I REFUSE to meet my father’s new girlfriend… because we just lost our mother! - r/TwoHotTakes | Reddit Stories | 2112 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:06):
The show where you can hear the greatest stories on
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Speaker 3 (00:18):
I refuse to meet my father's new girlfriend because we
just lost our mother.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
You're gonna move on way too fast. At least do
it secretly.

Speaker 4 (00:27):
Let the rest of the family take their time.

Speaker 5 (00:29):
Ye.

Speaker 3 (00:29):
Ever, since I, twenty three female, lost my mom to
cancer last year in September, everything has been so hard.
Add to that, I found out that my father fifty
four male, has been talking to Slash getting to know
someone forty five female who I'm going to call em.
By the way, this comes from Sleepy Eater oh one
and if you want.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
To submit your own stories, just go to our slash
Okay story.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Times subbreaded come on over. So my parents were married
for almost thirty years and as a normal couple, they
had their issues, but they still stay together. We are
also religious, which is going to be important later. Despite
the trauma and issues that I have had with them.
I love them. I've always looked up to my mom,
so losing her is one of the worst and most
heartbreaking things that have ever happened to me. My father

(01:10):
has been someone who would make sure that we were
taken care of, and I would say we could feel
his love and care thanks to my parents upbringing. I
would say it helped and showed us a lot later
in our own lives. This began when at my mom's funeral,
which was public for people who knew her. In our culture,
you did not invite people, but you announce it and
whoever comes as welcome. EM was introduced as my mom's

(01:31):
old friend. At first, I did not question it, since
it was quite usual for my mom to have friends
living abroad. After that, I had my own suspicions about
my father suddenly going to another country where EM lives
and how his behavior was changed. It confirmed my suspicions
which my older brother and his wife also had. He
brought her to my mom's ceremony at the temple. This

(01:52):
is something you do on the forty ninth day. This
is important in our religion. I was quite surprised, and
I did not feel happy about seeing a stranger at
a private family event. Funeral was okay since it was public,
but this noe. Later that day, we asked him about her,
and he told us that they had been talking ever
since he saw her number pop up on one of
the messaging apps that he uses, like WhatsApp, Viber, et cetera,

(02:13):
and he told her about my mom being sick. He
said that they had been only talking and after her
death they started dating. He mentioned how they also talked
about their future together since they both have younger kids.
She has two kids and on my side, I still
have a younger brother, all.

Speaker 4 (02:28):
From thirteen to eighteen.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
And it needs to be discussed carefully because apparently they
wanted to move in together to our country, where my
father lives. I was caught off guard since we had
just lost our mom and he was already thinking about
dating someone, a person who was apparently my mom's old friend.
It did not make any sense to me the way
that he started talking to her. But what was hard

(02:50):
to swallow was that it was when my mom was
still alive. Actly there were speculations that he was cheating
on her. He started saying, how our mom said that
she would be okay with it. I'm finding someone new. Yeah,
but usually that's like it's like a while after you
wait until after the funeral. Yeah, we do not have
any issues with him being with someone new. However, we

(03:11):
did not expect it this soon. A month and a
few weeks after her passing. I found this quite ironic
because our father told us we had to follow these
rules during the morning period. I was taught that you
cannot attend any weddings or happy occasions.

Speaker 4 (03:25):
For at least a year, so I suppose this does
not apply to my father.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
I have heard about not marrying anyone for at least
three years too, but times change.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
I mean, to be fair, I think that's all relative
based on your personal like however you're feeling.

Speaker 4 (03:41):
Hm hmm.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
It's I don't think that there need to be like
hard fast rules on any of this, but man, this
tasteless to be emotionally cheating on your wife while she's
passing away from cancer. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Not everyone has to follow it, but my family is
quite keen on it, and I also respect it, so
I have declined a few in which my friends understood.
He started accusing us of not wanting him to be happy,
and how we were forbidding him to date, et cetera,
which caused me to argue with him. He even used
our mom's name, which was quite infuriating since I have

(04:14):
trauma that involves skilt tripping too. After that, I stopped
talking to him and only talked to my siblings. Then
another argument happened in December when we disagreed on not
burying her ashes back in our homeland because we did
not live there and have lived in another country which
is our home now for years now. All my mom's
siblings and their families live here too, so why would
we bury her so far away when she hated our homeland.

(04:36):
Despite all of that, he still took her there and
buried her there.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
Dang, that's that's rough.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
I was told that my opinion does not matter and
that he is her husband so he has the right
to do it, but we did not. I accepted it
since knowing my mom, she would not care. She was
really religious, so for her the body does not matter
after passing. It was more about us being able to
visit her more often since our homeland is far away.
Eventually I I started talking to him again, but yeah,

(05:02):
it's been low contact. I was told I should not
act like this since he is my father that everyone
agreeves differently, so I should not be judgmental.

Speaker 4 (05:09):
I thought about it.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
And I think my reactions were justified. This is more
about the timing.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
That he chose.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, agreed, I agree to.

Speaker 3 (05:16):
I would say that if he chose to tell us
way later or something, and not at the private family
event with everyone, including my mom's siblings, we would not
have reacted so strongly. He started going to her country
every weekend, at first with my little brother, who only
knew her as an auntie but not as a girlfriend
or anything. But then he started leaving him home with

(05:37):
our relatives or by himself. I was quite annoyed and
did not understand why this was happening. My older brother
and I work abroad, but I try to go home
quite often. After all of this, I thought I had
had enough to deal with. However, last week I was
told by my older brother that our father wants to
marry her and move to her country along with my
little brother.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
Who wait, too fast, buddy, what are we doing?

Speaker 4 (06:02):
My god?

Speaker 2 (06:03):
I mean, way too fast for it to have not
been going on the entire time. Your wife was sick,
which makes you disgusting right right.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
It's like it's it would be even too fast if
you just met her naturally, and this you didn't have
a previous marriage.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
That's just so fast absurd.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
I was once again caught off guard, since last time
it was her moving to his country, not him. I
wasn't a MG fan of it. But as long as
my little brother could stay back home and just do
his own thing without worries. Our father told him that
he wants my little brother to repeat one year so
he could learn the language.

Speaker 4 (06:34):
Mind you, he is.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
In elementary school and next year he has to start
looking at high schools and then study for the exam,
So learning a new language while repeating a year and
then taking the exams in a language he does not know.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
I am not sure about this.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
Hey, sink or swim body and just push him into
the deep end, Why don't you. I'm not sure about this,
and I want this to be discussed thoroughly and carefully.

Speaker 4 (06:58):
He is going through puberty, and at this you gotta
pay more and more attention.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
I disagreed with this, and my little brother does not
want to move abroad either. I feel like I cannot
do anything at all. I cannot take in with me
since I can only afford to defend for myself and only
help out when needed. My brother told me our father
told him that when he disagreed with the move, he
was met with reactions and comments like you do not.

Speaker 4 (07:22):
Care about me. It's my turn to be.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
Happy now, and why are you not listening to me?
I'm upset and heartbroken by this. I have been crying
a lot, and I've been crying lollily because so many
of you have not checked this out on your favorite
broadcast app like iHeart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcast whatever.

Speaker 6 (07:41):
It's so fee there are full episodes with stories just
like this on all these apps.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Just just search our name, okay, story time and you
will find them all.

Speaker 4 (07:52):
Save me from crying, and there is a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Most is than my turn to be happy now. It's like, yeah,
what do you mean, like stop saying these things to
your kids. You can say them to yourself, you can
say them to your friends. Don't say that to your kids.

Speaker 4 (08:09):
And it's just like, are you not also mourning like
this is?

Speaker 3 (08:13):
It's literally no, Yeah, it's disrespectful of the family and
of like the wife and stuff. But it's like it's
just like, think about yourself though, and how you're you're
feeling your yourself.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
It's disrespectful to.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
Yourself and you're not giving yourself time to process all
of that.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
It sounds like he's already processed at all, and he
didn't care about his wife and he had already moved
on to this other woman, which and to do it
like so transparently around the family, it's like, have you
no shame?

