I refused to do DNA test…to confirm if my dad is the father of another child! | Reddit Stories | EP2133 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dearest John, It's been a fortnight since I felt your
warm embrace.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay
Story Tom podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious
story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
But before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happened,
I bid thee farewell.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
See you in two minutes.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
I refuse to do a DNA test to confirm if
my dad is the father of another child.

Speaker 5 (00:25):
If you just close your eyes, nothing bad will ever happen.

Speaker 4 (00:29):
And it's I'm Not your Father Week on Okay Story Tom,
where we are diving into jaw dropping paternity twist and
family confessions that'll have you asking is this really my dad?
But let's dive into this one for context. For about
five years ago, my mom came across the message from
a woman claiming my father is the baby daddy two

(00:52):
her three year old daughter.

Speaker 5 (00:53):
Five years ago wow.

Speaker 4 (00:56):
And compared photos of her and I when I was
around that age to show that we looked alike. However,
dismissed getting any DNA task After my father got incarceonated.
Now I seventeen female and my mom recently came across
a message tonight from the same woman again claiming my
father is the baby daddy to her now eight year

(01:17):
old daughter. Now that her daughter is older, she has
started questioning who her real father is. By the way,
this comes from teeth Graveyard and if you want to
submit your own stories, what are okay storytime Subreddit. So
now this is the part that has me a bit skeptical.
Her daughter does have the same skin color as my dad. However,

(01:39):
every other feature is completely different. That's just the mom's side, and.

Speaker 5 (01:43):
She might not even really know that he's incarcerated.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
She might not know.

Speaker 5 (01:46):
Yeah, yeah, sounds kind of probably like it's true.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
My dad has hazel, almost vibrant green eyes, while the
mother has bright blue eyes. My mother also has bright
blue eyes, and my mother and father's genie than resulted
in central heterochromia in my eyes. This child has pitch
black eyes. Usually brown eyes are the dominant gene to

(02:10):
blue eyes, So how did pitch black eyes suddenly appear
on my dad's side of the family. Their eyes are
all very vibrant green or gray. Not only do the
eyes get me, but the nose shape on both my
dad and eyes are the same. However, this woman's daughter
has a completely different shape. This lady is basically convinced
that my father is her baby daddy and even said

(02:31):
tonight if my father wasn't willing to give a DNA test,
asked if I would be willing to give a DNA test,
yet has not even told us her name. I'm torn
between a decision. But my father is actively in my life,
and I know that if he knew he had another child,
he would also try to be in this child's life
as well. The only thing is she lives two states away.

(02:55):
Getting a DNA test would do what get child support?
She's financially stable with a husband and two other kids,
so now why is she reaching out after five years?
Reassurance is real and I one hundred percent support it. However,
that big time gap. What was the mother telling her daughter?
With all that kid consideration, I told her I wouldn't

(03:17):
be comfortable giving a DNA sample. She told my mother
that we're ruining her daughter's life by not allowing her
to know her real father. However, I just can't believe her,
as if this was my father's child, why didn't she
reach out sooner? She literally reached out five years ago.
I'm not sure anymore. I just feel like a butt.

(03:39):
But my gut tells me something fishy is going on,
So am I the a hole. I'm also feeling a
touch fishy here.

Speaker 5 (03:46):
See. The thing is, I'm kind of annoyed at Ope,
Okay because Okay, on the one hand, I don't think
that it is necessarily at all Ope's responsibility to do
this DNA test. She's like nineteen or whatever. Mm hm
young She's a teenager, and which, guys, I'm like, you know,
this woman shouldn't be reaching out to a teenager to
ask her to do a DNA test. Seventeen Okay, she's

(04:06):
even younger. If I were a seventeen year old and
a random woman was like, do a DNA test for me,
I'd be like no, But.

Speaker 4 (04:12):
This woman is not giving her name.

Speaker 5 (04:13):
Yeah, which is why I understand why OPI would be
like hesitant to give DNA samples to this woman. However,
I think that OP is kind of asking the wrong questions.

Speaker 4 (04:25):
It's a stranger. I don't know.

Speaker 5 (04:26):
I think that the easiest way to prove if she's
lying or not is for the father to do like
a DNA test.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
The father do test I believe one, this is fishy.
There might be something going on here inheritance or whatever.
I don't know. Another part of this is if this
woman's super serious and she has enough evidence court order,
you can court order a DNA test.

Speaker 5 (04:45):
I wonder how it all works with him being incarcerated,
you know, like, is she not able to reach him?

Speaker 4 (04:49):
Like, what's what's the deal here? Yeah, but we are
halfway through and we got an update. Okay, update, okay,
so wow. I didn't think this was going to get
much attention as it did. Yeah, YadA, YadA. I've talked
to my dad. He is aware that this woman has
reached out again. My mom told him this morning and
showed him screenshots of the woman's messages. He's going to
get the DNA test done and out of the way.

(05:12):
But it's also skeptical because she hasn't pursued anything legally
for the past five years.

Speaker 5 (05:18):
But I think that is the way to go. Like,
I think he should just do a DNA test and
then if it's false or it's you know, it's not true,
then perfect. Done with this woman. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (05:28):
If someone demands a DNA test for me and I
don't know them, I'm gonna be like, nah.

Speaker 5 (05:32):
He knows her. Okay, it's not like just a random woman,
because he wouldn't do it. If this was a stranger,
he'd be like, I don't know who that is. I'm
not doing a DNA test for a stranger.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
Yeah. I'm still confused by everyone's motive in the story.
I've spoken to some of my personal friends and family
about what I should be doing, and it just hurts
me that if this is my half sister, I haven't
been allowed to be involved with her. I'm going to
talk more with my dad when he gets off work,
but the next update will be the DNA test results.

(06:03):
I'm just not sure how long that will take. And
it seems like he's out of jail now.

Speaker 5 (06:07):
They reached out five years ago, they could have been involved,
you know, if they had done the DNA test five
years ago, she was Opie's half sister, could have been
involved in Opie's life. But seems like the mom was like, no,
we're not doing the DNA test.

Speaker 4 (06:22):
I need the mother like Opie's mom's pov onness. I
need to understand where she's coming from.

Speaker 5 (06:29):
Well, I guess this probably would have been cheating. Oh
unless they're not together anymore. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (06:33):
I need more context from other people relative comments. Baby
Kate two thousand and four says, not the a whole. However,
the entire section you've written on looks is bs. You've
not accounted for this woman's family features. It's not that
brown eyes are dominant, is that darker ones are. Assuming
this child is off your dad's. If the mother has

(06:53):
darker eyes in her family, then her child is likely
to have dark eyes as hazel greeny eyes, if not more. Yeah. Yeah,
so like your science is kind of off. Oh, Piz
was seventeen, so you know, and she's trying to make
sense of it. Yeah, you and your dad's noses look
different because you have your dad's nose. This child could
have her mom's or grandparents on her mother's. It sounds
like you're trying to come up with reasons to not

(07:15):
believe this because you don't want it to be true.
But in doing so, you're not using real logic. You've
just decided doesn't it look like me? Therefore isn't true.
If you're making the decision only based on that logic,
then yeah, you're a bit of the ye hole. I
don't know this is comment, but at the end of
the day, it's not your job to do this. If
she wants a DNA test, she needs to go to

(07:35):
the actual dad, maybe get a court order for one,
but not your circus, not your monkey's. And op says,
with sharing more of their opinion, I'm not trying to
imply that it's not his child. Those are just my
personal reasons for not wanting a DNA test from me.
I just think it's weird. She's putting in a little
bit too much effort to get a DNA tuss done
from a minor. Yet as even told us her daughter's

(07:57):
name when she got with my father, et cetera. She's
not giving any context. Do you have an emoji? And
another conminner says low balance forty four oh four says info.
Is your dad still in prison, no matter where is he?
Does he know of any of this? Opie says he's
aware of this and has been since she reached out

(08:18):
when the child was three. He is now out of prison.
I'm not sure what exactly happened to the whole thing.
I honestly forgot about it because it's been five years now.
But she's trying to get me involved, and has been
like comparing our photos together, saying we look alike things
like that. It's just weird. My father is sleeping right now.
I live with him, but of course I'm bringing this

(08:40):
up to him tomorrow and I'll give an update.

Speaker 5 (08:42):
It's so like again, you know, I don't. I think
ope's maybe illogical, Like has made some silly comments about,
you know, a couple of different things, but is a
seventeen year old and has an adult reaching out to
her about doing a DNA.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
Like that is we weird. That is weird.

Speaker 5 (09:00):
That is weird. I don't understand why the dad wouldn't
have done the DNA if he knew about it the
first time. Why didn't he do a DNA test when
the kid is three? Yeah, Like why it's all weird?

Speaker 4 (09:11):
Just sit on you?

Speaker 5 (09:11):
Op, Yeah, it isn't on you, Like you're seventeen and
you're acting like a seventeen year old. Very valid. You
don't know anyone that you don't know a DNA test.
They should not be caught, Like none of the adults
in the situation should be putting you in the middle
of this at all. Like this is weird.

Speaker 4 (09:26):
But it seems like they figured it out and we
don't know the results because that's you in the story.
What yeah, that's it. I feel like that with the
last story.

Speaker 5 (09:34):
This is ridiculous. I know, we just don't know.

Speaker 4 (09:36):
We don't know.

Speaker 5 (09:37):
Come on, OP. My advice if this is your app
sibling Center Card, Center Cards, see if you can hang
out with her. But also I have a talk to
your parents and say, hey, can we like, can you
kind of protect me a little bit more and not
have this random woman message me about my DNA.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
Please don't put me in the middle of your DNA shenanigans.

Speaker 5 (09:58):
No one should be asking OP anything about this truly.
This should only be between the dad and the woman.
That's it. Those are the only relevant players exactly.

Speaker 4 (10:08):
And we have another story coming up.

Speaker 5 (10:12):
So we're going to get into it, folks.

