I ORDERED my wife to clean the house… after I came home from deployment! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2293 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story
Time podcast host.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh yeah, we got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
But before that, we get a teeny two minute break
from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like
a little house. Oh yeah, I ordered my wife to
clean the house after I came home from deployment. Sir,
can you ask and say please? I had thirty mail.
Just came back from a nearly six month deployment. I've
been married to my wife, twenty nine female for two years.

(00:28):
This is the longest deployment I've had since we lived together.
No kids, but we do have a few pets. I
bought the house we live in before we got married,
and before I left it was clean and in great condition.
By the way, this comes from Express Ratio nine to two,
and if you want to spit your own stories, go
to the r slash. Okay, Storytime suppured it. So when
I walk through the door, it was like stepping into

(00:49):
one of those hoarder show houses. I wish I was kidding.
This is not an exaggeration. In fact, it's probably not
descriptive enough. The master bathroom had black mold on the walls.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
Ugh.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
The sink shower were caked with soap scum, hair everywhere,
trash covering the floors were talking, used tissues, use pads, makeup, packaging,
all just strewn around. The toilet I won't even describe
the toilet. The bedroom had a waist high piles of clothes, papers,
and god knows what lining two walls. The carpet was
completely covered in pet hair. I saw little moths flying

(01:24):
around that looked like the kind that eat fabric and hair.
The living room wasn't dirty as much as it was
piled with clutter, unopened shopping bags, decorations from last Halloween
and Christmas still out, tons of random stuff she clearly
bought but never put away. And the kitchen, the smell
hit me before I even walked in. Both sinks were
full of dirty dishes with some kind of black sludge

(01:46):
coating the bottom. The fridge was packed, but mostly with
expired and rotting food. This is my nightmare. There were
two casserole dishes filled with what I can only describe
as pure mold based on what I found. The food
in those dishes had been sitting there since before I
left in January. I completely lost it. I yelled a lot.
I called her names, because honestly, what kind of person

(02:07):
lets things get this bad? It felt like coming home
to a house abandoned by squatters. I told her she
had one week to clean the entire house and return
it to the condition it was in before I deployed,
or I'd be filing for divorce. Men I left. I'm
staying with a friend. This guy's not easy to live with.
He's loud, way too talkative, and messy in his own way.
But even his place is paradise compared to what I

(02:29):
walked into. My wife cried and begged me to stay.
She said I was being unfair and that I just
left her here to deal with everything. But I don't
understand what is everything. We have no kids, She works
a normal job and comes home. That's it. No night shifts,
no eighty hour weeks, no caretaking responsibilities. What else was
there for her to deal with? What could possibly be

(02:51):
taking up so much of her time and energy that
basic tasks like throwing away used tissues, washing dishes, or
taking out the trashn't be done. She told me I
needed to help her because it was our mess. But
I've been gone for over five months. She claims that
I didn't understand how hard it was for while I
was gone. I didn't make any of that mess. I've
been deployed and working my butt off and the house

(03:13):
I paid for was trashed while I was away. Is
there something I really don't understand here? And there are comments,
but I mean yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
But then also like there's just the fact that you're like,
this is unacceptable and I cannot be in this situation,
which is you know, you can make that call as
an individual, but like it's not like your wife through
like a five month long frat party and that's why
the house is all messed up.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
It's like, this is like she's experiencing some sort of
mental health crisis, and I think that you need to
get curious on what is going on with her, just
in general before we because you know, before we go
to the divorce route, just like ask some questions.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
So yeah, there is literally no like are you okay?
It was just what's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Really? Like my first thought if I entered that house
would be like, oh my god, are like what happened
to you? Are you?

Speaker 2 (04:10):
I gotta say, my first I would probably be getting
out of that house.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, that would be my first thought. Actually, if I'm
being honest.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Can you front so we can talk?

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Are you okay? What happened to you? Comments horror Fruit
nineteen forty two. You're not the a hole, though it
does sound like your wife is in need of professional
help boarding and what you are describing could be severe
depression or other mental health manifestations. Whilst you have no kids.
Loneliness and the reality of that may also be contributing.

(04:38):
This doesn't sound like a simple clean the house issue.
She needs therapy, and maybe you both need to talk
and listen without initial judgment about how it got to
that state. You're married, after all, this really seems the
worse and better or for worse, who's unwilling to talk
or get help? Then yeah, divorce, but maybe there's a
few steps before that. Scaff's scoff says, Yeah, looks like

(05:02):
depression judgment not the ale, and there is an update,
so let's get into it. Just thought i'd post an
update because I got responses saying she's depressed on my
original post. I hear you a thousand people saying it.
You don't need to say it anymore. I went over
to our house this morning and started cleaning while my
wife was at work. It really doesn't look like she'd
done much, even though she told me she'd been cleaning.

(05:24):
I'd really like to know what she cleaned, because I
don't see any difference between when I first got home
to this morning. I cleaned the bathroom, threw most of
the garbage all over the place away, but tried to
be nice and keep what actually looked like untainted makeup
and bath products. I sprayed the entire room with bleach,
the walls, the shower, the toilet, the floor. The bleach
pretty much ate all of the mold away on its own,

(05:46):
but I scrubbed it all two. It took me maybe
fifteen minutes to rinse everything in the sink and load
the dishwasher. That's what Anna lives. Man, It took fifteen minutes,
even with as bad as it was. Why couldn't she
have done that? It took longer to say, scrub the
sink itself and now scratched up from all the utensils
and metal, baking sheets and things. Plus there are permanent stains.

(06:06):
I almost vomited from the smell. I saved absolutely nothing
from the fridge. I filled too large trash bags up
with contents containers and all. I don't think anything was
safe in there, and it wasn't worth taking the chance.
There's still a lot more to do, but I took
care of the most disgusting parts. I'm yeah. Amy Dean
says she was too paralyzed to clean, overwhelmed by the clutter,
exactly what I'm thinking of. It's like when you are

(06:28):
in that state, like mental health wise, you see this
just terrible monstrosity and you're like, I don't even know
where to start, so I can't. I'm not even gonna
do anything because I just don't. It's too it's too much.

Speaker 4 (06:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
Have you ever watched Hoarders?

Speaker 3 (06:41):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (06:42):
I feel like you probably haven't because it's your nightmare.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
No, I've seen like clips on TikTok.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
It's all yeah, it's I mean psychologically, it's like, you know,
it's crazy. It's like if it were as easy as
you just being like, well don't you want to clean
this up and them just being like yeah, like they
wouldn't ever be a problem.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, but it's like so nonsensical in their own heads.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
It's like that keeps them from, you know, from not
being able to pick up after the stuff or clean.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
It's like she came home and didn't expect me to
be there. She came home with a shopping bag. She
had gone shopping. Despite the horde of stuff inside the house.
I told her I cleaned up the bathroom and the
kitchen and that we're going to work together all weekend
to clean the rest of it. She hugged me and
seemed all thankful, and I told her, it's not that simple.
I'm still pissed off, and I still don't understand how

(07:29):
this happened. She said she didn't understand how it happened either.
She just got overwhelmed. She was mad that I threw
some of the stuff in the fridge away. She wanted
to save the casserole dishes. One was her grandma's. Well,
I never want to eat out of that dish again.
She went and saved it from the trash. I told
her I threw them up. I threw more stuff away
and tried to save what seems salvagible in the bathroom.

