work, a coworker
showed me a Facebook post. Elliott made it, thanked Brandy
for sticking with him, and then had a whole paragraph
thinking Luigi saying he loves him more than anything, et cetera.

(36:36):
Brandy got a sentence and Luigi got a whole tribute.

Speaker 5 (36:39):
So I think that Elliott needs to reckon with some stuff.

Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yeah, it kind of feels that way, doesn't it.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
I thought that was weird. Even Luigi thought it was
weird when I brought it up. The fact that coworkers
who didn't know Elliott noticed made me think what.

Speaker 5 (36:58):
Is going on?

Speaker 3 (37:00):
After that, when we'd hang out more, I started noticing
little things like them joking, don't make me pants you
and if I do, make sure your hot dog hits
my face kind of stuff.

Speaker 5 (37:10):
What the thing is that I don't think this would
necessarily mean anything, like like, I think there is a
world where it could be just their type of humor.
It's like more you know, spicy. However, to do that
in front of your partner is.

Speaker 3 (37:29):
Yeah, well, I mean I would honestly hope, like, if
that is their humor, I would hope you would do
it in front of the part or too. Oh it's
not like, oh we only do that not around that's
you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (37:39):
Preferably I'm sure Opton wants it not at all?

Speaker 3 (37:42):
Well sure y yeah, but like.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
Yeah, at least keep it in front of everyone, right,
like trying to keep.

Speaker 3 (37:48):
It a secret. But I feel like if it were
their humor, then uh, Luigi would be making a lot
of those jokes back. I mean, he might be with
this last like them joking this, but but I don't know, Louis.
I feel like Luigi would explain that to Opie.

Speaker 5 (38:04):
Yeah, he'd be like, that's just how we joke.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
Yeah, So I don't know. It felt different, and I
started seeing what Brandy was seeing. I couldn't hide it.
I stopped laughing at their jokes, and I started to
dislike eliast like, dang it, Yeah, Brandy doesn't just suck. Yeah,
she's right, dang. And that is for about all of
twenty nineteen and twenty twenty and bam, just like that,

(38:29):
Elliott is at our place crying. It destroyed. Brandy had
been cheating on Elliott's No, she sucks again, right right
back to it. Yeah, and that's why she was so
like skeptical because she was projectpanagnant. The message and the
text were all there on her phone. He worked remote,

(38:49):
so she was remote at home, and I guess had
other ideas, but messages even saying I can't decide between
Elliott and you. I felt horrible for Elliott, and all
that anger turned and I felt pity and sad for him. Dang,
I'm here thinking all this stuff and behind closed doors,
this is what was happening. Maybe it was just all
in my head, but nah, that went out the window

(39:11):
when he forgave her and took her out of the country.
What he forget her? I was like, let's go on
a trip, Let's leave the country. And this was as
a sorry to her for not being.

Speaker 5 (39:22):
There, for not being there when she was cheating at him.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
And here's the they got engaged on their trip. Oh
my god, that's a terrible idea. Those feelings of pity
immediately went to stupidity for him, because why what for?
So now I started asking myself, what is he doing?
The wedding is in twenty twenty two?

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Oh, oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Okay, fast forward to twenty twenty two. In the wedding, dudey,
Luigi is Elliott's best man, and well whatever, I didn't
like it, But what was I supposed to do? Tell
Luigi no, that's not me, Llewell, but I made it
clear to Luigi that I didn't care to hear any
about Elliott's wedding planning issues and whatever, and would only
listen to luigi struggles. In the wedding, I went to

(40:06):
the ceremony and congratulated the seemingly happy couple, sat my
butt down and looked pretty until Luigi was ready to leave.
The car ride home, he tells me dot dot.

Speaker 5 (40:16):
Dot oh man, So, okay, you be Luigi ready?

Speaker 3 (40:20):
His mom told me something weird.

Speaker 5 (40:23):
What did he say, Well, that she's happy that Elliott
is married and is happy that Luigi could be Elliott's
best man.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
And Luigi, you always be part of the family.