Speaker 4 (10:13):
Another DNA So tune in tomorrow for another DNA story
just for you guys.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
I refuse to attend my niece's wedding because I do
not like her fiance's good reason. So for context, there's
a twenty one year age gap between myself and my
oldest brother. This made it so me twenty eight female
and his closest daughter twenty three female are very close
in age and have.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Grown up very close by the way.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
It comes from proper marriagean forty nine to sixteen and
if you want to submit your own stories, go.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
Do the r Slasha Okay story times up right.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
I am very much the favorite, not and have always
considered us friends, not just family. She comes to me
when she has a problem that she doesn't want to
talk to her parents about. She tells me about her
boyfriend and friend problems. She would call me when she
was in college and needed to be picked up from
a party or a bar, and I was the first
person she told when her boyfriend proposed to call, calling
me at six am in the morning because he was
so excited. The Dubby, my niece and her fiance have

(11:04):
been together for three years. He is one year younger
than her. She just graduated in May twenty twenty four
and he is on track to graduate in May twenty
twenty five. Their wedding is scheduled for a week after
his graduation. He is studying biomedical and microengineering, but he's
more on the introvergent side. He has some dry humor.
Since she introduced him to the family, we could tell
they were serious so try to be as welcoming as possible.

(11:26):
We invited him to family events, trips, got him Birthday
and Christmas presents, and genuinely tried to get to know him.
Whenever he's around our family, he acts annoyed all the time,
like it's painful to spend time with us. He expects
my niece to stay by his side the whole time,
getting irritated if any of the little cousins ask her
to play, including my children.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
For context, my niece is my children's godmother.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
He also expects her to leave at the same time
as him, even if they drive separately.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
Ooh, sounds a little controlling. So yeah, he's at the
very least socially awkward.

Speaker 6 (11:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
Hate sounds like he hates kids, hates the family.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
It is not fun.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
My eldest brother constantly defends him, saying that he's just
introverted and that the size of our family makes him uncomfortable.

Speaker 4 (12:07):
He insists that the fiance is.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Different in smaller groups are one on one, but I
haven't seen it, not even when it was just the
two of them with my husband and me. He talks
to everyone like we're stupid and is extremely condescending After
they got engaged, things got worse. Since my niece and
I are close, I expected to be asked to be
part of the wedding, but she didn't ask.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
I was a little hurt, but I let it go because.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
It's her special day and her choice. Then his family
planned the engagement party and didn't invite any of my family.
She told me that it was just a small affair
with only their parents and siblings.

Speaker 4 (12:42):
But I later found out that she had lied.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
When I saw the pictures on social media.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
So I confronted her about it, but she said she
didn't plan the guest list, so I tried to let
it go.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
I mean, even if she didn't plan the guest list,
that just even even more means that the fiance's control.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
It means like he literally completely had full control of
the guest list. Insanity in red and flag after red flag,
so many red flags. Again, when your when your partner
tries to control who you hang out with, that is
a red flag, unless unless in the case where like
the friends that you're hanging out with are like causing
you to do bad things or like I don't know,

(13:19):
like infidelity or substances or I don't know Robin Banks. Later,
she didn't invite my mom or me to the dress
to the dress fitting, saying that there was a limited
number of people allowed and she wanted to make sure
that his mom and sisters could come. At that point,
I told her it really seemed like she was trading
our family for his. She denied it, but when I

(13:39):
later asked how they planned to spend the holidays, he
said they'd be with his family. The last straw came
in December and January. In December, she invited my husband
and me over to dinner. I was excited because she
hadn't initiated hanging out since her engagement. To dinner was nice,
though a little awkward sense conversation with her fiance wasn't smooth,
but overall pleasant enough. When the check came, my husband

(14:00):
took care of it after it sat on the table
for about fifteen minutes, and they didn't offer to split or.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
Pay, even though they had invited us.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
Oh, that's crazy. If anything, the inviter should pay.

Speaker 3 (14:12):
Yes, yeah, and just like not addressing it at all.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Then, when we were ready to leave, they asked if
we could have a serious conversation. I was confused about
why we hadn't talked about it during the meal, but
they proceeded to ask us.

Speaker 4 (14:24):
For money to help pay for their wedding.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
The wedding that you're cutting us out of. Yeah, I
know this is uh. I mean, like again, it's crazy
when people with no social tact to go and try
to pull something like this. There's like like like you
would at least hope there was some like thin veil, Yeah,
but there's there's not even a thin veil.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
The thin veil was like, uh, I grace you with
my presence for dinner that you buy.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Now pay.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
She said that it was turning out to be more
expensive than they had expected and that they needed help
since their parents didn't make enough. I asked why they
didn't wait until he had a job in instead of
just an unpaid internship another great question, or until she
got a full time job instead of a part time line.
I wasn't saying no. I just wanted to understand why
they were rushing the wedding, which was only eight months

(15:11):
after the engagement. That conversation turned into an argument about
financial responsibility. Per fiance said that if we could help,
we should, because it's family. He then added that we
had plenty of time to resave. After my husband explained
that a lot of money was invested for our children's future.
You can't demand you can't demand access to other people's money.

(15:34):
This should be a very simple concept. We offered two
thousand dollars as a small contribution, but then my niece
brought up my savings from my deceased husband's life insurance.

Speaker 3 (15:46):
Oh god, oh my god.

Speaker 2 (15:48):
I asked if she really thought bringing up my past
away husband was going to help her case date. After that,
we repeated our offer of two thousand dollars, which crazy,
it's still on the tape. Is a lot? Yeah, two
thousand a lot? And her fiance asked if that was
really all we would give.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Them, ungrateful, ungreat again again, if if you're gonna ask
for money, you could employ just some night like, if
you are nice to people, usually they will give you
more money. And right now you are being a massive,
uh poopy bead. Yes, I didn't want to swear poopy

(16:26):
head behavior. Yeah, this is poopy head behavior. Yeah, be
nice and maybe you're you are being the meanest possible
and you're still getting too grand.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
And still and still pushing it and still pushing like,
don't fumble the bag, so we withdrew the offer entirely good.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
We left enraged.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Before Christmas, my mom invited them over to bake, since
the fiance enjoys baking desserts and bread. He was so
rude to my mom. She came over to my house
afterwards for some grandkid time and tea because she was
so sad. My dad was furious, and then neither my
my niece nor or fiance came to Christmas. At a
family get together around New Year's while driving two of
my brothers and their wives home, we had a conversation

(17:07):
about how sick we all are of the fiance and
how we wished they weren't getting married. Finally, in January,
it was my parents' fiftieth wedding anniversary. I had planned
a party for them and afterwards we were taking them
to Mexico, a trip that was group financed by my
siblings and me. The fiance was only coming to the
party since he couldn't miss school for Mexico. The party

(17:27):
was fancy RSVP invitations, a private venue, catered, and semi
formal dress code.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
A week before, my niece texted me.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
To say her fiance wasn't coming because of a fraternity event.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
You're gonna miss this fancy fancy you're in.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Law's fiftieth wedding anniversary, Your in law's fiftieth wedding anniversary.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
For a frat party.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
I told her that this was an important family event
and that it was rude to back out of an
RSVP'd event without a good reason.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, yes, it's an RSVP'd event. That's also like important. Yeah,
it's less that it's like the fiftieth anniversary. It's more
that it's the RSD well but so.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Like catering and everything, they're paying for the meals exactly.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
Speaking of did you did you do it? I did it?

Speaker 2 (18:11):
So I made it clear that I didn't consider his
fraternity event a good enough excuse, especially since he had
known about the party for a long time. She said
she talked to him, but I never heard back, so
I wasn't sure if he was coming. The day of
the party, he showed up late wearing a T shirt, jeans,
and backward cap. My mom, still trying to be nice,

(18:31):
said she was glad he was there, and he responded,
like I had a choice.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
That is.

Speaker 4 (18:38):
D bag, wow, Like I had a choice.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
He then sat at his table the whole time, not
speaking to anyone or participating in any activities. Halfway through,
we were taking a family picture and invited him to
be in it. He said, this isn't my family.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
I mean, it won't be soon. You're about to get
it into divorce. Yeah, it won't be wishful thinking.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
My mom started crying and excused herself to the bathroom.
I pulled him aside and snapped. I told him that
if he didn't want to be part of his family,
he should get the f out. I said, I was
tired of his attitude, disrespect, and tired of pretending to
like him, and told him to leave.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
My niece went to follow him.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
I told her that if she left with him, she
could forget about coming to Mexico with us, which just
super quick. I'm afraid of that because then she can.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
Get more isolated.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
And look, it might be a in the heat of
the moment emotional response, right, and maybe later she's like a,
you know, maybe shouldn't have lasted like that.

Speaker 3 (19:36):
But that's a.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Really good point. That's a really good point. I think
I think what this person. I think Op's niece is
probably feeling more and more isolated. Maybe she's being manipulated
by this guy. This is a lot of conjecture, but regardless,
what she needs right now is she needs you to
bring her closer and if anything, say like hey, I

(19:59):
still want you to come on this Mextroc trip, please come,
but you cannot bring him.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yes, yeah, clear, clear line like hey, we accept you,
We're here for you, like heep. Keep that that that
line of communication and love open, but hard line on
the fiance where it's like we're not gonna we're not
gonna deal with this. But she also made it clear
that she was upset that he had been punted out
of the event. The adults in the family, about twelve

(20:23):
of us sat down with her to air out our
grievances about the fiance so she could understand the extent extent.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
Of the problem.

Speaker 2 (20:30):
She still defended him, saying that we didn't know him
well enough and that we made him uncomfortable.

Speaker 4 (20:36):
How much more do you need to get this thing?

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Is that probably is true in terms of like like
the social anxiety thing we were talking about, like that
probably he probably does feel uncomfortable. In his defense, mechanism
is being a d bag to extraordinary levels, and she's
seeing like this whole other side to him of like
this insecure society is prevent like showing this doesn't excuse
his behavior. Yeah, by any means by I understand why

(21:01):
she's saying that, because it's probably true. But I think
the rebuttal that the family should say is like, who
cares if he's insecure or like uncomfortable if he's acting
this way? If you, you know, being uncomfortable makes you
want to punch babies, I'm taking you away from my baby.

Speaker 3 (21:18):
Yeah, yeah, you can't.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
You can't let someone do do a heinous because there's
an excuse, So Opie says, she still defended him, saying
we didn't know well enough and that we made him uncomfortable.
After that conversation, I told my husband that I just
couldn't act like nothing was wrong anymore, so we declined
on the RSVP to the wedding. She texted me asking
why we said no, and I met up with her

(21:41):
for coffee. I explained to her that I didn't feel
that I could support her marriage and that he wasn't
a good person, and I felt like her independence and
everything that was special about her was disappearing behind his expectations.
She disagreed and told me that I just didn't understand.
She then told me that if I really cared about her,
that I would suck it up and come to her wedding.

