I FORBID my roommate’s boyfriend to take a shower at our flat… because he’s freeloading! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and we have.

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Some rocking stories for you coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
But before you rock out with your socks out, I
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keeping the show rocking and rolling.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
I forbid my roommate's boyfriend to take a shower at
our flat because he's freeloading.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
Of the power and electrical bill just came in and
you gotta pay up, Gotta put a quarter in before
the shower starts.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
So I twenty one female, live in a two bedroom
flat with my roommate, twenty two female. We've lived together
for a little over a year and mostly things have
been fine. We split rent and bills evenly, and we're friendly,
though not super close, respect each other's space, and it's
been good up until recently. By the way, this comes
from users super Donut eighty eight to fifty nine, and

(00:46):
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the ar slash Okay Storytime subreddit. So about six months
ago she started dating this guy, twenty four male. He
was around once or twice a week at first, but
now he's here constantly, literally sleeps over five to six
nights a week, sometimes for full weeks consecutively. He's not
on the lease, does not pay rent, does not bring

(01:09):
shopping home, and does not help with anything at all.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
I've never said much because I get it, it's your boyfriend,
and I didn't want to start drama. But what's been
bothering me lately is the shower thing. He showers all
the time, like twice a day minimum, sometimes more, and
every single time he uses my stuff. He uses my shampoo,
my conditioner, my face wash, razor deodorant.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
Yeah, I noticed.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
I didn't even say anything the first few times because
I thought maybe she let him borrow something once, But
this is just ongoing now. I've moved all my things
into my room and carry them back and forth like
I'm at a camp or something. I brought it up
to my room made a while ago, and she just
went He probably didn't realize and didn't do anything about it.

(01:57):
Last week, I finally said something more direct and told
her I wasn't comfortable with him showering here constantly, especially
since he doesn't live here, doesn't contribute anything, and uses
my stuff. I told her I'd feel different if he
at least bought his own stuff or chipped in somehow.
She got super annoyed and said he doesn't have any
money right now, so it's not like he can buy
his own things, and that I was being cold and controlling.

(02:20):
She told me I was overreacting and that it's just hygiene. Well,
that he can use your products. Babe, what are we doing?
I snapped and said, it's not about hygiene, it's about
boundaries and respect for what it's worth.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
I wouldn't have even minded grabbing him some.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
Basics if she just asked, But she didn't, and neither
did he. They just assumed I'd be fine with it.
And honestly, I don't even really like him. He's not awful.
He's just kind of moochie and not self aware at all. Yeah,
he sounds entirely selfish. He's a selfish, unemployed man child,
mooching off of his girlfriend who seems to think he's
the best things in sliced bread.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
That hit hard?

Speaker 5 (02:55):
Thank you?

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Where'd this comfort? That was a full thought?

Speaker 3 (02:57):
It's come from I usually don't do my God, he's
just getting front row in the splash zone for Mike's way.
So maybe I'm being harsh because I already find him annoying. No,
he's stealing your toiletries. Now, my roommate's barely speaking to
me and told one of our mutual friends that I'm

(03:19):
being weirdly territorial and passive aggressive over a guy taking
a quick shower.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Part of me feels bad because he is broke, and
maybe I'm being too harsh, but I also feel like
I'm being walked over in my own home. I need
unbiased advice. Am I the a hole? There's an update.
Apparently there were some comments telling op to talk to
the landlord since the guests aren't allowed to stay over,
and that would solve a problem. However, you know, now
you're gonna have to live with that roommate, and it's

(03:45):
like it's gonna be that.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
I think you just need to go.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
Look if he's gonna literally live here, I'm paying his
water bill, I'm paying his electric bill, he's eating our food,
he's using my shampoo.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
He's gonna have to pay something.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
And if he can't pay anything, he can't stay here
like he's a roommate.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Yeah, or you're gonna have to cover him. He needs
to get a job, yeah, or whatever's keeping him from
making money.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
So I go and visit Angie's parents from Tom to tom,
and I say it like on their couch over the weekends.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
I kind of feel bad.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
But what I do to like help out with that
is like I'll cook dinner or I'll clean up whenever
I can. I usually cook dinner every other week i'm there.
Like I made steaks last time I was there with
my like marinage, Remember those stakes I made you go, yeah, yeah,
I made those sticks and some good meat right there,
and I made potatoes and stuff, or like I'll make
something quick for them. I try to keep up be
tiding and stuff like I'm yeah, you're being a good guest.

(04:33):
I'm trying well. She can need to be a good guest.
This guy doesn't care about being a good guest. Yeah,
he doesn't care about something. He cares about his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
It's just convenient. We do have an update.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
I ended up having another conversation with my roommate after
she got home, mostly because I couldn't keep walking around
like everything's fine when it's really not. And the comments
I read from my previous post helped me to really
come to that conclusion. I told her as calmly as
I could that this situation is seriously getting to me.
I get it that she's in love, but I'm not
just some side character in her life who has to
deal with the boyfriend constantly being in our home. I

(05:02):
told her flat out that it's been months now of
him basically living here, eating, showering, lounging around, sleeping over
five to six nights a week, and it's crossing the line.
She just kind of blinked at me and said I
was being heartless, literally said those exact words. She said,
I had no compassion for her relationship, or for him,
or the fact he had barely any money and needed

(05:22):
somewhere to stay most days and needed food. She accused
me of being dramatic and of caring more about shampoo
than a person who means the world to her, and
I just snapped. I told her this isn't about shampoo.
It's about the fact that her boyfriend, who doesn't pay rent,
contribute to bills, and isn't even on the lease, has
been using all of my personal stuff for months without asking.

(05:45):
Literally never asked, not once, and neither did sheat he
just started helping himself to my shampoo, my conditioner, my razor,
my face wash and m de odorant, like I'm running
a free hotel and he's a guest. And the worst
part is he barely he even talks to me. This
man's been living in my space for months and I
swear we've had maybe two conversations ever.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
Oh my, that's so freaking cringe.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
Dude.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
Anyone that ever says on my house must and should
be okay with old roommates here, Angie, like whenever I
invited her to like a bot.

Speaker 4 (06:18):
Look, I want to see how she vibes with my
friends and stuff. I'm not cool with anyone that just
doesn't talk to me here, like if hear in my space,
how's it been, how's the parents, how's the work going?

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Hanging? Yeah, it's off to the left, nice, slid to
the left. Half the time.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
He doesn't even say hi when he walks in the
door and just walks straight past me like I'm invisible,
and hops in the shower with my products like it's
no big deal. So I can't believe I've had to
put up with it for this long. I told her,
if either of them had asked, even just once, I
probably would have been chill about it, like yeah, he's broke.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
I get it because times are hard.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
I would have even offered to grab him a few
basics if he was short on cash, but no one
said anything. They just silently decided it was okay for
him to mooch off me and my stuff and my
space without so much as a conversation. Like I don't
get a say in any of this. She got super defensive,
like arms crossed and a full on attitude and said something.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
Like, well, he's my boyfriend and I'm allowed to have
him over. It's my home too.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
And I said, yeah, you are allowed to have him over,
but let's not pretend like he's just here.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Sometimes he's always here.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
He's been here mower nights than not for the past
few months, and when he's not sleeping over, he's still around.
He's basically moved in without actually moving in. And if
he's gonna act like he lives here, then he needs
to contribute like he lives here. And by the way,
Girly Pop, actually it's not cool for your boyfriend to
live there because that goes against the agreement you signed
in your release, yo, So like quite literally from a

(07:48):
legal position, it's actually not cool.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
From like a person to persons situation.