Speaker 5 (40:34):
This should have been your wedding with Elliott instead.

Speaker 3 (40:37):
What everyone was behind it? What so Elliot's mom thinks
you should be with him? Yeah, it would have been
us too, well, got I think?

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Dang?

Speaker 3 (40:50):
Wasn't that just an old one two to the ego?
I've met this lady before and she knows that Luigi
has a boyfriend and still thinks that they should be
the ones together. So now not only am I seeing things,
but coworkers, parents, and also some friends. I didn't state
because it was a few close friends that pointed things
out and even sat down with Luigi to talk, but

(41:11):
always ended with everyone else trying to make something out
of nothing because he just wasn't seeing what everyone else
was just two friends of being friends. At this point,
I really didn't like Elliott. I even told Luigi, don't
mention Elliott to me unless you absolutely have to. Luigi
understood and stopped bringing him up. I wasn't hiding my dislike,
but deep down I realized why. I truly believed Elliott

(41:33):
could make Luigi happier than I could h In another universe,
maybe it would have been them.

Speaker 5 (41:38):
Oh man, that turned my dislike into hatred.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
Not because I thought Elliott was but because I thought
that he liked Luigi specifically, And maybe that's why they
stopped talking years ago. Elliott had feelings and felt hurt
when Luigi got a boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (41:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:53):
True, they stopped talking for like a year after they
got together, and he pointed that out. You said, why
was he so upset? Oh my gosh. They eventually grew
distant again. By twenty twenty three, I went on vacation
to Mexico to see family I haven't seen in years.
Not even twelve hours after I left, Luigi texted me,
is it okay if me and Elliott hangout? And I

(42:14):
told him I don't care, but it's weird that you
haven't seen him in two years and now you're making
plans because I'm gone. And they hung out for dinner
and drinks and the next day too. But when I
came back, Luigi asked, Elliott to hang out again, and
Elliott blew him off back to not talking. Wow. So
Elliott was really like, I hear your boyfriend's out of town.
Can I can I come? Oh man, We're flashing forward

(42:37):
to twenty twenty four present day. I'm doing better. Horrible
jobs over those past couple of years and loss of
money in between, and me and Luigi got robs and
haven't recovered from it, and it's been a couple of
years now, Yi, but you know we are moving forward
and making changes in our life. Looking back, I turned
thirty and twenty twenty five, and I started reflecting and

(42:57):
to become ashamed of myself and my actions on one thing,
how things went down with Elliott and I. I started
getting told from Luigi, just comments of I miss a
guy friend or I miss my brother, I miss Elliott,
And this time again it was different. I still can
care less for Elliot's goofy butt, but Elliott was being
a bad friend to Luigi and that was starting to

(43:19):
piss me off more. Through that time, Luigi would reach
out to him and ask to hang out, and Luigi
would always either say ay, he was busy, yet he
would post about being at home a club or A
B sing with people, or B make the plans just
to say that he was busy yet still post about
being at the club, or see make the plans just

(43:40):
to ditch him.

Speaker 5 (43:41):
That's so not Yeah, come on cool. I think Elliott
is so deeply in love with Luigi yeah, and doesn't
want to admit it that he's trying to put him
at arm's length because he knows that Luigia's with Ope,
and he's like, I can't even bear to be in
Luigi's presence, that I just need him to hate me
to make it easier.