(22:03):
So am I the a hole? Should we go to
the wedding? And was I wrong for telling her in
the first place? We have an update, but maybe you
can quickly answer these First.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Is Op the a hole?

Speaker 1 (22:14):
No, she needed to put her like foot down at
some point.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
Yeah, it became her circus, so it was beyond her
circus by the time she stepped in.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
And for the wedding thing. I think that this guy
is not good for her at all. Yes, is being
a is taking action that is trying to isolate her.
He's being rude and like mean to the family. He
needs to go figure his stuff out independent of of
the of Op's niece. But in the same kind of

(22:44):
vein that as what you were saying, like you want
to have an open line of communication, I think you
can voice like I don't think you should marry this guy,
but I'm going to be there for you, yes, to
make sure that you know you have someone you can
talk to because and hopefully maybe she'll use.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
That one, yeah, one angle of going to the wedding
is just it's just constantly communicating her I'm there for you,
I'm there for you, I'm there for you to hopefully
when the time is right and when you know, niece
snaps out of it, she knows that she can go
back to Opie versus exactly.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Maybe if she gets.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
The impression that she's closed out, she's like, oh, now
I have no one yeah to turn to. So I
would say I would say OPI is not the ale
for not going to the wedding because one, I still
think she can do things like going out for coffee
and show her that she's there for And then also two,
that's putting themselves in harm's way quote unquote because now
they have to that's a good point essentially deal with
him at the wedding like they had to deal with

(23:38):
him at this event.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
We have an update, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
So my family is very religious, and so niece and
her fiance do not live together or have overnights, and
she still lives with their parents with a curfew God
as long as she's under their roof. So while I
agree with the assessment that he's setting her up to
be isolated. They aren't currently in a situation or the
privacy for financial or emotional. I do also think that

(24:02):
he is a self absorbed person. She agreed to sit
down and talk with me again, and I was able
to better articulate my concerns for her future and what
she is setting herself up for, and my concerns about him.

Speaker 3 (24:11):
We are still not going to the wedding.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
I explained to her that part of it is because
I love her, that ultimately it's supposed to be a
special day for her, and that with the way I
feel about him, that I would object to the union
in front of everyone as.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
Opposed to privately.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
So I told her, whatever she chooses, that I am
always specifically in her corner specifically, and that I hope
that she will still want to spend time with me
and my kids, but more than that, to know that
she can come to me for any any time, for anything,
which is I think exactly what we were saying. Let
her know that you're taught, and that for her sake,
I do hope that I'm wrong about him. By the way,

(24:45):
there's one thing that I'm never wrong about that you
can listen to full episodes and stories just like this
go to Spotify.

Speaker 4 (24:50):
Apple podcasts.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
By the way, just cracked the top one hundred comedy
podcasts on Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
We are a Chop one hundred yep.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Oh, so the podcast king started telling me your favorit
pop on your favorite pod app. So getting into this ending,
we did get her a few things off the registry
that I knew were more for her than for him.
She said that she would think about everything, so we
will see what happens between then and now. And to
the person who said that they thought I didn't think
it through on what this might mean for the future,
I can assure you I did. My family means the

(25:21):
world to me, and I don't want to hurt her
or my relationship with her. But we got to the
point where I couldn't stay quiet and just pretend like
there wasn't anything wrong. Thanks to everyone for the input.
It really helped me organize my thoughts and think everything
through with everything that's happened.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Honestly, kind of like a cash money response, I feel
like that's exactly I've been saying that a lot that
But but I kind of I kind of love, I
kind of love where we ended. Yes, keeps the door open,
but says that you don't like their relationship. OPI ended
in the perfect place, gotch Opie. My brother always got
away with his mischief until I finally banned him from

(25:58):
my home.

Speaker 4 (25:58):
You bang.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Thirty one male have an older brother, forty mail, who
was born with special needs. His mind is almost that
of a seven year old. Now, before I go any further,
let me just say that I love my brother and
I do care for him, but over time, it's got
to the point where he gets away out of mischief.
Little Dennis the menace chime of character mostly comes from
our mother brushing it off like it's nothing. By the way,

(26:22):
this comes from Icy Reached six s x' sixty nine
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to our slash Okay storytime subreddit. So once it started
to affect finances, I had to talk with her and
said she cannot keep babing him anymore because it's starting
to get out of hand. He knows there are things
he has to do in his daily life to just
go to work, take medication, but he never seems to
remember the important stuff. It's always the things he doesn't

(26:44):
need to do for example, he stays with my mom.
When she or I used to leave the house, he
would rummage through our belongings, even my mom's tax information,
writing nonsense all over the back of it. He would
go into my wallet, mess with my credit cards, steal
my money, thinking it was his again performance piece, even
though he knows he's not supposed to touch things that

(27:05):
don't belong to him. Over the weekend, my mom got
invited out with a few of her friends and their
old boss. She asked if I could watch him. I
said yes, as I had nothing to do on a
Saturday night, so she brought him over to my place.
When he's there, he usually just sits and watches TV,
but when he moves around, he completely destroys my bathroom.
If I get him food, he leaves a mess on
my table without cleaning up, even though he knows he's

(27:28):
supposed to. Things took a turn when he went to
the bathroom, thinking nothing of that. I assumed it would
just be another mess I'd have to clean up, but
I was completely wrong. He crapped in my toilet and
backed it up. I tried using a plunger and even
went out to get anything that would unclog the drain,
but the beast still remains in my pipes as I
type this. You need a poop knife, dude.

Speaker 4 (27:49):
True, honestly, I'm not even lying poop.

Speaker 3 (27:52):
Sorry.

Speaker 4 (27:52):
My parents had to buy an entirely new.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
Toilet when I was ten years old because I kept
just destroying it. I would clog it all the time,
but I'm great at plunging. Oh my god, it literally
felt like a tornado on your freaking butt cheeks.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
I was constantly at Menards or Home Depot getting supplies
to unclog the toilet every month. He has a bad
habit of choosing what he wants to take a crap.
His record is holding it for five days. I'm pretty
sure the employees who saw me there all the time
thought I was the one backing up the toilets. It
got to the point where the pipes were clogged literally

(28:30):
because of his craft that my mom had to spend
thousands of dollars for a plumber to clear out the
drain system. It got so bad that the toilet wouldn't
flush and the water started coming into the shower and
the laundry room. I'm currently waiting for a plumber to
come in which will be on my off day so
they can fix the problem. Until then, I am technically
without a toilet for five days this which is just

(28:53):
in time.

Speaker 4 (28:56):
He's got enough time to charge up.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Every morning, I have to skip using the toilet and
hold it until I get to the gym where I
can finally go. As I said at the beginning, I
do love my brother, but there is a limit.

Speaker 3 (29:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
I told my mom that he backed up my toilet
and that he is not allowed to come back to
my place anytime soon. He's repeatedly shown that he has
no respect for other people's property, especially since he's not
the one paying for it. I told her if she
wants me to watch him, I will come over to
her house, but he is never to step foot into
my place again. For context, I have a one bedroom,
one bathroom condo, so having a working toilet is a

(29:30):
necessity for me. So am I the A hole? There
is an update? But uh is op the a hole
for banning her brother from her house and bathroom?

Speaker 4 (29:40):
Not at all?

Speaker 3 (29:41):
Dude?

Speaker 2 (29:41):
That is dude, dookie, water is flooding the living room.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
Yeah this point like it.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Is, these are biblical poops coming out right now?

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Yeah, like literally the house is about to be funderwater
like oh and underprouve some poopy water too.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Oh no, gonna be like thro sediment. Oh god, that
ain't clear. That is that is a brown river, not
like an alpine lake. I can tell you that, but
it you know what it is. I'm seeing. I'm picking
up what you're putting down like ness quick. But you
just put like four scoops into one glass of milk

(30:17):
because you want it to taste real good. And this
is super dark. Keeps going chat anyway, we got an update. Basically,
after four days of not having a toilet, I finally
got it unplugged thanks to my best friend, who I
explained my situation to, who went out of his way
to get a pump plunger and fixed the situation. Took
about fifteen minutes, and we made sure the toilet was
flushing populy, and he saved me from hiring a plumber

(30:39):
who charges one hundred and ninety six dollars an hour.
We did a talk for a minute and he told
me that banning my brother is just going to cause
a rift, but I should set some boundaries, this being
the first defense he's not allowed to come to my
place for three months. That is the lock phone screen method.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
Dude on the dot.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
Second defense will result in him not being allowed to
come for six months. There we go. This is later
our methods straight beautiful three and what would be the
final offense will result in him not coming over whatsoever,
essentially him being banned. These are Stairstep boundaries. We love
to see it. We love to see it. Oh yeah,
Stairstep boundaries. You know, you don't go immediate no contact,

(31:17):
you go increasingly no contact, low to know, lo to
know unless they're really really bad.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Less the foundation of your home has been racked in.
Yours is wrecked. Your home is a sinkhole because of
his nuclear turns.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
A lot of you suggested that he needs to put
it to a home cares to those of special needs,
as well as having a conversation with my mom in
regards to his well being after she passes. I basically
had that conversation with her a long time ago, and
she said the state will take care of him. If
something were to happen to me, will the state take
I don't know if the state does that. I mean
there's a lot of homeless people just yeah, you know

(31:49):
which came off to me as I got this, bro,
don't worry about it. For context, he is forty years
old and has the mind of a seven year old.
He is somewhat functional, as he can brush his own teeth, shave,
and even warm up food in the microwave. It's bigger things,
such as operating a vehicle or any sort of equipment whatsoever,
that he has not had the capability of doing. I
had talked to my sister about this twenty six a

(32:10):
while back, and we had come to the mutual agreement
that if one of us were to get him that
we would definitely be putting him in a home as
we cannot care for him, especially when it's coming with
a financial burden. She grew up having to put up
with some of his tantrums and whatnot, but I was
the one that I had to take some of the
heavy lifting stuff got worse when she decided to move away.
We talked recently again about putting him in a home,
and she brought up the point by saying that he's

(32:32):
probably not going to one because without him at the house,
our mom would be lonely. For context, our dad passed
away from cancer in two thousand and one, So our
mom had to raise all three of us by herself
with little to no support from both sides of the family.
That's hard. Special needs kid and three kids, that's a lot.
So me and my sister are very appreciative everything she's
done for us and U, and we'll do even if

(32:53):
we protest. My mom is going to be sixty two
this year and has about three more years so she
can officially retire. He's basically done so much for our
family that words can't even describe it. I personally think
it would be better that she spends those last years
without having to worry about caring for my brother when
she gets older. He's in good health and in good shape,
but it can only last for so long. I know
there's going to be people that will probably say that

(33:14):
putting him in a home is a terrible thing to do,
But do I say, Unless you've had first experience, firsthand
experience of dealing with special needs individuals on daily basis
and essentially being a glass child, you will never understand
how much it takes on you. I can tell when
I see my mom that it's mentally draining to have
to put up with his antics and him never showing
an ounce of appreciation. As I said to my original post,

(33:35):
I do love my brother and will do whatever it
takes to keep him safe. But at this point in time,
it has gone to the point where he has been
told multiple times to stop doing certain things that have
been causing problems, and it's going on deaf ears. I mean, okay,
really pausing here, right right quick, Like it seems like, yes,
like the money thing and the drawing on stuff, it
was an issue, but it seems like the biggest issue

(33:56):
was just the herculean poops this guy was dropping and
like that's really not like a special needs thing.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Yeah, we got to take him to like the gut doctor,
Like what what's he Yeah, just like three three bags
of jeesus to day.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
Yeah, I think, like, I mean, I think we just
need to install some of John's toilets or something and
fifty percent of this would be solved, maybe because it
definitely helped. I don't know if it seems like fifty
percent of the story is focused on the poops and
I'm like it was totally emphasized. It was so emphasized,

(34:30):
and putting someone in a home is so expensive, like
just get a good toilet and maybe maybe you'll be Okay.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
I will say, not necessarily be like super prone this camp.
My girlfriend's mom actually works in that position, and she's
like essentially like a mom to them, you know, she
like cooks them homemade meals, and they're like they live
in like a big.

Speaker 3 (34:48):
House, like everyone has their rooms.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Not saying that it's like always that they should definitely
do that, but I could see with the right situation
and specifically like the right caretakers that being like it's
it's not like a like a nursing home like you
would imagine, it's like a home with like a very
like motherly caring figure.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
But I don't know if that's the situation all.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
I mean, I think I don't think that's what the
state is.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
Like, that's definitely not what the state because op is
saying like, oh, we'll take them to like a like
a state run Yeah, okay, that's very yeah yeah lit
difinitely little bit so.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yeah, this one's a little premiums a little boogie.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
If this does happen within the next two years, I
fear that he will literally drive my mom insane or
she will lose her mind. I've said that it will
go over to the house when she wants to go out,
because I understand that she needs a break for him,
but he will not be anywhere near my place for
a while. I'm laying this down now because I'm at
the point where I just can't do it anymore. And
it's gone to the point where I have sometimes resented
him when I'm around to him, it's his world and

(35:45):
we are just living in it. By the way, you
can listen and live in our world by going to
full episodes of this podcast with stories just like this,
Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app
and search. Okay, storytime, there's another relevant update. But what
do we think? What do we think here? Is is
OP making? Is OP making the right move by basically
expediting getting her brother a home? Does she need a

(36:09):
new toilet and will that solve a lot of her problems?
Does the mom actually need a break like she's saying
they do?

Speaker 2 (36:15):
What?

Speaker 1 (36:15):
What do you think?

Speaker 3 (36:16):
I think?

Speaker 2 (36:17):
Like what if all four of them, Like like if
they said, uh, the brother was working, what if it
was o P sister, mom and brother are all contributing
towards like a really good home?

Speaker 4 (36:29):
Like split between four people.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
Is that not a possibility where it's like he's in
a good in a good place where he has like
good quality care.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
I don't think OP wants to take on that kind
of responsibility though. Yeah. Yeah, and and and he's like
annoyed enough when he comes over for like a weekend
or something like that.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Oh not to not to not to house him, but
to put him in a like not a state sponsored
like like home.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
Oh, you may light him in a house with other people.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
And if it's split between the four of them, does
that like yes, it's like okay, it'll probably you know,
pinch their pockets a decent amount.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
But is that kind of a compromise.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
We got a little bit more of this story. I mean,
I think there might. I think there's a solution. I
don't think it's the worst thing to put him put
him in a home again, Like you're gonna you're gonna
have to do this eventually.

Speaker 3 (37:13):
It's a tough one. It's a tough, hard one to answer.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Yeah, but at it We live in Illinois, so I
don't really think how the home systems are are here.
But I do agree with y'all when you say we
have to start looking also I know some of you
mentioned if he's ever gotten consequences. To my knowledge, he
is not. The worst he's gotten was a scolding, but
that was about it. But he knows. For me it

(37:36):
was a bit different. I don't nor will I ever
physically discipline him, but he likes to get his hair
cut and that's a big thing for him. So there's
been a few times where I told him, if he
doesn't start behaving right, I will shave his head. Apparently
he thought I was bluffing, so he went around his
merry way continued on with his business. So the next
time I cut his hair, I shaved it bald. I'm
not gonna lie. It was nice not having to cut

(37:56):
his hair every month. That feels a little cruel, Yeah
about that? Yeah, I don't know about that.

Speaker 3 (38:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
I think I got about a good two months out
of shaving his head. I got yelled at for doing so.
I don't care he was warned. Dude, Oh p lost
he lost me. You absolutely lost me with that one. Yeah,
because maybe maybe I'm viewing this wrong.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
People, also, people with experience in these situations, would love
for you to comment below with your insights and like
also your real life experiences because I don't have those.
But like he said, oh, he was at the same
level as like a seven year old. Essentially, it's like
imagine doing that to a seven year old, you know
where it's like, oh, it wasn't behaving. So I just

(38:38):
like shaved.

Speaker 3 (38:40):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (38:40):
I don't like that at all. I don't like that
at all. I don't like that at all. Hey, y'all,
it's John og Host here. We're gonna get back to
the story. So but here's a quick three minute break from.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
ASP for more sponsors.

Speaker 4 (38:49):
My friend treating me horribly during her wedding planning. I
want in the friendship.

Speaker 5 (38:54):
I bribe Zilla alert to anybody.

Speaker 4 (38:57):
Perhaps, I say no, oh really, oh you're thinking op's
over reacting. My twenty seven female friend twenty seven female,
let's call her Sarah, is getting married soon and recently
found out she's pregnant. I'm her maid of honor, and
ever since her engagement, she's expected me to handle almost
everything for her wedding, despite me working full time and

(39:18):
doing my master's degree. By the way, this comes from
pretend to pay thirty nine and if you're to your
own stories, go to our stars. Okay, story dumps up Reddit,
so she refuses to hire help. So on her wedding day,
I'll be getting my hair and makeup done at six am,
then setting up her entire venue from seven am until
the wedding starts at three pm, along with a few
of her cousins. In my culture, you hire people for this,

(39:40):
and you never expect your guests to work at your wedding,
so this already feels excessive to me. At it, I
have to pay for my hair and makeup, which again
is not a thing in my culture, so it's not
like I'm actually going to her wedding for free. I'll
be working at her wedding and paying for all of
my accommodations and such. She's also not giving any wedding

(40:00):
favors because she thinks paying for food is already enough.
Many people from both her and her fiance's families aren't
even attending. She doesn't work, so money isn't a big factor,
But it's really her full considering my full time job,
my master's degree, and now being her maid of honor,
while she just talks about how stressed she is all
the time, she takes away time from my job or school,

(40:22):
to event for hours per day about her fiance. Sometimes
it seems like she's the only one message with me
because the text don't read as if they're from her.
On top of all of this, our friendship feels incredibly
one sided. She could engage on my birthday and never
acknowledged it. I ignored this, but she constantly asked me when
my birthday is, and I usually laugh it off, saying

(40:43):
it's the same day you gonna engage. Feels like she's
rubbing into my face because she's been with her partner
a lot shorter than I've been with mine. She also
never reached out while I was on a deeply spiritual
ten day trip, which really made me reflect on our dynamic.
It feels like if I don't initiate contact, we wouldn't
have a friendship at all. Since she found out she's pregnant,

(41:04):
I've been really lenient on this, but she doesn't have
a job and hasn't worked in years. She has a
dog that she hasn't trained, and honestly, her being pregnant
and completely dismissed off of any scientific literature on parenting
and pregnancy scares me. She thinks she will be able
to raise the perfect child because kinds can speak. Her

(41:26):
dog doesn't understand English.

Speaker 6 (41:28):
Oh that's crazy, Hey, use flash. The kid doesn't understand
any language until it learns it. As if it's easier
to raise a kid than train a dog who does that.
I'm not against people that don't work, but like, she's
putting a lot on Ope right now. No, p has
a lot on her plate, and like, even though you're
not working, I understand that you're about to get married

(41:50):
and you're pregnant, and that is a.

Speaker 4 (41:51):
Lot put a lot on OP. I don't think she
understands what you know she has right here. She's not
a friend, dude, Like, I don't know. I think I
think it was the rubbing, like being.

Speaker 5 (42:03):
Like when is your birthday? It's like, you know, you
know my.

Speaker 6 (42:07):
Birthday is the day that you got engaged.

Speaker 4 (42:10):
Yeah, you know it, So why are you now saying it?
Like after asking a few times?

Speaker 1 (42:14):
You know when someone's birthday?

Speaker 4 (42:15):
Recently, I was on a forty hour travel journey home,
exhausted from kids punting my seat and screaming on the plane.
I tried to explain to her that I was tired
and didn't have the energy for a deep talk. Instead
of sympathizing, she took it personally, saying she'll be traveling
with her newborn in the future and that she doesn't
respect my opinion that I don't appreciate misbehaved children because

(42:36):
parents aren't responsible. I actually did make an exception for
kids crying because their ears popped or had a bad dream,
because you can't control that, But kids jumping on their seats,
punting my chair and screaming about the games they were
playing on the plane TV, constantly knocking my head as
they fired their finger at the screen. I paid an
extra two hundred for my emergency excy or peace of mind,

(42:59):
and I definitely he didn't get that. I replied with
some basic scientific info on flying with infants, which I
know about because I'm interested in pregnancy and parenting. I
even reassured her that it's her life and she should
do whatever she wants if her doctor approves. She acted
fine in the moment, but later messaged me on a
platform she knows I rarely check, saying I crossed the boundary.

