I have a tattoo of my female friend… my girlfriend dislikes it! | Reddit Stories

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
Okay Storytime podcast host.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
And we got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 3 (00:05):
Before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show a lot. I have
a tattoo of my female friend. My girlfriend hates it.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
I didn't know you and Aphrodity were that tight.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
For this post, I'll call my friend Julia. She'd passed
away five years ago. She was my first and best
friend growing up. Our families are close, so we've been
friends since we were babies. There were no romantic feelings ever,
just a best friend slash sister. By the way, this
comes from Throwaway, you'd stay and if you want to

(00:35):
swim me submit your own stories go to the r
slash Okay Storytime suburn it. So we were big fans
of punk pop punk alt emo music, specifically the band
called The Wonder Years, the last album she was alive
to hear was there no Closer to Heaven album? And
we both got were no saviors if we can't save
our brothers tattooed on us, which is a line set

(00:58):
on a couple songs throughout the album. She passed away
from a car accident. Saddest moment in my life was
hearing that news. I have a lot of tattoos on
both of my arms and back. I got her name
tattooed with a heart around it and a date. That
band has released two albums since Julia's death, and I
have gotten lyrics that I feel like she would like

(01:20):
the most tattooed. I've been dating my current girlfriend for
the last two years and it's been great. I love
her a lot. We really work as a couple. She
asked me why I have Julia with a heart tattooed
on me, and I understand why that would be off putting,
Like if she had Steve in a heart, I would
be curious as well. I told her about it and
she thought it was sweet. But over time I can

(01:42):
tell whenever I take my shirt off, she sees that
Julia tattoo and it irks her. Last week, The Wonder
Years released a new album and I got You're the
Reason I Won't Want the World and tattooed. She asked
me about it, and I told her about how I
have gotten a tattoo for every album they have released
since Julia's death. This got her really upset that I

(02:03):
am getting cute lyrics tattooed for another woman low key.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
I feel like this gives off the same vibes as
if you like your first wife dies.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
Yes, no, well absolutely, but even even less that because
they weren't even romantically involved or into each other like
this is basically his sister. I told her that she
was just my friend, but she's upset. The other lyric
I have from the album before this is from the
ground we look like Lightning. She seemed really put off

(02:32):
by this, and I don't know how to explain. Anytime
I tell her about how deep our friendship was, she
gets more upset. I want to mend this problem, but
it also has me worried about our future relationship. Now
is this going to be a deal breaker in the future.
Julia was my best friend and it was never romantic.
She would make handcrafted necklaces and jewelry and I have

(02:52):
one of them hanging from my mirror in my car,
and I don't think that's weird. My girlfriend is very
understanding usually, so her reacting this way is new to me.
It's making me wonder if doing this is a bad thing,
and there isn't at it actually stored at it. I
have a lot of tattoos and tattoos for other friends
that passed away as well, and just general tattoos. My

(03:14):
back and arms are covered at it too. I have
a similar tattoo tradition with a male friend that overdosed
in high school and it is an update.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
So he does it for everyone. This is sort of
his way to honor the deck. Oh yes, that made
me feel okay. Yeah, this is like if you passed
away and I decided to get ah some tofu on
my leg.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
So it's like, ah, Sophia, think of that tofu tofu
on mondays just for Sophia.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Nice, you know that that makes sense. But if it's
like I have a shrine of you in my room
after you pass, like he's that crossing the line.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
I think there are ways that you can kind of
not go overboard, but that you can be lost within
grief where you're not over that person and it's like
an unhealthy amount. Like you know, we see stories where
a person is not over their partner and they shouldn't
be in a relationship because they aren't over that loss.

(04:13):
I don't think that's it for OPI at all. I
think he has you know, he's trying to honor this
person in a way he does for all of the
people in his life that he's lost. Even if it
wasn't all of the people, if it was just her,
I think that would still be fine. But there is
an update. I know this sub doesn't like people post
and updates. Yanda, YadA, YadA. I want to clear up
a misconception. I am not a constantly mournful person that

(04:36):
thinks about passed away friends and self harm all the time.
The Wonder Years do make music that is mainly about
losing friends, but it is cathartic. I have tattoos for Julia,
passed away family members, and my other close friend that
passed in high school. But I'm not just living in
the past all the time. I get a tattoo when
the Wonder Years drops an album, which isn't often since

(04:59):
you're passing. They have two albums and they've been making
music since I was like thirteen. They even said this
could be the last album. I don't have a body
full of lyrics. I have my male friend who passed
tattooed on me with his name and a heart as well.
I have a similar lyric tradition with him, but a
different band. My girlfriend is a very understanding person and
great I love her to death, and this isn't how

(05:21):
she usually reacts to things. My friends and these tattoos
are very important to me. I got my first The
Wonder Years tattoo with Julia in twenty fifteen when we
had just graduated high school. We both got we're no savior.
We're no saviors if we can't save our brothers, So
getting a new tattoo whenever they drop is important to me.
I was going to stand my ground on that. Julia

(05:43):
was my best friend and sister. Our families are close
even to this day. I go to her parents' house
and go to their family events frequently, and I am
like a son. We were literally in the crib together
as babies. There was no romance. My girlfriend told me
that she had been cheated on or didn't know information
in past relationships, so this was a sore spot for her.

(06:06):
You can't be cheated on with the person who's not alive.
It doesn't make like she's like, oh, I've I've had
experiences where I've changed on, but like.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
I just really have a messed up thing in my
head where like there is a way, uh, but yeah,
I know, there's like she passed before you guys got together.
He's not honoring her.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
He literally cannot cheat on you.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
With this person. Yeah, so she didn't really know about Julia.
She knew I had lost friends, but I don't live
in the past and talk about people who passed away
all the time. My back and arms are full of tattoos,
and I have a bunch on my chest too, So
I haven't told her the meeting behind every tattoo. She noticed,
I got the you're the reason I don't want the
world to end newly tattooed and asked me about this,

(06:50):
and that started that. I think that if I had
told her earlier on about my tattooed tradition with lyrics,
she would have understood. But just that tattoo for another
woman with noxt I completely get why she was upset.
I told her that I understand now it looks, but
Julia was my best friend. I see comments about her
being in competition to me, that's like if I had

(07:11):
a sister and someone said that my girlfriend was in
competition with my sister. Just sounds effing weird to me.
So many offensive Lol. You walk around with a passway
girl on your arm when in the post I talked
about how I have the same tradition with a male friend,
but that isn't considered weird. It's crazy that male and
female friendships are not seen as equal. If she was

(07:31):
a passed away male friend that was memorialized with tattoos
or in her own way, I wouldn't care. But I'm
biased because I've lost many friends. When my good friend
passed in high school, Julia got his name in a
heart tattooed on her as well. Anyway, I've been talking
to her and telling her that I understand how she feels,
but this is something I have to stand my ground on.