Speaker 3 (44:00):
Yeah, Like, the only time I can be around is
if I if Op is gone and I can pretend
that they're not together. Mm hmmm, yikes. Than And it
pissed me off that Elliott was treating Luigi like this,
even though Luigi just wanted his best friend back. So
I started asking Luigi questions again and letting Luigi know
that whatever feelings towards Elliott are past me. I even

(44:22):
sat Luigi down and apologized to him that I let
my own jealousy and insecurities get the best of me.
The fact that I also let other people influence me
didn't mean that I still don't like Elliott really, but
more that I want to improve myself as well. I've
been thinking about marriage with Luigi and well, as much
as I can say that, I couldn't really move forward
without apologizing to Elliott. Not saying he's in the party

(44:42):
or whatever, but just to move forward because I'm now
more confident in myself than I was those past years
of anger and dislike with myself, even lost about fifty
pounds in all those years and working on it. So
at this point, if I do reach out and apologize
to Elliott, it is out of my hands now, and
whatever issues Luigi and Elliott got, they don't need any approval,
but can all just be friends again on my part

(45:03):
because my best interest is Luigi as well, and I'm
sure we are for each other. So am I an
a whole? If I reach out to Elliott and apologize
to him. I'm not planning on letting Luigi know of this.
I want it to be from me, not from Luigi
or a heads up. I also fully don't expect Elliott
to accept me either or forgive I just want to
text and reach out that in my part, I'm apologizing

(45:25):
for my actions and we can be literally civil for
Luigi and their friendship. Luigi has told me it's so
weird to grieve someone that you know is alive five
blocks away. So what am I? And that's the end
of that story. I don't know if I would do that. Yeah,
I don't think you would be a hole for doing that. No, No,

(45:46):
don't think I don't know if it's the best move. Yeah,
I still don't think you should. Yeah, like you wouldn't
be the ale. No, but it's just like maybe, like
that's not the right right boob to do. It just
feels like you're not in the place to apologize.

Speaker 5 (45:58):
Yeah, it's like you weren't really involved in this relationship.
You actually took as like as far as step back
from it as you could. So I think it would
be kind of weird to receive a text message from
someone who like really never hung out or talked to you.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
Yeah, Like I could really understand. I can understand wanting
to be Yes, I just I wanted a good place, right,
Like I want to put things out there, like ways
I could be better. I want to be better in
the future, and like just to have a relationship with Elliott.
But like again, it's like I feel like Op he

(46:38):
deserves an apology because like he was literally at Elliott's
wedding with his boyfriend Luigi, and Elliott's mom came up
and was like, i'd let you guys were gonna get
I guess.

Speaker 5 (46:50):
We're gonna be up there, which is an insane thing
to say at someone else's wedding.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
Yeah, and then in front of Ope too is.

Speaker 5 (46:57):
Like, well, no, Opie wasn't there. I told Op in
the car afterwards. Yeah, I don't even know if op
he went to the wedding.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
He did. He did, Yeah, he just wasn't like in
the party. I got you, got you? But dang man, Yeah,
OPI you're being very very nice, But I think they
deserve to put or they need to put in some
effort into this too.

Speaker 5 (47:18):
Yeah not you, Yeah, hey John Ogi hoist here. We're
gonna get back to this episode, but a quick three
minute break of ads from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.
My boyfriend told me to leave him alone, so I
slept with another man.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
Well you got what you wanted.

Speaker 5 (47:34):
Boyfriend me twenty eight female and my boyfriend twenty eight male.
I've been together for eight years. Last month, I brought
up the topic of marriage. We have been together for
eight years, so I'm past all the passive hints. I
bluntly asked him if he ever thought about us getting married. Honestly,
I just wanted to get a grasp on his thoughts
on marriage, because it had come to mind that we've

(47:54):
never spoken about it. I remember us just briefly stating
that we both would like to get married one day,
and if we are meant to be, then we would.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
That's a really big conversation, just like you'll wake up
and be married one day. I don't know if you
spent to be we will little fairies will just marry
you at the nighttime.

Speaker 5 (48:10):
Also, it's been eight mother ef in years, so I
would like to know where this is going. By the way,
this comes from Okay Bluebird twenty seven to forty on
the Charlottejoe Brady YouTube. Suparated it and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime separate it. After asking him, he looks at
me with a scrunched up bean mug and face and says,
why would I marry you after you cheated on me?

Speaker 3 (48:32):
WHOA?