Speaker 3 (07:52):
It's like, yeah, realistically, no one's gonna just have an
issue unless there is one.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
And there is one, can you sue stealing all her stuff?

Speaker 3 (08:00):
And you sue no, but you could definitely like report
it and then she'd be But you know that's a
headache for everyone.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
You don't want to have to do that. Yeah, got
a headache. Yeah, you're you're a poisononic pull out the
rental agreement. I ain't concern, but I mean that's I'd
be like, dude, you literally can't do this. I'm letting
you do this. So you again, you need to understand
what's quan But every time OP brings up boundaries many
she's like, I don't like that.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
I don't like that. I'd have to change.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
So my roommate just rolled her eyes at all of
that and said, and I quote, get used to it.
He's my boyfriend and as I said before, he has
barely any money so wouldn't be able to contribute anything.
And that was it for me. I've been so patient.
I've tried to be understanding. I've given them the benefit
of the doubt over and over again. But at this
point I feel completely disrespected and walked over in my

(08:48):
own home. I've realized I'm not overreacting. I'm reacting to
months of not being heard and being treated like I
don't matter.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
I'm calling our landlord tomorrow morning.

Speaker 3 (08:59):
I'm going to explain that this guy has effectively moved
in and he's been staying here for weeks on end,
using amenities, taking up space, and not paying a single
penny towards rent or bills. And if he's going to
keep staying here, he needs to start paying his share.
I did not want it to come to this, but
I'm not going to keep carrying the weight of a
third person in this flat just because my roommate's in

(09:20):
a relationship.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
She made it clear she's not going to do anything
about it.

Speaker 3 (09:25):
So now I have to thank you for your responses
on the previous post. It really helped me come to
terms with the situation. And we've got a second two
things top day. Two things here right now. One, make
sure the landlord is watching whenever they move out. To
have probably some tall guy friends or guy friends there
that look muscular in some way, shape or form intimidating.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
We're looking for that. Just make sure everything goes peaceful
as they can, because I'm afraid. Hey, I just called
the landlord on you and sold you and your hoopsy
pootsy girlfriend to get out of my place. Ha ha ha.
They're probably gonna lie. We can't do anything about hoopsie poopsie.

Speaker 4 (10:00):
They're probably gonna like take a baseball bat to your
TV or like your aquarium or like anything that you
have that's very valuable.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
Op he's a fishmonger. Yeah, update too.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
Thank you guys for all of your help and comments
on my prior post. And yes, if you can tell,
I've taken on board the advice about paragraphs and capitalization. Sorry,
I'm so used to typing with no okay blah blah
blah okay. This morning I spoke to my landlord. I
was so anxious before calling because I didn't want to
feel like I was like tattling or trying to blow

(10:31):
things up, but I also knew I couldn't ignore it
any longer. He picked up quickly and was actually really
calm and professional about everything. Yeah, it's his job. I
explained the situation as clearly and fairly as I could,
and told him that my roommate's boyfriend has been staying
over five to six nights a week, sometimes more, using
all of our utilities, taking over our shared space, and
even using my personal things like it's all free despite

(10:52):
not paying a single penny towards rent or bills or
even any of the shopping. The landlord paused for a moment,
and he told me that it wasn't okay. He told
me that technically, under the lease agreement, guests are allowed
for short stays like an occasional overnight or a weekend,
but then said that's very different from someone else effectively
living in the flat, and that if someone is staying
over more than a couple of nights a week on

(11:12):
a consistent basis, that counts as an unofficial tenant. He
said that if my roommate wants him there full time,
he needs to be added to the lease and start
contributing to rent and bills immediately. Otherwise, he said, her
boyfriend will have to seriously cut back on how often
he's staying over, and if my roommate refuses to cooperate
or tries to keep things as they are, it could
result in her being in.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
Breach of the lease agreement.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
He said she could face consequences including possible eviction if
this continues without resolution.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
That honestly shook me.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
A little bit, but also validated that I'm not overreacting.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
Now onto the awkward part.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
A few hours ago, at around five pm, her boyfriend
showed up again. As he came in and went to
walk past me like usual, I stopped him and said
I needed to talk to him.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
Oh oh.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
He looked caught off guard and kind of gave me
that fake confused about what expression, but I still firm,
and I said I just needed to clear the air.
I told him I had noticed he's been staying here
constantly using all my stuff, such as my shampoo and
my face wash and my razor.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yes, I get a new razor.

Speaker 3 (12:11):
The same day I noticed he was using mine a deodorant,
all of it without ever asking. I said, I was
really uncomfortable with it, especially since he's not on the
lease or contributing anything.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
I would be uncomfortable even if he was on the
lease and contributing stuff that's my stuff. Also, i'd be
uncomfortable livenue in my house not talking to me. Yes,
will you don't talk to me?

Speaker 3 (12:29):
You use my bathroom supplies like we're siblings or something
when you don't even stop.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Yeah, this is kind of weird.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
Also, if this is the first time you have approached
this guy to say this, you waited a little longer
than I think you should have.

Speaker 5 (12:43):
I get it.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Not everyone's good at confrontation. Getting ahead of it's always
better than letting it linger. So that's when he got defensive.
He didn't yell or anything, but his tone immediately turned
snappy and kind of guilt trippy. He said something like
he was sorry he didn't have somewhere else to go
right now, and that he was in a deep place.
He then said that he wasn't trying to make my
life hard and that he was just trying to survive.
Then he launched into this whole monologue about how he's unemployed,

(13:06):
struggling with his mental health, and that his family all
cut him off and he can barely afford food, let
alone shampoo, and how my attitude is just another example
of people turning their backs on someone who's already at
rock bottom.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
You're moving into rock bottom, dude. You signed a lease.
You know what I'm saying to this guy? Cowboy up, Dude. Oh,
I'm unemployed and my feelings are hurt. And my family
turned their backs on me. It's like, gee, was it
because you've been unemployed and you won't get a job?
Is that that's just a shot in the dark.

Speaker 4 (13:32):
He said he has some mental health issues he might
like struggle with, like relating to people and stuff.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
Would you say cowboy up to that part if that
was the case.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yes, But cowboying up for your mental health doesn't just
look like gritting your teeth. Cowboying up for your mental
health looks like getting into therapy, looks like taking actionable steps.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
I don't think that is true. Yeah, but you got
a cowboy up, dude.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
He even asked if I think he wants to be
in this position, or if I think he feels good
about the way he lives. Like I was supposed to
feel guilty for bringing up. I stayed calm and told
him that I wasn't trying to kick him while he's down,
and that if he had just asked me, I probably
would have said yes, and I might have even bought
him some basics. But he didn't ask, and he just

(14:15):
started helping himself like it was owed to him exactly.
He didn't really have a response to that other than
shrugging and muttering. Then I didn't really think I was
a big deal, and that my roommate told him it
was fine. I said, it is a big deal to me.
This is also my home, and he has been treating
it like a free house that he's allowed to live in,
and that's not sustainable anymore. I told him, my landlord's

(14:36):
going to get involved now and things will have to change.
Either he gets added to the lease and starts paying
his share, or he stops staying over all the time. Yeah,
and if neither of those happened, my roommate could end
up being evicted. He got quiet after that, gave me
some sort of annoyed half apology, and went into her room. Honestly,

(14:57):
I think he was more embarrassed than anything.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
We had to put your foot down.

