I REFUSED to plan anything for Father’s Day… because my Mother’s Day was ruined! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2209 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:08):
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Speaker 3 (00:16):
I refuse to plan anything for Father's Day because my
mother's day was ruined. Okay, all right, a little bit
of revenge. I'm ninety eight point seven percent sure that
I am not the alier, but if I'm wrong, I'm
willing to admit it and learn from my mistakes. Our
little boy will be one late this summer. So this
was the first Mother's Day and Father's Day for both

(00:39):
me and my husband. By the way, this comes from
counter necessary to five ninety seven, and if you want
to smit your own stories, go to the r slash.
Okay Storytime subbured it. So my husband asked what I
wanted for Mother's Day. I didn't want or need anything
big or expensive. What I asked for is want for
husband to get up with the little guy and get
them fed while I pumped and chill, to breakfast in bed,

(01:01):
just toast scrambled eggs, look coffee, for us to take
the little guy to the zoo for the first time.
This was the main thing I was looking forward to
go to my favorite taco place for dinner, and then
between morning and afternoon naps, we have about four hours
of awake time. The zoo is about thirty minutes away,
so I had figured if we left as soon as
he got up from his nap and ate, we'd have
a couple hours at the zoo and worst case, he

(01:23):
could sleep in the car on the way home. They're
never going to the zoo. Yeah, this happening. We took
my mom and my mother in law out to brunch
the prior weekend to celebrate them his mom on Saturday
and my mom on Sunday. I also got them each
a thoughtful little present and flowers to celebrate their first
Mother's Day as grandparents. I arranged everything and told my

(01:43):
mom and mother in law that we'd be celebrating on
the actual day with just our little family, and sent
them a group chat which included husband, my dad, and
father in law, just to make sure everyone was on
the same page. My mother in law is very pushy
and overbearing, so I didn't want there to be any
or confusion. The Saturday before Mother's Day, father in law

(02:03):
sent my husband a text with the picture of all
the moults she had just delivered and said something like
it's gonna be a bus weekend or something like that.
Apparently he had three hundred bags of mult They have
a big yard with lots of flower beds. That night,
my mother in law called my husband and asked him
to come over first thing in the morning to help
his dad move the bags of mulch to where they

(02:24):
were going to be used. She said, since we weren't
going to the zoo until after the little guy's nap,
that husband could go over and help out for a
couple hours and then come pick us up to go
to the zoo. I was obviously not happy, but she
guilted him and said father in law was going to
end up hurting himself if he moved all of that
by himself, and that it's not a big deal and
should only take an hour or two. Listen, I'll just

(02:46):
tell you right now, a mulch hour is not equivalent
to a real life hour. Do you work with a
lot of mulch in the woodwork here?

Speaker 4 (02:52):
No, ma'am, But I just feel like you're working with
mulch for two hours that's a six hour so equivalent.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
I agree, pogget clown. Sorry that I told him his
mom was doing this to try and get us to
skip our plans and spend the day with them, but
he kept saying is not a big deal, saying his
mom promised he would only take a couple hours, et cetera,
et cetera. I think most people know what happened. Husband
went over first thing, which means no breakfast in bed,

(03:20):
and I had to get up and feed the little guy.
I was kind of pissed, but whatever. Spend time with
the little guy. Then he went down for his morning nap.
I texted my husband to let him know he should
start wrapping things up. Then, when little guy woke up
two hours later, I called husband to tell him I'd
be ready to go as soon as I finished feeding
the little guy. He told me it was taken longer
than expected. Yeah, those are them mulch hours. I told

(03:43):
you everyone, Yeah, Riley told us, but that heat hurry.
Like an hour and a half later, husband called and
said they weren't done, but he was getting ready to
come home. It's a fifteen to twenty minute drive for
mother in law and father in law's house. At that point,
we missed the window to make it to the zoo,
so I told him just stay there and finish and
not worry about Mother's Day, since he hadn't done a
single thing I asked for. I don't think there was

(04:05):
any doubt in his mind how pissed I was a
little later, his mom called and said since we decided
not to go to the zoo, that me and little
Guy should go hang out with her while the boys
finished with the mulch. I admit that I was pretty
pissy and told her I had no interest in spending
time with the people who decided to ruin my mother's day.
You know what, slay a big swing, but slay, I'll

(04:26):
give it to Slay. Nonetheless, I ended up staying home
and ordering a pizza and binging Netflix with the little Guy.
When husband got home, he was all apologetic and asked
how he could make it up. I was still pissed
and told him he could make it up by not
ruining my first Mother's Day. I also told him he
should plan on spending Father's Day with his mom and dad,
because me and the little Guy were gonna go celebrate
Father's Day with my mom and dad. Since Mother's Day,

(04:49):
mother in law has been texting and calling, but I've
been keeping conversations short and just giving very bland, generic responses.
I mean, honestly, it's incredibly rude, Like this is her
first with the little guy. With the little guy, they
planned to go to the zoo and he's not even there.
You can't make it up. I mean, you can do
another outing to the zoo next week. Yeah, it's not

(05:10):
gonna be the same, though. I think the only way
that he could maybe fix this bother's day he pretends
his mother's day.

Speaker 4 (05:17):
Yeah, it's like that's the thing, is like, it's not
gonna be the same. No, there was something magical that
happened with the giraffes that only happened on that day
and will never happen again, but at the zoo.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
At the zoo, but.

Speaker 4 (05:30):
You can still like it'd be nice to be like
all those plans we missed, yeah, let's do them today
to it. Still it's essentially the same holiday as well.
It's like we're both celebrating parentage. Yeah, and we can
make a parent day parent yeah, parent day. My husband
has been apologizing and asking what he can do, but Honestly,
I don't want to bother. I know it's just today

(05:50):
and we can celebrate any time, like we did with
my mom and mother in law. But it was my
first ever Mother's Day, and it's not like I asked
for anything expensive or difficult. The only difficul thing is
he's incapable of setting boundaries with his mom, and she's
incapable of considering anyone's feelings but her own. This past Saturday,
he asked if I was still going to my parents,

(06:10):
then said he'd like to go with us. I told
him he could do whatever he wanted, but since I
hadn't done anything for his dad, he might want to
go see him or something.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
We did. Both end up going to my parents and
spending the day with them. It was actually a nice day.
My dad insisted on grilling, because of course he did,
but the weather ended up being nice and we spent
a lot of time hanging out on the deck. I'm
not sure what, if anything, my husband did for his dad.
I know he was getting a lot of texts during
the day, I assume from his mom. She did send
me a snippy tax saying it was hurtful to spend

(06:40):
the day with my family at the expense of husband's.
But I told her she got to spend Mother's Day
with her baby boy, so it's only fair that I
spend Father's Day with my family. I know my husband
was hurt that we didn't acknowledge him for Father's Day boohoo,
but I told him while we were driving to my parents'
house that I'm just matching his energy. I admit that
I haven't done anything to de escalate the drama, but

(07:00):
I'm still just so hurt. He continues to prioritize his
mom's feelings over our little family. This isn't the first
time his mom is done crap like this, and I'm
just so tired of it. She always oversteps and insists
on doing what she wants. I'm doing better at keeping
her at arm's length and holding my own boundaries, but
my husband is absolutely incapable of that. Am I the ale?

(07:22):
And there is an update? But what do you do,
is op the A hole? Should she focus on de
escalating the drama? How does she do it? Yeah? And
you know it's not like this on the woodworking subreddit's
it's really straightforward. Yeah, Yeah, I'm she's not the a
hole obviously.

Speaker 4 (07:38):
Could you imagine if this was my first time here
and I was like, yeah, she's the a hole.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
She sucks.

Speaker 4 (07:44):
No, but it's weird. It's like, I think you're allowed
to be upset. Yeah, like absolutely, those feelings are justified, and.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
You're even allowed.

Speaker 4 (07:51):
Like she even kind of communicated like, this is gonna
be the deal with Father's Day.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
You know, I don't spend it. I mean, the mother
in law's the problem.

