I invited my EX fiancée’s father to my wedding… even though she cheated! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2345 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and.

Speaker 1 (00:04):
We have some rocking stories for you coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
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Speaker 3 (00:14):
I invited my ex fiance's father to my wedding, even
though she cheated home. I was with my ex fiance
for five years. When we were just months into our relationship,
I lost.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
My dad in a car accident.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
By the way, this comes from user opening Pitch seventy
thirty ninety three, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separated.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
I'm Dakota and I'm Riley. Happy Birthday, Yeah, happy birthday.
The other one women yay different Riley.

Speaker 4 (00:43):
Come back in January and I'm Keon.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
And we are to give good advice.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Gooofully, But you know we're not geniuses who know everything.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
We don't. We don't have all the answers, guys. Come on.

Speaker 3 (00:54):
He was the only parent I had left since Mom
passed away when I was twelve. From my dad was
always a good guy and a great father, but ever
since Mom passed away, he stepped up big time for
me and became the best dad he could be, even
while struggling with mom's passing. He never dated after her
because he always said she was the love of his
life and that he would rather pass away alone than

(01:15):
be with someone else. He also heard too many horror
stories about stepmoms and didn't want anyone interfering in my
relationship with him, So losing him when I was twenty
two and had just graduated college was tough on me,
but my then girlfriend, Emily's family took me in as
one of their own. Her younger brothers treated me like
a brother, and her parents treated me like a son,
especially her dad George. One night after dad's funeral, I

(01:38):
was over at Emily's house. I sat at midnight with
her dad alone on their porch, and I just cried.
I talked about my dad, and George just listened to me,
comforted me, hugged me, and let me cry on his shoulder.
He told me it was going to be all right,
and that they were all there for me. Ever since
that night, he treated me like a son. He even
took me out to do things just the two of us,

(01:59):
and he always called me son. He was still a
great dad to his kids, but I felt he went
the extra mile to make me feel included in love,
which I deeply appreciated. I even started calling him Dad
sometimes out of respect and love, which I knew made
him proud by the look on his face whenever I
said it. I still loved my Dad and always will,
but I loved George nearly as much. When I finally

(02:19):
decided to propose to Emily, I asked George for his permission.
He accepted, shook my hand, hugged me, and told me
to always take care of his little girl. He said
he was happy for us and gave me his blessing,
which Emily accepted. He offered to pay for our wedding
as a gift, which I was grateful for and we accepted.
But just months before the wedding, I found out Emily

(02:41):
was cheating on me for well over a year. She
was planning to marry me and then divorce a few
months later to.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Screw me out of the house.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
My dad left me so that she and her a
fair partner, could move in together.

Speaker 5 (02:55):
We rely having to cling on to what I just said.

Speaker 6 (02:58):
I was like, it'll be okay.

Speaker 5 (03:00):
We have these funny goofs and then immediately got slammed.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
I called off the wedding.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
Thankfully, nothing was in her name yet and she never
lived with me, so she had no rights to my
house or assets. I had hundreds of messages between her
and her partner discussing how they were going to screw
me over, and I showed her family. They were upset
and angry with her, especially her dad. He personally came
over and apologized for what she did. I told him
it wasn't his fault and it didn't change how I

(03:25):
saw him. We tried to remain close, but my ex
demanded that they all cut contact with me or she
would cut them off. Her dad called me one last time, sadly,
saying he had to cut contact because.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
She was still his little girl.

Speaker 3 (03:37):
I thanked him for everything, told him I still loved
him and his family and asked him to tell them
all goodbye. He wished me a happy life, and that
was the last I officially heard from them, but that's.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
What his family thinks.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
In reality, George and I secretly stayed in contact, not
as much as before, but we checked in every once
in a while. He genuinely loved me and I loved
him back, and at that point it had nothing to
do with his daughter.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
He was like an uncle to me.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
It's been three years since we broke up. I've moved on,
and months later I started dating one of my closest
childhood friends, little sister, who is a widow and a
single mom of two beautiful little girls. Her brother pushed
us into it, saying we'd be perfect together. Her late
husband had passed away five years ago in a car
crash while she was.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Still pregnant with their second daughter.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
That connected us even more since I lost my own
dad in the same way. The youngest wasn't even born
when it happened and is still too young to understand.
But the older daughter is nine years old and she
remembers her dad, and she often talks to me about
how much she misses and loves him. She asks whether
he's in heaven, and I always tell her, of course,
he is looking down on her and proud of her

(04:41):
and her sister, and that always makes her so happy.
Two months ago, with her father's approval, which is a
cultural thing here, I proposed to her. She said yes,
and we kissed and cried. The girls were with us,
flapping happily and excited for us. We've been planning our wedding,
which is next month, and finalizing our guest list. Honestly,
I want to invite Joy because he stayed in contact

(05:01):
and was supportive of me when I got with my.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Fiance, But I know it will cause drama. Still, he's one.

Speaker 3 (05:07):
Of the few people left that feel like family to me,
and I want him there. My fiance is completely aware
and supportive of our relationship and says it's up to me.
Would I be an a hole if I quietly invited
just him or would it be too far and awkward?

Speaker 1 (05:21):
And there are comments, but I would confidently.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
Say no, You wouldn't be the a hole for inviting
your dad, essentially your surrogate father.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah to your wedding.

Speaker 7 (05:32):
Yeah, I'm in the same boat.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
Do it because what his cheating daughter will be upset
about it?

Speaker 1 (05:36):
Two dogs life.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
Absolutely think you should invite him, but I would tell
him first and ask him where he wants you to
send the invitation, maybe to avoid drama. He wants it
sent to work or somewhere else. You don't mention his wife,
but it's standard good manners that you invite spouses, so
she would be included in the invitation. It's up to
them to decide if they accept and if they both
attend or only one does. I wish you only the

(05:57):
best congratulations on your upcoming marriage, OHP, He says, thanks.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
Bad's probably what I'm gonna end up doing.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
His wife was so nice and sweet to me, and
he always says she asks.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
About me sometime.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Tall Charge forty one to fifty says, Ask George, tell
him you want him there, but you understand he has
to put his family first. Ask him to come, and
ask him if it is appropriate for an official invitation.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
He sounds like a wonderful man.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Oh P replies, I already talked to him and he
said he'd be honored to come, but would also understand
if I don't invite him. Cultural Surprise twenty nine to
nine says, I don't understand the point of your post.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
You already talked to him.

Speaker 3 (06:36):
He said he'd be honored to be there, asked and answered.
Oh P says, On one hand, I want him there
because he's the closest thing I have to real family.
I don't have uncle's, aunt's, grandparents or parents. And on
the other hand, this might start drama. Little Taipan ninety
seven sixty two says, looks like he already answered that
concern in your comment above when he said he'd be
honored to come. I think he understands the risks, sees

(06:57):
you as a son I would love to attend, but
doesn't want a pressure you, probably because your fiance may
be uncomfortable with your ex's family coming to your wedding.
Since she understands and supports you, invite him, Tell him
you understand if he can't make it for family reasons,
and leave it at that. Good luck, and I'm glad
you two have kept a relationship going, even if it's
not as frequent. You obviously mean a lot to each other.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
He's a great guy.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Pretty Much all of you suggested I invite him and
just see what happens, and honestly, that's what I was
planning to do. You all just gave me the courage
to do it, and I did it. Early this morning.
I texted him good morning, and when he responded, I
asked whether we could talk.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
On the phone. He said of course, so I called him.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
After some small talk, I told him that he was
under no pressure and that it was completely up to him,
but I'd love for him to be there at my wedding,
not just as some guest, but as a close family member.
I told him that the invitation was open to him
and his entire family, including his wife and the boys,
and even my ex if she wanted to come. He

(07:58):
got emotional, wished me up happy wedding, and said he
was honored that I still respected him that much. He
promised me that at least he would definitely be there
for me, but he wasn't sure about his family and
said he'd get back to me about it. A few
hours later, he called me back excited, saying he talked
with his wife and family and that they're all coming.
He said that my ex had no problem with it,
and actually told him.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
To wish me good luck.

Speaker 6 (08:18):
Okay, so she's not coming.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
He then invited me over to their place for dinner
later tonight because she wanted to apologize for how things
went between us. He told me to bring my fiance
and the little girls because he and his wife wanted
to meet them.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Especially the girls since she loves children.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
I was so happy to hear that and told him
i'd ask my fiance if she was comfortable with it,
and he said, of course. I talked with my fiance
about everything, and she's been so happy for me because
she knows how much George means to me.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
She agreed to go with me and the girls tonight.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
I went and got one of those chocolate gift baskets
with a nice whiskey bottle inside, along with an official invitation.
Thank you to you all, And there are some comments.
Federal Internal twenty nine at thirty five says, I think
you handled this with so much grace. Inviting him not
just as a guest, but his family was such a
powerful gesture. Glad your fiance is so supportive too, That

(09:06):
makes all the difference.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
OPI says, she's the best anyone could ask for.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
I still don't know how I managed to get someone
so beautiful inside and out. Recent section seven two five says,
great new just out of curiosity. How did things turn
out for your ex? That was a really horrible thing
she tried to do to you? Is she's still with
the guy she cheated and plotted against you with.

Speaker 7 (09:28):
I love the vibes of this person.

Speaker 5 (09:30):
This is another reddit who I hope that they just
come into Reddit stories.

Speaker 4 (09:33):
Like Hey, so glad everything worked out quick.

Speaker 7 (09:36):
Question like what happened with the other person?

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yeah, yeah, I remember the awful woman who like conspired
against you and cheated on you.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
What's her shit?

Speaker 5 (09:45):
I just love going into the drama section she had
it and being like, actually I could use.

Speaker 7 (09:50):
A little bit more.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
Tell me more. OPI says, Yeah, they're married now.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Actually they had their wedding the same day ours was
supposed to happen, since most of the depot that for
the venues were already paid and they were non refundable.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
Anyways, they have a son and a daughter on the way.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
Due six forty says did you ever get an explanation
on why she tried to con you into this marriage scam?
OPI says no, but my dad was a pretty successful guy,
and he left a life changing amount of money and
a great fully paid off for a bedroom house, so
I could see why she stayed with me and tried
to take it. Due six point forty says, thank god
you didn't put her name on anything, right, Opie says,

(10:27):
I probably was never going to put it in her
name anyway, even if we had gotten married. I just
felt it would be disrespectful to my dad's memory. Same
commenter says, just curious, is your new fiance's name on anything?

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Opie says no, but that was her decision. She's a
pretty successful.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
Doctor and I'm just a middle school teacher makes way
more money than I do. Her parents wanted us to
sign a prenup just in case, where she'd keep all
her money in assets in case of divorce and I'd
keep mine. My house is included in that, and that
is the end of that story. What a great way
to end a story with a prenuptial agreement and your
hot doctor wife gets to keep all our money and

(11:01):
you get the house.

Speaker 5 (11:02):
I got uninvited from a wedding, but my boyfriend still
wants to go.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
Babe, God of an open bar, come on.

Speaker 5 (11:10):
My boyfriend thirty five mail is the best man for
his best friend's wedding in a few months. I thirty
one female, was originally invited to this wedding as his
plus one as well. The wedding is a destination wedding
at an extremely expensive resort. All flights and hotels for
both of us have been booked and paid for already.
By the way, this comes from uslash boyfriend wedding help

(11:32):
and if you want to submit your own stories.

Speaker 6 (11:34):
Go to our slash Okay story time subreddit.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
I'm Riley, I'm Dakota.

Speaker 5 (11:38):
I have met the bride and groom to be a
handful of times, have always been friendly with them, and
was invited to attend their joint bachelor's slash bachelorette trip
as my boyfriend's plus one. I attended the weekend trip
and had a great time getting to know everyone that
will be at the wedding and was really looking forward
to seeing everyone.

Speaker 6 (11:54):
Again at the wedding.

Speaker 5 (11:55):
I never felt any sort of animosity and came out
of the weekend thinking everyone had a great partying with
each other. Turns out the bride felt some type away
about me and has uninvited me from the wedding. I
have not had any conversations with the bride or groom,
but my boyfriend received the news from the groom. From
what I heard of the conversation, it seems like the
groom doesn't agree with the fiance and was really uncomfortable

(12:18):
to deliver the message, but his hands were tied. My
boyfriend has received details on what happened to make the
bride feel that way towards me, and we both agree
that it's a ridiculous overreaction.

Speaker 6 (12:29):
And a huge misunderstanding.

Speaker 5 (12:30):
Long story short, the bride felt as if I didn't
make an effort to make her feel special and was
trying to take her spotlight. My boyfriend contacted the other
friends who were there that weekend as well, and everyone
is in agreement that this is an overreaction and misunderstanding.

Speaker 6 (12:44):
The thing that bothers me.

Speaker 5 (12:45):
The most is that everything that was listed out that
I was doing to make her feel that way, everybody
else was doing it as well. Yet it seems like
there was a magnifying glass on me and she has
a vendetta against me for some reason. My boyfriend thinks
it was a series of unfortunate events that started at
a house party a few months ago when I beat
her in Mario Kart and cheering for me. You're hot,

(13:08):
You're obast at Mario Kart.

Speaker 7 (13:10):
Don't go to the wedding, honestly, like you have better
things to do.

Speaker 5 (13:14):
I voiced to my boyfriend that I'm more than willing
to have a conversation with the bride to clear the misunderstanding,
to try to get her to change her mind, but
at the same time, I'm not really sure I want
to go to this wedding anymore anyways, as I would
hate to be somewhere I'm not wanted. My reasoning for
going would be more to support my boyfriend and enjoy
the vacation with him. That being said, I shared with
my boyfriend that if the decision stays and I'm uninvited,

(13:35):
I would be upset if he still decided to go
without me. Opie has reasons for this ultimatum. She says,
I may feel differently if number one, it wasn't as
expensive destination wedding that takes away valuable vacation days he.

Speaker 6 (13:47):
Doesn't have a lot of.

Speaker 5 (13:49):
Or two, we were in agreement that my actions justified
this decision in any way for me. Him attending without
me feels like he's agreeing with the decision and is
choosing to stick by his friend over sticking.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
Up for me.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
Am I am I the a hole for wanting my
boyfriend to back out.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yes, this isn't about you. Honestly, this isn't really about you.

Speaker 8 (14:06):
She says.

Speaker 5 (14:06):
Wow, this has got way more direction than I have
ever imagined it would. Thank you all for taking the
time to share your thoughts and insights. It's been really
helpful for me to read through and help process my emotion.
This was all super fresh news when I wrote this
out this morning. Oh, and I've had some time to process.
I think my next step will be to reach out
to the bride to have a talk with her and
see exactly from her perspective what went wrong that led
her to ultimately make the decision to uninvite me. It's

(14:28):
been a game of telephone so far, so it would
be helpful to hear it from the source. I plan
on apologizing to her during this conversation, because even though
it may seem like an overreaction and misunderstanding to me
and others, what she felt was obviously real and real
enough for her to make this decision. My hope from
this conversation is that we can at least be cordial
moving forward and be friendly for the sake of our men,
even if we ownt won't ever be true friends. Op

(14:48):
he is mature and hot.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
There we go edit too.

Speaker 6 (14:50):
I've had another night to think about the situation.

Speaker 5 (14:52):
Reading through this thread, it is really split fifty to fifty.
Seeing the different angles of everyone's insight has been super helpful.
I'm going to talk to my boyfriend tonight and mention
that while my feelings of being upset are valid, it's
not on me to dictate whether he should go to
the wedding or not. I am understanding of the situation
and realize that he should be there to support his
best friend through this important life moment. He's made it
very clear to me as well, he would be attending

(15:13):
to support his friends specifically, I do agree with most
of the comments here telling me that I should just
go on the vacation with my boyfriend and have him
minimize his time with wedding duties to the necessities only.
I will bring this option up with him, and hopefully
we're able to come to an agreeable compromise that leaves
us both feeling heard and understood.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Edit three.

Speaker 5 (15:30):
I told my boyfriend that I plan to reach out
to the bride to hear her side of the story
and apologize for any wrongdoings on my part, But he
told me that he doesn't think it's the right time
right now, as the groom has been going to bat
for us and the bride has been crying a.

Speaker 7 (15:42):
Lot, so he'd like the dust to settle.

Speaker 5 (15:44):
I guess at this point I'm kind of at a
standstill and waiting for a final decision to be made
by the bride and groom.

Speaker 6 (15:50):
The wedding isn't for another.

Speaker 5 (15:51):
Few months, so we have some time to hopefully settle
this be on good terms, and maybe even.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
Look back and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Speaker 5 (15:58):
At how ridiculous this all was one day relevant comments
commenter one, Just go and don't go to the wedding.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
Yeah. Wait, do you already have like the travel arrangement?

Speaker 4 (16:07):
Yeah, because they said that the ticket was paid for?

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, they like, go, what do you talk you man?

Speaker 7 (16:13):
Just go.

Speaker 5 (16:14):
You're a hot Mario Kart player, Go enjoy the beat.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
Go find a Mario Kard tournament.

Speaker 5 (16:20):
Yeah, go find a resort Mario.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Kart in Charles Ember over here.

Speaker 4 (16:25):
But oh, he said, we've discussed this option as well.

Speaker 5 (16:28):
But since he's the best man, he would be preoccupied
with wedding stuff, welcome party rehearsal, the actual wedding ceremony
of reception. I would be alone most of the time.
Commenter two, This is tough, but I.

Speaker 7 (16:37):
Agree with you.

Speaker 5 (16:38):
Him still going would make me feel weird. I get
it's not who he's showing up for. The groom making
the decision. But still, how did your boyfriend react when
you said you'd be upset if he still went. Has
any money already been spent on your or his end
to attend?

Speaker 7 (16:50):
She says.

Speaker 5 (16:51):
My boyfriend is paid for both of our flights and
hotel bookings already.

Speaker 6 (16:54):
The groom has said he would.

Speaker 5 (16:56):
Pay him back for my portion, as he feels bad
about the whole thing, and he felt that it was
un fair for me to put him in an impossible
position to pick between me and his best friend. From
my perspective, though, I'm not asking him to not be
friends with his best friend, I just don't want him
going to the wedding if I'm not.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
That's okay, lady. No one was saying that you were
doing that.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yes, they were saying that, Yeah, you were still putting
him in an impossible position of picking between attending his
best friend's wedding or not.

Speaker 5 (17:21):
As much as I get where the groom has to
take his fiance's side, I think the groom should understand
why my boyfriend would decide not to go if I'm
not invited. If Opie and her BF were already married,
would he still go to the wedding and then Opie
says he said if we were married, he would back out.
Comment to three says people don't usually invite guests and
give them a plus one only then to basically interview,
evaluate and judge whether the plus one is worthy of

(17:43):
attending past judgment and rescind the plus one, but allow
the original guest to attend. That's terrible wedding etiquette.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
True.

Speaker 5 (17:49):
And if they plan on continuing the friendship with your
boyfriend the best man, how do they think that's gonna go.
No double dates, trips or events with all four of
you together. You will not be deemed worthy to attend
anything in the presence of her majesty. And what of
you and your boyfriend eventually married. Your boyfriend may want
the current groom to be his best man. Will she
expect to be invited? These people are shallow and don't
realize that there's life after the wedding. It's literally the

(18:11):
smallest of events in a marriage. They're not seeing the
big picture. It's extraordinarily rude to rescind an invite in
this way, and I would assume you and your boyfriend
will have to deal with the emotional fallout if he
chooses to attend. Maybe your relationship won't last much longer afterward,
but maybe that's what the bride wants. She's playing anti cupid,
Opie says. We all agree that she's being really immature
about this whole thing and is not taken into consideration

(18:33):
all the consequences that will come from this. I would
have at least appreciated if she spoke to me about
her feelings before.

Speaker 6 (18:38):
Coming to such an explosive decision.

Speaker 7 (18:40):
How old is the bride?

Speaker 5 (18:41):
Opie's like she's a bit younger than the rest of us.
I think she's twenty six or twenty seven.

Speaker 7 (18:45):
Boyfriend said. She's always been the baby of the group.

Speaker 5 (18:47):
Opie's boyfriend the one who paid for the entire trip
when they have only been together for eight months. When
he was a plus one at my best friend's wedding,
I paid for our accommodations as he was my guest.

Speaker 6 (18:56):
This time, i'm his guest. To main sense for him
to pay. There's an update.

Speaker 5 (19:00):
Amendments to my previous post slash comments. Turns out I
actually paid for the flights. It's been so long since
we booked I forgot. The resort is technically refundable since
you don't pay until you get there. The groom has
said he would pair up my boyfriend with another guest
that's coming alone, as the rooms are priced for two occupants.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
I kind of love that.

Speaker 5 (19:18):
Yeah, I kind of love the sitcom happeningam at the resort.
I told my boyfriend that while it's valid for me
to be upset about the situation, it's not valid for
me to dictate whether you should go to this wedding
or not. Understand the tough spot you're in, and I
don't want to make it more difficult than it already
is for you. Whatever the final decision Bryd and groom
come to is, you should go to support the groom.
If the decision stays that they don't want me at

(19:39):
the wedding, maybe we can still just go to the
resort together and I'll just enjoy some solo spot time
while you're doing wedding stuff. Noway, we can still have
some time together and you can fulfill your best man duties.
He was very against this idea, saying this would most
definitely cause a lot of drama and alienate me further
from the group. He said that he knows his friend
grew better than me and if he feels like this
would cause more stress for him, I'll bow out. I
mentioned if he doesn't want me staying at the same resort,

(20:01):
I could go to a different resort in that area,
so at least the flights aren't wasted mists so much.
He was against this idea as well. Instead, I should
just stay home or go to a different destination.

Speaker 6 (20:12):
Completely.

Speaker 5 (20:13):
I have no reason to think that my boyfriend is
being unfaithful, as some of the comments in my previous
post of mention, Yeah, this just seems to be a
point that we don't align on. He wants to make
it as drama free for the bride and groom on
their wedding weekend by prioritizing their comfort and needs overmind,
I want to be the understanding girlfriend so badly, but man,
am I torn between feeling neglected as the girlfriend versus
trying to just let it go.

Speaker 6 (20:34):
And not not pass away on this hill?

Speaker 7 (20:37):
Am I overreacting? Thank you?

Speaker 5 (20:39):
I saw aio and I was like, am I wrong?

Speaker 1 (20:41):
The tank?

Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yeah, I think he's wrong for not just letting you
go and be at the resort.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
I don't think.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
I don't think he's cheating, but I think maybe he's
been primed to be like, well, this is gonna be
so much because you were, like, the amount of drama
that's already been attached to it is making him paranoid
that there will be so much more drama if you
actually show up. Yeah, that's why I think you may
have played yourself a little bit here.

Speaker 5 (21:04):
I feel like everybody. I feel like from the beginning
everything has been framed to be like because again the
bride's this all started with the bride overreacting too.

Speaker 6 (21:12):
Everybody's freaking out, and.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
I can just go there and not go I want
to get a wedding and don't.

Speaker 5 (21:18):
Want to be about that too nihilistic. But one day
the lights shut for everybody and we close our eyes
and take our last breath, and it won't matter.

Speaker 9 (21:29):
My father refused to sell his luxury cars, even though
it's dragging us down.

Speaker 7 (21:34):
You can't take my cars.

Speaker 9 (21:37):
It's Father's Day today where I live, so I feel
particularly bad about it. This encounter happened yesterday. My father,
sixty four, got full custody of me at nineteen mail
when I was ten years old, and we moved two
states away from the rest of my family. My father
suffered a work accident that caused him to become disabled,

(21:59):
and as it was, he received a hefty compensation from
his former job. On top of that, he walked away
from his separation from my mom with eighty percent of everything,
So just short of one million dollars.

Speaker 4 (22:12):
Bay oooh, that's a lot.

Speaker 9 (22:15):
To put it simply, he had a lot of money.
By the way, this comes from Flimsy Public thirty five
twenty three And if you want us to make your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.
I'm Carly, I'm.

Speaker 4 (22:27):
Sophia, and I'm Keon, and we'll try to give our
best advice.

Speaker 9 (22:32):
But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so
if you have, let us know your take in the comments.
And op says, Unfortunately, he is financially irresponsible and had
no money. Within a year, he purchased some land and
began construction on a house, but after running out of money,

(22:52):
we were left with a half built home which was
not suitable to live in, exposed wires, unfinished plumbing, incomplete
walls and floor. He ended up raising me off his
disability pension, which is below the poverty line where we live.
It was rough extremely so we barely had food in
the house most weeks, and without going into it into

(23:13):
too much detail, I'm surprised I wasn't taken away by
child services back then.

Speaker 7 (23:19):
Part of the.

Speaker 9 (23:20):
Reason he ran out of money was because he purchased
two luxury cars. Ironically, he cannot even drive them due
to his disability.

Speaker 7 (23:29):
What what he can't even drive this?

Speaker 1 (23:34):
Just for show?

Speaker 7 (23:36):
Where do you put them?

Speaker 9 (23:37):
I mean I feel like at that point, get one
and if it's possible to trick it out in some
way that you can drive it, like.

Speaker 4 (23:43):
Get the modifications you need.

Speaker 7 (23:44):
But two, but maybe let's focus on like a house
and food.

Speaker 9 (23:50):
Yeah, ironically he cannot even drive it due to his disability,
so they've been gathering dust in the shed since he
bought them. I couldn't even finish school because he wasn't
able to drive me and there weren't buses available where
I live. Once I began earning an income as a teenager,
I began putting money into the house. It's looking much

(24:10):
better these days, but far from complete. My father's pension
goes solely towards bills and whatever new gadgets he sees online,
like drones, tractors he can't use.

Speaker 7 (24:22):
Stop buying vehicles that you can't drive.

Speaker 4 (24:26):
And all sorts of things like that.

Speaker 9 (24:29):
And as a result, I am financially responsible for everything
else groceries, medication, furniture, doctor's bills, vet bills, and even
his clothes. I also often lend him money. I do
not earn a lot of money and am struggling significantly.

Speaker 7 (24:46):
You need to stop lending this guy money. Yeah, I
know he's your dad, but like, honestly, it's not even
helping him. If anything, you can like buy the things
that he needs, yeah, if you really want to help,
But giving him the money directly is not helping him.

Speaker 9 (25:01):
I am also his official carr constantly looking after him,
cleaning after him, etc. And it just feels like my
entire life revolves around him, as if I'm his parent and.

Speaker 4 (25:13):
Not the other way around.

Speaker 9 (25:15):
I am just so drained and my exhaustion reached its
breaking point this week. I started having dreams where I
was just breaking down, yelling at him about how it's
not fair and he's a terrible father. I talked to
him yesterday morning, asked if he would consider selling his cars,
or even just one of them, as they would not

(25:36):
only complete the house, but also help him as he
would no longer have to live paycheck to paycheck. He
said he wouldn't do it, saying they were investments. We
had a bit of a back and forth, and I
was trying so hard not to be mean about it,
because I know he dreams of recovering being able to
just drive his dream cars, but it's just never.

Speaker 4 (25:58):
Going to happen.

Speaker 9 (25:59):
I'm not upset that he won't sell his cars to
lessen the burden on my shoulders now, but upset that
he still didn't sell them when I was still a
child so I could have had a better childhood. He
said he got them for himself so he could have
something nice for himself, and quickly got angry and defensive
for even asking. I ended up asking if he thought

(26:21):
he was a bit selfish for prioritizing himself over his
own child. He said no, asked what I was accusing
him of, and told me to move back with my
mother if I didn't like it. I just left his
bedroom where we were talking and haven't spoken to him since.

Speaker 4 (26:36):
That's wild.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
I'm sorry, Yeah, that's crazy to me. Dang. I would
be like, all right, cool, have fun, with your cars
that you can't drive, and then you're going to be.

Speaker 7 (26:45):
A car person your tractors.

Speaker 9 (26:48):
I was planning on getting him a Father's Day gift yesterday,
but ended up breaking down to my girlfriend about how
exhausted I was and how I didn't understand how he
could be such a good person but terrible parent. I
ended up feeling guilty this morning and made a handmade
card for him, which I stuck to the fridge with
a magnet. He hasn't tried to speak to me. Any

(27:09):
advice please. Commenter one says, it's time to take care
of yourself. You've been handling adult problems all along and
didn't get to grow up as you should have. Paying bills, etc.
Is wrong, op start saving for yourself. It's obvious your
dad doesn't care and it's all about him. If your

(27:29):
dad doesn't sell the cars, it might be time to
just leave. Dad can live with the stupid cars since
they're more important to him than an unfinished house, bills,
and mostly his son being raised and treated right. Is
there any way you can just leave and be free
of the major burden that isn't yours.

Speaker 4 (27:49):
Maybe move in.

Speaker 9 (27:50):
With your girlfriend, get a roommate, or even see about
going back to your mom or other family. Finish school,
get a ged, figure out your goals and life. You
don't deserve to be stuck as you are now. When
your dad is not responsible, it's time to let go.
Your dad will never learn financial responsibility. Comment Too says,

(28:12):
I'm not an expert, but if the market crashes, I
would think luxury items would be less popular, popularity and
demand termin price, so prices would go down. But also,
investments are something you have as an extra. Having a
large amount of money in the form of cars while
having to borrow money from your child who is struggling,

(28:33):
is not okay. Perhaps you should think about whether loaning
him money is the right thing to do. It takes
away any urgency for him to cash in his investments.
Investment cars need maintenance and special care. If they're not
kept in a garage that meets preservation standards, he won't
get as much from his investments as he expects. Opie says,

(28:54):
I don't think he understands how the economy works very
well and has a poor understanding of what happened if
the market crashed. I'm also not an expert, but he's
even less of an expert. I'm going to watch a
documentary about the Great Depression with him tonight so.

Speaker 7 (29:10):
That he understands what happens when the market crashes.

Speaker 4 (29:13):
Yes, no, it's gonna be really funny because he'd be like, wow, that.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
Must suck, Like, yeah, that does suck. That's terrible.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
Uh.

Speaker 9 (29:22):
I've decided to stop lending him money, but he's also
decided that he's willing to sell one of the cars,
and it's considering taking out a bank loan to complete
the house so I won't have to pay for anything.
Comment or three says, make sure he leaves them to
you and his will, and make sure he has a will.
Opie says, he does have a will, and everything he
owns is going to me, including the house and cars.

(29:45):
It's part of the reason why I'm putting so much
money and effort into finishing the house instead of watching
it deteriorate. Comment Ford says, why did he get full custody?
Opie says, my mom didn't want me.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Oh.

Speaker 9 (29:58):
Ouch, she said she wanted to retire and couldn't look
after me and be a retiree. At the same time,
CLI says, wait, how much older is your mother than
your father, Opie says, she's six years younger than him. Actually,
she was forty when I was born and he was
forty six. She's fifty nine now and he's sixty four
turning sixty five. Reply says, so your mother retired at fifty,

(30:22):
ditched you with your disabled father, and unless you failed
to mention it, never paid any form of support. What
she's spending her money on and how much have you
criticized her? Your dad is a wiener, You don't deserve this,
but cut him a slice of break. Opie says essentially
yes and no, she didn't pay child support because she said,

(30:43):
my dad has two mountains of cash, his cars sitting
in the shed. She paid for half of a laptop
I needed for school when I was fifteen, and she
still holds it against me, even though I paid her back.
I don't know what she spends her money on since
we barely talk, only that she goes to Indonesia on
holiday a few times a year and seems to be

(31:04):
living nicely based off her Facebook posts. I'm not very
close with her because she never seemed to like me
very much and told me to my face that she
never wanted to have a third child, which was me iked.

Speaker 7 (31:17):
Also just like the loadedness of the dad saying you
should go live with your mom. Yeah, if you have
any kind against me, now knowing that she literally said,
I I never wanted your dad doesn't.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
Yours are not good?

Speaker 9 (31:31):
No, Yeah, she had two children from a previous marriage.
I pity my dad a lot because of his disability,
which is why I try not to get mad about
my childhood and support him as much as I can.
I think I'm just really drained and it all exploded.

Speaker 7 (31:48):
We have an.

Speaker 9 (31:48):
Update, Yes, I think got anything will just just that.

Speaker 7 (31:53):
The like that what the commenters are saying of putting
yourself first. I think you've done a lot for your
dad and you're only nineteen. Yeah, you've given so much
money and also just like mental space to your dad
when he's not giving you anything in return. So I agree.

Speaker 9 (32:11):
I talked to my father this morning. He's willing to
sell one of his cars. He took it out of
the garage and I spent a few hours cleaning the interior,
which was coated in dust and somehow spiderwebs what. He's
not sure who to contact because he doesn't want to
go through a car yard. I talked to him about
how the cars would be losing value due to the

(32:33):
lack of maintenance, and we spent the morning experimenting with them.
They definitely require some work after all these years, but
they seem to be in pretty good condition. I asked
if I would be able to have fifty percent of
the home in my name, considering how much money I've
put into the house and how much more I plan
to put into it, and he agreed.

Speaker 4 (32:54):
But that's great that he's doing.

Speaker 7 (32:57):
You got one car, You got what he got him
to sell one car?

Speaker 9 (33:01):
Yeah, which hopefully you guys can get a lot for
that will go to you since you've been so much.

Speaker 4 (33:09):
What is he doing with the other car to get
the money for it?

Speaker 7 (33:12):
Get that money.

Speaker 9 (33:14):
He is also now considering taking out a loan to
finish the house once and for all, which means I
wouldn't have to pay for what's left. I don't know
if any of it will actually stick, but either way,
the responses I received open my eyes about the trajectory
of my life, and I'm going to focus on myself
a lot more than I have.

Speaker 7 (33:32):
Been insane to take out alone when you have a
luxury car a second luxury car sitting in the garage unused.

Speaker 9 (33:46):
He didn't mention our argument, but judging by his mood
and his sudden decisions, I think he might have spent
some time thinking.

Speaker 4 (33:52):
About his choices in life.

Speaker 9 (33:54):
It's too late for him to be the parent I
needed as a child, but hopefully he can become the
parent I need as an adult.

Speaker 4 (34:01):
Dang, that's the end.

Speaker 6 (34:02):
That's a real statement, right.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
There is a fact.

Speaker 7 (34:05):
I hope so, I hope so.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
I hope so too.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
Hey, John Ogi host here, we're gonna get back to
this episode, but a quick three minute break of ads
from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.

Speaker 7 (34:16):
My future sister in law's mother mocked our family, but
I couldn't tell anyone, tell everybody. And this is coming
directly from the r slash okay story. I'm subpered it. Honestly,
It's exactly how the title reads, and it really sucks
because I'm technically not even legally in the family yet,
so I have no clue what to do, and I
don't think I should be doing anything. I did tell

(34:37):
my partner, though, who is the eldest sibling. The groom
was their brother, and the middle child By the way,
this comes from Bitty Kitty seven to ten, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay story Time subreed it. I'm Sophia, I'm.

Speaker 4 (34:49):
Carly, and I'm Keon, and we try to.

Speaker 7 (34:52):
Give our best advice. But we haven't experienced most of
these situations ourselves, so if you have, please let us
know what you would do in the comments. But Opie says,
I had previously heard things about the bride my future
sister in law's mother. Apparently she kind of competed with
my partner's mother because my partner's brother just had a

(35:13):
child about two to three years ago, and she's been
butting heads with my partner's mother trying to prove who's
the better grandmother. She's the one that has more money,
so she thinks that she can provide more. They even
bought a house for them. I have nothing against this.
It's honestly something really good and sentimental for them. A
house is a big thing for new family, and I

(35:33):
respect that. However, apparently she's dropped other subtle things in
the past that I can't remember. Anyway, onto the actual story,
after a little bit of background that I knew about her.
They decided to have a wedding outside at a waterfall
at a national park to say some vows, eat some food,
and spend some quality time with close family, and get

(35:54):
to know some of the direct in laws. I think
I had only met her one other time, and it
was when she showed up to the grandmother's I should
also add that their grandmother had passed away last year
my partners and the grooms and many years before that
they had lost their grandfather. When they planned the ceremony,
they decided to have a picture of their grandmother and
grandfather at the wedding with them because they were not

(36:16):
there to physically attend. Me and my partner. Their mother
and sister thought it was extremely sentimental and beautiful. We
were going to ride from my partner's cousins who they
were really close with and were raised together as if
they were siblings. At times, while everybody was getting ready,
the groom, bride and our side of the family were
helping get the flowers and things like that from one car,

(36:38):
while the bride's mother, stepfather, and I think some other
siblings of the bride were getting the food out well.
Right before they went to get the food out of
the car. I don't know why, but the mother decided
to ask her daughter, the bride, if she really wanted
this photo and the wedding. She looked at her honestly
offended and said, yes, of course I want in the wedding.

(37:01):
To my surprise, the mother rolled her eyes and then
went back to the car to help the stepfather unload
the food. While she was back there, I happened to
overhear something that I swear word for word was it's
so weird to be so sentimental over a picture. And
then she laughed with their new husband and these other adults.

(37:23):
They all were laughing. I couldn't tell exactly all of
their tones, but her tones sounded like she thought it
was funny. This made my blood boil. I had known
their grandmother personally before she passed away. I ended up
crying really hard, and I don't like to cry, especially
around my partner's family. After that, I started actually opening

(37:43):
up to their family more, because before I was so
scared due to my own trauma for my family that
I felt I was going to be outcasted the same way,
and I unfortunately avoided them for the longest time. That's
why I only got to spend like a year or
two with their grandmother and getting to know them. However,
I reminded myself that I am not even technically an
in law yet and started to have extreme anxiety over it,

(38:06):
realizing that if I said something, I would be the
one ruining everything, especially if her mother denied it. I
didn't want to ruin a beautiful day with her already
acting like that and her daughter knowing that she was
going to be annoying. The daughter and bride even said
at some point something along the lines of God, everything's
got to be about her under her breath as her

(38:27):
mother was walking away. I kept my mouth shut the
entire time. It was to the point that my partner
was even checking in on me a few times to
make sure I was okay. I told them I was
each time, even though I kind of wasn't. It was
better to tell them that than to say what actually
happened and have some sort of fight breakout. I also
kept my mouth shut on the way home because I

(38:47):
didn't want to upset the person dry the guests. I
don't know why I tend to be like this anyway,
I'm unfortunately extremely passive due to trauma. When we got home,
I told my partner and they got really that. They
said they weren't in a good mood anymore because of that,
but did say that it was a good thing. I
didn't say anything because they would have possibly said or

(39:09):
done something and our cousin might have two laugh at pictures. Yeah,
Like I I don't understand why all of those people
were acting like that, but I definitely do think it
was the best move to not bring that up.

Speaker 4 (39:24):
We didn't need that in the moment.

Speaker 7 (39:26):
No, It's like if you're, like, I don't know, like
at a birthday party and you overhear someone at the
birthday already being like, oh they look so ugly, but
the birthday present, ever bring that up. I don't think
you ever have to be like, yeah, that's like a
thing to say. Yeah. Yeah. Part of me wonders if
maybe I should have said something, at least in the
car on the way home. However, I also have ADHD

(39:48):
undiagnosed autism and auditory processing disorder. I realized that I
did end up shooting her a dirty look because she
looked towards me. We made eye contact for a moment,
and I just shook my head with a appointed faith.
Even with this subtle action alone, I was, well, I'm
wondering and hoping it didn't seem like I was being
rude in any way.

Speaker 4 (40:09):
I think you probably just confused her.

Speaker 7 (40:11):
Yeah, she's like, what's going on? I who what? I
only did that because I didn't know what else to do,
and she looked my way while I was in a
state of disappointment and containing my anger. This is kind
of unrelated, but I wanted to mention it for context.
I love my partner, and I wish we could have
had our own wedding, but we can't do to legal
and financial reasons. We are both on disability and they

(40:34):
would have caught our benefits if we were to get married,
and we cannot afford that loss. I also have concerns
about my own family situation, since I literally only have
my two younger siblings, and I don't know if they
would be able to attend because their father is manipulative
and controlling. They told me today that they wish we
could do something like this one day. I want to
wait until my siblings are allowed to make choices for themselves,

(40:57):
which will be only two years for one of my siblings,
but my other sibling is thirteen. They have been my
rock and my world. They were my world until I
met my partner, then they became part of my world together.
They were also my very first supporters when I came
out as trans and they were the first ones to
accept me as a man. They both even started calling
me big brother. That's lovely, That's awesome.

Speaker 4 (41:21):
I love a supportive feeling.

Speaker 7 (41:22):
Yeah, I'm like this mother, I like this sucky mother
in law. I'm so grateful for them and love them
so much that not having them present at a wedding
would honestly hurt me and probably hurt them too. But anyway,
back to the actual situation. My partner and I talked
about it. I told them that honestly, the best thing
would probably be to tell the groom and bride when

(41:43):
we hang out with them next, because they want to
see us. Before the end of the month, they'll be
moving to Texas from Washington State into the house that
the bride's parents bought. I asked if they wanted me
to bring it up to the room to have it
be a man to man conversation, brother to brother, but
they think it would be best if they handle it
since their siblings. I agreed mainly because I didn't really
want to talk to them about this, and I feel

(42:05):
like I don't have the complete right to speak on it.
I feel like I at least don't have the right
to call that out directly. I personally think that they
should address this because if not used to know if
she's going to respect other family members later on. Not
only that, but their mother also just got diagnosed with
a fatal condition that might only give her five years.
With this kind of attitude, who's to say that the

(42:27):
bride's mother even cares about her, especially when she's already
competed with her and tried to make her feel lesser
by trying to be the better grandmother. I also feel
like it's unfair to their mother for them to be
moving this quickly, since she's only been a grandmother for
one year. For some reason, the bride and groom have
stated multiple times that they only want the grandparents watching
their child. They don't even feel comfortable with their siblings

(42:49):
watching him. That's weird. I feel strange.

Speaker 8 (42:53):
It's a little weird, but UHH, their choice. I guess, yeah.
We offered to watch him multiple times. I even got
an entire diaper bag and a pack and play ready
for him, but the pack and play didn't really ever
get used until I offered to give it to their mom.
The formula that I kept for emergencies was only used
when they ran out and texted asking if we had
any Then they would just drive over, pick it up

(43:16):
and leave. I genuinely care about them and their kid
and hope for the best for them, even.

Speaker 7 (43:21):
If we disagree with some other choices. They're their choices
because it's their life and their kid. We made sure
to give them a card, and I gave them some crystals,
hoping for good vibes for their marriage. I got their
child a little playphone because he likes playing with people's smartphones.
It's just a little plastic brick that has some buttons
and makes noises. He's about three and has just started

(43:42):
to learn how to run.