Speaker 4 (15:00):
I know your room is gonna be mad at you,
but you had to say something because you were gonna
kind of like keep letting this happen if you didn't exactly.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Like you said, it's unsustainable. Something has to change.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
However, I'm not backing down now because I've done my
part and I've been patient. I've communicated like an adult.
So what happens next is on them. No word yet
from my roommate after her convo with the landlord, which
I assume happened as my landlord doesn't usually say stuff
and not follow through with it, And she still hasn't
come back home, which leads me to the belief that
she's furious. That said, I'm done prioritizing her comfort over

(15:34):
my own peace of mind, as I've been more than fair.
I will update again if and when my roommate says
anything to me. Also, I've officially locked my shower stuff
away and the snacks that I had previously bought, which
were my snacks I bought with my money. I went
to Argo's this morning and got one of those little
lockable storage boxes and slid it under my bed. As

(15:54):
some of you suggested, I made a very unique four
digit code for it too, so hopefully my roommate's boyfriend
doesn't go to the extreme of trying to open and
snoop through a locked box. Thank you so much for
all of your comments and constructive criticism of my non.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Capitals in paragraphs.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
But hopefully this one's easier to read, and we have
a third update.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
I think let's go ahead and get into it. Thank
you all for the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Okay, I'm hoping this will all blow over soon, as
confrontation is not my thing in general, and this is
a situation I really don't want to be in, as
I don't want to be the reason someone who's already struggling.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
Ends up on the streets.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
But you wouldn't be, really, And before I get into
the latest update, I did see a comment asking why
I didn't just ask her why he doesn't use her stuff,
and the answer is because he already does. He uses
both of our stuff whenever he feels like it, but
for some reason, it's mostly mine he grabs. Anyways, my
roommate came home about an hour ago, just before twelve pm,
and it was obvious from the second she walked through

(16:49):
the door that she was furious. She slammed the front
door shut, slammed her keys a little too hard on
the side table, and threw her bag down. I was
in the living room at the time, and the energy
shift was instant. I waited a moment and then came
out from the living room, said hello and asked as
gently as I could if everything was okay. She didn't
answer right away and just stood there with her jaw clenched,
before blurting out that she couldn't believe I actually called

(17:11):
our landlord. Dang, you couldn't believe I did the thing
I told you was going to happen if you didn't
do the thing I asked you to do.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
Come on, this was on you, man, Come on.

Speaker 3 (17:18):
Yeah, And then she asked me why I was being
so drumatic. I stayed calm and said that I had
already told her I was going to do this if
nothing changed, and that I did not go behind her back.
She gave this bitter laugh and said something along the
lines of yeah, well, now, thanks to that, our landlord
told me, in no uncertain terms that boyfriend's name is
not allowed to stay more than two nights a week

(17:39):
anymore unless he starts baying rent.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
She was absolutely livid. Wouldn't the other solution have just
been easier? Yeah, like, hey, you could buy some groceries
or stop using my stuff. Yeah, that's it. I mean,
she gave you out, but you didn't take it, so.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
You know, it's really bad for your mental health. A
lot of times, not having a dog in unemployed dude.
Oh yeah, it's not good for your mental that can really,
especially if it's been months and you're just living like
a mooch, You're gonna fel pretty bad.

Speaker 4 (18:05):
I don't think I've ever filled that feeling, because you're
such a hard worker, dude.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
She was absolutely livid.

Speaker 3 (18:10):
She asked me if I even understood what that meant,
and then she said, he literally has nowhere else to
go right now, and he's been staying here because he
doesn't have a home, not because they were trying to
take advantage of me or something. She kept telling me
he was struggling and would have no money to pay
rent or bills, And now what is he supposed to
just wander the earth and the cold at night and
freezed while you and I quote sleep soundly knowing your

(18:33):
shampoo's safe and sound. That last line was so sarcastic
it would have been funny if it wasn't so frustrating
and guilt tripping. I took a deep breath and said
that it was not about the shampoo. It was about
how he's been here constantly, like literally living here without
ever being asked to contribute anything, and literally had barely
even acknowledged me. Ever, I mentioned that I tried to

(18:54):
talk to her about it twice and she blew it
off both times.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
What else was I supposed to do?

Speaker 3 (19:00):
She crossed her arms and looked at me like I
was the most cold hearted person alive. She told me
he was her boyfriend, and of course she would want
him here, that he's going through so much, and now
I've made it so he feels completely unwelcome, which he is.
He's unwelcome now he has made himself unwelcome.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Once you overstay, you're welcome. It's really hard to get
back into the welcome stage. You gotta do a lot.

Speaker 4 (19:22):
Honestly, one cooked, good meal away from getting back into
the welcome stage.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
It's actually not that hard, I think.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
So a nice apology, some flowers, and a nice cooked millez.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yeah, he does some chores, study.

Speaker 4 (19:39):
With Haru says. Has the boyfriend said anything about him
looking for jobs? I don't think, literally.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Know, like he won't. That's the thing I get it.
Mental health, Hey, mental health and mental health.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
But if your mental health means you can't get a job,
you gotta get disability. You gotta get whatever resources you
can get from the state or the government. Wherever you're at,
they exist so and then if you're not doing that,
he tells me, that's not really what this is about,
is it. So she told me his family just cut
him off one day with no reason, and all of
his friends stopped talking to him too, and apparently treated

(20:09):
him awfully red flag, which in my opinion, seems ironic,
but I don't know, maybe that's just me. Apparently he
called her after I confronted him earlier and told her
that he's going to stay at a friend's place tonight,
and he sounded like he was about to cry before
he hung up the phone. Then said this was just
another example of people not giving an f about him
when he needs it most. I literally didn't even hear
him leave, so he must have crept out. I could

(20:30):
feel the guilt tripping in every word that was said.
But honestly, I've reached the point where I'm done letting
it work on me. I said, I'm sorry he's going
through a rough time, but this is my home too.
I pay rent, I pay bills, I keep this place
going just like she does. I'm not an extra in
her relationship. She brought someone into this space without asking,

(20:52):
let him treat it like it's his and didn't lift
a finger when it started affecting me.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
That's not okay.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
And she went quiet after that, still clearly annoyed, but
with nothing left to say that wouldn't sound like more
of the same. After a few seconds, she just said,
I hope you're happy, walked off into a room, slamming
the door behind her. When one door closes, another door opens.
Do you have any closing thoughts here? Riley, dude, you
just gotta key on. Honestly, you saw your true colors
of your roommate. I say, you know you got this going,

(21:21):
and then probably try and figure out how to get out.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
Of a lease with her, because this just ain't gonna
work out unless she gets unthmatized. She understands what she's
going through, and you can go from there.

Speaker 4 (21:33):
And that's crazy. I think that's what you can need
to do. You need it, yeah, hipaniser from out of that.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
Now.

Speaker 6 (21:38):
It's a hastile environment. You walk into your house, your apartment, whatever,
and you're stressed out. You go straight to your room
and you can't actually enjoy your home at this point.
Do you pack your things up and move out and
just get your own place.

Speaker 3 (21:53):
We're at the end here, let's let's finish it off.
I'm not happy. I didn't want it to come to this,
but I am also not sorry. I've been way more
patient than I should have been, and I've tried to
handle this like an adult. I don't think her boyfriend
feeling unwelcome is because I'm cruel. It's because they've both
acted like the rules don't apply to them, and that
is not my fault. So I guess this is where
things stand for now. Tense, awkward, and probably about to

(22:16):
get worse before they get better. But I feel like
I can see the horizon of no more stolen shampoo,
and hopefully this will all be over soon. Thank you
for all of your comments. Mean a lot to me
because everyone sided with you. You were not the crazy for sure.
Yeah yeah, that's also that story. I want to know
a little bit more about OPDF. Friends that you could
reach out to. Do you have things that you can do,
like resources that you can take. I know, I think

(22:37):
there's just you got to get out of this.