Speaker 4 (07:57):
Yeah, but I also do love her just being like
I'm also I'm not de escalating it. At some point,
everybody will probably have to wash their hands of it
and do better.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
I agree. The thing is he can do better next time.
And I think that she needs to have a conversation
with him and say like, hey, you have to kind
of create boundaries with your mom, because I do think
it's a new feeling and you realize, oh, my family
unit that I used to have is no longer the
most important thing. It's now this new family unit with

(08:29):
my partner and my child. And so I do think
that's like a new kind of you have to get
used to it. And so I think just having a
conversation with him and saying I understand that you care
for your family, but now we are your priority. This weekend,
the husband and I sat down and talked about everything.
I expressed to him how incredibly upset and disappointed I

(08:49):
was at how both Mother's Day and Father's Day went down.
I really wanted to recognize and celebrate my husband for
Father's Day every bit as much as I hoped he
would recognize and celebrate me for Mother's Day. He said
he knew he shouldn't have gone to his parents on
Mother's Day, but didn't know what to do since his
mom was pressuring him and saying if his dad got hurt,
it would be husband's fault. He admitted that he knew

(09:11):
he messed up and has been terrified that I was
going to ask for a divorce. Dang. Since he cut
to the chase, I told him that if this is
how our life is going to be, I don't want
to stay married my god Dang. I explained to him
that I realized that while yes, I was upset about
what happened on Mother's Day, that isn't what is making
me feel this way. That was just the straw that
broke the camel's back. This kind of behavior from his

(09:33):
mom has been happening since before we got engaged, and
is just escalated. This has been happening for years. As
someone here suggested, I had listed all the times and
events that I could remember that she had overstepped or
just completely ruined for our freaking honeymoon. She called him
twice a day, every morning to find out our plans

(09:54):
for the day, and then every evening to hear how
the day went, plus the constant texting asking for pictures,
telling him how much she missed him. I don't know
how I thought this was acceptable. She tried to make
our wedding about herself, try to make my pregnancy about herself,
tried to take over when we brought our son home,
just constantly inserting herself and overstepping. I told him that
I don't really want to get divorced right now, but

(10:16):
if it's going to happen anyway, I'd rather get divorced
now while we can still do it amicably. Y'all need therapy.

Speaker 4 (10:23):
You just had a kid, Like I want to be
clear that it's not funny, not funny, but like there
is something slightly amusing about like, well, I don't really
want to get a divorce. Sophia but maybe now as
good as time, Let's do it before we grow resentful
of each other.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
Why didn't you say I love you? We're getting a
divorced you didn't say I love you? Because if nothing changes,
I'm going to end up so angry and resentful that
it would make divorce very contentious, and I don't want
that for our son. At this point, we're both crying,
upset and emotional. So I told him that I'll give

(11:01):
him some time to decide what he's going to do,
but if I don't see clear effort being made to
start prioritizing me and her son, that I'd move forward
with the divorce. And the change has to continue. Every
time we've thought about this in the past, he promised
he'll change, and sometimes he has, but then his mom
pulls him back into her orbit. If we are to

(11:22):
stay married, these are some of the things I'm insisting on,
in no particular order. She's given us the list, the
list we each own. The relationship with our own parents.
That means I'm not planning anything for his parents anymore.
No cards, no presents, no brunches or parties, no pictures, nothing.
If his parents reach out to me, I'm going to
redirect them to him. I'm not entertaining or visiting with

(11:44):
his parents when he's not around. I'm not taking our
son over to theirs by myself, and if they drop by,
I'm not inviting them in unless my husband is there.
I'm not changing my plans at the last minute just
because they decided to drop by without coordinating with us
in advance, or because they want us to do something
with them. Neither of us makes plans with our parents

(12:05):
or accepts invitations until we discuss with our partner. And
if we don't both agree that we don't do it,
then we don't do it. And we don't throw each
other under the bus. We just say something like we
checked our schedule and we're not available. Holidays like Christmas, Halloween, Easter,
et cetera. Are at our house. We can discuss inviting
our parents, but we're not going to someone else's house
to celebrate something involving our son when we can do

(12:27):
it at home. Personally, I don't like that rule, but
this is your rules. This includes his first birthday, which
mother in law is trying to take over and plan
other holidays. We're alternating between our parents and we will
focus on being present. That means no more texting and
talking to his mom NonStop when we're with my parents,
no more over sharing with mother in law. She doesn't

(12:48):
need to know about our finances or health, medical issues,
or vacation plans or anything unless we both agree it's
something we want to share. His visits to his parents
can't be at the expense of spending quality time with
me and our son. I don't mind him visiting his parents,
but he's over there a couple times a week. We
are his immediate family. Now we should get priority. We're
not doing things just because she said we should, and

(13:10):
we're not changing our plans just because she doesn't like them.
She really doesn't understand that wrong and different are not
the same thing in her mind. If we're not doing
what she wants how she wants, then we are in
the wrong. He needs to go to therapy with someone
specializing enmeshment, and we need to start going to couple's therapy.
I didn't even realize I have so much pent up

(13:31):
resentment that I can't look at my husband the same anymore.
I realize that from this story, I'm just angry at
him all the time and I hate being this way
when it comes to our son. Our word, husband and
me is law. If she disregards or minimizes our decisions
for our son, then she loses access until she learns
to behave. When me or my husband say no to it,

(13:51):
either set of parents, the other person will support them
and back them up. That means my husband has to
stop trying to get me to agree with his mom
all the time. There's a little laughed to the story.
Do you think Op's rules for engagement are effective too far?
Not far enough?

Speaker 4 (14:07):
I think they're coming from an understandable place. I feel
like I'm always.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
Just kind of middle of the road in it down here.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
But it's like it's one of those things where you're like,
it's always coming from a pretty understandable place.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
Yeah, some of them get a little particular. Yeah, but
if it works, it works. The worst works. I think
these rules are maybe a good starting place, but I
think going when they go to therapy talking about them
to kind of get the therapist yeah view on it
and seeing if because my only worry is that they
said that these rules are for both sets of parents,

(14:39):
but because the problem lies with her mother, is there
going to be kind of an imbalance, and that's the
only thing I worry about. But the mother in law
is a problem that does need to be addressed. I
can tell he's freaked out and really stressed about the
idea of putting hard boundaries in place or distancing from
his parents, and I do feel for him. He said
he feels like he's caught between rock in a hard

(15:00):
place and that ME and his mom are both putting
a ton of pressure on him and both have conflicting expectations.
And that's fine. He just needs to understand that I'm
not tolerating this anymore. I know this will cause an
absolute crabstorm with his parents, but I feel like if
we don't do it now, it'll just be harder down
the road. What does everyone think? Am I being unreasonable?

(15:22):
Are there other boundaries we should put in place? And that, folks,
is the end of that story. My husband wants to
cancel our wedding for the third time. Now. There are
times a charm. Maybe this time we word I twenty
nine female, got engaged to my current husband, twenty eight male,
back in twenty nineteen. We've been together six going on
seven years, so we have been together six going on

(15:44):
seven years. I was also pregnant with our first child.
We plan for a twenty twenty November wedding when our
daughter was eleven months old.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
Oof.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Yeah, this plan unfortunately fell to pieces because of the pandemic.
The state borders were shut and most of my friends
and family lived interstate, so about half of the wedding
couldn't attend, including my parents, sister, and Brian's maids. By
the way, this comes from Throwway two five nine five
four to two two eight nine, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay.

(16:14):
Storytime separated it. So we had to make the heartbreaking
decision to postpone the wedding. We didn't want to lose
everything and we had our heart set on the date,
so we decided to elope with only four guests, a
celebrant and photographer. This was all discussed prior and was
always going to be a placeholder for our real wedding.
We rebooked our wedding eleven months later, and lo and behold,

(16:37):
the VID restrictions shut down our town again. Just terrible
e f and luck, but life goes on. We had
been holding off on trying to have a second baby
for this wedding, and it was becoming depressing planning something
that kept being canceled. So we decided to postpone again
without another wedding date in mind, and started trying for
a baby right away. Fast forward a couple of years

(16:58):
and we've welcomed our third child in June twenty twenty four. Congrats.
Now our family is complete and we are in a
good place. It's time to rebook our wedding. I kept
him in the loop about my intentions and plans and
always asked him along the way what he thought and
if he was okay with that some info. We've already
had most things we needed, wedding dress, successories, suits for

(17:18):
him and the groomsmen, bridesmaid dresses, It's all been ready
to go, sitting in a closet collecting dust. How sad.
So about three months ago, after speaking to him first,
I rebooked the venue and paid a thousand dollars deposit.
All was fine, and I finally felt I could get
excited again. I sent out Save the dates and it's
booked for more than twelve months away. I've told all

(17:40):
my friends and family, and the excitement of getting to
have our special day has been building. No, not the excitement.
The wedding is booked on our five year elopement anniversary
in November twenty twenty five, which I think five years
is well and truly long enough. Well, last night husband
dropped the bomb that he wants to postpone the wedding
again time. He wants to wait and postpone for another

(18:02):
five years, which would bring us to the year twenty thirty. Why.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
He's like, I just think a ten year anniversary is
But at this point he's become addicted to the yeah
to postpone.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
I just love that a wedding feeling. I'm so beyond
devastated and heartbroken that he would even suggest this. Further info,
my parents are contributing ten thousand dollars and I'm contributing
ten thousand dollars, and my husband has contributed two thousand dollars.
It was always the plan to a lope and have
our redo wedding at a later time, and now he's

(18:32):
saying it's a waste of money and we're already married.
He's only paying two thousand dollars, that's it. He's like,
it's just too much money. You're paying way more than him.
I never would have agreed to the elopement if I
knew that's how he felt. I've given him every opportunity
to speak up about what he wants in the wedding,
and he always seems indifferent and hasn't had any objections.

(18:53):
So this has completely blindsided me. I don't know where
to go from here. Marriage and wedding were a non
negotiable for me. If I agreed to postpone to the
year twenty thirty, then what's to stop him from saying, well,
it's been ten years. What's the point now he's definitely
gonna do that. We've barely spoken today. My eldest child
has some intuition, despite the entire conversation taking place while
she slept last night, she had a prophetic dream, she did.

(19:15):
She asked to see my wedding shoes, and I burst
into tears. Okay, me me, he sad.

Speaker 4 (19:23):
I do believe her. The child had some intuition. Yeah,
it's also I love my child is so intuitive. She
just knew Yeah, after I burst into tears, like she
knew something was wrong.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
How did she know? She's so in touch with my emotions.
I birthed three of his children. I should get to
be a bride and have a special day that we've
been planning for five years. You should, but you paid
one thousand dollars. That's really minding.

Speaker 4 (19:45):
And she brought it up and she's like, he has
had so many opportunities, like there has been so much
time to talk about this, and like cause I even like,
to some extent, I understand that reaction of like, well
we've already gotten like married, Like if you're a person
where that's the important thing, that like, oh, well we
are married, I can understand how after years, that expense

(20:09):
and that event might not feel as exciting anymore.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
Yeah, you had so much time could have said to
talk about that. I don't really want to do this
at it. Some people are still confused. We are legally
married and we live in Australia. This is a price
for a modest wedding and certainly nothing too grand. I
was always happy to compromise on price and gave him
time to decide on how big the guestless is and

(20:33):
which venue to book. He's always had to say, and
I've always been willing to meet him in the middle.
Is indifference just meant that I chose what I wanted
and he never spoke up otherwise.

Speaker 5 (20:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
Comments comment one, he doesn't want to do it? Maybe
he doesn't. Perhaps he was always going along with a
plan to keep me happy, but now he's seen it out.
I have no idea. His response was guys don't dream
about their weddings like girls do. Reply maybe that's your angle.
What is it he dreams about? How what do he
feel if you agree to support his dream and then
rug pulled him on it? Reply? She already compromised and

(21:05):
meanwhile had three of his children. The least he can
do is celebrate her for it and give her the
wedding she deserves. If he backs out, now he's just
a butt that was leading her on all along, and
he simply doesn't deserve a wife. O pie. He just
spent upwards of six K on his dream when I
would have loved him to contribute more towards the wedding,
but I chose to support his dream and not say anything.

(21:26):
What's his dream? Yeah? Comment to why does he really
want to postpone? Sounds like all he needs to do
is turn up to the party in order to make
you happy, because that's the thing. Yeah. Because if he's like,
we're already married.

Speaker 4 (21:36):
We don't need to get Why postpone it because your
wife has said it's happened. Yeah, Like I wear enough
that that's understandable. If that's what she wants and that's
been said, then I think we're fine. So what is
the point of postponing Nothing?

Speaker 3 (21:48):
He just wants to postpone until she forgets bit odd
if he can't be bothered to do that for you.
He may not be fussed about it, but you are. However,
you are actually married. You want a party for the
whole experience, and I get that, but please separate wedding
reception from marriage because you already have a marriage. Your
relationship deserves to be celebrated if it's important for you
to experience this. So what's his reason for the delay

(22:10):
when it's actually changing Nothing? Just money? Because if so,
he actually wants to cancel, not postpon. Oh pe yes,
all he had to do is show up. My parents
and myself are paying for the majority of it, and
I'm planning it all. I absolutely feel married, but I
also feel I've been robbed of a special time because
of the pandemic. I deserve to be a bride. He

(22:32):
just thinks the money could be better spent for an
investment property or something. But my parents and I have
saved for this occasion, not him. We own a home,
so if buying a second property gets put off for
a year or two, then what's the harm? And there
is an update. Little burb says the man is one
hundred percent cheating. Whoa little burb? We have no proof.

Speaker 4 (22:52):
Little b verb said, I was in Peru and I
saw I was birding in pro I was birding in Peru.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
But there is an update.

Speaker 4 (23:00):
Do you think, oh pee, you gotta sit your husband
down and say, hey, baby girl, exactly like that. Do
you want to pretend that husband, hey baby hello, I
need that wedding. I know that we're already married, and
I've loved these past five years with you.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Men to stop you really quick. Okay we are Australian.
Oh so just try for that. I really love you
and I really love these beast five years with you,
but I just really need this marriage.

Speaker 4 (23:28):
Right Miniestopia is sick in house, consider a sick in hand.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
We're putting all this into the wedding. We're already have
three four to second house. I love you all right?
Updates I have taken some advice and written a two
page letter to my husband explaining all my hopes and
dreams and that a wedding was part of the dream
and something I'm not willing to compromise on. Perhaps, like

(23:56):
someone suggested, we call it an anniversary party. I told
him I'm willing to wait until twenty thirty, but he
will be the one to cancel the venue, and he
will be the one to tell our friends and family.
I won't be part of that communication. Hill, that's a
fair point. Oh my god. I also said I need
assurances that you won't pull the drum under me again.

(24:17):
I'm really at a loss that he could hurt me
this way. He knew how deeply important it was to me.
I'll update again after he reads the letter. It's been
a few days before we were able to talk. We
had a really nice talk, and we were both communicating
really well. Because husband is not the best communicator. He
doesn't talk to me and tell me his inner struggles.
He's been very stressed with the business and I didn't

(24:38):
realize it was making him feel like he was drowning.
I think just having a high stress business with employees,
and then three little kids, was just getting to be
a lot. Then he had his wife planning a wedding
on top of it, and I think he just cracked.
I do see now how I've added to his stress.
I have told him he needs to speak up more
and learn to communicate better. We've been together nearly seven years.

(24:59):
He also said he hates being the center of attention,
and you can tell they're Australian because there's that at
the end. Yeh the sinner and has never had any
care that it's his birthday. He said he would have
preferred a small ceremony under twenty people. I said that
I was always okay with that, but it didn't ever
communicate it to me, and I'm not a mind reader.
I've also communicated to him the importance of the special

(25:20):
day that was promised. I had my heart set on it,
and that feeling is never going to go away. Because
he's been so negative about this wedding this time around.
I don't feel like I want to stand up there
in a gown with someone who doesn't want to be
up there with me.

Speaker 4 (25:33):
Okay, I'm a little bit scared. I'm getting scared again.
I want to give him time to get excited about it.
There is a little bit left to this story, any
final thought. I got a little bit scared right at
the end, little when she's like, I don't know if
I want to be up. I get where she's coming
from that she's like, this has been a negative experience.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
I want to wait for the next one.

Speaker 4 (25:51):
Or it's not twenty thirty yet. No, so I don't
know what this new update exactly. I wrote letters to
my exes after breakups. It helped to get all my
feelings out. Never gave them to anybody, but it did
help me process feelings. Slay, look at you. You're killing
good job, you're killing it real people. Yeah, there is
a little bit left. I think that.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
Op. Just keep having those conversations. Tell your husband that
if he ever has any feelings that will affect effectively
lose you one thousand dollars, bring him up before we
spend one thousand dollars. But there is a little bit left.
I don't want to add any more stress to his life,
but I still want to work towards our special day.
I think for next year instead, maybe we could do
a family photo shoot for a five year at wedding

(26:31):
anniversary and then in twenty thirty, we can have our
ten year anniversary vow renewal and reception, and I get
to wear a wedding gown and I get to be
a bride. Finally, I'll be about thirty five years old.
So not out of the question. I think I'm just
accepting that the pandemic ruined a lot of special times
for people. I'm disappointed that he's not excited to have
this special day with me, but I'm accepting that it's

(26:53):
not meant to be next year. Update three. Now, now
he's back pedaling and saying it's next year or never. Okay,
we got a okay, okay, get that deposit back, get
people go, getting back to my face deeply. Okay, but
now I don't want to Wow girl, he doesn't want
to and uses the words let's get it over with.
This is meant to be fun. This is not fun.

(27:16):
I am so confused. I'm confused to girl. But there
is nothing more to that story, so we really don't know.
That was the update.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
Here.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (27:30):
My husband lied to me to make himself look like
a better man. That's my quip, just a thumbs down.
I twenty five female, have been married to my husband,
twenty six male for three years. He has two male
friends from a job he used to work at who
are both also married. Let's call them Holden and Cameron.
By the way, this comes from Expensive House three two
three on the r slash two hot takes subbrend it

(27:53):
and if you want to smit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay, storytime subrend it. So he
has been friends with them for a round two and
since then we have all moved to different states. These
are friends that he has had over for adult sodas
here and there, but mainly they like to call, text
and play video games on some weekends. I personally do
not like Cameron. This is because he isn't respectful of

(28:16):
his wife. They all used to have a female coworker
that Cameron would constantly hit on and try to ask out.
He would tell my husband how much he wanted to
sleep with her, despite him having a wife and daughter
at home. I told my husband he should let the
wife know, but neither of us had or contact information
as we had never met her. In person. When he
moved to a different state, his wife stayed behind since

(28:37):
it was only going to be training for a few months,
and that's when things got worse with him. Cameron had
informed both my husband and Holden that he had told
his wife he wanted a divorce and did not want
to have any custody of his child, Nikes. This turned
out not to be true, as his wife had no
idea he was planning on leaving her, and instead he

(28:57):
had been ghosting his wife, not respons to any calls
or texts for weeks. I was not shy about my
dislike for Cameron and did tell my husband that he
was no longer welcome in my home and that I
was no longer comfortable with them hanging out together, which
my husband was just fine with since they really didn't
hang out much to begin with. They would still occasionally
play games online together and text on a group chat

(29:20):
that a lot of their old coworkers still had. Holden
had also told us that Cameron had gotten on dating
apps and began sleeping around with multiple women. He even
went as far as to send Holden a video of
him having a menatine. This was the straw that broke
the camel's back. Holden felt disgusted that he was sent
this video without consent, and his wife was livid, understandably,

(29:42):
so after this, Holden decided to drop Cameron and go
no contact, no confrontation or anything. Okay, all right, Holden
ghosted him like Cameron was doing to his wife. Dang,
a little crazy, a little kid. I don't think those
two are the same. I feel like he's trying to
create comparison. I don't think those two. I don't know
if they were trying to create a comparison. So much
is just like a zinger. Oh oh like Cameron, Yeah,

(30:04):
I see, I see could be. Yesterday I had asked
my husband if he was still talking to Cameron, and
he informed me that he was not. He went on
and on about how Cameron hadn't even reached out to
him because he made himself clear about how he was
not okay with what Cameron was doing to his marriage
and all that heck he was putting his wife through.
He said he had more of a spine than Holden did.
Since Holden wouldn't even inform Cameron that they were no

(30:26):
longer friends, Dang, you didn't need to throw shade on Holden,
if your friend sends you just a super explicit, disgusting video,
I don't think you need to be like, hey, dude,
that wasn't cool. We're not friends anymore. I think you
can just drop him.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
Yeah, well, bless and like we were saying, if this
is in fact the lie, Yeah, it feels like he's
starting to do too much about being like and Holden was.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
A coward like me, I'm a real man. Today, my
husband gets a call from Cameron. The call was nothing
important in particular, but what really threw me was how
Cameron was not acting like anything was different but my
husband and him maybe because nothing is different. He mentioned
that Holden hasn't spoken to him in two weeks, and
then the call pretty much ended there. I then asked

(31:08):
my husband if him and Cameron still talked, and he
admitted that they still do. Here and there, I felt hurt.
To be clear, I did not care if my husband
was talking to Cameron. I wasn't the biggest fan of
the idea, but he's an adult and as long as
he wasn't hanging out with him, that was good by me. However,
the fact that he put on a big show about
how he was more of a man than Holden because

(31:30):
he stood on business when Holden wasn't willing to, and
that Cameron felt too embarrassed to even reach out to
my husband because he knows my husband's standards. Only to
actually be talking to him and not ever telling Cameron
that he has issues with what he's doing in his marriage,
it felt like such a sham. Yeah. I got upset
and told him he was all bark in no bite,
and that at least Holden actually stood on business because

(31:53):
he at least followed through with what he said he
was going to do, and that for this I respected
Holden more than them. Oh that's going to really get
to PE's husband. It's fair. Though.

Speaker 4 (32:03):
It's also at this point that I'd like to point
out my earlier equip of having we all been.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
There, I have not been here.

Speaker 4 (32:08):
When I said I lied to make myself look like
a better man, that's like, yeah, I'm good at bulling.
And then I absolutely just entered on the lane. Yeah,
none of this is that you have stayed friends with
a roast. Yeahdudy, I said, Yeah, I've read bridon prejudice.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
This really upset my husband. He said he didn't like
that I insinuated that he wasn't a man of honor
Q Hamilton, and that he felt emasculated with that statement.
It's just going to be saying no to this on repeat.
I don't know, Maybe you should have been a man
of honor. Yeah, if you want to be called a
man of honor, maybe he should have been one. You
kind of have to act honorably. That's kind of the

(32:44):
first step. He told me that if I respect Holden
so much that I should go in E F Holden then,
which is not something my husband has ever said to me,
and it really hurt that it went there. I think
I may have been too harsh with what I said no,
but I don't appreciate being lied to or being talked
to like that. He is still hurt by the statement
that I made, and now I don't know what to do.

(33:06):
I don't like feeling like my husband is condoning this
behavior from his friend. He is, But what really bothers
me is him trying to make himself look good and
putting down his other friend when he wasn't telling the
truth about the situation. So what do I do from here?
And am I the a hole? There is an update folks.