Speaker 4 (48:33):
What?

Speaker 3 (48:34):
Why are you still together? If you think that.

Speaker 5 (48:37):
I was truly confused about what the heck he was
even talking about, because I know I never cheated, So
I asked him what he was talking about. Apparently he
was talking about the beginning of our relationship. So backstory
to that. We had been going out for about six
months and everything was going great. It was a Friday
evening and I was off that day, so I was
running errands. Suddenly my phone was blowing up with tons

(48:59):
of Facebook notifications, calls, and texts. I mean it was
blowing up so bad, to the point where I couldn't
even use it because I was getting so many notifications
at once. My homegirl ends up pulling up to my
house because she has him getting a hold of me.
My first thought was somebody had passed away because of
how urgent she came through. She was asking me if
I knew and I saw it because it's been going

(49:21):
around Facebook. I told her I couldn't even open up
my phone because it's going off like crazy, So no,
I don't know what she was even talking about. He
looks at me all sad and hesitated a bit, but
then she just ended me her phone. Someone had posted
my boyfriend giving oral to another man.

Speaker 4 (49:38):
What.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
Well, that's an interesting layer of complexity to this story.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
So that's not O pee cheating. Hello.

Speaker 5 (49:46):
But also we don't even know if it was cheating
deep fake well no was fake?

Speaker 3 (49:53):
No?

Speaker 4 (49:54):
No?

Speaker 5 (49:57):
Was this taken before the relationship because in his early
days it was selfie pictures like he was the one
who took them himself, and there were so many. I mean,
this is awful, I think for both parties. Yeah, I
shouldn't be posting that.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
Hopefully I like it.

Speaker 5 (50:12):
There's a possibility that he did cheat, which in that
case he sucks to Yeah, but like never okay these
pictures around. In that moment, I immediately tried calling my boyfriend,
but he didn't answer. I text him that we need
to talk. I wasn't going to break up with him
at the moment. I just wanted to talk about the
situation because I needed to know the truth. I didn't
care if he was attracted to the same gender or

(50:35):
by and I would have one hundred percent understood if
he was still in the closet or a DL or whatever,
because I know how hard it is for men to
especially to be open about their spicy identity.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
I needed to know.

Speaker 5 (50:46):
If I was just to cover up if he was
by et cetera. I didn't even bother to see who
posted the pictures. But his response was don't.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
Talk to me. Did oh?

Speaker 5 (50:57):
I figured, okay, yeah, he's probably.

Speaker 3 (50:59):
In bad art or ashamed.

Speaker 5 (51:01):
So I told him that I would still be here
when he was ready to talk, that I don't think
differently of him, and that if he can tell me
the truth, I wouldn't judge him. But he kept telling
me to leave him alte. This went on for two days. Oh,
peasing incredibly incredibly kind, yeah, and accepting in like wow,
yeah for real and just like forgiving.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
That's maybe maybe two forgiving or patient.

Speaker 5 (51:24):
Perhaps, Yeah. I didn't hear from him. He wasn't picking
up my calls, ignoring my texts. I texted him again
saying that I'm still here for him, and he finally
messages me back saying to leave him alone and he
doesn't want to see or talk to me. I took
it as him breaking up with me because he's been
mia for a couple of days, ignoring me, and finally
hits me back saying that I just chopped it up

(51:45):
as a loss and moved on find you. We were
only going out for six months.

Speaker 3 (51:49):
That's not nothing. That's not nothing.

Speaker 5 (51:52):
I don't know if I would be like, hey, are
we done done? Like okay, is this a breakup?

Speaker 3 (51:57):
Right? Yeah? Well, my homegirls.

Speaker 5 (51:59):
Take me out the next day to cheer me up
because I was being pestered and semi bullied online for being.

Speaker 3 (52:04):
In a relationship with him. What why?