(07:53):
Tattoos are just a thing I get to. When I
got my first car, someone broke into my car once
and stole the bare change I had in my center console,
and I got.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
A tattoo of a broken window. It's just fun to me.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, I mean, like some people, some people use tattoos
as kind of a like their body is a canvas,
and yeah, like it's very common to get something like
It doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful, but sometimes it is.
You know, It's it's creative expression. And for someone to
say you can't do that, or you have limits to

(08:28):
what you can do, especially when they're as ridiculous is
saying you can't like put your you know, you can't
like have a memorial for your friends.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Sounds like he has on the same page. You might not.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (08:39):
I think that maybe she's not understanding fully, Like maybe
he hasn't explained to him, explained to his girlfriend what
their tradition is, So maybe we start there. My girlfriend
called me like an hour ago and told me that
she listened to the Landis album from The Wonder Years
and that it made her cry completely Okay, so she's

(09:00):
taken some interest. She also listened to the songs from
previous albums that I have tattooed on me. She just
told me, I get it. The few fans of The
Wonder Years that found my post got it. If you've
listened to the band, they have so so very few
romantic songs. Most of their songs are about friends passing
away or just being anxious about the future and bad

(09:21):
things happening. My favorite line from them is you start
remembering the anniversaries of bad things. My girlfriend is not
into emo and alt culture, but she listened to the
album that they just put out. She said after one
song she was crying and that what she heard the
context of You're the reason I don't want the world,
and she realized how unromantic it is and how it
makes sense. She was at work and on break, but

(09:43):
we spent time talking about things I don't talk about.
I you know what, really quick, I think we're going
in a great direction. I do think he just didn't
explain well. I think he just like she was totally
under a misconception of what these tattoos meant and who
they were four And I feel like now he's finally
actually explaining them. I told her about Julia and some

(10:06):
other dark experiences and other losses I've had growing up.
We have a good and healthy relationship. This experience taught
me that it's better if I was more open to
the people close to me.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, it probably would.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
I mean, like, obviously, talking about loss is hard, but
I probably would have avoided a lot of these or
this whole situation if she knew more about Julia. This
wouldn't have been a problem. From her perspective. It's just
an old friend that passed that I have a tattoo
in a heart. But when I explained it more, she understood.
So that is my fault for not explaining Julia well

(10:40):
to her. When she asked early on in the relationship,
I just said my best friend that passed away. I guess,
in avoiding trying to be the downer guy, I left
a lot up to her own interpretation. So she did ask,
and he just didn't really go into it. I also
explained to her my other tattoos for my other friend
with lyrics, and he is one I hardly talk about.
Julia was like my sister and her life was suddenly

(11:02):
cut off, so it's nice to talk about the past
with my friend that passed. He struggled with sobriety since
like age ten, oof in and out of reabs and
would be found passed out somewhere miles from home. His
life was hard, so I rarely ever talked about him.
He was the friend you always knew would pass away someday.
But it opened up dialogue and she's more understanding now.

(11:24):
I explain the LGFU a d let's get fed up
and pass away. The future freaks me out, and I
like the universe tattoos too that I have in his.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Memory as well.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
Things are better, we are already we were already close.
But it feels like this was something that needed to
happen someday. Anyway, I don't appreciate the comments calling my
girlfriend harsh names. A lot of comments also seemed very insensitive.
From childhood to now, I probably have lost half of
my friends from substance abuse, accidents, self harm, and I

(11:58):
don't have all of them tattooed. A lot of replies
felt like, yeah, you've got dramatic loss, but Luel removed
the tattoos.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
Who cares? Whatever you post on Reddit post and you
just skim through the losers and you talk and you
look at the insightful ones.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yes, exactly. It's a little bit left to the story.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
How do you have a girlfriend and not have deep
conversations with him about these things?

Speaker 1 (12:24):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
That just seems to be like something you'd bring up.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
I think he is very like guarded about these emotions
and stuff, and I think, yeah, I think that's like
something that he needs to go to therapy for. I
think she probably needs to go to therapy for trauma
from like cheating and stuff, cheating on you and not
saying it's like super you know, like a super huge
problem because it does seem like they solved it with communication.
But I think both of them probably would benefit from

(12:49):
some therapy. Things are better, and I think this experience
is overall good for our relationship. I feel more open
than I have ever been. I always received a lot
of doubt that the one years do not make only
traumatic songs, and then I must be over exaggerating. This
song best describes the content of like seventy percent of
their music.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
This is all an ad for music for another u
T video.

Speaker 3 (13:11):
Edits Also, the lyric tattoos are based on lyrics they
liked slash I thought they'd like the most, not what
makes me think of them the most.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
I'm not getting Let's get fed up and die going
like this was our friendship.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, I uncovered my wife's previous conversations. She's admitting she
hasn't attracted to me.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
This is law and order attractive.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
I've been background me and my wife. We are not married.
I just don't like to call her my partner or girlfriend.
Are both in our late thirties. We've been together for
ten years and have two year old, and my partner
is currently pregnant with another boy, so they're practically married.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
By the way, this comes from negotiation okay fifty two
and a few in us to be your own stories.
What you are saw show okay story, So I'm s
so I wrote it. So for the most part, our
relationship has been great. We'vet her ups and we've had
her downs, just like most couples, but we are mostly
good friends and great partners in life. However, there has
always been a thing in our relationship in the past

(14:11):
last couple of months have been bothering me our spicy
sleep lot. In the first years, everything was fine. I
would say we were huge spicy related couple. But we
did it a few times. But we did it a
few times a week and it was fine. Year three
in our relationship, we were living together for a while

(14:34):
and we started to get and we started to get pregnant. Unfortunately,
we weren't having much success, so we went to the doctors.
The next year's our spicy sleep life change. It almost
became something mechanical. We had to do it at specific
times in a specific way, test tests and more tests.
Month after month of disappointment, and to be honest, it

(14:57):
was no longer fun. We then did two cycles of
IVF in biltrow in vitro in vitro, which were not successful.
At this time, I would say we had spicy sleep
once or twice a month. Luckily, we eventually got pregnant
naturally and we were both over the moon. But there
was a lot of stress and we had lost a

(15:18):
girl before, so during this time I didn't bush too
much on our spicy sleep life, and I believe we
only had spicy sleep a couple of times. When our
baby was born. Well, most of you know how newborns are,
so in between work, stressed, sleepless nights, and well opportunity,
we didn't have any spicy sleep for the first year
of the kid. After that we started having spicy sleep again,

(15:40):
but I always felt that it was mostly a duty
for my wife. I always had to slowly seduce her
for one to two weeks until she eventually was in the.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
Mood day two weeks. It's a long long time to
begin the seduction process again.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Luckily, we got pregnant a few months ago, and again
our spicy sleep life stopped. A couple of times I
tried to initiate, the wife was always not in the
mood or tired or too much pregnant. As I want
to not be the a hole, kind of backed off,
stop trying. Everything was fine. I kind of have accepted.

(16:21):
For the next month, spicy sleep was off. But last
month something happened that has made me rethink everything. My
son still wakes up a lot during the night, and
most nights my wife goes to sleep with him, almost
always on the clock. At five am, the kid wakes
up for good and wants to go play and watch
some cartoons. I usually go with him while my wife sleeps.

(16:44):
A couple of hours before Christmas, I gave my wife
a new phone and his old one because the phone
the kid watched for cartoons. I know we shouldn't, And
one early morning I grabbed the phone, open Google and
on the main page there were a peer there is
the recent visited site. There appears recent visited sites, and

(17:06):
one site was on corn I know it wasn't me,
shock well my kid. I knew it was my wife,
probably on her new phone because it still has her
Google account linked on the old phone, so it sinks.
To be honest, I just laughed a bit, deleted the
site from recent history, and business goes as usual, I

(17:27):
didn't think too much of it. Maybe some friend of
her had some specific video, or better, maybe she got
horny and didn't want to bother me. A couple of
days later, same thing happened, and this time, well, curiosity
took the best of me, so I checked her browser history.
Found out she was basically watching Corn two or three

(17:49):
times a week after I went to bed early. I
was mad, but a bit disappointed, but still I try
to put myself in her shoes. Maybe she isn't feeling
spicy or doesn't have the energy for spicy sleep and
relieves herself with Corn. I didn't say anything, but for
the next thing that was always on my mind, I've

(18:09):
gained some weight. Maybe she wasn't attracted to me anymore.
And I did a thing that I'm very ashamed of.
Because her account was still linked to that phone, her
social networks were as well, so I went into a
rabbit hole. My worst fear was that she was having
an affair, but I think she isn't, as there is

(18:30):
no recent chats or messages from any recent guy.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
Uh oh, we're going in a great direction.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah yeah, yeah, So I feel like sort of a
conversation at this point, out of curiosity, searched my name.
As expected, A lot of results appeared, but one message
kind of stood out to me. It was basically, Ope,
it's kind of ugly, but I like them oo. I

(18:59):
opened it and it was a chat with a girlfriend
from ten years ago. We met each other and we're
still friends.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Like super tough to hear you still, I don't think
it's yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
I don't think it's like the This was ten years ago,
probably when she first started seeing you.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
I don't think that's like the smoking pew pew.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
You know, it's happened ten years ago. I read a
few more messages, and it was like the one two bag.
She was basically telling her friend that I was ugly
and that I didn't have a good of a body
as the other guy, but I was a nice guy.
I searched who the other guy was and I discovered
it was a guy she was with for a few
months before me, and that before him, she was with

(19:42):
her official ex. When we started our relationship. He told
me that she was single for two years. Now. I
discovered that in the twelve months before me, she was
with at least two guys. I took the chats with
Uri and her ex and found out they were still
talking for the first two three years of our relationship.