(43:21):
She said that as an expectant mother, she didn't appreciate
me educating her because she already has a doctor and
a mom. Meanwhile, she previously got mad at me for
not warning her about pregnancy risk like miscarriage. So I
feel like I can't win. Tell me about this, don't
tell me about that, tell me about this, don't tell
me about that. This makes me think you have to

(43:42):
be really, really careful with the people you surround yourself with,
because there is this thing called a soothing ear Because
if you have a friend that always tells you things
you want to hear, yeah, that's dangerous. Yeah, it's just
a yes man, yes, yes, yes, this, this, that, and
telling you things that you only accept and you're not
willing to hear things that are hard to hear. Puts

(44:02):
you in a really comfortable situation, and it makes you
very selective and honestly doesn't allow.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
Me to grow. Yeah, put you in a bubble.

Speaker 4 (44:09):
What really stung was that earlier that day, I had
excitedly messaged her about my maid of Honor dress arriving
and how perfect it was. She completely ignored my text
and then five hours later only reached out on the
platform I don't use just to criticize me. It felt
like she deliberately chose to engage only when she had
an issue with me. She told me I disrespected her
by giving her information she didn't ask for. Again, she

(44:31):
got mad at me in the past for not sharing
pregnancy risk. She also claimed that I went on and
on when in reality, only one text went through because
the plain Wi Fi wasn't working. I feel completely disrespected
because unless I kissed the floor, she walks on and
accepts any uneducated opinion she pulls out of her butt.
She gets angry. I usually try to agree with her

(44:52):
to appease her, but when it comes to health of
a baby, I'm very concerned. I've started to feel like
everything is always about her. She gets mad at people
for doing things she constantly does, holding grudges for small things,
but expecting me to forgive her instantly. When I finally
told her, I accept it if she no longer wanted
me to be at her wedding or in her life,

(45:12):
she didn't respond. You know what, she has one app
she wants you to read, and then she has another
app of all the things she's sending you that you
haven't even signed up for, She's just saying all the
bad things about you there.

Speaker 6 (45:23):
So the text message that she just sent was basically
like I'm done I'm out right.

Speaker 4 (45:27):
She just sent the message. She She's like, if you
don't want me in your wedding or your life, just
let me know.

Speaker 6 (45:33):
Ohp just take the initiative and be like, I don't
want to be in your wedding or your life. Take
the initiative, take it, take it.

Speaker 4 (45:40):
I'm starting to feel guilty, like maybe I was too harsh,
But my other friends have been telling me for a
while to cut her off. So ammonel for one to
step back from this friendship? Or am I overreacting comments.
To be honest, I'd step away from being made of
honor and advise her that, do to your job and
your master's commitments, you need to step down to just
being a guest at the wedding, make yourself far less

(46:01):
available to her, and possibly go low contact. Friendship should
be pretty equal, and this is a long way from that.
You deserve better, Opie says. I've tried addressing this, but
she usually dismisses me with, oh, come on, it's not
that much work. She constantly undermines what I have to do.
After weeks of struggling to show her different bouquets, flowers,
and arrangements, she suddenly says, fine, I'll just order my

(46:24):
own flowers, as if I haven't spent all this time
helping her. She also complained about spending fifteen hundred dollars
on flowers and blaming me for picking the most expensive option.
I try to explain that flowers are very expensive, and
while I didn't want to say it was cheap or
what she wanted, it was actually a reasonable price. In
my culture, you don't ask friends to do this kind

(46:46):
of work, and weddings are extravagant. Just look at Lebanese's weddings.
I was open minded and doing my best, but nothing
I did ever seemed good enough. After dealing with the flowers,
I told her I couldn't keep putting in this much
time without any appreciation. I was at much just to
feel like my efforts were recognized. I had already accepted
that I had to pay for everything myself, on top

(47:07):
of giving her a wedding present. But it feels like
she doesn't appreciate me at all. Honestly, why should she.
She didn't go to school and hasn't worked in years.
Her fiance gives her an allowance, which she's using to
fund her wedding. She's white, By the way, I know
the situation sounds arab, but it's just because she hasn't
worked in years. Is mom even threatened to a victor

(47:28):
because she doesn't pay rent at the apartment they rent
out to them? And we got an update.

Speaker 6 (47:32):
We've already said it. Get out of there. Yeah, remove
yourself from this situation.

Speaker 4 (47:37):
You gotta get out.

Speaker 6 (47:38):
This is also I just looked up Lebanese weddings. They
look very extravagant. So to just expect op or like
your friends to just put all this on for you
without really paying or like geded more help, it's like, well,
we need to temper our expations now, don't we.

Speaker 4 (48:01):
Yeah, so, I don't know.

Speaker 6 (48:04):
It just seems like you'll be better off without this friend.

Speaker 4 (48:08):
Oh, absolutely, I was not expecting things to go this way.
After I reached out to my friend excited that my
maid of honor a dress had arrived, she ignored my
message and instead replied to me hours later on the
platform I barely check on. Her response wasn't about my
excitement at all, but instead a long message accusing me
of things I never said or did. She told me
that my thoughts on separate topics, which are based on

(48:29):
actual research, were not factual and just my opinion. She
also accused me of never letting her express her thoughts
in our conversations, despite the fact that I always listen
and support her. She even brought up unrelated past conversations
and twisted them into saying something I don't even recognize.
I generally don't understand where this is coming from. This

(48:49):
happened again in the last story, where someone would pull
something from the past to accuse the person. Yeah, what
is this called? And why are we doing this?

Speaker 6 (48:57):
And like dredging, drudging?

Speaker 5 (48:59):
Is that what that's called?

Speaker 6 (49:00):
No, No, just like go and you go fishingh you
pull it out, you go, hey, look, here's the problem
that we had five months ago.

Speaker 4 (49:09):
Let me just bring it back that one up. What
really things is that I have been nothing but supportive
of her wedding. I've encouraged her every step of the way,
listen to her event, and have been excited for her,
even when she hasn't always reciprocated my excitement, which, to
be honest, I ignore her because I understood how stressful
wedding and baby planning is. And now after all this,
she never actually said I'm out of the wedding, but

(49:32):
the tone of her message makes it clear that she
no longer wants me involved in her life at all.
And guys, we want you involved in our lives because
if you don't go to your favorite podcast platform right
now and search up Okay storytime, we will banish you forever.
We will find you. We know who looks and who
doesn't look, but we will banish you. But it's that easy,

(49:53):
two simple steps. Favorite podcast platform. Okay, Storytime, I'll do it.

Speaker 6 (49:58):
Did you just threaten everyone in the chet that we're
going to banish them?

Speaker 4 (50:01):
I absolutely did? Did another realm. I haven't messaged her
family or the bridal party yet because my heart is
racing and I don't want to react out of pure emotion,
but it just really hurts. I know I shouldn't let
false accusations get to me, but when it's a friendship
I've cared about and invested so much in, it's hard
not to feel blindsided. I let her know I wish

(50:22):
her the best in her wedding, her marriage, her family,
and her life. Am I overreacting for this by being hurt?
Should I even try to clarify anything or just accept
that she's made up? Her mind.

Speaker 5 (50:33):
I'm tired of my best friend ghosting me, so I
finally cut ties. Snip snip. This is no longer Casper
the friendly ghost. This is Casper the unfriended ghost. Ooh,
I female thirty two. I've been no contact with my
ex best friend, female thirty two Nikki since the last
time she traveled across continents to visit me. Part one.

(50:54):
A long backstory. Nikki and I met in our first
year of university two thousand and eight, and we're casual
friends for about seven years. Our dormitory were next to
each other. We had many mutual friends and we generally
had a positive connection. By the way, this comes from
Playful for video and if you want to smit your
own stories, go to our slash okay storytime severed it.
So after we graduated, I relocated to the UK and

(51:17):
a few friends, including NICKI, moved to Australia. We lost
contact for a while, but eventually reconnected over time. I
became best friends with Nicky as I planned to move
to Australia after spending two years in the UK. Relevant
side story. My ex boyfriend and I broke up after
almost ten years of dating and I wanted to move
far away to prevent us from getting back together. Since

(51:38):
he planned to move to Sydney, I chose Melbourne.

Speaker 6 (51:41):
However, Oh you said it like it, You said it
the way that they say it. Melbourne, all right, not Melbourne.
Discussing Melbourne, meban Melbourne.

Speaker 5 (51:51):
However, after arriving in Melbourne, he decided to tour for
a bit before heading to Sydney, but then chose to
stay in Melbourne instead. Because of this, I had to
give up money of planning and moved to Sydney. Fortunately,
Nicki lived in Sydney, so I stayed with her. After
a week, I returned to Melbourne because I had already
planned my life there and generally preferred it. During my
time in Sydney, Nicki and I had an amazing time

(52:11):
catching up on our lives. I admired, respected, and cherished
her deeply. She was selfless and giving, and I truly
believe she deserved the best in life. Naturally, I wanted
to give her as much love and support as possible.
Our friendship made my life better and she gave me confidence,
especially after my breakup. This is where the fairytale friendship
and after a year and a half, Nicki suddenly ghosted

(52:33):
me without any explanation. I was completely lost because we
spoke multiple times daily about everything. We made video calls
for hours, helped each other pick outfits for dates or
special events, and talked about work, family, friends, and life.
We even gossiped freely because we were each other's safe space.
My other close friend, Indie female thirty five, and I
tried to brainstorm what could have happened, but there were

(52:55):
no signs of resentment or conflict. NICKI only maintained enough
contact for me to know she was safe. I couldn't
figure out what I had done wrong, and I hated
how lost I felt. The situation made me wonder if
I was someone who deserved to be abandoned, though I
never voiced that thought in any After three weeks, she
finally called me while I was at work. I cared
about he so much that I asked for emergency leave
to take her call. I tried to sound casual, but

(53:17):
internally I was so relieved to hear from her. She
told me she felt uncomfortable with our friendship because she
believed the kind of bond we shared should be reserved
for romantic partner, and she didn't see me that way.

Speaker 4 (53:28):
What, that's an interesting twist.

Speaker 6 (53:30):
That whoa what I think we're actually too cool that
I want to date you now so we can't.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
It's a twist.

Speaker 5 (53:39):
It's a twist. Yeah, that's insane. That's a really crazy
take on friendship. You'd be like, Wow, we are too
freaking close.

Speaker 4 (53:46):
We are like it's almost like I want to.