Speaker 5 (52:08):
People whom I never met were calling me on Facebook
Messenger and asking me if I knew and how did
I not know? Basically trying to get the tea. I
didn't have any to tell, and even if I did,
I wasn't going to ever. It didn't bother me, and
it still never bothers me now. Anyways, I go out
with my girls and I meet a guy. There wasn't
anything special. I thought he was cute and he was

(52:29):
trying to pursue me. So I got his number and
the next night he took me out and we hooked up.
We weren't looking for an exclusive status, just to one
night's stand really, but literally, guess who freaking hits me
back up? My boyfriend lol. He said he needed to
talk to me and that he was sorry for basically
ghosting me. We met up and he tells me the
story I'm not going to share on here because I

(52:51):
don't feel like that's relevant. I felt really bad for him,
and honestly I still really liked him, so yeah, I
continued to go back out with them.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
What's the story?

Speaker 6 (52:59):
Yeah, I feel like, didn't cheat on you or not?

Speaker 3 (53:01):
Right, Like we at least need to know like if
this was like shared consensually or something like that, like video.

Speaker 5 (53:09):
Yeah, clearly not shared consensually, or oh, I you know,
like if he knew that the videos we posted, or
like oh, I don't think I doubt you. Yeah, he
probably sent it to someone that he was, you know,
probably the person in the photo with them, and then
that person everything to Yeah, definitely like it was this
cheating or not.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
But I do wonder too. I mean, since OP seems
so nonchalant about like going on a day with another person,
then like maybe they weren't official six months and that's why.

Speaker 5 (53:37):
The boyfriend like you, so we've been together for six months.

Speaker 3 (53:42):
I honestly think Op's a little bit the a hole. Yeah,
why does she? Why is she just she's just saying that, like, yeah,
I just like hooked up with someone else, like easyps
I mean, maybe they had some sort of weird like
agreement because she's not like freaking out about the boyfriend.

Speaker 5 (53:57):
I just think three days he says, don't talk to me.
He literally has just been like, I don't we don't
know if he's cheating yet, so I'm going to operate
under like we just don't know. So she doesn't know
if he's cheated, could be something before the relationship. We
have no idea, and he give the information he's freaking out, says,
I don't want to talk.

Speaker 3 (54:15):
I don't want to talk. Don't talk to me. I
don't know.

Speaker 5 (54:18):
If I would take that as a breakup and then
go hook up with someone else, I definitely wouldn't. I
would be like, I'm gonna give him a week and
then be like, hey, are we done?

Speaker 3 (54:27):
What's going? Like is this it?

Speaker 5 (54:29):
And then if he says don't talk to me, I'd
be like, Okay, well hey that's it. Yeah, that would
be me personally. I did tell him about my one
night stand. He was heard, but he said he understood.
We have been together since and we never really spoke
about it again. So fast forward today, as of now,
it's been weird, like so weird. The point I can't

(54:50):
stand to be in the same room as him. I
resent talking to him because I feel like he's trying
to find an excuse not to get married, and saying
that I cheated on him gives him that excuse. Really sad,
and I do feel guilty now for sleeping with another man.
He states that I should have waited because he was going.

Speaker 3 (55:05):
To come back. You guys should break up. I don't know.

Speaker 5 (55:09):
I think he gave me my answer about the marriage part,
but now it's like why are we even together? And
why did he now just say that? And there is
an update we don't know what happened. Still, we still
don't know if he cheated, like she would have been,
like he cheated on me?

Speaker 3 (55:24):
Yeah, Like so so it shouldn't be a problem because well.

Speaker 5 (55:27):
You did it, you cheated and then you know I
in your eyes, she didn't didn't.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
But yeah, that definitely is like why are you still together?
Like why why is he using that as an excuse?
Like if you were mad about that, then why are
you still dating first of all? And like were you
just planning on him keeping ope around? Yeah, just to
like still date but then not get married because of that? Like, oh,
I can't. I just can't marry her, but like I'll

(55:54):
stay with her let's forever. Yeah, updates.