Speaker 4 (33:24):
But I go to my second quip, which I stand by,
which is, yeah, big old thumbs down, big old thumbs down.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
For all our podcast listeners. Ms I forgot. I think
appease a little bit too chill about the fact that
he's even talking to this. Yeah, this is bad. This
is bad. Like the pretty clearsal, very clear, very clear.
I just think that you need to have that conversation
with your husband, say, hey, it doesn't look great for

(33:51):
you that you're still talking to a guy who's actively
cheating on his wife. Don't want to tell his wife
about this because I mean, honestly, probably could get the
wives contact information if you really wanted to. I'm miss it.
I'm gonna hit the breakup button.

Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, I think, especially after when he's like, what are
you go, Mary Holden then excepted more crass terms.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
I don't like that. I don't like it. I don't
like that they are married.

Speaker 4 (34:16):
I'm sending her to Australia to get married to the
Australian couple, right, I'm sort of playing matchmaker now with
these or what I'm doing is I'm gonna pick all
of the wives out because that's usually the people. Yeah,
who I think can work it out. Yeah, and I'm
just gonna have them get married. Intead in Australia.

Speaker 3 (34:32):
To answer some questions and things I saw in the comments,
Holden and Cameron were friends with each other for a
few years before my husband met either of them. Olden
was the closest with Cameron, and my husband was closer
to Holden than he was to Cameron. I've only met
Cameron twice, both briefly when he came over to our
house for some adult sodas and video games. My husband
has never hung out with him outside of work. Besides

(34:55):
that and when they would go to work out at
the gym that their work at. Neither my husband or
I had Cameron's wife's information. I did try to find
her on multiple social media platforms, but her name is
very common and since I have never seen her before,
it was hard to locate her. My husband does not
have any social media besides YouTube. I do want to

(35:15):
preface that I have never told my husband that I
did not want him texting Cameron. Was I a fan
of the idea, No, But he's an adult and free
to make his own choices, and so I never even
had asked him to. I did however, say that Cameron
was no longer welcome in my home. My husband saw
no issue with this and agreed this is something that
is not really a factor for us anymore anyways, since

(35:35):
we have moved away, so they never see each other
in person and haven't for months. My issue was the
fact that he had lied to me about not talking
to Cameron and went to bash his other friend when
there wasn't any truth behind that, not the fact that
he was messaging Cameron. Now for the update, my husband
and I did sit down and talk with each other
earlier today, and while I feel like we both have

(35:56):
a bit more we need to discuss and work on,
I feel like we are making a good start with things. Okay,
I think easy solution we get this guy more friends.
I'm deeply skeptical.

Speaker 4 (36:06):
Me too, n I think he just doesn't have enough friends.
I think he's only got two friends. I mean, with
the way that he's actually I just can't get over.
Then well then you should go f Holden, But I can't.
I can't let go of that any updates. I think
he's let go of it too quickly. Yes, agreed, I
apologized for comparing him to Holden and for not being
mature and how I discussed my anger. I also apologized

(36:28):
for saying I respected his friend more than him in
the moment, because I really do have a lot of
respect for my husband and have always thought.

Speaker 3 (36:35):
Highly of him. I am not someone who likes to
discuss things when my emotions are high, and that got
the better of me. It is something I am going
to be a lot more conscious of from here on
out and really tried to work on. He apologized for
making things seem one way when that wasn't really the truth.
He did say that he had told Cameron that he
did not like hearing about all of his escapades trying

(36:56):
to live a single life while still married, and that
Cameron had stopped messaging him about that specifically. So that's
totally different than calling your friend out for doing that.
You just told him you don't want to hear about it.
You're the military right now. You just said, don't ask,
don't tell.

Speaker 4 (37:11):
I'm going to send all of these people to the
woodworking Reddit. Yeah, I think that's really I think they're
going to go to a cabin in the woods, don't
talk to anybody.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Wood for a year, come back a better man. I
like it. I like it. That's the only true way
that you become a better man. But he did admit
that he never went further than that, such as telling
him that he wasn't wanting to have a friendship game
with him, Oh sorry, friendship come a game with him,
et cetera, and that they were still occasionally messaging about
other things. He also apologized for the gov holding comments

(37:41):
and said that he did feel emasculated because he has
been struggling because he thinks his testosterone levels or lowered
that he wants them to be both his dad and
brother of low testosterone. He said he has been wrestling
with the idea that he has low testosterone for months now,
and now he feels like he's less of a man
because of it.

Speaker 4 (37:58):
So what I mean, this is what I said about
all the other stories do is that these all sort
of devolve into being like, let me give you six
million specifics and situations and ideas.

Speaker 3 (38:10):
So it's like that makes no sense. A couple months ago,
he started thinking about his testosterone levels.

Speaker 4 (38:17):
He's I don't know, they just feel low. I haven't
actually gone to the doctors about this, but I just
I just love about every update. It's like the first
part is always like, oh, like mothers didn't go on
pland and by the third update, we're like, well.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
A farm. And what you really have to consider is
that there's there's layers, man, there's layers for some context.
There he fits all the symptoms for it. Our spicy
sleep life has been a lot less than it used
to be. He's tired all the time, he's been pretty irritable,
et cetera. I told him that there was nothing to
be embarrassed about, and how it doesn't make him less
of a man, and to go to speak to a

(38:51):
doctor to try and talk through it and figure out
a route to take and they'll support him. I did
say that while I want to be there for him
and that I do think he's a man, that doesn't
excuse the comment that he made. Now it's not okay
to speak to his wife that way, and if he
wants to feel like a man, he does also need
to act like a man and be honest in all
aspects of his life, both with me and his friendships.

(39:14):
He did give me his phone and let me look
through their past conversations because I mentioned I felt weird
about the video, the spicy video their messages were pretty dry,
mainly talking about music and old coworkers. But while I
did not find that video anywhere, I did find a
group chat with the three of them from about a
month ago where Cameron had sent Holden and my husband

(39:35):
some partially unclothed pictures of a trans woman he was seeing.
This upset me. I found it really disturbing and disrespectful
that Cameron had sent this to them, and that neither
Holden or my husband said anything. They just carried on
with the conversation like nothing had happened. And I feel
like the fact that none of them are acknowledging it
feels like they probably have done it before, Like you

(39:58):
gotta put your foot down. When I confronted my husband
on this, he just did. He ignored the photo and
they moved on. That's not how that works. There is
a little bit left to this story, but any thoughts
on what OPE should do in this situation? Break up? Yeah,
out of the I mean they are married, so it
would be divorce. I do think you guys need to

(40:20):
go to therapy because it is pretty concerning that he
doesn't see any problems with this, Like I wouldn't want
to be in a relationship with someone who thinks this
is okay to one not tell you about and two
also just okay that like he's being sent this and
not putting any boundaries up there. I don't like this, dude.
I don't like divorce. I sign the paper's gone. This
is something I am still kind of struggling with. Do

(40:42):
men send their friends, especially married friends, noodles or videos
of women there seeing no, they shouldn't be. I don't
like that. I felt brushed off when I addressed that
to him, But I am so tired of feeling crazy.
I don't like to look through his phone or feel
like I'm obsessing over his friendships. That has never been
who I am, and I feel like I'm turning into
someone who is and who overthinks and it's honestly crazy,

(41:04):
and folks have the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
I discovered my girlfriend's credit card debt and I want
to leave her.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
If it is broke, get out of here. I guess so.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
I twenty nine mail, recently broke up with my girlfriend, Lisa,
twenty eight female after dating for a year. My friends
think I'm a huge a hole to break up with
someone over money, but I feel that I did the
right thing. One of my friends suggested me to post
here so that I can see I'm making.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
The biggest mistake of my life.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
By the way, this comes from user throwaway bad Boyfriend
twelve twelve and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay storytime subbreddit for context.
I have a comfortable job now, and financially I'm in
a great place. I grew up poor and had to
scrap through most of my college on scholarships. Luckily, I
found good mentors in college and was able to finish
my PhD in a very lucrative field. I know what

(41:54):
it's like to have nothing and am very frugal with
my resources. I met Lisa a year ago on a
dating Apple. Is beautiful, smart, and very charming. Our relationship
has been great so far, and we have never had
any real fights or differences. She also has great taste,
which I lack, and helped me with my wardrobe and
making my apartment only. Her lease was supposed to be

(42:15):
up in a few months, and I asked her to
move in with me. She was incredibly happy and agreed
to it. However, we decided to discuss finances and other
important things before we take that next step. Two weeks ago,
we sat down and I made an Excel spreadsheet to
decide how we're going to pay for stuff. I knew
I made significantly more than her, and I offered we
pay proportionally, which she happily agreed to. For that purpose,

(42:36):
I asked her how much she makes, and it was
lower than I would have anticipated based on her lifestyle.
I asked her how she affords all the designer bags
and going to fancy vacations on that salary. She looked
embarrassed and told me that she has around twenty thousand
dollars in credit card debt. I knew about her student loans,
but that did not bother me. However, I realized she
spends way more than she can afford and had no

(42:57):
real answers on how she plans to pay back the
credit card balance. She told me that moving in together
would help towards paying off the debt, as her monthly
living expenses would go down significantly and she can pay
that towards the debt. She told me she would be
debt free within a year if we moved in together. However,
she also told me she could not be on the
lease as she has a poor credit history. All that
led me to rethink our whole relationship.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
That is a big part.