Speaker 4 (08:43):
It's like, at least try to hide it. God.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
Yeah, now because you're so tasteless, it's like you've now
made this a problem for everyone in your family.

Speaker 4 (08:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
It's like you could say everyone grieves differently, but that's
usually about like the way you spend your time, or
like how much work you do, or the jokes you may.

Speaker 4 (09:00):
It's not like, you know, I get married to grieve,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (09:04):
I take my new partner to the funeral.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
Yeah, No, it's to grieve. It's just my way.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
Brother. You give yourself a week and a half.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
At least, literally, literally it was forty nine days forty
nine days wild.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Which is just it just confirms this guy was cheating
on her. Yeah, with emotionally, physically whatever he had let
go of their marriage, yeah, before she had passed away,
which is so.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
Gross, But there is a little bit more. I plan
on talking to our father about it, so we will see.
My older brother told me that he wants us to
meet m My sister in law told me that we
should meet her so that we could see what kind
of a person she is. But I do not want
to meet her at all, at least not right now
or anytime soon.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
So can I be blamed?

Speaker 6 (09:48):
No?

Speaker 3 (09:49):
Please feel free to ask any questions and share any advice.

Speaker 4 (09:53):
What would you do if this happened to you?

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Thank you for reading this, and once again sorry for
the long text, and there are some comments, But what what.

Speaker 4 (10:00):
Would you do?

Speaker 2 (10:01):
I mean, I would be so furious with my dad,
And I don't know if there's a cultural difference where
they are not getting so furious, but it's like I
would be, like you discuss me, like I'm not, I'm
done with you, like you've you've abandoned. And it's like
my mom had stage three cancer and she's in remission
now and everything's fine, but like if I find out that,

(10:24):
like you know, while my mom's sick, my dad runs
off and is like chatting with some woman like and
emotionally cheating on my mom, and while she's sick, I'd
be like, you're a you're s bag, and I want
nothing to do with you. Absolutely, Like the only saving
thing is like if there was some discussion where she's like,

(10:45):
I know that I'm not long for this earth, and
I don't want to be a roadblock to you continuing
to be happy. So feel free right now while I'm
still breathing to go find somebody else.

Speaker 7 (10:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yeah, I'd find that very hard to believe that was said.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
I really doubt it. But there are some comments, so
let's see what the people have said. Comment number one says,
not the a hole. Let's face it, your dad had
a lover before your mom passed away. He already had
plans before she passed away. He doesn't care about how
this negatively affects your brother. He only cares about himself.
Try and figure out how you can help your brother.
That's the only important thing.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
Now.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
Don't meet her if you don't want to. There is
no way she was your mom's friend. This was probably
a dating app hook up. Another comment says, not the
a hole. Your father sounds like a petulant child that
was just freed from a life of servitude.

Speaker 4 (11:36):
It's his time to be happy. So what was he
doing for those thirty years? He was so.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
Unhappy in marriage that now he needs to do it
all again with the woman he was cheating on your
mom with and trying to guilt your younger brother into
giving up his whole life for his father. I'd be
working with my older brother to see if we could
keep the younger brother here with us, maybe getting child
to support money from the father. Talk to a lawyer,
and I'd leave that's selfish man in my rear view mirror,
never to talk to again.

Speaker 4 (12:04):
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
My mother planned to surprise my father with divorce, and
I just watched it happen.

Speaker 4 (12:15):
Grab some popcorse, give me a bump your.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
Road, pulled up the lawn chair, and said this is
gonna be great. My parents have been married for almost
thirty years. Their marriage is not great. My dad's the
kind of person who will come home from work and
get angry that there isn't dinner on the table. Growing up,
my dad never treated my mother like an equal. She
was expected to do all the housework and look after
the children and dote on her husband at all times.

(12:39):
And I'm starting to see why you just sat back
and watched. By the way, this comes from user and
elaborate divorce. And if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So my
parents have been empty nesting for a few years now.
I have one younger sister and we are both out
of the house and have our own lives. Neither of
us kids have particularly he liked our dad like we

(13:02):
love him in the way that you love your family,
and we are grateful that he provided for us and
helped us pay for college. But my dad is an
a hole who treats my mom poorly, and I never
respected him for this. I recently got brunch with my
mother and she dropped some pretty heavy news. She's planning
on divorcing my father. Yes, I was honestly relieved and
happy for her that she's finally doing this, but her

(13:24):
plan to do so is rather troubling. My parents are
Chinese immigrants. My dad's best friend growing up, Daniel, and
his family have been saving up for a trip to
the United States for years. They'll be visiting my parents
over Christmas, my dad naturally put the burden of this
whole trip on my mother. He told her to organize
their whole vacation, planning the meals, reservations, activities, et cetera. Basically,

(13:48):
my mom is expected to be the complete tour guide
and handle all the stress and organization of their visit,
including picking them up from the airport, while my dad
just gets to hang out with his childhood friend and
not deal with anything. My mom doesn't even know these people. Apparently, However,
this was the last straw for my mom. She is retaliated.
She's only pretending to organize this trip and faked a

(14:10):
bunch of reservations and stuff to appease my dad. Oh
that's a good plan, woo. My dad thinks everything is
organized and Daniel's family is being completely taken care of.
Her plan instead is to serve him with divorce papers.
The day she is supposed to pick up Daniel's family
from the airport, my dad will be out of town

(14:32):
on business up until the day Daniel arrives, so she
will be moved out by that Daniel's family will be
stranded at the airport, and my dad will come home
to an empty house. And no family. While I support
the divorce, I can't help but feel like the plan
is a little too cruel. She can be as vindictive
towards my father as she wants, but to drag another
family into this seems unfair. My dad completely deserves this,

(14:54):
but Daniel didn't do anything and his family doesn't deserve
to fly into the US and face this level of
com Is it my place to say anything? I voiced
to my mother my concerns, and she basically was like,
f it and f him, which, honestly, brother, I agree with.

Speaker 4 (15:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
I wonder if if to make it like a little
bit better, I wonder if maybe the mom can like
send this family a message being like, hey, I'm sorry
your husband didn't want to pick you up, or something
like that, like you're or wait, no, her husband.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
I think I think it should just be like if
you do anything to help them out, It's like it's
not like you're gonna book them a hotel and now
plan their whole trip for them if you're divorcing this guy.
So instead, it's just like you know, once you already know,
you're giving them the papers. I feel like she wants
like the shock to hit the husband, though, because if
she tells Daniel and his family, then it's probably gonna

(15:46):
get back to the husband. Yeah, and deserves to be divorced.
But yeah, I don't know. At this point. It's like
more her husband's fault, yeah, than anyone's.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
I would say, you shouldn't have been relying on me
this whole time.

Speaker 4 (15:58):
To do everything for you.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah. I barely talk to my father, but I don't
know who I should reach out to or who I
can talk some sense into. My dad has never been
violent towards my mom or anything, but I'm also nervous
about what would happen if I told my father the
truth before my mom had a chance to gather herself
and move out of the house without him being present.
It just seems like an explosive argument waiting to happen.

(16:20):
And you're right, Buddy's why you shouldn't do that. It'd
be the dumbest thing you could ever do. Okay, let
her handle it. She's earned whatever she wants to do
at this point. Yeah, but we have an update, so
we're gonna get into that.

Speaker 4 (16:31):
Oh, I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
Thank you to everyone who replied. It's been about a
month since my post reading everyone's response has made a
few things to me very clear that I especially had
not thought of before. It is highly unlikely that Daniel's
family being stranded at a large international airport in the
US would be that big of an issue. Exactly. They
can figure it out, buddy. They speak good enough English,

(16:54):
they have cell phones, they have money, they have my
dad's contact information. My mom's decision to wait for him
to get his new ouse until he returns from his
trip is a strategic one so she can move out
calmly and safely. While my father is not physically abusive,
he certainly would not let my mom leave comfortably, and
she doesn't need that stress. While some suggested that I
step in and take over her duties, others claim that

(17:15):
it was risky for me to take over this role.
My father may then just see me as a replacement
for his wife. This may set a bad precedent. Yeah,
and your father doesn't deserve any help or support or
any of that. Yes, he's a terrible husband.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
And also it's like, if this is an unfair thing
that your dad is doing towards your wife, why would
you want to pill that role? Yeah, No, one should
expect you to subject yourself to that.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
None of you like your dad. Don't help your dad.
Your dad mistreated your mom their entire relationship. Stop it,
stop it. Yeah. While I initially found her plan to
be cruel, some of you rightfully pointed out that surely
this act of cruelty pales tremendously compared to the years
of mistreatment she has dealt with, so read it. I

(17:58):
opted to know nothing and do nothing. And here's what happened.
Around the time Daniel's family was to be picked up,
I got a phone call from my father. I decided,
especially since this was the middle of a workday, to
ignore it because I frankly did not want to get
wrapped up in the commotion. He called again and then
sent me a series of texts demanding to know the
whereabouts of my mother. Now, if you recall, my father

(18:20):
had been on a business trip this entire week. His
first chain of messages and calls was when he had
a layover in Denver. He was to be in Denver
for three hours before he could get on his connection home.
This means that at this point my dad is aware
that Daniel's family has not been picked up. Because Daniel
obviously called my father, and that my mother was not
answering her phone, but he did not know why. He

(18:42):
also called my younger sister, who said she genuinely had
no idea what was going on, but also lived out
of state, so I was unable to help. I later
find out that my sister was also briefed by my
mother about what might happen so that she wouldn't get
caught off guard, and she was just playing the fool
to help my mother along. I eventually text my dad back,
saying I I have no idea what's going on, but
I'm very busy at work and won't be able to

(19:03):
get back to him for a while. My dad, unable
to find immediate answers, told Daniel there must have been
some miscommunication. He told them to get a cab from
the airport to the house and just make themselves at
home until my father could get them. He gave Daniel
the key code to the house, told him to call
back once Daniel and his family were safely at home.
Here's where things get a bit theatrical.

Speaker 4 (19:24):
I'm so excited, Oh boy, I was so excited.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
Oh I love a good trip to the theater. My mother
apparently attached the divorce papers to an easel with a
nice big divorce label and note, and placed the easel
right at the entrance hall to the house. So it's
the first thing you see once you open the door. Wow,

(19:49):
what a vibe. Oh, as you could guess who gets
the divorce news first, Daniel and his family. Daniel then
has to tell my father that my mother is divorcing him.
This is precisely what happens. Daniel recounts this in private
to me later, which is how I know. But apparently
my father went through a range of emotions from disbelief

(20:11):
to a fumbling stutter, to anger, you name it. This,
by the way, is happening while he's at the Tenver
Airport surrounded by his colleagues. He then has to presumably
give some sort of explanation to his work friends and
deal with an awkward and uncomfortable plane ride back home.
Long story short, my dad was incredibly embarrassed and flustered.

(20:32):
Let's go. Yes, yes, he had no idea what to
do or how to help himself or anyone. Daniel actually
ended up coming to the rescue because he is apparently
quite the meticulous planner and had many suggestions for activities
and sight seeing. Basically, Daniel took charge of his own vacation.
Imagine that, how hard is that instead of having your

(20:53):
friend's wife plan your whole vacation for you, you did
it yourself. Crazy, So Daniel play and his own vacation
while my dad fumbled around like a lost puppy, tagging
along on their trip while being completely discombobulated. I expected
my dad to put on a farce for Daniel and
his family and pretend things were fine, but he was
unable to do that at all. I think he legitimately

(21:14):
and honestly believed that my mom would never leave him,
and was too much at a loss for words to
even be angry. Later on, I stepped in to help
out Daniel's family and make sure they were doing okay,
giving my dad some time to himself. Overall, while they
weren't whined and dined in quite the way they probably expected,
Daniel seemed like a good and understanding friend, and they
managed to have a productive vacation. Daniel said, towards the end,

(21:36):
when the shock had worn off, my dad and he
were able to have a little fun. It was probably
a good thing that Daniel was around to help my
dad through it. As for my parents in general, they
are only communicating through their lawyers. My mom moved out
to her own apartment. She hasn't told my father where
she lives, and I'm completely staying out of it. My
mom seems like a brand new person to me, and
I'm incredibly happy for her for being so brave and

(21:58):
finally taking charge of her own life. And by the way,
I want you to take charge right now and listen
to full episodes with stories like this. Just go to
iHeartRadio or Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get
your podcasts from and search. Okay, story time, And we
now have officially fifty consecutive days. That's twenty four times

(22:21):
fifty hours worth of stories for you to listen to.

Speaker 4 (22:25):
It's fifty now.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
Fifty, which is forty nine, Like this morning is fifty days.
I just got the news we've crossed over to fifty.

Speaker 4 (22:33):
Woh so big moment.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
So go check it out right after this episode. And
we do have a little bit of story left here,
so let's finish this story off. Yeah, my dad is
pathetic and completely helpless. Yeah all right, Well there's there,
it is right there.

Speaker 4 (22:49):
Whoo.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yeah, he's been wrapping himself up in his work and
eating lots of takeout. I've been careful with my involvement.
I will be supportive enough so he doesn't feel completely alone,
but I'm adamant to not become some sort of caregiver
for him. I refuse to answer questions about my mother's whereabouts,
but I do express sympathy for her. It's important for
me to make sure my father recognizes that, honestly, I'm

(23:11):
on my mother's side and that I never agreed with
the way that he treated her. That being said, I'm
also careful not to antagonize my parents towards each other.
I want this breakup to be as clean as possible,
and that it's the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
My mother showed up at the hospital right after I
gave birth, unannounced and uninvited.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
Oh oh boy, the best way to show up anywhere.
Oh yeah, wah, the worst way to show up anywhere.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
To fully appreciate the sheer audacity of my mother's actions,
here is the very important context.

Speaker 4 (23:49):
I twenty seven female, am.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
The eldest of three, and my son is the first
grandchild for both my and my husband's twenty eighth male
my mother, fifty seven female, lives in the city where
we grew up, but I now live around five to
five and a half hours away in a small country
town with my husband's family.

Speaker 4 (24:05):
By the way, this comes from where be the Dragons
And if you.

Speaker 3 (24:08):
Want to submit your own stories, good to the r
slash okay story times up bread it. So, when we
found out that we were pregnant and started talking about hospitals,
we decided to go to one of our local regional
maternity wards, which is around two and a bit hours
away from where we live, six and a half to
seven from the city. It's the hospital all the women
in our town go to if they didn't go to
the city. Going to the local hospital and meant our

(24:30):
travel time for appointments would be shorter than going into
the city and the added benefit of not getting a
surprise visit from my mother, or so I thought. My
mother is not a bad person, but she can be
a lot. She has a psychology and counseling background, which
means she is great at diagnosing other people, but she's
not so good at self reflection and accepting when she
is wrong. Usually I can get her to listen to me,

(24:52):
or I choose my words carefully so that I can
make her.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
Think that my ideas are hers. But things have changed
recently with the pregnancy.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
She has started making decisions without me on my behalf,
stating that I shouldn't have to worry about these things
with my poor health and a baby on the way.
One particular instance involved of a much loved family member.
I only found out that he was in the pollative
care for my grandma by accident, and by the time
I was able to find out what was going on,
he had passed away.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
That's kind of really your reaching towards unforgivable territory there.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
The whole situation made me so stressed that I ended
up in the emergency room with high blood pressure due
to the stress. It was at that moment that I
decided to seek out professional help to reduce my stress and.