Speaker 5 (55:57):
As of today, I am officially single. We spoke this
morning about what's going on and what we're gonna do.
We decided that we should just split up.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (56:07):
Yeah, he's still gonna help pay the rent because we
have five months length and honestly, that's the least he
could do. He's still leaving and staying with a friend
because he claims it'll help with the process. How thoughtful.
I do also have to thank you guys for backing
me up and giving me some a good reality check.
Some of y'all were spot onto. He came to me
this morning with his key. He sat down, and he

(56:27):
confessed that he had been cheating on me emotionally.

Speaker 3 (56:30):
Yikes.

Speaker 5 (56:32):
Yes, I consider that a form of cheating, but you
don't consider the first thing of form of cheating.

Speaker 3 (56:37):
I mean, didn't you or not? I believe.

Speaker 5 (56:41):
He told me how he's been on Grinder and though
he hasn't met up with anyone, he wants to though,
and even almost met up with someone. He let me
see the messages. So far, there's been exchanges of pictures,
dirty talking, and envisioning relationships with them. He says he
can't fight it and that it's not just a fantasy
but an actual want. He wants a relationship. I mean,
he cheated on you, so.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
That's yeah, and then getting mad at you for cheating
on him like what he wants.

Speaker 5 (57:05):
A girlfriend and boyfriend at the same time. He's still
attracted to women, but having both feels different in a
good way. These are his words, not mine. He said
he didn't mean to be so mean about the marriage thing,
but yes, that was like an out for him. He
said he couldn't bring it to himself to cheat and
doesn't want to put me in the same position as before,
So he's telling me now that he's unhappy and doesn't

(57:26):
feel like his true self. He said he wants to
explore again and that he knows I won't be open
to it or okay with it, which he's right. I've
had an experimenting stage myself, but obviously that's over with
and I know for a fact I'm down for the
D not the P and he knows that too. I said,
he could have told me all of that in such
a different way rather than being mean about it and

(57:47):
saying hurtful things. I mean, we've been through almost a
decade with each other, through every good and bad season.
I was more upset about his response because I just
cared about how I envisioned us getting married. But again,
I do have to take accountability that I should have
seen this come in right. I mean, your relationship at
six months, you maybe cheated on you, we still don't know,

(58:10):
and then you hooked up with someone else immediately after.
I wasn't a great beginning. I've had an epiphany, and
a lot of you guys mentioned I should be happy
this happened Loel, But yes, I realized I'm grateful that
this happened. Had I actually married him and we had
kids and he bowled this on me, my world would spin,
or me just being de Lulu and trying to change

(58:30):
myself to a standard. I like to think of myself
as an open minded person, but please, I never now
and never in the future, would want to share my
significant other with another person or straight I also realized
eight years went by because I was so busy with
school and work. Our relationship was good. For the most part.
We understood that we both had responsibilities other than the

(58:51):
ones we shared, and we just went with the flow.
But I'm graduating this spring. Now that the hard part
is over, I just wanted to move on to the
next stage of life. I'm more sad on the part
that I let eight freaking years go by, focusing on
school and work, trying to stay afloat. I recall I
was happy, though, so that's what matters, right. Maybe I

(59:11):
would have seen signs, or maybe I would have mentioned
marriage sooner and could have avoided years passing by. I'm sad,
but I'm okay, I'm grown, and even though it has
been eight years, I know life isn't over. Because of that,
I'm glad he's living his true self now though. And folks,
that's the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
Jeez man, Okay, sure, it's just all right, Like okay, yeah,
I mean a weird story.

Speaker 5 (59:36):
Literally, I'm like, all right, I guess, yeah, that's it.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
I guess it works out kind of like.

Speaker 5 (59:42):
Something worked out. I guess it kind of worked out.

Speaker 3 (59:46):
Well. Anyway, that's the end of that story. Forty There
you go.

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I DISINVITED my sister from my wedding… because she blew up at my fiancé! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I DISINVITED my sister from my wedding… because she blew up at my fiancé! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories