I gave gifts to my boyfriend’s kids… his ex-wife didn’t take it lightly! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
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Speaker 2 (00:16):
I gave gifts to my boyfriend's kids. His ex wife
didn't take it lightly. No gifts, no, no, no throwaway account.
Apologies for the length, but this is really troubling me.
Names have been changed. I thirty nine female, have been
in a relationship with my boyfriend Brian forty two male
for a year or so. We're in love and are
talking about moving in together when my lease expires in

(00:38):
six months. By the way, this comes from TACSMTB and
if you want to smit your own stories, go to
our slash Okay Storytime suburb its. From the beginning, I
knew he was divorced for five years and had two
school aged kids named Alex ten female and Dan eight male.
When things started getting serious between us, Brian told me
the reason he and his ex ilicit divorced was because
Brian had an affair with the co worker Alissa found

(01:01):
out and filed for a divorce. Brian told me that
he regrets cheating on Alissa and that he set a
terrible example for Alex and Dan. He wouldn't blame me
if I considered it a deal breaker. Despite my issues
with cheating. My mom left my dad for another man
when I was his kid's age. I believe that people
can change, and I believed Brian was remorseful. Maybe that's
naive of me, I don't know. I thanked him for

(01:22):
telling me and told him that I accepted him in
spite of his past. Alissa has primary custody, but Brian
has them during the weekends and some holidays. Because we
were talking about moving in together, Brian proposed that I
meet Alex and Dan at dinner. I agreed and asked
him to tell Alissa, figuring she'd want to know. I
sure would myself if I was in her shoes. We
met at a restaurant shortly before Christmas, and everything went great.

(01:44):
The kids and I were understandably nervous at first, but
by the time dessert rolled around, we were laughing and
I thought having a good time. Alex and Dan are
great kids, and I said as much to Brian. As
we were leaving. Last Friday, Brian had Alex and Dan
and we decided to go to the mall together. Alex
wanted to go to Old Time and I went with
her while Brian and Dan went at the Apple Store.
You fell in love with a small bottle of purple

(02:05):
nail polish, and I decided to purchase it for her.
To be fair to Dan, I purchased an iTunes gift
card of the same amount so he can listen to
music on his iPad. I told the kids it was
a late Christmas present for me. The kids were very
grateful and even made me a thank you card. I
was moved and thank them. This all seems perfectly fine.
Yeah across the board, Yeah, totally fine, no problems right now.

(02:27):
I had never met Alissa before any of this. I
made it clear to Brian that if she wants to
meet me or not, it is her choice and hers alone,
and whatever it is, I would respect it. Last night
I got a call from Melissa. I wasn't surprised she
had my number because I figured the kids or Brian
must have given it to her. She asked me why
I bought the kids Christmas presents. I explained the situation

(02:47):
you told me that she didn't want me hanging around
Alex or Dan before hanging up. I don't know what
to do. Brian is at work and won't be off
until tonight, so I have some time to come up
with a plant. As much as I love Brian, I
don't want to come between him and his kids. Made
a terrible decision, yes, but I know he loves Alex
and Dan and has been doing his best to make
it up to them. I don't know if Alissa thinks
I'm the woman Brian cheated with or what she might

(03:10):
that's a good point. You might be like, it's your fault. Yeah,
If we're going to be living together in the future,
the kids are going to be a part of my life,
and I want to be part of their lives if
they want me to be. As I said, they're great kids.
I can't take the place of their mother, and I
don't want to. I want us to have a good
relationship with each other. So what do I do? Did
I do the wrong thing by buying them nail polish

(03:31):
and a gift card? And there are some comments, but
I want to hear your comments first. I think no,
I don't think so. I don't think you did anything.
It's such a little gift, such a tiny little gift
nail blash. I mean, unless you like splurged and got
really expensive nailologes right under ten bucks.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
Yeah, and their kids too. Leave them alone. It's fine.
You want to deprive your children of nail polige and
iTunes of music.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
That's your prerogative. What kind of monster. But there are
some comments. Tell Brian what happened, let him deal with it.
Don't answer the phone for his co parent again. Next
time one of the kids asks for something that would
be an escalation in your relationship with them, like gift buying,
get ready to say, let's check with your dad first,
and slow your role on moving it. Six months after

(04:17):
meeting his kids is too fast to be moving here,
Opie says. We're talking about it. It's not for sure
yet and probably won't be for a while. It's all
going to depend on a bunch of factors. Comment to
what did Alissa say when you asked her why it
bothered you so much? Opie says, I didn't get a
chance to ask her before she hung up, and she
hasn't responded to my texts asking why it did bother.
Her comment three, tell him everything and let him deal

(04:40):
with it. The ex is still pissed and she should be,
but her anger shouldn't be directed towards you, Opie says, No,
she really shouldn't still be pissed. It's been five years
and her being pissed still will only hurt the kids.
I know Reddit doesn't like to hear it and thinks
that Peter should literally be unalived, but real life has
more nuance and there is an update. I do think

(05:00):
five years is a long time, Like I think there
should be more willingness to co parent by five years,
like you don't have to like your cheater ex husband
who summer. But I think that there does have to
be of co parenting, like our ability to co parent. Yeah. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (05:19):
And it's also interesting because I feel like in a
lot of situation there's a divorce, there's like a big
conversation on like when a new partner should meet the kids. Yes,
but it's something like that, Yeah, And it sounds like
this is already you know, op is obviously just hanging
out with the kids. This doesn't sound like it's the
first time, So it's like, why would it be an
issue that there's like.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, and they also have that conversation like op was
like you know a Lissa, no that you want me
to hang out with the kids. Yeah, And so that
was already established that it seems like they already had
the get you know, go ahead on that, but it
was just the buying gifts that was the problem. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
I'm guessing that there's also just a miscommunication with the
kids too, because the kids are probably thinking a little
bit of like, oh, yeah, like she's awesome she bought
us Christmas gifts, you know, and then.

Speaker 4 (06:06):
So cool, right, and then like maybe jealous maybe Yeah,
she's maybe thinking that process some sort of boundary and
some sort of like intimacy thing, Cause that is kind
of a thing where it's like if you're close with someone,
you know, you get them a gift.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah, don't you don't always do that.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
You don't always have to be that close with them,
but like you know what I mean, she's probably thinking
that it's a bit like more intimate than it actually probably.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Hey, everyone, I just want to thank you guys for
your input and suggestions on how to handle the situation
with Brian and Alyssa. I read the comments and gained
valuable insight on the matter. I also got answers to
questions you all had. When Brian got home the evening
I made that post, I told him about Alyssa calling me.
He apologized and talked to her about it. We also
talked about postponing the move until the kids are comfortable enough,

(06:49):
but we won't make a decision for a few months.
Part of the reason Brian waited so long to introduce
Alex and Dan to me was because his last girlfriend,
not the affair partner, and the kids did not get along,
so he wanted to make sure the kids were completely
okay with meeting me, which is why I didn't meet
them until a year into our relationship, which I think
it seems like they're doing it pretty well. They're going
like slowly, they're, you know, making sure that everyone's okay

(07:12):
with it. Also, him telling me about the affair happened
maybe four or five months into our relationship, so I've
known about it for a while. He's been completely transparent
with me, giving me his pass codes and passwords so
I can check his text, emails, social media if I
get suspicious. The kids primarily live with Elissa, but spend
weekends slash some holidays with Brian, but it's fifty to
fifty joint custody. I apologize for any confusion my post

(07:35):
may have caused. Alyssa called me the next day and
apologized to me for telling me to stay away from
Alex and Dan. She told me that due to her
work schedule, she and Alex hadn't been spending a lot
of time together. Only thing they liked to do together
was do each other's hair, make up, nails, et cetera.
Alisa told me she felt threatened about losing time with
Alex when she saw the bottle of nail polish. She

(07:55):
also got the number from Alex's phone the day we
went to the mall. Brian and I had Alex and
Dan put it in their phones in case we got
separated and they weren't able to get a hold of
either Brian or Alyssa. That way, they have a safe
adult Alyssa was really apologetic, and I believe her. Whoa
ooh okay communication. I forgave her and told her that
I wasn't upset. I also reassured her that if she

(08:16):
has any questions or concerns, she can always talk to me.
We aren't friends by any stretch of the imagination, but
I can see us developing a partnership. This is great.
I love that they figured it out, they worked as adults,
and they did what's best for the kids. I agree.
On Friday, Alyssa proposed that the five of us, Brian, Alyssa,
the kids, and me could all meet at a neutral
location and talked to Alex and Dan about any questions

(08:39):
they may have. Brian and I agreed, and we got
together yesterday and actually went really well. We reassured the
kids who knew about Brian and I talking about us
moving in together, that we weren't going to make any
major decisions for a long time, and that we would
take their concerns and opinions into account when the time came.
I also told the kids that I was always going
to be honest with them. If they had a question
that I didn't have an answer to or felt it

(09:01):
was a conversation that their parents should have with them,
then I would tell them. So. By the way, I'm
telling you guys that you can go listen to full
episodes with stories just like this. Just go to Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or your favorite podcast stap and search a booky story time,
and there's a little bit left to the story. But
do you have any final thoughts. I just think this
is going well. I think it's going really well.

Speaker 3 (09:19):
It's rare that we see proper communication really in these
read stories, but here it is. Here, it is, It
exists everyone. It's possible. So do it. You can put
your mind to it. You can do it. Yeah, they
put their mind to it. I yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
I assure them that I wasn't going to take Alyssa's
place in their hearts as their mom, and that she
is a wonderful mom who loves them very much. But
I would like to get to know them better. We
answer their questions and everyone's suggestions. I think we're all
going to be okay. Yes, yes, story they are going
to be okay too. I agree. I think it's all
gonna work out. I agree. Seems just miscommunication. Yeah, and

(09:55):
then they communicated it and then it fixed all of
the problems in the world. But yeah, that works.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
Our flatmate confessed her love to my boyfriend. I confronted her.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
Eviction, get her out, get her out.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
I female twenty seven, moved into my flat in October
of last year to take the place of a mutual
friend of mine and my new flatmate, female twenty ten.
We have a generally great atmosphere in the flat and
both have similar expectations and habits. And while we're not
friends yet as in we wouldn't go out for brunch
or be each other's plus ones for parties, we are
very friendly.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
She seems super normal and level.

Speaker 3 (10:32):
By the way, this comes from a discombobulated Owl eighty one.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
And if you want to submit your own stories, just
go to the ur slosh Okay storytime subreddits.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
So when the lockdown began in March, my boyfriend, Mail
thirty one of two years, was living with his sister
and his mother undergoing chemo, who lived alone, needed somewhere
to stay where she could be looked after, so she
moved into his room and he came to stay with us.
My flatmate was totally fine, and we had a proper
chat about ground rules, et cetera. But ultimately the flat
is huge for two people and she has a kind

(11:02):
of brandy flat set up in hers. Either way, she
gave definite approval. Now, we three got on great, but
never really spent a ton of time together. We all
work from home, and spend the occasional evening playing games
or whatever, but ultimately we didn't mingle much more than before.
My boyfriend, however, cooks every night for the both of
us as a thank you, and so we do now

(11:22):
eat together, and my flatmate seemed happy to be included.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
It was great.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
However, last week my boyfriend took me aside and told
me that while he was in the courtyard hanging out
the washing, she ambushed him from behind and gave a
huge speech about how she's in love with him and
while she respects that he's with me, she has deep
feelings for him, and that she's available if you were single.
Oh and please don't tell ope. She didn't try to

(11:47):
kiss him, but tried to hold his hand. He was
very anxious and flustered while he was telling me this.
The flat atmosphere is very awkward now, but as far
as she knows, he's.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Not said a word.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
She has not said anything else to him, but he
did mention that she had touched his arm a couple
of times as she was walking past recently, and it's
really gotten under my skin. My boyfriend is also confused
because he hasn't spent that much time with her apart
from dinner and never alone. I spoke to our mutual friend,
who was shocked and said that she's never done anything
like this before, and she had never known my housemate

(12:21):
to have a crush on anyone either. I've not seen
her acting strangely in any other ways, and it hasn't
outwardly affected how she treats me. We can't move right
now because virus, money, et cetera.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
How do I deal with this? I think you gotta
sit her down and be like girly, yeah, not appropriate,
not appropriate, Like you can't. This is not okay one,
and I mean it's making my boyfriend uncomfortable. But also
it's just very disrespectful and we're living together. And unless
you want to move out right now, which is pretty
hard during the pandemic, then you need you need to
stab it. You gotta quit it.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Inappropriate and boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. But there is an update,
so let's see if she did confront her.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
Firstly, thank you all for your advice, and no thank
you to the few who took it upon themselves to
dm me to be inappropriate or.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Creepy WDF for the room.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
It gets a little intense, So first I'll just cover
some things that I wasn't able to in my original post.
I trust my boyfriend completely, even if I didn't. This
apartment is large, not massive. I know where that beloved mother,
ever is twenty four seven. A lot of you asked when,
after my housemate's confession, my boyfriend told me about it.
He told me a couple of hours afterwards. He explained

(13:34):
to me, after we had a chat about it, that
he was afraid that I wouldn't believe him, or that
I'd be angry. At first, he thought it was a
weird joke that made him uncomfortable, and he felt rightly
so weirded out.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
I agree with the.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
Bulk of you that her continued touching is her harassment,
and while a number suggested that he just confront her himself,
I empathize with being in a situation without breathing room
where someone is spicy relatedly harassing you. It's not easy,
and you can quickly find yourself on sure if those
brief moments of crossing line. Even he's not on our lease,
and understandably, he was concerned about me and the power

(14:07):
dynamic in the house because her room is a mini
granny flat, she pays.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
The bigger share.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
I also don't believe that it was, as some suggested,
a hypomanic episode. I have my polar two, and while
I understand the love rush, she exhibited zero other behaviors
and never tried to contact my boyfriend outside of the
weird touching, I also can appreciate that there's no way
she was actually in love. So yesterday, after a tense
few days of trying to avoid her, my boyfriend and

(14:33):
I were in the kitchen at breakfast while she was
in the living area. I went to our bathroom she
has an en suite, which is just off the main area, to.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
Brush my teeth.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
As I walked back out to grab my phone, I
caught her running her hand and forearm across his lower back.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
Where his T shirt had ridden up a little.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
My boyfriend, who didn't see me, yelped really loudly and
just lost debt. He yelled at her to stop, and
when they both saw me, he started going, you see.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
This is what I was talking about. AWE.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
I was furious, just whole body anger, and I could
see that she had now realized that he had told
me about her confession and behavior.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
She sprinted to her room and slammed the door.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
My boyfriend and I went out for a walk to
calm down, and he kept apologizing for not being more firm,
but he was shaken up.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
That's thought your fault at all. Someone touched you without
your consent and you literally said no, and then you
told your girlfriend and then she did it again, still
her asking Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
Some of you told me I should just confront her
head on which in the moment I one hundred percent
sided with. I was so angry for him. He told
me that he'd rather give her the opportunity to.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
Handle it diplomatically.

Speaker 3 (15:46):
I appreciated what you guys said about lockdown being an
extenuating circumstance, and in discussion with our mutual friend, I
was willing to believe that an element of it was naivety,
a bit of fantasy gone too far. I was willing
to be kind to her. When we returned with the
plan of action, we knocked on her door, but she
didn't answer. We tried a couple of times, but she
wouldn't come out, although she was seeing my WhatsApp. Come

(16:10):
late afternoon, I was just over. I knocked and told
her that I was coming in. I sat her down
on her bed and told her gently but firmly that
her behavior was inappropriate, that it was making us uncomfortable,
and that she had to get the heck over it
herself if she intended to continue living.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
She burst into tears.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Oh started crying about how she's so sorry and what
a bad person she is.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Dude, if I was saying this, I'd be like, am
I supposed to disagree?

Speaker 3 (16:41):
She so that she couldn't believe the pressure of lockdown
was getting to her whatever, and I felt bad, and
I started sympathizing now, trying to be compassionate. And then
she said, it's just so unfair that the guy I'm
in love with as a really great girlfriend. Unfair My
booty her that she had a lot of growing up

(17:01):
to do, perspective to learn, and that she owed the
house an apology. She started having a full blown meltdown, weeping, hiccuping, snotty.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
The works.

Speaker 3 (17:11):
And then when I stood up to leave, I spotted
in her clothes rack my freaking shirt.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
I took it and went back to my room.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
My housemate cried loudly with the door open until seven
pm for attention.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
I guess literally that's the only reason you cried loudly
with the door opened, so that they can come back
and me, well, I'm sorry, yeah, exactly. That was when
I finally snapped.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
I used our emergency contact sheet, hauled her mom and
told her that she had to come pick up her daughter.
I had never met this woman before, but she came
rushing in like a superstar. The look of annoyance and
embarrassment on her face when she found her twenty seven
year old daughter having a tantrum told me that this
wasn't a new part of her personality. My housemate also

(17:57):
shut the f up pretty quickly after realizing that her
mom was They didn't say anything to us, but we
just hid in our room until they were gone.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
I think she'll be.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Gone at least for a while, but I texted her
to let her know that it would be the best
if she texted me before coming back. I don't know,
and I'll see her next. Technically, the lease ends in August,
so my boyfriend and I think that we can make
it work and find something new. If not, it's not
that long until we can re sign without her. As
a coda to all this, my boyfriend mentioned that if
she took a blouse. Maybe she took other stuff too.

(18:28):
I appreciate that some of you may consider this an
invasion of privacy, but I did go back in just
to check.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
I found a set.

Speaker 3 (18:37):
Of my geens, my T shirt, one of my boyfriend's
work shirts, a vinyl I owned my effing charm bracelet
from when I was a kid, from inside my jewelry box,
a sheet of my.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Old anti depressed house Yikes. Who and that was just
what was on the rack or on display. Stealing. She's
a thief, She's a thief man.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
The next on her list was her freaking boyfriend, dang man.
I imagine that there's more in the drawers. I don't
know if this was the right thing to do, but
I left them there for now because I don't want
there to be any doubts that she stole them. There's
zero chance she's going to live here anyway. By the way,
there's zero chance that we are not constantly posting things.

(19:21):
So just check us out on Spotify, Apple Podcast, whatever
your favorite podcast app is, sech Okay, story Time find
more stories and episodes just like this one. Freaking dude,
wit dude. And there is a tiny bit more. I'm
just gonna roll right into it, right into it. Honestly,
I hope she does get help. I'm really angry and violated,

(19:42):
as is my boyfriend. But I can empathize with the
havoc and uncontrolled mental health as you can wreck on
your behavior, and while it's still wrong, it's still for
her to experience it and lose friends.

Speaker 2 (19:53):
Note.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
I can't be sure, none of us can, but I
feel like maybe she has a histriotic personality disorder.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
PS.

Speaker 3 (20:00):
Mutual friend has told me another friend who went to
school with my housemate, had told her a rumor that
she told a bunch of other people in their year
that she had leukemia. Yikes, So she made up a
rumor about herself having had an answer.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Oh my god, yikes, dude, what is who is this girl?
This crazy? That's stop easy? Wow?

Speaker 3 (20:21):
That would have been like a good warning, yeah to
have before. Yeah, someone should have let her know. Yes,
by the way, she will answer everything, dude, that's crazy.
That's the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
My ex boyfriend's brother despises me, so I ruined his relationship.
Sounds pretty fair to me. Go ahead throw awa account
because there might be someone here also apologies for language
and mistiques. So this happened years ago. Me twenty five
female at the time, and my ex twenty five male
at the time, are quite serious. We have met each

(20:54):
other's parents and both our family have been introduced to
each other. By the way, this comes from maybe Fried
Potato and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to our slash Shoky storytime Supperate. It safe to
say all we need to do is plan our wedding
and our future. Even though we have only been in
a relationship for less than a year. My ex will
call him Eric, had a brother, we'll call him Jack,
who had already been in a relationship for two years

(21:16):
with Jane big name. Obviously, Jack and I were not close,
and I just didn't vibe with him or with Jane.
All our encounters usually consisted of just greeting each other
when I visited Eric at his work. Eric and Jack
both opened a clothing stores, so besides being siblings, they
were also business partners. I myself was working in nine
to five, and so was Jane. Since Eric and I
became a thing, I often spent time helping him around

(21:38):
his store after my job was done. Because of his
busy schedule, we rarely had time to go out, so
I thought that could count as our time together. Jane,
on the other hand, rarely visited the store. She and
Jack usually had date nights or whatever. And that's fair
for Jane. Maybe being in the store wasn't her cup
of tea, and she loved going out, Maybe because Jack
was the type of guy who was very loyal and
always gave Jane whatever she wanted. I had no problem

(22:00):
with that, not my relationship, but I noticed Jack was
not working as often as before. The working system between
Eric and Jack was shift based. Usually Eric would be
at the store from opening around ten until maybe four
in the afternoon, and Jack would come from four till
closing at eight. Every other day they would switch shifts,
but since I started hanging out the store, Jack would

(22:21):
often come at five or six, so his shift only
lasted two to three hours. That pissed me and Eric off.
I loved Eric, but I still valued my time. Plus,
at that time, Eric had not proposed to me yet,
so technically I was not part of their family. Why
would I use my time and let people not appreciate it.
I told Eric my thoughts and he understood, so I
no longer hung out at the store. Eric also talked

(22:43):
to his mother, but his mother took Jack's side, saying
that Jack also at a side job and that Eric
also often came late. Eric came late once after picking
me up to the store. We were stuck because of
heavy rain and all the streets were flooded up to
our upper thighs. Dang, what did she expect us to do?
Sounds like a little bit of Golden Child going on here. Yeah.

(23:04):
One night, Eric's mother invited me and my family, my
mom and my brother for dinner at a nearby restaurant.
We agreed. The dinner went well. Jack and Jane were
also there. Maybe they had started to feel the inconvenience
of my absence at the store. Because Eric's mom asked
why I didn't come to the store anymore. I got
quiet for a while, contemplating which personality I could let
out that day. Fortunately for them, my nice side was

(23:26):
strong that night. I said I was just tired and
usually didn't help much, so I didn't want to bother Eric.
You did not push further. My surprise, Jack started ordering beer.
It surprised me because I didn't know this dinner was
supposed to be that casual, especially with my brother and
mother around, as this was only their second time meeting
each other and the first time meeting Jack. But I

(23:47):
wasn't going to be the one paying the bills, so
I shut my mouth. After dinner, Eric's father started speaking
about why they had invited us. They planned to give
Eric full control of his store, and they had also
bought a small house that was in the middle of renovation.
They were also planning to give one of their cars
as my dowry. Parasian so it's not rare for parents
to provide a dowry for the bride. This was also

(24:07):
a moment for them to flex their wealth. My brother
told them that it was very nice of them, but
we wouldn't be needing the car, as my brother had
already bought one for me, And in a moment of pettiness,
my mother said, you only have two cars, and Eric's
brother seems to depend on them more, so maybe it
would be better to give it to him. As for Eric,
we could take care of him. I bit my lip
to make sure I didn't smile. My mother and brother

(24:27):
already knew how unfairly Eric was treated in his family,
how unfair you ask. His mother and father flew out
to a different city on Eric's birthday, exactly on the
day of his birthday. For what you ask? To enjoy
a lovely vacation with Eric's mother's siblings on your son's birthday,
the one that happens on the exact same date every year.
You couldn't plan that after his birthday and on Jack's birthday,

(24:50):
they planned him a party inviting extended family and everything.
So yeah, how unfair you ask?

Speaker 3 (24:56):
Wow wild man?

Speaker 2 (24:59):
Wait, Okay, sorry, I didn't register. They gave Jack an
entire land out family gathering birthday and left the country
for Eric.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
Yeah, because they wanted to. They wanted to spend family
time with other family members on Eric's birthday.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
Eric clearly isn't family. I guess not anyway. Maybe Eric's
mother and father sensed my mother's tone so they didn't
say anything further. Jack and Jane also didn't say anything.
But Jack kept drinking beer and I noticed he started
getting a little red, but wasn't tipsy yet. Maybe this
decision was Eric's father's and Jack couldn't change his mind.
That's why he was pissed. Eric's father got the bill

(25:37):
and we stood from our table. Our table was on
the second floor, so we needed to walk down in
order to leave the restaurant. This is where it got
juicy or dangerous. Uh oh, Jack pushed me down the stairs.
Is this a child of what's going on? This is
a psycho child? What is happening? Yes, I said or
wrote it right. Everyone saw it. Eric and my brother

(26:00):
rushed to help me and make sure I was okay.
My head high five the wall. So I got dizzy
and I got pain all over my body from rolling
down the stairs. Oh my god. So it wasn't just
like a oh trip, It was like a room boom
boom boom. Jeez, man, can you like arrest this man
for assault? Probably like like, if you push someone down

(26:21):
the stairs, that feels like a crime.

Speaker 3 (26:23):
I'm sure, and they have a bunch of witnesses. You
can die from that. Yeah, your head wrong.

Speaker 2 (26:28):
Both of Eric's parents yelled at Jack for his actions.
My mom was mad at all of them. Eric and
my brother kept badgering me to make sure I was okay.
All the noise just made the pain in my head worse.
I yelled at them to be quiet. The restaurant's staff
ushered us into the VIP room after seeing what happened,
not only to make sure I didn't have any serious injuries,
but also to avoid further commotion. Eric's mother asked if

(26:49):
I was okay and apologized for Jack's behavior. At the time,
I was tired and pissed, so my petty personality took over.
I told her that what Jack did was not acceptable
and be resolved with just an apology because he had
tried to harm me. So Eric's mother asked what they
could do to make it right, and this is where
I became an a whole. I told her, well, since

(27:10):
Jack has a problem with Eric but took it out
on me, it's only fair if Eric does the same
to Jane. Oh. Now, I know that was an a
whole move, but in my mind, this is what I
expected to happen. Jack would protest that it wasn't fair
since I had a problem with him and not with Jane,
and I could say, yeah, exactly, so why would you
harm me if you had a problem with your sibling,

(27:31):
But to my surprise, he said nothing. He got quiet.
Everyone got quiet. My mother, brother, and Eric getting quiet
was normal. They knew me well enough to know my intention.
But Jack and his family, on the other hand, were
just going to accept my request. Jane, I'm getting the
heck out of here. I'm getting the heck out of there.
He gets silent, and then everyone just everyone goes Jane

(27:52):
and she's like, please, that's great. I'm run either, dude.
I saw Jane go pale as the silence got longer.
She looked at Jack with disbelief. So I broke the silence. Wow,
you're really gonna let it happen, I asked Jack. He
said nothing, And that alone explain what kind of a

(28:13):
person was food. But I know what kind of a
person you guys are if you listen to full episodes
with stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
or your favorite podcast app and search a Pokus story time.
But there's a little bit left in this story. Do
you have any thoughts? Because that was insane, that was crazy,
that's wild. Her sarcastic advice.

Speaker 3 (28:33):
I think, like that's just a perfect example of it
being like, you know, she has this example or this
hypothetical thing of like, oh well, if this was fair
to do to me, then it must be fair to
do to her. Trying to point out how ridiculous it
would be. And then everyone is like, hmm, that's a
good point.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
I didn't think about that. You're right.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
She's like wait, wait, wait, wait, what like no, no, no, no, no, goot,
a bunch of psychopaths in this family. You're crazy, Jane,
the family. Yeah, he's got to leave the family. And
then they become best friends exactly, And there we have it.
My brother told me it was better for me to
go to the hospital just in case.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
I agreed. My brother and mother left first to get
her car, while Eric stayed with me. I turned to
Jane and told her, we're not close and I have
nothing against you, but girl, the girl, do you really
want to stay with this kind of man, the one
who's going to let you suffer the consequences of his actions.
She stared at me like I had just given her
the motivational speech of the year. After that incident, Jane
and Jack broke up. Yeah, let's go. Jack despised me

(29:32):
even more. Unfortunately, Eric and I broke up a year later.
I mean, I don't know what we don't know why
you guys broke up. Buddy doesn't have the best family. Yeah,
dang man, that was a lot that was a lot,
a lot, a lot crazy. I can't believe you just
got pushed down the stairs because Eric's brother was like,
wait with him. That's wild. See.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
That's kind of a good example of like, you know,
when you're dating someone, they might have a crazy family.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
And you don't know.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
You're not dating no, like you're not dating for you know,
the other person's family.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
You're dating for them.

Speaker 5 (30:07):
But sometimes the other family is so crazy that John
stands you just can't do it because that's yeah, that's
like it's your safety is no involved, truly, and that's
the biggest red flag.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
And that's the long and short of it. Dang. But
that is the end of that story and the end
of this episode. So if you love us, make sure
to subscribe, you love you and see it all. John.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
Here, we're gonna get back to this juicy story, but
a quick three minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
My mother in law is bad mouthing me behind my back,
So I drew a line. You draw that line, girl.
So I've had major issues with my mother in law
in the past, the point where I blocked her. I
gave birth to my daughter, also the first grandchild for
them in September. I am exclusively no bottles, pumping, et cetera,
and have had a hard time with the baby. Honestly,

(30:56):
by the way, this comes from DJ fourteen eighteen, and
if you want to submit your stories, go to our
slush Okay storytime Separate it so. She had oral ties
that had to be revised, a major dairyology and colic.
Now at ten weeks, we are finally getting a grip
on things, but we're still struggling some She literally won't
sleep anywhere but on me and hates anyone else holding her.

(31:17):
With that being said, my mother in law and I
have a rocky relationship, but I'm trying. I unblocked her
one month before the baby came and have been trying
to build a relationship. She is overbearing, expects to see
the baby constantly and text us for updates every single day.
I have had two or three separate conversations with her
in the last three months about expectations. My spouse and
I even went to counseling over this. I told her

(31:39):
what we talked about and how I didn't know how
to explain to someone what a normal amount of communication
and time spent would be. It could be two weeks
before she sees the baby, or we could see her
three times in a week. It just depends on what's
going on in our lives. Spouse and I also bought
a house right before the baby was born. We are
finishing our basement. We own a business, and we had

(31:59):
an employee wit while I was on maternity leave. Mother
in law knows all of this. The reason I'm posting
I suspected she was trash talking me because family members
and friends of hers started deleting and even blocking me
on social media, but technically I had no proof it
was because of her, and my spouse wouldn't listen. Yesterday,
her niece, my spouse's cousin, came to visit the baby.

(32:20):
She told us that his mom had been telling everyone
I'm being unreasonable and that I'm just trying to keep
her from seeing my baby. She claims that everyone else
is allowed to visit whenever they want, but mother in
law can't, et cetera. The cousin said she wanted my
side of the story. I was vague with my side
because I don't feel the need to defend myself. They
all already believe her anyway, and I'm not like her.

(32:41):
The issues lie between us, and I don't feel like
it's anyone else's business. This cousin was also one of
the people who deleted me from socials, and I wasn't
even sure I wanted her to visit anyway. None of
this is true. My mother in law has been over
to see the baby more than literally anyone else in
our lives. My sister stayed for a week when the
baby was born to spend time with the baby, but
to support me postpartum, which is what people should be offering. Absolutely,

(33:05):
it should be offering to help you the person who
just gave birth. Yeah, she helped me learn to clean
my whole house for a week and cooked us sixty
freezer meals so I wouldn't have to worry. She lives
two hours away, and even that was the most time
she has spent with us due to having her own family.
I just cannot wrap my head around all this. I
don't feel like I have my spouse's support, and it's

(33:27):
making me want to go no contact with his mom again. Also,
why would I want someone who talks about me like
that to the whole family around my child. My spouse
has said nothing, and I'm fed up. He doesn't understand.
He told me all he wanted was for me to
try with his mom, and I have, but she's still
talking crap about me. I'm just tired. I don't have
the energy for this. The fact that she did this

(33:48):
throughout my whole pregnancy and now while I'm postpartum dealing
with various issues with my child while also being an FtM,
is so selfish. It is making me genuinely hate her
at this point. If she really loved and cared about
us in any way, she would be understanding and not
making our lives harder. My spouse's response, I'm really upset
with him because he has only said something to her once,

(34:11):
so frustrating. This is why you have a problem with
your mother in law, because your husband is not putting
up any boundaries. Yeah, the conversations I have had with
her were ones I wanted him to have, but he refused,
so I finally had them myself and made sure he
was there when I did. I feel like this is
his mother and he should be standing up for me
and addressing her behavior, but he just isn't. He should

(34:32):
be absolutely, he won't even listen to me when I
bring it up. Then weeks later he'll say I already
talked to him about it and doesn't understand why I'm
still bringing it up. Except he never responds, He looks
at me or doesn't when I talk about it, and
he has nothing to say. He claims it's between mother
in law and me and that he can't do anything
about it. I hate this man. Divorce. Come on, come on, man,

(34:54):
it's your mom. Yeah, like he has nothing to do
with it. If your partner is having a problem with
your parent, you are the mediator.

Speaker 3 (35:02):
Yeah, you are the go between. Like, sorry, don't know
what to tell you.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
It's just true. Even his cousin told him that maybe
mother in law just needed to hear it from him,
not me, because coming for me, it sounds like it's
just what I want, not what we want. So therefore,
in their eyes, I'm just an unreasonable person who doesn't
like his mom or water around mostly just venting. But
what would you do in this situation? And there is
an update? Honestly, I think you need to sit your

(35:27):
husband down and say, hey, we might need to go
to marriage counseling because you're not listening to me and
you are putting all of this pressure on me to
sort out my relationship with your mom when you need
to pull some weight around here.

Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah, like if you were having an issue with my mom,
I would step in because as a partner or like
a child in law, you don't have as much say
as the actual blood child. You know, you just don't,
so you gotta let it come from the husband.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
True, but let's get into this update and see what
hope he does exactly what the title says. I'm not
going to rant much about our history, but I recently
we found out mother in law has been talking crap
on me to my in laws. You can see the
post of my HISTORYM and I contemplated not going to
Thanksgiving yesterday, but I decided since I am exclusively breastfeeding,
not pumping, and my baby can't go without me, and

(36:13):
mother in law is the biggest issue, and I wanted
to see some of the family that I do love
and get along with father in law's side, I would
try to go, And also for my spouse's sake, my
baby is ten weeks old and hates the carrier, so
I was originally going to baby where, but that was
not an option, so I had to tell everyone we
weren't going to be passing her around since she's so
little and its six season. My mother in law didn't

(36:35):
say hi to me, didn't make literally any type of
conversation with me. I could tell she was pissed that
we weren't going to let her hold baby. Came up
and spoke to my baby one time, and at a
time when I had walked away from the crowd because
she was getting tired and fussy, so it was literally
the worst time to interrupt. I just walked away from
her until she got the picture. But she didn't say
a word to me, and I couldn't be happier. On

(36:56):
a side note, I hate this for spouse really because
she ignored him too, But hopefully this is eye opening
for him as well. He needs some eye opening. He
needs her to like behave badly to him too, because
it's a hymn problem and it always has been a
hymn problem too. Yeah. Update two, I'm not sure if
this is allowed, but I just wanted to express that
with some of the issues I've been having with mother
in law and my significant other in turn, it has

(37:19):
caused me to do a ton of self reflection research
and I am seeking out therapy for myself. Hopefully we'll
also get couple's therapy, but he's not wanting to go
back at the moment. I came across the term inmeshment
and have never heard the term before, but oh my god,
this is my situation to a te this is why
it's mother in law but also significant other. All this time.

(37:41):
It's not his fault and he feels it's normal, which
we know and I've discussed previously in therapy, but now
I have a word to describe the relationship and what's
going on. It's not necessarily that she wants to date
him or is creepy in that sense, though I've often
wondered if it borders this, but it's because I was
uneducated on things such as enmeshment. She is a mootionally
dependent on him, and in return, he is emotionally dependent

(38:03):
on her. Whether they realize it, I don't think they do.
Now that I have learned this term, I am seeing
things in a whole new light and everything is making so
much sense. If you don't know what it is, look
it up. It may be eye opening for you as
it has been for me. And there is a third update. Wow, yeah,
I would say they are definitely a little bit too

(38:24):
tied up together because he's like, Oh, I'm my MoMA's boy,
and I don't want to upset my mom. Yeah exactly.
But it's like, well, what if she's doing upsetting things? Yeah,
what if she is doing things to actively hinder peace
in our life? What are you gonna do? You're gonna
stand up for yourself. You gotta sit there on the
sidelines like a coward. Update three so you can look
at my past posts and see what we've been dealing

(38:46):
with recently. Basically, in laws invited us for Christmas Eve dinner,
which I was not going to go anyway because they
refuse to accommodate my little one's dairy allergy. I'm rising.
And she said she was making chicken palm. Oh I see,
because ohp can't eat that stuff because it would affect them. Okay, see,
I'm still not interacting with mother in law after she's
been spreading lives about me and my family had Christmas

(39:08):
on Christmas Day this year and I had food to prepare,
presents to wrap, et cetera. They never gave my spouse
a time and typically dinner is meant four to six pm.
In the past, they live very close and my spouse
was going to follow up at three pm or so
to see when mother in law wanted him to come.
At two pm, she texted him and said, I guess
you're not coming. He immediately called and texted her, and

(39:30):
she read his text and ignored him, so he didn't go.
That's it. That's the drama this week the kind of
update to my previous posts. Significant other is starting to
come around and see his mother in law's behavior for
what they truly are. I think it's just hard for
him because it's been his norm and it's his mom.
He finally had a full conversation with me about the
recent drama in my previous posts and agrees that mother

(39:53):
in law is overbearing and overstepping and in the wrong.
We are still figuring out what to do that is
best for us family, so she'll just have to wait
while we process her lies in crap talking. But with
Christmas Eve, she's not helping her case with my spouse,
that's for sure. I'll update when we decide to have
a conversation with mother in law and father in law
or to give you a Christmas drama because we were

(40:13):
having a big Christmas gathering for his family this weekend,
to be continued into the next update. Wow, it keeps
going so many updates, I think you just got to
combine them. Opie Update four. So, as I stated in
my other post, I was struggling with my s O
a bit. He's not used to saying no, we're setting
boundaries with his family, and this has been a challenge

(40:35):
for him. He doesn't like to talk about it or
entertain conflict of any sort. That's obvious. So we took
a month and I had several multiple conversations with him
until I felt like we were on the same page,
and also to let myself cool down. I'm three months
postpartum and I'm having a hard time with my emotions
as well. I finally felt like we were on the

(40:55):
same page. I feel like there's a shoe that's about
to be dropped.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, So we had mother in law and father in
law over and my spouse initiated a conversation. He pointed
out that we are disappointed in mother in law's behavior,
that it is causing animosity and stress that we shouldn't
have to be dealing with in this time in our
lives and that it is making me uncomfortable to the
point that I don't even want to go to family
events because I don't know who's saying what about me,

(41:21):
and I don't feel supported in my decisions as a
mother or our decisions as a family. They have continued
to pressure us stuff more visits with them, even though
they know we have had quite a rough time with
little one in her first few months of life, not
including other aspects of her life the business, buying the house,
finishing the basement, et cetera. I really feel like he
did a great job standing up for me. I'm very proud.

(41:44):
As far as mother in law and father in law's responses,
she tried to argue and say they weren't pressuring us
for more visitation. I doubt that the whole time they've
been pressuring for visitation. I don't think that they're gonna
be like, oh no, that's not what we want. What
are you talking about. We've never complained about that, right.
Maybe the significant other is putting in some work, but
not enough for me. My spouse cut her off and

(42:06):
said that when he had FaceTime them and discussed her
talking crap about me, that was the biggest topic of
that conversation, so we called her out for again not
being truthful. All right, we're making some progress. Father in
law pointed out that I am very non traditional and
it is something that they are having to get used to,
which I agree with and I'm understanding of to an extent.
Mother in law said she didn't understand why I had

(42:27):
issues with her and not father in law. I told her,
it doesn't feel like he's judging me or pressuring me
when he asks questions or when we have discussions. She,
on the other hand, is forceful, and it feels like judgment,
like it's her way or the highway type of deal.
A situation that was discussed that I hadn't mentioned prior.
They brought a family member to our home on one
occasion when I was very newly postpartum without telling or

(42:50):
asking us. That's not okay with a little baby at home,
and you don't even say like, hey, they're coming over.
Not cool. Later we discussed that we would like them
to let us know if they're bringing people to our home.
Mother in law told said family member and they all
took it personally. Now that family member has ignored me
at all family events etc. This is crazy, you dumb idiot.

(43:12):
I hate them. Why are you making so many problems
when this parent is just trying to take care of
their kid. Yeah, come on, leave her alone, Leave her alone.
We also discussed their friends who are family friends. My
spouse is close with three or four different couples blocking
and deleting me on social media. Mother in law claim
she had new idea why except for one of them.

(43:33):
She said it was because I had blocked that person
for a time when we were in the thick of
it during my pregnancy. I told her how uncomfortable I
am around three of the four couples, and that because
they're such a large part of my spouse's life, I'm
not sure what to do to make things better. However,
I never did anything to them in the first place,
So the issue is that mother in law was talking
negatively about me. She insisted she should be able to

(43:54):
talk to her family and friends. We also discussed family
that deleted slash blocked me on social media opie is
just getting like everyone's oh my gosh, and said that
if they reacted that way, it wasn't because she told
them to. I obviously never thought she directly told them
to block me. I think she was just talking crap
and giving one sided stories. I told her, it's not
fair that I'm an individual and an outsider coming into

(44:17):
this family, yet she's spreading things about me when I
barely had a chance to form personal relationships with these people.
Sometimes you can't just talk to everyone about everything. I
told her she should have come to me or us
if she had issues or concerns. She also complained that
she cried on Christmas Day because we didn't spend it
with them, saying everyone was asking her if we were,
but we had discussed this earlier in the year. We

(44:38):
do every other holiday with his family and mine. This
year it was Thanksgiving Day with them and Christmas Day
with my family. Next year they will have Christmas Day.
I told her being disappointed or unfamiliar with our boundaries
is okay, but saying whatever she is saying in the
heat of the moment to family and friends is not okay.
She is painting me as a monster, when in fact,
all the boundaries we have placed are our boundary as

(45:00):
a family. Singling me out is unacceptable. I don't know
if I missed anything, but I just told them they
can ask questions about things they are unfamiliar with, or
when they have concerns, we can find common ground or
reiterate that these are our decisions, but nothing will ever
get better if she keeps discussing her issues with everyone
but us. It's much better to just sweep all the

(45:21):
issues into a nice neat pile so you can deal
with them instead of casting them everywhere, because then you
gotta like go around and it's like fifty card pickup
takes forever exactly. It's like you have like an.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
Issue tree, and instead of going straight for the roots,
you're just like pruning the leaves over and over, and
it's like, what's that gonna do nothing.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Some of the things we've done that she has taken
issue with include I had a home birth instead of
going to the hospital. We are delaying vaccinations and maybe
not doing all of them. Edit to add this has
been discussed at length with our pediatrician. I'm not looking
for medical opinions. We co sleep with our child. We
don't let them show up uninvited whenever they want, and
we don't allow them to hold her at a large
family gathering since she's so young. We also discussed the

(46:04):
cousin confronting me about what mother in law has to
say about me. Mother in law kept claiming that the
cousin was in the wrong and that she never said
any of those things to her, insisting that the cousin
had no right to come to me. I disagreed and
said I understood why she came to us. She loves
mother in law and was obviously trying to help resolve
a situation that was upsetting her. Regardless of what mother
in law did or didn't actually say, she implied or

(46:27):
made the cousin think these things by the way she
spoke to her. Again, the bottom line is that she
is painting a horrible picture of me to friends and family.
I am the newest member and an outsider, and she
is causing them to see me in a certain way,
when in reality, these are our decisions as a family.
I had previously told her, due to the issues we
were already having, that I wasn't comfortable spending alone time

(46:49):
with her, and that she could visit when my spouse
was around. She brought that up again, saying how shocked
and taken aback she was. I told her she had
time to respond and or process that information. And come
back at a later date to discuss it, but instead
of doing that, she went and gossiped about it with everyone.
Stop girl. The majority of the conversation was about her
speaking to everyone about us, but more so me, not

(47:12):
coming to us if she has concerns, and not respecting
our boundaries as a family. I also reiterated from our
last conversation that healing takes time and that hopefully we
will get to a point where I am comfortable with
her alone. However, I cannot tell her a low long
that we'll take. She just needs to give it time
and stop giving us reasons to take steps backward instead
of forward. Looking back. Now that the conversation is over,

(47:35):
we didn't discuss that boundaries have been an issue since
before I was even in the picture. This is on
my spouse, and I feel it's not my place to
bring it up, but he has complained to me about
it in the past. I also think we should have
mentioned that some of the things we share with them
are personal and not meant to be spread to every
single family member and friend. That might also be part
of the issue. She admitted to sharing everything we've told

(47:57):
her with multiple people. I do feel a bit better
about our everything. Overall, my spouse definitely had my back
and stressed that he was severely disappointed in her behavior.
It only took them a hot minute to come around. Honestly,
you just have to keep having conversations with her husband
to make sure that you continue to stay on the
same page about your mother in law. We left on
good terms, but I am still stressed and worried that

(48:18):
we will continue to have similar issues in the future.
But I guess this is all for now. Wish me
luck that this will be the final major conversation we
have to have with them, and then moving forward things
go smoother. Definitely feel like I missed a lot, but
I think I covered the gist of it and edit Dad,
since assumptions are being made, I thought simply pointing out
that we are being supervised by a pediatrician would be enough.

(48:40):
I never said I was anti vax or that I
was definitely not going to vaccinate my child. Part of
the issue I've had with mother in law is her
shoving her opinions on us about vaccinations when our pediatrician
made suggestions due to issues we have seen in our
child she potentially has and my family does have certain allergies.
The vaccinations were something we had to discuss with our
pe the attrition. By the way, I've got to discuss

(49:02):
with you guys, that you can listen to full episodes
of stories just like this. Just got Apple podcast, Spotify
or your favorite podcast app and search a pocus right time.
And there's a little bit left to this story. But
you any final thoughts.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
It's just so crazy to me, how like obvious it
is that communication is like the key to everything.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
Would have solved everything so much sooner, and so many
people in this world ignore that. And also I was
gonna say, oh, he probably would have had a lot
less problems with the mother in law if her husband
had stepped in sooner. It probably wouldn't have gotten to
this point where everyone in the family knows about all
of your business. If he had stepped in and said, hey,
like mom, come on right, it's such an easy thing

(49:43):
to do. But oh boy, let's see what is left.
We aren't just going against the grain or blindly choosing
not to vaccinate. We are still navigating what's best for
our child. This was not the main point of the post.
This is a mother in law sub and this post
was about her lies and overstepping boundaries, not whether I
am vaccinating my child or not. I even edited the
post to clarify that we are being advised by a pediatrician,

(50:05):
and I'm still getting downvoted in the comments. I guess
I'll update my flair because I was not looking for
opinions on my child's medical care in this sub or
honestly anywhere on the internet. And that is the end
of that freaking story.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Man oh man, Hey, it's sam og Host. We're Gonnet
back to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of
ads from our sponsors to help support the show.

Speaker 3 (50:28):
My mother in law is way too involved in my
wedding planning, so we took.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
Away her power. Hi.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
I'm new to Reddit and I got my post taken down,
so someone suggested I come here for advice. I twenty
six female, have been with my fiance twenty seven male,
who will call Mark, for six years.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Those six years have been great.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
We've had fights and issues, but never something big that
gave me a red flag. He's a great man to
me and he's always treated me so well. By the way,
this comes from Mary's World, and if you want to
submit your own stories, then go to the our slash
Okay store jumps up.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
Now Here comes the issue.

Speaker 3 (51:03):
Mark has left the wedding planning to me since he
knows that I love this type of stuff and I've
always had a vision for what my wedding is going
to look like. My soon to be mother in law
has very loud opinions on a lot of things that
I want for my wedding. When we went to the
storage tryan dresses, it was me, my sister, my mother,
and my mother in law. I knew I wanted to
fit it off the shoulder wedding dress, and there were
so many gorgeous ones that were my exact type.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
When I tried them on, everyone loved them except my
mother in law. And that's when you say, mother in law,
it's my freaking dress, and it's my freaking wedding. I
don't want to hear it my way or the freaking highway,
and you can take the four or five bust her.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
She was very loud about her opinion and even went
as far as to say that I looked like a
spicy dancer. Her comment started a big fight between my
family and her. My sister especially was pissed, and I
admit said some pretty nasty things to my mother in
law good This resulted.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
In her crying to my fiance.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
That day, me and my fiance fought, and he said
that my family was in the wrong for upsetting his
mother over a silly comment. I eventually gave in and
got a dress that made everyone happy, which was a
ball gown type dress. I come from a family of floris,
so my family was covering for all of that. My
mom owns her own flower shop and she is the
most popular in our town.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Look at you go, it's you.

Speaker 3 (52:22):
I love, love, love flowers. I always had since I
was a child. This is something I'm not willing to
give up for my wedding. I always wanted a wild
flower theme. I chose an outdoor venue and had a
plan to decorate the place with my choice of flowers.
I don't know why, but mother in law was so
against the ideas of the flowers I chose. When she

(52:42):
saw the okay and the flowers I chose, she yelled
at me that this was tacky, that the people she
invited to my wedding were going to think that her
son is marrying someone cheap whoa what the heck?

Speaker 2 (52:53):
Oh my gosh, Well, maybe they'll think that she's marrying
into a family where the mother in law is double.

Speaker 3 (52:59):
She told told me that red roses would look so
much better and romantic red roses.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Are like the most common.

Speaker 3 (53:05):
Yeah, they would have the least amount of personality.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
Yeah, if you're basic, No offense to anyone who likes roses.
I refuse. She went to Mark about it.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
Mark and I ended up getting into a fight because
this was something I absolutely refused to give up. He
told me that it was just a small thing I
had to give up and that after this was all over,
we'd be happy with our new life.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Even after the argument, I was adamant about.

Speaker 3 (53:28):
My decision and wasn't backing down, which resulted him leaving
the house and going to his mother's.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
What a freaking mama's boy. Little mama's boy. Mama, you
can have your boy because I don't want him.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
This has been going on for three days and he
still hasn't texted me or called me back, and there
are some comments coming.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Number one says, not the a hole. You don't have
a mother in law problem, though, you have a fiance problem. Exactly.

Speaker 3 (53:51):
Think of this conflict as a warning, this is what
your married life will be like. Any conflict, even one
where your mother in law calls you a spicy dancer,
will end with you your future husband taking her side,
not yours.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
He will always be on her side.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
Now, imagine if you make a home together, it will
be decorated like she wants. And if you have children together,
I think you already know. You've spent six years together
and he now feels comfortable to show what he's really like.
Run away before you get stuck. Another person responds, what
if mother in law doesn't like the names you pick
for your kids, Hobby will take her side and let
her pick. What if you want a dog but mother

(54:26):
in law hates them, the hobby will veto the dog.
And what if mother in law wants a key to
your house and you think that it's about a deal.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
She's getting a key.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
What if mother in law abuses the key privilege to snoop.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
And rearrange your furniture. Hubbs will say that you're overreacting.
What if mother in law wants to be in the
delivery room and you say heck no, Guess who gets
to stare at your jay? Jay? Definitely setting up for
the rest of your life.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
Comment number two says, Info, why are you involving her
in these decisions at all? She isn't your mother, she's
the groom's mother. Make your own life easier and don't
invite her wedding dress shopping.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
Yeah. Literally, don't consult her on flowers.

Speaker 3 (55:05):
Tell her you found a dress after it's purchased and
you aren't showing anyone pictures.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
There you go.

Speaker 3 (55:10):
If she wants to be traditional about things, she can
do a rehearsal dinner or luncheon and be in charge
of that and leave the wedding to the bride. Someone
else responds on the contrary, I think it's great that
OPI included her fiance's mother.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
It gave her the opportunity to see so many red flags. True,
I just hope that.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
She doesn't ignore them, arguing with op and expecting her
to change fundamental aspects of her wedding to appease.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
His Mommy give me an effing break, like your mother
a laws, but your fiance. I would not want to
marry a man who is not on my side.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
Yeah, Like, defend me when your mom calls me a
spicy dancer for a dress I love, I'd be like,
how dare you? And personally I would just be like
all right, then a spicy dnswer I shall be.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
But we do have an update.

Speaker 4 (55:54):
Hi.

Speaker 3 (55:54):
I want to start off by thanking everyone for being
so nice and supportive.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
I've read all of your comments. Thank you all for
the advice.

Speaker 3 (56:01):
Some of you are going to be a bit disappointed,
but me and my fiance are not breaking it off.
While a lot of you suggested that I truly love
this man with all my heart, my mom and sister
has also pushed me to leave him, as they said
some nasty things I would rather not repeat. Oh wow,
we did postpone in the wedding since we did not
put the deposit for the venue and my mom is
the one providing the decorations, etc.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
We were still in the early stages of planning the wedding,
so we didn't lose much money. That is excellent. Do
not have a wedding until all of your problems are solved.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
After I posted on Reddit, I took time to read
all of your comments and sent a text to my
husband along the lines of how immature he's acting and
that if he keeps the silent treatment up I'll be
calling off the wedding, okay, Gury.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
I don't know if we should have sent a text,
probably should have had that in person or calling.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
I think that's the difficulty here is that he's like
at the mom's house, which I forgot about, and he's
just not responding. This is actually a big issue, I think.
So he's a child that seemed to get his attention
quick since he replied back within an hour and came
home that day. There you go, get your man. I
had a long discussion with Mark. I told him that
I didn't have any issues with his mother, and then

(57:08):
I also appreciated her insight, but this wedding felt more
like hers than mine. I also brought up the fact
at how his mom insulted my mom by calling our
choice of flowers tacky and cheap right in front of her.
Me and my mom chose the flowers together. The mom
owns the flowers like, that's definitely insulting.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
I also brought up the spicy.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
Dancer comment and that it hurt me and how easily
he brushed that off. He ended up apologizing after all
this and agreed to go to couples counseling with me.
He also told me that he'd have a talk with
his mother for her to step away from the wedding
preparations and to let me choose what I want. After
our talk, we both understood each other's perspective better. He
felt pressure to say yes to her because his mother

(57:46):
was all he had. He mentioned to me before how
growing up she had to work two jobs to be
able to support them both. I do feel for her,
but it's still my wedding at the end of the day,
and I explained.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Them to him.

Speaker 3 (57:56):
He has been apologizing repeatedly these past days. He even
bought flowers and took me on a date. Question were
those flowers red roses or were they wildflowers? How well
do you know your partner?

Speaker 2 (58:08):
Did he buy those for four dollars at titter Joe's,
because if he's not going to the freaking farmer's market
and spending twenty five dollars on them.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
I do have some good news. Well, unfortunately I can't
return my wedding dress. Mark has agreed to pay for however,
I choose.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
To alter my dress. He didn't know that the.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
Dress I got wasn't really the one I had my
heart set on, So when I mentioned this, he immediately
offered to buy a new one, but I agreed instead
just altering it To answer some of your questions. Why
is my future mother in law so involved? She has
never had a wedding of her own as her Mark's
father never got married. Before all of this, she was
very friendly to me and always welcomed me, so I.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Was just as equally shocked when this.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
New persona came out of nowhere. I wanted to involve
her since Mark as her only child, so they're very close.
Mark also asked me himself to involve his mother so
she didn't feel left out. By the way, you will
never need to feel left out because we've got more
episodes with stories just like this. One's gonna Spotify, Apple Podcast,
whatever your favorite podcast app is, and just search.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
Okay, storytime.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
We literally have so much you can always feel included
in our little community. But there is a little bit more.
Do we have any final thoughts before we wrap this up?
I still don't really trust your fiance. Honestly, I'm suspicious
of him and I think he needs a lot of
therapy before you're ready to freaking marry each other. Yeah,
I am relieved because for a second, I was scared

(59:29):
that this is how all of their conversations went, and
then I was like, Okay, then something's up and she's
not aware of how this is. But I am glad
that at least he was apologizing and not trying to
like turn it so that she needs to apologize.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
He's not turning himself into a victim, which is great.

Speaker 3 (59:44):
Still not gonna like say, oh, he's like an amazing
person because of that, but like, I'm glad that at
least from this it seems like she's not being like manipulated,
which makes me trust him a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
I don't think he's necessarily like diabolical. I just think
he has a law to work on before they even
can think about like starting this wedding up again.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
It seems like this is a kind of new discovery
about his relationship with his mom and maybe needs some
time to settle there is a little bit more so.
Another question I saw frequently was who is paying for
the wedding? Mark is paying for the venue in my
dress while my parents are covering the rest while we
try to patch up our relationship. Marcus agreed to go
low contact with his mother, which I'm not sure how
she'll react to Hopefully everything goes well in the future

(01:00:26):
and we get back to normal. Thank you all again
for the advice and the lovely comments, but that's the
end of that story. I'm glad that Mark has come
around and has realized there's definitely progress. Glad they're going
to couples counseling. It sounds like this is a great
thing to talk about in couple's counseling.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I gave gifts to my boyfriend’s kids… his ex-wife didn’t take it lightly! | Reddit Stories