I HOOKED up with my boss… now I feel like my career is at risk! -r/nonmonogamy |Reddit Stories

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll
get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
I hooked up with my boss. Now I feel like
my career is at risk.

Speaker 4 (00:20):
Well, I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
It might be. Last November I abruptly changed my career
plans and my life by extension. I had been working
in sales and PM for a while and decided I
would put my law degree to use. I moved to
a new big city and began working at a small
law firm as an intern. By the way, this comes
from ad Purple three five one five, And if you

(00:43):
want to smit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime Separate. I'm Sophia and I'm Angie, and
we're here to give good advice. Goofully, But we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we do,
So let us know what you would do in the
comments and Op says it's just two attorneys and me.
I have been making decent money and the office environment
is amazing. It was the best decision I have ever made.

(01:05):
The owner of the firm is just thirty one years old,
but he's incredibly talented and knowledgeable. I love learning from him,
and he loves teaching me. Ever since I got there,
I developed an enormous crush on him. I have never
acted on it, and he has always been beyond respectful.
We are a great team, but now we have become
close friends. Both my partners love him, and he has

(01:27):
come many times over to my house to have a
couple of drinks with my friends. We've also had some
trips out of town, and it's always been kept on
the professional side of things. I decided to ignore my
crush on him, hoping it would just go away. Both
my partners tease me about how in love I am
with him and how much I fantasize about him. I'm assuming, oh,

(01:49):
he is in a poly relationship. I think that's the case. Yes,
we have talked about how they feel regarding me and
my strong inclinations for him. They advised I should never
act on it because it's just a whole ethical mess.
I don't have the time more space in my life
currently to worry about one of my partners. My nesting
partner would I don't know what that means. Recently has

(02:12):
been struggling with jealousy and insecurities regarding me and other
people I date, mostly due to the fact that I'm
currently work two jobs and I am barely ever at home,
and whatever little time I have available, I doze off
because I'm just tired all the time. We have been
struggling the most this past month. We've been fighting and

(02:32):
arguing more than we ever had. I decided to stop
dating other people while my nesting partner and I work
out these issues until this past Friday. Don don don
My nesting partner leaves town pretty often, and I take
advantage of those days to meet with friends and do
activities he would not like to do with me. This

(02:53):
past Friday, I decided to work late since my partner
had just left town and I did not want to
be alone at home watching TV. We have been swamped
with work at the firm, and we had a couple
of things left behind. My boss decided to stay late too.
The other attorney had just left and he asked me
if I wanted to go play pool at a bar
close by. The office When we were heading to the bar.

(03:16):
He asked me if I had any plans, and I
said that I would have been playing board games with
a friend, but they left town as well. He then
looked at me and asked if I would rather play
board games at my house instead of going to the bar.
We all know what board games means. Yeah, we all
know what he wants. I've just dropped the phone.

Speaker 5 (03:38):
Let's play board games at our house wings before Netflix
ever existed.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
Yeah, his board game? That was fine. My boss had
been to my house before and we have been completely
alone drinking and nothing has ever happened. So I said yes.
We got home and started having so much fun. Feed
him in every one of the games we played. We
talked about law school, some of the cases and clients

(04:05):
we have at the firm, our love life, our spicy
sleep life, and so on and so forth. He is
pretty open minded, and he actually listens very attentively when
I share about my polyamorous lifestyle. Yeah, he seems quite
interested all the time. I wonder why he Please tell
me more about your relationship where you're allowed to see

(04:26):
other people?

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Great?

Speaker 4 (04:27):
What are your exact boundaries?

Speaker 5 (04:29):
Yeah, coworkers and possibly bosses.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Okay, let's talk about that. It got pretty late and
he had ordered his uber and it was on its
way when he was picking up his stuff and I
was being silly. All of a sudden, I tripped. Yeah,
you just tripped, and he caught me. We stared into
each other's eyes, and almost by inertia, we just started

(04:54):
making out. Oh my gosh. He asked if you should
cancel his uber and I yes, Oh my god, I
doubt he even ordered it. I Yet we kept going
and we had a lot of pretty amazing, spicy sleep.
He spent the night and we woke up pretty hungover.
I had to go to work at my other job
and he left. We have not talked about it ever since,

(05:16):
and I will not see him until Tuesday. I will
not see my partners until tomorrow Monday. I know one
of them might take it well, but I'm just not
sure how my nesting partner will process this information. I'm
thinking they'll have a lot of questions I do not
have the answers for because I have not actually talked
about it with my boss. I also feel like my
relationship with my nesting partner is currently so fragile. I

(05:39):
have no idea how this could affect our relationship. They
see my boss as family, and he kind of is
since he's my brother in law's best friend, girl boss
and brother in law's best friend. You're messy.

Speaker 5 (05:54):
This is a very small town and he is incredibly
involved in my cl circle where I currently live in.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
I have asked many of my friends, all monogamous, what
to do, and they all said I messed up by
sleeping with my boss, that I should never do it again,
and that I should definitely not tell my parents. I'm
looking for advice on how to tell them or if
I should just not tell them since it's just going
to ruin my boss's relationship with my inner circles. I
am spiraling. I like my boss a lot, and he

(06:24):
said he really liked me too. I feel like I
have not had enough of that relationship. I cannot wait
for it to happen again. But maybe it's a very
stupid idea and I should grow up and just learn
to use my willpower? What do you all think? And
there is an update? But Angie, what do you think?

Speaker 5 (06:40):
I don't really know, because I mean, you know, it
seems like you're already pretty in touch with your willpower.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
I mean, if you know, if you've I guess, like
I think. First, first of all, yeah, your friends are wrong.
You should absolutely tell your partners. Oh I totally missed
that part. Yeah, they literally said my monogamous friends said
I messed up and should not tell my partners and
should never do it again.

Speaker 4 (07:09):
Oh my god, I wonder if they've ever cheated.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
That's what I'm wondering. Yeah, because I'm sorry, what do
you mean I shouldn't tell my partners that I had
a relationship with someone else, even you know, even if
that is within the boundaries of you know what we're
what's okay in our relationship? Huh. I'm presumably you still
have to communicate with them like those other relationships that
you're having, especially if OP thinks that one of them

(07:33):
would not take it well.

Speaker 5 (07:35):
Yes, absolutely need to tell them one hundred percent, regardless
of whether or not you think they'll take it well,
they have a right to know.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
I totally agree.

Speaker 5 (07:42):
I think, Yeah, talk to them, talk to this boss
about it, Like, was this just like.

Speaker 4 (07:47):
A one time thing?

Speaker 3 (07:49):
Are you do you want to do this again? Yeah? Absolutely?
And in that.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
Case, like it's going to bring up all of these
other issues, you know, and complications in our circles.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
So yeah, I think talk to your partners first. Yep,
talk to boss second, yep. Figure it out, Figure it out.
I don't think it necessarily has to be a one
time thing, but you have to get on the same
page with your partners exactly. Uh. Update, I feel like
I need to make a couple of things clear. I
practice something more similar to relational anarchy. I have two

(08:20):
romantic partners. One i'm married tokay, he lives in another city,
but I see him every other week, and the one
I live with my nesting partner, but he leaves town
very often. Interesting. Interesting, the one you live with is
not the one you're married to. So okay. My nesting
partner and I have been struggling mostly with issues like

(08:42):
jealousy and insecurities regarding dating other people, mostly because of
my current time availability as well as other factors. I
made a unilateral decision to stop dating new people, and
I am planning on sticking to that until things chill.
I have spoken with both of them. My spouse took
it quite chill. He was mostly a bit concerned by
the professional implications as well as the fact that my

(09:04):
boss is close to my family. My nesting partner did
not take it as well. It was a hard pill
to swallow. We are working through it, and I'm making
all sorts of arrangements to ensure we get through it.
My boss was the least of my concerns. However, he
has become the main reason for my spiraling now. I
do not work at a big corporate firm. There are