Speaker 5 (43:21):
If you're planning on having a family together, moving in together,
you know their financial issues will become your own, so
that is a big thing to consider.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
I was looking forward to a long term relationship and
also marrying her one day. However, based on what I've
seen so far, she is very irresponsible with money. I
have trauma from childhood where my father would spend money
on gambling and on fancy items to impress his friends
that we couldn't afford, and that meant we barely were
scraping by. My mother kept the house together and made
sure we had food on the table. I cannot be

(43:53):
with a person who was so irresponsible with money and
suffers like my mother did.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
I communicated that to Lisa. She was upset with me.

Speaker 1 (43:59):
She told me that she's not asking for handouts and
she'll take care of her debt. She told me that
she made some dumb decisions years ago and is just
caught in a bad loop with credit cards. She's also
said that she's willing to learn from me, as her
parents never taught her about how to handle money. She
also pointed out things I learned from her that I lacked.
She asked me to give her time, but I just

(44:19):
don't think I can play the same role as my mother.
We talked about it for a while and I told
her we cannot move in together until she takes care
of the debt.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
She said she.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Cannot afford to live on her own and take care
of it, and finally we broke up over that. She
still wants to get back together, but I told her
I need time to think. My friends love Lisa and
feels that she is a perfect partner for me. They
think she has made me into a better person, and
I'm stupid to throw away a perfectly good relationship over
something that can be fixed. I just don't think I
trust her to change, and I know that eventually I

(44:49):
will end up supporting her lifestyle if we get married,
since money would not be an issue at that point
for her. Am I the a hole to break up
over this? And am I throwing away a perfectly good
relationship over money?

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (44:59):
You are both of those, especially at the end there
you literally, buddy, you're missing the logic, and it makes
sense because you have trauma. Your trauma is informing you
right now, which is if we're conscious of it. We
need to be aware that it's our trauma that's making
us do this. Finally, it all came down to me
missing her a lot. Ah He's like I remembered, I
love her and I miss her. I do not have

(45:22):
a therapist, but I called my mom and visited her
over the next weekend to talk about what had happened.
My mom loves Lisa and they get along really well.
She was surprised that we had broken up, but didn't
know why. I explained to her what I was thinking.
I told her about what I observed based on their
relationship with money and how I am worried about Lisa's
luxurious lifestyle and debt. My mom advised me not to

(45:43):
let any issue in their relationship affect how I think,
as everyone's situation is different. My dad had a gambling problem,
and although he made good money, he lost a significant
amount of it a few times when he had relapsed.
That led my parents to be in severe debt and
us having a very difficult child. My mom explained that
although my dad did make mistakes. The main reason she
stayed with him was because he was a good dad

(46:05):
to me. She said that Lisa does not have to
be equal to me financially, as long as she makes
my life better in different ways. My mother also pointed
out to me that I have a good job and
Lisa makes me very happy. She asked me to consider
giving her a second chance and see if she is
willing to learn and improve, which we already know she was.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
Yeah, she knew that it was wrong.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
So oh.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
He made all these decisions based on a place of
fear and trauma, which is never a great place to
be informed by. I talked to Lisa the next week
and indicated that I'm willing to work through things. She
came to my apartment the next Saturday with her laptop
and started showing me all her finances and why she's
in so much debt. Lisa had a great childhood and
her parents always bought everything she asked for. She did
have to take student loans, but her parents would always

(46:45):
buy her nice gifts as that was their love language.
After graduation, reality hit her as she was not making
as much money as she thought she would. Her parents
financially cut her off as she had a job.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
I hate that, dude.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
It's like, you're just what whatever it's it's fine, would
go a way to set your kid up for absolute financial.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
Failure, right right, great job parent.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
For the first few years, she tried to keep up
with the same lifestyle and didn't understand how much the
interests actually cost on her credit cards. She was now
in severe debt and barely able to keep up with
the credit card and student loan payments. She showed me
that a huge percentage of her income just goes to
paying off these cards. Her sisters are doing much better
than her financially, and she tries to keep up the

(47:26):
facade that she is also doing well by going on
nice vacations that they plan. She knows it's wrong, but
she just got caught up and told me that she
would be willing to change if it means we get
to be together. Most of the designer bags and stuff
are gifts from her parents. No one in her family
knows about her debt. There is a little bit more
that is important.

Speaker 5 (47:45):
To know that, like those designer bags and things are gifts,
She's not buying that right. So it's this whole thing
that have been fixed with a longer conversation about all
the details of her spending habits, and unfortunately that didn't happen.
Hopefully you guys, can you know, get back together she
wanted to.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
I think, yeah, I think that's on the I think
we're on that road.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
Okay, good if he's lucky enough that she's like, yeah,
I'll come back after you reduce me to a number,
which is fair because this is all coming from like
legit trauma. Yes, And he was like, I know it,
I see it, I see it. So I'm not gonna
let her do the same thing my dad did to
my mom, like.

Speaker 5 (48:21):
And like that is honestly fine to make decisions based
off of that. So you know, I don't blame op
I guess for thinking that way, because especially in relationships,
like you know, if you were in a relationship where
maybe this was a problem and then it turned out
bad and you're like okay, never again, then.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
Like sure, I get that.

Speaker 5 (48:38):
But if you really love this woman and you really
do want to work something out and this is like
the only thing that yeah, the only reason why it wouldn't,
then maybe give it a chance, work with it.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Yeah, And it's he's thinking in the future. He's like, well,
when we get married, she's gonna do. It's like, but
you're not married, you're moving in together, so it's like,
this is a perfect opportunity for you to see anyway
exactly if you've got trauma, which you probably do, and
if it's getting in the way of you your life, ye,
which it could be, go to therapy. What I would
suggest to Opie to get over is financial trauma.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Let's finish this story.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
She has offered me to manage all of her finances
when she moves in with me and only give her
an allowance for spending on fun activities. I don't think
that's appropriate for me to do. However, I did offer
to take care of our living expenses until she repays
her debt. She insists she still would want to contribute
her share proportionally based on our income. I earn almost
ten times as much as her and live very modestly,

(49:27):
so her share of our expenses would be pretty small.
We agreed to that that alone should help a long
way in her quickly paying off her cards. I felt
she was genuine and she was asking me a lot
of questions on how she can pay the cards off.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
Quickly.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
I still feel she does not really understand how high
the credit card debt interests are, and we will look
into doing something to get that down. Overall, I feel
good about my decision and I'm excited for her to
move in with me. We just lock everyone, and again,
thanks for sharing your stories in the previous post. They
helped me a lot. And that is the end of
that story.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Well good.