(20:02):
I checked the chats with my girlfriend and her ex,
found out they were still talking for the first two
or three years of our relationship.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Not good.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
To be honest, conversations were not that interesting. But maybe
it's in my head. But I kind of kind of
the hint of flirting here and there. Another thing that
bothers me is that reading a bit of the chat
with that girlfriend, she looks more spicy related than she
is in our ten years. She talks all the marathons

(20:35):
she does and the position she tries even but something
she told me was off limits. Maybe it's girl talk.
I don't know. With all this, my self esteem plummeted,
feel ugly attractive, betrayed to be honest, used to be honest.
These last few year weeks, I've tried to be alone
as much as possible. I've been staying late at work,

(20:58):
I've woke up more in the middle of the night
and moved to the sofa. I really don't know what
I'm going to do. The only good part of this
that I've kind of felt a nerge to get back
in shape. And hitting the gym more often. Thanks a
lot for taking the time to read. What do you
do in the situation? Dude? We got an update?

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Talk to your partner.

Speaker 3 (21:17):
Yes, you found out that they like had probably lied
to you about you know, the fact that they had
been in a relationship more recently.

Speaker 4 (21:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:26):
Uh, you found out that their spicy kind of ality
has changed over the course of ten years, which is
pretty normal. And also she had two children. Obviously there
are a lot of secrets that she's you know, maybe
keeping from you, and you ever right to be hurt.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
But why are we talking?

Speaker 3 (21:46):
Yeah, you're married, Well you're not married to her, but
you know you've been in a relationship with her for
ten years and you have kids.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
Talk to her.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
Okay, update the day I did the post. The day after,
it's probably extra down, and my partner noticed it, kept
asking me what was wrong. At night, after our boy
went to sleep, she asked again, and I could no
longer hold it in. I told her what I did
and what I found. It wasn't pretty. She started crying

(22:12):
and basically yelling at me about how I'm going through
her phone, which I understand. She never talked about what
I found, just about how mad and disappointed she was
with me. Since she's pregnant and she was getting stressed
and nervous, I didn't push too much. She went to
bed afterwards and I stayed in the couch the next
twenty four hours. She didn't talk much to me the

(22:33):
next day, and again at night. I pushed the subject again.
I told her we should talk. She agreed, she told me.
I assuming that her mind would be comforting, but it
was far from it. Long story short, She basically told
me that she when she broke up with her longtime
ex boyfriend of about three years before we met, which

(22:53):
I kind of knew, she felt free and decided to
explore the world. Therefore, she had several relationships and short
romance answers with other guys, but she knew how society
saw that and decided not to tell me about it.
She then told me that after she broke up with
the last guy I read the messages about, she decided
she was done with playing around decided to settle down.

(23:15):
I asked her if I was that just the guy
she was settling with. She answered that I was much
better than those guys because I had my life on track.
I had goals I was financially secure.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Oh, I don't think that's like a bad thing. I
think those are all like she's saying, like she.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
Was with people who were like really fun maybe but
not at all serious and weren't ready for like a
committed relationships, and she wanted someone who was ready for
a committed relationship.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
I don't think that's necessarily about it.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
I just didn't read the part you were handsome, you're
so good looking. You're like, yeah, that's not what I saw.
That's why I was like, Yo, Yeah, couldn't like I
got money, not because I look good.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yeah, that sucks to hear.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
I pushed a little farther, asked her I was not
stable she had ever had anything to do with me?
She answered she probably wouldn't, but I.

Speaker 3 (24:13):
Don't know that feels again, I totally understand. Oh, I
totally understand of Op is like again, like, I understand
why Op is upset about this, and I think he
is right too. But I think that a lot of
people go for people who are like financially stable, Like
I probably would not go for a person who had
like tons of debt and was like hot, not going Yeah,

(24:34):
I probably wouldn't go for a person who was just
hot but like a mess.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
I don't think I would go for a person who was.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
A mess but hot, like doctor who hot? Which doctor
the one you're thinking about? She again started to cry
and confess that although she loves me, who was never
physically attracted to me like she was with the other men.

(25:02):
After all the problems we had trying to have children,
she now saw that spicy sleep is more like a tax,
like a task, than a pusure.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Okay, well yeah, so then now we're at the point
where she doesn't actually she's not really like, it doesn't
seem like she's romantically attracted to you. I think that
her love is like, you know, more of a roommate
friendship co parent situation, and at that point, it's.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Like, why are we together?

Speaker 2 (25:28):
At this point, I was passing away inside, but I
kept a straight face. She asked me to go sleep
with her, but I told her I needed some time
to process, and I stayed on the sofa. Again. I
didn't sleep at all during the night. I think I've
accepted that I'm the person I fell in love with
is just an illusion.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
The next morning I went to work but was able
to make an apartment with my family lawyer. I was
honest with them and told him that I still was
unsure what to do, but I needed to know financially
what were my options and responsibilities. He told me, by
a default or country laws assigned fifty to fifty co
parenting unless there were some violence or parent agreement otherwise,

(26:09):
and that if both parents are working, there was no
payments to be done to each other for the new
boy in the court would probably mandate that the baby
must stay with the mother in the first months, but
the father must have visiting time, and after the first
six months fifty to fifty co parenting regardless of the finances.
Since we both kept most of our bank accounts and

(26:30):
assets separated, we wouldn't need to split. We would only
need to split the house and the cars if the
one didn't get an agreement on one buying the other.
Part Here I would lose since most were paid by me,
but we would need to split fifty to fifty. I
stayed working late that day, slapped on the sofa again,

(26:50):
and the next day, before leaving for work, I told
my partner that I needed some time. I would be
staying a couple of days at a hotel. During this time,
my partner kept calling and sending me messages, but I
just told her we would talk in a few days.
To be honest, I just need some time alone to
get wasted and sleep. When I got back home a

(27:10):
few days later, we talked again. I told her that
I knew what I did was wrong, and that I
have no problem with her having a bit of a
fun phase, but that I was really hurt about she
not getting attracted to me just being a stable guy. Ugh,
she just used me for my big check my big paychecks.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
I don't even know if it's like necessarily op he's
got like a bunch of money. I think it's just
she had this idea, probably of a person who wanted
to have his life together or had his life together,
which doesn't necessarily mean that he is a bunch of money.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
It just means that probably has a good credit score,
is you.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
Know, ready to commit to someone wants to have kids?
Like she's placed all of this stuff on him, But
that does not mean that it's not gonna be like
totally disrespectful for him to find out that she never
like was attracted to him. Like, you don't get to
just like take whatever you want from a partner, yeah,

(28:11):
and be like deceptive, you know, you know, like, yeah,
it's not okay.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
I also told her that I still hadn't our story,
that I still hadn't decided what to do, but for
the time being, I couldn't see her as my loving
partner anymore. But if she was okay with it, we
can start counseling and see where things go in the future.
So this is our current situation. We had been in
two sessions now and to be honest, they haven't helped much,

(28:37):
but we will continue. Do you think they just leave abandonedship?