(09:25):
no company policies, nor other bosses, etc. He's the owner
and it's just three of us in total, including him.
I guess I was not initially concerned about him being
my boss, considering the team or the company. I was
mostly worried about the power dynamic, which I was right about.
I knew that he was a pretty chill guy. He
dates around, and he's also very into casual spicy sleep. However,

(09:48):
this feels like it was a lot more intimate than
casual spicy sleep. We did share some pretty corny moments,
and today he arrived at the office around one thirty pm.
We usually all get there at nine thirty am. He
got there and remained in his office and did not
talk to me at all. He sent the other attorney
with my favorite cookies. He never used to do that,

(10:10):
but at least he talked to me. I'm deciding not
to pursue this relationship, and as soon as I gather
some courage, I will talk to my boss and let
him know this is not happening again. I do feel
a weird mourning though he is someone I have been
developing feelings for over three months. We have shared some
pretty intimate moments, and we have become friends. This entire time,

(10:30):
I convinced myself he did not like me at all.
Learning he likes me too, He admires me too as
well as he is attracted to me too, was just
too wonderful. Knowing now that he has been struggling with
his feelings and that we were both just too nervous
to be around each other made it flare up. It
did not even start, and I have to be smart
about it and say goodbye. As long as he'll have me,

(10:52):
I'll stay as an attorney at the firm. However, no
more friendship nor spicy sleep. I feel like no more
friendship me friends come on work together. Yeah. After experiencing
the levels of anxiety I did this weekend, I learned
this emotional hangover is just not worth it. Thank you
all for your advice. And there is a second update. Boy,

(11:14):
it's been a while, so I'll update a couple of things. First,
back then, I kept seeing him and the partner I
lived with was not happy about it, so I broke
it off with my boss. After that, my partner felt
so guilty. He basically gave us his blessing and if
that is a thing. So we got back together, but
are taking it insanely slow I was expecting. I was like,

(11:35):
there's no way that they're just gonna cut this off colder,
He's not gonna laugh. I didn't buy it. Second, my
nesting partner started dating someone else and became a lot
more chill about me dating my boss. Ah, well there
we go. Well just needed more people. Third, I became
a partner at our law firm and now am a
fully associated attorney, so my boss is no longer my boss.

(11:59):
I fell in love with my boss, though I'll keep
calling him that for the purpose of my language economy.

Speaker 4 (12:04):
They don't work it out.

Speaker 5 (12:06):
Yeah, I'm not like the most happy about the only
reason that the nesting partner was like okay with the
boss was because they started dating something. Yeah, I don't
love that, especially since they're already in a poly relationship,
like the partner seemed to be a little bit like
possessive or jealous, and then of course now that they've

(12:27):
got their own thing going, then they're not anymore.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
But that's a different issue. That's a different issue.

Speaker 5 (12:33):
I like how how the original issue of this story
is panning out.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, I mean they're getting together. They talked about it
clearly soon fallen in love and love pretty good. I
have grown to know a gorgeous human being who is
not only fun and cool to hang out with, but
over the course of four months, has shown he's a
caring and loving person. He has been with me through
so much, comforted me, and sustained me in ways I

(12:58):
really would have never expected. We have talked about our
feelings and he has confessed that although it was really
not what he planned, he has fallen crazy in love
with me too. Wow. Our relationship has become one of
the safest places I have Now at my disposal and
I want to tell him I love him, because I do.
I love him. I wanted to come here and ask,
how have you known you love someone? When do you

(13:22):
know it's right? To tell them I am Mexican. Here
we have tekierto, which is a nice endearment, but then
it is stamo, which is the ultimate form of communicating
deep and strong feelings. I would love to hear from
everyone on how they go about their feelings and when
you know it's the right time to tell someone you
love them. Oh wow, what do you think? I don't

(13:46):
have an answer for that. I don't either.

Speaker 5 (13:50):
Yeah, Usually the other person says it first. Ye, Well,
let me think about that for.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
A seconde when someone else says it to you usually
like usually.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
I think is like around the time.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
I think you mean, keep it in and don't say
it until they say it. I think that's right. Yeah,
that's probably how you do it. Probably. I'm sorry. I
don't have advice for you on that. Let us know
in the comments don below. Yeah, when you did it. Yeah,
but that's the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (14:25):
My girlfriend took a trip with her Polly partner during
my birthday.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
That's messed up.

Speaker 5 (14:31):
Me thirty nine male, and Tina, thirty five female, have
been together for three years, living together and open for
the last two years. I've been in polly relationships for
thirteen years, but Tina is brand new Gary forty two
male is her newest partner and is in an open.

Speaker 3 (14:47):
Marriage with two kids.

Speaker 5 (14:48):
He is an executive with a large bank and as
well off, he likes to buy Tina gifts spoil her. Recently,
he offered to take Tina with him on his next
business trip to NYC. NYC has been on her bucket
list for quite a while, and she was thrilled at
the offer.

Speaker 4 (15:05):
By the way, this comes from a throwaway.

Speaker 5 (15:07):
Thirty nine bill, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime separated
it And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to
give good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 4 (15:17):
We're just gonna guess what we would do in this situation.

Speaker 5 (15:19):
But let us know what you would do in the
comments down below. So Opie says a couple of weeks ago,
Gary told Tina that they would leave the second week
of May and come back that Saturday. She and her
girlfriend have been out shopping last two weekends finding new
outfits for her trip, and she ended up spending some
of the money that she had set back for our rent.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
Oh uh, yeah, that's not good. No, you gotta pay rent?
Yeah no, no, no, you can't. You can't spend money you.

Speaker 5 (15:47):
Don't have Yeah, come on, while irritating. It's not a
financial hardship for me. But we were supposed to be
apartment hunting as our lease is almost up and we
were looking for a place more adult friendly. So I
have spent a lot of time looking for new places
to live by myself. As of last Friday, I wasn't
sure when she was leaving, and I reminded her to

(16:10):
put it in our calendar. She blocked off May ninth
to twelfth as the days she would be gone. On
May eleventh, there is a cake emoji with Bill's fortieth birthday.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
Mine written on it.

Speaker 5 (16:23):
My fortieth birthday is on May eleventh, Oh peace birthday.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
Wait did she like not even acknowledge that it was
your birthday?

Speaker 5 (16:30):
I didn't even think about it. There's a little cake emoji,
so she did that?

Speaker 3 (16:36):
Unless I mean like it might have already been there.
It's like I feel like it would be if she
were to market. Yeah, I feel like she's been like, oh,
oh my god, it's your birthday, right right? Can't go
like she doesn't seem like she even acknowledged right. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (16:52):
I noticed after she had left to do more shopping
with Gary and.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Knew that she wasn't coming home till Sunday.

Speaker 5 (16:58):
I was talking to one of our friends from our
friend group about it, and she said that surely it
was a mistake, but to be sure, she sent out
a group text to a bunch of our friends about
planning a party for me a week from Thursday, and
made sure that Tina was included.

Speaker 4 (17:11):
Tina had texted.

Speaker 5 (17:12):
Later that day that Saturday might be a better day
than a weekday, but the group was leaning more towards Thursday. Sunday,
she got home early and wanted to talk about her trip.
She said that she forgot that Thursday was my birthday
and said that we could go out after she got.

Speaker 3 (17:26):
Back and celebrate.

Speaker 5 (17:28):
I got a little hurt and said that my birthday
has always been on the eleventh, and had been on
the calendar since the first of the year.

Speaker 3 (17:36):
She said that Gary.

Speaker 5 (17:37):
Had already made all the arrangements and couldn't just cancel
them now. I offered to buy her a ticket for
Thursday so that she could make it, but they already
had theater tickets and made plans.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
So that wouldn't be fair.

Speaker 5 (17:48):
She said this was a trip of a lifetime and
she didn't know if she would ever have this chance again.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
I asked how long she knew and she was going
to be gone.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
She hesitated and said for a few weeks.

Speaker 5 (17:58):
It got ugly after that, and I ended up leaving
and going to a friend's house and spent the night.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Oh wow.

