I feel funny about my boyfriend hanging out with my roommate ALONE… they called me controlling! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP2113 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
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get into the episode.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
I feel funny about my boyfriend hanging out with my
roommate alone. They called me controlling.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
Oh, we're not doing anything in here, We're just playing
with worms.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
So first of all, I want to give a disclaimer
that I know this is a matter of whose needs
will be put first mine versus roommate in X. I
also know that I cannot control who people hang out with,
nor do I want to. I just need some help
processing the situation and help setting boundaries. By the way,
this comes from user mks ninety three, and if you

(00:48):
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime subrended. So here is the situation. My
ex boyfriend we dated for ten months, roommate seven months
of living together, and myself have been hanging out together
a lot lately. We all enjoy similar activities like hiking, running,
and skiing. A lot of our free time was spent together.

(01:09):
Two weeks ago, the three of us went on an
overnight trip with two days of skiing and some sight seeing.
Sometimes my roommate and my boyfriend would do things just
the two of them, especially since they were the most
skilled at athletic activities compared to me. This past Sunday,
he came over to my apartment to hang out with
my roommate and only told me after he organized things

(01:31):
with her. I had no issues with this because I
trusted both of them. Two days ago, my ex somewhat
blind sides me and broke up with me. Interesting, and
I know, I think I know why. Yeah, he realized
you couldn't hang on the slopes babe.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
On cloud nine.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
He's like, I need someone who can shred the.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Nar dude, someone that can go up on cloud nine
with me.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
It's me, ooh, I need someone who can hit the
double black diamonds now.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
Or maybe maybe no, maybe he preferred the master bedroom
rather than whatever room you were in.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
That. I wouldn't say it was a mutual decision, but
in hindsight it makes sense. I'm obviously very hurt and sad.
I'm losing a huge part of my life and someone
I cared about deeply. Apparently, he had been thinking about
it for the past week and a half and had
even talked to my roommate about it. So when my
boyfriend and I broke up, I told him that I
was uncomfortable with him still hanging out with my roommate.

(02:27):
To me, it felt like something I couldn't have, both
him and the activities they're doing together that I would
have loved to do was being dangled in front of
my face. I told him that it would really hurt
my feelings to have reminders of him and the family
like bond I had with them. He accused me of
being controlling, which I do agree with to some extent.
I also feel that my argument is fair, especially since

(02:47):
they met through me and he was the dumper. Losing
friends slash roommates of your ex seems like a consequence
of breaking up. I talked to my roommate for two
hours last night and expressed all my concerns there we go.
Even told her that I was concerned they would start
liking each other and potentially date. Oh that's gonna blow
your mind in about I'm gonna say seven to eight minutes, Opie.

(03:08):
I always saw chemistry between them, but I wasn't worried
at the time. If they were to start dating, I
don't think I could live with her anymore. She was
very understanding, but she said that she needs some time
to think about what she is going to do. I'm
just really upset and confused about this whole thing. I
feel like if I were in her shoes, I would
stop talking to the X of my roommate simply to
be kind and help her heal. I also understand that

(03:30):
they are friends and value each other outside of any
relationship they have or had with me. I'm asking for
help and navigating the situation and whether I'm asking for
something that's too much thank you. Now, the comments are
gonna nail this right. Before we get into the comments,
I'm just gonna say that your roommate is going to
get with your ex and they are going to be
extreme sports buddies yep, and they're gonna enjoy it and

(03:51):
they're not gonna care how it makes you feel.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
No red flag, red flag.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
I'm asking for help in navigating this situation and whether
I'm asking for something that is too much thank you.
Here's the comments. I think a starting point would be
to ask your roommate not to have him over to
the apartment. Realistically, I don't think you can keep them
from hanging out and being friends, but asking for them
not to be in your living space while you're trying
to get over the relationship as a request, I don't

(04:16):
think that that's something anyone would find unreasonable. Long term,
I'd see how things play out, and if she is
still close friends with him as you're nearing the end
of your lease, it may be a healthier choice for
you to find a new roommate and move out. Correct.
I'm just going to skip this to the update, yeah,
because that's every comment's going to be exactly what we

(04:36):
just said. So, the past week has been really hard
for me. I'm thankful that my boss is giving me
two days off to recover and get back on my feet.
W Boss, that's crazy. Forty eight hours after the breakup,
I talked to my roommate and she said that while
she understands how I feel, she will continue hanging out
with him. I also talked to my ex and told
him how uncomfortable I feel about the whole thing. He

(04:59):
also said he understand but thinks it's controlling of me
to ask them not to hang out. Last week, they
hung out for five days for hours on end. They
did respect my request not to come inside the house
when together, which I appreciate. Many posters suggested that they
were having an affair. My ex claims that he did
not break up with me to get with her. I
did believe him at first, and maybe it was somewhat true,

(05:19):
but I now think that something is going on and
was going on. I found out that my roommate had
a crush on my ax while we were dating, yet
still continued to hang out with him alone while we
were dating. All right, yeah they were Now okay, now's
there was an affair. There is an affair. Your roommate
was singing with your ex, all right, say eve.

Speaker 4 (05:37):
Evel wasn't a physical it was emotional, and you don't
have to be cool about that.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
So this person is what Riley, that's gone back? Not
your boy?

Speaker 3 (05:46):
Not your boy.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
This is not your boy, absolutely not. We got to
start making that other thing. Yep, not your boy? What
are they? Not your boy? You could have been a
little more enthusiastic about that, but I'll let it go. Okay.
I asked my ex while we were still dating, if
we could hang out just the two of us a
little bit more, and I was accused then of being
jealous and controlling. Turns out I was onto something. I

(06:08):
suspect they are now trying to hide their relationship from me,
though I cannot be sure. I mean, of course they are.
You literally told them they can't hang out in front
of you, so of course they're gonna hide it from you.
Two days ago, I told my roommate that I no
longer think it's healthy for me to live with her.
She was fine with this and is asking around for
places to stay. I will also consider leaving if she
cannot leave. The most crushing thing about all this is
that the two of them were people I considered best friends.

(06:29):
This is also happening less than two weeks after the breakup.
It feels weird and rude to me. Of course, they
are within their rights to do whatever, but I feel
like I was betrayed even before the relationship ended. Maybe
in time I'll be happy for them, so we do
have a little bit of story left. Honestly, cheaters aren't cool.
Cheating is not cool. Although I don't think you have

(06:50):
the leverage to stand and say like, hey, you can't
do this, and I think you've realized that, and yeah,
I think you need to just move on from these people.
I know it sucks. There sucks, man, it does like,
don't let my don't let my flippancy, don't confuse you

(07:11):
any thinking. I don't actually feel for this at all.
I do, but it's like you gotta get you gotta
move on to And the longer you hold on to this, like,
the more of a detriment it's going to be to you,
Like the faster you can just let this go and
let this might honestly just be occasionally to people who
are better fits for each other. It's still ex but

(07:32):
they excuse the affair. But at the end of the day,
like these are two people who might be more compatible
than you even were with your eggs. So it's like,
who knows, we're gonna finish up the store here. So edit,
you all are so kind. Thanks for the words of encouragement,
tough love, and shared experiences. I'm staying with a friend tonight,

(07:53):
and I am hoping that the move out situation goes smoothly.
Living apart from my current roommate is the only viable
option for me moving forward will also be cutting contact
from both of them as soon as the living situation
is settled. Yes, thank you. Op. Also, oh, I am
going to therapy tomorrow. Yes, what I was just about
to say. And went last week, so I'm hoping that helps.
I'm so thankful I have off from work. It's been
nice to just be able to rest and to roommate

(08:16):
confirmed in a convo today that they are more than friends.
And there's some comments here. Let's see how the comments
are going to go of them. I think so, yes.
Comment one. Everyone likes to think of their selves as
the hero of their story. Currently, your roommate and X
are playing out their fantasy of being lovers against all odds.
You're now the villain in their epic love story, merely
by advocating for your own needs. Also, that's extra. I

(08:37):
don't know if that's the case, but it's definitely probably
a case of like, oh my god, I can't wet
we met in these crazy circumstances. That's what it is.
At the very least, moving out and leaving them behind
is your best move.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
Do that?

