I lied to my boyfriend about my childhood SECRET…and finally told him the truth! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2362 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John, this is the m Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Have some.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Good stories coming up for you. That's right. But before that,
we have a little morsel of a two minute at
break from the sponsors keeping the show delicious.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Hmmm.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
I lied to my boyfriend about my childhood secret and
finally told him the truth imaginary friend. I'm aware that
this is a terrible thing to do, and I will
live with the guilt of it my whole life and
cannot apologize enough to those affected by this. When I
was starting eighth grade, I went into a completely new
school district due to bullying at my old school. I

(00:38):
still had one friend from my old school who I
texted daily. Will call her Molly. By the way, this
comes from square efficiency five by three, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime separated it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and
we're here to give good advice goof Lee, But we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the

(00:58):
comments and Opisa, Mollie and I had this idea to
see how long I could convince the students at the.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
School that I was color blind.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
I am not, and we decided it would be easiest
for me to pretend to see in just black and white,
which I'm pretty certain is not a thing, so I
wouldn't get stumped if people tested me. Unfortunately for me,
I was quite convincing, and nobody ever called me out
if they doubted me. I went on to fall out
of contact with Molly because she stabbed me in the back,
and was then worried everyone would hate me when I

(01:29):
came clean alone without her to defend that we had
come up with it together. At this point, I had
made a whole new friend group who believed me, and
the entire school that knew me also knew that I
was colorblind. Fast forward to meeting my now boyfriend. Nothing special,
just lucky on a dating app. He was everything I
was looking for and I couldn't have been more happy
and still am. We have never fought in the two

(01:50):
years we've been together, apart from silly debates about SpongeBob
plots and what kinds of food is better. I love
it more than anything and I want to spend my
life with him. However, I don't believe I deserve to
have that. When we started getting serious, he met my
best friend since high school, and in the meeting, my
color vision came up, and rather than come clean to
my best friend, I decided to lie to my boyfriend,

(02:12):
and I feel terrible to this day. My issue is
I don't believe I can continue to go forward when
there is this lie hanging over the whole relationship. For
no reason. I feel I have done the equivalent to
cheating on him by lying for our entire relationship. I
know I have to come clean, and I'm going to
and hope for the best. I suppose I simply would
like advice on how to best go about it. His
family also believes I'm also color blind. Feel free to

(02:35):
rip me a new one in the comments. I deserve
it for faking a disability, and I take full responsibility
and will not claim I was a child and didn't understand.
I knew I was wrong, and I regret it edit
that I was telling me to add to the lie
or not helping. I know summer jokes. My issue isn't
I'm scared he'll figure it out. I want him to know.
I simply want a smart way of going about telling him.

(02:57):
Comment one, Listen, I once convinced a priest was my
twin when I was in seventh grade. Except I don't
have a twin. I'm an only child. That's what kids do.
They ever around. In your case, you're finding out a
little too late. If I can come clean and risk
internal damnation with a man of the cloth. He ended
up finding it hilarious, but did recommend therapy. I'm sure

(03:19):
you can come clean to folks, because it's effing funny.
Common two says, I am legitimately blind in one eye,
and almost everyone I know constantly forgets about it. I
have no idea why anyone would give a single f
about whether or not someone was colorblind, let alone bring
it up constantly. Common three, here's the thing. You've been
feeling shame about this for so long you've lost perspective.

(03:40):
So I'll tell you this is objectively hilarious. It's also
not that big of a deal. You told a lie
as a kid to get attention. You didn't hurt anybody
with this lie. You got in too deep and kept
it up to avoid embarrassment in high school, probably when
the shame started getting tangled into it, because you knew
by that point that it's a little cringe to tell
an intention seeking lie. Now you can't separate the reality

(04:01):
that it was a dumb, silly thing to do and
nobody's gonna hate you or cut you off for it,
from the alternate reality you've created in your head that
this was a shameful lie and you've betrayed your friends
and the boyfriend by telling it. The alternate reality is
not a thing. It's not real. Try to get an
aerial view of this. Imagine your boyfriend claimed to be
left handed as a kid because he thought it'd be cooler,

(04:23):
and somehow managed to learn to write with his left
hand and fooled everyone. Now imagine him coming to you,
solemn guilty, almost in tears, and admitting that he's not
actually left handed. He's been right handed all along. You'd
laugh your butt off, right, I mean, if my husband
told me that, I definitely would, because it's funny and

(04:43):
nobody got hurt and it's so not a big deal.
I'd probably make fun of him for a while, not mean,
just teasing, and then I'd probably forget about it. Maybe
once in a while i'd remember and chuckle again. Just
come clean to your boyfriend. It's not that deep. Your
brain and shame are tricking you, and op he does reply.
But I agree with all those comments.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
I think that was also really nicely worded. So that's
what I was saying too, where Like there was I
think there were a lot of people who were like, like,
you're making a big deal like brushing it off, and
it's so clear that to this person like basy have
made like and so I like the way that that
person worded it. That was like, hey, like, yeah, you've
been kind of inside for so long, like dealing with
this that you have lost perspective like this is fine.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
It's like when you, you know, are worried.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
About something and then you internalize it and then you're
thinking about all the worst possible scenarios and then when
you like journal or you tell someone, you're like, oh,
actually it's it's really not that bad. Yeah, it's just
getting perspective on it.

Speaker 5 (05:39):
That is a constant.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
I feel like lesson that that you never stop learning
is just being like, oh my gosh, I can't believe
that open communication yeah made everything better.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
And then you learn that lesson promptly forget it and
then have to just relearn constantly.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
Groundhog's Day is a little very I can't believe open
communications save the day again, Opie replied, thank you so much.
I told my mother and asked for help, and she
couldn't stop laughing enough to speak. I guess it's not
that bad, but my shame is that it's a disability
I faked, and in a way was making fun of
those who genuinely suffered with it and a common four,

(06:19):
says Ellwell, reminds me of how I said I lost
my virginity to a non existent man named Jack and
kept it the lie for an entire seven year relationship
with a dude I actually lost it to.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
Tell him you have to tell him something and it's
really bad. Just keep alluding to how terrible it is,
so that he thinks you slept with his dad or
drowned a litter of puppies for fun. Then when you
finally really reveal it's just that you're not colorblind, he's relieved.
Ohpi says, I hate to admit that's what I was
thinking from the start, but I don't think I could
bear to even make him think I would do that. Update.

(06:51):
I spoke with my boyfriend last night while having pizza,
I simply said what I typed above, as many people suggested,
and after a lot of blank stares, silence and a
simple what, we started laughing. I was laughing nervously and
I was still unsure if he was going to get
up and leave my house, but wanted to laugh at
me first, dramatic, I know, but that's me. He calmed

(07:12):
me down because he's a saint and told me I'm
stupid and that was weird, and he still slightly shocked,
but ultimately he didn't care. We continued eating our pizza,
watch the next Marvel movie in our lineup, and I
had a completely relaxing night. I waited to update, still
unsure if he was staying with me after a night's
rest on it, but I'm happy to say it says
if nothing has changed, and I couldn't be happier. I

(07:34):
saw a few comments of Paul that I was sorry
for lying to my boyfriend, but nobody else. I will
admit my post did make it seem that way, and
maybe he was the catalyst to make me take the
steps towards coming clean. But I do deeply regret lying
to my friends as well. On that note, I told
my best friend as well over the phone because she
lives hours away at college right now, and she also

(07:54):
thought it was hilarious and shocking I managed to keep
it up this long. She also said she wasn't upset
with me, and it changed nothing between us, apart from
the relentless teasing I'm sure is coming my way. I
haven't told my boyfriend's family yet, as I want him
and I to decide together how to go about it,
because he obviously knows them better than me, although I
have already come to love them as my own family.

(08:15):
And that's the end of that story. Folks.

Speaker 4 (08:18):
My boyfriend hides girls on social media and then says
I'm the toxic one.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Well, we better find them. Yeah, where are they? Where
have they gone? My boyfriend and I have been together for
almost eight months. I've been in a very toxic for
your relationship before him, and he hasn't been in one
before I broke up with my ex because he was
constantly following and looking at other girls. Because of all
the things I've been through with my ex, I carry
a lot of insecurity with me, which leads to a

(08:44):
lot of jealousy from my side. By the way, this
comes from user no Prune ninety nine sixty and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to ar
slash Okay's story time subreddit. I'm Riley, I'm Sophia, and.

Speaker 5 (08:57):
We are here to give good advice in a goofy manner.
But we'd we don't know everything, believe it or not.
Uh So we only know what we would do.

Speaker 4 (09:04):
So if you have other opinions or experiences, speak your
truth down in the comments. Speak your mind, speak your mind,
spego truth speak go hot uh OPI says, in the
beginning of my relationship with my current boyfriend, I wasn't
jealous at all. That's because he made me feel like
the most beautiful girl in the world. I trusted him
one hundred percent to not be looking at or talking
to other girls behind my back. However, one day we

(09:26):
decided to warn a girl about her being spread via
his TikTok account. It was late and I decided to
go to bed. A few hours later, the girl added
me on Snapchat and sent me screenshots of the conversation.
Turns out he had given her his snapchat but deleted
it for me so I couldn't see it. I was
hurt a lot and acted out on him. We had
a big argument about it.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
A few months into our relationship, we decided to go
on a trip together. Out of boredom. I asked if
I could go on his phone. He said yes. I
decided to go through his photos and saw that he
had saved a girl in a bikini.

Speaker 4 (09:58):
I got really upset at him. He told me it's
because it was a girl he knew. I still didn't
like it, but I decided to calm down. A few
days later, he lost his phone on this trip, so
I told him he could use my iPad until we
got back. I noticed that a girl had viewed my
profile on TikTok, and my first instinct was to look
at his TikTok account. I saw that he had unfollowed me,
but left me as a follower.

Speaker 5 (10:19):
I got really upset.

Speaker 4 (10:20):
At him and was really mean because I thought it
was strange that he did that. I also noticed that
the same girl had followed him on there. I didn't
really think much of the girl at first. The next
day I walked in on him texting someone on my
iPad on Instagram, and when he noticed my present, he
swiped the chat away.

Speaker 5 (10:34):
That day, he acted.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
Really strange and wouldn't leave me alone with my iPad.
He even wanted to take it outside with him in
his pockets when he had to grab something. The first
moment he left me alone with the iPad.

Speaker 5 (10:45):
I decided to look on to it.

Speaker 4 (10:47):
I saw that a girl had messaged him on IG
and he had muted the chat. I decided not to
say it I saw anything and give him the chance
to tell me himself. So I asked him who he
was talking to earlier. At first, he told me it
was a girl he knew from high school.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
I was upset. Then ten minutes later he grabbed the
iPad and showed me his DMS, saying, girl, you worry
too much. I wasn't talking to another girl.

Speaker 4 (11:07):
If I hadn't seen the task before, I would have
believed him. But I had seen it and told him
we're done. I saw her messaging you you've deleted it.
Then I went outside and was anxious as heck. I
told his mom what had just happened, and she went
to talk to him. I went to her room and
cried my eyes out like a hysterical person. He came
to sit with me and talk, saying he was sorry.
I called him a heartless person and was really mean

(11:27):
to him again. Eventually, I decided to stay with him,
but on the condition that I could have his password
to all his social media accounts. The next day, I
woke up with a weird feeling in my stomach. I
decided to look through his saved tiktoks and saw him
saving other girls. I cried again and asked if we
could talk. He got really defensive and stressed because he
knows I broke up with my ex because of this.
I stayed calm, though I did cry about it to him.

(11:48):
He told me it was for his art, he makes
three D characters, and that he isn't that kind of guy.
Other things I've noticed include his Twitter account being filled
with Asian girls. I hadn't said anything about that though.
When we got home from the trip, I got another
weird stomach feeling and decided to find out who the
girl is that viewed my TikTok profile.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Turns out it was the same girl he was texting.

Speaker 5 (12:09):
I decided to break up with him, but when I told.

Speaker 4 (12:11):
Him why, he said he didn't know it was her.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
I decided to trust him and we.

Speaker 5 (12:14):
Didn't break up after all.

Speaker 4 (12:16):
A few weeks later, he started commenting on my chest
a lot. He told me they got bigger, they got
small again. When is your next period? Because he knows
my chest is bigger before my period. Your chests are
so small haha.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
And then I had a dream you had.

Speaker 3 (12:32):
A really big chest.

Speaker 4 (12:33):
I was really confused as to why he was paying
so much attention to them. We were engaging in spicy sleep.
He put a blanket over me and grabbed his phone.
I accused him of going on Twitter to look at
those girls that pop up on his FYP. I immediately
stopped and didn't let him touch me. After that, I
woke up with a weird stomach feeling again and decided
to look through his.

Speaker 5 (12:50):
Social media history.

Speaker 4 (12:51):
When I got to his Instagram watch history, saw about
forty reels of women volumptuous women from the same account,
with no videos from other accounts in between, means he.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
Had watched them back to back. I sent him a
video of it because I was so done. I sent
it with the text, you guys are all the same.
I didn't handle this situation well. It was very toxic
to say the least. Well, I agree, and that only
because you should have broken up the first time.

Speaker 4 (13:14):
Yeah, Like, I don't think you were toxic for sending
that not like. I just think that we could have
avoided this by just like together when we broke with
the first time. Let it stick.

Speaker 5 (13:24):
I let him believe I blocked him.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
After sending the video, he asked me what he did wrong,
and then convinced me that his algorithm randomly shows him
these things and that he wasn't actively searching for it
at all, because that's.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
How algorithms were.

Speaker 5 (13:37):
I decided to forgive him. That was yesterday.

Speaker 4 (13:40):
He gave me a FaceTime call yesterday evening and asked
me why I looked through his history. I told him
about the chest thing. He told me he felt that
I didn't trust him and that he felt like he
had to walk on eggshells with me because every time
I see something on his social media that involves a girl,
I act out and become mean to him. He also
says that his mom and brother don't see the wrong

(14:01):
in the history thing and said he couldn't do anything
about it. He feels like I don't understand him and
that I wrongfully compare him to my ex. He also
finds it draining to give me conscient reassurance, and doesn't
like the way I say mean things when I'm upset.
I've never called him bad words or anything, but I
guess I do say insulting things like you're heartless. He
told me that the past few months have drained him,
especially yesterday, so he asked for space and that it

(14:23):
could be up to a few months of space. I
didn't respond to an understanding wait to him to all
the things he told me on that FaceTime call.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
The thing.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
The way that I know that that he's a good
gas lighter is that he like makes it sounds He
makes it sound good.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
You know.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
He makes me being like, oh, well, maybe you know
there is another side I'm not seeing. But then we
get to the end and I'm like, oh no, he
just wants toaff other women. Yeah, oh, he wants a
couple times of space, not just break up. Yeah, why
do you want a couple months of space? What are
you gonna do in a couple months of space?