Speaker 5 (22:40):
My vegan friend keeps freaking out over food that she's
not even eating. Dude, why do you have beef? Oh?
I'm wondering if I was the a hole here. So
I love cooking and love to host. Bearing in mind
all of us, including me, are Muslim and we all
eat halal meat. One of my friends became vegan last

(23:00):
When we go out for meals, we try to accommodate
her by going to places that facilitate vegan food. By
the way, this comes from aad, I don't know if
that's how you say your name. Sorry twenty twenty hey,
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the our sash Ok storytime subreddit. So that limits
most of our choices, as most places that serve how

(23:20):
all food don't cater very well to vegan food. So
we moved to a new place and I decided to
invite friends over for dinner. I called my vegan friend
beforehand and asked her what she would like me to
make and what brand she wanted me to use. I
assured her that I would cook everything separately for her,
there would be no cross contamination. Food was served and
she liked it. One of my friends brought for dessert
homemade cheesecake that her mom made. I had already brought

(23:43):
a vegan dessert for my friend, so I assumed, no problem.

Speaker 7 (23:46):
Yeah, well, she had a meltdown and screamed at the
person who brought the cheesecake.

Speaker 5 (23:52):
I asked her to calm down and not raise her
voice in my house. She took friends and then left
and said that I didn't appreciate her mind you. So
for a whole year we have catered to her choice
of food and places to eat out. Later on, we
decided as a group we couldn't let her selfish antics
affect us. In a group chat, we discussed going out
in two weeks to this new law buffet opening in town,

(24:13):
and we checked that it did have vegan products. Well,
said friends straight away objected, So I told her when
we next go out, you can bring your own food
and we can enjoy eating out. So am I the
a hole? We do have an update, But do we
think that Opie's a hole for that? Not at all.

Speaker 7 (24:28):
She's the a hole for screaming at your friend for
bringing cheesecake. Yeah, you don't like to eat it, No
one's force feeding you cheesecake, girl.

Speaker 5 (24:35):
Yeah, and Opie was doing such an amazing nicer. Yeah,
she's making a whole separate meal just for her and
bringing vegan desserts. Crazy, that's so easy work update though, So,
after what happened, I created a new WhatsApp group with
all my friends apart from the vegan one, to discuss
what happened and what did you going forward. We all
agreed that we had enabled her behavior by being too

(24:57):
accommodating and that she was rude. Someone suggested I have
a chat with her one on one to see if
there were issues going on with her, as her outburst
is unlike her. She can be self centered but never
been that rude before. I agreed to the suggestion, but
told the group that I will keep the chats as
backup that we all are on the same page in
case she accuses me of bullying her and she would
know it is not just me. Wait, so it's like,

(25:19):
if you get accused like for a bullying, you're gonna
take down everyone else with you. Like She's like, no, no, no,
I'm not the only bully. Yeah, we all are bullying
behind her eye on op they're like name names, name nags.
She's like fine, No, I texted her and asked her
to meet me at my place. The reason for that

(25:40):
is so that number one, she doesn't have a meltdown
in public to number two if she crosses the line.
I was just going to ask her to leave my home.
My husband was on board with this, and he said
that he would wait outside in the car so she
doesn't feel uncomfortable. She wears a headscarf and when we
get together we usually are girls only, so those of
us who wear headscarves can take it off. She agreed
to come. We met and after greeting, I asked her

(26:02):
upfront if there was an issue. She was taken aback
and asked why. I informed her that what happened last
time was unlike her and if she is having a
hard time. She denied it in the beginning, but then
burst into tears. That day, she had an argument with
her fiance in regards to her future mother in law.
She is the only vegan in the family and wanted
the wedding menu to be all vegan in our culture,

(26:22):
Middle Easter and the groom pays for the wedding, and
her mother in law said that while some of the
menu can cater to some vegan dishes, there will be
non vegan as well for others. As her mother in
law said that is not up for discussion as they
are paying for the wedding. Her fiance, while supportive of her,
agrees with his mom, and he stated to her that
she can eat what she wants, but he is non
vegan and will not adhere to her diet at home

(26:45):
or when eating out. I asked what happened since she
said that the relationship was shaky and she gave him
an ultimatum, it was either her, in her views, or
his mother what he bluntly told her. While he loves her,
he wants a partner that would accept both him and
his family. He said that if his mother disrespects her
or anyone else in his family, he would beerate them

(27:05):
and defend her, but in return, she also has to
give the same amount of respect back to him and
his family.

Speaker 7 (27:11):
Just don't expect other people to adhere to your dietary restrictions.

Speaker 5 (27:15):
That's all we need here. That's it. Just be respectful
to everyone's desire to eat whatever they want. Let the
meat meet Yeah. I asked her did her mother in
law ban vegan food from the menu completely? She said no.
She said that there will be both.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (27:30):
I asked her when she visits her fiance's family, do
they provide vegan food for her. She said, yes, they do.
I told her that she was selfish and only thought
of herself. Yeah, like that poor guy. She's like, you
have to truth me or your mom, and he's like, dude,
I just want to atak. Yeah. Like that was really
just seemingly the only reason that the mom was like
she felt like the mom was against her. Yeah, just

(27:52):
because of that. And it's all working out, so you
don't gotta just ban the mom from the family, like literally,
but I said to her that if they had not
accommodated her at all, I would tell her to leave
the relationship. I told her that we had tried to
be respectful of her choices for over a year, but
we won't be doing that any longer. That she is
entitled and the world doesn't revolve around her. I showed

(28:14):
her the group chat where we all agree that if
she continues to be disrespectful, she won't be invited out
any longer with us. I told her that she needs
to be grateful her fiance was being patient with her.
If my husband had been rude to my mother like that,
I would have broken off the relationship. She raised her
voice on me and slapped me all of a sudden, No,
you're done.

Speaker 7 (28:34):
Oh my gosh, you slap someone, you slap anyone, like,
let alone your friend, bye girl.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (28:41):
Like, honestly, I think op is kind of being rude,
but like, at the same time not worth us to laugh.
You do not need to bring violence into the situation.
That's so insane. Violence is never the answer, never the answer.
That's right, Riley, good job. I told her to get
out of my house before I call the police for
a harmful act. She said, who would believe you? And

(29:03):
then I told her that I had recorded our old
conversation whoa what, just in case she lied. Later on,
she left and I messaged the friend group explained what
happened and told them that I'm done with her and
if they want to hang around with her, I'm fine
with it, just to tell me as I don't want
to see her. They were all shocked, and I am
now grieving the loss of a friend who I've known

(29:25):
since I was eleven years old, and we do have
a second Opdor. Yeah, I grieve it. But also she's
not that cool. Yeah, she's pretty uncool even before the slab.
If you feel the need to like tell your friend
you are entitled and the world doesn't revolve around you.
It's not your friends. I don't think that's your friend

(29:46):
because why would you want to be friends with someone
that you have to say that to? And also, like,
I don't know if someone was my friend and they
were acting like entitled or something like that, I call
it out.

Speaker 7 (29:55):
Probably wouldn't say it like this though, No, so I'd
be texting in a group chat saying if.

Speaker 5 (30:02):
She ever does this again, yeah, it's like No, I
would talk to her directly like an adult.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (30:08):
But we do have a second update. So it's been
a while since I last posted about my friend who
was vegan. We ended it with her slapping me. What
I didn't mention in previous post was that I was
heavily pregnant, whoa needless to say. My husband was furious
and wanted to press charges, especially since I had it
all recorded. He said, what if you or your baby

(30:30):
were harmed? Also, we had a four year old who
was asleep in his bedroom when the ex friend came. Anyway,
I convinced him to call her fiance to discuss I
honestly was shocked because that wasn't what she was like.
Her fiance came over. I asked to listen without interruption
and showed him the video. He was shocked and kept apologizing.
He said that he will deal with it and asked

(30:51):
us not to contact the police. Three weeks later, my
husband came and updated me. My fiance had basically spoken
with her about what had happened. She started hysterically crying,
Oh my god. He called nine nine nine and they
sent an ambulance. What in A and E? They decided
to keep her till they see her mental health and stability.

(31:12):
The fiance kept by her side alongside her family. There
is no definite diagnosis, but it's more likely bipolar disorder. Unfortunately,
it runs in her mother's side of the family, but
being Middle Eastern, never been acknowledged and back in midleast
those who had it were kept at home to keep
the reputation intact. So maybe it is just bi polar disorder.
There's a little bit more into the story, but we're

(31:32):
getting big, big developments in this story. Yeah, I mean,
I am interested if this has been like this before
or is this super recent development, because yeah, everyone said
like bipolar disorder. It seems like they're saying by her disorder.

Speaker 7 (31:46):
But I am just confused why this is just showing
up now, And I'm saying, if it was just after
she turned vegan, like, let's look into that, I would
probably go to the doctors and say, hey, I've had
this dietary chain and people I don't.

Speaker 5 (32:01):
Know but noticing this emotional change in me. Right, check
your iron levels, man. So unfortunately, the fiance broke up
with her. WHOA. He said that he doesn't have the
understanding to cope even if she stabilizes on medication, and
his family basically gave him an ultimatum if he chooses
to stay with her, not to expect family to support them. YEA,

(32:23):
while he had a good job, doesn't cover the wedding costs,
which his family one hundred percent was paying for. I
know many of you told me to ignore her and
not a friend, and that she was not a friend. However,
I am glad that she got diagnosis, as that wasn't
like her in retrospect. She was She always had a
bit of drama and could go from sad happy easily. Okay,

(32:44):
so being her friend did put blinkers on.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
She was just like that.

Speaker 5 (32:49):
I still am keeping arms distance, but not opposed to
having a relationship in the future. Now my focus is
on my own family, and I hope one day she
meets someone who accepts her for who she is, including
her bipolar disorder, and that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
Here.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 7 (33:07):
I finally found my sister after years apart, but she's
not the person I remember.

Speaker 5 (33:12):
Long Lossester, Long Losses.

Speaker 7 (33:15):
This is kind of ominous and spoaky. My parents got
divorced in August of twenty fourteen. It was a messy divorce,
one of the worst I've ever known, and I know
quite a few of my friend's parents. By the way,
this comes from wqzu and if you want to spit
your own.

Speaker 5 (33:30):
Stories, go to our slash Okay storytime. Subpred it.

Speaker 7 (33:32):
My mother took half of my dad's savings, half of
his pension he had just retired after eleven years in
the army plus twenty five years in the police force.
She was cheating medical benefits during this time, half of
the house, the mortgage on which she never contributed to,
and even tried to get half of the compensation my
dad was awarded after being hit by a car. Ice

(33:52):
you medically induced coma plus in various hospitals and rehab
centers from twenty fifteen to twenty sixteen. Yes, the divorced
almost two years. Long story short. She bankrupted my dad.
We were on the verge of homelessness for a while.
He spiraled into depression, which subsequently put me into a depression.
Things were effing bad for us. She also tried to

(34:14):
use me and my sister as a weapon against him.
She moved to Surrey, a place near London, two hundred
miles from where we were living at the time, to
be with the man she was cheating on my dad
with my sister, fourteen at the time, went with her.
My mom tried to make me come to I wasn't
no contact at this point, but I had just started
a software development apprenticeship at the time, so I stayed

(34:34):
with my father. Things were okay. I even went down
to Surrey to see them. It was when I was
down there that I overheard my stepfather chatting crap about
my dad, a man he had never met, calling him
worth this, good for nothing, not a real man.

Speaker 5 (34:49):
Was thrown in there.

Speaker 7 (34:50):
A couple times. She was laughing along all the way. Obviously,
I was upset. When I got back home, I texted
her to let her know that I knew what he
had been saying this to a barrage from her side
and telling me never to talk or attempt to contact her,
my stepfather or and this hurt the most my sister.
I happily obliged with the first two. I carried on

(35:12):
talking to my sister through Facebook, saying things like I
will never not love you, You'll always be my sister.
She said similar things back and said she missed me.
I went to message her one day and she'd blocked me.
I got a text from her saying that the way
I spoke to my mom and stepfather was disgusting and
that they had been nothing but amazing to me and her.

Speaker 5 (35:29):
Yeah that's totally from Opie's sister. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (35:32):
Yeah, oh, oh, that must be totally not from her
mom trying to hack into Op's sister's account.

Speaker 5 (35:40):
Yeah, that feels like it's a big switch.

Speaker 7 (35:42):
Yeah, from what we've seen so far, No way, that's
not Opie's mom.

Speaker 5 (35:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (35:46):
When I read it, I thought it was weird. When
my dad got the exact same text, word for word.
Despite not saying anything to either of them, I knew
it was my mother pretending to be my sister. I
texted her back something along the lines up your BS
has always been easy to see through. I didn't get
any message back. Now's not the time to go into it.
But after many a wasted conversation with my dad, I

(36:09):
found out my mom was always emotionally abusive and a
totally self absorbed person. That tracks yeah, I mean, she's
still all of his money and cheated on him. Right
when she found out I was having self harming tendencies,
she mentioned in a letter to another family member that
I should have tried harder. I never want anything to

(36:30):
do with her again. The issue at hand, as mentioned above,
my father was bankrupted. He had no money left to
fight for custody of my sister. I know he'd do
anything to see her again. Going through courts is no
longer an option. We don't know where they live, we
don't have the money. We don't even know if any
of them are still alive. Until yesterday, my girlfriend and
I were scouring the web for any online presence of them,

(36:53):
when she found a Facebook profile for my sister that
was created around two weeks ago. It only has one
profile picture and the private sea settings are on pretty
much maximum. You can only message it. She sent me
the link to it, and I'm blocked. However, given what
happened with the text message a few years back, I'm
inclined to believe that's in part due to my mother.
Maybe I'm being stupidly naive and my sister really doesn't

(37:15):
want anything to do with me.

Speaker 5 (37:16):
But here's my dilemma.

Speaker 7 (37:18):
Not only has my sister been cut off for me,
she's been cut off from her entire family. All her aunts, uncles,
and grandparents are not allowed to contact her lest they
corrupt her mother's words into seeing me and my dad again.
I can message my sister if I create a new
Facebook account, even if it's just to let her know
that whatever she's been fed about mine in my father's

(37:38):
feelings about her are lies, and that we still love her.
Even if it's just to let her know that her
nan thinks about her every day and she could pass
away happy after just one phone call from her. The
issue is I don't want her mother intercepting the message
and making things worse for her or us I'm sure
her account is heavily monitored. I might sound crazy to
a lot of people, and I know there's two sides

(38:00):
to every story, including this one, but I promise you
on my own life, living under my mother is like
living under a dictatorship. Your thoughts aren't your own. It's horrible.
She will start university in September. I assume I'm thinking
the best way to do this is to message the
account around October time. The thing is, I don't know
if I'm emotionally ready to be told to go f

(38:21):
myself by her. My dad's therapist has said there's a
very real possibility my sister grows to become like my mother.
Part of me is ready to accept that fact disclosure,
part of me wants to believe that would never happen,
And part of me thinks I should leave it alone.
I'm really at a loss for what to do. For
four years I've been looking for Now that I finally
found her, or at least an online presence of hers,

(38:42):
I really don't want to f anything up. What's the
best way to go from here? And there are some
comments and an update, but.

Speaker 5 (38:49):
We got we got thoughts. This is this feels like
those movies where it's just like, I don't know this.
The princess has been captured, yeah, Like no, she's stuck
at the tower.

Speaker 6 (38:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (38:58):
And then and then they try. It's so hard to
go back to this tower and fight this dragon, but
she can't. Now she's like on like riding the dragon
with the sword. It is just like fighting with the
dragon or something. If that happening, I don't know.

Speaker 7 (39:12):
Well, but I think the only way for you to
figure out if she's in codes with the dragon, yeah.

Speaker 5 (39:18):
Is to message her. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (39:19):
I think that it is like a really scary thing
because you don't know if you're going to get that
fu message. But I think that it's it's worth it
in the long run. Like on the off chance that
your sister has been meet like wanting to message you
for ages, but has been kind of under the thumb
of your mother. Yeah, and now that she's going to college,
I think that's the perfect opportunity to reach out. Comment one,

(39:40):
even if it's just to let her know that her
nan thinks about her every day and she could die
happy after just one phone call from her. This commenter says,
don't do this. It comes off as very manipulative and
will likely send her running back away from you if
you try something like this. If you're going to contact her,
just tell her that you love her, miss her, and
hope she's doing well. If she responds to go about

(40:00):
a normal conversation, ask about school, future goals, friends, et cetera.
Leave your dad and mom out of the conversation. Be
prepared to be blocked, as if she tells your mom
about this, she is likely going to feel you've hunted
her down to corrupt her. Opie says, that's a very
good point. I hadn't even considered. My thought process is
that even if she wants nothing to do with me
or my dad, surely she can't have dismissed all of

(40:22):
her family that easily. But I don't want to do
anything that could be twisted to justify what mom did.
Thanks for the advice, Mom. And two, how sure are
you that she hasn't been jaded by your mom after
the past four years. I feel like she would have
tried to talk to you. I would send the tiniest
message just saying that you still care and now that
she's an adult, you were wondering if you can talk.

(40:43):
I wouldn't go much past that. Let her decide. Opie says,
I'm one hundred percent sure she's been jaded. That's why
I want to do this right. And there is an
up date what I thought those end? Nope, No, We're
about to find out if ope successful or not.

Speaker 5 (40:58):
Well.

Speaker 7 (40:59):
I'm twenty three now, Finnish university, starting a real job.

Speaker 5 (41:03):
Dad and I no longer have depression. I'm pretty good.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Whoo.

Speaker 7 (41:09):
As for my sister, a few interesting things happened, to
say the least. Firstly, I took the overall consensus from
the original post and didn't make any attempt to contact her.
I did wastedly check her page from time to time
to see if anything had changed, and found that I'd
been unblocked on my main Facebook account. Probably around August
the same year, my sister rang my aunt and said

(41:31):
she wanted to arrange a meeting with her and her son,
our cousin. Obviously, my aunt immediately rang my dad and
I and told us the good news. We were both
uncertain about how we should take it, but overall we
were pretty happy. They all met up, and apparently my
sister has been evicted from our mother's house for some
reason or another. Oh, and is staying with the friend,
and she hasn't spoken to my mom for over a year.

(41:53):
The story goes that my mother and her new victim
managed to ostracize themselves from all their friends down there,
and my mother took out her aggression on my sister,
so she stormed out and turned up teary eyed at
this friend's house and has been living with them ever since.
She asked about me and my father if we were
doing well and if we hate her, and yeah, all, yeah,
that's what I thought. Yeah, obviously my aunt assured her

(42:15):
that we definitely don't. My sister says that she wants
to get in contact with the both of us, but
she wants to take it slow and she didn't know
how we would react. In my view, that's completely understandable.
That's interesting. Point number one. Just as a side note,
my mother once smacked my sister in the face for
wasting a tamp on when she was twelve.

Speaker 5 (42:33):
You waste a tampon, that's crazy what.

Speaker 7 (42:36):
I obviously am not completely familiar with that uniquely female experience,
but I did get the joy of hearing that moment unfold.
Just for an idea of the type of person my
mother is and what she did to us both as kids.
Interesting point number two happens when my sister goes with
her new boyfriend up to visit our Nan. Another cousin
of ours big family is also present for this meeting.
My cousin tells me that my sister told her Nan

(42:58):
that it had been a few months since she had
last spoken to our mother, which is quite a bit
different to over a year ago. Whatever, maybe my aunt
misremembered the meeting. However, my cousin did say that she
got a very off vibe from my sister, and to
paraphrase her own words heavily, you would think sister had
last seen us all last weekend, not five years ago.
She walked into NaN's house like she owned the effing place.

Speaker 5 (43:21):
She didn't really.

Speaker 7 (43:22):
Say why she was getting in contact with us and
not you or her father, other than she wasn't ready,
And she didn't really say why she hadn't spoken to
her mother either.

Speaker 5 (43:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (43:31):
I wasn't happy with it at all, and we were
all thinking that you two, my father and I she'd
be in the room, not us. But maybe your mother
is maybe too paranoid. My Naan is my maternal grandparent.
My phone her as often as I can, which isn't
as often as I would like to be admittedly, and
I know I'll punt myself for it.

Speaker 5 (43:48):
I digress.

Speaker 7 (43:49):
Every time I do phone her, she always asks about
my dad and his new partner and sends them both
birthday cards Christmas cards. So to me, it just speaks
volumes about the type of person my mother is when
her mother is more concerned about the well being of
her ex husband and his new partner. Just trying to
get this point home to any doubters. Number three occurs
when I find out that my sister asked my nan

(44:10):
for some money to help her out with university and
not living with her mother anymore. I feel like this
may be the real reason that she's getting in contact
with all of these people.

Speaker 5 (44:21):
Yeah, she might.

Speaker 7 (44:22):
Still have all of the same biases that she had
when she was living with her mom, but now she's like, oh,
I can use these people to get money.

Speaker 5 (44:29):
Yeah. Interesting.

Speaker 7 (44:30):
My Nan, being the lovely little eighty six year old
Welsh sweetheart that she is, gave her around two thousand pounds.

Speaker 5 (44:37):
Now.

Speaker 7 (44:37):
I'm happy to be proven wrong here, but asking for
two thousand pounds within a few hours of reconnecting with
the family that you haven't seen or made contact with
for five years.

Speaker 5 (44:47):
Is strange. Yeah, I thought that's a happy reunion too.
I thought this was a good updates. Annoyed.

Speaker 7 (44:56):
I find out about this because around November, my Nan
called me because she had promised me an update on
the situation, to tell me that for about a week
after my sister met up with them, all they had
been in regular contact via phone and Facebook. Since that week,
nothing on returned voicemails, Facebook messages left on red my
sister had taken the money and fed off. I spent

(45:17):
the day reassuring my Nan that she hadn't done anything
wrong and she definitely wasn't the idiot she thought she
was forgiving my sister the money. Number four is the
least interesting, but you'll be pleased to know that my
ramblings and here at least it should go without saying
that since the first meeting in August with my aunt
and her son, neither my dad nor I had any
direct contact with my sister. On Boxing Day, my sister

(45:40):
finally calls my nan and wishes her a merry Christmas.
My Nan says thanks and hangs up. In January, on
my NaN's eighty seventh birthday, my sister calls up and
wishes her a happy birthday.

Speaker 5 (45:50):
It also mentions that she's having some money problems. That's interesting,
that's crazy. We hope you figure this out right, Yeah,
there you go. That's exactly how you need to do.

Speaker 7 (45:59):
Name rolls her eyes and hands the phone to my aunt,
who buys my sister's sob story hook line and sinker
and rings me to tell me the quote unquote good
news and that it's different this time. She really wants
to see you, really wants to see your bank account. Oh,
around May, which is my birthday month, by the way,
My sister sends a text to my aunt to see
if she has any old pictures of her. My aunt

(46:21):
says she doesn't, but that me and my dad might,
which we do. My sister sends a text back saying
that she will get in touch with us. I know
this is gonna come as a complete shock, but it's
been radio silence since, and in all honesty, I'm fine
with that. To me, it's crystal clear who my sister has.

Speaker 5 (46:37):
Grown up to be.

Speaker 6 (46:38):
Like.

Speaker 5 (46:38):
That's so sad. Wow, it's so sad. That is really sad.
All this work I was hoping, and then it's not
not what you wanted.

Speaker 7 (46:46):
Boying with family members emotions, treating her own presence as
a gift and using it to manipulate money out of people,
Inconsistent stories about a relationship with the one person she
knows would be a deal breaker if the rest of
the family knew was to involved and terrible at hiding
her true intentions. Will she asked me for the photos.
Probably not unless she gets really desperate and exhausts all

(47:09):
other avenues for exploiting money out of people with pity stories.
But even she knows that I know exactly who that
money is going to. My mother knows that she's not
in my NaN's will at this point. If she does
want to meet up, I will bring the photos with me.
Part of me wants to bring two envelopes. Half the
photos in one envelope, the other half shredded up in another,
And depending on how well the meeting goes, depends on

(47:30):
which envelope she gets. I won't do that, but the
thought of being that petty is very tempting. I'm not
holding my breath. She was fourteen and I was seventeen
the last time I saw her. She's starting twenty one
this year and I was twenty three in May. I've
had my years of anger and grief and done my
time with depression. I've hurt many people and many relationships
along the way. I'm still learning what's normal and what isn't.

(47:52):
But on the whole, my life is split up into
before and after, and for the most part, my sister
lives and will remain in the before somewhat because I
want to maintain the memory.

Speaker 5 (48:02):
I have of her. Oh oh, this is so sad,
really sad.

Speaker 7 (48:06):
I mean this this guy is like, you know, before
he left at seventeen, he told her that he will
always love her, and I'm sure that's still true. But
to also know that this sister is not the sister
that you.

Speaker 5 (48:18):
Grew up with.

Speaker 7 (48:19):
Yeah, that's kind of changed and been corrupted by your mom.

Speaker 5 (48:22):
I mean fourteen fourteen age that's crazy.

Speaker 7 (48:27):
Yeah, somewhat, because I'm not ready to go through what
I overcame again. I've accepted my role in the universe
as the recipient of bad karma to make up for
all the good karma that randomly happens to other people.
I'm okay with that. For the first time in my life,
I've been the one in control. As for my attitude
towards her and my mother, the best word I could
adequately use to describe it is ambivalent. They could win

(48:49):
the lottery and be on the news tomorrow, or they
could get hit by a bus. My reaction would probably
be the same, dang, man, that's crazy.

Speaker 5 (49:00):
No, I hope you don't mean that about your sister.

Speaker 7 (49:02):
I mean, like, I understand that she's been manipulative and
dealing money. But to everyone else out there with the
strange parents or other family members, the one thing I
learned is that estrangement is the best thing they'll ever
do for you. Edit in reference to my idea of
ripping up the photos, that was only ever half serious.

Speaker 5 (49:19):
I wouldn't do something like that. It's petty, wouldn't be
fair to my sister, and would only give me short
term satisfaction in the form of a pathetic one up.
I realized that before writing the posts in reference to
the bad Karmel line, I actually think I'm a very
lucky man. All things considered, I'm where I want to
be in life. I have a fun and happy and
stable family, around me, and I'm confident in the person

(49:41):
I've become. That line is a glimpse into my personality.
Some people got that. Some people were genuinely concerned for me,
which I do sincerely appreciate. The black dog never really
stops chasing you, But I get a much warmer feeling
from being able to laugh at a universe that is
seemingly constantly crapping on you than I do from pretending
that everything's okay. That's what I meant by that line.

Speaker 7 (50:01):
And a good amount of people made the fair comment
that my sister is still young and still possibly under
my mom's influence. I appreciate those people taking the time
to give feedback and advice, but ultimately, my life has
already moved on. There is a little bit left to
the story.

Speaker 5 (50:16):
But do you have any final thoughts. That is a
tough situation to be in, so tough, so tough. It's
I am glad that op is moving on because that's
really all that you can do, that's all you have
control over.

Speaker 7 (50:27):
So I mean, you've done what you can with trying
to reach out to your sister, right and your family
has definitely done that, and it seems like right now,
she's really only interested in a relationship with you guys
when it comes to money. So until she kind of
realizes that that's not the way to beat you guys,
there's not too much you can do. I'm glad where
your head space is at. I mean, the only other

(50:48):
thing I can think of is maybe you. It doesn't
seem like you would want to do this, which is fair,
but maybe you could reach out to her and say, hey,
I want to have a conversation about the last five years.
I have no in giving you money, so don't ask.
I'm not going to give it to you, and then
maybe have that conversation and get all of those things
off your chest. But right now it does are kind

(51:09):
of like that's no longer where I'm at in life.
I made peace with the fact that I may never
see my sister again long before the events I've detailed
out here, and when this is all punted off, the
closure and acceptance I had moved on from began to unravel.
I'm not ready to go back into dark days off
of a risk that everything might be okay.

Speaker 5 (51:27):
Yes, in the future we may reconnect, but for.

Speaker 7 (51:30):
Now I'm focused on my own life and am content
with taking some of the rare, happy memories I've had
of my family and my childhood with me untouched by
these developments. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (51:41):
Wow, Wow, sad.

Speaker 7 (51:44):
I think leaving reconciliation open as a possibility is a
good thing, regardless of whether or not you want to
see her right now or even for many many years.
I think not actively like brutting it off. Yeah, that
is the end of that story. So we're going to
jump in to the next one.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to tho stories.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 5 (52:06):
I treated my niece to a special birthday lunch, but
her mom wasn't happy. Well, maybe the birthday lunch was bad.
So I, thirty four female and my husband's thirty eight male,
travel a ton. We hardly ever get to see family
because we've been all over the place Bora Bora, Paris, Hawaii,
roamed band China, you name it. Okay, brag ikes. We
were all set to go to Maria next, but I

(52:28):
found out that I was pregnant and my husband thought
that we should settle down for a bit until the
baby starts school or something. By the way, this comes
from Forsaking Ingenuity fifty nine and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the our slash shoakaing
Storytime sub breddit. So we were really looking forward to it,
but then I had a scarriage in September and I
was crushed. Oh. I can't shake the feeling that it
was my father. The baby boy is gone. So we

(52:50):
haven't traveled anywhere since because I can't handle it emotionally.
My big sister thirty five female, has four kids, thirteen, three,
eight months, and then another eight months, and I love
them all. I see them every week now that now
that we're not traveling, My niece just turned thirteen, and
my sister is spending all her money on my nephew's
birthday coming up. She's booked a big party at Chuck
E Cheese and is taking him and his buddy's to

(53:10):
Disney World while my niece will be babysitting the baby.
I told my sister that I get that she needs
to focus on my nephew's birthday, but I didn't think
that it was fair for my niece not to get
anything special. She snapped back that I wouldn't understand since
I'm not a mom, and that really hurt. So I
decided to do something nice and bought some sushi and
candy for my niece. I texted her to find out
when her lunch break was, and when she said eleven
forty five am, I made sure to be there. I

(53:32):
brought a huge fifty piece sushi tray and goodie bags.
I made sure that the girls got lip gloss, nail files,
hair clips, pink pens, and mini notepads, while the boys
got blue pens, blue poppets, controller shaped racers, and mini notepads.
I paid for everything myself. I gave any leftover sushi
to the other teachers. My niece was thrilled. She couldn't
stop smiling, and she told me I made her the

(53:54):
happiest girl ever. When she got home, my sister called
me up, saying that I made her look like a
bad mom and I made her feel terrible. You made
you look like a bad mom. I don't know what
to tell you, man, you made you look like a
bad mom, she told our mom, And of course Mom said,
I crossed a line. Is that crossing a line?