Speaker 5 (53:50):
She insinuated that I had romantic feelings for her. I
told her that she could have just asked me directly
if I was sappic by or attracted to her. The
last time I jracked, I was still a straight woman
attracted to men. And I had no idea where this
assumption came from. Oh, she could be projecting.

Speaker 6 (54:04):
Yeah, maybe she's like low key, I had got a
quest on you, and she's nervous about that, but you
actually have a quest on me.

Speaker 5 (54:11):
I should add that I hadn't dated anyone while we
were close friends, because I believe it healing before moving on. However,
Nicki had a different view. She thought the next relationship
helps you heal.

Speaker 4 (54:20):
Hey, where'd you read that? Who told you that? Take
a little bit of time? Yeah, be in a relationship
with yourself.

Speaker 5 (54:28):
Jump into relationships, right after the first you know, right
after going from the other one, be with yourself Part two.
After a long conversation, we agreed that regardless of the situation,
we needed to communicate and clarify things instead of assuming.
We resumed our friendship and things were normal again for
the next two years, even after I relocated to Canada.
For my birthday after the VID, Nicki sent me the

(54:50):
most thoughtful gift, a box filled with everything I loved,
along with a heartfelt note this will be relevant later.
Once in Canada, I finally felt ready to date again.
I had taken two years after my breakup to work
on myself, and now I was open to new relationships.
I went on dates and he even had a fling.
As always, Nicki knew all the details, just as I
knew about all her short term relationships. We never spared details.

(55:11):
Then things got weird again. I genuinely wanted Nikki to
take at least a few weeks for herself between relationships,
but she didn't believe in that. She ghosted me for
the second time, this time for two weeks. It didn't
hurt as much as the first time, but when she returned,
I slowly learned that she had started dating someone just
three days after her last breakup. She hadn't told me
because she assumed I would judge her once again. She

(55:32):
hinted that I was preventing her from dating because of
my supposed sapphagism. But I was still straight and I
had never expressed romantic feelings for her or any other woman.
I genuinely hope this new guy would be the one
for her, but unfortunately he turned out to be a
creep who almost attacked her. This was an incredibly painful
situation for both of us.

Speaker 4 (55:51):
Part three.

Speaker 5 (55:52):
At the time, I was enrolled in a career transition
program in Canada that kept me busy from nine am
to five pm daily. This it was very different from
before because I had initially worked remotely and could talk
to Nikki throughout the day. Given the seventeen hour time
difference between Australian and Canada, I made sure to talk
to Nikki before nine am and immediately after five pm.
I was also happy that, for once, she wasn't jumping

(56:14):
into another relationship and I wanted to support her emotionally.
This is where I might be the a hole.

Speaker 3 (56:18):
Oh boy.

Speaker 5 (56:20):
After about three to four weeks of being there for
Nikki every single day. I tried to take some time
for myself. Even though we spent hours talking daily, we
still had our own lives. However, now that she wasn't dating,
I had to feel that extra time for her, which
left me unable to enjoy my own interests or maintain
other friendships. I'm also a huge BTS fan, and during

(56:40):
this time, I wasn't able to watch their online concerts
or keep up with them like I usually did. I
miss them. Duh nah dah no, nana uh.

Speaker 6 (56:51):
That's Big Times this dynamite, which in a way, it's
almost that's BTRs and btsqa s that's there right next
to each other. That's really the closest acronym I could
have possibly chose.

Speaker 4 (57:04):
Not the same good one.

Speaker 3 (57:06):
I just want a.

Speaker 6 (57:06):
Little acknowledgment of my brilliance.

Speaker 5 (57:08):
There you sure sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
Big time rush to BTS.

Speaker 5 (57:14):
One day, while talking to Nicki, I decided to watch
some BTS music videos at the same time. This was
normal for us. We often did things together on the phone,
like watching movies. I truly thought it would be fine,
but Nicki wanted my undivided attention. I really wanted to
catch up on BTS, but I knew telling her that
would upset her. Nicki's like, I have something important to
tell you.

Speaker 4 (57:33):
BTS time, BBTS time.

Speaker 3 (57:34):
It's BTS.

Speaker 6 (57:35):
Yeah, oh look, uh can you tell me in maybe
like seven minutes? Yeah, eight minutes, A couple of songs.

Speaker 5 (57:45):
However, she was incredibly sharp and picked up on my distraction.
She abruptly left the call, even though she claimed she
wasn't upset, she.

Speaker 4 (57:51):
Was incredibly sharp.

Speaker 6 (57:52):
I meanwhile, it's like Op's not responding for like twenty seconds,
just staring at BTS.

Speaker 5 (57:56):
Yes, she's only one second or not, but it's like,
it's funny. I decided to use that time to catch
up on everything I had been neglecting before calling her
the next day BTS, but when I did, she was cold.
Over the next few days, there was a tension between
us via text. I emotionally disconnected because I didn't want
her words to hurt me, and I knew she was
in a vulnerable state. I thought we would get through it,

(58:18):
and I expected she would eventually apologize for the hurtful
things she had said, so I remain present for her.
But she spiraled. Maybe she sensed my emotional withdrawal because
for the third time she ghosted me. I know she
cared about me too, though I couldn't understand why she
wanted me to show that I was hurt by her words.
I tried to reach out in the following weeks, but
she stayed distant. After two months, I realized she had

(58:39):
thrown our friendship away.

Speaker 6 (58:41):
I don't know if I agree with all of this.
I agree with what well it's like, Well, I get
I know ghosting is like a loose term, but it's like,
how do you get ghosted three tons? It usually only
get ghosted once if there's communication maintained in between there,
Sure there's there could be like a level of like
withdrawal or like you know, like a do you feel

(59:03):
like a barrier has been put up? But in terms
of like ghosting, I think.

Speaker 5 (59:06):
It's ghosting because I think that like any any long
stretch where you're expecting, where where communication goes from normal
and then it changes drastically, I think that is a
type of ghosting. I think there are levels to ghosting.

Speaker 6 (59:20):
In my opinion, you need a book on that. Yeah, immediately,
you need a gen z or to write that book. Please,
But ugh, some of this just feels like a miscommunications
or like misunderstanding.

Speaker 5 (59:33):
I think, okay, I'm gonna say something crazy conspiracy theory.
I think that Opie's friend is experiencing like she is.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
She.

Speaker 5 (59:48):
I think she's actually into OPE, and she's like putting
all of this emphasis on the relationship and it's like
incredibly uh important to where But she's not willing to
accept herself, and so she's like going into all these
relationships like one after another because she's like, I'm straight,
I'm a straight woman. There's nothing else here. But she's

(01:00:10):
actually in love with Ope, and that's why everything is
like really hitting her. I like this conspiracy Thank you.
I think it's a good one. Thanks But let's get
into this. Coming to terms with the fact that there
was nothing I could do to fix it hurt just
as much as the end of my ten year relationship.
And there is a part four. Let's get into it.
Let's go last four to ten months later, my mom

(01:00:32):
passed away in September of twenty twenty one. Oh, this
was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life.
So my brain automatically went to I need Nikki mode.
I called her several times, but she didn't pick up.
She called me the next day after seeing posts on
social media, and even though I was sad that she
ignored me all this time, I was so happy and
felt safe to express my pain because she was the

(01:00:52):
only one who could understand. Unfortunately, NICKI told me she
had also lost her mom two weeks prior, and I
was dumbfounded for two reasons. First because I was sorry
she was in as much pain as I was, And secondly,
I was heartbroken that she didn't think of me as
someone she could have leaned on. These two emotions have
led us to where we are now, because even though
I still love we have not been friends since our

(01:01:13):
mom's past three years ago. We haven't actually been friends
for four years since she ghosted me for the third time.
I came to read it because after our moms passed,
she suddenly wanted to rekindle our friendship. It is a
fact that she also knows the value of us being
in each other's lives, and any sane person would miss that.
But no matter how hard she tried to get closer,
I couldn't bring myself to be friends with her again.

(01:01:34):
You know you don't know her that no, But tried.

Speaker 6 (01:01:37):
It feels like part of that might be mixed up
in like the grief that.

Speaker 5 (01:01:39):
Absolutely went through, like when they lost their mothers. I
mean yeah, I mean Opie's experience probably the grief of
losing her mother, but then also the probably reliving the
grief of losing.

Speaker 6 (01:01:49):
Her friends, which still I don't understand how you get
ghosted three times. And it's like they also were in
communication about their moms, like passing within two weeks of
each other. It's like it feels like there was a
comment here where it's like it almost feels like they're
expecting each other to be able to read their minds.

Speaker 5 (01:02:02):
Absolutely.

Speaker 6 (01:02:03):
It's like somebody just needs to like be like, hey,
what's up. Direct communication? Sometimes were direct communication here.

Speaker 5 (01:02:09):
I think sometimes when you were so close for so long,
you do expect that kind of like my reading thing,
and then you're like, well, unbelievable they did that to
me and they didn't even freaking like it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:02:20):
I think it happens a lot in really really close friendships,
and it does take communication to fix that, and it's
easy to not communicate about it. A few weeks after
we lost our moms, she began dating a friend who
consoled her and was going to get married three months after. Oooh,
I may be wrong about this timeline. Nikki wanted me
to become her old bestie again and be excited for

(01:02:41):
our friendship in the wedding, but I couldn't. We had
not been friends, and when we reconnected, I was mourning.
We mourned differently, and my way to cope was being isolated.
I quit my remote job and became withdrawn. I eventually
got another job to take me away from my home
for months on end because I was always scared at
home alone and started having panic attacks and nightmares. I
threw myself into work and mourned my mom's for two

(01:03:02):
years with my family. Because my single mom was at
the center of everything for us, I did not communicate
with most friends for about a year and lost a
lot of friends because I was busy mourning for a
long time. Therefore, becoming besties and supporting a wedding was
not on my mind, especially because we were no longer friends.
For ten months before our moms passed away and the
final straw was in June twenty twenty three, I kept

(01:03:24):
thinking about Nicki and went through the box that she
had given me for my birthday in twenty twenty. I
read the note and cried a little because I missed her.
I decided to send her a message. We had not
talked since December of twenty twenty one by this point,
chatted briefly between September December. Nikki was elated to receive
my message. He told me she thought a lot about
sending me a message to because she was coming to
visit Canada in two weeks. Excellent timing because I had

(01:03:47):
started integrating back into society. First of all, talking to
Nikki always makes me feel like everything in my life
is stable and fine, and I was overwhelmed with emotion.
But hearing that she was coming to Canada made me
so excited that I could have flown into the sky.
At the same time, I was scared. Nicki makes me
feel happy and scared ever since all the ghostings, So
my brain tells me to be guarded with her, but

(01:04:08):
my heart is always happy to have our friendship. Indy
tried her best to manage my expectations with Nicki visiting
me in two weeks, and I tried my best to
take her advice. But I had not seen Nicki since
I left Sydney and returned to Melbourne in twenty seventeen.
I was excited to see her, excited to talk to
her again and even for a few minutes, and excited
to do things for slash with her and my city.
Also excited to meet her now husband. I was one

(01:04:30):
hundred percent ready to forget the past and continue our friendship.
Like nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
It happened.

