I IGNORED my sister-in-law’s hurtful words for years…but this time I exploded! -r/AITAH |Reddit Stories

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.
But before you rock out with your socks out, I
got a quick tune in an ad break from a sponsors,
keeping the show rocking and rolling.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
I ignored my sister in law's hurtful words for years,
but this time I exploded.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
I can't teg out anymore.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
I twenty nine female, have been married to my husband,
thirty male for one year. We dated for two years
and were engaged for one so together a total of
four years. I'm a black woman and my husband is
Korean American. By the way, this comes from username and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia,

(00:43):
and we're here to give good advice Goofily, but we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the comments.
And Opie says, I grew up in Europe, moved to
the States for work after UNI and met my now husband.
At first, we were just friends. One of the girls
in my office introduced me to her friend group when

(01:05):
I moved here, since I don't know anyone anyway, my
in laws were very welcoming. My husband has a big
family and we got along well, which I loved since
I also come from a big family, being the oldest
of five. I love to cook for my family and friends,
so the first time I met his parents, I made
an effort to learn a little bit about their culture

(01:27):
and cooked some Korean dishes.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
That's so sweet.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
My husband wanted to host his family, so I agreed.
I asked him if I could cook, but he told
me we could just order some takeout. I told him,
absolutely not. My mother would disown me if she heard that.
The first time I met my in laws, I served
them takeout.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
Come to dinner.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Present were my parents in law, my husband's brothers and
their partners. My husband is the middle child, his older
brother is married, and his younger brother came with his girlfriend.
Dinner was coming to an end when my mother in
law told me she was happy her son found someone
and that she loved my cooking. I was happy until
my sister in law older brother's wife started making nasty

(02:10):
comments like she's probably not going to last, so why
make an effort to be nice.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yes, why, I hope your partners shut that down real quick.

Speaker 4 (02:19):
That's terrible.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Everyone heard the comments but tried to distract me.

Speaker 4 (02:23):
My father in law made.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
A joke about my sister in law's cooking skills in Korean.
I sneered and he noticed. He asked me if I
could speak Korean and I said yes.

Speaker 4 (02:34):
Ooh.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
I explained how I always loved to learn new languages
and that I lived in Korea for three years when
I was younger, when my dad was assigned to work
at our country's embassy in Korea. The hurtful comments kept
going for a long time, to the point I almost
called off my wedding.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
Whoa I mean yeah, I mean like, if they're gonna
keep going and your partner's bringing you around these people
that are for this person, that's I hope you're shocking down. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
It was affecting my mental health. And before you guys ask,
why not just go no contact. My husband's family has
a tradition to have family lunch every Saturday, and everyone's
presence is mandatory. Baby brother in law is getting married, Yes,
the same girl from when we met. I love them
both like they are my own siblings since my baby

(03:22):
sister in law doesn't have any family in the country,
and we actually became like sisters.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
She asked me to be her maid of honor. I
said yes.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
My mother in law to keep the peace, asked if
sister in law, the Devil's Spawn, could be in the
wedding party. She told baby sister in law that she
understood if she wanted to decline, but that girl is
such an angel and better person than me.

Speaker 4 (03:46):
I would have said heck to the no.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
Anyway.

Speaker 4 (03:48):
Fast forward to yesterday.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
At the bachelorette party, we decided to have dinner and
pre drinks at my house. We were all having fun
drinking when I noticed Devil's Spawn sister in law was missing.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Where didn't she? Where is she?

Speaker 4 (04:04):
I went to look for her and found her in
my closet.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
No.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
I asked her what she.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Was doing, and she said nothing and left.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
I literally would be like, turn out your freaking pockets,
little thief.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
You don't think she like messed with like a wedding
dress or the maid of honor dress or something something.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
I came back downing powder. I don't know. Hey.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
I came back downstairs and rejoined the party. The girls
asked me when I was planning on having kids, Just
as I was about to answer, Devils spawns sister in Lagos.
She's probably just waiting for her green cards so she
can divorce my husband, as in Opie's husband.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Literally, if your husband is there for any of these interactions,
he should be like get out hard, literally like get
out yeah, Or if he's not there, then you should
go down her. I was gonna be like, you're sister seven.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
With the booze and all the rage I'd been keeping inside,
I exploded. I told her nobody likes her. We all
tolerate her only because we adore her husband. I said,
she's just a bitter woman with a total of two
friends and a family that doesn't even want her around.
She got up to slap me. I grabbed her wrist

(05:11):
and told her to get the.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
F out of my eyes.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
Yes, good for you.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
After she left, we tried to go back to the festivities,
but no one was in the mood. I woke up
to a bunch of texts from my brother in law,
older brother saying he'd had enough of me bullying his wife.
What he said he thought I was a better person.
Blah blah, blah, I had have been very lied to.
I showed my husband the text Devil Spawn was sending

(05:38):
him and his brother. My husband called his brother and
told him to stop and that before making any judgments
he should hear both sides since.

Speaker 4 (05:46):
He knows who he married. Now, my parents in laws
have been.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Involved and scheduled a family meeting. What was supposed to
be a magical week for baby brother in law and
baby sister in law turned into a crap show because
I couldn't hold my tongue. So am I the a
hole for kicking my sister in law out of my house?

Speaker 3 (06:05):
No?

Speaker 4 (06:06):
No, nope.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
If she's good talk crap, then she gets out.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
Those are such horrible comments to say to people.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
Really, AWF, what bye? Why would you even want to
be here if you hate OPI so much? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (06:18):
You do, sound miserable, sister in law?

Speaker 3 (06:20):
Mm hmmm. Update.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
So we all went to the family meeting. My mother
in law started by thanking me and baby sister in
law for coming. She knew we did not want to
be there, but wanted us there for our partners. Devil's
Spawn and brother in law arrived. We all sat down
and my father in law asked me to start and
explain my side of things, since devil Spawn had made

(06:43):
her husband call his parents to tell them what I did.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
I told everything I'd been holding inside since the beginning.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
I explained that at some point I wanted to walk
away from my husband because I couldn't take it anymore.
Devil Spawn tried to interrupt me several times, but my
in law told her she could either shut up or
leave after me. Baby sister in law told her side
of things and that she knew my mother in law
wanted devil Spawn in the bridal party to make peace

(07:10):
and to get everyone to get along, but she didn't
want someone like devil Spawn near her wedding because she'd
find a way to make it about her and she
didn't want to be associated with a person like that.
My mother in law was shocked when I showed her
the text messages i'd gotten from devil Spawn. I have
most of the text she sent me over the years.
My mom is a judge, so she always told me

(07:32):
and my siblings to keep records of everything. Brother in law,
Devilspawn's husband, was very quiet. My husband turned to him
and asked, do you still believe your wife is the
one being bullied. He asked to be excused and just left.
Sounds like new devil spawn ran after him. Well, baby,
sister in law and brother in law's wedding happened.

Speaker 4 (07:54):
It was amazing. We had a great time.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Since they're only starting their lives now, they could only
afford a honeymoon in the country, so me and hubby
decided to surprise them on their wedding day. We pulled
them aside and offered them an all expenses paid trip
to Italy. His sister in law had always wanted to
visit day.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
That's nice. It's very good gift. Geez, all expenses paid.

Speaker 4 (08:23):
Oh on to the drama. Apparently we haven't hit the drama.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
What wasn't that the drama?

Speaker 4 (08:29):
Hasn't it been resolved? Isn't everything great? Last week, brother
in law devil spawn soon.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
To be ex husband WHOA called me and asked if
he could come over to talk to me and my husband.

Speaker 4 (08:40):
I said yes.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
He came over and explained he's getting a divorce. He
found out that Devil's spawn bullied someone in college to
the point the person tried to take their own life.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Oh my gosh, how does she rationalize that? Oh my God,
how do you rationalize that.

Speaker 5 (08:56):
I'm so glad that brother in law is not rationalized, like, oh,
I'm out by her parents cut her off when she
would make comments like that to the kids they fostered.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
Wow, brother in law told us a lot more. But yeah,
you guys get the picture. Brother in law moved out
and rented an apartment. Now devil Spawn thinks it's my fault.
She's gone so far as to show up at my
office and scream, has been following me and is getting
so unhinged that my husband has been taking me to

(09:27):
work and picking me up afterwards. We're in the process
of requesting a restraining order.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
Smart smart speats spart.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
There's a little bit more. But wow, who the worst?

Speaker 2 (09:38):
She sucks saying that not only to someone that like
the person that almost took their.

Speaker 4 (09:44):
Life because but to kids that you're fostering as well.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Wow, like you're a monster?

Speaker 4 (09:49):
She Yeah, fully, brother in law was married to a monster.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
I'm glad he's getting divorced though, And glad everyone you
know kind of is seeing her for who she is
and hopefully.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
Because it sounded like they kind of always did, but
for some reason, no one was stopping it.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
They said that the only reason that they keep around
is because they love the husband, so now maybe they can.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
But husband was in their family always, so I guess
they just had to tell husband yeah, and so now
he knows.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Come on, guys, and they can get rid of this lady.

Speaker 4 (10:14):
I'm glad we got there eventually.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Edit.

Speaker 4 (10:16):
Just to clarify a few things.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
My parents in law tried to stay out of it,
even though they did see a few things. They never
said anything because they didn't want to choose sides. They
never thought it was this bad. Both mother in law
and father in law have been apologizing since we all
sat down. I told them I understood why they didn't
say anything, but I wish they had. Then again, I
hate confrontations and.

Speaker 4 (10:40):
Let it go longer than I should have.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
For what devil spawn was doing in my closet, nothing
is missing, so I believe she was looking for my
maid of honor dress, which was at baby sister in
law's apartment. Thankfully, my husband wanted to cut off his
family for my sake, but I never allowed it. I
also come from a big family and not everyone gets
along all the time. I never wanted him to have
to choose between them or me, but he was always

(11:05):
on my side and spoke up for those saying this
post is all lies because we paid for their honeymoon.
Both me and my husband make good money. We normally
make a trip out of the country per year in
October to go see my family, and because it's around
my great grandma's birthday. We won't go this year because
we chose to use that money for baby sister in

(11:26):
law and baby brother in law.

Speaker 4 (11:27):
That's the end of that story.

Speaker 6 (11:29):
My mother in law pretended to like me until I
got engaged.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
Maybe she's still pretending.

Speaker 6 (11:34):
I've been with my partner for seven years and we're
getting married in less than a month. I've had a
seemingly fine relationship with my almost mother in law throughout
this whole time. I knew she didn't adore me, but
always thought she liked me and respected me. By the way,
this comes from I'm not a girl, Janet. If you
want to spe your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay streetime subredit I'm Riley.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
I'm keon with allergies, and before we.

Speaker 6 (11:56):
Get into the story, we're here to give good advice ruefully,
but we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we do know, so let us know what you
would do. In the comments below, Opie continues, during this time,
I've tried to build a relationship with her even though
we live in different states, such as sending pictures of
her son, checking in on her aging parents, etc. I've

(12:18):
also intentionally given up going to Thanksgiving with my family
because that's the holiday her extended family gets together over Christmas,
so I prioritize that as some background, we're all having
a small wedding fifty five people. Of those guests, fifteen
are of her family and would be from out of town.
We didn't want our rehearsal dinner to be half our

(12:39):
entire wedding once you include my family, so we opted
out for a small dinner with immediate family, plus a
welcome reception in the hotel lobby bar. Twenty dollars a
person for all guests.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
That's pretty great, Actually, WHOA not bad? I want that prize?

Speaker 3 (12:55):
Okay.

Speaker 6 (12:56):
Eight months ago, my fiance's family agreed to pay for
the dinner and the drinks. Because of the tradition, bride's
family pays for the reception and groom's family pays for
the rehearsal. That's how it's been in my family.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
I've heard that that makes a lot of sense. Q.

Speaker 6 (13:11):
This weekend, when her true feelings were revealed. We just
bought a new house and had her over to help
paint a few rooms, which she offered to do. While
I was out of the house, my fiance noticed that
mother in law seemed upset. He asked what was wrong.
She said, I'm not paying for the welcome drinks. Then
she proceeded to go on a rant about how she

(13:31):
is upset about a lot of different things about the wedding.
My fiance, of course informed me, so when I got
back to the house, I asked all of us to
sit together and discuss any concerns with the wedding. It
came out in this conversation that she thinks that me
including a dress code and suggesting what to wear for
the dress code on the detail card was a slight

(13:52):
at her family, as they are from more rural areas.
He was like, oh, you know, nice dress suit tie, yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Casual attire yeah, I mean not like casual, but like
business casual or like you know, yeah, I get that
little party.

Speaker 6 (14:06):
Weater tail attire. Yeah, of course it was not. She
didn't intend it to be a slight. She's also upset
that I suggested she wear a solid color to the wedding,
only after she asked me twice what to wear. I
said we had no color palette and suggested a solid
since it'll photograph better. And then it developed from there.
She went on to say that I'm controlling and never

(14:27):
asked for her advice. She continued to personally attack me
over thirty minutes, cussing the entire time. She said, I
never come for Christmas because I spend it with my family,
after spending Christmases with hers. She also got angry that
I didn't buy her preferred wine for this week and visit,
even though we closed our house a week ago and

(14:50):
we're working twelve hour days getting everything together. I did
buy groceries and had been making every meal for her,
but her wind was forgotten in the bustle.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
Does she want to carpet two? Does she want does
she want a horse drawn carriage?

Speaker 6 (15:03):
What's up with this?

Speaker 1 (15:05):
I don't know. I feel like it's like a lot
of things that just piled up, But even those things shouldn't.
This doesn't make any sense. Why she's getting so angry.
Yeah at op, like you don't get my favorite wine.

Speaker 6 (15:16):
Oh funny because you didn't tell me what you wanted,
and it just seems like a lot of little things.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
But also sorry, I've been a little busy. We just
bought a house.

Speaker 6 (15:26):
And I'm planning for a wedding.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
Mom.

Speaker 6 (15:28):
Yeah, mother in law.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
Also the getting barrage for thirty minutes, I would have
stopped at the two minute mark, not even one minute mark,
of like, Okay, this is we're gonna get nowhere with this.
We'll do this again in due time.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (15:43):
I also think mother in law is kind of sad
because the bride doesn't realize it's her day too.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
Oh no, she's giving away.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Your little boy.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
Oh no, what are you doing ov Oh how could
you forget?

Speaker 6 (15:54):
It's mother in law's biggest day.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
Yeah, it's her day. She's spending her money.

Speaker 6 (15:58):
By freaking win Bro. During the whole ordeal, she threatened
to not go to the wedding twice. I never raised
my voice at her and stayed calm, that's shaky, until
I was able to get to my sisters and cry
the hardest I've ever before. While I was at my
sister's I called my fiance to see what we should do,
and I heard mother in law in the background sobbing,
saying tell her to come back. I asked for thirty

(16:20):
minutes to regroup, and then came back to the house.
She was crying and saying how humiliated she was and
how she was sorry. I just calmly told her she
blew up our in law relationship before it even started.
During this phase of her crying, she was also talking
about how she was worried for her son because I'm
so controlling this whole time. He's trying to say that

(16:41):
I'm not and that we have a completely healthy relationship.
I guess I'm writing this post mostly to get everything out,
but also where do we go from here? I had
heard she could be this nasty, but she has always
been evenly pleasant to me. From her actions, it is
clear she does not like me nor respects me. I
told her I wanted her at the wedding and to

(17:02):
try to build a relationship because I will be in
her her life. I just don't know how to do
that or if it's even worth it. If you made
it this far, thanks for reading. We have some comments here.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
Honestly, yeah, it's you're dropping up the glass or the
mug and like you put it back together. It's all
you see the cracks. It's like, well, you strain the
relationship now, and we could move forward and be adults
and I will be in your life still. But you
said what you said, and boy, oh boy, I won't
just let that go under the rug. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
No.

Speaker 6 (17:31):
For some reason, mother in law doesn't seem like she's
getting enough tension, and she's doing all these things to
get that attention back on her.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Yeah, and it's disgusting, doesn't look right. Selfish?

Speaker 6 (17:43):
Yeah, yeah, selfish.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
And you should be happy, You should be welcoming. You
shouldn't be like, I want more, I want more.

Speaker 6 (17:51):
It's like, come up, what are you doing here? You
have one comment?

Speaker 3 (17:53):
You are correct.

Speaker 6 (17:54):
She doesn't like you. She thinks every decision you make
somehow about her. You can't fix that. Drink a certain beverage.
I'll probably bring it with me. She is a big
closet drinker or heavy drinker. Did she ask her son
to make sure her bottle of wine was ready or
you or just expect it? Why is whine your unknown assignment?
She sounds like she fights like a wasted person. Pay

(18:16):
for your own welcome mill. Fine. She doesn't need to
know a thing other than the time which her son
can tell her. Let her son manage a relationship with
her going forward. I'd block her from my phone and
start alternating thanksgivings, one at his mom's if he wants,
then one with his dad, one at yours, one at
home or travel. She gets a visit after Christmas if

(18:37):
you two want to, but never on Christmas. So in
twenty twenty five Thanksgiving at your house or your folks.
You'll maybe attend hers in three or four years. Who
cares if it's their biggest family. Think she doesn't like
your family, not your problem. Don't send a single picture ever,
don't buy a gift, don't RSVP to anything, drop her
from social media. She'd get polite and difference from me.

(18:59):
And if your husband wants to have her in your home,
all that work and planning is on him. Don't be angry,
be matter of fact with your spouse. His mom is
to manage. She doesn't get to treat you that way
and have it not have consequences. Telling someone to wear
a solid for a wedding is hardly an offensive act.
She's ridiculous. Set her back on her heels by telling

(19:20):
her nothing. She set her piece. She'll get it all
out fine, Good for her. Let her figure out she's done.
Crap the bed with you, Signed Mother of a Lot
of Boys. Obie says, this is really helpful because she
does not consider me family. I know this because my
fiance said we needed a family conversation. Well ended up
her yelling at me to discuss the concerns she was

(19:41):
having about the wedding, and she did say something along
the lines of why would my name be a part
of that? She did say something along the lines of
why would ope be a part of that? The family conversation.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
She's not welcoming you at all.

Speaker 6 (19:55):
She did not request any specific wine from us, so
it was an unknown assignment. Prefer dry, she prefers sweet,
and we just did not have any sweet wine. Thank
you for the perspective as the mom of boys. We
have an update.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
Wow, all those like tiny little nitpicks of like the color,
the way you want us to dress, like you didn't
pick my wine. I feel like those are beating around
the bush of like what does she really want to say?
And she's not. Oh, absolutely, if you don't like me
to say to my face, be honest, be straight up,
hold it up. But why are you saying like, oh,
you want me to wear a specific color? Like yeah, okay,

(20:28):
it's it. I seem like Opie had not really any
hard ask for a wedding that I don't know is
Opie's wedding.

Speaker 6 (20:35):
So yeah, I feel like there's like a good saying
around people that make up issues.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
Yeah, out of like thin air.

Speaker 6 (20:42):
Literally yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yeah, it's like, oh my gosh, how dare you not
read my mind for what I want? Because I didn't
communicate that with you, but I'm gonna use that against
you as a weapon.

Speaker 6 (20:52):
So yeah, yeah, Hi everyone. The post about how mine
now mother in law put me unexpectedly three weeks ago
before our wedding got a lot a lot of interest,
so I wanted to provide an update. I'm happy to
report that the wedding went perfectly.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
Oooh that's great.

Speaker 6 (21:07):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
Did she wear a solid color?

Speaker 6 (21:09):
Was it white?

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Oh? No?

Speaker 6 (21:10):
Mother in law made threats before the wedding of not attending,
and I had simply said that she was welcome not
to and never begged her to come. She did end
up attending, but we did not speak in between the
blow up and her arriving at the wedding hotel. I
think I mentioned this in the comments of my original posts.
But before the wedding, she texted me multiple times asking
me the colors of the wedding, and I said that

(21:33):
there were not any at all, but encouraged her to
wear a solid color since that would look more cohesive
in the family photos. She was yelling at me before
the wedding. She also yelled she would wear florals or
a pattern.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Oh no, oh no, you're gonna ruin the wedding.

Speaker 6 (21:48):
Hopefully they're not pretty, as long.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
As it's not white or red. I mean, at this point,
don't care, do your thing. My wedding's still happening.

Speaker 6 (21:56):
Again, I was non reactive and that was fine. She
did end up wearing a solid color, so she did
not live up to her threat.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
Again, I think mother in laws is full of empty
threats and like, oh, he's like, I don't care.

Speaker 6 (22:09):
All bark, no bite.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Literally across the entire.

Speaker 6 (22:12):
Wedding weekend, we may have exchanged fifty words in total.
I always made sure to greet her and especially her family.
She did say she was sick and was potentially skipping
the rehearsal dinner. She did not. All I said in
response was, oh, no, maybe you should be wearing a
mask then, since we were indoors, and she said she
thought it was the flu. She did end up going

(22:33):
to the dinner wearing a mask. She sat to the
side all night for the reception and did not enter
the dance floor. I danced with her nieces, but not
approach her. Unfortunately, I think she did poison us to
her siblings, as they were very stand offish to me,
and her sister's husband and aunt did not get us
a gift. We certainly did not expect gifts, but the

(22:54):
family always gives gifts in similar events. Oh well, I'm
more upset that her family thinks so poor me, splash
of us.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Now, if she is spreading rumors or like poisoning your
aunts and uncles or your what have you, any family
members or new family members that are coming in, I
think that's for your fiance or now husband to put
like their foot down and be like, hey, none of
what she's saying is true. You can listen to her
if you want to do whatever, but just know this

(23:22):
is why it's happening.

Speaker 6 (23:23):
Dude, if someone comes up to me stamp the office
at my own wedding with my wife, I.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Mean, just leave. If you don't want to be here,
go leave me.

Speaker 6 (23:31):
Being here is a present, thus is a gift, and
you're not gonna receive that anymore. That just lets me know, Oh,
I don't have to visit this person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
Can you imagine going to a wedding and just being
like a little I don't know, high schooler and being like,
I'm gonna stay in the corner and just not enjoy
my time. I'm gonna have the food, I'm gonna have
the drink. Yeah, but I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
look angry at.

Speaker 6 (23:51):
You because dev doesn't like you.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah. Literally, I don't know if you're really just there
to do that. Go somewhere else, Go spend your time
where you actually gonna enjoy it or be a.

Speaker 6 (23:59):
Better exactly, hope, he continues. Regardless of everything I've discussed above,
none of it mattered. The wedding weekend was absolutely a
dream for us. Moving forward, my husband and I are
going minimal contact. We're not reaching out to her and
only responding when necessary. I have decided not to attend
any holidays with his side of the family this year.
We'll see how it goes. If patterns hold up based

(24:21):
on the last blow up, I'll hear about all the
perceived slights from the wedding in another seven years. Oh wow,
Thank you for everyone for your responses on the last post.
You were very comforting and helpful for how to approach
the wedding weekend. And that is the end of the story.

Speaker 7 (24:36):
I want to lock my mother in law out of
our house because she keeps barging in.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
You know what, you should just lock her in.

Speaker 6 (24:42):
That's right.

Speaker 7 (24:43):
I thirty three female and my wife thirty eight female,
currently live with her mom seventy five female while we
save for our own place. We're grateful to be here
and try to be respectful, but we've hit a wall
around privacy boundaries and my mental health. By the way,
this comes from user veteran lurker forty two thirteen, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to

(25:03):
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
I'm Dakota, I'm allergies with Keon, and we're here.

Speaker 7 (25:08):
To give you some good advice. Goofy, but we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we would do,
so if you would do something different, let us know
in the comments. As op says, here is the layout
for context. My wife and I live on one side
of the house that includes an upstairs, two bedrooms, one bath,
and a downstairs with a living room. The only shared
common space is the kitchen. Our side was an add

(25:32):
on built before the house was purchased. Legally not separate,
but it functions like its own unit aside from the kitchen.
Her bedroom is directly down the hall from our living room.
My mother in law's side includes her bedroom, another bedroom,
two bathrooms, her living room, dining room, and she also
uses the shared kitchen from time to time. I have
two dogs. One is older and my retired service dog.

(25:53):
The other is a young puppy who is in training
to become my new service dog. He sometimes barks briefly
less than a minute in the morning after sleeping for
six to seven hours in his crate. We've been training
him consistently to minimize this, but mornings are hard because
it's the longest he's contained, and he's a good puppy
who holds his bladder for that long my mother in

(26:14):
law started complaining about the barking. At his age, It's
normal for there to be some barking, especially in the
early morning. However, I understand her concern, so to help,
we offered to pay for and install a door at
the hallway to create more separation and reduce sound. At first,
she refused, saying families don't put up doors.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
What well, that's a weird saying, right, I think it's walls.
You're looking for walls. The doors can open, doorsh can
open and close.

Speaker 7 (26:42):
She thinks that a door means she's unwelcome and acted
like it was an insult to even suggest one. After
a long talk, she agreed in theory to consider it.
And here's where it gets sticky. Even though this whole
thing started with the noise complaint, there are a few
more factors into wanting a door. I have PTSD from
my time in the military and childhood trauma including foster care,

(27:03):
and I've worked with my therapist to communicate how not
having a door and being surprised, overheard, or walked in
on without warning makes me feel unsafe in my own home.
We set two rules, announce herself before entering our living space,
a simple hey, do you guys have a second and
give us at least forty eight hours notice before any
guests or service people come to our side of the house.

(27:27):
She continues to break both of these. She'll walk into
our space without knocking or notice and immediately start talking. Recently,
she brought strangers through our area without telling us. She
walks her friends back into our side as part of
her tour of the house because of the renovations she
did while we were moving in. I have severe PTSD
responses to all of these and have had to make

(27:48):
commergency calls to my therapist. In any other apartment complex,
this would be illegal, so I've never had to deal
with this before. My wife and I are on the
same page and explain these issues before we moved in.
So I think given that you're living in your mother
in law's house, I mean, even though it's like an
addition in its sight, yeah, I think it's kind of
a thing where like, yeah, sure, legally, like if you

(28:10):
were renting from an apartment complex, it wouldn't be the same,
but like that's not really the situation you're in. I
think it should be made very clear how much this
impacts you to your mother in law and your partner
repeated multiple, multiple, multiple times.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Because it's a boundary, especially since you have a history
with this. It's not like, oh I don't like it,
or it's like okay, I mean, yes, boundaries are huge,
but this is like the PTSD and this is like
severe for you, and this happens regularly. It's kind of ridiculous.
So but again, it's the mother in law's house.

Speaker 7 (28:45):
Yeah, it's kind of like I don't know if how
much rent, if any, you're paying. I know you said
you're saving up for a house, So it's like it's
kind of just one of those byproducts of like living
in someone else's house. Yeah, essentially, and Op says I've
explained all of this and clearly again when asking for
the door and restating what we need. Her response, she

(29:06):
caught my PTSD, my issues and said she doesn't want
to change her house because the door makes her feel uncomfortable.
She also thinks the door wouldn't help with the noise
at all. She has now started texting me updates on
how good or bad she thought the night was, even
though nothing has changed. He barks a little right when
I get up because he's excited, but otherwise almost nothing.
While in the living room yesterday, she complained again, even

(29:29):
though there was no barking or crying at all from
either dog. He was playing with his rope toys. That's
the only thing I can think of that she could hear.
She keeps trying to make it about the barking, but
she has complained about being able to hear us in
the living room for different noises, even though we don't
listen to the TV super loud no speakers, just TV
speakers at level nine through twelve, depending on what we're watching.

(29:49):
This makes the door seem like a win win for
everybody in the house, which is true.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (29:54):
Sounds like you grandma doesn't understand how noise works, but
if you put up a door, it's gonna make the
noise go down.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
She don't like the door. She doesn't like the doors.

Speaker 7 (30:01):
The door can open.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
She hates the doors.

Speaker 7 (30:03):
Have you tried explaining to your grandma how the doors work?

Speaker 1 (30:07):
In introduced her to Jim Morrison first.

Speaker 7 (30:08):
Yeah, Now, my wife and I are seriously considering installing
a lockable door and enforcing strong car consequences like refusing
access to our space if we are giving proper notice,
which I don't think you should.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
I can do. Sorry, I again, it's just like it's
her house.

Speaker 7 (30:24):
Just focus on saving up for your own place and
get out of there.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (30:28):
Mother in law now says we are being cold and ungrateful. Yes,
we pay rent end electricity to her monthly. Am I
the a hole for wanting to install a door? And
there are some comments?

Speaker 1 (30:39):
Come at one.

Speaker 7 (30:40):
The problem is both.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
Sides are valid.

Speaker 7 (30:43):
Your issues are your issues and her issues are hers.
But as she owns slash leases the house, you can't
install something like that without her approval. Yeah, your solutions
are either moved to another apartment or accept her terms.
Perhaps explaining to her that you are looking for another
apartment with more privacy will make her think that she
would be unable to rent out your side to someone else,

(31:03):
even with a door, because who wants to share a
kitchen with their landlord? But you would need to be
willing to move out. Comment to says, how does the
rent you pay compare to rent for similar properties? How
likely would it be for her to rent an apartment
with no separating door and no kitchen? Does she actually
need the rent money? Do you help her with any
day to day living tasks that she needs to remain

(31:24):
in her home. You have no right to install a
door in her home period. It sounds like you and
your wife need to find another place to live now,
Opie says, we do pay less than getting an apartment.
I have no idea what stranger would be okay with
this arrangement, assuming that multiple people would possibly be renting
the space. We were originally in the detached edu. We
pay more for rent and utilities now that we are

(31:45):
in the main house. She doesn't need the rent money.
She's relatively independent. But we do help keep the place clean,
especially the kitchen, since I'm the one that uses it
the most. I take out the trash and clean the
backyard on a regular basis since the dog uses it
the most. I think some important context here is that
we would never install the door without permission. We talked

(32:06):
to her about it, of course, and we aren't just
going to do it without her approval. We simply offered
to pay for a solution to everyone's problem. This would
solve the noise issues on her end and give me
the sense of privacy that I need to feel safe.
We offered to pay for the whole thing that that
wasn't the issue. She took it as a personal attack
on her. The underlying thing here is that she probably
feels lonely, and she keeps saying we're family. This is fine.

(32:30):
Without the door, I'm literally just asking for her to say, hey,
do you have a second before walking into the living
room and asking questions or starting a conversation. She also
said that she shouldn't have to do that. The door
is an escalation of these simple asks. We have another update.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (32:46):
Yeah, it just sounds like your mother in law is
really not understanding of your own boundaries.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
But where's your partner in all of this? Like, yes,
your adults, but this is again, this is your mother
in law. But I feel like it's so hard because
you're like you're making requests. But again, it's at the
end of the day, I feel like she's helping you.
Guys out op say that they're paying full rent or
like a little bit like not, I.

Speaker 7 (33:06):
Mean they're paying less rent than they would be paying
it an apartment.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yeah, I feel like this is like you take what
you can get with this kind of thing, but you
like you can only ask for so much. It's just
like it's a hard situation because again with everything factoring
into it, but imagine just being a tenant and like
requesting your landlord for more and more.

Speaker 7 (33:25):
Well, yeah, it's like take all the other stuff out
of it.

Speaker 3 (33:27):
Just take it.

Speaker 7 (33:27):
It's like the relationship between you and your mother in
law and your partner that's their mother. It's like just
being like, hey, you know, why are you it's.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
Your landlord roommate. Yeah much, and you're.

Speaker 7 (33:37):
Like you just want to be like, this is my
my wife. She has these issues, and don't you want
my wife to feel comfortable and like not trigger.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Herd like that, I want to feel comfortable to my house.

Speaker 7 (33:50):
Well right, well, we're not asking you to be uncomfortable.
We're just asking you to just literally announce yourself before
you walk into the Literally that too much for me?
Such a small.

Speaker 1 (33:59):
Sweet I think it's that's not too much to ask
for me. You know, everything can be okay, Oh no,
because she has PTSD.

Speaker 7 (34:04):
Bum I don't think that's a thing, right, So it's
and then that's her proms.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
That's her problem, not.

Speaker 7 (34:09):
My problem, right, And then that then it just becomes okay, well,
I don't know if I'm gonna be cool with my mom,
just like not acknowledging my partner's PTSD. We have an update. Yes,
she knew about the puppy in advance. I asked her
about it months before I even looked for a breeder.
I asked her permission very far in advance. The only
time he barks in the crate is ten to forty
five seconds while I'm putting on clothes to take him

(34:30):
downstairs to go outside. Yes, we are working on this.
It has unfortunately become his morning ritual, so we are
working on trying to break it. I've been getting up
fifteen to twenty minutes early to catch him before he
starts barking, so that I can break the cycle and
he can learn to stay quiet and calm. Otherwise, he's
quiet after that, he doesn't cry or bark in his
crate otherwise for the rest of the morning, day or night.

(34:52):
My mother in law does renovations in the house regularly.
I would never put a door in without her permission.
I have a curtain up and a baby gate up
as a compromise, but she says that just that makes
her feel unwelcome and like a giant. Keep outside the
baby gate is to keep the dogs on our side,
and the curtains for privacy, to keep our light in
the living room out of her bedroom since it's down

(35:13):
the hall in the early morning. However, this curtain is
open most of the day so that she doesn't feel
like she can't come over. It seems a lot of
you think we're freeloaders, So here's some more context. Mother
in law asked us to move in after we said
we needed more room and we're looking at places. Mother
in law wanted to get rid of the other tenant
who was living there because they had issues and did

(35:34):
not get along.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
I wonder why the door might solve a lot of
those issues.

Speaker 7 (35:38):
She needed family to move in to be legally able
to do this. We were involved in all the renovations
while living in her living room for the first three
weeks we moved in. We pay rent. In fact, we're
paying twice as much as the previous tenant was paying
for the unit. It's still worth it and definitely not
complaining since it's still less expensive than getting a place
to rent. She wanted us close because she wanted family

(35:59):
in the house. We do not need to live here
since we were so involved in the renovations, like helping
move things and painting and driving to and from the
hardware store. I don't think the door request was all
that odd. Mother in law even specifically asked us to
live there at least a year so that everything would
be legal in case the old tenant checked up to
make sure she wasn't lying. And that's the end of

(36:20):
that story.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
We're gonna get back to these stories.

Speaker 7 (36:23):
But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that
keep the show alive.

Speaker 3 (36:26):
My parents wanted forgiveness after leaving me, and I couldn't
help laughing in their face.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
Ha ha.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
Our family has an interesting story. My bio mother's side
and biofather's side have two marriages between the families. One
of them is our bio parents and one of them
is between my bio mom's brother of fifty five and
my biodad's sister of fifty four. By the way, this
comes from Swapped Kids, and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Oak storytime
Separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and I'm Manngie and

(36:56):
we're here to give good advice. Goofy, but we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the comments,
and Opie says. My biomm Linda and Biodad Chris actually
met at my uncle and aunt's engagement dinner when both
of them were sixteen. Linda and Chris are still complete res.
My biodad was the troubled one of the family who

(37:16):
would have problems with school or work, and my bio
mom has had regular use issues. When they met and
started a relationship, both sides of the family tried to
break them up. They even sent them to different countries,
but they stole fifty k from their families, managed to
come together and ran away when they.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Were nineteen some some real Bonnie and Clyde people there.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
Indeed, they got married in a third world country and
had me, twenty five mail and my twin brother when
they were twenty one years old. They thought we were weight,
so they left us in the hospital and went to
another country. Luckily, they had checked in to the hospital
with their passports, so the hospital reached out to the embassy.
The embassy then found our grandparents, who brought us back

(38:00):
home and we were raised by our uncle and aunt,
since we call them mom and dad. My parents were
charged with child abandonment, but after ten years of being
mia the charges were dropped and our families also didn't
try to look for them. Two years ago, they showed
up at my dad's parents' house in a completely renovated look.
Turns out they had to finish their education, gotten stable

(38:22):
jobs in the country, started mental health treatments and had
been sober for nine years. They had basically put themselves together.
For the first six months, they only saw their parents
in public places. Then they were accepted into the houses
A year later. They met with us when we were
twenty four. Me and my twin brothers started to have
a relationship with them, and we are somewhat cordial right now.

(38:43):
Last week, the abandonment topic came up and Linda said
it was the hardest choice they had made. I started
to laugh uncontrollably after that, when they asked why, I
told them they had multiple choices to come back and
they didn't. I said our families right not to trust them,
and that they would always have eyes on them and
they should accept this. At this stage, Linda started to

(39:06):
cry and they left shortly after all the family except
my brother think I was being too cruel and that
I should apologize, but I think they had to hear
the unfiltered truth. Am I the a hole? And there
are some comments about bio mother and father's story, But
what do you think of ke on? Call you op?

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Yeah, as op, and I think we all agree here
you don't owe them the time of day. Again, they
abandoned you at the HOTNY four years. Yeah, these people.
You don't know these people, They don't deserve any of
your time. Again, these aren't your parents that you have
no relationship with these people. I would be like, it's
too little, too late, Mom and dad, where were you

(39:52):
for the last I don't know twenty four years? Literally,
Grandpa and grandma over there are there my mom and dad,
my twins and myself's mom and dad. So I don't care.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Yeah, and I think any of your family members who
are saying like you are being too cruel, you just
have to be like, Hey, you weren't the ones abandoned
by your parents, So I don't think you really get
to say and how we feel about this Bio mother
and father's story. From comments, they didn't drag themselves out.
They were dragged out by other people. I don't know

(40:26):
how or why, but a restaurant owner in Thailand really
cared about them, a restaurant owner and started the rehab
process by contacting our country and sending them back. Then
it was the rehab center. After that, the job placement,
and then the secondary schools. They openly said they were
doomed if he wasn't around. My family from both sides,
comes from a somewhat noble lineage, so both sides have

(40:49):
some unrealistic standards, and our parents' mental health issues didn't
favor them in the family. But Chris was a troublemaker
for the family and also for the community. He was
sent into board school at age thirteen due to excessive
troubles that he caused in school and at home, not
the classic ones. Police were called on him seven times

(41:09):
in a year, seven times. Linda still says she feels
empty without constant adrenaline in trouble. She still doesn't want
to stay sober from substances. She confessed this to my
brother while asking which medication to take to substitute the
feeling that spicy flower gave her. Wow, why but I
think she's staying sober for the job. Yeah, I mean,

(41:30):
that's such a complicated relationship of like this, you know
woman who says I'm your mom after twenty four years,
who is sober, but like, you know, part of the
reasons why she abandoned them is because of her substance issues.
Coming and telling him that, I'd be like, I don't
want to be around you.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
Hey, buddy, Hey, do you know any substitutes for to
help my craving? You know, I've been I've been really
craving for some substances, and I know you're kind of
like my son, but like not really. Yeah, do you
have any referrals? That's crazy, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
I still don't know if Chris is one hundred percent sober,
but he is passing well even if he's not. While
reading all this, my decision has started to feel justified
because I'm taking notes of important stuff that people have said.
I am on paid leave right now, so I'm reading
every comment. I will hear from them one last time,
but with the evidence and the stuff I've heard, I

(42:32):
possibly won't resume contact with them. And there are some
relevant comments delete it says not the ale. The thing
is they didn't even try to get you adopted. They
simply abandoned you. You and your brother could have simply
passed away there. Everything turned out fine for you and
your brother, but that's no thanks to them. They didn't

(42:52):
do anything to ensure you would be okay. It was
all due to the kindness of random foreign strangers. Info
Did they even know you were alive and with their
family when they came back, Opie says, I think they didn't,
because after we were born, both of them were pulled
into a rabbit hole of substances. My parents have worked
as bartenders in multiple Asian countries, and my father also

(43:14):
has been an actor in the corn industry. Okay, so
I don't think they have any ideas about our whereabouts.
And my father still works in the adult film sector.
He is not an actor anymore, but at a producer.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
Oh that changes working up.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
He's working his way out. My mother is working as
a head mixologist in a three star Michelin restaurant. Dang,
that's pretty Those are wildly different jobs and are lazy,
says the idea of a perfect family. My family has
spent decades trying to get people who never got along
to get along. Op says, Oh, I see I mean,

(43:51):
I understand the reason why my grandparents were having an
eye on them, because it is their children and they
failed on keeping them safe and raising them appropriately. But
I don't understand why the extended family members and my
mom and dad care about their feelings. Honestly, I would
have said good riddance. Magic, the maide says, not the

(44:12):
ale hard decision. They birthed you and left. They had
no intention of finding you again. Now that they have
their life together, they want cake and to eat it too.
Shrimp and shoefly pie. Yeah, those two fully intended on
those kids never being found and probably stayed away as
long as they did because the kids were with the families.
Thank goodness for the health providers at the hospital. OPI

(44:35):
and brother would probably have been lost forever otherwise, Op says,
our family has donated generous amounts of money to the
hospital after that, and we have visited there twice. The
doctor who has birthed us is currently the head physician
of that hospital, and we still send emails back and forth.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
Wow, cute and lovely.

Speaker 3 (44:52):
Delete it says info. Is there any proof of the
story of how your grandparents rescued you from a foreign hospital?
And if that actually happened, OPI says, plane tickets, the
letter from the embassy, the photos in the hospital, the
doctor's notes, We have tons of stuff. We also went
to Sri Lanka twice to visit the hospital, and our
grandparents made a discreet donation to the hospital. We also

(45:15):
still send emails back and forth. But the doctor who
birthed us my brother has actually decided to become a
doctor due to him, and he is currently in the
first year of his residency in neurology.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Wow, so cool. That's actually really cool.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
And there is an update thirty seven days later at
the specific number on the specific What do you think?

Speaker 1 (45:35):
I think again, op, I feel like you should have
a conversation with your your not your bioparents. Oh, maybe
you should, you could if you really owe him that.
But again, like I said earlier, you don't owe them anything. No,
but I feel like you need to have a conversation
with your grandparents and any of your family members that
are still like was in your life from the very
get go that are I guess slowly letting them back

(45:57):
in into your life. Your bier parents and'd be like
we I don't want to talk to them, or it's like,
I'll be cordial, but I don't have to have a
relationship with them. I don't owe them anything. And I
think that's not even an unfiltered truth. I think that's
just an honest truth. I think that's just how it is. Yeah,
And they should see how you feel and how they
make you feel, and you know, yeah, I think that's

(46:20):
just you need to have a conversation with them and
let them know how you truly feel, because it's very reasonable,
it's very understandable.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
It agreed. Thirty seven days later. Some stuff happened since
that post. First, my biomm and biodad are not allowed
to contact with me unless they want to go to jail.
A good friend of mine from high school is a lawyer,
and he advised me to prepare a cease and desist letter.
My main language is not English, but this is the
closest thing that Google translates. Said it in the legal terms,

(46:48):
and he did it for me without any charges, because
he said that's what good friends do. Dah, that's nice.
My brother is sad that I'm not even entertaining the
idea of a relationship, but he says it's okay. He
understands it. He just sees them from a different perspective,
the same perspective that he sees the patience he takes
care of. My mother and father weren't happy about the
restraining order and accuse me of being cruel and heartless.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
I'm sorry we accused you.

Speaker 3 (47:14):
Wow, I'm sorry. What I'm sorry? I'd be like, oh,
you're right. You know what else is cruel and hartless?
Abandoning your children for twenty four years?

Speaker 1 (47:23):
Boom snap.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
They said I'm being the embodiment of a demon, and
they said they will cut contact with me if I
ever put this plan into action.

Speaker 1 (47:31):
Good guess what, you guys cut contact with me? Perfect birth?

Speaker 3 (47:35):
Well remember that I think Opea's plan is to cut
contact with them, so it's kind of that's exactly what
he wants.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
So awesome with another twenty four years, right? Uh?

Speaker 3 (47:44):
I said, well consider this as our last talk then
and left their house. I am residing at my own
apartment that my grandparents gave me as a birthday present
on my eighteenth birthday, so no worries. It's in my
name and no one can touch it. We haven't spoken since,
and I doubt this will change in the foreseeable future.
My parents are too forgiving, and since childhood I was

(48:07):
told I'm being too vindictive. This still continues from their side.
My parents say I remind them of my great grandfather,
who ruined people's lives just because they did small things
wrong to him. I'm not going to try and argue
with that. My grandparents, though, they have understood my perspective
and they said they will respect my boundary, but they

(48:27):
also asked me to respect their boundary to have a relationship.
I said, of course, and we had an agreement. I
still love them so much, and I'm lucky enough to
have the compassionate parental figures that can understand where I'm
coming from. Other extended family members have divided into Most
of them think I'm cruel and they don't want to

(48:47):
have a relationship with me anymore other than being civil
around each other. And some of them still want to
protect the relationship we have. I can live with this.
I'm also back in therapy thanks to my brother. He
arranged a secon with a therapist and also an appointment
with a psychiatrist in his hospital. So I am currently
back in therapy and started to use antidepressants. It doesn't

(49:09):
solve all the problems, but it helps for me. My
life continues as my birth parents never showed up. I
go to work and have some me time on the weekends,
and spend some time with my friends whenever I can
find the time, and I go visit my grandparents once
every two weeks. They live next door to each other.
My brother is my next door neighbors, so we eat

(49:30):
most of the dinners together when he's not on the
night shifts. Those nights, I mostly find a guide to
spend some time with. And there are some relevant comments,
But do you have any thoughts before we finish this.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
Hot No, it's just a little exhausting that nobody, I
mean no nobody, but some of your family is kind
of not understand understanding why you're doing this, Yeah, which
is kind of crazy, Like, all right, you're no better
than them. You're no better than them. Do you remember
what they did when before we were even born? And
you're gonna forgive them like that? Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
They're still fifty thousand dollars. And I mean, you know,
it's good that Opie realizes, like everyone else canna have
their own relationship with Opie's parents, But Op doesn't have
to have that again. It's fine.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
It's for them probably it's like the what is it
the prodigal sun or yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
Yeah, like oh, they finally come home. We're welcoming them back.
But uh, OPI you do not owe them mats relevant comments,
affectionate Can says, so missing info. What happened that caused
a cease and desist slash for straining order to be issued.
Op says, due to the nature of the previous case,
by our country's law, I can ask for a cease
and desist letter, but that is not a straining order.

(50:38):
It's just a warning letter against them, saying if you
ever come close to me, I'll accept that as a
harmful act and I'll act according to that. Friend Lily says,
not the ale the majority of your family sounds toxic.
I'm glad you're in therapy and getting the help you need,
and I'm glad you have gone no contact with everyone
pestering you and calling you names. You're not a demon

(50:58):
by any stretch of the imagination. You are not to
blame for other people's bad behavior, and when you react
to protect yourself from that behavior, you are not wrong.
I'm sorry your parents and buy your parents are both
ignorant and hateful. So again, what change to cause OP
to want straining order delete it? Says reading the first post,
I wondered what the family was like if the biomom

(51:20):
got into substances at fourteen and the biodad had problems
as a teenager too. Figure, there was probably some toxicity
in the first place, And after reading the rest of
the family's reaction to op not wanting anything to do
with the adults who literally abandoned them in another country
without even trying to contact back home, I feel firm
in my stance that Opie's family sucks. Opie says, my

(51:44):
family comes from somewhat unknoble lineage in our country, and
everything is about the looks and how we're perceived from
the outside, So abandoning people who are the outcasts is
an option they are familiar with. So yes, they are toxic,
and the concept remittance men is a thing in our family.
My biome dad and biomem are not the innocent people here.

(52:06):
Their parents AKA and my grandparents have pushed all the
buttons to make it right, both by medical and emotional stuff.
But my bio dad is a diagnosed borderline, and my
mother is Type one bipolar who had a really early
diagnosis at age thirteen. I am also diagnosed with medication
resistant depression. I had TMS when I was eighteen years old,

(52:26):
so mental health disorders are genetically rampant in our family.
My brother is also Type one by polar. Our grandparents
tried to change a lot of stuff in our families,
but their siblings wanted the same stuff to continue, so
it didn't work. But they have raised me and my
brother according to their ethical codes, so they are the
ones we are looking up to. Our parents, unfortunately, were

(52:47):
heavily influenced by their aunts and uncles. Various tri says
not the Ale, Wow, your adopted parents cut you off
because you were too vindictive cutting contact with your bioparents
who abandon you. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Well,
I think it's totally reasonable for them and for your
brother to accept your bioparents back into your lives. It

(53:08):
is equally as reasonable for you to want nothing to
do with the people who abandoned you at birth in
a third world country. Stick to your pupews and enjoy
your life without them, and that is the end of
that story very nice, but yeah, I mean, you don't
know these people anything. They left you for twenty four
years and that's that. Yeah. Hey, it's John here. We're
gonna get back to the stories. Put a quick three

(53:30):
minute ad break from our sponsors that keep the show going.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
My boyfriend she did on me with my sister, and
I think our mother knew my sister, mama knew. I
twenty female and my boyfriend twenty nine male, who i'll
call Ray, have been together for about a year and
a half until recently. I always trusted him, maybe blindly
looking back on it, I started losing that trust a
few months ago when his ex Anna found me on

(53:54):
Instagram and sent me the dreaded hey girly text who Now,
by the way, this comes from user no Inspection twenty
five to fifty seven, and if you want submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time
separate it.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
I'm Keon, I'm Sophia, and I'm Angie, and we're.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Here to give advice gooefully. But we don't have all
the answers. We only know what we do, So let
us know in the comments what you would do, and
Opie says, Ray told me they broke up because they
wanted different things. But Anna told me they actually broke
up because after four years together, she found out he
had been cheating on her almost the whole time, with

(54:29):
no remorse.

Speaker 3 (54:30):
No no.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
Badwick kindled about a year before, and Anna thought that
he had grown as a person. They were considering getting
back together until he randomly ghosted her. She found my
account through his and pieced together from our photos that
I was the reason he ghosted her. She provided screenshots
with time stamps and all during the same time frame.
Ray and I started talking. He was talking to us

(54:53):
both up until the same day he hasked to make
things official. I confronted him with this almost immediately. He
was honest, but I think only because I had the
proof right there. He admitted he was talking to both
of us and another girl because he was single and
he had the right to.

Speaker 3 (55:11):
Oh man, wait wait wait did it? Okay? Wait? Wait,
what does he mean by single?

Speaker 1 (55:16):
When yeah, I was gonna see yet because he was
he was talking with his again. Rekindled ex Anna talking
to O P. And there was a third.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
But at one point in the relationship. You know, we
don't know, Okay, Okay, he says he was single.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
Yes, is that true? I don't know. When I pointed
out that I told him I wasn't talking to anyone
else very early on, he got defensive and said I
was making this out to be something it wasn't. The
fact that he brought up cheating first is telling to me.
Now I know he didn't technically cheat on me, but
it still feels disrespectful. This opened my eyes to red

(55:53):
flags that kept popping up. I still love him despite
how stupid that sounds, but I need other onions because
I feel crazy. Okay, I think that's just a little
pretext of who Ray is.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
Yay, yeah, yeah, he doesn't seem like a great guy. No, no, no,
in the context of, like, I know, it's not technically cheating.
I guess it depends for me how long you guys
were going out when he was doing that, because it
was like, you know, first couple weeks or something that's
kind of usually when people are talking to multiple people.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
I agree. I also think depending on where you both
stand and when you guys like Drew, I guess not
just like what are we kind of thing, but like, hey,
I'm not gonna talk to anyone, are you going to
talk to anyone.

Speaker 3 (56:36):
If you guys said that, it would be very valid
of you to be like, I feel disrespected.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
Yes, yeah, I think again, it's you can't. It's again
you're giving him like a little bit of leeway, Like yeah, okay,
if you guys weren't official, it makes sense. Yeah, still
not the best thing to do, but yeah, it's on
a technicality kind of thing.

Speaker 6 (56:57):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
My sister, a twenty five female who all Jane, went
through a nasty breakup three months ago and had to
move back home with my parents. Instead of hiring a
moving company, she asked our brother to use his truck
and have the family helper move. I felt like we
needed more help, so I stupidly invited Ray to come
help us. Ray had never met my sister before, but
as soon as they started talking, I felt like a

(57:20):
third wheel. Oh. I ignored it at first and tried
to convince myself I was glad they were getting along,
but the way he looked at her when we left
that night filled me with jealousy. Less than a week later,
it got weirder.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Oh, Ray made a comment during a date night about
how mature my sister was. His sister twenty five.

Speaker 3 (57:43):
Okay, okay, well, dude, don't date a twenty year old
if you wanted to be more mature girl.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Anyone who talks to this woman can tell she's the
opposite of mature. So I know this was some type
of dig because I've always been self conscious about our
age gap. My mood was ruined because it made no
sense why he was even thinking of Jane. I tried
to end our night early, but he followed me around
his apartment, yelling that I was acting insecure and I

(58:09):
didn't trust him. I let it slip that I hadn't
trusted him for a while, and he asked what the
point of our relationship was if I couldn't trust him.
After some back and forth, I ended up leaving because
he wouldn't stop. I went to my parents' place because
they were closer. My mom was curious why, and I
broke down and explained everything to her, minus the Jane details,

(58:30):
because I knew she would be listening. I was a
crying mess by the end, but my mom said she
thought I was being paranoid. I called her a and
he did pick up quickly. I told him I was sorry,
but looking back, I wasn't the one who needed to apologize.
Jane even came down and comforted me, which is rare
because she usually only cares for herself. I should have

(58:51):
seen this as a sign. For a while, everything was okay.
After when I got back to his place, he apologized
for a yelling and said he hated seeing me leave.
He even asked me to move in with him. I
was stupidly considering saying yes. Everything felt too good to
be true, and I was tired of feeling crazy, so
I started trying to accept that I may have paranoia issues.

(59:12):
Then everything was basically confirmed for me. Uh oh. In
the middle of the night, like a month and a
half after Jane moved back, almost four am, Ray was
on the phone with her No Ray, Ray Ray. I
caught him in his living room whispering into his phone.
He didn't even try to hide it. He admitted that

(59:35):
he and Jane had been talking for weeks and were
becoming close friends.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
You stop, pause, stop it stop.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
I'm going I can't even go home. Ope, he can't
go home because guess he was there, Jane.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Jane.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
Huh.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
He said he didn't tell me because he knew how
I would react, and was worried I would think the worst.
Hearing him say that felt so demeaning because it told
me he knew how I would feel. But he did
it anyway. I was too angry to have a conversation,
so I locked myself in the bedroom until it was
light out. I was ignoring him and Jane, who spanned

(01:00:12):
my phone with explanations. As soon as I could, I
left his apartment with as much of my stuff as
I could carry. I vented to my mom about this
on the phone, only to find out that it was
my own mother who gave Ray's phone number to my
sister that night.

Speaker 5 (01:00:27):
Mama, Mama, No, Mama, Ama.

Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
The night I crashed at their house because she apparently
wanted to get to know him better.

Speaker 3 (01:00:40):
Mama.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
My mom keeps saying she's being a good sister and
looking out for me, But.

Speaker 3 (01:00:46):
I'm not that. You can't be, Mama.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
The timing is too weird. She finds out my boyfriend
has a history of cheating, and that's when she wants
his number.

Speaker 3 (01:00:58):
She's like, that's crazy. See should we tested? Now? Should
we see if you do?

Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
Let's let's test him. Let's put him to the test.

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
I volunteer you're welcome, uppee.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
If she truly was just trying to make sure he
was good for me, she wouldn't have felt the need
to go behind my back. For context about how my
mom acts towards Jane, my sister has always been spoiled
or otten. She's my parents' favorite and didn't hear the
word no from them if they could help it. Even
though Jane is one of the rudest people I know,
my mom still sees her as a widow baby. My

(01:01:33):
mom keeps trying to get me to accept that she's
just going through a hard time and needs a good
friend like Ray who can take care of her.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
Go find a different friend. Actually, op, he go find
a different boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
Ohp he go find a different family.

Speaker 3 (01:01:48):
Yeah, let's just start all over.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
That just makes me more livid, because why should my
boyfriend be responsible for my sister's problems.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
He shouldn't.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
She's a grown adult who could go to The Last
week was my final straw. I found out through my
brother that Ray and Jane have been regularly meeting up
at bars for weeks. Oh oh boy, even after the
big fight about their late night calls, and he's been

(01:02:21):
going on what Jane calls friend dates.

Speaker 2 (01:02:24):
No.

Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
The charyotop of this is that she specifically told my
brother not to tell me.

Speaker 3 (01:02:31):
You guys are the worst. Your old family sucks.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Except for up and your brother, because apparently your brother
told me told you almost immediately got brother your brother's chill.
And this is when I finally broke there's no good
excuse for my boyfriend to be regularly seeing my sister
behind my back, so I confronted them. I waited at
my apartment and called them both to come over. The

(01:02:55):
looks on their faces when they realized they were both
there made my stomach churn. I didn't mention knowing about
their dates because I wanted to see if they would
dig themselves into a hole, and that's exactly what they did.
They both said they barely interact off the phone, and
when they did it wasn't planned interesting. I let them
say their whole spiel before dropping. So you ended up

(01:03:16):
at the same bar multiple weekends in a row for
friend dates on accident. When I used her own words,
I saw on her face that she knew I knew.

Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (01:03:28):
They tried to say it was nothing weird, and both
adamantly denied anything happening during those dates, but I feel
it in my gut that they're like, yes, I feel
in my gut that they're lying, since they can so
easily lie about everything else. Ray said they were just
hanging out as friends, but once they lied to my face,

(01:03:48):
I knew they were more than friendly hangouts. Even if
nothing physically happened, He's at least emotionally cheating on me
with her. They made me feel like I was going
crazy paranoid girlfriend while manipul and he had the nerve
to ask me to move in with him while doing this. No,
I haven't spoken to either of them or my mom since,
because I can't help but think my mom knew. What

(01:04:10):
hurts most is that had Anna not told me he
had a passive being a cheater, I would probably be
thinking he's such a nice guy helping and befriending my sister,
and they all would have let me stay in the dark.
They haven't stopped trying to contact me, and I've gotten
multiple voicemails from my mom that I'm sure are defending them.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.
I didn't technically break it off with Ray, and don't

(01:04:32):
know how do It's very easy Opie, Yep, you say
we're day.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
Ray, we're over ray. Yeah, and your since you're overrated.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
Oh, she's on one of the day ago.

Speaker 3 (01:04:47):
Yeah. Man, can't stop, can't.

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
Stop, can't stop, won't stop.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
M M.

Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
I fully believe he was trying to trap me by
asking me to move in, and now I'm honestly a
little scared of what else he could try. My brother's
said he would gladly break it to him for me,
but I don't know if that's the mature thing to do.
I keep having to beat myself up mentally for missing him.
Am I jumping to conclusions like my mom thinks or
does it seem like he's emotionally cheating with my own sister?

(01:05:14):
And we have an update, Sophia.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
He seems like he's cheating with your sister. That's kind
of my own laith thought.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
I'm sorry, yeah, I mean yeah. Who's having four am
conversations like oh.

Speaker 3 (01:05:28):
My god, I'm cheating with your sister and you should
break up with him.

Speaker 1 (01:05:31):
We shouldn't be doing this.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
She's sleeping in the other room and he's like, I
can hear you, guys, now she can Who is that,
don't worry about it. Don't worry. Uh yeah, Op, you
just gotta break up, break this off man. You'll find
someone way better than this twenty year old, twenty nine
year old weirdo.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
Yeah. Ough, we do have an update. I decided to
cut ties with Rayo nice, and I've gone no contact
with my sister and my mom. Let's go opee spring
cleaning nice. The day after I posted my initial story,
I took some advice and broke it off with Ray
through a careful text that said more or less, I

(01:06:12):
don't believe nothing happened between you and my sister, and
I won't say in a relationship with someone who would
break my trust like that, even if nothing happened. You
lied to me about seeing her, went behind my back
to be with her, and hurt me all for someone
you barely know, someone I'm supposed to be able to trust.
I don't want you to call or text me, and
I don't want to see you again. My brother will

(01:06:34):
be coming to get anything of mine you still have
when he can. I wanted the text to be direct
so he couldn't try and twist my words, but he
still responded, saying he only wanted to be with me.

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
Well you can't.

Speaker 1 (01:06:47):
I'm sorry sorry that he was. Sorry he hurt me
and didn't mean to break my trust. I silenced his
contact and put my phone on do not disturb, but
I know he's still be texting. I'm following advice not
to welcome fully, just in case he goes too far
and I need documentation. My sister shut up at my
apartment unannounced after this, and I'm positive he told her

(01:07:10):
about my text. I talked her outside because I wanted
to see if I can get more information, but didn't
want her in my apartment. While she was begging me
to forgive her, I said I would if she told
me the truth, and I was pretty much right. She
confessed that they both talked about being attracted to each
other and about what they would do together if I
wasn't in the picture on those late night phone calls.

(01:07:32):
The farthest it went was talking about getting a hotel
room for a weekend to act on this, which he
claims Ray shot down. But I don't believe that. Isn't
that crazy? Isn't that crazy? They talked about it, yeah,
but he shot it down. So he's a good guy, right.

Speaker 3 (01:07:45):
I don't really care about Ray or your sister anymore.
We've cut them off.

Speaker 1 (01:07:50):
Cissy, Cissy, I said, we wanted to do things behind
your back. But you know what, he's a good guy.
He didn't want to do it. He said, he only
wanted to, but he didn't do it.

Speaker 3 (01:08:01):
Only I have betrayed your trust.

Speaker 1 (01:08:02):
He only said it in words.

Speaker 3 (01:08:03):
You're welcome.

Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
Gross, She said. Nothing physical ever happened, and they went
on those friend dates to live out a fantasy they
were never going to act on, which I think is bs.

Speaker 3 (01:08:13):
That's you acting on it. You literally acted on it.
I would be like to live at a fantasy of
you acting on it. You acted on it, You lived
out the fantasy. You literally said you lived out the fantasy.

Speaker 1 (01:08:26):
Ah boy, I'd honestly at this point, I'm like, you
know what, go live out your fantasy. Yeah, I broke
up with him.

Speaker 3 (01:08:32):
I mean, oh he already has.

Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
Yeah, I broke up with him. Go live out your fantasy.
I want to be with him. Really confirm your fantasy.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
Do it?

Speaker 3 (01:08:38):
You got it?

Speaker 1 (01:08:39):
She said she was the one pushing for them to
go further, but he never crossed the line. But I
don't care. They were leading up to cheating physically if
they have it already and in my eyes, already did cheat.

Speaker 3 (01:08:50):
Yeah, I agree emotionally Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:08:53):
They were so close yet so far, but they did.
They were basically spicy texting while I was asleep in
the next room, and her trying to justify that makes
me feel sick. I told her I was likely not
going to talk to her ever again, and she went
from begging to being angry and calling me a liar
almost immediately, so I just went back up to my apartment.
I also finally listened to my mom's voicemails and they

(01:09:15):
were in fact defending Jane, not me. Shock wow. I
called her, told her that Jane admitted and asked if
she knew. She said she didn't know and thought they
were really just friends. But still thinks I'm being too
hard on Jane. She thinks I should be more angry
at Ray since he made the commitment to me and

(01:09:36):
Jane will be my sister for life. What is that mindset?

Speaker 3 (01:09:40):
It's a pretty bad mindset. Jane is the one who
literally tried to get Op's boyfriend to sleep with her.

Speaker 1 (01:09:46):
Yeah, I believe her that she didn't know about everything,
but I can't even find the words to describe how
I feel about her, expecting me just to forgive Jane.

Speaker 3 (01:09:55):
Just drop them, drop them, drop them. Yeah, the no,
I get rid of these people. They suck and they're
cheaters and they don't care about you.

Speaker 1 (01:10:06):
All disgusting. This is really really But also.

Speaker 3 (01:10:08):
I do want to say, like, props to Opie because
she's twenty. Yeah, and in a lot of these stories
with a lot older people, you'll have people who are like,
I didn't cheat on you. No, like I didn't cheat
on you gas like gaslight as light, and the op
will be like, well, you know, they're saying that they
didn't cheat on me, so like I can't just leave
with no concrete proof or evidence, and you know, they

(01:10:31):
feel bad, and he's just like, no, I don't you know,
maybe you didn't physically cheat, but you mostly you did,
so I'm out of here.

Speaker 1 (01:10:37):
Yeah yeah, no crazy even when you caught them and
they're like, no, we're just we're just really good friends.

Speaker 3 (01:10:43):
Yeah, props to up.

Speaker 1 (01:10:45):
Good for uop, But let's go ahead and finish up
the story. I haven't spoken to them since, but they
brought the whole family into this to try and convince
me to reconsider. I made it clear to them that
I would also be going no contact with anyone who
tried to convince me to talk to them before I'm ready,
and my brother helped back me up on this. Heck, yeah, brother.
My brother has been very supportive and it's probably all

(01:11:07):
that's going to get me through this. He plans to
go to Raise tomorrow to get some stuff I left
there and is actually going to be staying with me
because I have a spare key to my apartment at
Ray's place. We're both ready to call the cops if
he tries to keep even one thing from me. Some
comments were the harsh punt I needed to realize I
needed to stop doubting myself and that I was acting
into the exact parts of myself he manipulated and maybe

(01:11:29):
sought out when getting with me in the first place.
My brother has always been one of the best people
I know and is my best friend. Our sister has
kind of always been our biggest bully, so he knows
how she can be and even he's surprised she went
this far. He also agrees with me they might be
more together than they're saying. He never liked or trusted
Ray and didn't like us dating because of the age

(01:11:51):
cap long before I realized he's a piece of crap
and I should have considered that a while ago. And
that is the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (01:11:58):
And there you go, folks. Yeah he's a piece of poop.
Get rid of him, Get rid of your sister, of
your mom, keep your.

Speaker 1 (01:12:07):
Brother, get rid of anyone who again. Get on your
brother who's like, yeah, that's wacky, that's crazy. Whoever whoever
backs that up? Whack.

Speaker 3 (01:12:15):
Yeah, that's all you need, your brother.

Speaker 1 (01:12:17):
Yeah,

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