Speaker 4 (25:36):
Not endanger the baby.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
Because of this incident, I have scaled back my contact
with her, and my sister, twenty five female, is considering
going no contact after her wedding in November. My sister
has copped the most rubbish from her out of us siblings,
and my brother fifteen male, lives with her, but he
is dealing with the divorce of his parents. At the moment,
I can see the same people pleasing attitude coming out

(25:58):
of him that I have. She's my mother and I
love but I could not think of anything worse than
having her in the labor ward with me. I would
be focusing on her and not what I need to
to keep her away from the hospital. I told her
my birth plan was to have no visitors in the
hospital because I wanted it to be just me and
my husband. Leading up to the do date, she kept
texting me to say that she was willing to jump

(26:18):
on a plane at a moment's notice if needed. Multiple
times I said, thank you, but I really wanted it
to be just me and my husband. There is a
small regional airport in the town where the hospital is,
but flights are expensive, another thing I thought would be
a good deterren Now to the story, Grab a cup
of tea and some snacks because this is a long one.

(26:38):
Unfortunately for everyone involved, the labor and delivery of my
son was not an easy one.

Speaker 4 (26:42):
We had grand plans of a natural.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
Birth with minimal interruptions and interventions except for trying all
the fun substances, but when things started going South. We
had to make some hard decisions. In the end, we made.

Speaker 4 (26:53):
The best choices for us at the right time. So
even though I ended up.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Having seat section, it was not an emergency and I
was still able to have a good birthing experience thanks
to my amazing medical team.

Speaker 4 (27:03):
Yay yay. The most important thing to know in this
story is that my son and I are healthy.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
Indeed it is that's a great perspective.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:12):
While I was busy trying to give birth, my husband
was keeping our parents updated about my progress. My mother
and father in law were in town with us with
the birth as extra backup if it was needed.

Speaker 4 (27:21):
At my therapist's suggestion, when.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
We decided to call it and have a sea section,
my husband sent a quick text to our parents notifying
them that we were going into the theater.

Speaker 2 (27:30):
I think that's like a British term interesting, or I
think this is in English. This is taking place in
the UK, and I think theater is like once you're
taken into surgery.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
But AnyWho, my mother in law was a bit panicked
when she saw this text, so she made sure that
she was ready to leave it a moment's notice if
we needed her. Take note here that she waited for
more information before she did anything.

Speaker 4 (27:53):
My mother, on the other hand, took.

Speaker 6 (27:54):
This text as everything is going wrong and we need
you to jump on the next flight, but don't tell
us because we are too busy, and she booked flights
and accommodation for herself and my brother for a couple
of days.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Are you doing all that?

Speaker 4 (28:08):
That's crazy?

Speaker 2 (28:08):
Oh? Why he told you to do this?

Speaker 4 (28:10):
And so much?

Speaker 3 (28:12):
The next day, we were recovering from a very long
couple of days, and we decided that my husband should
go to the hotel room where his parents were staying
to get some proper rest. My husband carries his stress
in his gut, so he was not having a good
time after watching me go through labor, and he was
a bit traumatized by the whole ordeal. So the plan
was that he was going to take a couple of
hours to sleep and have a proper meal with his parents. BEFO,

(28:33):
we're coming back to the hospital to stay with me
for the night. While I was finishing up breastfeeding our son.
Not long after my husband left, a nurse came into
my room with a brown paper back. She said that
my mom was downstairs. I looked at her confused, and
I told her that my mom was in the city.
She asked me for my name and I gave it
to her. She said that it was indeed my mom.
I think she saw the look of utter shock on

(28:54):
my face and asked me if I wanted her to
send them away or if I just needed some time.
By this point, I saw my mom's right on the
bag and realized that not only did she fly here
without my knowledge or consent, but my brother was here
since his.

Speaker 4 (29:06):
Name was also on the back.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
I asked the nurse to buy me some time, and
once she left, I immediately called my husband. Poor thing
did not even get ten minutes before he had to
race back to the hospital to support me. Thankfully, my
husband arrived at the hospital before my mother graced us.

Speaker 4 (29:21):
With her presence.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
She waltzed in with a big smile and said surprise,
looking incredibly pleased with herself. I have no idea what
my face looks like, but it must have been an
interesting picture to prompt her to say that I had
a choice if I.

Speaker 4 (29:35):
Didn't want to see her today.

Speaker 2 (29:37):
Oh yeah, do I Yeah? Do I have that choice?
Because it feels like you just ambushed me.

Speaker 4 (29:44):
Yeah. Doesn't feel like it at all.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
You really haven't given me any choice whatsoever.

Speaker 4 (29:50):
I didn't really because I knew that if I did.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
Turn her away, I would have never heard At the
end of it, I don't remember much else of the visit.
I was so exhausted that I was barely funk on autopilot.
In the end, she got exactly what she wanted. She
got to cuddle the baby and was one of the
first people to do so. I could tell my husband
wasn't particularly happy with this. We're rewarding her bad behavior,
but I had no fight in me.

Speaker 4 (30:15):
Once she left.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
I was only able to keep it together for a
couple of minutes before he started crying. The one thing
I wanted out of my birthing experience was thrown out
the window. I haven't stopped crying about it since, but
most of the sadness has now turned into anger. I
think I'm working through the stages of grief. I'm seeing
my therapist in a couple of days, and she is
going to have an absolute field day with this. By

(30:36):
the way, what you guys could have an absolute field
day with is the fifty days worth of content that
we have for you, with full episodes where it's just
like these, Just go to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcast, whatever
your favorite podcast app is.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
Search, Okay, storytime, go on, I have a field day,
Go do that. And there is a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
But wow, yeah, that is really sad. I think what
you can do from here because it's like her taking
this away from you is so indicative of like where
your relationship is at that it's like, once you make this,
make it known like what she has done, and don't
let her talk her way out of it. You say, no, no, no,
this is my experience, this is what I feel, this

(31:21):
is how I think about it, this is what happened.
And then you go and because of that cutting you
off right and don't and then don't entertain anything that
she has to say because it's it's your decision. And
she literally ambushed you to do this to you when
you were in the most tired, vulnerable state of your
life and then she took away you like being the

(31:44):
first person to like hold your baby and stuff. Is
that what?

Speaker 6 (31:48):
Well?

Speaker 3 (31:48):
She said she was one of the first people. So
I don't know if she was the first person to
hold the baby the mom.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
But I doubt it, right, they right to the to
the parents, but either way, she didn't want to marry
at all, right, yeah she'd And it's.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
The kind of thing I feel like, there's so many
situations where people do that, where there it's just like, well,
I mean, you don't have to like I don't have
to be here if you don't want me to, or like,
oh it's okay if you're mad at me, like you
can say.

Speaker 4 (32:16):
You know, so many situations where people do things like that.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
It's like, okay, knowing the person you're talking to and
knowing just social cues, you know that most people are
not going to be like, yeah I am mad at you,
or yeah I do want you to leave because that's uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Most people are going to be polite.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:31):
So it's like, if you are assuming that they're wanning
you out of there, you should just go.

Speaker 4 (32:36):
You should leave.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
But Op's mom is clearly a little manipulative.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
Looks like it. But we have a little bit more
of this story. So everyone I've told about this situation
is furious on my behalf, especially my best friend and
my sister. My best friend was willing to drive to
my mother's house to yell at her and my sister
informed me that she told our mother not to visit
until I was ready. Clearly neither of us got through
to her. I'm at my wits end with her, but

(33:04):
I really don't want to cut contact with her because
that would also mean cutting contact with my brother. My
husband has been an absolute saint when it comes to
my mother, but even a saint has limited patience, and.

Speaker 4 (33:14):
I fear we have reached it.

Speaker 3 (33:16):
I would love any advice from you guys, and I
will try and get around to answering any questions you have.

Speaker 4 (33:21):
And that's it. That's the story.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
Hey, it's sam' your ogi host here bring you back
to the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

Speaker 7 (33:29):
My sister in law wants to raise our children as siblings.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
I refused. Has anyone told her that's not how that works.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
What if you raise them as cousins?

Speaker 2 (33:38):
What if you'd had another kid and then they have
a sibling.