Speaker 5 (08:48):
Yep?

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Reply yep. Without a villain, the relationship will probably founder
very quickly. It was fun because it was secret and
behind your back, low key facts. Maybe he breaks up
with you, then he uses the controlling defense to frame
you as a villain. You break a contact and move on. Well,
they lose all of the fun of sneaking around at
first and then having a crazy X being the bad guy. Okay,
blah blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, never mind, Oh
he did not just fun. So yeah, I think it's

(09:11):
a good point. My final take is gonna be if
there was no cheating here and they just like were
friends that then developed feelings over time outside of y'all's relationship,
that would be a completely different thing. But the fact
that there was infidelity while you guys were together, yeah,
makes them really suck. Honestly, they do. They suck. They

(09:33):
suck in. It's a bad situation and the best thing
that you can do is just put it behind you,
put it in the rear view mirror, work on yourself,
go to therapy, sort it out, go.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
To the gym, some snowboarding, go to the gym, shred
professional snowboarding gal and then get in the Olympics and
show them what's wrong.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Hey, you and don't fall for the trap of thinking
that you did something wrong. You didn't do something wrong.
These people just saw an opportunity to be with each
other and they took it. Yep, And you know, yeah,
it has nothing to do with you. The fact that
you maybe can't ski or snowboard very well, it's like
they're just trash, a little bit a little trashy. So yeah,

(10:12):
don't let it get to you. You're on the upswing,
you're up and up. Don't worry about it. But that
right there, that is the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
I told my parents that my grandmother dislikes me, but
they knew all along. I nineteen female, have recently told
my mom for you're on female and dad fifty two male,
that my grandmother seventy five female on my dad's side
never treated me the same way she would treat my
sixteen year old sister. By the way, this comes from
Glittering Candy ninety five. If you want to spit your
old stories, go to the R side Showcase story time.

(10:41):
So I reread it for context. Me and my sister
since we were twelve and nine, respectfully, wou'd spend Fridays
after school with my granny and my mom and dad
at this point were on speaking terms with my granny,
unless me and my sister were involved. They would drop
us off at my granny's and wait in the car
and my granny and parents would acknowledge each other with
the wave and that was it. This they never really

(11:01):
saw what it was like when we were at her house.
I went to preface that there was no physical abuse
or anything like that. Now onto the issue. Over the years,
I have noticedable differences in my treatment from my granny
compared to my sister, such ass if I didn't like
a dinner she made, she would scoff and tell me
to eat or don't. I wasn't getting something else. My sister,

(11:24):
on the other hand, if she was not to like
a dinner, my granny would offer her something else or
give her biscuits or something to eat instead. There were
other interests where like telling her like her telling me
it was unladylike to sit with my legs uncrossed or
put my elbows open the table, she would scoff at
me for it would just sigh when my sister did

(11:45):
the same. There were also the times where her and
my sister were able to watch TV together well. I
was told to tidy up the house and God. And
there were more times when I noticed the difference in treatment,
like our birthdays or general events, but I'm not sure
of My post is too long already, so I won't
write them all out anyway. With all this, I also

(12:05):
just had the feeling that she didn't love me or
even like me, the same as my sister. I write
everything I could, from not complaining about dinner I didn't like,
to tidying up without being told, et cetera, and the
hopes that by doing this I could make her like
me or even love me, and whatever I had done
wrong could be fixed. Safe to say that that hasn't happened,

(12:27):
and I haven't given up on trying since I was sixteen,
and I just have to say that I've accepted that
my granny doesn't love or like me. I don't remember
how it came up, but I was just out with
my parents, and I think we were talking about my
granny on my mother's side when I blurted out, do
you guys know why granny on dad's side doesn't like me?
And they both kind of froze and dumbfounded. My mom
asked me what I was talking about, and I explained

(12:49):
the above. My mom and dad looked at each other,
then me quietly said, you know, said yeah, I've had
a feeling since I was ten, but I didn't fully really.
My mom and dad went to say that they had
told her not to treat me and my sister differently,
and that I should have told them sooner, and they
had no idea I knew. They said that they'd known sooner,

(13:10):
they wouldn't make me go to her house. I used
to not want to go for that reason, but I
was told to go anyways if they all knew that
was happening. They also said that she does love me,
but I don't believe them. My dad was quieter on
the topic, but he clearly wasn't happy. I both said
they feel kind of awful that I knew about her
preference for my sister and that I should have told

(13:32):
them sooner, and why I had told them now when
I had known for years. They've both been a little
quieter and a bit withdrawn since then, and I feel
bad for making them feel like this, but I don't
know what to do. So am I the eel for
not telling them sooner that I know my granny prefers
my sister over me. I think Opie is like onto something,

(13:53):
but she doesn't know she's onto it, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yeah, yeah, I think you're right about that.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
I think she's like almost uncovered all the clues, but
everyone else is like keeping the rest of it a secret.

Speaker 3 (14:07):
Like she lost her glasses, but now she's accidentally solving
a murder. That's kind of the vibes I'm getting here.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
Update. I want to start with how grateful I am
for everyone's thoughts.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
I don't care. My heart goes out to you. I
want to close some things up. Aha, my dad's bio daughter.
I've mentioned in the comments that both of my parents
have suffered from being adopted. They are both very transparent
about it and struggles they face. So if I was adopted,
they would say. My wee sister had no idea if
any of this has been happening, and she tried to

(14:36):
hit here and there, and there's no preferential treatment from
our parents or other family members by Granny. The only
reason I told her this is because I don't want
her to blame herself for the difference in treatment, and
I don't want her to think I blame her when
I don't. I don't believe my parents' intention of keeping
this from me was out of malice. It seems like
they'd done it out of misplaced sense of protection. My

(14:59):
parents aren't married, but they have engagement rings and I
have been together for more than twenty years. They didn't
get married due to certain family members passing away and
not feeling it right to do without them. For the update,
I was finally able to get my parents along today
and ask them point blank why my grandmother didn't like me.
I was while emotional, so I don't remember things word

(15:22):
for word, but I'll give it the most important notes,
some contexts that's important. My parents grew up here in
Ireland during the troubles, and my dad is a Protestant
and my mom is a Catholic, so they got together
in the mid to late nineties and they were sometimes
still are considered a mixed relationship. While my mom's side
of the family didn't have a problem with my dad's side,