Speaker 4 (14:55):
There's another relevant update, but let's discuss.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, wow, break up, break up? Why I don't have
any other advice for you? Break up, break up, and
please like again? Because I've seen how you've behaved throughout
this whole story. You need a minute before you get
into another relationship.

Speaker 5 (15:13):
Because like, and it is interesting.

Speaker 4 (15:17):
She even starts this story with, like, I have a
lot of insecurities. I get jealous very easily, and I
get mean, and I feel like a lot of the time,
sometimes people think that saying that is good enough, like
as long as they're like I know, like, yeah, I
get pretty jealous.

Speaker 5 (15:35):
And it's like, well, you can't stop there. You have
to be like, Okay.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
I recognize that jealousy is something that I struggle with.

Speaker 5 (15:43):
How do I figure that out?

Speaker 3 (15:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Because at this point, I'm like, how much of this
is your jealousy coming out in extremes or how much
of this is him, you know, actually pushing past boundaries
that you've set And it might be a little bit
of both. Yeah, because there's definitely like he's doing some
absolutely shady stuff.

Speaker 5 (16:01):
Yeah, but it is also yeah, like like if you
know that that.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
Is something that you struggle with, yeah, really being aware
of and watching for that stuff. Yeah, Because I mean,
regardless of who you're dating next, whether they're a good
person or not, you're going to react the same way.

Speaker 4 (16:17):
Yeah, Like, that's the thing is yep, and you actually
said it perfectly and I had nothing else to do,
that's the thing instead of yes and just yes yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
He says I was very cold to him and only
focused on my own feelings. I made some toxic comments.
I also said I couldn't understand how he was okay
with not talking to me for so long, and I
couldn't even think of doing that to him. He just
responded that I don't get the reason he wants to
stop contact for now.

Speaker 5 (16:43):
After that, he just said good night.

Speaker 4 (16:45):
Do you guys think that he still wants to be
with me after all of this? And what can I
do to make this relationship work?

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Nothing?

Speaker 5 (16:51):
Or is our relationship ruined?

Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yes? Your relationship is over. Yeah. The comment has something
which I will probably agree with, which says all he
does is piss you off. Why do you care if
it's over? Are you afraid you won't have anyone to
be mad at anymore? Oh? That was crazy. That was
a crazy way to end that. I actually I was like,
I was like, yeah, we'll probably agree with commenter. And
then they put some sauce on it right at the end.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
Opie replies no, I care because I genuinely love him
and I don't want to be this way towards him.
I've summed up all the things we've fought over in
this paragraph. The other parts of our relationship are all
happy and follow like best friends.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
No, you're not. You're literally not. That's not how best
friends behave Yeah, stop lying to yourself.

Speaker 4 (17:30):
I wrote this text to get advice, criticism, and just
honest feedback to better myself for him. Another commenter says,
what the f can you possibly be getting out of
this relationship that you'd even care if it's ruined. You're
terrible for each other. He wants to break up with you,
but is afraid to tell you quit making toxic comments
with him and it with anyone else, and stop making.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
Your issues other people's problems. And that's the end of
that story. Folks. My girlfriend wanted a procedure, but the
real reason shattered me.

Speaker 5 (17:57):
This is so vague. I don't even have a quippi
for it. She's like, whatever, could you mean some backstory? Oh,
booth age.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
We've been together about a year and a half and
we get along fabulously. I love her like crazy. We've
had a rough patch, but we made it through and
now we're great. We say I love you all the time,
regular dates, rarely fight, et CETERA great dynamic. By the way,
this comes from history. What now and if you want
to smit your own stories, go to the raslash okay,

(18:27):
storytime subbured it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, but we're here
to give good advice. Goofy, but we don't have all
the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let
us know what you would do in the comments, and
Op says we are both child free. It was one
of the first things we bonded over. She's been planning
to get her tubes tied when she was thirty since
before we met. She has an IUD now, so permanent
birth control is nothing new. I support her decision completely.

(18:50):
But then a couple days ago we were talking and
the topic of how she'll be thirty soon came up
and the surgery. Then she drops on me totally casually
that instead of getting her tubes tied, she's leaning towards
getting her uterus completely taken out. I'll admit I'm not
the most medically savvy, but from what I know and
looked up about it. It doesn't seem safe or logical,

(19:12):
especially at her age, so it was kind of a bombshell.
I said. I thought it had too many health risks
and could send her into menopause from what I know
about it. She just kept repeating that she knows what
she's talking about it and is fine, and not to
question her. From what I know, her periods aren't very
heavy or painful, and there's no history of camp, so
I have no idea what brought this on. It escalated

(19:33):
to a heated argument that led to her saying she
wished she hadn't said anything and that it's not my
body and storming out of the room. That was a
few days ago and things are still chilly. Neither of
us have said anything on the topic, so what the heck?
She won't say why, And from what I've researched on
the procedure, it a seems completely unnecessary, b could be

(19:54):
slash is harmful for a woman her age, and see
good luck finding a doctor who will do it. You
usually super into her health and weighing the risks and benefits.
So I don't get it. Am I missing something here?
Or am I just being an unsupportive jack butt, and
there are some comments. Common One says you don't have
to broach the subject or talk about it at all,

(20:14):
because they won't remove a perfectly healthy organ if she
has normal periods, no fibroids, no care, it's not coming out.
It's beyond too dangerous to perform this on a healthy
person for no reason, and it will not happen. It's
not a birth control option, it's not elective period. A
doctor will tell her this in due time, So this
is not your problem. Stop worrying about this. I just

(20:35):
need to correct you re metopause. That's only if they
remove the ovaries along with the uterus, which isn't necessarily
and not part of an average hysterectomy. Two, you've been
getting some frankly crap advice here, no offense, but this
sub seems to have been filled with people who immediately
jammed cotton into their ears the minute they saw something
about women's reproductive organs. And stop paying attention to reality.

(20:57):
You should absolutely be worried about your girlfriend. Heck, my
fiance has a cold and I'm worried about her health.
If her response to a cold was I should get
my sinuses removed I'd be super concerned. While it's probably
true she won't find a doctor worth her salt who
will provide one, if she's set on it, she'll be
able to get one one way or another, and that's
very concerning. As for what you should do here, step

(21:19):
back and give it a little time before you guys
talk about it again. Let cooler heads prevail, as it were,
ask lots of questions, and come in without or seemingly
without judgments. As directomy is not a my body, my
choice thing. That's a major surgery with very long term effects.
If her reasons are nothing but zero percent of babies
and no more periods, then she does not have good reasons.

(21:42):
Common three says, of course, it's not your body, but
you love her and you want what's best for her,
so you felt the need to tell her your concerns.
And it's unfortunate that that was in the form of
a heated argument. But the complete removal of an organ
is not a trifle matter. And there is an update. Wow,
this really blew up. I've read through all the replies
and went to addressed and want to address a few things,

(22:05):
especially for anyone who didn't read the original post. I'm
not being mistreated, not being manipulated. The hysterectomy idea was
brought up as an option to permanent sterilization. It's part
of an ongoing conversation. We are child free. She had
planned to get her tubes tied when she turned thirty,
since before she met me. It probably would not have
escalated to this if I had just said okay. It

(22:27):
was when I reacted strongly that she got defensive. Therapy,
particularly couple's therapy, was already suggested between us, and we're
probably going to go for it. She admitted she has
some baggage surrounding her previous bedroom relationships, and because I
wasn't listening and she figured that getting her ovaries out
was a potential solution to something. I didn't think it

(22:47):
was needed to go into detail like this, but she
said when we were talking that she was surprised at
how heated she got over the issue. She also realized
after the fact no doctor would take her ovaries out voluntarily.
For the people I missed it, we generally communicate pretty well.
I just missed the spicy sleep talk from her for
six months, again, something that can hoefully be addressed with therapy.

(23:09):
If every bump in the road or accidental miscommunication is
breakup worthy jeepers, good luck to you, guys. I got
a lot of advice on the last post from all
points of view and a couple of messages, so I
figured i'd do an update. First off, she didn't actually
want a hysterectomy. It was a cry for help or
red flag. Also, I'm an idiot, So the day after

(23:30):
I made the post, I wanted to clear the air because,
like I said, things were chilly and off. So I
sat down with her and I had a whole apology
planned out about doubting her judgment and clearly she knows
her body, and I was just worried because I love
her and I support her and so on and so forth.
But I only got part way in before she got
upset told me it doesn't matter because she knows she

(23:53):
can't get one and it's not happening. Then I got
really confused and said, if it's what she wants, then
I'll help her get one and find the right dog
her and we can do our research together. She yelled
that she doesn't want one and to drop it and
leave her alone. Then she burst into tears and stormed
out of the apartment. See, oh, b I, this is
why I really feel like you need to I mean

(24:13):
it seems like he, you know, tried to go one
way didn't work, try to go the other way didn't work.
I think we just need to go middle of the
road and say why do we want it?

Speaker 5 (24:21):
Yeah, but I will say it does sound like she.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Does not want to talk. No, yes, I agree, but
it seems like Opie's you know, I understand.

Speaker 5 (24:30):
When their extremes occur.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yes, it's like I'm fully on board. I don't need
any information. It's like I don't think either of those
ones are going to work. I think it's just, hey,
why why do we feel like this? Ah? So I'm
super confused and worried at this point. I didn't call
because when she gets this upset, it's better to leave
her be. But I sent her a text telling her
I love her and I want to fix whatever's going on.

(24:54):
She came back an hour later, still crying, and said
she needs to talk and tell me something. I was
completely brave for the worst that she cheated or was pregnant,
but I think what she actually said hurt more. She
wanted the hysterectomy as a last ditch resort to intentionally
unlive of her spicy drive. Remember how I mentioned we

(25:14):
had a rough patch about six months ago. Well, I
thought everything was better than ever since then. But what
I didn't notice was I've coincidentally taken on some bigger
projects at work since then, which is up my stress levels.
And I didn't notice we've been having less and less
spicy sleep. She pointed out that we only had spicy
sleep twice in the past month. And I don't initiate, girl,

(25:36):
We didn't have to jump to let's get a hysterectomy.
Let's just talk. Yeah, I mean, what did I say
earlier today? It's like the constant lesson being learned of.

Speaker 5 (25:48):
You just got to communicate.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
You just got to communicate.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
She also told me her last three relationships ended with
passed away bedrooms where her partners refused to work on it,
so she was scared it's happening to her again. She
then told me that if it keeps happening to her,
that there must be something wrong with her and how
awful she feels. So she just wanted to not feel
anything spicy wise.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
Ouch.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
Yeah. At the end of the day. This is just
you just had to you know, slowly, you know, weeded
out of her.

Speaker 5 (26:19):
Like the information.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
Yeah, okay, it's not the uterus the information. No, yeah,
it really is like that should have been those feelings
should have been talked about way earlier before you go
to medical. Yeah, a huge medical like change, that's that's yeah.
We don't need any procedure that's gonna literally affect your

(26:44):
life forever. Uh. Yeah, but I'm glad. I'm glad she
finally told you, and I hope that you can listen
and make those changes.

Speaker 4 (26:53):
I know, I'm curious to see how this ends.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
Honestly, the whole thing is heartbreaking, and I felt so guilty.
She had brought up the spicy sleep thing a few
times before, but I hadn't taken it seriously enough, and
I guess she just gave up. Anyways, I felt like garbage,
and I've spent every day since trying to make it
up to her. And yes, we've been having spicy sleep.
I've also committed to making sure I initiate and to

(27:16):
actually listen before things snowball. She's happier, she's incredible. I'm
much better for actually getting some two and I'm the
luckiest man on the planet. And all's well. That ends. Well,
there we go, that's all just communication saves the day.
Another story saved by communication. But folks, that's the end

(27:38):
of that story.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
We'll get back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
My father's girlfriend wanted to be my friend, but I refuse.

Speaker 6 (27:48):
Second time, doesn't have to be your friend.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
My twenty six female father late fifties has been with
Trudy early forties for about six years, but she only
moved in with him a little under a year ago.
Before that, she lived in a different city. By the way,
this comes from Construction Witty nine seven eight. And if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay story time. It's Sepreddit and I'm Angie
and I'm Keon and we're here to give good advice goofily.

(28:11):
But we don't have all the answers, so we're just
gonna guess what we would do in this situation. But
if you would do anything differently, let us know in
the chat or in the comment. So Opie says. Since
they started dating, Trudy has established herself as essentially a housewife.
It was her choice from what I gather for My
father was against it, and she seems happy with it,
but she's a little extreme about it. She doesn't work,

(28:34):
she has no hobbies, and refuses to go anywhere without
my father. He often leaves on work trips for days
at a time. When he's in town, she joins him
and whatever he's doing. When he's not, her daily routine
consists of going to the gym and returning home to
order takeout and watch TV. Because of that, Trudy has
no friends in this city. She never meets anyone. Her

(28:55):
whole family is a six hour drive away, and only
my father's friends come to her birthday parties. Recently, both
Trudy and my father started pushing for me and my
sister to hang out with Trudy or include her in
whatever plans we make, because she's been spending a lot
of time home alone and has been getting lonely. They've
mostly given up on asking my sister, but still try

(29:16):
to convince me. I never do both because I can't
and because I don't like Trudy. I'm well aware that
that's not her problem, and I'm always polite, but I
don't want to spend time with her when I don't
have to. I also have a baby and a job,
so whatever free time I have tends to revolve around
my son. Even when it doesn't. Trudy and I don't

(29:36):
have the same interests. Last Friday, Trudy was home alone
and invited me and my husband and our baby over
to watch a movie with her. We thanked her, but
said no because my husband wanted to catch up on
work and I didn't want to take our son out
on my own, both true. On Saturday, we ended up
inviting my best friend and her husband for a small
game night at our place. Said friend later posted an

(29:57):
Instagram story about it. My father returned on Saturday morning
and we saw my family at a small get together
that day. Trudy was quiet, which was a bit out
of character. Right before we left, she and my father
pulled me aside. We had an argument because Trudy had
seen what my friend had posted. She said that she
was upset that I hadn't thought of including her or

(30:18):
taking her up on her offer to hang out when
she was home alone. My father told me that I
had been inconsiderate and as she hasn't made any friends
around here yet, and I know how lonely she's been lately.
I said, it's not my fault she doesn't have friends,
and I don't have to include her in my plans
just because she refuses to meet new people. And Trudy
God offended, but my husband and I had to leave yesterday.

(30:42):
My father texted me saying that Trudy was still upset
about what I said, and he thinks that I owe
her an apology. He thinks that I'm bullying his girlfriend
by refusing to hang out with her. And it was
rude of me to imply that her lack of friends
is her own fault. That's not what I meant. And
I don't like being treated like Trudy's cure for loneliness.
But I do understand and how what I said could be.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Seen as rude? Am I a hole?

Speaker 3 (31:03):
If you do have some relevant comments? One commentary says,
not the a hole. Why is Trudy looking at your
friend's Instagram story? It's not your job to entertain her
or invite her to anything. Trudy's a grown but woman
who needs to get a life instead of crying to
her boyfriend that his kids don't want to hang out
with her. Opie says she started following some of my
friends during my birthday a few months ago. She said,

(31:25):
A said friend has been my best friend since diaper's
and is a little more active on social media, so
Trudy checks hers pretty often. Another commentary says, not the
a whole explained to your dad that you are not
bullying her. They are bullying you. You've said nothing mean
to her or about her, and you have not done
anything mean to her. You did not attack her with
the statement you defended against their attack. You are a

(31:48):
working mother with limited time already, and she is not
offering to help you in any way. She's just demanding
a portion of your already limited free time. The fact
that she has no child, no job, and is bored
does not give her the right to add stress to
your already stressed life. Obi responds that things with her
have gotten so much worse since my son was born. Interesting.
I thought I always thought my father would be more

(32:08):
difficult to deal with around this time, but she does
not understand how limited my free time actually is. Another
commentary says, it's exceedingly hard for me to sympathize with
or feel any compassion for women in these situations, because
if it's against the husband's wishes, then it's ultimately entirely
a situation of the woman's designs. Any dislike for the situation,
any absence of a life beyond being a housewife, is

(32:30):
entirely by her own decision. Plus, from what it sounds like,
she basically doesn't have any real constraints because she's just
sitting on her butt, ordering takeout and watching TV. Like
join a club, take up a hobby, read books. If
you're just scrolling TikTok and watching TV, then your loneliness
is your own faults. Also, it's not necessarily bullying to
exclude freedom of assembly is a personal right, and you're

(32:52):
not required to spend time with her just because she's
a loser, not the a hole. Obi responds, My father
was indeed against it, but at the same time, he's
always liked having people who depend on him, even if
he doesn't admit it. I love the guy, but living
with him wasn't easy, and our relationship got a thousand
times better when I moved out. This is actually the
first fight we've had in a while. I think his
main problem with it is how intense it is. She

(33:14):
quite literally refuses to do anything without him. Sometimes that
comes at the expense of other people's money, comfort, or time.
She doesn't care. I do think my father enjoys having
her around, but her fixation on being a terminator housewife
bothers him too. And more on Trudy and Ope's father's relationship,
Opie says, I always thought that they were a weird couple.

(33:35):
Trudy is still nostalgic for Y two K and would
be a Disney adult if she could afford to. My
father thinks he's James Bond, but is closer to Fraser
minus the college degrees. He really wants us to be friends,
though I never told him I didn't like her, but
I did make it clear that the fact that we
have nothing in common makes it unlikely. Plus, she used
to work, and I think she still has some savings.

(33:56):
I also think there is some inheritance money involved. My
father does pay for most of their expenses, though back
when she lived in her hometown, she'd fly in to
visit my father at least twice a month and stay
for about a week. Moving in with him didn't change much,
except she no longer has the option of returning home
to stay with her friends and family when he's out
of town, and we do have an update. But yeah,

(34:18):
I feel like a lot of those comments are true.
I think a lot of the comments were pretty harsh.

Speaker 6 (34:22):
But no, they were just brutally honest.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
Do you think yeah, because I mean I almost want
to give her the benefit of the doubt a little bit.
I think she it is odd that she is just
like following the husband around and only wants to wants
to do everything that he's involved in because she's shadows. Yeah,
he's not getting his own life and she's not building
her own. So it's it is true what Opie said

(34:45):
about like, yeah, I mean, it's not my fault she
doesn't have any friends, you know, And it's true that
she can join hobbies and join clubs and stuff like that.
I will say though, that even then it can be
difficult to make friends, So you know, I don't I'm
not surprised that she maybe felt left out. But at
the same time, it's like, you can't be mad to
the point where it's like, oh my gosh, my life

(35:07):
is depending on this and you ruined it.

Speaker 6 (35:08):
Yeah, exactly, Like I get it from a point of
like maybe once in a blue moon hang out or
like get lunch or coffee or something like that. But
like if she's like, no, you need to be my BFF, Jilly,
I maybe a friend bracelet, Like right, let's hang out
twenty four to seven. Yeah, that's a little different.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:26):
And also her her reasoning for this situation, like for
being mad about the situation was just like, oh, I
asked you to hang out once, you said you couldn't
do it because your husband was doing something already and
you didn't want to like take care of your kid
without the husband.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
So now the fact that you're hanging out.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
With this other person was like, you know, it's like
that's that's if it was multiple times, where like she
was always inviting and always saying no, but then hanging
out with other people even though she said she had
no time, then that I would be upset about. But
this is like, girl, you can't be this mad about
this yet.

Speaker 6 (35:56):
Yeah, exactly. This is unless if we this is the
context we get, maybe it's happened more than once, right,
but it seems like like chill take a chill pill.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
Yeah, Trudy, exactly, take a chill pillm. But we do
have an update from twelve days later. It's been almost
two weeks since I posted here. I wouldn't say I've
sorted everything out, but I'm satisfied with what has happened.
A few days after my post, I reached out to
all my friends who know Trudy and told them to
either block her on social media or just remove her
as a follower. Interesting. I don't think she was using

(36:26):
them to stalk me or anything. She spends a lot
of time on her phone. It was actually very unlikely
that she wouldn't see the story that my friend posted
that day, but I figured it would be best to
prevent this from happening again. I also removed her from
my followers. My account has always been private anyway. I
decided that I wanted to have a one on one
conversation with my father so that we could talk things through,

(36:47):
so we agreed to have lunch together on Saturday. We
settled on a restaurant near my place and agreed that
it would be just the two of us. Ay of,
he called and told me that Trudy was insisting on
coming along to keep company. I told him no, I
wanted to talk to him on my own. We had
a small fight because he didn't want to leave Trudy alone,
so I told him that it was best that we

(37:08):
rescheduled it. My husband and I had lunch together and
took our baby to the park instead. That night, I
told my husband what had happened, and he said, I
love that you're still trying to be nice to them,
but I don't think it's working. Between that your comments
and the fact that I'm exhausted, I decided to give up.
I can't force my father and Trudy to listen, but
I can at least put my foot down. I called

(37:29):
my father the next day, while Trudy was at the gym.
I told him, in no uncertain terms that I do
not like Trudy and will never accept an offer to
spend time with her when he's not around, even more
so now that I have a child. As expected, my
father started trying to guilt me right away. First, he
went on a spiel about Trudy's life story and how
caring and devout she is to everyone around her. He

(37:52):
told me about how much she loves me and wishes
that we could spend more time with her. This wasn't
the first time that I heard all of that, but
it was the first time that I told him I
didn't care. I'm glad she loves me, but I have
no obligation to love her in return. I could spend
hours listing all the reasons that I don't like her,
but I don't think she has to care about that.