Speaker 3 (28:41):
I honestly, well, Jem says, how about counseling. I think
in general counseling is good if your parents, you know,
so you can be co parents and stuff. However, I
don't think that you can fix this because she's never
loved him, she's never been attracted to him. I don't
think that's something that you can generate if it never existed.
It's not like it like left because of the kids

(29:04):
coming or you know, changes in financial like that. It's
not something that they hit hard times and then it
went away and they could bring it back.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
It never existed.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
Last little bit here. My partner have tried to be
more affectionate and tried a few times to have spicy sleep,
but I decline and hold her. I was not ready
for it.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
I've also started to spend more time away from home,
spending more time in the gym, having fun with my boy,
going to dinner with friends and colleagues. I still love
my partner, but I can't look her to the same
our newborn as June for early April. I know this
will be a big test for our relationship, but to
be completely honest, at the moment, I'm kind of accepting
we're done. Do you guys have any advice on how

(29:45):
to move forward? Thanks for everyone and your kind words.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
Tattoo Manius says, I disagree she doesn't have to be
attracted him to love him. I agree with that, and
I think she did say she loves him. However, ohp
he wants something else. He wants physical attraction.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
And that's okay.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
That's what she kind of insinuated that she, you know,
had for him, And he's been kind of deceived and
lied to for ten years, and it's totally okay for
him to want to feel wanted in that way, and
if she's lied about that and then it comes out
that she's never actually felt that way, then it's okay

(30:23):
for him to leave. Because I think that people have
different relationships, of course, and like some people who are
like a romantic race sexual still have a lot of
love for their partner, but there is no physical side
to it. But this is not that's not what this was.
This was they went into an agreement, into a relationship
where he thought that she loved him, was physically attracted

(30:44):
to him, romantically into him, and that was not the case.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Heye, Sam, your og host.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's
three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My friend is
having a baby at the same time as me, and
I hate.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
A topy cat. Oh my god God.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
I feel like a terrible person for feeling that way.
I hate everything about it and it makes me a
very bad friend. By the way, this comes from Throway
five three two seven zero, and if you want to
spend your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
storytime suvered it. So here is some context. My friend
and I always had the same interest in many things.

(31:21):
He also always has a financial situation better than mine
and loves to have nice things. This creates situations where
whenever I have something, he has the better one. Like,
for example, I just bought a good computer. A couple
months later, he shows up with a better one. A
nice great camera with a nice lens. He'll get the
new or more advanced one. Anything i'll have, he'll have

(31:42):
it too, but just better. I don't want to believe
he does it on purpose. We just have the same
interests and he has more money, so it does just
make sense.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
Anyway.

Speaker 3 (31:50):
This became a running joke between my wife and I
for a long time. I was having a successful relationship
with my with my hr and he was struggling to
keep a girl friend. So when he finally found the
one ten months ago, we joked about it because she
was a single mom with a five year old daughter.
So we joked that, okay, he had to one up

(32:10):
you on this as well. You're married to me, so
he had to find someone that would push him to
the next step immediately. And so that was the joke
for everything, and it was just a joke. When we
decided to try for a baby, we joked about it too.
You'll see that when I'm when I'm pregnant, he'll show
up with twins. Well, you read the title. When I
knew I was going to be a dad, I was

(32:31):
very excited and I told him the news. I was
feeling great about it. I was thinking this would be
an amazing moment. Him and his girlfriend asked questions, she
gave us advice. They were great, and at some point,
well he or She's gonna have a friend, I guess,
And now I hate myself for the following. I was

(32:51):
crushed inside. It was no longer a special announcement. It
became another thing we'd have in common. I stayed polite
and played along, but I was not happy at all
about it. They didn't plan to do it. They didn't
do it just because we wanted one. It just happened.
And yet I have this feeling that it's exactly what happened.
He went, in his thirties, with no stable relationship, met

(33:12):
someone just to move in with her kid three months later,
than have a kid with her not even a year
into the relationship. I hate every single word that I
wrote in this post. Since he announced the news to me,
I don't want to speak.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
About it at all. With him.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
I barely want to talk to him, and I'm just
focusing on my wife and my future kid.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
I put all my energy into her.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
Just I don't have anyone to share my joy with now,
and it's my fault.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
Now.

Speaker 3 (33:36):
He comes up to tell me everything he plans, the
shopping he's going to do for the baby, the doctor's appointments,
and I don't want to tell him what I'm doing
or what we're planning, because that's going to be something
he'll compare and common about. Just yesterday, he told me
that it looked like I didn't care about the first
ultra sound appointment, just because I said that I cared
more about knowing that the baby is okay than seeing

(33:57):
the pictures, because I don't think I'll be able to
understand what I'll be seeing anyway.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
I took it.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Very wrong and blocked him. WHOA, there's an edit and
an update. Oh Pie's needs he needs therapy or to
have a conversation with his friend, one of those. We're
both probably both.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Well, the thing is that I think, to a certain extent, oh,
he is right to be like ah yeah, like literally
every time I bring you know, I get something he
has to get something better. But I think at a
certain point he's kind of like assigned that to everything
that feeling, to everything that his friend does. So it's
like now his friend cannot do anything right. So before

(34:39):
it might have been a reasonable, you know, a reasonable
complaint about his friend, but now it's just like his
friend is literally having.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
A kid, and he's like, well, yeah, a kid. At
the same time like.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
Yeah, and I think he knows that, yeah, which is
you know why I think he needs to have a
conversation with his friend.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I kind of get it.

Speaker 4 (35:00):
I remember, like in when I was in middle school,
I was gonna go on like a family trip out
of the country and we like, first of all, I've
never been out of the country. Second of all, rarely
did family trips. And I like was so excited, like
told my friends it was like, oh my gosh, like
guess what, guys, I'm gonna go to Sweden this summer.
And then one of the other friends was like, oh, yeah,
me too, and I was like.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
That was supposed to be.

Speaker 4 (35:24):
Yeah, because she she said it's like so nonchalantly, and
she didn't know me that well.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
We were also in middle school, but.

Speaker 4 (35:29):
Like, but it was like crushing because I was like,
I wanted to be so excited about it, and you
were acting so normal about it, and I was very
I the one who went to Sweden. Sure enough, she
stole my phone going to Sweden too. Yeah, and I
was definitely forgotten clearly. So it's like I get that,
but but yeah, I think some some self reflecting, maybe

(35:52):
separate yourself, tell some other people that aren't having children
and get excited that way, and yeah, come back and
reading through the comments here really helped me get back
to reality.

Speaker 3 (36:01):
I'm gotta have a kid. One of the best advice
I've read here was that I do not have a
do over on this. This is my one and only
time that I'm going to have my first kid, and
I'm totally ruining my experience with these thoughts. I'll speak
to my therapist for sure, but you guys have already
helped me a lot. Thanks and comments. Dana twenty nine
says comparison is the thief of joy. Mouthful Peach says,

(36:23):
you got a wife and you're gonna be a dad.
Why are you bothering with this?