(15:44):
really just my granny wasn't happy about it. Apparently my
granny treated my dad and his younger brother the same
way she treats me and my little sister. My dad
was always treated as second best to my uncle, and
it was obvious on holidays and birthdays and general treatment.
An example my mom gave us was that my granny,
when talking to others about how many children do you have,

(16:05):
she would say nine out of ten times, she only
mentions my uncle safe to say, she didn't hide her favoritism.
My dad and mom think that it was because she
had my dad out of wedlock, which at the time
in Ireland was less than ideal, putting it to putting
it mildly. My mom told me how Granny would interfere

(16:25):
in her and Dad's relationship when they were beginning to date.
My Granny would make side remarks and when visiting my
mom my dad's how she would rearrange everything to her liking,
and then criticize my mom for not cooking for my
dad after he came home from work, even when she
was also working. My dad also had memories of my

(16:47):
grandma intercepting phone calls and visiting from my mom before
they started living together. My grandma was excited when my
mom announced her pregnancy and was invested in being included.
I don't want to go I went to detail, but
I was born severely prematurely and health compulations from it
due to this. My parents were very protective and insistent

(17:09):
on how many people that they wanted to care for me.
I had to follow what the doctor said. Yeah, I
had to change my nap. They had to change my
nappy a certain way per doctor's order. My grandma didn't
see the point in this and would ignore them, and
my dad would put his foot down, telling her she's
either gonna follow what the doctor says, or she will
be left alone with me, or she wouldn't be left

(17:30):
alone with me. She blamed my mom for this. I
also wasn't a very openly affectionate child. I wouldn't awfully
freely offer hugs or kisses the family, and my mom
and dad never forced me to. You can guess my
granny didn't take that well and try to make me
hug her, and my mom and dad would stop her.
And then she blamed my mom, saying she stopped her

(17:51):
from bonding with me when I was born, and now
I'm acting like this. However, I remember I would run
up and hug, kiss, or cuddle with everyone on my
mind's side of the family, especially my granny on my
mom's side, and never felt forced with them, but my
granny on my dad's side. I always felt like it
was transactional to hug her. Wee's sister comes along and
she's my complete opposite, extroverted, openly, affectionate, and more. My

(18:15):
granny got all the hugs and kisses and codal from
her that she didn't get from me, and because my
sister didn't have any health complications, they were able to
bond unlike me and her. The ditch between my parents
and granny built over the years. My parents would have
both my grannies and granddads not for ei their family.
They were long standing parental frignurs to my dad, so

(18:35):
he and my mom asked them to be are Granddad's
and me and my sister for Christmas Day and dinner
every year. Now here's where they stopped talking to one another.
My mom and dad wanted to have one Christmas to
just be the four of us. My granny took this
as a personal attack and wanted to come anyway, and
my parents said no. Later after Boxing Day, I think

(18:56):
Mom and Dad go to Granny's house where they were
confronted her on her behavior, but especially for the obvious
difference in her treatment of me and my sister. My
uncle was there as well. What happened, apparently is that
my granny fiinged ignorance, and my dad exploded on her,
saying she wasn't going to let her pull the same
thing she did with him and his brother, and that

(19:19):
he won't let her make me feel less than because
of her own messed up mindset. My mom was arguing
with my uncle, he lives with my granny. My uncle
tried to physically put my dad and mom out of
the house, but my mom, all five to four of her,
was used to fighting her older brothers and dropped him
like a sack of crap. Aha, So she gonna say sacotators.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
That's what I thought too, especially since they're Irish.

Speaker 5 (19:44):
Well there would be no potatoes yep. Well, actually the
Potato Fami they only could eat potatoes.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
Well yeah, right, do you know how many potatoes it
takes to kill an irishman? None?

Speaker 2 (19:54):
One to treat for five none. No, but they have potatoes.

Speaker 5 (19:57):
They had potatoes and the Potato family that's all they
could eat. Well, that's not they just didn't really have
any ship.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
Said, sound like they were gonna eat people, what remember that?

Speaker 5 (20:05):
No, just there was no shipments going in because the
British were blocking it all.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
But remember they were like, we're gonna eat her own
cond here's how we're gonna do it. Remember that, I
don't really.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
I wasn't there satire. I never heard anyone say that
it was. I had to read that in seventh grade.

Speaker 5 (20:20):
Oh you had to read this side. Oh you read
the satirical piece about Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 3 (20:24):
Yep, yep changed my life. Anyways, from there, they said
she had promised to change, and they let her come
over it would make sure there was no favoritism. Now,
this and the fact that around this time one of
my granddad's passed and my mom's mother was declining in
her health, and I think some other family stuff was
happening as well as my dad's mom was worsening health,

(20:47):
and they didn't want to take our granny and that
relationship away from us at a young age, especially everything
that's happening. They generally believed that she had changed and
didn't want their problems with one another to affect me
and my sister's relationship with her only granny. I also
got them to explain to me what they meant with
me telling them sooner and what they meant was they
had known earlier, they would have fully cut her out

(21:09):
of her lives and made sure I knew it had
nothing to do about me, and it was her own
miscontract thoughts that she acts the way she does. They
apologized and over and over. I've seen my dad that
upset before. Man, that's very upsetting.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Well, that just very upsetting. Yeah, they just got to
block her off.

Speaker 5 (21:27):
Yeah, I feel like with someone like this, you can't
really just convince them to just like, hey, can you
like be nice now?

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yeah? You know she's it's she's not gonna get it.
She's not gonna know how to do that.

Speaker 3 (21:40):
Yeah, it's I don't know. I'm like, where why is
she like copying and pasting these relationships?

Speaker 4 (21:46):
You know?

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Yeah? I I totally know so much.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
Short, they generally thought my granny had changed due to
past experiences, and they never knew she was treating me
and my sister differently. I love my mom and my dad.
I don't blame I've never blamed him because I always
thought something was wrong with me, but that I was effective.
The only thing I wish I could do is tell
my younger self I wasn't the problem. I wasn't crazy

(22:10):
for believing that Granny didn't like or love me. I
just wish I could tell her she was a I
just wish she I just wish I could tell her
she wasn't defective.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
He was a child.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
Thank you all again for the comments. I really appreciate it.
More than you know what to do. Her health has
been declining and I don't know what to do.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yay, that was story. Yes, I overheard my mother calling
me lame. It made me curious your mom's lame? Yeah.
So last year my mom, thirty eight female, left my
dad for her old boyfriend Mike. Oh yeah, he got
out of jail. Yeah. Mom and dad were arguing a lot,
and she left to be with him. I wonder if

(22:48):
they had been arguing about Mike getting out of jail
a rough start. I've met Mike a few times, but
generally when I'm with Mom or at her place, it's
just her and me, because she says she doesn't want
to share her time with me with anyone else. By
the way, this country user is Zesty close Claw And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Shokay storytime subbured it so u except

(23:10):
since they've got together, my mom has changed a lot.
For one, she dresses different and is way more affectionate.
When she picks me up from school, She's always wearing
Lululemon and will wait outside the car and hug and
kiss me in front of everyone before we can go,
and sometimes she hugs me in the morning until I
wake up. She's made me start going to the gym
with her, made me start taking my uncle's taekwondo classes,

(23:31):
and on Sunday makes me wake up at six unless
it's raining to go on run. Dude, crazy, she's on program. Dude,
She's like, we got a run, we got a run.
Let's up and at him. This is Mike, Dude, She's
on Mike's program. Apparently. She always makes me get so
tired in the gym, and my uncle is harder on
me than anyone else in his class, and the morning
runs ruined Sunday for me. Dude, what is she training
you for greatness? I've told her all this, but she

(23:54):
says it's for my own good and especially gets upset
when I complain about my uncle. Today's ago. I tried
phoning my mom about something I left at her place,
and she didn't pick up. She butt doabbed me after
and when I picked up, I could hear her, but
she couldn't hear me, and she was talking to Mike.
It was just small talk. But then Mike brought me
up and I heard her say to Mike straight up,

(24:16):
he's so lame, just like his dad. Ah, is that
why she's trying to like train you for the Olympics.
She's like, he's so lame.

Speaker 5 (24:24):
I need a taping him mapa bet he's got to
be a truck star. I need him to be interesting.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
It is weird. It's weird. This is weird. Your mom's
a weird, fundamentally weird position to have on your kid. Yeah,
maybe she wasn't talking about you. Yeah, who knows. She's
giving like a CrossFit mom.

Speaker 5 (24:40):
Yeah, just like he said, he's just not strong enough
for these six am morning runs.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
He's got to be faster. He then asked if my
mom would choose him over me, and she said something
like obviously I'd choose my son, and that he needs
to start being active in my life so I end
up like him and not my dad. It made me
so mad, and I still feel that way, and yesterday
she surprised me by picking me up from my uncle's

(25:06):
class to take me to Dairy Queen, and I just
couldn't talk to her. She got really worried that something
was wrong with me, and when she dropped me off
at my dad's I know they got into an argument.
Am I the a hole for not telling her that
what that you knew? She called you lame? I why
would you be the a hole? Let's keep reading. I
need more information about this, Okay. Op On his uncle

(25:29):
and why Mike went to jail. My uncle would uh
uh his butt if they ever fought, and I'm pretty
sure Mike's afraid of him too, since we all had
a dinner and he was really quiet and polite to
him the whole time. I don't know why Mike went
to jail, and when I asked, my mom just said
it doesn't matter because he was innocent. And I don't

(25:49):
know how she knows that, but she believes it. Uh
op On why his mom is with Mike, No, I
don't know, but she's happier with him than she ever
was with my dad. They used a date when they
were in high school, and I guess she's always wanted
to be with him.

Speaker 5 (26:03):
Update, Man, I think you I guess you should talk
to your mom and figure out what she was talking about, because, like,
I don't know what's going on here, Like she's happy
with Mike. She said you were lame. That's all the
information we have here. All the answers to this are
also she's training you for the Olympics. Yeah, it's it's like, mom,
why are you doing this? Yeah, that's just like the question.

(26:23):
She'll be like doing what doing all of this?

Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah? Why do you need me to like join you
in all these things? Do you just like, do you
hate dad so much that like you can't stand that
I'm also half of him? Yeah, and so you're trying
to like program. I think they got half of him
that's in me, out of me. I think they have
to have some sort of conversation. They just got to talk, which, honestly, look,
being fitness and being into fitness culture is cool. It

(26:49):
does circle around, though, and become super lame at some point.
If it's just literally your entire life, that's true. You
could say that about pretty much anything. Yeah, anything in
access not great update. I'm not really sure what to type,
but I feel like I need to write about some
things that have happened. When I was writing my last post,
I was reading the Expanse books, and pretty much there's

(27:09):
stuff in the second one about moms not seeing their kids.
I know that's so different from my situation and it's
not real, but I think that it's what got me
really emotional and scared. And I didn't realize that until
I looked back at the comments. So my dad pretty
much told me that I needed to talk to my
mom because he didn't want to deal with her, and
she was going to pick me up from school so

(27:30):
we could work it out. Hate that that is dad's responsible. Yeah,
when she did, I just tried talking to her like
normal or lying, but she knew I was lying and
seemed really worried. So I told her everything and it
made her cry and I felt really awful. But then
she started apologizing to me, which was really weird. She
told me that she shouldn't have said that and she

(27:52):
was wrong to say it, and that I'm not laying.
But then why'd you say that?

Speaker 5 (27:56):
Well, okay, I'm not excusing that. I think that's like
really really hurtful. But you know, parents are humans and
sometimes they get annoyed by their kids and then they
say mean things about their kids. She didn't say it
to him, he overheard it. Doesn't excuse it. I think
you think it's worse actually that she oh she said it?

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah, well yeah, I think it is.

Speaker 5 (28:17):
I can be worse because he overhears it, and then
he's like, you're talking behind my back.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
I think if you think your kid's lame, you should go, buddy,
you're laying I think we have changes that would help
you live a better, more fulfilled existence.

Speaker 5 (28:29):
I don't think it's okay that she did it, but
I think that this they needed to talk about this,
and maybe maybe she'll come back around and be like,
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
I shouldn't have said that.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
I was dealing with things, But like she still still
is super and the wrong for doing it, but I'm
hopeful based off this reaction, we'll see.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
She said that I'm her only chot and that sometimes
she gets jealous of how much I'm like my dad
and wishes I was more like her. She ranted about
how much she hates my dad and now he ruined
her life and it was his fall. Never mind, she
went back around. Dang. I had hope for her for
about a second. That sucks. Then she started saying she

(29:07):
would pass away without me and promised she was going
to make it up to me and never say something
like that again. And since then she really has tried,
Like she'll come to school randomly during lunch and drop
me off lunch, or make special dinner for me, or
even help out with my uncle's classes. She's not as
good as him, but knows the lessons talking about taekwondo. Yeah,

(29:28):
but literally the week after, she also forced me to
go to counseling with her and is making me go
with her every week. Now. All we do there is talk,
and we've talked so much now about what she said
and how I felt and that I'm kind of annoyed
by it. So yeah, I don't really like it, but
she seemed to think it's helping, and she even said
once she should have made us go to the moment
she left my dad. Besides that, Mike proposed to my

(29:50):
mom and she accepted, and she honestly seems happier than
she's ever been. She's been hanging out with his daughter
and his niece a lot too, to plan her wedding.
I'm still not close to him or anything but I
don't know. I don't feel like I can say anything
with how happy my mom is. I mean, she's calling
all of our relatives to tell them the news and
telling me to start writing my speech. There's a little

(30:11):
more story, but Sophia, do your final thoughts too tricky.

Speaker 5 (30:17):
I think that it's good that they're going to counseling,
but also I think that the mom is trying to
like take off all responsibility from herself for what she
said and how she's been treating her kid.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah, she literally said it was your dad's fault that
I called you lamb, And I'm really hoping that, yeah, guy, Yeah,
I'm really hoping.

Speaker 5 (30:37):
That she learns in counseling that that was not okay
and that she needs to like own up and take responsibility.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
But right now, not seeing that, not seeing that, not particularly,
not particularly so Dad's been pissed off ever since he learned.
And the worst part is that after she made me
admit this in counseling, she listens to the therapist and
wants me to start going to sessions by myself. She said,

(31:04):
my uncle will take me on the days that she's
going to book for me, so I won't feel any
pressure from her. I just hate it. I hate talking
about these things, and I wish I didn't have to
now I think you should. I think you do need
to talk about them. You have some comments here. Opie
on if his mom would let him stop therapy. I
have no choice but to continue therapy. She's not going

(31:27):
to let me stop. Maybe she'd let me stop the
one we do together, but not the one where I
go alone, which again, I think you will actually get
a lot out of that. Opie on why his mom
isn't going to let him stop. I've tried telling her
that I don't feel like it's helping me, but she
just said that therapy is a process, that maybe going
alone will make it better, and that she's not going
to risk my mental health, and she should have had

(31:48):
me start going months ago. Opie on if his mom
cheated on his dad. She didn't cheat on him. I
know that while they were still together, they were both
arguing and yelling a lot about everything. I know she
wasn't happy back then. I just wish that she was.
MP on if he and his mom discussed her ranting
about his dad at therapy. I did tell him she
brought it up herself actually, and we talked so long

(32:08):
about it, and she agreed that she shouldn't have said that,
that it was wrong, and the therapist literally said, what
you said that it showed she's not taking accountability, and
then we wouldn't stop talking about it. It's just so exhausting.
Ope on how long his mom and Mike have been together,
and if they were, and if it was a fast engagement,
they didn't immediately get engaged. They've been together for about

(32:30):
a year now. I don't know why he went away,
but even if it was something bad, I just feel
it wouldn't break my mom and him up because she
already believes he didn't do anything wrong. Op On the
one useful part of therapy. My mom says that he
was joking about that, but I should focus on that.
She said she would choose me, But you're right that
it feels weird. That was probably the only useful thing

(32:52):
I feel we talked about in therapy, because I asked
if she'd still choose me when she and Mike have kids.
She told me she's not going to have anymore kids
because I'm all she needs. But besides that, it's just
talking on and on in circles and it's exhausting, and
that's the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (33:07):
Yeah, I think I think you'll probably find more success
in individual therapy than you will with your mother.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
Yeah, because you don't have to talk in circles at
that point. You can just talk about yourself what you
want to talk about. And because it sounds it does
kind of sound like your mom's kind of like a
everything is my way. Yeah, everything I do is the
right thing to do. Everything I think is the right
thing to think.

Speaker 5 (33:30):
And tell your a therapist like, hey, I don't think
this is working really, I like, I'm exhausted. This is
like frustrating me, Like talk about those things too.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
Also, she still can't make you go, brother, I just
want to let you know she can.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
You can.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
She can take you right to the therapist and you
can go. I'm not getting out of the car. I'm
not I'm not going to therapy.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
I'm not.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
I'm not going to do this anymore with you. I've
told you I want to do it. I'm not going
to do it. I'll do it alone. If she makes
you keep going with her, you do. You don't have
to short of a court order. I think there's no
way for that to be in forced. So she's putting
it out there, but that is the end of that story. John. Here,
we're gonna get back to this juicy story, but a
quick three minute of break of ads from our sponsors.

(34:08):
I refuse to speak with my father because he's still
friends with my ex. What a stinker.

Speaker 5 (34:16):
This is from the r slash okay storytime sub reddit.
This is direct you don't speak to this man and
also trigger warning mentions of substances. It begins eleven years
ago when I called off my wedding six months out
after an absolutely horrible night that only got worse and worse.
It started off when my fiance Mark crashed my high

(34:39):
school reunion and insulted my classmates with racial jokes.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Oh what a winner, yikes.

Speaker 5 (34:45):
When I asked him to leave, he left and went
to the bar next door, and we didn't speak for
the rest of the night. By the way, this comes
from Throwaway. Cue the drama, and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Separate it. So when I got home at midnight, he
was a tome.

Speaker 5 (35:00):
I went to bed angry with the sinking feeling in
my stomach, thinking that I'd like to call off this wedding.
When I woke up at am, Mark was not there
and I couldn't find my phone, my wallet, or my
car keys. I walked home from the bar, and I
could clearly remember everything from the night before. I started
to second guess myself, thinking that maybe I left everything

(35:21):
at the bar. But then how would I have gotten
in the house without my keys.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
It made no sense. I went outside to.

Speaker 5 (35:27):
Look for Mark's car, and I could see it a
few cars down. When I approached, I could smell the liquor.
I found Mark passed out behind the wheel, the engine
still running, and a pill bottle in his right hand.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
Uh. That's not the safest way to drive. No, yikes.

Speaker 5 (35:45):
Something told me to check the trunk, where I found
Mark's suitcase and opened it. No clothing, nothing at all
except my phone, my wallet, every purse I owned, and
my car keys. Mark denied having a drinking or prescription
pill problem for months at this point, and this was
my final straw.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
This felt like controlling behavior and I was having none
of it.

Speaker 5 (36:07):
This was one of the cusp of many other recent incidents,
including Mark ruining my bachelorette party, where I was with
my friends and two of his for several days in
a cabin. Mark called me incessantly, then sent me blasts
of angry texts when I didn't answer. When I called back,
he wanted to know what I wanted from the grocery store.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
I kid you not. Yeah, sounds like you might be
a little unstable, given that he's also an active addiction. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (36:31):
It would take me an hour to describe what else happened,
but it led me to realize that I was about
to marry a self absorbed person with serious issues which
he was in serious denial about.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
His wrisk taking behaviors were out of control.

Speaker 5 (36:45):
I gave Mark back the ring, moved out and changed
my number, leaving the dress in the closet and four
years of harmful relationship behind me. Whoo, I've learned the
hard way that when you're dealing with a self absorbed person,
if you embarrass them, you better be ready for payback.
Well Mark did anything and everything he could to embarrass

(37:06):
me back for calling off the wedding, including openly crying
in our small town barrows about oh I dumped him
for someone else?

Speaker 2 (37:13):
Not true, which, by the way, that's actually the perfect
way to do that. See how he said dumped me. Yeah,
he's nothing, he need it on him. Yeah, I actually
realized I like this guy. I probably shouldn't beata. Any
guy doesn't even know how to man. Forget this guy dude.

Speaker 5 (37:30):
Yeah, Like, honestly, he can go cry and make a
fool of himself. You just need to, you know, if
someone brings him up to you can be like, yeah,
he I realized he was having a whole thing with
himself that he needed to deal with.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
I'm not going to touch that. Yeah, but otherwise just
let him let him, you know, go cry in the town.

Speaker 5 (37:48):
Meanwhile, he lived with me, oh rent free for half
our relationship.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
I thought you were going to say he lived now currently.

Speaker 5 (37:55):
I was like, ah, well, you change companies and started
from the bottom up again. Mark and went so far
as to have cigars made up with our names and
wedding dates on them and pass them around at a
huge party in our town, joking that he may as
well use them if they're going to go to waste.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
Let me be clear, we never ordered these for our wedding.

Speaker 5 (38:13):
Okay, Since he had no way to contact me, I
just ignored the antics and figured they'd pass away.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
Eventually.

Speaker 5 (38:20):
I even got rid of social media so I wouldn't
have to hear any more small town tales, though I
ruined Mark's life. About two years into my relationship with Mark,
and just after we got engaged, things with my toxic
family got really out of hand. Mark told me that
I should just cut off my talks of family, and
I agreed, and I did. Even when I called off

(38:40):
the wedding to Mark, I stayed as strange for my family.
I actually ended up reaching out to my family years
later when I was getting engaged to someone new, and
within minutes of hanging out with my dad to tell
him I'd like to meet up, Mark texted me. Within
minutes of talking to your dad, Yeah, that's awfully suspicious.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Yeah, your dad gave him that number. Yep, yep on
my new number. Oh yikes, your.

Speaker 5 (39:05):
Dad, Well, we already know that you were cutting off
your family. Seems like you made the right decision, and
that when I asked him where he got the number,
he said, you're dad.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Well, at least he's honest.

Speaker 5 (39:16):
I can't even begin to tell you how my entire
world came crashing down in that moment. My dad confirmed
that he had been in touch with Mark the entire time,
including the two years that I wasn't speaking with my
family while I was still engaged and wedding planning with Mark.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
I explained, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait,
the guy who told you you should be cutting off
your whole family still talk to your dad and he's like,
you should get them cut him off.

Speaker 5 (39:41):
Yeah, he's like, you should cut them off. But I'm
I like him, so I'm going to stick around. Where
do they build this guy the silly boy factory, This
silly boy nonsense factory. I explained to my dad that
this was deeply painful to me that they were in touch,
and summarized all of the mental I had endured from Mark.
I explained to my dad that Mark was pills and

(40:04):
denying having a problem with it. My dad said that
he didn't believe me about the or the pills, that
he wouldn't stop being friends with.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Mark, and that they were now best friends. Are you
sure there's no way? I said that at the same
moment that came.

Speaker 5 (40:21):
It's funny, so much so, in fact, that they regularly
go on vacations together.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
What the frick the dads are like? I found a
pal you're trying to take from me. Friendship comes in
all shapes and sizes, Buddy, you could be friends with
anyone else on everyone else you know. You could try
to be friends with, like George Clooney or something. Please,
I would rather you bother George than be with this guy.

Speaker 5 (40:44):
That last part really irks me. I carried a lot
of guilt about cutting off my toxic family, but in
that single moment of time, I knew that it was
the right decision for me. I did not include my
family at my wedding and just carried on with life
without them, as I had been doing. About two years
after my wedding to my husband, my siblings reached out
to me and told me that one of our siblings

(41:06):
was severely ill and suggested that I come right away.
My husband and I drove back to my hometown to
meet up with my family for what I thought might
be the final time I would see my sibling. It
was a very uncomfortable drive down to see my family,
whom I hadn't seen in almost a decade. The whole
time I kept worrying that somehow Mark would be there,
but I didn't want to ask my family, if he

(41:28):
would be seeing my sibling felt like the most important priority.
When the door opened at my dad's house again, my
entire world came crashing down. What I saw in front
of me was even worse than seeing Mark. There in
front of me was every single piece of furniture from
the house that I shared with Mark. Back when we
were splitting. I told Mark that I never wanted to

(41:49):
see any furniture or any memory from our time together,
and that I was needing a fresh start and thus
leaving it all behind. Big mistake. Like a classic self
absorbed person, he made sure that I would see that
furniture again when I least expected.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
Oh no, he plotted.

Speaker 5 (42:05):
He was like, Oh, she's not gonna expect the furniture
to be in a parent's house.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
I used in the bathroom at Great and Barrol. He
just starts leaving.

Speaker 5 (42:15):
He goes to like all the places that she goes to,
like all the restaurants and stuff, and leaves like a
vase that they had the saltshakers, just on a table,
and she's like that looks so familiar, and she's going crazy.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
She's like, why is the baby grand piano in Chipotle?

Speaker 5 (42:31):
He gifted it all to my dad, including the bed
that we slept on crossis literally burn that.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Like, honestly, wtf.

Speaker 5 (42:40):
I tried so hard to just ignore all of this
and focus on spending time with my siblings. Thankfully, my
siblings did pull through, and the joy of that led
me to want to try again with my family. Not
too long after this for kindling with my siblings and
my dad, my family threw my dad a major milestone
birthday party, but they didn't because Mark was invited and

(43:03):
they apparently didn't want to make him and his fiance uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
What what are we taught? Where are your family? Why
are your family actively insane? Which one is your kid? Dad?
Which one is the child that is yours?

Speaker 5 (43:18):
I found out that Mark had spent every holiday with
my family for years at this point. Not too long
after that birthday party, Mark got married and my dad
was a groomsman in his wedding.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
This is crazy, that's honestly, pathetically, that's oh my god.

Speaker 5 (43:33):
Does anyone else think this is like really weird and
sort of bad luck for Mark's new marriage?

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (43:39):
After about four years of family things happening which I
wasn't invited to, and a few more failed attempts to
get my dad to understand why his friendship with Mark
was so painful for me. I came to the conclusion
that this was a losing battle. I stopped trying to
explain myself. I just stepped away slowly, again feeling betrayed
by my parent. Well, but here's where things get interesting.

(44:03):
My sibling told me that my dad and Mark's friendship
came to an end when Mark's wife found substances in
his bag. Apparently Mark cold called my dad asking if
Mark could come by to get my dad back at
the substances that accidentally got in Mark's bag. Ooh while
visiting my dad, and my dad refused to lie for

(44:23):
Mark and say that they were his. I mean, at
least he draws the line at being, you know, accused
of taking.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
The fall for this, which I bet you he didn't
even know about that.

Speaker 4 (44:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:33):
Apparently Mark's wife is filing for divorce.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Yeah, that makes sense. There is a little bit left
to this story. Do you have any final thoughts? Oh? Yeah,
addictions crazy, Yeah, I feel like we don't even know
what this guy really is.

Speaker 5 (44:49):
Yes, absolutely, And I think that it seems like, oh,
his dad is finally being like, oh, he is addicted
because he originally said I like, oh, I don't believe you.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
That's not true. That's not true.

Speaker 5 (45:01):
So now he has proof coming from Mark that that's true,
that Mark has a problem, and so I wonder how
he'll react to this. But there's a little bit left
to the story. With Mark out of the picture, it
felt like a good idea to get close to my
dad again, and I started to call him more. It
didn't take long before I learned that my dad and

(45:22):
Mark made up and Mark is back in the picture. Wow,
that was easy, And now I feel myself backing away,
But it feels like for good. I think you need
to Am I wrong for not wanting to stay connected
to my dad and just stepping away for good now
that Mark is again back of the picture.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Am I the AO for not just getting over it already?
Leaving is how you get over this? Yeah, you need
to leave.

Speaker 5 (45:45):
This isn't fixable because your dad doesn't want to fix it.
He wants to actively make it worse. He has no
desire to have a relationship with you because he cares
more about his relationship with Mark. But that, folks, is
the end of that story. You're not the ALP. Please
don't continue to try and have a relationship with a
person who doesn't care about you.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
Agreed. Hey, it's sam og host. We're gonnet back to
these delectable stories.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
But here's three of bits of ads from our sponsors
to help support the show.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
I started growing gray hairs because of how difficult my
parents were being. You're making me age. My son's high
school graduation was earlier this week. I had invited my parents,
both in their late seventies, at the beginning of the year.
They kept sea sawing oncoming or not coming. Eventually they
agreed to come like three weeks before their graduation, which okay,

(46:35):
cool whatever. They had to drive in from out of state.
And by the way, this comes from user cimarron gnome
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So day of
the schedule was pretty clear to them. Ceremony starts at
X doors open an hour beforehand. Be there fifteen minutes

(46:56):
before that because that is when parking opens up. Parking
is going to fill up quickly because over two hundred
and fifty kids were graduating, and you know, some of
these kids had about seven generations of family showing up.
Dang okay. I told them to meet me at the
parking garage at the fifteen minutes before doors open mark.

(47:18):
So what do they do leave their hotel located twenty
five minutes away one minute before that. I got witched
at for not waiting for them, even though fifteen minutes
after the doors opened it was turning into standing room only.
When we realized they weren't going to be here and
parked by the time the doors opened, my husband, other

(47:40):
kid and I went to go wait in the line, which,
thank goodness we did, because about five minutes later, the
line was down the street to the next block over.
They wanted us to come back out to get them,
which was impossible because the sea of people were all
pushing one way. Not about to battle an entire army
of people to get back out. No other way out either.

(48:03):
We were lucky to get the seats we did, because
by the time my parents texted they had arrived, it
was turning into standing room being the only thing left.
Is that normal? What kind of ceremony is this? I'm confused.
My mom then spent the entire first part of the
ceremony people watching with a super judgy face on. She
kept telling my other kid that the lady with all

(48:24):
the piercings and tattoos probably doesn't have a job going
nowhere in life. Blah blah blah blah blah, what a
fun person. I shushed her and got the look, which
no longer affects me since I just spent the last
eighteen years improving the look. Also, for some reason, my
son's full middle name didn't get read out. They just
said his initial instead. I don't know why or how

(48:44):
it got missed, but I nearly missed getting pictures of
my son getting his diploma on stage because she was
witching about it. Some pictures turned out blurry because she
kept smacking my arm. Luckily my husband got some pictures,
but like holy f I would have cried if we
didn't get some sort of decent picture. She snapped in
my other kid because we did the whole whoo. I mean,
his name was called compared to the other people in

(49:05):
the arena. I doubt he even heard us because it
was just me and the other kid. Husband couldn't because
he was trying to line up shots around people walking
in front of us. And his brain couldn't do two
things at once.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
Lol.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
I've always thought that's the dumbest thing ever. Did they
do that at your greg? Ho are you're not allowed
to cheer for each individual? I'm sorry you're gonna have
to like literally shut all the way up about that, dude.

Speaker 5 (49:27):
Yeah, I don't like that either. I understand that they're like,
we're trying to be quick and we'll cheer at the end,
but like, well, the parents are got to.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
Cheer for two seconds.

Speaker 5 (49:35):
The one problem I think it should just be like,
if it's not your kid, don't cheer for them.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
It's just like, what, like, what are we supposed to
be just like lizard robot people?

Speaker 5 (49:42):
Yeah, I think it's sally parents individual parents to like
shout for their child.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
Anyway, one of the kids speakers, who's I mean, maybe
class president, I don't know, was talking about evolution and
how we got to the point we were at today.
Classic speech. Yeah, my mom complained about.

Speaker 5 (49:58):
That they should be thinking God, God, God them here.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Thanks mom, not even a Christian school mother, but anyway,
she also complained because some of the young ladies were
wearing head scarves. They let them in this school, like
Jesus Christmas on a cracker. It's an effing public school.

Speaker 5 (50:16):
Mom.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
There's still people just like you, though probably less of
a witch bag. Also got comments from her about the
kids with green hair, blue hair, purple hair, and one
girl with clothes. They're just going nowhere in life clown clothes. Dude,
wherever you are in life, Grandma, I don't want to
be there. I do not want to be going towards
your end of the life. I want to mark exactly

(50:38):
where you're at, so all the way around.

Speaker 4 (50:41):
I want to go to this high school graduation. Sorry,
someone had a clown clothes. That's kind of sick, said
at the same time. So, Grandma, they just graduated, their
life is just starting. Girl with the clown clothes was
wearing a bunch of the different graduation chords and had
her name on the program with several scholarships listed. Pointedly
told my other kid, and this is why we don't

(51:01):
judge people based on their looks. They have tried to
talk my son out of going to his choice of college.
They think it's going to be too far away from me.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
Once we drop them off, we have to move across
the country because military orders, and that it is in
a bad part of town. They're trying to paint some
picture that my son is going to be, you know,
left for the vultures. The city the school is in
has some crime, obviously, but the college itself has released
their safety reports and haven't had much issues. Or I

(51:31):
used her favorite line when I voice a worry, I
think it's all left to God. It's funny. I'm not
even religious or Christian anymore, and honestly, that is some
of the best advice you can get. Managed to get
the look again when I said that they're here for
the rest of the weekend. We have another promotion ceremony
for other kid this weekend, eighth grade, so send help.

(51:53):
I think dealing with them has given me gray hairs.
And there's an update.

Speaker 5 (51:58):
I mean, Bay, I think honestly, Okay, the thing is,
I think your mom sucks, but I think this is
like very like someone said in the chat. They were like,
this is so like older mother daughter fight. Yeah that
is yeah, she's like this like super like, which does
not excuse it. But she's that annoying conservative family member
that you have that's always like yeah, and you have

(52:19):
to like stop and then like you kind of get
that little dig in or about the you know, it's
up to God.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
And yeah, if you don't have anything nice to say
anything at all, Yeah, just sit there and twiddle your thumbs.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
Yep. Update, I have gotten a few dms from people
wondering if I made it through my parents visit. Well
here I am. I did make it through, but my
relationship with my mother did not. Oo rough sounds like
it's probably for the best.

Speaker 5 (52:47):
Honestly, she sounds like she's stuck in her ways.

Speaker 2 (52:50):
We are currently not on speaking terms. Well, to be
more specific, I'm not on speaking terms with her, and
she has been refusing to accept that. The weekend after
my post, we had made plans to meet at ten am.
They showed up at eight am, ready to go with
no place to go. They made plans to stay for
so long, but made zero plans to fill that time,
thinking I would magically come up with something to do

(53:13):
at eight am on a Saturday morning, like I can't
even think straight due to lack of coffee at this hour.
I am not a morning person and have no idea
where my bra is, but sure I'll pull out something
to do from my butt. They were just like, let's
just do what you would normally would do on a weekend,
which number one, it would be physically impossible for them
to do, considering my mother probably needed a walker a

(53:34):
decade ago, but refuses to use it because it ages her.
And two, they have no interest in video games or
board games. I already tried getting them to play a
board game previously and my mom stuck her nose up
at that. And three lots to do here, but ninety
five percent of the thing's worth doing are outdoors. My
mom cries her head off if it's over seventy one

(53:55):
degrees outside. It's always I'm melting it's too hot, Like
she's the wicked witch of the Midwest. It's funny. I like, Okay,
you are cooking, right, cooking right now, man, you're cooking. Also,
my family and I don't really go out every weekend.
We like being home. We like being alone. I think

(54:15):
you just don't like people. So there, I was scouring
the internet for things to do with elderly people who
can't walk in our area and still getting hit with
go hike here are there all over there, while wondering
if parent daycare was a thing. Mom was chatting with
my husband when she decided to start talking about her
favorite subject, Ema Ima my stepsister slash her stepdaughter. But

(54:40):
the way she gushes about Emma makes you think Emma
craps gold nuggets and pukes diamonds, emeralds, and rubies, all
while having the cure to cancer in her head. While
our parents got married, she kept asking me, why can't
you be more like Emma? Like, I don't know, Mom,
maybe because I'm still a teenager while Emma is pushing thirty.