Speaker 7 (54:15):
I don't understand how doing something nice for someone is
crossing a line.

Speaker 5 (54:19):
She added that just because I lost my baby doesn't
mean I can take someone else's joy. Dude, So am
I the a hole? No? No, no, no, definitely not
the a hole at all, But there are some comments coming.
Number one says, not the a hole. Tell mom, you
didn't take someone else's joy. You made sure that your
niece had some joy on her birthday. Someone replies, right,
this is a pretty straightforward situation. Sister made a conscious

(54:40):
choice to diminish her daughter to focus on amplifying her son.
OPI only made sure that her niece knew that she
mattered to someone. Just because she doesn't matter to her
mom doesn't mean she isn't special, and she deserves to
feel that she is special. OPI did that for her,
and sister is only mad because it is now publicly
known that she sucks. Comment number two says, as a
mom who makes my Christmas list with the express purpose

(55:03):
of making sure it's fair, her behavior is odd and gross.
Thirteen is a big birthday. That's also a great point. Yeah,
I didn't think of that, Like I.

Speaker 7 (55:10):
Mean, in general, every birthday should be making sure that
you're celebrating all of your children barely, but thirteen is
like a pretty big milestone.

Speaker 5 (55:19):
Yeah, your sister ignoring your niece's birthday because of what
she will be doing for your nephew is gross. Ignoring
your sister and your mom they know that they are wrong.
Bringing up your miscarriage when they don't like what you
do is horrible, horrible behavior. I have a question, is
your niece from a prior marriage? Why on earth is
your sister treating her kids so unequally? OHP says that

(55:39):
she was adopted when she was two. But we do
have an update. Hey everyone. First off, a huge thank
you to all of you who took the time to
comment on my last post. Whether you thought I was
the a hole or not, your feedback means a lot
to me. I also want to express my heartfelt gratitude
for those who offered support during the difficult time of
grieving for my baby boy and my miscarriage. It truly Now.

(56:00):
I have two updates to share. Update number one. I
went over to my sister's place earlier today, February twentieth,
to drop off my niece's purse that she accidentally left
in my car when I brought her home on Monday.
My sister was all dramatic, saying, so, first you steal
my kid, make me look bad in front of my
other kids, and now you're buying her gifts. I tried
to explain that I was just bringing back the purse,

(56:21):
but she called me a liar and a thief. She
threatened to call the cops if I ever stole from
her kids again, even including the kids themselves, and said
that she wanted no contact with me because I'm a thief,
a liar, and a selfish rat. She didn't want her
kids hanging around someone who doesn't respect their mom. My
niece jumped in and told my sister that I wouldn't
steal a cheap shee in purse from her since she

(56:41):
could just buy it herself. She said that she wanted
to keep seeing me. My sister brought up that I'm
going to start traveling in early March. Then she posted
on Instagram claiming that I stole the purse, saying I
lied about traveling in June and switched it to March
because I can't have kids and it's tough for me
to be around babies. Since I ever got to meet
mine and my mom's side of the family, is blowing
up my phone and asking why I stole something and

(57:03):
why I lied, which is super annoying. Honestly, I'm thinking
about just hitting the road and traveling to get away
from all this, but I know that would hurt my niece.
Updates number two. My niece is thirteen, and my sister
left her to watch the two babies, who are just
eight months old. A lot of you suggested that I
should check if my niece was going to be alone
with the babies, but I couldn't reach out since my

(57:24):
sister blocked me, and my niece didn't even know that
she would be babysitting. Dude, eight months old, tell your daughter.
You didn't even tell your daughter. My sister blocked me
yesterday after the whole I Stole a purse drama. This morning,
my niece called me around ten am and said that
her mom told her that she couldn't eat until she
got back because she was worried about her choking. I
offered to come over so she could eat. My husband

(57:45):
contacted CPS about telling my niece. I brought her some
food and watched the babies while we waited for the
caseworker to show up. He talked to us and also
chatted with my niece and the neighbors. They asked where
my sister was. My niece so that she was at
Disney World with her friends and my nephews friends. They
asked how often this happens, and she said it's been
like this since the twins were born. They told us
it wasn't a serious issue and that the case would

(58:06):
probably be closed because she's legally allowed to babysit at
her age. Oh my god. They tried reaching my sister,
but she didn't pick up and she's still not back
up and we do have a second official update, update
number two.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
Hey y'all.

Speaker 5 (58:21):
First off, a huge thank you to all of those
time to comment on my last post. Your feedback means
a lot to me. This one only has one update.
So my sister has blocked me on everything, messages, Instagram, Snapchat.
I've tried reaching out to my niece, which she's not responding.
I'm guessing my sister either took her phone or it broke,
but my niece usually takes good care of her stuff,
so it's more likely that someone else broke it. I

(58:42):
went to my sister's place saying that I needed to
talk to her. She told me that I was trespassing
and then if I didn't even five minutes, she'd called cops.
My niece came to the door, begging her mom to
let me in, but she just kept saying no. Eventually
my niece came outside. She told me that she wanted
to leave. She said that she didn't want to stay
with her mom anymore and mentioned that if I didn't
get her out of there in two days, she'd run away.

(59:04):
I know my sister and brother in law aren't the
best parents, but they're not unfit to take care of
her either. There's a little bit more to this story.
I'm not a mom, and honestly, I have no clue
how to care for a kid, especially a teenager. I
don't know anything about the adoption process. I just don't
want my needs to be in a place where she's uncomfortable.
And to add so, I totally forgot to mention that
my sister told me that I can't be around her

(59:25):
kids anymore. She's worried about them being around a thief,
a liar, and even called me a kidnapper just because
her daughter talks to me about stuff instead of her. Also,
the CPS report. They claimed that it was a safety
hazard for her older children not to eat due to
their difficulty of controlling and maintaining how much the which
makes no sense because the babies were able to eat.

(59:46):
That's the story. Well we leave it there. Oh my goodness. Yeah,
that's insane because such a difficult position that Opie is in,
because like even if this niece is like coming to
her and being like, hey, you need to take care
of me or else, I'm gonna go, like, I'm gonna
be out of here in two days either way, one
way or another. I'm gonna be out of here. So
either like you take me in or I'm out on
my own. And it's like, okay, well she can't really

(01:00:09):
do anything about that, No, yeah, I really say, yeah,
if hope he takes her in, then she gets arrested, yeah.

Speaker 7 (01:00:15):
You know, nappings or something. Yeah, that's so tricky. But
that is the end of that episode.

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