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (36:27):
He says, exactly a pocket starkly says, I mean, if
you want to test the theory, you could always tell
him you and your wife are separating because you got
yourself a hot young girlfriend and see what he does.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
I'm very obviously kidding.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
For real, though, your life is going to change so
much with this baby, and I think that you'll actually
come to appreciate that you'll have someone you can share
the experience with. Aside from your wife. Obviously you will
know what you're going through and can offer advice or
just an ear when things get difficult. As for your issues,
I can only beg you to focus on the joy
in your own life and stop looking at his. Focus

(37:02):
on your family your happiness. Constantly comparing with him will
only destroy you, and I guarantee he doesn't give it
a second thought. Just focus on being the best husband, father,
and version of yourself you can be, and you won't
even have time to think about him.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Great comment, that's really good advice. Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah,
there is an update.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
But I think also it's just you know, it can
be a little bit of a blessing in disguise, kind
of like this commoner is saying, because now you know
you got your friends, can I mean, your kids could
be friends.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
Yeah, that's exciting.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
Like you know, I think a lot of friends love
it's their dream to have kids kind of at the
same time. Yeah, dude, that so fun.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yeah. Update.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
Yesterday I made a post about how I was feeling
like a terrible person for not being happy for my
friend having a kid in the same time than me.
The TLDR of this post is that I always had
the probably false impression that he was trying to one
up me on everything, and even though I knew this
was probably not the here, something inside me screamed that
this was the final straw. Commoners helped me a lot

(38:06):
to bring me back to reality. Judgments were made about me,
Some were wrong, but most of them were true. I
already planned to take an appointment with my therapists before posting,
but I took it right after. In the meantime, I
couldn't speak to my friend about it because I felt
too ashamed of my behavior and maybe some things are
better left unsaid.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
No, you blocked him. I think you have to address
that if you notice.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
Yeah, however, I did apologize to him for my recent behavior.
Other events had occurred that made me cold towards him,
and I explained myself, that's good. He appreciated my apologies
a lot, and that I acknowledged that I wasn't a
good friend. I spoke to my wife about it, and
she was very supportive. I told her basically what you
guys told me, that I was going to have a kid,
that I didn't have a do over on this one,

(38:50):
and that I didn't want to completely miss the moment
just because my mind was not in a good place.
I told her that I booked an appointment to the
therapist in order to refocus on our kid. She appreciated this,
even though she wasn't as brutal as you guys. She
agreed with all of your advice. She didn't see the post.
I just told her the lessons I learned from it.
There is a little bit left.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
To this story. Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 4 (39:12):
Well, the blind One sent five dollars and said, I
have a family member like this, and I feel Opie's paint. Yeah,
I feel like I honestly understand him. Like I feel
like after some time that would get annoying, especially if
it comes off across at first kind of like you
were saying, like it maybe at first it was a
bit stronger, like the appearance of this seeming like a

(39:34):
one upping kind of thing. Maybe that was a lot
stronger at first, and then over time it just like
you never really dealt with that feeling, and it just
got worse.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
But I kind of get that.

Speaker 4 (39:43):
I think I think, yeah, it's something too addressed inside
of you, something to work through, kind of like what
we've been saying, I guess, but it could be annoying
if he is actually doing that.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
It really depends on if he's doing it or not.
And I think that can be solved with the conversation, yeah,
because you can say, like, I just felt, you know,
and maybe this is totally wrong, but it felt like
you were doing this, and then that kind of created
this sicky feeling of justice, you know, yeah, Like and.

Speaker 4 (40:12):
You have that conversation, yeah, and maybe when you're like
saying that that's how it feels, maybe don't use the
baby as like an aga, but use like the shopping
around the baby or something like that. Like, especially if
he's saying that you didn't care about the ultrasound just
because you said that you didn't. You just care that
the baby's healthy rather than the pictures you know, Yeah,
that is actually a thing to be addressed, Like he's

(40:32):
kind of insulting you in a way, or at least
I would probably be insulted by that. So so yeah,
bring up some of those other examples of me like, hey,
like I don't know if this is how it means
or this is how you mean it to sound, but
this is how I've been taking Yeah exactly.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
Yeah, and you can move on through it. But there's
a little bit left to this story.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Also, yesterday something very important happened, the first ultrasound appointment.
This was incredible. Beforehand, I was not a specially excited
about it because I had a misconception of what it
would be. I thought I was just going to see
a few still pictures of the embryo that I wouldn't
be able to understand because I thought it'd be three
blurry pixels in front of a noisy background.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
However, this was much more than this.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
This was a live video of those three blurry pixels
where the doctor could explore in three dimensions. I saw
it alive. I saw his heart beating, we measured it,
and we heard his heart. What can I say? Nothing
else matters now, I don't care about my friend's actions.
My baby's in good shape, my wife is healthy, and
that's all that matters. He's the only thing on my

(41:37):
mind now after ecography.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Aw, that's so exciting. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
I still go to my therapist, But the heartbeat I
saw and heard yesterday, I already accomplished so many things.
Thanks for your honesty, Thanks for those many quotes that
I'll remember. Sometimes we are not the good, the best
person in the room, but we can try to be better.
And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
My friend wants to give me two hundred thousand dollars.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
I don't know where it came from, and we don't
ask questions. John and I have been best friends and
neighbors for twelve years. Often when growing up, I would
spot John for things when we would when we went
out with our friends, going out to eat, movie tickets,
et cetera. He didn't make as much money at his
job as I did, and he spent a lot of
his money alleviating the burden on his family, who have

(42:23):
always struggled financially. He'd put most of every paycheck to groceries,
a utility bill, or some maintenance in his family's home.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
By the way.

Speaker 4 (42:31):
This comes from a friend rich throw and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the our
slash Okay storytime except bred it. So I always tried
my best to communicate that it was never a burden
for me. I always offered before he could ask, and
I wanted him to come with us to events and
hang out with us. If it cost me a few
extra bucks, it's no problem at all. I think this
was certainly preferable to him missing out on everything, but

(42:53):
I think sometimes he felt like a burden to me.
At some point during our senior year in high school,
he came into started making or otherwise gained access into
insane amounts of money.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
He didn't hang.

Speaker 4 (43:05):
Out at all for two weeks because of family stuff,
and on the day he came back, he picked me
and our friends up from school in a rented Mustang.
He insisted on all of us just enjoying ourselves and
dismissed any questions about how he had gotten any of
the money that he spent that day. He drove us
in the Mustang to skydiving and then steak dinner on
a cruise boat in the Bay.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
It was insane.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
That day must have cost two grand on occasion. From
then on, he'd invite us to do something extravagant, but
most of the time it was the same, except he
paid for his own crap. But he didn't go to
university after graduating he originally planned to. He told me
that he didn't need to, implying that the money that
he had was enough to live the rest of his life.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
On where the f did it come from? John? His
family is pretty open about the fact that they are
better off. Interesting.

Speaker 4 (43:53):
They bought a new TV recently and replaced many of
their appliances with shiny new ones. Their sandwich meat is
fresh Deli meat instead of the packaged crap that they
used to buy. I suspect that the money is some
insane inheritance, and John doesn't want to admit that he
didn't work for the money. On to the actual problem.
This past weekend, John and I were talking and I
mentioned that I had delayed my graduation date to do

(44:15):
a co op, which was a recurring and longer internship
plus conversion plan with the company near my university, which
would help me pay for it. It was I was
bothered that it would postpone my graduation date, though John
offered to cover the rest of my college education. Like
immediately he wrote the check and left it with me
when I said I would really need to think about an.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
Offer like that. The check is two hundred thousand dollars,
which could cover all of my university expenses for the
next three years. I listen, how much money did this
guy get? I know, with like he's saying that he
doesn't need to work.

Speaker 4 (44:51):
For the rest of his life, but if he's eighteen,
he can't be spending this money like this.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Well I'm also interested because well, okay, because I'm like,
if it was an inheritance. A lot of times it
comes in installments, but maybe it was like a thing
of like when he turned eighteen.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
He got access to the inheritance.

Speaker 3 (45:10):
Yeah, Dakota loves Stele a pain princess, substance lord or
like in.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
A couple of people was saying, I was, I don't too,
I don't think.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
I don't think that would be possible. I mean, obviously
it's possible. I feel like that is an insane amount.
I mean I don't obviously know a lot about like substances,
you know, being you know, having, you know, selling that
and stuff. But I feel like that's an insane amount
of money. Yeah, to just get from like selling substances

(45:39):
or even stealing. When his parents seemingly know about all this,
you know, yeah, and they're spending the money. Shoot exactly,
So I feel like this is some sort of inheritance.
Someone said lottery maybe yeah, maybe at which is another
good idea.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
Yeah, because I feel like a.