Speaker 4 (43:44):
Yeah you did you? I mean, like they can sort
it out themselves.

Speaker 9 (43:49):
I don't think you ever really needed to say anything.
I think if it's I can get you the peace
of mind, I'm sure, But like at the end of
the day, it's like, okay, sounds like mother.

Speaker 4 (43:58):
In law just kind of sucks.

Speaker 7 (43:59):
I feel like they probably know, because there's no way.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
Or that it doesn't come back that she also heard
it exactly.

Speaker 7 (44:10):
I think they know, and they're just trying to put
up with mother in law because mother in law is
giving them a house and providing a lot of money.

Speaker 9 (44:18):
And when you have a new kid, that's so we
could end up being like, oh, yeah, we know, she sucks. Yeah,
we can talk about it now, I guess because you
also know.

Speaker 7 (44:26):
But other than that, but I don't think you need to.
But I don't think it'll I think it's fine what
you do. I don't think it's honestly going to start
a fight. I think they're gonna be like, yeah, he sucks.
I'm looking for advice on how to not let this
eat at me, and also how can I support my
partner in communicating this to them since I was the
one that ended up hearing it. I want to be
a good boyfriend and also an unofficial uncle in law.

(44:47):
That's also why I can't help but be upset about this.
The last few months, they just started calling me uncle
to their kid, which made me smile real big. I
couldn't help but cry happy tears when I got home
thinking about how I get to be an uncle Now,
I will miss the little booger, and I'll miss spending
time with my now unofficial brother in law and sister
in law, their dog and their cats. Yes, they have animals,

(45:09):
and that's literally what we used to do, doggie play dates.
It wasn't too often, but it was really fun. And
that's the end of that story. I think, Yeah, I
think you are overthinking it just a little bit.

Speaker 4 (45:20):
I think you were thinking it a lot. But you're
handling it fine.

Speaker 7 (45:23):
But it's okay. I think you're gonna talk to them
and it's gonna be all right, So don't worry about
it too much. I think you'll probably know that the
mother in law sucks.

Speaker 9 (45:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (45:30):
Ope, he's one of our own.

Speaker 7 (45:31):
Oh, I love you.

Speaker 4 (45:32):
You're doing great.

Speaker 7 (45:33):
You're doing great.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
But here's three of bits of ads from our sponsors
that keep the show alive.

Speaker 7 (45:40):
I refuse to break no contact with my mother even
though I'm hospitalized.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
Stay strong, Figger warning.

Speaker 7 (45:48):
Mentions of abuse. I twenty two female, and my boyfriend,
twenty three male, moved in together last year. I moved
away from the city where my mother lives with my
two younger sisters, fifteen female and twenty one female. After
many years of emotional, psychological, verbal, and even physical abuse,
I finally went no contact with my mother. From the

(46:10):
time I was about fourteen to seventeen, the police were
always at my house dealing with mine in my mother's
domestic disputes. By the way, this comes from Bunny Baby Mama,
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime subvered it. I'm Sophia,
I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and we try to give our
best advice, but we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves,

(46:32):
so if you have, let us know what you would do.
In the comments, and Opie says after my parents divorced,
she had a lot of misplaced anger that seemed to
find its way to me. I understand that I wasn't
perfect and I did do some bad things, but I
was a child who didn't have her life skills yet,
and I have grown she hasn't. After many years of

(46:54):
being no contact with my father, I ended up moving
in with him for three months at about eighteen because
one of mine and my mother's newest fights. It only
lasted three months because my dad is not a very
good person and his girlfriend now wife was somehow worse.
I got an apartment, but my mother needed to co
sign since it was my first place. However, she never

(47:15):
failed to use it against me when I didn't tell
her or give her exactly what she wanted, threatening to
cancel my lease and basically make me homeless since I
couldn't afford a new damage deposit. Everybody in my family
says that she did this out of the kindness of
her heart, that co signing was something most parents would
never do. That's a lie, while conveniently forgetting the fact

(47:36):
that it was used against me for years. That's why
I'm here looking for unbiased opinions. A year ago, we
finally had a big blow up fight while I was
looking to move in with my boyfriend, and I finally
let her break the lease. Moving in with him has
been so unbelievably freeing and we are so happy. It
was even more peaceful because my mother decided to give

(47:56):
me the silent treatment, hoping that would drive me insane,
when in reality it was extremely peaceful. About six months later,
she finally stopped giving me the silent treatment and instead
made a group chat with me and my two sisters
trying to coordinate a family picture. I said yes for
my siblings, and since me and my boyfriend were going

(48:17):
to be taking some couples photos anyway, we decided we
would go together. She told me she wanted everyone to
wear brown, so I ordered a brown dress and found
my boyfriend a.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
Brown sweater brown.

Speaker 7 (48:29):
After a couple of weeks, she decided to change the
color scheme and ordered herself and my sister's matching dresses.
Me and my boyfriend did not match, making me the
only one that didn't match in the family photo.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
It's okay, you stand out. Now everyone's going to be.

Speaker 7 (48:45):
Like, who's that, pretty lady?

Speaker 1 (48:47):
Who is that?

Speaker 7 (48:48):
Then she went right back to ignoring me. After this,
this kind of thing was common, but I let it
go and got some really nice photos with my boyfriend.
There was a lot of family drama back in twenty twenty.
My grandpa was hospitalized and had open heart surgery, and
the family constantly fought and kind of fell out of contact.
But after four years, about two and a half months ago,

(49:10):
my grandparents decided we should all finally get together for
a family barbecue. The entire time, my mother would shoot
daggers at me. Every time me and my little sisters
were laughing, she'd give me dirty looks, and whenever I
wasn't in the vicinity, she'd start talking about me. Basically,
she was the best friend to everybody there and was
my biggest hater. Two months ago, I completely cut contact

(49:34):
because one day she messaged me out of the blue
demanding i'd give her login information for a digital marketing
course that her and my aunt bought and let me
use over sixteen months ago. She accused me of changing
the password and a whole bunch else I was unfortunately
working and told her I would look for it later.
She then got extremely upset with me for not helping
her when she needed help and not answering her after

(49:57):
she ignored me for a year.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
Yeah, that is crazy that.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
Yeah, out of the blue, she's like, give me the
log in for that thing.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
I know you changed it, you monstar.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Give it here, Like, yeah, I have this think called
a job.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
I can't help you right now, but I'll do it later. Sorry,
goes wow, real convenient, you demon.

Speaker 7 (50:15):
Yeah, also to the six months and then let's take
family photos.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Yeah, weird, weird energy.