Speaker 7 (33:42):
I know the title is confusing, but let me explain me.
Twenty eight female and my husband twenty eight male, have
been together for nine years, married for four We have
a baby girl together. By the way, this comes from
Significant Run eighteen forty nine. And if you want to
submit your own stories, good to our slash okay, storytime,
separate it, creature Place says nation help we feeling about

(34:02):
my husband's family. My husband was an only child until
he was ten years old. His aunt, mother in law's
younger sister, and uncle fell into eternal sleep in a
car accident. My mother in law and father in law
adopted their nephew slash my husband's cousin. Biologically, my husband
and brother in law twenty four male are cousins. Legally
they are brothers. Until he started dating his now wife,

(34:24):
I had a great relationship with him, but his wife,
my sister in law thirty two female, never liked me.
I don't know what her problem was with me, but
she was always distant and condescending. We were cordial for
family's sake and kept our distance. Other than that, I
have a wonderful relationship with my in laws. There is
something you guys need to know about my mother in law.

(34:45):
She wanted a girl child but ended up with two boys.
My mother in law's older sister has three boys, so
everyone in my husband's families are boys. When my daughter
was born, my mother in law and sister ride with happiness.
She is the first and only granddaughter on both sides
of our family. My brother in law really respects and
loves my mother in law. When my sister in law
got pregnant, she announced that they are definitely going to

(35:07):
have a girl child too, even though it is too early.

Speaker 4 (35:09):
To know the gender of the baby.

Speaker 7 (35:10):
He was really disappointed when she found out they're gonna
have a boy.

Speaker 4 (35:13):
I don't like that attitude.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
Man, if you're not ready to have them ready to
either a kid.

Speaker 7 (35:18):
If you're not ready to have a baby, then don't
have a baby.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
And if you really are like I need a girl, hike.

Speaker 5 (35:25):
My cousin just announces she's pregnant. I asked her, and
like they kind of kept a secret from us, so
she's known for like a couple months.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
And she's like, it's a boy.

Speaker 5 (35:35):
And they were like, he really wanted a girl. But
we're happy, but we really wanted a girl. Like come on, guys,
are you happy it's a boy? Like, yeah, we're just happy.

Speaker 4 (35:44):
Uh, just got you get a kid, man, get a kid.

Speaker 5 (35:47):
I was like, just try again.

Speaker 7 (35:48):
You promise my mother in law to give her a
granddaughter soon. My mother in law told her she's happy
if both the baby and mom are happy and healthy,
he doesn't care about gender. Recently, my sister in law
and brother in law found out that they cannot have
more kids. This Sunday, we gathered at my mother in
law's elder sister's house. My husband's cousins girlfriend asked me
if we will have more kids. I was honest and

(36:08):
told her I don't know. We probably won't because our
lives are pretty busy with the office and a toddler.
My sister in law told me that we can raise
our kids as siblings. I was confused and asked her,
what does.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
That even mean.

Speaker 2 (36:19):
The woman who doesn't like you wants your kid, wants
your kid siblings with her kids.

Speaker 7 (36:25):
She replied, since neither of our kids might not have siblings,
we could raise our kids together.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
She said.

Speaker 7 (36:30):
We can meet every Saturday and Sunday so that the
kids can spend some time together.

Speaker 4 (36:35):
Okay, but this is just cousins.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Yeah, what you're describing to say siblings friends cousins, and
I just say.

Speaker 7 (36:40):
Like, hey, can we raise them closely? When the kids
grow they will share their chores, snacks, and toys at
both our houses.

Speaker 4 (36:45):
Okay, that's a little weird the chores part.

Speaker 7 (36:48):
They will be joining the same school and have the
same circle of friends. My sister in law wants to
be my daughter's confident and secondary parent to my daughter
so that she will experience raising a daughter, and my
husband can do the boy things with their sons so
that he will experience raising a son.

Speaker 2 (37:01):
This is unhinged. Don't do this. They're not collectibles. You
can exchange your children, let's trade.

Speaker 7 (37:08):
I was flabbergasted. I told her, no, we're not going
to do any of those things. My daughter and nephew
are going to grow up like normal cousins. Sister in
law was mad. She said, I'm depriving my daughter a
sibling and my husband a chance to parent a son.
I was honestly pissed and told her, if I feel
like my husband wants to have a son and my
daughter needs a sibling, then we will have another child

(37:29):
or adopt one. She started screaming. I don't know what
happened because we left pretty quickly. I talked to my
husband's cousin. She told me sister in law is seething
with anger and everyone is confused about my sister in
law's behavior. I am cuddling my kid, and her comments
about being my daughter's confidant and secondary parent is giving
me a bad taste. So Reddit, am I the a hole?
What do you guys think my best plan of action

(37:51):
would be? And there is an update.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
Absolutely do not entertain this for one second. Sane be like,
she's like, you're depriving your husband if father a son.
It's like, no, you're depriving your brother of being an uncle.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 4 (38:05):
Just be the uncle you can be around this kid.
You can do fun.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
Parentees as it was taken by that approach.

Speaker 5 (38:13):
So fun, that's so cool and I love that, But
now it's so creepy in psycho that I'm like, stay
away from me.

Speaker 4 (38:19):
I don't even want you near them and a cousin.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
And we're gonna make sure they go to the same
school and have the same circle of friends. Yeah, like,
what what are we talking about? You can't even know that?
And are you giving them a name? And it's to
be our name? Yeah, And then we'll adopt those kids
who make them supper. They'll take you, we'll grow up family.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
We'll take your child and she will be a changeling,
and we will leave you a son.

Speaker 7 (38:38):
Hello, people, thank you so much for all the advice.
Seventy percent of the people told me to stay away
from my sister in law and thirty percent told me
to be empathetic towards her struggle. Following your advice, we
came to a conclusion. This Saturday, since my husband is
working from home, me and my daughter went to my parents' house.
We had a pool party. It was so fun. After
the party, I was checking my phone. There were miss

(39:00):
calls for my sister in law and husband. I called
my husband and found out that my sister in law
came to our house with my nephew for bonding time.
My husband firmly told her not too calm, unannounced, and
we already had other plans. There were messages from my
brother in law to please meet at a cafe the
next day. Me and my husband decided we will be
meeting with only my brother in law. Next day we
met my brother in law. He apologized profusely for his

(39:22):
wife's behavior. You had no idea about her plan.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
That's even crazy how she did without consulting the other party.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
You crazy nuts.

Speaker 7 (39:32):
He promised us she will not be parenting our daughter.
He explained the reason behind her behavior. My sister in
law does not have a good relationship with her parents.
Considering how well my mother in law treeded her, she
wanted to fulfill my mother in law's wishes about granddaughter,
so she hoped she could have a daughter. Well, you
can hope all you want, but you're not getting your.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Dreams just coming from a misguided place.

Speaker 4 (39:53):
Like you know what you need therapy?

Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yeah, or maybe another kid or yeah, don't give this
lady another kid. Don't give this lady another kids. Instead
of being like, oh, I have to take your daughter
and make your mind your daughter it's like a daughter.
I need kids.

Speaker 7 (40:10):
Me and my husband accepted his apology and laid out
our boundaries. No more showing up unannounced. My sister in
law is a stay atal mom. She used to drop
her kid with me every week for a few hours
to have alone time. She's like, here, you can be
the parent of my child if I get yours. And
we decided no more dropping their kid at our homes.
Kids will be meaning only at the monthly brunch at
my in law's home. I don't want my daughter to

(40:31):
go completely no contact with her cousin. My kid isn't
going to their house. I also don't think it's right
to ask a mother to drop the kid and get
out of the house. So we will not be taking
care of the nephew every week. We are going low
contact with sister in law and no more talking about
sharing the kids. She will not be alone with my
daughter under any circumstance. I expect an apology from her.
My brother in law was disappointed, but agreed with the conditions.

(40:54):
He told us he doesn't even want to have any
more kids because they cannot afford it.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Oh, well, there it is.

Speaker 7 (40:59):
They're just now on the same page at all. My husband,
mother in law, and brother in law went to talk
to her. Apparently, my husband was stern with her. He
was furious about parenting our daughter and was treating the
kids like props. He isn't interested in doing father son
things with them. We will be the aunt and uncle
that spoils him. That's all.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
That's it.

Speaker 7 (41:16):
She isn't going to be our daughter's confidante. She is
never going to parent our kid. She actually lost all
of the privileges of an aunt. She isn't going to
be alone with our daughter under any circumstances. My mother
in law assured her she loves her children equally. My
brother in law wanted her to go through an evaluation,
but she firmly refused. She understands she crossed boundaries and
she respects her space. She isn't going to a doctor.

(41:38):
She was just dealing with the loss of not having
any more kids. She apologized to my husband and mother
in law. She texted me a few hours later and
apologized for now, we will stick to the rules. I
feel like her apology is sincere, but I'm going to
maintain the distance. I will be protecting my kid. I
read each and every comment, so I will be answering
a few questions. What's my husband and brother in law's

(41:58):
opinion on this. They are not okay with the arrangement
and shocked too. What's wrong with having a close relationship?

Speaker 4 (42:04):
Nothing?

Speaker 7 (42:04):
Absolutely nothing. I love my nephew, but I'm not going
to raise them like siblings. Again, it's just the way
that she went about it.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
That was like the coscause that's what they are.

Speaker 4 (42:13):
That's what they are.

Speaker 7 (42:16):
I am happy if they have a close relationship, but
I'm not going to force them to act like siblings.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
What if they hate each other?

Speaker 8 (42:24):
What are you gonna do.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
Respect.

Speaker 7 (42:28):
I am not happy your weekend brother. I am not
happy she decided everything about their lives. What about security?
We have strong security and wonderful neighbors. I already informed
them about the situation briefly, and they.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
Told me they have my back.

Speaker 7 (42:41):
Sister in law and brother in law don't have keys,
neither do my in laws. I'm going to check the
breaks and locks frequently. Also in case something happens. My
parents will be getting custody of my daughter. Dang, that's scary.
What about sister in law and nephew. I told my
husband about PEPD. He discussed brother in law and mother
in law. They tried talking to sister, but she is
reluctant to go. My brother in law promised he's going

(43:04):
to make sure she will start therapy. My nephew is
happy and healthy. He is well taken care of. We
will be checking up on him frequently. Someone called me ai, Lol,
that's real funny. From now, we will be visiting my
in law's house confirming sister in law isn't going to
be there. My daughter visits the park regularly, so she
will not be deprived of meeting with people her age.
We also decided my best friend's parents or my parents

(43:26):
will be taking our kid in case of emergency. My
daughter loves my best friend's kids for females, some female,
so I guess there will be no problem. Anytime my
mother in law misses her granddaughter, she is welcome in
our house. And you guys are welcome to listen to
full episodes with stories just like this.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
Anytime you miss us.

Speaker 7 (43:41):
Literally anytime, just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Podcast happen search of book a story.

Speaker 4 (43:47):
Do you have any final thought?

Speaker 2 (43:48):
She needs help, she needs big time help. And yeah,
I don't think she should adopt another kid.

Speaker 7 (43:54):
She's no, no, she needs she needs therapy. And it
seems like the brother in law on the same page,
which is good.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yeah, thank you guys, truly.

Speaker 7 (44:03):
If there are any queries, I'm happy to answer. Me
and my husband had so much discussion regarding everything. It's
a combined decision. I didn't go with them because we
thought she would feel ganged up, so my husband handled
it until something major happens. I will not be updating. Yes,
I did read the story about women whose sister in
law wants their baby. It scared the crap out of me.

Speaker 4 (44:21):
And that is the end of the story.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
My sister in law tried to fool me for her wedding,
so I am not attending anymore. You go, girl, Humm,
I don't know how to handle a situation I'm in.
I also apologize in advance for the long wall of text.
It's a complicated situation. My husband's sister is somewhat estranged
from the family, and her name is Amanda. She doesn't

(44:46):
have any girlfriends. Oh. By the way, this comes from
users snubbed and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. Do it there.
So she is very close to her mom and her
brother's girlfriend, but not really to the rest of her family.
In fact, she only really comes around when she needs
something or when she knows that you can be of use. Otherwise,
she rarely attends functions and never talks, writes, or calls,

(45:10):
and never otherwise actively engages with or supports the family.
Most of this is stuff I've been too naive to
notice until now, and as the new in law, I've
been eager to make sure I'm on everyone's good side
at any rate. Recently, Amanda and I began forming a bond,
and I genuinely felt like I could call her a
very close friend. She and her fiance are getting married

(45:32):
this May. It's just a ceremony as he is an
illegal immigrant right now and they do have a child together.
When she had the baby, my husband and I were
the only ones of her siblings that she allowed to
visit while in the hospital. I've taken baby photos for her.
I've helped her with so much. We really had a
good friendship going. Anyways, she is incredibly thrifty, so she's
trying to make this wedding happen as inexpensively as possible.

(45:55):
I am a professional photographer, so she asked me why
we charge so much for I explained to her all
of what goes into it, and she was like.

Speaker 4 (46:03):
I don't want to have to pay for just a
few photos.

Speaker 2 (46:05):
In my naivete, I shrugged it off. But I feel
this is pertinent because it comes into play later. She
already had bought a dress for one to two hundred
dollars at a thrift shop, which that's not thrifty, but
was unhappy about it, so she took me and her
maid of honor, Sally, her brother's girlfriend to go dress
shopping with her. Until this point, she only wanted Sally
to be in her wedding, which I was fine with.

(46:27):
When trying on dresses, she also asked me to be
her bridesmaid.

Speaker 8 (46:32):
Okay, so she's recruiting. Now, she just recruited. You just
got recruited.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
Because I knew she was in the heat of the moment,
I purposefully did not partake when she asked Sally to
try on a bridesmaid dress. I simply and happily sat
back and enjoyed being on the other side of wedding
dress shopping. A few days later, I asked her if
she really meant it when she asked me to be
her bridesmaid. Very excitedly, she said something along the lines of, oh, yes,
of course, I wouldn't dream of getting married without both

(46:57):
of you up there with me. So I was excited. Game.
Come on, man, I like that. I like that.

Speaker 8 (47:02):
She kind of took a step back, asked her if
it was in the heat of the moment, and then
went for it.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
Gave her the time to process.

Speaker 5 (47:09):
You sounded like that one character from a regular show.
I can't think it's name or now Pops pops, thank
you me.

Speaker 3 (47:15):
Eh.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
Yes. About a month later, she approached me at one
of the family dinners and said that she regretted asking
me to be a bridesmaid because she wanted me to
be her photographer instead.

Speaker 8 (47:26):
Oh, so she went back on that. So are we
still going to be She.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
Did a double one eighty. She said, photographer just getting bridesmaid? No,
I wan't use my photographer.

Speaker 8 (47:37):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
I think my feelings were hurt that she was so
insistent on me being her bridesmaid, but whenever I was
happy that she still wanted me to be involved. I
asked her what kind of budget she was thinking about.
She looked incredibly puzzled and said, Oh, I didn't realize
I need a budget for you to do this. I
let her know that while I wouldn't charge her full prize,
I'd still need to cover my bare minimum.

Speaker 8 (47:57):
Gas getting there, a little bit of the equipment some time.
Maybe are we putting time in there?