Speaker 4 (45:52):
Lot of times too with the lottery, Like people don't
really say that they won the lottery because then obviously
people will like come still, so maybe maybe.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
That did happen.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
Under possible consequences, John's reaction to my accepting or declining
his offer will be important to him. It's possible that
he doesn't have that much money and immediately regretted the
offer after making it. He may resent me if I
attempt to deposit his check. This may also be John's
way of validating himself. He felt dependent on me for
a long time, and after this he'll feel that he

(46:21):
has repaid me and much much more.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Some comments say it sounds like he won the lottery.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
No.

Speaker 4 (46:27):
Really, One of the smartest things to do when you
win the lottery is to tell no one exactly. It
sounds like they came into money and are quickly enjoying it.
You've shown this guy kindness before and he wants to
reciprocate it. I would personally negotiate a smaller, more realistic
amount while humbly letting him know how grateful you are.
Maybe arrange it as alone instead of a gift if
you really feel uncomfortable about it. If he insists, though,

(46:50):
definitely handle it with a professional, at least an accountant
and possibly a lawyer. There's a minimum amount that you
can deposit at a bank before automatically investigated by the
IRS and you start paying taxes. I believe I want
to say, five thousand dollars it is. Yeah, h congratulations
on having such a generous friend.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
I think that's probably a great idea. As someone said
in the chat that because it's a check, probably legal,
which is good.

Speaker 4 (47:19):
True.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
Yeah, but yeah, I feel like, because it's such a
large amount, you don't want it to get like taxed
or anything.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:27):
So it's a shame that he didn't just give you
a suitcase of cash. Yeah, and then you would have
been good.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
I'm wondering though, how that works, because I don't personally
know how the because if it was like a lottery,
it would have already been taxed if it wasn't inheritance.
I don't believe that it gets taxed. I think that's
like there's some rules about that.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
Yeah, I guess maybe it depends on maybe there's an
inherent Well, I think there's specifically an inheritance tax. Actually,
oh really, but I think yeah, I think there's an
there's a specific inheritance tax, and then the lottery money
gets taxed. So I'm wondering if he gives it to
someone because it's already been taxed, does to get taxed
again if it's a gift.

Speaker 4 (48:07):
Compegere number two says, there are many things to consider
if you decide to take this money. Do not cash
the check. Get professionals involved. You need to have a
contract that states exactly what your obligations are. The whole
thing needs to be optimized by a tax expert, or
otherwise you'll have to pay an insane amount of taxes
on it. For instance, it might be possible to set
up a charity that holds the money and grants it
to you as a scholarship. But again, talk to experts.

(48:30):
If you just cash the check and make a mistake
with the taxes on it, This could literally set you
up for a lifetime of problems. Remember that in most countries,
absolutely nothing other than a deal with the tax agency
can remove a tax debt. Not even bankruptcy gets you
off the hook. If you take it, you will forever
owe him a huge debt. Nothing, ever, truly comes with
no strings attached. If this money is somehow from criminal activities,

(48:53):
you could end up in.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
A lot of trouble.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
It's very possible that he can't give you this money,
and his parents may object. If the money is not
his to manage, criminal charges may be filed against you
if things go wrong somehow. Commentary number three says, put
the brakes on. He and his family seem to be
blowing through this money really fast and honestly as generous.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
As it is.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
Him carelessly giving you a two hundred thousand dollars check
without thinking twice isn't smart. They grew up struggling, so
their spending habits are acclimated to not having liquid cash
on hand. Now they suddenly have a ton of it,
and they're going to rush to spend everything that they
always wanted to In a year, it'll be completely gone.
So who knows, a year from now, maybe he'll resent
giving you that check. They need to speak with a

(49:34):
financial advisor. And it's also why is your schooling going
to cost two hundred thousand dollars? That is extremely steep.
That person is not from America. I'm sorry, what why dude?
But I do wonder though, because OPI did say, like, uh,
it sounded like op was already kind of in college
a little bit, like he's postpoting his graduation day.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
I thought that meant, I think high school call it.
I didn't know. How why do you to never mind?
I guess yeah he was.

Speaker 4 (50:03):
I just was confused why he was like postponting his
high school graduation day because of an internship. That just
didn't seem oh right, But you can't postpone your yeah,
because you can't really do that, But postponting your college
graduation you can.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
I don't know. That's a good point.

Speaker 4 (50:17):
So like maybe he I don't know, getting a master's
or something after or or is a bunch of debt.

Speaker 3 (50:23):
Yeah maybe maybe, yeah, but either way, that comment is
non American.

Speaker 4 (50:27):
Yeah, so for the taxes, he had already discussed the
possibility of giving me this money with his lawyer long
before he wrote me the check. He budgets for fifty
K a year when he could be spending three hundred
and twenty K. Yes, those numbers are actual fing numbers.
He has over twenty million dollars. What kind of money
is this? I've been curious about it since he got

(50:48):
the money, But after showing me his budget and balance,
I'm considering, oh, and considering I would be connected to
the money if I accepted his offer. I had to
fing no, I asked him and got this story. In
middle school, he used to go grocery shopping with his
mom every Sunday. The lottery ticket booth was right next
to the checkout line, and he always asked his mom
why she didn't buy one, given how much they struggled

(51:08):
with money. She dismissed it, of course, but the idea
still seemed appealing to him. When he got his job
in high school, he would put a fourth of the
cost of a lottery ticket down every paycheck and buy
one monthly as a kind of escapism. Then in December
he won. I literally couldn't believe it, like someone has
to win. I guess right, I mean, Shee's and Rice,

(51:32):
what are the odds. According to him, his money is
only a portion. He gave the rest to his family.
No one outside of his immediate family has been told,
and he intends for it to stay that way, with
the exception of me. He consulted his family before telling me. Oh,
what does he expect after giving me the money? He
says that he wants to give you the money because

(51:52):
he's got my back. I covered him at events, drove
him to the grocery store in doctor's office, helped him
and his family repair their house, et cetera since we
were in elementary school. Now that he has the chance
to cover my back, he wants to take it.

Speaker 1 (52:05):
Without this, I will graduate deeply in debt.

Speaker 4 (52:09):
He feels like time is more valuable than money, and
afterward we wouldn't even be balanced, let alone should I
feel indebted to him? There is a little bit more
to the story, but yeah, we got our lottery answer.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
Yeah that was pretty obvious.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
Yeah, it makes sense house, So he's the only one that.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
Besides Yeah, I hope he might be putting John blast
right now. I don't think.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
That's super smart, but I do appreciate that you've given
us this good story.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Yep, hopefully this is a different name.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
Yeah, it seems like honestly I would accept it. Would
I definitely like go through the lawyer route, make sure
that you've got all everything covered. But U this, you know,
he's paying you back for being a great friend.

Speaker 4 (52:49):
Yeah, because two hundred thousand dollars in debt is so insane. Yeah,
that just sparks a whole nother question in my brain
about college and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
But you know, yeah, that's another conversation.

Speaker 4 (53:02):
But John seems like a great person. Yes, good, are
you very generous? But there's a little bit more into
a story. Let's wrap this up.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
So resolution.

Speaker 4 (53:11):
I told John that I would take the money if
he considered us even Neither he nor I should feel
indebted to one another. We have each other's backs because
we're friends, and that's all there is to it. I
made sure that he understood how much I appreciated it,
how much it meant to me.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
He agreed, and we've.

Speaker 4 (53:27):
Scheduled another meeting with his lawyer to finalize the deal.
John is awesome. Final comment says, Dang, dude, it's almost
like you hit a jackpot of your own. It's awesome
that you have such a good friend and awesome that
you aren't trying to take advantage of him. Both of
you are awesome friends. Oh and now you have cool, rich.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
Friend for the rest of your life. Yeah, that's fun.
That's great. Here's John, you og host.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
Here.