Speaker 5 (01:04:34):
Nicki came and I was so happy, but emotionally guarded.
I maintained my composure very intentionally, and a lot happened
over that week. We quickly realized that we had to
address the elephant in our hearts. You're so close to
the right saying the elephant in our hearts, the.

Speaker 6 (01:04:48):
Elephant in the room is the elephant in our heart,
an elephant in my heart, and that elephant has to fart.

Speaker 1 (01:04:56):
That's why.

Speaker 5 (01:04:57):
So her husband encouraged her to spend a whole day
with me in my house. The summary of the day
was that we had so much fun with stories until
I noticed Nikki briefly and subtly looking down on me
for the way I lived my life. She was always
the more ambitious one between us. I am also very ambitious.
I lost a lot of drive after my mom passed away.
I'm not struggling in any way, and I have everything

(01:05:17):
I need to live comfortably and above the average income
earners since I'm not a big spender. I closed up
a little after this, but when we eventually got to
the topic of all the ghostings and abandonment, we concluded
that I am sensitive to being abandoned and find it
difficult to get back after someone gives me the feeling,
so I became guarded and emotionally disconnected. We also realized

(01:05:38):
that Nikki was a person who was comfortable giving love
but had a difficult time receiving it. Lastly, I realized
that I value Nikki too much to not give her
all the love I think she deserves. But for us
to be friends, I would need to learn to stop.
There would be no need for our friendship if I
could not love my friend, and it breaks my heart
to realize that such a magnificent person puts a cap
on the love she gets to receive. We mutually agreed

(01:05:59):
to part ways, but I knew I would respond if
she said HI, or eventually reach out to her again,
so I decided to remove her from all my social
media and delete her contact. Whoa, this is an intense
friendship breakup.

Speaker 6 (01:06:10):
Yeah, but I mean, like, wait, but I feel like
we were right there.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
What happened.

Speaker 5 (01:06:14):
We're having the communication.

Speaker 3 (01:06:15):
What happened?

Speaker 5 (01:06:16):
We were having that communication. We were there what happened?

Speaker 6 (01:06:19):
And you were like, actually, in my own head, I'm
just gonna like completely cut her off.

Speaker 4 (01:06:26):
I can't love her right.

Speaker 5 (01:06:28):
But you know who can love you right way? Us?

Speaker 4 (01:06:30):
Yeah, and you could.

Speaker 5 (01:06:31):
Listen to full episodes of stories just like this. Just
go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio to get your
love and in and search a pokey story time. But
there is a little bit left to the story. But
what did you do? You have any find thoughts?

Speaker 4 (01:06:42):
I don't like this?

Speaker 6 (01:06:43):
Yeah, oh Pee, I think you just like I don't know,
maybe oh, people was just really scared. Maybe oh he's
trying to rationalize in their own head like why they
did that. But it's like it doesn't feel like, uh,
the move that needed to be made at that moment.

Speaker 5 (01:06:56):
I feel like you guys were right there.

Speaker 6 (01:06:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:06:57):
I feel like we were having the things and we
were having the talks, and then Nikki realized that she
know she puts a cap on the love that she
can receive. And it could have been like, Okay, you
know what, we figured it out. Yeah, we've now I
understand your nature better. But instead it was like, all right, well,
I guess I'll.

Speaker 4 (01:07:13):
Never speak to you.

Speaker 5 (01:07:13):
I understand your nature and I gotta go bye. I
know she would relocate to Canada in twenty twenty five,
and I keep wondering about this because if she chooses
to stay in my city, we could potentially meet up again,
and I have no strength to resist being friends with
her again, but I don't want to get hurt. What
would I do when she arrives in a few months.
I have no idea? So am I the ale for
going no contact with her after all this, even though

(01:07:36):
I still love her but don't want to get hurt.
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 6 (01:07:44):
My ex friend ghosted us, and now he's posting shade online.

Speaker 5 (01:07:49):
You're gonna post our private feelings online?

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
Shady ghost?

Speaker 6 (01:07:55):
What is shady? Low down thing to do?

Speaker 1 (01:07:59):
So?

Speaker 6 (01:07:59):
At the time of the event, I twenty had started
UNI a year or so ago. And I had become
a part of one of the most absolutely amazing friend groups.
We are a small group of people who all study
linguistics and have a bunch of trauma issues and are
all very weird in our own way, but we support
each other through everything. They have helped me see just
how much my past friends and treated me poorly and

(01:08:21):
how I deserve so much better. By the way, this
comes from user arrow ace Dragon, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subreddit. So for some background, I have had
issues with friends in the past, including but not limited
to being told to stop displaying when I had emotions,
but that's a different story.

Speaker 4 (01:08:41):
I am a recovering.

Speaker 6 (01:08:42):
People pleaser CPP, so you can imagine how this led
to some toxic friendships. Thankfully, since then, I have taken
the time to really learn to be comfortable with myself
and then I got this wonderful group of friends who
have helped me be a better person. And I've gotten
more hugs in the past two years than i have
in my entire life. Oh my god, what that made
me smile? And they are absolutely wonderful people. Anyway, when

(01:09:05):
I first started to become a part of this friend group.
There was this one guy who I'll calls Steve Steeve.
Steve has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way
for a variety of reasons. Mostly it was just little
things here and there. First, there was the occasional comment
about me clearly not knowing something because he's ten years
older than me and obviously so much smarter. I will

(01:09:26):
get into the whole ten year older situation later. Then
there was the occasional comments about how I don't know
who I am and just need to take time to
figure it out for sure. For context, I am assigned
female at birth and was recently figuring out I am
autistic and gender diverse. He didn't seem to fully believe
that I could be autistic because obviously women can't be autistic,

(01:09:47):
and clearly I was a woman, because he didn't really
see me as existing.

Speaker 5 (01:09:52):
What we so annoying because also women autistic women have
so much trouble being diagnosed because there's like very little
research on autism and women, really, yes, very little. That's
why it's super hard for women to get diagnosed. Maybe
those women just don't exist, like Steve, they just don't exist.

Speaker 6 (01:10:10):
Maybe Steve is onto something. Maybe they're just not real.

Speaker 5 (01:10:13):
He's like, actually, they're not freaking.

Speaker 6 (01:10:15):
They live in the space between spaces, the plane between planes.

Speaker 5 (01:10:19):
Hope. He's like, you know what, like we need to
give like right stages, Like I actually don't believe that
they exist. I don't think they're real.

Speaker 3 (01:10:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:10:26):
So this leads me to the next type of comment,
which were underhanded misogynistic comments. Women weren't real to him.

Speaker 4 (01:10:34):
No way, Wow, you actually called it.

Speaker 6 (01:10:38):
There's no way he really said that, right, How's let's
see how.

Speaker 5 (01:10:46):
He backed this up.

Speaker 6 (01:10:47):
Women weren't real to him, He preferred male professors to
female professors, et cetera. No explanation on him not thinking
women are real. But he had been friends for a
long time with a lot of my new friends, and
so I just kind of tried to ignore it. I
thought they were good friends with him, and I didn't
want to affect their relationship with him. I will admit
I was a bit cold to him and kept my

(01:11:08):
distance and worked extremely hard to not be left alone
in a room with him so I didn't have to
face the brunt of his comments. And then the event happened.
The day of the event, the sky was clear. Not
actually it was rainy again, and the air was hopeful.
It was almost finals week the horror. But I was
actually having an okay day hanging out with some of
my friends and we were all chatting like usual. Unfortunately,

(01:11:31):
Steve was there, which made my okay day it turn
into a really not so okay day. I was mostly ignoring.

Speaker 5 (01:11:39):
Him like usual.

Speaker 6 (01:11:41):
Then this horror of a man made a comment along
the lines of I'm about to find out here we go,
here we here we go.

Speaker 5 (01:11:48):
Everyone hold your horses.

Speaker 3 (01:11:51):
Old old old way.

Speaker 5 (01:11:54):
I'm there quote.

Speaker 6 (01:11:56):
I don't really see women as being real because I
don't like women and don't make friends with women except Abby.
Of course, Abby is another one of our friends. No
way that was being real. So there's no way.

Speaker 5 (01:12:09):
That she was a baby, right, No, because he's got
object permanence. What do you mean, Yeah, he's got he's
got like he has no object permanence.

Speaker 6 (01:12:19):
I really feel like this is like a sarcastic comment,
like being like misatur to be like I don't think
women are real because I don't even like women, and
I'm not friends with him except for my friend Abby.
Like that's come on, I'd be like if I was like,
I really can't stand women. I don't even think they're real.
I refuse to acknowledge their existence except for Sophia. She's lovely,

(01:12:39):
She's wonderful. Everyone should love Sophia. It's like, it feels
like a joke to me.

Speaker 5 (01:12:44):
But we gotta get we gotta get more info.

Speaker 6 (01:12:47):
Let's continue now. This became the event for three main reasons.
Holy misogyny batman is the first reason. Number two, Abby,
after hearing she was the exception to the man's rule
was few.

Speaker 5 (01:13:00):
Oh yeah, okay, now, but now now we've got other
people involved. Clearly doesn't sound like a Joe.

Speaker 6 (01:13:06):
Also, our other friend, who I'll call Lily, who is
very much a woman and am an absolute gem of
a human being, was in the room when he said this.
Dang Lily had walked to and from classes with this
man and had been friendly and had so many conversations
with this man, and she considered him a friend.

Speaker 5 (01:13:22):
But apparently she wasn't real.

Speaker 6 (01:13:24):
Lily looked like she was near tears when she processed
what this misogynistic.

Speaker 4 (01:13:28):
Chihuahua had just said.