Speaker 2 (48:04):
Pay your friends to do jobs that they do. Yeah.
She said that this was okay and she would be
fine with that. She mentioned she was hoping not to
have to pay more than five hundred dollars. Those are
tight numbers. Less than a quarter of what is typically
charged in my area, but I could make it work
for family. I again confirmed with her, and she said
she wanted me to do it no matter what. I
told her, I'd send her a contract just to cover

(48:26):
my bases, and she nodded happily. So I went home,
pulled the contract for her and sent it her way.
A month or so ago. She said she'd read it over,
sign it, and return it with her deposit in a
few days. Well a few days ago, she finally wrote back.
She and her fiance decided that they did not want
me to take their photos after all. I was incredibly
puzzled by this, and about an hour later, Sally called

(48:46):
and said that my mother in law, Amanda's mom, told
Amanda after she met with me, that she shouldn't have
to pay me to be her photographer at all, and
then I should just take photos and send them to
her without doing anything else if I was so worried
about costs. So Amanda was hoping that by doing this,
I'd just bring my camera anyway and she could still
get her pictures. Sally apologized because she knew about this

(49:08):
and didn't say anything. I again told her that there
was no need to apologize and that all is well.
My mother in law is a medler. This is not news.
I never know when she's going to strike, but the
fact that she told Amanda these things doesn't surprise me.
Though it does frustrate me. But all is not well.
I mean, seriously, fool me one shaman, uh, fool me twice.
I'm to the point where my feelings a hood. If

(49:29):
it was just some person, it wouldn't bother me. People
back out, it happens, but to be snubbed twice by
my husband's sister really hurts me to my core. This
is where I started realizing what kind of person she
truly is. I know this is a heat of the
moment emotions situation, but I no longer want to attend
her wedding. I talk to my husband about it, and
of course it's his sister, and of course I will

(49:51):
go with him. My equipment will not be making the
trek with me to her wedding no matter what. I'm
also done agreeing to do things for her because I'm
not having her back out on me yet again? Am
I right for a feeling this way? What should I do?
I have yet to respond to Amanda's email saying she
doesn't want me to photograph, and there is an update. Yeah, honestly,
I agree with what you're doing here. I think still

(50:13):
go because it's like your husband's sister would be weird,
but like, not in thet don't go in the capacity
as a photographer. Don't play that at all. I think
I would be more offended by, like, dude, I'm trying
to this is like what I do professionally. I'm a
professional photographer. I'm offering to give you essentially at cost,

(50:33):
the bare minimum what I can charge for an entire
wedding photography. Well, when people have aren't a skill set
that you need, regardless if they're your friend or family,
you should pay them. So the last post drew quite
a bit of criticism and an equal backing of support.
I was kind of surprised at how many people posted
in general. I was also surprised to see how many

(50:54):
people outside my industry were criticizing not only my posts,
but those who were sympathetic to me and my industry.
The point is, my photography business is my own and
I have valid reasons. I know a lot of people
don't really understand all of the work behind what photographers do,
and that's fine to each their own anyway, I send
her a message and graciously let her know that I

(51:15):
understand and we would be there to support her regardless.
Everything was going great. She found a high school student
who is new to photography and is willing to shoot
for free, which is fine. That's not something I'd do
personally or something Riley would do. Smart. No, okay, it's
like getting a nice, complicated tattoo from an apprentice who's

(51:35):
never done one before. Yeah. Thanks, somebody my credentials right
now and thanks. Yeah. So hiring an amateur photographer is
not something I do personally, as a wedding is not
a place for someone to build their portfolio. But I'm
keeping quiet and letting Amanda make her own choices. Something
that has never really mattered until now. Also popped up
every year on the original date of her wedding, I'd

(51:57):
be three days into a five day shoot for any
nationally televised sporting event in our AREAF. I've been doing
it for five years now and have been taking lead
for two years now. Oohoo. I regularly get consultation offers
and business following. I gladly stepped down this year, and
she knows of this. Even if this isn't a real wedding,

(52:17):
it is the ceremony for his one and only sister,
who will do a courthouse wedding once they are able.
Regardless for family, we wouldn't miss it for the world.
This was a decision I had to make last fall,
and it never really mattered that much. My company obviously
has already selected a photographer to go in my place,
and I've already worked with that photographer on various assignments.
My husband has told me from the start that I

(52:37):
shouldn't have given it up, as there is always the
possibility that I could be replaced by this other photographer.
For me, though, it didn't matter, not for family. Q.
Late last week, she announced on Facebook that she and
her fiance were moving their wedding to the middle of
this summer because they felt that their original date was
coming too quick and they wouldn't be ready by then.
I'm sorry, this is so wishy washy.

Speaker 5 (52:58):
Well, what kind of wedding is this where they like, literally,
I'm not going to his wedding anymore.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Rimp on a stick, dude, that's why you don't do that. Okay,
are we all in agreement. Now, yeah, don't quit your
nice job. Don't get yourself replaced by another photographer so
you can not go to a wedding that doesn't happen
for goodness sakes. Okay, she didn't notify anyone personally before
making this post on Facebook and still has not made

(53:25):
any formal announcements to anyone outside of Facebook. No updates
are being mailed. Her stance on this issue is exactly quote,
if people really care about me that look at my
Facebook and see that note on my wall six weeks
notice on a date that has been planned on officially
since last summer. A lot of family coming in from
out of town had already purchased flights and hotels. Everyone
had already made their concessions, including myself on my yearly gig.

(53:48):
Vendors were already on lock everything. My husband was incredibly upset.
I've never seen him get so upset, and he made
it no secret to her just how upset he was
that she had already basically smacking me in the face
twice and now had moved something she knew that I
had made huge concessions for that she was aware of,
and that family had already booked travel arrangements, not to

(54:09):
mention the tacky manner she did it in. They had
a huge argument and basically aren't speaking. Most of the
family is incredibly upset as well. And by the way,
you would never be incredibly upset if you listened to
full episodes with stories like this. What you gotta do
is to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio wherever you get
your podcast search, okay, story time, and there you will

(54:29):
have our entire library. Real talk, though, I'm I'm I'm
going low contact and I'm not doing anything for your wedding.
I'm not going to your wedding. This is I think
I'm just triggered as like someone who used to do
a lot of freelance work, and like if I had
a gig that happened every year and I'd done it

(54:50):
for five years, and then I backed out of it
just to do not even to photograph your wedding, just
to go to it, I guess at this point, and
then you switch it up, I'm done with you.

Speaker 8 (55:01):
Yeah, agreed, agreed.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
Uh, Okay, here we go. Let's finish this story. Interestingly enough,
we already have obligations with my family that are equally
important on the new weekend that she chose. I told
my husband if he wanted to go to her wedding,
he could back out and I would go by myself.
He said he wouldn't be attending his sister's fake wedding.
He is now saying he's almost certain she will change
the date again if this wedding even actually happens. Needless

(55:26):
to say, I'm upset, but I'm trying not to let
it bother me. If I lose this annual gig to her,
my husband would be incredibly upset. But it's a choice
I made, and in the end, I can't blame anyone
but myself for that. And that is the end of
that story. And again, folks, I will say, let this
be a lesson. Do not sacrifice your if your freelancer,
don't sacrifice your best gig to do this for anybody.

Speaker 8 (55:52):
Well, guys, that was the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Hey, it's Jan here, og host of the show. We're
gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a
quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 8 (56:00):
My sister in law secretly holds a grudge against me,
just making me paranoid.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
What was that? Oh, ex nothing.

Speaker 8 (56:08):
Okay, So this is going to be a bit of
a long one, but I'll try to be as concise
as possible. So here's the deal. Hi, thirty three female.
Don't know if I am being completely paranoid or if
there's something really fishy about the way my sister in
law thirty eight female has been acting lately. By the way,
it comes from low needle worker at six twenty And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
our slosh okay storage. I'm subburded. So for context, both

(56:31):
my brother forty five male and I moved back to
our dad's hometown, him almost a decade ago and me
in the last year. About five years ago. He started
dating this local girl and they are practically married nowadays. Overall,
sister in law is a great girl, and we've been
so lucky that she chose to be part of our family.
We are very good and close friends. But here comes

(56:51):
the small town nonsense. There is an immensive social gap
between her and him. To give some cond text, her
mom used to work temporarily as a maid for people
from my family, which in my culture also means extended
family thank grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. She and her family
struggled so much. I can't even begin to describe or understand. Really,

(57:15):
she made well for herself, worked really hard, and is
a successful professional. She has bought her own beautiful house
and continues to improve herself daily. Let's freaking go seriously.
There are a few people in this world whom I
admire so much. But needless to say, she carries a
lot of trauma. She is very anxious all the time.