Speaker 2 (49:59):
I still hope go to.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
Therapy to move through that therapy and address it and
process it fully, because it felt like, you know, again,
it's like you can make that decision where it's like, oh, well,
if someone is irresponsible with their money, I don't want
to date.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
Them or be with it.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
Breaker.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
You can make that decision.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Sure, that's one thing, but it felt like he was
fully making that decision from a place of like fight
or flight, which is not where you should be making
that decision. Yeah, it just comes down to the context
of where it's coming from, and that's that, you know.
So I again, I hope because it didn't really get
mentioned in the post, but I hope Ope pursues.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Some kind of therapy.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
You know, once you're once you're like convinced you're predicting
the whole future.

Speaker 3 (50:35):
Yeah, not a good time.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
It's like you've you've got something there informing your your.

Speaker 3 (50:39):
Thought pattern to pay attention to.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Me that makes me think of things as well.

Speaker 6 (50:43):
We can all go for some self reflection. Everyone turning
it off. That's the end of that. Still, Hey, it's
John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 7 (50:58):
I'm refusing to pay back my sister because she told
me I didn't have to, and no Takesia's back seas
I twenty one female. I've been in a pretty bad
financial situation for the last year. I had surgery on
my knee last year and due to that, I lost
my job. So while I was recovering, my fiance twenty
three Mel, took on extra hours. After five months, I

(51:20):
was clear to start working. However, I needed to be
careful with my leg and try not to overwork myself.
By the way, this comes from Exotic Armadillo ninety nine.
And if you want to make your own stories, go
to your size show. Okay, story don I'm sel Bredde.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Yeah, you silly goose, won't you head over there?

Speaker 7 (51:34):
So so I searched for a job, and I got
a job fast food joint. Unfortunately, that didn't last very long.
After six months of me being there, laid a bunch
of people off and I was one of them, so
once again without a job. During this time, my fiance
was also laid off. However, that quickly changed as we
applied for the dash of the doors and I started

(51:55):
dashing full time. We made barely enough money to where
we could cover our bills. During this time, my mom
offered to help meet with some of the bills, so
I took the opportunity. She started to pay for my
phone bill my insurance, which combined was about three hundred
bucks a month.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
I understand.

Speaker 7 (52:12):
I understand, like maybe two hundred bucks in your car insurance,
but like, how much is your phone bill?

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Wait? Did they say they had three hundred bucks a
month in bills for just their phone and car insurance?
But oh, the car insurance could be really high. The
phone bill can be I mean the phone bill can
be a hundred bucks.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
Yeah, you know, iday depending on if they have kids,
how many people are on the line, Like, how many
people were.

Speaker 7 (52:31):
This allowed me to pay some of my medical bills
for my surgery. This is where my sister called them
was in let's call her Anna. My sister, sixteen, wanted
to go with me to the flea market and spend
the day with me. I told her, as long as
she pays for gas, I take her out.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
She agreed. She spent one hundred and fifty dollars on
me and then bought us food. Afterwards.

Speaker 7 (52:49):
I told her that I pay her back soon. However,
she just said not to worry about it since she
did this willingly. And I said okay, and we went
home nice. Okay, seems like a gift. That was an agreement.
She has made a verbal agreement right there. Yep, there
we go. A few weeks later, I called my mom
and asked her if she'd pay the phone bill. Yet
she said no and she didn't have the money. My

(53:09):
sister overheard this and offered to pay it for me.
I told her she didn't have to, but she sent
me the money one hundred and thirty bucks. Anyways, after
a couple of weeks, I tried to give her the
money and she told me not to worry about it.
But I asked her if she was sure. She said yes,
that we were sisters, and we shouldn't have to worry
about paying each other back.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
Sister, we're sisters, dah.

Speaker 7 (53:29):
I told her, thank you, and she doesn't realize how
much she's helping me. She said, no problem and that
she do anything to help me. Not long afterwards, my
fiance was able to get a job, so I was
able to start cutting back on dashing the door and
focus on physical therapy for my leg. During this time,
my sister wanted to go out more, so I took
her out whenever she wanted, and for a couple of months.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
It was good till two weeks ago. What happened? What
do you think this is?

Speaker 7 (53:54):
As a What do you think a sixteen year old
girl could have done to make this whole thing not work?

Speaker 2 (54:01):
Just exist sixteen year olds messing everything up, dude.

Speaker 7 (54:04):
My sister randomly texted me where the money was that
I owed her where the money was. I looked at
the text confused because she told me that I didn't
have to worry about paying her back. So I messaged
her and told her he told me I don't have
to worry about paying you back. She proceeded telling me
that she never said that and that I owe her
well over five hundred dollars. Now, I told her there
must be some misunderstanding because I clearly remember you telling

(54:26):
me I don't have to pay you back. She then
told me, never mind, not to worry about it. All right,
I didn't worry about it.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
That's the second time. Now you've essentially gone, everything's fine,
we're good. Don't worry about it. Twice you've done it. Now.

Speaker 7 (54:40):
I told her, okay, and I thought that that would
be the end of it. However, it very much was
not the.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
End of it. Good to love good. However, what are.

Speaker 7 (54:52):
We doing here? Are we giving her the money back?
Are we not asking her to pay for anything else?

Speaker 1 (54:57):
I think this is a good time to tease each
This is the younger sister, sixteen year old sister. It's
a great time to teach younger sister on what deals
and agreements are, because if she doesn't learn this lesson,
and she goes into her adult life not understanding how
agreements were, she's.

Speaker 7 (55:13):
Probably gonna have a lot of filled businesses. She's gonna
be at a disadvantage. Yep, she's gonna be at her
leiminade Stan wondering why nobody's paying her when she said,
don't worry about paying.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
Yeah, I mean she's yeah. Get like. Or you go
to your job and with your coworker says, can you
cover my shift?

Speaker 1 (55:29):
And you go, don't worry about it? And then you
don't show up for their shift and you both get
in trouble. Yeah, because you went I told her don't
worry about it, like like, like, don't because I'm not
doing it.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
I thought that was clear. What are we talking about?
What are we talking about about?

Speaker 7 (55:43):
A week after the first conversation, she texted me asking
when I give her the money? I told her that
you told me that I did not have to pay
her back. She then got very upset and told me
that I'm lying to her and that she never said that.
At this point, I'm like, Okay, it's clearly something's going on.
So I tell Anna to call her mom tell her
about it. She then tells me forget about it, and

(56:03):
then I'm like, okay, So I proceed to call my
mom and talk to her about it. She was livid
because Anna had said in front of both of us
that I did not need to worry about paying her back,
So she went and had a conversation with her and
after a little bit, my mom came back and told
me it was all settled and not to worry about
paying her back. Okay, I keep hearing this, don't worry

(56:23):
about paying me back? Yeah, but I am always like
worrying about paying you back. What are we supposed to
do here?

Speaker 1 (56:28):
I am immediately suspicious that the mother has taken money
out of Ope's bank account somehow, some kind of something somewhere,
so somewhere money that was intended to go to Ope
has now gone to the sister, with no conversation, no reconciliation,
no understanding. I feel like that was bad. That was

(56:50):
a bad move on the mom. This should have been
handled between the two siblings, especially sixteen.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
Yeah, yeah, come on.

Speaker 7 (56:57):
I told her thank you, and I hung up, thinking
this is what the end of it was.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
But yet it was not. No but yet, dude, you
hit the butt yet like that? That got me. I
don't know why it got me. I love you. This
morning I went door to the dashing.

Speaker 7 (57:12):
It was a pretty slow morning, only made about fifty bucks,
so I decided to go out dashing here in the afternoon.
Got a text from Anna asking if I want to
go out today. I told her that I cannot as
I was out dashing. She said okay, and that was
the end of it. Well, a couple hours later I
get a call from her, so I answer. She proceeds
tell me once again that I owe her money that
if I do not pay her back by the end

(57:34):
of the month, she will pursue legal action.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
I don't think you have a legal leg to stand on,
my guy, Hope, I'm gonna tell you something.

Speaker 7 (57:42):
This is the easiest lawsuit you can win of your life.
All you gotta do is you get emotionally distressed as
hard as you can, countersue your sister when she sues you,
and get everything she has.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
Go for everything that your sis has. Easy. I've never
heard better plans.