Speaker 6 (01:13:29):
There also is a fourth friend there who I will
call Henry. Henry just went off on Steve about his
misogynistic comments. Me and Lily sat in awe at hearing
at him tearing Steve a new one. After being told off,
Steve got all huffy and said, well, I guess I'm
not wood here, and then he stormed off. As my
mom put it when I retold this to her, good
let the trash take itself out. She also pointed out

(01:13:50):
that the fact he was attracted to the same gender
actually meant that he was even more misogynistic for not
seeing women as people. Oh the layer, because it meant
he saw women as only being four men aka men's attraction,
and because he isn't attracted to women, he doesn't see
them as people, which are his exact word. Mom is

(01:14:12):
very smart. After the event, Steve stopped coming to UNI
events as much on his own accord, and stopped hanging
out with our group of friends.

Speaker 5 (01:14:19):
I did not miss him.

Speaker 6 (01:14:21):
Good riddance. The few times I saw him, I was
cordial but cold anyway. The event was honestly ages ago,
like maybe a year, and I had completely forgotten about Steve.
My life was better without him than a few weeks ago.
Lily messaged me like, have you seen what Steve posted
I was like no, and she sent a screenshot of
the post she saw and holy vague posting. It was

(01:14:42):
basically a pick of this specimen of a man, head
tilted to the side, staring mournfully into the distance, hair
ruffled up into a mess with a caption. Sometimes you
get excommunicated from a linguistics community that is obsessed with
labeling and being autistic slash going nonverbal even though that
isn't a thing, because they want clout just me.

Speaker 5 (01:15:00):
Oh, this is this type of person is exhausting. This
is the type of person that thinks that, Oh, I'm like,
I don't have the filter. I can say whatever I want.
You know, I don't. I don't try like I don't.
I'm not PC, you know, I'd like to say whatever
I want, like no one can tell me what to say.
And then and then and then people are like, oh, yeah,
you can't say whatever you want and we're not gonna
be friends with you. And then they're like like, you

(01:15:20):
can't do that. You can't say that. Oh you can't. Yeah,
I can't say anything.

Speaker 4 (01:15:23):
You're not allowed to be upset. I'm allowed to do
whatever I want in America. Oh I'm sorry, sorry, I
thought this was America.

Speaker 5 (01:15:30):
Like, yeah, you can say whatever you want and people
can react.

Speaker 6 (01:15:32):
However they literally the entire history of the country freedom
of speech has been freedom of speech, not freedom of consequence. Yes, exactly,
let's continue. So two things here excommunicated. The second point
is what clout are you talking about? So this man
is a full grown man, graduated from university and everything

(01:15:53):
vague posting about how we were terrible friends for excommunicating
him from our group like a fourteen year old teenage
boy after getting his ego hurt almost a year ago. Now,
I feel like this is an important time to note
that in our group, we are all pretty much between
the ages of eighteen and twenty six. The fact that
this thirty one year old man felt the need and
desire to be hanging out with us is weird as

(01:16:14):
f as my mom so clearly pointed out when I
complained about this situation with her, which made me wonder
if the people his age just saw through his bes
faster than we did. But I don't know, and that's
probably true. Our friend group has been talking about this
ever since it happened, and being like, did you tell
him to stop going to Uni events, what about you,
and realizing none of us did anything, he just kind
of stopped coming because he was mad he got called

(01:16:34):
out for being a misogynist. Right after it happened. The
only thing I could think of was, how are you
not embarrassed? And there is an update?

Speaker 5 (01:16:42):
How are you not embarrassed?

Speaker 6 (01:16:44):
Discussting update y'all? He posted again, talking So I am
here sharing more of the tea because this is a
thirty one year old man acting like a whiny high schooler,
and it is embarrassing. Like I said, cringe posting onto
the post. So this morning I woke up to Lily,
who who is justifiably personally angry at this wet cat
of a man, sending a screen shot. The screen shot

(01:17:06):
was of a post by the man that said the
following clarifying I was once part of a cool community
of people who loved linguistics. Then they decided they'd rather
act like a high school clique, talking about people behind
their backs, becoming obsessed with non scientific self identities and
excluding others. It's sad and hypocritical, but I am so
glad to be done with all that drama.

Speaker 4 (01:17:24):
Smiley face.

Speaker 6 (01:17:25):
I love grad school and my cohort, as well as
the people who really know and care about me. I
honestly feel like I'm going crazy. I am reviewing all
of the things I've said to this man, seeing if
anything I said was petty or rude or disrespectful, and
reviewing what the rest of my friends have said, and
I just can't find anything I wasn't anything.

Speaker 5 (01:17:42):
I don't think you have to review everything.

Speaker 6 (01:17:45):
You don't have to like explicitly be like and now
you are banished from the group. To like to like
banish somebody from a group, it's like just your vibe
becoming like yeah, you can do.

Speaker 4 (01:17:58):
It, absolutely.

Speaker 5 (01:17:59):
But also I think that piece like we didn't say anything,
We weren't mean timble.

Speaker 4 (01:18:03):
Book that you should have.

Speaker 1 (01:18:04):
You could have.

Speaker 7 (01:18:04):
That's fine, you guys did kind of he come out
and that's okay, Yeah, because he deserved to be kicked out.
He was being a bad person and now he's being
a bad person on Instagram.

Speaker 6 (01:18:15):
Yeah, you are allowed to You're allowed to take like
a call be like, hey, do we.

Speaker 5 (01:18:18):
Want to keep hanging out with them?

Speaker 1 (01:18:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (01:18:20):
If you all are like no, then you can be
like all right, then we're not hanging out with this.

Speaker 4 (01:18:26):
Yeah, I was cold.

Speaker 6 (01:18:27):
Yes, but like we weren't friends except for like calling
him out when he was being rude or misogynistic or disrespectful.
Maybe we were too harsh. I don't know. Why are
you second guess?

Speaker 5 (01:18:37):
I don't understand. Like he sucks, Why does it matter?
Why does it matter?

Speaker 3 (01:18:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:18:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (01:18:42):
Anyway, Lily is currently planning a response. No, honestly, I
can't wait.

Speaker 5 (01:18:47):
No, no, stop.

Speaker 6 (01:18:50):
It's a great blueprint on what not to do in
this situation.

Speaker 5 (01:18:53):
The train is heating for the trash.

Speaker 6 (01:18:55):
Remember when your mom said the trash took itself out
to the dump and you are dragging the trash back
to your house.

Speaker 1 (01:19:05):
Don't do that.

Speaker 5 (01:19:06):
I don't understand why you wouldn't block him. Stop talking
to him. He's looking for reaction. This is what he wants.

Speaker 3 (01:19:13):
You're playing his mind game.

Speaker 6 (01:19:15):
But it's also what OPI wants. Yeah, well, I mean
he goes Honestly, I can't wait.

Speaker 5 (01:19:19):
Yeah, no, this is what OPI wants, and that's sometimes
we like druma.

Speaker 4 (01:19:23):
She's going to sacrifice herself.

Speaker 5 (01:19:26):
Can't It must be unto the way.

Speaker 6 (01:19:29):
Lily is the kind of person who is kind and
waits and is patient and then snaps, and I can
tell that she has snapped, and I'm just waiting with
popcorn to see what her response is. For now, here's
what Abby said about him. No one excommunicated him, no
one said you aren't welcome anymore. He decided that he's
not going to hang out with us anymore. And that's
his decision, and it's fine. But what isn't fine is

(01:19:50):
playing the victim and saying that it's because of all
these reasons that you don't fit in and that these
things don't exist just because you don't believe that they do.
Chef's kiss. I love my friend so much.

Speaker 5 (01:20:01):
By the way, you can love all of the.

Speaker 6 (01:20:04):
Full episodes with stories like this, and you can listen
to them by going to your podcast platform of choice
be at iHeartRadio or Spotify, your Apple podcasts and searching
Okay story time, and there there are fifty two consecutive
days worth of stories for you to listen to. There's
almost thirteen hundred hours. We're getting there. We're over twelve hundred,
we're getting at thirteen. Now we have a little bit

(01:20:25):
more story. There's a final update here.

Speaker 5 (01:20:30):
It seems like they're on the collision course to send
that text. Oh, if I'm leaning towards everyone sucks here,
I don't think it's that much. It's all everyone sucks here.
It's just everyone is. It's nobody's drama. Everyone's dramatic here.
Everyone's dramatic.

Speaker 4 (01:20:46):
Everyone's dramatic. He was dramatic when he was like, I
guess I'm not wanted here.

Speaker 6 (01:20:50):
After being like, yeah, all women are, it's like it's
like the girl who's like all men are trash, and
it's like, to some extent, it's like, all right, we've
heard that, We've heard it enough. Yeah, it's like you
say it and you say it and you say it again,
and it's like, hey, but they're not. It's like you've
met some trash men. Holy Mother of updates Batman. Okay,
first of all, I talked to a friend who wasn't
involved in any of this, and I feel a lot

(01:21:13):
less crazy now after I read it out to her.
She noted how many of us were just out of
high school, so it would have been understandable if we,
I don't know, acted like high schoolers. He is thirty one,
he should find people his own age.

Speaker 5 (01:21:25):
Anyway. Now onto the fun part.

Speaker 6 (01:21:27):
My friend Lily posted a response, and let me just
tell you, I am sitting here obsessed with the response.
I got her permission to post it here because it's
pure gold. She rarely swears. She is typically kind and
quiet and just an overall lovely human being, and she
is pissed. The white is what he posted. The other
colors are Lily's response.

Speaker 5 (01:21:47):
Okay, so you get excommuted from not right.

Speaker 4 (01:21:51):
So that's all what he said.

Speaker 6 (01:21:52):
We've already read that they just want claup blah blah
blah and the clarification and then so let me.

Speaker 5 (01:21:58):
Get oh my god, this is so bitch.

Speaker 6 (01:22:00):
There's he left was that someone told him that he
shouldn't say that women don't exist in his mind, and
can you can bring it up a little bit? And yes,
this was after he told that to my face, after
I considered him my friend. And then imagine not acting
your age and posting and complaining about something instead of

(01:22:22):
talking it out with the other party after months of
no communication with them. This man is thirty one and
is the one acting like a high schooler and not
facing his problems. I can't imagine being so petty and
pushing the blame on others. Of a failed friendship is
the best thing you can come with. I mean sure,
I don't know. We didn't even need to say any
of that. Just block the man, move on.

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