(57:36):
It is sometimes quite overwhelming. It is also very clear
from the beginning that she had a constant need to
affirm she was not dating my brother out of convenience,
and for our part, we always tread very carefully not
to make her feel in any way misplaced among us.
So with all that, I can get to what is
going on and why I need some advice on whether
how do I spell this? Am I being paranoid and

(57:59):
need to get a great or not? Since Dad passed away,
I have been taking care of my mom, seventy six female.
Her mine has been taking a turn for the worse,
and she sometimes forgets things she says or does very quickly.
A few months ago this happened. We had a booth
that an expedition for a local business. The event was
already over for the night, but being the party people

(58:19):
we are, at some point there were about ten people
at our booth, most fellow exhibitors, drinking, chatting, playing the guitar,
and singing. We were all tired, but we couldn't sleepily
close the booth and send people home. That would have
been incredibly rude, so we stayed on. My brother left
early and my mom, sister in law, and I stayed
to deal with our guests. At some point, my quite

(58:41):
wasted mom got fed up with people playing and singing
songs she hated, and started just discreetly asking me to
leave multiple times. I told my sister in law and
we decided it was best to call my brother back
so I could take my mom home. Right before she arrived,
someone took the guitar and started playing songs my mom enjoyed,
so obviously she do you stop asking to leave? Seeing that,

(59:02):
sister in law got angry with me and immediately assumed
I was lying and using my mom as an excuse
to go home. We were at the expedition for about
twelve hours straight. At this point, we were all a
bit wasted and Also, we were a few meters away
from the party, and I was trying very hard to
defend myself, but she got into overwhelming mode and simply
wouldn't let me. I got more and more flustered, and

(59:22):
when she finally called me a spoiled brett who was
using her mom to get what I wanted, I snapped
and screamed at her my mistake, obviously.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
I mean fifty fifty to fifty.

Speaker 3 (59:34):
Let me.

Speaker 8 (59:34):
Actually, we're being pushed to your heads or tails?

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Ready? Heads? Oh? Yeah, you know what you were? Actually
that is your bad. Sorry, the coin has spoken.

Speaker 8 (59:47):
Everyone was obviously the argument until that point. At this moment,
they all stared at me like I had grown a
second head.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Sister in law.

Speaker 8 (59:55):
Started screaming at me that I had no right to
scream at her. My brother arrived so what was going
on and excused himself, not wanting to be caught up
in the mess. So I did the only sensible thing,
hid in the car and cried my eyes out until
about an hour later when my mom was escorted to
the car and we went home. The next day, I
reached out to sister in law to apologize and explain
the misunderstanding. But before I could, she said she was

(01:00:17):
hurt with me and needed some time to process it all.
She repeated, now sober, that I was using my mom,
so I simply left without giving or receiving an apology.
It stuck with me, though I promised myself I wouldn't
let myself fall into that situation again. Eventually things got
back to normal, but when another almost incident happened, nothing
so dramatic, but while discussing the logistics of a family

(01:00:40):
trip we are in, I mentioned she could have negotiated
with her boss for a day off so she didn't
need to leave work a half day and come back
to the event. Earlier that week, her boss warehouse had flooded.
She and some colleagues left their homes in the early
hours to help save the stored items. As to thank you,
the boss gave each of them a small sum of money.

(01:01:00):
It was nice to have a little extra in her purse,
but she didn't necessarily need it, and I commented that
she could have negotiated the half day instead of taking
the cash. That led to another modernologue of her accusing
me of being unprofessional and that she would never let
her employer hang like that. As if I said, she
should call him on the spot telling him she wouldn't

(01:01:20):
show up the next day, which is not what I said.
Of course, that led to an uncle, one of the
good ones, briefly lecturing me unworth ethics. I think you
missed the part there.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:01:31):
Also, uh, sister in law does not respect you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
She doesn't respect you. Move yourself.

Speaker 8 (01:01:36):
I think she's snapping at you because she thinks you're
spoiled brat and you don't know anything about work.

Speaker 2 (01:01:41):
I'm removing myself, led do your.

Speaker 8 (01:01:43):
Own thing and give her. There he goes, and he's gone.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
Guys.

Speaker 8 (01:01:48):
Finally, last week things got a bit more aggressive again.
We are all quite wasted already. Yes, drinking culture here
is a thing. We had spent the day at having
beers by River sister in law, brother, her and I
and mom's sister and law friend. Also, sorry, I think
they're in Ireland. They gotta be Irish.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
The meters is definitely there's a meter.

Speaker 8 (01:02:08):
Why'd they say exposition meters? They got their sewn potatoes.
Let's be real old.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
Potato expo in Ireland.

Speaker 8 (01:02:17):
Oh yeah, dude, come on, oh he Okay. We had
spent the day having beers by a river, sistern law, brother, mom,
I sistern Law's friend. When it came time to go
home night, already we were gathering our stuff in the back,
I always cleaning the dishes, and sistern in law told
me she was gathering some things. They were left on
the table. I had left my phone, slash glasses, slash

(01:02:37):
speaker on the table, so when I saw the speaker
and glasses in the bag, I assumed she had taken
them and put them in there. I grabbed the bag,
put it in the front of the car and we
all entered. That's when I noticed I didn't have my phone.
I came back to the side of the bar by
the river, but it wasn't there, so I asked my
brother to open the trunk because sister in law must
have put it in the bag with the rest of
my stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
My mistake.

Speaker 8 (01:02:57):
Again. Brother left the car to help me with a lantern,
and she left as well, already in an overwhelming mood,
saying she didn't take anything of mine. I tried to
explain that's not what I meant, while trying to find
my phone as fast as possible so we could just go,
but things escalated. Of course, I didn't scream this time,
I believe, but I did tell her to get in
the car. By the time I managed to find my phone,

(01:03:18):
sister in law had already left again for the bar,
screaming at the top of her lungs that she wasn't
going anywhere with me in the car. That was good
forty minute drive from home. Brother was also in the bar,
trying his best to distance himself from the drama. I
took a deep breath and went to sister in law,
trying to reason with her, and she screamed at me
the following go after sell four times, you spoiled rich girl.

(01:03:39):
You think you can order everyone around. I did not
take your phone, and she proceeded to take a phone
and throw it on the table with force. It didn't break, thankfully.
She has a lot of going on, and I think
she's putting a lot of that blame on op and
low key. I'm gonna need to be there. I'm gonna
need to see what vibes with the tone of voices. Yes,

(01:04:02):
because I could see how this is being mistruded.

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
Yeah, but everyone, there's a lot of nuance to how
this would play out, like in a in a setting
where we're present she.

Speaker 8 (01:04:13):
Was crying a lot and was very distraught. My mom
had to physically restrain her and talk to her. But
we will never physically restrain you from checking out our
podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Just search up Okay
Storytom on Apple, Spotify, our Heart Radio, wherever you listen
to your favorite podcasts, and We're there were stories just
like this that aren't as super crazy, but they are crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:35):
I feel like a lot of times though, people just
like construe like people being emotional as people being bratty
because like their emotions are inconvenient in the moment. Yeah,
and it's like that's not necessary, Like not everybody has
their emotions mastered. Yeah, that's what it is. Some people
have mastered themselves and have control over that, but a
lot of people don't. So the goal should be to

(01:04:57):
be able to move through your emotions without them taking
control over you, exactly. That's the goal.

Speaker 8 (01:05:04):
That's the goal. So she apologized, saying this would not
happen again and that she would try to listen to
in the future. But I'm wary because it seems something
is going on and that she's got some serious beef
with me. Am I being paranoid or Is this just
to be expected given the whole context of things. I've
been trying to see other situations in which I could
have offended her to be on the receiving end of

(01:05:25):
those opinions and outbursts, But I can't any advice I'm
in need because I love her and my brother very
much and don't want us to be a strange

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I REFUSE to meet my father’s new girlfriend… because we just lost our mother! - r/TwoHotTakes | Reddit Stories | 2112