Speaker 5 (54:57):
That's totally insane to be, like, why get a sixteen
year old, I'll be more like an adult.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
It's ridiculous. And then the teenager's like, because she's she's
twice my age, she's thirty, she's my age times two. Naturally,
Emma was going to be more ahead in life. But
from the day they married until now, I was constantly
compared to Emma, told to be like Emma, and occasionally
called Emma. When I had a mental breakdown in my

(55:22):
early twenties and ended up in the psych word, I
was told to get over it or turn it over
to God. But when Emma had a similar situation, it
was all she needs all the help she can get.
Emma Mary's a crap stain of a man who mistreated her,
and my mom is ready to scorch the world. But
when I was dating a guy who turned out to
be harmful, it was my fault. You get the idea
double standards. Yeah, I have no real issue with Emma,

(55:46):
though it took me quite a bit in therapy to
get to the point where I'm no longer resenting her.
These days, we're mainly Facebook friends, liking each other's random photos.
So she's gushing to my husband about Emma. I'm only
half listening until I hear her say, clear as effing day,
Emma is like the daughter I never had. Ooh ooh
you sure about that? That's tough, man, you have a daughter? Yeah,

(56:10):
and I'd go I'd go knock, knock, knock, what's in there?
A bunch of rocks? We had to take you to
the home. You don't even remember I'm your daughter. Let's
go get you a neurological profile. Yeah, that would actually,
I think be the best way to do. Take it
extremely seriously, because she definitely said this on purpose to
hurt you, So you not need to take this probably
really seriously like a doctor. This is the age that

(56:32):
it happens, you're probably exhibiting early signs of dementia. Let's
get you to the hospital, right early onset Alzheimer's. I'm
getting Angry'd be like, nope, this is what happens to.
People get mad when they develop Alzheimer's. They start getting
angry at you. We're getting the car, I'm getting you
in the car, calling the police, calling the hospital, just
to bother her because she deserves it. My husband and
her husband went deer in the headlights, shocked. My son

(56:55):
eighteen said, wtf. It took my daughter fourteen a few
seconds long, and it probably that's what she heard, but
even she caught it. And she's not a morning person either.
I basically just said, well, I guess that's that. You
can get the f out now, dang saying all that business.
That's also in a very appropriate respont but're like, oh,
you don't have a daughter. I guess you can't be
in my house anymore. By yeah, of course, I was

(57:17):
hit by the oh what what did I do? What happened?
I was hit by that bit. My son repeated what
she said, so she started her gaslighting. BS, you took
it the wrong way. That's not what I meant. And
then you say, what do you mean? What did you mean?
The only thing that that means is no, no, no,
not the daughter I never had. It's just I wish
that this person was like it. I wish you were

(57:40):
like this person instead of all the things that you
are and the way that you be. I wish you
were a totally different person. That's what I meant. Yeah, yeah,
I think with the help of those who commented on
my last post, I shined up my backbone a little
because I just told her to get the f out.
My husband says, I told her, if you don't have
a daughter, then why the f I have some crusty

(58:01):
old farts in my house, and threatened to throw all
of her crap out the window. I don't remember saying
any of that, but my son backs it up. I
don't remember a lot in a few minutes it took
to get her tossed out. Oh, he's like, I blacked out.
I just went full hulk on her. Yeah, she was gone.
I mean makes sense after you put up with her
antics like at the graduation, well, your whole life. She

(58:23):
had literally from the geta fair After she finally left
my house, I broke down crying and got sick. Yeah,
I don't do confrontation very well. She keeps trying to call, text,
and email me, and my husband managed to get her
blocked on my phone, so at least I don't get
bombarded with calls and text anymore. She was call and

(58:45):
text boming me the first day before I blocked her,
I had over fifty missed calls and forty text messages
from her. She also managed to fill up my voicemail,
not that I listened to any of it. Husband deleted
all of them for me too. W husband. Yeah, she
only has my old email account that I use for
spam now, so I'm not really seeing those either. Though
last I looked over a week ago, there were around
twenty emails just from her. I'm starting to get a

(59:07):
few letters in the snail mail from her too, so
little joy. I guess she told some sob story to
Emma too, because she reached out to me. Luckily, she
listened to my side and just told me good for you,
thanks Emma. Yeah. See, Emma's not so bad. She just
is the favorite. It's not her fault. I was just
that victim of like, yeah, have you ever had that

(59:27):
moment where someone's like, yeah, that person rocks and you're
like no, no, no, don't like me person.

Speaker 4 (59:31):
Stop.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
Oh stop.

Speaker 5 (59:32):
It It's like when, yeah, like when someone's like who
you hate loves a person and you're like, well, I
gotta hate this person, and then you were like, oh wait, no,
they're cool today.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
Yeah. So she also told me she has never been
a huge fan of my mom for reasons like this,
Emma's ema, but she only plays nice and stays civil
for her dad's sake. It made me feel a little
better knowing that Saint Emma dislikes her too. I mean,
we're almost at the end here. I gotta say, yeah,

(01:00:04):
I think you can keep ignoring her. I yeah, I
think that you're better off.

Speaker 5 (01:00:09):
I think there are certain situations where you have a
frustrating family member and you can kind of just you know,
not focus on them, but still have them in your life.
In this case, I think it's gotten to a point
where literally everything she does is just hurtful and mean
and frustrating and annoying. And it's like I don't even
want her. I don't like it's doing nothing for me

(01:00:31):
or my kids to have her around. So until she
learns how to not be a narcissist. She can go
off and sit in a corner by herself.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Yeah, it's gonna be really hard for do that. Yeah,
let's finish this story. I was a mess for about
a week after everything happened. I still am a mess,
but less so. My husband and kids have been working
hard to distract me, and I have been keeping up
with my therapy sessions every week. She even got me
in for an emergency session next Monday. Luckily, my summer
is about to get busy.

Speaker 4 (01:00:59):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Husband is taking a month off, having a garage sale,
preparing to move to a new state, getting my son
ready for college, so I will have plenty to do
to keep my mind off things. I did tell my
kids they were allowed to have a relationship with either
grandma or grandpa, but they were both like nah, they
made my mom cry. Yeah, w kids, and then they
just proceeded to kick my button Mario Kart, which they

(01:01:23):
will do. The kids do that. Kids have a habit.
The kids they yet But folks, that's the end of
that story and the end of that episode. So if
you love us, make sure to subscribe. We love you
and Semamo

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I feel funny about my boyfriend hanging out with my roommate ALONE… they called me controlling! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP2113