Speaker 5 (18:04):
She called me today at work, almost crying about how
all our friends were shaving her for going off on
my birthday. I said, if I left you alone on
your birthday, I would expect they would feel the same way.
I said, I was hurt, and asked if I hadn't
said anything about marking what days you were going to
be gone, how long were you going to wait to
tell me? I told her she needed to get her
priorities straight and hung up. The lease on our apartment

(18:27):
expires July first, and I talked to the property management
company about leaving a month early, and they had no
problem with it. I found a great new place last week,
with a bigger floor plan and closer to our gym
in my work. I sent them a deposit and they
said that I can move in anytime. It looks like
I will be having a combo birthday slash housewarming party.

Speaker 3 (18:47):
Wow, that is a fast move.

Speaker 4 (18:50):
That's impressive.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
Yeah, how fast you can move somewhere? Hope you said, well,
not moving in with you? So yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (18:58):
The only question now is if I move Tina's things
or leave them in our old apartment. I've told a
few people and ask them to.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Keep it quiet.

Speaker 5 (19:05):
Tina has a week to change her mind, but at
this point, I don't know if I care anymore. Any
advice and there is an update, but what would your
advice be?

Speaker 4 (19:15):
So if do we move Tina's things or do we
leave them there?

Speaker 3 (19:19):
I don't think move don't move them without asking? Yeah,
Like I think it's like the question of like, oh
am I moving in with Tina or not? And I
feel like until you have a full sit down conversation
with Tina and say, hey, we've had some trouble. Yeah,
you know, like I think you just leave them there. Yeah,
I agree.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
I think definitely don't move her stuff without her because
if you're I don't know, I mean, if if you're
moving out a month early, I would have bad.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Yeah. I just think you guys need more more conversations
about whether or not you're moving in together. Yeah, yeah,
but we do have an update.

Speaker 5 (19:58):
So I got out of the house before Tina got
up and took the next week off to move. Tina's
text messages were love bombing and pleads to go work
things out. The text from Gary was apologizing for any
trouble the trip had caused. I sent him text asking
when he found out about the conflict, and he said
the first he heard about it was last Saturday, when

(20:19):
Tina told him last night. I decided to take everything
I had before she moved in with me. I stopped
at the grocery store and picked up the stuff to
make her favorite chicken enchiladas. She got home about six
thirty and we pretty much ate in silence. I asked
again when she knew about the dates of the trip,
and she said around the second week of April, and

(20:39):
that she knew was going to be a conflict with
my birthday. I asked how long she would have waited
to tell me if I hadn't asked last weekend, and
she wasn't sure. She said she was so excited to
go and thought that we could work something out, but
could never find the right time. I told her again
how important this day was for me and how I
was crushed that she would choose Gary in the trip
over me. She asked what I meant about consequences. I

(21:02):
asked her if she was going to still go on
the trip, and she said that it was too late
to cancel everything. So I showed her a plane ticket
and asked her if she would come back in time
for the party. She said they had plans for a
play that night and reservations for dinner.

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Friday as well.

Speaker 5 (21:17):
I took back the ticket and reminded her that we
were supposed to have been looking for a new apartment,
but she had spent the last three weeks shopping for
a trip and left me to do all the legwork.
Then I handed her a check. She asked what this
was for, and I said read it again. Down on
the memo line.

Speaker 3 (21:33):
It said cruise deposit.

Speaker 5 (21:35):
I said May's rent was paid up, but that I
found a place and would be moving out this weekend.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
She started crying and could hardly breathe.

Speaker 5 (21:44):
She said that I was being unfair and we could
get past this, and she was willing to do whatever
it took to stay together.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
So I told her my conditions. Oh boy, it's going
to be like, don't go on the trip or not together?
Right yeah?

Speaker 5 (21:59):
Ah literally the first one, the trip is canceled.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
All can't be together or not? I don't know. I
don't like either of their reactions. Yeah, me too.

Speaker 5 (22:11):
The other conditions are we need couples therapy and individual therapy.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
If the therapist says that it's needed.

Speaker 5 (22:17):
We live apart for ninety days. She cuts off and
goes no contact with Gary and her other partner permanently.
I told her I couldn't trust her not to hurt
me again, and I didn't think that we had.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
Much of a chance going forward. Whoa.

Speaker 5 (22:31):
She tried to negotiate another way forward, but I just
shut her down. She is in the bedroom now crying.
I'm sending out group texts to my friends letting them
know our new status. And there is a right wait again,
there's a second update.

Speaker 3 (22:44):
Oh. I don't like GOP either. I think they're both.
I think this is a bit of a everyone sucks here. Yeah,
maybe this relationship is not meant to work out.

Speaker 5 (22:52):
Like yeah, like I think that the birthday thing was uncool. Yes, agreed,
this is a much bigger reaction than is.

Speaker 3 (23:00):
Yeah. Like, like, do I agree that y'all probably should
not live together?

Speaker 5 (23:04):
Yes, but I like it's just, yeah, it's unfair to
say that I can't trust you to not hurt me again. Yeah,
it's not big enough to be using those words.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
Oh, I don't think so. But we do have a
second update.

Speaker 5 (23:17):
So, I had planned a large party for my fortieth birthday.
My new partner, Tina had another partner, Gary, who had
a business trip to New York City and offered to
take Tina with him Tina's bucket list trip. I told
her that that was unacceptable and she needed to make
a decision, and she chose the trip over me. My
original plan was to break up and move into a
new apartment while she was gone, but I ended.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
Up telling her before she left.

Speaker 5 (23:40):
I even got a call from Gary asking if there
was a way Tina and I could work things out. Finally,
two days before she was to leave, she offered to stay,
but I told her that she wasn't staying for me,
she was just trying to avoid the consequences of her actions,
and she had shown me her priorities and I was done.

Speaker 4 (23:58):
I don't like you I don't thank you. I just don't.

Speaker 3 (24:01):
I don't like you. And maybe I don't know how
the comments are going to react to this one, like,
let us know if you guys think different.

Speaker 5 (24:06):
Yeah, from what I'm seeing, it just seems a little controlling.

Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yeah for paula relationship to be this controlling. Yeah, but
there was so many Again, she is in the wrong
for planning something knowingly on his birthday without talking to him. Sure, however,
there were so many ways that we could have solved
this situation without resorting to ultimatums and breakups. But it's
clear that you're not really invested in this relationship right.

Speaker 5 (24:34):
Sunday was the housewarming with the twelve friends that helped
me move so fast. Thursday night, seventy five made it
to the birthday party. Wow, that's a whole lot of
friends the party. That's a big party for Thursday.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (24:46):
The party was a blast. A description would be another essay,
so I'll go with the highlights. There were three bellied dancers,
pin the tail on the donkey with Tina's face, oh,
several other hilarious party games. Tina's best friend Beth made
the party, and best of all, my ex nesting partner
who I haven't seen in.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
Years, showed up.

Speaker 5 (25:06):
Bristol, who helped organize the party, made sure the story
of Tina's trip was common knowledge. She posted dozens of
pictures to my social media and sent a few choice
ones to Tina as well.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
You guys suck.

Speaker 4 (25:18):
You guys are best.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
This kind of sucks. Why does that need to be
common knowledge? Why HP already sent it around? Yeah, you
guys suck. Oh my god, I don't like any of you. Wow.

Speaker 5 (25:33):
Later in the evening, I got to talk with Beth,
who told me that she had talked with Tina twice
since she left, and both times she sounded terrible. Beth said,
Tina still loves me dearly, and I should give her
another chance. I have received many texts and voicemails from
Tina since she left, but haven't paid any attention to
them yet. Saturday, Tina's flight lands around noon, so I

(25:53):
just can't wait for that. I will meet with her
if she has something that she wants to say, but
after that I will block her. And there is a
third update.

Speaker 3 (26:01):
Oh my god, I have no idea how you have
managed to have yeah, uh, to be doing like polyamorous
relationships for thirteen years and are reacting like this.

Speaker 5 (26:11):
We have a third update, so let's see how much
worse it gets. Yeah, so I reconnected recently with a
former nesting partner and we still had some spark between us,
and after a day or two together, she said that
she wouldn't mind picking up where we left off. The
reason we broke up is I moved halfway across the
country for a career move, and we realized that neither
of us wanted a long distance relationship. I told her

(26:33):
I felt the same, but it might take a couple
of months to line up a job where she lives,
so we planned for me to move in August. A
major issue is that she has a nesting partner that
she is trying to de escalate and unwind from even
before we reconnected. He is resisting and wants to work
things out, but she has checked out and just wants

(26:53):
to be kind with the separation. When I got to town,
she explained the situation and said that I could stay
at her beach until he moved out. So I settled
in and went about getting used to my new position
at my job and reconnecting with her. A couple of
weeks go by and I get to meet Tom I
as soon to be ex nesting partner, and.

Speaker 4 (27:13):
It was really awkward.

Speaker 5 (27:15):
He was very passive aggressive, but I tried to stay
positive and I ended up staying with her in her
main residence that night under the same roof with him.
The next morning, Cindy, who is oh he's ex nesting partner,
tells me that Tom was not too happy with me
being there and has said that he can live at
the beach house if she wants to move me into

(27:37):
his place. So okay, got it, But she doesn't want
him in her beach house because she likes to spend
the weekends there and it just wouldn't work. Tom has
been dragging his fee looking for a place on his own,
as I think he is trying to hang on to
her and.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
Stay close by. There is a little bit more to
the story. But what a mess, dude, bought a mess.
You shouldn't be in a Polly relationship. Ope, you're not ready.
He's thirty years you're not ready.

Speaker 4 (28:00):
Yeah, but there is a little bit more, man.

Speaker 5 (28:04):
So, uh, my problem is that I feel that Tom
is Cindy's issue to deal with.

Speaker 3 (28:10):
I want to I want to be.

Speaker 5 (28:11):
With Cindy and get back to a level that we
had before I moved away. But as long as Tom
is still hanging around.

Speaker 3 (28:17):
That's going to be impossible.

Speaker 5 (28:18):
Cindy and I have talked about going monogamous for a
while until we get to that level, and if we can,
we have both talked about the possibility of getting married.
Oh my god, what is going on? Part of me
wants to give Tom a friendly nudge towards the door
as I feel that he is in denial.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
About the relationship.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
I am thinking about floating an idea to Cindy for
an early engagement complete with a ring, to send Tom
a farewell message. I'm afraid she's just too kind hearted
to end this and we'll just let this just drag out.

Speaker 3 (28:49):
Guys are insane. Yeah, I don't know. I yeah, I
really don't think this is us just misunderstanding Polly. It
can't be. It just can't be. It can't be.

Speaker 5 (28:58):
Like you, in any relationship, you gotta communicate, you gotta
discuss if you're in a relationship still.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
Yeah, true, that's important. And also, don't share social media
images or whatever about your ex because you hate a
decision they made.

Speaker 5 (29:17):
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, And
that's the end of the story.

Speaker 3 (29:21):
We're going to go on to the next one.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.
But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that
keep the show alive.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
My girlfriend Dumby for poly partner now she wants me back.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
Ooh who it is?

Speaker 3 (29:35):
Me thirty two male and my nesting partner Eva twenty
nine female have been living together for four years and
pretty much opened since the start of our relationship. Last October,
she sat me down and told me that she was
in love with one of her other partners and now
considering him her primary. They were already spending several days

(29:56):
a week together, and she said they both wanted more.
By the way, this comes from throw At thirty three,
Arc four, And if you want to spend your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it. I'm
Sophia and I'm Angie and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we'd do, So let us know what you would
do in the comments, ANDOP says when we talked further

(30:16):
about it. She said she still wants a connection with
me and for now wants to cohabitate. We discussed de
escalating a bit and separating our finances and financial responsibilities.
We have a two bedroom apartment and she moved most
of her stuff into the other bedroom three weeks after
our discussion. She is still spending the majority of her
time here and almost always sleeping in my bed with me.

(30:39):
If anything, our intimate time and frequency is up slightly.
Right before Christmas, I met someone through work, not a
coworker or customer, and we've been on several dates. We
have had a couple discussions about my situation with my
nesting partner and she understands. We talked about spending the
weekend together, and since she has two roommates, I offered
to host. I had the conversation with Eva about Cindy's

(31:02):
spending the weekend and she seemed a bit off, but
was okay with it. Cindy and I went out Friday
night and came home to an empty house. Eva was
at her primary's house and had a great evening. Next morning,
I cooked breakfast and we were lounging around with Eva.
Came back home. Eva introduced herself as my roommate and
said she was going to clean up and head to
the gym. That night, Cindy and I were cuddling on

(31:25):
the couch watching TV, and Eva came in and was
watching TV with us. We watched a couple of shows together,
then Eva kind of huffed and got up and went
to her room. Next morning, Eva left before we got up,
and Cindy went home shortly after we got up. Eva
stayed gone for a couple of days and was radio silent.
I sent her a couple of texts that went unanswered. Wednesday,

(31:48):
I get an alert from the ring doorbell that Eva
was there when I got home. She was pleasant and
I asked her if we were okay, and she said yes.
Towards bedtime, she asked if she could sleep in my
room and I said yes. We cuddled a little, but
neither one of us tried to initiate anything more. The
next night was pretty much the same, except she was
wearing a sea through piece of lingerie and wasted no

(32:12):
time and jumping my bones. Okay, okay. The following evening,
Cindy is at our house and we're chilling watching a
movie and Eva comes into the living room wearing a
sleep shirt that is barely covering her. She's been territory
oldest girl. At one point, Eva catches me in the
kitchen and I mentioned she could be a little more

(32:32):
appropriate when I have guests over and voices get raised,
and she stomps off to her room. Wow. Cindy asks
if everything's all right, and I said, we were just
discussing our boundaries and our behavior. Cindy offers to leave
if it's causing a problem, but we end up going
to my room instead. Y'all need to have conversation now, cuz, yes,

(32:53):
she'd talked to you about, you know, de escalating, but
it seems like it escalated on you know, like you
were being more intimate. Yeah, and then now Cindy's been
over it seems like almost every day this week, right. Uh.
And that's not to say like you're in the wrong
or anything. It just needs like an actual conversation.

Speaker 5 (33:14):
We need communication, people, because it's clear she's jealous.

Speaker 3 (33:18):
Yes, Like obviously it all kind of boiled over last week.
I got an envelope in the mail for my travel
agent with a bunch of skiing brochures. Actually, Eva opened
it before I got home. She got all excited because
we both love to ski.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (33:32):
When I told her I was taking Cindy, she got
her feelings hurt and started in on me. I told
Eva that, according to her, I was no longer her
primary and she was treating me like a roommate with benefits.
She didn't go out of her way to show me
affection anymore other than sleeping with me and having spicy
sleep when it was convenient. Then she was disrespectful when

(33:52):
I had someone over, even though I had always told
her I was having company and asked if she had
a problem with it. She acts like I should still
treat her as my primary since we still live together.
I asked to go parallel with her other partner before
the October revelation for other reasons, and when I asked
why she doesn't just go live with him, all I
get is it's complicated, So I don't get where she's

(34:16):
coming from, but it's getting on my nerves. We still
have six months left on a lease, so my hands
are tied there. And there is an update. But what
do you think OP should do? Well?

Speaker 5 (34:27):
Of course communicating, yes, for sure, have some first stations.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
Please, yeah, please, and I think, I don't know, like
maybe have the conversation. Maybe scale back on the time
that Cindy's spending at your apartment, spend more time at hers, right.

Speaker 5 (34:47):
Yeah, because if it's if it's happening, like even though
Eva said that they weren't or said that Opie wasn't
their primary, like, obviously there's jealousy here. Yeah, so I
feel like, you know, yeah, that's not your false that's
not really.

Speaker 4 (35:03):
Something that you need to fix.

Speaker 5 (35:04):
But yeah, I think just going somewhere else to just
kind of not make that situation worse.

Speaker 3 (35:11):
And maybe like you know, spending some more if you
still want to be in a relationship with Eva, Like yes,
it's changed because you're no longer primary or something, right,
but if you still want to be in a relationship
with Eva and that's still important to you, like maybe
being like, hey, let's have some date nights, Let's have
some one on one time where we hang out and
don't just have spicy sleep, right, Like bring that up
and see if and if she's like so not receptive,

(35:31):
then it's like, Okay, this relationship is not working out. Yes,
but I feel like there's ways to ease the tension.
I'm sure update. I had a long talk about boundaries
with Eva, especially when it came to her behavior when
Cindy was over. I told her the last time Cindy
was here, she made her very uncomfortable and she seemed
to be intentionally trying to interfere with Cindy and I dating.

(35:53):
She denied doing anything on purpose, but accuse me of
being vindictive and bringing Cindy here to rub her nose
in it. This sent the conversation down a rabbit hole
and ended in a shouting match. Later that night, Eva
came into my bedroom and I stopped her and said
it would be easier if we were just roommates without
benefits for a while. This upsetter, as she hates sleeping

(36:13):
alone and has used me as a spicy sleep toy
when her boyfriend wasn't available. Come to find out, he
was out of town for the next week or so,
and I said that sounded like an Eva problem. Not mind,
I'm no longer providing spicy sleep on demand while being
treated as an afterthought. Go you o bit, Yeah, I mean,
stand up for yourself. If that's how you feel, then yeah, absolutely, Yeah,

(36:36):
I'm glad that you communicated that.

Speaker 4 (36:38):
Absolutely because that is kind of like what it's to be.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
It seems like she's not like she told you you're
not primary, but then is still expecting a lot from
you and also jealous that you're having another relationship.

Speaker 5 (36:50):
Yeah, and it seems like she's kind of using that
spicy sleep to give you to stay in a way,
and this.

Speaker 3 (36:56):
Doesn't seem great on her. And yeah, update so you
can see in my history where I posted about my
nesting partner Eva telling me last October that her other
partner was now her primary. She said she still wanted
me in her life and to continue to cohabitate for now,
but over time the affection she showed me dried up,
except when she wanted spicy sleep. And she hates to

(37:19):
sleep alone and continue to sleep in my bed even
if we weren't having spicy sleep, which was aggravating as
she didn't respond when I tried to initiate anything and
it was only at her convenience or desire. I finally
put a stop not only to sleeping in my bedroom
but to spicy sleep itself. After that, she was better
about respecting when I had other partners over, and we

(37:40):
transitioned to being better roommates. We still have five months
left on our lease. A little over a week ago,
she had a falling out with her primary and he
ended up breaking up and ghosting her oop. She was
an enraged banshee for a few days and then lapsed
into a deep depression. She was crying on my shoulder
and saying I was the only guy that ever acted

(38:03):
like I really cared for her. I know she realized
how badly she had treated me. She has started treating
me like she did when we first got together, showing
affection whenever we were together. I'm a touchy, needy person
and she knows it. So whenever I'm in reach, she
has her hand around or on me and rubs against
me or hugs me. So the other night, when she asked,
I let her sleep in my room and we had

(38:25):
spicy sleep for the first time in over a month,
and it was amazing. Well good, Okay, I feel like
we need to discuss this movie.

Speaker 5 (38:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (38:34):
It was like she just like lost her one partner
and she's like, oh, we're back to you.

Speaker 5 (38:38):
Yeah. I feel like anytime that someone is crying saying
that they are sad because they hurt you, shouldn't be
the ones crying.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
Yeah, you don't know now, She says, she wants things
to be like they were. Since her breakup, she hasn't
been talking to anyone else, not even going out with
her girlfriends to the club like she used to. This weekend,
she went grocery shopping and cooked a big dinner, picked
up my dry cleaning without being asked, and did all
the laundry. He hasn't done my laundry since before the

(39:09):
first of the year. It's really tempting to just slide
back into that zone, but I fear if I do that,
I will get hurt worse. This time, she actually asked
me for a date this Saturday, and to spend the
whole day with me, including going to a workout at
the gym together. I told her yes, but a voice
in the back of my mind is yelling it's a trap. Well,
I still have feelings for her. I was finally to

(39:31):
the point where I had accepted we had no future together.
A couple of days ago, I was working from home
and Eva's X showed up before she went to work.
I heard the doorbell and didn't get up until I
heard some raised voices as I was walking into the
living room. I heard Eva tell him to lead. He
was asking her to reconsider when he saw me in
the hall and asked her to call him later. She

(39:53):
refused and said they had nothing to talk about. After
he left, she explained he wanted to get back together,
and since she had blocked him, he decided to come over,
thinking he could catch her After I went to work
last night, she said he had shown up at her
work and wanted to take her to lunch and talk
about the relationship. I'm so worried that she's just gonna
be like, well, he's.

Speaker 4 (40:13):
Back, so.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
I would not be surprised at all, she said. She refused,
and one of her coworkers told him he should leave
and walked him out of the building. She swear she
did nothing to encourage him, and after the other day
of showing up the house, she thought I should know
about him showing up at work. Messy, So messy, Yeah, messy.
I do really worry that she's just gonna drop a

(40:39):
p now that this guy's back, right, she doesn't. He's
stable with this. It's like, okay, he's here, by Oh
he's gone, hello, Oh.

Speaker 5 (40:47):
He's exactly exactly. It's like you. I feel like you
were treated like an afterthought before.

Speaker 3 (40:53):
Yeah, and you.

Speaker 4 (40:56):
Might still be treated like an afterthought now.

Speaker 5 (40:58):
But it doesn't seem that way because the first thought left,
and that was it was out of her control.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
So yeah, I don't know. I just don't really trust her.
Why trust her feelings?

Speaker 4 (41:09):
I think she came on too strong with the like, oh,
I'm so sorry. Yeah, I realized you're the only one
for me.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
I don't trust it.

Speaker 5 (41:16):
It's like, okay, well, if you actually felt bad, you
actually felt that way, then you would be comforting him.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
He would not, Yeah, you in this situation, So I
don't trust it. Yeah. I had her call his phone
and put it on speaker. I told him, since he
has been stalking my wife at home, wife and work,
I was filing a police report and seeking a restraining
order because I feared for her safety and if he persisted,
I would file charges. I added that if he showed

(41:41):
up unannounced at my house it would not bode well
for him. He asked to speak to Eva. She said
to leave her alone and she had no desire to
talk to him. Ever. Again, he tried to say something,
but she hung up the phone. While I wasn't happy
your ex was trying to get back together with her.
I was relieved she was upfront and honest about it.
She was quite vocal that she had no desire to

(42:03):
even talk with him again. She reminded me she was
still sharing her location and offered her phone to me
to verify she had not been in contact with him.
I didn't check her phone, but I believed her. His
whole deal with her ex has at her stressed out,
and she hoped this would be the end of it.
I think she asked me at half dozen times this
week if we were okay, what happen to Cindy? Are

(42:25):
you and Cindy okay? Yeah? Yeah, in a while where
she at? Uh? I mean, I guess keep communicating and
be wary of her and her fickble fickle emotions.

Speaker 5 (42:37):
Yeah, absolutely, kind of can't like you gotta really look
at the actions in this situation first.

Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yes, sir, absolutely, Like Cindy's been here inconsistent seems, whereas
your like you know, other partner has not been not
really And that's the end of the story. We're going
to go on to the next one.

Speaker 6 (42:54):
My wife is worried about our son's behavior, but he
got it from her.

Speaker 5 (42:58):
Oh well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now,
does it.

Speaker 6 (43:02):
And there is a trigger warning her from mentions of
my forty eight male wife. Mary fifty female has always
coddled our son Mickey twenty eight male.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
What a darling.

Speaker 6 (43:15):
Mickey was born premature and spent time in the nicky.
Mary was very protective of him. She was a helicopter
parent and constantly over extended herself for Mickey's sake.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
And by the.

Speaker 6 (43:26):
Way, this comes from user original station three two one
uh one. Thing that annoyed me was that she would
constantly hug and kiss our son. That wasn't a problem.
The problem was she would be sad and moody if
he didn't give her one.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
She also had a.

Speaker 6 (43:43):
Payment for a kiss thing with Mickey. I tried to
tell her Mickey would grow older and he wouldn't appreciate
being coddled by his mom so much, but she was
convinced her precious baby boy wouldn't be a mean, nasty
man who hated hugs and kisses. And I guess she
was right. Mickey got married a few years ago to Diane.
She's a stand up woman with a good head on

(44:05):
her shoulders. She's straightforward and logical.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
I was a little worried.

Speaker 6 (44:09):
About Mary because everyone knows how mothers and daughter in
laws don't get along.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
But she loved.

Speaker 6 (44:16):
Diane, at least until Mickey came to her with his
marital problems. You're running and telling on your wife to
your mom's I mean, I guess that's right.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
I mean you can do that, but like that's that's
gonna be.

Speaker 6 (44:33):
You know, it's not gonna be an impartial opinion, right right,
you know, I mean I guess sometimes it could be,
but doesn't sound like your mom's gonna be impartial.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
She's gonna be like, what did she do to my baby?

Speaker 3 (44:46):
Right right, She's just gonna be all.

Speaker 6 (44:49):
Mark my words, mark my words. She's gonna make those noises.
In the past couple of years, he told Mary Diane
was drifting away from him. They were very close to
being separated, though I don't think my son would have
ever divorced her. Long story short, Diane passed out at
the wheel oh and got into a nasty accident. She

(45:11):
was later told she had a autoimmune disease that has
fatigue as a side effect. Diane needs a wheelchair most
of the time, but she's not paralyzed. Micky's been taking
care of her and he's doing a pretty good job.
They seem to have a happy and stronger marriage. Today,
my wife was a nervous wreck. She told me Mickey
and Diane visited. Our town is not wheelchair friendly, so

(45:36):
Diane needs a lot of help. Mary told me that
Mickey asked Diane to pay him with hugs and kisses,
and he was smothering her with affection.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
Okay, it's his wife.

Speaker 6 (45:48):
I asked Mary if Diane seemed afraid, upset, or annoyed,
and she said no. I told Mary I didn't see
a problem with an inside joke between a married cup.
Mary burst out that it was wrong because of how
helpless Diane was. I told her that one Diane wasn't helpless,

(46:08):
and two, our son's ridiculous behavior was her fault. Mary
modeled that hugs and kisses were required to show love,
and Mickey was doing what he learned. I mean he
learned the whole paying with a kiss thing from Mary.
She stormed off and has been giving me the silent treatment.
Am I the a hole? No, it sounds like your

(46:28):
wife is jealous of her son's partner for some reason.

Speaker 4 (46:33):
Yeah, that's always a weird, weird thing that.

Speaker 5 (46:36):
We find in these stories of the mom being jealous
of the daughter in law getting love from the sun. Yeah,
that's crazy, that's weird, that's gross.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
She's being like, well, I used to do that with him.

Speaker 6 (46:48):
Yeah, but you know she's not saying that outright, but
she's trying to spin it in like, well, what if
Diane's uncomfortable and helpless.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Right, It's like, well, she.

Speaker 6 (46:58):
Certainly doesn't seem that way. It seems like they've turned
the inside joke slash whatever you want to call it out.
It wasn't really a joke between you two, but now
it's just a little cute thing.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
Yeah, like the little cute thing in the couple.

Speaker 5 (47:10):
Yeah, you should be happy, like, oh, look, he's passing
on that that cute thing that I did.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
He's carrying it through to his lovely wife.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (47:20):
Instead it's like I'm the only one who should have
that kind of relationship.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
With my son.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
Weird weird alert.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
Very weird overbearing mom activities. We have some comments. Number
one not the a hole.

Speaker 6 (47:33):
Overall, it seems like your wife's ridiculousness worked out. I
don't think this arrangement of paying with affection would have
started when Diane got sick. It probably happened earlier in
their relationship, and if Diane didn't like it, she would
have communicated that at some point. Hopefully your wife is
butting into your son's relationship. There could be a number
of reasons for that, but ultimately it should stop. Sit

(47:54):
her down and tell her that Diane is ill, but
she's still of sound mind and can make her own decisions.
This is a relationship dynamic that doesn't have to do
with her illness, and it should be between Diane and Mickey.
While it is one hundred percent your wife's fault that
Mickey does this, it's not productive to point it out
to her, so you may.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
Want to avoid that.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
Good luck.

Speaker 6 (48:13):
Op Op replies, it probably didn't start when Diane got sick,
but I know Mickey did it a lot more. I
think he feels guilty and worried for Diane's health, so
he's showing his love the best way he knows how.
I don't know why my wife is so upset. I
would have thought she would be flattered and boast that
she was right. Reply says, she's upset because that was

(48:34):
her thing with Mickey and she doesn't want him doing
it with anyone else. Pretending Diane is forcing it is
a way of trying to put a stop to it.
Another reply says, I don't think she's concerned. I think
she's shocked that her thing with her little boy is
now part of his and his wife's relationship and there
is an update.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
I agree with those comments.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
Yeah, me too.

Speaker 6 (48:56):
I don't even think it's so weird to me that
it's like first one, it is like, yeah, sit her
down and explain to her. It's like this shouldn't even
be an explained thing. It's like, yeah, two people in
a marriage and there's doting upon his yeah, wife in it.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
You know whatever, it's it's cute. It's cute, Okay, just cute.
It's cute.

Speaker 5 (49:17):
I mean there's a lot of things like that when
you're a kid. It's like, yeah, kids and their moms
will like cuddle or something like that. Like that's not
something that you own, you know, just because it's your son.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
It's like, yeah, he's.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
Gonna want to cuddle with his wife. It's like this thing.
It feels like the same kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
Yes, and we do have an update.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
Yeah, I'm curious.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
Let's get a little deeper into this.

Speaker 6 (49:40):
A lot of the responses said that my wife Mary
was jealous of Diane, our daughter in law, or inappropriately
close with Mickey, our son. But she welcomed Diane with
open arms and treated her as the daughter she never had.
We invited Diane and Mickey over for a bite, well,
at least Mary did.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
She commented a few times under her breath.

Speaker 6 (49:59):
At Mickey was doing too much PDA and sent him
to the grocery store. Then she interrogated Diane on if
she felt comfortable, if anything was bothering her, and told
Diane to let her know if anything ever worried her,
because Mary would pick her up no judgment.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
I was baffled.

Speaker 6 (50:17):
Diane thanked Mary but said she was fine. Mickey came
back and we had a nice time, though I noticed
Mary kept an eye on them the entire time they
were at our home. After they were gone, I turned
to Mary and asked her what dag she was doing.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
She stammered that she has no idea what I'm talking about.

Speaker 6 (50:38):
I told her that she was being really weird and
asked her point blank if she was jealous that Mickey
was doing their thing. So to speak with Diane, she
broke down and said she wasn't jealous, she was downright uncomfortable.
Then she told me that she hated the way Mickey
used an innocent thing between mother and child for husband,

(50:59):
and you own the patent on hugs and kisses.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
Come on, dude, are you serious?

Speaker 4 (51:06):
That's crazy?

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Those were totally mine.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
Those were my kisses and hugs.

Speaker 5 (51:11):
Yeah, she's like, you like something that uh mother and
son would do a wife and his husband are doing. E.

Speaker 3 (51:19):
You've shollied it.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
You've soiled the sanctity of my hugs and kisses.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
Yeah, that's just so. It's got no logic behind it,
just very strange.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
So I asked her why it bothered her.

Speaker 6 (51:32):
She said that it looks bad a man demanding affection
in exchange for helping his physically disabled wife. She emphasized
that Diane was more helpless here than she could be.
We lived in a mountainous town that's not really wheelchair friendly.
Diane can't drive anymore, and she had to rely on Mickey.
Mary had to ask Diane and make sure she was
really okay. I asked her if she had so little

(51:54):
trust in her own son to just be a good person.
Mary said her own father seen like a good person
to others, but he was not a good father or husband.
Mary's late mother was physically disabled and likely had anxiety
and depression. Because of her disability and her husband's controlling behavior,
she wasn't allowed to go out of the house and
had no money. Her husband threatened to throw her in

(52:16):
an asylum if she tried to leave with or without
the kids. So Mary's mother my mother in law, would
reward children with kisses and hugs if they helped her out.
They did chores like washing dishes or laundry or helping
her make a meal in exchange for extra hugs and kisses,
since her mother didn't have an allowance to give them.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
Her mother passed away.