(38:12):
We're not friends and we're not family. That argument actually
went on for a while, but eventually the subject shifted
to Trudy's lack of friends. I reminded him that they
live in one of the most popular streets in our city,
and there are dozens of things that she could do
to meet new people. My father said that she knew that,
but Trudy didn't want to try any of them.

Speaker 6 (38:30):
Ohoh wow, Wow, she doesn't want to try.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
She doesn't want to try, So now it's on uop.
Her life is in your hands. I told him that
in that case, there was nothing else I could do.
Trudy can either start putting herself out there or continue
her lonely routine. Either way, I won't be a part
of it. My father said he wouldn't try to push
me to hang out with Trudy anymore, but he can't
guarantee that she'll do the same. I can live with that,

(38:56):
and I reassured him that I'll never stop being polite
to Trudy, but I I won't like but I won't
start liking her just because they want me to. He
said that he could live with that. My husband and
I have come up with multiple theories about why Treaty
is so fixated on having her life revolve around my father's.
We call her the terminator housewife for a reason, but
I've always thought it was very unhealthy for the both

(39:18):
of them. I hope she does decided to start meeting
new people and doing stuff on her own, but I
won't be treated as her babysitter anymore. My son is
my number one priority. Thank you for your reassurance. I
don't think this is over, but I don't plan on
updating again, as I'm very busy and very tired. Cheers
and she said that that's the last update. But there

(39:39):
is a little bit more to the story, so or
at least there are some comments. Okay with that op
response to okay, so what do we think about this? Though?

Speaker 6 (39:48):
This is the truth. They got to deal with it.
If if they don't like it, tough luck. Yeah, you're
you don't owe Trudy anything. Again, you were like, I'll
be polite, but yeah, I'm not golda call her mom.
I'm not gonna be like buddy, buddy, and that should
be respected unless unless, say, she earns it. I think
respect is earned. Friendship is earned. It's not like just

(40:09):
like you can you know, get it immediately.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
Just by being like the title of your dad's girlfriends.

Speaker 5 (40:14):
Yeah exactly.

Speaker 6 (40:15):
Okay, i'm your dad's girlfriend now and now i'm your mom.
Yeah no, no, no, no, no that I'm also an adult,
so yeah, I can have my own choices.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
Thanks exactly. So thanks, Yeah, no, I I agree. I
think I'm glad that something happened with that conversation. Yeah,
and that it's not just uh yeah, it's it didn't
end with just them hanging up.

Speaker 6 (40:40):
Or something like that or it didn't end it end
in like complete no contact. It was just like this
is it. And the dad was honestly like, all right, fine,
and Trudy's not whispering my ear.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Yeah it's all right.

Speaker 5 (40:50):
I will respect that.

Speaker 6 (40:52):
I'm not saying she will, but and you know what
it's like, well, we'll we'll work from here.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
It's good.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
We're using some sort of compromise here. That's great, but
there is a little bit more here, so we have
some relevant comments. One person says, I'm glad that you
are satisfied with the outcome and wish you all the best,
and that it stays that way.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
However, I would not be.

Speaker 3 (41:10):
Surprised if the ternaminator housewife starts to crank up her
crazy she saying people react very differently to rejection than
crazy ones, and I would not count lowly truty to
do and I would not count lowly lonely Trudy. Uh
to the sane ones. Opie says, Yeah, this isn't over
in the slightest, but I think my husband and I

(41:31):
are prepared, and I'm glad that my father knows that
I don't like her. Now, I don't support running around
telling people you don't like them like a preschooler, but
God didn't feel good to get that off my chest.
Another commentary says, not the a hole. How about Trudy
gets a job. She can make friends there or at
least keep herself busy, so she'll leave you the heck alone.
Opie says she has refused to get a job for years.

(41:54):
She has three degrees in a decent work history, but
the most interest she's shown in working since she started
dating my father was when she wanted to be his
personal assistant a few years ago. Another commentary says, strange,
how did they meet if she doesn't socialize? Not the
a hole? Opie says, I genuinely don't know. She was
an affair partner before she was a girlfriend. Oh oh,

(42:15):
so they're both pretty secretive about the first months of
their relationship. Eh eooo.

Speaker 6 (42:20):
Maybe that's why we also don't like Trudy. That's yeah,
which is very reasonable.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
That's very fair. That's super fair. Also, maybe that's why
Trudy insists on like being around him all the times.
Maybe she's worried that he'll just go off and cheat
on her.

Speaker 6 (42:34):
Fair or Yeah, I don't know that. Oh man, that's
a little context I wish we got right.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
Yeah, I feel like that's big information. But I do
know is that she has friends in her hometown, which reminder,
is six hours away. Another commentary says that explains why
she sticks to your dad, Like lou she so he
was cheating on someone else with her, You could just
tell her you have a difficult time befriending people who
don't practice fidelity as a core value. Hope, he said.

(43:00):
I don't think it's that simple. I think she has
her vision of a future in which she depends entirely
on her partner and never has to worry about anything
as long as her life revolves around him. I think
she wanted someone to be codependent with. And more on
why OPI doesn't like Trudy by draining, I mean having
a conversation with her is exhausting. It's like listening to

(43:22):
a song you hate but smiling through it because your
friends like it. Trudy is the type of person who,
when she wants something, will try to mold something else
into it instead of just looking for it. She often
expects whatever situation she's in to revolve around her. She
doesn't care about anyone else's boundaries, schedules, or needs if
they're stopping her from doing something that she wants. On

(43:43):
a deeper level, Trudy is prejudiced against pretty much anyone
who's not like her. Oh that's another big reason. And
not like Truty too.

Speaker 6 (43:51):
I wish we had this context at the beginning.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
Yeah, I kind of just assumed like she, Opie said,
that she didn't like Trudy, and I was kind of
just like, we never really got a reason at the beginning,
and I was just assuming like, oh, it's just like
I thought.

Speaker 6 (44:04):
He was, just like, I just don't like her because
he's trying to feel that that uh, that space is
moll Yeah, but this makes a lot more sense a
lot of.

Speaker 3 (44:12):
Other reasons here. I've stated this elsewhere, but Trudy's extremely
judgmental of other women. She's also very conservative, which I'm not,
so she tends to judge me specifically. She doesn't do
that openly, but it's obvious. Additionally, she's very talkative, again
not inherently bad, and okay she Additionally, Additionally, she's very talkative,

(44:34):
which again is not inherently bad, but she's also annoying.
She acts like a teenager, and the topics that she
likes talking about reflect that. And there are many other
reasons why I don't like her. I don't expect her
to change, and I don't think my opinion on her
needs to be her problem.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
But if I can.