Speaker 4 (53:49):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a
quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (53:53):
I lost motivation to do favors for my friend's daughter
because she's ungrateful.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
Well, then she doesn't deserve it.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
I run a small family party business from my home
as a second job. My co worker is a single
mom with five kids. Over the years, I have offered
a few times to make party favors and decorations for
her kids' parties as a gift. Things are struggle for
her and I just wanted to do something nice for
her kids. By the way, this comes from Aunt Sam's
Mom twenty five and if you want to spent your

(54:21):
own story, go to the r slash Okay story time.
Separate it so I buy all of the supplies and
my labor is free and is their gift. The scale
and cost of everything changes depending on the event. I
do this for my nieces and nephews as well. I
enjoy doing it and I think it makes people happy.
A few weeks ago, I offered to make Sweet sixteen
favors and some decorations for a small restaurant party for

(54:44):
my coworker's daughter. One night, I FaceTime with the mother
and the daughter and we were discussing colors. She picked
light blue and light pink as her color scheme. That's
not colors I normally would associate with the Sweet sixteen,
and I mentioned it to her that I was concerned
it would look more like a baby shower. She snapped
at me and said, I want light blue and light pink.
A few days later, I'm speaking to the mother that

(55:06):
I wasn't finding a lot of sweets Sweet sixteen items
in that color scheme. She picked up the phone and
calls her daughter on speakerphone and explains to her the issue.
The daughter abruptly said, what part of light pink and
light blue does she not understand? I know she's a
child and has had a rough road, but am I
the ale for not going the extra mile for them?

Speaker 1 (55:27):
Extra mile making them?

Speaker 3 (55:29):
I offer to make favors and I will make sure
they are beautiful, But any joy making them is totally gone.
Normally I would do a couple of surprises along with
the favors, but I just don't have it in me,
and I feel terrible for being upset at a child.
I feel like such a terrible person. Any advice on
what I should do consensus not the ale. Though commenters

(55:49):
tell OP to be more assertive, some also say they
would have not done anything for her coworker and the
daughter anymore, and OP is more gracious than advised comments
by Ope. Here are some answers to a few questions.
When the daughter snapped at me, the mother half heartedly
apologized to me, saying, you understand teenagers, and I do
understand teenagers. Normally, when I offer to do favors for someone,

(56:12):
we discussed the colors and what I can offer for
the party. I will give the person my honest opinion
and make sure they're aware that I might not have
exactly what they want. She wanted things that said sweet
sixteen in her specific color choice light blue and light pink.
I was unable to find that I can find pink alone,
but not the combo. I wanted to make sure she understood,

(56:33):
not to criticize her, but just to make sure she
was aware it might not be exactly what she was
looking for. It's not worth my time to make something
for someone if it's not exactly what they want. I
ask clients and family members to make sure I understand
what they want. I have no personal opinion of any kind.
I could care less what colors people pick or theme
they use. Not my business, but I'm not going to

(56:55):
shy away from being honest. I will explain to them
the situation and issue you and let them decide what
they want. I've offered my services for free for one
million events, school events, team fundraisers, nursing home gifts, and
thousands of raffle baskets, all for free. Remember this is
my second job. Money is tight. If I offer something,

(57:16):
it's with a whole heart. I've known this child since
she was an infant, and I'm upset.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
I want to do.

Speaker 3 (57:22):
Something beautiful for her, but I can't get over the
fact that she was just so rude. I feel the
mother should have corrected her so many comments. Maybe daughter
is non binary and wanted to come out at the party.
My husband asked me the same thing. Honestly, I don't
think so. That's a really random I feel like it's
a really random idea, but maybe yeah.

Speaker 4 (57:43):
I also doesn't really too, because like if the baby
blue and baby pinker like part of the tran Yeah,
flag too. Oh that's true, you know what I mean.
I was like wondering like if it was part of that.
But at the same time, does excuses well, yeah that.

Speaker 3 (57:56):
My point is like, that's like a really random It's like,
oh that maybe that's why she.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
Was like yeah, yeah, definitely, Yeah, doesn't excuse that.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
I think if she wanted to do that, I think
the mother would be open to that. I definitely would
be open and would be excited to do that for
her if that was her choice. I can get random
pink and blue sixteen items on Amazon and in one day.
That is correct, but that's not what she was looking for.
She showed me a couple of items that she liked
on Pinterest, and those specific items do not come in

(58:24):
light pink and blue. Most of the items she was
looking for were only offered in hot pink, gold, black
and gold, and pink and white. I can totally add
blue into the bag, but her mother said she didn't
like that. I offered to do half blue bags, half
pink bags, and once again not what.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
She was looking for.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
She was looking for a specific friendship bracelet that said
Sweet sixteen squad a very specific travel cup that I
can cricket, but they are not offered in those colors.
I'm not a manufacturer. I'm a party planner. I can't
make the items come in those colors. My lack of
suggestions and ideas is not the issue. She wants something
they don't make, and there is an update.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
Uugh, yeah, yeah, I.

Speaker 4 (59:08):
Just like, there are such easy compromises to this. Yeah,
get the separate pink and blue. Put them in the
same bag. That's all you gotta do.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
There we go. If you want them to both be
on something.

Speaker 4 (59:18):
Then you like understand the situation and don't just be
like like, oh, just because I want this means that
I can have Like it can happen exactly how I
expect it to.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
It's like, no, things don't work like that, my guy.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
Things just don't. But there is an update six days later.
Last week, I was looking for advice on a situation.
I run a small party business from my home. As
a second job. I had offered to make Sweet sixteen
favors for a coworker's daughter who was having a small
restaurant party. I was paying for all the supplies and
the favors were my gift. My co worker is a

(59:53):
single mom with five kids. I really offered because of
my relationship with the mother. We work together. We have
worked together for twenty years, and I really do love her.
She's aid a very hard road the last few years,
two really crappy husbands and honestly terrible taste in men.
I was discussing the color scheme with the daughter and
mom over FaceTime, and she had mentioned that she wanted

(01:00:14):
light blue and light pink as her colors. I don't
typically associate those colors with a sweet sixteen I was
slightly concerned it might look like a baby shower. She
was not happy with that statement and repeated light pink
and light blow in a super harsh tone. A few
days later, I spoke to the mother and explained to
her I was having issues finding what her daughter wanted
in those colors. She called her on speakerphone with me

(01:00:37):
in the room, and the daughter said, loudly, what part
of light pink and light blue does she not understand?
I walked away, super upset. I had planned on making
her favors and then surprising her with going to the
restaurant before the party and using matching tablecloths, chair covers,
and fancy balloon centerpieces. The mother and I had talked
about this, but the daughter did not know it was

(01:00:57):
going to be a surprise. I just didn't feel like
doing the extra work after she acted like that. Now,
to answer all the questions that came in, the daughter
absolutely knew that this was my free gift to her.
She knows there's no charge for this. She knew that
I was on the call both times. A number of
people thought I was rude for saying I don't like
the color scheme. Unfortunately, I'm a doormat. The daughter set

(01:01:20):
the tone of the conversation early on, and there was
no way to get it on a positive tone. All
I could think is that she didn't like having a
small party and that she wanted something much bigger, but
her mother cannot afford it. A number of people thought
that this might be a coming out party of some kind.
I know that's not it. A number of people thought
I was being too sensitive, that I needed to get
over rude sixteen year old. I deal with rude people

(01:01:42):
every day, and I do it with smile. Honestly, it's gift.
Being rude just means you're not happy. But I was
upset because I've known this child since the day she
came home from the hospital. I would have hoped I
meant a little more to her. I don't think it's
wrong for OP to be upset that this you know,
sixteen year old is rude to her, Like it totally
matters to her.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
Yeah, absolutely, you could be upset even when a child
is mean.