Speaker 7 (50:21):
I told her that she needed to be respectful or
I wouldn't help her, and of course she started making threats.
She told me that she would have my phone number deleted.
She put my phone number on her data plan four
years ago after I asked her not to because I
wanted to switch it to my own. However, she insisted
on getting me a data plan that would end up
saving money. I told her that if she put my

(50:44):
phone number on another data plan instead of helping me
switch it over, I wasn't going to pay for it,
and she said that was fine, But now suddenly she
could use it as a threat. So after multiple days
of stalling, I was able to get my phone number
transferred over to my account. She kept the data plan
and it will not mess with her rates and my
phone number is still mine. After telling her this, she

(51:06):
absolutely lost it, so I told her not to contact
me anymore unless there was an emergency or someone was
in the hospital. She sent me a couple of angry
texts with loose threats like I hope you won't need me,
but I know better. And I haven't heard from her since.
Now Here's where I need help figuring out if I'm
the ale. A couple of days later, I went to

(51:28):
the hospital to have a minor surgery schedule. Instead, the
doctor did it immediately, but completely butchered this minor surgery
on my leg. Five days later, I went back complaining
of severe pain, and this doctor continued to brush me
off and ignore me. Five days after that, I was
hospitalized with a staph infection. Sue that doctor. I had

(51:51):
a whole bunch of other issues arise, and I was
in the hospital for ten days. And it's not like
I didn't tell anybody. My boyfriend's entire side of the
family knew I was in the hospital, even family that
I wasn't close with. I decided that someone on my
side of the family should probably know, so I called
my grandma. She asked me if I was going to

(52:11):
tell my mother, and I told her no and explain
why it was so complicated. She told me I was
being silly and I needed to be an adult and
tell her because that's what adults do. Adults do whatever
they want. Oh, he doesn't have to call her mom,
she's an adult.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
She's an adult.

Speaker 7 (52:29):
After a bit more back and forth, she dropped it.
I asked her not to tell them since my little
sister's birthday was the next day and I didn't want
her to worry on her birthday. She argued and told
them anyway. Throughout my hospital stay, I was constantly giving
my grandmother updates every time. She would tell me I
needed to contact my mother and tell her I was
in the hospital. And when I told her that talking

(52:51):
to my mother was the last thing I wanted to
do while I was high on pain medication and the
argument was still fresh, she told me I needed to
be in adult and do the adult thing. She would
not let this go.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
But my mother is also an adult. Is why.

Speaker 7 (53:09):
The adult also the adult thing here is for you
to stop telling me what to do. Because I'm an adult.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
I'm an adult.

Speaker 7 (53:18):
You can't boss me around. But that's why I called her.
I did inform somebody. I did do the adult thing
and told people I was in the hospital. And because
she told my mother and my sisters, they already knew.
But for some reason, I guess I didn't tell the
right people. I understand that my condition was serious. Three
CT scans on oxygen, had a tube put in my

(53:40):
back and into my kidney, staph infections and e coli,
et cetera. So maybe I should have contacted her despite everything.
So am I the a hole for not breaking no
contact with my mother to tell her I was in
the hospital and there is an update? No, you're no

(54:01):
contact with your mother. You told your grandmother and she
told mom, so your mom knows she could come visit
you if she really cared.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
She just kind of whack for your grandma to be like,
now is the time you need to reconcile and deal
with your.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
Mom while you're in the hospital with a tube in
your kidney. What?

Speaker 7 (54:19):
No, but there is an update. So before and after
posting this, I was debating telling my family group chat
about my hospital stay since my uncle's wedding is in
a couple of weeks and I don't want the shock
of seeing my cane to take away attention from his wedding.
I didn't want that attention on his day. And I
love my uncles. I'm not crazy close with them, but

(54:39):
never had an issue with them or their partners.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
We have no drama.

Speaker 7 (54:42):
So I sent a short gist of my hospital stay
recovery and mention the cane. I didn't mention crazy details,
just that my doctor messed up. I was there ten
days and I'm better. My uncle's cousins and aunts in
laws all said they were sorry to hear I was sick. Yes,
my mother and sisters are in the chat. My mother
hasn't said anything. My nana sent me and my boyfriend

(55:05):
a private message in a group chat with just the
three of us to say she doesn't agree with the
way I announced it. You can't win, opie. You literally
told you do the adult thing quote unquote and tell
people and your grandma's to like. No, it just didn't
have enough pozzaz, I was wrong.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
You said it wrong.

Speaker 7 (55:25):
She said that the right thing to do would be
to message my mother and tell her the details and
say I'm sorry I didn't tell her sooner. She told
me I didn't have to answer again if my mother
replied well, making it clear she still thinks it's stupid.
I'm cutting off my mother. I'm gonna stay no contact
with my mother and am considering who I should put
on low to no contact with me, since depending on

(55:48):
who I choose, it would affect all my other family relationships.
I already have to see my mother at family gatherings,
which is fine since they almost never happened, but I
almost definitely never see anyone if I extend the list.
It's a lot to think about. And there is a
second update. But do you have any thoughts?

Speaker 3 (56:07):
It is a lot to think about. Yeah, I guess
think about it.

Speaker 7 (56:11):
I guess. Yeah, figure out who you want to keep
in touch with, who are like people that if you
don't keep in touch with them, you lose even more people.
You gotta think about the politics.

Speaker 3 (56:22):
I guess you know it should be simple politics though,
just being like my mom literally gave me the silent
treatment like a teenage girl for a year, for a year,
then reach back out to me, immediately accused me of
being a trickster. Yeah, and now like again, didn't really

(56:43):
care that I was in the hospital.

Speaker 7 (56:44):
Yeah, didn't need any apps to go visit OPI or
say anything see how she is.

Speaker 3 (56:49):
Yeah, it sounds like she was power playing, Like, well
she should reach out to me.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:53):
It's like, yeah, you don't need to contact that person
and sue that doctor that gave you like sepsis and
like kidney coal i.

Speaker 7 (57:02):
Col i he put depart no, no, no staph infection.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
Oh.

Speaker 7 (57:06):
Update two, I've had a lot of people tell me
I should cut off my uncles and not go to
the wedding because they never defended me. I won't do that,
but here's why. Well, they never actually went to bat
for me. I get why. My mother is very manipulative
and made it look like I was a troubled child
my whole life. And it's hard to argue with a
self absorbed person when you don't know they are self absorbed,

(57:29):
especially when they all lived three hours away from us
and we barely saw them. But my uncles have seen
through it in the past. But there is a little
bit left to the story. Any final thoughts.

Speaker 1 (57:39):
Do it feels right in your heart?

Speaker 7 (57:41):
Do it feels right you don't? You know, you don't
owe your mom anything. She's kind of made you feel
guilty for everything your whole life. Just have the amount
of contact that you think you can handle. My uncle
getting married is only a couple of years older than
I am four to five years older and absolutely sell
rates when I tell my achievements. My middle uncle is

(58:02):
the only one that understands that my eight pets are
family and doesn't hate them and even loves them, Unlike
my mother and grandmother. He's also the uncle that offered
to give me a substance test to help me prove
my innocence when I was sixteen or seventeen against my
mother's allegations and lies about me doing substances. My oldest
uncle has always tried to level with me and hear

(58:23):
my side of things. While rare, it helped me in
dark times. I won't be cutting them off because they
are the best of my blood relatives and they have
never given me a reason to not want them around.
I can also tell they are on their own kinds
of healing journeys and are good people. They've done more
good than my own dad ever did. Good luck be
with your mom, and hopefully you can kind of limit

(58:45):
contact with your mom and grandma cause uh, they think
they know how to, you know, run your life, U
and you just got to say no, no, no. I'm
making the choices here because it's my life.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
And here the new sheriff in town. Also, I've been
the sheriff this whole time.

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I invited my EX fiancée’s father to my wedding… even though she cheated! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2345

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I invited my EX fiancée’s father to my wedding… even though she cheated! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2345