Speaker 6 (52:36):
When she was a teenager. Mary had never mentioned much
of her childhood before.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Now.

Speaker 6 (52:41):
Mary passed that tradition down to Mickey, but changed it
a little bit since she liked to spoil him. Seeing
it in a non parent to child context and with
Diane being physically disabled was pretty disturbing to Mary, and
she was getting panic attacks thinking about it. Well, I
think that this is a little illuminating, Maybe it's more
about our childhood trauma.

Speaker 3 (53:02):
MM isn't it always?

Speaker 6 (53:04):
Yes, the classic, but come on, I don't think that
your son is going to equate to your you know,
your father here. Yeah, these are not the same situation exactly. Mickey, however,
does look like his grandfather. He takes after Mary's features,
so I think it also made her upset. I sat

(53:26):
her down and said that I understood where she was
coming from and we could figure it out together. I
called up Mickey and told him the history behind his grandparents.
Micky said he got why it's triggering his mom, and
he wouldn't do it in front of Mary anymore. Mary
said that she felt hurt. I assumed she was jealous
and insecure of Diane instead of worried for her. Well,

(53:47):
you got to understand, optically, that's exactly what it looks like, though,
you know.

Speaker 4 (53:52):
Yeah, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
Just being honest, right.

Speaker 6 (53:58):
I deeply hurt her feelings, and I apologized, but she's
still hurt.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
And there is an edit.

Speaker 6 (54:04):
I got messages saying I was unclear on what Micky
was doing that made my wife so upset. So Mary's
mother would give Mary a hug and a kiss for
doing the dishes. For example, Mary would give her mom
a hug for making dinner or sewing up her clothes
since her mom didn't have much energy. When Mary had Mickey,
she would get him ice cream or a trip to
the park and ask for a hug in exchange. Now,

(54:25):
when Diane needed help getting in our house, Mickey would
joke that he would help in exchange for a kiss,
or he would help her at meals and ask for
a hug or a kiss. Then now, Micky would never
not help his wife if she didn't give him a kiss,
just like Mary wouldn't have denied him a snack or
a trip to the park as a kid if he

(54:46):
didn't want a hug. But it's triggering for Mary because
of her past. Mickey promised to stop making the kiss
as a payment joke, but not stop being affectionate with Diane.
I feel bad because Mary said I assume the worst
of her. Maybe it was the natural conclusion, but I
shouldn't have accused her and just asked her what was
going on. I mean, optically, that looks like exactly what

(55:11):
was happening, So I, you know, yeah, just say sorry,
saying I just didn't know that I don't know the
things I don't know, right, I.

Speaker 4 (55:22):
Only know what you tell me, and if you don't
tell me, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
And we've got some comments here.

Speaker 6 (55:28):
Comment one, This absolutely makes sense as a trauma response,
but speaking as an a survivor myself, maybe your spouse
should consider talking to a therapist to help unpack this.
The first panic attacks or irrational to the outside observer
responses are often just the tip of the iceberg, and
there's a chance a lot more of these issues will
start bubbling up. Your daughter in law's physical disabilities, being

(55:52):
similar enough to her mother's, could uncover a number of
triggers she may not have known about.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
A second comment responds.

Speaker 6 (55:59):
Your wife's story is so sad about her mom goes
to show you never know what's really going on with someone.
Your wife clearly has a lot of past trauma to
work through, and I'm glad there is open communication because
I assumed she was jealous too. Good luck going forward
and that is the end of that story. Well, I

(56:19):
guess that's why it's you know, it's valuable to not
make assumptions and instead sure ask, you know, for open honesty.

Speaker 4 (56:27):
That's why we like communication. People that's why we like it.
Yeay for communication.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Hey it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 5 (56:39):
My stepsister invaded my privacy, but I'm still the villain.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
You've got the twisty curly mustache, don't you.

Speaker 3 (56:47):
So.

Speaker 5 (56:47):
My mom passed away five years ago when I was twelve.
My dad remarried. About three years ago. His new wife, Stacy,
came with the daughter who's now twelve. I'm seventeen. Stacy
looks like she tried to be a model in a
small town catalog once and never got over it. She's loud,
but honestly, I just stay out of her way. I
don't have a close relationship with her daughter either, because she's.

Speaker 4 (57:09):
Basically her mini me. By the way, this comes from
Sam X Blue and I'm Angie.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
And oh P says.

Speaker 5 (57:21):
As for my dad, he has always been a keep
the peace kind of guy, even when my mom was alive.
He just hates any kind of confrontation, so he lets
people walk all over him, which means that he lets
Stacy and her daughter do whatever they want so, Yeah,
we don't feel like a family at all. Anyway, after
my mom passed away, I started journaling. It's the one

(57:41):
thing that helped. At first, I was writing letters to her,
just telling her about school and how much I missed her.

Speaker 4 (57:47):
Now it's just where I put everything.

Speaker 5 (57:49):
How much I can't stand stacy, dumb crap happening at school,
the fact I have a massive crush on this girl
in my chem class. They're literally my brain on paper,
and and I keep them in my desk drawer, never
out in the open. This feels like foreshadowing right.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
Now, foreshadowing on an elite level.

Speaker 4 (58:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (58:10):
So I got home around three days ago and I
hear laughing coming from my room.

Speaker 4 (58:15):
I opened the door and my.

Speaker 5 (58:17):
Stepsister and her friend are on the floor with my
journals spread.

Speaker 4 (58:21):
Out around them. She was reading them out loud in
a stupid.

Speaker 5 (58:26):
Mocking voice. She was reading a part about how I
was having a bad day and just wanted to talk
to my mom. They were laughing their butts off. Then
she flipped to a part about my crush and was like, ew,
she likes girls. I really don't even remember what I said,
because I just started screaming at them to get the
f out of my room.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Yes, these are very twelve year old activities.

Speaker 5 (58:49):
Yeah, my dad and Stacy ran in because her friend
started screaming. Literally she was too loud, acting if I
was going to unlive them or something. My steps sister
immediately started crying, saying that they were just joking and
that I was being crazy.

Speaker 6 (59:05):
We were just joking, invading your privacy and laughing at
all of your most intimate thoughts.

Speaker 5 (59:11):
Were just joking, laughing at you missing your passed away mom.

Speaker 4 (59:16):
That's all you monster.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
And then you killed. I can't believe you can't.

Speaker 3 (59:22):
Get scared, It's crazy.

Speaker 5 (59:26):
My dad just tells me that I'm overreacting and she's
just a kid and she doesn't mean any harm, that
I'm basically an adult and stuff. Literally, before I could
even explain myself, he already took her side. Then he
told me that I shouldn't have left my journals where
she could.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Find that ah goalposts moved yep.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
I was so pissed.

Speaker 5 (59:47):
I looked at him and said something like, of course
you say that. You haven't given a crap about me
or Mom since they moved in. Then I turned to
my stepsister and said don't ever talk to me again.
You're so effing and disgusting. Stacy gasped and dragged her.

Speaker 3 (01:00:04):
Sobbing daughter out of the room.

Speaker 5 (01:00:06):
My dad just looked at me with this disappointed face
and walked out. It's been ghostly silent in the house
ever since. They're all acting like on this huge monster
who needs to apologize, and kind of giving me the
cold shoulder. I know what I said was mean, but
I feel like she crossed the line that you can't
come back from. Am I the a hole? And there

(01:00:26):
are some comments, Yeah, but what do you think what you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Said was mean? Because you're a seventeen year old who
just had.

Speaker 6 (01:00:31):
Their diaries journals read by their stepsister, Yeah, making fun
of them. So, yes, this whole situation is like ridiculous.
Your parents are failing.