Speaker 4 (01:02:05):
Yeah, I feel like the only reason of the child
thing would like come into play is for forgiveness. Yeah,
Like it doesn't mean you have to forgive her like
right away and not be upset, Like you can still
be upset, but kind of you know, be understanding is like, Okay,
she's a teenager right now, not making the best decisions,
but you know the mom needs to parent her still

(01:02:27):
and still be like, hey, you can't talk to people
like that. So I think it's like when like a
you know, a younger child like hits you or something
like her and you're like, oh, like it still hurts
even though they're a child, right Like, obviously you're not
gonna be like how.

Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
Like you're going to jail.

Speaker 3 (01:02:43):
Yeah, you've committed a crime, like you know that they're
a child, but there's still like consequences.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
They've got you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
Apparently I was incorrect. I know better now. A number
of people thought the mom was not was wrong for
not correcting the daughter immediately. Sadly, I agree. It was
so such an uncomfortable conversation. She apologized for her being
a teenager when we got off the phone. I thought
it was a cop out. I definitely think the daughter
has the upper hand and the mother daughter relationship. Getting
me involved is just awful. Lastly, so many people told

(01:03:13):
me not to make the favors, to tell the daughter
that I was unable to find what she wanted and
unable to make them. I'm gonna make the favors, but
I'm not doing anything else. I had budgeted one hundred
and fifty to make the eighteen favors. To be honest
with you, I'm broke. One hundred and fifty dollars is
definitely something I don't need to spend, especially on a kid.
It was extremely rude. I totally offered, and I will

(01:03:35):
absolutely make them, but I'm not gonna do anything else.
Let's explain me. I can't help volunteering, no matter what
it is. I'm the first one to volunteer. I offer
my time and my party supplies way too easily. I'm
at the point now where I do more free labor
work than I get paid. Even if somebody pays for
the supplies, it never covers the whole thing. It always

(01:03:56):
cost me something. I have to start working on getting
paid parties unless free stuff. But I'm really having a
hard time with so many people who are so used
to getting my services for free. Last week, a woman
asked me to make favors for her daughter's college bed party.
In the past, she had paid for only my supplies.
I explained to her that I could no longer do it,
but I would have to charge her and give her

(01:04:16):
a good discount. She was totally upset that I had
the nerve to ask her to pay. I've done four
or five things for her for free in the past,
but for some reason she felt I was in the wrong.
She witched so many people about me. How dare I
charge her? Meanwhile, we're not even close friends. Yeah. The
thing is, like I think a lot of people who
are in the business of I don't know, like just
any sort of labor that they're doing, like if you're

(01:04:39):
doing art or something or.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
Any sort of creative thing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:42):
Yeah, you start off doing it for free because you
want people to, you know, get your name out there.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
You want to show that you can do this.

Speaker 3 (01:04:51):
But then at a certain point you've gotten good at
it or you need to start charging things because you
financially can afford it. Yeah, and people get upset about
that because they just expect that you should.

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
Give them free stuff and that's not the case. Yeah, exactly,
Like I feel like, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:05:09):
At first, I was kind of like, you know, with
her saying I can't help volunteering.

Speaker 1 (01:05:16):
I was kind of thinking that at first, Like she.

Speaker 4 (01:05:18):
Was like earlier in the story, like this is my
second job, but I offer free services to things like
you know, friends.

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
Birthday parties, school events.

Speaker 4 (01:05:27):
Yeah, like football games, like all these other things. And
I'm like, so can you call this a job? Like
that's this is kind of a hobby for you. I
think a piece too, like.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
Nice or to kind of a pushover, because if this
is a job, you should get paid for it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:05:47):
So and you're allowed to ask for money, yeah, like
you can start calling it a job, and I think
she knows that, like she says she can't help volunteering.
But yeah, I mean friends that don't understand that, like,
your services cost money, not good friends. Not good friends,
especially if you're not even that close anyway. It's like
that's totally on them, not fair at all. It costs money,

(01:06:09):
Your time costs money. Mm hmm, yeah, so agreed. Yeah,
but uh, folks, there's a little bit more to the story.
Let's get all into it. My Reddit family is a
harsh judge. You have given me some perspective to realize
that all of this is absolutely my fault, that I
allowed my friend's daughter to talk to me that way,
and that I'm stupid for making the favors. I just

(01:06:30):
don't have it in me to not make them.

Speaker 1 (01:06:32):
But it's really.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
Pushing me to take a stand and set some kind
of boundaries because I can't keep.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
Giving away for free. It's gonna be the end of me.

Speaker 3 (01:06:40):
I'm way too stressed about meeting dines for people for
free and not taking on more paid work. Wish we
luck and there is a consensus saying that though Opie
is still not the a hole, commoners start to feel
like opia is the a hole because she is such
a dormat. They also said it's hard giving her advice
because she won't take it. And there is an update

(01:07:03):
twenty one days later.

Speaker 1 (01:07:04):
Interesting, Yeah I could.

Speaker 4 (01:07:05):
I could see her still doing the party favors and
stuff like, uh, maybe less for the daughter but more
for her friend. Yeah, and be like, yeah, like to
help you out, I'll help your daughter with this, but like, yeah,
I think it feels like she's learning where she needs
to set boundaries.

Speaker 1 (01:07:24):
Yeah, we just haven't put it into practice, just exactly,
and let's start putting it to practice. Please.

Speaker 3 (01:07:29):
There is a second update, so let's get into it
twenty one days later. As I explained before, I really
didn't care what color she picked. I was just worried
it looked like a baby shower. We had one more
negative interaction and I decided to do the favors I promised,
but not do anything extra. I was thinking of going
to the restaurant and setting up tablecloths and chair covers.

(01:07:49):
I know this child. I've known this child since the
day she came home from the hospital. I was very
upset about our interactions. She knew this was free and
that it was my gift to her. So the party
is this weekend, and I brought the favors to work today.
I made twenty four pink gift bags with blue tissue
paper and matching wired ribbon. Each bag has chocolate covered pretzels,

(01:08:10):
chocolate oreos, and chocolate marshmallows, labeled chapsticks, cute pink sunglasses,
but the birthday girl's name on the side. My friend
thinks her daughter is going to love them, which I'm
happy to hear. As I walk away, she asked me
if I can do one more favor her. She wants
me to make a favor bag for her boyfriend's daughter's
bed party.

Speaker 1 (01:08:30):
No, no, oh, pie, this is a test. You're being tested,
o pee. Chance to put your new skills into practice.

Speaker 3 (01:08:40):
Bed party is for high school senior girls. The friends
bring them swag from the college they were accepted and
decorate her bed with the school colors. There is a
little bit left to this story. Uh no, a pea, stop, stop,
you're walking into a trap. Don't fall for it.

Speaker 4 (01:08:55):
Yeah, like, there's such an easy way to go about it.
Just be like, hey, I would love to do that,
but unfortunately, Yeah, I'm broke.

Speaker 1 (01:09:03):
I am so busy. I have had other.

Speaker 4 (01:09:06):
Problems with like friends asking too much and freaking out
when I asked them to pay.

Speaker 1 (01:09:10):
But I do need to start charging for this stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
Yeah, that's totally fair, And any of your friends who
have a problem with that are not your real friends.

Speaker 1 (01:09:18):
Boom exactly. But folks, we got a little bit left
to this story. Let's see if OP puts her new
skills to work.

Speaker 3 (01:09:25):
Honestly, I was floored. I have never met this girl.
And no, my friend did not offer to pay for
the papers. I told her, I'm sorry, but unfortunately I can't.
She said she understood. But for the last few hours
things have been weird between us. The old me would
have been making these favors. The new me says no.
I have to remember no is a word. I've been

(01:09:47):
pretty good about saying no to people since my last post.
The only thing I have agreed to do is to
raffle baskets or a child with fundraiser and two baskets
for my kids' school fundraiser. Those ones are fair, I'll
give you that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
I know I'm a work in progress, but today my
friend reminded me that I need to think of me first.
Consenza's commoners are proud of her and baffled by her
coworkers entitlement.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
Very true. Wow, that's the end of that. This is
the end of that one goodness, that