Speaker 3 (44:50):
Avoid spending time with her, I will. And that's the
end of that story.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
John here og host, We're gonna get back to these stories,
but a quick three minute break from ass for more sponsors,
I refuse to my.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
Sister, a coworker of my business. Now I'm the villain.
I twenty eight female, run my own business as a seamstress,
selling clothes I've made as well as doing alterations. I've
been open for two years and I do steady business.
My primary income for my business is the alterations I do.
By the way, this comes from Tossaway Account eighteen hundred
and if you want to smit your own stories, go

(45:21):
to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia
and I'm Anjie, and we try to give our best advice.
But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves. So
if you have, let us know what you would do
in the comments today. I have a sister, twenty nine
female who will call Lana. Lana is currently a recovering
heavy drinker and I'm trying my best to support her.

(45:43):
Due to Douis, she has been struggling to find a
job and her mental health isn't helping her keep any
job she finds. I feel really bad for her, and
while we were visiting my parents on Monday, I made
the offer that she could work for me. When I
made the offer, I said that she could work inventory
and register like a normal employee. She seemed pretty on board,

(46:04):
but said she would have to think about it since
she didn't want to leech off. Our parents were also
really on board and encouraging, and they thought this would
be a great opportunity for both of us. Wednesday, my
mom called me and asked if the building would now
be in both Loanna and my names. I asked her
what she meant, and she said, since Lana is a
co owner, her name should be on the lease. Huh.

(46:28):
I told her it wouldn't because she wouldn't be co owner.
I made it clear to my mother that Lana would
be like any other employee. The reason I wanted her
to work with me is so if she relapsed, she
wouldn't risk losing her job again, since I know what
she's going through. Mom beat around the bush trying to
convince me to make Lana co owner, and I repeatedly

(46:48):
told her no, not only for Lana's sake, but also
for the sake of my business. I don't think Lana
would be a bad co owner, but at this time
she's still fairly unstable, and I don't want her to
get stressed and fully break her sobriety. I made this
clear to my mother in our phone call before she
eventually gave up. I thought that was the end of it.
A few hours later, Lana called to ask if I

(47:10):
hired her, what she would be doing. I told her
the same thing I said at dinner, that she would
mostly be doing inventory, register, etc. She asked if she
would help with any of the clothes. I told her
when she learned to sew, I would consider it. She
accepted and seemed excited with the arrangement. Since both of
us have always loved fashion, we agreed I would host

(47:32):
an interview with her at the end of the next
week on my day off. My dad called me yesterday
scolding me about the position I was putting Lana in
and was telling me a meaner version of what my
mother was saying. He continuously tried to hound me to
give Lanna a higher position. I was getting really frustrated,
and I told him that if he and Mom wouldn't
stop pushing, I just wouldn't hire Lana at all. My

(47:55):
dad called me a terrible sister before hanging up. I
called Lana and told what happened and my words about
not hiring her. She got upset with me, and I
apologized and told her I still wanted her to work
with me. I just didn't want the drama with mom
and dad. She understood, but is still upset with me
that I would even say that. Even in the heat
of the moment. Am I the ale p said, I

(48:17):
was getting really frustrated, and I told him that if
he and Mom wouldn't stop pushing, I just wouldn't hire
Lana at all. Some of Opie's comments, one commoner says,
not the a hole, but you probably didn't need to
relay the entire conversation with your parents to your sister.
You were both happy with the arrangements, so your parents
can butt out. Stick to your original plan, and stop
trying to justify yourself to your entitled parents. Op says, Yeah,

(48:42):
Lana and I have always been really close, so I
automatically tell her everything. But it's a bit late now.
But you and the other comment are right that I
need to start standing up for myself against my parents.
More commoner says, your parents have put you in an
impossible position. I don't suppose they were offering to buy
out half of the business to give to your sister. Sure, oh,
P says no. But they did help me find the

(49:03):
building my business is in, as well as help me
move some of my stuff into the building and get
it set up. That's just like if everyone that helps
someone move into their place automatically got a share of
the business, there would be a lot of split businesses.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
It'd be a whole lot, especially with parents, because I
feel like if you've got a small business and your
parents have free time, my parents help me.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
Moved into this place, do they get a live here now?
They haven't paid off anything related to my business, unless
you count the sewing machine they got for me when
I was thirteen that started my love of clothes making.
But I think that earlier help is why they think
they have such a say in all this. Commoner says,
look at it this way, not as if your sister
was a stranger applying for a job. Granted, a lot

(49:47):
of this wouldn't be on an application, But would you
hire someone with multiple DUIs, mental health issues and a
heavy drinker. I'm assuming the answer would be no, no,
and no. Not the a hole Opie says, Yeah, I wouldn't,
but I can't bring myself not to help her, even
if she would be a terrible higher on paper if

(50:07):
she wasn't family. And even then, it's something she likes
to do, and I'll be there to support her rather
than metaphorically tossing her to the wolves if she worked
with other people. I don't know. I just want to
help her out. But thank you for commenting, and Commoner
says you seem to have turned out very well for
having two completely delusional parents. Kudos. Opie says, lol, thanks,

(50:29):
but all this is actually coming really out of the
blue for them. My dad has always been really level headed,
and my mom was the one who taught me family
should always be put first, which is why their demands
are so weird, especially since at dinner I told them
exactly what Lona would be doing and they seemed fine
with it. To another commentary, sometimes I wonder if my

(50:50):
parents still think we're teenagers arguing over who gets to
drive the family car. As I said in a previous comment,
their behavior is really out of the blue, since they've
always been really sweet and supportive when it came to
my business. I want to believe they might just be
a misunderstanding something, or maybe they're just stress trying to
help Lana as best they can and taking that stress

(51:11):
out in the wrong places. I'm just hoping the gifts
resolve before I interview Lana next week. Top Commoner says,
not the able. Ask your dad if he would give
away half his business to a wasted sibling who has
no experience, because that's what your mother is demanding. Opie says, yeah,
especially since Lonna is currently living with them while she recovers.
They know exactly how she's doing and that she isn't

(51:33):
fit to run a business. I have no doubt she'll
be a great employee, since she's always been the type
to put her best foot forward in all she does,
but with where she is at the moment, I think
the stress would make her relapse. Commoner says, I suspect
they know she's going to crash and burn at this job,
and their only mental way out of the doomsday scenario
is to believe that this is a permanent gig that

(51:55):
she can't be fired from. That doesn't excuse what they've done. However,
I feel like the commenters are really hammering in on
the like Lana's gonna drink on the job and she's
gonna be terrible and that's really not at all the
problem here.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
Yeah, the problem is literally the parents.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
I feel like Op has made a great point about
how like, yeah, co owning is actually a big job.
That's not that's not just like oh cool, I get
a lot of money. It's like, no, you.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
Have a lot of responsibility.

Speaker 3 (52:26):
Yeah, like the reason that you know, it's not just
like maybe some of these comments are saying of like, uh,
you know, Lana just can't keep these other jobs because
she's like unstable or whatever. It's like, well, I mean
if she's not in a super a stable place and
it's hard to keep jobs, that why that way, it
doesn't mean that she like can handle the responsibility right

(52:49):
now and that's fine, like maybe some days she can,
but yeah, no.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
I think I think there needs to be sort of
balanced in the story. Like one, the parents need to
realize she's not ready for that.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Parents need to be sympathetically yeah, and then the commercers
need to.

Speaker 2 (53:02):
Realize that she's not like she's in recovery yeah, and
she's trying to do better and she you know, right,
and OPS faith in her right also wrestling Mama said earlier.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Something about like, uh, oh shoot, I moved furniture into
Canes into Raisin Kaines.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
I own a restaurant.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
Yeah, have you been checking up on that?