(07:50):
I also let her know that if she doesn't help
me clean this weekend, then I'm going to be throwing
all of the stuff she's accumulated in the living room
away too. She said she's gonna help, I'll obviously have
to tell her exactly what tasks to do, and I
shouldn't have to do that. I've accepted that I'll have
to do it to get the place clean this weekend
long term, that's not what I signed up for when

(08:10):
I married her. Am I going to have to get
a chort chart? Like she's a little kid. I told her,
maybe we need to get a cleaning service to come in.
I don't feel we need we should need to people
to come in and clean our house for us, and
I would prefer to spend my money on other things.
But I still offered to do it for her sake.
She was adamantly against it and doesn't want any cleaners
coming into her space. She says it feels too weird

(08:31):
to have somebody come in and clean. I asked her
what was wrong. Maybe she needs therapy or to get
professional help. She said she knows she should probably go
get help, but she's not ready to do that, and
she can stay on top of things if we just
get it back to a clean state. She said she's fine,
and she just got overwhelmed with work and felt so tired,
and it was easy to let things go when she

(08:51):
was the only one here. She says, now that I'm back,
it won't happen. I'll believe it when I see it.
And there are some comments, uh, to finish this story off.
But I don't. I think that's too I think I
don't want to say she's lying to you. I don't
think that she thinks she's lying to you. But I
think that she doesn't quite understand or is unwilling to,

(09:12):
you know, reckon with like what's going on with her right.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
It's like somebody has cancer and they're like, I'll just
get chemo if it gets worse. It's like, well, I
address the root of the problem because that came from somewhere.
The house getting destroyed in six months game from something.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Likes to be aware of it.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Yike, And you haven't solved anything by cleaning the house
that that stuff is still there in you. You've just
cleaned the house. But there are some comments. Spacer Cat says,
your wife is a hoarder. This is a mental illness.
She needs professional help. Seventy pirates baking dishes is not
a collection, it's a regular use and obsession. She needs

(09:52):
professional help. Whether you stay with her or not. No inspection,
says Yep, this is bigger than depression. Something has flipped,
does switch. She's in horder territory. Spinner of Yarn says
her coming home with bags of things when the house
was this nasty really does make it sound like she
needs therapy, because this really does sound like hoarding hope,
he says. She argued that it was just a few
little things, and they were little things, but still she

(10:15):
doesn't need to bring anything else into the house until
what she has is organized, and that is the end
of that story. But I really hope that she gets help.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
I'm going to my doctor's appointments without my husband.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
His family got upset. I want to go to your
doctor's appointments.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
I hate I'm boasting this, but here I am.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
I forty seven female have been diagnosed with stage two
A breastkcter. I got my diagnosis in September. Since then,
I have been at every appointment by myself. By the way,
this comes from user Okay cod two thousand and one,
and if you want us to be your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subpred it. So
my husband has not been at one appointment with me.

(10:56):
We have been together for thirty one years, and I
have been at every appointment he has had. Tonight, we
got into an argument because I'm not feeling spicy going
through what I am going through. The argument tonight is
that he wants to be taken care of. Today was
a bad day mentally because I had to shave my
head because the chemo was making my hair fall out.

(11:17):
Seeing myself with a bald head hurt me deeply. Since
I've been going through this, my husband cares more about
his own spicy needs over my mental, emotional and physical health.
What made me snap tonight was him telling me that
if I don't take care of him tonight, he won't
go to any of my appointments with me from here
on out. I saw red because you haven't been to
any and the fact that you would threaten me with

(11:37):
that while I'm going through.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
This is sick and selfish.

Speaker 3 (11:41):
I told him I don't need him at any of
my appointments and I can do this alone.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Of course, the fool called his mom and told her
what I said.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
She called me and told me I was wrong because
he is stressing about my diagnosis as well. The only
reason I feel I maybe was wrong is because my
mother in law called me. I have a wonderful relationship
with her and I respect her.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
Was I wrong? I know he didn't tell her everything.
Small update.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
I went to his mom's house to have a talk
with her, and when I got there, his uncle, who
he admires and is also scared of. Okay, was there
for a man in his seventies, He's strong willed and
doesn't take crap from anyone. I told both of them
what has been going on. Apparently he has been telling
his mom he goes to my appointments. He also told

(12:27):
her I snapped at him because I was upset about
cutting my hair. The look on his uncle's face was priceless.
I think if my husband was there, he might have
put his hands on him. He can only hope. Anyway,
they both were upset, and his uncle said he was
a disgusting human being. He said if this was back
in the day, he would take him out to the
shed and rectify this situation. His mom called him and

(12:49):
told him that she needed him to come to her
house after work to fix her sink. He doesn't no,
I went there and told her anything. His mom apologized
to me and said she would have never called me
if she knew what was really going on. I have
chemo therapy tomorrow, and she said she's going with me.
I think I'm gonna be there when he comes and
sit back in the corner sipping a cup of tea
and watch the show. As far as people saying he's

(13:10):
going to cheat or already has been cheating, it's cool.
He can be their problem. I need his insurance for
my treatments. I'm also going to talk to my children
and let them know what's going on. Side note, my
mother in law wants me to learn to crochet so
I can take my mind off things. I think I
will give it a try. I mean, do you have
an update? Yeah, this is like I look through you
for the rest of my life, Like I'm like, what

(13:32):
is this empty void?

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Speaking in my general direction.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
That's what that feels like. That's what her response feels like.
It feels like, yeah, I would do that. I tell
his family and honestly, I don't care like I need
his insurance. I don't whoever he wants. I need his
marriage to get me insurance so that I can get
through this freaking die you know, terrible diagnosis. Um, then
you know, he doesn't really exist.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
To me, like I would get a neurallink just to
have it built so that like that guy he just
scrubbed out, I cannot physically perceive no, just like A
what there's like a shimmery space in front of me.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
It's like a it's so weird. Yeah, but let's get
into this update.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
Well, I will let everyone know what's going on, but
first I'm gonna address some things.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
One person made a comment about our age.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
I'm forty seven, my husband is fifty one, and his
mom is sixty nine. She is very active and healthy.
I did not appreciate people calling her old and decrepit.
If my husband cheats or is cheating, I really don't care.
I have bigger fish to fry than worrying about who's
getting his willie wet. My husband has never treated me
this way before. I am not in a harmful relationship.

(14:41):
I was not going to go into full detail with
my children now onto what has happened. I was upstairs
at his mom's house resting, so when he got here,
he didn't know I was still there. When he came in,
his mom told him to sit down, and then she
called me down the look on his face was priceless.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
He was not expecting me.

Speaker 3 (14:59):
His mom asked him to tell the truth about why
I told him I didn't want him at my appointments.
He was really shocked when his uncle walked in the
room and asked him the same thing. He turned red
as a tomato. He admitted the truth about everything. His
reasoning was because I was still doing things like nothing
was wrong with me. He didn't think I was that sick.
Little does the idiot know I rest in sleep when

(15:20):
he is at work. He said he knew he effed
up when he said the threat, but he didn't know
how to take it back. He was expecting me to
react the way I did.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
He said he.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
Called his mom to get her to talk to me
because he knows we're close and he figured she could
calm me down so we could talk. He admitted that
he's scared of losing me, and I'm always the strong
one and he is not used to me not being strong.
He thought I was okay and just taking the medicine.
He claims he wanted to do something because he wanted
me to still feel hot without my hair before getting

(15:49):
diagnosed with caller. Yes, I was a very spicy person.
I did love it. I have never told him no.
He turned to look at me to tell me sorry.
But this is when the uncle stepped in. He went
off on my husband so bad and said some things
I don't think I can put here, but at the
end he had my husband in tears.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
His uncle has made some decisions for us.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
One thing is we will be temporarily staying with my
mother in law so she can be there.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
To take care of me and go to my appointments.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
Also, his uncle told him he will take a leave
of absence from his job so he can take care
of me. Finances are not an issue for us, so
he can take off. His uncle told him I am
the priority. He did apologize to me, and I let
him know that I was thinking about a divorce. I
also showed him my post. Ben said cheating on me
was never an option for him. I told him that
he broke my trust and I don't know when or

(16:36):
if I could forgive him. Yet he promised to earn
my trust back. On a funny note, his mom and
uncle both told him if we get divorced, I get
both of them. Hell well, I know this doesn't fix everything,
but it is a start. How far this goes is
on him. He put a big crack in our marriage.
Only he can fix it. I let him know if
he can't be there for me, then I'd rather be alone,

(16:56):
and I had no issue walking away. When I told
him this, his mom said, not without us.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
I love her.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
She's nice.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
There's a second update.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
Let's get into it.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
It has been a while and I had so much
going on that I forgot about this post. The first
thing I want to talk about is my care. I
have six chemo therapy treatments left. I am no longer
on the hard chemo medication that made me feel awful.
The one I'm on now does not make me feel
so bad. After my last treatment, I have to wait
four weeks and then I can get surgery. I wanted

(17:25):
to be cancer free by my birthday, but it will
be after, so that sucks a little. I'm also not
sure if I have to do radiation after the surgery,
but I'm keeping my prayers up that I won't have to.
As for my husband, for a while, it was like
living with a roommate. He's been to some of my
chemotherapy treatments when he can get off and the times
he can't, his mom is there with me. To be honest,

(17:46):
I like when his mom is there with me more,
and that is because she is there as a mom.
She treats me like her child. She gives me comfort
that I need as a mother figure. My mom passed
away seven years ago, so she's given me the comfort
I wish I could could get from my mom. I've
been crocheting when I am not sleeping at chemo for
my doctor appointments. My husband is there and understands for better.

(18:08):
Now we are somewhat better, but not all the way there,
but it is a work in progress. Just search okay,
storytime the name of the show, and go crazy. Just
lose your mind on it, really quick question.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
They said they were married for thirty one years, right,
and she's forty seven.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
I guess they got married young. His mom was also
really young.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
Dang man. I mean, like when you're sixteen, you still
rely on your parents and then you just go from
the You're like okay, well now you're wow. Good. No,
they can't. That would be insane if they got there.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
Two back to back nightmare scenarios for Sophia getting married
at sixteen and having a hoarder house.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah that be Monday.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
Okay, so we have a little more story left. Yeah,
let's finish it off. So Also, his uncle is still
the champ in my eyes. He checks on me and
always sends me some kind of treat. The man makes
a dang good carrot cake. I am still here. I
am still fighting. This is a war that I'm going
to win. It is too many soldiers in this car fight,

(19:13):
and I am not alone. I thank everyone for their
caring words. In my last post, I laughed at some
of the comments about my husband and his uncle. Side note,
can anyone recommend some good products to use for when
my hair starts to grow back. It's coming in a
little bit, but I am going to keep cutting my
hair until I finish my treatments. I don't really have
any advice for that. But no, what's crazy is sometimes

(19:34):
it'll grow back completely different.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
Yeah. We had another family friend, close family friend, who
had breast car and she went from having very straight
hair too very curly hair. Yeah. I remarried my ex husband,
but I think I made a mistake. Get him back.
Trigger warning mentions of substance use and abuse and stalking
in our early twenties, I met and married my husband.

(19:55):
We were happy and I was madly in love for
two years. I did not know. I I was young
and raised Catholic in a tiny southern town. I did
not know that he had become to four substances. He
hid it fairly well until the third year of our marriage,
and I was not seeing the red flags that I
should have seen. By the way, this comes from old

(20:15):
Lady through one one on the Dusty Thunder subreddit, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash okay. Storytime separated it so by year
four it was a crap show, and by year five
it became so emotionally harmful and consuming his entire life
that I left. He stalked me, and with the use
of women's advocates, I was able to divorce him and

(20:35):
get out of the situation. I remarried after three years
to a really nice guy. I completed two master's degrees,
and life was good until the new husband basically became
a roommate that I was supporting financially. He was completely emotionally,
physically and intellectually distant and gone. By about year five
or six. We were together for a total of ten years.

(20:58):
I had several conversations with him about how he was
removed from our marriage, and he refused to actually attend
any counseling or seek any medical help. So eventually I
had had enough with that said, I moved from the
small town to a bigger city about an hour away.
Here's the puncher. I was only able to do that

(21:18):
as quick as I did because I had arranged to
move into my former sister in law's house. She knew
the way her brother had treated me back in the day,
so all this was done completely on the down low.
She changed all the locks in the house for added caution,
told no one, not even her parents. I think your
relationship with her brother was just toxic enough to be
the mental strength she needed to be the support system

(21:39):
for me. More on that later. Again. Fast forward about
two years, so eventually it was known that Leah and
I were roommates. The cat was out of bag. My
ex we'll call him, Kevin, asked Leah to I don't know,
give me a letter or a message or something. She refused.
She told me about this so I'd be aware of
the situation. He ended up mailing me to the letter.

(22:03):
I read it and confirmed with Lea that indeed he
was not only clean and sober, but had been from
just shortly after I had left him. He just wanted
to meet so we could put our pass behind us
and move on. We did just that. Everything was cool
for a year or two. Family events at our house
all went very cordial and loving. So, being a big girl,
I decided that I had saved enough money to buy

(22:24):
my own house. I found one I love, but it
was shall we say, dated, and since Kevin was and
is a builder, I eventually had him come look at
it with me to see if this wall could be removed,
and this and that change could be made and so on.
In short, he said, yeah, all that can be done.
I asked if he could give me an estimate, and
he did. I bought the house and proceeded on with renovations.

(22:48):
Over the course of that several month process, Kevin was
very respectful and kind, and at the end asked me
out on a date. I went. After a year or so,
we got tired of going back and forth between his
house in mine, and with my career, we decided to
move into my house. We lived together for literally ten years,
no issues outher than the normal arguments that couples get into,

(23:11):
and at this point, I'm a hound dog when it
comes to red flags. The only red flag I saw
was when we were just dating. I asked why he
and his sister Leah had such a rocky relationship, and
he said, because she was attracted the same gender. I'm sorry,
your your husband just or your partner just told you
that he's bobic of the homes and you said, that's chill.

(23:35):
I guess why are you cool with that? I didn't
tell him that was a deal breaker for me because
I'd rather try to help the relationship than focus on
my own because at this point I didn't have a
pony in the race. So what I did say was,
that's your sister. You either love her or you don't, period,
full stop. It is that black and white. So you
need to think on that and either love ol of
her or none of her, because when it comes to

(23:56):
loving someone, we don't get a pick and choose what
parts of them we love. Again, at this point, we
were just dating more casually than seriously. No, that's insane,
OPI just said. I didn't tell him that was a
deal breaker. It's not a deal breaker if you stayed
with him.

Speaker 4 (24:11):
Yeah, you're teen accepting it at that point, you're dating him.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
That's crazy. You said you were a hound dog. Red flags.
That's a red flag, a big one.

Speaker 4 (24:19):
And you've completely out disrespected the person that took you in.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yes, yes, a close friend. I distanced myself and watched
what happened. It ended up that Leah said to me,
thank you. My brother came to my house and we
talked and he had never meant to hurt me in
all that, et cetera, et cetera, And she said, I
don't think that would have ever happened without you. Any Who,
I digress. Sorry, As I sit here, I can summarize
the past twelve years. We lived together for ten years

(24:45):
and eight months. I was coming into a substantial amount
of money. My tax advisor told me, being a single, solid,
middle class, childless female would eat about half that money
up in taxes. So I conferred with Kevin and we
decided to get married as a formality to keep that
from happening. Opee w. Also, your tax advisor told you that,

(25:09):
I mean, that may be true, but like that's kind
of a weird thing to be. Like, Yeah, because you're
single and you don't have kids, suxis. I mean, if
you had kids, you'd also be paying a crazy amount
of money on the kids.

Speaker 4 (25:20):
So I feel like it's not that much of a
tax break to be married, to be worth no.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
Just being like, let's do it taxes. Literally months after that,
he becomes controlling, manipulative game player and that's why I'm
on Reddit. I don't know. It's like before the ink
was tried. He's become this passive, aggressive, entitled bully. So one,
how do I get out of this? And to what
the f current situation? He's been gone ten days after

(25:47):
giving me the silent treatment for the two days before
he left because I'm unwilling to be involved with his family.
When I questioned what he meant by that, he literally said,
you haven't even been to my family's Thanksgiving for the
past two three four years. I replied, Kevin, I made
the turkey dressing in gravy every year for the past decade.
What are you talking about? Kevin says, you know what

(26:08):
I mean, going out of town after Thanksgiving me because
I had to work. Kevin, Look, you couldn't have gotten
out of that. I'm a primary care provider, add ons
our finances have always been one hundred percent separate, always
into this day. I have paid for everything basically since
day one of moving in together. Vacations, utilities, insurance and

(26:28):
home good food appliances, whatever I can easily afford that
he paid. Slash pays for his toys, car, truck, and
upkeep insurance on those. I did that so he'd have
no claim on me financially. He's a complainer just since
we married, though, and I tend to let people vent,
and sometimes when it goes on and on, I tend
to just block the noise. That's my bad. But as

(26:50):
an example or two, if he mows the grass and
I come in from work after darkbind you. If I
don't say immediately, omgee, you mowed the grass. Thanks so much,
he gets asid aggressive and says things like.

Speaker 5 (27:01):
You don't even appreciate anything. Do you ever notice anything?
A little appreciation would be nice. On the other hand,
let's say I spend my day off cleaning the house
top to bottom. He literally did this, maybe five days
before this current silent absent from home thing he's doing.
He came in from work ate dinner. We were making
small talk about our day and then said you could

(27:22):
have at least dusted better. But there is a little
bit left to this story. Do you have any thoughts?

Speaker 4 (27:29):
Well, if it's your house, yeah, can you at least
go he's been gone to day's changing locks.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
I said to taxes cannot be worth it. It's not
worth it. I can't. They just can't be. He's just
gonna keep getting worse, so much worse. I mean, OK,
you've already gone through this with this guy with this
anxiety sigh. Yeah. Wait, I mean, like you're in this
relationship for ten years, just get married. He's showing the
same traits. I mean, fortunately, it doesn't seem like you've

(28:01):
mentioned like the substance abuse again. But you know, it
seems like that wasn't what was causing him to be
that way. He's just not a good partner person. Yikes. Uh,
there is a little bit left to the story. But
my advice for you is to leave him. Divorce divorce
source Before a while before this, he had been on
a job maybe four hours away from home for about

(28:22):
a week. The first thing he said when he came
home was can you not even get a new roll
of paper towels? I said, I didn't notice the role
was empty. I don't really use them. His reply, it's
not empty, but the same three paper towels are on
the role since I've been gone.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
Huh, He's like, you don't use them, use them, and
I'm not about it?

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Like was that a test? Did he count paper towels
to I don't know see how many I use or
what or to what end? I know I'm being gas lit,
But how do I just ask for divorce? So maybe
it'll be nice again? Girl? Leave him, change the locks,
asking the divorce, and leave him. I know this was
long and you probably won't even read it, but I'm
kind of at a loss. Can someone fake their personality

(29:04):
for over a decade until they finally get what they want?
Maybe that should have been the title. I don't think
he faked his personality. I think he just manipulated really well. Unfortunately.
I think he showed you who he was years ago,
and then you left him, and then you got back
together with him. He tricked you, and then he showed
you who he was again, but you already k who

(29:24):
he was.

Speaker 4 (29:24):
Yeah, weirdly know, it's not your fault for getting into this,
but now that you've seen it, it's time to leave.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
Absolutely Sam Here.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
But here's three of its bads from our sponsors. My
husband's first love reached out and wants to reconnect with him.
I'm so sorry it's too late, tigger warning mentions of
emotional I twenty seven female have been with my husband
twenty seven male for almost eight years, married for three
wow nineteen. Let's call him Liam. Prior to our relationship,

(29:57):
Liam was with Danielle twenty eight female. All soick name.
Liam and Danielle met in high school and were extremely
close friends before they decided to start dating. They dated
from the end of their senior year of high school
to the end of their freshman year of college. By
the way, this comes from concern wife twenty seven and
if you want to spit your own stories, go to
the r slash Oaky Storytime subpared it so. They were

(30:19):
a lot of first for each other, including spicy sleep
for the first time. According to Liam, Danielle was the
first girl he was ever truly in love with. He
did anything for her, including driving over two and a
half hours to and from his college to her college
every weekend their freshman year. They went to schools in
different states so they could spend time together. Things started

(30:40):
to change for them during the later parts of their
freshman year of college after Danielle got heavily involved with
a religious group on her campus. According to Liam, she
got very manipulative and emotionally harmful. She had these new
ideas in her head of who she was wanting him
to be and wanting to save him. He tried going
to church with her and doing the things she wanted
him to do, but it eventually led to him becoming confused, upset,

(31:04):
and ultimately resentful, which led to them ending things in
a crash and burned type of way. Fast forward, several
months after they broke up, Liam meets me. We started
casually dating at first, since he still had a lot
of trauma and large amounts of trust issues that remain
from his relationship with Danielle. After about five months, he
felt like he was ready for something serious again. Three

(31:26):
and a half years later, we're engaged. Dang wow. Another
year goes by, We're married. Almost three years later, we
are here today. Throughout all of this time, Liam has
not heard from Danielle once. Also, during this time, Danielle
has met someone new, gotten married as well and currently
has a young child. Day Wow flashed to a week

(31:49):
and a half ago. Liam and I just moved to
a new house closer to our hometowns and posted about
the move on social media. After seeing the post, Danielle
decides to message Liam, congratulate us on the new place
and hoping that all is well. Nothing too crazy, but
not something that he was expecting. They began briefly conversing
about house things, moving, renovations, et cetera. Liam tells me

(32:12):
she reached out to him, and I find this a
bit odd, but nothing to worry about. A couple of
days later, Liam sits me down to ask me something
and for me to not freak out. It's perfect. I
of course begin freaking out. Yeah, I probably would too,
start to freak out. Apparently, Danielle had continued to message
him after their brief conversation and eventually sent him a

(32:36):
long post letting him know that there are some things
she wants to get out in the open. Wants to
deeply apologize for the way she treated him towards the
end of the relationship, and wants to do all of
this in person with him. He asks me my opinion
on this and I'm definitely concerned as to why, after
all this time, this is something she feels the need
to do, and also why the need for this to

(32:58):
be in person. Ascussing this with a friend who had
a similar thing happened to her and afterwards the ex
left them alone. I ultimately agreed, hoping that the same
scenario would play out with us. Boy was I wrong.
Liam and Danielle decide to meet at a coffee shop
in a town about halfway between where we live and
where she and her husband live. For Liam, it was

(33:20):
about an hour drive. This meeting took place this past Saturday.
At first, I asked to come with and just sit
in the car while they talked, since I anticipated it
being a short but awkward conversation where she could express
what she needed to and then he could leave and
we could go do something afterwards. Liam convinced me I
would end up being bored and he would feel bad

(33:42):
leaving me alone for that time, so it was better
for me to just stay back. Ooh, no, I don't
like where this is going, Like, I don't know, I
don't know. It would be a little bit little bit
suspicious if some like a partner was like, yeah, I'm
meeting my ex, but like, you don't adore it, like

(34:02):
like you shouldn't come. Yeah, you don't, you shouldn't. It'll
be so boring, so boring, you you'll be you'll you'll
hate it.

Speaker 6 (34:08):
Yeah, but then also knowing that she has been like
manipulative and stuff that makes it.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
So much worse, so much worse. He didn't think it
would last very long, maybe an hour or so, and
he would be home before I knew it. I ended
up agreeing, and he left early in the morning so
he could meet her around ten, after letting me know
once he got there and that he would keep me
posted on when he would be heading back. I waited.
After about an hour, I texted asking how it was going,

(34:34):
and he said it was fine and that he was
just listening to what she had to say. Another hour
goes by, and I start feeling a bit concerned, as
I would have thought they would have been done by now.
Another hour goes by and I plan irritated. Yeah, I
would be too, what's going on? Why did you chit
chat about? Yeah? I text him saying it's been three

(34:57):
hours and ask when I should expect him back. He
lets me know they're catching up, and he would let
me know. Another hour goes by hours in total, and
I'm mad. Wow, what was supposed to be a short
apology conversation was turning into a full day thing. Finally
he lets me know he's heating home. After four and
a half hours of them talking. I needed answers. When

(35:20):
he finally got home, I asked what happened. He lets
me know that Danielle did apologize for the way she
treated him during the relationship. After that, they began catching
up on their lives since it had been nearly eight
years since they last talked. It was a good casual conversation,
and then she started breaking down crying. Oh whoa. According

(35:42):
to Liam, Danielle is at her wits end in her marriage,
is considering divorcing her husband, and she's talking to her
ex about this. Yeah, this is not the one that
we need to go to. Ooh. She told Liam that
her husband hasn't been the man she thought he would be,
and then she goes all passionate in marriage that it

(36:03):
got harder after she had their baby and doesn't know
what to do since she doesn't really like the idea
of starting over and navigating as a single mom. Basically,
she was confiding in him about all of the issues
in her life and he sat and listened and talked
with her. Liam said she really just needed someone to
listen that wasn't involved in their circle, and she chose

(36:25):
her ex boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (36:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (36:26):
I feel like you're cut, like you're not in the circle,
but you're kind of involved in her life in some way.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Yeah, with a history. He felt bad for her and
just wants to make sure she's okay. He then asked
me how I would feel if they continue to be
casual acquaintances. Not great. I told him I could maybe
get to a point where I would be comfortable with that,
but would need to think about it. He made it
seem like that was the end of what they discussed,
and we continued the rest of our day is normal.

(36:55):
At the end of the day, we get in bed
and are watching TV. When I noticed that he's getting
and distant. I ask what's wrong, and he starts to
tear up, saying that there was more he needed to
tell me about him and Danielle's conversation. Uh oh, oh no,
I immediately get worried. He goes, don't freak out and

(37:16):
tears He tells me that Danielle expressed to him that
she still has feelings for him. Shock shocker. No one
could have seen that coming. What even though it's been
years and they've both moved on, she still has parts
of her heart set for him. That her husband isn't
half the man he is in some ways. I wasn't
shocked to hear that, especially since she wanted to meet

(37:38):
with him after all this time. However, what he said
next did shock me. Oh no, oh. He told me
that after talking with her, he realized that he also
still has some unresolved feelings for her. No. No, you've
been to ope for years.

Speaker 6 (37:56):
Do you really have unresolved feelings? Or do you just
not like this? She was sad in front of you.
Oh my god, Like, I really wonder if if there
is some sort of like manipulation going on to make
him think that he had feelings.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
But I don't know. This man is being stupid. Yeah,
all this time, he thought she hated him after they
broke up, when in reality, she was just struggling with
her religious trauma in college and took things out on
him when she shouldn't. Everything was taken out of context.
I didn't know what to think. He was so hurt
and torn apart after they broke up, and it took

(38:29):
me months to build his trust and hope back up
in the beginning, to allow him to see himself capable
of love again. Now, all these years later, he says
he still is a part of his heart for her
in many ways. I understand, because first love will always
hold the spot, but not in this way. Yeah, definitely not.
But I'm also a bit hurt that my husband, the

(38:50):
man I planned to spend the rest of my life with,
still feels for his ex. Yeah. After learning that she
still has feelings for him, I told him I wasn't
liking the idea of that, still talking that she could
eventually start interpreting his kindness to her wrongly and see
some sort of potential between them. He already sees potential,
he says, he's not over her. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 6 (39:12):
Yeah, you don't really have feelings for someone without like,
at least.

Speaker 1 (39:15):
Imagining what it would be like to be with them. Yeah.
Also the fact that he wanted to be casual acquaintances
with her and has feelings with her nose.