Speaker 5 (01:00:44):
Yeah, And I kind of feel like, Okay, if these
kids were like eight or nine, then like that would
be a little bit different. If they're like eight or
nine and they're doing this, and like, yes, they probably
did mean harm, but like, okay, this is a learning moment. Whatever,
liszt teach them that that's not good to do, kind
of like how you have to teach kids to be
gentle when they're petting an animal, you know, but like

(01:01:05):
they're twelve, twelve is old enough to understand.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
Making fun of people. That's whatever One's what they were doing.
They were old enough to know what's right and wrong.

Speaker 6 (01:01:15):
They will with the journals they found them in the drawer,
were not out where anyone could see it.

Speaker 5 (01:01:20):
It's like the scariest age is like twelve and thirteen
year old girls. They're terrifying because they know that and
they will make fun of you. So that's what it
was happening. It's not like they were like little children.

Speaker 3 (01:01:31):
No, they knew what they were doing.

Speaker 5 (01:01:33):
Come on, Yes, but we do have some comments. Commentary
number one says, not the a hole. Your dad is
your only parent left, and if he's not going to
stick up for you, you don't have any.

Speaker 4 (01:01:42):
Choice but to do it yourself. Is what you said?

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
A little mean? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:01:46):
Will it get your point across?

Speaker 5 (01:01:48):
Also, yes, therapy could help you guys as a family,
but everyone has to want to participate. Commentary number two says,
I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

Speaker 4 (01:01:56):
Not the a hole.

Speaker 5 (01:01:57):
In my book, stepsister had no business reading your journals
or sharing them with a stranger. Your family has no
apparent understanding of privacy or respect for boundaries. Tell your
father you want family counseling and respect for your personal boundaries.

Speaker 4 (01:02:10):
If he doesn't agree.

Speaker 5 (01:02:11):
Perhaps you can talk to a school counselor. You have
less than a year before you are an adult and
can legally move out, so start collecting important documents like
birth certificates, social Security cards, and any other documents you
take with you that might help you with school or employment.
Do you have any grandparents or maternal relatives that you
can reach out to. If so, you may be able
to store your private things with them to keep them safe.

(01:02:33):
That's an interesting comment. It feels a little much for
me to like make sure your social Security card and
birth certificates they're twelve.

Speaker 6 (01:02:43):
Yeah, I feel like I don't think they're trying to
do identity theft. I think they were just trying to
read your diary because they were like he he oh.

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
She's so weird and grow sash, she's so dumb. Yeah,
because they're twelve.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:02:57):
Like, if it's a really if it's a big.

Speaker 5 (01:02:58):
Enough issue to where you're like, okay, yeah, moving on immediately,
I need to get all this stuff because they're gonna
steal it and then I guess, but like.

Speaker 3 (01:03:05):
It just doesn't feel like where they're just yet.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
Yeah, and it's you know, it's not it's not.

Speaker 6 (01:03:09):
Uh, it's not easy to because you know, when we
read stories about like adults that act like irrationally, sometimes
we say it's like you got to just treat them
like a little silly baby. Yeah, and would you let
the words of a silly little baby affect you that much?

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
No, you shouldn't.

Speaker 6 (01:03:27):
So if your twelve year old stepsisters being a silly
baby and reading your journals and being like.

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
Oh just live belmit, she so grows blah blah blah.

Speaker 6 (01:03:36):
Right, you can be like, hey, you're breaking like my privacy.
That's unacceptable. Yeah, But like you can also be like,
I don't really.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Care at all what you think about me because you're
a twelve year old girl.

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:48):
I think the main issue is just that the dad
was like just not defending you at.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
All, exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:03:54):
The problem The issue here is the failure of the
parents exactly.

Speaker 5 (01:03:57):
But we do have an update from four days later. Hey, everyone,
hope you all are doing great. I want to start
by saying that I'm genuinely sorry for not responding to
everyone individually.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
How dare you?

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
Ope?

Speaker 3 (01:04:09):
How dare you? It's okay, but I.

Speaker 5 (01:04:12):
Read all of the comments and to everyone who reached
out in my DMS, you guys are great. Seriously, not
a whole lot has happened, but a few of you
asked for an update. So here it is first to
answer the questions I kept seeing. Yes, I have a
part time job and i'm saving up. The plan is
to move out the second I turn eighteen. And no,
my dad isn't a closet guard. He was actually just

(01:04:34):
really supportive when I came out a few years ago.

Speaker 4 (01:04:36):
Stacy isn't either.

Speaker 5 (01:04:38):
Surprisingly, honestly, I think her daughter just did it because
she wanted her friend to think that she was cool
for making fun of the girl kiss her.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
Lol.

Speaker 5 (01:04:45):
Anyway, after reading all your comments and making sure that
I wasn't actually a monster, I just decided to stop trying.
I'm not going to be rude, but I'm not going
to go out of my way to pretend that we're
a happy family anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
I just act the.

Speaker 4 (01:04:57):
Way that they deserve.

Speaker 5 (01:04:59):
Like two days after I posted, my dad came into
my room and was like, hey, we ordered pizza from
your favorite place if you want some. I just said no, thanks.
He looked genuinely disappointed and said that he'd leaves some
for me in the fridge.

Speaker 4 (01:05:11):
I felt kind of bad for like.

Speaker 5 (01:05:12):
A second, but then I remember that he's the one
who let this happen, so I don't care. He's been
trying to start conversations with me since then, but I
just give one or two word answers.

Speaker 4 (01:05:21):
And he eventually gives up.

Speaker 5 (01:05:23):
Stacy made her daughter give me the super forced apology
in the kitchen the other day.

Speaker 3 (01:05:28):
Interesting.

Speaker 5 (01:05:28):
She was just staring at the floor and mumbled, I'm
sorry for reading your diary.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
And being rude.

Speaker 6 (01:05:34):
Yeah, the classic like, so now.

Speaker 4 (01:05:39):
Hug each other. M yeah, that's always the thing.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
I just said thanks and didn't even look up for
my phone.

Speaker 5 (01:05:48):
The house is quiet now, which is a massive improvement,
to be honest. I'm just doing my thing, focusing on
work and getting out of here. I did go see
that new anime movie that I was excited about with
my friend yesterday and it was awesome. Anyways, thanks again
everyone for confirming that I wasn't losing my mind well
for real.

Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
It helped.

Speaker 5 (01:06:08):
And there are some comments coming to number one says,
sometimes you just need to match energy, give people what
they give you. Your family didn't treat you like family, so
now you don't have to do it for them. You
probably have read a bunch of Reddit aunts and uncles
now who are wishing you the best. If you remember,
please let us know when you get out on your own.
I was also one of the kids who left the
minute they turned eighteen two. It can be stressful and isolating,

(01:06:30):
but the piece it brought out weighed the bad immensely,
and there is nothing else but support from the comments.

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
But that's the end of that story. Okay, so you know,
not like really a solution.

Speaker 6 (01:06:44):
I guess well, I think it'd be really valuable to
open a dialogue with your dad, because if you don't,
then there's no way to you know, work through or
find any solutions or improvements. Yeah, I think being able
to just and again, you're seventeen, so it's hard to
be emotionally eloquent at seventeen, especially with your own family.

Speaker 2 (01:07:04):
But uh, just being like, hey, I don't like that.

Speaker 6 (01:07:09):
I just was immediately the bad guy because I was upset.
He's an upsetting situation exactly. And then you know, I
would hope that he would relate to that and say
I hear you, and you're right, Yeah, and I should
have been more equitable in the situation. But you got
to also, you know, I would assume that he's like,

(01:07:29):
he's playing that because he's like, I need my my
wife to be happy, so I'm gonna, you know, defend
her kids so I don't have to get it earful
of that later. Yeah, but you know, and that's still
not fair to you. Yeah, but I got to open
that dialogue.

Speaker 3 (01:07:44):
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 5 (01:07:45):
Yeah, maybe maybe be silent for a while if you
don't have the energy for it, but yeah, try to
try to open up a little bit, because you don't
want to. You don't want this to just be like
the end of your relationship. And I doubt it would
be either way. But but yeah, I think that's a
good idea.

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