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (53:22):
Have you been getting your your checks?

Speaker 2 (53:23):
And yeah, they've been sending you checks because you probably
have a lot of you know, that's a big business.
I think I'm going to have a family talk with
them after the weekend is over, and hopefully I'll find
out where this is all coming from and how to
deal with it. OHP clarifies, thank you, But like I
said in other comments, I believe my parents' behavior is
primarily out of stress about Lana than genuine hostility or

(53:44):
parent or poor parenting. I should have been clear in
my post that Lana does not have a felony for DUI.
She has two misdemeanors. However, due to time frame, lack
of harm to herself and others, and the actual BAC level,
she's not a felon in our state, and I wouldn't.
I'm successful, but I'm definitely comfortable, but I still have
to watch my budget. Other employees Lana's access to the register.

(54:07):
I actually don't have any other employees which is where
I think my parents might be assuming she'll be co
owner since I run my store almost entirely myself. I
say almost because on rare occasions my friends might come
in to help move stuff around or do deliveries. As
for the register, I have my PayPal hooked up to
the card reader, and even if she was paid with cash,

(54:29):
I would still know how much is made in a day,
and if numbers didn't add up in the very unlikely event,
Lana would try to steal from me. As for becoming
an enabler, I've been doing my own research on how
to help recovering family without enabling them, and I have
made it clear Tolana repeatedly, especially with the interview thing,
that she will be treated like a normal worker when

(54:49):
we're on the clock. One more thought from op Opie
says thank you, and I'm really proud of her too.
Last week actually marked her first three months without a relapse.
That's that's really exciting. And there is an update to
any other thoughts before we jump in. I feel the
same way.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
Yeah, I hope that this update brings conversation with the parents.
Yes and apologies, And it may be understanding between op
and Lana without the parents' involvement, and maybe even Lona
could go to the parents and say, hey, I don't
want to be a co owner. Yeah, right, dealing with
a lot of stuff right now, and that is a
lot of responsibility.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
For me exactly. Update. So, before I get into the update,
I would like to clear some questions that were raised
in the comments. I tried my best to answer them all,
but I got a lot. First, Lana is not a
felon in our states, heard uys that was already read. Second,
my parents' behavior was very out of the blue. They're
usually very supportive and rational, but I think that the

(55:47):
stress of Lana is making them act irrationally. As one
common or put it, they see you're working for me
as a magic bullet to fix everything, and when I
try to set the boundary of her being an employee
rather than a co owner, they thought I was not
going to give her a good job at all. Third,
my business is very small. I run it all by myself,
and like I said in my first post, most of

(56:09):
my money comes from alterations rather than my own designs. Fourth,
what I said about Lana not getting the job was
heat of the moment, frustration when talking to my dad.
He was yelling at me over the phone and being
incredibly pushy, and it felt like I was talking to
a brick wall. I still have full intentions to hire Lana,
and the interview for this coming Friday is still on.

(56:31):
I just set it to try and get my dad
off my back, and I apologize to Lana about even
saying it to begin with, since it wasn't fair to her.
Fifth some people were implying Laanna's drinking had to do
with our parents, but it does not. Up until this point,
we've never had any major rifts with our family, and
we've always been incredibly tight knit. The reason for her

(56:51):
drinking was because of something outside of us. I won't
say what, since it is not my place, but our
parents have nothing to do with their regular use other
than give both of us the regular use gene. Anyways,
here's the update. Uh. Lana called me after dinner late
last night and we talked. She spoke with her parents
and told me that my suspicions of a lot of

(57:12):
this being a stress film misunderstanding were correct, and she
invited me over this morning for breakfast with them all.
I got back literal minutes ago. As I'm riding this.
It was pretty awkward at first. Our parents were still
on this high horse about Lana getting a good position. However,
we were able to talk it out. Lana explained how

(57:36):
she doesn't feel ready for such a position while she's
still recovering, and how it would make her feel like
she's leeching off me. She also pointed out that their
pushiness was impacting her and my relationship and stressing her
out more since she felt like she had to pick
a side. She appreciated their concern, however, as she pointed
out that concern was coming out a detriment to all

(57:56):
of us. I told them how I felt like they
didn't respect my business and how hurtful their words and
actions were, especially my dad yelling at me. As Ray's
voices have always been something I'm sensitive about. I explained
my perspective of how I didn't want to stress out
Lana with a position she really isn't ready for, nor
does she have the experience for, and it felt like

(58:17):
I was getting punished for trying to help her out.
I brought up what another commenter said about how it
was like expecting me to put her on the lease
of my apartment she doesn't even live in. That's what
I said.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
This is great, this is exactly what we said to do.
We got We've got communication going. Yeah, bhazza bhazzah.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
Look at you guys. Go And I'm glad that Lana's
involved in this conversation to me too. My parents really
took some time to think over what Lana and I
were saying. Well, they made breakfast. When we sat down
to eat, they apologized to us and explained that they
were terrified of Lana having another relapse. Apparently, before we
were born, my mom's cousins suffered from regular use and

(58:55):
mental health, which eventually led to her downfall, and they
were terrified the same might happen to Lana. This was
why they were pushing for a more permanent position. It
was a hard talk, but those were the important bits.
It ended with some tears from my mom and so
so many apologies. We've all agreed it would be good
to look into family therapy. Lana is already seeing a

(59:19):
regular youth psychologist and plans to consult them about good
family support groups and therapists at her next session. My
parents keep occasionally texting me asking if I need help
with anything and if I'm okay, which is their way
of apologizing even more. But there is a little bit
left to this story. Any final thoughts.

Speaker 3 (59:37):
I think this is great.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Yeah, good job ten out of ten. You you really
killed it.

Speaker 3 (59:41):
Yeah, We've got family. It makes it like I feel
like that's happened to me before in my family, where
I'm just like, I don't understand you parents, and then
they're like, actually, this really sad thing happened and I'm terrified,
and I'm like, ahh okay, I get it now, you know.
So it's like that. That's like that makes a lot
of sense, and it's good communication.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
Agreed, good, good job ten at ten h This interview
between Lana and I is still on, and I've already
set some boundaries with her about what it means working
under me to ensure she has structure without enabling her.
When we get the therapist, I'll also be speaking with
them for more tips. I'm a bit surprised things resolved
this fast, but not really. My family and lingering tension

(01:00:25):
is like oil and water. None of us can ever
go to bed upset. I think things are going to
be weird for a while, but in the end, I
think it'll be all right. I'm excited to work with Lana,
and I'm nervous but eager to start family therapy since
I think it will be good for all of us.
Thank you all for your kind comments and support. Other
than responding to comments, this will probably be the last

(01:00:47):
post I make, since I just made this account to
get advice. Thank you, and when commoner asks or says,
this is a great update, thanks for posting it. Best
wishes to Lana if you can pass this on from
a stranger on the internet, and great respect to you,
op he says, I will, but I think my family
would freak out if they knew I posted about our

(01:01:08):
squabbles on the Internetel.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
I'll tell her you're just a friend, and that's the
end of that story.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Folks,

All Episodes

I lied to my boyfriend about my childhood SECRET…and finally told him the truth! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2362

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I lied to my boyfriend about my childhood SECRET…and finally told him the truth! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2362