Speaker 6 (39:23):
Yeah, and when he already like kind of knew that
he had feelings for her.

Speaker 1 (39:27):
The thing is that I think that you guys could
get through this of him having feelings for only if
you cut her off. Yeah, it just seemed to happen
with them being friends. Yeah, that really she should be
discussing her marital issues with her own husband and not him. Yeah.
He insists that she would never come between us. She
already has, and that Danielle herself even expressed that she

(39:49):
respected the idea of marriage wholeheartedly and the last thing
she would want to do is harm ours. He wants
to be there for her because it seems like she
doesn't really have any someone else to talk to you
about all this. Last night he was showing me tiktoks
on his phone when a text notification from Danielle popped up.
I question him about it, and he shrugged it off

(40:12):
as nothing. Today, I asked if she was still texting him,
and he said she was, but he was trying to
slowly cut her off. No, quickly snipstip, Yeah exactly. I
expressed again how I don't think it's best for him
to be talking to her, and how she really should
be going to a friend or family member to talk
about her issues. I noticed He was still texting her

(40:34):
throughout the evening tonight too. Should I be concerned about
all this? I don't want to come across as a
wife who controls who her husband can or cannot talk to.
I do trust my husband, but I don't really know Danielle.
He insists she is true to her word and would
never try anything. But how could I know for sure?
My best friends think I should tell him to block her.

(40:55):
I don't think he will because he feels bad for her,
But I don't want her to continue to reach out
to him for validation and that eventually leads to her
feelings towards him growing more. What do I do? Please? Help? Gosh?
But what does ope you do?

Speaker 4 (41:10):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
I mean, like, yeah, I get what you're saying. You
don't want to come off as like.

Speaker 6 (41:13):
Ah, you're not allowed to like talk to these people
or whatever, but just maybe just be like, hey, try
to see this from my perspective for a second. Like
you're talking to this girl, like, well, first of all,
she talked to you first.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
You're spending way more time with her than like you
said you would be.

Speaker 6 (41:30):
Yeah, and in that time, like you didn't tell me
initially first of all that she confessed feelings for you,
and then later you told me that you think you
have feelings for her like that, Just try to explain
to him how suspicious it looks from your side, like
even if you trust your husband like you kind of
can't get past the fact of like how wild that looks.

(41:51):
Absolutely absolutely, uh yeah, no, it's it's I think that
this is a very very valid boundary of saying, hey,
you like, we gotta go to marriage counseling because you
can't keep talking to this girl you're.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
H after he said that he has feelings for It
just doesn't work. It just doesn't work. You can't. I'm
not gonna sit here and let and like be okay
with you. We're talking to someone that you have feelings for. Nope. No,
And there are comments folks, commoner one tell your husband
that his ex's failing marriage is her own problem unless
you want your own marriage to fail to you better
stop this nonsense. Reply, Opie, this the problem is I

(42:30):
kind of think he's thinking about more than being friends
with her. Now, I won't lie. This is quite worrisome.
He needs to stop it because this can destroy your marriage.
Reply but Danielle didn't want to say or do anything
to come between them because she believes in marriage. Stark
has them, but she's fine telling another man she has
feelings for him even though she's married. Yeah, f that noise.

(42:52):
Common Er two, Yes, you should be concerned. If your
husband values your peace and respects you, then they need
to cut top. Tell him you don't trust her, and
you don't trust your husband's feelings since she was his
first love. Reply Opie, Seriously, who thinks it's okay to
pop back into your husband's life? Say thorry and then
act like relationship gurus. Tell her to either sort out

(43:16):
her own feelings or sit this one out. Your peace
and his feelings aren't her playthings. Commenter three says Danielle
would never do that, she already did. Why confess her
feelings to a married man? Why even appear again? Yeah,
very good points by all of these commenters, and there

(43:36):
is an update. But uh oh boy, do you have
any thoughts? I mean, same kind of thoughts. I agree
with the commenters. This is just not how you respect marriage.

Speaker 6 (43:46):
It's not how you yeah respect someone else's or your own.
This is just absolutely not good And I think he's
very valid in feeling what she feels.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
Agreed, Yeah, couldntcur So let's get into this update twenty seven.
Male husband has been at work all day, so I
wasn't able to talk to him much until he got home.
I sat him down again and let him know that
I needed to talk about him and his communication with Danielle.
Twenty eight, female husband's ex. I told him that I
wasn't happy and that I needed to know if he

(44:18):
was still talking to Danielle today. He told me he
was stop girl, stop, but that he was to finally
end things with her. For those of you, if not
all of you, that suggested Danielle reached out to him
because she wanted him for herself, you were correct. Liam
called her today and she straight up asked him how
happy he was with me, and that if for even

(44:40):
a second there were issues and he wanted out, that
they could run away together. She sucks. She wants to
divorce her husband and be with him, then do that.
Divorce your husband, Yeah, leave Liam out of it. Divorce
your husband because you weren't happy with your husband, exactly.
I believe this admittance finally broke Liam's rose colored glasses

(45:01):
on the situation and opened him up to seeing what
she was really doing. I mean, wow, it was so obvious.
She literally told him her whole plot and he was like, well,
I just don't know until now. And then she tells
him again and he's like, oh, oh, that was your
plot that they do that, your plot was your plot
trying to manipulate her way back to him and home

(45:23):
wreck our marriage. He finally told her enough is enough
and that he cannot talk to her anymore, that he
did feel sorry for everything going on with her and
her own marriage, but for the sake of his own
marriage and his love for me, that he needs to
stop being in touch with her. He realized that those
unresolved feelings that he started to have for her after
meeting with her this past Saturday were more like feelings

(45:45):
of nostalgia for the time they spent together and the
times they were happy. My thoughts have remained the same. Yeah,
it's just what do you mean he didn't see it?
What do you mean? What do you mean? But the
thing he did see it because he confessed that he's
still had feelings for her, well exactly, it's so he
saw something. So either he's lying or he's stupid. Yeah,

(46:08):
Like because because again, yeah, you're right, he did say
and it's just all so wrong.

Speaker 6 (46:15):
It's just all so wrong. And he, like, I think
he's not being totally honest.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
I agree. I mean every time he talks to him,
he's like, so she did say this, Okay, so I
did forget to tell you this bart Oh, So she
is still texting me like he's exactly and like the
fact that she originally confessed and he didn't realize what
she was doing until now she's like saying exactly what

(46:39):
she's doing again for the second time. He's now realizing it. Like, like,
it's so obvious.

Speaker 6 (46:46):
That the reason that he wanted to keep talking to her,
whether it was subconscious or not, is because he had
feelings for her.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
Yep, and he even like he admitted it. He admitted it.
So I don't know. At first, I was thinking that
this man was just like a like like naive guy
or oblivious to like the fact when people are in
love with him. But now I think that he's just
he's doing something on purpose. He's doing it on purpose. Yeah,
the way she spoke about him and his character made
him feel good and gave him that ego boost. But

(47:15):
after hearing her true intentions for the second time. Yeah,
he was able to remember the way she was before
and why they broke up in the first place. I
told him I wanted him to block her. I wanted
no contact at all with her, and he agreed, so
he deleted all her messages, blocked her number, and blocked
all of her social media right in front of me.