Speaker 7 (57:55):
This is free money right here. I asked her, what
is she on about? She got extremely upset. She lists
everything she's paid for and bought for me in the
last few months, which was to the point around seven
hundred bucks. I told her I won't be paying it
back because she told me I didn't have to.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
She didn't.

Speaker 7 (58:10):
Got my stepdad on the phone and he proceeded to
tell me if I didn't pay her back, we will
go to court over it. I hung up the phone
and called my mom. My mom was extremely upset and
went home to talk to my sister and stepdad. Well,
it didn't go too well because my sister and stepdad
have been punted out of the house temporarily. Thankfully I
don't live at the house because that would have been

(58:30):
a crap show. Oh my god, Anna, my stepdad and
my younger sister called me and said I've ruined the family.
But my mom said not to listen to them, and
I did nothing wrong. I feel like I've done nothing
but screw everything up. My fiance has been super supportive
and says that I should go no contact with my
sisters for a bit, But they're the only family I
got left. Am I the AO? We got an update one.

(58:53):
Let's sit down with a sister, probably make a payment plan.
If she's this bothered by it, and she fit, she
probably had some PPC.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
Going on here. Do you think the little sister has
some CPP CPP the little sister I heard it. See, yeah,
I don't know about the little sisters chronic. I think
he's sixteen? Does sixteen?

Speaker 7 (59:11):
Because the little Sister's like, hey, don't worry about paying
me back. Actually, I want my money back, Hey, don't
worry about it. She's just saying whatever to keep the peace.

Speaker 4 (59:17):
No.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
I think she's just sixteen and probably needs money for
something she doesn't want to talk about, and that if
anyone has CPP, I would think it was ope because
she's over here being like I feel like this is
my fault.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
I've done this now.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
The things that I said have caused people to be upset,
and that's my fault, and I feel like that's not
true at all.

Speaker 7 (59:34):
So honestly, I didn't think I would update. And it's
been a few hours since everything has happened. Oh wait,
what it's happening all so fast? It's only been an
hour since I posted this, But here we go. So
my mom got in an argument with my stepdad. Once
we got done talking about everything. My stepdad threatened to
leave my mom if I didn't pay my sister back.
My mom called me after that and told me about
everything I was living because why would you do that.

(59:56):
I understand that my sister is my stepdad's firstborn, but
I'm also human. You were there with me from three
years old till now. Now that everything has happened, I've
also realized my stepdad has never cared about me, and
I've decided to go no contact with him. Dang, so
off with the stepdad, right, Okay, my mom was very
upset with what my stepdad did and what he was doing,

(01:00:17):
and she caved in. She's paying my sister the money
I supposedly owe her. I tell my mom that she
didn't have to, and if they were really going to
take me to court, let them well. Mom said no,
she wasn't about to lose her kids and her husband
because of this. She did reiterate to me that none
of this was my fault and I was doing what
I thought was right. I'm extremely thankful to have my mom,

(01:00:37):
but now I feel even rorse about the situation because
of this. My fiance is livid as well, and he
wants them to take us to court to show how
stupid all of this is. Honestly don't know what to do.
I just want all of this to stop. I'll probably
hear more from my mom in the morning, so hopefully
this all blows over and my mom doesn't actually pay
her Thanks everyone. Update too, So it's been twelve hours.

(01:01:02):
I found out a lot since I went over to
my mom's. Apparently the money wasn't my sister's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
It was my.

Speaker 7 (01:01:11):
Stepdad's and that was right, and my sister was taking
the money from him without.

Speaker 6 (01:01:19):
No So.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Guys who
finds out, Okay, I need the money back now, please
please please, I need the money back now. I need
the money back now, they hey said day.

Speaker 7 (01:01:32):
Anna told me the reason she told me not to
worry about paying her back is because she thought my
stepdad would have noticed the missing seven hundred dollars. I'm
sorry what I didn't think her having seven hundred dollars
was weird because she does work. She works at a
family friends restaurant and she gets paid decent, so I
didn't think it was weird. She's been working there since
she was fourteen, so she has her own money. After

(01:01:54):
finding that out, Annah told me the reason my stepdad
was threatening me with legal action was because Anna told
him I stole the money. This is all making so
much sense. My mom was furious with Anna and told
her I will not be paying anything. This is all
Anna's doing and she knew it was wrong to steal
from her father's money. My mom didn't ask what happens

(01:02:16):
to all of her money? Why still seven hundred dollars? Well,
we found out Anna spent twelve hundred dollars on a
present for my stepdad.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Which we found out later.

Speaker 7 (01:02:27):
She bought him hunting gear and some dummies, and it
left her with no money and she wanted to go
out and take me with her. So hints stealing seven
hundred dollars girl? What We still haven't told my stepdad
since he's at work, but Anna is begging we don't
tell him. My mom says she doesn't care what Anna
wants at this point. She just wants to clear this

(01:02:48):
all up. I don't know how later tonight is going
to go. Hopefully things go smooth. Here are some things
I like to clear up as well. I do go
to my mom's to spend time with my sister's majority
of the week, ago three days out of the week,
so it's not my sister's buying my time just to
hang out with me. I just don't go out as
much since I dash I can work. However, since my surgery,

(01:03:08):
I've been in a lot of pain. Even after all
this time, I walk with horrible limp and sometimes do
have to use a wheelchair due to my leg. Honestly,
I think they fed up something. But with me starting
physical therapy now, the pain will hopefully go away soon.
My fiance is a welder and he makes good money,
so I don't technically need to work right now, but

(01:03:28):
I'm still dashing. I did say in the post on
my fiance did find another job and I cut back
on dashing. That's when I stopped seeking assistance. I think
this clears things up, and I put herself in the
hot seat here, sixteen year old girl, and.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Now everyone knows her evil plants.

Speaker 1 (01:03:47):
Yeah, I think this has crossed over the line of
like intervention territory because it's like, you're stealing from your dad,
You're blaming it on your sister.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
You made a plan to blame it on your sister. Yeah,
and it was there, like you knew what you were
gonna do. It was and.

Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
It's Look, there's a difference between being a thief and stealing.

Speaker 2 (01:04:12):
I think I think you can be a.

Speaker 1 (01:04:15):
Thief is someone who steals from a person, mmm, from
a place, like from like someone's house, an individual. Okay,
stealing you can steal from like well, like I don't know,
I'm not condoning stealing, but like the fact that she
stole is from her dad and blamed her sister, and
she didn't take like a T shirt from hot topic,

(01:04:36):
Like that's not intervention territory. But stealing seven hundred dollars
from your own family and then blaming it on your sister,
that's definitely.

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
Like, we need to make sure you don't do this.

Speaker 7 (01:04:45):
Yeah, for your whole thought off plan. There another thing,
Opie says. I will say someone said, this doesn't seem
like the first time my stepdad has enabled my sister.
It isn't. My stepdad has never really seen me as
his child and ignored most of my childhood. I rarely
saw him. I live with my grandparents and they passed
away when I turned eighteen, which is when I moved out,

(01:05:07):
which was contributing to it. My sister did, in fact
tell me I didn't have to pay her back. I
thought I mentioned it, but I didn't, so I'm sorry.
Later on, closer to when everything happened, so when she
told me not to worry about it, so I should
have noticed it, I didn't. Thank you everyone for the input.
I'll update if anything happens tonight. We're gonna get our
best man in the case and see if there is

(01:05:28):
any more updates. But I think that's the end of
that story.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
I think that's a freshye though, right, that one's pretty new.
Oh this is well double check me. I think that's
a new one. Yeah but shoot ooh check me six
days ago.

Speaker 7 (01:05:42):
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah, So no more, no more
right now, we can keep eyes on this.

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
Yeah, we may be back. But that one nice.

Speaker 7 (01:05:50):
We uh looked under the rug and there was a
thieving animal.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I REFUSED to plan anything for Father’s Day… because my Mother’s Day was ruined! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2209