(47:35):
There will be no communication between them going forward. Again.
Thank you all so much for the help realizing what
was done and what needed to be done. I really
appreciate it. Commoner one says, Yes, finally a good update.
Thankfully got his head out of his behind and realized
what she was doing. Good luck to you in the future.
Commoner two says, oh, Pee, that's great. But trust me

(47:55):
when I say you have to inspect what you expect.
Don't just blindly take his word for it. He could
probably tell you were done if he didn't agree, so
he took steps. All of those could be undone just
as fast. Give it a day, maybe two, and then
without fanfer ask him for his phone. Tell him you
just want to see for your own mental health that
she is still blocked and there has been no communication.

(48:18):
Because you don't believe she will go that easily. Don't
let him say no or leave the room. Tell him
to unlock it and let you see it. Check every
single app he has on his phone that offers messages, texts, Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, WhatsApp, Snapchat,
every single app. Look at recently deleted folders. Also, you
still need to contact her husband and alert him. Don't

(48:40):
tell your husband you're going to just do it. He
deserves to know. Her marriage maybe a wreck, but cheaters
say that all the time. You would want him to
call you if she is that miserable. He needs to know.
And folks, that is the end of that story. Wow. Yeah,
I worry for your marriage, op, but I agree with
you the best.

Speaker 6 (49:00):
And that is a good point that like cheaters will
just lie about like like.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
Oh yeah, like I'm in this horrible situation. I need
to get out and be with you. It's like man
to make you feel bad and then want to be
with them more. You're like, oh, well, she needs me there,
she needs emotional support.

Speaker 6 (49:16):
Yeah, it's like she's she's keeping the fact that she's
doing something terrible a secret from like her husband and
from the person that she's cheating with.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
Exactly but uh, that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the story. So but here's a quick three
minute break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 6 (49:33):
My wife wanted to be a traditional wife, so I
told her to start acting like one.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
Ooh, I don't know where this is going. I'm thirty
five and my wife is forty. We've been together for
fifteen years. At the last couple of years she really
fell down the child wife black hole and it's driving
me crazy. At first, it started off.

Speaker 6 (49:53):
With her saying that she doesn't want to work anymore,
and lately it has escalated to saying that men who
make their wives work are harmful.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
What good, yike, that's not true. By the way, this
comes from Throwaway No Tread and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the our slash Okay
storytime and supred it. So we both have well paid jobs.

Speaker 6 (50:11):
I'm a self employed builder with the Team and earn
around one hundred k pounds a year. She works in
management for the NHS and earns around fifty k pounds
a year. We both work, I guess I should say
worked for her really hard and have no kids, and
three years ago managed to pay our mortgage off and
lived in a nice enough area where I would have
happily stayed forever. She, however, suddenly wanted a massive house

(50:35):
that we didn't need. I should have seen what was coming.
She was looking out a seven hundred k pound houses
which would require a mortgage.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Of five hundred k. After we sold our house, I
gave in and we bought a house. She then wanted
a new car, which kind of caved too, and she
got a car that is worth more than she earns
a year. She then decided that she didn't want to
work anymore.

Speaker 6 (50:58):
She said that her job was crap, and I said,
take a lower paid one then that you'll enjoy more.
She said no, she just doesn't want to work full stop.
She also doesn't want to give up anything that she
has over the past couple of years. It has been
obviously she is trying to lose her job without leaving,
despite me saying that I cannot afford the house and
car and holidays on my own. She started bringing this

(51:21):
trad wife crap up, but said that she'd want to
hire a cleaner as the house is too big for
her to clean. Helone, and she prefers my cooking to hers,
so I would still do all the cooking. He doesn't
want to be a trad wife. She wants to be
a like just do nothing, Yeah, lounge around. Yeah, she
wants to have a boring.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Want to be a trophy. She wants to be a trophy.
That's what she wants. Yeah, that's different exactly. So I said,
you basically want to dress up pretty and bake the
odd cake. She stormed off and said I didn't get it.

Speaker 6 (51:54):
She again brought it up yesterday and I said, fine,
she can do it, but she's got to get up
before me and make sure that my breakfast is ready,
like in the videos that she watches. Yeah, honestly, she's
got to be dressed in a strumkshi version of a
fifties housewife, like in the videos she watches, from the
moment I opened my eyes to the moment I close them. Well,
that's that's a bit much, But well.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
I I do. I do think that. OP is like, okay, fine,
if you want to do that, then yeah, do it
this way, sure, go ahead. Is that exactly what you want? Yeah?
If she if you're getting inspo from these videos, then
go ahead. I think he's calling her bluff.

Speaker 6 (52:30):
Yeah, the house must be spotless at all times, like
in the videos she watches. I want huge packed lunches
for work like in the videos she watches.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
I want to come home and have beautiful pies and
cakes ready for putting like in the videos she watches.
I want a bathrooun for when I get in and
then come down to a proper meal every night. Say
it with me like the videos she watches. I want this,
this is nice.

Speaker 6 (52:57):
I want a bath drawn for me right then went
a foot rep while I eat the cakes and pies
as she makes.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
I also want spicy sleep on demand. How I want it,
when I want it, And she did what videos is
she watching me? I don't know. These are pretty wildly specific.

Speaker 6 (53:14):
And she called me harmful a user, et cetera, and
stormed out to her equally delusional sister's house.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
Don't get me started on her.

Speaker 6 (53:23):
I'll be honest, I'm ready for a divorce if this
carries on.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
So am I the a hold.

Speaker 6 (53:27):
We do have some comments, but I would love to
hear your comments first.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
I think you were perhaps heavy handed ye in your
in your comeback, but I don't think you're the a hole.
I think your wife is very I don't know. It
seems like you guys had an idea of what your
life would be together, and she is now wanting to
change it up because she doesn't work at all. She
doesn't want to work at all. Yeah, and you're just like, Okay,

(53:52):
if this is what you want, this is what that
life looks like, right, we can't afford that life. Yeah.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 6 (54:01):
And the fact that like she's calling him, yeah really
because it's like, well, what did you like expect you.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Expected the the you know, living style where you did
nothing and yeah cook sometimes and he has work would
be the equal rights one.

Speaker 6 (54:19):
Yeah, it's like you gotta contribute to your own life somehow.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
Yeah, but there are some comments. Pomegranate No.

Speaker 6 (54:26):
Nine three says, at least you don't have kids, so
divorce is easier.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
Probably best to do it while you're both still earning well,
so there's no question of alimony.

Speaker 6 (54:35):
Forgot to add obviously not the a hole. In a
traditional household, women don't make no contribution. Their contribution is
through domestic labor, while men provide financial value by going
out and working. Her contribution would already be far below average.
Given that the bulk of the traditional wife's time is
spent on children, she wants to make no contribution and

(54:57):
is disguising it as trad wife.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
Jay says, get the divorce mate.

Speaker 6 (55:02):
It'll be cheaper and less stressful than dealing with a
crazy wife every minute of the day and night.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
It's not about the tradwife lifestyle. She simply doesn't want
to work.

Speaker 6 (55:11):
She merely wants to sit on her backside, enjoy the
things that she has badgered you into paying for, and
doing nothing. There is a lot of this kind of
crazy going around. It won't get any better either. What
will it be next? Vacations on the French Riviera, a bigger,
nicer and more expensive car.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
The list goes on and on. Opie says, I am
leaning this way.

Speaker 6 (55:34):
I think a divorce is more likely than anything else
at this moment in time. Luckily, she's afraid of flying,
so I've managed to avoid the expensive holidays apart from
the odd Eurostar trip to Paris. She makes me feel
like a ten pounds millionaire though, trying to be something
that we aren't. I know that we're better off than most,
but we don't earn Footballers money, which is what I

(55:55):
think she aspires to. Jedi Fed says, you were crazy
to agree to the seven hundred k house. You'll be okay,
but it makes things so much tougher. If she wanted that,
why not save up with the old house and then
work up to the new one and both of you
work together.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
Opie said, that's what I suggested. With my job, we
could have bought a cheap house, done it up and
made some money, and then moved upwards slowly and stayed
debt free. I have modified our house a bit, and
it's probably worth.

Speaker 6 (56:22):
Eight hundred k now, but it's still not a nice
feeling having such a big mortgage and knowing that she
wants me.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
To cover it alone.

Speaker 6 (56:29):
Anika Desi says, dude, divorce her if she doesn't act normal.
You sound like such a catch, Like I don't like
rushing with divorce. Maybe marriage counseling first. But you have
no kids, so you can easily split without drama. Be assertive,
say no, say what you expect, and that you want
to split. If she doesn't go back to how she was,

(56:50):
say that she has x amount of.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
Time up to you one month, two months. I don't
know if it.

Speaker 6 (56:54):
Ultimatum is like the Yeah, I don't think that's ever
the way to go.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
I think it's just to her like, hey, I feel
like we are no longer partners. You have put a
lot of reliance on me, kind of taking up all
of the slack of this like new dream life that
you want that we've never spoken about. I would like
to go to counseling to see if we can get
back on the same page, because right now we're just not.

Speaker 6 (57:20):
Exactly like I think there's probably a way to get
out of this without just straight up divorcing right away,
because it is what everyone like jumps to.

Speaker 1 (57:26):
And we got in together for fifteen years. Yeah, that's
a long time. That's definitely you can have a conversation. Ye.

Speaker 6 (57:31):
At that time, Opie says, I don't know about it.
Catch I've asked for a couples counseling numerous times. She's
not interested.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Well, Taxi Lady sixty nine says, now is the time
to say, couples counseling or divorce your choice, honey.

Speaker 6 (57:44):
So the overall judgment is that Opie is not the
a hole, and we do have an update. Shall we
just roll right into it, roll into it, so an update,
I'd like to answer a few questions from my first
post before an update.

Speaker 1 (57:56):
No, my requests were not serious, and I can I
believe how many people thought that they were. It was
me trying to prove a point of how ridiculous she
is being. Like I said in the comments, I don't
want a maid or a slave. I want a partner.

Speaker 6 (58:10):
Before my wife got on this train, she was very ambitious,
career driven person who wanted to climb to the top.
She was never really on social media until the PANDEMI
the troudwife thing started a couple of years ago. A
lot of people suggested couples counseling. I've asked many times
and always get the same response, which is I don't
need counseling.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
There's nothing wrong with me. So now onto the update.

Speaker 6 (58:34):
We spoke Saturday morning and I told her that I
can't go on like this. I said to her bluntly
that the trodwife thing is never happening, and she either
accepts it and we go to couples counseling or we
split up. I'm not dancing around her bs. So she
chose to split up. What I asked her if she
even really wanted to be a trodwife, or if she's

(58:55):
just trying to force me away, like she's trying to
force her job to sack her because she doesn't have
the balls quit herself. She said, yes she does, and
there's plenty of dating sites that cater to this dynamic.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
I told her that I'd.

Speaker 6 (59:07):
Seen them and they are more sugar daddy dynamics, and
without being horrible, she's too old for that.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
Now. This set her off.

Speaker 6 (59:14):
She said that I'm wrong, and then I'm the one
who can't support my wife. So I'm the bad one
in the marriage, and a real man would be able
to give her the life that she wants.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
She was shouting and screaming this at the top of
her lungs. It's about the only time that I've been
glad to be in our new house. So the neighbors
didn't hear. It's a little bit more to the story.
But oh my gosh, so she shows divorce. Dang, that's crazy.
I mean, she's gone. She's somehow gotten like pulled into
this trad wife. It's like when you get red pilled,

(59:45):
except she's trad lifed exactly. Ah, yikes, yikes, It's totally fine.
For couples to want to have this type of dynamic.
Even it's totally fine if the wife literally wants to
do nothing, like she's not even a stay at home
whyfe first, you know, or anything. She literally just lounges
and this is a you know, trophy wife or whatever.

(01:00:05):
That's fine if you've agreed on it as partners prior. Yeah,
but you haven't. You have been living one way for
fifteen years. And then she all out of the blue,
was like, well, I'm going to change this up and
you have to do what I say, or you're not
a real man. Yeah, exactly like that.

Speaker 6 (01:00:23):
What she's accusing him of is so incorrect and just
grasping at straws to insull him.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
There is a little bit more.

Speaker 6 (01:00:32):
I got a bit petty at the real man comment
and said, you can't cook, you can't clean, and you
don't have a spicy sleep.

Speaker 1 (01:00:39):
What a part of being a trod wife do you offer?

Speaker 6 (01:00:42):
I then stole a comment from my last post and
said that she doesn't want to be a trod wife,
she wants to be a trophy wife.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
Literally just what you said, what I said? Whoa he
was listening to you?

Speaker 6 (01:00:52):
Yep, she just said I'm unbelievable and has gone to
her sisters again. I'm going to take the next couple
of weeks and start talking to a divorce lawyer to
see what this entails. Then once this bass got rolling,
I'm effing off to Portugal for a couple.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
Of weeks by myself. There are some comments.

Speaker 6 (01:01:09):
Zella's ideal group five five nine says she's forty eight
in the UK, where there isn't a conservative trodwife slash
trophy wife culture. She's going to be divorced and on
benefits in a crappy bedst take care of yourself a
pee because she's intent on blowing up her life for
some reason.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Harvard diplomat says, you can't cook, you can't clean, and
you don't have a spicy sleep part of being a trodwife?
Do you offer? Lmao, that is some serious a burn
and that is the end of that story. Wow, good
luck O, P, good locko. P. I mean props to you.
I think you went about it the right way. You know,
you asked her woes up and that like that it

(01:01:48):
happening to see exactly you.

Speaker 6 (01:01:50):
You offered counseling, she denied it. You you asked her
if she wanted to be.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
In this relationship, if she couldn't be a traidwife because
she would have to contribute. You're absolutely in the right Hopie,
and she said no, she said no, that is on her.
So that is the end of that story.

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I ORDERED my wife to clean the house… after I came home from deployment! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2293

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I ORDERED my wife to clean the house… after I came home from deployment! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2293